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rose-blooms-red · 9 months

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So like. Ive been trying to work myself up to writing again seeing as i havent had any fucking energy or words or brain (energy/creativity) or like, literally fucking anything for months now. (The reasons for which are Many and Exhausting and I am So Ready for this year to be over lmao. And also bodies are fucking awful and so are brains (mental health plus the previously mentioned) and also just some personal stuff.) And part of that is reading fic.

The downsides to reading fics is that I sometimes see the most godawful fucking takes about Kori and Dick/Kori while trying to find/read fics, both just trying to read regular fic and fics specifically focused on trauma like I tend to seek out. Like. She in particular isn't a character I seek out to read about and, though I do love when she shows up, I don't really read much with her as a focus. She just doesn't grab the parts of my brain that would lead to that (tho tbf, only Dick and Wally really do that in DC, though there are a few others that are close) and as much as I can love dick/kori and fics with them they aren't really the ship I go for. It can be a nice read, but it's never really been my thing (i have similar feelings on babs/dick, tho to be completely honest I also like dick/babs less than dick/kori. I rarely if ever read romantic dick/babs, and basically never where the relationship is current lol. And surprisingly, given the givens, not completely because of the Tarantula situation) Tho tbf, romance in general can be tricky with me. (Listen. Ik I write a lot of shipfics but that doesn't mean I'm always comfy with it, or ig more accurately how it's portrayed a lot of the time. Especially if I feel like it's taking away from platonic relationships.) But like. The amount of times I run into complete like, idk demonization?? Of her is kinda fucking infuriating. For numerous reasons. And I'm saying this as a Dick Grayson fan.

Like, I haven't really covered.... any of the whole thing in fault lines yet (listen.... LISTEN I am Tired and busy and have health issues and fault lines is a fucking monster of a fic, I'm doing my best. There's kind of a fucking lot of shit to cover tho, even with the things I don't include from Canon that I either don't know or don't really want to add because of various reasons, and I am one person. One very exhausted person. And it's a really fucking hard fic to write sometimes okay,) not to mention the fact that it's narrated by an unreliable narrator which means the little bits that have come up are SKEWED they are SKEWED, Dick is not always right in his p.o.v of things!! But anyways, back to the point, even though it hasn't really come up yet Kori is never gonna be introduced as the villain of that relationship. Relationships and why they work or fall apart are fucking complicated!!!!! ESPECIALLY when trauma is involved. Like, I'm not gonna begrudge you if you don't like her because I'm not a fucking asshole. And I'm not gonna really try and force someone who doesn't like her for the reasons I've seen in fics surrounding Mirage and/or dick/kori's relationship. The former because I do understand why, even knowing her side of it all, it might not endear her to you, and the latter because I honestly do not have enough energy (emotional or in general) nor desire to get involved in anyway over internet fucking discourse for fictional fucking characters. I'm here to enjoy myself and relax/vent some of my shit through characters I love and world's I love, not to make myself upset because I get emotional easily when misunderstandings and characters being treated unfairly happen.

Which might seem at odds to what I said earlier about godawful takes. But part of my problem is that it's never really Kori in the fics. It's always just this one dimensional fanon version of her thats only there to be the villain. There are fics I read with her in what might count as an antagonist role, if you really feel like labeling it that, that deal with everything that dont do that and still manage to get all their points across or succeed in their writing. Usually just leaning into her not quite understanding that what Mirage did to him is rape because her experiences with rape was so different to his. Or even just the fact that she was so wrapped up in her trauma responses and her hurt and anger she didn't see it from his point of view. Or hell!!! Even just being herself, but not seeing past her own feelings of betrayal. And also just that. Relationships are Complicated!!!!!!

There's no fucking need to turn her into a hateful bitch with no actual purpose or character outside of being a prop to turn dick into an incapable, honestly kinda infantilized, hurt little 'owo' child.

Especially not when she is literally also a fucking rape victim.

And once again, I'm saying this as a Dick Grayson fan who honestly doesn't quite enjoy Kori-centric things.

There is just!!! No need!!!! Please there are complexities. There is a character there!!! And it is, honestly, so fucking boring when having her as an actual complex character offers so much more for one to explore in a story.

It is always more interesting and captivating when your characters are people not caricatures.

#dc #dick grayson #koriand'r #kori anders #ro rambles #discourse #more a vent but ya know #covering my bases lmao #oh yeah #mentions of #tw: rape

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anglespin · 3 months

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leon accidentally set off a remote bomb too soon and got sent to super hell 😔 HAHHAAKHFKDG

i also like making them suffer for story and development purposes but my FAVORITE part is absolutely slapping colorful bandaids ontop of it after. give me that comfort with my hurt, the HEALING. its just so good to me, both just in general and story wise. something something healing, strength, life goes on. :3

also im completely agree, jill would not trust him even the tiniest bit. i love how complex her relationship is with everyone like its just so interesting to think of. like how relaxed di leon and jills acquaintanceship is, while on the other hand she has negative trust in re6 leon. good. :3 and god i just love claire period. i wish leon and claire friendship was more popular bc honestly i love it. (i havent seen ID yet but my point still stands, their friendship dynamic just has so much potential)

also YES i love talking about trust and deceit bc its all so like complicated and is a major gray area. YES, they would be fucking _angry_ and hurt and obviously feel so fucking betrayed. but after the shock and anger wears off. like. i can see them trying to understand it. like. yanno?? bro i cannot brain lmao. like yeah he kept it secret and that's pretty bad for multiple reasons for them, but considering what they've dealt with and seen with BOWs--and obviously the government learning about this, god forbid they get any ideas or put him through even more hell--it's understanding for him to be terrified to even mention it. and like, i can genuinely see di leon try to defuse it and be understanding, especially with his experience with buddy in damnation albeit not entirely the same. (chris too, if in this au he's gone through the piers situation. :( ) and depending on how LONG it is until its revealed, its fucking hard fully breaking bonds and trust that have developed over time. like they WANT to believe in him and that he honestly doesnt want to do or have any malicious intentions, not to mention for DI leon its literally. himself. and he knows himself, and that man has such a bleeding heart, that he knows how he is with internalizing things, and running away, and just dealing with trauma in awful ways. some awful shit just managed to happen to this version of himself :( and its just such a damn slippery situation. they gotta make sure that resi6 leon is like, safe both to others and himself, and have to work out just. all the fucked up shit that went on. i am full on the team of working shit out :3 itll take a fucking while to reestablish trust and better communication (re6 leon is absolutely god awful at both working through and communicating his issues but time and effort is good and i love that shit!!) but i like to think it all works out in the end. stuff thats worth it takes time and effort and all that fun shit. :3

(ive completely lost myself in the text wall i hope this makes sense)

🐕

Ah! It makes sense to me. At least I think it does.

It would be a huge mixed bag of emotions and just overall issues between everyone. Nothing's going to be dandy in the beginning. RE6 gets fucking interrogated and slightly beat up (because him and DI do fight at the start and RE6 is HURT already from being practically exploded. Also he gets smooshed by DI, who probably weighs alot more than he does in terms of muscle.)

The type of BOW that RE6 Leon is not meant to be crazy powerful. Thanks to C-virus development and infusion, the Plagas the DSO designed are meant to be wholly symbiotic and free from restrictions their Spanish counterparts had. Basically Verdugo 2.0, but appearing entirely normal until the changes are required and able to return to form as needed which includes the tail being able to simply fall off and a short chrysalis state to undo anything else. It's still horribly painful. That'll be horrific if it gets out cause its literally a fast-lane to super soldier creation lol.

RE6 Leon is just a big cat. Thats it.

When it comes to the BOW shit getting out to the DI gang, RE6 harbors not an ill will bone in his body. What happened to him is not his fault. How he deals with it is because of what he's been conditioned for. He is what Leon would've turned out to have been if the DSO were more-- hands on with wanting to improve their assets. Human rights be damned. Leon isn't a human being to the government. Just some tool to be tossed around willy nilly at whatever they want and played with as some doll. DI knows this because he experiences this to a degree, though not being a labrat lol. The others don't know about how he's treated.

DI Leon having to look inward at himself in order to try and bridge gaps despite his differences (mostly in temperament/attitude) compared to RE6. Their experiences veer drastically enough. Chris as well as Claire needing to change approaches.

