#i need fucking therapy sure

[yourpostisonpinterest]

@fartgallery

i found your post on pinterest! (again)

#gimmick blog #pinterest #yourpostisonpinterest #shitpost #trying to make at least one post a day from now on #bc i'm very spotty #i'll go three days no posts #then post like eighty times #and then go another four days no posts #idek why #because like #im busy sure #i need fucking therapy sure #but i still have time to make posts

[inkskinned]

he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.

except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?

at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.

except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.

about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.

he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.

#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag #writeblr #it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal #fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho) #healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy #im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage.... #1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind #and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes #2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception'' #3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.'' #idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh #im sure there are people who have this experience normally #but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists #when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band'' #edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful #once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large #but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry. #but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes #but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally. #i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes #people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism #but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet . #i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY #and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound. #but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in #i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too. #here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change #was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort) #choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

*tries to organize my thoughts*

*remembers i'm not in school and therefore beholden to neither heaven nor hell nor any man's grading system*

*joyously shredding & tossing all my carefully arranged 3x5 mental notecards into the air like so much beige confetti. raising my arms in victory, cheering raucously until i accidentally inhale bits of homemade confetti*

(*coughing up itty bits of paper like a cat evicting a hairball with a firm understanding of tenants' rights*) wait wat happens next

#i marie kondoed my thoughts and *i* feel great. but now my stream-of-consciousness has escaped containment #so many innocent bystanders at stake #every time i try to organize my thoughts i run out of plastic bins and have to make a trip to the container store where i get even more dis #racted so. you can't just hand me THIS brain and NO catalogue OR library classification system #and expect me to single-handedly sort through all this nonsense? bad form but fucking form not in my job description #aNYways. formal education sure did a FUCKING NUMBER on us huh #(a number i measure not in gpa or dollars of student debt. #but in the number of therapy sessions & medical debt it will take to recover.) #seriously folks. our education systems are...innately traumatizing for a huge number of students. and we NEED to address this. #the fact that it is culturally common for adults to have anxiety nightmares about school/exams...even decades later? #that is not cute. it is Alarming. #no one--much less entire generations--should be spending their developmental years in an environment of chronic stress & pressure & strain #and yet that is the reality for millions and millions of pre-teen and teenage and young adult students #this isn't healthy and it serves and empowers NO ONE #...except of course the many exploitative educational & financial & debt-collecting institutions thriving from the current balance of power #and of course it's a nefarious and powerful way to sabotage/erase the middle class #which billionaires and the wealth-inequality creators they finance couldn't possibly have any noteworthy interest in whatsoever #it's not like there's an elite group of people with huge financial incentives to drain/steal resources from the masses... #anyways sorry for going all Conspiracy Theory on you. #obviously the billionaires who control the vast majority of our resources and news and political campaign funding #are not tied to every single itty bitty social issue and i'm a silly billy to imply it #please tell elon musk to ignore this tweet i am so subservient and acquiescent #mr musky u r so good at inheriting slavery-built mining fortunes & buying other people's companies #& building rocket ships & fancy cars that do NOT explode/catch fire & also NOT running billion dollar companies into the ground #mr musky u r so talented genius billionaire playboy with 10 kids and ex-wives who find you creepy af babe u r basically iron man

[bonefall]

no joke you turned star flower into one of my least favorite characters into one of my favorites. this is why i follow you and this is why its important to talk about this stuff. even when people are aware of these issues, it can be hard to see just how deep they run until somebody points it out

Star Flower deserves better, most of the cast of DOTC deserves better but Star Flower, Snake, and Bumble deserve the most better

She didn't DO anything man. She's not even that mean. It's super popular for people to just end up absolutely hating her because of Thunder being jealous and angry at her, but she didn't fuckin "betray" anyone, and everything Thunder is saying about her is SUPER messed up and should really have been examined!

Like... how do they unironically write Thunder looking at Star Flower, saying "YOU ONLY LIKE MY DAD BECAUSE HE REMINDS YOU OF YOUR FATHER" and just let that hang in the air?? And leave Clear Sky's internal monologue about how she's going to obey him, be more loyal to him than his "own kin" (Thunder) whomst he's actively abusing, and how he finally has someone who won't question him?

