#i should probably go see a therapist

[youngroyals-stuff]

#and what do we think about that #i should probably see a therapist #not probably #I should definitely see a therapist #but i keep going #wilmon #young royals #wilhelm x simon #young royals season 3 #prince wilhelm #prince willhelm #simon eriksson #edvin ryding #omar and edvin #prince will

[themanwhowouldbefruit]

my doctor was sooooo fucking worthless and unhelpful im going to masturbate and i hope it fucking kills me

#“no need for follow up” #“yeah you did have several cysts we scrapped off your remaining ovary but. dw about it. idk why they were there. dw about it. oh also your #ovary on that side was freakishly huge but. dw about it. it might go away. dw about it #*doctor shrug emoji* “ #“go see a gyno next year maybe. but not me im too important for that. go find and onboard a gyno to your situation. next year maybe idk lol” #he barely even looked at my incision like #this fucking appointment could have been an email. or a phone call. or they just could have let me start driving again. also i forgot to ask #if i can stop drinking ensure now or after the 6 weeks? cause that shit cost $$$$. but he probably would have been super unhelpful if i had #fr fr this guy only wanted to give me the time of day when he thought i might have fun cancer inside and now he's like gtfo!!!! get your #fugly cancerless ass out of here!!!! recover from a major surgery on your own you swagless cancerless loser 🤣 we arent helping your #swagless ass!!! #anyway it seems weird and fucked up that im was never offered to see a physical therapist and i guess am going to have to blindly trust my #abs they sliced thru are healing or whatever and to rawdog my own physical recovery of my muscles? even just dumb shit like. my center of #gravity has drastically changed since the mass removal and my back hurts like shit all the time because all my posture muscles were built up #for when i had an extra 30 pounds of cyst hanging in the front and my posture and walking reflected that. and i lowkey don't know how #hard i am able to be with my healing incision because its really tight and makes me hunch forwards still. like i would really like to know #how much i can safely or maybe should be forcing my skin and incision to stretch. without damage? is that crazy #am i crazy??? #this shit is why i didnt see a doctor for 2 years until my problems had snowballed into a 30 pounds ovarian cyst that was crushing my other #organs and had one of my kidneys all backed up with piss. and even getting emergency treatment for it everyone was like. how did you like it #get this bad?? how could you not know you needed to seek medical treatment???? like. bro. seeking medical treatment isnt even a guarantee to #get medical treatment. #anyway he said my “remaining ovary seemed low key polycystic but dw about it. don't quote me on that im not dealing with it.” #bro i dont want to doctor google it i wanted an actual doctor to deal with it. fuck you. #like. maybe even a doctor who knows my situation so i dont have to struggle with getting someone to believe me and take me seriously. #but whatever. back to trying to figure out the daily protein and extra calories my body needs for recovery via doctor google i guess. #its fine 🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬

[raksh-writes]

Maybe this doesn’t need to be said, but Im feeling awful about it, so -- to any mutuals that might notice Im not following them anymore, I'm sorry about that. I've just seen too many posts on my dash that I have no way of blocking because they're not tagged in any way and they're distressing enough it's turning one of the only places I considered a safe space not safe for me anymore. So for my own mental health, I had to unfollow. I Will refollow in the future and I still love y'all, but I just-- I can’t. Ive been noticing some very worrying stuff about my mental and emotional state and it's just too much currently. I hope it's at least an understandable decision, and I wish y'all are having a good day out there 💗

#personal #I know its important to keep up with current events #but life overall's been a bit too much for me lately #I should prob go back to my therapist #I haven’t seen her since I went back to uni #for one because I didn’t know my schedule when we last meet and we both thought this should balance me #finally having purpose again and doing what I actually enjoy #but I also don’t have a job now so its costs and... I don’t know #but I probably should now that Im thinking maybe its time to actually get medicated for real #tho first maybe I should just visit my family doc and ask for those vit d supplements my therapists talked about #see if thats gonna be enough #autumn (and winter) has always been an awful time for me in terms of mental and emotional health #but it feels even worse these days #like Im battling against depression every day recently and rarely anything works to distract me #which is why its been hard to get back to peels in dms and such too #I was meant to meet with a friend now that Im studying in a city she lives in but I have yet to get back to her #and it feels like I have not only Zero but like Negative energy and motivation #+ Ive been dealing with an upset stomach for Weeks now #no matter what I eat it feels weird and achy and barely anything tastes good for me already so now its even worse #anyway this turned into such a rant Im sorry #I just didn’t want the lovely peeps Ive been mutuals with for a long time to think I stopped liking them or smth #its just certain untagged posts that I would otherwise block if I could #and I dont wanna impose onto anyone like a 'rule' to tag them or whatever #so yeah this is just temporary #hopefully at some point I get better enough to survive the couple distressing posts heh...

