#i hate thinking of myself as a victim and think im far more likely just a bad person | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

naivedeer · 16 days

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⠀⠀⠀* ✞ ׄ ׄ

. . . An introduction to the ⠀╱ᅠ dumbest vixen

you’ll ever meet. ❞

My name? That’s A Secret, until you’ve gotten to know me better — you may just call me fawn, bunny, or lamb for now, the animals i see myself most .

I am Eighteen years old, go by she/her, and am a Lesbian — men may interact and reblog/like my posts, but i would prefer if you didnt try to converse with me, i just will not be interest, my posts aren’t aimed at you at all. my apologies <\3 I have BPD, but no FP as of current, as well an anxiety.

I am a SWITCH LEANING DARLING, I have many Yandere tendancies and thoughts, but, i am very weak and frail, and very unlikely to actually act on them, if i’m made mad enough, perhaps i could be driven to it though, i’d prefer to be the one having things done to me. I want to be the victim. This is no kind of joke when i say, the main dream of my life is to be stalked and kidnapped by a lady who would wish to be my wife and spend eternity with me, one who wants to do all those horrible things that youre told about in scary stories to me. I want to be chased down in a forest and hunted by her. And yes! I am looking for a girlfriend on here tbh. I’m tired of boring normal relationships so, i come here. As long as this is still here it means i’m not taken yet soo ! :3 Although, please be monogamous and like ACTUALLY wanting to date me . it Will be online at first because. well obviously. 😭. also im looking for like longevity. you will commit to me forever. I would say more about me here for anybody interested but! I want you to have to learn by reading through every post i’ve ever made! Or through just talking to me. And plus, is it really love at first sight if you don’t just. fall in love with me without knowing anything?

although , a warning due to my bpd i am extremely dependent and will. Want to talk to you every single second i have and i will grow so attached to you that if you ever mention another person around me i am likely to think you hate me and never want to speak to me again. I am very volatile. You have been warned.

I would love a game of cat and mouse with anons, I want to be threatened and be admired from afar. Please don’t be afraid to send me anything , I would love it. Nothing is too far or off the table for me. Send me the worst most horrible threats youncan think of to acquire my frail heart. <3 Please. I really do want ro have them flooded, although, if this blog ever somehow manages to find me with someone, please know i will absolutely cut everybody and everything off. I would even. delete this blog if you asked cut off all my friends, i’d do anything you asked of me. Please can somebody claim me i don’t like. Being open. im very desperate and clingy and easily manipulated

Also as a whole i am! an extremely submissive person in. a relationship. and thatprobably will not. change so.

As mean as it sounds, I am not here for friends. I do not care for friends, a dearest is all i need. Friends are useless and i’d just be forced to drop them anyway all snug in your basement! ♡

If i’m having an episode, this account will be used as a vent, those posts will be untagged so, you may feel free to ignore them.

That is all, I will take my Leave! I do hope have interestest some.

my only DNI is . . if you’re a straightup porn account dont follow me, I will block you! nsfw posts are okay but like posting just. porn is. a no. i don’t want to see that.

For navigation, my tags are always #🍒.

if you would like to be closer, you can add my discord which is @doveity ! ( you don’t even have to ask first.)

#irl darling #irl yandere #yandere #irl yan #yan #darlingcore #yancore #yanblr #yandere x darling #obsessive yandere #yandere x yandere #lesbian yandere #lesbian darling #actually obsessive #obsessive love #yan blog

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haejjoon · 1 year

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I just finished Royal and I've been really enjoying the swap au, and your take on the characters!

You said you had lots of thoughts about Yusuke too? 👀

WE REALLY ARE TAKING TURNS WITH CHARACTER ANALYSIS i should just make it a tag at this point. ykw im gonna do that.

okay, onto yusuke:

I adore him. completely and utterly. he’s my favorite boy apart from akeshu and for WILDLY obvious reasons: he’s fun, SUCH a character, and his story arc feels whimsy but not so out there that it feels unrealistic. adding onto the fact that i’m an artist myself, gunning to go pro, and he’s so relatable it hurts. straps yusuke onto the operating table let’s do this

1) his struggles relating to madarame

one thing that i’ll say right off the bat is that i HATE how the pts approached him. its nonsensical. even if ryuji and ann aren’t the sharpest tools in the shed how the hell did they think that approaching a stranger and saying “YOU’RE BEING ABUSED WE CAN HELP YOU FIGHT YOUR ABUSER” was going to turn out well in any way possible?? the writing suffers from something similar during ryuji’s run with akiren to question the volleyball team members. ryuji and ann, as dull as they may be, are abuse victims themselves; surely they’d understand why abuse victims would be hesitant to say anything? especially when a stranger gets all up in your face about it.

but apart from that: i love how yusuke dealt with all of it. i’m not saying that him becoming defensive over madarame was a good thing, but in terms of realism, it just Makes Sense. children raised by abusive guardians often aren’t aware how they’re taken advantage of, and when they’re as isolated from society as yusuke is, their obvious first instinct is to defend those who raised them. it’s like rapunzel about mother gothel from disney’s tangled. of course yusuke defended madarame’s ‘love’; he never knew what love was.

it isn’t even only that. yusuke and madarame are both branded as very traditionally japanese, from how they speak to how they dress. it’s even shown in their primary art medium—traditional painting and japanese oil work. i’m not japanese, but i am korean, and if there’s anything i’ve learned while growing up in a traditional asian household: it’s very suffocating. the filial piety you learn from high school history class isn’t just a far-off tradition in the old ages, it’s EXTREMELY prevalent even today. i can’t even count the amount of times i was put down or chastised for simply speaking out of turn, and that was with my parents trying to adapt to the american standards of respect.

