#idk i wanted to change the song i used for this but like. it fits ig | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

luvrhischier · 10 months

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losing game // trevor zegras

part 2

pairing: trevor zegras × reader

word count: 3.1k (might have gone a little overboard)

a/n: based on the song arcade by duncan laurence. lyrics are in bold italics (jumped around a lot and changed some lyrics to fit the story). no use of y/n.

a/n two: this is my offering to hockey tumblr pls let me in (f1 offering coming soon maybe idk).

warnings: mentions of sex but no actual smut (bc i suck at writing it), alcohol, angst with no happy ending

You watched as he collected his clothes and put them back on. Turning to you when he reached your bedroom door.

“Bye, babe. See you later.” He winked and left.

Silence ringing inside my head.

You sat up, one hand clutching a blanket to cover your bare body, the other running through your now messy hair trying to tame it. It didn't help. After ten minutes of complete silence and staring off into space you finally dropped the blanket and stood up. You walked over and stared at yourself through your full length mirror, examining your body and all of its features in the lightly lit room. You began to wonder why he didn't feel the same. Of course he wasn't obligated to, but still it made you feel like there was something wrong with you.

A broken heart is all that's left. I lost a couple of pieces.

You both had agreed to this. Friends with benefits in private, best friends in public. Nothing more, nothing less. However, now you felt a small piece of your heart get chipped away every time you hooked up.

Jamie had warned you both that this wasn't a good idea and that it would probably end in disaster, after he accidentally walked in on the two of you, but neither you listened. Both swearing that the two of you would never be anything more than friends, who occasionally hooked up. Now you wished you had listened.

The way Trevor now made you feel was unlike anything you had ever felt. Before he grew to understand your body, even better than you did, and what made it fall apart in those moments of tangled limbs, lips moving in sync, heavy breathing, and extreme pleasure, the two of you were just each other’s best friend. Through the good, the bad, and the ugly. You never wanted anything more until a few months in and you hated yourself for it. You couldn’t help it though Trevor's fun and loving nature carried over into those moments of close intimacy. It made your stomach to erupt with butterflies.

You finally silenced your thoughts and rummaged through your dresser for new clothes. You then picked up the clothes you formerly wore, the pieces scattered across your bedroom floor, tossing them into your laundry basket. You sighed deeply and returned to lay in your bed. You quickly stood up again as small tears began to build in your eyes. You didn't want to lay in the bed you just sex on. In fact, you didn't even want to be in your room. His scent was everywhere. His cologne was all over your bed and the smell began to spread around you like wildfire. You knew it wasn't going away anytime soon, it never did.

You collected yourself and headed to your bedroom door when you saw a crumpled up shirt hiding in a corner of your room. You picked it up and instantly realized it was Trevor's. It was the shirt he was wearing underneath his hoodie and he must have forgotten about it. You tried to stop yourself from taking off your old tattered tee and putting his shirt on instead but you failed. You stood there in shameful silence before finally heading to your living room.

You noticed a glass slightly filled with water sat next to the sink, Trevor must have stopped to get himself a drink before he left. You just wanted to take a nap so you left it there as you went to lay on your couch.

You opened Netflix, just playing a random show you knew you weren't really going to watch, you just wanted to end the silence that flowed through your apartment and sleep.

────

You opened your eyes slowly, trying not to be blinded the bright light coming from the t.v. You didn't want to sit up, you just wanted to lay there until you sank into the cushions. You finally checked the time, 8:56 pm, you had slept there for over six hours. You felt your heart stop when your phone began to ring and the screen showed Trevor's name and a picture of the two of you from years ago. You didn't want to pick up but your fingers didn't listen to your heart or your brain.

“Hey babe.” God you hated that nickname so much, it made your heart both shatter and melt.

“Hey Trev,” you groggily mumbled as you stood up heading back to your room. You looked over at your bed and flashbacks from earlier played in your head. Trevor laying on top of you, his lips on your neck, and his hands roaming your body. You shook your head trying to wipe away the memory.

“So, Jamie and I spontaneously decided to throw an end of season party since everyone's here and I wanted to call to see if you'd come,” he sounded happy, excited, and a little hopeful.

“Yeah, that sounds like fun,” you tried to sound as happy as him but you failed and you knew Trevor noticed, he always did. You used to love that he knew you so well, but now it just hurt because he couldn’t, or wouldn’t, notice your true feelings for him.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

“Nothing I'm totally fine. I just woke up from a nap and I um...” You paused, trying to think of an excuse. “I just need to take a shower and get ready. Bye, see you soon,” you heard him start to say something else but it was too late, you had ended the call. As soon as you hung up Trevor called again. You let out a frustrated groan before hitting decline. You quickly put your phone on do not disturb before he could try to call again and tossed it on your bed, you then went to your closet. You just stood there and looked at your clothes, too lazy to actually look for an outfit. You sighed and decided to take a shower before picking out an outfit.

You stepped in the shower and just stood there for awhile, letting the water run down your body hoping that it would wash away any remaining trace of him.

The hot water felt nice against your cold body but it only reminded you of the warmth you felt when you were with Trevor and you hated it.

Once you were finished you returned to your closet to finally pick an outfit. You didn't feel like getting too dressed up so you opted for something simple, a pair of leggings and a random top. Your breath hitched when you saw what top you had randomly grabbed. It was one of Trevor's team USA jerseys. You didn't even know you had this, he had been looking for it for ages.

Once again you tried to stop yourself from putting it on but you once again failed. You stood there in another shameful silence. You looked at your phone to check the time, 10:05 pm. You sighed before grabbing a random pair of shoes and your keys.

The drive to Trevor and Jamie's house was a quiet one, no music, just the sound of your car tires on the road, passing cars, and your quiet breathing. When you got closer to his house you could see a long line of cars parked along the street and what seemed like never ending groups of people walking through the door. A tiny voice inside your head begged you to turn around immediately and drive back home but it was too late. You had driven all the way here.

You were hit with the smell of booze as soon as you got out of the car. A small part of you wanted to throw up but the rest of you wanted to drink until you blacked out and forgot about him.

The music was loud and people were everywhere making it hard to walk through the crowd full of drunk kids with sweaty bodies. However, the kitchen was less crowded. Vodka was the first thing you saw so that's what you filled your cup with.

You heard a loud and dramatic gasp followed by a familiar laugh and turned to see Jack rushing towards you with open arms.

“I missed you so much!” He beamed and hugged you tightly. You could tell he was a bit drunk by how his words were starting to slur together.

“I missed you more, Jack,” you laughed. “Jack, sweetie you’re suffocating me,” you jokingly muttered out.

“Oops, my bad,” he laughed as he pulled away. He noticed the cup in your hand and grabbed it before taking a quick sip. Before you could jokingly get on to him Luke walked in. You knew he must have been his turn to be on ‘watch drunk Jack duty' by the look on his face.

“There you are! I swear I'm going to a harness and leash so you can’t wander off and I don't have to run around while having a heart attack trying to find you,” he said, slightly out of breath from running around the house and through the sea of people, trying to find Jack. Jack just smiled and shrugged his shoulders causing Luke to roll his eyes. He looked over at you and smiled. “What's up, I missed you!” He exclaimed towards you before pulling you into a quick hug.

“I missed you too,” you smiled back. Before he could reply you both turned to where Jack was once standing only to find that he had wondered off again. Luke rolled his eyes and let out an exasperated sigh.

“I have to go find him again before he does something stupid,” he said begrudgingly. “I'll come back once I find him. I wanna hear about how annoying Zegras has been this season,” he joked while he ran off to find Jack once more.

The mention of his name made your heart feel like it was being ripped out of your chest and squeezed right in front of you. Wanting to distract yourself you looked around and skimmed over the crowd. You didn't want to admit that you were looking for him, but you were. You were about to take a drink of the vodka in your hands when you finally found him. You cursed every single higher being for the sight in front of you. There he was in the corner talking, dancing, and obviously flirting with some blonde girl. Their hands were all over the other’s body and they were close, too close, it made your body go numb. You felt completely defeated.

We were always a losing game.

Now your heart felt like it completely stopped working. You watched as she leaned in to whisper something in his ear with a giggle. The smirk that broke out on his face could've been seen from a mile away. Your cup slipped out of your hand and you felt it splash everywhere. You looked down and let out a shaky sigh. Quickly you grabbed the roll of paper towels and fell to your knees to clean up the mess, but it became harder and harder as your eyes started to blur with tears. You heard mumbling through the ringing in your ears but you didn't look up. You just sat there on the floor furiously cleaning up the spilled alcohol.

You finally looked up when the person shouted your name and placed a hand on your shoulder, snapping you out of your trance. There stood Nico and Quinn. When they saw the tears running down your face both of their eyes filled with worry.

“What's wrong?” Nico questioned as he crouched down next to you.

“I spilled my fucking drink and I have to clean it up.”You continued scrubbing the floor.

“You've cleaned it all up,” he said softly. “You can stop now.” He gently grabbed your hand to stop you.

You looked at the floor and saw that he was right. The alcohol was gone but now it was being replaced with your tears spattering on the floor. You fully sat down on the floor and Nico followed.

“Okay, everyone out of the kitchen now!” Quinn shouted to the few people still standing around you, whispering to each other as they obviously gossiped about your breakdown. You watched as everyone listened and quickly walked away.

Quinn joined the two of you on the ground.

“Why are you crying?” Quinn asked as he scooted over to sit right next to you. You didn't want to say it was because of Trevor. You knew that no matter how much the two of them playfully argued and fought Trevor was like a third younger brother and, though he'd jokingly never admit it, he loved him. He didn't deserve to be burdened with your problems. But deep down he knew and you knew that he knew because of the look on his face.

He wrapped his arm around your shoulder and you let out, in your opinion, a pathetically loud sob as you buried your head into his chest. Quinn didn't even care about the tears and makeup that were most definitely staining his shirt, he just cared about being there for you.

“He's over there with some girl.” you stuttered as you began to hyperventilate. “And I know I shouldn't be acting like this because we're supposed to be just friends but it hurts so fucking bad. God, this is so embarrassing. I'm so fucking stupid. I hate myself!” You lifted your head

“I need you to take some deep breaths. You need to breathe.” Nico softly said. “Breathe.” He took a deep breath of his own so you could follow along.

“Alright, who told me everyone to leave the kitchen?” Jamie interrupted as he entered the kitchen. You looked over and saw that Jack and Luke had walked in too. ‘Fuck!’ You cursed in your head. It was hard enough crying in front of Quinn and Nico, now all of your closest friends were standing there watching you sob on the floor. You watched as they all quickly sobered up.

