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frasermints · 4 months

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im going to say this as gently as i can but it probably won't be very because i don't have the energy to elaborate as fully as i need to and this cannot continue to take up space in my head. this is coming from the perspective of someone living in the US partaking in the US (mental) healthcare system

the internet's fascination with (incorrect) self diagnosis (re: if you move your hips to the side when walking around a desk you're autistic!) paired with an aging traumatized population and skewed resource distribution has done a lot more damage to the greater mental health scene in the last four years than i think any of us want to admit

if you have been diagnosed with something between now and march 13, 2020 - ESPECIALLY if it was before march of 2022 - you need to get reevaluated from scratch in person (if you are able to) by someone that will develop an actual relationship with you. not by a telehealth ghost psychiatric service and joint pharmacy that will throw adderall or zoloft at you for $15 a month (!!!)

trauma acts like 90% of the mental health issues 15-35 year olds are posting about. PTSD presents with nearly every symptom known to man. treating it improperly will kill you. i'm really really tired of listening to people on tiktok give mental health advice that's being parroted by actual LCSWs and LMHCs/CCMHCs and PMNHPs when it's just... flat out incorrect at best and actually life threatening and dangerous at worst.

is there a very real issue with supply and demand of controlled substances in this country? yes. is there a very real issue with accessibility of therapeutic and diagnostic appointment setting for disabled clients? yes. the answer to both of these is not creating ghost pharmacies and practices that do not follow up with patients and commonly commit patient abandonment. it is much more involved than that and it cannot be solved through services like hims and hers and donefirst and helloklarity and fucking onlinepsychiatrists dot com are you serious

i understand that the mental health space in this country is difficult and dangerous and hostile to navigate. especially in a small town it is inhospitable for marginalized people. you are preaching to the choir when you're saying that to someone like me. but i'm just very frustrated when people immediately turn to "just get your drugs online, obviously your problem is X"

there is no obviously in mental health. there is NEVER an obviously in mental health. i hallucinate. i hear voices. i see things. i have manic and psychotic episodes. i experience intense waves of suicidal ideation and depression. i dissociate, often. i have impulse spending issues. i have problems with obsessive thoughts and compulsive movements. i have severe offset sleep issues. i have anger issues. i have attention issues. i have some pretty insane intrusive thoughts. do you want to know my current diagnosis?

ptsd (and technically adult gender dysphoria, but.)

i have had a laundry list of others come and go. bipolar 2, MDD, GAD, schizoaffective disorder, insomnia, BPD, OCD, ADHD, autism, intermittent psychosis - just to name a few.

four psychiatrists and 12 years to get to the root of the problem. 60+ years of experience could not give me a straight answer. i really don't want to be that asshole but i don't think some googling and perusing social media and one (1) visit with someone that's not intimately aware of you and your history is going to make safe and calculated decisions wrt your health.

establishing a relationship with one person (after doing some shopping!! look around!! get a sense of the vibes!!) is so so so necessary.

as always - this does not apply to the people it... does not apply to. if you cannot afford appointments, don't have insurance, etc. this is primarily targeting the people that have simply decided that using these services is more convenient than calling someone - even though it is available to, and within reach for, them.

we cannot improve a fundamentally broken system by continuing to break it. it frustrates me that that's what we're doing. making and buying teslas won't save the planet, seeing a therapist from betterhelp will not fix your childhood trauma.

#my post #i'm 100% gonna delete this in 5 minutes i'm just upset

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butchdykekondraki · 7 months

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your scp posting is nothing like your dsaf posting i don't know what controls your body when you post about dsaf but it's something deranged

im actually just a deranged about scp as i am about dsaf its just that i make the headmates listen to my rant instead of preaching to the choir of poor souls that is my follower count

#[ren]#i am yet to make a scp doc. but i might #one day. if i have the energy

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mkaugust · 2 years

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Okay. It’s been a long day y’all. Thanks for the tags @moony-saraneth @signifiquint and @allalrightagain !!! Perfect timing for me to do one these games as a bunch more of you decided to check me out today (and I am equal parts honored and terrified. but welcome! and um...back to my regularly scheduled angsty poetry tomorrow? so you can decide if you actually wanna stick around then lol)

relationship status: married (though like just wanna say...im very ace. i know a lot of aspec and arospec people on here. and really wanna just encourage everyone to reconsider what relationship status means to you. what is a relationship. it can look so many different ways. regardless of if you are allo or ace/aro or somewhere in between. its just so individual and we dont talk about that enough. my marriage probably looks nothing like a lot of allo marriages! and its awesome! im preaching to the choir im sure but its been on my mind. allonormativity and all that.

favorite color: feeling a seafoam green lately

favorite food: mac and cheese! and peanut butter cups. not together ofc.

song stuck in my head: That Very First Night (Taylor’s Version) by Taylor Swift

last thing I googled: something about a medication’s side effects. very sexy of me i know.

time: it is! 10:46pm! officially past my bedtime! i got capitalism in the morning!

dream trip: I dream of long train rides. sleeping on a train. living in those little train cars for weeks even. cross country in the US. or there’s one train route in europe I’d love to do, I can’t remember it now.

tagging (no pressure and im sorry if you’ve been tagged already!) @lunapwrites @theresthesnitch @elder-millennial-trash @broomsticks @yruablackwarbler @spikybanana @demonbanisher

And tagging all of you moonchaser lovers that just started following me! Hello! Who are you! I wanna know!

