#i think thats the reciprocal one

[eggcats]

I got distracted thinking about Housewife Vox, and if I had Vox's powers, I'd have blown out the city's power grid. So this is a completely self-indulgent (with some nsfw-ish near the end) fic offshoot of that post.

The other post you can choose to be one-sided, but this RadioStatic is reciprocated here. You were warned.

There's like, quite literally over 3k words here, and none of the (mild) nsfw-ish stuff doesn't even start until we hit 2k. Oops.

--

Alastor isn't completely unaware he's essentially kidnapped someone to live with him, in a way that could be misconstrued as a partner. He's been in hell for about 20 years, and before that, he lived in areas no one would exactly call....normal to typical white picket fence Americana. He's not completely ignorant of how it looks.

However, he's never been really good at noticing when other people have Those Kinds of feelings towards himself. (He doesn't feel those things, and so he doesn't even notice any supposed signals being sent). It's not even always intentional, it just never occurs to him that someone could (or would) be interested in him in such a way.

And so. He doesn't realize how Vox feels towards him. Not until he invites him to Cannibal Town to meet his beloved Rosie, and Vox can barely bring himself to be his typical charming self.

The tea is awkward, and Alastor is a little upset that, apparently, Vox is only okay with his cannibalism when it's not in his face - but isn't willing to accept it when he can't ignore it. Alastor is aware that his tastes are a little alarming to most of hell's population, but he thought Vox accepted it in him. (Perhaps he only made him dinner when it was venison because he could ignore the rest of it? Alastor assumed he usually prepared his sinner meat simply because he was the one bringing it in, but perhaps he was mistaken.)

It's not until the next time he visits his dear friend and he laments the issue when he discovers the truth. (He adores his Rosie, but the laughter she did in his face for his confusion he could have lived without. If he was any less of a gentleman, he would have mocked her snorting, but alas, his mother raised him better than that).

So now Alastor has to consider the fact that Vox himself is also aware of the strange dynamic they are living under and is apparently very interested in keeping it. (Even to the point of trying to scare off potential competition, an idea that is so laughable that he can't help but chuckle a bit.)

If that's the case, then he will simply continue on as normal. If he mentions him and Rosie simply being extremely close but neither having any romantic interest in the other before the next time he invites Vox to Cannibal Town, there's nothing more to it. (Vox's expression after doesn't do anything to him, nor is he pleasantly surprised how non-judgemental his picture box is when he isn't attempting to stake a non-contested claim. He also pointedly ignores any looks Rosie might be throwing him behind Vox's back.)

Alastor, therefore, believes himself to have resolved this "issue."

--

Vox, however, doesn't realize how blatant his affections are and is somehow convinced he's keeping them hidden. Vox, while enjoying PRETENDING to be a housewife to an attractive (cannibalistic, violent...oh, those teeth...) man, is terrified of accidentally crossing a line he's not aware of. He knows Alastor is okay with how they're currently operating, because Alastor is the one who created it. But, he hasn't shown any interest in anything MORE, and so Vox feels like he must content himself with just that - fantasies.

(If he sometimes imagines being swept off his feet when Alastor gets home and ravished on "their" marriage bed, well, that's between him and the walls).

Or it would be, if Alastor wasn't Alastor.

--

See. Alastor has a great deal of affection for Vox, but he's aware that they are in hell and that no one is here by accident. He doesn't LIKE the idea that Vox may simply be using his own interest for an advantage over him when he's vulnerable, but Alastor can't deny the very distinct possibility.

Even excepting that issue, Vox himself did not land in hell with the same right-out-the-gate power, and as it stands, any of Alastor's enemies would surely target Vox as a weakness of his. While certainly his picture box isn't completely as helpless as he likes to pretend, the idea of anyone even attempting to stake any kind of claim on him makes Alastor want to bite something.

So whenever he leaves, he uses his shadows to observe what Vox does on his own in Alastor's living space. He doesn't tell Vox this for a magnitude of reasons - wanting to see how he operates when he thinks he's alone, as well as Alastor having the ability to self-reflect enough to know his possessive ownership of things he considers HIS isn't something most others are okay with when that comes to other people.

(Alastor will find out later that Vox is absolutely more than okay with Alastor considering him his and very much LIKES his possessive attitude).

And for the most part, Vox doesn't do anything of note. Alastor has his shadows keep watch on him, but to allow Vox his privacy, he doesn't actually have them report directly or watch through them - unless his shadows believe something is relevant for him to see. So for a few weeks, his shadows presence around Vox when he is away is more of a security measure than anything else.

But eventually, they pick up on something strange. It's not a lot at a time, but it seems like Vox has taken it upon himself to steal small amounts of money from him. Alastor tries to negate this by simply inviting Vox shopping along with him and allowing him to choose whatever he wants to purchase. Alastor has even suggested Vox going shopping with his money on his own (while being protected from the shadows, of course) but even that was rejected.

Alastor can't understand any of it. He would understand if Vox was looking for some kind of escape from living with him, but the one (and only) time Alastor suggested Vox having his own place to live, Vox looked like he had shot his beloved pet in front of him. (Alastor is ignoring how pleased he is by this response. He didn't WANT his Vox to leave, but he refuses to be a similar man to his father and force him to. He enjoys treating Vox as if he belongs to him, but he wants Vox to want the leash - and not force it upon him).

Perhaps he simply enjoys theft. There are worse sins in hell, and it's not like Alastor is HIDING his money from him. The money would have undoubtedly been spent on his picture box regardless, so he doesn't mind as long as it brings him pleasure. To each their own.

Except one day after Alastor leaves, so does Vox. Which isn't completely unheard of, but him taking the stolen cash IS enough of a deviation from normal that his shadows alert him about it.