Jill and Claire are besties + Rebecca too!

I LOVE VERDUGOS!!!!!

I'm mad eepy so sorry for the short answer, but i hear you!!!!

#angle's inbox archive

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withgreatpowercomesmyfuckingdick · 6 months

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Do you have like a discord or group you soundboard off of to create your plot ideas? What's your process like?

Oh lovely, the only group I soundboard off of are the voices in my head

Thanks for the ask! see below for my rambling extended answer lol

Wasn’t kidding though, I have no sound board but myself. I’m a hardcore editor so, even though typos get past me, I’m always looking at my writing from a very critical “does this make sense” angle and tweaking until it does. Continuity pleases me. I like for my writing to connect, for things to line up. I’m not against maybe having a beta in the future? I’m unfortunately very bossy when it comes to my writing though, maybe even a little conceited, so maybe I need to save some poor soul from a toxic relationship and just not seek a beta period lol.

Although my process…hm, hard to describe, because I can’t say the process is necessarily consistent. I don’t write linear at all.

See, what happens is: I know my big events. I have hallmarks in the story that are non-negotiable for the progression of the primary plot (Cloud’s story of being in the past, his ultimate mission to save Gaia). Every major event that happens, including the ending, I’ve had marked out for weeks now. Granted, I’ve made some changes as the plot progressed, but knowing my main events allows me more wiggle room for bits of foreshadowing. The parade was one of those hallmarks, because it was sort of the lever for the Firsts really going “Okay what the fuck is wrong with this kid.”

Along with those are subevents, which aren’t as rigid but also need to happen. Those are for the progression of aspects of the plot, such as romantic developments and Cloud’s ‘day to day’ realizations. Scenes like that include Sephiroth and Cloud bumping into each other at night and Angeal tending to Cloud’s wounds.

What happens in between, I freestyle. As ideas come to me, I write them out. So I’m actually writing very often, it’s just that what I’m writing isn’t necessarily for the next chapter so much as a future chapter. I have a document specifically for flashback ideas and a separate one for event ideas, and a ‘scrapbook’ for things I discard in one scene that I sometimes use somewhere else.

MILD SPOILERS FOR 16 IF YOU HAVENT READ YET: As I write a chapter I outline what events I want to happen and what’s the point of those events. I joke about 16 mostly being flashback, but when I choose a flashback to include in a chapter (because trust me, I have a lot) I am always keeping in mind (1) what the next major event is and (2) how that characterization of Cloud will give more depth to his reaction to the event. 16 is very responsibility and community focused for a reason, specifically highlighting how Cloud refuses to abandon things he finds himself responsible for even if it injures him emotionally. And it’s there because that’s going to be important soon ;)

something i get stuck on often (and i bitch abt it in 16’s A/Ns) is dialogue. I love dialogue but hate writing it. I’m the sort of person who needs to describe expressions and movements CONSTANTLY and I’m always struggling to balance keeping immersion in a scene and not writing too damn much. To circumvent my tendency to avoid those scenes, I’ll usually write a bare bones scene with nothing but the dialogue and the speakers’ names, sort of like a play script, and then go back and fill in details once I’ve written in emotional shit and other more crucial scenes.

Overall, when I write I just be Back On My Bullshit™️ and kind of spazz all over the place, deleting what won’t make sense in the long run and keeping what I think can be twisted well around the main events. You probably weren’t looking for an answer this fucking convoluted but uhhh hope you enjoyed anyway! 😆

#liddle’s asks #wgpcmfg

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night-rhea · 2 years

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I was doodling something for myself and suddenly i realized i wanna talk.

(doodle might not make any sense shh lets ignore it djjdjdjjd)

I wanna talk about Rhea's in general, the Rhea curse that i never explained and the Night's life during Hogwarts years.

Maybe i will do it in parts, to not make anyone bored while reading it. Lets focus on basic info about Rhea's for now.

İf you have time for a story, come on in. I have tea for us 💜

/I must add this as tw just to be safe, there is mention of suicide/

Ah im bit nervous. İ have never been good to explain things you know. But we are here having tea, yes i actually do have with me, so i wanna relax a bit. Talking about my oc should be fun right?

Tho the reason for my nervous state is actually me not have been in the fandom for a while. Because of, you know, real life. İt was tough, nothing to worry about tho, but still i feel like i missed so much about the mc's and the creators i love. More than missing it, the guilt that i havent been supporting my fandom friends, and maybe not knowing if there are people i might make uncomfortable by reaching them. (Fandom dramas was weird) That guilt made me stay even more away. But i missed terribly to be there just simping over silly things.

So i dont wanna overthink, i just wanna share Night's story that i have been kinda proud of having it. Thanks for joining me here today~

Maybe because its Eid im emotional today, alright time to get started!

İ created an image for Night, as i claim its fifth year Night. The Night who is loud as fuk, run and fly around in castle, messes up with Merula's hair in both human and hawk form, overexcited about having chocolate, cant sit still without annoying Cordell on daily basis, greets everyone with a big smile but still shy to actually talk, makes you wonder how someone can be even more loud when they are on Quidditch pitch.

The Night you know i assume, also hope the one you love.

Even though i dont really talk about Cordell, he is very important part of Night's life. Seriously how much i actually did talk about him?

Did you know he doesnt have coffee tolerance? Like one cup of coffee and he will be up all night. Did you know his favorite color is actually brown but he doesnt actually own anything with that color? Did you know despite not accepting it out loud he see himself as big brother to Night and this is why he is always so annoyed by them?

*sigh* To understand Night and Cordell's teenager years we must know about the house they grow up. We must know what kind of family was Rhea's.

Their home was rather b i g, having all the Rhea families in it. Night like to call it a Castle. Stone cold, unnececcarily big and unnececcarily important to family members. There is something off about that 'castle' to make every elder to want to own it. Night and Cordell doesnt know it yet.

They will learn.

Here let me show you the family tree to make it bit easier. Dont worry you dont need to remember everyone.

This is how big Rhea's were actually. As you can see there were even in family marriages, thankfully with new generations it didnt happen again.

Jocelyn married into another family, Weston married with a man who his family didnt wanted and even adopted three kid. These twos own family doesnt count as Rhea's anymore,unfortunatelly.

Back then before the first big war with Voldemort, everything was more simple in Rhea household. Night and Yakup's dad Matthew (yes another mc dad name...) was the head of the house. Yakup, Night, their mother Seline and Matthew was staying in the center of the castle.

At their right, there was Cordell and his family. He, his mother Esther Black, his father Jonathan (he is someone who you will need to remember later) and.. His big sister Clara. Yes i will talk about her in a while.

At their left there was Jonathan and Matthew (the Rhea brothers) cousin Zachary's family. He was married with someone from Rosier family, Teresa Rozier and they had three kids named Belinda Healy and Daniel.

Even if the castle was not the liveliest place, the kids didnt stop being kids of course. The laughs of Yakup, Night and their cousins were the probably only things make the building look like a real house.

Rhea's were Death Eaters. This is no secret. So what happened to them after war?

İ hope this is easy to understand

So as you can see they are no longer a big family. Now in that big castle there is only grandmother Lydia;Cordell and his father Jonathan; Night, Yakup and their mother Seline lives. Zachary's son Daniel was sent to France to relatives of his mother Teresa.

Just, basic info for today. There is maaany scandals i need to tell you about them but shhh not today.

I said Matthew (Night's father) is the head of the house. Why? Because he was the only one who was born as Legilimens AND was able to master Occlumency. Here another chart of Rhea's but this time with their abilities

Yakup being just like his father made Matthew the one in power in family. 'But Jonathan has Clara who is also Legilimens. Why not them?'

Well..

Thats where the curse of Rhea's enters.

Grandmother Lydia liked very much to tell her grandchildren the story of first Rhea's. After all its about how their blood got blessed with knowledge of finding the truth, its the reason their family has much power in their hands now.

She says, humans didnt learn the art of reaching minds secrets. They gained it by blood.

She says, that form of art was unique to dragons. Unique to their blood.

She says it was a woman from Rhea's who is known to kill a dragon for the first time, in history. She was the first one who dared to drink dragons blood as well.

That woman is now known the creator of Legilimency.

Occlumency, in the other hand, was perfected by her husband.

What Grandmother Lydia didnt talk about was, how that first Legilimens died. How she and her oen mind seperated into two beings in one body.