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noramoons · 1 year

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haven’t gone thru my follower count in a while and just had to block 15 !! blank accs 💀 yall. im clearly preaching to the choir here but please put SOMETHING on your blog so that i know you’re a real person, and so tumblr knows you are too and you won’t get all your favorite writers shadowbanned! thank u <3

#like idk isn’t blogging fun to you? don’t you enjoy making your page pretty n cute idk i love doin a little customization here #not to mention how my activity page is just a swamp of likes and blank reblogs these days but that’s another speech ik you’ve already heard!#anyway.#beck.txt

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captaincartervalues · 2 years

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You want to know why canon supercorp endgame is important and not just a flippant wishlist of entitled, overzealous fans some people try to claim it is?

Because sitting next to my mom while she groans at a show’s plotline of a woman realizing her attraction to the same sex because of her feelings for another woman fucking hurts.

Because listening to her complain this storyline is unrealistic or ridiculous fucking sucks when that is quite literally how I, her own daughter, explained my journey to bisexuality when I came out to her.

Because watching her roll her eyes and scoff at the mere existence of a character who shares my sexuality fucking stings.

Because watching her get visibly annoyed and irritated by the “audacity” of the writers to change this character’s previously established identity fucking kills me reminding me that even though she loves and “supports” me this is how she really views my identity, as unnecessary, as invalid, as inconvenient.

Because having a show we love to watch and talk about together be ruined and tainted by this shitty reminder fucking aches.

Because representation and GOOD representation is vital to not just normalize our existence for someone to tolerate but to promote real and genuine acceptance from strangers and those we love. Because the more you see other people’s experiences reflected in your media, the harder it becomes to ignore them, hate them, or just tolerate them. The more universal these stories become, the harder it is for people to avoid them and remain comfortable in their ignorant perceptions of others. Empathy comes from understanding and we can’t understand those we don’t even see or those we can easily avoid and choose not to see. Representation fucking matters.

#i know im preaching to the choir with my followers #but god these last few days and then THIS happening just really pissed me off #stupid rant is stupid #except its not stupid it really fucking matters and im tired of others pretending it doesnt #my rant #sorry not sorry #supergirl #supercorp #kara danvers #lena luthor #representation

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herenya-writes · 3 years

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How dare anyone ever tell queer people to stop fighting for our rights? How dare they when my friend still cries to me because she knows one misstep could have her own family turning against her? Harming her. Killing her with conversion therapy or sheer neglect!

How dare they when my inadequate words of comfort are the only ones she ever hears because the society around her has told her that people like her are broken and unworthy?

What good is the right to get married if we never make it that far? What good is the so-called media take-over if the real-life people like us are still dying, still suffering, still stuck in a world that refuses to see our validity?

Things are better than they once were. But they are better because the people who came before me fought to make them that way. Because the people who came before me refused to back down and refused to be cowed and refused to let anyone tell them that their love and their very being was somehow wrong!

I am tired. I am angry. And I am going to fight for a future in which my friend can live freely without the fear that haunts her and the numberless others like her. Like me.

#queer things #I know im preaching to the choir with my followers but I needed to get this off my chest #we deserve to be equal #and that hasn’t happened #okay to reblog

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beansquishy · 5 years

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conservatives and republicans can eat my entire ass.

you've shown your true colors and how shitty you are, im not accepting your half ass truths in why you think its okay to be bigoted.

#not to be political on main but i know im preaching to the choir here since my following is left leaning #and if you area republican or conservative folowing me then im not afraid to say ur sumb as shit bud

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lemonietrinket · 4 years

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How Day6 would react to them being your first kiss

AN: requested by anon, i hope this was what you were after! i tried my best, and i think it turned out alright (rest of the members under the cut)

Sungjin

as i’ve said before in another reaction, sungjin imo opinion dates to marry (or an equivalent if marriage is not for you, as though i get the vibe he’s quite traditional, for the right person he would be very easily convinced)

so he treats all of his relationships as if they’re going to be The One

this means he probably has reasonable experience with a small number of long term-ish relationships

so you’re not his first, but he has a good idea on how to treat you

your first kiss will probably not come along that early in the relationship

taking things slow is a must, and an idea you can get behind

so when it finally comes round, and you admit that he’ll be your first kiss, he’s secretly over the moon

because it means he’s found someone who understands and get things like he does

but also so he can make sure it goes right

he’s not super confident with his skills or anything lol, not like that

just he knows that he will make sure it’s under your parameters

you’d probably ask him to lead you, since you’re not particularly sure what you’re doing

and he would be so careful when he presses his lips to yours, lightly tipping your chin with the curl of his index finger and the pad of his thumb

the kiss would be short and very chaste, a starting point for you to make your way from and into the deep end if you wanted to

it would probably leave you wanting more not long after but

you go at your own pace

after all, he’s pretty sure that this time you are The One, and that means you have all the time in the world

Jae

this boy has probably got experience

come on, with a voice like that, with humour like that, with a smile like that, with his deep moments and kindness

ok im preaching to the choir here

the point is, he’s probably kissed a lot of people

so when kissing comes up

and it’ll come up pretty quick imo because he’s probably quite affectionate as a partner

he’s going to find it adorable that you haven’t had your first yet

but it’s no problem, he’ll just be extra gentle—tho let’s be real, i can’t really picture him being anything much different lol

he woudn’t be as cautious as sungjin, and just ask whenever he felt the moment was right, and won’t take it too personally if you tell him ‘not yet’

when the yes comes, he’ll start slow

it’ll probably be one of those long ones, the light ones that make you linger and hang onto the end, waiting for the next part to come

once you part, if you don’t erupt into giggles and blushed cheeks, he’ll happily offer you another, deeper one

there’s one thing for sure, it’ll easily become a staple of your romantic relationship, so prepare for kisses everywhere sksksk

