#i- i might have several mental illnesses

[atlantis-just-drowned]

Ah yes, my latest fictional crushes: Me But Cisgender, The Incarnation Of Neurodivergent Queers Who Saved My Life, and The Ideal Caretaker I Needed As A Child

#pluto nevermore #eddie munson #stranger things eddie #st eddie munson #fnaf dca #dca fandom #in this order of apparition precisely #i- i might have several mental illnesses #however #this is absolutely unrelated #whispers from atlantis #nevermore webtoon #nevermore webcomic #nevermore #fnaf sb #fnaf security breach #sundrop #moondrop #fnaf sun #fnaf moon #stranger things #stranger things 4 #st 4

[hurglewurm]

bro when u are trying so hard to curate ur life experience so u don't go insane but the insanity comes from within

#i have been experiencing severe intrusive thoughts xoxo #when u feel urself get triggered when nothing is happening and u look inwards and it's You??? it's smth in there???? #and ur like WHO IS THAT?????? and it's you. like #does this make sense. #hurgle says things #was it earlier this year that i was starting to feel like i wasn't actually mentally ill lmao #like by no means is this the worst i've ever been. i'm chillin. #but at this point i'm like. oh this might be a Bigger Problem. #and i don't want that ! no thanks x #if i never look at it or get it diagnosed it's not real am i right babes ! #(don't live like me. go to the doctor.) #(don't keep things from ur therapist. or if ur brain deletes them when u need to speak abt them write them down)

[wolveria]

Great video I hope is helpful for a few folks

#Youtube #Khadija Mbowe #mental health #mental illness #self diagnosis #video #therapy #i do strongly suggest that you get at least one psyche eval rather than rely on a self diagnosis #because i was very wrong about my own ideas and neglected some issues i didn't realize i had #i'm just saying you might think you have adhd and turns out you have severe ptsd #and you might not necessarily realize that without a person who knows what to look for #also her segment on therapy speak is great too

[danielnelsen]

there’s so much i wanna do this week/month/etc but i’m just too sick, i have no energy, i can’t sleep, i’m constantly nauseous and headachey and on the verge of a migraine, i’m stressed and irritable and impatient and panicky…….how tf did i survive nearly 5 years of high school untreated if i can’t even manage this when i don’t have any major obligations rn

#at least i finally got my meds so hopefully i feel a little better soon #although i’m now on 20 pills per day which is Just Great #whenever i’m in remission it’s nice to just. forget sometimes that this can happen at any time #kinda wish i had the typical kinda chronic illness that people talk about with ‘flares’ #or at least triggers that i can plan around #the other times have all had an easily identifiable stressor tho tbf. idk what caused this one #the first time was whooping cough and the next few were all very major life stressors like my cat dying right after i started uni #and i think also towards the end of my honours thesis? #but this…….there’s no major stress right now. nothing wildly beyond normal #i’m a little concerned about my joints tho. they’ve been so much worse than normal the last few months #so i’m kinda worried i’m developing rheumatoid arthritis (also an autoimmune disease and it runs in the family specifically) #so if that’s happening then it could set my thyroid off? probably should get to the doctor at some point #obv i’m seeing my endo for thyroid stuff. but i should see my gp and get her to run all the autoimmune blood tests again #i’ve done that before but it’s been a few years and my ankles and knees are so painful i can’t even walk properly a lot of the time #BUT I JUST WANNA DO THINGS I ENJOY AND I CANT AND I WILL CONTINUE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT #‘oh you’re so lucky you don’t have as many obligations because you’re chronically ill’ ha ha ha please swap lives with me immediately #personal #but seriously. i wasn’t diagnosed until i was nearly 17 and we can trace it back to whooping cough when i was 12 #so it was the last half of year 6 and then all of years 7-10 and the start of year 11 of just being. uh. ‘very lazy and complaining a lot’ #and TEACHERS joking about me and my sister (who was dealing with an arguably more severe undiagnosed disease) missing so many classes #wow so funny pdhpe teacher who’s supposed to be teaching is about health #and the thing with being a mentally ill teenager is that hyperthyroidism can just look like a very severe anxiety disorder #so i didn’t go to the dr until i was too sick to go to school at all. and luckily had a good dr who did a blood test #i’m just rambling now because i can’t sleep and i don’t wanna lie here doing nothing #might go play pvz or something. that’s been keeping me entertained

[nostalgia-tblr]

I had another fic idea and the brain was like "no, that's too fluffy and romantic and YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO WRITE NICE THINGS, PEOPLE WOULD JUDGE YOU" but then I went "but what if it was kind of... comedy fluff?" and brain went "...yeah, okay, if you really must." Which I fucking HATE! Why can't I write nice things, brain?! Everyone else is allowed to! FFS, it's fanfiction, it doesn't have to be ~deep~ or any of that shit!