And how this lack of control passed by blood since generations.

The Curse of Rhea's is, basically, what we can call as Alter Ego actually. One's mind holds onto one strong feeling, and makes it into something real. Turns it into something the one can hear can see but mostly can understand. Of course it has many effects on the ones life, but thats actually what it is.

Let me explain it with Clara. Because she is the last victim of that curse.

Clara is only two year older than Yakup. Since she is the oldest one between Rhea Brothers childrens, she grew up with so many expectation on her. She was expected to be perfect, in every way. And Clara, despite all the efforts she puts into making herself the perfect one, got never used to the feeling of being afraid of being wrong. Doing wrong. Saying wrong. Looking wrong. She was afraid. She was mostly afraid of her father. So, so afraid that it was enough for her mind to turn her fears into something real.

Her curse, was in form of butterflies. Purple, little butterflies.

Clara would scream whenever she sees one, Cordell was never succesfull about making her believe there is no butterflies in room.

She would never wear any of her clothes if she sees any butterfly touch it.

She was talking about how loud these butterflies were. They always knew when Clara was going fail. They always knew how Clara was going to fail. They always knew who Clara was going to fail.

Cordell never understand where are his sisters butterflies. And why she hates them. And why she keeps them if she hates them that much.

İt was middle of night when the worst of it happened. Cordell's room was closest to hers, so he was the first one who woke up to her screams. He rushed to her room.

He was only six, when he saw his sister holding her head between her hands.

He was only six, when she pushed him away so hard that he fell from the bed he climbed to comfort her.

He was only six, when she fell top of him, her hands on his neck, her eyes glowing purple.

He was only six, when she screamed on his face that she hates 'her' . That she wanted 'her' gone. That she is gonna make sure 'she' is gone.

Suddenly she just left his neck, stood up, picked up her wand.

That was the first time Cordell saw the butterflies. They were everywhere. On everything in room, on Clara. There was so many butterflies on Clara. She couldnt even see now. She couldnt even breathe now. She could barely lift her wand, and Cordell didnt even hear the spell she whispered.

When the first light of flames shined on the tip of her wand, he run away from room.

Next morning, there wasnt any room behind that door. There was no one named Clara in Rhea family photos. And there was no sister Cordell remembered.

So what if Cordell hate the color of purple but doesnt know why? İt doesnt have to have any reason at all. What if Cordell is very sensitive about self harm? What if Cordell cant stand seeing butterflies? There is no need for a reason. Right?

(There will be only one person who is both alive and remembers Clara. İ cant wait to Cordell to figure out everything already)

İ think this is great place to stop for now.

Wow you listened to me until here, thank you for your patience :')

İm aware i didnt explain everything or in every way, but its still a start right? At least now you know Night lives with his mother, uncle and Cordell now. And what happened to other family members.

Most importantly now you know something effected huge to Cordell's life. You know why Cordell can be overprotective of Night even if it only shows in form of he getting angry at Night about almost everything.

İn the next part i wanna talk about first three years of them in Hogwarts. And this include the cousins friendship with Rowan and Barnaby mostly! With Merula and Ben following of course~

You would make me very happy if you let me know what you think. İm normally anxious about posting just a writing without any art about it buuut here we aree~

💜 Thank you, see you next time 💜

#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #İm calm.#night rhea #cordell rhea #rhea cousins #hphm #hogwarts mystery #hphm mc #harry potter hogwarts mystery #harry potter hogwarts game #jacobs sibling #harry potter #hphm jacobs sibling

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magnoliamyrrh · 1 year

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this is about the convo earlier with being molested by family members..i'm also balkan and i grew up with my grandparents but especially my grandpa inappropriately touching my chest and when i tried to tell my mom, older sis and aunt they all dismissed it as 'ehh he probably didn't mean to/his hand slipped'. i didn't wanna insist and look crazy because i do love my grandpa and he was the only parental figure i had in my life growing up, but at the same time...he did do that. idk if he thought it was normal or what but i think about it often. i can't bring it up with my family again because they'll just ignore it (especially now that he's dead). it's weird to think about how loving and nice he was when he was also doing shit like that from time to time. idk where i'm going with this but yeah. i don't think of myself as someone who was molested as a kid but this shit is definitely normalized. i've seen it in other families where they'd constantly touch and talk about their little boy's genitals... it's so fucked up

it really is fucked up, and its fucked up to realize that so many of us grew up w this.... for a long time i thought this was a me issue not a cultural one - and all the silence and shame around it certainly didnt help w that.... its been fucking weird to think abt the last couple of days since i asked on here abt it. like.. weve really made this SO normal and common huh?? that going against it is outright dismissed or even punished??? i cant help but just keep wondering where the fuck it all went so wrong and how we got here - and whats so wrong that things like this havent been accepted only in the balkans but elsewhere. what. what is wrong with this species. incest is one of the only universal taboos among humans, and most other mammals also have an aversion to it. and yet. we have normalized an abnormal amount of it nontheless over and over again .....? uuuff

im sorry you went through that, and im sorry they didn't take it seriously and listen more to you. thats something that always hurts in particular. discomfort/repulsion is a normal reaction to have and youd expect at least the other women in ur family to care or understand it too, and its rly fucked up when they just... dismiss it or minimize it or make you feel guilty for it or like its your issue or hell do it themselves.. i figure for a lot of them, if theyd accept that what youre saying is bad, itd mean theyd have to accept that things they went through themselves was bad, and they dont wanna do that. so they dont do either.. im sorry that u cant speak abt it and i totally get how him being dead would make it all much harder. in my family at least we v much have a "dont speak ill of the dead" sorta thing, or just excusing the actions of particularly men after they did sorta thing......i still haven't told my family just about anything. any time i ever tried to bring up anything as a kid id get dismissed and ignored at best or be punished or degraded and humiliated at worst so.... learned my lesson on that one but. thank u for sending this, i hate to hear how many of us went through this but also its. nice to know that were not alone in this and that other ppl do get it

and i feel you. its a really confusing mess to try to make sense of how to feel abt ppl like that... be angry? be grossed out, be scared? be numb, be okay with it, pretend it didnt happen? excuse it, explain it away? .... and its just weird in the cases when it wasnt rly something particularly violent, or ""not that bad/bad enough"" ig or towes that line of being able to convince urself that maybe welll it could have been an accident. its weird to know how to feel abt them when they were seemingly ok ppl you cared abt and still do and who were nice other times. .. but also... did shit like this which end of the day just isnt ok. idk... i dont think theres rly a end or solution or one way to feel, i think.... its just kinda bound to be a cocktail of conflicting emotions... im still trying to figure out how to find some sort of. idk, potential resolution or peace w any of it but i haven't rly figured it out yet, i just keep turning it in my mind too

#anon im sending u many hugs and wishing u all the best 🌸 feel free to vent whenever

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tumortunes · 2 years

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NED

so today marks the end of all of the horrible no good very bad days!

my end of treatment scans were as perfect as they could possibly be. nodules are gone, other unidentifiable stuff are staying the same size, there is No Evidence of Disease.

it still hasn't really hit me yet. mom burst into tears when we heard that i was NED. that the treatment worked. that things are looking good. the grandparents are so happy. nathan got choked up.

i dont really feel anything.

it was like this with all of the checkpoints/milestones that happened throughout this entire adventure. craniotomy 1, craniotomy 2, finishing radiation, finishing chemo, and all of these positive scans. my reaction was always like, meh.

i thought i would be happy once i reached this point. the official NED. everyone wants to hear that. that's the dream. right?

maybe it'll just take some time for it to fully sink in. that's kinda how i react when i take in new news. like when the first tumor board happened and i was told that my tumor was malignant and id likely need radiation and chemo. the way i react to jarring news like that is to not really have a reaction. even when i saw my big ass tumor on my first MRI scan, i was pretty calm. lol up until i had a seizure.

but i think that might have been a coping mechanism i adopted so that i could keep moving forward while everything was on fire. I think i can very effectively swallow my emotions and react calmly. find out the next step. so that's what i would do. it helped me stay focused and just keep blindly trudging forward.

i think it's only effective up to a certain point. and it's likely a survival response.

but I dont need to be in survival mode anymore.

