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thefaefiction · 1 year

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In Too Deep. [Tom Hiddleston x Reader]

PAIRING: Tom Hiddleston x Reader GENRE: Smut !! WARNINGS: Age gap, teacher x student relationship, smut, daddy kink, praise, piv sex, choking, degradation if you squint, aftercare, fem!reader, written with a chubbier reader in mind but it's not obvious, also the beginning is rushed SUMMARY: After developing an intense relationship with your English professor Mr. Hiddleston, you both are in too deep to let it go to waste.

A/N: im not gonna lie i had no clue how to actually begin this fic because it's literally just an excuse for me to indulge in my delusions so sorry that the first couple paragraphs are weird and rushed </3 also the school email domain is fake idk if it's real don't pay attention to it LMAO

Your obsession with your English professor was no secret to your friends. Elio, your long term best friend and dormmate, has had to interrupt you from your delusions on more than one occasion which was already one too many -- whether that be purposefully failing a paper to see him after class, wearing a skirt far too short and dropping a pencil in a calculated manner in front of him, or staring at him a little too intently during lectures -- it was becoming a problem.

In the professor's multiple classes of forty-some-odd students, there really were only a few that were delusional enough to believe they could sleep with their teacher. The difference between you and them was that you were patient with your actions and the effects it had on him.

Ultimately your patience paid off, as one Friday you received an ominous email with the heading titled 'Make-up Work' from a particular '[email protected].' In the details, he simply requested your presence at a disclosed location only ten minutes from campus on Sunday. It was not an office nor a dorm, but a house.

It wasn't long before his intentions were made clear when you arrived; his eyes dark with lust and a half buttoned shirt upon opening the door.

"(Y/N)," He welcomed, cocking his head and shutting the door behind you. "Lovely to see you."

"Pleasure's mine," You reply, never breaking eye contact. You slide your coat off and he takes it in his hands, hanging it up for you. You knew where the night was going to end -- inviting a student to talk not just outside of office hours, but in the professor's home, is not something usual.

"I thought we could discuss an appropriate way to help get your grade back up in my class," He begins. His eyes look down for a moment, observing your obviously risqué attire. "Do you have an idea as to what way that might be?"

He was going to make you say it. There was no way around it. Still, you decided to entertain his antics until it was made painfully and obviously clear he was trying to get you to say what you know he wants you to say.

"I think," You start, voice beginning to shake. The confidence you had starting this endeavor was suddenly challenged. "I think one-on-one time is certainly needed." You press your lips together in a line.

He hums, taking an agonizing step closer. He looks down into your eyes, furrowing his brows and letting out a soft laugh. "I'm not dumb, (Y/N)," he retorts. "I know you're a smart girl. You're excellent, actually -- some of the best writing from all of my classes combined." The professor stops, taking a step back to his original position. "So why are you really here?"

A moment of silence.

"You know why," You sheepishly croak out.

"Flatter me by saying it, then." He raises an eyebrow, crossing his arms and waiting for you to speak.

"I want you to fuck me."

With the words already said, there was no going back. Your chest sunk, a feeling of embarrassment creeping up and beginning to eat away at your skin. All of those feelings were put to rest the second your professor spoke: "Was that so hard to ask, love?"

Professor Hiddleston turned on his heel, two fingers signaling you to follow him like a lost puppy. He led you down a long hallway in painful silence, finally twisting the knob to a door that revealed his bedroom. It was sleek and clean, covered in shades of black and gray with no mess dared to be left out.

He shut the door behind you and immediately began unbuttoning his shirt, holding your gaze with his light eyes. "Quickly," He commented. "I don't like waiting."

Your face flushed, embarrassed at his demand. You looked away and lifted the hem of your shirt-

"You will look at me," He orders, finishing the last button. "With how bold you are in my classroom I would've thought you'd take more control," He pokes, smirking. "Who would've thought you're just a shy little girl desperate for attention from her professor?"