One by one they all sat on the floor with you. All of them extremely worried. You wanted to somewhat keep your composure so you didn’t freak them out, but you couldn’t hold it in anymore you just let it all out. You knew your makeup was probably a mess and your jersey, his jersey, was covered in tears and running mascara.

“He's over there, with some girl, and they're all over each other and I'm over here crying. God I'm such an idiot!” You hiccuped. You wiped your eyes with the sleeves of his jersey. All of them instantly knew who you were talking about. “You were right Jamie. I should have listened to you. It’s okay you can say ‘I told you so’…"

“I would never do that,” he said gently.

You watched as Quinn stood up, Jack and Luke quickly followed.

“Be right back.” Quinn mumbled, trying to hide the anger in his voice. You saw the three of them clench their jaws and ball their fists. Before you could protest they were gone. Now it was just you, Jamie, and Nico. They both scooted in closer and engulfed you in a hug.

“I guess giving us up didn't take a lot to him, huh?” You forced a chuckle trying to lighten the mood and joke but neither of them laughed or even looked slightly amused. You sighed. “Deep down I saw the end before it even began, but I still carried on.” You lowered your head.

You heard someone softly say your name and you instantly knew who it was. Trevor. He had that the slight roughness in his voice, the roughness he got after a one too many drinks and you hated that it was still sending shivers down your spine.

“Please look at me.”

You don't know how or where you got the courage, maybe it was because your friends were there to support you and protect you, but not only did you look up, you stood up and marched straight up to him.

“Babe-”

“Don't call me that! I think you have made it clear that I am not really your ‘babe' so stop torturing me by saying that!” You angrily interrupted. You knew that now everyone was staring at the two of you and the scene you were making.

“What's wrong? Talk to me. Why are you crying?” His eyes were soft and you wanted to let this whole thing go and forgive him but you knew you couldn't, your heart couldn't take this anymore. He took a step towards you as his hand came up and tried to caress you face but you pushed his hand away.

“You! You're what's wrong with me! You’re why I’m crying!” You spat. “I stupidly fell in love with you and loving you is a losing game and I got addicted to it. But now l'm done with your games, I have to be because now I need to go and put myself back together. So game over. I'm getting off of this emotional rollercoaster. I am completely drained because I've spent all of the love I had on you!” Tears streamed down your face like a waterfall and you didn't care you needed to say this before you lost the courage and let him back in. “I know I was nothing more than a quick fuck to you but to me you were everything and more. So this,” you gestured between the two of you. “Whatever this is between us is over and so is our friendship. Because if I stay I'II let you back in and I will shatter into a million pieces and I will never be able to put myself back together again.” You walked past him and quickly headed towards the door.

You didn't want to stop but you remembered what you were wearing. You looked down and saw his now tear stained jersey. You turned around and Trevor was right behind you causing you to run face first into his chest, you quickly pushed him away and saw his eyes filled with hurt, panic, and tears.

“Can we please go up to my room and talk about this?” He pleaded. “I can't lose you...”

You softened for a second before regaining your composure. You didn't answer him, you just pulled his jersey over your head and threw it at him, not caring that you were now shirtless in front of all of these random people.

"Goodbye, Trevor.”

#trevor zegras #trevor zegras imagine #trevor zegras x reader #trevor zegras angst #trevor zegras blurb #nhl #nhl x reader #nhl imagine #quinn hughes #jack hughes #jamie drysdale #nico hischier #luke hughes #quinn hughes x reader #jack hughes x reader #jamie drysdale x reader #nico hischier x reader #luke hughes x reader #trevor zegras smut

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firesnap · 2 months

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i have a genuine question. i promise i am not at all trying to defend him. ive dropped him entirely, literally deleted everything i had of him and unliked his songs.

ive just been wondering like considering that he has been in therapy, and also considering how if he does take a year off and then comes back, why cant it be redeemable? like cant people change? cant we give them second chances? he is 27. is he just doomed to be an abuser forever?

its just scary and im asking as like a younger person who is in my very early 20s. i know ive made mistakes. i know ive not been a good partner or friend sometimes. (and yes i was also abusive to a past partner...im not proud of it and ive learned from it. i have never ever touched anyone in that way after that. it took awhile but my current relationship isnt toxic and i would never hurt anyone or hit them again yknow?) and it scares me that people keep insinuating that he is irredeemable. like cant abusers change and become better? dont they get second chances? if shelby has grown and healed in 10 months wouldn't it be fair to say the same for wilbur?

im just genuinely asking because based on everything i believe you are older than me and im looking for guidance and just...idk im scared. growing up on the internet has made me so scared of making mistakes and doing anything wrong because when it happens to others i look up to, its always treated as something they'll never be able to change or improve. makes me feel like imma just be a horrible person forever because i made mistakes in the past.

This is a really complicated question that multiple answers can validly fit.

I don't think, personally, that anyone is irredeemable. I think everyone is on a journey of forgiveness and some of us may need more grace than others.

This is tw// abuse even more than the current topic, but my mom was incredibly abusive. We lived in a very rural area and she had a lot of undiagnosed problems and trauma of her own that created a pressure pot of issues. After I was born, she suffered through full on post-partum psychosis that nearly ended about as well as that sentence implies it could have. She was incredibly violent, controlling, and cruel for years. My sister went no-contact with her the second she turned 18. A significant event occurred that eventually spurned her into seeking real treatment that lasted for years. It's still ongoing.

My sister is also still no contact and I support her decision 100%. Those are her wounds and what she needed to do to get peace should be respected. I decided I wanted a relationship with the person who came out of all that work and, even then, it's been hard. I don't know if she's redeemed herself, and my god do we still have bumps in the road, but I support her for trying.

With Wilbur, how he responds to this is going to really impact a lot of things. I mean, I know no matter how he responds I won't be going on whatever journey of redemption and healing he has to go through. I'm tired and I feel hurt enough. I would think, if he wanted to show he was sincere, admitting what happened would be a great sense of closure for a lot of people who put time and energy and faith into this guy for years.

Not every person that causes harm is inherently evil, but there has to be some kind of knowledge that you're aware of the harm you've caused. No one is stuck as anything forever, life is constantly moving, and most people aren't saying his life is just over. You can work on yourself. You can change. And I'm saying that specifically to you, anonymous.

(Saying this, actually, there ARE people who would argue once you've done x you're beyond redemption based entirely on their life experiences as a victim, personal histories and many other factors. Kinda like my sister, that's their choice. And you have to accept that sometimes you fuck up so badly that you will permanently lose some people from your life. But your life isn't over.)

But I do think, regardless of what he says or does about this, his time of controlling a large platform is at an end. He can still do a lot of things in his life after he works on himself -- editing, song producing, directing, writing or whatever -- but being in charge of a large impressionable audience that could enable more destructive behaviors is just not it.

#the current state of things

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luvfy0dor · 7 days

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Omg wait... so like imagine that Chuuya found someone new a few months or a year later; and in that span of time, reader changed a LOT (in a good way) but they still love Chuuya. So when they see Chuuya's new gf, they're like 'I can be a better girlfriend than her' and 'I can treat you better than she can' KSJASJDJ AHAHA

idk I've been listening to too much unrequited love songs recently 😭😭

“Once I Fix Me, He's Gonna Miss Me ♡” Chuuya Nakahara x GN!Reader ੈ✩‧₊˚

Warnings; unhealthy mindsets, reader is obsessive (?), jealousy

Description; This is a part two of sorts of THIS fic!!! After seeing Chuuya out with someone after your breakup, you feel the need to change yourself for him and try to get him back.

A/n; IM SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG SILVER!!!! I hope it's acceptable 3: i dunno if it's exactly what you wanted but I hope you don't hate it or nothin 😮‍💨

Chuuya doesn't want any bad blood between the two of you after he leaves, but you can't help but feel abandoned. Even if the relationship only last a couple of months you're still heartbroken- you put all your trust in Chuuya and opened up for him, all for it to be tossed out the window. He told you he felt like the chemistry wasn't there anymore and that he'd fallen for someone else, someone who made his heartbeat speed up the way you had for about a week. You still wanted him though. Just the sheer memory of his beautiful blue eyes gazing into yours made your body heat up and everytime you tried distracting yourself with other people, your mind only wandered back to him.

While out on a walk one day in attempt to clear your mind, you found yourself wandering into a cafe for some coffee. While waiting for one of the baristas to make your drink, you spotted a familiar head of orange hair sitting in one of the booths. The same orange hair that you'd run your fingers through every night not long ago. He seemed to be talking to someone, an amused smile on his face. You felt your heart drop to your stomach, dragged down by the jealousy that you felt for whoever he was talking to. Your attention was pulled back to the counter when the barista handed you your drink. "Here you go, have a good day!" The woman has a smile on her face, one that no matter how hard you tried you just couldn't reciprocate. You huffed as you walked out the door and back to your apartment, and on that walk you decided that you had to do something, anything, to make yourself better. You were content with who you were before, but if Chuuya didn't like you, you also didn't like you.

You tried to attain a healthier lifestyle, eating more fruits and vegetables than usual and buying clothing that seemed to better fit his aesthetic. You started getting more sleep,whether it be out of determination to make yourself as good as possible for him or because you felt too depressed to do anything else. When you did have energy, you used it going out and hoping to bump into him. Sometimes you'd even look at his socials medias on burner accounts in attempt to find out his plans for coming days so you could 'coincidentally' show up at the same time and place as him. Stalking his socials only made you spiral more, your jealousy getting worse every time you saw that woman on his profile. Even if she wasn't in the pictures her comments would always appear underneath them, punctuated with an unnecessary amount of heart emojis. You wouldn't be able to admit without shame the amount of times it made you slam your phone onto a dresser or table. Sure, you had gotten healthier physically and dressed like you were doing well, but your mental health proved to be deteriorating. You came to realize that when talking with anyone but Chuuya became difficult and you got snappier. You knew it'd be in your best interest to get therapy, and you figured Chuuya would prefer someone who was more stable than not, so you made time in your schedule for it weekly. All of this just for him to like you again.

As a matter of fact, on your walk back home from an appointment, you were taking in nature when you spotted him at the end of the street you were walking down. Your eyes widened when you realized that he wasn't with his girlfriend. You had every possible meeting between the two of you planned out in your head, so you knew exactly how to start a conversation. Sure, it was real cliche and definitely embarrassing, but you did what you had to. You tripped and fell down onto the sidewalk, yelping at the impact. His eyes widened and he kept a steady pace, considering walking past you, but he decided to help you up. He held out a hand for you. "oh- Chuuya! Long time no see- thank you." You brushed off your clothing once you stood up. "Yeah, no problem." He gave a small smile and went to walk passed you in his way but you stopped him again. "Hey, wait- are you busy?" You asked. He poked the inside of his cheek with his tongue hesitantly but soon shook his head. "No, why?" You smiled and fidgeted with your fingers, a nervous habit of yours that he immediately recognized and smiled to himself. He didn't exactly hate that he still made you nervous.

