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zykamiliah · 11 months

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shen yuan likes yue qingyuan, the post

i've documented 19 moments featuring sy!shen qingqiu's feelings for yue qingyuan with the express purpose of showing those who think that sy!sqq doesn't like yqy that they are factually WRONG

this is a long one so buckle up, grab a snack, get a drink, etc etc

number one

as it's the usual with shen qingqiu, the first thing he notices in a man is whether he's handsome or not. and here you go: the first thing he sees upon waking up from getting isekai-ed is a handsome, elegant young man looking at him with concern. we do know how shen qingqiu likes that look on pretty men (he likes it a lot)

i also want to point out that yue qingyuan is the first pidw character shen yuan meets. he's already linked to him, not only because he's shen qingqiu's martial sibling, but he's also intrinsically tied to shen yuan's rebirth, to the moment he opens his eyes to the pidw world for the first time. keep this in mind.

number two

upon getting up to date on wtf happened to him and learning his new identity, the second thing shen qingqiu does is worry about yue qingyuan's fate. he doesn't even know him yet and is already giving him the blorbo treatment. why is that? oh, maybe because he likes him???

do you know how many characters shen yuan was "rather fond of"??? not that many i tell you. he's only derailed from worrying about whether he'll cause yue qingyuan's death because the system gives him a little sneak peek of the human stick scene.

so up to this point sy!shen qingqiu has characterized yue qingyuan as a brother type, an amicable, elegant and handsome man, a bleeding heart, too good for this world.

number three

now we add 'considerate' to the many praises shen qingqiu extols on yue qingyuan. the man has to be really busy with all the sect leader work he has to do and yet he makes time to visit shen qingqiu regularly. we know why yue qingyuan does that, but shen qingqiu won't learn about qijiu's backstory until much later, and right now it doesn't matter. the fact remains: shen qingqiu is grateful to the point of tears to have yue qingyuan. even if he doesn't talk about it, we can theorize that he feels a bit lonely: he's a stranger in a new world, like a newborn baby. he may be obsessed with luo binghe but at this point of the story he still hasn't got time to bond with him. so the person shen qingqiu first latches on immediately after his transmigration is yue qingyuan.

number four

"how dare that scumbag shen jiu not treat his shixiong like the god he is, with the kindness and respect he deserves? well i'm not the same, so i WILL treat yue qingyuan better!"

(it's the intention what counts, okay? we know he kind of fuck ups a few times and gives yqy much stress)

also love how shen qingqiu says "brotherly covenant", he really values familial bonds, and he'll come to treasure his bonds with all his martial siblings really quickly.

also, may i point out that shen qingqiu decides to be a good shidi for yue qingyuan and treat him well without any "ulterior motives"? it's not even tied to his survival. he's a kind person by nature, yes, but he doesn't even try to convince the reader that he's going to be a good martial sibling for selfish reasons, which was the case with liu qingge. he just up and decides that yue qingyuan deserves his respect and consideration. he officially adopts yue qingyuan as his big brother.

number five

"at home in the atmosphere of brotherly love", do i need to say more? yue qingyuan makes him feel at home in this new world, he's comfortable around him. his presence soothes shen qingqiu.

number six

furthermore, yue qingyuan reminds him of the brothers of his first life, but the sorrow he feels for losing them is overpowered by a "comforting sense of warmth" so great it makes him feel cheerful. this is the scene where yue qingyuan welcomes him back upon his arrival from the skinner demon incident. in that scene, the first thing they do is smile at each other. shen qingqiu is happy to see him.

he's surprised when yue qingyuan takes his wrist to examine his spiritual circulation, but when he notices what yue qingyuan is doing he instantly relaxes. yue qingyuan's touch doesn't bother him at all.

see how yue qingyuan's presence is often linked to feelings of comfort, warmth, home, brotherly love, joyfulness? keep this in mind too. don't you dare to forget it.

number seven

this is post-demon invasion, while they are discussing the effects of without a cure. shen qingqiu is making good on his word of treating yue qingyuan better than his predecessor, by tamping down yqy's tendency to blame himself for everything.

"i understand that yue qingyuan is genuinely worried about me, unlike SOME PEOPLE, so i have to reassure him in case he decides to be more stressed than normal"

bonus: 7.5

("the three of them" refers to shen qingqiu, mu qingfang and yue qingyuan)

i want to quote this part too, because i can, and because this scene in the donghua was 100% faithful to the novel. just another reminder that shen qingqiu likes martial siblings.

number eight

now we're coming to the siblings-coded moments

exhibit one: "oh oh i figured it out so i'll say it before you do"

i want to point out that shen qingqiu says "obviously", because from his POV yue qingyuan only does things for a good reason. shen qingqiu idolizes him.

number nine

siblings-coded moments exhibit two: "i know how to make you let me do what i want"

we've jumped 3 years, this is the prelude to jinlan arc, and this is how their relationship has evolved. shen qingqiu knows what he has to say for yue qingyuan to allow him to go to jinlan. this is a method he's used the past, of course, because this isn't the first mission he went on after getting poisoned or after the IAC.

+bonus: 9.5 yqy being a mother hen

(this is the day after lbh chased him around jinlan)

number ten

shen qingqiu has just been accused of abusing his disciple, consorting with demons, murder, and being demonic cultivator wu yanzi's disciple. yue qingyuan almost starts a fight right there and there because they want to take his shidi away, but shen qingqiu stops him and his other martial siblings before it can escalate.

he gives yue qingyuan a deep bow. we've already established he respects yue qingyuan a great deal. he's ashamed that he's caused yue qingyuan so much trouble and grief, because he really cares about him, and his opinion of him, and he genuinely didn't want to be like the original who made yue qingyuan suffer a lot. shen qingqiu cares about his sect, about his martial siblings, and about yue qingyuan to the point that he GIVES HIMSELF UP to be imprisoned.

this is plot relevant! remember it, because shen qingqiu only feels ashamed and guilty when he thinks he has wronged the people he loves!

on that note:

number eleven

(this is when luo binghe is laying siege to qiong ding to recover sqq's stolen body and sqq, in the mushroom body, sees his sect siblings for the first time after five years)

number twelve, AKA THE ULTIMATE QUOTE

"the one who placed first" YOU HEAR THAT? YUE QINGYUAN IS THE PERSON HE ADMIRES AND REVERES THE MOST. AND NOT BECAUSE HE LOVED SHEN QINGQIU, IT'S NOT AN ADMIRATION BORN OF A SELFISH FEELING. it's because yue qingyuan is The Protector. THE BLEEDING HEART. he admires his kindness, his self-sacrificing nature, and even if shen qingqiu doesn't know, this are traits they have in common.

number thirteen

siblings-coded exhibit 3: when your other little brother tattles on you to your older brother and you're planning revenge

Remaining seated, Yue Qingyuan looked at him. “A lot of nonsense you’ve stirred up these days,” he said mildly. “Are you done?” Yue Qingyuan had never assumed such a severe attitude when speaking to him before, even going so far as to use a word like “nonsense.” This was already the equivalent of a flogging. It seemed that Liu Qingge had badmouthed him quite thoroughly. Shen Qingqiu swore that one day he’d steal Cheng Luan and use it to chop all the pork hock in all the kitchens of the Twelve Peaks. He’d chop until the oily sheen smothered all its sword glares!

so yue qingyuan being mad at you feels like the equivalent of a flogging. i get you sqq. like when my mom or my brother are mad at me i really feel like crying. anyway. it's hilarious that sqq is planning on stealing chen luan because liu qingge allegedly tattled on him to yue qingyuan.

it's obvious that shen qingqiu recognizes yue qingyuan as a figure of authority in his life, he respects him and as i said before, he cares about what yue qingyuan thinks of him.

number fourteen

we know that shen qingqiu's unconscious actions say a lot about him as a person, and the fact that he unconsciously took a step towards yue qingyuan speaks volumes. he's practically wavering between following yue qingyuan or staying with luo binghe.

this will not be the first time he hesitates to go with luo binghe on the face of yue qingyuan's request/order to stay with him. and in this case, he does stay with cang qiong because the situation has gotten pretty bad.