So Alastor follows him, determined to understand how the mind of his picture box works (so he can take care of him better so he'll never leave). And Vox goes clothes shopping, which wouldn't be anything out of the ordinary, except he (very poorly, his dear Vox is many things, but unnoticeable is not one of them) sneaks into the women's section and selects one, very simple, 1950s style dress.

Alastor wonders if he finally figured out the issue. For some reason, his Vox wants to wear women's clothing but isn't comfortable letting HIM know that. His dislike of both purchasing such items with Alastor (as well as simply shopping when Alastor would be aware he is, and expect to see what was purchased) makes sense to him.

This is easily solved. The idea that Alastor would CARE what clothing his picture box wants to wear is laughable - cannibalism is fine, but a dress is too far? Ridiculous.

He knows Vox has not been in hell for very long, so perhaps he hasn't yet realized that such societal taboos are generally accepted, considering the large magnitude of sins the rest of the population has committed. Not to mention that even while he was alive, he knew a great deal of people who regularly cross-dressed (such people were generally rejected by society enough to not care about anything society rejected about HIM).

Alastor is a little personally upset that his picture box believes HIMSELF to be someone who would be upset by something so minor, but perhaps they simply haven't lived together long enough. Regardless, now Alastor has a solution to this theft issue, and then he can purchase as many clothes, in whichever styles, for his dear. And perhaps he'll come to him the next time he wishes for something of his own.

Issue number two, resolved.

--

Sort of.

Vox has been planning this outing for months. He's been meticulous about only taking small amounts of money at a time to avoid detection. Vox is fairly certain Alastor doesn't suspect a thing - or else why would he continue to let his money be unguarded around him or take him on shopping trips and buying whatever he happens to look at for more than a few seconds.

Surely, if Alastor noticed the small amounts of change going missing every so often, he'd kick Vox out. (The time Alastor suggested he find his own place, he's certain his heart stopped for the second time. Luckily, before he could say anything incriminating about how much he WANTED to live with Alastor, he changed his mind about removing Vox from his life).

He knows it's a big risk, but a part of him NEEDS to fully embrace this fantasy of being a housewife. It's all he can think about.

(He might have convinced himself that if he can have one (1) singular self-indulgent fantasy to his heart's content on a day he knows Alastor will be gone, maybe he can put this behind him and stop wishing for more than he can have. It's one thing to pretend to be his housewife, but he knows it will never happen - if he can just get it out of his system, maybe he can Stop This Nonsense).

The entire walk to the clothing store Vox feels like he's being watched. Which he KNOWS is ridiculous - the only time anyone ever pays him any attention is when he's next to Alastor - but the feeling persists. It makes him even more anxious about this purchase than he already is (but he's committed at this point so he can't quit now).

Vox selects a fairly modest dress in a style that he had seen any number of women wearing when he was alive. (He tries to ignore how he has to make sure it buttons up due to his head. He's only insecure about it when he thinks about it, so if he ignores it, he can pretend he looks like anyone else).

He makes it back home to Alastor's place with plenty of time before he's due to be back, and so he wastes no time in changing.

--

When Vox returns home, Alastor fully intended on leaving his shadow and no longer observing him. The only thing he wanted to make sure was that he returned before Vox had the chance to change out of his dress, so Alastor could show what a good mate how little he cared about such frivolous things and perhaps be permitted to help him select such clothing on his next outing.

However, Vox's sudden utterance of his name was certainly unexpected. Alastor almost left his shadows, certain (somehow) he had been caught and spotted, and planned on how to explain his observation in a way that Didn't alarm his partner. 

Except. Nothing about whatever else Vox is doing seems to indicate that he knows Alastor is watching. Vox seems to be having an internal conversation with some imaginary version of himself, as he seems to be responding to words that no one (and certainly not Alastor) is saying. This is a unique development that Alastor did not anticipate, and he is not entirely certain how to continue from here. Certainly, Vox is under the assumption that he is alone now, but everything else he is doing indicates that on some level he is pretending Alastor is also with him. 

Surely the correct thing to do would be to watch to make sure he has not missed anything with Vox’s recent behavior towards himself. 

Nothing catches Alastor quite off guard more than when Vox suddenly tosses himself onto his own bed, with a breathy “Oh, Alastor!” accompanying it. This is certainly something the real Alastor has never done, and he is currently uncertain why the sudden imitation is being performed. 

Until Vox begins to touch himself (while continuing to say his name) and suddenly Alastor realizes what is going on. 

Oh. That’s. Unexpected. 

Is this the reason for the dress purchase? Or are they unrelated? Certainly Vox has never done quite so intimate things while saying his name before, as there is no way his shadows would NOT inform him of such activity. Does the dress arouse him in this way, or-?

Oh. Vox seems to have purchased the appropriate panties for such an outfit as well. Alastor has quite a good view now, and can see just how excited his picture box is with this apparent fantasy. He hasn’t removed any clothes yet, but considering his breathy whines and moans this is not a deterrent in the least (perhaps it enhances the sensation)?

This is quite the new development and Alastor isn’t quite certain what would be the most appropriate course of action. Certainly, despite his words saying otherwise, Vox is very unaware of just what show he is putting on for Alastor. Typically the correct course of action would be to leave him his own privacy.

But for whatever reason Alastor cannot turn his eyes away. 

Alastor knows himself, and his wants and desires and has never felt the desire or need to do such carnal actions, such as those being performed in his name. However, it never occurred to him how pleasing it could be to hear his name being spoken in such needy tones. He knows he quite enjoys it when those he is tearing apart are begging for mercy, but it never occurred to him that he might enjoy the same things in a dramatically different context. 

