#i say i dont think bc i have a very vague memory of setting up a commissions post literally years ago

[ganondoodle]

I probably still wouldn’t have been a big fan of the game, but I don’t think I would have been NEARLY as upset about TotK if BotW didn’t seem like it was so obviously setting up plot points for a sequel. Like, you’re very clearly MEANT to wonder what malice is, and how Ganon became the Calamity instead of just the Demon King. Fi is awake again, where are they going either that? What’s the deal with the Triforce-shaped symbol on Zelda’s hand? There were a LOT of other things like that, and many of them had to do with overarching lore for the series.

I get it if they want to reboot the series, but “BotW 2” was the single worst game you could have done that with. It could have been an amazing conclusion to the original continuity.

EXACTLY, you, you get it

botw felt like the introduction to a vast world with secrets and hints to things that were planned to become a bigger thing- a big giant game as a big giant set up, and then ... like totk likes to do alot, it lacks a pay off, and that is something it even does within itself, cosntantly, set up and no pay off, or set up and the most boring and uninspired pay off you can really not even call that, from the bigger things like the whole dragon thing being hammered into your head as irreversible and then it IS reversible.. out of nowhere without you having to do fuck all, the whole thing with the ancient hero beign a big mystery with lots of interesting ideas attached and then its some weird ass dog creature that doesnt resemble any other race with, of course, sonau armor, bc there nothing that isnt sonau in that game, even finding the old treasure maps you can find that then lead to amiibo stuff from botw id call that

botw wasnt that great with rewards either but exploring the world and wondering about those, surely intentionally, placed mysterious and intriguing designs and places did alot for making it so interesting to think about, totk fumbles it all and even the new stuff doesnt even come close to that environmental storytelling botw was so great at, sonau ruins? ha they look entirely different than in botw actually, bc those were built by hylians you see, the actual sonau stuff is in prime condition considering the time thats passed and its all the same blank blocky blocks that serve no purpose but to be a place for you to find a thing or exchange some currency- the most you can think about it is ... that the sonau hollowed out the entire underground of hyrule, every inch of the map, ... which is WEIRD and doesnt exactly make them look that good but ... thats all there is

at least with the shiekah it made somewaht more sense and it felt much less .. invasive? and you didnt have anyone from that time to talk to, other than dead monks whos only purpose is to give you their last piece of their own spirit, but in totk ... raurus ghost and mineru too are both just there to talk to but DONT tell you shit but vague hints that were already clear, the sky islands used to be on the ground? oh you dont say, you see them there in the stupid memories! and dont get to know how they got up there and theres nothing that can clue you in to that, its just sonau magic yet again i guess

dont even get me started on the whole malice/miasma thing, it made so much SENSE that there was a source of it, someone that has keep kept in a horrible place just between life and death for thousands of years trying to break free by their hate and anger manifesting to such a degree its literally spilling out and building creppy eyeballs, mouths and ribcage like structures like they are trying to rebuild themsleves outside of their awful prison no one knows about is so damn compelling, but no, actually, the guy trapped there was the msot evilest evar, was sealed bc him evil and no other motive, and the previously mentioned stuff is pretty much utterly unceonnected, and his magic beign miasma with red instead of pink and no creepy body parts was the true version of it, that pink one was its own thing heehooo SHUT UP argh

it doesnt help that really, i dont feel like the sonau were set up either, they were a tiny part in botw, really only serving to make the world seem more ancient and more full of history, having ruins from a past civilization there you know nothing about and cant find out more is so good, its compelling and sad and makes the world feel more real, just shoving them into everything, being the center of attention all of thes udden and not even the architecure fitting feels so ... forced, i really truly believe the og sonau werent meant to be more than that, but in their fear of the game being too similarly looking like botw they took the sonau to replace the shiekah with them- imo the shiekah were the ones set up to be deeper explored in botw, with their whole misstreatment by the royal family in the past, monk miz kyoshia reacting the same way a yiga commander would was deliberate and brings up even more interesting ideas, the comments about where the mysterious energy the ancient shiekah used to power everything being concentrated in certain regions?? thats a big ass set up, the fact that the center of what is signaling everything to reactivate being below hyrule castle? the fact the whole arena thing was BUILT INTO THE CASTLE or it on top of it is so??? cool??? and sso damn intriguing, we are scratching the surface of their history- but then no, actually, the sonau are the cool new shit those other ones just uh ... disappear, also the sonau did everythign the shiekah did but even better wayy before them haha

its like they didnt want to tackle the more complicated stuff with the shiekah, their relationship to the royal family and how the yiga ... have a point and a good reason- so they replaced them with entirely new purely goodest good guys that did the same stuff before them with none of the history attached :))

this is why im so insistent on it not really being a sequel, thers no follow up on anything that was set up, NOTHING, and no, a couple having a kid now or whatever isnt a follow up on an interesting set up, how hard is it to understand that-

.... listen to me rambling, you probably know all that already nhjdfkbnkd

(i know i always bring up the shiekah but ... they were so central in botw, while also not taking up every single corner- unlike some other ones >_____>, with so much interesting stuff to connect and think about, i cared about them so much i felt kicked down the stairs by their treatment in totk)

#ganondoodles answers #ganondoodles rants #zelda #totk #totk critical #maybe its jsut me that feels so strongly about the unanswered stuff around the shiekah #but im #biting wood and clawing up the walls in my head

[rbtlvr]

Actual commission post is here! They're pay what you want (prices listed are the minimum, you can pay more/'tip' if you're able and want to!) Commissions will be full color with no/minimal shading, and with simple backgrounds only

Prices:

Icon/headshot: $4+ (one character only)

Half body/waist up: $8+ (+$3 per extra character)

Full body - $11+ (+$5 per extra character)

Won't draw:

NS.FW

Heavy gore

"Pro" ships (i.e. tc/st)

I do also reserve the right to refuse a commission if I'm uncomfortable with it, even if it doesn't fall under any of the above. Thank you for understanding!

Will draw:

Most other things! If you're unsure, just ask!

Additionally, if you'd like a more complicated piece (i.e. fully rendered or with a complex background) please message me and we can work something out

Payment is through Ko-fi here, and more info and examples are there as well. Additionally, more examples of my art are in this tag, though the examples on this post are the best indication of what you'll be getting

Reblogs are super appreciated even if you can't/aren't interested in commissioning yourself at the moment! Thank you!!

#talk tag #commissions #commission info #artists on tumblr #rottmnt #good god hopefully this works ive never done this before i dont think LMAO #i say i dont think bc i have a very vague memory of setting up a commissions post literally years ago #but i dont remember if i ever posted it so #um idk what else to tag this as lmaokalfjdklsjfld #god i hope im not forgetting anything. watch ill come back in five minutes and realize i missed 759348 things #fuck it we ball [puts this in the rise tag] #SORRY. ITS ONE POST AND I MAINLY DRAW TURTLES NOW ANYWAY AJ;FLKDJSAKFL

[clydesdonovan]

i vibed with you on that post; maybe im wrong but i have a feeling its also bc south park was probably meant to end sooner, like theyve set up the whole separation thing a while ago in the scoots where adult kenny says it was the last good halloween together, and then covid happened AND they got offered 6 more seasons. on top of that m&t have other projects theyre doing so to a certain extent south park may not even be a priority. (1)

i dont even knw how m&t feels towards this show anymore. its just gonna be sad to think that we're probably having front row seats to south park reaching an end where its dragged on, dead end and never living up to its 'old' days. its upsetting, but i cant say im surprised. (2)

You mentioning it ending sooner is kinda funny bc I have a (very vague) memory of reading about m&t having a plan to end it after a certain point years ago. I don’t remember any details but I do remember the fandom at the time freaking out bc we all assumed that meant like... sudden doom for the show lol

These are all really good points though, especially the “last good Halloween” thing. I didn’t take that literally at the time, but looking back, it feels like there’s a lot of red herrings re: the boys splitting up, in whatever way, in the seasons leading up to s25. It’s just hard to tell if any of it is legit, or just south park being #fake deep for the fun of it lol.

I also can’t help but wonder how badly covid might’ve impacted any storylines or seasons. There is so much that could’ve happened had we not been dealing with that and had the show continue as normal. Like, would the six seasons + paramount+ deal have even happened??? Who knows??

I’m really happy to see m&t branching out and creating new things, and they absolutely deserve these opportunities. They’ve been working on sp for 25 years like !!! that’s crazy. They deserve a break lol. I just can’t help but wonder about what’s happening with south park in the meantime, and if the passion is gone, or if it’s just in a rut, or what.

I really hope it doesn’t reach the unfortunate path of “it should’ve ended seasons ago but for some reason it hasn’t” that so many shows go down. I don’t think we’re at that moment yet, and I really hope the next special + next seasons feel like an improvement (to me at least, since this is all just my messy feelings) and the weird, lackluster way I’ve felt about s25 will just be that: a weird season.

#asks #anonymous #woo boy i really need to learn when to not write so much #but thank u anon!! I'm glad at least a few people agree and I'm not the only one #who felt kinda... blah about it all :/

[drwcn]

Hi! I hope you are doing okay with all the discourse going around. Im white and raised in a very white society so i will never have a say in it, but i was wondering, is there any way i can educate myself more in asian/chinese culture? Im aware i consume content thru western lens and because of that i dont really get all the nuances of the shows, but i would like to have at least some backround. Im guessing just watching the shows doesnt give enough of that, can you maybe reccommend some blogs or books to check out? (If you dont thats totally fine and im sorry if i said anything offensive)

Hey friend! Not offensive at all, no worries. Honestly, I’m not too sure. I think just keeping an open mind about things is a really good start. I’m not really sure which blogs to recommend but if I could recommend some dramas? Since it’s probably easier to watch a show then read a book?

《The Story of Minglan》 is a good one to sort of parse out the intricacy of historical Chinese society in the Song Dynasty, keeping in mind that different dynasties have different practices, so even amongst different time periods there were differences. 《The Story of Yanxi Palace》 is another good one for Qing Dynasty (circa 1740s) if you wanna get into imperial harem stuff. (Or you can watch 《甄嬛传》 or 《如懿传》 for harem stuff. I just think The Story of Yanxi Palace is the most palatable, most aesthetic, and most fun out of the three. The other two are kinda tragic?) There are other dramas but I feel they’re not as... accessible?

Chinese historical dramas come in 3 flavours: serious dramas, idol dramas, and those that ride the fence. What I mean by idol drama is...everyone in it is young and hot and the writing is eh and the acting is eh. More often then not there’s a lot of modern elements to it. The Untamed is so popular because it’s idol drama done really well.  (xianxia and wuxia genre used to be more quality when I was a kid, but now they’re kind of ehhhh.) I would say Minglan and Yanxi are both successful because they ride the fence. 

On the other hand, serious historical drama has A LOT of politics and can be quite dry especially if you’re watching it through half-assed subtitles. The actors typically are more seasoned, older. People jokingly say that idol drama is what mom watches and serious drama is what dad watches, and honestly given my parents’ tv habits...it’s pretty accurate 😂.

