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#i would take ibuprofen with him :)
sampomoment · 1 year
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stivya · 2 months
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Would you take ibuprofen with him?
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The Fourteen Hidden or "Bug" Audios In Order, With Reasoning
(i think! I'm fairly confident in this! I'm willing to Debate!)
12-14 / Howdy & Barnaby
[we know that Barnaby and Wally go to Howdy's every morning]
8-14 / Eddie & Frank
[the post office is right across from Howdy's]
6-14 / Julie & Frank
[Wally isn't scared of bugs, so he could be recruited to help with Frank's gardening problem]
1-14 / Howdy & Poppy
[Howdy mentions that he has a shipment waiting for his signature]
3-14 / Howdy & Sally
[it's possible that Wally went to Howdy's to get something for the beetles]
13-14 / Howdy & Eddie
[it looks like Wally just bought a box of apples, or something similar. Howdy signs for the shipment]
4-14 / Barnaby & Frank
[behind the pins, it looks like there's an apple or two on the ground. the shape and color is wrong for it to be tomatoes. an offering for the beetles?]
9-14 / Frank & Poppy
[the table is clear of yarn, and Frank references the damage done to his garden]
2-14 / Sally & Poppy
[there are cookies - Poppy mentioned to Frank that she might have a non-seed recipe for his butterflies]
10-14 / Julie & Sally
[Wally could have gone with Sally to help with the script reading]
5-14 / Barnaby & Eddie
[Eddie mentions that it's late in the day, and he already delivered the bowling balls]
7-14 / Eddie & Julie
[Barnaby calls, asking after Wally]
11-14 / Julie & Barnaby
[the lighting through the trees looks like afternoon/evening]
14-14 / Barnaby & Home
[the end deterioration is very final, and Barnaby references things that happened throughout his other audios]
#why yes i Did give myself a headache going through the mental gymnastics trying to make this cohesive#time to go take some tylenol! if im not immune to it yet that is!#dont make me go back to ibuprofen... it nearly gave me an ulcer on my stomach lining...#i also need everyone to know that i had 10 hour wii music playing while doing this#ANYWAY YEAH THIS HAS BEEN BUGGING ME FOR#uh. how long has it been since these audios dropped#SINCE THEN!!!#im still not entirely satisfied since some of the audios are just... so hard to place!#like some of them have indications - eddie saying its late in the day. howdy having a shipment waiting. the damage to the garden. etc#but some are just.... they could be anywhere#so i tried to follow a nonexistent through line#of 'hm. wally is with this person in this place so where would he end up next'#bc a neighbor might be like While You're Here! and thus two or so consecutive audios with the same neighbor#cause. he's already there. he might stick around or go along with them to do something else#yk. they just trade him off neighbor to neighbor#GAH IDK IDK IM NOT SATISFIED!!!#i feel like i have chunks that are Correct but agh. idk idk idk#homebogging#wh speculation#welcome home speculation#i think this counts as that!#the barnaby & eddie one - 5-14 - is whats tripping me up the most#and i think is the main thing keeping me deeply unsatisfied#cause eddie says its late in the day. so it must be near the end of the day's timeline#he already delivered the bowling balls and just aghggggg#biting biting biting-#no that one and eddie & julie - 7-14#THE BARNABY PHONE CALL IS IMPORTANT TO PUTTING THESE IN ORDER I JUST KNOW IT#is it the first one??? like barn calls around to find wally for their morning walk? or does the howdy-barn audio come later#since they're having drinks instead of hot dogs? but they could have finished their hot dogs and stuck around for drinks-
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j-ellyfish · 2 months
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I came across this picture again and he was the only one extending his hand out like that, which reminded me of something ... lol
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bumblingbabooshka · 5 months
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Security Team Chats
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pixlostinatos · 10 months
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[image descriptions: digital sketches of mezalean king joel. the one on the left is a fullbody drawing, smiling, with his left hand extended toward the viewer. his outfit has been adjusted to a button-up tunic and skirt, still keeping the sash from the original oufit. he has flowers in his hair and a fish charm hanging from his crown. this sketch is filled in with desaturated colors. in the top middle is a small chibi fullbody of him with the sunset lesbian flag next to him. on the right is a waist-up profile sketch of him looking wistfully up, presumably at lizzie. /end id.]