Alastor watches as Vox raises his dress, and begins to touch himself through his panties. Despite being clothed, he can see everything quite clearly and watches as Vox becomes more and more aroused. It’s not until a breathy “Alastor, please!” is uttered that Vox finally shoves down his panties and takes himself properly in his hand. It’s….quite a captivating sight. 

He watches as Vox becomes more and more excited, his mouth open as he pants, little digital hearts visible in his eyes, and a constant array of gasps and moans of his name being sung into the air above him. It’s more entrancing than anything he has ever seen before, and Alastor can understand wanting someone to desire you if this is how it looks to be worshiped. 

Alastor will purchase him the entire clothing store if this is his response to such clothing. So help him, Vox will never wear pants again if he can help it. 

It doesn’t take long for Vox to bring himself to completion, with a crescendo of Alastor’s name that he will save in his microphone for all of eternity, lest he dare forget the beauty of it. Alastor has not seen anything more divine than Vox with his back arched, crying his name, as he finishes all over himself with just the imagination of Alastor being there. 

Vox will never be allowed to utter another name from his mouth in such a way or Alastor will rip their spine out of their mouth for even daring to attempt it. Vox belongs to him, and he will never make those noises or put on a show for anyone other than Alastor (even if he has to chain his soul to himself to prevent it).

Alastor watches as Vox recovers, panting and coming down from his euphoria, and considers his next move. He is…unsure…how to broach such a topic to him, as this is nowhere near his specialty and such actions typically do not arouse much interest in him. 

He had plans for providing Vox the dresses and other clothing he desired, but bringing up these specific desires has never before been something he has ever wanted. (But oh, how he now wants). It’s a unique experience to want to watch as Vox takes himself apart for him (wanting to take him apart himself) but not simply just wanting it as seemingly others do. 

However, he is broken from his reverie by the noise of crying, and not the delicious version that he was just privy to. No, these are tears born of heartbreak and Alastor is both confused and alarmed by their appearance. Surely this type of self-pleasure is supposed to be pleasurable to the one doing it, or else why would anyone ever do such a thing? 

Why is his beautiful noisy picture box upset and who does he have to gut to prevent it from ever happening again?

He watches as Vox hugs himself on his bed and mumbles something that sounds alarmingly like “Stupid, like he’d ever want something that looks like you….” and Alastor is leaving his shadows before he even realizes he’s doing it. Before Vox notices he’s no longer alone, Alastor has wrapped his arms around him and holds him tight.

(Vox might have yelped in surprise and accidentally shocked Alastor in his charming way where he can’t control his electrical impulses. Alastor responds with his own pleasing radio waves to relax his current until it returns to normal). 

It seems to take a second for Vox to realize that Alastor being present means that he must have in some way witnessed his previous actions (and can certainly see not only him in a dress, but one that is very clearly wrecked in one very specific way). It is always so fascinating to watch how emotions play out on the face of his picture box, and this is no exception. However, before Vox can once again send himself down into the pit of self-loathing, Alastor hums a tune and rubs his own cheek against Vox’s.

--

“I must know. Was this a response to the dress or myself?”

“Wh-what?!”

“Regardless, I will purchase whatever dresses you desire if this is the result. My only requirement is that you allow me to be present next time.”

“H-how…?! What? Uh….I mean….you’re not…mad?”

“Why on earth would I be upset? Unless of course you meant to do this in a way where you would refuse my participation or observations, in which case I will lock you away until you change your mind.” 

“You-you WANT to be involved? But you’ve never-?”

“Oh certainly! While I’ve never desired such things for myself, watching you desire them is certainly an experience I would like to have! You are such a fascinating creature, darling, and I must keep such things all to myself.” 

“Can….can I kiss you?”

--

While doing such actions has never been something Alastor has had much interest in, doing them with Vox and watching his responses to them is quite another story. Left to his own devices, he would never desire such things nor wish to do any of them - but looking into the shy and hopeful eyes of his delightful picture box changes his perspective quite a bit. He has the most entertaining and pleasing responses to quite literally anything Alastor does to him, and it is quite enthralling the effect he has on the other.

He will be holding onto him for as long as he can, digging his claws into Vox so deeply that he will not ever be able to even imagine an afterlife without Alastor present.

#hazbin hotel #alastor #vox #hazbin alastor #hazbin vox #radiostatic #staticradio #staticlovetune #i think thats the reciprocal one #help ive fallen in 2sided radiostatic and i cant get up #fic #mine #be nice to me ive never actually written anything more than a fic prompt #but this wont leave my head so i have to write it or perish #also vox crossdresses a bit here bc housewife vox is too hot of a image to contain itself #wow i wrote a lot of words #watch as Alastor becomes more and more possessive as this goes on lmao #he witnessed vox pleasure himself to him once and was immediately like i will destroy anyone who even thinks of you like this you are MINE #housewife vox

[doodleodds]

Happy Valentines, Akira. Happy Valentines, Asshole.

If you can’t read what Akechi’s secondary inner-dialogue says cause I obscured it too much behind his regular dialogue, here’s a transcription in panel order: Hello, you fucking- Ah- Hello, Akira! Fuck off, why should I tell you- Just a soda- there’s a new flavor.

I don’t want your shitty gift. Oh- haha! You’re so sweet.

I hope I choke. They’re lovely, thank you.

Like hell. Likewise. There’s no way it’s just a coincidence. Still though, it’s a funny coincidence.