that's the whole point of being NED. i should be happy because i can relax. i don't need to be as paranoid of the other shoe dropping. this is exactly what i wanted and i still dont feel anything.

but i think it'll take a while for me to unlearn those behaviors. they were effective when i needed to just keep on keeping on but now i think they're hindering my ability to really connect with myself and my emotional/mental status. i should probs schedule that therapy appointment with mariko.

part of me is wondering if my reaction is so lackluster bc im upset. this is how things should have been anyway. i should not have had to do this anyway. i should be entering my 2nd year of pa school instead of starting all over again. my brain shouldn't have had a tumor and i shouldn't have had to go thru this whole experience? trauma? journey? at all.

i see other people celebrating their NED status and popping confetti, champagne, screaming, eating cake. i just dont really feel like doing any of that stuff.

mom and nathan separately asked me if i wanted to do anything to celebrate today. like any special food or something. i didn't really want anything but we got boba. idk. maybe it'll feel more real once nathan and i are living at oak creek and can celebrate together.

nathan said that he also is having a hard time emotionally connecting with the news. he said that it might not hit him until we start doing things that we used to love doing together but had to put on hold. like eating out at a restaurant or hosing a dinner party or something like that.

maybe im still pouting and mourning the way things were. im not sure. i feel like that could be a contributor to my overall flat reaction.

i do enjoy sharing the news with others. they're so happy and it's fun to see their reaction even tho i dont feel that way myself. i've noticed that it does make me feel like the event is a little more real once ive told people about it. usually i like to tell meng and lisa first :)

so maybe once i start sharing the news i'll feel it now mr krabs?

im even listening to my tumor tunes playlist and i havent even cried yet. tears of joy or relief or resentment. nothing.

i got kinda close when i was talking with nathan on the phone earlier before i called meng and lisa. i was trying to figure out my lack of emotion from the NED news with him and i got a little choked up. but the underlying emotion wasn't bc of happiness. i think it might've been frustration that any of this had to happen. and relief that the weight of treatment and being strong by carrying on has been lifted. and probably a combo of lots of other emotions that i havent even figured out yet.

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actualbird · 3 years

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// very vague and unspecific spoilers for basically everybody’s stories everywhere, specific spoilers maybe in linked analyses, obligatory disclaimer that these are just my own opinions and interpretations

character analysis: the nxx boys and “bad things”

okay so ive made a chart and it’s gonna look like A Lot but i swear i can explain myself fully if you read to the end

this chart is visualizing what each nxx boys’ tendencies, behaviors, and actions seem to lead back to.

on the left side, we have vyn and marius.

i havent played too many of vyn’s stories, but thanks to some discussion with my friend kathleen @miladymiss, somebody who HAS played a bunch of vyn’s stories, ive come to the vague conclusion that vyn has this general perception and belief that the world is cruel. he has an expectation that everybody has some kind of ulterior motive, that people will cast out those who are not in accordance with the mainstream, that people will hurt others. he does not want bad things to happen to him mostly because he expects that bad things will happen. to counter this, he leverages himself into a place of control more often than not (link leads to a prev vyn theory i wrote about this).

marius on the other hand seems be the opposite in the sense that it’s actually his hope that people can/will be good that gets him into hot water. he employs facades and acts to protect himself from bad things happening to him (link leads to a prev marius analysis i wrote about this), because lol that actually has already happened a bunch, and yet he still has some a belief that people can change, something that makes him go to many lengths to try and prove. if vyn expects that bad things will happen, marius does too, but marius, deep down, still wants to be wrong about that. to counter the danger his hope may cause, he puts up walls to mask his sincerity and true self.

vyn actively puts himself in control so that bad things do not happen to him. marius passively protects himself with his masks so that if bad things do happen to him, he’ll get out of it somewhat unscathed (or at least thats what he hopes, rip king). vyn is taking charge while marius is taking precautions.

but i want to immediately nix the thought of “i do not want bad things happening to me” being a purely selfish desire, because this desire, when pushed by friendship and/or love for another person, branches out into “i do not want bad things happening to you.” that’s pretty damn selfless! it’s protective! vyn and marius caring about another person would be them thinking something along the lines of “dont be too trusting, that will only get you hurt.”

now on the right side, we’ve got luke and artem

let me go to artem first (because i want to save my ultimate fave for last HAHA). the thing about artem and the “bad things” he doesnt want to do is that it manifests in the form of failure. ive said in a bunch of posts (cant link them bc theyre scattered over several posts hhh) that my vague conclusion on artem is that he holds himself to a merciless and meticulous standard because his life has been all about earning things, and the only way to earn things (sometimes things that do not need to be earned, like...happiness, artem, u good???), is to work tirelessly for those things. artem is scared of being underserving, and if he underserving, if he fails, he is a committing a sort of passive “bad thing” to those around him.

luke, on the other hand, is in my opinion, frigging nuts. ive written an analysis on how luke perceives his existence and effect on other people’s lives as an inevitable negative. in this analysis, there is no “if i fail,” like artem. to luke, he thinks he’s already done it. and it’s not that he’s failed, it’s that he’s a bad thing completely (or at least a bad thing waiting to happen, and for him, thats fucking close enough). luke is both simultaneously scared of not being good and resigned that he is not good. he thus thinks that almost all of his desires are selfish and/or greedy somehow, because hey, im bad, why do i get to even want the rewards of being loved, thats not right! to luke, he is actively committing a “bad thing” to those around him at every given moment of his current life.

artem passively stops himself from being a bad thing by repressing aspects of himself he thinks to be faulty and/or not perfect (most of the time, emotions) to protect those around him. luke actively stops himself from being bad thing by putting the lives/desires of others above his own life/desires as some kind of penance for the people around him.

now i want to immediately nix the thought that “i do not want to do bad things to others” as a purely selfless desire. it looks like that at first, but when this concept is pushed by friendship/love onto another person, it branches out into “i do not want to do bad things to you.” which, sure, is noble, but is also very focused on the self, on wanting to control the self and self’s effect on other people’s lives.

vyn and marius are worried about the threats from the outside while artem and luke are worried about the threats coming from themselves. all of them have their specific ways of dealing with this worry. all of them have their pros and cons, their strengths and weaknesses, but damn.

doesnt it feel great to see it all compared and contrasted on a chart???

....or is that just me HAHA

#tears of themis #vyn richter #marius von hagen #luke pearce #artem wing

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probably-haven · 3 years

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Hello!! After seeing what you wrote about xiaoven fics I went to see what things you usually write and omg, your archon Venti headcanons????? I am absolutely in love. So if it isn't annoying, could you talk about xiaoven or Venti or Xiao or whatever ship or character you like? I don't care what you are going to say, I just want to know more about your thoughts ^^

I- is this... bestie, this is essentially a free ramble pass- kerujsgheskdfug. Trust me when I say that in no way is this, and in no way will it ever be annoying in the slightest- i literally- lets just say rambling off thoughts is kind of my specialty, especially when provided a topic to branch off of because otherwise I'm just- really indecisive about it so- iujskdh yeah- 100% definitely down to talk about Venti, Xiao, and/or Xiaoven XD. Also, yes- it may have been awhile since i last posted one(cuz again, indecisive about which direction to take part 5), but the Archon War Era Venti headcanons are still without a doubt my favorite posts I've made. It's just such an interesting topic with such endless potential that so few people actually think about or consider or even realize is there, so i always just get really psyched whenever i see someone interact with them lol.

.... this ended up being a bit of a mess: warning in advance

Anyway! onto the actual content!

- You see the thing about Xiaoven is that there's a lot of different ways that it could end up working out, and just personally my favorite way of portraying Xiaoven in my mind is as an unlabeled relationship because if anyone in genshin would give off that vibe its these two. And a number of other reasons.

- Firstly, I heavily headcanon Venti as being an aroace polyplatonic or perhaps heavily demiromantic. However, regardless of this I just don't think that Venti is really the kind of person to worry about how he should label his feelings, thinking it's silly to try to put them in one box or the other, especially with feelings and emotions being as fluid as they are in general. Plus it fits his whole God of Freedom vibe. I just- dont think he's the biggest fan of labels or social categorization in general.