"Would you wanna get coffee or somethin'? On me, I won't make you spend your money, I just think catching up might be nice." You say, trying to convince him to go with you, just for a moment. "It's a little late for coffee, don't you think? How about to a bar? You're not driving anywhere, are ya?" You shake your head. "I walk nearly everywhere." He nods, waving you along to walk with him to a bar. You followed with an excited smile on your face. "You're not either, right?" He shakes his head and sighs. "My motorcycle is in the repair shop, I just dropped it off, actually. That's why I'm out." You hum in understanding. "Oh, I'm wishing it a speedy recovery then." He smiles and nods. "And a cheap one."

The bar quickly comes into view and the two of you enter and sit down on one of the stools next to each other and order a drink. "So...uh, anything new?" You ask, sipping on yours when it comes. "Yeah, I'm seeing someone I guess." His gaze was averted to the counter top. 'i guess.' An unlikely mood booster. You had to hold back a grin from appearing on your face. "Oh, I hope that's well...I haven't met anyone interesting enough." You say light heartedly, making him laugh quietly under his breath. "The girl I'm seein' is great, just...we butt heads a lot, but she's a real sweetheart." He tells, clearly still trusting you enough to let on those details. Keeping your face neutral was difficult, but you kept it up anyways. The fact that he was praising her outweighed and happiness you got from the fact that he seemed to be questioning their relationship. "Haha, I'm happy that you're dedicated to her, it only took us butting heads badly once as for you to have enough." You said, trying to sound as not-bitter as possible. You swirled your drink in its glass.

His eyebrows furrowed and looked back over at you. "No way, it was definitely more than once." He says, accepting his drink from the bartender. "It was only real bad once, and I don't even remember what it was about." You say bittersweetly, feeling your mood deflate, regardless of whether or not you had him sitting with you again. "Yeah...come to think of it me neither." You say for a moment in silence. "Did you want to get rid of me that whole time? I offered counseling, so did you just not want me anymore?" He chewed on his lip and thought. "Maybe." You took a long swing of your drink. "I honestly think I was a great partner." He immediately replies, the gentleness fading from his tone. "I'm not saying you weren't." There's a bit of an uncomfortable silence. "You don't need to defend yourself, I know the end was my fault. Damn." He says, his patience seemingly having worn thin throughout the day. "I'm...I'm sorry if that was over the top. It's been a rough day." He says , downing the rest of his drink. "On you, right? I think I should get going." He stands up but you call after him, not wanting the conversation to end just yet. You slapped a fifty dollar bill on the bar and followed him outside, straightening out your jacket as you did so. "Why are you leaving?" You ask. "Is it just a habit or somethin'? Always leaving me?" You persisted, your anger growing inside of you with each second. He turned back to you and quietly but aggressively started talking.

"I am not gonna sit with you and talk about our past relationship, it's over, and if you think you can slide back into my life by buying me a drink then you really need to rethink your strategy. I know you better than you think and I know you still want me. I have a good woman to get home to, goodbye, y/n." His presence in front of you is punctuated by a strong glare before he turns and walks away from you. "I'm better than her and you know it! Why will you never give me a chance!" You frustratedly yell back to him, but it does nothing to stop him walking away from you and only makes him pick up his pace. You bit your lip to hold back your tears and quickly walked back off to your own place, storming inside and slamming the door behind you. You collapsed onto the couch with an angry groan, making one of the few cheap throw pillows into a victim of your aggression, punching it a couple times before hugging it to your chest. Had this happened to you a couple of months ago you would have thrown and broke things out of your anger, but even if you wanted to right now you couldn't fathom doing anything but lying on the couch and crying to yourself. You felt pathetic, you didn't think Chuuya would see right through you like that, but having been with him for a few months he must've known just how persistent you can be. You sat there and stared at the ceiling, feeling your tears well up in your eyes. You had gone through almost every stage of grief when dealing with the loss of Chuuya in your life, and no matter how much you didn't want to, it was finally time to accept it.

A/n; see told you guys I'm on that request grind. I really hope this is okay silver 3:

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sorrowsofsilence · 3 months

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Burning Out • IV

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Fem!Reader

I was lost, but now I'm found Under the lights and in the sounds So let us sing and sing it loud That we're not perfect, but we're proud of who we are.

Noah Sebastian is lost. His crime-filled lifestyle is anything but perfect; but everything changes once he meets you.

Words: 6.4k

Warnings: GRAPHIC depictions of death/murder/suicide, Smut 18+ (male!recieving), explicit language, mentions of drugs.

Authors note: Chapter Four- An Omen is 20mg: Songs are Omen by Of Vitrue and 20mg by Revnoir. Also, I genuinely worry this story has too much smut, but also I feel like it's fitting? Idk, let me know if its too much tho LOL. I'm really happy with this chapter though, and I hope you guys enjoy! <3

THIS IS A FANFICTION USING REAL PEOPLE IN A FICTIONAL SITUATION! I AM NOT IMPLYING THESE PEOPLE WOULD DO THE THINGS IN THE STORY OR ACT THE WAY THEY DO IN THE STORY IN REAL LIFE! IT IS FICTION! IT IS JUST FOR FUN! <3

Tags: @crimson-calligraphyx @lma1986 @spicywhenspeaking @sammyjoeee @shilohrosechicken @princessmarshmallowx @laurpartyprogram @cookiesupplier @nojoyontheburn @lacktoesandtoddlerants @veronicaphoenix @er3nslovergirl @cncohshit @thescarlettvvitch @scrumptiousfestivalpost @melcchs @flowery-mess

I watched as her lashes touched the tops of her cheeks, her eyebrows releasing tension from the day, lips parted gently as sleep took over.

My eyes danced across her features, completely captivated. Y/N breathed slowly, and my hand subconsciously reached over, tucking a strand of loose hair behind her ear as I endeared over her.

“you’re my saving grace,” I whispered as I stroked her hair, still completely baffled this was all happening.

I watched her for a moment longer before I turned over, facing the door and her desk. My eyes trailed over to the bottle that rested on her desk, the yellow plastic alluring. Zolpidem. 700 dollars right there.

Destruction. Crime. Greed.

That is why we live like heathens That is why we live like heathens That is why we live like heathens

++++

Silence. There was no sound.

The house held an eery aura- dark and damp, her heart pounding through the unknown stillness. The reticence only made the situation more disturbing to her, and fear ran through the girl’s veins as she steadily stepped toward the kitchen. She grabbed a knife from the drawer ever so carefully, not wanting to make the slightest creak.

She wanted to call out for her mother and her father, but she refused, afraid of what may be hiding within the house.

The girl then started moving towards the staircase, looking at the stairs, hesitant to make the first step. Before she could move, there was a crash through the back door- whatever was in, was going out.

There was a moment of adrenaline that snaked through her limbs, and her feet carried her to a sprint towards the back door, dropping the weapon. She pushed open the already unlocked door and that's when she saw a figure running towards the field across her backyard.

"Hey!" She screamed at the top of her lungs, her throat burning through the sheer power of her cry. Something pulsed within her once again, and she ran towards the forest, following whatever had lurked within the home.

The girl tripped on her feet during the sprint, tumbling onto the grassy ground with a hard thump, all the breath escaping from her body. She coughed and regained oxygen while standing, staring into the darkness. Silence greeted her once again.

She didn’t know who the figure was, but she felt the blood drain from her face, immediately whipping her body around and running back towards the house as an ache of dread washed over her.

"Mom!" She wailed throughout the halls, her voice echoing between the chipped paint. The girl climbed up the stairs with her hands and feet as fast as she could, racing towards grief.

The name ripped through her throat once again, but she already knew deep down the woman’s ears were deaf to the noise.

The girl reached the landing with a sharp turn, her foot slipping slightly on the rug that lay on the floor. Grabbing the wall for support, she shuffled forward toward her mother's bedroom, the tears already forming in the corner of her eyes.

"Mom!"

The door was wide open, and as soon as she turned the corner the scene exposed itself before her. Toppling backwards, her back hitting the wall with a hard thud, choking cries extruding from her mouth as let her body slide down in anguish. Sobs transitioned into a traumatic scream, coated with pain

The blood stains already soaked into the satin sheets as her mother’s lifeless eyes stared back in horror, draped across the bed in a mangled mess - the bullet wounds penetrating, revealing complete cessation.

As the girl’s vision blurred she turned her head, searching for her father; only to find the figure vile and limp in the corner. The burgundy splatter that coated the once pristine wallpaper left the girl petrified as tears crawled down her face, chest heaving through hyperventilation.

She was only thirteen.

+++++

Y/N

I woke up thrashing against Noah’s grasp on my bed, my throat burning from the guttural screams that fled from my mouth. Through ringing ears, the tears poured from my memory-stained eyes as I pushed against his cage, fear engulfing me.

“Y/N!” Noah yelled, arms and legs enveloping me protectively, audible sobs erupting from my chest. The images flashed in my mind as I relived them, feeling like I was back there at that moment.

I try to stay calm Focus on my breath It’s like I drown In a sea of sand

“Y/N, I’m here!” Noah screamed, his heart pounding against me with adrenaline and worry, unsure what was going on. With his arms wrapped around my chest Noah pleaded for me to stop.

I pushed against him again, trying to break free from his grasp. He squeezed me close, shushing me as I sat between his limbs, resisting my attempts to pull away. My bedroom door burst open as Nicholas barged through the doorway, holding it open with an arm as his chest heaved, watching with wide eyes.

“What the fuck is happening?” He watched as Noah stared back with fearful eyes, shaking his head with uncertainty.

“Dude I have no idea, I just woke up to her screaming bloody murder,” Noah panted, looking down at me, trying to place his head on top of my own to comfort me.

Nicholas bit his fingernail anxiously, unsure what to do as he watched the scene unfold. Another set of footsteps dan up the stairs and Nick joined, peaking his head from behind Nicholas.

“Is everything ok?” He asked, stepping into the room.

I continued to cry into Noah’s bare chest, my vocal cords straining from the screams. Noah rocked our bodies back and forth as my wailing slowed, sobs replaced with staggered inhales.

My cheek pressed against Noah’s warm skin as he began rubbing small circles on my back, sheltering me with a tenderness I’d never felt from anyone before.

