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#and i think theres only so many times i can hear the most important person in my life come home and talk excitedly ab things thru the walls
camptw1nk · 3 months
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#not 2 be like. negative but i just kinda got hit hard by the way my relationship w my best friend has changed#dont get me wrong i understand that her girlfriend will be super important to her esp bc she lives across the world and is only physically#here for another 2 or so weeks#but my best friend just got back from a trip to another city to see an artist she loves and as she came in i got up to go see her and ask hl#how it was but she was in her room w her gf before i could and thats fine i get it and like she hasnt done anything wrong i can not#emphasize that enough like i hold no bitter feelings to her she is excited to talk to her gf understandably#it just hit me that like. oh yeah. i have no one else that i go to about literally anything but she does#and its less ab her so much as its. its just hitting me that i dont really have? friends?#i have one or two people but like. i only have One Person thats my go to fave person always tell them everything#and i just. I've realized that its not reciprocated the way it used to be#and that i think is just like a part of growing up#i dont have a partner i dont have someone my life is intrinsically linked to#like a best friend is great but its not. relationships are placed to a higher level you know like its jusy more important#and i just. ive nevr Had a partner really. unless u count a like 2 month thing when i was 12 which i dont count#not to be depresso but i am just not the kind of person that people want or desire#and thats been the case long before i came out as trans but its extra complicated now since i dont. Fully pass#idk not 2 sound sad i just wanna be loved#and i think theres only so many times i can hear the most important person in my life come home and talk excitedly ab things thru the walls#and then never actually get told anything myself. not just ab things shes excited for but just in general#we were meant to go to a house viewing together a few days ago and it was only half an hour before it was happening when no one else was#home that i messaged them to check in and they were like oh yeah we're not going we have this and this going on#which like. fine whatever but i dont drive and getting anywhere fast is hard so it just. was stressful#but it just seems like i am constantly out of the loop. everyone i live with is in a relationship w each other and i am just here#in every aspect of my life i am Just There and im tired of it#not to sound desperate or needy but i just would like to. be noticed? or feel prioritized? or even wanted#idk this is. i just needed to rant i think im emotional bc my hormones r a bit wack#im due for my testosterone shot in a few days but i dont have the money or time to go to the doctors lately so its being pushed back#a few weeks and its just. i think its messing w me a bit#i mean i feel this way literally all the time but just the like. the being upset and emotional and posting ab it i think is bc of that#idk i needed to get it out idk it this will stay up or not
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fairuzfan · 3 months
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Hey, sorry to bother, unsure if you're the best person to ask this but you seem to have a lot of knowledge and a big platform, so..
I saw this post claiming there are no Palestinian Jews, that all the ones in Gaza were forced out and the ones in the west bank are not Palestinians and are actually settlers. So Jews in Palestine have only existed in historical Palestine.
I want to doubt it, because to me it's hard to believe, but I'm not sure... any source you can point me to about this?
https://www.tumblr.com/applesauce42069/740878769339924480/palestinian-jews-are-being-ethnically-cleansed?source=share
This is kind of a reductive argument to have because it ignores the fact that a lot of Palestinian Jews from "Mandate Palestine" (aka, when the british were the colonizers) either were forced out or automatically considered citizens of Israel when Israel came about. So yeah, Palestinian Jews *were* and *are* ethnically cleansed because their status as a "Palestinian Jew" was superseded by Israeli Law and even in modern day I wouldn't be surprised if Jews in Palestine from Palestinian descent still consider themselves Palestinian Jews. I can't say that I know too much about this specifically though. Massoud Hayoun, who is not Palestinian but a North African Jew, talks about how his "arabness" is an essential part of his identity and how colonialism caused him to doubt that part of himself.
But there are Palestinian Jews who still have israeli citizenship and identify as Palestinian or not as Israeli as far as I can tell. Hadar Cohen, who lives in Jerusalem with generations of families from Jerusalem, talks about being an "Arab Jew" which according to Avi Shlaim, the definition of "Arab Jew" is a Jew who lived in an Arab country, which he identifies as, since he was born in Iraq. All this to say I think its a little odd to know how every person identifies in Occupied Palestine (in other words Israel) and make an absolute assertion that "there are no Jewish Palestinians."
As far as I personally know, yes, many, many, if not most, Jews in the west bank are settlers and violently displacing Palestinians. I will never negate that and it's important to recognize that. Many Jews in gaza who were forced to leave Gaza in the 2000's were settlers themselves. But I can't say for certain whether or not ALL of them identified as "Israeli" and not "Palestinian." Jews are automatically subject to Israeli citizenship most of the time. So like yeah there might not be "Non-Israeli" jews in Palestine but theres also a legal framework involved that you can't discount in defining people who "identify" as Israeli.
Also, Palestinian with Israeli citizenship are legally called "Israeli Arabs" so like you have to acknowledge that yeah some people of Palestinian descent consider themselves Israelis but maybe not necessarily because they want to but because they have to. When we say "ethnically cleansed" we mean their identities as PALESTINIAN jews, people who practice and participate in Palestinian society and customs and traditions, were folded into the title of "israeli" with no identification of their Palestinian routes.
This isn't me saying "actually all of the people with Palestinian Jewish ancestry all absolutely identify as Palestinian always" this is me saying perhaps we should consider that not every palestinian jew with israeli citizenship identifies themselves as "israeli" and not "Palestinian." I'm saying this mostly because there's got to be resistance efforts of Palestinian Jews within Israel that I just don't hear about as often. Sim Kern talks about early Palestinian Jewish resistance to zionism. Here is the article they refer to in the video. Is it so weird to think NO Palestinian Jew still resists in Palestine...?
Anyways, there are Palestinian jews in diaspora who are also experiencing ethnic cleansing right now by virtue of being Palestinian and identifying as Palestinian and watching their people die and get pushed out of their land.
to clarify though to really drive it home: MOST of the jews in the west bank are settlers. dont discount that at all. my critique is mostly of how people assume there are no people who identify as palestinian jews in israel at all.
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stagefoureddiediaz · 1 year
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The birth and resurrection of Buck
Have a meta to tide you over until the episode airs!!!
The imagery that the writers and the crew (and cast but they’re doing what they’re directed to do so I'm not including them here) have been utilising in relation to Buck and Christian symbolism is pretty interesting - and especially in relation to the resurrection of Christ. 
We’ve seen so many references to it now that its almost like the universe is screaming at us or something! This is not fully comprehensive as I am sure there is more and I've not got time to do the level of in depth analysis I'd like to (I'm trying to get this out before 6x10 airs!), but this is the major points in relation to Buck and the resurrection. Putting it below the cut because its a bit long 😎
Buck is a saviour baby
We all know Buck was born to save his brother and that has had a profound impact on who he is and how he views himself - he has made saving people his entire personality. In Christianity Jesus was born to save the human race from sin and spent his life saving people through his preaching and miracles etc. Even Bucks name ties him to being a saviour - Evan means 'Gods gift' or 'Gods messenger' playing into the idea that God gave the Buckleys a gift (which they then didn't appreciate) and he then used Buck to spread his message (which we are only now truly getting to see the extent of) which leads me on to;
Travelling Buck
The bible details Jesus travelling preaching and spreading the word of God. These travels are an important part of the story and actually stem back to his birth - Mary and Joseph have to escape from Bethlehem and spend time in Egypt before returning to Nazareth
We see Buck escaping his parents and heading out on his own travels - sending postcards back to Maddie. Bucks travels are an important part of his own story - he didn't use his travels to preach etc in the way jesus did but he did use them to
St Christopher and the tsunami
I have a slightly unorthodox view of the st Christopher and the tsunami connection - but hear me out. So most people refer to Buck as being the embodiment of st Christopher in the tsunami arc because he carried Chris and got him to safety - all totally valid and definitely a legitimate way to read it. I However think there is a second way to view it because yes Buck saved Chris etc etc carrying him like St Christopher carried Jesus, but if you think about it metaphorically, things can look a little different.
Think about it this way - Eddie and Shannon have a baby and name him Christopher - then Shannon gives Eddie the St Christopher necklace - to protect him and remind him he has a family to come home to. Now Eddie carries that necklace around with him like a talisman.
Fast forward to the Tsunami and Christopher is dropped off with buck by Eddie to get him out of his loft - Buck is metaphorically drowning in his depression etc over not being able to return to work etc. The show was blatant in its use of the tsunami as a metaphor for the tidal wave of grief and depression both Buck and Christopher (and Eddie to a certain extent) were experiencing for differing reasons (Buck identifying himself through his job and feeling there is nothing else for him and Christopher the grief of losing his mother) - theres a reason he is they are the only two directly caught up in the wave! Buck directly refers to Christopher saving him - up on the fire truck "we saved each other" and then Eddie tells Buck its time for Christopher to "do the same [save him] for you" and then we get Bucks voiceover about the life raft that gets you home - implying that it is Christopher (and Eddie though his words) carrying Buck home (to safety.
We get to see it in action again in Eddie begins - Eddie is buried in rising water - yet the thought of Christopher (and Buck) leads him to safety - to saving himself. The story of St Christopher talks about the water swelling and rising - much like the Tsunami of course, but also like the rising water Eddie battles through to get back to safety - to his family.
