#i’m feeling better tho i think i hope

[that-was-anticlimactic]

i just. just finished my fifteen day unit plan for a final,,, it’s sixty-two pages,,, did. most of it while sick with covid,,, but it’s submitted a day early,,, two more finals left,,, t two more finals,,, tWo MoRe FiNaLs LeFt

and then maybe once i’m done i can finally do Something for mailee week ahhhhhhhh

#i just wanna be done #i’ve been doing homework like the entire time i’ve been sick since it’s freaking finals week so it’s not like i can turn anything in late #UGH #i’m feeling better tho i think i hope #i have a covid test at walgreens scheduled for thursday morning to see if i’m covid free so i can finally hug my gf and leave my room and #say bye to one of my roommates who’s leaving this weekend and so i won’t be terrified of ruining the aquarium trip and— #anyways #trying not to get my hopes up #but like. frick. please keep me and my health in your prayers or good thoughts y’all lol #next week is the only week that i have free before my summer class starts #granted it’s only a month long class but that means it meets three times a week three hours each time so like #it’s a Lot but idc i need july #i had a summer class last summer too and eighteen credit hours the past few semester and next semester ya girl deserves a break methinks #anyways idk where i was going with this #also just know if you’ve messaged me and i haven’t responded it’s cause i’m sick and have been doing homework or sleeping or being sick lol #luckily one of the finals is just revising a flash fiction piece so like that won’t be too bad lkl

[tequatls-favorite-spoon]

my art from the na vs art party!! took me a lil bit cuz i wanted to color it and that meant cleaning up the sketches and then i wanted to shade them and hajsksldhaflk

the characters from left to right:

Quinn Teeling - @sunsrefuge

Ambrose Wolfsbane - @commander-gloryforge

Finnegän - @pinecone-enthusiast

Astrëllä - @ohpollenpowder

#vsartparty #gw2 #guild wars 2 #others ocs #my art #also!!! please let me know if i got any of the names or tumblrs wrong!! especially ambrose cuz i didn’t get the name in my ref screenshot #i did go thru the art party tag to find the character i drew and i’m like 99% sure it’s ambrose but if it’s not him i’m SO SORRY #ahhh i hope people like them ajhsjalakf #like i know that getting art of ur oc is usually great no matter what but i get anxious lol #also i used a new shading technique and idk how i feel about it #like i like how i blended out the edges and stuff #but i might have to play with using different colors in different areas instead of just using the same purple lol #really happy with how i did the hair this time tho!! i feel like i usually like hair better in the sketching phase #cuz it’s all loose and rough and messy #i just feel like i get the shape and idk vibe? of the hair better then #and when i get to lines or shading i feel like i end up making the hair too solid? like i lose the flowy-ness of the hair and stuff #anyway i think i did pretty good with it this time tho!! i liked adding the highlights a lot :) #…i actually kinda was referencing an old how to draw manga book i got when i was 11 #listen. it was one of the good ones and had actually good tips and info #and the way it showed shading hair kinda influenced me here and i think it worked! #oh wow i really rambled in the tags this time #there’s a reason my personal texts posts (at least on my main) are tagged as ‘regan rambles’

[1-ufo]

Got my second shingles shot this morning and I’m already feeling like shit.

#I’m young for this one but immunocompromised ppl get special treatment so #here we are #I hope in the future they can make this vaccine suck less but I don’t think anyone has been able to escape it’s unpleasant side effects #still way better than getting shingles tho #it feels better than getting chicken pox too tbh #I had those bad

[synthetic-rust]

Kinda sad to think about, but I wonder if I’d have been more likely to get into engineering type stuff if sexism wasn’t a thing…

Like no one’s ever stopped me from doing things like that, but I’d still say to myself in my head that I would be out of place for doing it for whatever reason :[

It’s weird tho, cause in most other areas of life I don’t usually give a damn about gender expectations and all that, but in the subject of technology I still ended up feeling like It’s not something I should pursue.

Been trying to remove that kind of thinking from my head, but it’s hard sometimes. It gets a bit lonely feeling like an exception to things rather than being welcomed.