Some really well known ones from the past 20 years are: 

The 《铁齿铜牙纪晓岚》 series 1-4. I would only recommend part 1-2, 3-4 are not as great. This one has quite a bit of humour but it might fly over your head a bit because of the language barrier. The story surrounds a well known government official and scholar named Ji Xiaolan  纪晓岚, his frenemy and colleague the (EXTREMELY corrupt) prime minister He Shen, and the Emperor Qianlong. For better or worse these three are depicted as both liege and subjects as well as friends. Trying to see Ji Xiaolan and He Shen one up each other while Qianlong tries to balance his court and rule the country is quite interesting. I won’t pretend this is an easy series to follow, but it’s actually quite fun. 

《汉武大帝》 - is about Hanwu Emperor of the Han Dynasty circa 150 BC? He’s one of the most famous emperors of distant history. It’s basically about the course of his life and the many people that featured in it. 

《大明王朝 》- my memories of this one is very vague, but it is about the Ming Dynasty (the dynasty before the Qing Dynasty c. 1500,1600.) 

《The Advisors Alliance 军事联盟》-  2017 two-part television series based on the life of Sima Yi, a government official and military general who lived in the late Eastern Han dynasty and Three Kingdoms period of China. circa 150 AD. 

As a side note, a lot of serious dramas for a while now have been focused on the Qing Dynasty, just because it’s the last imperial dynasty before Imperial China fell into decline, WWI and WWII ravaged the country and communism happened. Even a lot of idol drama are about the Qing Dynasty (I feel like I should do a post about this, just to string things together haha). 

So for the Qing Dynasty, because they are Manchurian, their last name is Aisin Gioro or in Chinese Aixin Jueluo 爱新觉罗. Their earlier emperors are much more well known than their later ones and have been the focus of MANY dramas. (You’ll notice their names in the beginning spell very different than the Chinese names you’re used to, but once they take over China, the emperors’ names start to become more and more mainland Chinese and less and less Manchurian.) 

Nu’er Hachi 努尔哈赤/ Nurhaci - The granddaddy of Qing Dynasty, but was never officially Emperor of China during his life time. 

Huang Taiji 皇太极 - Nurhaci’s oldest son. He led the campaign against the Ming Dynasty but died before the campaign was over 

Fulin 福林, Emperor Shunzhi 顺治 - Huang Taiji’s 9th son. He is the real first Emperor of the Qing Dynasty. His uncle Duo’Ergun 多尔衮/ Dorgon was his regent as well as his commander-in-chief. Dorgon was the one who won the war against the Ming Dynasty and instated his nephew as the Emperor. Fulin was 6 years old when this happened, and now you may wonder why the fuck is that? It’s because Fulin’s mother, Huang Taijii’s widowed concubine Consort Zhuang (name: pu’erji-jite bumubutai  (pinyin) 博爾濟吉特 布木布泰/ Bumbutai Borjigit, Da-Yu’er 大玉儿) remarried her brother-in-law Dorgon. Whether Bumbutai and Dorgon were actually in love is....contestable. Certainly one of my favourite serious dramas that depict this part of history is《大青风云》. 

Xuanye 玄燁, Emperor Kangxi 康熙 - Fulin’s third son. Very famous. Very long reign. Serious drama associated 《康熙微服私访记》， 《康熙王朝》

Yinzhen 胤禛, Emperor Yongzheng 雍正 - Xuanye's 4th son. His reign was highly contested because some ppl believed he forged the succession document. It’s probably not true. He was an efficient emperor but very austere, very severe. Not well liked. The best serious drama about him is probably 《雍正王朝》and the aforementioned《甄嬛传》. The former is 100% politics and a fictional re-telling of historical events whereas the latter is 100% harem drama and 100% made up. 《步步惊心》is an idol drama about a girl who transmigrated back to this time and fell in love with Yinzhen. Lol. 

Hongli 弘历, Emperor Qianlong 乾隆 - Yinzhen’s 4th son. I think he’s the longest living/reigning emperor of Chinese history. SOOOOO many dramas were made about him or set in his reign. Of the serious drama category:  《铁齿铜牙纪晓岚》 that I mentioned earlier is really good. There are others but I won’t name them here.  《如懿传》 is a serious drama about his harem, but really terrible? I really didn’t like it (just my personal view). Incidentally it was released around the same time as《The Story of Yanxi Palace 延禧攻略》which is also about his harem and MUCH better in my opinion, because the actor for Hongli in Yanxi is much better skills-wise. 《还珠格格》was the OG idol drama about Hongli’s children. I gave a brief synopsis about it here. It was made in the 90s but damn...so nostalgic. 

There’s many more emperors after him, but they’re not as important. 

Okay yeah, so I’m not sure if any of this is really helpful, but definitely watching serious drama gives you much better context and understanding of Chinese culture than idol drama. I mean when the drama has flying and magic...the historical relevance sort of falls to the side. 🤣

ADDENDUM: I made a typo earlier. Fulin is Huang Taiji’s 9th son, not Nurhaci’s son. Also Abahai is Huang Taijii’s mother’s name (wikipedia lied to me on this one XD). 

#culture #Anonymous #corie replies #recs

[dontgofarfromme]

While we're on the subject of redemption arcs, what were your thoughts on the ones in Oathbringer? I wasn't on Tumblr yet, so I think I missed your hot takes, and I'm really curious!

Ohhhhh man okay I love Oathbringer so much but also it's been like 2 years since I read it in full so I do NOT have a fresh memory of it, so this'll be a little vague maybe.

In terms redemption arcs....this book kind of kills it? Like. Okay I dont wanna shit on Zuko but everyone always brings Zuko up as the 'ideal redemption arc' and I'm not saying it was bad because it wasn't it was well done, but I've also seen people saying that the reason Zuko's redemption arc works is because he wasn't totally evil, and because he didnt commit super horrific crimes so he was on the redeemable side of some arbitrary line we've drawn. Like a requirement for a redemption arc is being on the correct side of that line otherwise there should be no stories that investigate how or if a person can be redeemed and what that would look like.

Anyway. I think thats kinda bullshit. I love Zuko and I love his arc but also....its like lukewarm in terms of where we can go with a redemption arc because Zuko is never the real villain, he's never just clearly evil, he does bad things and hurts the mcs but he's conflicted and regretful and showing signs of wanting to change and always a secondary bad guy to someone else.

And those things might make his arc more palatable and easy to draw on as an example of an effective redemption arc to some people, but also they allow you to skirt around a lot of the most interesting questions that can arise in this sort of arc. Like. I dont wanna say that it's boring but. It's sad to me that it's most people's go to (maybe only??? The things some people reference as being redemption arcs actually drive me up a wall) example of a well done redemption arc bc the questions you can pose about this are limited when the set up is a generally soft hearted boy from a messed up family is trying SO HARD to please his dad by being evil but also his really chill uncle is there to mitigate his worst ideas the whole time and hes super inefficient at being bad because he's 16.

IN CONTRAST. Oathbringer takes a character we thought we knew as good and turns him on his head. It gives us a past Dalinar and shows him as chaotic, uncontrollable, angry, warmongering, the extent of his bloodthirst contrasted against and shown to be greater that of characters we currently hate in the present day series. It shows us his anger and his violence and his lack of care for anyone and his failure at fatherhood and husbandhood and then his absolute darkest moment in which he unflinchingly directs the massacre of an entire city in a fit of rage.

And then it turns and it asks not only Dalinar himself, and the other characters, but also--by virtue of this being the third book, after we've already known current, measured, thoughtful Dalinar for 2 books--asks us if we can accept him as being redeemed. It presents us with a character who has done things that are so horrendous he would make for a terrifying and effective villain in basically any setting you put him in, and has him screw up massively, break down, spiral, hate himself, be mentally magically altered so that he can live with himself and try to become better rather than collapsing in on himself and becoming an utterly nonfunctional person, and then takes that protection away and asks him who are you now?

Who are you after everything terrible you've done and everything you've tried to make yourself into following that and can you be a person again? Will you crumple in on yourself or will you blame your failures on magic because that's the easy thing to do or will you ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE THINGS YOU HAVE DONE AND MOVE FORWARDS? And does doing so make a person redeemed? Or are there things so terrible that nothing you do can ever make it right? Even if you believe that to be the case, is it worth it to try anyway? And how do the answers Dalinar finds to these questions and the answers we find to these questions impact how we as readers view Dalinar compared to how we thought of him for the first two books?

There are tons of other things I could yell about for hours wrt OB including how Moash is an extremely effective foil for not only for Kaladin but also for Dalinar to an extent because his arc is a spiralling character degradation into NOT taking responsibility, and what happens when you have an outside force influencing some of your actions (like Dalinar's being influenced by the thrill, Moash's experiences of discrimination ARE a factor in his actions) and you push ALL the responsibility from ALL your actions onto that force and how that can hinder both your ability to redeem yourself AND to move forward and progress positively as a person.

And I'm also very capable of yelling for hours abt non-redemption arc related aspects of OB BUT. This book is a brick and my thoughts on it are probably that times 10 and I do want to sleep tonight and I have no real conclusion other than that this is a really frickin good book that has the guts to explore a lot of extremely difficult and complex topics and it's great.

#stormlight archive #cosmere #dalinar kholin #this spiralled into a shitty essay #on why i like redemption arcs #but eh oh well #someone tagged my post on mtendere #something like 'im not into war criminals being redeemed' #so im kinda worked up abt this #HI IM DANA AND I LOVE WAR CRIMINAL REDEMPTION ARCS #SUE ME #also aksja i love u refereing to this as a hot take #most of my takes are lukewarm i think #bc i have an intrinsic need for EVERYONE TO LIKE ME oop #ask #szethsmom

[morihaus]

3 & 12 :)

3. do they have a favorite place in cyrodiil? region, city, town, other location? why?

i think blackwood has a special place in her heart. she's vaguely from that area (other side of the niben but whatever) and likes skulking around the dark forests and marshes and jumping in lakes. i decided to buy a house in bravil just bc i like the convenience of living directly next to a shop that sells arrows and considering the lucky old lady statue is there... i feel like she may have actually lived there for awhile after losing her parents to leyawiin's aggressive expansion campaign, it's where she became part of the dark brotherhood. precious memories <3

4. What are their thoughts on the Septim dynasty? Do they care?

well, she cares about what they can do for her, but all the stuff about them being divine dragonborn rightful kings of tamriel? completely made up in her opinion. and that's kind of funny and admirable in a way, how they're just lying to everyone, but she's got this underlying bone to pick with uriel septim and his empire, considering it allowed leyawiin to run rampant with its meddling and expansion into elsweyr, and would probably call everything that's happening karma. i've imagined that when uriel septim has his dumb speech abt destiny and recognizing her from his dreams, dazshi is just smiling and nodding and agreeing with everything he says, bc everything's going according to plan..... she has no real respect for him though, as soon as he's dead she only uses him as leverage over the blades. like "i mean, i dunno, he didnt tell YOU you were the chosen one... or give YOU the amulet of kings... are you questioning the emperor? have some respect for the dead" which only really annoys people, and she always does it in a very taking the piss out of them way rather than anything serious.

as for other septims, tiber septim is just a con artist who managed to convince people he was a god (she's jealous of that) and i dont think she even manages to recover his armor because she steals the souls of the ancient blades instead of setting them free. oopsie doodle! martin receives basically zero respect- no real malice either, she's just a horrible nuisance to him. top ten heroes of kvatch who martin septim absolutely loathes

#moriada #oc: dazshi #ty!!