I need her to get therapy, man. I need her and Thunder to get therapy and Clear Sky to blow up.

#It's not ''betrayal'' to warn your father about an assassination attempt #the moor cats broke the terms of their deal first THEY were the ones playing dirty #But that doesn't matter because One Eye is a stinky rogue not WORTHY of a fair fight I fucking guess!! #For how much this series cries and whines about being Just As Bad or whatever the fuck #it sure does fall apart the minute that our antagonist isn't part of the in-group! #''THIS ISNT UR FIGHT :(((('' shut the fuck UP thunder it's not YOUR FIGHT either you're just assmad he came prepared!! #star flower #They don't even need to get better in therapy btw I'll be fine if they go to a class that comes up on the credit card charge as THERAPY #but they just go to pipe bomb building class or something #bone babble

[handageddon]

Help I'm watching family guy compilations

#30 is making her way here and not being subtle aboit it #also I'm pretty sure I need electroconvulsive therapy at this point #it'll be convenient to get it now during the fucking ritalin shortage

[francesderwent]

since apparently in 2024 I’m just saying stuff

I do not want fictional characters to go to therapy.

therapy is a great way to begin to see yourself more clearly, to pinpoint the ways you’re self-sabotaging and make changes which will allow you to strengthen and deepen your relationships. and obviously, we here at redemption.com want to see our favorite characters do that. after a while a character with no self-awareness starts to grate; we usually want them to figure out what they’re doing wrong and have some positive forward motion.

however. therapy is not the only way to have these epiphanies about yourself, or the only way to learn a new way of living, trusting, being a friend. sometimes a series of coincidences will put you in the one situation which will throw a mirror up in front of you and allow you to see and recognize yourself. sometimes you meet just the right person at just the right time who will love you in such a specific way that you’ll realize how wrong your old understanding of love was. it’s less purposeful and less sustained a method of growing than therapy is, it’s more of a winding road with occasional lightning strikes.

and I don’t know how to explain why I only ever want to see characters growing in this way, except to say that when they aren’t, then precisely what you’ve failed to create is a cohesive story. at best you have a story going on while the character privately sorts out their issues at the same time, with themes and climactic moments occurring in neat parallel. (I think Ted Lasso does something like this in season 2.) at worst, you don’t have any story at all, you have a character study in the form of a soliloquy, which happens to be delivered to a therapist. (a lot of fanfiction is like this.) it might be a very good character study! but it’s not a story.

it seems to me that fiction should be a window into the way we can learn from our experiences in the world and from our relationships with others, by being open to seeing ourselves anew and being open to change. and I’m not saying I want all the supporting characters to therapize the protagonist. I’m saying I want my protagonist to listen to the supporting characters and glean the truth of what they say as if they were a very good therapist—even if what they say is delivered in an incomplete way or in the middle of an argument. I don’t want an oracle to appear and point-blank tell the protagonist their fatal flaw. I want the fatal flaw to become exquisitely, inevitably clear in a moment of terrible dramatic irony, when the knowledge seems to come too late. and personally, I want this to happen always in the most dramatic way. I do not want my friends to reach rock bottom in order to start learning and changing. I do, sometimes, want to see fictional characters reach rock bottom. why? well. because there’s a story there.

I don’t just want to see characters changing. I want to see a story about characters changing.

#‘Carmy belongs in therapy’ I am biting you I am biting you I am biting you #he belongs in the restaurant because that’s where the story takes place!!! #’oh he needs to go to therapy and sort himself out before he gets in a relationship’ ma’am this is a STORY #the relationship is WHERE and HOW he will be sorting himself out!!! (or not!!) #‘he’s causing harm to everyone around him because he hasn’t healed his own damage’ he sure fucking is because. that’s the story #in which cate tells stories

[pigeonwit]

davey jacobs but he has meltdowns. big ugly meltdowns where he cant be touched or spoken to and just needs to be left alone to cry and stim and scream and go catatonic for a little bit. davey jacobs but he has involuntary twitches and stims that include punching himself, twitching his neck/his face, knocking his knuckles together, scratching his skin, etc. davey jacobs but he has shutdowns where he just cant get out of bed or shower or do anything because his energy is so thoroughly spent that even moving hurts. davey jacobs being autistic but not the 'palatable' kind of autistic that neurotypicals find cute and quirky. but his loved ones still love him anyways and don't get frustrated with him for it. they try to help him stim the way he needs to without hurting himself. they dont get mad when hes so exhausted that he cant do certain things because they know its not a matter of choice or pushing yourself or him purposefully not wanting to make an effort for them, he simply cannot do it just yet.