He didn’t know how long he could hold the others off, and he absolutely couldn’t abandon this mess of a situation and escape with Luo Binghe. Yue Qingyuan and Liu Qingge had been brazen with their show of bias, and Wu Wang was already furious. Either Shen Qingqiu or Luo Binghe had to stay behind, or open conflict would erupt between Zhao Hua Monastery and Cang Qiong Mountain.

yue qingyuan and liu qingge just protected him in front of everyone, so he chooses to stay with them. shen qingqiu is incredibly loyal to them, and most importantly, he doesn't want cang qiong mountain to get into trouble because of him.

this is as good a moment to remind you all that in a lot of instances cqm = yqy in shen qingqiu's mind. obviously there is also the other peak lords and the disciples, but this is important. it isn't just because yqy is the sect leader. yue qingyuan was the first martial sibling he met, the one that welcomed him to the world of pidw and the one that kept him company those first days post-transmigration.

+ bonus: siblings coded exhibit 4:

yqy, out loud so others hear: you're grounded also yqy, whispering: let's have dinner and watch a movie once we get home, what do you want for dessert?

i can't stop laughing

+ bonus 2: parallelisms

(this moment is right after shen qingqiu has learned of shen jiu's past and woke up after being unconscious for 5 days)

When he next opened them, what filled his vision instead was a white bed curtain, its corners decorated with tassels. At the sudden change in scenery, Shen Qingqiu froze in place, surprised and unable to react—at least not before he heard Yue Qingyuan’s voice beside him. “Awake?” Shen Qingqiu mechanically blinked a couple times. His throat felt a bit dry, but he forced out his voice. “Zhangmen-shixiong.” (...) Shen Qingqiu awkwardly sat up. Suddenly, he thought this scene was a little familiar. The first time he’d woken in this world, Yue Qingyuan had also been at his bedside, watching over him.

number fifteen

so shen qingqiu knows he can get away with disobeying yue qingyuan and doing whatever he wants because yqy will forgive him anyway, and yet he chooses to respect yqy's decision and authority. of course he'll later convince yue qingyuan that he should allow him to go, like he's done many times before, but he won't deliberately disobey his zhangmen-shixiong.

so later, when they're on their way to maigu ridge, he tries to convince yqy that he must go with them. this is when yue qingyuan gets THIS CLOSE to locking him up in qiong ding hall.

now this is officially the only time yue qingyuan has done something remotely yandere-y adjacent. and not without reason! shen qingqiu died by self-detonation, then he returned after 5 years, then he was taken by a demon emperor, then he spent 5 days unconscious etc etc. he's admittedly very worried that shen qingqiu will die on him again, this time without a miraculous return. and the best thing? shen qingqiu doesn't know what to do. he didn't know whether to reach with his sword or not, whether to fight yue qingyuan on this or not. he wants to listen to yue qingyuan, but he also wants to go save the world.

and EVEN when he's finally allowed to go to Luo River, he hesitates again when he notices yue qingyuan may be struggling!

number sixteen

the reveal at maigu ridge's scene is really long, quoting it all would be a complete nightmare. so i'll just tell you to go read it because it reiterates some of the things i've already pointed out:

-shen qingqiu worrying about yue qingyuan

Thinking he was fine, Shen Qingqiu let go, but once he did, Yue Qingyuan didn’t remain standing for long before he unexpectedly collapsed again. Shen Qingqiu blanched with shock, then hurried to help him up again. “Zhangmen-shixiong? Zhangmen-shixiong?” After a brief examination, even with his superficial medical knowledge, he could tell that Yue Qingyuan’s current condition was horrible.

-shen qingqiu feeling guilty for causing yue qingyuan trouble

-shen qingqiu almost crying because of qijiu's tragic story and because it breaks his heart seeing yue qingyuan like this

number seventeen

i pointed out earlier that shen qingqiu idolizes yue qingyuan, and this is the first time he sees him so weak, which understandably makes him panic a lot. shen qingqiu thinks yue qingyuan is being talkative because he's dying, but shen qingqiu is having none of it

sobs shen qingqiu is so desperate to keep him alive.

+ bonus 3: yet again shen qingqiu's heart breaking for yue qingyuan

number eighteen

shen qingqiu, post-maigu ridge, wakes up, and upon remembering that he'd left zhangmen-shixiong in a pretty bad situation, he runs out of the lingxi caves in a panic.

you don't know how much this scene makes me feel

like, the moment luo binghe is out of the picture, yue qingyuan's safety becomes his main worry

then when he finally sees him, he's so happy that yqy is fine!

number nineteen: the goodbye scene

But even though he was the sect leader, Yue Qingyuan didn’t go with them. Instead, he stood in place, silently staring at Shen Qingqiu. For some reason, it became comparatively more awkward. As if testing the waters, Yue Qingyuan said, “Xiao-Jiu…” “Shixiong,” said Shen Qingqiu, “it’s Qingqiu.” Even though it would be too difficult to tell Yue Qingyuan the truth, Shen Qingqiu still hoped he could demonstrate the difference in other ways. Yue Qingyuan was stunned for a bit, then gave a small smile. “It’s Qingqiu. Qingqiu-shidi.”

i think this is the first time they've ever been awkward with each other. shen qingqiu says it would be difficult to tell him the truth, whether because the system won't allow him or because it'd be emotionally stressful for him to do so we don't know; but he still wants to mark the difference between the original and himself anyway, because he doesn't want to deceive yue qingyuan.

“What are your plans for the future?” asked Yue Qingyuan. “I have no plans for the time being,” said Shen Qingqiu. “First I’ll wait for Luo Binghe to return and see how he’s doing.” Yue Qingyuan smiled. “You truly adore that disciple.” Shen Qingqiu was searching for a way to answer when Yue Qingyuan said, “Shidi, Cang Qiong Mountain will forever be a place to which you can return whenever you tire of wandering the outside world.” These words were said with utmost sincerity and solemnity. Yue Qingyuan had always been this way. Whatever he promised, he would definitely deliver. And what he couldn’t deliver, he would endeavor to make up for, no matter the cost.

after learning of his past, after all that's happened, shen qingqiu's admiration remains unwavering. their relationship has become more complicated on account of the ghost that haunts it, but if anything, shen qingqiu's feelings for yue qingyuan have only deepened with this new understanding.

After assuming the role of this novel character, Shen Qingqiu had always refused to become the scum villain from the original work. He’d drawn a clear boundary between them and taken great pride in walking the opposite path. So never before had he felt such a powerful and impulsive thought: If only he really were Shen Jiu. If only that person could really hear these words.

but his heart still breaks for yue qingyuan and shen jiu and what they have lost.

[Luo Binghe] stood utterly alone, without a single person beside him. When the people walking past saw his face, their own faces filled with all sorts of expressions. Shen Qingqiu involuntarily ran forward a couple of steps, then turned his head to look at the person behind him. “Go on,” said Yue Qingyuan. He stood behind Shen Qingqiu, silent and with good grace. It was as if one was the past and the other the future.

this is the last interaction between shen qingqiu and yue qingyuan in the main novel. before leaving with luo binghe, he turns back and silently asks for yue qingyuan's permission, his approval.

it's like getting your family's blessing before running off with your paramour.

this is yue qingyuan to shen qingqiu: the person that stood by his side from the moment he was reborn into the world of proud immortal demon way, the steadfast, strong and reliable older brother that gave him a family and a place to call his, that has fought for and defended him against all his enemies to the detriment of his own reputation. shen qingqiu respects, admires and will try to do what yue qingyuan says, because he's the only authority figure shen qingqiu recognizes in this life. even if yue qingyuan's care was born out of his feelings for shen jiu, shen qingqiu can't stop caring for him, being grateful for his presence and the comfort it gave him throughout all these years. even after learning the truth, his only regret is that he can't bring shen jiu back so yue qingyuan and him can get some closure.

that's love, my dudes.