#p5 #akeshu #akechi goro #kurusu akira #wow- me?? posting a valentines comic... actually on?? valentines????? wack. absolutely wack #it's a short one! I purposefully tried to keep it short. it was a challenge and it still ended up being 3 pages. but i blame my canvas size #also in case u can't see what akira is holding out to akechi: theyre chocolate covered strawberries on sticks! #i saw them irl and was like oh god i want those. i am going to project that feeling on my favorite characters so help me god #and now! here we are! but my shitty-ass coloring & line quality make it hard to discern them so. sorry about that lmaooooo #ANYWAY i don't do enough post-maruki stuff so. i made this one a little bittersweet. :) #why did i put akechi's scarf in a bow? honestly i dont know! i think i saw some art a while ago that did that too and i thought it was cute #well. plus i guess there's the symbolism of 'akechi being alive and reciprocating your feelings (however involuntarily) IS a gift' part #hence that hes wrapped up in a bow. like a present. :) #also god. the first panel is supposed to be akechi's reflection in a vending machine window. I could NOT get it to look right #so for reference!!! just so you guys understand!!!!!! thats what that panel is supposed to be!!! he is NOT in fact a ghost. (sigh) #hope you enjoyed and had a lovely valentines!! for my part i have eaten nothing but sweets today and hoo boy will that have been a mistake #ALSO in terms of the audience-participation comic...hopefully coming soon. if i can ever gain the will to draw it. #but at least tumblr has polls now so i can do the audience-choose-y bit without needing to use a separate website! so thats good i guess #anyway anyway anway thanks for listening to me ramble if you made it this far! have a lovely rest of your day and hopefully see u again soon

[dhmis-autism]

i think my favorite inaccurate (imo obvs) fluffybird... like fanon dynamic is the one where duck is very forward and red just shuts him down consistently. like thats so so funny to me i love that.

inaccurate to me bc despite eeeverything red is the only one in that couple making moves first (WHICH IS INSANE TO ME DONT GET ME WRONG) and hes also strangely shy so nothing is happening ever.

#like. i think duck doesnt say/do anything bc in his head it like. goes without saying. its implied its fine. #like how he was like youre my best friend :] ! we're close :]! and red guy was like NO WE ARE NOT????? #like i think he just assumes that the way he feels about people is reciprocated without saying anything #i think thats also why in friendship when yellow questions their friendship duck is like WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT OF COURSE WE'RE FRIENDS #in my head duck and red dont make moves for a billion years they just stare at each other like two gay girls at a bar #and just dont do anything #then one day reds like HEY. UM. IM GONNA GRAB UR HAND. and ducks like well??? go on then. whos stopping u. #BUT GOD THAT FANON DYNAMIC MAKES ME LAUGH SO HARDDD IT MAKES DUCK LOOK LIKE SUCH A LOSER AND IT CRACKS ME UP #my dhmis postings

[ruporas]

hello hello! I hope you don't mind me dropping by but I just want to say I love your art so much, the way you draw vashwood is just so sweet and tender but can I just ramble about the way you draw Vash especially? More specifically, the way you draw his expressions when he's looking at Wolfwood???

I just LOVE the way you draw Vash's expression because the way you make him look at Wolfwood is so soft 😭😭😭. There's just something about it that's so tender, like whenever I look at Vash's expressions in your art I just think "that is genuinely someone who loves another person with all their heart" and it just mends and breaks my heart at once, you capture Vash's love for Wolfwood in ways I can't explain 👏

It's unbridled love mixed with the fear of hurting Wolfwood in their relationship. It's wanting to spill so much affection but holding back in fear of messing up. He looks at Wolfwood like he's longing for him so earnestly be it pre-relationship or even when they're already dating it's just so??? 💕💕💘💞💖💖💞💕

There's just something so tender and heart wrenching at the way Vash looks at Wolfwood in your art, it gets me really emotional and I hope you have a lovely day/night for real <33!!!

ouuuuu thank you so so much for your kind words and for taking the time to tell me this T_T !!! i'm glad my expressions for vash's longing gazes at wolfwood is well done enough to have this sort of response to it…

he's the kind of person that has to hold back in both words and touch when it comes to love, when it comes to wolfwood, but i think it's a difficult emotion to restrain, especially when wolfwood is kind enough to let it be.

ultimately, what they're allowed to have is the inevitable shared spaces during their travels, it's the other's physical presence, being next to wolfwood, being able to take him in through the way he simply exists. smelling smoke, seeing smoke, seeing the cigarette between his fingers, seeing the crosses littered across his person, the rosary snug around his neck, his scruff at his chin, messy bangs, messy hair, tired eyes, the canine that peeks when he speaks, and a voice carrying heavy words, but honest, and kind, and one vash could never get tired of hearing, like how he'd never be tired of just looking at wolfwood.

it's of gratitude, it's of sorrow, it's of grief, it's of love, praise, adoration, it's desperate and it's full of yearning. at first, it's a gaze he feels he has to be satisfied with until he's learned that he's allowed for more and at that point, when wolfwood has given him so much, how could he look at him in any other way?

in any case, i def like to make it known and parade around vash's deeeeeep deep deep feelings of love towards wolfwood, so i'm very happy to know i can express that clearly through his expression alone. i Also just love wolfwood so maybe the projection goes from the heart of the artist to the heart of the art.

i ended up collecting a few caps of his expressions just out of curiosity for myself :3 i have much to improve still, i'll keep on drawing vash's loving self until i can get the ultimate loving expression down!!

