#i need to give up and spend money

[mandyypinkk]

ಠ⁠_⁠ಠ

#also #while im here #why do half the runners in this god forsaken running town wear hokas #these things are not fucking comfortable #AND ugly!??! #i have to tape to high heaven #i need to give up and spend money #i fucking hate doing that #drop running shoe recs #adidas ultra boost are kind of my winner for comfort shoe #but im willing to try nike

[felizusnavidad]

i'm going home tomorrow & i'm so excited to see my family, i really missed them

#also my mom told me some time ago that i'm really brave & i shouldn't give up #but i don't feel brave i feel tired #so basically i had three different jobs this year #first one i quit because i hated it & it was too chaotic #i got fired from the second one after over a month because apparently i was too nice #now the third one i know is just temporary because it's similar to the one i quit last year #and it's only because i need money so i can't stay jobless #my situation is kinda fucked up because i live here alone so i have to pay rent #and i really don't want to go back to my parents #i know i can but i wanna stay here #i've been working so hard to move to my favourite city and i want to start studies here this year i just can't give up #so i just took the job i didn't want #and i keep looking for something i might actually like #but god i'm tired #i feel like the biggest fucking failure #i just need a normal fucking job jesus why is it so hard #i don't want to work with customers anymore i hate people #and i also want to earn a little more money because trust me it's not that easy to live fucking alone #i mostly spend my money on food cause unfortunately i have to eat #but i'm not interested in just surviving i really want to start feeling alive again #ugh #talking shit for the hell of it*

[bitter-sweet-coffee]

what if YOU wanted to make some MINOR CHANGES TO YOUR PC but it would cost $4322 CANADIAN DOLLARS???

#do i need a 4090 and a new cpu? absolutely not #HOWEVER #HAVE YOU CONSIDERED #i want to use my 4080 in a different build :3 #AND IF I’M UPGRADING THE GRAPHICS I’M UPGRADING THE RAM. OKAY??? 5600 IS NOT ENOUGH FOR A 13900K I WANT 7200 OC #actually fuck it. give me a 14900KF why the fuck not i’m already spending the money #<- do you see how i ended up in this situation

[arsonist-chicken]

hehehe fourth day in a row I've slept until 5pm because I fucked up my sleep rhythm staying up until 7am but probably more likely because of the ✨curses✨, but at least today I finally saw some sunlight again by walking to the store to still make it before they close. this is fine.

#the curses are mental illness aka depression or whatever idk man just give me some energy to be able to live my everyday life #i mean i thought i was getting sick on tuesday evening so i already planned to not go to uni on wednesday #also because i hadn't done a presentation but i really thought i was getting sick too #and it's been downhill from then #the last two nights i said to myself at lik 6am i'll sleep four hours now until 10 so i have the day to work and then can actually sleep #normal again but either i didn't hear my alarm or i turned it off and woke up again when it was still light outside #but close enough to already the sun setting that i was not gonna get any sun #the psychologist who did my adhd exam said i could start treatment with her but i'm a little wary of that #since my insurance still hasn't let me know if they'd partly cover that or if she's not in that system. idk how it works. #and also she's a psychologist not a psychotherapist #and no offense to my friend but i saw my friend studying psychology and becoming a psychologist after she finished her degree #and I don't think she'd be educated at all to actually offer therapy #she just does evaluations and such now but no therapy #and damn if I'm going to spend my emergency money on therapy because well it's not covered here then i at least want it to actually work #and actually be therapy. like working on the adhd and depression; not just an adhd coaching #that would have helped when i was in school or just starting uni but by now i definitely also need therapy for the depression that evolved #from all the issues. also maybe just brain chemistry idk. #mine

[queer-pagan-witch]

One day I will learn, that just because the bottle is low, does not mean I need to finish off the bottle.