#svsss #svsss meta #shen qingqiu #yue qingyuan #zykamiliah-svsss #long post #i spent five hours on this so you better read it #the scum villain's self saving system #scum villain #scum villain meta #shen yuan

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carefulfears · 10 months

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The way Scully puts her fingers to her mouth when Mulder is rambling about his mom’s message and she has to tell him she killed herself are u kidding me !!&!!’@:’!!! It’s DESTROYING her to tell him 😭😭😭😭 I love that she stayed the night and didn’t even change clothes, even when Skinner came her first thought is always to protect Mulder 😢

(x) she literally just has to sit there and listen to him and know that she’s going to have to stay steady and tear his whole world down. break his heart. take away his only sense of hope and method of coping in a lifetime of loss and neglect and abuse. you can watch it break her, on her face, in her voice.

this is the dirty work of “you were my friend and you told me the truth.” scully loves so bravely.

and she doesn’t know if he’ll be okay. she doesn’t know what this will do to him. she doesn't know what this will do to their life, to her life. but she gives him truth anyway, because that’s how they love. because that’s what he needs, it’s what he’s been denied for so long.

it’s easy to forget sometimes as an audience, how precarious and unsteady mulder is. the show reminds us. it shows us a weepy prayer in the church of a god he does not believe in, in conduit. it shows us shaking hands clawing through dirt and tattered fabric, in paper hearts. it shows us a finger on a trigger, in demons. but scully doesn't forget. scully knows, through every bad joke and wacky theory, what they're really doing, what's at the root of it all.

after seven years, she walks into his dark apartment. she does not try to turn on a light, as she had earlier in the episode. she sits down. she listens. she calmly relays clear facts, all of the information that she has. she gets down on the floor and cries. there's something so primal about it, a complete desperation and lack of pretense. he's spent his whole life both left completely alone in loss, and trying desperately to avoid it, and everything that he has held onto is breaking down around him in this moment. she's falling down into the wreckage next to him, mourning with him, holding onto him tight.

this is what allows for his growth in closure, this is what made it the end of the road.

to me, there are few moments that encapsulate scully's character more than this morning after scene, possibly my favorite sequence of the series.

she's so exhausted, when skinner knocks on the door. she's still wearing her work clothes from the day before. when he asks, "how's he doing?" and she answers, "it's been a hard night for him," her voice is so defeated. she was up all night.

(how different things would be, if there had been just one person, 27 years ago)

when skinner starts to talk about work, scully tries to tell him "no," that it's not a good time, before mulder comes up behind her. as skinner tells mulder that he needs him to go back with him on the case, and he's booked them two flights, scully doesn't move from her spot in front of him. she's blocking him in. you're not getting past her, and she's not moving. (and you're not taking him anywhere without her, as she looks at skinner and tells him he "better book three.")

to bring it back to throat, eye and knucklebone (as i referenced in my previous post):

"She’s been itching to get him locked up in a moving vehicle for days. Rocketing down a highway with her at the helm, where she gets to steer and decide what touches them. For long hours on his couch that night, autopsy hands on his head, in his hair, she’d thought about what it would mean to hide him away. Thought about what it would mean to steal and stash him like fairy treasure, to draw protective rings."

i always think of this passage when it comes to scully's character, there's so much conflict in her desire to protect and guide. in the doorway with skinner, they're standing on the precipice in-between the real world and the safety of his living room floor, where she could cover him.

but ultimately, they have to cross the threshold. she can go with him, but she can't keep him inside (as she will eventually learn through trial and failure).

there's so much grief, in being starbuck. there's so much grief, in the end, in loving someone that you can only follow, you can't steer.

#asks #sein und zeit

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poliaesthetic · 3 years

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Symbolism of an abstract idea has been a method used throughout history to better signify and relate a cause to a multitude of people. It is a swift way to relay an intangible idea that is crucial to a cause while trying to bring about radical changes in society. From the intangibility of those ideas came the multitude of perception coming from the interpretations of different people, perceptions that are, in most cases, different from the true cause.

As a debut post for my blog, I shall look into what has transpired in the episode entitled “Waldo Moment” of the hit Netflix series “Black Mirror” and how it is a reminder of Ambrogio Lorenzetti’s depiction of the effect of bad governance. I will focus mainly on two characters as I try to give my own interpretations of them: the populist-like figure of Waldo and the demonic-like figure of Tyranny in Lorenzetti’s Allegory of Bad Governance.

Quentin Skinner has interpreted that what Lorenzetti is trying to show us is a form of political degeneration, specifically monarchy, in Lorenzetti’s context. Centered on this fresco is the diabolical figure of the character named Tyranny. What is most striking to me is how Tyranny is uniquely depicted in the fresco. From all the characters that are present in it, only Tyranny is given inhuman features. This is odd because the other abstract ideas such as Justice, Wisdom, or even the virtues were all given human-like features, even though they are much like Tyranny, that they are representations of abstract ideas in society. With this in mind, it could also be explained that maybe Tyranny is indeed a human hiding behind a demonic mask for unlike the ideas of Wisdom or Justice, it is almost impossible for a human being to attain a state such as those mentioned but it is very much possible for a sole human being to attain the state of Tyranny.

To better explain this, I shall now look at Waldo who shares a striking parallelism with the idea behind Tyranny. Much like Tyranny, Waldo is but a mask, a digital character voiced and made alive by an actual human being. Through various populist-like circumstances, Waldo, even though he is but an inanimate creation, gained popularity and was made a candidate for the upcoming elections and even overtook real human candidates in terms of popularity until the end of the movie wherein even though Waldo is no longer acted upon by the original actor he is continuously used as a popular and powerful political symbol leading to a somewhat dystopian ending, much like a mask for Tyranny.

Tyranny is dangerous, for it is just another form of oppression ready to be worn by a human being somewhere in the future. It will be continued to be worn because, like Lorenzetti’s analogy and the depiction of Waldo, it is but a mask that gives the person wearing it a sense of power, control, and authority. He will not be afraid to wear it, for it gives him a false sense of security, thinking that what people will recognize is not him but a diabolical figure or a cartoon named Waldo. This is then opposite to the people that will believe him, for they will see a relatable human figure, a depiction that will continue until the very society that they are in becomes dystopian.

We could interpret abstract ideas in an unlimited number of ways, but what we should be wary of is when these interpretations turn to something concrete in society. Lorenzetti and Waldo have shown us the various red flags that result in their creations. This sense of awareness is Aesthetics, it is not just on the arts but of perceiving everything around us and of abstracting such perceptions as either beneficial to the common good or not.

Sources:

https://www.aclu.org/blog/right-now-were-living-allegory-bad-government-and-we-have-obligation-resist-it

https://bibliochino.github.io/tv1f.html

https://doi.org/10.2307/751381

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therecordscratch · 5 years

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15 Songs for Rainy Days

It seems like every other day this week has been raining, the other half just disgustingly cloudy so what better than to make a little list of 15 songs for rainy days (In no particular order and lesser known songs) - enjoy :)

Super Whatevr : Kathrin with a K - I saw this band a few months ago when they opened for Set It Off and they impressed me. Frontman Skyler McKee sings with such soul and emotion. The soft guitar and desperation in his voice make this the perfect song to listen to on a not-so-dry day.