in this context, it makes even more sense for yusuke to defend madarame so vehemently. it’s literally been ingrained into him growing up. the entire “parents are right, children are wrong” mentality is SO strong with the Growing Up Asian experience, and that’s coming from a korean-american. i can’t even imagine the kind of shit yusuke’s had to go through.

and it’s with all that that i find it so cathartic and admirable that yusuke finally managed to recognize madarame for the shitbag he is. genuinely, the amount of brainwashing he’d been forced through should have made it impossible for him to fight back, but my boy did it—and in the most stylish way possible, might i add!!! he stuck it to madarame and finally recognized his own worth. that’s incredible. i’m so proud of him.

but what makes all that even BETTER is his CONFIDANT STORY, and OH MY GOD I’M NEVER SHUTTING UP ABOUT HOW AMAZING IT IS MOVING ON TO POINT TWO

2. HIS CONFIDANT STORY OHHHH MY GOD

one of the biggest opinions ive heard about yusuke’s confidant story is that it doesn’t make sense or that it’s in his own head. SLAMS ATTORNEY DESK. OBJECTION YOUR HONOR ITS TIME FOR THE CROSS EXAMINATION

of COURSE it’s all in his own head. his confidant begins after madarame’s arrested and he finally, finally gets to be his own person and live on his own. the physical threat is gone!! but one of the most amazing things about his story arc is the depiction that childhood trauma never truly goes away. madarame being gone for good doesn’t automatically mean that yusuke’s mentally safe and sound. in fact, it fucks with him even more that he’s free—he doesn’t know how to live on his own, or how to make art for himself.

he’s literally lived his entire life for someone else; how can you expect him to suddenly go out and do whatever he wants? until this point in time, yusuke’s wants didn’t matter. he didn’t matter. the only important thing to him was pumping out art for madarame to display at his next show JUST TO SURVIVE. to EAT. i’m gonna get into his whole thing with eating in a second but i’m just putting that out there: it’s all in his own head because it has to be. he has to grow mentally in order for him to to do anything.

with that point out of the way: yusuke doesn’t forgive madarame for what he’s done, especially with his mother, but he also just has no idea what to feel about him in general? there’s two clashing images: one, of the teacher who (in yusuke’s view) loved and raised him, and one, of the monster who let his mother die in cold blood to get his hands on her personal artwork. and you might say “oh well yusuke’s being delusional again because madarame never truly loved him.” no. it isn’t delusion. it’s how yusuke’s been raised. he didn’t recognize madarame’s abuse because he never registered it as abuse. he was never taught that it was abuse. unlike shiho and ann who knew that what kamoshida was doing was wrong, yusuke never had anyone to tell him that madarame was taking advantage of him.

yusuke didn’t have anyone.

throughout his confidant story, he agonizes over his purpose for creating art at all—it makes sense, as his only purpose thus far was to put food on the table and to avoid verbal abuse from his father figure. yes, he said that his only purpose for creating art in the past was because he wished to put beauty in the world like his mother did with sayuri, but is that really all there was to it? i don’t think so. yusuke created art to survive, and coped with it by staring at his “sensei”’s magnum opus and telling himself that he was creating things for the sake of creation, not to give in to his survivalist instinct. it was a coping mechanism. i’ll live and die by this.

and this is also why he crumbles so much over that art director coming to him to monetize his work. he’s now aware that what he was striving for in the past was fake. he wants to truly pursue that goal again, to create something beautiful just for the sake of creating, but now he’s been thrust into the real world—one of capitalism, one where corruption thrives. the pure art he wants to make just doesn’t exist here. it never did. and that realization destroys him.

now if you Didn’t Know, i’m also an artist. i’m literally the same age as yusuke is (if not a little older), and that truth hurts. the fact that i have to make art in order to feed and clothe and keep myself warm hurts. there’s nothing i’d like better than to just make things i want to make, but i can’t, not in this world. his struggle is so realistic, and it rings so deep. every time i experience his story it always leaves me feeling bittersweet.

but then!!! at the end of his story!!!! he comes to a very important realization.

all of that’s okay.

it’s okay to profit off of your work. it’s okay to make things other people like. it doesn’t make you any less of a person to seek compensation for your work. it’s doesn’t make you any less of a human to seek praise for the amazing things you create. it’s okay.

and to the non-artists out there who might not understand why this is such a groundbreaking revelation: artists are constantly being put down in this capitalistic society. art is literally everywhere you look—it’s in the buildings you occupy, in the subways you ride, in the words you read, in the shows you consume. art is one of the cornerstones for what makes humans human, and those who create such beautiful things are never given credit.

just look at the ai discourse happening recently. look at how artists are treated when they stress about having art stolen or watermarks erased. to people like us, our creations are proof of us being alive. it’s our living mark on the world, one that will remain (physically or digitally) long after we ourselves pass away. but we’re constantly, constantly told that “it’s not that deep”, “you’re being selfish”, yadda yadda yadda. we’re shit on simply because we want to survive in this hellish fucking world. and that builds up.

so many aspiring artists out there give up too soon because of this. because art isn’t profitable, because we have to survive, because no one appreciates what you do no matter how beautiful it is or how much work you put in.

but then, persona 5 finally turned around, and told an entire generation of aspiring artists that their work was important. you are important. it’s okay to profit off of what you do.

that’s fucking incredible. it’s also a really, REALLY low bar, but it’s something. yusuke coming to the realization that creating art for himself is okay, whether it be for monetization or praise, was so cathartic to me. i’m sure other artists feel the same way.

his story arc is a fucking fantastic depiction of how much artists suffer, no matter what medium or era.

…….. and then people turn around and shit on it because they don’t understand its intricacies. as expected.

sigh.