hello the "which joel should i draw" poll said i should draw e1!joel so im here to spread my he/him lesbian mezalean king propaganda
rip miku binder joel you are no longer the only mezalean king ive drawn
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welcometogrouchland · 4 months
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I love it when "they should be at the club" is like, an actual character dynamic, with person A looking at person B as they work themselves to the bone/throw their own happiness away for the greater good/take on more responsibility than anyone could ever hope to bear and they're just like. Hey. You should be at the club
#ramblings of a lunatic#this is about Barbara Gordon and Cassandra Cain in batgirl volume 1#literally babs is like cass wouldn't it be nice if you did things that normal 17 yr old girls get to do-#-instead of living and dying in your kung fu self hate cycle that will inevitably destroy you???#and cass is like. no#cassandra cain (and bruce wayne) voice:#''everyone asks if there's anyway to stop the self sacrifice spiral never how was the spiral it looked fun was the spiral fun?''#dick is also this for bruce but the club is less literal in that specific sense#(also this is soooo far removed from their canon dynamic. but play with me in this space for a bit-#-this but it's steph @ jason)#(like she realizes he's the same age as cass- she would not have guessed bc he's fucking huge and grizzled-#-and she's like damn. you should be at the club jason-#-just an in passing observation! arguably ribbing him about his melodramatic vengeance quest-#-that becomes a lot harder to take seriously when you remember he's barely old enough to legally drink)#(and jasons just like. what would i even do at the club steph. what part of me seems like a guy who would have fun at the club)#(Jason and Bruce are both too autistic for the club. cass is the right amount of sensory seeking autistic to get something out of the club-#-but really babs should be taking her to a mosh pit for maximum enrichment. she'd thrive)#ANYWAY. having a moment ignore me#my previously obtained ibuprofen is the last defence against me and certain doom (sore throat oof ouch)#like that meme of the soldier with knives and bombs in his back protecting the sleeping child#point being idk how long it'll last so i should sleep sooner rather than later to get the max benefits
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upsidedowngrass · 1 year
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look, i know cheesy mostly answered that liam would listen to metal 1) because he was put on the spot and 2) likely because its funny to imagine liam ‘literally just some Standard Guy’ plecak as listening to music far more intense than he is, but tbh?? it is so fitting. like yeah, thats abt right for him. i cant even figure out how to explain how/if it coincides w what we see of him but like. its just the truth
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missmako-chan · 11 months
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"Let's take ibuprofen together"
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leezardweezard · 1 year
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countess-of-edessa · 1 year
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getting diagnosed with tendonitis (temporary) and arthritis (permanent) specifically from ballet ON world ballet day is incredibly disrespectful. gonna keep doing what im doing though.
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reginaofdoctorwho · 1 year
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passed my iv incompatibility eval today! then got a migraine, was offered loose pills in a baggie by a friend, and then a couple hours later woke up from my migraine nap to messages asking why i'm not into him
#he's not an incel he's v sweet#but we (there was another guy there) kept making jokes about the pills#because he was like ''listen i have ibuprofen you could take that. you're very visibly in pain and ur my friend :( i don't want u in pain''#and i like shrugged and was like whatever and had my head on the table to try to block out the light#then i hear the fucking baggie open look up#''you just have loose pills? in a bag of hersey kisses???''#''listen it's not like i'm trying to roofie you. it's ibuprofen! it's red!''#''this is so important to me: do you genuinely think ibuprofen is the ONLY red pill?''#and w the asking why i'm not into him#it's because i rejected him and he's fine w that i guess#like we're able to both make jokes about it#but also he was like ''can you tell me why? like i thought since you're bi maybe you're just more into girls but you said#that you're more into men so like. is it me am i not attractive?''#which fucking sucks because i fucking AM into him but like#my first and so far only meaningful relationship was VERY fucking bad to the point of the guy literally telling people#that i was suicidal anytime i tried to cut him off which like. fucked me up a bit i think#and like i don't think this guy would do that but it's kinda like pressing your hand on a hot stovetop yk?#like not a hot stovetop but one on an electric stove where the 'on' light is on#like am i gonna get hurt? maybe no but it's not easy to press my whole hand on there and i'm freaking out the whole time
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mostly-imagines · 7 days
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Guard Dog vol. II
jason todd x fem!reader
aka don’t fuck with jason’s gf pt. II
3 in 1 blurbs
warnings: mild standard gotham violence, in the 3rd section: attempted sexual assault and panicky thoughts afterwards from reader
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“Sweetheart, this is…not good.”
You turn your head over to him, where he’s frowning, hands on his hips as he inspects your bedroom window.
You tilt your head, looking it over from your place on the couch. “What’s wrong with it?”
He sighs, “Well for one, the lock is broken. But even if it weren’t, this thing would be so easy to break.”
“It’s the lock the place came with.” You shrug. At least it has a lock. In Gotham that’s kind of asking a lot.
“Yeah, I can tell.” He frowns at the window once again, moving over to stand behind the couch. “I’m getting you better locks.” He looks to you, “I can install them tomorrow?”
You tilt your head up to look at him, “You don’t need to get me new locks, Jay…”
“Okay.” He kisses your head, “I’m getting them.”
You sigh in defeat, though your smile makes it lose its credibility. “Tomorrow’s fine. I assume you’re staying the night, then?”
He makes his way to the kitchen as he says, “Well, I’m not leaving you alone here with this piece of shit the only thing between you and Gotham.”
“I’ve lived here for two years.” You say flatly.
“Don’t remind me.” He mumbles as he moves behind the counter. “Actually, your door chain’s broken too, isn’t it?” It is, but that’s his own fault.
You had a long day a couple weeks ago and had a very long, very hot shower the second you got home. Unfortunately, it had slipped your mind to text him that you were home safe and he’d broken through the chain in one try to make sure you were okay.
You hum, “It wasn’t doing much anyways.” Clearly.
He grimaces as he heats up the stove for dinner.
You laugh lightly, “What?”
He looks back at you with a frankly adorable frown, “I don’t like that.”
You’d never thought much of it. You hadn’t had any—well, many—problems living here before, and you still had your deadbolt and handle lock.
“It’s okay. I’m safe here.”
He looks like he strongly disagrees. He comes back over, sitting next to you, taking your face in his hands. “Will you please let me set up some security measures around here?”