Younghyun

ugh the romance

look, he’s charismatic, he’s confident

if it’s your first kiss, he’s gonna make sure it’s the best first kiss you could ever have

i imagine he’s more of a spur of the moment kind of guy

if you’re akin to a heroine of a jane austen-esque novel (like me) and would prefer to be asked first then let him know, he’ll remember and will do so

otherwise, he’ll wait for the perfect moment before he leans in, quiet like the movies, or with something suave to say

he will take the lead, so just relax because you’re not going to know what to do but you’re in good hands

will hold the small of your back or cup your cheek as your lips meet, and it’ll probably be the definition of sparks igniting

probably the most passionate first kiss of the lot, and it will be unforgettable

lucky

Wonpil

now first appearances would dictate that wonpil has limited experience

but then again, if you think back to when you were a baby myday, if you were told one member of day6 had a tattoo, would you have guessed it was pil?

yeah, that logic may apply here too

regardless somewhat of his history, i have a feeling that if he’s had his first kiss, it perhaps wasn’t that important or memorable and neither kinda were some of the ones that followed :/

either way he’s going to find the fact that you want him to be your first kiss absolutely heartbreakingly adorable

and he’ll probably tell you that

guy’s got little shame

he’s also highly affectionate, so kissing is important to him

meaning that there’s a lot riding on the first kiss of the lot

and it would come up really quick

as soon as it’s brought up, he will immediately enquire if you want to have it then

you’d probably be snuggling on the sofa alone when it comes up so don’t worry about privacy, that’s taken care for

no matter when you agree, he’ll be all smiles when it happens, but with a certain steel in his eyes

he probably wouldn’t consider himself the best kisser, but he wants your first to be good (otherwise yo might not ever kiss him again and that would be very bad) and so he resolves himself to giving you the best first wonpil kiss he can give you

since you don’t know what you’re doing, he’d probably encourage you by telling you to follow his lead and just do what feels right

will try and lead you as best he can, though it’s not his speciality. even if he initiated it, he would usually let his partners lead him before tbh

the kiss ends up being probably very soft, lasting mere moments but feeling like much longer

as you pull away, he would quickly dip back in a plant a very quick and final one upon your lips, before meeting your eyes again

the two of yu are probably quite shy afterwards, so cuddles are what follows

but slowly it will become instinct, and you may find yourself initiating them even more than he does

Dowoon

look, im 78% sure dowoon has only had one relationship in his life that probably didn’t last super long either

so first kiss, 50/50 on whether he’s even had it yet himself

and if he did, he probably didn’t learn much from it, or maybe even enjoy it :(

now that he’s come out of his shell a bit more, he’s able to put himself in a relationship again, this time for the best reasons, and once again is in a position to take that next step

so intrinsically, neither of you know what you’re doing

but that’s ok! you’re in the same boat, and you can learn together, which is arguably the best way—there’s no guilt or as much embarrassment

so after a while, when the two of you are ready, and you’ve probably spoken about it a bit (though perhaps not extensively, unless you are a lot more forward than he is) the time will come

it’s probably not in a place that screams ‘special’ but it’ll be safe and easy and comfortable, and it’ll be worth it in itself rather than for the circumstances around it

it’s probably awkward, but once you figure positioning after a brief nose bump, it’s not too bad

yeah you probably have to wrack your brains for kiss scenes you’ve watched in dramas and movies for a vague idea, but it goes well!

for a first kiss

where neither party really knows what to do

as time goes on, you’ll grow more confident

and tho dowoon doesn’t give off strong kissing vibes as being his primary form of physical affection (more of a hand-holder if you ask me), i think it would grow more common, though only in the private sphere

