#i rly wish I could sleep

[hellborg]

All humor & hyperbolic statements regarding aside about 👖. I just was having oc thoughts cuz of all the stuff I was seeing tonight. Hee hoo. Genuine romance for him I think would be arduous. The fear of such intimacy is terrifying. In a city of people who’ll take and take and take from you, it’s difficult to be able to trust who to give. Skin touching is physical. Real. It’s something that you can feasibly control someone from perceiving. But not your mind. your soul. your fragile inner child that you’ve been safeguarding for years from the cruelty of the world.

Letting someone into your home isn’t easy. The closer they get the sooner they’ll see every part of you. They’ll see every scar filled with chrome to numb and every mess you forgot to clean up or all your history , good & bad. It’d be a lot of work for him. Arduous but rewarding. He’d also be a complete imbecile and not know how to navigate a relationship at all. He can hardly manage friendship , relationships just adds another layer of intricacy ahah.

#i rly wish I could sleep #he’s a little goof (crushes him in my palm) #all the quotes and writing I’ve seen tonight is making me think about how he’d be in a genuine romantic relationship #just cuz esp in the setting of night city #romance is a lost art in the world of 2077 #oc #vk #delete later #txt #ignore me talking to myself again #PLS GOD I WANT TO SLEEP #Vance kincaid

[invisiblyvisiblejay]

wow i wonder why i feel terrible it can't have anything to do with me not getting up at all today and also not eating anything but goldfish. that can't be the reason. no idea what's going on 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

#i hate saturdays lol #rly wish i could just go back to sleep #idk #not doing good today 👍

[piplupod]

praying and hoping and begging for things to get better or at least more tolerable soon because i dont know how many more physical symptoms of stress my body can take

#me when i get eczema when the only time i had eczema in the past was when i was about to kill myself lmao #things are Preddy Bad actually fjfkfkfl #theres so many things i have happening and i look them up and its like ''reduce stress :)'' THANKS I WISH I COULD #UNFORTUNATELY. I LIVE IN THIS WORLD. AND THINGS AREN'T GOING WELL. #i actually cant think abt this all anymore tonight or I'll end up crying and i rly dont want to deal w crying rn fhfkdl #but man. things were supposed to go in such a better way. im literally a failure rn #all my siblings are doing way better in life and have a shot at things #and im stuck in my parents basement alone and a loser burn-out #this is so fucked #i realized the reality of my situation at 3am lying awake unable to sleep last night #like. i am.... alone and stuck living in my parents basement. no career prospects because im useless and too exhausted all the time #thats so fucking lame and awful and Peak Failure in society's eyes #man!!! #so unbelievably bleak!!! #anyways i hope this eczema goes away bc wow i rly have not had this except once or twice when i was engaging in suicidal behaviour #i dont want to be doing that again 😭😭 #WHATEVER. it is what it is. live fast die young or whatever #maybe tomorrow something good will happen #pippen needs 2nd breakfast #suicide tw

[coridallasmultipass]

Felt cute, might deteriorate later. [He/Him]

#feels like im in hell um #shibuya to belgium #anyway did my eyebrows perfectly but its night and ill prob sleep em off so ugh #im so tired bro i went thru my arm workout THREE times today bc of stress and anxiety #not to mention body dysphoria on top of the health concerns im trying to not think about anything rn so selfie time #OBLIGATORY: 'DISCLAIMER: i'M HI (HIGH)' TAG #but tbh not enough im still hurting with stress #could fuckin go for another round but i rly gotta try n sleep bc i get to cry abt all this in therapy tmr yaaaaay #fuckin hate that i cant treat endo lmao its like living in a cage w a tiger and not knowing when its gonna attack or give a love bite #anyway not to be a crybaby but yeah im not okay and dont know how im expected to go on lol #thought i looked good in my red light but ended up w a good orange light pic #wish i could show off my arms but its not impressive. mostly just feels nice to be like... solid lol #wish i could afford a gym #so my face will have to do for now hope i dont regret posting selfies at almost midnight lol #me #selfie #Cori.exe #Image.exe #ignore my chapped lips pls my dermatillomania has been rampant for the past like 2 days lmao i never stood a chance #hhhhh idk what to tag beyond this fence sitting whether to post or not so im just gon post and then go sleep hffff

[baekuras]

Baldurs Gate 3 is great because I keep getting into difficult situations since I can't stop myself from just walking on with a party that's either half dead or will be because no one has spells left

#txts #in other news i am underground and saw some petrified drows and my alarm bells rang for once #i don't trust that one bit #if there isn't a beholder around smth similar probably is #so i did actually long rest for once #only to wake up in the middle of the night to a non consensual murder attempt #not surprised but also gdi I am trying to sleep #if its not a devil or the guardian it's racism #baldur's gate 3 #i managed to stop myself rn-aka midnight #altho i do wanna get back #but i am a bit tired and my vacation is over so...i...cant #not until tuesday afternoon #or tomorrow evening if i have any energy left #so anyway what part time jobs pay well? rly wish i could at least have 3 days off x-x

[eiko-chatter]

.