3. the theme of going hungry

throughout the entirety of the game, yusuke’s depicted as the quintessential ‘starving artist’. he’s always hungry, and never knows how to budget his money, and that shit’s hilarious but also really, really fucking sad.

i remember reading a fantastic yusuke study on ao3 a couple years back—forgot who the author was, but it’s called “the emperor”—and it said something along the lines of this: “you have to eat in order to starve.”

like.

oh my GOD.

and it plays in so terrifically with the experience of creating art, as well. you have to eat in order to starve; you have to taste in order to crave. you have to experience praise in order to want it more. i’ve gone through dry spells where no one saw what i made, and it only made me go hungry for that appreciation again—and then i get it, just a little taste of it. i keep making content. i keep on going and going and going just to get the smallest bit of acknowledgement.

for those who’ve ever gone hungry before: would you be able to turn down a feast, if offered? would you be able to pace yourself, or would you inhale it quick as you can? if you’ve ever eaten a large meal after being hungry for a day or two, you’d know that it would immediately come back to bite you in the ass. you’d stop eating for a bit, you’d get hungry again, and then you’d scarf down another gigantic meal, rinse and repeat.

the correct choice here is to moderate yourself. take it slow. eat enough to be full, and pace yourself so that you won’t have to go horribly hungry to eat again.

yusuke, starved for appreciation, suddenly finds himself with the offer of his life. he’ll be sponsored by one of the most influential art directors in all of japan. he’ll be successful; he’ll have a scholarship, he’ll never, ever have to go hungry again—

and then he turns it down.

because this entire time, the hunger allegory was about success. you get the opportunity of a lifetime, and you invest everything you have into it—you eat and you eat and you eat until you can’t anymore, and then you find that that the satisfaction of finally feeling full has long since gone, and now you’re hungry again. you’re still a nobody. no one remembers your one-off success.

yusuke refuses the incredible offer, and decides to build his success slowly. he won’t take it all in stride. he’ll pace himself until he doesn’t have to be starving to eat.

that’s FUCKING brilliant.

i have so much more to say about yusuke than just this—how i feel about him (being, in my opinion, incredibly autistic-coded) as an artist with adhd, how his behavior is treated by the phantom thieves, how he plays into the phantom thieves as the sole creative mind of the group—but if i get into all that i’ll literally be typing on my ipad forever. i’ve already been sitting here for thirty minutes instead of finishing up chapter 5 of ex machina. oh god i love yusuke so much.

if you somehow came across this gigantic character dissection on your tl, hey hello hi, i also write stories! currently working on a swap au in my spare time, you might’ve heard of it. ex machina by hhaeyeun on ao3. check it out <3

thanks for the opportunity anon i’m So Sorry to have filled your inbox with this absolute beefcake of a reply. have a lovely day <3

#yusuke kitagawa #character study #persona 5 royal #p5r

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exmotranny · 10 months

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mom, im sorry

i hate your church

i wanted to stop lying, but couldnt help myself

when i came out to you

and the words you said

that rang in my head were

"do you still believe?"

i promise, im glad you accept me

but you seemed so relieved-

like it was all a dream-

like its okay because im not too far gone for you

and thats when it hit me

i don't believe

and yes, the church makes me angry

because of all the hate and money and fame

but the part i hate most

is the look in your eyes when you talk about god and satan

like these words ive heard a million times are so real to you

i don't believe

but you do

im sick of how you act on sundays

i hate how you think blaming everything bad on satan will fix me

i hate that i cant cleanly get away from this church

and most of all, i hate

how you

my mother,

smartest, strongest, kindest person i know

has fallen victim

i hate how no matter what my future self wont be good enough for you

because i don't believe

how is god so real to you

more real than your child

who is standing here

i am standing here

and i hate how

i don't recognize you at church

you become the woman you wish you were

but i hate her

i hate you when you say "in two years you don't have to go to girls camp"

how your stubborness to be a normal church family made me come out

i wasnt ready

and now im sorry because im terrified of you

just as im terrified of the church

of the stares of the people there

you used to keep me grounded to earth

but now when i lay in bed i hear your voice asking "what is wrong with church?" and i feel like im falling through the sky

im terrified of you, mom

im so so so scared of you

i never ever want to go to church again

i never ever want to see that look in your eyes

during scriptures and prayer

that weird pride, like

this is the christian mother i always wanted to be

im just guessing

i don't know anything about you

maybe the church is true

i don't know

and i hate it

and i don't want to hate you

#vent #poetry #kinda?#mine #pimo #i was pressured into coming out to my 'progressive mormon' mother because she kept pressing me about why i didnt want to go to fsy #but shes still making me go #im gonna be alone #im terrified #exmormon

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transhawks · 1 year

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your last meta abt enji is very interesting and nuanced. i think its the closest one to what hori is trying to say that ive ever read. im one of those ppl that can relate to touya and dabis anger so i dont relate to whats going on with endeavor. like in the beginning his atonement felt to me like humiliating shoutos, reis and eventually dabis characters, and i still cant find myself caring for enji. but tbh so far theres no malice in the way hori writes it so lets see where it goes.

Thank you.

I just think there's a lot of resistance to the idea Touya might love/want his father. It's definitely not the... idea we had years back. The Dabi reveal(s) threw a lot of fanon out the window as to Touya's backstory and motivations and I think a lot of people have trouble moving past that too because it also means looking at Enji a little more.

But also, and I want to be clear - the vast majority of people opposed to Enjidemption and anything that goes with it are people who are abuse victims. That's why I respect that so many people are upset by this narrative. It upset me too. I have a very complex relationship with my own folks, and come from a culture with an enormous amount of mandated familial closeness (divine-ordered) and guilt/shame if you don't follow through on it, so I get the emphasis on ties with your parents being important no matter what that certain cultures like to impose. I understand wishing, wanting, some reassurance that our reactions to our abusers are fine - that we don't need to allow them back into our lives if we so choose.