#asks #thank you for sending this ahhh <333 long asks like these are always so so sweet thank u.... #i think one of the most agonizing parts about drawing vash's expression is knowing that wolfwood is going to look at it and underestimate #the depths of just how much vash loves him - or he can acknowledge in a strained pained way that he's cared for #that his feelings towards vash are reciprocated in this sweet manner - but he can't allow himself to have it be deeper #u could say the same thing about vash's reaction towards wolfwood's loving gaze to him. but although ww is similar in vash to complications #when it comes to loving - i think ww knows better of when they're short on time and how he's only got so much time to indulge and plunge #into a short loving paradise with vash. maybe thats too confusing... naturally it doesnt have to be this deep either. vash just loves.. #wolfwood just loves... they've both got so much heart and yet restrained due to the lives they have to lead - for the people they have to #protect..... they make me so Ill.

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

i think in the finale yaz should say “i think you need a doctor” and she should kiss 13 and there shouldnt be a scifiwifey reason for it like 9 had to kiss rose but while shes kissing her she handcuffs her to the tardis console and the doctor doesnt notice bc shes being kissed by yaz can you blame her but then yaz takes a step back, expresses her intentions like 12 does in the doctor falls to bill and nardole after missy leaves with the crucial difference that yazs intentions are not to die and take as many as possible with her, but to live and save the doctor and oh yeah maybe the universe too.

and the doctor tries to grab her to stop her but shes yanked back by the console shes handcuffed too and yaz is just of reach (oh the irony) and yaz just looks at her like the doctor looked at her in timeless children, apologetic but determined, and then she just turns around and leaves without saying anything else and the doctor yells at her to come back of course and yaz doesnt of course but THEN emergency programme one activates and yaz has left her a little hologram message that wears a rueful little smile and says:

“emergency programme one! didnt know i knew about that one did you? lots of things you dont know about me. your turn to listen now, doctor. your turn to stay put. im sorry to do this because i know how it feels but hey at least im planning to walk back in through those doors in an hour or two. you never gave me that certainty. so chin up, bighead. we’re almost there.

ive got a plan. it’s more of a plan than you tend to work with [oi!] but im not as much of an improviser. we’ve all got our strengths. but the thing is for this plan im gonna need someone here.”

then she explains exactly what she needs the doctor to do and when, some technobabble that im not writing bc we’ve all got our strengths

“so theres your task. im sure you’ll be brilliant. [how am i supposed to-] you can reach all the necessary controls from here, ive made sure. [...youve thought of everything] of course i thought of everything i learnt from you didnt i? and if im wrong im sure houdini taught you something about how to get out of handcuffs.

but even if he did, please stay here, do as youre told, and we’re all getting out of this alive. tea at mine after? i owe my family an explanation. gonna need your help with that because i dont think i even know where to start. i believe youve got some experience with that.” theres a beat and hologram yaz takes a deep breath “so, see you soon. and i love you”

#all the doctor who people: look at all these people who we're bringing back! #me: thats nice :) ................anyway #thasmin #the hologram flickers off and theres a long moment ofjust ambient tardis sounds and then the doctor whispers something #and i cant decide if what she should whisper is 'love you too' or 'i know you do' #choose your own adventure on that one #'i know you do' isnt a dismissal is the thing. not in this case #it's reciprocation too i think #and i dont know if she would be able to say i love you too #shes never been able to #so i think im leaning to 'i know you do' but #pick your own theyre both good options imo

[greenscreen-dress]

I wish all Precure seasons that attempt to force a reciprocated romance between young teen magical girls and animal-fairy mascots that turn into Ambiguously Adult Hot Guys™ a very Stop That Immediately Dear Gourd Why. 🫠

#this is about yes precure 5 because thats what i'm watching right now #but i'm aware of at least One other series that does the ikemen fairy thing (Hugtto) and I desperately hope they don't do that there #& I get that teen girls can & will develop crushes on an older teacher-figure. two in one season is a bit much (nozomi AND komachi) but FINE #← grudgingly #but to have both Coco and Natsu (i Refuse to call him Nuts it is Too Dumb) act like they reciprocate those feelings / play into them... #blegh. not a fan #Coco holds Nozomi to his chest a few times & this episode at the resort he refers to her as ''princess'' and i KNOW it's the writers #and the fact it's an older show too. but i'm SOOO tired of it #and Komachi... Komachi my sweet girl why do they do this to you. why do they make Natsu say ''i feel calm around you'' #why why why why why. augh. so tired #i read the episode summaries for a few eps ahead of where i currently am (ep 26) and oughaohghh it's gonna keep happening :/ #🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠 blargh #anyway #yes precure 5 #precure... salt? crit? neg? are there rant tags in this community idk i'm sorry #not that this is like. a particularly controversial opinion i think. i hope. #hard to catch up-recure (saa minna de) #eMerambles #eMerambles in the tags

[springboggle]

Also my bf didn't come down for Chinese because he shares his car with his family and they used it for something yesterday. I guess he didn't even think to Uber or Lyft down or yknow, use the other fucking car they have.

I ordered myself some Subway with the uber eats card I got from the doggy daycare interview, but I'm just retroactively pissed off. All week I was looking forward to Chinese with him. I treated myself but I'm about to start fucking working soon and Sundays will be my primary off day starting next week, now planning will be even more impossible. And he couldn't even find a way to have Chinese with me or something. Or just come at night and go somewhere else with me. Like, I'm legitimately trying to wrap my head around why he can't seem to find a way to make shit happen ever unless I take responsibility and pressure him to be an adult. No fucking thanks.

#ramblings #between this and one sided sex and being too much of a pussy to just ask for money I'm like. #ready to dump him once I get my first paycheck. at this point I basically meet my own needs while he twists himself into a pretzel #trying to meet mine and always failing. I can tell him what I want all I want but if he cant or wont do it he. cant or wont fucking do it #autism or not 🙄 #again this is why I'm so skeptical of communication advice on this site. like... #are people communicating poorly or are you just unable to fulfill the request and making them out to be a problem. #''I want to eat Chinese with you for Valentines Day.'' and then he proceeds to just not make a plan b unless I do...c'mon #thats pretty straightforward! he just didn't or couldn't think of another way to come down. but I can't pressure him #because then I'd be the entitled one expecting neurotypical behavior (reciprocation) or whatever.

