#i'm trying to have fun and make a connection!

[cripplecharacters]

Hi, I have some questions regarding confusion over a certain topic. First off, I have a character with a severe scarring on the upper right side of their body. I've heard in some tumblr ppsts that such appearance shouldn't be fetished. Then I stumbled across some posts, mentioning how the character can be described as 'pretty with it'.

For sure, I'm trying my best to normalize the looks. Because I have a love interest set up for them and while they don't mind the looks, I feel confused on how to convey their appreciation for the character's looks even with the scarring. They like the character as they are and stuff.

Sorry if this is a lot, I tend to get confused on how to handle such scenarios. And this sort of varying opinions is making me go '???'.

It's okay if you take your time to answer! Have a good day ahead of ya!

Hi!

"Fetishization of a disability" and "thinking that a disabled person is pretty" are two very different things. Despite the somewhat similar sound, they're not connected by much.

In the context of scars, fetishization would be what I would call the "Zuko situation" (yes, I love ATLA as much as the next guy, let me explain) - the scar isn't really a scar, it's more of a, I don't know, make-up? It's just the color that changes, it's all sharp edges and intricate shapes, the facial structure stays the exact same. There's no physical symptoms. Essentially, it's permanent body paint.

It fetishizes a disability by making it inaccurate, sometimes almost mystical. You don't see anyone fetishizing how real people with facial burns look like because they only like the idea of it. They don't care for us; they don't care for Face Equality or why we are offended by "villain with scar #32482". It's just a fun splotch of color to add to your OC when you're out of ideas.

Another aspect of fetishization is the "a scar is the worst thing in the whole world", the tragedy porn. It's using a disability for cheap drama. Again; it's inaccurate and exploitative. I don't see writers excited to depict my "coming to terms with my facial difference as a teenager, and eventually being proud of it" experience because where's the shock value and pity points? Fetishization, again, is about liking the idea of it, not the real thing.

Describing your character as beautiful, well, isn't any of that.

The point that I tried to make on that post was that a scar is often considered inherently ugly. That it's a stain on someone's beauty, that it would be better if it wasn't there.

"Brown beautiful eyes, thick facial hair, strong cheekbones - he managed to be irresistibly handsome even with that nasty scar going across his nose."

This, well, sucks. It's as if the character's beauty and their disability are contradictory forces that have to fight each other. But in reality, scars and any other visible disabilities are neutral. If the character is pretty, their scar is pretty too. It's a part of them, so how could it not be?

"She was a cute girl; her pastel pink, thinly braided hair framed her face, defying gravity by curling towards her mouth. The burned skin on her lips shifted as she smiled, revealing a tooth gap. She played with her equally pink 'white' cane, holding it between the two fingers she had on her right hand, bopping it against the ground to the rhythm of the song."

This, on the other hand, just states her disability as a part of her person. It's nothing weird or shocking, she's pretty, has a burn on her face, she's blind, she's missing some fingers, she's enjoying the music - it's almost boring when compared to the usual "scar introduction". There's no "even with her horribly burnt face", no "if only she wasn't scarred she would be beautiful", no "poor thing, lost her fingers in a horrific fire" - instead, she is beautiful, and she has scars, and she sure is having fun. That's it.

This is my best shot at explaining the difference between "fetishization" and "yeah they're pretty :-)" ft. my questionable writing - I hope this makes sense.

I definitely took my time to answer, sorry about that. Thank you for your ask!

mod Sasza

#mod sasza #anonymous #face difference #fetishization of disability

[meanbossart]

I normally don't get too invested in other people's characters (bc I already spend so much time thinking and promptly forgetting stuff about my own) but I've really liked how you flesh your characters out and how they interact with one another in your fic! So I wanted to ask if you have a process when getting asks about your characters or writing chapters for ANE.

Thank you so much! For lore asks I don't have much of a process besides for spilling out whatever information I have as comprehensively as I can. I do try to make it an enjoyable reading experience and to establish a bit of a mood through the writing (for the longer/in-depth replies, at least) to make it more fun for both myself and whoever is reading it.

As for how I come up with them, it's usually something I have already thought about prior, other times I might take a few hours or days to think it through. I'm just having fun so I take my time.

Questions about Companion Drow take some minor research. For the Dryad's love quizz ask, for example, I went and looked at the questions the rest of the companions got and their answers for them - broke it down in a kind of pattern that I could identify and then wrote my Q&As based off of it.

Naturally, ANE takes a lot more prep lol the first 4 chapters in it were complete stream-of-conscious stuff, but it was soon after that when I figured out where I wanted the story to go and outlined the plot for myself. Each chapter gets a bullet-point list of plot beats I wanna hit and roughly how to get there, dialogue is often pre-written in as little or as much detail as I feel necessary. Main plot/twists/ending is already set, with some connective tissue in-between roughed out and subject to change as I write more.