But I also think it's important to note that the Todoroki family is complex! Not everyone has the same reaction to the abuse! I'm pretty sure if Natsuo hadn't been pressured by Fuyumi he might have cut off Enji completely!

Victims do not all think the same (which MHA does do well in showing), do not all want the same things, do not all have the same feelings in regards to their abusers. It kind of hurts when I see people take an extremely severe stance on this because as much as I can hate Endeavor-defending, a lot of time when it turns to criticizing Horikoshi's choices, it skews or nears hating on victims who choose to have contact with their abusers or complicated relationships with them despite admitting to the abuse. Or to those who, despite everything, still feel some love for their abusers (aware we are, that the love we get back is a conditional mimicry of the love we wanted). It goes into victim-blaming; "if you were strong and correct you'd cut contact and condemn them." or "if you really genuinely were abused you wouldn't still be there".

Again, I acknowledge that those of us who don't personally favor reconciling with abusive family have the short end of the stick when it comes to societal views. And there's nuance; some of us love our parents but cannot have them in our lives.

Abuse is complicated! Trauma makes for irrationality and inconsistency in thoughts and feelings, heck, just mere human existence does that too!

But yes, I don't think it's malicious on Horikoshi's part or him "misunderstanding" abuse as I've seen said for years on here. That charge never sat right with me given the consistent theme of child abuse, especially the focus on over-bearing patriarchal figures throughout this work and in Horikoshi's other works, I think we should also acknowledge all of that is coming not from Horikoshi misunderstanding abuse, but forming his own interpretation through likely his own experiences of it.

So, yeah. Shit's complicated and didn't go the way many of us hoped - but we can still sympathize with the anger at being rejected and discarded by a love one, even if we won't like the ending to this story.

Edit: I wrote this a few years back, but there's no shame in dropping BNHA if the Todoroki narrative and likely resolution are too triggering to you as a victim of child abuse or survivor of sexual assault. Take care of yourselves first.

#asks #todorokis

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angelicalbones · 2 months

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Not me getting a completely rearrangement of my brain from a fucking 1000 lb best friends review video.

talking about how tough love doesnt work on people who already think they are the worst person ever. they will approach problems as someone who has already failed and become even more demoralized.

which explains so much about why I have fallen so far off my path w my cosplay. I already feel like shit about literally everything I do and then he would just tell me about how im not known for my clean work and my friend(my darling rival in a positive way) is just way better and I probably wont achieve it.

and then screaming at me how im lazy and wont ever actually achieve my dreams bc im too lazy and incapable.

Which would just feed into how much i fucking hate myself so I would give up before I start.

Im not just a victim here of course I fed into my own doom spirals instead of actually doing something about it but he sure as shit didnt help. But I think realizing this will actually help me so much.

I'm always thinking from a space of failure. I will never ever succeed if I stay there.

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utilitycaster · 1 year

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Putting this below a cut as it’s long and is a response to a callout of me. If you'd like to ignore, I wouldn't blame you. Currently rebloggable; will be made non-rebloggable if people cannot behave themselves.

This is in reference to this post. It’s also going to reference ongoing, though, to be honest, relatively minor harassment by at least one other person who ships Imogen and Laudna.

The person making the callout came to my attention shortly after Laudna’s death, in which I came across this post while looking for content on Laudna. I recognized this was in reference to these posts from me, and I've kept an eye on them since. I finally blocked them about a month ago in the hopes that if I did so, they’d stop obsessing over me as they have since their very first post; they even say they made this blog because of me. Unfortunately, they seem to only have escalated in this obsession.

[Sidebar: it is very interesting the inciting cause was that I seemingly liked Imogen more than Laudna, and now I don’t like Imogen enough, when I’m pretty sure I’ve been about the same on Imogen throughout, but that’s a tangent I’d love to get into another day.]

Anyway, here’s what’s I've done:

I post my opinions a lot on my own blog. This is how blogs typically work.

In those posts I sometimes disagree with statements I’ve seen other people in the fandom make, in a general sense.

I truly almost never reblog someone else’s post with commentary outside of tags unless it’s their reblog on my original post, which is what has this person in a snit right now. (Note: it is not even their post.)

I sometimes disagree with people who ask me questions in my inbox

I don’t find im*dna compelling

That’s it. You’ll have to take it on my word, but I do not send anon hate or indeed any questions other than the occasional ask meme. This is a side blog (which I’m open about in my bio), so I don’t even post replies. It’s reblogs with tags and original posts and that’s it. I don't consider myself an arbiter of the fandom (I actually, in one of the two posts from me linked above, outright say I'm not) and I doubt anyone thinks that of me. I write meta and funny posts and I reblog things. That’s it. Any popularity I have stems from that alone. Honestly, I’d be more popular if I did post positive things about im*dna.

It is not policing or shutting someone down for me to express opinions - even if they are in disagreement with other people’s. It is not policing or harassment to respond to comments on one’s own posts. And it is the tantrum of a spoiled child to claim that it is.

For those wondering: in terms of shutting down and harassment, another blog unrelated to the person I'm linking above (here shown reblogging my post) regularly harasses not just people who don’t ship im*dna, but people who don’t ship them in the same exact way they do. I’m pretty sure this is their side blog, incidentally, given the patterns of fandoms they’ve been in, which, if true, would mean that the second post is block evasion since I’d blocked them on their other one.

Now, obviously, that’s only one case, and a couple bad apples in a large ship says nothing about most people, but here’s the truth of the matter: despite the harassment above and the general victim complex on display here, Im*dna is far and away the most popular ship for Campaign 3. A check of other popular C3 ships did not even give me a tag follower count. It’s also worth noting Laudna is by far the most popular of the C3 characters; FCG and Chetney don’t even get follower counts on their tags. Im*dna has almost as many fics as some canon Campaign 2 ships do, after far less time. If such a thing as a fandom arbiter existed, and I were one of them? I’d be failing miserably.