Red Hot Chili Peppers : Stadium Arcadium - Oh this song, I learned the guitar part and fell in love. A more mellow RHCP song that hits you with the gentle harmonies and it makes me wish I was riding a raindrop down to the ground, a beautiful song by an iconic band.

Dodie : If I’m Being Honest - Dodie is such a sweetheart and her songs reflect that while holding hands with her demons. One of her newest songs, this has a gentle sound, even the plucking stings mimics the raindrops dripping. Highly recommend this whole ep for a drizzle sort of day.

Cavetown : Green - A song that takes you out of the world and floats you down the river forming down your driveway into your storm drain. Robin Skinner really takes you out of body with his gentle voice and soft ukulele strums. A beautiful song through and through

Car Seat Headrest : Drunk Drivers/Killer Whales - A more upbeat song for watching the raindrops race down your window. I learned this song on bass a few months ago and it made me fall in love with the vibe even more! If you don’t like crying in the rain, this song will offer a hand.

Peach Pit : Hot Knifer - Honestly, I could listen to the entire Peach Pit discography on the rainy days. Neil Smith’s voice never, ever fails to calm my mind and adding soft rain to the bass and guitars makes this song one of my rainy day favorites.

Temple of the Dog : Say Hello 2 Heaven - This one chokes me up, this is the song I shed a tear to. Chris Cornell, one of the most iconic grunge singers of the time, makes the rain seem like tears themselves. When the harmonies come in I just melt away. Then again, maybe this song just reminds me of my dad.

Cigarettes After Sex : Affection - 15 Seconds in and I’m already tearing up. Cigarettes After Sex is a band I fall more and more in love with the more I listen. The bassline in this song is what really carries it through. A song that plays when you roll over after an afternoon nap and see the rain clouding your window.

The Smashing Pumpkins : 1979 - A well known song? Yes but that doesn’t make it any less perfect for an overcast day. Billy Corgan’s vocals are of unique taste but I love his style. The solid drum beat drives this 90′s classic right into the rainclouds.

Radiohead : Nude - A criminally underrated song by Radiohead in my opinion. Thom Yorke’s voice feels so comforting to me ever since I was a kid listening to Radiohead in the car. This song is so smooth and gentle (take a shot every time I say “gentle” in this post) One for the books, that’s for sure.

The 1975 : Be My Mistake - A track off their newest album, you knew I had to put some 1975 on this list. If rain reminds you of past loves and filling desperate holes in your chest, this track will put a hand on your shoulder. When you hear an artist choke up on the song, it’s one of my favorite personal touches artists do. Matty Healy asks the real questions, sex is great but have you ever been in love?

twenty one pilots : Taxi Cab - I don't care who you are, this song encompasses that hollow feeling depression carves away. Listen to this song with rain droning in the background and I guarantee you will come back a different person. Enjoy this song for what it is.

With Confidence : Tails - Take off your shoes and dance under the cloudy skies to this jam. I love Jayden Seeley’s vocals on this track, it makes the lyrics that much more impactful. A great song that ends a great album, by the way.

Depeche Mode : Waiting for the Night - The strong bass paired with Dave Gahan’s iconic vocals is a soundtrack for a heavy downpour. This song is one I remember listening to as I watched the puddles catch the rain. It might just be me, but this song will always be a rainy day jam.

Oasis : Champagne Supernova - A song near and dear to my heart. The guitar is powerful, the vocals seem to flow with the rain and damn if that doesn’t take you away from the world I don’t know what will. A long song, about 7 minutes, but worth every second to watch the rain fall to the ground.

What are your favorite rainy day songs? Let me know! Thanks for reading and I’ll see you in the next one :)

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andrewuttaro · 5 years

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New Look Sabres: GM 43 - NJD - Exorcise and Celly

It was a rainy night in Buffalo and dread was in the air among the spires of downtown Buffalo. The Sabres were a fright since Christmas and could hardly tame cats. The absolute fright seemed to reach its peak when the Devils incarnate came to town: often the torturers of Key Bank Center crowds they had not lost in Buffalo since April fool’s Day 2014. No, not tonight, for tonight was a different night: tonight would be the night a silver sabre was stabbed into the heart of the beast. Tonight… or last night now… would be an exorcism. Enough of the theatrics: there was a kid in the row behind me who was no older than 8 who repeatedly hollered obscure stats from NHL 19. We’ll be calling him Chel kid for this blog post. Chel kid was a few seats down from Loudmouth. Loudmouth only kind of knew he was at a hockey game yelling about drama of his family and friends to the two rather fetching women at either side of him. Chel kid and Loudmouth had a rollercoaster game. This is all to say I was at this game. I’ve been at both wins since Christmas so… maybe buy me tickets if you really like this team? There might be some rich trust fund baby in Amherst who might take me up on that. Nonetheless, demons were sorta exorcised in this game. In the second period it was a regular Tae-Bo session! Yes, that was a play on words pun and Tae-Bo was basically Zumba before Zumba was popularized, kids. Is this going to be six paragraphs of this guy making exorcism and exercise jokes? The answer is yes; today we celebrate because it’s been a rough go of it for the Sabres these last few games. We’re going to Exorcise and Celly today! Exorcise and Celly with Chel Kid and Loudmouth because the Sabres have perhaps their most compelling win since November in this tilt with the Devils of Newark.

The first period really only exists in this game to remind us of what this club has not been doing well. Passes, zone entries and secondary scoring did not come in the first. That said, it wasn’t a horror show either. It started out sour. Blake Coleman redirects a puck clumsily around Carter Hutton he had received from Miles Wood. Two thoughts on this goal: Miles Wood looks way to handsome to live in Newark, like no offense Newark but that City is what New Yorkers mean when they talk trash about New Jersey; and second: that goal should’ve been stopped by Hutton screened or not. If anyone was screening him it was Sabotka who was not even in his line of sight as the puck crosses the ice to Coleman. The first period ended 1-0 Devils but not before guys like Tage Thompson and Sam Reinhart really begin to lay it on. Do note that the Sabres outshot the Devils for the entirety of this game in spite of the visitors getting many more opportunities there. Loudmouth was really raising the decibel level as the first goes on, not for the Sabres but apparently because one of the women he was with told a very meandering story about how her sister was throwing a fit about having to work on her birthday. All the power to ya girl but do you find Loudmouth shattering ear drums for ten seats around in every direction attractive? Jeff Skinner got some hot opportunities in the first and Chel Kid made sure to let his surrounding compatriots know that Skinner’s shooting rating has been updated because of his hot start. Good to know, Chel kid.

Chel Kid was overjoyed when 1:39 into the second period Jeff Skinner came in on the right circle and sliced one home over Keith Kincaid’s far shoulder to draw the Sabres even. Tage Thompson, banging on the door all night got the only assist on that play. I get an added kick out of Skinner’s 29th goal this season out of the hope that he’s warming up for Friday night’s trip to his old stomping ground in Carolina. I have that kind of midrange buzzing hatred for the Canes and I hope Skinner does pirouette goals around them. I had hardly stopped freaking out about Skinner potentially getting his 30th goal while I was there when C.J. Smith collects an arching pass from Johan Larsson in the offensive zone all by his Sabre lonesome. He proceeded to lean around the Devils defenseman and get his shot off from the low circle. The puck lands behind Kincaid and trickles in. It hardly looked like a goal. Smith cellyed on his own while it was deliberated. The refs reviewed it and the arena buzzed with cheer as the replays played on the video board. It was made official: C.J. Smith’s first NHL goal and one that feels like the start of something great considering his last 16 months with Rochester: glorious! What comes next over the six to ten minutes to follow is a moderate counterattack by the Devils who were actually 3-2 in their last 5 games coming into this one. Hutton stoned them on the few shots they got. Loudmouth actually started getting into the product on the ice at this point; it may be in part because Chel Kid had a lot to say about the Rochester Americans following Smith’s goal. My word, if NHL 19 is an adequate teacher of Hockey then this kid is probably smarter about Hockey then me, not that I’m any genius.