- And secondly on the hand of Xiao... his defense mechanisms are very much ingrained in his personality. It's probably hard enough for him to not go into fight or flight(the answer is fight) at the slightest affection at first, at the slightest feeling of vulnerability. Even further down the line, with his fierce dedication to Liyue, I cant help but get the vibe that the moment he recognized that he was falling for Venti he would begin avoiding him, not only to avoid distraction from his duty, but to avoid corrupting him or losing him in general like he has with like basically every other person he gets close with(even believing that the cycle had repeated once more when he first heard of Morax's death)... now imagine Venti tryna slap a label on their relationship and tell me Xiao would have a positive reaction.

- The thing with Xiaoven.... honestly, i feel like theres more ways that it can go wrong than it can go right, but if they do manage to make their relationship work out, it's just simply beautiful in all terms of the word.

- Lets talk about killing. - During the Archon War, both were forced to kill a large number of people and gods alike- Venti out of a need to remain alive to protect Mondstadt, it's freedom, and the nameless bard's legacy by extent- and Xiao out of servitude to the god that was once his master

..... actually- break here- ive talked a lot about Venti on this blog but I havent actually spoken about Xiao all that much- so i should probably do that a bit first... do note though that my characterization of Xiao is pretty flexible actually- this is just- the possible characterization of him that i tend to favor as being the most- uh- "realistically complex"

Theres a line I saw this one time in a certain story: "He is a trained weapon. That's what he is, was, and always will be. You cannot change that so stop trying." And i just- think its a really interesting concept- that applies pretty well to Xiao now that i actually think about it. - the concept behind it is this: After spending more than a vast majority of his life killing or otherwise in battle, it's become a part of who he is, a normalcy that after centuries and centuries would be near impossible to get rid of or reverse, and even if it was possible, with his karmic debt constantly eating away at him its unlikely he has enough time left for that to happen. - it sounds like a cruel thing to say about him- but in context it's actually pretty layered and i think about it a lot. It's not as much a "he's a killer lol, that his whole personality" its more of a "The centuries of trauma he experienced have conditioned him into a constantly alert and battle ready mindset while also shaping his dehumanizing inferior-in-worth-but-superior-in-capability view of himself that would have likely been necessary to get through those time, and at this point he's been under that conditioning for long enough that it's essentially ingrained itself in his personality."

- the main idea is- it's a part of who he is, that needs to be accepted as who he is because its not something that he can just up and change. It's not all he is of course but his constant battle mode, as though always waiting to be ambushed or to be granted a new target to eradicate.

a couple character story quotes:

-"His past of service under the evil god had rid Xiao of his innocence and gentleness. All that remained within him was the means to kill and the weight of his sins. The only way he could be of service to mortals was in combat." -"Xiao does not feel any hatred. Having lived for over two thousand years, no single karmic debt constitutes anything more than a fleeting memory. No grudge can last a thousand years; nor is any debt so great that it cannot be paid off in this time. Xiao has spent many long years alone. But his battles have never been in vain." -"where did Xiao have to return to? He was merely leaving the battlefield." -"since Xiao wages a constant war against dark forces powerful enough to devour Liyue in its entirety, any bystanders who witness him in the heat of battle are likely to end up as collateral damage." -"The war he fights can never be won, and will never come to an end." -"Because ultimately, the one with whom Xiao wrestles is himself."

i feel like at some point this very nearly did consume his whole personality, almost turning him into nothing more than a being of slaughter under Morax's control, devoid of any "humanity" at all, consumed and corrupted by his karmic debt like his fellow yakshas before him. - until he experienced a moment of clarity- a song in the wind, the peaceful melody of a dihua flute. - and pulled back from the border of something he wouldnt have been able to return from, there a was a shift in his mind- a concept grown unfamiliar enough with time that it took him a great time to identify what it was; a curiosity. Something that there was no place for on the battlefield, something that by all means should have been completely useless to Xiao, and yet he held onto that curiosity, slowly regaining over time, a sense of who he was and who he could choose to be with each song that the wind chose to carry towards him every once in a blue moon.

and eventually that curiousity turned to longing. Longing "for a day to come when he will wear the mask and dance — not to conquer demons, but to the tune of that flute amid a sea of flowers"

...... uh- heh- if you couldn’t tell already i have a tendency to make my characterizations/analyses of characters more serious that i probably should.

to summarize: Xiao is constantly toeing the line between his ingrained nature and his humanity- almost as though still trying to decide how much of that humanity he deserves to have, how much he is allowed to have, and how much is safe to have.

^looking back after writing this, i think the best way to explain it is that this is the view that i keep in mind/the lense that i tend to most enjoy looking through and refering back to while examining and/or analyzing his character, actions, story, lines, and overall personality.

idk- i kinda got off track but i just think its a really interesting interpretation to think about because it has some really interesting implications ig- it’s not the full extent of how i view him of course, but i kinda got ahead of myself and its long enough as is so ill just elaborate as i go- Lol i actually have in progress playlists for both him and venti and just- vibes- i could ramble about the playlists alone for hours explaining everything... It’s probably a problem- uh- ill keep going now lol.

anyways! stepping off the angst path for a brief break! Brought to you by their lines in the snow: both waiting for it to get thick enough, Venti for the purpose of a snowball fight and Xiao for the purpose of a tasty and nutritious breakfast.

but its actually something of note that Xiao doesnt actually need to eat so anything he does eat is usually out of obligation or enjoyment- so like.... snow.... like i dont blame him, but of all things- an adeptus who refuses to eat basically anything but almond tofu looks at the freezing-cold-floor-water that yeeted itself from above and decided at some point- damn- that seems more edible than basically ever single actually edible thing ever.... im gonna eat it- like- im glad if eating snow makes him happy but- at the same time...

He probably convinces Venti to eat snow too though and Venti wouldnt even resist I mean he’s wind and has probably consumed worse things in his time so- 2 anemo cryptids with glowing tattoos sitting in Dragonspine monching snow in the dead of night is an amusing thought to me.

- kay, now back to more serious-toned thoughts

One of the things about the ship that i really like is the different contradicting parallels between them:

A lot of how i view Xiao’s character is someone formed largely by the things he cant control and who was forced to accept that accepted that and learned to thrive in it as much as he can. Venti on the other hand is surrounded by things he cant control and is ever adapting to control as much as he can while embracing whatever he cant as being part of the unpredictability of the world, seeing beauty in it.

both of them have lost people and do what they do to honor their memory: Xiao continues to do what the Yakshas once did And Venti chooses to do what his friend couldn’t

Xiao’s power coming from himself and Venti’s from others And both seem to appear to use their power for their own gain while truly helping others behind the scenes

both have killed a lot of people during the archon war Xiao views it as another necessary event out of his control and Venti would likely view it as a tragedy he chose to enact himself

and this is where we meet out balance

Xiao- contrary to how i think a lot of people view him as thinking of himself as a monster- seems canonically to have accepted this as part of his duty, as long as those he killed are not mortals. I dont think he enjoys it no- but someone has to do it and he’s just accepted that its a part of his duty Venti on the other hand-

See the beauty of the ship- as someone with an angst-centric mind- is this- these are two of the most traumatized mfers in the game

Xiao is by far the one who needs the most help and who can serve to benefit most from the ship- but he is nowhere near self aware enough to recognize that there’s anything wrong or unhealthy about his mindset in the slightest-

whereas you have the contrast with Venti who sorted through most of his trauma with the nameless bard alone during the archon war and while the result appears more healthy- is still really not- but he’s not self aware of that either because i mean- who’s going to tell him? nobody even knows.

however- venti is aware enough to notice flaws in Xiao’s mindset and “Venti” enough to want to help them through it-

Xiao- while not aware enough to recognize the flaws in Venti’s mindset, can recognize where it contrasts with his own, and is blunt enough to point it out- and then it’s out there to be mulled over-

they’re so similar and yet so different and a feel just conversing between the two of them, being in each others precense, just being exposed to two mindsets that are so very different could do both of them a whole lot of good.