Everything’s black Everything’s cold A second is a new thought for me

“What happened?” Noah whispered after a moment, placing his mouth on my forehead gently as he spoke against me with delicate lips. My fists clenched, knuckles turning white from the hold.

“I-” I mumbled, staring at the floor as I began to zone out in shock, “The pills, they usually he-help.”

“Help what?” Noah asked, lifting his free hand to stroke his fingers through my hair, nails gently skimming across my scalp. The sensation sent shivers across my arms, Noah’s touch relaxing me as I sighed anxiously, pressing myself into his inviting body.

I sniffed, coughing on the saliva that built in my throat from my sobs, “The nightmares. I barely sleep because of them. I-” I squeezed my eyes shut as I winced, “I always have dreams about finding my parent’s bodies.”

I felt Noah swallow harshly through a hitched breath, still rubbing circles across my back, “Did you want to talk about it?”

Nicholas approached us slowly, sitting on the edge of the bed. He gave me a gentle closed-mouth smile, “We’re here to listen if you need. Sometimes talking about it helps.”

I peered into his silver-grey eyes as they watched me cautiously, warm and inviting. I swallowed, blinking rapidly before nodding. I pulled myself away from Noah, and he resisted momentarily before letting me sit up.

I wiped my eyes with the bottom of my palms, taking a deep breath and looking at Noah as my lip trembled in grief, “I’m so sorry.”

1 life I won’t miss 2 pills I will take 3 hours of bliss 4 more I’m in hell 5 days I’m asleep 6 that I’m insane I don’t wanna feel the pain

Noah tilted his head as his shoulders fell with empathy, his ochre eyes filling with anguish as he watched me, “You have nothing to apologize for, it just scared us. Scared me.”

Noah looked over at Nicholas before peering at Nick who invited himself in, sitting on the carpeted floor as he crossed his legs, pulling his knees to his chest. Nick’s head tiled through sleepy eyes, his elbows resting on his knees with clasped hands.

I looked down at my fingers as I began picking at my blanket, finding anything to fiddle with as I held back the tears that began welling up once again, as thoughts raced about where to begin.

“Um, so,” I started, mouth quivering, “I found my parents murdered when I was thirteen.”

Noah reached over to me with an open palm. I hesitated for a moment before placing my hand on top of his own. His thumb rubbed gently over my fingers as he silently encouraged me to keep going.

“I-I remember it was an evening I had soccer practice. I walked home because my parents never came to pick me up,” My eyebrows furrowed as I stared at the floor blankly, the three pairs of eyes watching me with curiosity.

“I assumed they had forgotten to get me. They were out, attending an important dinner with my uncle, so I didn’t think much of it,” I sniffed, my free hand picking at the fabric of my satin sheets, “but when I got home, the front door was wide open and all the lights were out. I had a weird feeling and I knew something was wrong, and I knew I wasn’t alone.”

I felt their gaze burning into me to continue. None of the boys moved a muscle.

“Someone was in the house,” I shuddered, recalling the memory, “and I chased after them, but they disappeared. I knew that whoever was in there had done something. I knew my parents were dead then.”

Tears pricked the corners of my eyes, threatening to fall as I sucked in a shaky breath, the pitch of my voice shifting, “I walked up the stairs, and my parents were lying in their room.”

I closed my eyes with gritted teeth, the tears slowly trailing down my cheeks, “there was so much blood. My dad’s face was barely recognizable because of the gunshot wound.”

I began crying again at the image, my shoulders shuddering through my full-body episode.

“My mother’s eyes were still open,” I wailed, “she looked so scared, even when dead.”

The Nicks stared at me in horror, my words digging into them.

“Jesus Christ.” Through blurry vision I watched as Jolly leaned on the frame, his hand rubbing across his forehead.

I have a fear for living Cause I don’t wanna be a fuckin mess I relive in my nightmares Cause it’s the only way I can rest

Noah leaned forward, grabbing both sides of my face as he stared at me with complete agony.

His thumbs swiped underneath my eyes and across my cheeks, smearing the tears into my skin.

My body shook through my exhale and Noah pulled me into him once again, sitting me on his lap as he slowly swayed our bodies.

My ocean is made of dust And I’ve been dying here of thirst It’s like I’m diving in the mud Every time I try to reach for the worst

“I’m so sorry Y/N,” Noah whispered into my ear as he took a deep breath, sighing into my hair.

“Do you know who did it?” Nicholas asked.

I shook my head in sorrow, “it ended as a cold case. They couldn’t find any evidence-”

I then shrugged, “Or they stopped looking.”

Noah squeezed me reassuringly, and I nuzzled into him, feeling safe within his arms.

“I can’t sleep without those pills,” I said, and all the boys turned towards my gaze, looking at the yellow bottle that unknowingly taunted them, “They help me sleep, the other ones I take help the nightmares. Lately, it hasn’t been working.”

I’m not OK, I’m not the same My head’s screaming but I’m standing still Trapped in a lie that’s made of drugs I pray inside someone breaks my sleep

I felt Noah’s warm breath tickle down my neck as he held me, “I’m the one who found my dad’s body.”

My limbs stiffened at his words.

They tell me I should live Tell me I should care Tell me I should move But I don't feel safe here

“Those images never go away,” Noah said softly, “they become the last memory you have of them, whether you like it or not.”

I closed my eyes as I pushed my face against him again, squeezing him as my arms wrapped around his torso, “It’s awful.”

“It is,” Noah whispered, and we sat there quietly for a few moments, relishing in our shared familiarity.

“What time is it anyway?” I pulled away from Noah, wiping my nose with the back of my wrist before turning over, and grabbing my phone.

“oh fuck,” my eyes widened and I scrambled out of bed, looking at the floor frantically for my clothes from yesterday, “I’m supposed to start work in fifteen minutes.”

I plucked the outfit off the ground before I turned, looking at all the boys who stared back.

“uh, bye?” I waved them away and Jolly immediately turned around, walking out as the Nicks followed. Noah’s eyes lingered on me as the door shut before he too turned around, giving me privacy.

I got dressed as fast as I could before tying my hair up messily, and completely disorganized. I looked at myself in the mirror, cringing at how puffy and red my eyes were; but I didn’t have time to be insecure about that.

“Uhm, I need to go,” I turned towards Noah, unsure what to do. Should I hug him goodbye? Would that be weird? Would it be wrong not to?

We watched each other as unspoken words danced between us, and he stood up, grabbing his clothes from my vanity. I swallowed, fighting the urge to have my eyes skim his exposed body, wanting to explore all of his tattoos.

“Are you sure you’re okay to go to work?” Noah asked as he pulled his shirt over his head, tucking his hair behind his ears. He is beautiful.

I nodded, hesitating for a moment before grabbing him, pulling and absorbing him into a hug. Noah immediately rested his chin on the top of my head, squeezing me against him.

“Thank you,” I murmured, “For everything.”

Noah’s chest heaved as I let go, swinging my bag over my shoulders.

I gave him a small smile, “I’ll see you later. Don’t burn the place down.”

Noah’s breathy laugh was the last I heard as I ran down the stairs, slipping on my sneakers.

Nicholas was waiting by the door, Juice spiralling between his legs.

“You going to be alright?” He asked as he bent down to pick up Juice, cradling him in his arms.

I nodded reassuringly, smiling at him, “I’ve had many nights like this, and I’ve always got through it.”

+++++

NOAH

I sighed, running my hands over my face as I heard the front door close. My heart ached for her, seeing so much of myself mirroring back at me.

When it first happened, I used to have frequent nightmares about the day I found my father’s body, hanging from the garage ceiling. I was traumatized, and no doubt I still am. I lost my whole world that day.

But eventually, my own life began scaring me more.

I’ve become my worst fear.

I finished getting dressed before my mind wandered towards the pills. Guiltily, I peeked at her desk- but my eyes darted away when I saw that the bottle was now gone.

“You looking for something?”

My brows furrowed as I turned towards Y/N’s door.

Folio entered her room quietly, closing the door gently behind him, twisting the knob to make as little sound as possible.

“What would I be looking for?” I asked, folding my arms across my chest defensively.

Nick rolled his eyes as he pulled his hand out from behind his back. The contents of the bottle shook as he opened his palm in front of me, revealing Y/N’s Zolpidem.

“Nick, what the hell man?” I spoke through gritted teeth, “Why did you take them?”

“Money?” He nodded at me like I was stupid, giving me a look of disdain. I watched as he shook them towards me, motioning for me to take it.

My hand rested firmly against my side as my eyes flickered between Nick’s and the pills, heart hammering.

“You need to sell them. That’s almost a thousand bucks.”

I scoffed at him, my voice raising, “Why the fuck would I take them from her? You saw what I just did, did you not?” I shook my head.

“Shh, keep your voice down,” Nick snarled, grabbing my hand and placing the bad decision on my palm.

I laughed, “Why? She isn’t home.”

“Because Nicholas already cares about her,” Folio closed my hand around the plastic, “Do you?”

This is the end time out of my bed It’s like I’m tryna ride an avalanche

And if time is the key then I locked myself into my own black hole

His last question rang in my ears as I looked at the contents in my hold. I twirled the case between my fingers as my eyes closed in contemplation, a breath of anguish escaping my lips through the inward conflict. Do you?

Of course, I do. I was in way too fucking deep already.

You are not a saviour if you’re telling me it’s just a phase You’re a motherfucker if you’re telling me it’s just a phase

Y/N would be broken if I took them. She needs them, clearly.

She also offered us a place to stay; I couldn’t betray her any more than I already had… but how was I supposed to get all the money by myself?

I looked at Nick as my thoughts battled.

How am I supposed to look at her again? If I do this, how will I face her again?

“I can’t do it Nick,” I closed my eyes torment, holding the bottle back toward him; but my fingers never let go.

“We’ve been at this for seven years Noah. You’ll meet another Y/N.”

His words caused my chest to ache. I don’t think I’ll meet anyone like Y/N again.

“Sell them. These, and whatever fucking else you missed out on the first night you were here,” Nick exclaimed.

“She took us in,” I almost pleaded.

“And she’s amazing for that, but you need to think about us. We are so close to being free.”

I groaned in frustration, “Fuck!”

“Make copies of the pills if you’re so worried about her then,” Nick sighed, rubbing his fingers into his eyes in annoyance, “replace them with sugar pills so she doesn’t think they’re missing.”

I bit my lip as a tinge of hope budded in my chest, attempting to push past the guilt. If she doesn’t know the pills are missing, then she wouldn’t hate me…and I could still make enough money.