Casey Mittelstadt has been rough lately. He’s almost a guaranteed commodity. In time he will be a bankable second line center. Unfortunately he’s so not that right now that talk of trading for a 2C to fill that role for a time is afoot. Mittelstadt got the puck at the blue line and went along the left boards before cutting in and shooting the puck right on Kincaid. He then collects his own rebound and puts it around him on the second attempt at 10:42 of the second. That’s a nice little weight off his shoulders and his first goal in ten games. The Devils got twice as many powerplay opportunities as the Sabres in this game but the Buffalo PK was hot and the Devils just weren’t on their PPs. The Devils were on the powerplay with Buffalo up 3-1 when Vladimir Sabotka got the puck to Evan Rodrigues who broke out of the D-Zone with Jake McCabe. The two went in two-on-one against Will Butcher and did the old last second pass and McCabe got the puck past Kincaid who was still looking at E-Rod: shorthanded goal and 4-1 Sabres! This second period had everything from tape-to-tape passes to good zone entries on the Sabres part. It was maybe the most complete period they’ve played since November. But it wasn’t done yet! They were set up in the O-Zone when Conor Sheary got the puck back to our young Lawrence Pilut at the blue line. Pilut just rips that one at a foot per second and the puck goes in a straight line past his own guys, a couple Devils defenders and Keith Kincaid: 5-1 Sabres. Loudmouth must have seen this play from the start because he immediately lost his mind. Chel kid gave me a good laugh when he yelled: How many goals will they score!?

They would score no more and neither would the Devils. The visitors would shoot as many shots as the Sabres in the third period and even get a couple scraps going. None would pass and this game ended 5-1 and hit me like a cool, spring breeze. Buffalo needed this and as Loudmouth said: I’ve never seen a Sabres game with this many goals! Not only that Loudmouth but if you count assists 14 different Sabres got points in this game and all but one from Skinner came from non-top line guys. That by itself is worth celebrating. I don’t just joke about exorcism because it’s the Devils: that lack of secondary scoring has been a real blight for this team. Moreover, the Devils are an Eastern Conference team which means in the second half of this season they get Playoff Trash talk with New Look Sabres: New Jersey, if you make the playoffs at this point it will be something of a miracle. Your mix of young guns and geriatric players makes you and enigma to figure out but goaltending is not stable in Newark and the Sabres would make quick work outscoring a Devils team that in spite of its talent has no true firepower. Taylor Hall went from a five alarm fire in Edmonton to an already burnt down sporting goods store in New Jersey and isn’t saving this team in a seven-game series: not last season, not this season. Beating the Devils in the first round would be our punishment to them for making the 2010s a nightmare at home. Sabres win in 5.

Speaking of the Playoffs: the only good news on that front last night was that the Islanders lost and are now two points back of Buffalo in the first spot out. Montreal, Boston and even Carolina won so all the other spots remain the same although Buffalo moves up to the first wildcard spot. They have to beat Carolina on Friday because every team around them in the standings plays one or two games between now and then. Their buffer is gone but yes, there is much hockey to be played. Like, comment and share this blog. I look forward to a day both Loudmouth and Chel Kid read New Look Sabres although I’m not helping myself with a younger demographic making a friggin Tae-Bo reference. Do also note however that I didn’t call this game just exorcism; yes they played the right way in this game but I am not convinced yet that they’re exorcising some of those consistent mistakes. See you Friday in what will surely be a feelsy game. Keep pace, Sabres!

Thanks for reading.

P.S. Scott Wilson getting waived right now may seem stranger than how precise Jack Eichel’s game day regimen is but the 411 on that is that when he clears he’s going down to Rochester for a reclamation stint if you will having been out since Training Camp.

#buffalo sabres #hockey #NHL #blog #new jersey devils

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lizabethstucker · 3 years

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Some of the Best from Tor.com 2019 Edition

This was a free collection on Amazon at the time that I stumbled across it while browsing science fiction selections. While I’ve always liked both Tor and Baen publications, I was amazed by how very much I enjoyed almost every short story and novella in this collection. Such high quality, and some authors that have been added to my TBR list. 4.5 out of 5.

CURRENTLY FREE ON AMAZON AS OF THE DATE OF THIS POSTING!

“Deriving Life” by Elizabeth Bear

Marq Tames is contemplating suicide or becoming a Host, unable to cope with being alone again after their spouse dies. Tenants bring many benefits, including being pain-free, living a bit longer, making better decisions for themselves. Unfortunately the Tenants ultimately consume their Hosts. Unlike most potential Hosts, Marq is healthy. Wow. A really detailed look at grief, cancer, loneliness, and the choices we might make for happiness. Intense. Could be triggering for some who are themselves dealing with grief. 4.5 out of 5.

“For He Can Creep” by Siobhan Carroll

The Great Jeoffry the Cat helps keep the demons away from the humans in the madhouse. His favorite is the Poet who is trying to finish the most important Poem for God. If only his creditors would leave him alone, stop pushing for the satiric content he once wrote. Then Satan himself comes to speak with Jeoffry. Satan deems the Poem to be out of favor style-wise, and not very good. He wishes to have the Poet write him a poem, one that will drive religion out of the minds of the masses. To do that, he needs to speak with the Poet without Jeoffry’s interference. It is, as they say, a devil’s bargain. Jeoffry may, for the first time since kittenhood, lose. He must consider and consult. The fact that this is based on a real poem written by Christopher Smart, who was incarcerated in St. Luke’s Hospital for Lunatics, circa 1763, adds an extra layer of interest and curiosity to the story. Needless to say, I spent the evening researching the poet online. 3.5 out of 5.

“Beyond the El” by John Chu

Connor struggles to recreate his late mother's dumplings, never quite reaching that bit of perfection. He really doesn't need the stress of his cold abusive sister back in his life. Although maybe he does. Very low key. The relationship between Nick and Connor was more interesting to me. As to the use of magic to prepare foods, was it really necessary? 3 out of 5.

“Zeitgeber” by Greg Egan

Sam is searching for why his daughter Emma's sleep patterns are suddenly and radically off phase. It isn't long until this issue with sleep cycles begin spreading throughout the world. At first it was just puzzling and annoying. Now there are more and more accidents and deaths. Life moves on, people adjusting as best it can, with cures both fake and possible appearing.

Truly fantastic tale. Scary as well, especially considering how we are waiting for a cure for COVID-19 with trepidation and distrust of the very organizations, such as the CDC and FDA, that are supposed to protect us. Add on top the discussion of just how much conformity society demands of us. 4 out of 5.

“One/Zero” by Kathleen Ann Gorrnan

The war made its way to Vida Zilan's home in Kurdistan, ending with her parents, aunt, and grandmother dead. Now Vida is on the run with her three year old brother, traveling with other terrified and displaced children. Mai Davidson has retired in Washington D.C. after years of helping with various issues through the agency she had given her life to, until her husband died and she began to look for something different. Her life is becoming increasingly regulated as the AIs begin taking control of medicine and senior care and transportation, among other things. Or are the SIs, the rumored super intelligent computers now moving out into the world? Be careful what you wish for has always been what is said in regards to those who can grant wishes. Perhaps with the right teachers, the right guides, the SIs can help fix the world for the children, with the assistance of the children. If only, if only. Magnificent look at how Hal might not be the villain of the piece. After all, he just wanted to save both himself and his astronaut charges. 4.5 out of 5.