GEEE THAT BIT OF RAMBLING HAD LITTLE TO NO DIRECTION AT ALL- LET ME-- LET ME MAKE THIS START MAKING SENSE- WITH... DYNAMICS OR SOMETHING

I don’t think Xiao needs to sleep really- and i dont think that sleeping would do anything except make him uneasy at first- he’d probably just get nightmares after all he’s been through- but with Venti he would soon learn that it doesn’t have to be that way, lulled into the first peaceful sleep he’s had in... as long as he can remember.

anywho back to not making sense cuz im fickle and i think most questions about ships are best displayed through character interactions so like- a possible exchange thats cliche but cliches exist for a reason

Xiao: Why do you try so hard to help me, it isn’t easy. I know that much Venti, with the most adoring expression: Because you’re worth it, obviously Xiao: But surely there are others more deserving of- Venti: No Xiao, everyone is just as deserving as the next person, you included Xiao: Then why me above others? Venti: ehe, cuz ur my warrior of course [O//////O oh shit, hes right] Xiao: My contract is with Morax alone [gay panic but in broody yaksha]

it’s kinda difficult cuz neither of them really address their feelings. I mean Venti does but he does it very indirectly and its rare that he ever does it with like- genuine directness- even spilling his backstory was in the form of a song- and told in the third person- so a lot of their interactions would often have some deeper meaning, especially with Venti being the bard he is.

I come up with a lot of- errant thoughts about Xiaoven- but this is making me realize that a true analysis of their ship is rather difficult because it just encompasses so many dynamics so its hard to settle on just one and not go rambling about who knows what bouncing from one end of the ship to the other- Because you truly can and thats the beauty of it

within one moment you can be having a heartfelt conversation about the archon war the impact of lost friends and times past, and the next moment Venti is trying to forcefeed Xiao an apple while Xiao screams about disrespecting the adepti and its just- so lovely

so while they have picnics with nothing but apples, dandelion wine, and almond tofu they can sit down and talk about the dreams Xiao once devoured, and the dandelion wine and apple cider that the first Ragnvindir invented from the plants that never could have grown in Old Mond. The foods that tasted of familiarity, or of the grilled ticker fish Pervases always used to eat, foods that tasted of friends and frankly family that had since passed, glaze lilies and cecilias and qingxin flowers scattered in the surroundings and woven into Xiao’s neat braids and Venti’s now messy ones, rebraided by the steady and inexperienced hands of one unused to gentle action.

and then of course Venti steals Xiao’s tofu once the mood becomes too grim and replaces it with a bottle of wine that Xiao refers to as “vile poison,” a remark that fatally wounds Venti as he collapses on the floor, proclaiming how he can only be healed by a Yaksha’s kiss. Xiao ignores this of course and simply takes back his tofu with a slight smile on his face, but as Venti persists he soundlessly places a kiss on his own palm before intertwining their fingers and pulling him back up from where he was dramatically sprawled on the floor, grumbling about how such action was “unbecoming of an archon.” A sign of affection only Xiao would ever know about. But Venti is literally wind and I hc his senses work differently anyways so he definitely knows- plus Xiao’s face is red as the blood of his enemies and the way he is pointedly not looking at Venti at all really speaks volumes anyways.

-Venti playing epic battle music whenever Xiao goes into fights in what looks like a ridiculously extra performance to anyone else but is actually doing wonders to keep Xiao’s karma at bay

-Venti preaches the practice of “kissing wounds better” and Xiao is unfamiliar with this medical treatment but views it as unnecessary regardless because adepti have accelerated healing, doesn’t mean he’s going to stop him though.

-Messages whispered on the wind

-Venti’s 1000 year sleep- an accident, not a fun time for the yaksha, and not a fun time for Venti once he woke up. Venti is actually more afraid of restful sleep than Xiao is, hence the sleeping in trees thing, but when Xiao is there, he can sleep restfully with faith that Xiao wont let another millennia slip through his fingertips.

- Xiao tends to make excuses when doing things that aren’t necessary to his duty, like in his birthday voice line “Have this, it’s a butterfly i made from leaves... Okay. Take it. It’s an adepti amulet -- it staves off evil” because at the current point in his progress it helps him to feel like he’s allowed to do these things. Not wanting to put him off from progress, Venti never comments on his excuse but never fails to whisper a quick reminder of how proud he is of how far Xiao had come.

- Xiao’s karma saddens Venti greatly- not only because of how it effects Xiao but also because its a reminder that as much as Venti tries to honor the memory of those he’s killed, there will always be those who resent him for it, and when he took the option of living away from them, he truly can’t blame them. - And when he gets too wrapped up in thoughts, whether around this topic or similar ones or otherwise, eventually, he’ll hear the sound of a flute on the wind. It’s not divine by any means, but as his own wind connects him to the source, he gets the sentiment all the same. “What impact does one individual’s remaining wrath have on the present. You have done much to help the living in the present” the unspoken idea that Xiao has included himself in that statement, because now, with Venti’s help he’s beginning to learn just how to experience living for himself.

- Venti’s form and Xiao’s mask are off limit topics though because if either mentions it the other will counter with the opposite and the mood will turn immediately bitter at the idea that both know that what they’re doing is destructive but neither are willing to change

- Venti who has different tells for negative feelings than most people because as much as he likes to pretend it is- this form isnt his, and Xiao who is able to identify those

- many fanfics and headcanons have Venti recognizing when Xiao is uncomfortable and getting him out of those situations. I see that and I love it but i raise you: - Venti taking Xiao to Mondstadt, careful that he doesn’t get to the point that he’s uncomfortable. And nothing goes wrong exactly, but Xiao notices the the way Venti’s cape is blowing in the wind, the way he’s holding his weight, barely on his feet so much as floating on the wind, connected with the ground only for the sake of appearance, all the while he looks just as happy go lucky as ever. And without a word, he grabs his hand and teleports them both out of Mondstadt. - turns out it was just a slight thing that reminded him of the archon war (cuz i will die on the hill of him having more tragic backstory than just Decarabian), and he of course gives a sincere if not flustered thanks to Xiao, because he’s really not used to people noticing.

- Venti trying to vent sneakily through fictional stories and Xiao is just like “Didn’t that basically happen to you” and Venti is just like “<_< shit”

- Venti once said affectionally that he wished he had met Xiao sooner and Xiao immediately and seriously shot it down by saying “If you had, I would have been forced to kill you” and both of them now stay up at night wondering who would have won that fight, not sure which result would have hurt more. (because honestly I have no idea who would win in that fight and that terrifies me- I like to think it would have been one of those legends that end with “and the fight persists to this day” or something along those lines)

- “How long have you been together?” “Adepti have no need for-” “1000+ years T^T how dare you deny our love” “O///O our...? ...useless”

- its disney- let me explain- i have this- i have this headcanon inspired by watching too many animatics- - so venti has a human form that isnt his- which he would have had to get used to moving in- and he’s a bard- - uh- anyway- as a third degree black belt in mixed martial arts, i can speak as an authority on this(not really an authority since i havent gone since quarantine but lets pretend). We have a thing referred to as the big three(most things do), and those things are martial arts, gymnastics, and dance. The idea is that they reflect really well off of each other and the best in any one category are good in all three. Timing, balance, form, discipline, technique, hand-eye coordination, grace, ease of motion, they all play a part- anyway-

- Venti taking Xiao’s prowess in martial arts and acrobatics and teaching him how to dance, and as someone who’s extremely skilled in the first two, the third comes easy to him, almost naturally. And it’s delicate and beautiful and lovely and it isn’t hurting anyone. And Venti points all these things out and more and despite how much Xiao insists that he feels ridiculous he truly does enjoy it and it goes a long way towards helping him form more healthy views of himself and his worth. - Verr Goldett walked in on him once and made a joke about performing at the inn. unfortunately Venti was there and agreed on Xiao’s behalf before he could protest and- and it wasn’t as bad as Xiao thought it would be... he still wouldn’t do it again though without reason, but with good enough reasoning he could probably be convinced.

- anyways point is he likes dancing to Venti’s songs and i just think that’s really cute - just picture the idea that all the animatics you see actually have the potential to be canon- ugh

- venti tries holding something out of Xiao’s reach since he’s taller and Xiao just fucking teleports

- both need their space but when they dont, all they have to do is speak the other’s name and they’ll be there.

- and because i just had to.... love languages

- lets start with Xiao- i don’t think he’d view acts of service or quailty time as a love language tbh, and he blunt but really bad with words so affirmation is out, leaving gift giving and physical touch. However, he seems to view most material things as meaningless so- - Xiao who’s love language is in his fleeting touches, something he’s only recently grown comfortable with because of Venti, and now is giving back, which he knows he doesn’t have to do, but that he want’s to, though he’ll still continue to make excuses for each one. “you were shivering” “The inn is high up, you could have fallen..... I said what I said, you’d question an adeptus?”