#ask #a novel experience

[taylorswiftstylequestions]

Sorry this ask turned into an essay — as I explain I have a personal connection to this topic and a lot of thoughts on it, ha

On the topic of Taylor’s discussion of Joe’s depression — I have never seen anyone claim that she has made fun of it, but I have seen some discussions from people who feel that she’s been unfair or insensitive with how she’s spoken about it, or that she broke up with him because he was “too depressed” and that she was blaming him for things he can’t control. Renegade has been used as an example of this, and more recently So Long London (specifically “you sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days).

I don’t want to speak for anyone but myself here or invalidate anyone’s feelings of hurt with how Taylor addresses these topics (because that is entirely fair to be hurt by if you interpret it in that way), but I will say this: as someone who has been on both sides of this equation (I have clinical depression that I’m in the process of getting medication for, and I’ve also had multiple relationships with people who were going through severe mental health struggles that I was trying to support them through), I don’t think that the way Taylor has referenced Joe’s depression affecting her in her music seems cruel to him. I’ve never gotten the impression that she is blaming him for struggling or that she expected him to just stop struggling and get better, or even that that’s the reason their relationship ended. I think there’s a lot of frustration in those songs, and while I understand why some may balk at that, it can be really frustrating at times to love someone who doesn’t love themselves, or who is pushing you away at every turn. It’s not their fault, and I don’t think Taylor is framing it as such, but that can make it even more frustrating when it feels like things are breaking down and there is nothing you can do to fix it.

And I feel like it’s kind of taboo to talk about those feelings because (in my experience at least) they���re wrapped up in so much guilt? I was in a relationship very similar to the one described in Renegade once, and I would get into this cycle where my partner would be struggling, I would try to help them, they would push me away and/or say things that would really hurt me, I would feel upset and hurt, but then feel so guilty for being upset and hurt because I knew they didn’t mean it the way it felt and that this wasn’t about me, so I would just keep those feelings to myself and say nothing, and it would start all over again. These aren’t pretty emotions at all, and I fully understand why some people are hurt by the way Taylor talks about them, but I think there’s a big difference between “I’m frustrated because my partner is struggling and I feel like I’m giving them everything I have but nothing ever changes and it’s hurting me” and “my partner is too depressed to deal with, why won’t they just get over it?”

I’ve had loved ones tell me tell me to just stop being depressed before — I know that hurt very well, and at least to me, this feels different. Honestly I really appreciate songs like Renegade and So Long London because hearing someone else talk about that experience has made me feel less like I was some uniquely horrible person incapable of being the perfect supporting partner that I should have been. I think it’s just a shitty, frustrating situation where no one is solely to blame, and I think that’s how Taylor presents it.

But again, this is just my opinion — I can totally see how and why people might interpret them differently and feel hurt by them, and I don’t want to speak over those feelings at all

Hi friend! First of all tysm for being so open and honest about your personal struggles with both yourself and past relationships - I'm grateful you feel you can be safe here talking about that. And secondly in your grace and empathy in understanding the many potential sticky layers of feeling here and how this might be ruffly and uncomfortable for people. I love that so much.

My interpretation has always very much been in alignment with yours. And I think if this album was seeking to do any one thing it was to wield honesty like a blunt force instrument - even and especially when the truth is uncomfortable and can be alienating. I've never once interpreted her documentation of a partner's mental health struggles as "get over it" (is there anyone who better understands how fucking hard it is to get over literally anything than Taylor?). But I feel the line that haunts me most is, "I gave you all my best me's / My endless empathy / And all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier". And the uncomfortable truth is that it is so incredibly painful to be in love with someone who doesn't love themselves and who has proven (despite years of begging and pleading and patience and kindness) that they are not interested in becoming someone who can love you better. And it's unfair and shitty and horrible to have your "spine split from carrying [both of you] up the hill" for years. You feel sad for them. You feel sad for you. You feel sad that you feel sad. And then you feel mad that they are making you sad. And and and.

#tss ttpd party #opinion

[katlyntheartist]

Knuckle series is out!! Any thoughts? Does it affect your Jojo and Gang au?

Spoilers for the Knuckles series people! Avert your eyes children!

First, let's talk about the things I liked:

- Sonic and Tails were great for as little screen time as they had. And Maddie trying to be patient with Knuckles while also not strangling him was great, haha. As someone who worked at a Daycare, I related to her dealing with kids like Knuckles and Maddie's facial expressions when she was grounding Knuckles were on point. Also THEY HAVE A PLAIN BED FOR TAILS AND A TRUCK BED FOR KNUCKLES AHHHHH!!!!!

-Pachacamac is a Jedi Force ghost? Alright then. I don't know much about this character outside of Sonic X but I thought that he was fine. And Christopher Lloyd does a great job as usual.

-Wade was not terrible. I like how he has some character growth through the series and at the end he isn't a master warrior/fighter. He's still a goofball but now he's thinking things through and using what he has and his current surroundings to his advantage in a fight, and isn't just hiding and waiting for Knuckles to save him. But him breaking out of the cage in episode 4 was a bit ridiculous. What was that cage made of, cardboard? He really should have broken his hand or something.