#imma be so fuckin hungover tomorrow #someone should kiss me #and i moght be either asexual or aromantic or both which like woo thats funny to only me for so many trauma reasons #i love #im so drunk #i too drunk #i stated typing thos at 12:30 #imma smoke pot after i post this #if your reqding my tags hi i love you. why are you reading this though like im a schizo bipolar depreased trans girl im unhinged in the tags #i need to stop drinking by myself #if think im an alcoholic as well if it wasnt for the fact that i can genuinely stop when ever i want but idkmaybe that changes? #at this point im just typing to annoy myself cause i think its funny to annoy other people and itd be hypothetical to not annoy myself #im ramblimg in the tags and honestly its your fault for still reading this #trans thought time #i wish i was born with a pussy but i do like having a cock and there is a possibility im genderfluid and fuck me that sucks if true #like how do you transition if your genderfluid? like i kinda want a cock and pussy and i know thats an actual option #but is it the right option? #i hate being trans but not knowing what kinda trans maybe ill hit where im at with my gender and just say tranny #cause i already say faggot for my sexuality instead of anything specific maybe i should just say tranny #this is probably what a therapist is for but idk if i can justify paying for this instead of saving money to buy a hoise #america sucks #capitalism sucks #love is such a bullshit thing #how can i be in love with some ane be in love with someone. being in love is nothing but selfish but also you have to be selfish for youryou #like i know that doesn't make sense sense but it makes sense to me and i also know its wrong #maybe i should give up and spend money on a therapist #i love my freinds and would sacrifice myself for them literally #12:51 and i have one more short tag to add #i hope you didnt read this far cause even in a drunk state this tag is embarrassing and im sorry you know me irl im sorry this is rambly+ugh #but if you dead read all the tags <3 i love yoh and would die for you

[upperranktwo]

I had a fun day today!!! Going to a con with my sister is always a good laugh and glad to have managed to get some decent things!!! Has definitely made me super tired tho!

#spent £100 and I had 240 saved 😭 so i've got some spare money for extra things!!! can be used to help pay my dad for keep next month! #i promise I don't spend money I need on anime things! i'm very very good with saving #and I love my shows so much and stuff like KNY helped give me a reason to create and helps with my anxiety issues #so I have no problem buying things for something I love so much! #i have money aside for food and I don't smoke drink or do anything like that so I have spare funds #i know I shouldnt have to justify myself but I had someone irl claiming i lie about my financial situation when ???? #a) it has fuck all to do with him and b) who cares honestly? #i grew up so poor and struggled until last year and still struggle #so growing up we couldnt get things we loved #so it's nice to be able to get myself stuff #sorry for rant but yeahhhh #sky rambles ♡

[zevrans]

#haven't had energy to log into here because my work has been kicking my ass i'm spending half of my day off laying in bed #i fell asleep yesterday after my 2nd shift in my clothes with no blanket and woke up freezing at 7 am 🤧 #i layed on the bed for 5 mins just to regain strenght to do a few things before bed yedterday and got knocked out by the exhaustion 😭 #these 2 shifts were particularly hard and i think it had also to do with my coworker suggesting the dumbest thing imo #the dude wanted me to give my WHOLE november shifts to him like...WTF #he said he needed a sum of money for december and like helloo.. #what do you think i am doing here?? don't i need money?? #i'd understand if he'd ask for a shift or two but whole fucking month the sheer audacity.. #i've struggled so much mentally to ge to this point and to be able to get this job even if it's not in my professional field #and it's physically demanding very much and so many other cons #but i've got it and i was happy i got it and to think some stranger thinks #he's more entitled to it than someone else like ??? it's just bizzare to me #he seemed such a chill person before he asked this #and i've spent last 2 work days feeling guilty for protecting my boundaries... #but everybody around me says i did the right thing so i am trying to not stress about it anymore #and i was afraid this would ruin the good work relationship i thought we established but idk anymore #i will be very cautious about him now #tbd

[floralsapphics]

.

#really struggling today #my vet suspects my cat has FIP and I’m crushed since that’s basically a death sentence and he only just turned 5 :( #I know GS-441524 is somewhat available in Canada now but since it’s not FDA approved it’s like 8k #what’s worse is my family and I have a 2 week vacation scheduled on May 11 #so even though there’s this drug with a 90% success rate it’s just so incredibly expensive I doubt we could afford it #even if we did manage to get our hands on it we wouldn’t be able to administer it to him for those 2 weeks #and even though he’s doing somewhat ok at the moment who knows what his condition will be like during those 2 weeks :( #ultimately we’re trying to decide whether or not to put him down before our trip #like if he does have it and died alone and in pain while we were out of the country I would be crushed #but I’d also be crushed if we put him down when there’s the chance he doesn’t have it since FIP is so hard to diagnose #it’s the not knowing what’s going on that makes it worse #it’s so hard because he’s still so sweet and curious and has really been my rock since we got him I’m just absolutely beside myself #like the whole day yesterday he’s done nothing but cuddle me and my mom like he knows we’re upset but doesn’t know why #I just feel like I’m abandoning and failing him in his time of need #I desperately don’t want to go on this trip so I can spend more time with him and maybe scrounge up enough money to buy the drugs #and give him a fighting chance #but I can’t and I feel sick and trapped about it

[arcaneyouth]

i think if i just had 10 extra dollars to spare each month maybe i would not feel so miserable.