- and as easy as it is to say words of affirmation for Venti- he does that for everyone- i want to say his is actually acts of service - its the acts of service that let him see just how much Xiao has progressed afterall, from teaching him to dance, to playing another song on the flute, to supplying him with the almond tofu he seems to enjoy so much. Every little thing he does helps Xiao to grow and he couldn’t be happier about that.

- of course most of my headcanons for the ship do take place latter into the relationship because- y’know the less serious unhealthy vibes allow for greater range of thought, but i do still love to think about the serious implications so i kinda hopped back and forth. So sorry about how messy it is btw, i kinda- got carried away- it kinda got some kind of structure near the end tho so- maybe it’s okay. anyway- back to... lol something, we’ll see where thought forests lead.

#genshin impact #genshin xiao #genshin venti #xiao #venti #xiaoven #genshin analysis #genshin headcanons #xiaoven headcanons #xiaoven analysis #this is a mess i really shouldnt be putting all these tags but oh well #oh wow the grammar and spelling here is truly repulsive #sorry to all my english teachers i have failed you all

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thesolotomyhan · 3 years

Text

ramon arellano felix as a dad would include

a/n: heyy mis carinos youre favorite clown is back with something none of you guys asked yet here i am sharing this with you all i was soft but also because i havent written anything for my arellano boys in a minute and i got inspired wow anyways i hope you guys enjoy my desmadre

taglist: @fandomnerd16 @visintaes @sheeshgivemeabreak @artemiseamoon @umvirgo @redhairedace

let me know if you want to be tagged!

ok right off i want to mention ME MUERO imagining ramon with the mini versions of himself

like he would be the fun dad thats always playing with his kids and always wanting to be around them constantly :(

but also my heart hurts imagining this ball of emotions being so happy about having kids with you

like i cant with the thought of him in the very moment you tell him youre pregnant-

like this soft ass moment where hes just in disbelief,, holding your face- “embarazada? de verdad princesa?”

i just- him being so excited,, wanting to hear you say it again and again before he picks you up from so much excitement :((

wow would not even hold back before hes already walking you both over to announce it to all his siblings :(

and like enedina would be the most excited because you know she would :( and i just have a feeling dina is going to go all the fucking way to be the consentida aunt :((

wow? um she definitely gives me the vibes of her always being around you to make sure your ok,, making sure you and her little niece/nephew have everything available to you within arms reach-

because she adores you with mon :(

but also ramon being constantly worried about you when hes not with you even tho he knows youre the safest person breathing in mexico

and because he knows dina is there with you all the time puts him a little at ease-

like omg if something,, even the slightest look,, happens to you or your kid, he would shoot up all of tijuana becasue no one touches his familia- his overprotectiveness goes through the roof- i

i am crying at the thought of him always kneeling down and talking to your stomach,, like that is a daily thing he does all the time-

like :(( imagine him doing it right after you told him your pregnant or something :( i-

no but also because the very fucking moment he knew about his kids existence in you,, he would give up his crack usage :/

todo porque he wants to be the best dad figure for his kids :((

like he vows to that shit even more once he had his kid in his arms- excuse me let me go cry,,

im sorry this is supposed to be a dad hc yall im starting to get carried away-

BUt WOw i cant even explain the way i go soft imagining this cabron as a dad with his kids :((

because you know what i thought of that first came to mind?

UM NIEVE DATES WITH HIS KIDS ANYONE???

where he for sure would always give into them whenever they ask if they can get some ice cream for breakfast or something-

he would probably have his kids pinky promise to him to not tell you anything about skipping meals just to have an ice cream cone :((

and like having them happily eating their ice cream while he picks them up and sets them on his hip :((((

i am sorry,, but you cannot tell me park visits are not a thing right after having ice cream:(

like the thought of him pushing his kids on the swing set :(( or going on the slide with them is breaking my heart- :((

but ramon also being extra af with protectiveness with his kids :(

like him making sure everything and anything that could hurt his kids in anyway,, hes moving his kids away from them-

:(would make sure his mens guns and his own guns are away from his kids sights-

and moving a whole bunch of dangerous things away like in hard to reach places so his babies dont even get the glimpse of danger :((

all because he would never forgive himself if something he could have prevented hurts his ninos :(wow

:((((( AH he would love styling his kids hair all the TIME

omg i fucking cant at the thought of him having a daughter and loving to braid or putting his daughters hair in these little pigtails??? :(((

like him sitting her on his lap in the morning,, the both of them watching some kids show on the tv as hes just gently as fucking possible brushing her hair out :((( why do i do this to my s e lf

and he would like,, give her a little kiss to his ninas head like “mi princesa hermosa,, la mas guapa de la casa” :( WOW

or if he has a son,, the mini fucking version of him and dressing him up in those pinshis camisas :((

im just- holding in my tears imagining ramon being the dad that would love to bathe his kids :((

and like him having all these toys for them too,, playing with them all the time just to make his kids laugh-

fuckk- he would definitely do that cute shit where he would gather bath bubbles in his hands and place them on top of his kids hair :(( no one look at me

him def being the dad to like,, burrito wrap his kids in towels after their baths :(( carrying them around the house while they dry :(((

bro? picking out their clothes?? for them to wear?? because he has style??? :((((( im sorry

would always be seen walking around with his kids sitting on top of his shoulders when theyre old enough-

like my mon is a toll bby and his kids love getting upsies from him beacuse of that :(

wow would this one loving blowing all his fucking money if it means his kids have the best birthday party in all of mexico even if its like their first birthday loL

just christmas and birthdays especially being a mf highlight for him because he buys so much presents for them to have

decorating the house from top to bottom,, every year it’s somehow better than the last-

ok but also him buying everything and anything for his kids when he’s out with them

like before his kid even finishes their sentence that they want some car toy on the shelf

his ass is already shoving it into the cart because his little angels will get ANYTHING their little hearts desire ok?

i laugh because you probably scold him at times that he’s spoiling them too much

but he’s always on defense like “mi amor,, dime como les puedo decir que no a estas caritas preciosas????” :(( like low key tho he loves consintiendo his kids because he cant help it :(

oh my god??? you know what just attacked my mind that it made me start bawling??

the fact that mi ramon would love dancing nortenas with his kid/ daughter :((((((((

OR THE FACT THAT HE WOuld love taking you to bailes-

dancing with you all pegaditos to banda or nortenas,,, tu by los elegantes de jerez anyone??

AND HAVING HIS FUCKING KID IN BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU :(((

im definitely not in the club crying my soul out at the thought of him kissing the top of his kids head and then you-

his stupid smile and heart eyes as he leans his forehead on yours and tells you “como te adoro princesa, por darme la mejor bendicion de mi vida” :(( someone pls come hug me

no :( i swear all i do is hurt myself because get this-

like do you guys remember when miguel angel killed off mi amor gueritos family?? holy shit could you imagine the way ramon would go fucking frantic to make sure that doesnt happen to his own family :(((

i kid you not he would go through anything to make sure you and his kids dont even get a single little piece of hair touched-

like im almost positive ,, family man ramon would fucking THREATEN to the max if miguel angel even looks or breathes in tijuanas direction-

wOW like when all the plazas got together and left in s2

and miguel angel saying some shit like “con cuidadito eh,, dicen que en tijuana anda bien peligroso,, no quiero que nada le pasa a esa hermosa familia que tienes, ramon”- ALL FUCKI NG SMUG WHILE MIGUEL THREATEN S HIM AND THE TJ BOYS FOR LEAVNI G-

good god- and ramon not hesitating for a second to try and pull his gun out,, all heated- im sorry for bringing that thought up

but overall just such a soft, overprotective family dad whos always going to be there making you and his kids as happy as possible :((

#narcos mexico imagine #narcos mexico imagines #ramon arellano felix x reader #ramon arellano felix #narcos mexico #narcos: mexico

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kingjasnah · 2 years

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Reading RoW, for me, I thought it was setting up that Kaladin would wind up becoming an actual therapist over the timeskip, peace from battle at last. But I think Syl is gonna die, so Kal escapes the fight, but with a massive loss that he will have to live with. Though I could see Herald Kaladin happening but who knows with Brandon.