Here’s the other truth of the matter. I don’t have any secret insight into Marisha or Laura’s decisions nor any control over what happens in canon. I could stop posting today and it wouldn’t change a thing about what happens on the actual show. I think it’s worth considering why someone primarily known for textual analysis isn’t terribly enamored with a ship, the bulk of the canon content of which stems from unseen backstory or scenes when one of the parties wasn’t even there, but if you're into it? Go ahead.

You know those videos in which a dog is desperately trying to reach something outside of its cage, and they pan out to show that the door is fully open? This is me telling you the door is open. No one is forcing you to see my posts and no one is stopping you from saying what you want. You’re getting in your own way and making yourself mad. If that's what you want to do, that's fine, but leave me out of it.

#cr discourse

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hyperrealisticblood · 30 days

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gobb for the fandom thing

favorite character: normie pick but. banban my guy <3

least favorite character: chamataki and tamataki are like..... the most Theyre Just There guys in the series so far. i think the bros made them up for the boss fight and then didnt have any ideas for them past that

5 favorite ships (canon or non-canon): well weve already established im Banwally 4 Lyfe xx but i also like stingban in a divorced kinda way. bittertoads also funny in a divorced way. i dont have any strong feelings towards other ships uh

character i find most attractive: uh. banban again. dont look at me

character i would marry: see above

character i would be best friends with: nabnaleena but only because of that one artists who draws her as a weed smoking emo. we will steal pins from the hot topic pin bucket together but ill give all of mine to her because i have an irrational fear of pins coming undone and stabbing me in a vein so i dont like them

a random thought: i dont know how more people didnt catch banbaleenas voice in gobb 6 having ai crust all over it its so obvious </3 the random ai usage in gobb (mainly the store icons, its obvious when you compare them to the in game models) is one of the only things that genuinely pisses me off about the series :(

an unpopular opinion: i feel like half of all banban hate just comes from people who watch big fnaftubers talk shit about them but never actually play them or watch gameplay of them themselves. in my opinion poppy playtime is way more deserving of being the anti-mascot horror circlejerk punching bag of the internet because it doesnt even have the excuse of being made by two college students like banban does. theres a whole ass company behind it and yet it can only manage to produce mid. banban is at least the funny kind of bad meanwhile watching people play poppy playtime just makes me want to throw myself into the grand canyon dayshift at freddys style. uhyeah when i fucking get you

my canon OTP: uhhhh ??

non-canon OTP: you already know

most badass character: why am i tempted to say sir dadadoo. him i guess

pairing i am not a fan of: banban/banbaleena is yet another victim of the "thats a lesbian and a gay man" phenomenon

character i feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): i feel like its impossible for the bros to screw up one of the characters because gobb is so incomprehensible that anything they do would kind of make sense

favorite friendship: bittergiggle and kittysaurus...... a butch and her twink........ they mean the world to me

im gonna go play fortnite for like five hours now bye wish me luck

#gobb

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angeltism · 1 month

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OH I WANTED TO ASK!! which fear do you feel like you align with most and which fear do you think you'd fall victim to in tma? For the first one for me, its like the stranger (i love you gay clown aesthetics and also ooooo woah im something thats mimicking what a human is and barely getting it right thats my whole childhood #undiagnosed neurodivergency) and also maybe the web (i associate it with purple which is my favorite color and also i have many issues with control yippee!!) and for the second its a mix of corruption (im squeamish and very bad at handling being sick.) and spiral (my general memory issues make me doubt myself a lot unless i have very concrete proof it happened)

sorry for getting personal in my tma rambling its inevitable ueoeneowhsiwbsiheie <- silly

EEEE NO WORRIES AT ALL OMG I LOVE TMA DESPITE FORGETTING TO ACTUALLY LISTENS TO IT A LOT N I LOVE GETTING ASKS N I LOOOVE TALKING ABT MY INTERESTS OR JUST HEARING OTHERS RAMBLE SO THIS IS MORE THAN WELCOME !!!

personally I rlly love the buried (weighted blankets are comfortable, I teeter oddly between finding comfort in enclosed tiny spaces and hating them, I have a few past experiences with feeling "trapped" in situations sooo yea) and the eye (knowing things is so yummy in a way I cannot describe I need to know things I love knowing things I love knowing things so much).

um um because I'm not toooo far in I don't really know much about what could make me more likely to fall victim to one.. but the buried could probably have a good chance at getting me bc past experiences with being "trapped" in a situation that ended up being Unpleasant and my lingering fear of it happening again. oh and maybe the lonely because I'm like, terrified of being alone and especially of being abandoned. terrifying stuff. but um um yeah those two probablyyy ?

and again IT'S TOTALLY OK I LOVE TALKING ABT STUFF AND HEARING ABT STUFF !! rambling is fun and reading rambles is fun so like. don't worry this was rlly interesting to think abt YAAYAYAYAYA :3

#➳ the fool's mail box #➳ sender; verity

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coldresolve · 3 months

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i agree with most of your post ! but honestly the one thing i dont get is why wouldnt it make *some* people more "obedient" or compliant, even in the future? i'm a victim of abuse which is in a way similar to torture, just more long term. for years and years after it was over, i was still considered "obedient" like i did not stand up for myself, followed what people told me. i've been in therapy and it helped but i still get in that "mindset" sometimes.

so not that i disagree but i dont think it's true in all the cases. for some peeps who are already "inclined" to be obedient (for lack of better word) it could push them that far. that is what happened to me, but yes it wasnt pernament because now i see things thru more and try to actively not think like that.

or maybe my situation is deemed too different, i dont know. but i just think it should be both. some people get more defiant, some people get more obedient. it depends on personality and a lot of stuff i think !

but for what it's worth i fully agree that it wont bring you information. people would most likely lie or make something up even when tortured. or i dont know. thats what i would do !