though don’t underestimate the power of head and temple kisses in public

it will ruin you just wait

~~~

Masterlist

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triviareads · 3 years

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everyone is looking for different experiences out of fandom. some people only want to consume and create content and others want to have discussions, whether it be criticism or praise or anything else. the whole point of a fandom community is that it *is* that deep if you want it to be. And no one gets to dictate your fandom experience or should comment on it unless it is causing a lot of problems for other people.

I don't agree with everything on your blog, (looking at that one anon who tried to psychoanalyze everyone in their relationships with female characters. notes of truth but oof the generalizations) but it would be super weird if I did! Recent anon and some other people in this fandom don't get that differing opinions is what makes a community. (multi-)shipping, character interpretation, and analysis are the fabric of fandom. Extrapolation is in the fabric of fandom.

hell, you're doing analysis of the media of your fandom for whether you realize it or not, and some people's opinion are just more critical than others, so it is a tad hypocritical to say *just calm down* because why don't you too?

I think people get defensive when criticisms take on the fandom at large. saying THE WHOLE or MOST of the fandom is this way or taking a moral stance about something that is actually gray or something ythat some people dont give much thought to(esp bc based on who you follow and how you interact, everyones fandom looks different!) might prickle people a bit.

And in the case of female characterization which seems like a big part of our fandom because we are (from what Ive found) mostly women, we must remember that the internalized misogyny is real. Because we as women expect more of each other than we do of men sometimes its just as easy to fall into the trap of writing a fic with simpering debutantes as it is to act superior to real people you've never met before for projecting "pick me" feelings (this isnt to @ you but some of your anons)

Long story short the thoughts and feelings of real life people are more important than our fave fictional characters and I know im definitely preaching to the choir here and you shouldnt respond if you dont want to, but I just wanted to uh, commiserate? show support for healthy criticism? have a nice monologue about the makeup of online community? etc?

Anyway, feel free to disagree anything I said in this manifesto, it's the whole point :)

This was a lovely read- I'll reply to what I can, since I do, by and large, agree with everything you've said.

Since there's always room for improvement for all of us, I will definitely try to be more mindful of my generalizations of the fandom- saying "some" instead of "the whole" or "most"- when I'm talking about Bridgerton.

You are absolutely right in that internalized misogyny is real, both in stories as well as in real life, and that is why I've made a concerted effort in all my fics to avoid writing "pick me" girls and the rest of the female characters as "simpering debutantes". The women in my stories are aware, on some level (that level varying based on the time period and their circumstance), of why women are behaving the way they are. I have written two different takes set in the regency era on women schooling men on why they have no right to bitch about "vapid social climbers" or "simpering, grasping, silly debutantes" (which can be found here and here).

And this carries over into real life- how some women choose to interact with a fandom (including the fantasy aspect of women seeing themselves in certain heroines) should not judged by others, at least, as long as there is nothing too problematic about it (see: the fetishization of Regé-Jean Page, general racism I've seen in some parts of the fandom, homophobia, etc.).

#bridgerton #bridgerton fandom #ask

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keigosbirdie · 3 years

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I know im preaching to the choir with my followers but please don't repost people's art - especially without credits lol.

I'm considering not sharing wips on tumblr where just anybody can see them because they get taken and reposted everywhere. (EVEN ONES I DIDNT TAG SOMEHOW ughdh) Theyre not --- finished lol. I just share em so you guys can see what I'm working on. And I didn't use to sign them so people are passing them around everywhere without my signature hhhaha

Ive been thinking about making a discord and sharing WIPS and things on there- just so people don't stumble on them in the tags / on blogs and repost. What do you guys think?

#i didnt mind the tiktoks with my art in them at first cause it was fun to see reactions #but theres one with like 100k views and i wasnt #credited at all so hahhshd

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skyguyed · 3 years

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okay i just finally finished seaspiracy and cried a lot because montages of animals suffering to sad music are my weakness

i know im a star wars blog but, thoughts below, discuss with me if you like

so ive been a vegetarian for like 13 years and yall this documentary was preaching to the choir here. I hope it makes some people consider how much their diet defaults to meat and fish and makes people consider their consumptive habits more. however I don’t know, like i have a lot of research left to do because a good few of the ocean experts i follow on social media have some criticism for this film.

(in particular, how the film really didn’t try very hard to portray narratives from actual fishers and made a super stark good guy/bad guy dichotomy without exploring it fully; the film is really western-world centric in that honestly at least 1/3 of the world’s population relies on fishing for primary sustenance rather than going to a seafood restaurant for fun now and then; it had a pre-made conclusion and shaped its narrative accordingly; uses outdated scare-tactic statistics such as saying the ocean will be empty by 2048 when that statistic was made in 2006 and debunked in 2009??? or something???)

it sounds like a lot of western-vegan rhetoric to me which i’m like. I’m on their side because i can Choose my diet? And I already believe in not eating fish/meat in general which is incredibly privileged? But the film explored no alternatives other than some vague “plant-based protein” which, is that truly more sustainable...?? like how quinoa and almond milk and shit are actually worse than most locally sourced meat is, environmentally speaking.

also though i hate the idea of killing animals for food if we dont have to, but that’s just me. im not gonna try and guilt people out of the food they need to eat or like morally high ground people for their dietary situations.

i CAN however bitch for hours on end about the extent that americans, particularly men y’know? believe that meat is an essential dietary need for every day, every MEAL even. I am living proof that isn’t true and i think that most people in my country can do with significantly reducing their meat consumption in general.

anyway seaspiracy.

