#im a lot happier this year

[cacaocheri]

2023 is coming to an end so I might as well post this :D very proud of the art that I drew this year, I got to develop a lot of fun oc stories!!

#peep sun being in both january AND february 😭😭😭 #man what a year #grateful for all the people i met and befriended this year #also december is a stardew valley wip!!! #i couldve put other art for december but i think stardew art best represented that month #because holy shit the brainrot took over #uhh #anyway if you read this far i love you #kind of getting sentimental in the tags right now #uhhh #i love my friends #really love all the people i met this year and that made it a great year #im a lot happier this year #and i owe it to all the kind people i met #thanks for being my friends #i really do love you guys #my art #my ocs #cacaocheri oc #summary of art #summary of art 2023 #sun fnaf #fnaf sun #charlie daydreamers

[mblue-art]

ough,,,, you givb me lust brainrot,,,,,,, hes jbust a littol guyTM,,,,

-juni

HECK yeah 🫶🫶🫶 good thoughts, i hope ! he deserves to be appreciated 💜

mme whne,when lust sans does anything that's so very him

(emoji src)

#ask #mblue talks #m rambles #he's a leetol guy i wanan kis #want him to feel safe being his silly self around meee #want him 2 b comfortable and safe and happier and loveddd waugh #provide comfort and solace to him #want 2 talk with him lots and be besties and open up to eachother and #and be unapologetically ourselves and accepting of eachother's quirks #have a cute lil domestic life #silly banter and teasing #let him rest his pretty tired little skull beside me while i stare at his cute sleepy face in adoration #careful not to wake him with a cheek caress or a gentle kiss atop the crown of his skull #feeling very rom about him tbh #also want both the friendship and the relationship ykwim #(i think it's funny to me that last year i myself used to feel only platonic for him until i had a character development LOL) #(but im v happy that it happened. happy that friends encouraged and supported) #i love him and i am v gay n bi abt him #yeah i have a lot of emoceans about lust sans can you tell

[monstertsunami]

wtf is wrong with ppl trying to manifest a petrigtof breakup. im genuinely mystified. i want them to be toxic together until the end of time some real sunk cost fallacy shit. theyve been devoted to each other for literally thousands of years, YES to a fault, but shes an entire god of chaos now there is like nothing else for her to lose. shes all powerful and her only goal is to protect simon WHY, from a storytelling perspective, would she break up with him now? why would simon break up with her? theyre both at rock bottom there is nowhere to go but up. they could even rebuild together! if you want them to be healthy so fucking bad they could confront their past and try again. TOGETHER. but its not cathartic or a good ending at all for them to just cut it off or stay friends after centuries of literal madness. stop putting these characters through therapy or making them well adjusted just shut up shut up AAGH .

#all these posts abt this are genuinely making me so anxious like what if it does happen and its awful #just go ahead and ruin everything their arcs have been building towards for years. negate the tragedy. character assassination. fuck you #we know that in an au where betty hadnt met simon she wouldve been happier. this doesnt mean that in our universe after everything #that they would be happier APART #theyre like the only thing each other has now! #also theres just no way betty has been sitting up in space doing self reflection like hmm #'i sacrificed a lot for simon maybe I should uhh negate this last biggest sacrifice and divorce him lol' #what im saying is . petrigrof breakup would not make them any healthier. you just hate seeing toxic lesbians winning #schizobabble #adventure time #fionna and cake #petrigrof #betty grof #i hope one million ppl block me

[qualityrain]

i am thinking. about firefly wedding and being a tool v a person. rambling abt satoko and shinpei and throwing ideas at the wall. (some chapter 28 spoilers btw)

they are all tools to something. satoko being a tool to her family and shinpei and kotaro being a tool to her(albeit in slightly different ways).

initially satoko uses shinpei as a means to leave the island and shinpei uses her as a way to feel needed. this ofc changes over the course of the manga and theres alr this post abt how shinpei doesnt see satoko as an object considering the different reactions to her scar i think more obviously is the talk he has with her on the boat as they are leaving the island in chap 16 where he says i want to know more abt what kind of girl you are.

he wants to get to know her more as a person. understand her better. know why she is like this. what kind of girl is she. her likes?dislikes? and its mutual in chap 28

ever since chap 24 there is this explicit mutual commitment because this relationship isnt a short time thing on the island anymore. they’re stuck together now and its ok to have this mutual curiosity abt one another and they’re both able take the time to know more abt each other now. they’re not tools to each other anymore but somebody to have a long term relationship with

which makes me think abt kotaro. kotaro who brings satokos medicine and brings her favourite sweet. he learns these things abt her and obviously sees her as a person but encourages satoko being a tool to her family. its not his fault because its what satoko herself thinks she wants. i wonder if satoko knows kotaros likes and dislikes too. satokos whole dilemma of marriage for her family or for herself. does she want to be the tool or her own person. i think this is something shinpei(and kotaro) have to address in the future too since shinpei thinks of himself as a tool and it hasnt been addressed yet. lots of things to think abt and see what happens this year