—

As a sort of extension to what I’m talking about, I’ve noticed that people like to say things that are progressive in one way or another, but then will still silently operate on principles that reflect the opposite (because of societal influence).

This isn’t something I’m exempt from, and no one truly is because of how social we are as a species, but I do wish more people were able to let themselves do without it and stop limiting themselves and others more often.

In that regard I still often feel lonely existing as a girl that doesn’t buy into the things we’re so often silently and not so silently pushed into doing. There are a lot of things that I feel some kind of pressure to participate in despite my disinterest. Mostly because I feel like I become more of an outsider within my gender for not doing them.

(Btw, I’m not exactly the most cis girl, but what I’m talking about here notably calls upon that kind of experience 👍)

#I hope this is coherent enough #mild vent? #vent #sexism #patriarchal society #girls in stem #chatter #very random topic for me to suddenly divulge but I feel like this is somewhat normal for my blog at this point #(._. ‘’) #I never did any engineering classes likely because of the reasons above #I know I’m not alone in thinking this #I was like 1 of maybe 2 or 3 girls in my stem classes #tho I did always find it odd that there was more of a gender balance with chemistry and biology but not physics? #cause it’s considered a harder subject maybe? #idk biology has had the ‘girl science’ label attached to it for a while whilst physics is probably the opposite #kinda cringe it’s that way tbh (to say the least) #why tf do we gender subjects (regretfully I know the answer) #computer science wasn’t any better #me and like the one other girl in the class 😔🤝

[ironhusband]

Thinking about Erik snapping at Charles with “well maybe you should have fought harder for them” and the pain in his eyes when Charles told him they didn’t want the same things.

#cherik #going insane Erik sitting in that awful cell thinking that Charles will never rescue him but he’ll still know Erik didn’t do this #and him learning Charles thinks he’s a murderer a monster - the one person who had never thought that of him besides his parents - and that #Charles thinks he did do it and he hates everything so much because if Charles gave up hope on him if even Charles is unwilling to fight for #him anymore maybe he truly is a monster and killing raven for the future is just a who he is #thinking of how much it would break Erik of Charles called him a monster to his face #‘you abandoned us all’ but what he means is you abandoned me! you sent me away and you let me rot in prison and you gave up on me #anyways!!! the way Erik wanted Charles to fight for one thing and that was him and he didn’t!! he just gave up and sent him away #listen ok I know Erik left him bleeding on a beach with no way of getting out of there but man I will always be side Erik in the divorce #look at the day the man had!!! he’s paralyzed by fear when confronting his abuser and then Charles tells him to not kill him even tho Erik- #needed it to feel safe like watch the scene watch it!!! and then he’s facing genocide again and this time he can lift the coin and save his #people. then Charles gets shot and he blames ERIK and then he breaks up with Erik like ok I know he’s wounded and all but the fact the #fandom is like ‘oh Charles didn’t mean for them to go he was shot and mad Erik should know better’ #but we’re not like ‘oh Erik faced his childhood abuser and then relived something very similar to his trauma #got blamed for his lover’s injury (and like he doesn’t blame himself for him mom too) and then broken up with. he went through so much #lasting emotional trauma in the span of less than one hour how can he know better’ #and there’s like a good explanation for why Charles would still blame him like Erik was wearing the helmet he couldn’t have picked up on all #that depth without one of the senses he relies on. but the fandom being like Erik is the bad person in this instance #it seems unfair. also it screams I’m a gentile honestly. #also you can’t tell me part of Erik wasn’t like ‘maybe he’d be better off without me’ when he left the beach #x men #Charles Xavier #erik lehnsherr #ramble rumble #now just don’t think of ‘let him come’ being Erik hoping Charles will finally fight for him and say they should have been together #and instead Charles throws more unfair (well about raven) blame in his face