You need to fuckin hear me now

“That’s a great idea- but where the hell am I supposed to get pills that look the same?” I said. What kind of monster am I for actually considering this?

No one, no one will bring me down

“Get some vitamins or some shit from the pharmacy, it’s not that hard. She could use some vitamin A or some iron or shit. Whatever.” Nick shrugged, leaning his back against the door.

“Maybe you should rob one of the pharmacies?” Nick suggested.

I shook my head, “Too risky. There are cameras.”

“I know there’s a small pharmacy in Chinatown on Thirteenth Street. It’s super old, so the cameras may only be outside,” Nick watched me with careful eyes, “Drugs are the way to make cash.”

“I’ll give you the number of one of Jolly’s old dealers. I’m sure he can hook you up with a decent price.”

Nick was right. There was no way I was going to make enough cash by breaking into houses and stealing shit.

I left that afternoon, carrying all of Y/N’s pill bottles towards a pharmacy in the middle of town. Guilt ate me alive as I opened the door.

There was no turning back now.

I found various vitamins that looked similar enough to her pills. Grabbing all of them I went up to the counter, paying the cashier.

“Vitamin deficient?” She laughed, trying to make a joke.

I hummed in response as she scanned them, avoiding eye contact for fear that she could read me. I paid, snatching the change swiftly.

My hands sweat in anticipation, “Uh, can I use the bathroom?”

Her eyes narrowed at my behaviour as she handed me the bag, “Sure. It’s back there towards the left.”

I flashed her a brief smile before walking towards the door and locking the bathroom. I let my body slide against the wall, sitting on the bathroom floor in defeat. This was a bad idea. How could I do this to her?

I’m not ok, I’m not the same My head’s screaming but I’m standing still

My leg bounced nervously as my stomach churned. I opened my backpack, grabbing ziplock bags that were labelled with each drug’s name and how much was in each pill.

Spilling the containments into the appropriate bags, I began replacing the pills with the vitamin look likes, filling the capsule with lies and deceit.

How long would this placebo last before she found out?

Closing the bottles and shoving them back into my bag securely, I held my head in my hands, fighting back tears of shame.

I slid the plastic bags into my cargo pants as I stood up, turning my gaze towards the bathroom mirror. As I gripped either side of the sink, my knuckles whitened at the tension through the bowing of my head, staring into the white ceramic bowl. My chest rose and fell quickly as my eyes squeezed shut, anger rippling through me.

This is all D’s fault; I wouldn’t have to do this if our lives weren’t on the line. My life. Jolly’s. Ruffilo’s. Folio’s.

Y/N’s wasn’t- not because of D.

But because of me.

Why am I screwing her over, when I know how she doesn’t deserve it?

I turned the handles of the sink, letting the water fill the bowl as I splashed myself, trying to pull myself out of my delusion.

I needed to do this, I was so close to being done. I could make it up to her if she’d still take me. If she finds out.

The angel on my shoulder told me not to do this.

The devil reminded me of my pain.

I left the bathroom, walking past the aisles of products.

Trapped in a lie that’s made of drugs I pray inside, pray

“Have a good da-” The woman at the counter got cut off as I slammed the store door, my breath heaving as I marched down the sidewalk. Dark grisly clouds covered the sky, rolling in as they carried the beginning of a storm.

That I’m not alone, that you realize Sometimes a word could save a life

I stared straight ahead, eyes resentful and broken through the wind. There was no going back. Destruction.

I’m not okay, I’m not the same

My phone buzzed as I turned the corner.

Folio: He says he’ll meet you in the ally right before the pier

Me: Got it

Folio: Did you bring your mask? Gloves?

Me: Yep.

As I walked I swung my backpack around, grabbing the leather gloves and mask. Raindrops began falling from the sky in an uneven pattern. Shoving the mask in my sweater pocket I threw my hood over the top of my head. My legs carried me determined toward the alleyway before the pier, chest aching.

I chewed the inside of my cheek in remorse, resisting the urge to draw blood from the skin, knowing the sensation would distract me from my racing mind. I didn’t deserve to be distracted. I needed to feel everything.

Folio: Stay safe Noah. Don’t fuck it up.

Shit I don’t know where I wake up I might still be in a bad dream, a dark dream

As I approached the ally way I ducked between cars, pulling my black ski mask over my head, concealing my identity.

Silence is healthy violence, and I became deaf, I became drunk with my sorrows Alone in the night and 20 milli’

I walked between the brick buildings, small puddles forming between the cracks of cement. The ashy scent embedded around me as the dampened pavement absorbed the sky’s tears.

I lost my feet in the dark water that takes me towards Lucifer, hell

I stood behind one of the garbage bins, head snapping forward and back as I looked around for the man who would do my bidding.

“Name?”

My eyes squinted through the rain as a man in a yellow balaclava turned from a hidden corner, approaching me slowly.

“Who sent you?” I asked, knowing better than to answer first.

The man chuckled at my mistrust, stopping a few feet away from me, “Folio.”

“Good,” I nodded, reaching into my cargo pants, and pulling out the baggies, “Sebastian.”

He nodded, giving me a grin. My eyes immediately noticed the sheen from his teeth, the set of grills layered on the bottom reflecting the remaining light that shone through the clouds.

“What do you have to offer?” He asked, taking a step forward.

“40mg of Adderall, almost full bottle; 8mg of Zolpidem; half bottle; and 12mg of diazepam, almost full bottle,” I held out the bags. Crime.

He eyed them for a moment before smiling at me, “So where are the bottles then?”

I sighed, reaching into my backpack to pull out the plastic, and his eyes widened.

“You have more?” He asked.

I shook my head, “No. These are filled with vitamins now.” I handed him the bottle to inspect the packaging, showing that they were legitimate.

The man hummed, “Sly dog. Smart move,” he spun the bottle between his fingers, reading the label, “sucks to be whoever Y/N Y/L/N is.”

I felt my brows clench as a snarl grew on my face, angry that he used her name aloud.

“Let me check the real pills,” He nodded towards the bags, handing me back the bottle of placebos.

The masked man pulled out a small box from his pocket, pulling out a vial of fluid and some paper strips.

I scoffed, rolling my eyes, “You have a testing kit? Out here?”

He laughed, “Well, when you’ve been in this business for as long as I have, you have the proper tools.”

“Fair enough,” I shrugged, “They’re prescription, so they aren’t laced with shit.”

He nodded, “I believe you, but I’m still gonna check.”

The man opened one capsule from each bag, mixing the smallest amount into the solution he held before placing a drop on each testing strip. After a few moments, the strips changed colour and he smiled, the gold within his mouth flashing.

“It’s pure,” He said, rummaging through his bag before pulling out a wad of cash, “How does 2,200 sound?”

I had to hold my mouth shut, the price leaving me shocked, “Y-yea. That’s great.”

I held out my hand as he gave me the money, my fingers running across the top before placing it in my pocket.

“If you can get me more like this, I’ll up the price next time,” The man said, holding his hand out, waiting for me to accept his transaction, “People pay good money for pure shit.”

Next time.

I wrapped my gloved fingers around his own, sealing the deal of Greed.

“Folio will give you my number,” He said, pulling away.

“What can I call you?” I asked as I turned around, preparing to walk away.

“Vincent.” He said, grinning again as I listened to his footsteps splash against the puddles as he departed, “See ya, Sebastian, pleasure doing business.”

I got back to Y/N’s quickly, rushing up the stairs and heading straight for the medicine cabinet in the bathroom, placing the faux pills back in their designated spots. Fabricated homes.

As I closed the cabinet my heart almost fell out of my chest, Nicholas standing right at the bathroom door.

“What are you doing?” He asked, folding his arms.

“Uh-” I said, out of breath, “Nothing.”

“You sold them didn’t you?” Nicholas frowned, running his fingers along his brows in disappointment.

“I had to,” I explained, facing him.

He shook his head, “You couldn’t find drugs anywhere else? She gave us her home.”

“Maybe she shouldn’t have been so trusting,” I said, staring at the laminate flooring beneath my feet.

Nicholas scoffed, “Oh, so you’re going to blame her?”

I peered into his eyes as we battled silently, both our bodies stiff as we exchanged opinions.

“You’re going to regret it, Noah.”

“Yea, no shit,” I muttered, “But the twenty-two hundred bucks I got will be worth it.”

Nicholas’ eyes widened for a second before he stared at me angrily again, “Will it?”

I watched him, my fists clenching.

“Will it be worth it when you lose her?”

I gritted my teeth as he spoke.

“Will it be worth it when you have nothing, again?”

“Why do you care?” I yelled, my voice raising as my frustration grew. Ruffilo’s words were right; he was right.

His eyes softened as he turned, letting me out of the bathroom. I pushed my shoulder into him as I slid past his body, walking down the stairs.

“Noah,” Nicholas called out after me before following me, “It matters because I haven’t seen you light up around someone like that in years. If ever.”

I turned around to face him at the bottom of the stairs.

“I-I barely know her!” I said angrily.

“Do you not see how you look at her? Do you not see how you fucking held her this morning? Someone who doesn’t care, wouldn’t do that. You gave her your everything.”

My heart clenched, avoiding his gaze and words, “She doesn’t need to know. I’ll tell her when I’ve paid off our debt.”

“And when the pills don’t work?” He laughed, shoulders lifting as he threw his hands up in the air.

Anger Sadness Laughter Madness

“I don’t know!” I raised my voice again, mimicking his actions.

“She is already completely whipped for you-” Nicholas said quietly, his posture softening.

I looked away again, running my fingers behind my neck.

“-and you’re already wrapped around her finger.”

We are one step away from total decay Slipping Falling Closer to biting the concrete We are one step away You can't call this living

“I’m not the good guy,” I gazed up at my brother, his eyes saddening at my words.

I exhaled heavily as I walked toward the basement door, heading down to meet Jolly and Folio in the basement, signalling the end of my conversation.

Nicholas was the voice of reason, but I was too far gone to listen.

Jolly and Folio were jamming when I reached the bottom, the sound of a drumset being smashed leaving me confused.

“Hey,” Jolly nodded towards me, stopping mid-strum on the guitar. Folio hit the symbol one last time before he waved, sat in the corner in front of a shitty drumset that was barely holding together.

“The hell is this?” I tilted my head. The guitar Jolly was using was plugged into a beat-up amp.

I peered around the room, noticing two other blow-up mattresses and run-down decor.

“You’ve been busy,” I said, nodding at everything. They were making this place home.

“So have you,” Nick said, kicking the bass drum excitedly, “How much did he give you?”