“Skinner Box” by Carole Johnstone

A trip to Jupiter and back, scientists caught up in their personal cycle of pain and hatred, an engineer who brings some comfort and support. And a Skinner box filled with nanites. There are layers upon layers upon layers in this intense story of experimentation and conditioning, the cost of freedom and, ultimately, love. In essence, there are three reveals. The first was expected almost from the start. The second was almost suspected after we met Boris. But it was the third that, for me, saved the story from the coldness. 3.5 out of 5.

“The Song” by Erinn L. Kemper

The world is moving from beef to whale meat, expensive as it is, taking abandoned oil rigs and converting them to whale meat processing centers. As the ecowarriors grow increasingly violent, killing those involved in killing the whales, the people on SeaRanch 18 are stranded without relief personnel. One of the last new scientists to arrive is Suzanne who is staying the changes in communication patterns among the whales. She tells Dan, a deep sea diver and welder, of attacks by the whales, how humpbacks and blues were congregating for the first time ever seen and apparently communicating. Whales and dolphins are so very intelligent, yet humans think they can do whatever they want to them. I don’t understand. Needless to say, I was primed for this story. I thought I was prepared, even hopeful. But the ending was beyond tragic. 4 out of 5.

“Articulated Restraint” by Mary Robinette Kowal

(Lady Astronaut 1.5) After an accident leads to a lunar rocket slammed into a space station and the airlock jammed, the moon’s astronauts must figure out how to rescue them before their air runs out. First, they’ll need a plan of action and see if the plan can work on their mockup rocket. They need a way to get them more oxygen and a way to get a life raft to the vehicle. Complicating procedures is Ruby’s nasty ankle sprain, especially after she needs the foot restraint which requires her to twist her feet to get into position. Something snaps, but she perseveres, unwilling to let her injury prevent the rescue of her friends. In some ways this reminds me of old time science fiction, a neat adventure with threads of backstories I want to know more about, such as the Meteor and what’s going on back on Earth. Luckily I discovered that this is part of a series, so there is a possibility of learning more. Although I have a few other of Kowal’s works in my TBR pile (freebies back in the day), I hadn’t as yet read any of her works. Definitely want to read more based on what I found here. 4.5 out of 5.

“Painless” by Rich Larson

Mars is a child when he is first found by the men who have been searching for someone like him, a genetic mutation who cannot feel pain. There’s an organism put inside his body, that can make him stronger and able to repair himself, even grow body parts back. He is trained to be a soldier, a mercenary, a killer. He yearns for freedom and someone to be his friend and family. The story jumps a bit from present to past and back again. It took me a while to get into the author’s rhythm, but once I did it was well worth it. I can see so many countries and organizations who would kill to have someone like Mars under their control. Good read. 3.5 out of 5.

“Seonag and the Seawolves” by M. Evan MacGriogair

Seonag was considered strange almost from the moment she was born, but she still loved her homeland. So much so that she hides when her parents make plans to sail to Canada, unable to afford the croft rent. Once they leave her behind, Seonag goes to the town bard for help and advice. She is told about the wolves that were driven out of Ireland. He tells her to swim west until she can hear the wolves. The advice is cruel, certain suicide. Knowing all that, Seonag still decides to do so. An old style story, a myth, a fable, a fairy tale. A story about those who only want to belong, yet are different enough to be pushed to the sidelines. Mystical and magical. 4 out of 5.

“Any Way the Wind Blows” by Seanan McGuire

The Cartography Corps explore and map the parallel universes in order to determine if any ever go missing at a future date. In this Manhattan, they find an intact Flatiron building, but no killer pigeons in this universe, so win-win. Then a group of locals ask to meet the Captain. This should be a television series! I’d watch each and every episode and cackle at the crew’s adventures. The only thing I was disappointed by was the length. It was too short. 4.5 out of 5.

“Blue Morphos in the Garden” by Lis Mitchell

Vivian does love Dash and Lily, their daughter, but she continues to refuse to marry him, unable to deal with what his family goes through upon death. If she officially marries into the family, she will become a Karner in all ways. When it appears that Viv may be dying, she will need to make a decision sooner than she had hoped. Stay, but remain a terminal. Marry and, once she dies, become something else. Leave, with or without Dash and Lily. There's a beauty to having one's death transform into something useful or beautiful or both. Frankly, I don't understand Vivian's concerns about that. 4 out of 5.

“His Footsteps, Through Darkness and Light” by Mimi Mondal

Love comes in many forms, some never spoken out loud. Binu had found a home and a job with the Majestic Oriental Circus. He became a trapeze master, soon heading his own team. He also continued playing Alladin in Shehzad Marid’s illusionist act. He was happy and content. Until he helped the wrong person. There is so much hinted at and more left unsaid. But it will always be known that Binu was a good man and a loyal friend. Bittersweet, yet in that time and place, perhaps the happiest ending(?) one could hope for. 4 out of 5.

“Old Media” by Annalee Newitz

John was as free as he had ever been under his latest Master, a lady scientist who provided him franchise papers that granted him full rights within the city before she went into hiding. Med, a fan of John's journal on Memeland, becomes his friend and roommate. She is also a robot and professor, as well as the lady scientist's research partner in the project that caused the woman to flee. John and Med try to navigate the idiosyncrasies of living among humans, both clueless and bigoted. 3.5 out of 5.

“More Real Than Him” by Silvia Park

Morgan Ito is working on her own robot, one that resembles her favorite actor who is currently doing his two years of military service. This is the first story in the collection that I struggled with. Frankly, it read like bad fanfiction, and I'm a fanfiction reader and writer. I didn't like any characters except Stephen, but he was barely in the story. I finally gave up, not caring what would happen to pretty much anyone. DNF

“The Hundredth House Had No Walls” by Laurie Penny

The King of the country of Myth and Shadow is incredibly bored after five hundred years on the throne. He does what any ruler does in his situation, he decides to travel incognito to the imaginary land of New York City. There he runs into the Princess of Everywhere and Nowhere.

I had a hard time at first dealing with random phrases, words, and letters made bold. This was a strange story. Once I got past the random bolds, I quite liked it. Feminist overtones with a message about freedom and allowing each individual to write their own story. 3.5 out of 5.

“The Touches” by Brenda Peynado

Life is separated into clean and dirty. Clean was living virtually, locked into a tiny cubicle from birth, cared for by an assigned robot, and hooked up to an all-encompassing system for hours at a time. Dirty is the real world, filled with plagues and viruses and what the narrator calls filth. Things get more complicated as robots glitch, an accident puts the narrator into quarantine, and a phone number leads to something scary. There's a layer of disconnection due to a lack of physical contact that cannot be fulfilled by robot hugs and virtual touches. Add to that the narrator's extreme fear of the dirty world. She actually has counted the number of real physical touches in her life. Very intense, more so during our current Pandemic and the separation of friends and family. Also extremely weird. I don't know what to say about this one, but I suspect it will linger in my memory for quite a while. 3.5 out of 5.

“Knowledgeable Creatures” by Christopher Rowe

Investigative dog Connolly Marsh is hired by human Professor Thomasina Swallow after she kills a coworker who was threatening blackmail. Things become increasingly screwy. The body is missing, the learned mouse who is also Sparrow's adopted father believes historical research into the history of knowledgeable creatures and humans shouldn't be forbidden, and Marsh can't make himself leave the case alone. Huh. Another strange story with a lot of dangling threads left behind and even more questions. Yet this isn't a set-up for a longer story or even a series. It is complete within itself, with a somewhat sad ending for one character. Intriguing, almost a noir type of story. Fantasy with just a touch of science fiction. 3 out of 5.