[lemonietrinket]

Fragile Like Chandeliers ||| YoungK x Reader

Summary: You meet a truly intriguing man inside an expensive lounge on the job  Genre: Small bits of fluff but its weak bc its more sensual, some angst, uhhh??? idk    noir, gang Warning(s): very very vague references to injury/death Word Count: 2763  Song(s): Ambience AN: hey anon! sorry this took a little while :((  i also have... no idea if this was what you wanted. and its... also longer than my word limit that i put on my request notice. uh. oops. i tried to put some italian in there (for fake names of things) but i am not fluent and though i researched grammar, there are obviously many nuances to the language that i dont know so i apologise if they sound bad (feel free to correct me!)

fem!reader

~~~

Smooth jazz filtered through the swathes of people, bunched in small bouquets of dazzling jewels and shining gold. The low quartz-tinged lights kept the shadows in the corners, gently swaying to the beat as swept past, silver trays empty. 

You were perched quietly at the sidelines, crimson velvet plush beneath your draping onyx dress. Eyes flickering across the chandelier above, you couldn’t help but smile at the memories that arose. The Eiffel Tower had been so beautiful in that moment, reflected in a thousand crystals suspended in mid-collapse before they shattered into their oblivions.  Your fingertips traced across the emerald gem between your collarbones, settled comfortably between intricately carved swans. With their heads bowed and wings splayed they reminded you of home, a place you hadn’t set foot in for a long time. The aching rarely reared its head, but this evening it teased at your heartstrings in a way you would never admit to any other.

Well, perhaps maybe one.

As your attentions were briefly piqued at the sight of a man with a bellowing laugh, who strode past you with his arms wide and decorated with cufflinks made of silver knots, you had moved your feet to stand. However, that was when your keen eyes glanced back across the room, only to meet another pair. 

They were the eyes of a fox, ablaze with wit and narrowed in curiosity, and they stared you down and enraptured you in seconds. You found yourself glued to your spot and not giving a single damn about it, as the man bid his colleague a farewell and began to make his way towards you.

With a face that only a dream could make, the smile he gave a passerby who greeted him oozed confidence; the single nod of his head that followed knocking his effortlessly curled fringe ever-so-slightly into his eyes. It led him to run his hand through the tousled locks when he faced you again, and had you not been on the job you would have no doubt swooned.

The man was clearly something special—his suit crafted of ambrosia, a clean cut jet besides pristine white, paired with dress shoes that shone as he reached where you were sat. 

You peered up at him silently, waiting to hear the voice that fell from those plush lips.

“Good evening,” he greeted.

And boy was it luscious. 

You responded in kind, consciously making your eyes bigger as he extended a palm gently towards you. “Might I take you for a dance?”

After a few seconds pretending to mull it over, you let your hand slip into his. He helped you to your feet all while you were too focused on the rough pads of his fingers stroking the back of your palms. 

He led the pair of you to the small area sectioned off for dancing near the live band. Passing a few other couples already swinging with the saxophone’s melody, you were captivated by how he effortlessly weaved the two of you to the centre.

All he’d said had been ‘excuse me’ and ‘sorry’ but somehow it had eased anyone in the vicinity and made them move away with no less than a grin and ushered laughter.

He was remarkable. And if it turned out he wasn’t what you were looking for, you would be stunned.

Coming to a stop, he stood broadly before you. With a hand caressing down to your waist before settling there as if it had always meant to be, you entwined your fingers with his other as you felt across his shoulder blade.  His sensuality was thrilling, the closeness of your chest to his sending your heartbeat into irregular motion, and you had to admit he was talented.

“So,” he began, voice low and smooth like the late evening wine sipped in candlelight, “what must I call this gorgeous beauty before me?”

Lip unconsciously teasing between your teeth, you simpered. “You first.”

A smirk formed on his lips. “Younghyun.”

“Y/N.”

“Ah, a perfect name for a perfect lady.” He took the lead and you let him, following his slow sways with small steps of your own. “And a perfect voice too—there’s an accent there, if I’m not mistaken?”

“There may be,” you replied coyly, “Italian, born and raised.”

His smile brightened, “I’ve always wanted to visit Italy. The views, the food, the music...” he stopped himself with what could only be described as a sheepish laugh, “sorry, I’m probably preaching to the choir here.”

“It’s fine! I miss all of that quite often nowadays.”

Your grip tightened while your heart lurched. Attempting to keep yourself under control, you hid your disdain behind a smile. How had you let yourself slip up like that? Since when did you wear your feelings on your cheek for a man you only just met? 

As the song changed and the tempo quickened, Younghyun twirled you round by your fingers. “So what brings you all this way here, to one of the most exclusive bars in Seoul?”

“Why, do I not look like I fit in?” you enquired. 

As he pulled you back to his chest, he stayed quiet for a few moments, his eyes carefully taking in the curve of your cheeks. “I’ll be absolutely honest with you,” he glanced around the room before coming back to look you in the eye, “you’re too good to fit in here.”

“I am?” You were hanging off his words, and despite your rational brain reminding you that he was just smooth talking, the way small butterflies began to send ripples through your chest had you very nearly believing him. It was as if that emerald upon your neck carried no weight at all.

“Of course.” His response was quick, sincere, and slowly the heaviness returned. You could feel it swaying a beat behind your movements together.

“I’m here to get away,” you finally explained, eyes lowering from his and focusing on his bow tie. It was spotless, folded crisply at his collar, and for a split second you wondered if it too pressed at his neck. “I’m a writer but... life can be so restricting, you know? How can I write about lives when I haven’t lived myself?”

The words slipped easily off your tongue, and you felt the tension leave your shoulders. Meanwhile, when you gazed up again, you found his smile tinged with sadness.

“I understand that. Sometimes what you end up in isn’t what you want,” he said. 

Confidence filling your veins, you slipped your fingers from his and ran your hands to interlock behind his neck. “I’m so glad you get me,” you whispered in his ear, “no one really does.” Closing the distance, you rested your head against his chest, face turned away from his knowing eyes that seemed to cut into you.

It was only a matter of seconds before Younghyun’s hands both swept to the small of your back, cradling you gently.  You pondered upon how he looked at you right then, as your eyes watched the couple beside you. They were in the same position as the two of you, swaying with the dwindling music. When they caught a beam of light as they turned, you saw how old they were, time etching at the corners of their eyes, giving them permanent eye-smiles. The man in question was truly beaming however, at the woman in his arms. He had a knowing glint in his eye, something you simultaneously wished you knew and were happy to not know the context to—without it, after all, they stayed painted in silver. The woman, much shorter and spindly in her old frock—you imagined it was the one she wore at the last wedding she attended—seemed so content, her lips mouthing the words to an unknown song, her feet moving in synchrony with his.

Her eyes were closed, you noted, and once you had done there was no going back. You turned your head the other way, your own gaze remaining wide open.

“Enough about me, what job do you do?” you asked, loud enough to be heard without moving, but it was pointless, as his answer came back as a teasing retort.

“What do you think I do?”

You shifted your head to come face to face with him again. You were so close to his lips it would only take seconds to bridge the gap, and the apprehension hurt. “I don’t know. Something dashing.”

“Oh really? How come?” His smirk had returned, mischief glimmering in his eye much like the chandelier lights did, urging you to say out loud what you only intended to infer. 

Cocky bastard, you thought, smile growing as you spoke. “Because someone as handsome as you could only do something dashing. Otherwise it wouldn’t be fair.”

As the saxophone picked up behind him, you moved your head to settle upon his shoulder, snickering as he whispered into your ear. 

“There it is...!” 

You playfully tugged at the hair at his nape to chide him. “Come on, tell me, what’s your job?”

He seemed momentarily distracted, before brushing off your words with a laugh. “Trust me, it’s not as interesting as you think.”

“How could it not be interesting?” you countered, leaning in closer to his neck so that your breath would flutter across his skin there, “you wouldn’t do it otherwise.”

“You can’t be sure of that,” he retorted, swinging you round and pulling you back so your shoulders met his chest, “you’ve only just met me.”

“And sometimes a chance meeting is all it takes,” you uttered, running your fingertips down the backs of his hands at your waist. With your head turned towards him, but your eyes remaining apart, you swayed your hips with his as you continued, “I’ve seen many faces, Younghyun, I think I know people well now. And you have the face of someone who knows so much and yet hasn’t said a word.”

You got no words in direct answer to the ramble of ones you had procured. Instead he spun you back around so that he could take another good look at you, and he drank in your beauty as if he were a dying man. His lips parted to speak hours before he finally did.  “How much more do you know about me?” he eased through a coy smile.

“I don’t know,” you hummed, tracing the line of his tie with the back of your finger, “why don’t we find out?”

Your boldness earnt a single laugh, your dance partner silent before he adjusted his grip at your waist. One hand shifted up your back and held you close in an embrace, before he gently lowered you back. You held onto his shoulder as well as his gaze, as he followed you into the dip.  With lips millimetres away from yours, you had been certain he would close the gap, and press a kiss where he’d been hinting for the entire night. His eyes fluttered down to the sight of your painted lips, then back up to your curious stare. “Shall we get drinks?”

You beamed. “Sure.”

Lifting you back to your feet, his hand never left the small of your back as he guided you towards the bar, back across the lounge. You stuck close to his side to avoid the clusters of crowds as the grew and punctured the sensual melodies of the band.  Tucked by his shoulder, a sense of peace washed over you. When there was a sudden crash of spilled drinks to your right you didn’t even take a glimpse of it in, and instead kept your head low and inclined towards your partner of the night. 

You reached the bar in no time, and the only time he left your side was to minutely slip ahead, to pull a bar stool out for you to sit upon. 

Sending him a teasing eye roll you giggled at his silent gasp of exaggerated disdain, before he sat beside you. With his body facing you, he leant on an elbow until the bartender came over.

“Sir, madam,” she greeted with a polite smile, “what can I get for you?”

“Bokbunja for me please, and for the lady,” he addressed you with a smile, “drinks on me, what would you like?”

“No, it’s ok, I wouldn’t want to cost you—”

“Oh, Y/N, you could cost me the world and I wouldn’t care,” Younghyun interrupted, 

You considered continuing with the humble act, but truth be told you didn’t have the patience for it, and you were pretty sure it wasn’t necessary. If that wasn’t an expression of a hooked man, then you no longer knew what was. 

You scoured the towers of intricate bottles behind the bartender, hued amber through to olive and deep magenta. They were oddly beautiful, catching the light not unlike a thousand crystalline shards, muted by their labels written in calligraphic ink.

Making eye contact with the bartender, the corner of your lips easing into a tiny smile while you ordered, “Well, if you’re so sure. Segreto Classico, please.”

The woman’s stare widened, her smile becoming rigid as she glanced at the man at your side. You followed her stare a few moments later, once she’d stepped away with a nod of her head to make the drinks. You languidly drew your eyes up and across Younghyun’s figure. It was as if he was made for tuxedos, his clean cut jacket lining his chest perfectly and accentuating his shoulders. Now that he wasn’t touching you, your hazy thoughts began to playfully contemplate if he was real at all. 

You found him frowning at his phone quizzically. “Everything ok?” you asked, leaning upon the counter to try and get a better look at his face. 

He did a double take to the bartender and then finally to you, a dispassionate grin covering his lips. “Oh, yeah it’s all good, I’ve just... got to take this call, if that’s alright?”

“Oh, no problem, I’ll be right here waiting for you,” you settled your chin upon your hand at that moment, though he didn’t appear to catch your sultry display as he smiled blankly, before raising his phone to his ear and walking towards the balcony. 

You watched him leave, the energy of the room dipping as he melded with the crowds. 

You were brought out from your vacant stare and spiralling thoughts by a a sudden clink to your side. Snapping your head over, you found your drink placed by your elbow, the lace design in the glass shimmering in the dim lights. The bartender meanwhile glared at you while she poured the second drink.

“You shouldn’t order that so blatantly,” she scolded, “you know full well that the drink isn’t on the—”

“And you think a member of la Giarda would drink anything else?” you interjected bluntly, taking your glass into your hands and swirling the ice amidst the clear liquid. The mint scent wafted around you and slowly cleared your mind, leading you to recount in your head what had occurred mere moments prior as if weeks had passed. 

The bartender shushed you urgently, but her tension didn’t travel across the counter. 

“Relax,” you urged with a snicker and knowing look, “no one knows the name here. He hasn’t got a clue. I’ll gather the information without a hitch don’t you worry.”

The woman places the second glass, taller and more simple than yours, in front of the empty bar stool. “You better not blow my cover,” she mumbled sulkily.

“You know I won’t,” you iterated, taking a sip and letting the electrifying taste sink in as you watched where he had disappeared off to.

“Because we’re only going to get one shot at this, so he better be—”

“He’s the right guy,” you snapped. 

And just as your glare dwindled, the crowds parted to reveal Younghyun, phone tucked back in his pocket and expression back to life. You caught his eye once again, and in an echo of the first time, you were captivated once again. This time however, in a different way.

As he approached, you felt a jab to your heart, like twisting glass. The newfound clarity had left you open and vulnerable, and here he offered the blow without knowing. 

When the chandelier cast dappled lights fraught with shadows and curtailed amber across his handsome face, all you could see was the suspended chandelier shattering to the ground. The shards finally experiencing their fate as time caught up with them. 

You didn’t want him to end like that too.