[skwtches]

experimental husk doodle ♥️🎩

#hazbin hotel #husk hazbin hotel #husk #hazbin hotel husk #summerskwtch art #i have mixed feelings abt his redesign tbh #ik he was never gonna have a beer gut (gotta keep up viv’s on-brand ‘every character’s skinny bc artstyle’ thing) but still 😔 #the promo image itself only shows his upper half #so like- we have no clue what the deal is w/ his pants n tail #but from what we did see i just.. rly don’t like the new colors they used #the gray sclerae/yellow irises were just rly unpleasant to look at paired with the rest of him imo #plus his brown sclerae just gave him such a nice warm look :( #rly sad they got rid of them #i mean at least his wings r simpler #tho smth i hoped they wouldn’t do was take out the card symbols to only replace them with a DIFFERENT pattern #like just take out the pattern at that point i’m begging u 😭 #also u know the little heart in his ear is gonna change sizes in every single shot good lord #but yea uhh i think that’s all. i’m sure he’ll look better animated but i rly wanted to like his updated look :(

[danothan]

have you watched cw the flash and if so what are ur thoughts :3

hey man where do you think my love for barry came from

(okay that’s not entirely true, i met him thru young justice first but he was just wally’s nice uncle to me at the time. i had no idea what was coming)

cw flash started my love for him, that was like THE show for me at the time. it was before i had a tumblr tho so i doubt there’s any traces, but i did have my fair share of doodling him in the margins of my notebooks at school

i stopped around s2 or 3 i think? but i remember being rly rly enamored -> then rly rly devastated by eddie. i shipped barry and cisco too, wasn’t too big on fandom back then so idk if that was a popular one, but it was my top barry ship at the time (ig i always had a thing for shipping barry with his bestie huh!). and caitlin and leonard were always so fun, i think i might’ve shipped barry with them too. i definitely also shipped him with eddie, sorry i was putting that man thru so much LMAO

i also rly enjoyed harrison wells, i remember making a whole animal au to assign each character and i remember none of them except that each of the “versions” of himself were different types of labradors? not sure what the inspiration behind that was but i’m still assigning animals to superhero characters to this day so not much has changed

my memory is honestly pretty foggy, i must’ve been a freshman when i got into that show, but i remember how fun it was to watch it with my sibling. we were having a major superhero “phase” at that time too, so lots of yja, cw supergirl, daredevil, x-men, etc. we were BUSY. but among those (barring yja), the flash stood out to me the most bc of how much speedsters resonated with me. i would fantasize abt having superspeed to the point i might’ve actually been convinced that i might get them some day 😔👊 the fact that barry was such a silly little guy definitely helped

fast forward 7-ish years later and i’m tuning into flashpoint paradox with fond memories distant enough to be nostalgic but not recent enough to reignite anything. and then i’m hit with a frame of barry waking up to the apocalypse and i knew it was so over for me.

i think the fact that i liked cw flash’s barry sm back then primed me to liking him now, but this version of barry, the barry that’s more comics-adjacent, felt so different that i hold them as 2 completely dif characters and phases in my memory. and i think for that reason, i probably won’t ever rewatch cw flash. i want to keep a good memory a good memory, and i can appreciate what the show had to offer as an adaptation, but i think they knew they were doing their own thing too

#danswers #the flash #barry allen #dc #i’m just reminiscing atp #i don’t think the show holds up at all but i do think ppl are weird for hating it sm #like the sheer level of it feels petty and melodramatic #i think the show had a lot more comic similarities than ppl care to admit #and barry was still a delight! #now if you want an adaptation to complain abt arrow is right there #i never watched it but even just being in its viscinity felt bad #like they didnt even like their characters or smth 😭 i hope i’m wrong abt that tho ollie fans deserve way better

[boomerang109]

being trans is so hard and confusing but sometimes you get called the right name and the right pronoun and it feels so right and sometimes it’s by a group of guys discussing how they’re old enough to remember when TV’s had dials that switched to one of three channels, and they’re still respecting your pronouns and maybe you can be okay