[oscill4te]

damn the family event i was supposed to go to today was canceled and it is bittersweet. Like I really didn't wanna go bc i am still not over everything, and seeing them always sets me back really bad. but damn, this family is so dysfunctional. everyone single family member just bailed or ghosted for different reasons. its kinda sad. I always feel as if I am the person who broke the family facade too. I bailed the last 2 years on this event too. so it is double ouch.

#gonna go uh. process things I guess. #like ;-; i was kinda hoping to see my sisters and aunt. moms okay. i mostly just didnt want to see my dad... #i scare my dad. he is scared of me. he turns all red and avoidant. i dont know why. #okay i do know why but its so complicated. he read through my diary when i was at work once #i fucking hate him for being such a control freak but i am just like him i guess #and lets just say; what he read probably has changed his view of me forever #i should be allowed to uncover repressed memories in privacy without family members reading it... #and i am allowed to have whatever pain i have about those things that happened... #i hate him for reading through my things #i am allowed to stumble and make mistakes and it was confirmed by my sister that it did happen so... #i am allowed to have feelings about it even if it is over reacting in others eyes and express it privately in my diary #i dont remember what i said in the note bc he took it. he wildly misinterpreted it too #he thinks i think he is a predator. no!!!! i dont think that!!!! im just hurt by weird things he has done #this stupid entry i wrote ruined our relationship but he shouldn't have read it #that note was only for me and potentially my therapist #and he never even talked to me about it. thats the worst thing. he sent my mom to talk to me about it #and he misinterpreted it so badly. bc theh both speak different languages and #the things my mom was telling me.. i was like.. i did not say those things... wtf #horrible game of telephone #txt

[theygender]

This has been on my mind for weeks and I talked to my therapist about it today and told my girlfriend about it too so now it's time for me to update the gay people in my phone: I may have schizotypal personality disorder

#this is like the equivalent of telling the bees to me #rambling #like ive been thinking about ever since i learned that autism shares a lot of similarities with schizophrenia and looked into that #and then learned about negative/cognitive symptoms and realized i related a lot to them #and then i learned more about schizotypal personality disorder and it was fuckin scary how much i related to it #what with the magical thinking and the severe social anxiety that doesnt go away when i get to know someone #and the ideas of reference and the eccentricity and the communication difficulties and the strange thought patterns #and then i specifically learned about avolition as a negative symptom which describes the exact thing thats ruining my life rn #and. i was scared to talk to my therapist about it bc i was worried it could be used against me somehow #but it was good to talk it out with her and get some additional perspective on whats going on in my brain #and if it means i could maybe possibly work on fixing the avolition and the social anxiety (my two biggest issues for years) #then it would be 100% worth it tbh. and its also kind of helpful to have some sort of framework to understand whats happening in my brain #funnily enough when i told my girlfriend (who was previously mis?diagnosed with schizophrenia and considering autism) #about it she related a lot too. so i guess we'll see how that goes #its. crazy how much of an overlap there is between schizospec orders and autism #i feel like i might should write up a post going into detail about different schizospec disorders to raise awareness #bc like. it is so much more than just hallucinations and delusions #in fact its not even required to have both of those for any schizospec disorder. some only require one and others dont require either #there is so much to the schizophrenic spectrum that i was unaware of and I'm sure that's probably true of other people too