#just 10 thats all i need #vent post #negative #i could buy something small every month. just for me. #instead of every 2-3 months #when i then get too nervous to spend it #and it was fair of me to be nervous because The Costs #i still have my 3000 in savings. its starting to get really tempting to just #give up on using that to move out #its never going to happen. #if i just took 10 of it every month it'd last a while. and i could get. something small #maybe 15 #its not like im going to use it otherwise #unless the world magically fixes itself nothing i do will ever be enough to live a good life anyways #cause i cant afford it and im too disabled (but not disabled enough) #i might as well let myself commission small things every now and then. #instead of rotting here unable to do anything because im constantly stuck in bed #with not enough money to buy anything that could bring me happiness #and not enough energy to do the things that make me happy

[twistedappletree]

wtf is even the point of western medicine fr

#been fighting this stupid ass flu SO hard #and all the crappy otc shit did nothing #until i was finally able to see my chinese medicine doctor #and literally everything he gave me kicked the majority of my symptoms in a few hours #lmAO #LIKE #CHEAPER THAN WESTERN MEDICINE TOO???? #is2g it’s all designed to make you spend more and more fucking money that’s all they care about #fever aches chills sore throat runny nose cough - all gone after 1 dose of herbs #and that’s only 1 of 4 for the day #anyway #go to your preferred trad doctor if you have a flu you’re gonna feel way better than whatever westerners give u #apple babble 🍎 #non fandom #also editing before anyone flips #i’m NOT against modern medicine #just the fucked up system that makes it so inaccessible #and the majority of western otc shit that literally does jack shit #gotta clarify bc there’s always that one person that’s like #‘AcUpUnCtUrE cAnT cUrE cAnCeR’ no shit sherlock #but some trad medicine legitimately works for low tier health conditions #and it’s more affordable in western countries #which some of us need bc we can’t fucking afford a $15000 doctor visit lmAO #exaggeration for dramatic effect so chill tf out thnx

[gaycousinlarry]

.

#this thought just hit me and it’s not shade just a fact lol #but i see all these people on ig talking about decorating/designing their kid’s rooms #and i just. the IDEA that my parents would’ve put that much thought into our room when we were kids is…. absurd??? #i was a menace #i drew on walls #i chewed up toys #i carved into the bed frame #we had a bunk bed a second hand desk a chest of drawers each and plastic boxes for toys etc #everything was mismatched and very erhm lived in #it gives me so much anxiety i physically cringe to think abt what it would’ve been like had my room been decorated and had fancy wall papers #and expensive matching furniture and godddd #i would’ve ruined it all and felt so bad and it would’ve been such a waste of time and energy and money #(i got my own lovely 90s decorated room w green wallpaper w i was nine and GOD the way i spent ages 9-18 decorating and redecorating that #room - but at nine i was a lot less mayhemish #anyways that’s besides the point) #i just realized i’ve never thought abt this before and that (mostly) women spend so much time on something that would’ve made no sense in #my home #(also parents being too involved w their kid’s own space makes me claustrophobic- i wanted A LOT of alone time and needed my own space #and the concept of my parents controlling my playing OR what happened in our room makes me stress sweat #oh boy this is rambly and i’m so happy i don’t have kids haha #)

[echo-s-land]

I love my sister I really do but every time she victimizes herself I-

#inside me there are two wolves #one wants to take her side because i understand what shes going through and she went through a lot #the other needs her to get out of that mindset #she sees danger where there is not. yes my parents push her to do stuffs but you cant just continue not to work and not have your driver #license and keep spending your monthly allowance on tattoos and parties- #youre an adult why do our parents keep giving you allowance money. #'hey how about you learn to actually be an independent human being?' 'ok i get it im this family black sheep!' ...no? #cant play the card 'we all have it bad thats how life is' because objectively her life is worse than our but #yeah #vent #these moments when you feel like what youve gone through is really nothing to care about and to look out for reassurance bc someone else in #your life actually. got it worse #anyway just my younger sibling (survivor?) guilt showing up ignore this

[wambsgender]

.