“Who gives who what?” Jolly questioned, eying the both of us.

I sat on one of the mattresses, resting my elbows on my knees, “Vincent. Twenty-two hundred.”

“You knew?” Nicholas said frustrated in a causative tone as he eyed Folio.

“He needs the money Ruffilo,” Nick said annoyed, twirling the drumstick between his fingers.

“Yea, by robbing someone else, not Y/N.” Nicholas defended, “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you. Don’t you feel bad?”

Walk the line and pray to your master Ball and chain, a slave to disaster

Folio hit the bass drum again, avoiding the question.

“So you sold her meds after all?” Jolly nodded in contemplation. I couldn’t tell whether he approved or not.

“Replaced with vitamins so she doesn’t notice,” I mumbled, my head handing in shame.

Walk the line and pray to your master Ball and chain, a slave to disaster This is an omen, a warning, a lesson to take So listen to the words that I say

Jolly began picking at the strings, “what were the lyrics you sang the other day?” He asked.

My eyebrows pinched together, “What?”

“In the motel? Something something, I see through you,” He said, shaking his head, “Devil or God?”

“I see through you, I know what you are,” I said slowly, “I've seen the Devil more than I've seen God.”

Jolly hummed, strumming on the guitar, “Cover your ears and shut your eyes,”

I stared at him, eyes squinting in animosity. What was he doing?

“Because what I'm about to say is gonna ruin your night.”

I watched him as he strummed, and Folio began hitting a beat.

“You've dug your grave and you have no one but yourself to blame.”

Animosity shifted to anger, “What are you doing?”

“Songwriting,” Jolly shook his head at me.

“But by the way, I agree with Nicholas.”

Hours later Y/N came home between shifts, shuffling down the stairs in excitement once she heard music.

“What!” She exclaimed excitedly, looking at the setup we created, “You guys make music?”

She sat next to me on the mattress, crossing her legs as she watched with adoration. She turned to smile at me, and I gave her a curt grin before looking down.

Her smile was radiant, and the look of complete awe she gave me left me crumbling. What have I done?

Danger Caution Proceed Slowly I am one step away from losing my sanity

“We’ve always just dabbled,” Nicholas said excitedly as he set the bass down, “but we went to the thrift store to find some mattresses and found the drum set and amp.”

“Well,” Y/N looked at all of us, “If you’re looking to make money, I know Sammy’s is trying to find bands who are willing to play live music.”

“I wouldn’t consider us a band,” Jolly laughed, “But extra income that Noah could use? I’m down.”

“Could we do like covers n’ shit? We don’t exactly have any original songs,” Folio said.

Y/N nodded eagerly, “Oh yeah, I’m sure that's not an issue at all.”

“How much would we make?” Ruffilo asked.

“I think like three hundred to five hundred,” She shrugged, “But I can confirm at work tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” I piped up, still looking at the floor, “Do you have tonight off?”

“Yeah, it’s quite nice. I’m exhausted,” She laughed quietly.

She looked over at me now, and I did everything I could to fight her gaze- but I cracked, facing her. Her eyes bore into mine with yearning, my stomach clenching as she spoke.

“Want to watch a movie?” We didn’t watch a movie.

As we lay in her bed I held her head firmly in place, her lips wrapped around my desire, mouth sliding up and down. I watched her with lustful eyes as her hand held the rest of me, tongue swirling around the tip as she stroked.

Slipping Falling Closer to places that I should not be

“Get on your knees,” the command left me in a throaty plea.

I am one step away, annihilate everything

Y/N obliged and I stood up, looking down at her through hooded eyelids as she kneeled before me at my mercy. Her mouth latched onto me once again, tongue dancing along the skin with beauty and grace, her sensual movements causing my eyes to close as my head tilted back.

I couldn’t help as my hips began to roll into her face gently, beginning to fuck her mouth as my hands gripped the sides of her head, latching between the locks of her hair.

In desperation I pulled her closer, eyes rolling back briefly as she choked on my body, gagging on what was already hers.

She watched me through her lashes, and my mouth hung open slightly, eyebrows furrowed in pleasure as we maintained eye contact.

She pushed herself closer for a moment, her eyes squeezing shut in fervour before she pulled away, a string of saliva following her lips. I just about came to the sight of her as the smile playing on her lips told me she knew how this affected me.

Walk the line and pray to your master (Embrace the disease) Ball and chain, a slave to disaster (Have I just been dreaming?)

“Fuck,” a breathy laugh left me as I looked down in awe with a lopsided grin.

“Such a good girl,” I pulled her closer to my pelvis as I hit the back of her throat and thrust forward.

She pulled away, smiling at my praise as she wrapped her fingers around me, rotating her wrist before sucking against my skin again, “Anything for you.” She closed her eyes again, but I needed her.

Have I just been dreaming?

“look at me, show me those pretty eyes while I fuck your mouth,” I demanded and her lashes flicked up towards me, my body shuddering as she stared into me with complete greed.

I observed her every move, heavy pants heaving from my chest as I groaned deeply, my body close to its release.

Walk the line and pray to your master Ball and chain, a slave to disaster

“Fuck,” my stomach clenched as my body began to twitch, her lips sucking harder as she took all of me.

This is an omen, a warning, a lesson to take So listen to the words that I say

I moaned as she slid down one more time and I gripped her hair, holding her still. I filled her tongue as threads of my release coated the back of her throat. The sight below me left my legs shaking as I pulled away, tucking her hair behind her ears, and rubbing my fingers underneath her chin in endearment.

What have I done?

“Good girls swallow,” I whispered and she moaned.

“Open,” I said, watching in complete reverence as she stuck out her tongue, showing me that she obeyed, drinking in all of me.

I leaned down towards her, pulling her chin up to kiss me as I melted into her lips, sighing with commitment.

What have I done?

Chapter Five

#burning out fanfic #bad omens #noah sebastian #bad omens cult #bad omens band #noah sebastian davis #metalcore #nick ruffilo #nicholas ruffilo #jolly karlsson #nick folio #noah sebastian smut #noah sebastian x reader #smut #bad omens smut #bad omens fanfiction

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bvidzsoo · 21 days

Text

Cherry Blossoms

🌸Student!Mingi🌸

TW: nothing, just a lot of crack imo, and mentions of murder sorta lol

Word count: 1.9k

Genre: university!au, stranger to lovers!au

A/N: Wellll, hi? hehe, idk either what this is other than a super random drabble that I had to write or else it would've haunted me for the rest of my life LOL (it also might be another excuse to not write my thesis *dies*) Apologies if the humor is not humoring, I usually don't write in this style (at least imo). I hope you enjoy, and let me know your thoughts about it! (divider)

Have you ever had a moment of clear confusion? So profound that no matter how hard you tried making sense of it…it just started making even less sense? That the longer you moved your mind around it, the stronger the headache became. Well, that’s how I felt staring up at the scarily tall guy looking down at me with the softest eyes, which were slightly shaking if I looked close enough. His plush and red lips pulled into the sheepiest grin I’ve ever seen and nose tall and straight, probably sculpted by some God the second he was born. I knew his face, I mean, it would’ve been hard not to when I’ve spent half a year staring back sometimes as I have caught him looking at me numerous times. This guy standing in front of me right now, placing his weight from one leg to another, hands behind himself, and cheeks very slowly flushing, was a predicament I would’ve never even thought I could’ve dreamed of.

“Come again?” I found my voice at last, eyebrows threatening to go past my hairline.

“Are you free right now?” The question sounded innocent enough, but I couldn’t put myself past the graveness of his voice. I would’ve never imagined it could go so low and hold so much rasp, but again, I have barely heard his voice before as he rarely conversed with people around himself.

“Depends why you want to know.” I answered, pushing my hands inside the pockets of my striped spring jacket. The weather was finally warm enough to allow us to wear our lighter fabrics without freezing to death at any given point of the day. The guy standing in front of me hesitated for a second, and then ran his fingers decorated with heavy rings through his silver-blonde hair. The change to it was new, and I would be a liar if I said I wasn’t taken aback by it when I saw it. But it fit him, in a very handsome way, If I must admit that.

“I was just wondering if you’d like to hang out with me…” Oh, well, that was another twist to the plot I had not been expecting. I chuckled, not because I found him funny, just because I knew my two best friends would be hollering on the sidelines hearing this guy’s words. Half a year spent staring at me from the shadows, avoiding eye contact and aggressively watching me when I wasn’t looking, now stood in front of me, looking just as nervous as I felt on the inside, asking me to hang out with him. What sort of alternate universe have I accidentally entered this morning?

“Okay, sure.” He didn’t need to know I actually had one more class. He had finally approached me, was talking to me, looking at me, and acknowledging my existence as one should normally do. That sounded like a good enough reason for me to skip my last class, I’m sure anyone would understand.

“Oh, that’s…” The flush on his cheeks became more prominent now, and he bit his plump bottom lip to stop his lips from spreading into a huge smile, “nice.”

I hummed and offered him a small smile, actually feeling excited about how things were turning out. Even five minutes ago if someone would’ve come up to me to tell me that he’d finally approach me and even ask to hang out, I would’ve laughed in their face.

“Oh, I’m Song Mingi, by the way.” He clumsily reached his hand out, staring at me expectantly. I was so used to his sharp gaze on me that I found myself holding his gaze with a wider smile now, grabbing his hand, and giving it a firm shake. Song Mingi didn’t have to know that I already knew more about him than I should’ve, considering the fact that we were strangers until now. Really, before you start calling me creepy and a stalker, social media exists these days. And let’s be honest, if a mildly attractive guy keeps staring at you every chance he gets, wouldn’t you also be even just a little bit curious about who he is? Call me a magician or simply skillful when it comes to finding people on social media, but it’s been over three months now that I have known his name, and, well, birthday. I might be one of those crazy astrology girls, huge emphasis on being sarcastic right now, astrology girls are awesome when they aren’t fighting demons and regretting every life choice upon one glance at one’s birth chart.

“Lovely finally knowing your name, Song Mingi,” I chuckled, releasing his hand, watching as his eyes widened a little bit, “Oh, you certainly can’t think I haven’t noticed you staring—”

“Oh, I’m sure you have!” Mingi cut me off, chuckling awkwardly, “I didn’t make it very subtle, to be fair.”

“Not at all.” I chuckled amused, flashbacks of his other three friends huddled around, as if we were in kindergarten or something, staring me down while I walked by with, of course, with Mingi in the middle, watching me with a blank face, fierce eyes boring into the back of my head, “I’m Y/N.”