#I’ve been having a crisis cause basically if you say my irl name is boomerang #I’ve been going by just boom more #and these theatre posters came out and they had the directors name and my name on them #no other names—not even the other professor who led the other class #and that poster said boomerang cause that’s my full name that’s normal #but it just looked WRONG which I’ve never felt before (like even tho I primarily go by boom now I still sign all my emails boomerang. #so it’s not like it’s a deadname or anything. it’s literally just a nickname that happens to feel more gender) but since boom felt better I #asked them to put boom in the program and they did!! #and sometimes I look at it and go 🥰that looks right #and sometimes I look at it and go 😡that looks unprofessional you should’ve kept HOLY SHIT I ALMOST TYPED MY NAME WHOOPS you should’ve kept #boomerang cause that’s what people with nicknames do and it’s more professional bla bla bla #but like #potentially I want to not use it so much as a nickname but a name name #because of gender #but idk yet #boom is significantly less formal of a name and does have the connotations of a nickname unfortunately #but that’s also why I think it feels so fun to be called it #cause they say boom and I’m like 😁me whereas they say boomerang and I’m like 🫣why so serious #anyway i hope this made sense im not actually talking about boom versus boomerang I just didn’t want to use my irl name lol #OH BUT THE POINT OF THE POST WAS REGARDLESS OF MY NAME IRL I GET CALLED BOOM AND TWO PROFESSORS AND A PROFESSOR’S HUSBAND WERE IN THIS MANLY #CIRCLE AND I JUST JOINED AND WAS IN THE CONVERSATION AND I DEFINITELY WAS AWKWARD BUT IDK I FELT APPRECIATED ESPECIALLY WHEN I WAS GENDERED #boom blogs high #i still want to take a bath or at least change into comfy clothes and just haven’t moved whoops #it’s cold and my blanket is warm

[petrichorium]

sauntering into your inbox to say you were right about witch hat being more emotionally heart-wrenching than jjk—I got to qifrey’s backstory last night and sat in bed in complete shock. currently preparing myself for the inevitable future emotional damage because there’s no way something painful isn’t going to happen in the next 30 something chapters

IT SNEAKS UP ON YOU IT REALLY DOES. And it’s just so much more gut wrenching bc it’s SO GOOD at making u love and care for all of the characters………

Also yeah I’m ngl I wasn’t even talking abt qifrey’s backstory (FOR SHAME bc my friend warned me of the exact chapter beforehand and it still shattered me) I was thinking abt the arc afterwards. Which I still haven’t finished (and might not be done? Idk I’ll catch up tn I think. It’s been like six months) but did in fact make me openly weep. Never did that for jjk sorry

Also I must say that while I Did weep during the arc I’m talking about it also has incredible Oru content so at least you’ll have eye candy while ur heart is wrenched in two 🫶🏻

#idk I don’t wanna sit here and b like ‘jjk bad’ but……. #quite simply I think witch hat is a much more impressive story #and therefore while quantitively it does not have as much emotionally brutal shit going on #qualitatively it just hits harder #AND quite simply if a series is full of shock value deaths and hopelessness as a theme……. the one that GIVES you hope and warmth and joy is #just going to feel harder when it does go into the hard stuff #anyway. I’m just gushing abt witch hat now #it’s genuinely one of my fav manga ever and i will forever be bitter that it’s never gonna get the popularity of a jjk or a bnha #even tho it deserves it >:((( even MORE I’m sorry I’ll outright say it #witch hat is better than both of those it just is #but people wanna read about teenage boys and not magic little girls :( #WAAAAAAA #INHUMANE #UNFAIR #WHYYYYYYY #ask.🌧 #demxnscous #not me forgetting my important tags PFFT

[inkykeiji]

v glad he came home even tho his stats literally suck so bad 。ﾟ(ﾟﾉД｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡

#like 500% damage at MAX level and ab!? dude #that sucks!!!!! #had to have him tho because thE WHITE HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #also had to have him because i am an avid collector of all things dabi (it’s so bad) and i get extreme fomo if i don’t have something :) #i hate it :) #but i’m glad i got him either way #won’t use him except for in my lil hero base #but alas!!!! #tw hospital #tw clari overshares #hope ur all having a good night!!! sorry i’ve been so spotty lately ugh #life has been Rough but we are figuring it out and i’m feeling more hopeful and optimistic #was almost hospitalized but i’m better now i think!!! #i might still end up in a short inpatient program (3ish weeks) but i’m not sure if i want to go so :/ we’ll see #getting this dabi made me smile so big tho so <3 it’s the lil things!!!!!! #also bfs mom called me his wife today by accident and it made my heart soar <333333333 she made me veggie soup too!! #so life is worth living #i have people around me that love me and care for me so much #and i am so so so lucky to have that #AHEM ANYWAY #have a lovely night my friends <3 i’ll get to asks at some point soon!!! i see ur tnii asks!!! #clari chatters #clari plays mhui