#seaspiracy #im also really sad to learn that dr. ruth gates is DEAD?!?!?!?!?!?#the coral scientist? fuck i learned that today also that she had a WIFE so we cried about that too #this is my depression slump i suppose i need to watch ocean documentaries to Feel Something #ruth gates wasnt in this film she was in a different one i watched today becasue thats the mood we r in #i just wanted yall to know #im watching all these ocean documentaries becuase i have this dream im finally starting to plan for #im gonna get my scuba certification #and become a gay/spinster lady who spends her fortune scuba diving around the world #and i guess doing freelance graphic design and/or marketing for #stuff like social/enviro justice nonprofits/municipalities/universities idk #public sector shit #or maybe the occasional brand whose mission i support #idk this is going in the tag novel because i feel like blabbing this to the void #the ocean has given me spoons lately im gonna ride that wave.#heheh #pun

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vcsecretgifts · 4 years

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Wipe his blood from your mouth with mine

(Otp shenanigans based on what could have happened between Armand and Daniel post hunting together in the warm rain - in last chapter of Prince Lestat - {Hope that’s okay not a blood communion fan and Daniels not in it…} Lestat and Louis are nosey, helpful spectators/advisors In that order. A little nsfw, soppy and an essay of angst. Hope you like It! Merry Christmas 🤗)

Gift for: @headfrst4halos

From: @auburnandamberangel

…

A few nights had passed since their reunion, they’d hunted together in the warm rain - eyes had acknowledged them slipping out together but no interference, this felt more solid then previous meetings. A certain Roman not such a prominent Father hen presence. Familiarity was steadfast, much left unsaid between but in the spirit of having survived this latest blip in immortality pushed down to be revived at a later time. Negotiating simply being in each others company was rollercoaster enough. Small glances, heated snatched stares. Measuring the changes in eachother, coveting the lack of them.

The huge cinema room, a ridiculous term as he’d paid good dollars to watch a flick in smaller venues, the latest safe space to catch up. A do not disturb sign hooked on the double doors, a lock across them. Not that this meant much to telekinetic mentalists amongst them. But a polite notice to leave them in privacy. Daniel was eyeing Armands form, at least what he could see beneath the knitted Sweaters neckline. No tanning or change in tone to porcelain perfect flesh. The theory of their healing abilities known, but never tried into practice by himself just yet. Not that he hadn’t had the impulse - Marius ha immolation was beneath him, always made sure his charge was safe and sound come sunrise.

Armand noted changes too, still flushed as marked his age in the blood. But more strength coiled than should have accumulated in the decades since their parting. His blood then, nursing his fledgling. Practicality was one thing, necessity another, but his passionate possessive side said hang being reasonable - the implications of the to and fro between his beloved and his maker. Aside from Louis’ attack post interview only his fangs had tasted Daniels blood, only his fangs had parted flesh in his necks favourite crook. Louis had understood his hesitancy to bring the subject up, close companions coming together in a time of mutual vulnerability. Many happy years spent in New York. Trinity Gate their slice of peace. "It's not as if I’ve ever asked Lestat to compare me to David. Though it doesn’t mean I’ve never thought it. Never ask a question you mightnt like the answer to.“ His response had been succinct. "But Cher they were definitely lovers. This situation is less clear cut.“ Louis had smiled then, shrugged meaning everything and nothing. "Things concerning Marius rarely are, are they."Preaching to this choir had been his reply.

Daniel was recalling his own pep talk with Lestat, not so much a pep talk as the brat Prince not so subtly inquiring as to his intentions towards his blood brother. More being spoken at. "I feel responsible for his last brush with oblivion. I’d rather not stand idle at this potential catalyst to my blood brothers well being.”

Feeling peeved and rather touched all at once, he’d nodded. “Lestat you’re many things but thinking of you as my uncle and I your nephew is too, too much to want to comprehend!" Thankfully the mercurial anointed leader took his words in good humour. Always had quite liked him fortunately, could once upon a time have run away on adventures together. Though whose heart that particular fancy was meant to wound more Louis or Armand - Daniel had never quite fathomed. Hands up in a sign of peace he’d added. "Rest assured I’ve always broken my own heart over him, I’d rather that than breaking his ever again. I was off my noodle for way too long. I have alot to catch up on.”

A strange look had passed over Lioncourts face. “I said something similar to him you know. …‘You break my heart you little fool, you always have…’ I think i prefer your sentiment.” Shudder as if someone had walked over his grave. Memnoch related Daniel had assumed.

“Can I ask a favour. Could you make sure Marius doesn’t try to help us in what no doubt will be a charged, embarrassing and classically devil and minion problematic fest." Brow quirked at this request Lestat had smirked, a twinkle in those famed blue eyes. "Run interference as they say. It’ll be a pleasure." Making to turn heel and leave. Pausing. "You know I can’t decide if you smell different or not… Never mind." With that winking and walking away before Daniel could comment what he’d meant.

Back in the room, Daniel edged nearer, leaning across the plush seat between them to better see Armands face. Rewarded with a wistful tug of lips.

"Of all the vampires in Trinity I have your full attention still. Im flattered.” Eyes warmed in a way they hadn’t been in quite sometime. Flitting to Daniel equally captivated violet ones.

“Always will have it too.” Moving almost to sit on the arm of aforementioned middle seat.

“Its…complicated. Or whatever the get out clause for a relationship not happening is these days…online.” He’d tried to keep up to date with modern jargon. Not as much fun as learning with his minion in the eighties, but he couldn’t wouldn’t allow himself to atrophy again.

“There it is breathtaking in every way yet simultaneously so stupid!” Daniel hitting the seats cushion in a burst of frustration. The seat rocked. Oops.

Armand laughed despite himself. “There’s that sassy mouth I’m fond of coming out to play.” Glancing down at the seat, it had been bent. Ah.

“Give my mouth something else to do. Kiss me. I promise I’m same as I ever was.” Just a plain simple kiss, though usually desire took over and wham they were engaging in full on blood sharing in a blink.

“Let’s not rush into things…” Playing with a stray curl, rapidly teasing it out. At this rate he’d have straightened his locks from the sheer tension of it all.

“I’m not waiting six years again for a snog. The chase ended. We’re way passed third base now don’t you think?!” Edge of something darker in his tone. Lestats words echoing in his mind now.

“We hunted together.. Be- Daniel.” Slip of the tongue he’d nearly uttered beloved. “That was alot.” No lies there. He hunted alone as a rule, Daniel was the only immortal he’d shared with.