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#head instructor to the TAs in the lab section i TA for: how r u guys feeling abt the workload? #me who hasnt graded anything since week 1 and spent an hr that morning filling out a patient safety plan: 🙃 #listen. we r experiencing symptoms that make us shitty at our job. which is not helpful for a positive outlook #i was also experiencing horrible cramps at the time bc i lost my ibuprofen and 2 days ago i stopped the birth control in a desperate effort #to stop feeling terrible. but in this moment i feel alright. its wild to go from drastically unhappy to like lol wtf was that? anyway stop #being a bby loser. for no obvious reason. im gonna start the birth control again to see if i get depressed again or if that was just me lol #i dont think my therapist understands the depth of my executive functioning issues tho. bc im a grad student and can meet deadlines. like #let me tell u im a fucking disaster abt starting things. i will go back and forth and get nothing done forever. or i do things halfway and #make everything 30 times more difficult later bc no one else understands how my brain works #ah well. itll b fine. sometimes i just get freaked out that i wanna b better and i dont kno how to do that. so i spiral in despair a lil #ill b fine. im good at catching myself before i get too out of control. annoyingly tho i am not currently beating the bip0lar allagations #bc whatever tf is wrong with me i do probably fit the diagnostic criteria for bip0lar 2. i dont kno y that freaks me out so much. i guess #its bc it feels like something i cant just make better thru force of will and i grew up in a home that was very obsessively #health conscious to the point my dad gets anxious abt taking a single ibuprofen. so like ive been conditioned to get freaked out by #medication. literally my grandma will call me and tell me to b suspicious of doctors and to not take medicine unless absolutely necessary. #like lady u r the genetic reason i have 0cd shut the fuck up. also it feels like something that would more negatively affect how ppl think #of u than saying oh yea i get depressed or i have anxiety. like the connotation feels worse im used to just telling ppl whatever tf #my problem is. so the idea of holding something back feels weird. which annoys me bc i dont think there should b so much of a stigma. its #bullshit. anyway idk. im tired. i was trying to think of a comfort tv show with my therapist and all i could think was the terror #when im depressed i wanna watch those English mother fuckers suffer and die. i just lov that show so much. harry g00dsir my beloved. the #most me coded character to ever exist #unrelated

[thewickerking]

had a dream I had a boyfriend and he wanted to come to a therapy session to talk abt smn unrelated to our relationship (this was 100% cool with me) but my therapist instantly hated him and she was like "justify to me why you're here 🤨🤨🤨 name something u like abt ridley and then maybe ill let u talk" like what 😭😭 it was just me being a mediator bc they were arguing. Which is insane it was like couples therapy but evil

#it was very strange.. the boyfriend was a completely made up guy also not anyone i know #also like. idr what it was but i wanted to talk abt it with my therapist and he was being encouraging and asked if him joining + keeping me #on track would be helpful and i said yes bc i thought it was/would be sweet and there was so much dread bc my therapist was MAD #i also remember we hadnt been dating for very long so i hadnt talked a lot abt him to my therapist prior but she was livid it was weird.. #i also was like. well. if she hates him maybe im stupid and we shouldnt be dating and maybe i should go die in a hole also #it was so strange.... hmmm. i have more thoughts now actually but that may be deeply personal.. #i will say my therapist kinda felt like my mom in the dream. i wanted her approval sooo bad. i met with my therapist today btw it was normal #like. i care what she thinks but its not as intense by any means and like. idk. i dont think im capable of having a normal therapist-patient #relationship. not bc of any therapist being bad at their job/boundaries i just get very emotionally invested in them as a person #IDK thats also complicated. maybe ill make that a different post or never talk abt it again well see. #so many thoughts in my brain but probably a bad idea to elaborate heavily. idk. maybe ill talk abt it with friends later maybe i wont 🤷‍♂️ #.ares

[maddy-ferguson]

people expect nancy to be mike's mom more than they expect joyce to be jonathan's

#people being bylers #it's probably partly because jonathan looks 30 because well charlie is but. #while nancy and mike barely interacting is a shame their dynamic being different from will and jonathan's (different meaning more normal #lol like if you're saying you want them to be closer as siblings you should probably aim for lucas and erica closeness not for parentified #sibling-younger sibling he half raised closeness) #is interesting without even needing to be pathologized especially when the pathologizing usually leads to: nancy sucks as a sister #compared to her boyfriend #their relationship is so standard would i like more mike/nancy interactions yes would i like for nancy to be like omg mike how could i have #failed to see that you're gay and going through something. not really no #not everyone needs to apologize to mike like shut up #like i'm sure you can make posts about their relationship without making 'nancy needs to be a better older sister' the conclusion #saying people want el to be his ex-girlfriend best friend mother sister and therapist is what made me think about this because they also #want his sister to be like a mother to him lol #with joyce and jonathan it's just kinda crazy #and like i say: brf slt

[bittwitchy]

see the reality is i post on my rps usually when nobodys been there a bit and nobody is probably online, but the mental illness in me keeps saying its bc everyone secretly hates me and i dont deserve love, and when i tell a gov doctor that, they basically just say ‘take your antidepressant’s and shut up’ which is also funny when said gov doctor wont refill my fucking antidepressants in the first place