-I liked the villains but I wish that we got to see them more involved in the story, especially the buyer. Who was menacing for about five minutes and then was crushed to death like, dang 0-0

-NANA WHIPPLE AND KNUCKLES SPINOFF SHOW PLEASE!!

-Knuckles was the best part of the show. He's the strong tough warrior but with a big heart and good intentions, though a bit misguided at times. Idris did a great job, nothing new there.

And now let's get into the things I didn't like:

-The show is %70 Wade bowling story and %30 Knuckles adjusting to earth and his backstory with Pachacamac and his tribe and his connection to the master emerald and everything else that the show should have been about. The Wade sub plot takes up so much time that we don't get to explore Knuckles. I wished that we had gotten to see him learn to appreciate and call Earth his new home instead of him just accepting it at the end. It just felt so rushed.

-Episode four wasn't awful but I didn't care for it. Also you can NOT show us the Flames of Disaster from '06 and not have Silver or Blaze show up. You can't do that >:(

-Knuckles and Maddie didn't get to have a heart to heart conversation which is what I and many others thought that was what the show was building up to. Also he never gets in trouble for running way and we never cut back to seeing Maddie or Sonic and Tails realizing Knuckles is gone, or even Sonic and Tails trying to cover for Knuckles. I get that the CGI was expensive and voice actor and actor schedules might not have worked out for it to happen, but my point still stands.

-Wanda was useless and you could have cut her out and lost nothing. Don't get me wrong, the actress is good but she feels wasted here. Her character is so annoying and serves no purpose other than to be mean to Wade. And why do we have to have the "siblings who hate each other but make up at the end" cliche? I would have liked Wanda more if she was nicer to Wade from the start and if they had a fun sibling bond with each other. Also if she was able to actually use her skills as an FBI agent to at least hold her own against the gang when they attack Nanna Whipple's house. Also the dad needed to be more comedically villainous, he was too generic.

-Like I said the villains here are fine but the Buyer's whole character is to just show up, have a cool robot fight, and die. We don't get to see him be a threat to Knuckles at all, he just appears for the climax and then is offed in a snap. And the two agents were fun but a lot of their dialogue was graining.

-And that leads me to the main problem with the series. The writing. I'm aware that the writers for the main movies didn't work much on this series, except Jeff did do the first episode. Which is why it's the best one. There is no balance between the jokes and the emotional moments. The show is so focused on trying to make you laugh every five minutes that it sacrifices genuine emotional growth for the characters especially for Knuckles. You know, the whole reason for the show existing in the first place. It suffers the same problems that the live action Ton and Jerry movie had, where the main stars weren't allowed to be the main stars of their film. All of the screen time there went to the human characters who weren't interesting or just plain annoying and mean.

And the dialogue for the show teeters back and forth between actually funny/well written and being dangerously close to obnoxious. And kids shows having jokes all the time isn't a problem. Rottmnt and the Lego Movies are both kid properties that fire off a joke every minute but they knew when to cut back and let the emotional moments shine. The jokes in the Knuckles show felt more like they were pandering to four year old's then actually trying to be funny and the emotional moments felt kind of forced.

I don't want to give any of the writers or anyone who worked on this show a hard time. I can see that everyone worked hard and had fun with this. And I had fun too. There were some good moments between Knuckles and Wade and even a few jokes that got me. But the problems I listed above are just to hard for me to ignore. If you liked the Knuckles series then great for you! I'm happy you were able to have a great time! But for me it was just ok.

Not great. But not bad either. 5/10.

Now, about this affecting Jojo and Gang. I think what I'll do is have comic take place a month after the Knuckles series. And use my AU to focus on Knuckles getting accustomed to Earth and learning to call it home. Basically my AU will do what the Knuckles series didn't.

#katlyn talks #knuckles spoilers #knuckles tv show #knuckles series

[hoediaz]

deciding to do s3 pt2 is REALLY interesting given our recent conversations about how s2 was accidentally unhinged, but s3 was quite clearly the turning point for where they had decided to take buck and eddie 

#my memory is swiss cheese but i'm so sure #we were all JUST talking about how s2 alone was just bro-y #the eddie factor was....HM! but BUDDIE was just great bro stuff #and believe me? if it stayed with that vibe i'd still be here eating everything up but i wouldn't necessarily believe it was going there #but s3 right from the jump is an entirely different beast #so deciding to redo s3 is Interesting #would be a fun little bookend moment #bc redoing s2 would have been up for grabs too #but buck and eddie's arcs are SO connected...like i'm really trying to think about where they could have gone #if they went the s2 or s1 routes but like... buck and eddie are So connected now that nothing else makes sense #idk if twt is right and i Am officially Delusional #but sitting here trying to picture how the show might go like if they decided to do away with buddie canon #and i just Can't come up with anything alkmfs like all of the pieces are There #sorry to go INSANE i'm just Thinking #txt #i always forget to tag that afklsm so y'all can mute my ass

[a-dragons-journal]

just wondering, would the term "kff" refer to anyone who misuses "kin" or people who 'kin' for fun specifically?