It is this reason that I would argue Christopher is the embodiment of st Christopher, and not Buck, although they are in many respects interchangeable.
While we're on the subject of St Christopher, it is worth mentioning that he is not only the patron saint of travellers, but also of things related to travel and travellers—against lightning and pestilence in particular, obviously we had the pestilence shown through Covid - and the separation of Christopher from Eddie and Buck as a form of protection and now the lightning is coming out to play. I think the fact its Eddie connected to Buck on the ladder is more significant than it just being about Buddie - it also connects into the st Christopher of it all - Eddies necklace forms that direct connection to Christopher, and Eddie is going to be connected to Buck via a rope (I love layers connections like this!) thus connecting him to Christopher as well!
Maddie
Maddie as a name means 'from Magdala' - the place Mary Magdalene is from. Mary Magdalene has had a bad rap over the years - there is very little evidence that she was a prostitute - it is likely that another Mary (the most common name for women of the time) was conflated with Mary Magdalene and thus she becomes known as a prostitute. Mary was considered Jesus's most faithful follower, and the one who understood him best - she is considered to have taken care of him and financially supported his ministry. We could attribute all of these same characteristics to Maddie herself - she is the one who has taken care of Buck, she has supported him - one could say that giving him the Jeep and some cash so he could travel is that same as providing financial support (Bucks ministry being the fact that he needs to travel to find himself and end up in LA, so giving him the jeep sets everything in motion) and Maddie is also the one who understands him best (Eddie is on his way to superseding her but shared childhood trauma edges in her favour right now!) Mary Magdalene is the one who witnesses the empty tomb and the resurrection of Jesus - ergo Maddie being the one at Bucks bedside when he wakes isn’t that much of a reach for us to make.
A couple of other snippets before we get to the resurrection itself;
Jesus was 33 when he died - Buck is 33 (approximately) in Canon at the time of the lightning strike 👀
Jesus was resurrected on the 3rd day - we’ve been getting all the 3’s - literally all of them - this season and I wouldn’t be surprised at all if Buck is in a coma for 3 days (and if I'm right about this i'll be flinging myself into the sun over it!)
Also we haven't talked about the Taylor of it all - Taylor is Judas! Let me explain, Judas became Jesus's closest apostle, but he is also separated from the other apostles, through his dislike of the way Jesus went about certain things - he's the only Apostle to question Jesus outright right and he betrayed Jesus - which lead to his crucifixion.
With Taylor she has always had this antagonistic side to her - she questions Buck (without understanding or reason), and she is technically the closest to him (by virtue of dating him not because she is actually the closest person to him) whilst also being separate from everyone else in the show. It is Taylor who betrays Buck and leads to the higher ups semi blacklisting Buck in the aftermath - similar to the way Judas's betrayal of Jesus allowed Pilate to arrest and ultimately kill him. In the same way that it was essentially predetermined that Judas would betray Jesus, it was predetermined on the show that Taylor would ultimately betray Buck (and the 118). Its important to remember that Buck feeling like he's been black listed etc as a result of Taylors actions is a key part of his spiral in season 6 - it is the catalyst for so much of what has happened thus far and part of why he was so determined to prove himself captain material and for his decision to try the age of absolutely and say yes to everything!
As an aside to this Judas is often depicted in Christian imagery with red hair - just like a certain reporter we all know and hate!!
The Resurrection
So we've all been screaming over the imagery of Buck hanging in the air and subsequently being lowered to the ground and into the arms of Bobby and how it fits into Christian imagery of Jesus being removed from the cross Like this one - 'Deposition' by Caravaggio
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Deposition is one of the more famous paintings depicting this moment, but Christs removal from the cross is often depicted with the presence of ladders and the pose they have Buck in is also a commonly used one in the depiction of Christ's removal from the cross
such as this one by Rembrant;
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or this one by Rubens
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in both instances Christ is removed from the cross and into the arms of Joseph of Arimethea and we see the women of Christ (I hate that term but there we go!) both Mary Magdalene and his mother Mary in these paintings. Joseph was granted permission to bury Jesus - a feat normally undertaken by the father of the deceased. The fact that Joseph of Galilee wasn't present (when Mary was) suggests that he was already deceased.
you cannot convince me that this;
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wasn't inspired by the above art! there are a couple of really interesting things about the fact we have Bobby very obviously in the position of Joesph of Arimethea. Joesph of Arimethea is taking on the role of father figure to Christ and we know Bobby has taken on the role of father figure to Buck. I'm also willing to put money on the person we can't see being Hen - thus representing the women. This will also likely be accompanied by Maddie being at Bucks bedside (and we might possibly see Margaret there as well in some capacity even if I start growling!!)
The thing with the crucifixion, deposition and subsequent resurrection is that they are the key turning point in the bible - they are the moment when the work Jesus has undertaken up to this point gains its importance and status - without his sacrifice at that moment, it is very possible Christianity (and Judaism and islam as well for that matter) may not exist!
If we break it down in 911 terms and look at where Buck is at right now and where he is headed it all ties in very interestingly with Jesus.
The pipeline is essentially the same
Jesus; betrayed - crucified - removed from the cross - resurrected.
Buck; Betrayed - crucified - removed from the ladder truck - resurrected (and in a coma before waking up)
We know Buck isn't going to actually die - that wouldn't serve the same purpose for the show that Christs death did in the bible. The outcome is the same though. Buck is going to die - temporarily and its going to land him in a coma, but hes going to die. and that is so important. Buck is at apoint where he needs to shed the 'Evan of it all. the saviour label is so firmly attached to Evan and at this point in time Buck cannot escape its clutches - he even leant into it with the sperm donation. Now though hes discovering leaning into hasn't actually helped or made him feel better.
Buck is still stuck with this saviour label attached to him - only the risk is that now its becoming attached to Buck as well - not just to Evan (Connor knows Buck from before - when he was still Evan remember). Bucks choice to become a sperm donor means the lines are becoming increasingly blurred between Evan and Buck. In order for Buck to learn and grow - for him to be able to move on and essentially become who he wants to be - who Buck is, he needs to not be Evan anymore, so that means some form of rebirth.
This is where the coma storyline is such a great narrative device as a representation of the resurrection - in his coma Buck will get to see who Evan would've been - without the Buck of it all. He'll discover that it's not all its cracked up to be in his head - that thats not who he is, who he wants to be or who he'll ever be and being that won't make him happy. It won't be straightforward, nor will he get there immediately (healing isn't linear but Buck is on that road finally), but he will be carrying that knowledge with him and that will help him figure out that Buck is loved and wanted in a way Evan never has been (with the exception of by Maddie), that he isn't spare parts in the way Evan is and he will be able to be resurrected as Buck.
We need to remember that Christ was resurrected 3 days after his death and then appeared to certain people (in particular the apostles but also to others) during the next 40 days. This is why I'm expecting Buck to be in a coma for 3 days.
This is in no way as coherent as I'd like it to be - I think I'll have to revisit when I'm not feeling quite so insane about the episode tonight!!
I don't think I've written this much on religion since I was in RE classes at school!! I find the use of religious imagery in modern media really interesting and 911 is really going all in with it! Anyway I hope you found it interesting and I'm sure I've left out a lot of stuff, but the important points are all there I think!
feel free to drop thoughts opinions etc in the tags or comments - I can't wait to read everyone else's good thoughts and ideas!
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rigatoniiiiiiii · 1 year
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I posted this before but tumblr was being weird so I had to delete and then repost ^^’
So im curious about what R, Y, B, and G could have seen in the black hole during episode 30.
what do we know about the void?
- we know it’s mostly empty, except for the individual and a place/symbol of emotional importance to the person.
A good example of this is mango’s void, where it’s only him and an empty house, a place where mango spent most of his time planning vengeace and festering in rage and grief.
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- usually the subject of the void has to deal with some sort of regret or inner struggle. For mango, it was his empty lonely house, with only himself and the angry violent pictures scribbled on the wall.
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For purple, it was a completely dark and empty space, with the only light highlighting them and the petals falling around them. A reminder that they are completely alone, no father around and a dead mother.
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- each of these voids/spaces are likely places where their deepest and most hurtful thoughts manifest their surroundings. And it’s hard to break through to these spaces, but it can be done, as mango demonstrated.
So, given what we know, what would RGBY’s voids be like? They were also in the void for a brief period of time before second was able to save the day, so what would they have seen?
Of course it’s all hypothetical, but I think it presents an interesting way to try and visualize and analyze each of the CG’s flaws and insecurities, and how they might find hope in response to that.
Reblog/share your theories!! I think this is very interesting. I’ll put my personal ideas under the cut, but go wild :)
Red: I think Red’s void would be about their character flaw of rushing into situations without thinking/letting others know about mews plan, and how their friende get hurt as a result of that. It could also be about how Red’s feelings have been continually dismissed by the CG (but specifically Second) and how Red feels because of that.
Blue: xer space would involve guilt over indirectly causing harm to his friends. Between the many accidents with potions, the nether incedents, the witch event, and starting off the S3 arc, he probably feels like xes done a lot of damage. Maybe he is afraid that they will get hurt/reject xem because of this.