Though one thing I have contemplated, Adolin revives Maya (and all the deadeyes are revived too) but in order to hold the Oathpact, he has to sever the bond, but Maya survives it, albeit wounded (but not deadeye wounded). Cue book 6, Lift's book, the Edgedancer book, and at the very end, Maya comes to Kal, who is trying to stay out of the coming conflict except as a healer, but realizes he has to become a Radiant again, but not a Windrunner, but an Edgedancer (since I've seen people do what ifs for that), and he speaks the first oath once again...

so i WANT therapist kaladin to be his like endgame role i would love that for him but i dont think its going to happen soon if that makes sense? also i cannot contemplate syl dying like now that bridge four isnt a main focus of the series syl and kal are the emotional heart of the series and honestly i think there's more in syl's storyline we havent seen yet. anything can happen and i am preparing myself for devastation but even the part of my brain that likes churning out theories considers kaladin and syl off limits re: potential death. edgedancer kaladin is.....interesting considering honor/protection is like hard baked into his psyche but it is also a source of trauma so idk

but this is all very interesting! sometimes i feel like the whole point of being online abt these books is to puzzle piece it all together

#asks #anything can happen but i hold fast to syl and kal making it through

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jaekaicx · 3 years

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so ive had this idea for an amphibia fangame for a lil while now-

(LONG post)

its based around the idea that sometime after anne got sent back to earth, she decides to sneak out one night to visit sasha and marcys bedrooms and poke through their stuff. this causes a bunch of memories to come back to anne through flashbacks while she tries to process everything thats happened and her feelings abt their friendship.

i was thinking itd be mostly a visual novel type thing. maybe with a few small choices, but the story would be mostly linear. thered be around 3 main story beats: a prologue bit w/ anne sneaking out of her house, marcys bedroom, and sashas bedroom. also one of the main mechanics would be looking at one of their bedrooms and clicking on random objects of importance and triggering a flashback sequence.

it came from the idea that anne will probably try to just shove all her emotions down and try to ignore her feelings abt true colors and everything that went down then. especially with what we saw in the sneak peek, anne will probably try to hide her emotions and bottle them up, which is obviously not healthy. so eventually shes gonna have to work through her emptional baggage and try to process everything.

i havent thought through EVERYTHING just yet, just some more major plot points and maybe one or two ideas for flashbacks. nothing too solid yet. but heres a bit more detailed runthrough of the plot

summary - prologue

so it would start off with anne at home. she and her mom are talking outside annes room. her moms concerned abt how annes been handling everything that happened in amphibia but anne keeps brushing everything off. her mom tries to get her to open up, but she keeps dismissing her and eventually shuts herself in her room. after taking a bit to cool off and think anne decides that shes gonna take the night to just ride off her emotions and stop repressing them for once. she also makes an impulsive decision to sneak out and check out marcy and sashas rooms.

anne goes to gather her stuff in her room, and just as shes about to climb out the window, sprig walks in to check on her. hes still rly concerned abt his big sis but he knows he cant stop her. he tries to go with anne, but she tells him she needs to do this on her own. so, sprig lets her go and tries to cover for her while shes gone.

so at this point i’ll probably give the player the choice of whose house to visit first. it doesnt rly impact the story or whatever, but i guess it might have a small emotional impact depending on whose house u choose to go to first??

(quick note: after this bit, there arent too many specific details for the plot and stuff like that. its largely just an overall idea of how the plot is gonna go. and even then, there isnt much to it. i didnt think that far ahead yet, which is why there isnt as much refinement yet. so far i just have general ideas for how annes gonna get to the bedrooms, with a couple of vague flashback ideas. just keep that in mind; this whole thing is still being thought over and planned as im typing this out)

summary - sasha

with sasha, annes still rly conflicted abt how she feels abt her. of course shes still rly hurt by being backstabbed by her twice and swordfighting her as many times. but as much as she hates sasha she cant bring herself to fully give up on sash. she hates her guts but deep down shes still willing to give sash another chance.

there may or may not be a small sequence where anne has to sneak into sashas house, but eventually she works her way into sashas room. im not entirely sure abt the details of sashas house n her family yet. im probably gonna wait for info from s3 until i solidify anything, but for now i do know that sashas family has a big house n theyre probably rich.

so anne goes into sashas room and its been left pretty much untouched ever since annes birthday, save for the few times someone came in to dust things off. again, dont rly have all the details for sashas room, but it kind of has a vibe of controlled chaos, with organized clutter and a bit of a touch of a rebellious teen girl. one detail i do want to have is a calendar opened up to the month the trio disappeared, with annes birthday circled and highlighted so much that its impossible to miss.

the calendar itself might include a flashback. im thinking of also having a varsity jacket and some old stuffed animal be different “artifacts” that trigger their own memories. there’ll be a bunch more, but those are the only ideas i have so far fjsbndnd

summary - marcy

ok so i want to be rly mean about marcys segment: this is going off the theory that marcys parents moved away while the trio was in amphibia.

anne doesnt know this yet tho, so shes in for quite a surprise when she turns onto marcys street to find a realtor sign on the front lawn. the clues are all there: an empty driveway, sign on the lawn, an overall empty vibe coming from the house. but it doesnt completely register at first. its not til anne actually comes up close does she notice the sign.

anne tries to deny it, and decides to prove to herself that “no marcys parents wouldnt do this. theyre not that cruel. im just gonna check marcys room myself.” the front doors locked, so she just goes over to marcys window and climbs in.

but its completely empty.

ok not totally empty, but a lot of marcys furniture and stuff is gone, except for a few stray toys and other “junk.” the home guys (idk what theyre called????) are still kind of in the process of cleaning everything out, so theres still some stuff left here and there around the house. but its still way too empty. and its yet another gut punch for anne.

anne searches the rest of the house a bit more, hoping that shes just hallucinating. but no, marcys parents are really gone. she tried to deny it before, but now she has more of an idea of how shitty the wu parents are. so anne decides to just mope around in marcys old room, checking out the stuff their parents left behind.

maybe she finds an old blanket marcy liked when he was rly young. or an old rubiks cube from marcys vast collection. a cnc figurine, some cards, a pride flag, and old diary? a couple of other old toys, an old report card or two, or maybe even some stray clothes. whatever anne finds, its all thats left of marcy, at least in LA.

it really doesnt leave anne in that much of a better emotional position. she already felt conflicted enough about what happened in true colors and what she found out abt marcy. but seeing even a small glimpse of what marcy was dealing with, it just makes her more confused. marcy was such a sweet kid! theres no way they couldve done anything wrong. yet here anne was, betrayed by both of her childhood friends.

only now is anne really taking the time to process the fact that marcy essentially kidnapped her and sasha with the calamity box. he didnt mean to do it, and theres no way they couldve known the box would actually work, but it doesnt completely excuse marcy. his actions still hurt anne and sash, and while they meant the best of intentions, it didnt rly come through that way.

and now marcy was dead. stabbed in the back by the newt king.

and now annes curled up in an empty bedroom, wrapped up in one of marcys old blankets, trying to wrap her head around her feelings about marcy while reminiscing in the past.

summary - extras/epilogue??

i kind of like the idea that anne ends up drifting off in which ever bedroom ended up being the second one she visited. she slowly comes back to consciousness, with her surroundings feeling somewhat familiar, only to wake up in horror bc “OH SHIT I FORGOT TO GO BACK HOME” im not completely sold on the idea tho bc it feels a bit abrupt and like too much of a tone shift?? idk it doesnt feel exactly right

but anyways, im also playing around with the idea of a small epilogue scene with the calamity trio hanging out in annes room, a good amount of time after amphibia ended. dont know what theyre doing in there, but theyre just chilling and feeling a bit nostalgic i guess.

but uh yeah thats pretty much what ive got for the overall idea. it doesnt feel too out of reach, but somethjng like this would definitely be ambitious. i could mayyyybe handle writing out the vn and drawing the character sprites, but i have no idea how to code a vn or draw detailed backgrounds, both of which would be pretty important to this fangame fjsndj. so i might consider having help with this.

THIS ISNT ANY SORT OF PROMISE OR WHATEVER. id rly love to follow through and make this fangame a thing, but im not making any guarantees. i have no idea if i’ll actually follow through, but i would definitely love to.

who knows. maybe in like a couple years this might actually become a thing. but for now i have no idea

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