~~~

AN: i took a fair bit of inspiration from noir films, so i apologise if you don’t wear dresses/heels

Masterlist

#youngk #youngk x reader #youngk day6 #younghyun #day6 younghyun #younghyun x reader #younghyun fluff #youngk fluff #younghyun x reader fluff #youngk x reader fluff #kang younghyun #youngk angst #younghyun angst #young x reader angst #younghyun x reader angst #day6 #day6 x reader #day6 x reader angst #day6 angst #day6 imagines #day6 scenarios #day6 oneshot #youngk oneshot #younghyun oneshot #youngk oneshot angst

[mithrilbookofmystery]

Things that I did not actually think were real for whatever reason until I was like 11 or 12 despite having previous knowledge about them

Narcolepsy (I read the Mysterious Benedict Society when I was like. In second grade. Fuck if I know why I read this much as a kid, I have failed to do so as much recently, which sucks major ass. Anyways, one of the main characters in the book, Mr. Benedict himself, in fact, had narcolepsy. The book(s) (there's three of them) do a fairly good job at explaining what it is and how it works, so I never felt the need to ask my mom or anyone what it was, but it also did a good enough job at explaining it that I thought the author had just made it up for the plot. Everyone else had plausible but still slightly unbelievable powers that stretched reality somewhat, why couldn't Mr. Benedict?) (Anyways I saw an ad for a sleeping medication that was like "do not take if you have narcolepsy" when I was 13 or smth and I was like that "BEYONCE????" meme but I was the lady and I was saying "NARCOLEPSY????")

Synesthesia (Similar story to how I learned about it, I was once again reading too much. This time with the Secret Series. (The Name of This Book is Secret, This Book is Not Good for You, that good shit) In which several major side characters have synesthesia, also it's a major plot point. Honestly, this is the part that made the books unbelievable for me?? The rest of the plot I was like "ah yes. Vaguely plausible" but for whatever reason I drew the line at hearing sounds when you smell certain things) (probably because thought it was way too cool to be real at the time) (Figured out this was real through a youtube rabbit hole I went down at midnight when I was like 13. Never been more surprised in my life. Also found out that I have it, albeit very mildly!! Apperently sorting letters and numbers based on their personality isnt normal. Who would have thought.)

The movie "The Time Bandits" (ok this one's interesting, because I did see the movie before I thought it wasnt real. It was just that I was 6 or so and I head the movie from my bedroom so I went in to watch and my mom was like "go back to bed, it's past your bedtime and you're too young for this" so I went back but I kept sneaking into the doorway to watch. This is a very hard way to gather the plot, by the way. Though, some images from it are still incredibly vivid - the dwarves talking to the holographic face of god, the wall moving in the boy's room, the ancient Egypt scene, the firefighter winking at the boy at the very end. It was all very surreal. After bedtime before you're 10 is a very timeless moment.) (I saw it playing on TV several months ago. I was like "this cant be the same thing, right??? That wasnt real, right??????" And then it was)

The movie "Meet the Robinsons" (The first time I saw this I was about 5 maybe and incredibly sick. I had made myself a pillow fort out of the couch in the living room in front of the TV and watched whatever was playing as my mom fed me yogurt (I did not like the yogurt). It was this. For whatever reason.) (This is one of my earliest memories) (Honest to god, I do know know how I found out this was real. Still pretty sure it was a fever dream I had, and that I may or may not still be having. I dont know the plot of it at all. I only remember the fruit hat and the emo kid. That's it)

That mouse trap movie (you know, the one where the two guys have the huge house amd they're trying to catch this one mouse. Mr. Noodle's in it, or, well, the guy who played Mr. Noodle when I was young enough to watch Sesame Street. I was so surprised to find out that he actually talked when I watched it again when I was like 10)

"The City of Ember" story as a whole (embers?? Ambers???? They're underground bro, theres a messenger girl, the guy takes her place in the sewers bc they all got assigned jobs for whatever reason, idk bro, you know what I'm talking about) (I saw this at a family friend's house when I was 7 or 8. I remember that the DVD had no set on either side, and I asked "hey how do you know what movie this is?" And the mom said "the title's right here, sweetie" but I still did not see the title. Every face fron that movie slips my mind, but I do remember the red cape. And how dark the town was.) (I saw the book at my local library when I was in 6th grade or so and I picked it up and I was like "why do I recognize that title?" and then I read the back and I was like "why do I recognize that plot?" and then I got vivid flashback to being about 7 or 8 at the family friend's house.)

#seriously though why were all of the movies i watched as a kid such fever dreams #the mix of childhood wonder and shitty 90's/esrly 00's graphics damn #truly magic #narcolepsy #the mysterious benedict society #tmbs #the secret series #the name of this book is secret #the time bandits #a tag for the time bandits did not autofill and that terrifies me #i feel like that meams it really was fake this whole time #or maybe i just got the name wrong #a mouse trap #the mouse trap #i do NOT know the name of that movie that for sure #the city of ember #meet the robinsons #synesthesia

[nevergenders]

set it off in las vegas on friday (jan 17, 2020)

i showed them my new tattoo which they LOVED, i gave them a trans flag that i wrote on, and generally just had an incredible time. read under the cut!

so my friend bribri (@sarcasticloser7 on twitter) forced me to go before her at vip because i was freaking out with all this hyperactive energy and i was like “noooo!!!” she was like “you should go so you stop freaking out” and i was like “yeaH PRoBabLy”

so when our friend nicole had walked away they turned to see me and both cody and maxx went “nick!!!”

maxx gave me just such a tight hug. that was fantastic. it pretty much overshadowed my memories of codys (first) hug and i only vaguely remember hugging zach because for once he gave me a two arm hug haha.

i went “do you guys wanna see my tattoo??” and they were all like “yeah!!” and i struggled for a moment to take off my jacket sleeve (as you can see in the video) but i told him it was a photo of him holding my hand during the haunting in february and that cole got his handwriting for the lettering in july and cody said “i just got goosebumps! that’s so sweet” and i didnt see it in person but maxx was smiling just such a big smile!! and cody looked just so touched he turned into this 🥺 emoji and gave me just such a CUTE hug. (video post)

i was rushed into photo position and i auickly said “you can give me bunny ears if you want” and cody did last second and it’s so cute. and i ALMOST forgot to give them mine and si’s letters but i gave that before i left and at the end of the video you can just see maxx and cody smiling SO BIG.

(group photo post)

so then we played heads up, and once cody was done with his turn he stood between me and bri and it was probably because he knew we wouldn’t act all weird about it but in my brain i was still like “HUHHH???”

anyways that was really fun and maxx ended up winning. people were fucking yelling at first though i didnt even like try to help fjdjdj also cody dropped his keys which was kinda funny

anyways when that was all done with it was hang out time, i went to maxx first because it seemed like there was the least amount of people around him. i told him how in the past year my life turned around because they built up my confidence so much and he said “well you SHOULD have confidence!” and praised my covers and said “and even your original music is really good” that was like a really great slap in the face because sometimes on-stream in my head it sound like he’s playing up how he feels about it for the sake of the crowd and trying not to sound like an asshole but he really just said that to my face excitedly with no one else listening. THAT was cool.

i talked to zach next, i had to tell him i did the killer in the mirror mashup and the lonely dance mashup, and also told him that i thought it was very sweet that he was checking up on me in july. i think he was feeling under the weather though :( right after he walked offstage he tweeted about how much he hated being sick on tour, i hope he feels better :(

and i definitely talked too much with cody but he definitely wanted to talk to me too. i told him the same thing i told maxx but put a little more emphasis on how much i didn’t have any confidence at all, to which he said “i’ve had moments like that too” and i told him now i have the most confidence i’ve had in a very very long time. and this time i had him take the selfie because i was shaking so much my photo with zach was blurry (woops!)

(selfies post)

and i dont remember exactly what was said to elicit this but as i was about to walk away i brought up the fan power award and how i wanted to cry reading the article and he said “i’m so glad we got that award out of anything else” and i said “you deserve it” and he said “thats all of us, you guys too”

anyways yeah i spent way too long talking with him bc they had been almost out of time and he had to fuckin speedrun the rest of the people in line signing things and taking selfies and right as he was leaving i told him to look out for something i was going to give during the set.

we went back outside, and i bought merch for myself and cole, and someone who didnt have their card and sent me money on mobile. damn! and then we stood outside for so long i was like “why am i here” i was tired and also tired of waiting.

point north was actually pretty good, kellin came out for one of their songs which i was NOT expecting in the slightest (cole was fucking shook, not emotionally prepared). belmont i wasn’t as big of a fan of and i kinda got bored but there were some people there that were super into it, there was a pit and a fair amount of crowdsurfers.

when set it off came on i wasn’t losing my mind as much as i usually am but wow my serotonin levels!!!!! it was INSTANTLY noticeable that they seemed so much happier than when i saw them in july. cody especially was smiling so much, he was having such a good time. and might i say no disrespect is SO much fucking fun live, the left-right thing is super fun. during killer in the mirror cody went on top of the crowd like he usually does and i realized that that would be a good time to give the flag to him (the stage was really tall and the space between the barrier and the stage made me nervous) but he was a little too far and he stood up past me so he didnt see it. so i kept it until catch me if you can, which is when i originally planned to give it to him because wow that song is becoming like my life mantra. he finally saw it once i unfolded it a little and gave me a “gimme a second” finger. so for the second verse he walked over and motioned to give it to him and i was too scared to throw it over the gap so someone else did, and he struggled to unfold it and read what it said during the song so he just waved it a bit and put it on his mic stand. and after the song he opened up the flag with zach and read it, and pointed at me and hit his chest/heart, and he walked up to the mic and said “this is beautiful, thank you.” he kissed it and put it over maxxs drumset 🥺

for the next song i almost fuckin CRIED, he was singing to me so much and gave me a little finger heart and of course the thought in my mind was “why, i don’t deserve this” but then i thought about the tattoo and the past year and i got so emotional i thought i was gonna cry!!! fuck!!!