Teeeeeechnically only people who "kin for fun" specifically, but. If we're being honest here, most of us probably use it as a blanket term at this point, since it basically ended up replacing "kinnie" in the common vernacular (which was only kind-of the intention of it, whoops).

Generally speaking, people who misuse "kin" in other ways... seem to be either less common or just less obnoxious about it, in my admittedly limited experience? There are still "kin to cope" kinnies out there, but I don't run into them as often as "kinning for fun" people personally. And it seems to be the "kinning for fun" people who are the most aggressive about trying to force us out of our own words right now (terms like DA and IRL, for instance, that either essentially try to medicalize nonhumanity by insisting that if you REALLY think you're [species/character] you must be DELUSIONAL (but in a Woke(TM) way this time, we promise it's not just the same old ableist antikin rhetoric with a prettier bow stuck on top /s), or that seem to be people realizing that they actually are nonhuman but now don't have a word for it because they mangled the existing words so badly, so now they're trying to come up with one - both of these, as far as I can tell, came out of the "kinning for fun" community). So it kind of makes sense that KFF took off as a term, I guess.

The alternative, which doesn't sound like it's not including "kin to cope" (etc.) people, is just "kinnie," which a fair number of alterhumans do still use to refer to KFF And Co. The reason KFF came about as a term - as the person who (I'm 99.9% sure, at least) was the first to use ""kin for fun" people," which later got shortened to "kin-for-fun" and then (not by me) abbreviated KFF - was because there are legitimate otherkin and fictionkin who like the word "kinnie" and use it for themselves, and don't like being lumped in with the people misusing our words. It's up to you whether that's enough of a reason to not use "kinnie" in this sense; I honestly personally wouldn't judge you either way (I think it's fair to say that if you're choosing to use the word "kinnie" you should be well aware of the connotations that word carries, and that if it bothers you to be associated with those connotations you perhaps simply shouldn't use the word). Half the reason I use KFF is because "kin-for-fun" is probably clearer in meaning than "kinnie" on first scan anyway, even if it does occasionally raise questions like this one.

...Hopefully that answers your question in a sensible way?

#otherkin #kin for fun #kinnie #the .1% on that 99.9% sure is ''my memory is swiss cheese and discord search doesn't always turn up every single result'' #so it's Possible someone else used it before me but i'm p sure i'm the one who started using that first #you're welcome i guess and also sorry and also whoops #rani talks #asked and answered #anonymous #for those of you who don't know: ''kinnie'' has a long and ugly history; it has never been our word #it originated from antikin making fun of us; arguably (plausibly but not provably) as a mockery of the t-slur #it has since been used by fluff and KFF... basically since the antikin trend first started dying out #it's one of the reasons i personally hold a conspiracy theory that the *reason* the antikin trend died out is partly because - #- they *became* the KFF people and have unfortunately been far more successful in that endeavor than they ever were - #- in outright labeling themselves antikin and attacking us that way #which is not to say that i think every KFF is a former antikin just that... there's a lot of suspicious similarities in how they talk #and the arguments they make for why actual otherkinity is ridiculous and. oh wait. ''delusional.'' #maybe it's just that those are the obvious arguments for people who aren't interested in trying to understand us #after all there's a reason they were repeated so often over the years by different unrelated antikin #but i have a suspicion that there's *some* connection even if i don't know how much of one #this turned into a ramble #anyway. kinnie has never been our word and there's a reason that you Will be side-eyed by a lot of otherkin if you use the word #several reasons actually #if you're not okay with that then kinnie may not be the word for you #but that's your prerogative not mine

[ukulelegodparent]

I just was like "the problem with internet friends is that you can't just go 'hey, I'm feeling bad, can I come over?'" but that's not it, is it?

Like I have people to whom I could say that exact thing who live in the same city as me. Same goes for calling people, like that's a thing I could do that would also give me some of that closeness. The problem is that I don't want people to have any real idea of how I'm actually feeling when I talk to them even though deep down I know that is what I desperately need. But with internet friends I can put that responsibility on the circumstances of the relationship rather than the actual reason, which is me.