#what i need is smthn for my anxiety and PROBABLY the obviously worsening ocd #but anxiety meds and antidepressants dont mix well #just like adhd meds and anything else dont mix well #which is why i just have a redbull if i need to focus bx it works for a few hours and then i pass out #which isnt healthy but its better than going through the diagnosis process AGAIN bc they dont have my info anymore #its early sad times rn w brina who hasnt gotten an ounce of treatment at all hi #see the other thing is #if i talk about my mental health at all #people will either hate me for being annoying which is what my brain will pinpoint #or feel sorry for me which i also dont want #all i rly wanna do is vent but thats never really an option at all #like yes i know its not normal to want to have a breakdown and cry bc your fucking pillow isnt the correct fluff and wont dluff #i know its not normal to feel like you should die because something wasnt in fhe spot you put it in and was moved slightly #im aware. and the reality is nobody who can do anything about it cares #i have to get an authorization to see a therapist or get meds at all even tho the card claims i dont have to #and the doc tbey gave me wont give me one #they dont allow email so i cant leave a paper trail when bitching at them and my calls go ignored #im losing my mind steadily #and thats not even onto the physical problems #but also the sheer fucking audacity of the website being all ‘oh just go to ERs and UC snd we’ll cover it’ vs hospitals specifically saying #‘we will refuse you if you have Gov Ins unless you have the money to pay out of pocket #if youre on gov insurance you dont have fucking money thats the entire fucking point. you creedy fucknuts go shove tour nepotism in your #fucking eyes and die if anyone doesnt deserve to fuck its you fuckfaces #sometimes i just want to scream esp when this doesnt seem to be most other ppls issues #but then i talk to other women and it is #it just doesnt make sense and i hate it #but i never rly got help on private insurance either so #tbd #depression cw

[zenithpng]

‼️‼️ tw for suicidal ideation + vent in tags

#holy fuck my life is going well why am i suicidal again #like i just. wow! i want to die! #im just overcome with this horrible depression and i have no energy for anything #i feel so cold and i cant get warm #i dont even know what to do about it because everyone i trust is so far away from me #like should i try and see my therapist again? would it help? #i just hate talking to her because i have this weird need to be polite and not bother anyone with my bullshit #shes so nice but i just. have this weird brain i guess #the worst part is that the dumbest fucking thing tipped me over today too #and i have physics homework to finish. and a math test coming up that will make or break my grade. #and i just have *no energy* for anything. like im physically active and i eat well and fucking doing everything right but for some reason i. #just cant seem to work properly. #god what is wrong with me i hate everything about this situation and myself #i just dont wanna be alive any more fucking please #like im not gonna do it but damn. if not for my partner id probably go drown myself or something right now #sorry this is so depressing and long winded im such a mess #vent #delete later

[bredforloyalty]

i can't even listen to her anymore

#just in one ear and out the other for the sake of my own mental health quite literally #i don't care what she says. so i wasted 3 years. so i should know what i want to do by now. so i say 'i don't know' and 'i can't' too much #and always resist her suggestions. ok #don't know what to do about that. she should probably see a therapist about it like if having a child stresses her out so much #and if she wants to disown me because i don't have my life planned at 21 then go ahead #i'll figure something out. i'll go live with grandma. i'll couch surf. anything! #she is not the end of me #kata.txt

[softly-mossy]

life really fucking sucks right now

#teddy situation has undone probably a year of recovering haha i fuckig hate landlords #basically told us we need to get rid of ted because 'he is a liability' #THE DAY BEFOREBTHANKSGIVING #and i was expected to be chipper and happy at family dinner. #naw man. i havent really left the house because i wana spend time with ted hahahaha #he's going to live at my sister's place but still. i dont want him to have to go #selfharmed as in nearly scraped the skin off the entire back of my left hand #WAS HIT WITH 'I HONESTLY FIGURED/EXPECTED YOU TO (SELF HARM' LIKE DAMN HAHA #idk. i want to be hit by a fucking car. or anything else that will blast me away. #had another prospective friend end up being just a dumbfuck that wanted an easy lay #dad's been home all week #its just a lot man. and losing all that progress i worked hard for its another kick to the teeth #and its like. why should i go see my therapist again. im gonna tell her whats wrong. im gonna cry. she oretends to care. i come home #i just dont want to be here anymore. i dont. i keep hoping for things to get better because thats what im told to do and things get worse #i cannot live the rest of my life like this. im allowed to be selfish and say it isnt fair to me. and nobody should be stucj dealing with me #im not gonna have a happy ending like all my friends did. im gonna be lonely and suicidal until i finally get thr balls to just fucking doit #local idiot sad

[peligrosamentebella]

what i feel about marcesca/diecesca it's so complex and confusing sometimes it just feels too much. that's because i literally love both of them so much and i can't just pick one or another.

i completely understand the downfall of marcesca and even tho it wasn't previously intended to happen, i think the plot was amazing and super important. YET, it still hurts like hell when i think about them breaking up after everything they went through on season 2.

like, at the same time that i like it for making diecesca possible, i hate it cause they had such a beautiful story together and you can see how much they love and care for each other. also, i know it isn't fair but i get so mad at marco for his decisions, and then i remember it's nobody's fault and that's just how things are... sometimes life gets in the way.

but then again, i NEED diecesca for me to be able to survive and of course it wouldn't happen if marco hadn't moved away. it's just really frustrating to think about it :( my love for these three characters is just too intense for my own heart.