Yellow: in past episodes, yellow’s power in situations has come from knowledge. For example, theres the entire arcade game episode, the lucky block episode, redstone, learning to fight with a command block. Yellow always wants to learn more, and the result of that curiosity and intelligence is the ability to help/give to yellows friends. So it would stand to reason that yellow would be very insecure and helpless in a situation where yellow couldn’t learn anything. There is no knowledge to be gained, no secret code or strategy to find a way out. But yellow can see the CG being hurt, and yet yellow is powerless and can’t help them. I imagine yellow would feel absolutely helpless.
Green: im.. honestly not too sure about green? It feels like there’s a lot to work with, and not enough to work with. I dont feel i have a good enough grasp on his character/insecurities. Some possible ideas i had were the amount of times green has died, or greens flaw of being a bit too show-offy. Green is definetly one I would like to hear everyone’s thoughts about!
And i know second didn’t get voided, so its even more hypothetical, but i think if second DID fall into the black hole, their space would either be about their powers (which would be confusing and distressing for him), about all their friends dying again like in the showdown and second being powerless to stop it, or maybe even himself being the reason its friends are hurt. However I also think second would be the first to break out of its void, and the first to get to their friends and bring them together, and tell them how much he cares for them, no matter what the void showed.
Anyways yeah thank you for reading!! Just some thoughts I had :) im curious to hear everyone’s theories!
Tagging @lunafandoms !
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aroaceacacia · 1 year
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HI!!!! sorry if you've already posted about this before, but i'm aware you help maintain a vod archive - we're trying to do this for another server and were wondering if you had any tips for useful tools or ways to go about this? thanks and sorry for bothering !!
yes ok!!! here r my tips
1. Have some sort of location where all the VODs are accessible from, for people who may want to find them. For us, we have a spreadsheet, with dates & labels; this could also take the form of a YouTube playlist or an archive.org collection
2. Having only one way to download VODs probably wont be able to cover every scenario you encounter. Here's a list of a BUNCH of resources and tools, many of which you might never need, and most of which I've never heard of. In terms of programs to download VODs, I personally use a mixture of three: Twitch Downloader, 4k Video Downloader, and Twitch Recover. (I use Downloader to access most Twitch VODs, 4k for YouTube videos/streams - although it also does Twitch - and Twitch Recover for when a VOD has been recently deleted*.)
3. TWITCH DELETES VODS !!!! unless a vod is saved as a highlight, those suckers go KABLOOEY at a certain point! the exact amount of time will vary, depending on whether ur streamer is affiliate, partner, or not, so knowing your streamer's status is very helpful. I think non-affiliates and affiliates have a week, and then partners have 60 days. Note that Twitch Recover does not work on VODs older than 60 days, so this time limit is REALLY IMPORTANT.
4. If you're able to get in touch with your streamers in some way, that is really cool and epic! Not necessary at all, but sometimes it's nice being able to remind streamers theres a demand for an official VODs channel, or asking if they have any spare VODs lying around
5. HAVE FRIENDS TO DO THIS WITH !! you said "we" so I assume theres probably a team of some sort already, but division of labor is HUGELY helpful for VOD archiving, because those GB start adding up fast. (It's about 2.5 GB per 1 hour of video at 1080p quality, and generally you want the highest quality possible, so VODs can get pretty chunky.) Oh yeah I guess storage space is useful too. Remember to do spring cleaning also every now and then and make sure you dont delete anything that isnt already backed up elsewhere 👍 but yes. Teamwork. Communicating with the group about who will do what, being able to mobilize in a potential crisis, and making occasional public calls for additional hands on help are all super important, I've found.
6. YouTube is a copyright bitch! While it's better for watching vods back on, it will occasionally block a vod for copyright. YouTube is great, I upload all my MCC vods there unlisted, but I also recommend getting familiar with archive.org. archive is a little slower to upload but it won't hide a VOD worldwide because it had a copyrighted song or three in it. Having mirrors of uploads is a good tool for peace of mind - one of my friends has been on a kick of double mirroring VODs lately, even ones that will eventually be up on a VODs channel, but that's also a lot of uploading and slows him down
7. Being aware to at least some degree of the contents of what you're archiving is a good thing. Sometimes you need to censor out an accidental doxxing or worry about an IP leak, and I find it makes me feel more confident in my work if I know what I'm preserving. Like, I archive plenty of MCC POVs I havent necessarily watched, but they're all MCC, and I know what happens, and I sometimes hear details from other people - but a random server VOD from a guy I don't watch much of could contain anything. Sometimes I worry I've accidentally stuck deeply personal information into the internets biggest document repository. And maybe I have. But having some familiarity helps the peace of mind
8. Have fun with it and take pride in your work! You're helping to prevent something you love, the hard work of others, from becoming lost media! That's sooooo epic and sexy and cool of you, actually, and more people should do it - either on their own for their own personal purposes, or in the context of a larger project, like me and you
tl;dr its work but it boils down to communication, having the right tools, and having a team that is willing to adapt and cooperate in order to get stuff done! best of luck in your efforts
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graylinesspam · 4 months
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Glad you’re finally updating your ASOI series!! haven’t heard about it in a while
Speaking of… I had a thought the other day about the public’s view on the clones (and I had no one to share it with so I’ll just dump it in your ask box if you don’t mind)
Anyway, civilians in most of the clone centric fics I read are very hostile towards clones for some reason and I find it very implausible.
Just think of it, there are genetically modified soldiers who are badass, wear cool armor and are also extremely hot.
And now imagine if that happened in real life… I really think people would love them and also sympathize with them due to them technically being slaves. And Ahsoka’s interviews would only add fuel to the fire because now they have NAMES and can hear stories of their beloved heroes.
But what’s more important, everyone would be thirsting over them.
And what happens in real life when people unanimously thirst over someone? They make edits. They make edits and write fanfiction and create whole ass blogs dedicated to the object of their thirst.
I bet the boys constantly record holos of them being badasses on the frontlines and a lot of recordings would mysteriously end up leaked, so the editors would have more than enough material
I can imagine Ahsoka sending Rex some holo and it’s an edit of him to the most unholy track you’ve ever heard which has like a billion likes and WILDING comments (something among the lines of “he walks like it’s heavy” with the replies “I can hold it for him”). He honestly doesn’t know how to react to that, like he is mortified (and a bit flattered really).
And some parts of it might actually be cannon given how many girls hang out at 79’s, they definitely know where the good stuff is ;)
And then the fangirls become a big group of clone-sympathizers who go on strikes for for clones’ rights and it somehow leads to the discovery of the chips and somehow palpatine dies and order you-know-what never happens and the war ends and clones get refund for years of service and everyone lives happily ever after. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.
No but this 1000% percent. You nailed it in one. Theres already a lot of bad feelings toward the jedi that Palpatine has been sowing the seeds for a long time. So I'd be hesitant to say that the citizens are immidietly chill with the clones. That's just not how the propaganda machine works. Especially since pretty much the only reactions the citizens have to the clones in cannon are negative. HOWEVER, firstly the anti-clone protests are primarily on Coruscant where the clones are not doing anything positive, they're acting as an unwelcome military police (which is literally always bad) or they're being drunk and disorderly in public (which is objectively funny).
But as for the rest of the galaxy? especially the planets where the clones are actively doing some good? GIRL. The republic is trying to portray the clones as a professional unified military force, but Ahsoka totally undermines all of that by bringing clone business to public attention. And as internet culture always does the citizens have a fucking field day with every scrap of information she gives up.
Like babes you have no idea how much of this AU is fueled by me joke watching clone thirst traps and thinking "I bet this would actually happen in SW" It starts with the public hounding her for details about Anakin cuz he's like a heart throb and she's all like "can we talk about anything other than how bad you all want to fuck him?" and she insists on talking about the clones instead, so all these thirsty ass hos who've hopped on the stream to hear some juicy Anakin content get introduced to a ROSTER of clones instead and some are like "y'know they are kinda cute" and then theres simps and people asking all kinds of questions about them and Ahsoka's doing shitty personality breakdowns.
I just don't know how to write that content in a way that's like Interesting. like just get on tiktok yourself i guess.
But like also Ahsoka reading the guys to filth too. Like she starts hyping them up then realizes that she's just fueling the simps so she just starts being painfully honest with the fangirls about their favorite clones.
like "wolffe girlies, I hate to tell you this, He does not give a fuck about you. He is not the grumpy to your sunshine. the man is a surely old bastard. He's like 6 I think? doesn't matter he was born a pissed off old man. He doesn't like you. He'll never like you. He likes exactly five people in the entire galaxy and I'm not even on that list anymore. And you don't even want to know what I had to do to get on it. Please realize that you are not special and he's not secretly soft and protective on the inside. He will hurt you're feelings."
And when I say that she is ALWAYS ragging on Fives. Every time she compliments him she has to pause and say "This is just gonna go to his head." And she takes every chance possible to humble him. "He might be one of my favorite brothers and one of the best men I've ever known but he's a fucking disaster. If it wasn't for my entire force ability and the best luck streak I've ever seen he'd be dead." She knows he thinks he's a hot shot ladie's man and she will NOT support his ego.