(gifset post) (video of unfolding flag) (video of holding up flag) (photo)

so yeah basically i am a mess. stan set it off stream catch me if you can and fuckin trans rights babey

#set it off #set it off adventures #ok last big post about this show aldskfjas no more content #sio jan 2020

[july-19th-club]

about to just start inventing picard episodes

star trek picard episode whatever “Electric Sheep”: Cris, Raffi, and the gang beam down to pick up supplies for malfunctioning holograms. Soji and Geordi conduct an experiment on lucid dreaming. (geordi’s here because i love him and the experiment they’re doing is ‘if soji puts enough parts of her brain in sleep mode can she or geordi talk to a remnant of her dad in there’ and the result is ‘yes and there are seventeen individual lines of dialogue that will have you bawling like a baby’. then they have to pilot la sirena out of a contested patch of space together because they accidentally let her drift while they were doing weird science and everybody else is planetside having wacky market haggling shenanigans and emmett & enoch are still not online. do they sit in The Correct Spots On The Bridge? brother, it’s the only reason the scene exists)

star trek picard episode whatever 2 electric boogaloo “Dinner and a Holonovel”: Raffi and Seven go on their first official date. Meanwhile, La Sirena receives a coded message from one of Raffi’s mysterious contacts. (in this one Raf and Sev get dressed up but they’re both sort of uncomfortable doing so and they try to have a date but neither of them are enjoying themselves trying to be normal, because Raf’s an old reprobate who’s definitely forgotten how to Have Fun With Others and Sev never learned because it wasn’t relevant to her interests. but then they wind up in some trouble(maybe they deliberately seek it out sort of unconsciously bc they’re bored) and it becomes a fun bar fight date that they really enjoy. everybody else is playing twenty questions trying to figure out this weirdly-encoded message for her bc she’s busy. they come back all bruised and grinning and the whole gang looks up at them with this half-decoded message and is like what kind of life do you lead).

star trek picard episode whatever 2 the sequel “Dr. and Mr. Smith”: Raffi’s contact has asked the crew for their help in a...discreet political matter. (it’s a reverse heist episode starring everyone’s two favorite sort-of-semi-retired-?-spies (if we are spies no we are not. yes we are. no <3). julian and raffi have a very good rapport and sev and garak don’t understand each other AT ALL. yes they are together in this one. no i dont think we need much backstory on when or how it happened i will leave that to the experts and their fucking youtube plays. keep up the good work. what are they reverse-stealing? idk yet it’s just a vehicle for character dynamics anyway).

star trek picard episode we cry a lot “The Daughters”: Soji confronts her legacy when an old friend of her fathers hails La Sirena, eager to repay a debt. (although to be honest, when is our sweet girl NOT confronting her legacy? that bitch is all legacy; she’s got legacy frankly oozing out of her positronic pores. this is partly a story about soji, but it takes a while to get there. first it’s the story of Sarge, who had an imaginary friend when she was six...

she can’t pinpoint exactly when she came up with him, and she doesn’t even remember what she named him - but she knows it happened sometime around the evacuations, and when they all moved back home and the world started growing again - lush and fast from the rich volcanic soil - she used to spend hours playing around with her birthday-gift radio set, ‘talking’ to her imaginary friend. of course, she never got actual replies, but as she aged out of the phase she retained an interest in radio and communications, and her parents indulged it and bought her more and better equipment, enrolled her in science programs, fed her curiosity. until one day as a young adult doing a school project on theoretical outer space transmissions, she arrived at a theory which (she later describes it as a CLICK, like something is settling into place in her brain) could account for the existence of extraterrestrial life, just out of reach. and perhaps, she posits in her presentation, the reason no aliens had yet contacted her world had little to do with them not being there and much to do with them choosing not to respond. the goal, she concluded, was to continue reaching out - to close the gap. she wrapped up the presentation with a nod to nostalgia. “And maybe someday, those friends will be imaginary no more.”

she wins an award for the project, and begins work in her chosen field that’s extremely rewarding, but it is still years before she reaches her second conclusion: the logical leap that if future alien contact was not only possible but likely, her imaginary friend might have been a real person after all. she brings this idea up with her mother one night over dinner, and her mother is somewhat alarmed - what do you mean you think you were talking to aliens, you couldn’t do that on a child’s transmitter kit, adults??? adult aliens? what are you saying they said to you? - but she can’t answer. she doesn’t have clear memories of that time, only an unshakeable conviction that the life she may have contacted is closer than anyone could possibly imagine. and so she starts a new project. she digs out the old childhood kit, fiddles with the dials, finds the frequency she used to tune it to. in her mind’s eye there’s the impression of a clear, frank voice, but no words. she tunes her own, more modern and complex instruments, to the same frequency, and keeps listening.

one day, she hears something. this time, she doesn’t talk first. the next few months are a whirlwind of information-gathering. there are people out there. whole societies. she pieces together the basics of what she’ll eventually learn is the prime directive; enough ships pass by the atmosphere of her world that she’s able to form a working conclusion as to why the come close but never hail. they know we’re down here, she thinks, they just think we’re not ready.

and maybe they don’t have the kind of boats that could get you that far into the sky. but she’s always been resourceful. she picks up a new frequency, and starts listening to starfleet. and after a few months of listening and planning, she starts packing. she takes the kiddie transmitter kit, she takes clothing designed for all-weather wilderness exposure, she takes the kind of emergency preserved food that people used to keep by the pallet in case of earthquake, and she takes a few other trinkets she can’t live without. and when the time is right, she hails. it might be a combination of luck or goodwill, but she manages to convince a passing freighter that she is the stranded comms officer of a downed private ship, the only survivor of the wreck hiding out on a pre-warp world. they beam her up and the first few weeks are very touch-and-go, but she manages to convince them she belongs up here, that the people who look like her are very far away and not just under their feet, darting around her green little world like a hill of bugs under the eyes of giant birds. she gets off at the nearest starbase, and she starts exploring.

she takes numerous vessels to numerous worlds, gathering information all the time. she starts calling herself Sarge, instead of Sarjenka, and it makes people think she’s a military type and nobody bothers her. she stops at a library planet for a month and researches everything she can about the major governing systems in the galaxy. without much to go on - no name, only a vague physical description (tall? pale? humanoid?) - it’s hard to determine exactly what kind of vessel the Friend would have been on, if indeed he existed. the yellow clothes, one of her few clear recollections, lead her to guess starfleet, but starfleet is a massive organization and so many of its vessels have come near her homeworld that it seems unlikely she’ll be able to narrow it down like that. so she tries a different tack, searching for the other two vague faces that she can bring to mind. one is a middle-aged woman, humanoid, but the search turns up nothing; the woman is a doctor who has retired from the organization and now works at a teaching hospital near vulcan. the other is a bald man with a deep voice, humanoid, and his record turns up an absolute deluge of information. she skips past most of it; she’s inpatient now, if anyone knows about the Friend he will, and so she checks his last known location. on board the private supply-class ship La Sirena, captained by ex-starfleet officer Cristobal Rios. Rios is tall, dark-haired, and humanoid, but absolutely nothing about him rings that little mental bell. she checks his last docking location. the ship visited a reclamation site briefly, and then disappears from the record.

but Sarge is nothing if not a searcher, so she adjusts her frequencies and tries again. it’s months before they’re in proximity to one another, months in which she’s taken the opportunity to secure her own vessel, a little rented, dented passenger bucket that’s probably worth more in repairs than the price she got it for. but she trades radio repairs for ship repairs at the port where she buys it, looks up its name (Avis) and finds it acceptable, and then she’s in the sky. she tools around exploring new bases and stations, and keeps the hail open. and one day, it’s answered. a human voice answers. “Avis, we read you. What can we do for you?” they go on-screen with each other, and she sees first the captain - the bearded guy - and then...him. the old man. he is an old man, the bald guy, and his eyebrows raise when he sees her come on the viewer.

“Permission to come on board?” she asks. “I have something which might belong to one of you.”

the old man looks wary for a moment, but then he turns to someone behind him, they exchange some quiet words, and he nods. “Permission granted.”

there’s a young woman waiting for her at the transport platform. shorter than her by a good half meter, humanoid. pale. “Dr. Soji Asha,” she says, “You look...”

and Sarge could swear she’s about to say ‘familiar.’

“Sarge,” she says, and the woman’s small hand grasps her long one in a firm shake, and then waits patiently while Sarge performs greeting, letting her fingers just-not-rest on the woman’s shoulders and arms. “I’m actually looking for an old friend of mine, and I thought you might have his whereabouts. Tall, pale, starfleet officer? Ops gold. I know that’s not much to go on, but if it helps, he would have once contacted and established a rapport with pre-warp Drema IV? Humanoid, but not human. He...” It’s weird. standing here, explaining herself to this quietly-held young woman, Sarge is able to articulate better than ever before her half-formed memories. “He told me once he was a machine.” and then, like another CLICK is settling, she has a name. At last. “Data.” I knew he’d had a name.

the woman’s face lights up and falls in such swift motion it is hard to tell which comes first - the recognition or the sorrow. but they’re both there, clear and present. “Dad died almost twenty years ago,” she says. “But if it helps, I have a positronic clone of his brain.”

Sarge starts laughing; she doesn’t mean to, but the way the woman - Soji - says it, so matter-of-fact, so frank...she stops herself before it’s rude, but Soji’s laughing too. “Sorry, I -”

“No, don’t - how do you - how did you know Dad? Come on, come with me -”

“What happened? I didn’t know him for long, I barely remembered him, but I knew he existed -”

“That’s a long story. Do you want to meet the crew?”

Soji reaches for her hand, and with a feeling of mechanisms interlocking as they properly should, she takes it. they start walking. “Oh.” She’s almost forgotten. “If...if he’s not around to take it back, then this might belong to you.” She reaches in her pocket and holds it out: a small, ceramic singing bird.)

#mr chabon take notes or just hire me #geordi is also in all the other episodes . i really think picard would go from good to great if geordi was there regularly #i miss him sm and im in the middle of tng AS WE SPEAK #i got a little carried away on the last one and it turned into a whole-ass fic maybe #star trek #star trek: picard #this is the post that was incoming and yeah it's all star trek dont @ me #i am really good at star trek

[thepringlesofblood]

thoughts on stranger things three  (spoilers. so many.)

this is just me yellin into the void as usual, but I like recording my opinions on things even if no one will read them 

good:

- every single scene w/ the robin, steve, erica, dustin gang, especially!!! the coming out scene. scoops?? iconic. steve and dustin’s secret handshake? transcendent. the drugged out back to the future scene? perfect. 