im not an expert in abuse, and while i get that there are similarities in the consequences of torture and abuse, and that torture is often done within a context of other forms of abuse, and that there's a degree of arbitrarity in the definition of what constitutes as what - there is still a difference, in my opinion. abuse as the slow burn, versus torture, the explosion. i guess it just depends. my post was specifically about torture.

what i mean by 'obedient' isn't just learned helplessness, it's the notion that torture can cause a person to willingly conform to whatever their torturer wants them to. which is torture apologia. as in, im not just saying that for shock value, it is actual torture apologia.

but even reluctant compliance is complicated when it comes to torture, it depends on a host of things. and this can also easily slip into torture apologia, too - there's a reason i brought up the notion of corporal punishment as a crime deterrent in that post. i was gonna write a decent long thing about it, got as far as reading up on a couple of studies, but then i remembered that @scripttorture has done all that leg work already and is better at wording these things than i am lol. here's a good post saying it's complicated. heres another telling you why brainwashing isn't real. quote from the latter:

It suggests that survivors are controlled by torturers. That torture can ‘force’ people to change their strongly held beliefs. It suggests that because of these two things survivors are dangerous and this is a line of thought that is used to bar real survivors from real help. None of that is true. This is not how torture functions.

And another, with another solid quote:

Torture radicalises. It creates entrenched, lasting opposition. It breeds hate. If you want obedience in your story, then the first thing you need to do is remove all physical abuse. Including things like sleep deprivation, bad cell conditions and solitary confinement. All of these make obedience less likely.

#asks #hope youre doing alright nonny. unlearning shit youve learned from abuse is hard #torture is just a beast of its own here. imo #torture discussions

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salaciousslut · 3 months

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Maybe thats why you find me a little bit addicting<3 & i love things turning out in my favor bc the fact that youre an august virgo is a win🤭 i will say, i cannot fully beat the god complex allegations its a small need to be worshipped.

Cute<3 i'd be a fucking idiot if i never took advantage of you, its not even a question. I will say i dont think im a grear person bc if you start to cry i'll get wet, I like seeing someone realize they fucked up, I like seeing cute little toys like you realize i picked them to be my little victim<3 Youre so soft i wouldnt be able to help myself 🥺

You've no clue how much i wish i could see that video, ive only seen a little bit bc of an older pic and i just know its pretty. I need to make out with your pussy until youre crying from being so sensitive and begging me to stop. I've supposedly almost made someone squirt but they panicked bc they didnt want to make a mess in my room and i feel so disappointed in that (partly bc i think its bullshit). But maybe we can try to recreate that minus you stopping me 🥺 and i hope i can add to that log sometime<3 how many times have you added to your log so far, sweetheart?

God i could info dump to you about the play modes and how much i hate blizzard entertainment fucking boo i hate that company but i spent a lot of my teen years bonding with old friends on overwatch so i have a soft spot. And nooooo i dont want you to get motion sick i will avoid apex 🥺 im a bigger asshole on overwatch anyway 🤭

I hope to one day feel comfy enough to go into your dms, dunno if i'll tell you that its me out the gate tho. I might be a lil shy about it since im much more bold behind anon status 🫣

And i dont mind, to keep it simple i work at a hardware store. But the place isnt actually open and we're actually low key still building the shelving and stocking the store. Like my first week i was installing shelves, today i built some frames/bases for the shelving. Yesterday was a different story though for the last two hours i was hauling heavy shit from one side of our giant store to the other. Im still tired from that 😭

good morning my dear butch!! i hope u slept well! i slept okay but am still sooooo sleepy

hehe i love god complexes i love worshipping i love making sure people know their worth so true me, ill feed into that god complex

cute lil victim omg i love that 🥺 please i need it soooo bad

ive never squirted before but feel free to try as hard as u can! im sure my body will give in hehe!!! and my log has too many to count, im like average 1.3 times a day

booo we hate blizzad!!! but thats sooo fair, i wanna know the lore!!!

hehe i get it! take ur time! anon is there for a reason!!

omg thats sooo fun!! i love building things!! but come here and lemme give u a massage so u can relax

#ci answers #butch my beloved

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moving-boytoygirl · 2 years

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cw this post is about people acting like freaks about the heard/depp defamation case and involves ableism, misogyny, biphobia. feel free 2 rb if you so desire but please also feel more than free to scroll past if you're as sick of hearing about it as i am

i have no personal opinion on the depp/heard situation because refuse to look into it enough to actually learn the facts of the case. but the way people are talking about heard in particular in a very gendered "she's a mentally ill bitch of course she's making it all up" way is really truly disgusting. like if she is lying and depp really was abused by her and not the other way around then ok, again i literally do not know, but once you start throwing mentally ill people under the bus and calling women crazy lying cunts and being like "as if that would ever happen 🤣" when they talk about the details of their alleged abuse i think you're just an ableist misogynist and you need to get pushed off a cliff like asap.

like im not surprised by any of it but i am so enraged and saddened by all the people being like "she was diagnosed with BPD and people with BPD are ABUSIVE CONTROL FREAKS" and "she's histrionic which for those who don't know is basically SEVERE NARCISSISM they are psychotic manipulators let this be a lesson to stay AWAY from these people they're EVIL" "she's definitely a sociopath narcissist that's why she abused him i was in a relationship with a narcissist and-" like god shut the fuck uppppp. i hate every single one of you ableist fucking losers all these disorders people are attributing to her (regardless of if she has them or not, i do not know) are already so uniquely stigmatized and im genuinely worried this whole shitshow will exacerbate the problem and make things even worse.