[dykesynthezoid]

Deadly combination of two ppl living together is one person who never wants to make their mental illness symptoms somebody else’s problem, even when they really should be making it somebody else’s problem bc they need help, and the other person is someone who will not stop making their mental illness symptoms everyone else’s problem regardless of the consequences

#y’all I’ve HAD IT lmao #trying to be helpful and maintain boundaries at the same #time is exhausting #this bitch doesn’t even knock on my bedroom door before she walks in tho so wtf am I saying about boundaries tbh #like also I’m still not over having been parentification by her as a child so it’s like #sorry mom I cannot shoulder your new emotional burden today. I do hope you feel better tho #she always gets upset that I’m not willing to listen to her problems #read: she will walk up and just start venting for 40 min without checking in or anything #and if I get upset about it I’m the bad guy #she’s like well shouldn’t our relationship be equal #which actually just means why am I not willing to be her sole source of emotional support which. jesus #but also. like no you’re my mom!!! it was never going to be 100% equal bc you’re the parent! in case you’ve forgotten!! #also she’s terrible at listening to me talk about my problems so??? #but she says it’s bc I get offended too easily #which idk man she just says stupid shit when I’m upset and I get so overstimulated that it’s rlly easy for it to send me into a meltdown #I know I’m not easy to help sometimes like I get it! #I’m very aware #she just feels. so entitled to my time and space and energy and ALWAYS has. since I was a child. #but she seems to think shes p much OWED that bc she pays some of my expenses #idk man. I’m tired #vent #personal

[bpdamn]

i was sick the past days but my parents have been really sweet and caring. they brought me fruits and my mom made me soups two days in a row :(( and as if this wasn’t enough my mom made me an advent calendar on top!! she knitted everything herself etc etc ahhh. they picked me up yesterday so am at their place rn, but i’ll be back home tomorrow. anyways today i got to decorate their christmas tree and i showed them one of my favorite movies (the shawshank redemption). we’ve been getting along quite well and i think my dad is even trying to get closer to me again. i won’t get my hopes up, but it’s been nice. i really really needed this ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥᷄⌓˂̣̣̥᷅ )‧º·˚

#personal #i’m still a lil sick but i’m feeling better #i was supposed to meet m yesterday but obviously couldn’t #we’ll have dinner and go to the christmas market on tuesday tho #i’m looking forward to seeing him again i’ve missed him a lot #(m and i have been texting but we haven’t seen each other since our “break up”/“fight” #i even had to cancel my last dbt skills group appointment so i think it’ll be this tuesday instead as well but idk yet #still can’t believe i only have one session to go ._. #anyways that’s all #imma go snooze now bye #hope y’all had a great weekend mwah

[foxgloveinspace]

I finally watched Vessel’s message from the room below sessions (cause I knew it would take me the fuck out and I was right almost started crying, but moving on), and I have some thoughts, but not what anyone is fucking thinking it’s going to be.

This is not just…. ‘To’ Vessel, this is to any artist who has been told ‘you saved me’ and felt inadequate, misplaced, like an imposter for it. And it’s mostly to fans.

I think a lot of fans, mistake the feelings of being saved and being Seen as the same.

I think a lot of people, especially people who are isolated, and feel broken, and devoid of hope, have people around them who do not see them, who do not understand them, and do not listen to them. Or they don’t have anyone.

And then they hear a song (or a story or an opinion). From someone who is writing from personal experience, and personal moments and feelings, and they resonate so deeply that in that moment they feel so seen that they do not feel alone. They feel saved, not because they think the artist preformed some magic or wrote something for them or some shit, but because in that moment it is like That Artist Knew Them When No One Else Does, Because They Knew Themselves. On such a personal level. Like the artist was on the same wave length as them.

And it’s not ‘I’m not gonna do this, because of this’ it’s the moment of being human again that does it.