#I mean to be fair the person I would really like to talk to rn is currently probably waiting at the train station in Prague #for her connecting train #but like that's just bc I allow myself to be a lot more vulnerable via texts #I mean hell I have people in my flat with whom I could talk about this but I won't #like. #not to blame everything on my dad but I just feel like the fact that he is garbage at communicating definitely plays a factor here #like I feel like there have just been too many conversations with him where I didn't do something bc I was feeling like shit #and I was completely unable to voice those problems for various reasons one of them being I never learnt how to #that ended in him pressing me so hard and eventually yelling and I either yelled back or stayed silent and nodded #until I was let go and then I went straight for my room and just started crying #bc godforbid I cry in front of him bc then it would've been 'why are you crying? Stop crying.' #and like I know he meant well but like #as the saying goes das Gegenteil von gut ist gut gemeint #(the opposite of good is meant well) #so it's just me alone in my room #might try to make a collage or something that feels like a fun thing #that could get something out #also once again listening to ganz kleiner schwips by Dota Kehr (poem by Mascha Kaléko) on repeat #like 'of course you're once again not here when I feel this blue I'm usually alone #my cat murrs from the town hall it's sounding 4 and tomorrow I will be sad again' hits way too hard #or in German: Du bist natürlich wieder mal nicht hier wenn mir so grau wird bin ich meist allein #mein Kater murrt vom Rathaus schlägt es vier und morgen werd' ich wieder traurig sein #this is also what prompted this post #I was gonna cook with my flatmates tonight but I feel it might not be happening

[stillfruit]

i need someone to punch me or run me over with a car or something i don’t care just anything i’m sick and tired

#i'm not functioning at all i hate this what am i even trying for #or i mean i'm functioning in the sense that my apartment is clean i get exercise i cook my own meals etc i can go through the motions blind #but the instance i have to Do Something uni related i just shut down nothings working and like in general as well i just don't care anymore #i have so many opportunities to meet my friends and ppl from uni but i just can't be bothered it's tiring and i don't care #yesterday i finished my meetings in the ed clinic and the doctor asked about the psychologist thing for other things #but i was like eh idk if it's gonna do anything and i know it's a dumb attitude to have but i can't help it i've lived like this for so long #like truly i just know there's something wrong with me and i'm a bad person but i also already know that i have to take initiative to fix it #but i'm just too tired and there's no point #like usually i'm fueled by spite or panic or something but i just don't feel things now #i have no braincells left anymore none #and now with my new gut issues which might stem from the ed or be genetic i'm just. even more tired than before with less time to use #because i spend hours in the bathroom #i should book an appointment for a doctor abt that but i'm just. very doubtful since it took my sister years to find out even a part of her #issues which might not be the same as mine but still #i'm too tired for social interactions and will never form meaningful connections with other people i will never get a job i will be in pain #and i don't have anything on a grand scale that i would want and all of that makes this seem so useless what am i being alive for #i'm being dramatic right now and i know things can get better and things change etc etc but also. i'm not having fun #i know i'm very privileged in many ways and incredibly thankless and insufferable and childish and so on but idc i'm tired #why the fuck did i have to burn out before i finished my bachelor's thesis and why the fuck did i choose my major when it's 10000 #times more demanding than the one my friends went to #in those courses i just throw shit together for easy 5s and in my major i'll get hanged if i don't include the doi part in citations #i mean i still have time so not all is lost but time just keeps happening and i'm not experiencing any of it #shit talking

[waterfall-ambience]

Any possibility of Evil X coming back is really just like ‘I want to see my little boy’ and wanting more content to work from vs the fear that his characterisation is going to throw all current character analysis out the window

#evil xisuma tag #its most definitely nowhere near what xisuma intended but i like to think it still fits within canon #its like string and a corkboard. different shapes and connections (interpretations) can be drawn using the same arrangement of pins (canon). #and i've really thought a lot about the shape i've drawn so i'm scared of i'll have to do when the pins change #thats part of the fun but i worked quite a bit to wrangle together aspects of his character into something that made sense. #and i don't want that to go to waste. sure i could repurpose it for an oc but its built using the context of hermitcraft #like how he's an outsider in an already very small and tight knit community. #so in trying to destroy the server he immediately blows any chances of befriending the rest of the hermits. #which makes him an outsider again #its a whole thing and ive thought a lot about it and i just dont want to have to rework it #man.

[bookwyrminspiration]

Do you have any advice for arguing with a Fitz hater? Because analysises, examples, and literally anything I try to do don't seem to be working on them.

I don't know how much of my advice would be useful, but I can certainly try. i think I've made a post like this in the past but I have no idea when and don't know what tags it would be under, so if you can find that on top of this post, that might have something useful, too.

also, I'm sorry you're going through this. I know it can be really frustrating to talk to someone who just isn't receptive when you're really trying to talk, especially when they're insulting something/someone you like.

this is just how I would personally approach the situation, so don't feel pressured to do things exactly how I do them.

the very first question I ask myself is whether I want to actually argue/converse with them. because sometimes it's just truly not worth it and the other person isn't actually listening, they just want to hate something. and exposing myself to that when I could just leave them be on the internet, disengage and remove myself from the situation, sometimes is not worth all the frustration I might feel. and the possible (not guaranteed) benefits of getting through to them isn't worth it to me, and if I come to that conclusion then I'd respectfully end the conversation, acknowledging their opinions and that I disagree, firmly stating that I would not talk further.