“Did Jason Todd just say please?” You say in faux-shock.
He rolls his eyes at you, “I’m serious.”
You sigh, contemplatively. “I don’t want my apartment looking like the Home Alone set.”
He laughs at that, “It’s not going to. You won’t even notice most of them. Just do it for me, please?”
“I’ll agree, but only because I know you’re going to do it anyways and I’d like to pretend I have control over this.” That’s not true, you’d agree to literally anything if he said please that sweetly again, but that’s your business.
“Fair enough.” He smiles, kissing your cheek.
No, it’s not fair at all.
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It’s late. You’re not even sure how late but the city has calmed from its usual noises, indicating that your boyfriend will be home soon.
You’re coming up heavy on cramps tonight and according to the mockingly empty spot in your medicine cabinet, you’re out of ibuprofen. Yeah, it’s late, but the store on the corner is a three minute walk and fuck your stomach hurts. Jason wouldn’t like it if you went out without telling him though, so maybe you should wait until—
The sound of the living room window sliding open breaks you away from your thoughts, followed by a clatter of something hitting the ground.
You walk back into the dimly lit room, finding your boyfriend sliding the window shut again, holsters abandoned on the ground. He turns and collapses onto the couch face first, body immediately gone limp.
“Hey, baby.” You bite back a laugh, coming over to rub his muscled back from behind the couch. He groans into the cushion in response. “Why don’t you go get in bed?”
He hums almost imperceptibly, sitting up and rubbing his eyes roughly with his palms.
He stands and takes your hand in his as he passes by, tugging you towards the bedroom. The deep ache in your abdomen reminds you of your earlier train of thought. You pull your hand back, stopping in your tracks.
He turns back to you with a frown, wanting to know what could possibly be getting in his way of falling asleep, holding you close.
“I gotta go pick up some ibuprofen. I’ll be right back.” You say quietly, not wanting to disturb the quietness of the night for him. His frown deepens as you head towards the door, watching you.
You’ve got your purse in hand and are reaching for the handle when you hear his footsteps following in suit. “Hey, it’s okay. Stay here, I’m just going to the 24 hour store on the corner.”
He shakes his head, “You’re not going out in Gotham alone at two in the morning. Put your coat on, it’s cold.”
You do as you’re told, shrugging the coat on as you glance over at him. “Jason, it’s okay. You’re exhausted, go to sleep.”
He ignores you, throwing a sweatshirt on to cover up his armor, and follows you out the door; albeit far more sluggish than usual.
He was right though, the night air is bitter and slaps your face with every step forward you take. He lingers a few steps behind you, honest to god almost falling asleep mid step a couple times.
Frankly, you’re not even sure what kind of fight he’d be able to put up in this state. Though, he’s surprised you plenty of times before. In any case, his head snaps up every time there’s any sign of movement around, instantly on alert.
He trails behind you as you browse through the narrow aisles, hands stuffed in his sweatshirt.
As you’re standing at the store counter paying, his neck is craned forward, resting on your shoulder. You rub soothing circles into his hand with your thumb, though you’re sure it’s not doing anything to help his exhaustion.
You’re walking back home, the bite of the air a bit more forgiving in this direction. There’s another man walking down the sidewalk approaching, hands in pocket.
Jason’s too tired to bother with subtlety, glaring directly at the passerby before he could even think of trying anything. And it works, because the guy averts his gaze real quick and speeds up past you.
He continues working at his post from just behind you all the way until you’re back inside your apartment.
He takes the medicine container out of his pocket and cracks it open for you, wordlessly filling up a glass of water after. You gulp down a couple of the pills, and he takes the glass and bottle out of your hand the second you’re done, setting them on the counter.
He turns to you, eyes barely open, mumbling, “Can we sleep now?”
You smile at his fatigued state and take his hand, leading him to the bedroom.
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Your neighbor likes you. You know it, Jason knows it.
The worst he’d done was flirt with you, badly, and shut his mouth real quick whenever your boyfriend emerged from your apartment.
And Jason let that go; he knows better than anybody that you’re heavenly and sweet and clever, of course this fucking guy likes you. Jason set an unspoken rule with himself, that he won’t get violent with any guys unless they put their hands on you. Something he knows for absolute fact your neighbor has not done.
At least he hadn’t until a couple of hours ago. You’d been in the hallway at the mailslots, your boyfriend nowhere in sight, when he decided it was the perfect time to make a move. Make several moves, actually.
You’re sitting on the couch, knees to chest, still trying to wrap your mind wround what had happened when Jason sees you. You stopped crying a while ago and you’ve entered the phase of…well. That happened.
Your hear keys jingling outside the door, followed by your boyfriend's entrance. He’s carrying some grocery bags and has a book tucked under his chin.
He lets the bags slide off his arms, and sets the book on the counter with them, beaming, “You’re never gonna guess what b—“ His smile drops when he sees you. “What’s wrong?”
You shake your head, “Nothing.” But your blinking feels off all of a sudden, and you can’t remember what you usually do with your face when you’re not lying. It doesn’t matter though, you could be an academy award winning actress and you’re still sure Jason would be able to see right through you with a single glance.
He frowns, “Don’t lie to me.” He moves towards you, kneeling down in front of you. “Please. What’s wrong?” His eyes are pleading now, already worried.