[ge]

the amount of men you can justifiably claim are in love with chung myung but cant do the same with any woman in the series is kind of hilarious

#i suppose rhis can be chalked up to the sheer lack of women but youd think tang soso and yu iseol would be panting at his heels #but instead ITS JUST MEN...soso and iseol cant STAND HIS ASS #my favourite hc of all time is that most of the ppl whove met chung myung ie lee songbaek baek cheon tang gunak etc idk whatever #have a crush/fallen in love w him but chung myung doesnt reciprocate..he either doesnt notice or just doesnt gaf #hes like the most irresistible yet untouchable guy in all of rotmhs but only to men...thats crazy.. the one that got away fr.. #i dont ship cm with anyone but tb but the headcanon that chung myung has a thousand suitors he doesnt requite is too funny to pass up #even funnier to imagine how smug tang bo would be when he finally bags cm.. the most desired bachelor in all of the jianghu is HIS SUCKERS

[toastsnaffler]

sometimes I wish I was a more interesting + charismatic person just so I could keep conversations going bc I like sharing space with other ppl but they routinely lose all interest and leave once I run out of things to say/start talking abt things that don't concern them :-(

#and boy do I run out of things to say so fast when I'm talking to friends who ik dont give a fuck abt any of my interests... #theres only so much i can make small talk or ask them questions abt their own interests/lives yknow. man #it just makes me feel like im constantly competing with smth else for other ppls attention all the time + constantly losing #eg. when i say smth + my flatmate reaches for her headphones a little dark souls banner appears across my vision like INTERACTION FAILED #and i can feel my rsd + insecurities praying on it like the more i feel this way the more it prophetically fulfils itself #by making me less willing to try and take up space so i become a smaller and smaller person around others #it frustrates me a lot sometimes and i dont rly have the will rn to undo that and force myself to take up more space regardless #ik this sounds like a water is wet complaint like oh nooo woe is me people get bored of me when i talk abt boring things (!!) #but when im spending time w ppl i like i enjoy listening to them talk even if im not interested in the subject bc its Them talking #and if they care abt smth then its worth hearing abt!! to me anyway. but it rly feels like no one reciprocates that idk #oh well not that it matters. at least i like the shit im into so i can talk to myself abt it in my head or on this site lmao #and i like myself as a person even if other people dont so theres always that. ur no 1 should always be urself <3 #voicing this makes me feel so stupid + embarrassed urgh. i hate being anxious abt dumb shit i hate being the sort of person who worries #that their friends privately dislike/just tolerate them or whatever bc id never want a friend to worry abt whether i thought that abt them #and im not naturally a very insecure person!! i think im just feeling particularly vulnerable atm bc of the season + jobhunting so long #+ the fact im dissatisfied with my current social life + still feel very wobbly from not having other ppl i can trust or rely on etcetcetc #and thats just bleeding into other areas. and it sucks a lot. but theres nothing to be done abt it rn bc im not going to communicate it #to other ppl bc im not pathetic enough to make my anxieties someone elses problem + beg for pity attention im too proud for that 👍 #anyway. gonna play some noita + then i rly need to work out today bc thats probs part of why im feeling so shite #if ur reading this ignore me im just venting itll pass. i hope youre having a nice day :^) #.vent #.diaries

[cowboy-robooty]

now that wiener has changed me i can show my true colors to you all. this is the equivalent of me posting my little prince on the internet okay because i genuinely think this is cringe and stupid but i cant help it i have autistic rage and everyday i fight against it. anyways the reason why its so big i like wieners itapan is bc this is how i actually feel about itapan

its okay though because everyday i fight to cure myself of these aids (once i opened my social media app and saw itapan and my day genuinely felt significantly worse. ruined even. i am fighting so hard).

#BECAUSE I FOR REALSIES THINK ITS SO DUMB TO GET ACTUALLY DEADASS MAD AT FICTIONAL SHIPS #WHO THE FUCK CARES #AINT NOBODY CARE ABOUT THAT SHIT SHUT YO DUMBASS UP!!!!! #but my weakness... is itager... because idk im ill abt them its not a joke #ive been this way for like 6 years now #i can handle reading fanfics of germany x other characters bc germany literally never loves them #like all the fics i read of him x other characters is just him being tortured by them and he doesnt even like them #the only way he reciprocates their affections is literally after white room torture and getting turned into a different person #i believe that i think thats true thats the only way he could possibly show romantic affection to someone other than italy #i only can tolerate and sometimes enjoy content of germy/itatard x other people if its onesided and they dont love the other person #bc then im like yeah seems legit cuz theyd only love eachother in all universes #and i feel this way abt basically all of my ships i care abt bc im a monoshipper #but usually i wont give a fuck if i see them with other people im like that sucks lol but not my house not my soup! #BUT ITAGER....... IT MAKES ME CRAZY #IT MAKES ME ACT LIKE A FREAK ! I DONT ENDORSE MY OWN BEHAVIOR #thats why this is my shame............. this is my one true cringe and something i genuinely consider a flaw of mine #one of my few if not only autistic rage inducers............. please accept me for who i am. i am trying to fight this (ngl im losing but #we still try our best bc i want to have no weaknesses) #one of my few weaknesses..... #robooty dick pic

[todayisafridaynight]

just watched Taboo (Gohatto) that anon here was talkin bout and i get legal rights to talk about it on this blog because takeshi kitano (hirose) plays hijikata in the movie