if you have decided you want to argue, then the next question is what your goal from this conversation is. are you trying to get them to stop insulting others for liking a character? are you trying to get them to like said character? are you trying to get them to just be more receptive to other ideas? figuring this out can help you figure out the steps you need/want to take next, and this is actually something that can be applied to any conflict, I've just used relevant examples. you can use this goal to inspire the things you say so that you have something concrete in mind. and each option will have different specifics--for example, if I was going with that first possible goal i described my argument might lean more heavily towards empathy and why the other person was creating an unpleasant online experience and how their actions could negatively impact others.

if you're trying to convince them to stop hating Fitz, that's going to be a lot harder, so I implore you to be cautious and know you're 100% allowed to leave the conversation--even without an explanation--at any time. this is the internet. your safety and security take priority over entertaining someone else's ideas. a common tactic a see with a lot of people who claim they "just want to know why you think like that" is to keep asking question after question to try and break you down and reach a point where you struggle to answer, which they will take as a victory. so if you can, ask questions back. ask them to clearly explain their side and press them for answers instead. that's not to say take it to the extreme to try and break them, but just try to balance it out. you may be just as curious to know what makes them tick as they are fascinated by you.

I will say that from what you've shared, the person you're talking to sounds very stubborn. But I have a question (you don't have to tell me the answer, just think about it yourself). Are they stubborn in such a way that they've considered everything you've shared and chosen to stay on their side? Or are they stubborn in such a way that they won't acknowledge or consider anything you have to say? because that's an important distinction to make. is there any common ground you can agree upon or are they just stoutly against you no matter what? because if they are, disengage. They are not worth your time, your effort, your explanations, or the lingering emotional upset that may follow. if they are not listening to you, they do not deserve to stay in your thoughts. there are people on the internet that do not know how to listen, and the kotlc fandom (especially on other platforms, but we on tumblr are not a beacon of perfection either) is full of them. because this fandom is full of kids who just got access to the internet for the first time and who are going to be exuberant and excitable and who don't know how to have these kinds of conversations (I would know. I was one of them). and they are not your responsibility.

so if I'm right about them being stubborn without listening to you, I would stop responding to their messages. you don't need to convince them to like Fitz. it can be upsetting to know there are people out there who hate the things we love, but you've already tried to do something about it and it doesn't deserve any more of your time at this point. they may change their mind in their own time, but that's not something you should concern yourself with. you should be your priority.

once again, these are my personal opinions and approaches to these kinds of things. you may disagree with my methods, and that's fine. I've been too aggressive and quick to take sides in disagreements enough times that I'm a lot more cautious now, which does affect my advice.

i know it might not be what you want to hear, and you might desperately want to just make the other person understand. but understanding required effort on their end too, and if they're not giving it, then I advise you stop trying. you're not giving up. it doesn't make you a bad person and it doesn't make them right. it means that the conversation isn't worth your energy or time and you're making the decision that is best for you in the moment.

I don't know if any of this is helpful, but if it is, I hope you're doing alright <33. arguing online can be so draining, so please remember to take care of yourself. drink some water and have a snack, take a few breaths, remind yourself of three things that made you happy today, whatever you need to do.

#this is all meant to be in like a gentle comforting tone. i'm not judging you or anything. i'm trying to empathize with you and help #i have no clue if this is helpful at all #but if i've read the situation right at all i honestly think it best you just let them be #it's not your job to convince them to like fitz #some people aren't gonna like him and it's gonna be for illogical reasons #and some people are just gonna repeat what they've heard without understanding it #but they aren't our responsibility and they aren't worth out energy #fandom is supposed to be fun and connect you with people who like the things you do #so find those people #there are a lot of us out there who love fitz #who you won't have to convince and who you can talk about him with without worry #and that will make the fandom experience a whole lot better #in case you can't tell i try to avoid fighting when possible #i don't try to be complacent #but sometimes arguments are fruitless no matter what you do #and that's not a personal reflection on you #it's just how things work sometimes #kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #quil's queries #nonsie #long post #fitz vacker

[wickedhawtwexler]

UGHHH making friends as an adult is so hard and i'm over it!!!!

#and i'm talking about irl friends btw i have amazing internet friends both on and off tumblr who i cherish and am grateful for <3 #idk it's weird. in undergrad i had no social life but had a decent size group of friends i was close with and felt genuinely connected to #we just talked through text or when we were working together or during classes or after running into each other at the library #now i actually have a decent social life but i have no real friends. just a bunch of pals i really do like but have nothing in common with #and i'm very grateful for my pals don't get me wrong! they pull me out of my comfort zone and are fun and awesome people #i have a good time with them but in the back of my head i just feel so different. we have enough in common to enjoy each other's company #but it feels so superficial. like we're terminally stuck on this weird acquaintance/friendship borderline #anyway i'm making it my 2022 new year's resolution to at least ATTEMPT to make some irl friends #i just found out i live super close to my city's art center so i might try meeting people at some art classes? #i'm looking for some local writing groups but they all seem to be like Serious Workshops. maybe i'll do a book club or something idk #i'm not looking for besties or anything i literally just want to socialize IRL more than once a month i am DYING #i'm not an extrovert but i'm sure as hell not THIS introverted lmao #m.txt

[hunybody]

i have a pathological need to know every plot point in a book or movie before i pick it up. i cannot be surprised or else i will die

#it's literally not fun if i'm being surprised. i'm trying to make connections to metaphors that you only catch #on the third watch while on my FIRST. get on my level #also? if i don't have something i know i'm looking forward to then what's the point #my posts

[loptrcoptr]

Storytime, kids!