davey jacobs being autistic in ways that are inconvenient and frustrating. davey jacobs being deeply ashamed of that all his life. davey jacobs learning over time that there are people who will not treat his autism and its more difficult aspects as an obstacle to overcome in order to love him.

davey jacobs being autistic and still being loved unconditionally for it.

#now switch out 'davey jacobs' for 'me; tumblr user pidge pigeonwit' #i need to go to back to university right now or i will DIE. #anywhore. this isnt me saying 'ugh the newsies fandom treats autism like [x]' tbc #honestly all the autistic headcanons ive seen have been dope and received well. #its almost like we're all autistic and know what the fuck we're talking about #but man!! i sure hate how autistic people have to constantly be behaving ourselves in order to be treated like fucking people!! #both in real actual life and online!! #vent #too poor for therapy tag #newsies #davey jacobs #uksies

[cairavende]

Worm Arc 14 thoughts from 14.8 through the end:

Gonna get a little bit gay up in here pretty soon. But first, some other stuff.

Pretty much jump right into "Oh shit everything is fucked" with the bio-weapon just spreading everywhere right away.

Skitter's focus on Tattletale specifically when trying to get them to higher ground was top level Chatterbug/Smugbug content. Like sure Sundancer and Trickster too, she wanted to save them. But when Bentley wasn't climbing fast enough what she said to herself in worry was "Tattletale."

Fucking god. Tattletale telling Skitter to fly to the higher building and use bugs so Trickster could teleport them and they'd follow? But fully knowing it wouldn't work and just trying to get Skitter to safety?

"It doesn’t look like her plan will work out. Tell her I’m sorry." - I WAS FUCKING BAWLING

I had figured that Bonesaw's contingency wasn't just a "everyone dies right now" virus or whatever. It would need to be artistic. And it would need to be a punishment to the local capes, both hero and villain. And the way to punish them would be to "take the city from them". "Make them watch it destroy itself." "Make them help".

I feel like what she did covered that general outline with a heavier focus on taking everything away from the capes. But still, god damn Bonesaw. Absolutely fucking terrifying. Super powered face blindness. At the base at least. Don't know who anyone is. Damn.

SKITTER IT'S NOT GAY YET THAT ISN'T TATTLETALE IT'S BONESAW! GAY WILL COME LATER!

If Jack put's his slimy fucking hands on my daughter again I will personally remove them.

The "Don't swear!" from Bonesaw while pretending to be Tattletale was fun. I managed to hit on it before that, but it was a good confirmation.

Fucking Jack and his "You’re versatile" after seeing Skitter make decoys while prepping to tie someone up with spiders. FUCK OFF WITH YOUR DREAMS YOU DICK. YOU CAN'T HAVE HER.

Instantly confirmed when Skitter flat refused to shoot someone despite Jack and Bonesaw telling her to. My daughter might not be perfect but she's not going to be one of you!

Coil fucked up a bit on the phone. He wasn't dealing with the pathogen so he should have done better. Even just asking everyone there to say something so he could listen to the voices. He would have known right away it wasn't Tattletale and Grue. Patching them through to Cherish that easily was a mistake. He really doesn't do as much as he could be. Like ya he's evil but that doesn't mean I'm not disappointed when he isn't using his full potential.

Cherish very fucked up when she thought letting Jack and Bonesaw know where she was would be good for her. Hope she likes her eternal torment at the bottom of the ocean. (Ok there's a chance she'll get pulled out in the future I guess.)

I'll admit, when Amy left with Victoria earlier I wasn't expecting to see them again so soon.

"Panacea is the healer, top floor, Jack is the slasher, the blond girl is the chemist-tinker." I don't know why, since it doesn't rhyme or anything, but I got very "The pellet with the poison's in the flagon with the dragon; the vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true" vibes from this.