With Rex though? GIRL! Ahsoka shows such obvious favoritism for Rex. She shares the most information about him and his fandom absolutely pops off. He is that clone. footage of him and his easy-to-identify blonde hair absolutely flood the fan sites. THE EDITS??? THE COMMENT SECTIONS????? But Ahsoka's like nah that's MY Captain. (I don't ship them at all but I do think of Ahsoka as a very possessive person and Rex is literally her platonic soul mate) Like she's split between saying "Of course Rex has the biggest fanbase he's the single best man in the galaxy. literally, the only man who hasn't disappointed me. he's perfect of course they like him." but then also, "None of you are good enough for him. You should be honored if he shows interest in you on account of him being perfection incarnate"
The clone fandom in my Au mimics the actual one quite a lot including the small personality traits of the clones being way over exaggerated and then universally accepted. Like Kix gaining popularity bc Ahsoka still responds to all questions about her health and wellbeing with quips like "Of course I took my meds, wouldn't want an angry medic on me" and "Yes i disinfected the wound. If I didn't Kix might have a stroke" or one time she shook a vitimin bottle and said "See Kix, I'm responsible, I'm taking them."
I could seriously go on forever like this, I've practically written an essay already. But yeah. You get it.
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eatzmoth · 1 year
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The Madness? Of Mono Yellow
If you've been on the internet in the past few years there's a chance you've heard the phrase "the madness of mono yellow." Maybe you can't place your finger on where it came from or maybe you know exactly what im talking about. The source of this phrase comes from the 4chan post that started the idea of the backrooms. 
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No this post is not going to be about the backrooms. Instead, just for a moment, I want to talk about the picture of the backrooms. It's considered a liminal space. Defining liminal space is kind of tricky and there are many meanings and there are some great videos out there that talk about them and their nature so i'd go check them out! The best way I can describe a liminal space is by an area that invokes a certain feel to it, with usually a mix of creepiness, nostalgia, and artificialness. Usually liminal spaces have a certain type of lighting that helps gives us this kind of feeling. But what about the lighting that makes it creepy, nostalgia, and artificial? Creepy and artificial can be explained by the low lighting and "underbaked" almost game like quality it gives the photo. How can lighting be nostalgic? The truth is lighting plays an important role in our lives and sometimes, as an autistic person, I feel like im the only person who really appreciates it (and at times the most effected by it.)
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If you were born before 2010 you might know what im talking about, but didn't lighting feel warmer? No im not talking about the actual feel of them. What I mean is the tone of a light bulb. Some lights are on more on the warmer end of the light spectrum and some are on the more cooler end of the spectrum. I don't know why but I remember the only places where you'd experience truly white lightbulbs or lightbulbs on the cooler end of the spectrum where school, industrial buildings, and sometimes hospitals. These were places where I actually experienced the most discomfort due to my sensory issues and I never really understood until I started to research about it. I feel like in the past few years truly white lights or more cool leaning lights have become popular. I think it's because it's considered more modern. Some of my most prevalent memories with this shift in tone has to be when my parents ran out of the lightbulbs they had stocked up on and had to get new ones that had the more cooler tone, and funny enough when our local target changed it's design. I remember walking into the bathroom and turning the lights on and immediately running to my mom about it. Also my local target still had the same design as it did from the late 90s and when they changed it they updated the lights and whole atmosphere to be more "industrial." Nonetheless it feels like I cannot escape this new cooler tone lightbulbs and it's made my sensory issues noticeably worse. I'll never understand when older people talk about pleasant everything looks now compared to like the decor in the 60s/70s. Obviously I wasn't alive then but I feel like the 60s/70s can be described by the color yellow and yellowish lighting. It seems more friendly and inviting to me but again, it's because im autistic. I think you also see this more because of the whole minimalist aesthetic becoming popular.. something I equally hate. 
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I believe this is what brings the nostalgic feel to certain liminal spaces. Theres been a noticeable decrease in the use of yellow toned lighting throughout the decades and if you were born in the 90s or early 2000s you may especially get nostalgic over this kind of lighting whether you realize it or not. If you have read up to this I just want to say thank you, this was basically just a brain dump but i'd like to hear other people's thoughts about this!!
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asahicore · 1 year
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get to know me game !!!
omg i love things like these cz any opportunity to talk about myself is a good opportunity !! thx for the tag @ozymandia-s i was reading thru ur answers like it was the morning paper, i'll tag @bbujiikseu and @ethereal-engene if u guys wanna do it <33
birthday: dec 13
favourite colour: purple-ish like lavender 
do you have pets? yaaaaah i have a white cat who's evil but also really cute and a dog named elbow
how tall are you? 160-2 cm i'm not sure
how many pairs of shoes do you own? a bunch but i mostly wear my platform docs, my beige platform converse, my black regular super old and beat-up converse or my knee-high brown boots that i got at a thrift shop for such a good price
favourite song: this is like the most impossible question everrrr but invu by taeyeon was my most listened to song in 2022 and i still levitate whenever i listen to it
favourite movie: twilighttt the girls who get it get it but i have lots of movies i love
who would be your ideal partner? my 2 most important things r someone who makes me laugh but also finds me funny and someone with good communication. i dont really care about stuff like sharing hobbies or styles or whatever but as long as we can have a good time doing whatever i'm in love (my ex...)
do you want children?  yessss not now for sure but in a few years like 2 or 3 i think
have you gotten in trouble with the law? i dont think so..?
what colour socks are you wearing? rn they're black
favourite type of music: kpop... 97 of my 101 most listened to songs were girl group kpop lmaooo but just pop in general
how many pillows do you sleep with? 2 !!!
what position do you sleep in? i try to sleep on my back but being on my tummy with one leg up is so much comfier
what don’t you like when you’re sleeping: people who snore like i'm not a particularly light sleeper but it wakes me up immediately and keeps me from falling asleep
what do you have for breakfast: coffee most of the time but earl grey sometimes, i dont usually eat breakfast but if i'm feeling hungry i'll have a fruit or something. i'll also have a pastry at the uni café if i really cant wait until lunch to eat lmaoo
have you ever tried archery? i dont think i have but it looks cool
favourite fruit: lately i've been obsessed w physallis but that shit is expensiveee. otherwise i'd say mango and cherries
are you a good liar? nooo u can see it right away if i'm lying i get so tense and if i'm lying just to take the piss out of someone then i can only keep it for like 10 seconds cause 1 i start laughing and 2 i feel bad for making someone believe something untrue lmaoo
what’s your personality type? enfp i think?
innie or outie? (it really depends on my mood but i'm usually an outie i think, i just need a day in the week to really relax on my own) i’ve been informed this is about the belly button… well it’s innie then… why do u wanna know that about me tho
left handed or right handed? right handed. left handed ppl freak me out...
favourite food: it is so impossible to choose a fav meal but i'll say tiramisu cz its my fav dessert
favourite foreign food: sushi ig
am i clean or messy? i'd say clean
most used phrase:  i have no idea probably whatever stupid phrase i've coined as mine for the week
how long does it take for you to get ready: not too long cause in the morning i basically just make my bed, wash my face, brush my teeth, get dressed and do my makeup.. but if i decide to have coffee at home or to read before leaving then it can take a while
do you talk to yourself? all the damn time bro i was actually tripping over the fact that you can hear a voice in your head without actually speaking just the other day i think its so weird but im thankful for my inner monologue.. shes a queen
do you sing to yourself? if theres music i'll sing along but i dont usually just sing out loud randomly
are you a good singer?  no lmaooooo but i love singing badly and my friends and i go to karaoke every week which is super fun
biggest fear? this is weird but my legs being wobbly like not havign control over them, so like when you're on those inflatable games or when the ground is slippery.. hate that
are you a gossip? yes lmaooo but only when theres reason to be
do you like long or short hair? ive been growing out my hair and its slayinngggggg but on other ppl idc
favourite school subject: i think french (not as a second language but as a french person studying french at a french school lmao) and english lit
extrovert or introvert: extrovert, like im sociable but also if you're a strange man dont talk to me
what makes you nervous: university deadlines also the amount of books in the world i'll never be able to read </3
who was your first real crush? i think when in like 4th grade i had a crush on this guy named matt, but ive had plennnttyyyy of crushes since then
how many piercings? eight and they're all on my ears !
how many tattoos? 0 but im debating getting one
how fast can you run? not fast lmaoo
what colour is your hair? dark brown
what colour are your eyes? dark brown
what makes you angry: misogyny <3 i had to watch this video of a debate between pro-choicers and pro-lifers.. i was gonna explode listening to the pro-lifers' arguments they're so fucking stupid man
do you like your name? its very unoriginal lol but i dont mind it, also my middle name is my grandma's which is genevieve and i think it slays
do you want a boy or a girl as a child? one of both tbh
what are your strengths? hmmm i think i'm fairly reasonable? like when i have an outburst (and i have a lot of those) after some time i'm able to calm myself down and reason with myself so usually im able to stay somewhat level-headed lol i also don't wallow, i get back on my feet pretty quickly and my friends have told me i'm generous :)
what are your weaknesses? this might sound like the opposite of what i just said lmaoo but i overthink too damn much and i jsut cry all the time like everything pains me but then at the same time im able to get out of that mindset quickly.. so idk bruh
what is the colour of your bedspread? i have like 3 houses but the one i currently am at is my uni dorm and the bedspreads are either white and grey or green/blue/pink and they're both floral patterns
colour of your room: at my moms and here they're white but at my dads they're a light greyish brown
this was fun and took me forever lmaooo good way of procrastinating tbh
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Note
Discworld has a bit of everything, all over the place, and its all good? The style changes a bit from earlier books to later ones, and some people prefer the later ones, but theyre all still very good.