So uh. I’ve become a caricature of myself. 

I’m not great at movie names. I have trouble remembering, for the most part, all the directors/producers/writers involved in a film, and usually I can only manage to remember one of the bunch. Only one. idk what it is about the major execs, I don’t have room for many in my brain or something.

I realized this when rewatching Return of The Jedi last year, one of my fave Wars with Stars, and noticing that Lawrence Kasdan co-wrote the film. I was shocked that I hadn’t noticed this before because Kasdan directed and wrote my all-time favorite Western, Silverado. And lo, he wrote for Raiders of the Lost Ark, and for The Empire Strikes Back, and my all time favorite Star Wars movie, The Force Awakens. Realizing this blew my mind, y’all. Now, I don’t like everything he’s done (and Idk if I can ever watch Raiders again after that Marian age issue reveal) but obviously... I have a certain type of taste and, apparently, it’s predictable to the -nth degree.

^^ (me @ myself)^^

Fast-forward to this week. On my birthday (Thursday) I wasn’t tired when I went to bed, so I watched this movie, Stage Beauty, which I had never seen before. It’s a romantic period drama with a screenplay by a man named Jeffrey Hatcher. And for some reason, mid-screening, the accurséd hyperfixation-fairy screamed THIS IS MY FUCKING JAM in my ear, and now I’m obsessed with it? Shit happens. I watched the movie two nights in a row, watched a shitty recording of a shitty community theater production of the original play, ordered the original play so I can read it (not that I don’t have the whole damn thing memorized at this point).... you get the picture. Jeffrey Hatcher adapted the screenplay from his own play, Compleat Female Stage Beauty, and neither movie nor play is without its flaws, so... I just can’t quite grasp what exactly the fuck I like so much about it. 

Well, tonight was my night to choose a movie for my family (my parents, we are still trapped in a house together, ain’t pandemic life fun) to watch, so I picked a few options and my dad grumpily said the only one that he’d watch was Casanova. Now, Casanova is one of my favorite movies. It hasn’t held up quite as well as I’d have thought it would, but it’s still a lot of fun and has a perfect soundtrack. Stage Beauty and Casnova have a lot in common, thematically, so I’ve been feeling some Casanova nostalgia over the last few days as a result of my shiny new Stage beauty hyperfixation. I know the names of every actor in Casanova, and I know Lasse Hallström directed it. You can see where this is going, right?

The opening credits are rolling, I’m thinking “ah, it’ll be nice to see Casanova since I’m on such a quirky-romantic-period-drama kick, apparently”. And here come the writing credits, and guess who wrote Casanova? Guess? Mr. Jeffrey Hatcher.

I think the sound that left me was kind of like a dying mouse, muffled by the stupid hand I clasped over my stupid mouth right after I muttered “oh no”. And my dad’s like “What? What is it?” and my dumbass just says “nothing, nothing. I know this writer. And... I am embarrassed.”

I’m trying to watch this movie while my whole brain is... crashing around in my skull having about seven tacky identity crises at once. I’m just?? A caricature of myself? goddamn, it used to be like yeah. Yeah, I joke that my personality is the color orange, some norse mythology, a few fuzzy animals and someone yelling “star wars” down a distant hallway, but APPARENTLY that was too kind. Apparently my personality is binary. Apparently, my tastes are so predictable that even when my brain is not consciously aware that something might be Right In My Stupid Wheelhouse, my heart can still pinpoint that it is... on a frighteningly consistent level.

So now I’m just a caricature of myself ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#catch me screaming internally #sighing dramatically #and looking up everything jeffrey hatcher ever wrote #the formula's not perfect- i didn't think solo was that good I think bodyguard is overrated etc. so not all kasdan vehicles are my jam but #GOD so many of them ARE #I'm trying to kind of be like lol aCtuAllY it's a testament to my keen ear for dialogue and familairity with #various romance movie/play/novel tropes that I was bale to connect casanova and stage beauty #without knowing they were written by the same mofo #but really... i just feel like i've found out i live in the matrix and nothing is real and my code consists of two tastes- ONLY TWO- #which are fun vaguely tacky aciton movie with big bombastic score #and melodramatic romantic period dramedy with fun costumes and contrived storylines #and knowing it makes me feel like... lol I have nowhere to go from here #i have discovered what my very entertainment profile essence boils down to and it has Shooketh me #brb having an identity crisis because *checks notes* my taste in movies is disgustingly consistent and particular to a bizarre degree #casanova #stage beauty #sorry for the wall of boring text lol I just needed someone to know that this is bullshit and that it's happened to me twice #personal

[thetreeturnedoff]

it feels odd submitting an assignment without spending 15-20 minutes panicking over whether i actually did it the way it was supposed to be done or not

i just hit turn in after i'd checked it over quickly and now i feel like i've done something wrong

but i definitely don't want to spend the rest of class freaking out over whether i actually followed the format correctly, when i spent the whole time i was working on the assignment continuously checking the format to make sure i was doing it right

#heckity heck #honestly as much as my adhd can get in the way i think my anxiety is worse #cause my adhd can be fun sometimes #my anxiety never is #it makes life difficult constantly #and it makes everything take so much longer than it should but like with the added effect of feeling terrified the entire time #i find it mildly entertaining how my idea of original posts on tumblr is just talking about random shit that's happening #i just like sharing ig #i never expect responses i just like talking into the void #also my birthday is tomorrow!! so that's exciting #i know what i'm getting and i can't wait #again i ain't expecting anyone to wish me a happy birthday or anything #i'm not expecting any kind of response to this #i'm just talking #i feel like i always have to clarify that because any time i just try to comment or talk for the sake of talking irl #people always think i'm trying to allude to something or hint that i want something #when i just like talking and pointing out things i see or think of #i'm trying to connect with people but they always think i'm just trying to get something out of them #so i always have to clarify i'm just talking without a purpose or ulterior motive or whatever #and i guess that's carried on over here

[gibbearish]

actually i think a big part of the issue im having figuring myself out is just. fear of how others will react

#yesterday Travis called me his prince and it wasn't that that surprised me so much as just. the willingness to directly address it #honestly i kinda figured i would go ''I'm not a girl'' and he would run or ignore it and i don't really know how to handle him being kimm #kind* and understanding #he keeps asking me questions about what he should call me and the part of me that grew up with people pretending to like me just to #make fun of me keeps whispering that its all part of the joke and one of these days hes going to decide ive changed too much and then #ill be the punchline #and then theres the issues in the other direction #if i try to embrace the butch title while being the complicated pile i am then how many people will come after me for not being enough #which i know is stupid especially given i literally just read an entire book about that but theres also the thing of like. #jess still had a connection to womanhood and attraction to primarily (solely? im not good at text interpretation) women #which makes it a lot easier to accept youre allowed to use those words #but what if youre never ever a woman and have never even dated one? wheres the connection? #and i can already hear people saying 'there isnt one therefore you cant use them' but then how do they explain the feelings i have about th #m #surely an outside observer with no connection wouldnt feel like theyre being strangled trying to think about it? #i dunno its complicated #maybe thats why heshe kept sticking out to me. its not neutral in the same way they them is but a blended mix forcing people to #ackowledge both the origins and the destination #maybe that's the connection? my past and my body influencing my current view of myself #whats the difference between not a woman and no longer a woman #ive thought abt it before but never very hard but maybe the answer can just be both yknow #when ppl say bigender i think their brain automatically pictures half man half woman but like #im thinking maybe for me itd be. half man half butch. no woman but half butch #or not halves #fully both at once maybe #a venn diagram but the middle part is empty but the emptiness is part of it too #PLUS theres also like. what would i call myself #he him lesbian? not a lesbian‚ attracted to more than women #he him woman? not a woman #i want butch to be the whole sentence but it doesnt feel like it can be

[blizzardinferno]

.

#I'm tired. I'm really really really tired and right now more than ever part of me wishes I never got into transformers. #now that's nothing with the series itself. it's something I go through with everything I start to like. #I go in. I have fun. I meet new people. I see people do amazing things. I see people close to my age do incredible things. #I see people younger than me do incredible things that I never could. #outside of that. I'm just not that great. I know I have a large number of followers only because I find cool stuff from other people. #but seriously. There's like so many other better blogs with better original content that you can look at and appreciate. #even with reblogging stuff from other people. They have so much more reach and can find so many good things. #please. Just go follow them instead. Whoever they are just go follow them instead of me. I don't understand whatsoever why people like me. #I'm not even that funny. All my jokes are stupid and it's the same crap over and over and over again. #all my headcanons are uncreative too. I'll see people say they like them but there's so many better takes out there. #I have chronic loneliness and that makes it so hard to connect to people. I try to be as happy as I can because that's what people want. #Please just go somewhere else. I have nothing to offer that hasn't been said before. I haven't even been doing much recently. #I literally can't even keep track of my likes and that's inexcusable for somebody like me who needs nothing but order and order and order. #I am an actual disaster and lately I've been doing more complaining than what you all fucking came here for. #I can't even cry that much for fuck's sake. I lost that ability somewhere in primary school. I just want somebody to punch me so hard I cry. #I lost the ability to vent to people I trust after harming my connection with somebody. So all I do is shut up and sit there. And listen. #This is getting way too long. I'll shut up now. Thank you. #vent #my post #maybe delete later