also the way people are talking about her fucking facial expressions like "no real abuse victim would ever act like that" "if she was really abused she wouldn't have to fake cry" as if people haven't been using that against abuse victims for fucking???? forever????? because people have these preconceived notions of how we should feel and behave and speak and whether or not we're taken seriously is so often hinged on how well we live up to these notions. which, yes, sometimes does actually mean FAKING CERTAIN EMOTIONS. i have literally done this myself. it's not something only liars and abusers do. if the evidence shows that she abused him then thats literally all anyone should need. rely on the actual facts of the case, whatever they may be. do not be dragging survivors everywhere through the mud because you're a fucking freak who wants to police our expressions and feelings and tone thanks die

(see also: "if she was abused by him why would she still proposition him for sex/want to cuddle with him/etc?" it actually happens all the time. shut the fuck up)

ok and i don't think there's any reason to go very far into the sexist rhetoric on both sides because anyone with even a single tiny sliver of a brain would be able to see how horrible it is so moving on from that. the fact that ive seen people be like "poor johnny.... she's bisexual so she probably cheated on him too 🤣" ummmm once again. die. like fr. i hate you

again i cannot state clearly enough this is not a reflection of my opinion on who is guilty or whatever. i do not know because i haven't looked closely into the case. but despite my best efforts i still have been exposed to it and i think its inexcusable that people are treating it like a fandom war and whipping out like every possible form of bigotry to justify which "team" they're on. and im really genuinely worried for the damage this is going to do to the public's perception of abuse/mental illness/etc which is especially worrying because we were already so fucked up in all of those arenas and we really do not need things to get worse.

#♚#people's behavior with this fucking case truly genuinely repulses me #''ooh are you anti johnny or pro johnny im anti heard obviously''#''are you team johnny or team heard put your tips in the jar of the person you support tee hee''#''amber heard and her lawyer ANNIHILATED 30 MINUTE VIDEO''#''AMBER HEARD FAKE CRYING CRINGE COMP LOL JUSTICEFORJOHNNYDEPP''#youre all freaks #edit actually im adding a couple tags because in right #johnny depp amber heard #depp vs heard #ask to tag

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sterlingarcher · 1 year

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I love seeing your posts about like bandom history and just discussion and reflection from a more mature adult's angle, it's really relatable to me at 29. And while I have not involved in bandom before late 2015, I have studied a lot myself, and Panic! and Brendon were my first faves and still high up there. It really disappoints me how brutal antis are as I have figured them out to a T, treating minor errors as hate-crimes from Brendon but not anyone else. Are we not all human?

i havent checked my messages in so long so im not 100% certain when this was sent but this was a really nice thing to stumble upon today 😭😭😭 it makes me feel good to know that there are people out there who can sort of ~smell what im stepping in~ so to speak and that when i talk about this stuff its not always falling on deaf ears. ive always rejected the term “anti” because it feels so immature to say, but honestly what other word is there to even describe most of these people? haters? bullies? assholes? they dont have any actual critical thought behind why they came to hate brendon, they just know it became the cool and popular thing to hate him and “blame him” for shit and they couldnt bear the thought of not following the crowd and fitting in. youd be hard pressed to find me anyone whos life has been documented and scrutinized for as long as and as harshly as brendons since they were a teenager who HASNT stumbled or fucked up or put their foot in their mouth at some point. its wildly hypocritical because these people act very pure and righteous, and like theyve never done or said anything wrong or questionable or problematic in their lives which is just…. quite literally patently untrue for every person on earth. to assert moral and ethical superiority over a person like brendon is to be horrendously disingenuous, and it grossly highlights the efficacy of social media fandom war smear campaigns, lack of proper journalism, and the terrifying degeneration of peoples ability to engage in critical thought and perform unbiased fact-based research. these people act like brendon singlehandedly committed genocide or some shit, and honestly i find these people spend far more time thinking and talking about him than we as fans do. like he quite literally lives in these peoples heads rent free, and these are the same people who call us pathetic for still enjoying him and his music after all these years and not dropping off and following the crowd of sheeple like they did. like these people have the nerve to behave like 13 year old lunch-room bullies and then turn around and call people cringe and pathetic for *checks notes* … enjoying someone and their art and music. like honey the call is coming from inside the house. they love to use the classics like “jeez its just a joke” or “its not that deep…” when the reality is that if it was truly not that deep they wouldnt spend so much time obsessing over him and talking about him more than his fucking fans do. they quite literally troll his and panics tags and quote retweet and reblog almost everything they see with a shitty snide remark that they truly think is soooo clever and original (🙄) like its their fucking 6 figure paid career path. they constantly poke the bear, go swinging at a hornets nest with lead pipes, and then they get confused and pissed when they get bit and stung. like literally dude what did you expect? you come into a space specifically to cause trouble and piss people off and then act like the victim when you actually accomplish that??? call people cringe and fail and annoying and strange when they get emotional over something they clearly care deeply about??? as though if the tables werent turned these people wouldnt immediately start screaming crying throwing up and playing the victim. honestly though at the very end of the day i truly believe these proudly self-proclaimed “haters” are more miserable than ill ever be no matter how bad my life circumstances get. because ultimately i only spend a few hours, maybe a day or two at most being pissed that these bullies and mean-girls exist and love to invade our spaces for shits and giggles. but they apparently spend entire days, weeks, months… YEARS of their lives being bitter and vile and mean for the sake of maybe 10 likes on twitter and 5 minutes of internet validation. what a sad fucking existence. i prefer to be someone who enjoys things and engages with and consumes things that make me happy and joyful thank you :) anyway sorry for the ramble! if you read all of it i appreciate and love you for it!! 💕

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deaddruid · 2 years

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yes i admit it is nice, after scrolling on tiktok all day and seeing videos about white women this and white women that, to log on here and see people critiquing the idea that sexism isnt its own axis of oppression and pointing out that a lot of this content just comes from white men etc. it does feel validating to see.