Your thighs squeezed together, you're sure it doesn't go unnoticed as he grins the moment it occurs. You lift your top off as he watches, simultaneously beginning to unbuckle his belt. The sound makes you shiver.

"Good girl," He praises. You shiver in response.

As he tosses his belt to the side, you begin sliding your skirt off, letting it fall to the ground and pool at your feet. Your professor mimics with his slacks, walking closer and caressing your cheek. "Bed."

You obey, laying down on his duvet as he crawls up your body, sending shivers down your spine. "Professor-"

"Tom," He corrects. "No need for formalities at this point, yes?"

You blush before continuing. "Tom, are you sure?"

"I've been sure since the first time you tried to tease me in class," He replies. "I don't think you understand that I think about you every fucking night in my bed, about the things I would do if I were just able to have you."

You smile, your confidence returning almost instantly. "You have me, sir."

Tom grunts in the back of his throat, his body towering over you as he tears your underwear off, the cracking of the seams startling you. Immediately his hands find your sex, running his hands over it and around your thighs. His hands diligently run under your back, you arch, giving him easier access to remove your bra.

"God, you're stunning," He whispers before connecting his lips to yours. He pulls on your face, his teeth making contact with your lips and bruising their pink color in moments. As he pulls away, a string of saliva connects your mouths and you squirm beneath him.

Tom sits up and begins removing his boxers. The tent in them is noticeable -- and horrifying. You can tell he's big even without seeing it.

Not like you've thought about it before, though.

Now completely undressed, he puts his hands under your waist and drags you forward with a grunt. His hands dig at the fat of your hips and travel along your plush thighs, a moan escaping your lips as his fingers dance on your skin.

"Does my little girl need her professor's cock?" Tom provokes, sliding his shaft between your folds -- up and down, up and down, up and down.

You whine, nodding eagerly in hopes to get him to just put it in already, but your meek noise wasn't good enough for him. "Use your big girl words, darling." He puts his thumb and pointer finger against your chin, urging you to look at him him; eyes burning through your skull.

"Daddy," You spit out too quick, back arching. "Please, need you inside of me so bad!" The sheer volume of your pleas and the new title takes Tom aback, yet his cock ached with every sultry word you spoke.

"Good girl," He praises, grinning at you beneath him. You watch as he inserts himself, pressing just the head into your heat. You let out a guttural moan, eyebrows furrowing in a lovely mix of pain and pleasure. He begins slowly easing himself into you further, inch by agonizing inch, until he completely bottoms out; releasing a groan as his head lolls back. "God, you feel so good princess," He praises, "Taking me so so well, yeah?"

His words struck a chord within you, forcing a smile on your face. You whimper, brain not being able to form a complete thought at how deep he was inside you and how just damn good it felt. He was much bigger than anyone you'd taken before by a longshot. Your walls clenched around him and he laughed, cock twitching inside of you. He slowly slides back, leaving just the head in, and then pushes forward quickly, earning a loud, needy, moan from your lips. "Look at you, so drunk on me, hm?" He says, pulling back and then ramming himself deep into you, bruising your cervix. "Tell me what you want, doll. What is it you need from daddy?" He teases, never averting his eyes from your gaze.

"Please," You whine, "Need you to to move, need daddy to make me come!" And without hesitation, he picks up the pace, rapidly fucking you while his hands grip the headboard. You can hear it hitting the wall, and suddenly you're glad he has a house instead of an apartment. The noises you're making are obscene, something any practiced Catholic would need to cross themselves after hearing. "Feels so good daddy!" You spit, earning a groan from him.

Tom turned almost animalistic during sex; his grunts sounding more and more like growls as he fucks you brainless. "Fuck!" He moans, taking a hand off of the wood above you. He quickly puts his free hand on your throat, squeezing and forcing your eyes to meet his once again. "Like being choked by daddy, yeah? Like daddy to make you feel powerless, hm?" He smirks, observing the visual pleasure and shock on your face.