#snap chats #LIKE THE ENTIRE TIME I JUST KEPT THINKING 'wait he looks really familiar' #lo and behold thats so funny #anyway What Did I Think Of The Movie #it was hilarious the shinsengumi are fucking SCRAMBLING because of this pretty boy #hijikata looking at everyone like 'kondo are you in love with him ??? SOJI are YOU in love with him?? INOUE??????' #everyone but himself smh he only got eyes for one man but we been knew #okita was peak with the Top Ten Homophobia moments i cant #bro said 'oh no i hate gay people but i love a good story' #AND THE WAY HE WAS LIKE 'hijikata you're gay for kondo tho arent you like you always get pissed when people talk to him' #ENOUGH the shinsengumi is full of homosexuals #yamazaki was prob my fave bro in this movie idk why. maybe its cause i also thought he was real handsome but dont look at me #oh but the Actual movie i should talk about right #i just felt bad for kano the whole time #like people keep lusting after him and he's just like 'please leave me be' #the whole time hiji suspects him and tashiro to be lovers but like #we don't get to see kano's feelings on the matter aside from him pulling a knife on tashiro after he tries to sleep with him #it feels like kano's feelings are pushed to the side the whole time actually #the only time we actually see him earnestly say he loves someone is about yamazaki #and of course yamazaki doesnt reciprocate- whole movie tbh is just the shinsengumi trying to get kano to Not Be Gay #but like he's not even doing anything it's the men around him that keep trying to make a move on bro #tho the film DOESS say takeda courted him for a bit ?? but the deets on that are vague- tho kano at least laughs about it so #im scratching my head about the ending of the movie too- i cant decide if okita kills kano or what #hijikata cutting down the cherry blossom tree makes me believe that's what happened but idk #ALSO i dont think they want him to be Not Gay because of strict homophobia but because.well it's causing a problem #not STRICTLY cause hes gay but its cause men are killing each other over him- Allegedly it aint confirmed if kano killed yuzawa or not #but SOMEONE tried to kill yamazaki so. #it was an ight movie tho i wasnt mad bout watchin it. if you're gonna watch it warnings for SA/dubious consent and casual homophobia

[timingmatters]

I genuinely think people thinking Rina is badly written or that it happened just because Olivia left the show are just biased over not liking rina. Like not even trying to shade I genuinely think some people are too biased. I do believe originally it was gonna be rini, but I also believe halfway filming s1 before it was released to the public (but after s1 was written) that changed. I mean the rina flashback was written in s1 and showed in s2. It was filmed before there was a public and before s1 was released. Tim clearly saw the chemistry and decided to change the original plan way before the show was released. Since them it had been working steadily towards that. If Olivia hadn’t left the show it would have simply made it messier, but wouldn’t take away Rina. They made them friends, filmed before s1 was released stuff in s2 that jeopardized their friendship, and didn’t give them closure for it. Regardless of Olivia that was something done since before s1 was released. Making them fight bc feelings got in the way and it got messy was literally filmed back in s1, released in s2. Before Olivia left the show. Rina getting closure was never gonna be them finishing their friendship. Clearly there was a built up, especially since Ricky never even had time to process Gina’s feelings. And other people noticed their dynamic being complicated since s1. Dismissing rina is just actively being biased.

It is also not badly written at all, they were steadily working towards it for a long time. And Gina confessing first makes sense when Ricky has learned to prioritized her wants all summer. He wasn’t gonna confess, especially after thinking she was upset for Ej’s reaction to the doc. He was actively trying to think of ways to change the doc so Gina wouldn’t be burdened by it. Gina also had confessed her feelings last time because she was giving up and leaving. This time, she said it and wasn’t gonna run away because she was ready ti face the aftermath. And he wasn’t gonna let her walk away. Ricky constantly needs words of affirmation and Gina constantly has asked for actions over words. They gave each other that. She said what he means to her, the confirmation Ricky needed, and he stoped her from walking away and kissed her first. It was quite well written.

Ej will also be okay, they have tons to work with on him next season. And saying he should be mad at ricky is weird when ricky actively helped him and Gina and shut his feelings out all season. He didn’t lose something to ricky, because Gina is not something. And Ricky purposely didn’t get in between them either. Next season we get to see Ej as an adult rather than a student and how he will confront his dad. Dare i say, it would be nice for him and Ricky to form a friendship given that Ricky has parental issues too.

#I could say more but biased ppp wont change their feelings so #its a one sided conversation #bc ppl have made up their minds #but this shit was good #it was slow burn #it was built up #ej and gina breaking up was essentially bc they were at diff stages at life #doc aside ej was never a camper but a guide #he was always gonna have a diff summer than her #and she realized it #and the feelings she had put for ricky in a box were reciprocated #it was a win win for everyone #bc ej also needs a partner thats more on equal ground than him #not someone who he will potentially be a teacher to next season #thinking like Sharpay he is gonna be a teacher assistant to miss jen next season #hsmtmts #rina #and ricky ang gina have always gotten each other #next season is for them to finally be with someone who really gets them and be happy

[mybodywillrot]

moving onnnn

#have a big crush on this girl and really want to her be my friend but she isnt reciprocating #thats okay!! i can take a hint when i see one #will always think she is so kind and beautiful #(i dont even know if she is gay lmao) #per

[camptw1nk]

.