#wish i could sleep #had a rly good day and was exhausted when i got in bed but #brain didn't let me #...i miss her :c #i wish she'd been able to see any of this #it's. it just feels so wrong

[periphrasis]

sometimes i miss the ordered structure of living in may 2020 quarantine

attend online class from bed with giant iced coffee

get into discord fight

get into tiktok fight

go for 2 hour walk

call my then best friend now girlfriend until like 5 am

sleep with 6 specific plushies that had the same spot on my bed every night

repeat

#really i also miss feeling free of gendered expectations and perception #and also being 17 because in my brain I make new and better choices and actually value my time as a teenager #!!! #can’t sleep #cybie speaks #isaac posting #also I just associate periods of my life w rly strong sensory experiences #I can taste the exact way I’d make my iced coffee then perfectly 4 years later #and feel the ache in my legs after spending so long walking every day #and yeah #hugging my friend at our drive in graduation after she helped me jump start my moms car #idk I heard a tiktok song from that era and I’m #wishing things were different #I didn’t actually have to be so insane and awful I could have been so normal #at least I met kris #and like that whole friend group #but agh #i was so transparently manipulative and yet also so transparent manipulated #and like why??? what was the reason I could’ve just dicked around on tiktok #fuck #and now I’m about to be a grad student

[cynical-cy]

god i wish i wasnt so consistently tired all the time...

#cyspeaks #its rly not great for comms #idek what it is ive just been extremely lethargic since spring started #which as far as ive been able to tell is actually an allergy symptom but i dont think ive ever been this consistently tired before #wishing i could just pause time indefinitely so i could sleep as long as i want to #that or at least gimme more agency over my dreams so i can at least have fun while im asleep

[frecklystars]

Hi frecklydork!! I just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you- I just got out of a convo w/ a therapist where I realized I was in a really bad relationship and she mentioned I was displaying PTSD like symptoms. I just wanted you to know that theres someone out there who's super super super DUPER proud of you and all the work you've put into managing your PTSD- Feeling constant overwhelming anxiety helped me understand a little of what you must be going through, I can't imagine how stressful your day to day life is and I'm feeling overwhelmed rn! I hope you can take some comfort in this

Goodnight! Or Good day, or good morning whenever you get this!

Hi sweetheart. I'm so sorry to hear that you have gone through a relationship so devastating that it left this much of an impact on you. My heart goes out to you, it's not fun, to say the least, it is a really horrible time and it's especially difficult (in my opinion) when it's repetitive actions from someone you trusted... it's like an extra layer of betrayal on top of everything else. I'm so sorry. I know how badly that hurts.

My response is kind of long so I'm gonna put it under a readmore for ya:

I am so touched that you thought of me, and even more touched that you took the time out of your day to tell me that you thought of me. I hope you don't mind it took me a few days to finally crack open my inbox. I reread this a few times because it really warmed my heart. Thank you for being proud of me. I'm so proud of you, too. I'm so happy you've (I'm assuming, hoping, praying) gotten out of the relationship, or in the very least I'm reassured that you've realized how unhealthy the relationship was for you and you can take the steps to overcome and heal from it now. It's SO HARD getting out of relationships, but nobody else can do it for you, it's always you who has to take those steps, and I'm so proud of you for pushing yourself to take those steps!!!! I know it isn't easy!!!!! I think one of the loneliest feelings in the world is knowing that you're in an unhealthy friendship/relationship with someone and you can literally feel this person draining your energy and making you feel hopeless and worthless and numb. I have never felt more empty than when I was trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship/friendship. It's awful. Getting out of that kind of situation is so difficult, so I am so damn proud of you for recognizing that you deserve better!!! Because you do!!! You deserve the whole world and I'm sorry somebody didn't give you the respect you deserved. It's not your fault. Nothing you went through is your fault at all, and I'll say that as many times as you want to hear it.

I completely hear you on the stress side of things -- thank you for empathizing with me. My God, isn't it the fucking worst? The constant stress?? I PROMISE YOU IT GETS BETTER, I PROMISE I PROMISE I PROMISE!!!!!!!!!! I am finally at a point where my anxiety is not killing me 24/7. It took a hot fuckin minute to get here, but I am at a point now where my anxiety will only eat at me for a chunk of my day instead of my whole day. Getting into the Barbie movie literally saved my life. But, like... it's literally a stress disorder, an anxiety disorder. That feeling of it literally EATING at you every single second that you're awake, and even giving you nightmares when you're asleep -- jesus!!! it's so much!!! it's!!! A LOT and it's intense and it's like you never get any peace. BUT I PROMISE IT GETS BETTER!!!!! 😭😭💙💙💙 IT GETS BETTER ANON I SWEAR TO YOU. I AM HOLDING YOUR HAND THROUGH THIS WHOLE THING!!!!!