“I know we shared the kill. Shared the blood. It was great, lovely. But Im not going to lie I wanted to be responsible for your heart racing…” Wow his throat was dry. Blurting all this oit, no holding back or hiding behind word play. “Is it because I smell different.”

“Smell? What do you mean?” Nose prickling as he’d wondered hadn’t he, a moment before about infusions from a twice millennial source. Did he hesitate because on a base level Daniels blood smelt different because it was…

“Lestat said something about me smelling different. Is it because I smell more like him. Like Marius?”

Deep breath. Right to the jugular of the situation. Flush of pride who the hell else spoke to him like this, no one.

“We were parted whatever happened between you is none of my business. It would only be natural for you to seek comfort in his arms… He’s very persuasive.” The words were coming out, but he knew his heart wasn’t so forgiving or clear cut.

“Well fuck! Your going to quote we were on a break. Really! This isn’t Friends. I doubt either of us matches Ross or Rachel.” Daniel realising bow improbable it was for Armand to be up to date with 90s pop culture. “It wasn’t like that. It was feeding not flirting. I wasn’t exactly following a balanced diet. I don’t want him, it’s you it always has been!” Last hit to the seat and it screeched it’s last. “Shit! I’m sorry.” Staring at his hands like he’d just seen them.

Armands eyes widened. There was that strength again. Not more thsn his own but a progression. Lestats mind voice in his head. *Do I need to come in and break you guys up? Or is this good rough?* That famous timing…*No. He’s broken my furniture, no harm to me. And it’s always good rough between us for the record.* Satisfaction at the too much information wince on Lestats part. *Don’t make me tell on you to Louis, you know he hates you being a voyeur.* Quirk of a brow inside and out. *Its been a while we’re out of practice.* Pleasing ringing of laughter as the brat Prince took the hint. Opening his eyes from a protracted blink to Daniels face and form kneeling right infront of him. Unforgivable this oversight, to allow himself to be this surprised. Hadn’t even seen him move. No threat from this vampire though, no need for high alert physically, only emotionally. Always his heart that needed protection. Minute frown appearing. The urge to reach out and run fingers through Daniels hair almost over powering. Hands death gripping the plush arm rests, clawing into the material and stuffing as well as the metal frame below.

“Don’t you want me anymore. Is that it - Really?” Once he’d thought he’d never get to touch those rosy lips again. Stroke hands through deep russet flaming curls. Hear his voice and those special noises he only made for him. Cold shower for Mr Molloy. “The bloodworks just a primal excuse. The usual vampiric urges BS.” All this aside he wouldn’t force himself on Armand. Never. A time machine to kill any who had. He’d thought him dust to the wind. Well he could feel himself ready to blub. Filled to the brim with so many feelings.

Armand could smell the start of those tears. He could lick them away, like they used to. Drink the pain away. Curled up together after a fight. Entwined. Love through the blood. Strength and stay through that intimacy. “I could never not, beloved.” Time for his own tears, that affectionate term opening his own flood gates. “I don’t think I can love you how you need to be loved, is more the point. What if I make you relapse. I’d never forgive myself…” Nails now through his own palms. Chair two in ruins. His own blood scent filling the air. “My beautiful boy…”

There it was, the spicy scent he could only taste as a mortal, fully appreciating the body of it after crossing over. The aroma. Fearful words sinking in. Shaking his head. “None of that was your fault. It was just our luck to be the tortured star crossed lovers. I’m better, was well on the way to better when I knew you weren’t gone. Not dead. I left, that was on me.. I left you alone, I swore I wouldn’t in our garden but I did. I neber meant to not come back. The rot had set in, nothing made sense. But here you are whole and perfect and as maddening self introspective as ever. Don’t you get it. That was my job as your minion, to save you from yourself. To save my devil from whatever tested you. And I wasn’t there. I’ll be Damned if I ever make that mistake aga-” Words cut off as bloody yet healed hands reached for him, pulling Daniel bodily into his lap. Not an easy task sized as they were.

Armand couldn’t bear him saying one more heart wrenching thing. Broke that physical truce and kissed him as requested. Lips breaking away from his only to lap away falling tears. Poised staring into violet orbs he’d been lost in the moment they’d met, truth be told. Breathy. Quite the achievement for beings who didn’t need respiration. “Mine, you taste like my better heart. With added vintage. Wipe his blood off your lips with mine.” A single bead of blood for Daniels tasting. Hand teasing his lovers skirt buttons, to touch skin on skin.

Years were stripped away and here they were like nothing had happened battle scarred yet together. That’s all the mattered. Familiar elixir warming him in ways he never expected. Picking him up to better remove clothing, they had to map each others bodies like old times.

Sometime later.

Laying on the plush carpeted floor, clothes strewn around them. Not a stitch left on them. A third seat broken on its hinges. Armand was happily listening to Daniels heartbeat. “I think I may need to redecorate.” Glancing around the mess they’d made. Stretching like a cat.

“Agreed perhaps we should make a passion room. But hey we’re super rich so why spoil the fun. At least in this cinema there’s no popcorn stuck in odd places like that time we got romantic in Palm Springs.” Kissing his makers forehead. Basking in after glow. “I’m pretty sure we’ve thoroughly infused each others blood counts.”

“One can never be too careful. We need to hunt. I don’t want you getting peeky as I was so enthusiastic.”

“Agreed, and I don’t mind at all. Drain me I’m your love muffin.”

Armand wrinkled his nose. “Love muffin. Wash your mouth out! We do need to lock this room up tight upon leaving. In case Cupid Lioncourt takes photos.”

Daniel laughed. “He does have a nose in most situations I admit. In this case it’s just as well. How long do you think it would have taken to jump each others bones, without his ear worm about smell?”

Armand laughed at the phrasing, a throaty chuckle sending vibrations down Daniels chest. “Not too long, possibly quicker if I’d gotten that particular ear worm and we’d gone the route of territorial angry me, with your oh so smart mouth baiting. Then we’d have made up, like old times.”

Daniel snorted. “Are we that predictable?”

“Perhaps…Now how he kept a certain others nose out of this… robust reunion is the story I want to hear…” Smiling into Daniels matching grin.

“Now that story can wait.” Winking and gathering Armand closer again. “Round three?”

#2019 VC Secret Santa #VC #Vampire Chronicles #submission #auburnandamberangel #headfrst4halos

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softjun · 7 years

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mordaceious replied to your post: if you can’t make a pastel edit without...

you can make pastel edits w/o whitewashing it just takes a bit of selection work

yes! it’s possible m’dudes!