Jack trying to convince Amy by talking about how many of her ancestors were successful by being cruel and Taylor just internally going "How many were successful because they cooperated?" Love my daughter.

Victoria is still very much . . . not dead.

HOLY SHIT AMY YOU PUT YOUR SISTER IN A PERSONALIZED FLESH COFFIN MADE FROM CATS AND DOGS?

Seriously. Personalized. It has her face on the outside made out of bone. What the actual fuck Amy?

Proud of my daughter for shooting Jack, even if it didn't work.

It's probably fine that Skitter got Amy to break her brain rule again. I mean like it's good. It was the only way to fix the pathogen. It saved herself and the city. That is all good. Just . . . there might also be some long term negative outcomes. Probably fine though.

Getting gets cured and goes off to cure the city be gay.

"I leaned forward and planted a quick kiss on her lips." - EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!

WOLFSPIDER WOLFSPIDER WOLFSPIDER!

SO FUCKING GAY I LOST MY FUCKING MIND WHEN IT HAPPENED

"'You couldn’t have waited until after you’d cured me before you put the bugs on your face?' Tattletale asked. She was smiling as she asked it." - ALSO EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

SO GAY. DOUBLE GAY. EXTRA GAY. ALL THE GAY!

CHATTERBUGCHATTERBUGCHATTERBUG (SMUGBUG IS FINE TOO)!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also the level of effort the girls went through after that trying to figure out how to cure Grue and Regent without kissing? Fucking amazing. Kissing was only ok for these three. Obviously.

GAAAAAAY

Gay (bug)horse girl gay (bug)horse girl gay (bug)horse girl

And the remainder of the Nine got away. Which is pretty fucking bad I guess. What with the whole "end of the world" and all that. I get that story point is the *actual* big end of the arc. But it's been overshadowed. By the gays.

Did I mention things being gay? I just want to make sure. Cause they were. Gay that is.

Interlude 1 - Sierra is amazing. She is exactly who Skitter needs to be running things while she's away. Charlotte is also amazing and I think worships the ground Skitter walks on. My daughter is, as always, absolutely terrifying when described from anyone else's PoV. She only gets more so every time. She just uses bug speak without even realizing now. Amazing. I love her. Atlas is helping and I'm so proud of him. He even got to take the gun. I hope he gets to keep it.

Interlude 2 (thought about making this it's own post but I'll just keep it really simple) - God dammit all three of the big 3 are Cauldron created? Ugh. Legend you appear to be trying to do the right thing but you sure as shit aren't paying much attention are you? Holy shit like, you believed so much of what the Doctor has been saying for years? God damn bud. How could you look at Cauldron and assume they *aren't* doing human experimentation? Especially since you know they have done it in the past! Like god damn man! At least you do kind of acknowledge that maybe you were purposefully ignoring the signs cause you wanted to be ignorant. Maybe there is a little bit of hope for you. Hell of a lore dump interlude though. Gives me lots to think about. Also I'd absolutely listen to The Number Man talk about spreadsheets all day long.

GAY

#Worm #Worm Web Serial #Parahumans #Cairavende reads Worm #The Slaughterhouse Nine #Taylor Hebert #Lisa Wilbourn #Rachel Lindt #Wolfspider #Chatterbug #Smugbug #GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY #SO FUCKING GAY I'M DYING #I'm sure once Vicky wakes up and is released from her FLESH COFFIN that she will be just fine #Maybe a tiny itty bitty bit of therapy will be needed #For real though the first time The Number Man started talking I instantly wanted to be alone in a room with him. #It didn't matter that he was running over the possible outcomes of a end of the world situation and talking about the deaths of billions. #Fucking hell just spreadsheets to me man! PLEASE! #You can give me estimates all day long. #ALSO FOR REAL THOUGH IT WAS SO GAY #WOLFSPIDER WOLFSPIDER WOLFSPIDER WOLFSPIDER #CHATTERBUG CHATTERBUG CHATTERBUG CHATTERBUG

[shima-draws]

My doctor: Hey yeah that's not normal I don't think it's an issue with your hip

Me: Oh?