#not 2 be like. negative but i just kinda got hit hard by the way my relationship w my best friend has changed #dont get me wrong i understand that her girlfriend will be super important to her esp bc she lives across the world and is only physically #here for another 2 or so weeks #but my best friend just got back from a trip to another city to see an artist she loves and as she came in i got up to go see her and ask hl #how it was but she was in her room w her gf before i could and thats fine i get it and like she hasnt done anything wrong i can not #emphasize that enough like i hold no bitter feelings to her she is excited to talk to her gf understandably #it just hit me that like. oh yeah. i have no one else that i go to about literally anything but she does #and its less ab her so much as its. its just hitting me that i dont really have? friends? #i have one or two people but like. i only have One Person thats my go to fave person always tell them everything #and i just. I've realized that its not reciprocated the way it used to be #and that i think is just like a part of growing up #i dont have a partner i dont have someone my life is intrinsically linked to #like a best friend is great but its not. relationships are placed to a higher level you know like its jusy more important #and i just. ive nevr Had a partner really. unless u count a like 2 month thing when i was 12 which i dont count #not to be depresso but i am just not the kind of person that people want or desire #and thats been the case long before i came out as trans but its extra complicated now since i dont. Fully pass #idk not 2 sound sad i just wanna be loved #and i think theres only so many times i can hear the most important person in my life come home and talk excitedly ab things thru the walls #and then never actually get told anything myself. not just ab things shes excited for but just in general #we were meant to go to a house viewing together a few days ago and it was only half an hour before it was happening when no one else was #home that i messaged them to check in and they were like oh yeah we're not going we have this and this going on #which like. fine whatever but i dont drive and getting anywhere fast is hard so it just. was stressful #but it just seems like i am constantly out of the loop. everyone i live with is in a relationship w each other and i am just here #in every aspect of my life i am Just There and im tired of it #not to sound desperate or needy but i just would like to. be noticed? or feel prioritized? or even wanted #idk this is. i just needed to rant i think im emotional bc my hormones r a bit wack #im due for my testosterone shot in a few days but i dont have the money or time to go to the doctors lately so its being pushed back #a few weeks and its just. i think its messing w me a bit #i mean i feel this way literally all the time but just the like. the being upset and emotional and posting ab it i think is bc of that #idk i needed to get it out idk it this will stay up or not

[bidokja]

Read villianint cause of your posting about it, on the fucking floor now with the. Themes and parallels. Thank you I'm going to think about it for weeks now. The piano and violin scene makes me feel insane.

WE'VE GOT ANOTHER ONE (<- says this in the same way as a fisherman reeling in a big catch AND in the way medical staff in an ER drama yells as another victim from a pile-up rolls in the doors)

I TOLDDD YALL U WERENT READYYY there is NO surviving the piano and violin scene. 100 percent sure fire kill rate.

ye zimu's classmates thinking his recent brighter personality must be cause of a girlfriend when it's cause of ling chen. ling chen stealing the show for his aunt and smiling the whole time. the piano/violin duet being both a parallel to ye zimu's parents AND a foil/contrast to their past/alternate selves (showing us how their back-n-forth/push-n-pull has permanently changed from something they do Against each other to something they do With each other). the music notes overlapping. the flowers blooming. the butterfliesss. OTL

the way that ye zimu and ling chen are like DIRECTLY paralleled to ye zimu's parents who were super genuinely In Love. like, literally we learn his parents' backstory and how they fell in love and played violin and piano together IN THE MIDST OF SETTING UP FOR THE PERFORMANCE. COME ONNN. THE HEAVY HANDEDNESS HERE IS INSANE.

(like, fuck his dad all my homies hate his dad i hope he rots. but there is like Zero denying how sweetly deeply in love his parent were. that single "understood" from him Broke me in whole new ways. masterfully done writing to have you genuinely sympathize with him while still letting you Hate him and not justifying his actions. cause like. extra layer of meaning: what is that if not just how a traumatized kid would view their complicated relationship with their shitty parent).

#ive made a post about this somewhere before #i am on the fence on whether the authors actual intent is for these parallels to indicate mutual romance between yzm and lc #or if a deeply intertwined romance is the closest approximation they can think of for whatever the fuck these two have going on ashjdfg #i definitely think its meant to be romantic on yzm's end like that just feels Real to me #idk if its meant to be that ling chen reciprocates in the same fashion. personally i dont see it! #but that doesnt make it more shallow or whatever. in fact it Adds depth for me #thats my interpretation at least and i believe interpretations of text are just as vital (and often more so) than authorial intent #authorial intent is context. its flavoring. its not The Dish #we as readers are the ones making the dish the authors just give us various ingredients #ANYWAYS I GOT OFF TRACK villinit makes me want to bang my head through a wall (positive) #ask #villinit

[technicolorxsn]

maybe I should

#i kinda want to meet with him again before im too busy again.... #one more time to feel connected rather than isolated #i tried... i did talk to people and try to connect but... it feels like no one ever hears me #i get responses but no questions back #i hate always having to do all the work in everything.. sometimes i wish someone else would for a change #i dont like having to make all of the effort... #i hate that once i start it becomes expected #and if i stop or ask for change im 'being mean' and it hurts #is it really so much to ask for someone to want too? #it makes me feel like people only put up with me... only placate me #maybe its true.. it has been in the past #i dont think they cared about me.. im not sure she did either anymore #i just... make myself useful and sometimes i wonder if that's the only reason im kept around #because of kind words and gifts and my willingness to play mom and therapist and fill whatever need #what if thats all im good for? #i love giving gifts. i love putting in effort. i love showing how deeply i care. i love talking to people. i do. #but i hate that its always my 'job' my 'responsiblility' #and if i ask for any reciprocity im in the wrong.. im too much work or im just straight up wrong and 'what do you mean i totally do? youre #just needy and crazy' #im so tired.... #i wish it were also seen as what it is rather than it becoming expected.. #its a gift not an obligation.. i want people to appreciate what i do rather than expect it.. #at least hes not like that.. not really #hopefully i can meet with him this weekend