#mordaceious #reply #just. if u don’t know how either look it up or don’t. post ur whitewashed messes pls im beggin u #tho considering my following i'm probably? preaching to the choir?#also #ayyy lmk if anyone is uncomf with me using dude as a general term and i will be #a-okay with stopping

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xlittlelionhamiltonx · 5 years

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To Me Belongeth Vengeance

{{happy belated bday, @prodigyofprincetoncollegex !! I love you dearly!}}

“He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”

Humbly. Is man ever humble? Does man ever trust in God and His divine plan?

No. No... humankind was yet a child, stumbling with every step and crying loudly when it fell and scraped its knee. Humankind was a mess, unsure and afraid, and continually disappointing its Father... not that He would ever admit to that...

Sacrilege, Alexander. Your Father is purity and honesty incarnate.

And still... people kill. They hurt and they maim and they torture... they do all that they are instructed not to do, and still, they thrive.

Why do you not strike them down, Father? Why do you let them go on?

“Ah!” Alexander curls in on himself, one hand pressed against the wound drawn so haphazardly upon his abdomen, the knife in his free hand shaking violently. He has overstepped. He has sinned, if in thought, alone, and he has beckoned this punishment.

“God does not ask for perfection. He does not abandon His children for their doubts... for their questions...”

Alex perks up a little, blinking his eyes open and focusing on the peaked wooden ceiling above the empty choir loft. Father Burr seems to have foregone the Old Testament. He chooses not to preach fire and brimstone, though Alex knows that is what he lives and breathes.

“No father could condemn his own child’s curiosity. Our Father is a good Father, brothers and sisters; he would not discourage the wandering thoughts that He, Himself, has made our minds capable of producing.”

Does He not, then, Father Burr, condemn His children for taking advantage of the capability he has put in our hands to kill?

Alex is panting, labored breaths, chest rising and falling like the ocean’s wicked tide. He drops his head over to the side, sweat dripping across his features in tiny, salty rivulets. He blinks his dark eyes a few times, clearing his vision as he attempts to focus on the pale, unseeing eyes that greet him.

“He loves you for being all that you were created to be. He loves your bravery and ambition, your intelligence and your hope. Unconditionally. As only a Father can.”

“He sounds quite convincing for not believing a word of it, hm?” Alex’s hushed question is met with the cold silence of the dead. He regrets that he had to take action here, knowing Aaron abhors such graphic fits of violence. But it is a weeknight mass, quiet and held in absence of the choir, the pianist seated just near the altar so she might double as a reader for tonight’s scripture.

The man had offered him no choice. Alexander had often seen him sitting upon a bench near the playground adjacent the church, watching the children play until the last had gone home. Alex had noticed, he had felt that familiar dread that raised the fine hairs upon his nape, and he knew that the matter needed his attention.

His perch upon the roof of the chapel was typically overlooked by all but the priest whom called the sanctuary his home, and even he was keen to leave Alexander to his own devices.

God’s will. He trusts in God’s will, not in you.

It is a warm summer evening, but he still wears long pants and sleeves, covering every twisted scar and elegant scrawl painted upon his brown flesh. He is accustomed to the heat, considering where he grew up, and he pulls his sleeves down a little more, hood up as he studies the scene before him.

It was only his second day minding this odd man, and already his is given justification for his suspicion. But he is not satisfied. He is not pleased with himself for having faith in God’s word. No... when he sees the man approach a young boy, handing him what appears to be a chocolate bar from his pocket before beckoning him away from the other kids, Alexander is angry. He is disappointed and disenchanted and so goddamn sad, so goddamn heartbroken... and he speaks to his Father... his Lord... the one for whom he protects these broken, ugly creatures...

“I cannot fix them, Father. I cannot vanquish all these wayward lambs. My God, you would have no flock left to watch.” He feels the heat behind his eyes and he fights it angrily, clenching his teeth and rising up from his perch.

“But let thy will be done.” He drops from the rooftop with unnatural ease, crouching only a handful of seconds before he rises and makes his way toward the nefarious acts being committed.

It takes him only a moment to reach the pair. He ignores the indignant look on the man’s face as he pulls the boy aside and tells him to return to his friends. The child is already retreating when Alex finds himself in pursuit of the adult, the man having taken the opportunity to run, as men do when faced with the truth.

It could not even be labeled a fight, so short was the struggle. And Alex, left with a limp body and adrenaline pumping, had no choice but to lug the man up to the choir loft. Mass would begin any moment, after all, and he could hardly burden Aaron with a murder committed upon the estate.

He murmered to the unconscious form as he moved, more than accustomed to this art of deception.

“I got you buddy, just a little further and you can sleep off that Irish dinner of yours...”

He is grateful that almost no one crosses their path, and that even fewer take much interest in them. They manage to make it in through the back entrance and a quarter of the way up the stairs without incident. But God does work in mysterious ways, does he not?

It is then, surrounded by naught more than the distant sound of lambs eager to atone, shifting in their pews, and that old, musky smell that somehow settles as a permanent guest in well-loved temples, that Alexander’s plans are upset by the sharp, biting tip of a blade.

He cries out only briefly, clamping a hand over his mouth as he throws the man off of him, a pale fist clenching weakly at the fabric of his shirt.

“Fucking die, you piece of shi-”

The pervert is making his attempt at another meek thrust toward Alex’s neck, and the raven-haired man supresses the urge to pull back, instead pushing forward, forcing the attacker to stumble back, foot slipping off of the step and throwing him off balance long enough for Alex to land both palms solidly against his chest, sending him toppling down the stairs.

His body hits the door that closes off the stairway from the foyer, and Alexander hopes that the noise is being drowned out by the chiming of the church bells. He wastes no time catching his breath, rushing down the steps and reaching forward to lock the door as he had neglected to before. A few, deep breaths, he gives the wound gifted him a quick assessment before leaning down and checking the man for signs of life.

But his eyes are open and lacking the soul’s spark, his chest is still and his neck is bent at a notably unnatural angle.

“No last rites for you, I’m afraid.” He exhales softly, picking up the fallen blade and tucking it away before gritting his teeth and hoisting the man up and over his shoulder, pushing down the pain of exertion and moving slowly up the stairwell.