(When you hear that its usually like i liked the earlier books but the later/middle ones were a spiritual experience for me)
Theres a lot of semi-niche topics explored by individual books, and a few sort of sub series with particular reoccuring protagonists and sort of genres, so you can go and start with either characters you think you'll like, or topics you think you'll like, (and either way get sucked in to a portion of the discworld youll probably enjoy branching out of eventually, but are loathe to leave behind, and then again and again with the next chunk you find a friend in)
One way of choosing is to look up those flowcharts people have made to help decide which discworld book to read/try
Another is to start with a sub series (eg, death, the watch, the witches, whatever moist von lipwig or the times have going on, whatever the gods have going on, whatever tiffany aching the practical witch child with the tiny blue scottsmen has going on...etc. oh also rincewind, fail wizard extraordinaire)
(With that one youd probably go death, i assume, the earliest being mort, which is good but some people dont jive with it immediately like they do with the rest of them, so just fair warning its usually that folks like the rest if they like mort, but the opposite isnt true. They sometimes dont like mort but do like the rest.)
You could also read some of the descriptions and just try out one you vibe with
Uh the most reliable way ive found is you find a discworld person and ask them to recommend you a book and then they ask you like 5 increasingly confusing, specific, and "deep" questions and then go 'ok these two changed my life so i have to recommend them, but i think this one will change /your/ life, and if that doesn't work try this one? I really hope you like them and get something out of them but if not oh well. Good luck!!!!'
And then you have like 4 books to work with and if you end up liking them you sort of find your way naturally around the Discworld
Theres also podcasts that go through all the books so if you dont mind spoilers you could always look up specific eps/books to get a feel for whether a particular book is for you
Uhhh sorry i ran off into my own world and wasn't particularly succinct. Anyway uh i do hope if you decide to read them you enjoy it!! And if you tell us a bit about what you like we can all probably give consensus on top discworld book recs For You, Specifically, if thats something that would improve your life as opposed to the opposite
Sort of like check all that apply, likes: silly, existential, serious, strangely understandable and poetically succinct explanations of comlex and important topics, the follys of man, the virtues of man, women who are actual characters, interesting but a bit zany worldbuilding, making fun of genre or trope but in a way that eventually subverts or improves it, personal responsibility,
Uh these aren't really helpful sorry. I tried to come up with normal things that would be helpful in distinguishing what one might like out of the books but immediately went off the rails.
I should probably quit while im only marginally behind, as opposed to hopelessly.
Anyways good luck, sorry for whatever this just was, and thanks for running this bracket, its real fun.
First of all I wanna say thank u anon for all of this I am being 100% truthful when I say I woke up, read this, and immediately thought "I love u buddy"
From all the replies and such I've seen, there are definitely a lot of places to start up Discworld and a lot of them seem very interesting and fun to me (there's so many things! its so diverse! i want to eat all of it!)
I've also gone through a few flowcharts (at least two people sent me here so thank you!) and have gotten Mort and Wyrd Sisters on a few of them
Thanks for the warning about Mort sometimes not jiving with people, I'm notorious amongst my friends for finishing reading books even if I dislike them (I usually do this with Stephen King once a year bcuz I like his ideas and inherited a bunch of his books but rarely enjoy the way he writes) so I'm sure I could through Mort if I don't jive with it at first
I'm also absolutely down to hear your (and others) Life Changing Discworld books to look into (I'm a huge book nerd and I love hearing from other book nerds!) It also makes sense to give more specific recs with better info, when I originally posted that last night I had No Idea how diverse the content in Discworld is, I've learned since then it's much broader than I thought tbh. Pretty much everything you listed there sounds very interesting (we do love the follies of man and subverting tropes tho)
I think you're fabulously ahead rather than marginally behind, but it's all well friend. Thank you for your wonderful explanations and I hope you continue to enjoy the bracket 😊
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freakish-hazzard · 2 months
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Hey like. I know equality and trying to be morally correct is kinda at least a portion of the tumblr user's thing but. You do gotta understand that if you're trying to be better than literally any person that could even remotely qualify as 'morally incorrect' you gotta stop fuckin policing people when they do something.
See, the fun thing about policing people is that it pigeonholes them into that behavior because, shocker, the views and opinions of others around someone can affect them in so many fuckin ways, especially if you have a platform and start talking about this person to your audience without the proper precautions.
This doesn't mean you cant criticize actions of people you don't agree with, or that you have to accept every single person you meet. you can talk with someone, and kindly disagree with something they do, but it's also important to learn why they do it, as it can help us stay close and hoo boy are shared bonds between people a powerful thing. Literally its probably the most important thing to try and gain, a good number of good reliable connections can form a safety net and help you when you struggle.
But even if you get along, there will always be some arguments and disagreements, but sticking through those rough patches will only strengthen already unbreakable frienships.
Listen anyone can be your friend i promise, even people you usually aren't interested in talking to. Just give it time and understand when you may need to approach things differently, but also make sure to understand your limits. There are some people that may not have your best interest in mind.
This post has drifted from talking about policing to friendship but anyway. I get there are a lot of people that often criticize media that makes friendship into a power, or it often saves the day to just talk. And i get it, it doesn't always work at every turn and sometimes you don't have time or resources to work it out, or the other person wont listen. Sometimes the problem is bigger than just people (cough cough america cough cough). But also 1/ shut the fuck i think we need MORE shows about peace and love on planet earth and 2 you'd be surprised just how well being neutral and understanding of someone as they are can help you form a bond with someone and just how powerful that bond can be. Like i dunno man if you really hate the show about being nice and how cool it can be you might actually wanna consider trying to get some real kind friends who treat you well and are understanding. Or also stop using said criticism as an excuse to mask your racist/homophobic/transphobic/xenophobic/alltheotherphobias and actually just say that you hate the show because it has a group of people you don't like portrayed well. Like the least you could do is not twist the truth so hard it makes your interpretation of the media look like a kaleidoscope of shit, im sure so many people would rather you be honest and admit you just fuckin hate people than to hear theres another asshole masking and lying about their intentions of being a dick.
#rambles#lol sorry#i just got a lot on my mind#i just finished a new show#its called my daemon#it was really good i loved it#it did feel a little like specifically sonic 06 and how many fucking times elise got captured#i feel like it overdid some ideas#but personally that didn't even detract from my experience#it was really interesting and cute#and i swear to got its just post apocalyptic pokemon legends arceus#the daemons even say their own names as calls and i swear some of them are voiced by va's that voice pokemon#its crazy i love it#oh also there is gore#i loved the gore its great#some people might not like it because the protag is 11#which is fair#but personally i think its great#listen. fucked up shit happens to children in real life. it aint good but it happens.#you aren't supposed to feel good that the kids are experiencing the horrors#theres no reason to feel bad about a show specifically because theres a kid in it and they suffer a lot and go through fucked up shit#and if it was an issue why the fuck are we not talking about shows featuring an animal cast where they deal with the horrors#why isnt there anyone complaining about say. watership down huh?#because it isnt fucking real and even though these shows can move people to feel things#it doesn't mean that the characters are real and that there are real world repercussion for things they go through#this is the same reason why you can play skyrim and kill so many people and animals and still be a good person after u log off#it aint real fiction is a realm where we can create anything without consequences#the only time it differs is once we make something that is intended to make an impact on the people who see it#you are in charge of if you publicize your art and the message it portrays to the public
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mvement · 1 year
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24/1/22
you know what. ive tried a lot of things. ive practiced, for however short or longer periods, many things. chronologically, ive given one or many tries at capoeira, ballet, acoustic guitar lessons, muay thai, street dances, and now volleyball. ive thought a lot, many and many times, about how i shouldve started doing one of those things earlier and dedicated myself to it, but im not sure i did want that. i mean, maybe i did and lacked the perseverance, but i can't remember. im not sure i cared enough for them, and if i did, well. theres no use in self guilty tripping now. but lately ive been realizing something truly, truly important. as obvious as it might be to anyone else, what's vital when learning or engaging with something new is practice. ive always had it easy with some things; ive never had trouble with grades, for example, even when i barely studied, and always caught up quickly enough whenever i slacked off a little too much. im not sure if this is the cause or only something that goes hand in hand with this next other trait, but i wasn't used to working hard on anything. if i wasn't immediately outstanding at something, id just quit it and think it wasn't for me. it's a little wild, and something ive first noticed probably many years ago, but only more recently - a few years, and every day more than the day before - started to stop taking things this way. something like that narrows your life and experiences in a very expressive way. especially if the things you quit are things you enjoy.
im not an immediate natural in any of the activities i mentioned. so of course, im not naturally outstanding in them either. i cant remember how i was with ballet, how i felt about it overall - i was only four when i started practicing it, and it lasted a year. it was the same with capoiera, but i have a guess i was a little bit scared of it, as i still was - still am, even if significantly less than before - when i first started muay thai (thai boxing, idk what its called outside of here) four years ago.