#someone in the cafe just came in asking for help raising money to turn her heating back on so i gave her all the change in my pockets #i had about £5 because id been saving up to have lunch at a cash-only diner i like #anyway. some old guy next to me started like. telling me off??? for 'encouraging' her by giving her money??? #and it was the implication that she was scamming me or that for whatever reason i shouldn't trust her #but like who cares??? it's my money dog i was gonna spend it on a fucking sandwich #whatever she spends it on she probably needs more than me #just pissed me off because he clearly thought i was some stupid naive child for ... giving someone some spare change ... idk

[aloysarrow]

I wish GI wasn't trying to push people (kinda specifically longer players) away from the game, like damn. I really hope new players are watching closely and not just deciding "there are haters" or "complainers." Some of the things, like the age old where's the end-of-game road map, have been actual game needs that haven't been addressed for years. Game needs, guys. Idk, if you still call some people haters/complainers, then I'm probably gonna call you a bootlicker lol

#also three pulls for three debate clubs is actually insulting and no. we were not happy about it last year either #i hope the CN community causes such a ruckus that they fix the artifact loadout bullshit #GI actually needs to apologize and ive said some wild things elsewhere like they need to give a free 5* character but honestly i just want #to see that theyre are listening to the fucking players. we fund their game and/or promote it with playing and community on platforms #they wouldnt have BILLIONS of money without the pkayers and they are not doing QoL things or fixing busted characters or the artifact #loadout that is going to be more trouble than useful. end of game information. lost weapons to timed events - im lucky i have cinnabar #spindle in case i get Albedo but i dont have that Festering sword or Jade Cutter? and both are apparently great for Furina and im pissed #that they just wont be available ever again. they heed to put them in the shop like they do the skins and im so serious about that #theres so much more #it just makes me sad bc i do really like genshin but im probably gonna move on after this all blows up or when nothing happens at all #genshin impact #my posts #oh right my frustration is with the community on the mihoyo app bc even just saying you think this is a good thing will bring in the REAL #bootlickers telling you youre ungrateful for three debate clubs lmao. i have never called it copium before but i think that if youre calling #players ungrateful for being mad that GI's appreciation for a year of playing and/or spending money is worth three 3*weapons then youre a #boooootlicker with a sad fucking addiction. seriously cope harder bro lol #i really just want them to fix the artifact loadout that shit is buuullshit. and of course i want Aloy’s constellations. they should have #been there September 2021 ffs. and i like Dehya. i like playing her too. im not meta enough to notice things i guess but hyv should have #listened to players about her. #this shouldnt be a staff of homa moment guys. that bullshit actually made change happen for the better like why are you mad at the demand #QoL things???? why are you just ok with no actual patches patching anything??? #ok i gotta be done. the tags are the actual post damn lol

[nanabanonana]

i need a new wallpaper bc i wasn't feeling the last one and i cannot believe there's not a single klimt's the kiss zukka fanart

devastated. sobbing and crying actually.

#i don't have spending money i can't commission anyone #i just really need a Zuko holding Sokka tenderly… #giving him a smooch #orz #i'm settling for the actual klimt art piece #but as soon as i find some art that speaks to me it's going bye bye #i wish i wasn't this picky #god if there was art of that one fic i'd fcking eat it up #srsly that fic has such a hold on my brain… #nana talks tag

[garciapimienta]

just made the math on the amount of money I'll have to spend just on printing the test form for all the students that will be part of my sample in my dissertation and now im going to cry

#i dont have that kind of money to spend #the thing is I dont actually need that many students for my sample #like I need like 600 (which is still more money than I'd like) but schools dont want to just give me a limited number of students #like they say 'if you are going to do your study here just apply the test to all of our students' so that's how I end up with 900+ students #who require 900+ copies of the test form #like that's great in terms of having a much larger sample than needed it's great for the project but it's not great for me bc it requires #so much more money and time than I have #bc that also requires me going to all these schools at least once and multiple days for some of them which means i have to spend money on #mobility too #i really do just want to scream and cry and just not do my thesis at all if only that was a choice #uni #personal