And that was how he ended up here, as he is, flat on his back, gasping for air and contemplating his next move. He had no worries about being rid of the corpse... once he had managed to remove it from this holy institute, at any rate. Which could prove to be a slightly tricky task if he hoped to avoid being discovered.

“When we bow our heads in prayer and contemplation, I encourage you all to reflect upon the questions you have. What in the scripture gives you pause? Is there a question that you have told yourself one mustn’t dare ask? If so, now is the time.”

“I have a question.” There is a new voice, deep and gruff and noticeably agitated. The creaking of wood indicates that the congregation is shifting in their pews, turning to identify the owner of this voice.

“And I am here to help you find the answer, my son.”

“I sure hope you can, Padre.” The voice is moving, the pews groaning as their occupants continue to follow the man’s path toward the altar.

“See, I saw someone draggin’ my brother into this church just a few minutes ago, and I took a gander about the place while you was preachin’, but I didn’t see ‘im anywhere. You wouldn’t happen to know how to answer that mystery, would ya?” There are a few seconds of heavy silence, and it seems even the congregation is holding its breath, listening, waiting, right along with Alex. And when the man does speak again, the voice is quieter, more menacing, and the words make Alexander’s heart skip and his blood boil.

“I hope you do, because I’d really, really hate to have to kill a man of God.”

Alexander is up in a heartbeat, peering over the rail, doing what he can to stay cloaked by the shadow of the dim loft. What he sees only aggravates him further. The man is huge and looks as rough as he sounds, and he is towering over Aaron, standing mere inches before him. There is a spark of pride in Alex’s chest when he notes how steady Aaron appears, unwavering and unafraid.

“I am afraid that I have seen nothing out of the ordinary this evening. But, if we were all to assist you, I am certain we could find your brother. Was he ill? Is there a chance this person was attempting to help him?”

As he speaks, Alex wracks his brain for a solution to this little problem, a way to remain unseen and unheard and still put a stop to this man before he can do anything regrettable.

“Not a good time to play dumb, priesty.” He moves forward, reaching out and clasping Aaron’s shoulder, stoking the fire burning in Alexander’s belly.

And he knows what needs to be done. He knows how to save the priest and punish the sinner. And who better to do it than a ghost? What has he to fear?

He crouches down, crawling to the lifeless body and ripping open the man’s shirt. He retrieves the dagger from his waistband, using it to carve into the man’s chest, no less certain in his action than he would be if it were pen to paper. When he is finished, he tucks the blade away, quickly pulling one shoe from the man’s foot, ignoring the pain and the sweat that is dripping down his face as he drags the lifeless pedophile back toward the railing.

Once finished, he stands and takes in the scene unfolding on the altar below. It is not favorable, to say the least. The man is still near Aaron, still close enough to be touching him, but now he is staring out at the frightened church-goers, a twisted smile on his lips and a mania in his eyes. Aaron, despite how terrified he must be, somehow manages to look entirely at peace and in control of the situation.

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

He needs to act now. He is the power upon which Aaron relies. He is the deliverance the man has preached. He mustn’t leave room for doubt.

“I will ask you one more time, and only one more, where -”

The words are interrupted by the thud of a shoe hitting the floor, the man’s focus quickly shifting toward the object in question. After a moment of confusion, recognition settles over his features, and he releases Aaron with little thought, moving forward and crouching down to retrieve the footwear. He turns it in his hand, looking around and then, finally, up.

He hardly has the time to draw in a breath before the heavy body of his dead brother is crashing down upon him, pinning him down and drawing out a pained grunt. Alexander follows closely behind, landing with practiced ease, his hood pulled down over his eyes, head bowed and body crouched low as he speaks.

“Go. All of you.” He rises slowly, aggravated by the stunned silence surrounding him as he moves toward the struggling terrorist.

“Go now!” A few gasps are followed by the sound of the creaking pews and rustling fabric and hurried footsteps, the people rushing to heed his command. He is upon the violent man just as he manages to push his brother’s body off of himself, his eyes barely able to lock onto Alex’s face before the blade has opened his throat, the blood flowing freely while the man chokes on it.

Even as the man struggles to hold onto his meager life, Alex has ripped open his shirt and set metal to flesh, sketching out the scripture in violent crimson.

Ne prohibueritis eos!

He steps away from the quickly dying heretic, setting forth in readjusting the cooling corpse of his equally evil brother, making certain that the first responders to the scene will not overlook His message.

Mea est ultio.

“Forgive them, Father; they know not what they do.” Alexander turns to meet Aaron’s eyes, the air leaving his lungs when he sees the look on the young priest’s face.

He had been wrong to do this. He had thought Aaron ready to bear witness to the wrath of the Almighty, but now...

Aaron looked lost. Confused. Terrified. It wasn’t what Alex had wanted for him. Why did he not feel elated? Why was he not in awe of this divine intervention to which he’d borne witness?

“Be not afraid, Aaron.” Alex rises. He approaches the stunned man carefully, his own dark eyes made darker by the adrenaline, his heart pounding in his chest and his pain all but forgotten.

“These animals at your feet... they hunted the purest of God’s flock. They stole innocence and planted seeds of hatred.”

He can hear the sirens approaching, and he knows he has little time.

“Aaron.” No more than a whisper. He reaches out and trails his fingertips over the priest’s cheekbone, finally gaining the attention he’s been seeking. Aaron looks at him as though he is only just becoming aware of his presence, reaching up to grip his hand as he shakes his head, eyes quicly assessing the taller man’s body.

“Alexander - you’re injured.”

“And time will heal me, as it does all wounds.” He squeezes Aaron’s hand, chuckling quietly when the man seems to remember himself, pulling carefully away and taking a small step back.

“You need a hospital.”

“And you need to have faith.” Alex doesn’t regret the bite behind his words, even when Aaron flinches and looks away.

The sirens are much too close now, and Alexander has wasted too much time tending to the priest’s shaken nerves.

“Pray tonight, Aaron. When dawn arrives, so, too, shall your answer.”

He heads toward the priest’s quarters, knowing he can escape from there unseen. He doesn’t look back as he retreats, but he sends up a quick prayer of his own.

“Let him be loyal. Let him be of good faith. Stay his tongue, and stay my blade. Or, come tomorrow, I shall be anointed in blood once more.”

#prodigyofprincetoncollegex #v;; priest verse

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