“You have a beautiful name.” Well, perhaps that would’ve made me choke if I had been drinking something, but to my luck I wasn’t, and so I straightened my back, trying to fight off the shyness threatening to cage me in. So far, at least the very little I knew about Mingi by observing him back when he, miraculously, wasn’t paying attention to me, was that he was quiet. Withdrawn and a little even shy, perhaps, but mostly just content in his own world, unbothered by those around him. He rarely spoke, but when he did, I have noticed his friends fighting demons to not die from laughter. And if he turns out to be a funny guy, bingo, isn’t that what every girl wants?

“Thank you,” You have a beautiful face, but I can’t go saying that to him right away, right? “What do you have in mind? I mean, where do you want to hang out?”

And now let’s hope he’s not some dodgy psychopath who hates my loud laugh and made an elaborate plan to slaughter me the second he gets me alone.

“Would you like to go to a coffee shop or would you prefer walking?” Mingi proposed with a gentle smile, his rather sharp features looking dangerously soft and warm as another blush threatened to flush over his cheeks. If he kept on blushing, I might just die from cuteness aggression, “The weather is really nice today…”

It is, but not nicer than you, Song Mingi, “It is, let’s go for a walk, maybe?”

“A walk it is, then.” Mingi sealed the deal with a firm nod of his head, and I couldn’t help but giggle, trying to remind myself that this was really happening and I wasn’t in some alternate universe, or even in dreamland. Wouldn’t be too surprising if this interaction was just a fraction of my imagination; my mind is a scary place when it becomes delusional.

“Would you like to go to the park up on the hill?” That was the nicest park in our city, and well, at this time of hour it was littered with just the perfect amount of people to not become bothersome, but neither scarce. Not that I have trust issues—I do—but this is a complete stranger I just accepted to hang out with, and quite shockingly, I do not wish to become the next true crime topic of some youtuber.

“It’s a lovely spot, but…” Mingi suddenly looked slightly embarrassed as he ruffled his silver-blonde hair, rings glinting deliciously under the sunlight, “it’s a bit far from our university and…I don’t have a car.”

I quickly waved the ridiculous words away as I watched Mingi become more embarrassed, “Don’t worry about it, I have one. We can still go.”

“But…I don’t want you to use fuel just for us to—” I reached out as I grabbed his arm, the sudden physical contact stunning Mingi into silence. Oh, did he also feel the charged spark and instant butterflies taking off in my stomach? Or was I starting to like this guy without actually getting to know him first…

“While fuel is expensive, I love to drive.” I smiled sweetly at him as Mingi licked his tasty looking lips; I can’t seriously think they are tasty when it’s our first time talking, “So don’t worry about it.”

“Are you sure?” His eyebrows furrowed just slightly as he nervously chewed on his lower lip. I nodded and grinned at him, probably doing something no sane person would’ve done. But I have stopped caring a long time ago about what others consider sane or not. Rising on my tiptoes, I slung an arm around Mingi’s shoulders and yanked his head down, just a little closer to my face as I nodded enthusiastically. The way his face became red shouldn’t have made me feel so giddy.

“Extra super-duper sure, Mingi.” He chuckled and poked my cheek, I guess it was my turn being taken by surprise. We stood like two idiots grinning at each other as I released him and he took a step back, running his fingers through his silver-blonde hair again, drawing my attention to it once again. Oh, how could I have forgotten? He was a Leo, was he waiting for my compliment? But before that, I was curious about one thing, “Hey, why do you always stare at me?”

Mingi’s face went blank for a second and it made me think that perhaps now is when his psychotic side comes to light, meaning I would dodge a bullet quite early on, but no, he rubbed his lips with two fingers nervously and averted his eyes, “Uh, well…obviously I’m into you. I mean, you know, why else would I stare at you so much?”

Oh, and he’s blunt. Don’t you just love a man who gets straight to the point?

“Because you’re a psycho who hates my guts and imagines how to kill me any time he sees me?” I offered another option, and watched as Mingi’s eyes widened to the point they would pop.

“No!” He exclaimed, almost looking scared himself, “God, no! You’re pretty, and attractive, and you caught my eye a long time ago, I was just too much of a chicken to approach you before.”

“Well, what changed?” I raised an eyebrow, and Mingi scratched his nape awkwardly.

“Uh, my friends threatened to tell you if I didn’t do it myself.” I chuckled and motioned for him to follow me as I started walking towards the parking lot of our university.

“Took them long enough,” I muttered under my breath, but Mingi’s eyes fixated on me as he heard me, “Well, Mingi, I also must admit you’ve caught my eye. Mainly because you staring so much made me feel uncomfortable until I got used to it, but…you’re quite handsome yourself upon a closer look, I must admit.”

Mingi chuckled, shooting me an amused lopsided smirk, “Means I’ve got a chance.”

“Means you’ve got a chance.” I looked at him with a grin, our gazes locking for a few seconds.

To date or not to date a Leo, is today’s question.

Masterlist

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silverware-is-interesting · 28 days

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got some sketches of the band au

Note: these are not final, design's are likely going to change when i eventually clean them up. they all technically have 2 outfits (onstage n offstage) these are just the onstage fits

idk what to make the tag for this au tbh "kinitopet band au" seems kinda boring... ANYWAYS! Have a terrible overview of the concept so far. n the band members too ig

Meet the KinitoBAND (placeholder name while i think, i'm open to suggestions though). They're a rather niche yet beloved band who play a multitude of different genres. all of their songs have a rather upbeat nature, or, they used to. lately they've been leaning more into rock and sometimes it just gets a little... strange... wonder why that is? they're actually more like vocaloids(???) that are programmed like Kinito with the react response algorithm (Kinito's i more advanced, but they've all got it) so if they ever did interact it'd be alright. the programmer (Sonny C) had initially only meant for there to be a vocalist but there was a decision somewhere to make a band (so there's a drummer and a guitarist too)

Let's get into the characters

Kinito The vocalist + tech Kinito is a fan-favourite, to be expected of the one who is always in view front 'n center. personality-wise he's similar to his canon counterpart, just a bit (emphasis on bit) more chill. i've imagined him to get a little... parasocial with his fans who probably just went for the music. he has a bit of a persona on stage, you could say. he's more energetic and in general might be a little more aggressive than usual, especially lately.

Sam The drummer Sam isn't quite as popular as Kinito, but he's got quite a few fans who might not gravitate towards Kinito like almost all the promotional material wants you to or people who like the drums. personality - Sam has a calm, almost 'cool guy' demeanor. he acts relitivley the same on and off stage. Jade the guitarist Jade, unfortunately, is the least popular member of the band. She's got a couple devoted fans, but noticeably less than the others. just as intended. personality- she's quite resourceful and the most upfront about things of the band. she's generally louder than the others, not on purpose, she's just not the best at maintain a good speaking volume.

#silverware's art #kinitopet #kinito the axolotl #sam the sea anemone #jade the jellyfish #kinitopet band au #yeah i've noticed people like kinito the most. then sam. which leaves jade off to the side..#so i included that!#also sonny is like. LONG (not that long maybe a few months-) DEAD here. kinda work related. barely relevant to this au #marketing was so shitty to sam n jade man...#(in the au. that is)#jade plays the bass. just a fun fact.#sorry man kinito doesn't make a world for you here. you get. uh. different gift ig..#anyways i hope you can play an instrument #sonny isn't quite the sun in this au.. he's rpresented by one though. so. kinda #it is WAYY too hard to not spoil the little plot i have..

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izpira-se-zlato · 1 month

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Milan, 27.03.24

Gig report! Can't believe there's only two to go after this one :o (for me)

I showed up at 4:45pm (bc I'd chosen to get food at the station) and was still a lower number than in Munich at 2pm. Yeah.

didn't really queue thus, which always makes gigs a bit… different. I miss chatting with people before gigs, but I hadn't wanted to fly (even though after the venue move that would have been even easier. But also catching a 7:30 flight the morning after a gig. Yeah, no)

the queue kinda fell apart because you needed a membership card to get into the venue. We didn't have to pay. But they had to handwrite it for us. Emotions ran a little high

the venue was. Something. Sorta a… festival tent? Not quite outdoors, but definitely Interesting

due to the proximity to the airport, the radio frequencies from planes kept interfering with the equipment. Bojan attempted to explain it to us, but he didn't know it himself and thus mostly listened. I feared for the worst at that point, ngl. They didn't look particularly angry to me, but Bojan was like, "Don't be angry, Jan!" so I was like 😬

Bojan tried to get Jure and then also Nace to jam while they were figuring out their tech issues (Always Something Problem), but it meant Jan couldn't hear himself enough and so we just watched him wander on stage while Bojan tried to entertain us

We got ASTP and Proti Toku for soundchek. My first ASTP in 12 gigs on this tour! Curious to see what we'll get today

Bojan repeatedly called Jan "Jenzo" and then later claimed "Just so you know, Jan's Italian name is Jenzo!" with which the crowd disagreed (and let him know that it should be Gianni)

soundcheck was pretty cold and I almost regretted not having taken my jacket (but it did warm up)

the opener was a brass band. Unexpected but actually fun. Fit the gig, somehow

they played a lot of medleys of known songs and the crowd was pretty into it

JC! God, I barely can believe that it was the second-to-last tie I saw him live like that. I love his acoustic set a lot (in particular the first and last songs xD)

He accidentally unplugged his guitar last night. Kinda a funny moment

pretty sure the hype list was changed. Dirty Little Secret made it into the cut, and to our surprise, Zitti e Buoni didn't. Weird choice, Primož (or so I assume)

Actual gig!

We got Jan in a capybaster shirt and Nace in the cosy sweater and Bojan in a buttoned shirt he got gifted during soundcheck and Jure in the gorgeous metallic sweater and Kris in another cozy sweater

The Jance was off the fucking charts, jfc I hate them idk what was in the air. Probably hadn't seen each other all day (I'm not actually complaining)

We got SSOL opener into… Ne Bi Smel into Ona into Tokio

During Ne Bi Smel Jan was standing in front of Nace's mic so Nace had to push him away to sing the backing vocals (grinning all the while)

Bojan went, "This night is gonna be multilingual" so I was like, oh, Tokio, but no! "We had English, then Slovene, now we're gonna add some Serbian!" Changing his quips for the final stretch, huh?

Nace singing fucking "Dok tebe sunce greje, mi amore" at Jan. I hate him (While the sun warms you up, my love, according to lyrics translate)

They also played at each other during NBS because of course they did

Jan back on Jure's snare drum for the end. Multi-instrumentalist

Tokio! I didn't catch it on video, but Nace leaned in and bumped his nose into Jan's breast? Kissed his coat? I have no clue what he did but I was like ??? Nace?