One day you will wake up and the person who traumatized you, the events that traumatized you, will NOT be the very first thing popping into your head. One day you'll be able to sit down and eat a sandwich and think to yourself "oh I just went 20 whole seconds without thinking about it". One day you'll be tying your shoe and thinking "oh I think i just went five whole minutes without thinking about it!" slowly, gradually, you will have healed so much, you will look back and think "oh. I'm... so much better than I was."

I actually had this revelation a few weeks ago, I sat down making comics, and then I thought to myself... "...oh... I don't think I thought about my abuser... at all... when a trigger was right in front of my face... for a solid two minutes." I saw a gifset where Margot Robbie was wearing an article of clothing that normally triggers me into a panic attack, but I just kept looking at Margot and thinking "hehehe that's my Barbie!!! <3" and then i realized the trigger was right in front of my face but I was so focused on being gay asf I didn't even realize the trigger was there. And then when I noticed it, my body was like "oh. time to panic" but I managed to push away those feelings and say "nope. nope. that's Barbie. and Barbie is safe. and everything is ok!!!" And two minutes of handling a certain trigger may not seem like a long time, at first... but when you're constantly overwhelmed every single second of every single day... two minutes looks like a blessing. and one day you won't even have to count the minutes anymore. you'll just exist and the misery will only be momentary.

But aside from triggers, now, just in general, I am at a point where I can go hours without remembering my abuser or the events that gave me literally DOZENS of triggers in the first place. Flashbacks are rare, when they used to be constant. I'm not as jittery as I used to be, I'm not as... uh, feeling like I'm going out of my mind, I don't know how else to phrase it, but the anxiety that ptsd gives you literally makes you feel like you're losing your sense of self, and I promise you that feeling goes away with time. I promise you it gets better. I didn't have a support system during my time of need, so my healing process is taking much longer than it would have, so I am hopeful that your healing process is actually going much speedier than mine, even if our circumstances may not be exactly the same ofc but just hearing that you have a therapist helping you out with this is absolutely wonderful. Therapy is so important, paired with self care.

I'm so proud of you anon. I'm so sorry you're going through this and ahhh sorry I'm scatterbrained, it's been a long day and my brain cells are on fire, but!!! I AM SO PROUD OF YOU and I LOVE YOU and IT'S GONNA BE OKAY!!!! IT'S GONNA GET BETTER!!!!!! That feeling of constant anxiety 24/7 is an absolute bitch, but it gets better!!! It gets better!!!! I'll say it a million times, it gets better!!!! And I'm here for you the whole way okay? Please feel free to message me anytime. Ilusm I'm sending you so many hugs and I will be keeping you in my thoughts. 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

#thank you for taking the time to empathize with me holy shit #i feel like a lot of ppl dont rly. understand ptsd. unless if they have it. which is normal ofc #or just trauma in general. which is fine! u cant fully understand smth til u go thru it #so when you mentioned the CONSTANT anxiety i was just nodding my head while reading #24/7 your brain is making you remember things you wish you could forget and it aint fun #tips: journal your thoughts everyday to reduce nightmares #bc it helps your brain process things while its awake #so it wont process AS much when youre asleep. that way you get BETTER sleep #more tips: sleeping is so good for u. drinking water is so good for ur Scared Brain #EXERCISING!!!! going for walks in the sunlight helps you with vitamin D + tiring u out faster #so u can sleep easier. bc again. oh my god the sleep is so important. #and sleep is the thing i struggle with the most i only get 3 or 4 hours every night #being social helps so much. im going out with friends at LEAST once a week #and scheduling hangouts with online friends once a week as well. or voice calling #i know it hurts so fucking bad right now but i promise it gets better #i am holding your hand the entire time ok you're not alone. im here for you. #anonymous #asks #ptsd #keepsake

[justabunchofdragons]

oughhh just made most of lokis cottage in minecraft will post tomorrow

#that felt so good .!!!! ihad a wonderful morning there once and it was. so gorgeous #it isn't exactly the same in minecraft. well. rly all of it feels different #at dawn in headspace it felt so comfortable... #loki & steven and jake were there.. marc showed up after a while cuz he sleeps in the shed #i think they offered to make a room... he said no #also the house in minecraft is smaller cuz i forgot jake had his own room #so i think i can add another storey tomorrow... gosh it looks so pretty. i wish u guys could see #chaos.txt #cc.txt #i love the system <3 this is such a lovely life

[princeminnow]

something that happened the other night was i didnt end up sleeping until sunrise 1. because im an insomniac 2. specifically i slipped at around 2AM and then stayed up bc i was too overcome with the need for a bedmate bc sleeping alone was too scary 🥲

(dni nsfw/kink)

#txt #just thinking about that #i wish big me could take care of little me like i can when half-regressed except when fully regressed #i was TRYING to sleep the whole time i just felt the absence of arms around me rly strongly

[invisiblyvisiblejay]

wow i wonder why i feel terrible it can't have anything to do with me not getting up at all today and also not eating anything but goldfish. that can't be the reason. no idea what's going on 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

#i hate saturdays lol #rly wish i could just go back to sleep #idk #not doing good today 👍

[magnoliamyrrh]

.