- eleven and max say fuck the patriarchy. love el’s new look 

- more competent women is always a win

- funhouse fight!!! carnival fight!!!FIREWORKS??!??!

- the destruction of the mall (sadly the only anticapitalist symbolism I could find)

- the scene after jonathan and nancy get fired where they’re angry about their separate marginalized identities making this loss worse. I really liked how it went into the ways it will impact both of them, and I especially liked when nancy got home and talked to her mom. 

- joyce going buckwild and getting shit done. 

- the portrayal of hypervigilance as a symptom of PTSD. All of these characters have seen some shit, and all of them pick up on the littlest things the second they present themselves because subconsciously, they’re always on edge, always aware of bad it could break. 

- most of will’s character arc. not all, but most of it. the queer experience of watching all your friends get dates and feeling like you’re missing out on something? trying to regain their interest because you feel lost and left behind? worrying that you’re not “growing up” because you don’t recognize romantic interest in yourself? not realizing you’re falling for your best friend until they get a romantic partner and suddenly you hate the partner even though they haven’t done anything wrong? a poignant, beautiful, very painful portrayal of queer teenhood. I really, really wish there was a moment that the audience realized will was in love with mike though. Like, it’s been building for a very long time. Also, a more thorough confirmation of will’s queerness would’ve been nice. I think they meant mike saying “you don’t understand bc you don’t like girls” to be that confirmation, but I want to hear it from will. Robin’s moment is so so so good though. 

- domestic fuckery 

- getting someone on the inside to help them/alexei as a character. not the symbolism or larger ramifications of his character arc, but how his knowledge and personality interacted. 

- mr clarke!!!!

- el going into someone’s memories again

- how prepared everyone is to fight because they’ve seen this shit before and robin and erica are just like ‘this might as well happen’ 

- keeping with the stranger things pattern of having a bunch of different groups of people all in different genres and then together they all meet up and go ?????

- I know every says billy didn’t get enough of a redemption arc but tbh I did not see his character development as redeeming in any way and I liked that. It didn’t excuse his abusive actions, it just explained them. There was no “oh he was secretly good all along”, no dramatic total character reversal on his death bed, just him deciding that he had enough of being controlled. Max didn’t get full closure with him, he didn’t say some big speech about being wrong or realizing the ramifications of his actions bc he hadn’t reached that point yet. he just said “I’m sorry” and died. that could mean “i’m sorry for how I’ve treated you”, “I’m sorry for how many people I’ve killed”, “I’m sorry for not being able to stop the monster”, anything. we don’t know what it means. we don’t get an explanation. It speaks to how survivors of abuse often don’t get to know why, don’t get closure, don’t get all the answers. 

- steve finally won a fight before getting the shit kicked out of him

- the whole no one knowing anything about each other bc no cell phones and/or wasnt there when It Happened. 

- Erica getting the DND set was poetic cinema 

- when joyce sees will on the firetruck and they run towards each other because finally, for once, will is completely unscathed, will isn’t the one who got hurt/possessed. I was already crying but this is the part where i had to get tissues bc I was sobbing. 

Bad:

- the red scare bullshit and glorification of capitalism. this show started out as “the US govt is doing shady shit” and now the big climatic “everything’s alright” is the army getting there?? what the fuck. There’s being accurate to the time period and then there’s sending a message. they could’ve subverted that trope in so many ways, but they just went for straight up “capitalism is great! fuck russia!” and I hated that. also, talk about one-note villainry. there weren’t even any dramatic monologues to make up for it, it just kinda sucked. 

- Hopper’s character in the beginning of the season. the scene where he gets wasted after getting stood up? shitty. not talking to el about his vaguely sexist overprotective actions? shitty. blowing up at joyce for no reason? shitty. he pulls it together in the end but it was OOC for a bit there. Plus I would kill for more “hopper and el work through their trauma together”, rather than “friend group splinters bc hopper did a yell” 

- I don’t know what to think about hopper’s death. It just hurts, and not in a satisfying, last harry potter book way. 

- why the fuck are the byers and el moving?????? did they ever give a reason???? WHY?????? WILL AND EL’S ENTIRE SUPPORT NETWORK, THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO KNOW WHAT THEY’VE BEEN THROUGH AND CAN HELP THEM, IS IN HAWKINS!!!!!

- the ads. omg the ads. lucas idc about your fucking coke. there’s so much goddamn product placement. christ on a goddamn bicycle. 

- previous seasons have had body horror, but it was all black goo so it was removed from reality and conveyed a psychological, otherworldly horror. and I liked that. WHY WAS THERE SO MUCH FUCJING MEAT IN THIS ONE??? THE MIND FLAYER LOOKED LIKE IT WAS MADE OF BBQ SAUCE AND I HATED IT!!! STOP!!!THE MEATS!!!!!

- can el not be injured......for oNCE?????

- also can people stop standing around staring at shit so much? theyve seen it before. it’s not like it’s a huge shock. people stand around for like 5 minutes before Doing Things and it annoys me. with the New Kids like erica and robin it makes sense but like....whenever theres a monster mike just sits there like :o cOME ON DUDE YOU’VE DONE THIS SO MANY TIMES GET A KNIFE OR SOMETHIN!!!

- WHAT. WAS. THE GREEN STUFF?????????????????? IS IT FUCKING PLUTONIUM OR SOMETHING???? WHAT THE FUCK!!! IF YOU NEED A MACGUFFIN BE LESS OBVIOUS ABOUT IT!!!

- idk about you but murray yelling at them about sex kinda rubbed me the wrong way. 

- speaking of, you caNNOT convince me that murray, 4 locks on the front door lives in a bunker murray, would take a goddamn enemy of the state to a carnival and leave him alone for any period of time. seriously????????

- look.....it was adorable.....i’ll give you that.....but.....the song dustin and suzy sang slapped me with secondhand embarrassment and genre disconnect so hard I found it impossible to enjoy. also...planck’s constant??? you could/......idk........call mr clarke????????? you’ve interrupted the man’s life for less!!!! I was also half expecting it to be joyce who remembered it from all the studying she did on the magnets. I did enjoy the whole “i met a girl at camp” story being unbelievable until it was but like I was expecting the thing she wanted him to say to be like a famous star wars love quote or something not an entire song jesus christ 

- if hopper turns out to be alive I will face god and walk backwards into hell. I suffered through supernatural, I will not be caught in a cycle of fake deaths again. 

- i get the whole “we’re growing up now” thing but aren’t they like 13? theyre still so young??? also like i dont rly care for the vague soap-opera-y vibes the core squad gave off. 

- the only people who got flayed were either a. already pretty shitty or b. completely unknown. like. it just made it less scary????

- hopper just fucking standing by the machine looking at joyce instead of running the 5 seconds up the steps into the room. seriously? was that supposed to be slow motion or was that real time??? 

- the whole thing with cerebro not working at the beginning sucked ass. 

- hey does mrs wheeler have eyes??? like??? there were exactly two (2) scenes she had with mike and nancy and both were Big Conversations like they live there right/????tbh i forgot she was their mom until those scenes bc of the whole billy thing, which i decidedly do not have an opinion on but like....do they eat breakfast there??? 

#spoilers #stranger things spoilers #stranger things #stranger things 3 #stranger things 3 spoilers

[m1nkyun]

‘we must love’ mv theory

hi welcome to my wild theory :^) i never really wrote anything like this down before BUT this storyline was too good to not attempt to figure out and ive been thinking about this since the mv teaser dropped. so here’s what i think what’s going on in the mv. just a lil disclaimer ig,  that all of this is just what im picking up from the music videos, so just take this theory into consideration not as fact lol. plz humor me bc i’ve been writing this for almost 5 hours and im gonna lose it. so plz join me in this wild adventure thru different timelines and universes that also tie into ‘on/off’ and ‘complete’ bc onf’s concept is wild :^)

to connect everything with ‘we must love’ we gotta recap on the first two music videos real quick. so buckle up kids lets GO. im basing this off my vague remembering off of the explanation for the ‘on/off’ mv, i can’t remember where exactly they explained it but if i’m remembering right. they’re all androids and laun is their energy provider. i think the android part may have been apart of my own theory when on/off first came out (reason being is their barcodes) but laun is 100% the one who provides the energy or something like that. lol. something to note here is hyojin, e-tion, and j-us are mostly a trio together and really the only ones you get to see in uniforms together in the mv. (other than the scene where laun passes out and everyone’s like o dam. ) they are the three to look into laun’s room. and there’s the fact that they were just chilling in his room learning about the globe and stuff. notable since they’re the most prominent ones in the great search for laun 2k19. just food for thought 🤔

here’s showing when laun put in too much energy in this machine and ended up passing out.

putting “my name is” and a picture of himself, this may be because he had some sort of memory loss as a result from the pass out. he has this as a reminder for himself.

and this very interesting cinema board may be something to look at here, maybe predicting the future to come in this universe lmao.

(a side note, in the ‘on/off’ mv, laun’s barcode is on the back his neck but in ‘we must love’, its on the side of his neck. whether or not this is important or a continuity error idk lol. in general im just gonna ignore the barcode rule bc i didnt see it on anyone else in we must love so IDK. ive actually only remember seeing it on hyojin and laun i think. the barcodes are so confusing idk what to to with them :^( ) before i continue to the next mv, i just want to point out the MAJOR object that truly connects everything together, this funky lil asteroid:

this bad boi is a lil demon in disguise. Complete: the connections to ‘on/off’ are very minimal to a sense of you can just excuse them as “references” rather than any clues as it to being set in another universe. but that’s honestly exactly what it is. it was more than just cute lil callbacks to their first music video. this is legit just same boys, same timeline, different universe. example one:

the bad boi returns. mk looking up at this asteroid is very important. you’ll see later or you already know why probably lmao. two: the machine laun’s messing with may be the energy source machine that’s used in this universe. it does have a little card slot in it.

and then THIS SCENE:

asteroids literally raining down. very similar to the opening scene in ‘we must love’ this may be the start of what’s happening as a result of the ‘on/off’ / ‘we must love’ universe.