You're so close, you can feel yourself on the verge of your orgasm, and his dirty talk was pushing you even closer. The hand on your throat squeezed, and you clenched down on him, causing Tom to curse under his breath. "Want your cum daddy," You squeak out, "Pleasepleaseplease!" You mumble in strands of pleasure.

"Feel so good," He praises. "Come for me, be a good girl and come for daddy, yeah?" He was fucking you hard, and fast, and he still managed to pick up the pace. His skin slapped against your skin, filling the room with hard smacks and grunts and moans; endless strings of 'daddy' and 'good girl' running from both of your lips.

"Want you inside me daddy," You choke out. Your head lolls to the side and bounces against the pillow, a lazy smile forming on your face. "P-please!" You whine.

That pushed Tom over the edge. He was too far lost in himself, leaning down and growling into your ear. "Ask and you shall receive," he teases.

As if on cue, you both come together, the wave of pleasure rushing over you both. You could feel his warmth filling you up, leaking down your heat and spilling onto his bed. "Fuck, Y/n!" He grunts, "Took me so so well little girl."

You couldn't think, let alone speak. Tom stayed inside of you, helping you ride out your orgasm, not wanting the feeling of your sweet sex to leave him. He took his hand off of your throat and stroked the site, soothing the redness with a sultry kiss. You hummed in response, letting your body fall limp. After a few moments, he pulled out.

About three things Tom was absolutely certain: One, he should’ve never become romantically entangled with one of his students. Two, engaging in this behavior put his entire career in jeopardy due to it being wildly illegal. Three, he was, without a doubt in his mind, unconditionally in love with everything about you.

As you laid on his chest, foreheads drenched in sweat and bodies stuck together, you felt more at home than you'd like to admit. One hand messaged your back, drawing figure-eights on your skin, and the other pet your hair, occasionally drawing his lips close to kiss the top of your head. You burrowed your head into him, clinging onto his body. He grinned.

"I should've never let it go this far," Tom said, his voice raspy and deep with post-sex clarity, "but I'm afraid I'm in too deep to give it up now." He let out a low laugh, your head bouncing with his chest.

You smiled. "I'm afraid I wouldn't have been able to return to normal after this," You commented, "and, well, not to be dramatic but having sex with your professor twice your age does things to you." Tom chuckled, looking down at you and tilting your head up to meet his eyes.

"This is all so wrong," He mumbled, furrowing his eyebrows and pressing his lips together, "And yet I wouldn't have it any other way." He pressed a kiss to your lips, the kind of kiss that left a permanent stain of love and lust on your mouth. It was deep, meaningful, and romantic. Tom stared at you, taking in your features and basking in each and every one. "You are breathtaking, darling."

You hid your face in his neck, attempting to suppress the toothy grin you'd almost shown him, however he pulls your head up with his pointer finger and thumb, admiring your rosy cheeks. "Poor baby, so sensitive to my compliments," He jests, letting out a low hum.

You roll your eyes at him. "It's not my fault that daddy somehow knows all of the words that light a fire in me," You emphasize on the word 'daddy,' which forces what sounded like a groan from the back of his throat. "I don't want to go," You admit, falling back into his embrace.

"I know love," He says calmly, stroking your hair and pulling you into him tight. "We can stay like this as long as you'd like, but eventually I'll have to bring you back."

You hum into just chest. "Just a little bit longer," you say to Tom. "I'm still recovering."

⟡

When you arrived back at your dorm, much later than you anticipated, Elio looked at you with an eyebrow raised and a smirk on his face. "Back so soon?"

"Shut up," You laughed, dropping your bag to the ground and kicking off your shoes. You wobbled into the dorm, legs still sore and threatening your balance. Clearly Elio had noticed this, as the first thing he said after greeting you was "Well aren't your movements suspicious," and your cheeks flushed red. "I do not need to explain my late night endeavors and my later night actions," You began, "But,"

"But..?" Elio lead, leaning forward in his seat.