My doctor: It's an issue with your spine

Me: OH

#Literally the first thing he said was 'You shouldn't be in this much pain from a labrum tear' #'Yeah I'm p sure it has to do with your back' #Me: Everything makes sense now...... #This actually adds up bc I've always had shitty back issues. Lmao #Luckily I don't need surgery!! Unluckily I need to get another MRI! Kill me! :) #If the last MRI didn't bankrupt me this one DEFINITELY will #Also he did say I have a weak hip so I gotta do physical therapy #We'll see how that goes;; #Right now I'm fine bc I haven't even been billed for the first MRI yet. But I know as soon as I get the bill #I will be a HOT mess #Not looking forward to that #Anyway I'm glad this doctor seems to know what he's talking about. And from the get go too #Can't believe it took this fucking long to narrow it down to 'possible spine/back issue' tho #Godddd. I'm so tired #He prescribed me some heavy anti-inflammatory drugs so hopefully that helps with the pain a bit #Lies down #I need a nap bro. Lol #Shima speaks

[thegreatyin]

i love how roughly 2 hours into zwillingstürme the most screentime ebenholz has gotten so far has consisted entirely of him being 1) actively miserable and 2) actively suicidal. this is slash gen btw. i love it when my favorite blorbos just go through the absolute fucking wringer to end all wringers

#ebenholz's life is 2 million years in the pit of eternal agony and then 1 month of being on antipsychotics #then it's right back to the agony pit for that guy #yin-thoughts #arknights #it's interesting to me at this point that eben'z unironic response to a lot of Deeply Fucked Situations is maybe i should simply die #like. he did it in LE too. it's not just cause he's having a shitty week during zwillingstürme. this is just a consistent character thing #he's so fucked up. i love my fucked up little goat. i love him so much #he probably needs to see a licensed professional like fifteen yesterdays ago. unfortunately im not sure terra has therapy

[francy-sketches]

Nothing lamer than a fictional character going to therapy and working through their issues in a healthy way. Bitch go kill someone

#.txt #I remember people used to get really mad when books didn't end with all the characters going to therapy lol #maybe they still do idk #and it was always with kids media 💀 'why didn't percy jackson end with everyone horribly traumatized and in need of extensive therapy' #not saying a kids book can't talk about trauma but. you're against it having an happy ending??? girl. #thank god asoiaf is in the fantasy middle ages so nobody can complain about that #medieval therapy is just like. ah you must rid yourself of these foul humours! not to worry my friend! a good leeching will surely help :) #with some asoiaf characters I would want them to get help if they were in the modern world but. depends on how funny their mental issues ar #I would never in a milion years want to fix whatever the fuck is wrong with joffrey. he's perfect just the way he is 🥰

[sprout-fics]

Google search: How to make fanfiction fun again

#I’m probably just hormonal or something stupid #but I’ve been getting really depressed about this blog recently and I’ve been thinking more and more about deleting and starting over #or leaving it as an archive and abandoning it #I get so stressed about posting and nervous about interactions and it’s ruining the experience for me #and I know it’s my fault because I’m just fucked up and in need of so much more therapy than I currently have #but at this point I’m forcing myself to have fun in here #it’s not coming naturally #and I have a really really hard time letting go of things that once brought me joy #so I’m kind of hanging on hoping things will get better but they aren’t #I’m not making any decisions yet #but I am going to start backing up my stuff and crossposting to ao3 so it’s all there too #and I’m sure someone is going to come and tell me this is the wrong reaction #so I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything

[aria-ashryver]

caesar keel over yet?

ik you sent this a couple weeks ago, but i thought it was funnier if i answered it today

IDES OF MARCH FINAL STATS!!

Diagnosis: Aggressive HER2+ ductal carcinoma, weakly estrogen positive, metastasized, technically incurable Name of Tumor: Caesar Classification: little bitch

108 IV lines / blood tests / self-administered injections

19 Eggs harvested

9 Embryos frozen

8 Supplementary medications

5 Ultrasounds

4 Computed Tomography (CT) scans

3 Mammograms

3 Chemo regime changes

2 Core biopsies

1 Positron Emission Tomography (PET-CT) scan

1 Bone Scintigraphy

1 Multigated Aquisition (MUGA) scan

1 Echocardiogram

1 Electrocardiogram (ECG)

1 round of genetic testing

1 "this is the biggest tumour I have seen in my recent years as an oncologist"

1 reclassification from Stage 2 to Stage 4

1 "this is one of the best responses to chemotherapy I have ever seen"

(and GOD KNOWS how many litres of Paclitaxel, Pertuzumab, and Trastuzumab pumping through my veins...)