#yk i was rambling on disc abt how we actually dont know a lot abt shinpei which makes sense because theres no reason for satoko #to learn that since its short term and how going forward we will learn more AND THEN IMMEDIATELY. #CHAP 28 gave me that i cried #i havent read it yet actually fhese r screenshots from ppl on twitter… #they invented love in 2023 and 2024 #firefly wedding #hotaru no yomeiri #claude txt #like im soooo chap 24 was such a turning point #i thought abt how shinpei is just happier after 24 andhsjjssjjdsjjjsjdj #urhgghhh shinpei has always thought abt them long term and now its mutual!!!!!! #and i scream cry and throw up #starting the year right with a cute first date chapter … #i saw the editor say that on twitter i think

[goldiipond]

i'm glad i'm alive!

#skye's doodles #FINALLY FINISHED THIS ONE .. thismight be my favorite piece i've done in. a very long time #i love him so much im so glad he was allowed to heal and live a happier life . cries for one thousand year #had a lot of fun w the background i wanna do more rough coloring like that #yeah. spins him around #the promised neverland #tpn #yakusoku no neverland #tpn ray

[thunderc1an]

tldr: for christmas my mom got me blanket with stolen warriors fanart

#mod rambles #i mentioned it a few months ago #but i started going to therapy #to make amends with my childhood #it made me realize #shit theres a lot of things wrong with me #things I need to work on #its hard #but im happier than I was a couple of years ago #I have a great support system now #and my outlook of myself in the mirror #makes me comfortable #shes the cause of a lot of my internal insecurities #but I know that shes been trying recently #in her interactions with me and my brothers #i think shes realized some things #it might be silly #since this is obviously stolen art #which is horrible #but it means a lot to me #because my mom put the effort in finding it #and getting it for me #shes never paid attention to my interests before #not me crying over this blanket haha #it just came in the mail today

[ophernelia]

I’m thinking Jackpot might come out close to May. I’m just not ready to let up on Lykaia just yet. I mean technically I’ve only done one full 22 episode season. Season one was only 10 short episodes. I haven’t gotten my fill of it yet!

#I’m rationalizing it to myself to make myself feel better #ykw i was supposed to be on holiday break but since im also on holiday from work too I’ve just been thinking about content #is it a lot of work? yes. but does it feel like work? no #and- I’m rambling atp but whatever- i like how my family will ask me how it’s going running the series #they keep trying to get me to go to the film festival in Florida next year #they’ve always been supportive but I think they can tell doing this has made me a lot happier #I’m very grateful #text post

[devilbrakers]

Emo as hell thinking abt gray getting older and healing

#they're 36ish around dmc5 which isn't old obviously but older than they ever thought they'd be yknow? #idk I just get all :')) thinking abt the gray hairs and the wrinkles and gaining a lil weight as they get happier and more at peace with #themself and everything that's happened. obviously it'll always hurt and they have a lot of relationships to repair (namely with their #parents) and dmitri ig but they're already square a few years after they reunite and gray chills tf out 😭 #ough. i just love them a lot and im still working on their story bc im so indecisive and hate to kill blake and olive for the sake of it 😔 #plus shart's story did inspire me a bit #an knee way...

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#just an observation bc im avoiding working on stuff but i draw a lot and post basically everything i draw thst gets finished #and its v funny to me how u can tell how out of focus i was based on the quality of the drawing #or like when i post something and its like ok some of that was good but u def gave up halfway thru one of those lol #inconsistency i funny like that. its also funny to me that now a days i get comments like COLORS!!! #which is funny bc i notoriously haaaaaate coloring. like i will sit around whining and complaining when im home with my parents bc i dont #wanna color. its just so easy to fuck things up when u draw traditionally and it takes a million years so its a big ask lol #but i guess i dont hate is so much right now bc i kinda just slap whatever colors i want together like fuck it we ball #and thats kinda fun. reckless i suppose #its agony when u wanna try to do shadows and lights tho. like finding references ugh #or wanting to draw big ideas but then its like oh god its gonna take so long and if i dont do it all in one sitting i might die #im a lil better abt thst now bc it would b impossible but in my head i still hate it #ugh. all i wanna do is draw. theres another universe where i went to art school. or just like took art classes. and i wanna say id b happier #but thats def a lie XD i like learning too much and i dont have the attention span to hardcore learn genetics outside an academic #environment. and i got way too excited abt exploring the genetic traits of my cyano species #like i can make genetics trees for traits and look for. fuck. i forgot the word. how tf did i forget the word. oh god. horizontal gene #transfer. jesus christ its like theres a hole in my brain. well. i guess i did get only like 4hrs sleep. ugh im rambling. #i need to finish getting ready for Monday so i dont have to tomorrow and ill have time to draw. prob wont stop me feeling nauseous abt #teaching tho. OH FUCK. i just remembered i have a new office space now to decorate. fuck i need to hang up pictures and stuff #what would b the funniest way to put narut0 on my deskspace? idk ill have to think abt it. oh god im not ready #my head is like a handbell. one of the big ones when u ring it and it hits soft and u can feel the vibrations. someones wrung my head lol #unrelated

[oh-gh0st]

i have a good feeling my ososan phase will last about the same amount of time as my sonic phase did

#ghosts rambles #im rambling whatever thought comes to my brain rn now that im home my apollocheese #like sonic lasted for like. 2?? 3? years?? #it came and went a lot but it never really went away. and i dont think ososan will #esp now that i can have access to merch. and im always expanding on aus and ideas #plus u guys help feed into the fixation and i couldnt be happier <3 mental illness over neets together !!

[new-bird-song]

One thing ive been thinking about lately is that like

Its okay to only ever make bad art. Its okay to only paint "boring" things or only draw the same thing a million times or only be "okay" at sewing or crochet. Sometimes i think theres this idea that its okay to make bad art because its part of the process of making good art, but i think its fine to make art that is bad or just okay and not keep looking at it thinking about ways it is flawed or ways to make it better. If you want to improve and grow, thats great and you will through the process of just doing something over and over or looking for advice or other ways of learning.

But its also totally okay to only ever want to make bad art

#art #delete later #idk ive been thinking a lot about how like #for the last few years the vast majority of my art has been drawing d&d characters largely by tracing over refs #and just drawing the same things over and over #because it makes me happy! #and sometimes i just see this come off as like. a way to moralize taste/lack of satisfaction with how your work turned out #because that peice doesnt matter its just one step on the way to making better ones #but if you only ever make lumpy pottery thats fine! you made a lumpy pottery! #like my great aunts house is covered in paintings shes made #and theyre not to my taste they feel kinda generic and bland to me #but she is showing more of her art in her house than i am in mine and im like. which of us is happier as an artist #value your art where it is #especially if its a fucking hobby! jesus christ! #if its a hobby do you want to spend so much time and energy hating it you dont enjoy it anymore? fuck! #like i just finished a sweater and now a part of me wants to break fom knitting/crochet for a bit bc ive been working hard at it for a whil #and it turned out fine but with some fit issues i know to fix in future projects #but idk #i need to allow myself the freedom to let bad art be completed art #anyway this got weirdly sentimental #i should go paint some weird fish now #also from my own experience. it helps me appreciate other artists more #because it helps me stop going oh i could do that/could never do that #and i can just go. wow look at the cool art and technical skill on display

[pepprs]

ok. giving myself 4 minutes to make this post and then i finish my homework. i just am so deeply miserable. i really think i made a mistake. i should not be in grad school. i only took a year between this and undergrad and i am still so burned out and mentally ill. im working full time. im only taking one class and this program is supposed to be so good and aligned with what i want and all of that. but i just cant stand having homework. i just cant stand it. i think i am not cut out for academia even though i work in academia. i think i will never get better as long as im still living at home but i have to get better before i can no longer be living at home but i cant get better until im not living at home and every day i still live at home saps away at my will to live quite literally. i should not have started doing grad school without regaining my will to live. without restoring my love for reading and writing that i used to have voraciously when i was younger and less deeply miserable. without recovering from the burnout. i think i made a mistake. i need a masters degree so bad so that i can be safe but i need to not have fucking homework when i already struggle to get through my days without school. i feel so stuck in my life and hopeless and helpless. i dont know what to do

#purrs #i cant drop out or anything because. lol and this class isnt even that big of a deal like i TRULY am freaking out over nothing. but my life #situation is so bad rn bro like i cant get my parents to take me out to drive and i cant get myself to get my parents to take me out to #drive and every day i am guilt tripped berated etc etc and i feel like i am never ever ever going to be able to have my own life where i a #stable and safe and happy. it can happen for other people except for me and my siblings. i dont know. im not explaining anything well. #i just cant do this. i need to not have this one more thing on my plate but i have to because if i dont have a masters degree in my field i #am nothing even though everyone is telling me that isnt true and all of them are credible but im just so mentally ill i cant believe anyone #and icant accept any advice or hope or whatever good about me i just. am stuck. this is as good as it gets and its not even good. #delete later #that was 7 minutes not 4 and i didnt even write anything substantial. nutshell. i just have been so fucking depressed lately oh my goddddd #this is maybe too strong of a thing to say but like. i know it isnt technically neglect if i am an adult but... i think i may kind of be #neglected by my family in some ways a little bit and always have been but like. emotionally. like in the ways in which im never a priority #and the things i need are seen as burdens etc etc. and theres nothing anyone can do about it even myself because im an adult but like lol. #24 year old dependent moment <3 #well there is one thing i can do about it as an adult actually. its called move out. but that requires strength i will #never possess unfortunately due to the inherent flaws in my character and constitution so. guess this is it lawl 🥰 #side note (and i swear im done after this lol): i think i was doing a lot better mentally over the summer. funny how when the semester #starts i get depressed and the depression just gets worse and worse until the end of the semester 😻 funny how this is my seventh year like #this. willingly subjecting myself to this. that should be a clue no? but i love my job and if i could just have my job and be stable in it #would be happier but also im lying to mysaelf and i will always be unhappy but its because of my mental illness not my job being bad or #anything its like. i am just sick in the head with impostor syndrome and thats how i got myself into this whole mess. lol #well that and the not moving out thing which is partially my fault but also because i live in hell as described earlier! <3

[joyridingmp3]

end of an era

#i said goodbye to one of my closest friends yesterday #not in a bad way she's moving state and I'm rly happy for her #but god I've really let go of a lot this year #mostly for the better except her #it's been good though I feel so so so much better #I've been feeling so good lately #but definitely also feel transformed as a person with all the change that's been happening yknow #quit drinking quit caffeine quit those horrible singing lessons. among other things that weren't good for me #walking into the new year a very different person for sure #but also i feel like ive found my way back to my old self in a weird way #im like oh THERE you are! #I've been looking for you! #so. it's nice #sad to see my friend go but that's ok :) im glad. and she will be happier in her new situation too #mine

[fakevariety]

how can i be happy with being happy

#like i’ll just be scrolling on tiktok #and i’ll see someone who just looks happy #and i’ll be like “I could be like that! i could do that!” #“i could just be a happy person in general instead of short bursts of it and crashing later! i could work for that!” #but then i’m like nah that doesn’t feel right i’m not meant to be happy #but at the same time it’s weird because im definitely happier than i was this time last year #i know a lot more about myself and i feel better in general #i don’t even know if i’m happy or if im not happy #it’s all just so weird

[thekidsarentalright]

my birthday is saturday and it is literally sick how like introspective and nostalgic and melancholy birthdays make me like. girl u should be happy and excited to celebrate another year of being alive not sitting around think abt ur morality 😵‍💫

#more than just my morality also just how much ive grown this year and how different things are than i thought theyd be #and how 19 is such a weird age where ur an adult but also still feel like a kid and how idk when that feeling #will go away honestly and how. im happier than ive been in years after these last couple months making so many big changes in life #and how like. this next year a lot more is gonna change. and how ive learned that isnt a bad thing #and also like 19 is so young but also the oldest ive ever been and idk. it's just a lot. birthdays are a lot #anyway. happy gemini season to me and pete and andy x #txt

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Can't sleep. Maybe I'll pull an all-nighter then go do an eight hour shift. Nothing could go wrong.

#remembering that stimulants make it hard to sleep #took a Vyvanse at noon #then drank two coffees #hmm i wonder why i cant sleep /s #on the bright side itll be the last shift at my current job #then im moving back to a much chiller job that doesnt make me want to stick my hands in the fryer #thank god. i couldnt take even one more day of this job #this next job is properly staffed which means i can get a lot more days off without it being a problem which is great #i remember there being days when id ask if i could leave early the next day #and theyd just say 'yeah. do you want to come in earlier so you still get hours?' and thatd be that #at this job i can just plug in my earbuds and make my food and im primarily alone and i love it #it makes me go a little crazy. being almost completely alone for 8+ hours a day. but whatevs #oh i used to work at this job and im going back to it. for context #i rarely encounter customers and i am so so so happy about that #a year in fast food reminded me that i hate people #in 1.5 years in this job (the new one) i dealt with like two bad customers #in my fast food job i had at least two bad customers per day #looking at an ideal future id only be there another year #then move in with my gf in a different area. get a better job. have a happier life with her #get a dog. have movie nights. make her dinner. come home and not be stressed so i can enjoy my time with her #help her with her college work. fall asleep with her every night. knit next to her while she plays video games #well this got very gay very quickly #i love her. i love you all. i hope you have the amazing lives you all deserve. i hope you find little things to fall in love with every day #i hope you find good music. i hope you see a cute animal today. and i hope you feel so so loved. youre all so wonderful and dear to me #sleep well and sweet dreams ❤️