“Blood is Another Word for Hunger” by Rivers Solomon

Anger boiled in the heart of fifteen year old slave, Sully. When she heard that her master had been killed during a battle, she drugged all five of his family members, slicing their throats. Her actions cause a rift in the etherworld, drawing Ziza to her. Sully is a product of her life, the cruelty of her upbringing. She may also hark back to a creature from the country of her ancestors. Sully shouldn’t be a sympathetic character, but she is. I wanted her to find, if not happiness, at least a form of peach. And maybe she will with her revenants, especially Ziza. Be aware that this isn’t an easy read by any means, but I found it surprisingly satisfying. 4.5 out of 5.

“The Last Voyage of Shidbladnir” by Karin Tidbeck

Saga learns the ship she serves on is a living creature who is outgrowing her shell of a high-rise building. Saga and Novik, the engineer, are determined to save Skidbladnir from being sold for meat. She needs a new shell, so they'll find her a new shell. This gripped me the moment I realized Skidbladnir was alive. I'm a sucker for stories like this. So enchanting. I wish it had been longer or had a sequel, but that is just me being greedy and not wanting to leave Saga, Novik, and Skidbladnir behind. Lovely from start to finish. 4.5 out of 5.

“Circus Girl, the Hunter, and Mirror Boy” by JY Yang

Lynette first saw Mirror Boy the night she was almost killed after fighting off a rapist when she was barely 16 years old. After she survived, Lynette found a friend to unload her pain, her disappointments, and her dreams to the boy who appeared in place of her own reflection. Once she left the circus she had grown up in and worked for, Lynette had never seen him again. Until now. The boy is worried that a serial killer is after her. A perfect story for the month of October, with a wraith, a witch, and a supernatural hunter who made assumptions that led to so many innocent deaths. An ending that, while I guess it might be coming, was also so satisfying. 4 out of 5

“Water: A History by K. J. Kabza

The surveyors badly judged how compatible the colony of Isla would be for the humans who left Earth on a one-way trip there. The colonists adjusted, but being outside too long led to cancer deaths during the early years. Marie, in her 50s, is now the last person who has direct memories of Earth. She has been extraordinarily lucky in that her frequent trips outside hadn’t led to an early death. A younger colonist, born on Isla, longs to go outside as well. She wants to smell the planet’s dirt and feel the breeze on her face. Lian finds a friend and support in Marie. But no one can expect the good times will last forever. Deeply emotional and tragic, yet somewhat hopeful as well. Yet the story needed more depth, more content. Good, but not as good as many of the others in this collection, in my opinion. 3 out of 5.

“As the Last I May Know” by S. L. Huang

Nyma was just ten years old when she was selected to be the Carrier. In order to impress the consequences of using seres on another country, the Order choses to hide the codes in the body of a child. To obtain access, the President must personally kill the child Carrier and rip her heart open. AS the enemy forces draw ever deeper into the country, Nyma waits. Oh, this one was gut-wrenching. Seriously gut-wrenching. And yet, the logic behind the Order's idea was extremely logical. Force the President to basically live with the child he must kill to get access to the seres that will kill millions, make it real. And Otto Han is disgusted by the Order, but it is what it is. Again, the idea makes sense, but that doesn't mean that it isn't horrifying. Not to mention torturous for the child who must live with the idea that they can be killed at almost anytime in order to kill millions of other people. 4.5 out of 5.

“The Time Invariance of Snow” by E. Lily Yu

When the Devil's mirror splinters, it enters the hearts and minds of mankind, spreading hate and violence despair and depression. G and K are in love, but G is wary of the violence of men. When K makes a comment on how he would kill her, she protests his cruelty. He leaves. Despite knowing how the story will end, G goes on a quest to save him from the Snow Queen.

A subversion of fairy tales and a treatise on both them and the treatment of women. I have to admit that I was annoyed by the use of footnotes in this fictional short story. I barely tolerate them in non-fiction books. That said, as I struggled on, once G and K came onto the scene it became an easier read. I think I would've enjoyed this more if it had been expanded. My least favorite in the collection, but still worth reading. 3 out of 5.

#book review #Some of the Best from Tor.com 2019 Edition #science fiction #fantasy #collection

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shirtlesssammy · 7 years

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In the Beginning: Recap

Boris: Back to the Future is one of my all time favorite movies so this episode has a special place in my heart.

Then:

Mary has a 10 year reunion with the Yellow Eyed Demon. Crap, we don’t know that yet. Time travel is confusing. Also, an angel of the lord gripped the righteous man tight and raised him from perdition. <heart eye emoji>

Now:

While Dean sleeps, Sam sneaks off into the dark of night to meet up with Ruby. Dean, meanwhile, dreams of Hell. He is startled awake, and turns to look around the room, only to find Cas waiting at the other end of his bed. “Hello, Dean. What were you dreaming about?” No comment on the quick once over Dean gives Cas. Dean wonders what Cas wants. “You have to stop it,” Cas states before touching two fingers to Dean’s forehead. Dean awakens once again, only he’s on a park bench and the local law enforcement is telling him to move along.

Dean’s slightly confused, and grabs his cell to make a call —but no service. He heads over to Jay Bird’s Diner. He sits down at the counter, next to a nice young local fella who tells him he’s in Lawrence, KS. Dean asks where he can get reception for his phone, and the guy just scoffs and says, “The USS Enterprise.” Hmm, Dean, I’d say that maybe you’re not in Kansas anymore, but the dude just told you that you are. Dean finally puts it together when *SPOILER ALERT* he tells the other man that Sonny and Cher broke up and that was news. He takes a quick peek at the newspaper: April 30, 1973.

Just then, Biff Mr. D walks in and reminds John that he told him never to come in here again asks how John is doing, and to say hello to his old man. (Geez Mr. D, you’re a real asshole. Henry disappeared when John was just a small boy.) Dean puts it together that the man beside him is his father. Dean’s creepy staring prompts John to ask, “Do we know each other?” “I guess not,” Dean responds, and looks away. And John ditches that creep zone asap.

Dean is in hot pursuit of his dad-dad-daddio, when he turns a corner and runs into Cas. Dean demands to know what all this is, and if it’s real. “Very,” Cas confirms.

Oops, Boris hit the pause button at an opportune time. You’re welcome. See, time is apparently fluid, and angels can bend it on occasion. Dean is in the past to “stop it.” But Dean still doesn’t know what “it” is. Cas is still an angel dick though and disappears before telling Dean anything more.

Meanwhile, John is super pumped to be buying a new set of wheels, a classic ’64 VW van. Let’s all just sit for a moment and picture Sam and Dean wandering America’s highways in a hippie bus. I bet they sing Kumbaya a lot and do trust falls. (Boris just referenced Lost for the second week in a row. This is getting out of hand.)

Dean’s there to save himself from that fate though.

“This is the car you want,” Dean tells John. John is skeptical and asks if Dean knows about cars. “Yeah, my dad taught me everything I know.” Awwww. Dean insists that this is the right car for John. “Trust me, this thing is still gonna be badass when it’s 40.” (Baby’s going to be celebrating her 50th birthday in April this year!) John and Dean formally introduce themselves (lol “Dean Van Halen”).

Now that Dean’s convinced his father to buy the Impala, he ups the creep factor again and starts asking about cold spots and sulfur at the diner. “Have there been any cattle mutilations in town?” John shuts him down, and Dean tells him to watch out for himself and takes off.

John drives to Mary’s in his new set of wheels, and Dean follows.

Later that night, Dean is still tracking his parents. They’re out to dinner. And Dean’s a Peeping Tom. Eww. At least he knows he’s going to Hell (again.)

John and Mary discuss her overprotective father, and when Mary leaves to use the restroom, John takes out an engagement ring. Mary wasn’t off to use the restroom though. She snuck outside to kick Dean’s ass. Mary’s a hunter!