We can safely call it. At my last clinic, my oncologist told me he was happy with that my last few scans had remained stable, and that I wouldn't require any surgery or radiation therapy.

Folks. I did it.

CAESAR'S ASS IS DEAD YALL I BEAT CANCER HAPPY IDES OF MARCH 🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪

#aria pincushion tally: #FINAL SCORE #108 #cw cancer #so yes #i will technically have to continue with treatment #i need to do immune therapy every three weeks #likely for the rest of my life #and yeah they do kinda suck #but not as much as chemo so thats a win #also I MAY possibly still have surgery if I want it #not sure yet #hopefully i'll find out more on that soon #but yeah #get fucked caesar #ur a stupid ho #happy ides of march yall 😊 #ides of march

[squarebracketsmileyface]

Back at it again with a sad song to relate to these characters!!!!

This is so!!!! This is so Alex to Jay, or at least how he would want to be to him under better circumstances. Or at least that’s how I saw it.

https://youtu.be/R2zXxQHBpd8?si=-VKZo5PAshjGBfQM

Song is: will he by Joji

you're so right. This is so alex wishing he'd been able to be better to jay. (tho there's also an argument that jay also needed to be better to alex, and cos sorry its locked is all jays pov so far i haven't been able to show that he was also pretty bad for alex just like alex was bad for him. neither of them are the good guy, neither of them are purely a victim, neither of them are purely a 'villain' -can't think of the right word so villain will have to do-)

anyway, analysis thingy

I got knots all up in my chest (Up in my chest, up in my chest) Just know, I'm trying my best (I'm trying my best) 'Cause when you look (When you look) When you laugh (When you laugh) When you smile (When you smile) I'll bring you back (Bring you back) And now I'm sad (Now I'm sad) And I'm a mess (And I'm a mess) And now we high (Now we high) That's why I left (Why I left) That's why I left (Woo)

Pretty simple, just Alex thinking about Jay and how much he really did like him. But Alex was a mess and left Jay for Amy because he didn't know how to cope with his feelings (and with some other stuff I haven't written yet, but i'm ignoring that just so this song will fit with what's already actually out there for this fic)

Will your tongue still remember the taste of my lips? (My lips, my lips, my lips) Will your shadow remember the swing of my hips? (My hips, my hips, my hips) Will your lover caress you the way that I did? (I did, I did, I did) Will you notice my charm if he slips up one bit? (One bit)

Again, Alex thinking about Jay. But also, Alex realising that Tim and Jay are together now from watching the videos Jay uploads, he's watched them slowly get closer, and then one entry something changes and Alex knows that Jay has "moved on". Alex wonders whether Tim hold and kisses Jay the way he did that last night he and Jay were together, and he wonders if Jay thinks of him when Tim messes up. He calls it his 'charm' kinda sarcastically, because he's just kinda caught up in hating himself for what he had to do.

Because unlike in uni (their uni relationship was complicated, i promise I'll write it eventually, just know that Jay did some bad stuff just like Alex did), this time Alex was the only person in the wrong for hurting Jay like he did in chapter 2 of Sorry It's Locked.

'Cause I don't need to know I just wanna make sure you're okay (Okay) I don't need to know I just wanna make sure you're all safe All safe, all safe (woo)

Alex doesn't really want to know if he's left Jay with shit from everything that happened around entry 47 (in chapter 1 and 2), he doesn't want to confirm for himself that he hurt Jay so bad that he's been left with lasting emotional shit. He just wants to know that Jay's okay, that he's safe, but every entry Jay posts just confirms over and over again that Jay is not safe, every entry posted just reminds Alex that everything he did to try and drive Jay away and make him give up on finding out what's wrong with Alex and what's going on with the whole Operator thing.

Everything Alex did was for nothing. He hurt Jay for no reason, and sure, he couldn't have known it at the time, but in his little moments of clarity he realizes that he could have done something else. He could have talked to Jay, he could have asked for help, he could have explained what was going on. He didn't have to hurt him, but he did, and it didn't even achieve what he'd wanted it to. If anything, it just made everything worse because now Jay's got someone else involved.