#i feel like I'm the only one out here suffering this much about them #like not even them were so upset about it #i should probably go see a therapist lmao #:( #violetta #diecesca #marcesca

[klqrambles]

Man,, when I get a therapist we're gonna have So Much to talk about 😩👍

#q rambles at 2 #i should probably talk to people about this stuff #but it's because of the stuff that i struggle to talk about it lol #the stuff being my 99% likelihood of having anxiety and adhd #also my childhood maybe being shittier than i often assume it is #but hey cant talk about it here #hope i get a therapist soon but #probably not until next year at least #might never end up getting one at the rate im going #just gonna sit in my cardboard box with the exit open ever so slightly #just enough to see light but not enough to leave #vent #i guess #it's 2am what do i expect #on a complete tangent im working on a tpodg funny so hopefully i'll forget about all this for at least one more day 👍👍 #oh yea i forgot to add my gender dysphoria but like #other than a handful of people no one irl knows about that #especially not my parents which is probably a Bad Thing

[lupismaris]

No one gets under your skin and makes you feel sick quite like your siblings, and there's no numbness quite like the feeling of having to put a boundary firmly in place with a wide open door for them to walk through should they see it for one

#ive not always been a good older sibling to my brother and i know that. ive owned up for it and apologized and made myself open. #so that we can mend what fractured relationship we have should he choose. #but he fixates on my refusal to play nicely with family that has not done right by me for the whole of my life and bases #the entirety of our potential relationship and the memory of out mother on that on the fact i wont play nice with her kin #because they have not ever fully accepted me save for my uncles which is a new thing. and ive made my boundaries about this clear #and he pushes and pushes and says if we come together as a family it'll ease his grieving and we'll all heal together #but thats just disregarding my own boundaries and trauma in exchange for catering to the comforts of himself and the family #ive given up fighting him on that #but i asked him simply that if he needs me or wants to tell me something to just call me pr text me directly it can be short n sweet #but not to go to our parents. its insulting. ive always answered his calls. even when we fight pr have a failed mediation i always answer #and he immediately made it about how my boundaries are unacceptable so why should he bother #i give up. i know i was arrogant at 26. i know i was. i was probably cruel too. but i had made myself a doormat at the same time. #all i told him was he never bothered to talk to me as my brother or ask my about our mother without the lens of her kin #it was always about them never just about her. it was never about us as siblings just about our aunts and uncles and grandparents #he never crossed the road and came to me and said can we talk about ma and I reminded him of that. never a conversation just #him playing court jester/therapist and ignoring boundaries over and over. and even then i always answered the phone #so i told him he can pivot and change the subject all he wants. but the point of this was that if he needs me i answer. #and should he need me i will answer. but if he continues this behavior of backhanded communication #ill know he doesnt respect me and doesnt see me as his sibling because ive asked him plainly to speak to me #im fuckin tired. you try with people and they just... bait you. #the fact he looked at me and said our relatives are all he has left of ma and im his sibling will never not feel like a salted wound tbh

[monotonouscigarette]

Geniuniely not sure if im still sane anymore, but anyways how are y’all doing?

#/j #sorta but not really #ren talks #fun fact i actually do not know if im sane! #cause i have this thing where i fall into like.. actual delusion #i’ve been having it all my life #like when i was like 4 i geniunely belived my bestfriends mom was trying to kill me #why? idk man i was delusional #and everytime she would go up to get something from the house i expected her to either 1. abandon us 4 year olds and let us just kinda die #or 2. come back w a knife and kill me now that i was outa view #when i was like 8 i though there was someone living in my house waiting to kill me watching everything i did etc #there where a bunch of thoose #like my intire life #and i like actualy can’t tell the difference between these like delusions or whatever and reality #like at all #it doesnt matter if it includes real people or things i dont belive in or whatever #like i cant seperate it #i should probably see a therapist #cause like might have schizophrenia or smthn #…im sure its fine tho