AND NOW THE ‘WE MUST LOVE’ once again, starting off the mv is mk looking at the asteroids raining down like, a doomsday type of feel rather than a cute shooting star kinda feel as the previous ones. it’s not even the same as when j-us in ‘complete’ was surrounded by asteroids because this time there’s literally ember falling around the era. it’s definitely more danger feel than in ‘complete’. i think the reason the world is quickly heading to danger is because of laun leaving the facility. he’s not just the energy to them, but to the whole world? and since he’s gone, everything’s s starting to get out of control.

laun wakes up in a forest, looking completely lost unaware where he is.

and then here, he’s having flashbacks to two scenes that happen later in the music video. where they try to stop him from leaving. and when hyojin confronts him. due to the glitchiness of the memories, i’m believing that the memories are leaving him and he’s going through memory loss again like in ‘on/off’.

j-us over here in laun’s room trying to locate his whereabouts. in the address you can see it says “universe 01” at the bottom. basically confirmed that there is multiple universes and they’re at least 99 of them. wow good luck finding him now.

yuto’s clock being 3:14 is the same length as the music video. at first i thought it might have been a timer for how long everyone had in the universes they were sent to to find laun but then i realized they were most likely there for more than that amount of time so idek lol. BUT i thought’d i’d keep this part in here as just something to think about ig.

this is where it gets…. sad. laun’s looking out of the window which we now know can change screens. assuming that it’s actually a window to the other universes, laun looks out admiring the nature and such.

the way he looks out the window is so longing, like he wants to experience it himself. other than when he needs to be out, he’s always trapped in this room. even in “on/off” all of his solo scenes were him cooped up in his room. the only time he was actually out of his room and not in uniform was him sadly holding a balloon. this kid has discovered the beauty of nature and really wants to venture out to see it himself.

im not sure if it’s suppose to be the same room but there are a lot of similarities to the both of them. im thinking maybe due to being on a different set, they did what they could to resemble laun’s original room? because a big thing here is laun’s window, which is basically his freedom. which from the outside it’s just a window looking in, but what if it’s a two way window? on laun side it has the capability to show different universes, other side looking in his room to check on him.

right after j-us finds laun’s location, seemingly figuring out this whole ordeal, since he was also reading some sort of message. he gets caught. with the sign being said “Danger: Time Travel Operate”, it’s possible that time travel is illegal within the facility, probably specifically to the students, because of how dangerous it is.

my idea as to why this scene is happening is because laun’s presence lead hyojin to here. except laun isn’t here exactly. he was there but in another universe. and the fade outs are showing that. they’re always so close, yet so far.

then there’s this flashback to when everyone frantically trying to stop laun from time traveling, they know how dangerous time traveling is and they’re trying to save him

his arm is out as if he’s trying to tell them to stay back (not in a mean way of course, but in a “plz let me do this” way). but in a later scene he looks even more worried, maybe last second regretting this decision. he’s probably aware the dangers of time traveling, he’s ready to risk it all in the name of nature, but i dont think he’s fully aware how vital it is for he himself to stay in that place.

e-tion finally comes across laun, the real laun. but before he can call out to him, e-tion disappears. i have two theories to this. 1. continuing on from like the laun & hyojin scene from before. they’re in the same place, but different universes. but imo that wouldnt really make sense because e-tion clearly sees laun. in hyojin and laun’s scene, i think it’s clear that neither of them saw each other since hyojin just walked off. 2. e-tion’s time travel watch is on a timer. and right before he can catch laun’s attention, the watch sends him back to his own universe. :( which i think is more accurate. which means that the fade outs have multiple purposes.

there he is

and there he go

and here’s to what i dub is the absolute saddest part of this entire music video (other than laun crying )’: ) yuto stayed behind in the facility in their classroom. its showing everyone having fun, wyatt looking up into the sky :^),  probably the daily antics of their classroom breaks. but then its everyone fading out to an empty room. it’s showing what used to be. when they were all together. yuto is reminiscing on the past. he misses his friends and my heart HURTS.

and with the final scene. hyojin finally catching up to laun. this scene is kinda complicated for many reasons. laun looks right at hyojin but turns around and hyojin disappears. 1. the same theory of different universes. laun may have felt hyojin’s presence and turned around to check to see if anyone was behind him, but left after seeing no one was there. which will be wild bc then laun woulda had a stand off - stare off with the air if that was the case.

2.he clearly saw hyojin, but he just had no idea who he was due to the memory loss. and being the nice boy laun is, he’d just smiled at him and went on his way. making hyojin miss his last chance of catching laun due to the timer that sent him back to his universe. also remember, this scene was involved in laun’s memory wipe in the beginning of the mv. and this is the only scene that’s in black and white. was it a flash back in this scene, or a flash forward from laun when he was in the woods?

some after thought questions i have:

why did hyojin have to use an emergency button to time travel, but e-tion had a watch similar to laun. and how did mk and wyatt get to where they were as well. i would make the suggestion that mk is actually in the ‘complete’ universe due to the asteroid storm, but then there’s this scene. behind him are screens showing the different universes everyone’s in. (including the one he was in).  maybe he went to the ‘complete’ universe after this scene, but how did he get there. 🤔

that being said i have no idea about wyatt’s part. him with the motorcycle, and then running through the city. yeah he’s probably looking for laun too, but im kinda sad that there wasn’t more to it like everyone else :( i just dont know. and to tie it all together, the lyrics of the song are directly about all of this. “losing memories” “past, future, a different world”. it a song about a familiar feeling with someone as if you knew them in the past, future, a whole different universe, like you were bonded by time. this music video doesnt just tie that in on its own, but also with ‘on/off’ and ‘complete’. i just find it completely genius the way they went about it and im really curious if this concept will continue and i really hope it does because there’s so many unanswered questions. is laun gonna be ok, will they bring him back safely, is the world gonna be ok, most importantly, where’s wyatt. the only thing i haven’t brought up is the astronaut lady in ‘on/off’ because i have no idea where’d she fit into the other mvs. but she is so valid. so basically, tl;dr, laun wanted to universe travel to all the beautiful places he’s seen through his alternate universe looking window to temporally escape from the confines of his room where he always has to stay cooped up in, as seen in the ‘on/off’ mv. he ended up losing his memory from doing so since he’s pretty prone to memory lost, causing mostly everyone to go out looking for him and failing at the last moments. and now the world is in peril because laun’s basically the earth’s control center but he’s lost and not in the facility where he can keep things balanced. tl-tl;dr: laun just wanted to see the real world but then it turned into where’s waldo: laun edition, except if we cant find laun fast the whole universe is going to die.

i hope u enjoyed my lil theory, plz dont be afraid to share your theories with me or let me know if i missed anything important, or messed up anything in this theory. im all open to discuss this amazing cinematic masterpiece that our lord and saviors onf is providing us with!!

#onf #breaking: fuse loses his got dam mind over onf #ive never been more dedicated or passionate about writing something in life then writing this theory #ive had so many ideas fly thru my head since the first teaser im glad i get to give it out to the world #bc if i were to keep this to myself id literally explode #ksjdkj #I LOVE ONF!!!

[misterbitches]

Most ppl porbably know this if u have been following me for a while bc i’m a prettentious hIDEOUS anarchist BITCH and i never shut up about it but i’m a filmmaker (and artiste i paint and illustrate...poorly) I hate awards shows, i hate the self-congratulatory BS rthe rich pplkin a room or ppl who want to be rich or gain social capital. No matter their color or gender etc it’s bullshit. Definition of insanity is watching this shit over and over and expecting a different outcome. It’s truly a wonderrful feeling to be acknowledged and if awards show didnt determine some bullshit (literally « good opportunities » it depends on who. What happened to lupita n’yongo?)

I have some sad news: 1 - i think other races are realizing that, much like the black counterparts they obsess over because we are just that fuckin’ fascinating, but they are fads. You are a fad ni the machine that isw bullshit Culturalism and multiculturalism as progress. Do not rest on the rich people, believe in your fucking self and do what you need. Bong Joon Ho existed befor ean dafter that win (i kidna want to go into this more but no) and barry jenkins pre-moonlight made a film that was extremely well-received and featured (shock) a black cast and good actors and was about gentrification. He took a break from filmmaking and focused on advertising IIRC for THIRTEEN YEARS. SO THEY EXIST. As for black filmmakers and arrtists we are alsways. Here. Leads me to 2; you exist and you should not be stolen from

2 - i startefd doing more research on blackface and minstrelsy digital blackface as well. And blackness is a commodity as we know butt here’s just constant fucking theft. I learned about the few succesful times balckface was incorporated (by black people ofc) and just yea. It was eye-opening. I didn’t know the oscars were happening and then i got the notif about boseman before bed and it was pointless.

I think he should have been out of the runnin at least for a bit. They knew what they were doing because the academy didn’t vote for him. I can’t remember correctly but if I have vague knowledge the movie wasn’t received super well (like, say, a fences) so maybe it makes sense. But this man died at 43 and was working through COLON CANCER (my father had the same thing, same stage, but he’s here at 62. It’s just shitty. It’s fucking shitty) and you want to evaluate his work? In this stupid fucking paradigm after this hell year? After the hell year for black people specifically (spoiler: THIS IS OUR CONSTANT) and what I find dumbfounding about this is this is capitalism. This is hollywood. This is the mainstream (refer to #1) because there has to be winners and losers. This is a hot take so maybe we dont’ need to judge posthumously—at least not in an instant way when someone passes but released a work—at least maybe not an award. Critiquing and talking about their work (like jonghyun’s album poet|artist) is different then hyoing up a construction and saying to a man who is by the way um como se dice DEAD!!!! DEAD! HELLO! And saying « lol u lost the most important awards show ‘ever’ according 2 us also ur dead also this doesnt matter and oh btw here’s an nft of this DEAD BLACK MAN’S FACE in your goodie bags! » like what is this garbage

Technology has made it so removal of ownership is an even better form of stealing. An even better way for minstrelsy to prevail on non-blackness. When black minstrelsy has existed (IE black people using that pain and stereotype as subversion, as laughs, because the trauma of being seen as an object is endless. So we have to figure out what pain you put upon us and how we can proceed) and we are innovators, creators, foundations. FIlmmaking relies on black exploitation and erasure, most art does, and we are not people until we can be commodities. We aren’t real because blackness is an expression not a state of being, not trauma and pain, not joy and immense beauty.

The thing is that (most) AI, NFTs, techno advancement (space ex lmao) isn’t about absorption, sharing, and innovating. Deepfakes all of that shit too. It facilitates THEFT. Tik Tok is born out of black theft and like most bad things that evolve black pain evolves to greater pain, particularly in america, so now black people are having their work removed or livelihoods copied (btw if ur not black u will nevr be, u will never understand our structure of feeling and who we are. I know it pains you but build a bridge and get the fuck over it. You can’t be a nigga and eschew the nigger) it seeps into regular popular culture. The fact that an NFT of nirvana’s last shoot is being sold is fucking everyhting Nirvana is against. Basquiat would probably hate that (if he could wrap his 1980s brain around the concept. I hate it. I hate it because none of it is to help artists or to go further. You don’t have to recreate a Nirvana song via AI because this time has passed. The band members wouldn’t even want that.

We can’t bottle time and memories and remove the fucking context from them. It’sd scary. And so much of this is just relying on black exploitation and theft of immense black labor. Our freedom is intrinsic to world freedom and yuo can see as things evolve how (particularly in the US but also our likeness as culture and cutural exploits) and eventually, maybe, you will be erased like us. But the thing is: we know this, we live it, we keep going. Can other people handle that? I am not so sure, though I hope they will. One last thing as more and more people try and become progressive or whatever I really just wish they understood blackness as a real root to liberation. Ending Israeli Apartheid is a big one as well; we are not free until Palestinians are free but if they get free then we have to attack the (non black) « arab » psyche of superiority. However, Palestinians have an afffinity with black people in the diaspora because of the genocidal tendencies in the US and because of SA apartheid.

I’m going to stop here but none of these things above are intersted in sharing more art and stuff. The OSCARS were cvreated to bust unions and keep black people out. Celebrities who are radical got their lives destroyed. And now we have very little legacy of people doing what they enjoy because they enjoy it and being able to speak up. It’s less of a necessity when you can just get in the room and chill. The idea is to get people realizing they dont WANT to be in the room.

Lastly: my thoughts on representation are complex. I do not believe the representation of asians is going to go as far as people think and I absolutely do not believe that it is because of the anti-asian hate and sinophobia that is borne out of this time. Hollywood has no interest in being progressive and what little we get it’s being pushed onthe inside. Even for streaming companies outside of TV—status quou is imminent. Media is propaganda and true amazing artists can convey it. But it’s more about money and fame as capital atp which is always the direction it was going.