You don’t want him to worry about this. He already worries about you too much and he’s got all his vigilante stuff and…you just want to believe that this is a manageable situation and not a problem. Not something that affected you.
“It’s just…it’s not a big deal, okay? I can handle it—”
His posture stiffens and his voice suddenly goes low and serious, “What happened?”
You know where this is going. “Jason. Promise me you won’t do anything.”
His brow furrows, and his frown turns to something closer to anger. “Did someone put their hands on you? Who?”
“Jason—”
“Who did it?”
“The neighbor, b—” he immediately snaps to a stand and starts towards the door. You hurry to grab onto his hand before he can escape your proximity, “Jason. Please don’t.”
The break in your voice is enough to make his rage falter and turn back around to face you.
“Baby, if he touched you—” His eyes are pleading, begging you to let him go take care of this. If not for you, then for him.
“It wasn’t—he didn’t do anything. He didn’t get to. I hit him and he backed off.” Which is…sort of true.
He stares at you. “In the hallway?”
You blink. “…Yeah?”
He takes off towards the bedroom wordlessly. You follow quickly on his tail, watching him sit on the edge of your bed, opening his computer and clicking through it quickly.
You slide over next to him, and see that he's pulling up a file under the name of your building and today’s date. It takes you two seconds too long to realize what he’s doing, the thought only sinking in right as you see the hallway security camera footage on the screen.
“Jason—” you try to close the computer but he bats your hand away.
He forwards through the footage, as you scramble trying and failing to reach past him, various building occupants coming in and out of frame rapidly.
“—please just listen to me.” But he did listen to you, and he heard that someone tried to hurt you. That was all he needed to hear.
He stops when he sees you enter the frame, watching closely. He sees you flipping through the mail. He sees your neighbor slither out of his apartment and stand far too close to you. You take a step back only to be met with two steps forward by him. He says something to you, probably asking where your boyfriend is.
The angle doesn’t show his face, but it does see yours, and you look incredibly uncomfortable. You don’t answer him, which evidently was enough of an answer in itself.
Your neighbor tries to brush some of your hair out of your face but you snap your head away, stumbling back a little. He uses your lack of balance as an “excuse” to grab onto your waist, pulling you close to him.
Your hands are out in front of you and you’re shaking your head as he pushes towards you. His lips land on your neck and you try to move backwards, but he grabs your wrists and holds you in place.
You fight against his grip, and upon realizing that your struggling doesn’t matter to him at all, you dig your nails into his wrists so hard you draw blood. He groans in pain and his grip on you loosens.
You snap your hands away and push yourself away, locking yourself in your apartment. Your neighbor lingers for a moment, shouting something at the door before trudging back into his apartment and slamming the door.
Jason snaps the laptop shut, coming to a stand once again. His fists clinch at his sides. “That was not nothing.”
No, it wasn’t. But you feel so helpless right now. You sure as hell felt it in the hallway, and it keeps lingering in you and you’re not sure why. You couldn’t do anything then, you can’t do anything now…it feels like all the bad things in the world are closing in on you and you just have to let it happen.
“I…I don’t want anyone to die because of me…” your words aren’t quite matching your thoughts, but this is the closest you can get right now.
He pulls back to look at you, brows furrowed. “It’s—it’s not because of you. It’s because of him. Baby, if I were on patrol and saw him grab some other girl like that I’d do the same thing.”
You know that. You know that. But communication seems impossible right now even though it’s the only tool you have to stop things from closing in.
“No, I know that. I know…it’s just…” Things are closing in anyways. Alright, this is happening now. Your eyes start watering and your voice trembles.
“Fuck, baby.” His hand flies to the back of your head, other arm wrapping around your middle, pulling you to him.
You feel a bit silly, crying over the potential death of someone who tried to hurt you, in front of the Red Hood of all people.
“I’m sorry, I—I don’t know. It’s—it’s too many bad things. I can’t…”
“Okay. Okay. It’s okay. I’ll stay here. I’m staying here with you, okay?” You nod into his chest, tears dampening his shirt.
This is a temporary solution, you know that even now. But you think once it expires, it might be easier to accept whatever Jason’s going to do later.
He’s quiet for a few minutes, holding you in his arms as you sway back and forth lightly.
“Will you forgive me if I kill him?” He whispers into your hair.
You roll your eyes but smile nonetheless. “Don’t.”
“Is that a yes?”
You pull back to look him in the eyes, face setting. “I’m getting the feeling you’re going to do something regardless of how this conversation ends.” He says nothing. “Just, please, don’t kill him.”
He holds you tighter and you do the same, laying your head against his chest again. You feel him press a kiss to your head as he takes a deep breath.
You think on it for a moment, figuring it needs saying, “And don’t get in trouble.”
Your neighbor comes home late that night, trudging through the front door with a perpetual frown. He opens the door to his notably unlocked apartment. He drops his bag on the ground with a thump and flicks on the lamp next to the door. He shuts the door and turns the lock when the red elephant in the room pipes up.
“Hey, bud.”
He jumps, spinning around, “Who the fuck—oh, shit.” He freezes the second he sees him, sitting in the armchair across the room. The Red Hood nods, loading the gun in his hand.
Your neighbor stutters, “What—what are you doing here?”