#im freaking out at the prospect that this may be the new normal for awhile #i never know when i get worse if its temporary or ive gotten long term chronically worse tm #i have absolutely no idea whats causing me to be so messed up tho #first was the physical pain hitting like a truck for some weeks but thats not that bad now? that got a bit better #now is just. bone deep exhaustion with 0 escape. for so many days almost in a row ill just feel like i need to randomly collapse and take #a very. very long sleep #i dont know if ive been this bad since i was on birth control years back #. #maybe it rly is just. months of stress and physical pain and slightly relapsing into bulimia and just. s t r e s s #hitting me all at once #lmao i have no idea how im going to get through life like this. im back again at that point where i wish i could just conveniently die

[loutrem]

.

#its dumb of me but a few days ago i went with his deadname on google to see if i could see more stuff about his dead #since his friends who were alqo supposed to be my friends did a 'ceremony' together without telling me #even tho i rly wanted to go to be able to grief and to cry it out properly #so since i havent been able to grieve well i did that. search for his deadname. i just wanted to know #and i found out that a page for him was made on the tdor website. there were a ton of details on what was happening #before and after his death #many things i didnt know about. because i was a shit friend and never kept contact. and also because he was secretivz #i feel awful since then. who was i to him. why couldnt i help him. why am i even sorry for myself. he was the one suffering #i keep crying and i cant sleep at night without reading comics until i feel too tired to open my eyes #because otherwise im thinking too much about him. its just too awful. too unjust #i have. weird cravings for alcohol. ive never even drinked much before. im scared of starting to get addicted #but sometimes i wanna get somethibg anything and just drink until i pass out since people say its good to forget #i wish he were still alive. i wish i could hug him and help him. i wish id visited him in the hospital after his 1st mental breakdown #he had sent me a text to tell me he was there but i had work and i was tired and honestly too lazy to go. and now i regret it so bad #its all so unfair. death is so unfair. grief is so unfair. i was afraid i had no heart before because people who died around me didnt #phase me much. i didnt cry. but now that ive experienced the deaths of 2 actually very close people counting one i couldnt grieve forproper #i just wish i had no emotions. that i wouldnt cry when i think of them. but especially him. #and i cant stop thinking about how awful ill be when my parents die. ill be a wreck. #im just crying in my bed and its 4am. everythibg sucks. im so sorry to everyone whos ever met me. im awful #negative / #death m / #suicide m /

[werewolf-girlfriend]

btw if ur in my notes frequently ur like a beloved mutual to me. all posts i address to my mutuals also goes for u

#im picky abt what blogs i follow but. im just rly happy when i see The Regulars log on :) #isa speaks #wish i could follow all of the ppl im like talking about to remove the ambiguity here but grr. beating my brain with a bat #ANYWAY ITS LATE I DONT MEAN FOR SUDDEN SAP. I SHOULD SLEEP #by the morning i will refuse to look at this post and act like i never made it btw goodbye

[chisatowo]

hey just wanted to let you know that your art is amazing, you're a really cool person, and you deserve to have a great day. hope things get better for you happy birthday :]

Ty :] and I think things should get better dw ^-^

#rat answers #I think Ill be fine later today hopefully just need to wait for my sibling who abandoned me for a sleepover to come home tomorrow /j /lh #were also having tostadas tomorrow so thats smth to look forward too :> #amd presents ofc I doubt Ill be getting a whole lot since I didnt ask for a whole lot but Im still excited noneoftheless #well not fully rn just because of brain stuff but I have been and hopegully will be more so later #oh also cake but I will say I kind of wish I could have a cake without frosting but alas bday tradition needs it 😔 #for context on each of our bdays me and my siblings decorate the bday persobs cake #I dont rly like most frustings and the homemade one we will be using as the main frosting is good but I preffer cake without it still #its ok though as long as they keep the frosting doodles contained fndkfbd #I dont like the taste of decorative frosting at all lol #I also asked for an electric bass so if I get that that will be incredibly pog but I dont wanna get my hopes too high fjfndjd #I should rly try to just sleep now sorry for rambling abt bday plans fkgndjd