At the end, they chased each ohter in circles again, and Nace either went down on one knee in front of Jan or almost did so. When the lights came back on, Nace patted Jan's chest while laughing (couldn't make out Jan's expression)

before NGVOT, Nace was thrown bread. A plushie? Actual bread? I don't know

Nace kept looking over at Jan during NGVOT, and when Jan finally met his gaze, he turned to him so they played at each other. Jan was making a mock-surprised grimacing face and playing? And then they just. Turned back to the front. What the fuck, guys

they just. kept looking at each other. Jan looking at Nace while Nace was doing backing vocals. Nace looking back as soon as he was done. Them swaying in sync while Nace smiled smugly about it. And at the end, they did the swaying like. In opposite cycles? So both sawying in and both swaying away, until Nace turned and bent his knees a little and yelled up into Jan's face. Yeah idk.

we didn't only get Bluza but got it before Šta bih ja

Kris came over to hug Jan during Bluza 🥰😭

Jan's expressions during the ending were. Something 😂

more silliness from Jan and Nace during Šta bih ja

Bojan: "This is a new song! Why do you know it"

also uh. Synchronised hip thrusting while facing each other at the end of the song. Yeah. Jfc remember you're on a stage, guys

Jan either messed up the opening of Demoni or his guitar gave out for a hot second but he was wearing a very oops expression

Jan grasped Nace's shoulders during Demoni and I think spoke the words at him? Or said something else? But that wouldn't make sense? Nace nodded and patted Jan's chest in turn

Got the Demoni scream

PiJano Padam. Bojan looked really tired during that song. Jfc get this man to take a break

Intense staring at each other at the beginning of Umazane until Nace said something to Jan and then both grinned and Nace wandered off

Nace was pretty silly at the start of the karaoke bit and like. gestured at Jan theatrically and then mimed falling over. Dork

We got the OG OG Umazane Misli chorus. The one Bojan wrote in a hurry the first time they performed it. Made my night -- and Kris's because it's where the very smiley/laughing Kris pics during UM came from

@kurooscoffee/@jokeroutsubs had prepared UNO reserve cards to make the boys sing. Which made the rounds already but gaaah it was !!!!!!

Jan declaiming the verse because "[he] can't sing so [he's] not gonna sing. [He's] gonna interpret it." And interpret he did😂

Nace with the "oh oh" before he started jfc the dork

Jan ducking under Nace's arm to play his bass after he failed to catch Nace's attention to offer, and then just. Going for it.

Nace slinging an arm around Jan

Nace singing "morning smells like you" right at Jan while Jan keeps looking up at him from playing chords on Nace's bass

Kris "Jan! Play, play the melody, I need the harmony!" (and Jan did)

god we need more Kris singing plssss

Kris sang the verse mostly at Nace

Jure going "oooh fuck!" and not knowing the entire lyrics 😂😂 Jance this and Jance that, but that made my night

I didn't see Bojan at barricade cheering his band mates on but he was and just. Gah. It was such a wholesome thing I hate them

Nace posed for pictures with a silly expression, and then Jance posed for a combined heart for someone

Plastika saw Bojan caress Nace and then hug Jan from behind (no choking tho)

During Novi Val, Jance stood off to the side being Jance for quite a while, while Jure had his hand weirdly on Bojan's back?

They looked really exhausted by the end which. Mood.

Post gig:

The venue had a scrolling LED screen that scrolled "Everybody's Waiting At The Ball" (thanks, Kris, for the restory!)

Had a chat with Dean (lovely) and JC Stewart (also lovely) and learned that JC and Conor used to live together which is why JC was out with Conor to be introduced to the boys (allegedly before Christmas, though JC wasn't 100%)

hung around the gate after the show even though it was pretty clear they wouldn't say hi, but it gave us a chance to see Mark (who'd surprised the boys with a visit) as he was waiting for someone to let him off the venue grounds. "Well, they'll have to open this at some point, they ordered McDonald's!"

Spoiler: they did not open the gate for McDonalds. Primož tried to scale it, which almost worked but looked dangerous, and so the delivery person threw it over the top. It was a spectacle

by that point, Mark had been let out the old-fashioned way though

#joker out #bojan cvjeticanin #jan peteh #nace jordan #kris gustin #nace ja jan #jure macek #jure maček #bojan cvjetićanin #kris guštin #gig report

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napakmahal · 3 months

Note

Anon because I feel like I’m about to say smth cringe lol but how about a fic with a (possibly Psych major) reader that’s got a holistic view of the world with Tadashi? Would be interesting to see what that information brings concerning Baymax’s plan of care and how a relationship would form with Tadashi like dat ya dig

Idk mostly inspired by Natalia Lafourcade’s song María La Curandera (it’s in Spanish, you’ll have to search up the translation if you’re curious!) also growing up in an immigrant household with care alternatives to things maybe a doctor would not take seriously/ not being able to connect with a patient due to beliefs and or language barriers.

Can I just you’re actually so real for this. This is NOT cringe pookie okay. First of all, love my psych classes but also second of all my family is so holistic. We’re from the Philippines and the hospital is reserved special for if you’re dying. (Btw that’s bad, go to the doctors please)

You don’t fight with your boyfriend…like ever. You don’t like fighting and he thinks fighting i childish. But that’s not to say you two agree on everything. Exhibit A:

“At least with my remedies I know I won’t be overdosing on cough syrup.”

“Baby, with all due respect I’m not using herbs to get rid of a respiratory infection.”

Another thing, you love Baymax. You really do. You were there to help build him, he knows you personally but he has nothing to do with your health. And that irritated Tadashi to no end. Flu season had come around and it seemed like everyone was getting sick. Including you. The basic fever, cough, headaches, and disgusting amounts of phlegm hacking out of your throat. Yet, you denied any help from your boyfriend’s healthcare robot.

It made him upset because you could get better so much faster if you let him use his extensive medical knowledge on you, and yet you still said no. But nothing about your ideologies had created such tension until recently. When he caught you doing something he deemed unfathomable.

Almost a week into you being sick, he’d seen you chopping onions late into the night after making his lemon tea.

“What are you doing?” Tadashi looked over at you after coughing up a chunk of bloody phlegm from his own throat.

You sniffed, clearly congested. “Cutting onions.”

“For what?”

“My socks.”

“I’m sorry?”

Surely he must have misheard you. You and him had been together for years and he knew all about your home remedies. There was a stained food processor in your house from when he had joint pain in his wrist and you had him eat turmeric paste. When Hiro had unknowingly given him stomach flu you went out and bought efficascent oil and rubbed it on his stomach. He’s seen you gargle salt water, chew on peppermint, put baking soda on bee stings, eat raw garlic, and drink cranberry juice for your menstrual problems but that one took the cake.

“Do you want some?” You’d asked it so innocently but your tone could have changed if you’d seen the look of utter disbelief on his face.

The both of you had been sick for a week in an endless cycle of eating strawberries, and oranges, taking magnesium, and eating spoonfuls of grainy raw honey. All of that to him seemed fine. Even he understood to a certain extent you couldn’t just take medicine all the time. But when he offered to buy cough syrup, ibuprofen for throat pain, Tylenol for cough headaches, and other flu medications you shut it down. He was free to take all of those things to make himself feel better and he swore it did.

But you were in so much pain and it seemed like whatever you were doing wasn’t helping. Just that morning, Tadashi rubbed your back while you had a 10-minute coughing fit that was so bad there were streaks of blood in your spit. You’d cried when a pounding headache hadn’t left and he felt so helpless knowing there was nothing he could do about it.

Tadashi stuttered. “W-Why are we cutting onions for our socks?”

“You put them in your socks and then you sleep with them on, my mom swears by it. But if you have like sensory problems that’s okay, you don’t have to.”

“Baby don’t you think- maybe you should just take something for it?”

You scoffed because you already knew where this was going. “You’re not funny.”

“I’m not trying to be funny. It’s just you’re so sick.” His voice dripped with concern.

Just as he’d said it you dug your face into your elbow and started coughing. The loud, raspy, crunchy kind of cough. Almost like the universe was on his side. Then came the cough headaches. The one thing you had allowed Baymax to scan you for and nothing else. A build-up of pressure from consistent coughing and sneezing in your head could cause pounding headaches.

The second he saw the grimace on your face, Tadashi jumped up from his study table and ran over to you. Pulling you in for a hug and gently pushing his fingers through your head. But that was also the time he decided he couldn’t take this anymore. His girl was in pain and crying over a sickness he could use his brain and his bot to figure out how to cure.

“I can’t take this anymore.” He confessed still holding you. “Please, will you let me give you a Tylenol?”

“T, no.”

“Why not? It’s so obvious you’re hurting. I know you don’t like taking medicine. I get that, but you just aren’t getting any better.”

You gently lifted your head off Tadashi’s chest and looked up at him. “So are you and you’ve been taking medicine.”

“But I feel like I’m getting better.”

“Hunny, you threw up an hour ago.” You deadpanned.

He racked his brain for a positive way to spin the horrible retching experience. “O-okay but that’s-um, that’s the body’s way of making itself feel better.”

You two were going in circles. But Tadashi was not backing down. He was adamant that you get better if it was the last thing he did and you knew it. Last year Hiro got sick with a particularly horrible kidney infection. So bad that when he’d tried to walk to the restroom he collapsed on the floor physically unable to move. After that none of your friends ever really saw Tadashi for almost two weeks. Right after school, he’d sprint home just to take care of him. That was his thing. Your boyfriend lived to take care of people.

Some people in the world don’t care about anything you’ve ever done and something you will do. Like doctors. Doctors don’t need to know how good or bad of a person your friends think you are in order to take care of you. Finding people like that is rare. Tadashi is one of those people.

And you, one of the people he loved and cared for most in the entire world wouldn’t let his extensive knowledge on healthcare help you feel better. And no matter how many times you reassured him, he couldn’t help but feel like you being sick was his fault.

“How about this,” He suggested, moving his hand from your head to your face. “I will do your onion-sock thing if you let me give you cough syrup. Just one spoonful and then we’ll drop it. Sound fair?”

A small smile tugged at the corners of your lips as you slowly nodded your head. Out of relief, you were going to let him do something about how you felt, Tadashi leaned down and kissed you right then and there. It was extremely counterproductive and he couldn’t have cared less.

That night, you let your boyfriend spoon artificial cherry-flavored Robitussin into your mouth. And he let you put loosely chopped pieces of white onion in his socks while he slept. For the record, neither of your immune systems ever really recovered in that one night. And yet-somehow, you woke up feeling the best you had in over a week.

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