"But." You ended, pressing your lips together with a hidden grin and nodding your head.

"No!" He gasped, smiling widely and clasping his hands, putting his chin on the top of his fingers. "Please tell me everything! Not that I need to know the gory details of your sex life but, like, was he..?" Elio put his hands in front of him, fingers forward, and spread his arms apart.

"Shut up!" You giggled, swatting his hands. "But yes. Yes he was. Very."

"I knew it." He said, shaking his head. "I knew he was packing."

"Not to ruin our gossip but I need to lay down with a heating pad or something because standing is hurting my body," You laughed. "I think that man busted my cervix."

"Okay, TMI," He said, rolling his eyes. "But honestly go get some rest, lord knows you need it for seeing him tomorrow."

You were confused at first, then realized that tomorrow you had Tom for English, and you had absolutely no idea how you were supposed to face him when the night before he had you moaning 'daddy' and railed you into oblivion. But that was an issue you could deal with tomorrow. Probably. Hopefully.

#🍇 -- thefaefiction!#tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston x reader #teacher x reader #professor x reader #smut #tom hiddleston smut #plus size reader #tom hiddleston x plus size reader #professor!tom hiddleston #teacher!tom hiddleston #x reader smut

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 28 days

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AITA for being weird about winning a game?

I (25 enby) am an early childhood educator. Every week, we have a morning staff meeting where we discuss important school events and to-dos. For whatever reason, today we were all told via email to bring "3 dollars to the meeting for a time-honored energizer game." Turns out the entire meeting was just us playing a game called Left Right Center. The game is basically rolling dice and shuffling money around until one person ends up with all the money, winning. It is for all intents and purposes gambling (roll dice=win money). I did not bring any money with me (I dont carry cash) and told them, maybe a little too casually, that I should have a religious exemption from the game (Its Ramadan, Im muslim. I am not very strictly religious, but there are some rules that I feel are healthy for me to follow and are there for a reason. i dont and never have gambled regardless of the time of year). My director and admins especially pushed back, joking that "it's just a game." My director gave me three dollars, and i played. It became clear pretty quickly that I would win, which I feared would happen bc I am very lucky. I joked and had fun about it, but i was internally pretty uncomfortable with the concept of taking money from others. When I won, i sort of hid the money away as quickly as possible and told people I was going to donate it. I was pretty verbal about being uncomfortable with winning the money, but no one at my workplace seemed to care or reacted pretty weirdly to my discomfort. My director kept giving me "shout-outs" for winning and told me not to donate it but to "keep it for a rainy day."

So, AITA for playing the game and then acting uncomfortable/ not keeping the money when I won? I feel like I should have just not played, but I was really hoping I'd lose so I wouldn't have to think too hard about it. I also feel like Im stealing money from my coworkers, even though it seemed like everyone was having fun.

Note: i am the only muslim at my workplace. My co-teacher, who is Orthodox christian, and I probably have the most overt religious "rules" that impact others at work. Everyone tries to be respectful, but they dont know very much. Even my co-teacher told me she didn't know Muslims weren't supposed to gamble. I'd prefer if people refrain from religious shaming in the comments.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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stateswscarlet · 1 year

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Hi Scarlet! I saw your twt bio said no dms so I thought I would share my successes here that I got from your threads and content!

Bit of a background: I hovered over from the a+p girlies after affirming for 9-10 months for all my desires, using everything they taught and even putting full faith into thoughts and science manifesting. I would affirm almost nonstop (during work, school, even as I was eating/talking to others) for the entire time and I eventually got super frustrated! Not a single manifestation came in or even the slightest movement, maybe a butterfly and a car here and there (looking back at it its because I accepted seeing them internally and didn’t contradict that state, it wasn’t even the affirming). In March-ish I found your account on my timeline and previously I would ignore any states related information because I thought states were the same as dominant thoughts, but something about your thread at the time caught my attention which led me down a rabbit hole (positively!) of consuming your threads. I realized a lot of it actually made sense and explained why I didn’t see success so far.