Will he play you those songs just the way that I did? (I did, I did, I did) Will he play you so strong just the way that I did? (I did) Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Will he treat you like shit just the way that I did? (I did, I did, I did) 'Cause I don't blame you

Again, Alex thinking about their relationship, both their uni relationship and their one night stand in chapter 1. He knows Tim and Jay are together now and he can't help wondering what their relationship is like, since they keep it completely off camera except for the odd hickey just barely peeping out from under a shirt collar etc.

He can't help almost hoping that Tim treats Jay like shit, and he hates himself for it, he just wishes he could have Jay for himself but he knows he can't. Do you know what I mean. Like, he doesn't actively wish harm on Jay, and he's constantly trying to think of ways to keep Jay safe and alive, but he also can't help feeling jealous of Tim and wishing he'd treat Jay badly so that Alex could swoop in and 'save' Jay. He knows if that happened though, and Jay would shy away from him too, he wouldn't go running into Alex's arms, he'd just be angry at and scared of both of them and would probably do something stupid and get himself killed.

'Cause I don't need to know I just want to make sure you're okay (Okay) I don't need to know I just want to make sure you're all safe

Same as before, in the end, Alex just wants Jay to be okay, he want's to make up for everything he's done by finding a way to make sure Jay lives, to make sure he doesn't have to kill him.

#Just. god. them #I both love and hate sorry it's locked so much. So fucking much. I need to give Jay and Alex a hug and then fucking yeet them at therapy #they need therapy #they're so fucked up and i love them #why did i do this to them? #marble hornets #jay merrick #tim wright #alex kralie #marble hornets fanfic #jaylex #mh sorry its locked #song ask #lyric analysis i guess #God they're my babies #i NEED to make Alex such a sympathetic character #you NEED to know that as much of a dick as he is. Jay was also shitty back in college and that lead to why their relationship is this way #and now in MH times alex isnt really able to think clearly. That doesnt make it better but it sure as hell explains his thinking #and makes it so you realise that he really is trying his best to save jay. he just goes about it the wrong way #and that's destroying him from the inside #God the plans I have for these fuckers

[crowboss-whore]

#crow talks #oh-ho? what’s this? #a fanfic title drop? #look at that.. #… tbh I’m not surprised bc I’ve been wanting to do this for ages now HAHA #S4 got me fucked in ways where I think MK needs someone to just remind him how FUCKED some things are #‘what do you mean not knowing my origin story isn’t normal? hahaha’ #‘MK I may not remember my childhood but I sure in the fuck remember what SPECIES I AM. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE A FUCKING STONE MONKEY?!’ #lmk fanfic #lmk #Lego monkie kid #lego monkie kid fanfic #lmk mk #mk needs massive therapy #the entire gang does ngl

[moregraceful]

I had a good meeting today, I want that on record. I want it on record that I had a good meeting. I had a meeting that did NOT make me want to take to the sea in a little rowboat.

#my job is so much fun when i am like. ALLOWED TO DO IT #like it's a cool job!! i get to do reference work that helps people!! i get to advocate for my coworkers!! i get to help people #so that they can feel secure and empowered to do incredibly hard and meaningful work!! #but since november it's been like meeting after meeting of the most insane bullshit presented in the most therapized words by #the fucking executive team and it's just like. ok i am just some guy like my job is not to call bullshit on the executive director #so i love when i have a meeting with someone who is just like my living situation sucks and i need some help getting out. LIKE YEAH!! #I WOULD LOVE TO HELP YOU GET INTO HOUSING THAT WILL MAKE YOU HAPPIER!!! I WOULD LOVE TO MAKE SURE YOU FEEL SAFE #RATHER THAN LISTEN TO SEVERAL 45YO WOMEN ON THE EXECUTIVE TEAM TRY TO THERAPIZE THEIR WAY THROUGH HOSTILE MANAGEMENT!! #fresno oilers.txt #i was explaining my job to someone once and they were like so you're basically the union...but like you're not union. and i was like yeah 🥲 #neither hr nor the union but a secret third thing (vibes guy finding low cost therapy and telling people to take their lunch breaks)