and it's exactly that feeling makes me feel like we should be,,,, careful with this cuz sometimes my feed really does just end up being post after post about hate that white women get in lib spaces and then when a woc on radblr (or even just a normie woman) makes an actual critique of racism from white women in feminist spaces or talks about the way that white women uphold white supremacy etc, all the ww on here get defensive because we've internalized an idea that we can't be critiqued as a group. we even keep seeing women on here claiming that white women can't be privileged at all because we are oppressed on the basis of sex,,, which isn't true at all, we are women yes, but we are also women with immense privilege that can be wielded against racialized women in our communities and yes, racialized men as well.

and its obviously very telling that these posts get the most traction on here. after roe v wade getting overturned there were tons of (correct) critiques of the idea that wealthy white women will always be able to get abortions and that those women aren't really affected etc,,, and always with a little disclaimer** saying that yes ofc women of colour and women in poverty will be affected more. but how often do posts about THOSE issues gain traction compared to just being a footnote in a post about how white women get treated by libs

and of course yes it is tiring to exist in those kinds of spaces where sexism is barely acknowledged and see people make misogynistic jokes that go uncritiqued because they say "white women",,, and it can be nice to log on here and see people critiquing that. but we should also be aware of when we are just using these things to validate our own biases and avoid doing any actual internal work. bc even if it's not overt in the same way, woc are still at the receiving end of way more sexism/racism from liberal online communities too, not to mention all the racism you see from radfems on here too.

ofc im very far from perfect myself and know i still can do a lot more in amplifying woc's voices and addressing critiques of racism in rad online spaces,,, but i think we just need to also be conscious about the fact that we still do hold a lot of privilege and are capable of causing real damage to the women in our spaces if we let racism go unchecked and get too comfortable with reblogging post after post about how white women r victims etc. idk. i just think it's important to be careful and make sure we aren't getting too comfortable with brushing off any critique of white women from people of colour, men included. if anything i think white women on here should be getting more comfortable with the idea that we wield a lot of privilege and still have a lot of internalized bias that often presents itself in the posts and perspectives we choose to share on our blogs.

#anyway if i ever overstep or say something racist on here #or harmful to really any community #i always want to be told so i can try to do better for the women in our spaces #female liberation is not possible without liberation for all women #and part of that is making sure we address bias and bigotry within ourselves

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gcdisms · 2 years

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@triggerbigger 𝑠𝑒𝑛𝑡 : iris : if your muse could convey one last message to someone they have lost or left behind , what would it be ? :^) ——— （ BOTANICAL HEADCANONS ‣‣ ACCEPTING ）

ANDREA JONES SAWYER . “ i’ve never had the ability to accumulate my words , especially in regards to my feelings towards you - in truth, i don’t think i ever will, no amount of education and reading will give me the skills to weave together the english language enough to walk away from this meeting feeling truly satisfied . i think that’s okay, i think that’s apart of the healing; i still have much of a journey ahead of me to finally feel the relief of ridding your looming shadow over me. you were my first taste of the bitterness in a world that never pretends to be anything but razor edges and disappointment - i resent you for that... hate you for it, how could i not ? you were supposed to be my mother, you were supposed to help guide me through the pain that living brings, instead you only added to the cruelty and threw me onto the blades ; that isn’t a mother, it took me a long time to realize what motherhood is, and i know stepping back, looking at how you treated me... no, how you treated me AND ashley - neither of us had it good. me, thrown to the side and forced to fend for myself and ashley, so suffocated by your love that he barely had room to grow roots beyond you and henry - i used to be jealous of him, in comparison its easy to see why . now ... i just hope he grows, learns, it’s never too late, not for anyone .

in many ways im grateful for how life played out, i’m aware there is apart of you that is going to twist that - claim that as a result, it was you who made me. but that isn’t true, i’m the reason im sat here today . you were a lesson, that’s all. one lesson stacked up on millions. i mean ... fuck, you’re someone i never want to be, in another world, you cradled me in your arms and treated me as your own, an equal ; i dread to think that there is a me out there who took after you, at least this you - maybe in that world, you’re the woman you secretly want to be.

you know... there was a moment where i think i was like you, a mini you - i was young, i was vicious and i was cruel, i didn’t care who i hurt only that it wasn’t me that was hurting, it felt good ... it makes me wonder if you experience the same rush in these moments that i did back then . and that girl ... that isn’t who i am anymore - i’m ... this, i’m better, i’m a work in process, but the project is beautiful. and when i look at you, i simply see a cold, brutal woman who will never be free of her chains . take it from me, the heaviness of them will only grow worse if you don’t let go, if you don’t rip them from their attachment to your skin. it’s not easy, but surely it’s far better than the alternative ?

i suppose you’re wondering why i’m doing my best to be calm, to be collected. admittedly, this is... hard for me. believe me, it’d be so easy to fall victim to my past self . to threaten violence, to scream obscurities and rub in my recent success in your face ; i think past me deserves that, i’m upset i have to deprive her of that . but she’ll understand, and she’ll also understand when i say this : i’m sorry.

i’m sorry that you have never really felt love . i’m sorry that you see life as a business and nothing more . i’m sorry that my existence was such a burden on you, i’m sorry that i will be the heavy confession on the tip of your tongue at the pearly gates when you’re forced to own up to every mistake you’ve ever made, i’m sorry that i’ll be the last thing that keeps you from total salvation .

i ... truly, i have nothing else to say despite feeling a need to say more, but it would be empty - it would be rambles which i’m sure neither of us need . and i need you to know, whether or not you find peace is not my concern, this was about me moving on, it’s about closing a chapter i never want to visit again, but ... i’d be lying if i denied that i’m not hoping for the best for you .

may the next world be kinder to you, may you be kinder to those around you ... to yourself . goodbye, mother . “

#andrea x coraline.#IM FUCKING THROWING UP IN MY HANDS #oh my GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD #headcanon.

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