Anyways so after a few weeks of learning about states I decided to stop overconsuming and stick to your account and edward art ONLY for all my manifestation needs. It was a little hard breaking free from the affirming mindset but I decided to focus on embodying how it would feel if I no longer had to worry about my thoughts and allowed that to wash over me. I used your “embody being the solution” thread SO SO much and I realized I was able to quickly solve all my internal issues using that because anytime I felt stuck, I just had to assume the feeling of being unstuck and what the ideal situation would be! I also fell in love with fulfilling my imagination and although I did care about experiencing it in the 3D, it was more like me not even thinking of it reflecting because its a LAW. I remember you saying you don’t even have to think about stuff reflecting because it does so anyways and my only role is to naturally give it to myself. So here is a list of some of my *bigger* manifestations that came in within a month-ish of me APPLYING states of being after I learned about it:

SP and I got back together after 8 months no contact and 11 months separation

My top choice graduate school which rejected me months ago actually reaching out to me offering me a spot saying the rejection was a “system error”

Free coachella tickets all expense paid in a luxury hotel that sponsored not only me but my boyfriend and 3 friends

My favorite makeup brand randomly sending me a HUGE package of makeup that I never ordered or asked for (I wanted more makeup from this brand)

My dad receiving a random check to clear his entire credit card debt of around a decade

A better job for my boyfriend that pays him double of his last one and has flexible hours that he didn’t need to apply for or interview and hes been loving it!

Free first class plane tickets to Bali this summer! I had already booked normal ones months before but last week I got an email saying my party had randomly been selected for a free upgrade. This happened like a day or so after I for fun assumed the state of someone who has a live of luxury.

I have other smaller successes but these are some of my main ones!I really want to thank you scarlet you have honestly changed my life and I can’t believe it truly was that easy all along! Thank you for your amazing threads, please continue dropping more (I literally have your notifs on haha)

AWW YAYYYYYAYAYS IM SO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT!! You’re absolutely amazing🫶🏼

I dont even use this platform but just thought I would share this ❤️

#law of assumption #neville goddard #embodyingstates #manifesation #loass

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bloodynereid · 1 month

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begging for some luke riodan reader fluffy angst 😭 i dont even know on what but i need it please, love u and ur writing

Double Sided

pairing: luke riordan x fem! reader

tw: darkish powers, mentions of needles, Vought, swearing, possession?, fainting, mentions of hospitals

description: after knowing luke for a while you're worried your powers will come between the two of you.

a/n: so... im really sorry i didn't get to this for MONTHS. i thought i would just combine the 2 requests since they're basically the same thing. i actually had fun figuring out the reader's powers for this one, which were inspired by the witch in suicide squad! hopefully this is what you wanted and i actually really wanted to write for luke for ages! my man deserves better. anyways enjoy and lmk what you think <3

You looked up from your desk in the library when a large bag thudded next to you. The owner of said bag grimaced slightly and looked at you with a sheepish expression on his face. You knew who he was in an instant, his face was practically plastered across campus… Golden Boy.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.” You said with a small smile, turning back to your laptop. The half finished paper in front of you was beginning to daunt you even if it was due in two weeks. Why you had decided to take supe ethics was beyond you. You didn’t even know what the class entailed half of the time.

“Uh- sorry to bother you again but do you by any chance have the notes for Brink’s lecture on Monday?” You blinked up to Golden Boy with a mildly surprised look on your face, you didn’t really talk to a lot of people and that meant that no one really noticed the girl in the back of the room taking reams of notes so the fact that the Golden Boy had noticed you…

“Yeah. Give me a sec.” Saving your work on the word document, you quickly maneuvered your mouse over to the organized lecture folder that you had. Quickly scanning over the notes you found the one from Brink’s class. “Do you want me to send it to you or?”

“Oh yeah shit. Do you need my email?”

“That would be helpful.” You said as you tilted your head to look at him, he chuckled before he quickly read out his email.

“I’m Luke, by the way.” You send the file to his email and then looked over at him, quickly uttering your name.

“Nice to meet you.”

“You too.” After a few moments after turning back at your paper you heard Luke clear his throat. You fully thought that the conversation was over so you scrunched your eyebrows up quizzically and then looked up at the blonde in front of you.

“What are you working on?”

“Paper for Supe Ethics.” You rolled your eyes as you said the words and let out a loud groan.

“Why the hell did you take that class?”

“I didn’t know! The description seemed interesting.”

“Jesus Christ. Good luck with that.”

“Thanks, I’ve been trying to write this damned thing for a week.”

“What are your main ideas?”

“My main ideas…?” You asked tentatively, Luke had started to lean forward and he had pushed his laptop to the side. Luke’s blue eyes intently staring into your own.

“Yup.”

“I- umm, I’m discussing my powers.”

“Your powers?”

“Yeah, I’ve got this thing in me. It’s hard to explain.”

“And how does that apply to- Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Huh, that’s fascinating.”

“Glad you think so.”

For the next few weeks, Luke suddenly started appearing everywhere you went. It was like he had installed a tracker in your phone because you suddenly noticed him in almost every class you were in and then during break.

Those encounters usually led to him teasing you about something, or discussing a class assignment. Little by little you both realized that you had very similar interests in just about everything; movies, books (he surprisingly read a lot) and music.

It was a cold, drizzly and windy day when it finally happened. Your powers had been acting up all week, probably due to the changing of the seasons or your ever changing prescription but you didn’t realize that it was about to get much worse.

Your powers weren’t like regular supe powers, even the Vought doctors said so when your parents worriedly brought you over to them when you had literally become some kind of devil child. They tried to explain that your powers were a type of split personality, as if there was an evil clone of you that liked to take over every once in a while and wreak havoc.

Of course, you still had all the fun perks of being a supe; super strength, increased health and insane stamina. Your evil twin also gave you certain powers as well, none of them great but useful in a fight.

You were the perfect villain if anyone ever needed a movie, which is why you tended to stay away from people. You didn’t want to affect them with all the negative shit that she liked to do.

As you had gotten older, her appearances had stopped coming as frequently. It was like you had somehow been able to wrangle her more when your brain got more and more developed.

However, on that cold day as you walked through the hallways of the crime fighting school chatting with Luke you felt a cold sensation spread through your body.

You stopped short as the little voice in your brain got louder and louder. She was usually so quiet, but now it felt like she was shouting at the top of her lungs. You looked down, Luke’s voice fading into the background, to see that your hands were slowly turning black. It was as if smudges of ink were being rubbed into your skin.

“Luke.” You said weakly, making the blonde next to you stop mid sentence and worriedly look over at you.

“You okay?”

“Uh not exactly. OH FUCK. I need- dammit get my phone.”

“Yeah, okay. What’s going on?”

“She’s- Call Victoria Neuman.” You said quickly as you felt yourself start to fade away, the screaming in your head got louder and louder and the cold, dead feeling in your limbs started to inch its way into your chest.

“The Dean?”

“Fuck. Okay. No, Luke, grab my bag.” She’s coming. You have to hurry.

“The syringe. The one filled with black stuff. Inject it.” You said quickly as you started to roll up your sleeve.

“Aww who’s the handsome toy? Did you bring him for me?” A distorted voice fought its way out of your vocal cords and you winced. Luke looked at you with wide eyes, but quickly pulled out the syringe still in its package.

“Fuck you.” You whispered and stuck your arm out. Luke pressed the needle into your skin just as everything blurred and you fainted.

You blearily blinked your eyes open and found yourself staring at a bright white ceiling. The sounds of beeping were all around you and a solid warm weight was clutching your hand.

“Oh thank God. You’re awake.” