#ill fucking do it but christ alive

[johnskleats]

Something about being loved so completely they're bound to you but see you so clearly that they can't be blinded by it.

Like there's no "gotcha" where they find out you're fucked up somehow and leave. They know. It sucks and it's you and you can't change it and they won't ask.

After all, you wouldn't be who you are without your fatal flaws, and it's the you with problems they fell in love with, not the dream.

#zutara #zuko #katara #its rotten work especially to me especially if its you #ill fucking do it but christ alive #thats them. to me. #antikataang #anti kataang #just in case 🫠

[fate-defiant]

i have two, no three fancomics in me rn and it's rotten work it's such rotten work

#ill fucking do it but christ alive #do you know how frustrating it is that nowhere on the internet. NOWHERE ON THE INTERNET CAN I FIND A COMPREHENSIVE GUIDE TO-- #--.......any folk clothing really #like listen. everytime i look up that shit its either #1) photos of folk dancers wearing STAGE COSTUMES. its a start but it aint it #(though i did give in eventually cos eeeehhhhh it fits narratively kinda?? you'll see before i am dead i hope) #2) old and grainy photos where you cant make out the fucking details #and that's not even scratching the surface like #EXPLAIN ALL THE LAYERS TO ME. DON'T JUST LIST WHAT CLOTHIGN ARTICLES ARE WORN TELL ME WHICH IS WHICH. SHJOW ME THE ORDER #HOW IS THAT SHIT TIED WHAT CLASS/MARITAL STATUS/RELIGIOUS GROUP DOES THAT INDICATE WHAT OCCASION #IS THERE LIKE A NONO? IS THERE A NONO FOR CERTAIN PATTERNS AND COLORS? BITCH TELL ME #TELL ME ALL THE DETAILS I NEED THEM I DONT WANNA DIG AROUND THE INTERNET FOR BOOKS #ALSO WHY. WHY ARE THERE FASHION HISTORY BOOKS WITH BARELY ANY PICTURES #YOU ARE DISCUSSING A VISUAL MEDIUM! V I S U A L!!!!!!! #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #also did you know izmir turkey has a long and messy and fascinating history. like 4000 years. Goddamn #fate.txt #off topic

[queercodedvillains]

Wake up babes, new chapter of mallrats just dropped <3

Mallrats (23114 words) by QueerCodedVillains Chapters: 3/9 Fandom: Naruto, Naruto (Anime & Manga) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Deidara/Sasori (Naruto), background kakuzu/hidan Characters: Sasori (Naruto), Deidara (Naruto), Hidan (Naruto), Kakuzu (Naruto) Additional Tags: SasoDei Week 2023 (Naruto), 90'S, Akatsuki - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Claire's AU, Mafia AU, If You Squint - Freeform, we are taking liberties translating the akatsuki into a modern setting here, Drug Use, Drug Dealing, Blood and Violence, POV Alternating, Bottom Deidara (Naruto), Top Sasori, BDSM, Impact Play, Praise Kink, Edging, Orgasm Control, Overstimulation, Sasori is still a puppet master but only in the loosest terms, if you catch my drift, Shibari, Suspension, Fucking Machines, Porn With Plot, Hurt/Comfort, Bratting, brat taming, Dom/sub Series: Part 1 of Mallrats Cinematic Universe Summary: In which the Akatsuki are 90's mallrats by day, crime syndicate by night. All the best criminals have a day job to launder their rent money, but the real fun only starts once they're off the clock.

#deidara #sasori #sasodei #claires au #mallrats #i dont wanna give any spoilers but #if you didnt know the difference between power dynamics vs positions #aka dom/sub vs top/bottom #hopefully you will now uwu #smut now plot later #head empty just these guys going at it like fucking rabbits 24/7 #we'll get to the plot when i say so until then we're all just gonna be happy the muse caught me on a day off #okay? okay <3 #my writing #mallrats!akatsuki #its my au i get to pick the tags #yes i am still working on my sasodei2023 fic after already posting another sasodei2024 fic #ariana grande and what about it dot gif #sighs deeply #when will i be free #when will i be cured of the brain rot #i really gotta carve it out with my own two hands and post it on the internet #its just me and a few dozen fellow inmates of the sasodei unit of the psychward #we are in this together lads #smh i gotta do everything around here if i wanna read it i gotta fuckin write it. and i WILL. its rotten work but christ alive ill do it

[doctorwhoisadhd]

am encountering cross stitch related problems

#1) the colors they gave me for 'blue' and 'light blue' are just BARELY different #so im using two strands of blue to make it a little more clear which is which (if i didnt itd be nigh impossible to tell them apart at BEST #but now im worried ill run out of the blue before im finished and THAT is going to really bother me #im really really hoping i can stretch what i have left but its gonna be really tight if i dont straight up run out. #im going to actually attempt doing some algebra to figure out if i can make it #2) i fucking DID IT AGAIN and misplaced a cross stitch needle in my fucking BED goddammit are you kidding me #i GOTTA start doing this somewhere else #its a cross stitch needle so its very very blunt and itll be fine but like. CHRIST ALIVE #ari opinion hour

[mogmediarecords]

also i feel really bad but i did see yoo ran-joo well with the evil boss. it's unfortunate he is SUCH a piece of shit

#i would have liked the dynamic where he's like tired and done with her antics but actually deeply in love with her yknow what i mean? #like yeah it's rotten work especially to me especially if it's you ill fucking do it but christ alive #and the point is that he fucking does it anyways right? but no. no such thing. :/ #castaway diva #castaway diva spoilers #<- ?? idk just in case

[cuz-reasons]

What if I exploded? What then?

#this has been my mood for like two weeks now #well actually the las couple months if were being honest #but esp these last couple weeks #im just tired and stressed and anxious as fuck #and now i got a 7pm 3hr exam tonight #AND work tmr cuz LITTERALY no one else was available #so i get to go do poorly on this exam cuz im tired from work this morning and its right through my normal dinner time #and im not able to really eat now cuz im too anxious and i gotta catch the bus in like 15mins #and then come home and basically go straight to bed #so i can work an 8hr shift tmr #aauaaugghhggg #AND i got another exam ill prolly do WORSE on on the 19th #but that ones at 9 so like not much better but id rather that than the 7pm one #and that class has a group project too thats due the same day cuz it was the last day it can be handed in #i also HATE that class so much #im just like fuckim burnt out i think #straight up considering dropping out if i fail again i dont even care anymore #or at least taking a SOLID YEAR off before finishing #cuz christ alive i need a proper fuckin break #anyways i kinda went off here #oopsies! #oh well

[pigeonperch]

Ooh ooh oh espir e1 ?

Ok so here’s the requested + the one I chose bc I really wanted to do this fit w Shi. As you can see I’m very normal about them. They’re so. So.

(Also this is technically Espír’s public debut so I hope this gets ppl excited for whenever I finally finish the GRN refs LMAO)

#YLW n GRN #drawlings #asks #hi #I’m going insane #I love their mentally ill yaouri (? they’re all non-binary and none of them are exclusively women or men. is there a word for this already) #anyways this took me a couple days and a couple late nights<3 I love the #m #smoking tw #smoking cw #also the lighting was a bitch for this one I was trying to practice on this and boy. I do not know what I’m doing<3 #but ough #Christ Alive I need to go to fucking bed. goodnight #love you btw Heartie you’ve always got my back MWAH #ok gn for real

[gibbearish]

funniest part of that post is people tagging it like "sorry for the super super long post everyone" yeah you and me both homeslice

#this is not /neg its genuinely funny #just the general air of that one post like. its rotten work especially to me especially if its you. ill fucking do it but christ alive #everyone hold hands and use the buddy system we'll get through it together‚ itll be slow going but we'll get there eventually #genuinely delightful #origibberish

[terezbian]

most fucked up thing about musical hobbies is one day you will sit down and literally be like Wow i striaght up Have improved from practice and wasnt just bee essing. And the second most fucked up is that the next day you can absolutely just fucking bomb every aspect of playing

#blah blah blah #And then it will still take years. ill fucking do it but christ alive

[sunnnfish]

Sometimes I want to draw something to do with kagihira reverence but I will literally never be able to do better than fucking. This

LIKE. NOTHING COULD EVER TOP THIS. NOTHIGN EXCEPT HARUSONO SHOUS OWN BRAIN.

#IT MAKES ME MAD #WHAT I AM SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE FEELINGGGGSSS #THIS IS ALREADY EVERYTHING. EVERYTHIGN EVER #NOTHING MY MEASLY LITTLE BRAIN COULD COME UP WITH COULD EVER CAPTURE THE BREADTH #AAAAIIIIYYUUUUUGGGGHHHH #the fucking light the wind the STARSTRUCK and bowing and BREATHING #TEN WHOLE FUCKING SECONDS OF THIS. HOW DOES HIRANO STAND IT #IF SOMEBODY DID THIS TO ME ID DIE ON THE SPOT #I NEEEEDDD TO RECAPTURE THIS FEELING BUT HOOOWWWWWW #I need a fucking. anesthetic #Christ alive #I am so strong and patient waiting for ch 18 translation #haaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh. okay. okay. I’m normal. normal #I need like. physical support #genuinely. #knees weak throat thick chills all over shakes and shivers. maybe I am sick #or the mental illness… #god. okay #Hirano to kagiura #sunnfish.kghr

[confetti-critter]

I just realized I've been losing my sense of taste and smell

#swear to fucking god if this is covid #i swear to fucking christ alive and christ dead amd rotting #do i get a covid test? do they still give them out? are they still accurate? #a lot good a mask does if youre the only one to fucking wear one!!!!!! #all those fucking plague rats at work coughing into the open air. bot washing their grubby hands before touching the microwaves. not washing #their hands properly #one person can only be so careful! #and my mother is feeling sick too. if i get my mum sick i dont know what ill do #i knew it. i knew one of these days i was gunna get sick from work and get Scary mad #i actually need to calm down like IMMEDIATELY #climate change #<- thats for someone i know whi blocks that tag cuz i dont want him to see this post #covid #idk if he blocks that tag #personable #<- where my personal post tag gets ironic

[bavarianmillionaire]

.

#might delete this later but #i have an incredible amount of hate for edtwt and proana/promia in general #my suffering and the suffering of so many people are NOT a fucking aesthetic or a fucking diet #EATING DISORDERS ARE NOT CUTE PICS AND TWEETS WITH EMOJIS THEY ARE SUFFERING AND TORTURE #you have no idea i'm so fucking tired and they're like b-but i need to vent!! #bitch go to therapy or write it down a journal #you more than anyone understand how eating disorders work and how it clings to anything to stay alive #why the fuck do you spread that? do you know what kind of damage you're doing to other people? #you being ill doesn't mean you have to encourage other people to be as ill as you #jesus fucking christ give me a fucking break #tw ed #just in case

[sicbaby]

sended this to another acc i really like but ill send this here too :p

vendetta!leon with the biggest corruption kink ever and the girl (reader) that lives in the house just next to his, that always make sure to wish him to "have a good day" when she sees him and gets all red when he says it back, that when she bakes something she always make sure to save some to give it to him, and she tries to have a "friendship" with him so bad but he always seems to ignore her

and he does tries to ignore her because he knows he is def not a good man, he knows it so he always try to show to her that he is not a person, but shes just too stupid to realize that to the point that it makes him a little annoyed and worried for her, it still makes him hard lol

i love vendetta leon cause let’s be real he’s the biggest piece of shit alive and he’s an alcoholic so added bonus! i fantasize about him treating me like shit… anyways.

i imagine reader being a bit of a bimbo of some sort. like so dumb in the brain that there’s absolutely no room for sad or depressing or actual real thoughts that would ruin her day. and leon’s the exact opposite. all he thinks about is sad, fucked up shit that would probably make you vomit on the spot. but he likes that about you, your innocence. it makes him a bit sick, realizing he wants to do nothing but take advantage of you and expose you to the dark thoughts he has.

he can’t deny you’re sexy. those short skirts and low cut tops that have your breasts practically spilling out when you wave good morning to him. the crush you have on him is so painfully obvious. leon isn’t used to that. are you his type? not exactly. but he thinks he could have some fun with you.

he doesn’t start getting annoyed until you start leaving shit on his porch. cute notes, food items, weird love letters that look like a middle schooler made them with cute stickers and heart doodles all over. he’s a grown ass adult for christ sake. he rips up the letters, leaves the remnants on the porch for you to see.

you do see it, makes your heart wrench. yet you keep trying. you really, really like him.

in one last attempt at trying to get his full attention, you take over some food to his house, not just leaving it on the porch this time.

leon answers the door with a scowl on his face. he sees the food and your hopeful smile. “come in.” he grumbles, no greeting necessary. it ticks him a bit that you genuinely think you could win him over this way. your heart flutters as you walk in, taking in his messy house, setting the food down on the counter.

“you know, sweetheart. i’m not an easy man to please. yet, here you are…” he trails off.

you’re so nervous, face burning and throat so dry you feel like throwing up. “i-i just.. wanted to be a good neighbor, you know?”

“bullshit.” he responds quickly, makes you flinch slightly. he couldn’t help himself.

“a good neighbor,” he repeats, a dark chuckle following it. “is that really what you think? you think leaving me food and love letters makes you some kind of saint? don’t kid yourself, sweetheart. this isn’t about being a good neighbor. it’s about you wanting something from me. something you can’t seem to get through that empty, pretty little head of yours.”

he enjoys watching your facial expressions. your smile faltering, face turning into uncertainty. he knows he has the power to turn you into anything he wanted. it was too easy. he called you pretty, though!

“you think i’m some prize, some object to be won, don’t you?” he continues. you’re stunned, mouth open slightly, wanting to interject but nothing comes out.

“relax,” he chuckles. “i’ll let you have me. but i want something from you, first.” he says, inching closer to you, trapping you against the counter. his words were not a promise, merely a trick to get you to give yourself up to him. but he probably didn’t even have to “trick you.” one word and you’d be on his knees for him, wouldn’t you?

you nod eagerly, just as predicted. god, it makes him laugh, it makes him hard. how’d he get so lucky? you didn’t even put up a fight. “anything. i’ll do anything.”

those words triggered something in his brain. and you had absolutely no idea what he was going to do to you. he grabs you by the wrist roughly, leading you to his dark bedroom, throwing you on the bed. he starts degrading you, calling you “slut” and commands you to address him as “sir,” or maybe even “master.” (he’s a sick fuck let’s be real, wants you to be his dumb little pet.)

he could see the flicker of uncertainty in your eyes, but you both know you had already given yourself up to him. but that didn’t really matter to him anyway.

he crawls over you, pinning your arms up above your head, kissing at your neck. you could smell the alcohol on his breath as he did so. it made your stomach churn but made your panties wet.

he continues to practically rip your clothes off, muttering things along the lines of “you’re mine now,” “such a pretty little slut,” etc,. every single movement he makes is rough. including spanking, choking, unleashing all his pent up anger, his darkest desires onto you. your pleasure comes second to his.

you’re completely at his mercy, almost like a toy to him. but you like him so much, so you let him :(. you just wanna be his dumb girl.

he ends up fucking you in every single position until you’re a drooling, senseless mess.

not only were you his dumb girl, but you were his slut, his toy, his possession. and in the end, that’s all that mattered to you. at least now, you were finally his.

#sorry if u wanted something cute #romance? never heard of her #leon kennedy smut #leon kennedy imagine #leon kennedy x reader #resident evil smut #leon kennedy #leon s kennedy smut

[kremlin]

How DOES the C preprocessor create two generations of completely asinine programmers??

oh man hahah oh maaan. ok, this won't be very approachable.

i don't recall what point i was trying to make with the whole "two generations" part but ill take this opportunity to justifiably hate on the preprocessor, holy fuck the amount of damage it has caused on software is immeasurable, if you ever thought computer programmers were smart people on principle...

the cpp:

there are like forty preprocessor directives, and they all inject a truly mind-boggling amount of vicious design problems and have done so for longer than ive been alive. there really only ever needed to be one: #include , if only to save you the trouble of manually having to copy header files in full & paste them at the top of your code. and christ almighty, we couldn't even get that right. C (c89) has way, waaaay fewer keywords than any other language. theres like 30, and half of those aren't ever used, have no meaning or impact in the 21st century (shit like "register" and "auto"). and C programmers still fail to understand all of them properly, specifically "static" (used in a global context) which marks some symbol as inelligible to be touched externally (e.g. you can't use "extern" to access it). the whole fucking point of static is to make #include'd headers rational, to have a clear seperation between external, intended-to-be-accessed API symbols, and internal, opaque shit. nobody bothers. it's all there, out in the open, if you #include something, you get all of it, and brother, this is only the beginning, you also get all of its preprocessor garbage.

this is where the hell begins:

#if #else

hey, do these look familiar? we already fucking have if/else. do you know what is hard to understand? perfectly minimally written if/else logic, in long functions. do you know what is nearly impossible to understand? poorly written if/else rats nests (which is what you find 99% of the time). do you know what is completely impossible to understand? that same poorly-written procedural if/else rat's nest code that itself is is subject to another higher-order if/else logic.

it's important to remember that the cpp is a glorified search/replace. in all it's terrifying glory it fucking looks to be turing complete, hell, im sure the C++ preprocessor is turing complete, the irony of this shouldn't be lost on you. if you have some long if/else logic you're trying to understand, that itself is is subject to cpp #if/#else, the logical step would be to run the cpp and get the output pure C and work from there, do you know how to do that? you open the gcc or llvm/clang man page, and your tty session's mem usage quadruples. great job idiot. trying figuring out how to do that in the following eight thousand pages. and even if you do, you're going to be running the #includes, and your output "pure C" file (bereft of cpp logic) is going to be like 40k lines. lol.

the worst is yet to come:

#define #ifdef #ifndef (<- WTF) #undef you can define shit. you can define "anything". you can pick a name, whatever, and you can "define it". full stop. "#define foo". or, you can give it a value: "#define foo 1". and of course, you can define it as a function: "#define foo(x) return x". wow. xzibit would be proud. you dog, we heard you wanted to kill yourself, so we put a programming language in your programming language.

the function-defines are pretty lol purely in concept. when you find them in the wild, they will always look something like this:

#define foo(x,y) \ (((x << y)) * (x))

i've seen up to seven parens in a row. why? because since cpp is, again, just a fucking find&replace, you never think about operator precedence and that leads to hilarious antipaterns like the classic

#define min(x,y) a < b ? a : b

which will just stick "a < b ? a: b" ternary statement wherever min(.. is used. just raw text replacement. it never works. you always get bitten by operator precedence.

the absolute worst is just the bare defines:

#define NO_ASN1 #define POSIX_SUPPORTED #define NO_POSIX

etc. etc. how could this be worse? first of all, what the fuck are any of these things. did they exist before? they do now. what are they defined as? probably just "1" internally, but that isn't the point, the philosophy here is the problem. back in reality, in C, you can't just do something like "x = 0;" out of nowhere, because you've never declared x. you've never given it a type. similar, you can't read its value, you'll get a similar compiler error. but cpp macros just suddenly exist, until they suddenly don't. ifdef? ifndef? (if not defined). no matter what, every permutation of these will have a "valid answer" and will run without problem. let me demonstrate how this fucks things up.

do you remember "heartbleed" ? the "big" openssl vulnerability ? probably about a decade ago now. i'm choosing this one specifically, since, for some reason, it was the first in an annoying trend for vulns to be given catchy nicknames, slick websites, logos, cable news coverage, etc. even though it was only a moderate vulnerability in the grand scheme of things...

(holy shit, libssl has had huge numbers of remote root vulns in the past, which is way fucking worse, heartbleed only gave you a random sampling of a tiny bit of internal memory, only after heavy ticking -- and nowadays, god, some of the chinese bluetooth shit would make your eyeballs explode if you saw it; a popular bt RF PHY chip can be hijacked and somehow made to rewrite some uefi ROMs and even, i think, the microcode on some intel chips)

anyways, heartbleed, yeah, so it's a great example since you could blame it two-fold on the cpp. it involved a generic bounds-checking failure, buf underflow, standard shit, but that wasn't due to carelessness (don't get me wrong, libssl is some of the worst code in existence) but because the flawed cpp logic resulted in code that:

A.) was de-facto worthless in definition B.) a combination of code supporting ancient crap. i'm older than most of you, and heartbleed happened early in my undergrad. the related legacy support code in question hadn't been relevant since clinton was in office.

to summarize, it had to do with DTLS heartbeats. DTLS involves handling TLS (or SSLv3, as it was then, in the 90s) only over UDP. that is how old we're talking. and this code was compiled into libssl in the early 2010s -- when TLS had been the standard for a while. TLS (unlike SSLv3 & predecessors) runs over TCP only. having "DTLS heartbeat support in TLS does not make sense by definition. it is like drawing a triangle on a piece of paper whose angles don't add up to 180.

how the fuck did that happen? the preprocessor.

why the fuck was code from last century ending up compiled in? who else but!! the fucking preprocessor. some shit like:

#ifndef TCP_SUPPORT <some crap related to UDP heartbeats> #endif ... #ifndef NO_UDP_ONLY <some TCP specific crap> #endif

the header responsible for defining these macros wasn't included, so the answer to BOTH of these "if not defined" blocks is true! because they were never defined!! do you see?

you don't have to trust my worldview on this. have you ever tried to compile some code that uses autoconf/automake as a build system? do you know what every single person i've spoken to refers to these as? autohell, for automatic hell. autohell lives and dies on cpp macros, and you can see firsthand how well that works. almost all my C code has the following compile process:

"$ make". done. Makefile length: 20 lines.

the worst i've ever deviated was having a configure script (probably 40 lines) that had to be rune before make. what about autohell? jesus, these days most autohell-cursed code does all their shit in a huge meta-wrapper bash script (autogen.sh), but short of that, if you decode the forty fucking page INSTALL doc, you end up with:

$ automake (fails, some shit like "AUTOMAKE_1.13 or higher is required) $ autoconf (fails, some shit like "AUTOMCONF_1.12 or lower is required) $ aclocal (fails, ???) $ libtoolize (doesn't fail, but screws up the tree in a way that not even a `make clean` fixes $ ???????? (pull hair out, google) $ autoreconf -i (the magic word) $ ./configure (takes eighty minutes and generates GBs of intermediaries) $ make (runs in 2 seconds)

in conclusion: roflcopter

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ disclaimer | private policy | unsubscribe

#frequently questioned answers

[undeadheir-if]

YOU’RE DRIVING, maybe a little faster than you should be. Maybe a little faster than is actually safe, point is, you’re trying to get home. When out of nowhere, something’s run out in front of your truck and then you're swerving and panicking and very suddenly, you’re spinning out. You’ve lost control of your vehicle and you can’t quite remember what you were taught to do in a situation like this. 

So you’re gripping at the wheel, turning into the spins and applying the breaks and oh, oh shit, you’re off the road. Even worse, you’ve gone sideways and as if God hasn’t decided to clown you enough tonight, there’s a thud and a smash and something like a scream that you can’t decide whether it’s coming from your mouth or whatever the hell you’ve just hit. 

Maybe it’s bad that you're praying it’s a deer or a cow at the very least. Please let it be a fucking cow. Your truck is currently sitting diagonally, inside the roadside gully separating the now mud slicked road ahead of you from the rows and rows of corn behind you. 

From here, you can see that whatever it is you’ve hit is wearing jeans and oh no, a singular boot. The realization dawns upon you that what you've hit is not just a thing, but a person. 

You rush out of your car and into the rain, letting it poor sideways around you. 

You know what you have to do. 

WELCOME TO FLORENCE HOLLOW, MISSOURI. In 1979, Florence Hollow is a town kept alive by its singular industry of cattle slaughter.

YOU play as the local bartender, one third of the staff at Florence Hollow’s one and only bar. Headed home from work one night, you find yourself caught in a storm and very suddenly, you hit something--no, not something--but someone. 

That someone is Lucky Harding, heir to the Harding Family Fortune and their slaughterhouse empire. 

Sole provider for both your ill mother and kid sibling, you can’t be put away for murder. You can’t. 

You won’t. 

So instead, you do what you’ve always done. Make the hard decision. 

You hide the body. 

Only, upon returning to the spot you’ve hidden the corpse a few days later, you find that Lucky is very much alive and very much pissed. 

Risen from the dead like Christ and Lazarus before them, is one Lucky Harding, on the run from their demon-worshiping cult-family of cannibals. 

And like it or not, you owe them. 

Big time.

UNDEAD HEIR is a twine-based text-adventure focused on horror, complex family dynamics and romance. This game and blog are currently rated 16+

Play as male, female or non-binary with customizable pronouns

Customize your character to your liking

Develop your character’s personality and skill set through choices and in-game experiences

Customize your mother and siblings names and appearances

Romance one of five different characters (one male, one female, one non-binary and two gender selectable characters) 

Navigate through a world of cults, demons, small town woes, oh! and of course,t̶̤̪̗̮̽̽̋h̸̨̛̬̜͓̚͜e̵͖̽̏ͅ ̷̯̖̓u̷̪̇̊̎͘n̷̢̥̱̊̌͊î̶̛̗̤͚͖͐̇m̵̺̫͉̃̊̄͘ạ̵͌̕͠g̴̝̠͎̖̿i̵̟̲͆̂͆̔ń̸̮̺̙̣͗́͜a̴̛͖͔̋͊͐b̸̛̦l̵̮̻̈̾̽͆ȩ̷̙̣̠́͝ͅ ̴̧̛̮͙͉̼̌̎h̸̠̉̒̾͐͜ọ̴̥̌̕r̴̘̰̀͋ṙ̵̳̬̃ͅò̶̪̤̺̭͖̈͗̀r̵̭͖̅͛͜s̸͍͈̰͇̈́͋

THE BARTENDER - Why, that’s you of course! Local bartender extraordinaire and parentified eldest child. You’ve just accidentally committed what would be classified at least as vehicular manslaughter. (Or did you?) 

YOUR SIBLING - Your kid sibling, the one you’ve practically raised your whole life. They’re smart as a whip and you know they’ll actually get somewhere in life. Or at least, somewhere that isn’t Florence Hollow. [M/F/NB]

YOUR MOTHER - Your Mother. She’d never win any awards for the way she’s raised you, but hey, she’s your mother. Better than that, she’s your sibling’s mother, and she’s sick. Complicated your relationship may be, you’ve always felt at least a little in debt to her. [F]

THE UNDEAD HEIR - ♥ Lucky Harding. Youngest child of the infamous Harding family that owns the slaughterhouse and that’s right, you guessed it! Practically the whole town. Also! They’re cultists. You’ve just hit Lucky with your truck. [F/M]

THE HAS BEEN - ♥ Jason Reyes. Washed up would-be football star, he’s the veterinarian’s kid. Stuck in Florence Hollow after a ruined football career, forever known as the kid that could’ve actually made it out of this place. [M]

THE FARMER’S DAUGHTER - ♥ Amara Bridgers. A local kindergarten teacher, she finds herself wanting more out of life, but hey, in Florence Hollow, who doesn’t? All that and she also happens to be your best friend. [F]

THE NEWCOMER - ♥ Jesse Marks. The town book-keeper and Florence Hollow’s most recent transplant. Why the hell anyone would move to Florence Hollow, you don’t know. But hey, you could always work up the courage to ask them. [NB[

THE SHERIFF’s DEPUTY - Cooper Graves. Government funded scum-bag who just so happens to hate your guts. (And that was before the murder.) Bought off by the Harding Family, Cooper Graves is practically their lapdog. But hey now, really, what can you expect? The man’s a cop. [M]

Ṱ̷̡̛̲̏̓̾͐͠Ḫ̴̡̭̳͔̖̌͋̅̏̇̾̎̕É̸͇̪̈́̃͑̆͗̍̋̾͗͐̎͘ ̶̡̜̣̣͇̭͈̜̳̋͌͌͌̅͆̈́̀͑͝ͅD̶̢̛̟̠͂̽̐͛̀͜E̶̛̞̜̜̳̭̭̣͊͂̚M̴̱̼̝͖̮͍͛͊ͅO̷̘͒̏́͌͝͝͝N̶̦̱̪̯̭̫͓͇͂̆͒̉̾͆͋͂̈̅̈́̈́͐́ͅ ̸̻̲͔̞̹̘̜̤̲̞̽͆̅̓̈̈́͑͒̅͑̃͘͘͠L̶̲͎͗̒̌̚ͅŐ̷͉̪͎̭͌̂R̷̢̨̡̢̧̛̜͙͙̗̬͉̯̤̣͓̾̽̓̐̽̒͗̒͆̾̃̃̃̕D̴̠̘̳͉̮͛̄͗̅̈̍̒̆̌̓̆̍͠͠ - ♥ Called Lazarus by their followers, a member of Hell’s court and the object of the Harding’s affections. 

[[DEMO | MARCH 18TH, 2023]] // [[ITCH.IO]] // PATREON // KOFI

#undead heir if #interactive fiction #twine game #twine #if #undead heir

[oh-surprise-its-me]

Roy/Jaime Prompt: A guy that looks just like Jamie is found murdered and everyone thinks it's him, especially when they try to reach Jamie and he doesn't answer. Roy is completely shattered, and then a very much alive Jamie Tartt walks in, grumbling about his broken phone and apologizing for being late. He is summarily pulled into a rib bending hug and kissed fucking senseless by Roy Fucking Kent. He's gonna want an explanation later, for now Jamie just wants to keep kissing Roy and hug him back just as hard because the man he's loved forever is shaking uncontrollably. Richmond fam surround them in no time.

YOOOO PAIN? YOU WANT PAIN? ILL GIVE YOU PAIN- kidding actually but I’ll try to give you a bit but there will be crack.

Roy can’t breathe. He saw the Twitter headline and started calling Jamie before he even double checked.

Voicemail again. All the guys are out in the locker room calling people trying to find out if it’s true.

It’s looking truer and truer by the passing moment.

News sites are running the story. Georgie left him a voicemail to call her.

Christ Jamie is dead.

Roy stumbles out into the locker room again. He needs the noise and to not be alone. Colin sees him and comes over to hold his hand. Christ. He’d normally smack someone if they tried this but he just holds on tighter.

“Christ sorry I’m so late lads, dropped my phone and a taxi ran over it.”

Jamie comes waltzing into the locker room. Great. Roy is already hallucinating his dead boyfriend.

Colin slaps Roy.

Roy instinctually slaps Colin back. “Hey! Stop hitting each other!”

Dead Jamie walks over to Roy, “bad rest of the day?”

He touches Roy’s furrowed brows.

He touches Roy.

He’s alive.

Roy gasps all at once. He stands and lunges forward, he grabs Jamie so hard he hears air leave his lungs. “Woah!”

He can’t let go but he starts kissing all the skin he can reach, mostly Jamie’s neck. “Roy cut it out we are literally in the locker room.” But Jamie just holds onto the back of Roy’s neck.

Roy loosens his grip on Jamie to pull him into a bruising kiss. He hears Jamie let out a shocked but quiet moan.

Jamie pulls away gasping, “what the fuck happened. Is Roy dying?”

All of a sudden it’s like the guys realize they can move, they all grab onto Jamie. Sam starts explaining, while Roy just keeps holding onto Jamie.

Once everyone settles down a bit Roy pulls Jamie next to him on the bench. “No practice today, come over, we’ll order dinner.”

Everyone trickles out to their cars get to Roy’s house.

“I really didn’t know I’m sorry.”

Roy laughs. “Sorry? No don’t be sorry. But Christ Jamie that was terrifying. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

“Gonna have to do a press release and say you aren’t dead.”

“Fuck what if I just post something on Instagram? Us kissing maybe?”

“Fuck it sure go ahead.”

#ted lasso #jamie tartt #roy kent #jamie x roy #royjamie #fluff #jamie tartt x roy kent #roy kent x jamie tartt #headcanon #love this it was such a different prompt #thanks for the ask !! #hope you like it !!