playing the guitar or any instrument is one of the coolest things in the world a person can have the ability of, honestly. i always liked whenever i mastered a song well enough for it to be recognizable, and i loved playing it, because its such a cool thing. still, i wasnt too keen on the process, and all the songs i actually wanted to learn were so damn advanced too. (muscle memory is, indeed, something a little wicked- i had those classes ten or eleven years ago, and i still remember the chords and everything to the songs i played the most. not relevant to the topic of this rambling, but whatever. who wants to hear me playing banana pancakes by jack johnson)
with muay thai, things were really different by the time i started. i had just realized i absolutely fucking needed physical activities to properly function as a human being. not exaggerating in the slightest - i'm someone else when im not doing anything. it's very, very dramatic. but it’s true. anyways, when i joined my first class on a random day, got in late for the warm up and ended up nearly not walking for a week for the first time because im a little insane and just showed up in that room and tried to keep up with everyone else immediately, it was with the excitement of doing something new and the knowledge that i really needed to do things. after a while, even if i still daydreamed constantly of being a badass and of just quickly escalating to a bruce lee woman reincarnation level, i knew i was enjoying the process. as scary as it was to join those sparring matches my teacher had everyone do, the exhilaration after working so heavily was just that - exhilarating. worth it all. addictive. and god, i was terrified at first. so defensive. with the eminent danger of a punch square to your face, one does that. you’re in there, quickly cornered against the net, and your every move is clumsy and held back, focusing too much on the fact that you’re just scared as fuck. eventually, though, you're taking advantage of a good landing right to your black belt teachers unprotected left temple on instinct. yes im gloating. yes it was one time. shut up. in all seriousness, you do accomplish exciting things. all in all, evolving and seeing change erupt right from and through and in your own body, to witness that with your own eyes and with a sense of wonder at you had just done... it's insane.
it's the compensation that knocks you over sideways for an entire day, and with a continued dawning of reality, you feel it in your whole body that you actually did that.
and im talking short period accomplishments. the day i achieve a black belt level, i will sprint through walls
as for dancing, ive loved it since i was fifteen. i watched that famous upgrade u choreography by willdabeast adams on youtube and i was gone. through there i found one of my favorite dancers, someone with a style that blows my mind every time. it's one of those things i have to work on or i will regret for the rest of my life. i love it dumb, and with my whole body and soul.
volleyball is the most recent of it all. it is actually not even a week since i first practiced it with an actual experienced amateur team. of course it all began not even a month ago when i was elbows deep into haikyuu episodes and just felt like starting yet something else and then asked my friend where she practices volleyball and if i could join. now here i am.
i meant to make this a full circle text with a concise conclusion wrapping things up, but im tired and i already did talk about what i came here to say. practice. its incredible, too, standing in a big court with a tall as fuck net and being initially so terrible at everything. but its because i want to that i keep doing it until i get better. its because of the excitement of just doing it in the first place. it's addictive, the power of doing something you like, of failing so incredibly and still have the will to do it more and more and more. it’s about finding out where life’s meanings are in for you, and realizing dedicating yourself to them is undeniable.
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The Dreamscape
Once more it seems i’ve fallen asleep. It is dark and cold and oh so more comfy than a moment ago. I cant even remember going to bed or what i was doing. My head feels dizzy and the mists as thick as cake rolls in. how can a mist have the consistency of cake. I reach out for the cake. This is the ground. Ah. i push myself up it is still foggy but soon that fog rolls away. It is bright today. I love it when its bright. That means things are going good. I stand up and brush myself off. Its little more than a gesture really. Im not normally this awake when im asleep. Its what you would call a contradiction. Its what I call a contradiction and im the only important one here. Huh. im here and little else. The ground it seems has more colour over yonder. Neat. i walk down the path. It is a degrassed dirt path that is hardened with sunshine and track beating. Hedges of green flank me side by side. I see cottages and small houses on small plots of land beyond the hedges. There are all sorts of people. I cant clearly make out what theyre doing. Perhaps my imagination in this dream isnt fully awake. Most people here are peacefully within their homes or outside enjoying themselves. I see two people discussing the past while a group of strangers sit by and occasionally pipe in. wonderful. As i walk down the road i see an old hag of a lady babbling to herself about a hundred different things. Theres a small gathering of people around her like human shaped cats. She occasionally yells at one or another for telling her what they though of her or what they think she is. I know exactly what i am! She would yell. I cannot hear the people with her say anything but im certain thats whats being said. Who has a one sided conversation with someone like that? I hop the hedge which is about as high as my legs and walk over. The grass here is full of sporadic bushes and small stones covered in moss. There a tiny bog pond with a statue that looks remarkably like a dead person. I sort of pause and look at a little longer. Its mouth is agape and its expression is… hard to describe. The word pog comes to mind but it looks more like the man was gut punched. He is covered in thick moss save for the mouth and closed eyes. Freaky thing to keep in a pond. The lady seems to be ignoring me and keeps rattling off to no one in particular. She contradicts herself five times in one rant only to say in her next rant that its not only human to contradict yourself but also to lie and lie often. Shes rather wise i thought. As my brain tried to unravel her nonsense and found many unconnected threads of truth. She then started biting one of the people present who only blushed as he started bleeding. Ok weird. I walk over join the group. She flings back into another rant about her life and experiences which seem to follow her current philosophy. Neat. i add in my own experiences to the conversation. She suddenly goes wild. Her eyes bulging. Her skirt flowering out as if it were inflating beneath her. She reached under and removed a menacing knife from what i could only assume was her nickers. Oh fuck. She began screaming at me. How dare i enter her house. How dare i abuse her space. How dare i. How dare it all be about me. I flee in horror as the others sit around and watch the assault like nothing new was happaning and i leap over the hedge. I start running fast down the road. The sky was getting gray and clouds began to form and the colour was beginning to be sapped from the very landscape. I look back but the old hag was no were to be seen. I slow my pace. Im scared and anxious. Like a rat bastard with huge teeth was about to jump out and nab me. The road was lined with fences and small shrubs. I couldnt see over them. I couldnt see much of what people were doing now. Was i no longer allowed? We all occupied this small space together right? I could hear all sorts. Partying, carrying on and even shouting and abuse over the fences. At one point i hear a scuffle. I try to pull myself over the fence to see whats going on. There are three men in white masks kicking a poor man huddled on the ground. They shout about taxation, exploitation and how the man does not own the land he lives on or has the right to have a say in who gets to live there. I dont know if the mans allright. I dont even try to help. Im afraid. I drop down and start running again. What if they saw me. I have no where to go. The path was flanked by concrete walls that aimlessly tower into the sky. Why… why am i running. I look back. Its a dark alleyway that is blocked by a chained fence. I can only go forward. As i walk forward i notice the walls are tagged in long winded paragraphs with neat colourful pictures illustrating the walls on occasion. Neat. i stop to look at one. Its a picture of a clown. He looks upset, perhaps stressed. There is some text but it has been tagged over with smaller more happy clowns under it. Weird. I dont want to read a wall of text on the wall. A lot of it looks political, doesnt concern me. Kind of… deranged, like someone is calling out for help to an audience of beggars and back ally thugs. I see an opening ahead. I walk forth. As i step out im nearly blinded by the sun above as i see a grand sight. Tall buildings in every direction covered in signs and electronic billboards. Theres even some art being shown off. The plaza im now in looks very inviting there are orange leaved trees surrounded by benches. There are no roads just open space and people walking around and sitting around. I look up again as i hear the sound of a electric train. It runs on rails that sit on pillars that go up into the air. They zoom by with great speed. I can even see walkways higher up alongside the buildings and between them with similar looking plazas in high places. I step out in awe oblivious to my surroundings for only a few moments before the people begin to feel off. Very off. I look around and see everyone in gray suits and white masks. Very bland. Like just gray business suits. The masks are different looking on occasion. Some are painted and some even have full on paintings and illustrations on them. Like someone supplanted a picture onto the surface. I walk out into the plaza and try to keep my nerves calm but a few people stop and stare at me. The people ive met here so far are either insane or vacant. And these people are no different. They stare at me unmovinglingly as if i was the center of attention. Soon a crowed began to amass around me and i was surrounded. I stopped. They were everywhere. Looking at me. One of them lurched forward almost like he was possessed by a brain eating worm under that thing. His muscles spasamed and drool was beginning to stain his suit his shoulders were raised to his ears. He whispered. Heretic… It was dead quite, no one made a sound so the whisper carried over like a pricing note. What? His body convulsed as he threw his head back. HERETIC!!! He shouted as he fell to the ground and began to shake. The man was clearly having a seizure and would die if i did nothing but as i stepped towards him more strange staunch men in plain masks stepped out from the crowed towards me. Im not a hero. Im just… scared. I