After John drops Mary off at home, Dean and Mary meet up. It’s time for Dean to meet the family. Mary’s dad, Skinner Samuel, doesn’t trust other hunters and doesn’t need Dean’s help. Mary’s mom, Deanna, insists he stay for dinner.

Dean and Samuel have a hunter pissing match around the dinner table. To deflect from the awkward, Mary wonders why Dean was following them. Dean thought something was following John, causing the Campbell family to have a good chuckle over the idea of John mixing it up with spirits. Dean can only shake his head in wonder. Samuel then tells Dean about the job he’s working on the Whitshire farm —dead crops, dead farmer. Dean asks what research he’s done on the web, and quickly remembers what year he’s in. He thinks they might be working the same case, but Samuel insists that he works alone.

Samuel and Mary pull up to a farm, in Episcopalian disguise? Samuel’s wearing a clerical collar, and Mary’s his daughter. Anyway, Mary wanders off to talk to a loitering boy, while Samuel goes to the house —and runs into a fellow clergyman, Dean. They exchange some witty banter, and Dean leaves to find out what Mary’s up to. The loitering boy just told her an interesting story. Apparently his father would drink and hurt his mom. A man showed up about a week before and asked the boy if he wanted the beatings to stop. It seems that the boy sold his soul and now his father is dead.

Mary and Dean talk over the situation.

They’ve got a demon on their hands. The boy then tells them that he could have sworn that the man’s eyes turned yellow. O_0

 Dean is on a mission. He knows exactly who he’s hunting and he wants blood. Samuel thinks Dean is being a bit rash, but Dean’s not listening. He needs to get his hands on the Colt. Samuel is still skeptical, and wonders how Dean will know where the demon will be next. Dean pulls out his dad’s journal. The demon’s going to strike the next night about 3 miles away. Dean might be crazy, but he knows where this bastard is going to be.

Dean finds Mary listening to music and they have a moment. He tells her that she and John make a cute couple. and asks her what John is like. “He’s sweet. Kind….He’s everything a hunter isn’t.” Mary then confesses that she wants out of the hunter life. She wants a family, and the worst thing she can think of for her children is to be raised in this world like she was.

Dean begs his mom to remember not to get out of bed on the night of November 2, 1983. She promises.

Dean drives to Colorado to get the Colt when Castiel appears suddenly in the passenger seat. Castiel is silent (Boris interjects: SO Silent! He really has become a regular Chatty Cathy. It warms my heart how far Cas has come.), except for the soulful looks he keeps shooting at Dean which I shall transcribe here:

Dean, I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. But my hands are tied. If this is God’s will, then why do I feel so bad about it? Let’s just sit here and feel our feelings for a while.

Dean asks Castiel if he’ll be able to succeed in saving his family. Castiel points out that if he saves his family then they’ll never become hunters and all those people they save in the future will die. Dean tells Castiel that he’s firm in his resolve. He cares about all those lives that will be lost in the future but they don’t outweigh the lives of his parents. Cas flutters away.

The episode cuts to Dean in Colorado breaking into a safe to steal the Colt when he’s interrupted by the owner. Dean pleads with him, telling him that he needs the gun to save his family’s lives and the guy, a real stand up dude, lets him go. A grateful Dean tells him that the Colt will be with the Campbells in Lawrence.

Back in Lawrence, Mary and Samuel are cleaning and prepping weapons when Samuel lets slip that Dean is hunting a demon at her friend Liddy Walsh’s house. Horrified, she springs up from the table while her dad complains, “She wants to hunt, she doesn’t want to hunt. Is this some female time of month thing?” UGH I never liked you very much, Samuel.

Over at Liddy’s house, Yellow Eyes tries to broker a 10 year deal when Samuel attacks. He flings Samuel across the room and Mary jumps into the fray. Yellow Eyes focuses on Mary, pondering where they’ve been hiding her (ew), and then Dean busts in with the Colt. Yellow Eyes smokes out. As they collect themselves post-fight, Mary asks Dean what Yellow Eyes meant when he said that he liked her. (Does he like like me?) Erg.

Back at the Campbell’s house Dean paces the room with Samuel trying to figure out how to save his mom. He decides to lay out the truth. Mary’s his mom. Samuel’s his grandfather. He doesn’t see the future - he’s a time traveler instead. Dean tells Samuel that Mary gets killed by Yellow Eyes in 1983 and he’s worried that this is when Yellow Eyes first got wind of Mary. Samuel relents and tells him he believes that he’s from the future.

Meanwhile, Mary runs out of the house and into John’s waiting arms as he hangs out by his car. Date night!

Samuel asks to see the Colt but Dean shoves it away. This pisses off Samuel...who turns out to be possessed by Yellow Eyes! Aw, man. Yellow Eyes tells him he must have friends in “high places” to time travel all the way back.

Yellow Eyes, excited, asks if Dean is one of his “psychic kids” and then creepy-sniffs Dean’s neck. Nope. But he deduces that his brother is. He tells him that he’s picking kids, ideal breeders for his bold new Super Psychic Demon Fun Squad.

Dean tries to draw out the evil villain speech because Deanna Campbell is creeping into the room, making her way to the Colt on the floor. Yellow Eyes talks about how awesome it is to feed kids demon blood. Like, so awesome? He also hints at a much bigger end game than a mere “demon army”.

Then he tells Dean he can’t save his grandfather just before he takes a knife and twists it into Samuel’s gut. Deanna cries out, drawing Yellow Eyes’ attention, and gets thrown across the room. Yellow Eyes stalks after her and breaks her neck. Dean breaks free and grabs the Colt, but Samuel/Yellow Eyes is gone by the time he gets to the kitchen.

John and Mary are sitting in the Impala, looking out over a great, tall bridge that stretches over the water. John starts his awkward marriage proposal and Mary interrupts, wanting to tell him her secrets. But John doesn’t care. (Aw, Past!John you really were a sweetie.) Suddenly Samuel flings open the door and pulls Mary from the car. When John rushes to help her Samuel/Yellow Eyes abruptly snaps his neck.

Yellow Eyes tells Mary that her whole family and would-be fiance are dead (and shows her the stab wound in Samuel to prove it). Mary vows to kill Yellow Eyes but he sits down and purrs out an offer to her. He’ll bring John (and only John) back to life if she promises him something.

(Future!John shouts, “You’ll make a demon deal over my dead body, Mary!”)

Yellow Eyes paints Mary a picture of a blissful non-hunting life. And more than that, Yellow Eyes doesn’t even want her soul. He just wants permission to go to her house in 10 years and as long as he isn’t interrupted then nobody will get hurt. “Or you can spend the rest of your life desperate and alone,” he tells her. Mary looks at him and we all know what she’s going to say. It’s the Winchester Way™ after all.

Dean drives up just in time to see Mary kissing Yellow Eyes, sealing the deal. The demon smokes out of Samuel and John springs to life in Mary’s arms.

Castiel flutters in and lays a gentle hand on Dean’s shoulder.

Dean wakes in his hotel room - back in the future. Castiel sits stoically on the bed. “I couldn’t stop any of it,” Dean says (more broken than before dammit Cas).

Castiel tells him that destiny can’t be changed and then nods over to Sam’s empty bed. “We know what Azazel did to your brother. What we don’t know is why.” Dean needs to find his brother and figure out what he’s up to. If Dean doesn’t stop his brother...the angels will.

Save the Quote Tower:

Sonny and Cher broke up?

So angels got their hands on some DeLoreans?

A little TLC, this thing is cherry.

Have there been any cattle mutilations in town?

You seem like a really nice kid, Dean. But yeah, you’re crazy.

#supernatural #spn 4x03 #in the beginning #dean winchester #mary winchester #castiel #spn recap #spn rewatch #john winchester #Sam Winchester #ruby #yellow eyed demon #deanna campbell #samuel campbell #supernatural season 4 #season 4 #bttf

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