He looks up at him, cocking the gun. “You put your hands on your neighbor, yeah?”
He looks fake-shocked at the accusation. “What? No, I would ne—which neighbor?”
He can’t see it, but Hood’s face drops into a deadpan. “That is really not helping your case.”
Your neighbor eyes the gun nervously.
Hood sighs, “I’m not going to kill you. I’ve been told it’s bad manners to execute someone the first time you meet.” He glances down the nail marks on his arm and steals his jaw. “No. What’s going to happen is you’re going to break your lease and move out. Within the next week.”
The neighbors eyes widen, “A week? Are you insane?”
Hood tilts his head a bit before shaking it, “Nah, you’re right. By tomorrow night.”
“This is my apartment. I live here, I’m not going anywhere. And unless you’re secretly Saul the landlord under there, you can’t do anything about it.” He crosses his arms, clearly feeling very proud of himself. Well, killing him isn’t the only option, is it?
“Yeah, I thought you’d say that.” Hood clocks him hard on the head with the frame of his gun. He goes down quickly and loudly, clutching his head, groaning. “The alternative is getting beaten half to death and hoping whatever hospital you end up at knows what they’re doing.”
Honestly, neighbor boy is pressing his luck as is. Maybe it was a bad idea for Jason to bring the gun.
“Fuck! Fine! I’ll go!” He wails.
Hood kicks his abdomen with the side of his boot, though not nearly as hard as he wanted to. “Shut up. You’ll disturb the neighbors.”
The neighbor groans again, quieter. He mumbles something about Hood being crazy but it gets lost under the grunts of pain.
Hood crouches down next to him, patting him on the head with the barrel of his gun. “Don’t worry, bud. I’ll check up on you. And if I ever see you so much as look in the general direction of another girl I’ll put a bullet in your head. Sound good?”
Your former neighbor drops his head to the ground, hand still clutching the growing swell on his forehead.
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rashomonss · 11 months
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The brothers and the Human Realm
a/n: so ik ‘jealous much’ won the poll but it’s still not done yet so have this instead!
context: a part of me still finds lessons 40-43 funny because the brothers have never really been to the human world that much, and they don’t really know how certain things work. Take the slow cooker and ice cream truck for example. So these are little headcanons I have for when all of y’all are together in the beginning of their stay in the human realm.
enjoy <3 , also these are in no specific order
you all are hopeless…
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Solomon and MC would so fuck with the brothers while being in the human realm.
For example they’d take Lucifer to the shadiest mexican restaurant possible then after they finished eating they would tell the waiters it was Lucifer’s birthday and watch the Avatar of Pride sit there with a big ass sombrero on his head as they sang happy birthday to him.
MC later took a picture and sent it to Diavolo who then made it his lock screen.
Satan and Belphie tried to electrocute Lucifer by throwing a toaster in the bathroom while he was in the middle of a shower. This happened after the fact you told them not to put water on the toaster because it could electrocute someone. 
Beel ate an entire bottle of ibuprofen liquid gels because he thought they were hard gummies.
Beel also ate the food and cake shaped wax candle melts you had bought for Asmo as a gift
Beel lastly ate your whole brand new container of melatonin and it knocked him out for 15 hours straight. Needless to say Lucifer was very concerned for his wellbeing, and Belphie soon questioned if you had anymore.
Belphie and his brothers were never taught stranger danger, because who in their right mind would be a danger to them in the Devildom?
So after you had explained to him what an ice cream truck was he vowed to go to one with you.
However when a creepy old man in a white van offers him candy he believes it to be the same as the ice cream truck so he gets in the van.
When the brothers relay this information to you, you begin to lose your shit explaining how that was not in fact an ice cream truck he got into but instead a kidnapper van.
The brothers don’t know how to eat certain human world foods.
Such as a banana, watermelon, mango, pineapple, kiwi, avocado, cherry, dragon fruit, papaya, onion, etc.
So when you first buy one from the grocery store and leave it out before cutting it they automatically think it’s some weird shaped human food and bite into it eating the skin or seeds and all.
After they tell you about the weird but delicious taste of it you ask if they cut it or spit out the seeds before eating it, and when they reply with a puzzled look and a no your heart drops.
Thank god they’re demons. You then proceed to buy the same thing again this time cutting it up in front of them so they know what parts to eat of certain things.
Expanding on the cherry part, did y’all’s parents ever tell you not to swallow watermelon or cherry seeds because if you did a cherry tree or whole watermelon would then grow in your stomach??
I know mine and some of my friends parents would tell us that when I was younger to make sure we didn’t swallow any seeds.
If they didn’t then oh well, anyway…
Continuing with Solomon being an ass, he would so tell something like that to the brothers. If he happened to see Beel swallow a cherry whole he would then proceeded to tell Lucifer not to let him do that.
And when the oldest asks why Solomon would then go onto explain that if he swallows cherry pit then a cherry tree will then grow inside his stomach.
Of course this freaked out Lucifer so for the next hour he tried getting Beel to spit out all the cherries he ate.
You would have to organize their fridge and pantry in the new house because they don’t know which human world foods need to be refrigerated or not.
After you arrive at the house you spent a good three hours explaining to them not everything can go in the pantry because some of it will spoil after you open it.
Then you proceed to gag when you pulled out an expired chunky milk container from the pantry.
They find the concept of drive thru or fast food places astonishing. The fact that you can just order wait in a line for a few minutes in your car then get your food is crazy. They do however all panic though when you get to the front and they don’t know what to order off the menu.
Car washes are also something they found themselves favoring. You would turn up the music as you slowly pulled in and joked by telling the brothers you were going on a ride of sorts.
Which in turn shocked you when they did believed you as the car wash stared. Each of them were staring out the windows with starry eyes as different colors of soap were thrown on your car.
You laughed to yourself as they all admired the way the soap blended together, Asmo and Mammon found themselves taking pictures of the whole thing. While Belphie was telling Beel how this looked like a starry sky.
And Levi went on to tell Satan how this reminded him of an anime scene. Lucifer also found himself sitting quietly in the passenger seat enjoying it too. (Lucifer is a certified passenger princess, fight me on that)
Each brother questioned you on how this was possible and you replied with smile. After the car wash was over and you drove through the dryers they all asked if you could do that again, to which you replied smiling “maybe some other time”.
Lucifer watered the fake succulents and plants you put around the house for two weeks straight until you said something.
They love watching true crime documentary’s to the point you’d have to physically pull them away from the tv.
It happened one afternoon while a few of them were relaxing in the living room and you were looking for a channel to watch.
Deciding there was nothing interesting on you put on an old true crime documentary and began watching it. As the brothers heard the story of the crime from the tv they each became immersed in it.
Telling you things such as “how could humans do that to each other?” or “wow humans are more brutal than we thought” or even adding in their own comments on how they could have made the crime worse.
It became a guessing game between all of them to figure out who killed who during each episode you watched.
Much to everyone dismayed Satan was the one who won every time.
Meanwhile while they were all immersed in the tv you noticed Lucifer standing behind you, arms crossed also watching tv. You told him to sit down and watch with all of you but he denied, claiming he wasn’t really interested in stuff like this anyway.
Yet he never moved from that same spot each episode.
Each of the brothers have made something explode in the microwave.
Lucifer stained it red when he went to reheat pasta, but he put it in for to long and it exploded. Mammon overfilled his ramen thus causing it to leak then explode.
Satan and Levi also happened to be reheating takeout at the same time, but both of the containers were styrofoam and exploded. Levi got annoyed and Satan threw the microwave at Lucifer.
Asmo put some skincare product in there because he found something online about a certain hack, and it exploded causing the microwave to smell like burnt strawberries.
Beel put too much food in the microwave causing it to all melt together then explode.
Belphie put a coffee in there to reheat and it exploded, but he was too lazy to clean it up so he just left it. Lucifer was then next to use the microwave and got coffee all over him.
You made all seven of them watch the entire twilight series as a joke but ironically they all actually enjoyed it.
Satan even went out and bought the books, and finished all of them in about 2 hours
Bonus
Solomon distracted Diavolo for 3 hours straight by making him watch 5 minute craft videos.
Diavolo then proceeded to break things to try these said crafts which caused Barbatos to have a meltdown.
Barbatos destroyed an entire sidewalk because he saw two rats run across it into the sewer.
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flowershines · 3 months
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viagra?
Summary: they accidentally take viagra thinking it was ibuprofen so now they are horny and still in pain. (legal line)
Warnings: Smut, viagra, pills, pain, boner, teasing, public boners (lmk if i missed any)
Not proof read
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Heeseung:
Walking into the dorms he came home from practice with a pounding headache that just wouldn’t go away no matter how much water he drank or how many times he tried to ignore it, it just kept getting worse and worse by the minute. “Baby where is the ibuprofen?” He asked looking towards the couch to where you were laying while looking at your phone, “On the shelf next to the other bottle.” you said as you pointed to the bottles on the shelf in front of him. He grabbed the bottle took 2 pills out got himself a glass of water and walked over to you as he took them, while he laid next to you as he just waited for the medicine to kick in hoping the pain would go away soon enough. Over time while he was watching his phone he started to feel a different type of pain, he moved his phone to the side a saw he was painfully hard in his pants as it was uncomfortably twitching as his cock ached for attention. You heard him squirming next to you picked your head up “Are you o-” following his eyes you saw the situation he was in, “Random boner?” he turned to you “I don’t think so usually I still think about sex when I get a boner.” then it clicked in your brain that there were was a bottle of viagra next to the pills on the counter. “Oh shit.” You told him as you picked up the bottle and showed it to him, “That was viagra, Y/n I took 2.” he exclaimed as his eyes scanned the bottle in his hands. “Please help me.” You stood up and got the actual bottle of ibuprofen and handed two pills to him “I will just take these first.” you said as you placed them in his hand. “Thanks baby.”