stepped back as they shambled towards me. The rest of the crowed watching like it was all some great big performance. The man on the ground began to get up and started running towards me. I panicked and turned to my left and ran bowling into the crowed. I kept my head low as tears filled my eyes almost blinding me. The strange men in suits and masks didnt make any attempt to stop me. Nor did they make any attempt to move out of the damn way. It was a rough sea of people and gray suits and over coats. Some were brown some were trenchcoats one or another were a sort of black but soon a hand grabbed my own. Come with me. I didnt exactly have a choice but a voice devoid of malice was the only thing i could cling to in that mess. I was dragged through the crowed like they were made of water and soon we were on the outside. I was being dragged along by a masked man in an olive brown coat. He dragged me around a small wall the jutted out from the building. It was a wall that was designed to stop people walking into the pit some stairs had dug into the ground to let people enter a lower floor. Behind this wall was a 2ft high window that was wide like a slit adjacent with the ground. He got on his butt and slipped legs first through the slit pushing the little window back as he dipped inside. Not wanting to be caught out in the open i follow suit. Legs first then my ba-AHHHH. I bend wrong as i slide in as my back connects with the edge bending my back too much from the pressure as i push the rest of me in. there is no surface for my legs to catch on and i fall a good distance into the ground hurting my hands and legs and back. I am in pain. Sorry about that. I look up. The man in the olive brown coat and a mask with blues and reds and purples painted on his mask is just standing there in a broad stance. Ahhh ha ha… he sits down on a leather couch infront of a wooden coffee table. Theres a nice green mat on it with a kettle and two cups. And a few other silver wares. Tea? He asks. I try to get up using another couch next to me and sit down across from him. I am in a lot of pain right now. True. True? I shake my head. He pours out a cup of tea and adds some milk. Sugar? Err… yes please. He puts a single teaspoon of sugar in my cup and stirs it before pushing it towards me. Does this man intend to drink with his mask on? No. he removes his mask which is attached to a black elastic hood to seemingly fully obscure his face. He was a young looking man with long curly hair, brown eyes and a short beared. Who are you? I asked. A stranger. Wow, very helpful nice introduction. He sipped his tea and sort of resented doing so by the look on his face. Clearly he’s just trying to be accommodating. Which is a first. Nothings spiraling out of shape here everythings still the same. I take a sip of my tea. It tastes weirdly faint of chocolate. Weird tea bags. I looked at him and he was just staring at me with a piercing gaze. Like he was looking at a point behind my head. I had to strain to not lookbehind me. I was sweating up a storm. Ummmm.. Thank you for helping me out back there err. Stranger. No problem. You dont look like your from around here. Its my damn dream of course not. I need to get going soon but i know you must have a lot of questions so ask away. Questions? I couldnt get your name and now your offering. If he hasnt got time to answer my questions i better make them count. What is this place. My house. Ehhh! I figured that! I mean what is this place. As in outside too. Oh, thats spiral city. A utopia if you can believe it. A utopia? Everyone here is mad not to mention it sort of appeared. Ok so who were those people. He shrugged. Assholes i guess. Unhelpful. They sort of tried to attack me. Who are they its kind of important and whats with the masks. He looked at me again with that scaring look of his like his eyes were about to drill into my brain. This isnt a Q&A its an interrogation! People around here dont like the idea of freedom of expression. You dont question anything. You dont make anything you alone want. You dont stand out more than your allowed. And if you do, you better be there to outperform every son of a bitch in that there supermarket. We’re in a city! Not a super market who talks like that. He stands up. One final question before i go. He pauses… oh i thought he had a question for me no its for him ok an important one. An important one. Hmmm. Do you like it here mr? He looks up at the ceiling it looks clean and polished. Which people generally dont keep. He speaks without looking back at me. We get free healthcare, free food, free housing, free time and a small allowance for any luxuries or small time trading. Its nice here. Its peaceful. You arnt afraid your being enslaved here? He looks down at me without tilting his head. And turns around. I’ve no more time for questions right now. They're going to turn out the lights soon. The lights? You mean the sun right? Right? Or do they have access to your apartment lights too. Hey im talking to you! He had already left. And now i was alone. What a weird dream. This sucks and i hurt. You dont hurt in dreams. I’ve had my lungs fill with water harmlessly and even been sawn in half once without hurting. This sucks. I finish my tea and lie my sore self down on the couch and grab a pillow and drift off to sleep. Sleep while asleep. This place is weird.
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crazylil-lion · 2 years
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1, 13, 23
1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? 
Good morning beautiful. I got nothing but love for the 2 or 3 people that occasionally talk to me. I don't have many friends. I don't have many people that truly consider my feelings and how I am. So I tvink its extremely important to value those things and make them feel appreciated. As long as its not onesided.
13. Do you think relationships are hard?
Yes. I think all relationships require work on both parts. Both people need to put continuous effort to make the other feel wanted and show their interest in the other. Relationships take constant work but its worth it relationships can be hard there will be rough patches and things you have to learn about each other. I think alot of people get comfortable and stop putting effort in to making their partner feel loved wanted and so on. Personally I would give the one I love the world. Help push them toward their dreams and goals be the number 1 supporter. That being said I find most people put the bare minimum and expect you to put in all the work while getting no effort in return. People overlook me cause I'm young or cause I'm not cute but they don't realize I wouldn't wanna be with someone so shallow they focus on looks before personality. Maybe thats why I'm alone maybe I've come to realize having standards means its that much harder to find a real relationship. But I'm over wasting my time with someone that treats me as unimportant. Or gets angry everytime you disagree. Guess what you can disagree and still be civil still get along. At the end of the day while I want to worship someone if they don't appreciate me and do their part I'd never be with them. My submission is mine to give and there are alot of fake doms that hit up dms expecting to use and abuse slaves while never giving a shit. You know I feel most submissive men feel obligated to be into degrading and humiliating stuff as its what male subs are treated as in society. The whole if you like feminine things your a sissy. Or the whole cucking thing. To each their own and I'm not hating on peoples kinks. But I feel these things are pushed onto us as its all you see. But its just extremely damaging if not in the right context. While I would do super fucked up things to please my dom because its hot doing things I wouldn't do for their pleasure its also something I've realized stems from the toxicity I'm constantly met with as a male presenting sub. Sorry I know off topic but a D/s relationship requires more work then a vanilla one when you can severely damage someone mentally you have to be careful and more responsible theres simply more work on top of the normal relationship.
23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?
Yes theres a few people my mother. Some people I meet. Really anyone committed to being toxic and selfish. I don't like people that go out of their way to be rude and mean for no reason. The girls that are obsessed with everyone paying them or all they care about is how much money someone has and they bend and change to what they think that person wants. Its disgusting to see these awful people use and manipulate people. Now to be clear I am not hating on sex work. But for example as a guy you go on any dating website not tinder or any of the hook up apps but real dating sites and its 90% women looking for people to buy things for them. I don't care if they do but they shouldn't feel so entitled to it that they go on dating apps people use to find relationships. Obviously this isnt gender specific there are just as many awful toxic men out there that only look to sleep with as many women as they can. But its not talked about the experience as a male presenting person its like with male abuse victims. You know how many times I've been told by women my trauma isn't valid or I should just get over it because I'm a "male" and my abuser was female. I hear that shit constantly and no one talks about how as a male you call the cops on your partner hitting you absuing you. The MALE IS THE ONE TO BE ARRESTED NO MATTER THE PROOF OR THAT HE CALLED THEM. Or child custody cases the court 99% of the time gives to the women and this has real life ramifications that no one fucking talks about. Why? Because if you complain if you bring up abuse you are treated even worse. Because men don't receive the same type of care and emotional support they grow up being constantly told to man up. That if you express your emotions no one will love you. I cannot stand anyone that says male abuse victims aren't the same as female abuse victims. Sexual assault on males IS NOT TAKEN SERIOUSLY REGARDLESS OF PROOF. You know how many statistics are fucked because men are told their trauma their issues aren't important to talk about. Males have a higher suicide rate and its because of the lack of awareness on issues that effect everyone no matter the gender. And I speak most of this from my personal experience as well as 50-60 other victims I have talked to that will never bring it up in anywhere else because of how you are treated. There was a video awhile back that showed the difference between women domestic abuse and male domestic abuse. When it was a male aggressor people stepped in to help people called the police when it was a female beating on a male? They pointed and laughed females included no one did a thing and this is a sad truth most people refuse to accept. Again sorry for the rant but this is a topic I'm passionate about. Just like the ignorant people that wanted abortions banned absolutely fucking disgusting and it makes me hate humanity as a whole even more. How is it we've allowed the country to come to this is beyond me I don't feel like we are growing and moving forward only taking steps backwards when we should know better.