Artists deserve happiness, ownership, and a life. They should want to say things that matter, nothing is apolitical, and we should strive to make good shit. Strive to reduce waste on sets. Strive to see people as fucking human. Art is a ridiculous stupid bougie rat-race but here I am.

#a thot

[transrightsjimin]

more ranting abt just. realizing how fucked up we all were in primary school

god i know ppl often talk abt how terrible male spaces r and they very much are!! definitely far worse than situations im familiar with. but i think i noticed the violence of gender, exercised through means of beauty standards and body shaming, autism ableism, being sexualized, mainly through other girls and women as a kid.

i just felt a bit weirded out in cis girl-dominant spaces and i later on felt it too when e.g. in the lolita fashion community (higghhh perfomance of femininity there, and also nazis in the dutch comm) or a feminist space for research (where e.g. girls were encouraged to stand at the front of an audience?? which is very perfomative nd pressuring to reveal your gender imo). these might not even be the first examples i could think of but they were the first ones.

like just the expectation that you need to uphold to all the same high maintenance performance of (coloniall) feminity; acting really social and w higher voice and care about dieting and shaving and whatnot... it’s so harmful nd it was imposed primarily by girls in primary school and my mom. i do think my autism allowed me to not allow in fast mimicking and internalization of gendered social behaviours, instead questioning why people even do y or z, but that was also why i was bullied nd alienated by girls in dressing rooms. (as girls r expected to be highly social - irrespective of whether that means sympathetic or not - and so a quieter autistic person does not fit the standard.)

nd i cant even feel any sort of resentment anymore nowadays towards the class from like 15 years ago. i used to, and was rly weird abt my resentment when super depressed nd dived into kids’ horror books to romanticize wrath stories. nd maybe for a kid that is fine but i rly cant look back at the bullies, who are just memorized as kids in my mind, and wish something bad onto them. i realized nd discovered way too late that a lot of the girl classmates themselves dealt w physical and sexual abuse by adults and i just really dont find it moral to still hold resentment over abusive children who were treated way worse by people in a much more authorative position. like it’s easy to say that just bc someone is abused, they have no excuse to do the same to others but in reality it’s not feasible for many kids to refrain from that when adults set such a bad example (including teachers, who deny the bullying going on). like if i feel any resentment it would be to their abusers and our then teachers and my mom who tried to make me feel better abt being bullied w vague sayings that hid the reality she knew abt one of my bullies.

like on the one hand it definitely caused trauma to the point of erased memories, depression, anxiety and confidence being completely broken down nd trying to ultimately conform to neurotypical body language that is acceptable until i cant even act naturally or relaxed bc of so much masking. but on the other hand there is so much worse context below the surface that i didnt even know of, nd i just cannot claim ‘oh ok but they still shouldnt have done it‘ bc i cannot and i dont think anyone should pretend to take the moral high ground of how well young children process adults mistreating them.

again im not sure where im going w this but these thoughts have been spooking in my mind for ages nd i think im glad i got the words out but idk if ive written all of this 100x before.

#rambles #tw abuse #tw child abuse #(mentioned) #tw bullying

[someobscurereference]

(1/2) hng so this was a weird thing to take away from ur nsfw hcs (100/10 by the way, i love and theyre perf) but the one ab niles and the choking also made me think ab the diff ways l/n/o handle the trauma theyve been through. (in my personal hc) obvs theres overlap, but leo becomes kinda a workaholic/insomniac, niles is (as in canon)distrusting/often distant w/ def some triggers, and odin/the trio has a warped sense of priorities in regards to their own lives/injuries (listen i have a spiel ab

(2/2)how living a long period of their lives ready to die has shifted their outlooks and while they arent suicidal they have like? A very cavalier outlook on their own lives? ‘Dont do that, you could get hurt’ ‘its cool itd totally be worth it’ ‘not to US dipshit’ and im getting sidetracked and may ask u for hcs ab that later but my original ask was how do u think n/l/o reconcile/help each other w their diff types of trauma? I love ye olde comfort trope (happy holidays FYI! take ur time w this)

Firstly, I totally agree on your points about how these three handle trauma. I hadn’t thought about Leo’s methods too much, but overworking (being 8,000% over prepared for anything/needing that sense of “things are under control”) and insomnia make sense to me, as do Niles’ and Odin’s (which I may have also vaguely referred to before in other asks). (Also I’m glad you like my other hcs, lol).

In terms of how they comfort each other, I’ll start by initially referencing this ask , in which I mention that if Odin’s secret past were to come to light, he and Niles might benefit by discussing their traumas together, as actually verbalizing their experiences (rather than leaving things unsaid as Odin might with Selena and Laslow, who experienced the bad timeline firsthand) and getting fresh perspectives might help. Niles’ and Odin’s pasts aren’t the same (different settings, different monsters, etc), but they can still probably relate to each other in certain ways. (That ask, btw, sorta also references this longer, semi-related ask if you want a larger context, but that’s the gist of what it says). So in a world where Odin is able to discuss his past trauma without giving the time/dimensional travel away (or where it is an open secret), frank discussion would probably benefit him and Niles both. 

I get the feeling Niles’ past isn’t discussed with Leo a lot? In his and Niles’ support, Leo seems pretty uncomfortable hearing about Niles’ past (when Niles is describing it in unpleasant flashes, I mean) and he actually bails kinda early in their C-Support, to the point where Niles apologizes to Leo in their B-Support in case he burdened Leo in some way. (Niles also admits he doesn’t remember a lot of his time before meeting Leo anyway, so that’s something else to unpack altogether.) Leo assures Niles that isn’t true, so he definitely isn’t shutting down that kind of communication entirely. It’s not that he’s unnecessarily unwilling so much as that he’s kinda awkward, I think. He expresses interest in what Niles has to say by asking if he has any pleasant memories of his past at all, which allows Niles to continue talking without diving back into unpleasant material for both of them. Even though Leo’s uncomfortable, he’s probably a decent listener? In their exchange, Leo seems to have the lesser amount of dialogue, often offering two or three word answers. Part of that seems to be a search for words to say, however. He’s probably better when given a heads-up. He and Niles probably don’t talk the same way Odin and Niles do about their traumas though. Leo seems to discuss the present/future worries more than past ones.

That said, I feel like Leo is the type to help more through understanding/making the situation easier for the upset person. Like, if they had to cross a bridge, he might suggest they take the longer way around and would only explicitly ask “Odin, are you okay?” if they were absolutely going to cross the bridge and it was particularly intimidating. Granted, he might not even ask at all if he’s confident Odin will be fine and doesn’t want to draw attention to it. (Leo places a lot of faith in his retainers, which sometimes appears as giving them space and independence in times of stress.)

(Also, I’m not sure Odin would admit to his fear deterring him unless explicitly asked, so that’s probably another conversation altogether too.) Leo might offer slow down or do something more once the bridge had been crossed though. 

But in another example, like, if he were sitting in a room with Niles and Niles was clearly upset thinking about something (maybe the past or another trigger), if Leo asks “Do you want to talk” and Niles says “No,” Leo would sit there in silence with Niles until Niles was feeling better. 

It’s hard to explain, but while Leo is direct in his own way, I feel like if he has all the information on a situation already, he’s not direct/asking questions the same way Niles or Odin might be.

(I feel like I’ve strayed a bit from the “comfort” part of this ask, so let’s get back on track, lol.)

Niles is the first to recognize a panic attack in any of them, including himself, and when Leo has his first panic attack, he’s the one who tells Leo to put his head down and helps him breathe until it’s over and then explains what happened when Leo asks why

When Leo overworks himself, Odin and Niles both take notice and they go out of their way to do more themselves to lessen Leo’s burden. They also either remind him to slow down or try to guide him to bed when he works late into the night too. They take turns staying up with him when Leo can’t sleep; sometimes they both stay up, but one of them has to be functional in the morning, so they try to take turns.

Finding Leo asleep in the library or on top of a book or some other place that isn’t his bed isn’t unusual, but if so, either Niles or Odin usually aren’t far away

There are things Niles Doesn’t Like and places/ways he just doesn’t want to be touched (example: don’t touch his neck too much bc that activates a fight or flight response) and so Odin and Leo don’t do those things and/or back off when Niles seems to be getting oddly fidgety and give him his space when he needs it

that said Niles is pretty tactile in private, so they’re experts by now

His memories before Leo are in fragments (as said in his Supports) so any dreams/suddenly triggered memories of his past make him feel Off for a little while. He doesn’t always talk about it–– Odin and Leo alternate between listening when he wants to speak and giving him space to reminisce depending on his mood. He’ll more often speak to Odin and sit quietly with Leo. It can happen the other way around, but it’s more common the first way.

Odin tries to hide when he’s upset the most? (Niles is super guarded unless alone with Leo and eventually also Odin. Leo also hides it, and while he’s decent, he’s not the best and his retainers see right through him anyway, especially once they’ve been around Leo for a while.) 

Maybe that’s the wrong way to phrase it. That is, while Odin might say he’s not feeling well, he’s sometimes the least likely to say why, especially if it deals with pre-Nohr stuff. 

Odin has a tendency to be vague about what’s triggering or at the very least bothering him, especially since most of his trauma comes from his secret past which is… secret, obviously. The tendency to keep it quiet even if Niles and Leo have already found out about his past still persists.

The main signs that Odin is distressed is that he gets (a.) quiet and (b.) speaks normally and seems reluctant to talk. When the source is obvious (like they’re climbing a mountain and it’s the heights thing), Niles and Leo try to talk to him as a distraction, which usually helps. When the source is less obvious/talking doesn’t help, holding hands to keep Odin grounded in the moment usually works pretty well. 

Touch is pretty good for all three of them most of the time, actually.

Happy holidays to you too! I hope you’ve had a good December!

#my text #asks #fe14 #trauma discussion #long post #i didn't touch on the 'doing things that'll definitely end up with injuries' thing that you mentioned but i wasn't ignoring it on purpose #the heights thing was just easier to use as an example #i feel like i had more to say but i can't put it into words so! thanks! i hope this was what you were looking for bc i feel like i was #somehow too vague still lol #EDIT: something i was trying to say earlier but i wasn't sure i had the words to do so #was that i feel like odin is good at compartmentalizing?? #not that niles or leo aren't because they do in their own way #but specifically tho #but i feel like the theatrics and talking like a hero thing was a hobby/interest that developed into a coping mechanism as a kid #and just continued on #which i may have mentioned before #i feel like it's less a coping mechanism and more just a fun thing he got used to by fates #bc it wasn't needed as much #but there was a good meta i read before about how selena and laslow remember people from ylisee and odin remembers/relates to events #idk where i'm really going with this or how to put it all together coherently so maybe don't even ask because i'll be just as confused as #you are but #idk i was gonna say something about how his compartmentalizing and theatrics combine into a form of disassociation? but then maybe #that's not the right word either #there's a distance #and anyway it's changed by fates at least a little and definitely lessened even if so #and i'm definitely not an expert or qualified to maybe make that call anyway #i've definitely lost the thread here sorry #if anyone asks what i'm trying to say here i won't have any idea what to tell them #blugh i tried