Jay:
Laying in his bed his ankle would not stop aching and throbbing, during practice he was doing the choreography for Still Monster and twisted his ankle in all the wrong ways. “Princess can you please get me some ibuprofen for me please.” he asked as he leaned upwards so that way he was looking directly at you, you nodded to him as you left his room headed to the counters and grabbed the bottle of pills along with a bottle of water. Walking back into the room you handed him both things as you got into bed with him and laid down as you snuggled into his chest, his eyes started to struggle to stay awake he turned to his side table then noticed the bottle and how the labeling didn’t look how it normally does. Reaching his arm out he twisted the bottle to the front as it read in big bold letters ‘viagra’ he turned to you, you had no idea you looked down at your phone watching Tiktok’s of your boyfriend at his most recent concert. “Princess?” You lifted your head up to look at him as you smiled from ear to ear being unaware of everything that was running through his head, he held up the bottle and showed you what it said causing you to instantly shoot up from your spot and immediately start apologizing to him. “I’m so sorry please don’t be mad, I didn’t know. The bottles look so simila-” he cut you off as he pulled you into a kiss to shut you up, he pulled away and didn’t say anything but just looked into your eyes for a minute before saying “It’s okay, i’m not mad. Just can you help me out when I do get hard, and please get me the actual right bottle of ibuprofen?” you instantly nodded and shot up and out of the bed booking it to the kitchen as you grabbed the other bottle then handed it to him.
Jake:
His back has been killing him for the past week and all that everyone has told him was ‘take some pain meds’, ‘go get some sleep’ or ‘take some time to relax’ but nothing was working no matter how many hours he spent relaxing or how many’s days went by that he would take medication. Nothing. Rolling over as he turned to you on the bed he whined as he kissed you on the forehead “Feeling any better?” you asked as you looked up at him while you hugged his chest he responded as he shook his head then mumbled something into hair as he hugged you tighter, “Want me to get you anything?” you asked as you slowly backed away from his hug he whined from the loss of your body on his. “Medicine please.” Nodding you got up from your spot and started headed to the kitchen as you heard a faint, “Thank you gorgeous.” looking for the bottle you were not aware that there was a bottle that was filled with viagra but had them in a ibuprofen container to hid them from the members. Looking at the bottle you saw the back of the bottle that contained the ingredients seeing ‘ibuprofen’ on the label you thought you were in the clear and bring the bottle with you to the room, you handed him the bottle as he took two pills out and placed them on his tongue, swallowing them then proceeded to fall asleep as he waited for them to sink in. His eyes slowly opened as he saw you sleeping figure on him while his cock twitched against your upper thigh, he shook your arm as he slowly started to wake you up out of your deep sleep “Please help.” he asked desperately looking down as his cock throbbing against his sweats.
Sunghoon:
Walking into the dorm and heading straight to his room for some medicine his wrist started to feel worse the more seconds passed by, you were on the couch as you waited for your boyfriend to watch a movie with him. You started to scroll through the movies displayed on the screen then once you find a movie you think is good you would shout out the movie name which he would respond saying that he was okay watching it or he wasn’t, but every one you liked he said he wasn’t in the mood to watch. So you just figured you would wait for him to come back and have him scroll through and see what movie he would want to watch, he started rummaging through his drawer that was right next to his bed as he saw the bottle of pills on his side table he picked up the bottle then places the pills in his mouth. His water was already on the side table next to it he walked into the living room with the glass of water in his hand that was not in aching pain, he finishes the glass of water that was in his hand and puts the empty cup in the sink as he walked over to sit next to you. Finally being able to lay down he placed his head on your lap while you handed him the remote so that way he can pick the movie, minutes passes by as he scrolled through the channel, the water started to sink into him as the ache to use the bathroom hit his abdomen. Placing the remote on your thigh he sat up and headed towards the bathroom then locking the door behind him, starting to undo his belt he looked down and noticed an insanely hard bulge aching against his jeans. He left the bathroom with his belt unbuckled walked up to you and stood in front of the screen as he made your attention turn to him, you looked at him confused as he started walking towards you while placing a kiss on your lips. Pushing onto the couch below you he started to thrust his hips up into you and said “Help me out pretty, I think i accidentally took the viagra.”
Sunoo:
“Can you hand me my water please.” he asked as he walked over to you during his and the members water break, you handed it to him while Heeseung walked over to both of you and started a conversation talking about how he can’t wait to go home and sleep because his feet hurt. “My legs are throbbing they hurt so bad.” Sunoo said as he rubbed the back of his calf’s “I have ibuprofen if you want it.” Heeseung offered as he pointed to his bag with his thumb, Sunoo nodded. “Please.” Looking over you saw Heeseung rummaging through his bag just before he took out a bottle, opening it then walking over to you guys as he took the pills out from the bottle and placed them on your boyfriend’s hand. “Thanks.” He said as he swallowed the pills with the water in his hand, Heeseung nodded as he placed the container on the side next to you. The choreographer called them back over to start teaching them the next part of the dance causing most of them to silently groan from constantly working hours after hours, the members were tired and so drained so it slowed their dancing down. The choreographer said how they needed to pay attention more, you placed your phone down next to the bottle of pills that Heeseung brought over. Hearing your ringtone you went to go pick up your phone but looked at the bottle as your attention was immediately focused on the label saying ‘viagra’ then it’s ingredients, you head shot up looking at your boyfriend as his face displayed a clear emotion of anticipation. “May I use the bathroom?” He asked the teacher as she nodded to him, his pace was fast and steady he walked over to you and grabbed your wrist pulling you to the bathrooms with him. Locking the door behind him he said “Heeseung told me that they were the wrong pills.” he said looking down to his pants as his bulge was clearly visible, looking up back into his eyes he brought his hand over his pants starting to slowly rub himself over his sweatpants. “Please?”
Jungwon:
Laying in the living room with the members you watched from afar as your boyfriend played a video game with Niki as they competed against each other, as the more members came in the less space their was on the couch. Jungwon pulled you onto his lap to make more room for his hyung, “Jake- hyung can you get me some ibuprofen?” your boyfriend asked from behind you as you turned to face him “You okay?” you asked as you rested your head on his shoulder. “Yeah just my stomach.” Lifting your head to look at him “Nauseous?” he shook his head “Just hurts, i’m okay though.” kissing your forehead he turns to you and kisses your lips then returned his gaze to the tv in front of him. “Which one is the ibuprofen?” Jake asks from the kitchen causing Jay to yell back “It’s the one in the white bottle.” a faint ‘ok’ was heard then followed by the sound of water being poured. Jake walked back into the living room and handed you the things for Jungwon as he didn’t have any free hands to hold anything with, pausing the game you turned to him and gave him the pills and water. Niki hit playin the game as Jungwon handed you back the cup, your boyfriend was tense from Niki beating him and overtime hasn’t even noticed himself getting hard not until he felt a pain start to form from his aching cock. He lifted up his head as you turned your around looking back at him as he now knows that you know, he huffed out air as the pain he was in just wasn’t going away no matter what he would do. As the round came to an end he gave Sunghoon the controller “Play for me, i’ll be back.” he said as he grabbed your hand and lead you into the bedroom. Shutting the door behind you he was cut off “Can you h-” you nodded onto his lips as you pulled him into a deep passionate kiss as you gripped his hard dick through his pants.
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certifiedcodbabygirl · 4 months
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Baby's first fever
Simon Riley x Reader w/ daughter (Lizzy)
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(Photo credit to @ave661, go check her renders out, they're really good)
Parenthood is a terrifying experience, especially as first time parent. Even with preparation, all the books, and a loving husband. Lizzy had been sniffly the night before, but not too terribly. Nothing of concern though.
So imagine your surprise when you go to check on your 6 month old in the morning and you feel her head is hot.
"Ohh no no no baby" You say, panicked as you gently pick her up. Her little whimpers practically break your heart as you take her to your shared with Simon. You push the door open and see that Simon is already getting dressed, pulling his shirt off.
"Si she's sick, like really sick" You say, trying to not cry, anxiety rising. Fevers as an adult or even as a teenager are easier to fight off but as a baby? It truly is cause for concern.
He holds his arms out to hold Lizzy and puts the back of his hand to her forehead, frowning at the warmness. He gently swipes his thumb on her cheek and kisses her forehead.
"You not feelin good, sweetheart?" He asks her, "come on, let's get ya some medicine, hm?"
He leans over and kisses you on the forehead, "C'mon mama"
He walks to the bathroom, with you short behind, and opens the medicine. He hands Lizzy off to you, and opens the medicine cabinet.
"Glad we got this, huh?" He smiles slightly, opening the bottle of kid's ibuprofen. He Snaps one of the little tablets in half shows the little piece to Lizzy, smiling at her.
"Open up, love" he says softly, "Gonna make ya feel better"
He gently parts her lips and puts the small tablet on her tongue. She immediately starts to suck on the tablet, nose slightly scrunching from the weird tastes. He runs his fingers through her soft curls, kissing her head. He notices you trying to keep calm, your lip twitching slightly and obviously keeping back tears.
"She'll be okay, just a lil sick, ya?", He tucks your hair behind your ear and kisses you, "C'mon, lets give her a bath"
He sits you down on the toilet while he runs an slightly cooler bath so that she doesn't go into shock. While he runs the bath, you look down at Lizzy. Her face is a little red and her nose is runny. Your eyes well up in tears. Logically you know she'll be okay, but she's so little.
You never thought a baby with Simon would/ could happen, yet here she was. Brown curls, big brown eyes just like her dad's, a shining reflection of the man you love. Nothing prepared you for the overwhelming love you felt when you first held her. The click of motherhood that you instantly had when her skin touched yours causing you to cry. Your sweet girl.
You snap out your thoughts as you hear Simon call for you.
"Hm?" you say half mindedly, looking up at him.
"Bath's ready"
You hum in acknowledgement, standing up and setting her down on the counter, undressing her. You check the water temperature, and gently set her in the baby bath basket you got for her. She splashes a little, feeling cold in the room temperature water due to her fever. She whimper and fusses and you sniffle again.
"I know baby, I know", you coo at her, "You'll be okay, my love. Just gotta get you clean, yeah?"
The bath goes smoothly (with a few tears let's be honest). You pass her off to Simon as you go off to get her crib sheets and blankets changed out and pick out her outfit. Simon walks in with her in her little towel and a fresh diaper. You help change her into her clothes and go to the kitchen to make her a half bottle of warm formula.
You grab the bottle and head towards the nursery but notice he's laying on the couch with Lizzy on his chest. Standing in the doorway, you can see how tired they both are, Lizzy sick and Simon, well, REASONS 👀. You go back to the kitchen and put the bottle into the fridge for later. You gently tiptoe into the living room so you don't wake them up, and cuddle up to Simon's arms.
You check Lizzy's breathing and forehead temperature before allowing yourself to relax into him. His arm pulls you into him as he kisses your forehead.
"She's gonna be okay, baby. L'ts get some rest"
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