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so im not a big my chem fan, but observing this from the outside points to an issue ive seen repeated in every community ive been in, whether it be fandoms or subcultures, that i think we should really try to address at its root.
it is difficult, even for people who want to, to change a community for the better, because it means acknowledging that something is wrong, and it means that there will be a change to the status quo youve become used to as we try to change. ive seen many, many actual conversations be opened and promptly labelled as discourse with 2 clean separations, with many people wanting to stay out of it and proclaiming that they wish things could go back to normal. ive tried to start conversations about things that ive noticed as a black person in alternative subcultures and fandom spaces, and they do not gain traction, not because people are ignoring it, but because they dont think its their place to share and dont want to rock the boat on it.
so how do we address this?
if you can opt out of a conversation, you need to be acutely aware of the fact that we cant. i cant wish the community went back to normal, because this is my normal. all thats happened is that now you know about it. think about the fact that these unpleasant feelings are an aberration to you but are a tuesday to me. the discomfort you feel is because its been like this all this time and you havent noticed. thats okay, but its not okay to try to ignore it once its brought to your attention.
having the affected minority control the conversation means they should control the way this conversation is spread. you need to get the explaination of why this is wrong from someone who understands the nuance better than you, and share that, not your own summary. in the same way that your teacher can explain science to you better than you can to someone else even if you understsnd the topic, you are not an expert.
one opinion does not a consensus make. you need to know what different members of the affected group think, you need to hear differing perspectives, you need to hear how those perspectives interact with each other. one person may feel that theres no excuse for not speaking out, another may feel that making a statement when they never use that medium at all is performative, and another still may think both statements are true or have a completely different and unrelated opinion. not every opinion is mutually inclusive, and even when it is, its important to understand that that doesnt mean any party is wrong.
questions are welcome. you are allowed to ask questions, even if you are not allowed to give opinions. you are welcome to engage, you are welcome to ask people (who have indicated they are willing to publicly share) questions about their views and opinions on the topic. do not reach out to people who have done nothing to indicate they are willing to share their perspectives publicly, but if there is a public forum of communication, your questions (just questions!!) are welcome.
dont get defensive. its not your fault, or anyones fault, that you didnt know this was happening, and no one is accusing you of doing anything. you didnt know, now you do, so accept the new knowledge and do better now.
dont be guilty. again, its not your personal fault, you are only at fault if you refuse to aid in fixing the problem. guilt does not help fix the problem. we do not care how bad you feel about our problem. we do not care how sorry you are we had to deal with this for so long. we care that you help improve our conditions now.
most importantly, you can and should share the conversation. i understand that seeing people talk about the prejudice they face feels like an intimate thing that is not for you, but if someone is saying "hey, i am facing this issue in our community as a minority" that is a problem for our community, not for the minority group. while your opinion may be unnecessary in the conversation, you are still a part of the community, who can reach other parts, and most importantly, raise awareness to people in it who arent in that minority group. i cant tell you the number of times i have made a post about my own experience only to have it live and die in obscurity due to well meaning people liking instead of sharing, due to being unsure if its their place to. it may not be your place to comment, but its definitely your place to share!
i hope this can help people engage with uncomfortable topics better in future.
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castielcommunism · 2 years
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Hi I've been wanting to ask someone this for quite a while and I think you're the right person cause I love your interpretation of cas. I wonder if you could give me your view of how cas took it when dean called him his brother in s11.
Before the sacrifice, when they were saying their goodbyes, after talking to sam, dean comes to talk to cas but they didn't have their hug right there (did they even talk then? If not, what could have been their interaction?). It seemed a bit off. As if cas kind of closed himself up first but then felt guilty and so interrupted dean's talk with chuck to hug him. And dean is like Okay Okay and then has the Talk. Why didn't they just have the talk and the hug before dean went to chuck? (I'll send you the reference videoi, didn't know we can't upload a video for asks.)
Anyway, following this, the entire of s12, cas was behaved kinda pissed, Lost, trying to find a new purpose, suicidal. I don't mean to ask if it's because of being brozoned cause cas in general is kinda like that, but I've just been wondering what all actions of cas were a result of (or atleast being partly affected by) dean calling him his brother. Hope to hear your thoughts on this but theres absolutely no pressure 💜
thank you!! and honestly sorry, but I don’t have too many thoughts about that specific interaction. like I’ve seen joke posts about how Cas looks like an abandoned puppy after Dean calls him brother and I think that’s pretty much the case.
and like there’s a weird thing going on where Dean situates Cas in the Highest Tier of Friendship (calling him family), but in s12 Cas says to Mary I don’t know if I belong here. so like I think Cas just took the comment to generally mean that Dean considers him to be a close friend, but that doesn’t mean he strictly “belongs” with the Winchesters, and it definitely means that romantic stuff is off the table (which Cas takes as a rejection, even if that’s not actually the case, because Cas has never broached the subject with Dean).
in general the way I approach spn, especially later seasons, is very selective and vibes based. like I find taking everything as a single cohesive linear story to be very frustrating because it takes for granted a lot of the weird miserable baked in dynamic in tfw that was cemented in carver era. big plot stuff is often not addressed, or addressed very dismissively/quickly (like the aftermath of the MoC arc for example), so my response to that is to basically be like, okay well if the show doesn’t think this is emotionally important than I won’t either. which is a roundabout way of saying I don’t have too many intelligent thoughts about the transition from the s11 finale and bro comment to Cas being detached and distant in s12. That’s not to say there’s no connection (I think you made a good one!), I just personally don’t have a lot of thoughts about it. And laying all my cards on the table, most of my attention and energy for s12 goes towards Mary and Dean because that’s the emotional core of the season. So I don’t like “ignore” Cas or anything, but I don’t use s12 to read a lot into his character if that makes sense.
I think Cas accepted that Dean only ever thinks of him as a friend a long time ago, so while the brother comment still stings, it’s not especially surprising to him. I prefer late seasons destiel getting together, but that’s moreso because the main cast has a more established friend group, and s12 especially makes for a good “fresh start” with a lot of their relationships with each other because of Mary’s sudden introduction into their lives. Like I think it makes Dean re-evaluate the relationships he has with the people around him, it makes him reconsider the relationship he had with this father, and it gives him a come-to-jesus-esque moment where he realises that he needs to like, work through some stuff and let go of a lot of emotional baggage so that he can be happier and healthier with the people he loves. Which leads to him and Cas getting together!
Anyway I feel like this is probably a very unsatisfying answer sorry lol. Feel free to reply/send more asks if I didn’t answer your question, this is kinda rambly and all over the place
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fatphobiabusters · 3 years
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hello! i have a toddler, and her dads side of the family are all bigger, and so is she. shes 2 but can pass as 5, and Im not in contact with the dad so i cant ask him, but I was wondering if you had any resources for kids of any ages and how to support if/when she gets grief about her body from society? i already know that u shouldn't talk abt weight in front of kids, and i dont restrict things like chocolate. ive always been on the thin side but i did struggle with anorexia for a few years, which i was able to overcome when i had to eat while pregnant for her. i just want to make sure that she grows up knowing shes beautiful, u know? i constantly get comments already about how shes big for her age, i usually reply to those people something along the lines of yeah shes super strong too (she moved a chair while i was in it once!) but im wondering if theres something better i can say? even if shes 2, shes listening, and i dont want her internalizing that she like has to be strong for her body to be okay. theres just a lot of stuff that i dont know, that i want to know, to be there for her the best i can. thank u!
I'm so happy to hear you are thinking about this already! You are doing some good ground work, and I'm pleased to say there are already listicales about raising body positive kids. Does my soul good. Some places to start:
https://www.nwpc.com/teach-kids-body-positivity/
https://www.mother.ly/child/how-to-raise-kids-with-a-positive-body-image
https://more-love.org/2019/03/05/how-to-raise-a-body-positive-kid/
A podcast:
https://www.fullbloomproject.com/podcast
And to help teach media literacy:
https://www.commonsensemedia.org/news-and-media-literacy/how-do-i-start-teaching-media-literacy-to-my-preschooler
Also it's important to check in with your kid, throughout the years as they experience things related to body image, often we think as adults that something will be experienced a certain way by children when it can be the opposite. Kids are funny that way. I also want to point out (because I didn't see it but I could have missed it) that if you watch media with your child make a point of saying a fat character is cool or brave or what have you, older media won't be good for this (I cringed thinking about The Goonies) but for instance in the Pokémon xy season, Teirno is a fat boy that loves to dance and you could say "I wish I had moves like him".
Mario is fat and is the hero of his game series, comes to mind as well. Even if she doesn't realize it you'll be teaching her to respect bigger bodies that aren't hers. Because everyone is unique and I'm sure as adults we know some weird cognitive disconnects start young.
Kids might also be accidentally rude or cruel as well, so back to that check in with your daughter thing. I was in college when a 7 or so year old asked me why I was so big/fat. I said "this is the way I am, people are all different, isn't that cool". If I was 7 and another kid said that to me it'd have been a toss up between "that's a weird question" and total mental keysmash. Kids are all so unique.
It is mentioned in the links but to your concern about praising strength, a great way to get around that concern is to mix it up. Non physical traits, especially, are great to praise, children have more control over their actions vs their rapidly changing bodies. For instance you can emphasize kindness and helpfulness. It's really dependent on the situation, but a rotation of complements can foster a more rounded sense of self. It sounds like she's your only child but it's good to encourage kids in a gender neutral way. Our culture praises boys differently from girls. So don't be afraid to praise bravery, cleverness, adventurous thinking ectra along side emotional responsiveness, generosity, helpfulness ectra.
Something I didn't see mentioned but want to bring up from personal experience is, your daughter might struggle with wanting to mature and wanting to be a kid at the same time. To some degree all kids do but often bigger kids are shopping in the adult clothing section earlier than their peers, I remember being embarrassed about it, so down the road if you notice her needing the adult clothes, maybe have a talk about how she's still a kid and she can still be a kid, clothes are just clothes, and now a days with torrid you can find stuff with pop culture characters on it. (Back in my day it was very much a shift from cute fun patterns and colors to muted or jewel tones). The adult nostalgia boom is probably going to be great for kids like me who had to age up in clothing earlier. Off this, one more personal story but my mom was shorter and an apple shape, I was a pear and taller than her since I was maybe 14-16, she didn't know how to help me dress. So down the line don't be afraid of googling up how to best dress your daughters shape. I spent most of high school in jeans too tight on my thighs with shirts a size too big. Big oof.
I don't know how to finish this off just, thank you so much for caring and I hope both of you have many years of self love ahead.
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