And I think we as fans do need to stop saying things like ‘this artist saved me’ cause they didn’t. You will always save yourself. But they can Inspire You to save yourself. And I know it can feel similar and it’s so easy to just simplify it, but simplifying it takes away the real beauty of it.

This artist Knew Me in this moment, even tho they do not know me. And they never will. But it was important. And then people do not know how to thank that artist. Because they feel like they have to thank them For That Moment.

I think we need a new way of saying thank you for that moment besides ‘you saved me’. It’s not the act that is happening.

‘Thank you for inspiring me’

‘Thank you for being there during my panic/anxiety attacks when no one else will be.’

‘Thank you for helping me clear my mind.’

‘Thank you’

#very much so #I don’t want to tag this tbh. #I’m gonna post this and go crochet some more I think #this post isn’t just about Vessel tho I hope someday he sees something similar. he did not save us he makes me feel like a person again. #there is a difference. I am feeling like a person so I have to actively save myself. I have to want to be better and not because Vessel #wants me to be better but because his music reminds me I am not alone. there are so many people out there who feel the same as md #and that’s the power in it. #ok.

[kingbabysitter]

i feel so incredibly bad for kali. she’s constantly demonized by the fandom for her decisions. she was traumatized for years, just like el. she’s so obviously a product of that abuse and living on the streets in the fucking 80s !!! the whole gang deserved so much more than to be one-dimensional characters. i hate how they were just used to teach el about her powers and then they were just thrown away after episode seven. we could’ve had more for them. they also seem like a demonization of the punk culture in the 80s but that’s a post for another day

#season 2 was about el learning her power which is fine but like. why did they have to do this #i just feel it could’ve been written so much better #i do love the gang dearly and i think they’re very underrated #so that’s probably why i feel this way #but god damn kali crying at the end of episode 7 always fucking gets me #i heard there are rumors to bring them back in s4 tho so. i’m hopeful they will fix this like they did with me #but i’m not too hopeful i love the writers but goddamn #steve's thoughts #stranger things #kali prasad #s2

[crybaby-bkg]

whenever I write, I typically like to write everything all at once, even if I don’t know where I’m going with the scenes or physically don’t feel like it. but recently I’ve started writing scene by scene and it’s been helping so much!!! like I wrote one part yesterday morning, then the next part last night, and it just feels so much more achievable doing it like that. idk why I haven’t done this before lmao

#I feel like I’m making more progress and actually like where the story is going by writing like that lol #instead of just coming up with anything as I go along #I stop and think about the direction of the next scene and give myself time to rest #who would’ve known being easier on the body will make you feel better lol #also I finished the banner for the fic and I’m almost finished writing it!!! #just about 2.5 more scenes to go #so I might be finished by tomorrow night and upload it Saturday morning #I hope!!!! I think I still have a stomach virus tho so it’s slowing me down #but I will get there !!! #—in store chit chat! 🍫

[badolmen]

I’ve been watching Demon Slayer again. Tanjiro should get a ponytail again. Inosuke has girlboy boygirl vibes I will not elaborate. Zenitsu is a sopping wet paper bag cat of a guy. Nezuko doesn’t actually need to sleep that much she just deserves a break from these idiots.

#ra speaks #personal #demon slayer #tanjiro I’m sorry bro you just looked way better w the pony tail hope it comes back at some point #Inosuke’s weird ‘enlightenment’ scenes w Tanjiro just makes me think he has a crush on him sorry not sorry #inosuke is trans. prove me wrong. #zen is a limp noodle. i like that in a character. #ngl tho it is. very weird how all the girl characters are dainty and feminine. i mean I get it but #like even in naruto Sakura was physically the strongest/there were other physically present women #if that makes sense #all the girls in demon slayer so far (that aren’t dead demon at this point) just feel like window decals. #they don’t feel like they add much and theyre strictly feminine without exception (even nezuko just. doesn’t do much 90% of the time) #that’s my only real complaint. I’m 22 episodes in and I have yet to see a 3 dimensional woman with agency #<- it’s funny bc it’s. 2D anime. with par for the course treatment of girl characters.