This has actually been a bit of an issue when I'm trying to write The WIP because while I told myself yeah sure go ahead and write the massively self-indulgent epically long (by my own odd standards) fic but still sometimes I get stuck because I'm not "allowed" to write something that appeals to me and my own sometimes niche interests??

Like angst I can do because that's "proper" somehow? WTF is that about? It's not proper! It's still daft! And comedy I'm allowed because I dunno apparently if it will make someone laugh that means it has "value"? It's very annoying, I don't like it.

Do other people have this? How do you deal with it? You'd think after all this time I'd be okay with writing any old shit that I want to. If anything it might be worse now. I remember years ago I could tell myself "Look, if you've spelled most of it correctly then it's already in like the better half of all the fanfic on the internet" which isn't really TRUE but I could go along with that and let myself write whatever-the-fuck I wanted to.

You know how many of us go "I'll write this fucked up thing... but I'll post it as Anon"? I get that with fluffy fic ideas as well. Or with things that are "too shippy" (WTF?) It's just such a stupid and weird form of self-criticism and it bothers me a lot.

#ranting at myself #writing stuff #possibly this is a mental illness thing but i don't think it is but it might be? #i am Quite Mad but it usually manifests related to fic as the usual “you suck!!” or irritating OCD things about wordcounts or such #this is a VERY SPECIFIC thing and i don't even know where it came from? #maybe i'm just pretentious? do i look pretentious? i might be? #(the fluffy thing was sylki fic where spinning off on the 'oh no unable to express feelings!' they have to pass each other notes) #(the comedy element was that this is Bloody Stupid and also Mobius attempts to Help (oh no) and etc) #(will i ever be able/“allowed” to actually write that thing? dunno!) #the Frigga thing also suffers from “that bit is despicably adorable you should be ASHAMED of yourself” #.The WIP? currently stuck at “okay now he needs to Hold The Baby. this is an important bit you can't skip it. but babies are Too Twee” #“so you may NOT just write someone Holding The Baby because that's like something people might actually want to read!” #“the murders are fine you can write murders. murder isn't twee. babies are VERY twee though.” #PROBLEM: there are several babies in this fic and the next chapter is like... ENTIRELY baby-based #(the end of the entire fic is already written and it's Too Twee as well but i've kind of gone immune to that because it's existed a while) #(oh no did i just spoiler a Happy Ending?!) #(SPOILER: kind of. it depends who you backed in this race and whether you wanted them to Become Better People) #anyway am gonna post this now before i change my mind as i probably should #fic related

[asyipyip]

girl its so embarrassing but i love jonmartin so fucking much i havent cared this much about a ship since like. high school

#NOTHING COMPETES #guys its really bad that i got a new hyperfixation while in a bit of a rough period mental health wise #because MAMA MIA!!! THATS A GOOD ESCAPISM!! #i think i might. i think i might still be manic? its a little hard to tell. it can sometimes last more than just a day for me #sorry im bipolar posting abit #sometimes ur just having a fucking moment #its weird right because like. knowing im manic doesnt stop the manic. like i didnt know but now i do but i cant stop it! i would like to ! #but at least i have my escapism lmao #kara stop blogging #ANYWAYS back to jonmartin #yeah theyre literally so romance. for the past several years i havent really been reading romance fics/interacting with any ship fanworks #like art or whatever #not intensely anyway #not out of a dislike? just a general disinterest. not sure why! just havent been in the mood? i guess? #but holyyyyyyyyyy fuck jonmartin is like. you are a 13 year old girl who just discovered shipping on tumblr for the first time again #I KNOW ITS A HORROR PODCAST BUT #LIKE COME ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN #the characters are just so! FUCKING! GOOD #i also ADORED daisy and basira's dynamic #wough. okay ill shut up now #tma #also these fucking tags are like legit proof that the tags on my personal posts are just full on incomprehensible diary at this point. bye

[elytrafemme]

top 10 funniest mental illness bits in my life is getting into arguments with my therapist repeatedly over not getting a diagnosis for something debilitating me and then going to college and taking an online test (with her encouragement, and on a zoom call WITH HER talking over every question and its accuracy to the condition etc) that says You kind of have this condition. and she was like yeah you might have tendencies. and despite literally insulting her over this very topic before i just go Oh okay that makes sense ^_^ and then i no longer believe i have these tendencies at all. girl WHAT ?

#nightmare.personal #Carriers of mare lore may recognize this is about the BPD thing #we took a test and it was like yeah you deffo have parts of this but NOT diagnostic enough #and i guess college just completely flipped my perspective because i just did naurt care #but at the same time Im now like lowkey convinced i dont have any symptoms but we did prove that i had that #like we did take a test together and she told me her direct input. So um. Win! #this is what im telling y'all my mental illness symptoms do NOTTTT fucking last #did we not talk abt this when i had a system and i was like These bitches r going to leave me THEN THEY DID ? #like my ass cannot keep a mental illness & ik im healing rn but i cant tell if im also like. Severely in denial. #also just found out my family might have bipolar tendencies DOES NOBODY TELL ME ANYTHING HERE #my brother........ like hey this kind of explains prom 2022 No worries if not though. im going to chew on that man

[korithegreat]

Sometimes when i'm in a half-asleep-kinda-dreaming-but-still-self-aware-to-an-extent state, my brain will string together random ass words to make phrases with varying degrees of cohesion

This morning it was specifically a news headline for some reason (i don't read the news) that said, "Using Lesbians in the Economy Has Had Staggering Effects"

And i'm like???? How does one "use lesbians in the economy"?? And what the fuck are "staggering effects“?? Are the effects good??? Do we need to stop using lesbians in the economy???

Turns out i manage to be even more unhinged when i'm only partially conscious

#late night ramblings #unhinged #idk #i might need therapy ngl #i have several mental illnesses #totally didn't spend a significant amount of time wondering how you would “use lesbians in the economy” #is it just like employing lesbians?? #or enslaving them?? #what if we stopped using lesbians due to the staggering effects? #would that be workplace discrimination? #i desperately need help

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Can someone come sit on my bed while I clean my room pls? Thanks and I love you <3

#my room is very unclean #just because moving is hard #i moved in august so i dont have much of an excuse #actually i do. i had to spend a lot of time saving up for furniture and stuff to put my stuff on #i just recently got a desk. chair. and bookshelf #before that i didnt have any place to unpack my stuff into #plus im just a messy person with severe mental illness #yknow what would really help me get my room together tho? #someone to sit on my bed. while i clean. you can read a book or play on your phone #maybe even someone to help me build my desk because instructions are often bad #a few months ago i built a futon for the apartment. i live with my sibling and another roommate #sibling was working. and im strong and independent so i decided to build it by myself #but my roommate was so nice. and helped me build it. we were both bad at understanding the instructions but together we got it #and she was so sweet the whole time. and it was one of the nicest experiences ive had since i moved #anyway id really like to do that with someone again #just enjoy their presence and do something unimportant with them so we have an excuse to spend time together #im at the terrible point of the year where im crushing on literally everyone. my roommate. a girl i knew for four days and got her number #we text semi-frequently and she might start working at the camp i work at #and also one of my coworkers thats only into guys #my roommate has a gf. the girl i knew for four days lives across the country. and the coworker of course is into men #im falling in love with unattainable people. and i just want to clean while someone sits on my bed. and build a desk with them

[sanzuphobe]

im convinced that the people who see depression as like an 'easy' disorder or a mental illness without stigma have never been really fucking depressed lol

#the thing with depression is that it can appear in so many different gradations #and when you have really fucking severe depression its like having 7 different mental illnesses in a trenchcoat lmao #depression is. really fucking hard. #and i really hate the trivialization of both depression and anxiety because while yes they can be more common #and both of those things can occur in mild varieties those things are true! #but they can be So fucking debilitating #its not my adhd or autism or chronic pain or physical disabilities that make me feel unable to function in society. its my depression #its my depression that makes me think i can never hold down a steady job i cant have relationships i can barely have friends etc etc #its my depression that makes me unable to get out of bed in the mornings #and there is no such thing as easy or difficult disorders in the first place??? #there might be ppl with a highly stigmatized disorder who have an easier time coping with it than someone with anxiety or depression #u dont know how ppl experience things internally #at the end of the day we rall mentally ill lol #nf #personal

[biromanticbookbabe]

#I feel like I have to defend myself and say it's my multiple health conditions which could endanger my health if I ever got pregnant #what about disabled and mentally ill women who can't have kids??? #or women with other health issues??? #and it's so fucking expensive #also this issue made me realize I wasn't into men either because they expect you to have their kid and are offended if you don't want that #there were about 15 or 20 other things but that was part of it #I don't hate kids/babies but they seem like way too much responsibility and energy #I'm also scared of the babies' crying it's very stressful/distressing #I'll donate money to foster kids' charities when I have a full time job and am financially stable #but not every woman can be a mother for several reasons #finance and health issues are two of many reasons why women might choose not to have kids #it should be a woman's choice #I wanted to be a career gal- I've wanted that for a long time #childfree women #childfree in the media #spinsters #the take #media critique #youtube #actually bipolar #I have PCOS too so yeah personally it's not a good idea #not that I ever felt a strong biological need to have my own kids #I never did #I even told my mom when I was like 6 or 7 that my brother would give her grandkids and I would only ever get married #she has it on homevideo so in some ways I knew who I was from an early age #leave women alone please and thank you

[journeyman-tier-fibercraft]

Trying to power through two WIPs that been haunting me The red shawl only has two dozen ish more rows and the blue shawl only needs about 6 more pattern repeats. I want to start more interesting long term projects but would feel bad about leaving these two unfinished when they’re both less than 10 hours away from being off the needles.

#knitting #knitblr #lace #lace rot #wip #pretend it's wip wednesday and not random tuesday staring at my pile of half finished scarves #the other two wips rn are both straight stockinette so i can knit them while reading #but the blue scarf obv can't with how much lace #and while i did swap to knitting garter in the red shawl (because i was slowly going insane doing the eyelet patterns) #it's VERY loosely plied yarn and super splitty even when i'm paying full attention #if i tried to knit it without looking it would be a Hot Mess in less than three full rows. gotta keep my eye on it. #i've been having a Mental Illness Moment and have been fully on board with doing One thing at a time recently #for several weeks it was a multiplayer game that will not be named. but i loss interest in playing that and it's been on knitting for #over two weeks now? feels like longer than that. the brain wolves have me. #after these are finished i think i'm going to start a brioche shawl that has been begging me to create it for several months now #and probably cast on a super complex lace shawl that i've had planned but haven't started specifically because of these two shawls #I might also take a break for a doily or two and my brain is caught on knitting a market bag despite the fact i won't use it

[stirdrawsandreblaws]

!!!! I'M GONNA HAVE MY OWN ROOM SOON.....!

a kind of security I've never had...the door will lock, nobody can come in without my say-so, and i can do whatever i want with the decor...!!!

if anyone wants to send me moneys (info in bio) for paint/bedframe/furniture so i can start sourcing that stuff soon, I would be deeply touched ✨

#potentially less than a couple weeks!!!! #stirring up trouble #like obvs i have tempered expectations. its not gonna cure my mental illness or whatever. #but it will be several fewer things for my anxiety to latch onto. esp since i might be getting a fridge shelf of my own a bit later #not that sleeping on the floor in a borrowed space is the worst thing ever but....i really do need to not be doing this anymore

[fecto-forgo]

wait what the fuck do you mean my gijinka post i kept out of the tags got 22 notes

#whaaaat youre telling me i yet again just have a personality disorder characterized by severe paranoia of others thoughts #and people r actually completely chill w my designs? no way!!! #i truly might just be mentally ill #analiceoriginal.txt

[crimson-roots]

the fake dating happened because Joey lied to Katherine to try and make her jealous. Joey and Sausage have agreed that they need to be the most extra and dramatic and beautiful couple that the empires have ever seen (and that they need to somehow put more drama into their relationship than scottpearl divorce), because of course they would.

and they are both being So Very Normal about it, certainly. yep, finding a flower deep in the cave for Gem's fey errand is fine. one of these should be taken to Joey, for.... magical purposes. yep. it's probably very magical. which is also why Joey attached said flower to his hat and made sure that it was visible for the date. which is to make Katherine jealous! the date to make Katherine jealous

(Katherine is not jealous and is so very excited that these two are happy together and would choose her kingdom for a date.)

so very normal about it, mhm! yup! (also. god, of COURSE they would, that is the most sausage and joey thing i have ever heard)

and,,. man. this is SUCH a cool story

#it's almost 2am i feel like i'm running out of words #please know that tomorrow i'm going to start going severely mentally ill over these guys #i might head off to bed but please please feel free to keep sending these #waking up to 290574932 asks with detailed and convoluted lore will genuinely be the highlight of my morning #(no pressure of course!! don't feel as if you have to send me lore!! at the end of the day i'm looking at this as you guys helping me fsjk) #i do have a question actually! is there a fan discord of some sort? :0 i don't know how big the au is #since i have no concept of . numbers #but if there's a discord that isn't just for members i'd be super interested in checking it out! #if that's okay #sjgkfds #asks #eswap #eswap au

[comradecowplant]

omg today is the day, my favorite show to celebrate women's wrongs is back ❤❤❤❤

#yellowjackets #*sigh* nothing will scratch the itch like killing eve did but im thrilled for s2 getting into the cannibal times #honestly i have a few aspects im nervous about like adult lottie..... it rubs me the wrong way that the girl with a severe mental illness #is the villian... its 1 thing for poor teen lottie to lose it but the s2 trailer highlighting her spending time in a mental asylum is meh #maybe its a red herring... tbh i have a theory that adult van might be the one behind the modern day cult but we shall see we shall see #bc van seems like she becomes the first Believer in the woods and maybe van is the one who is unable to let it go the most. idk idk 🤷‍♂️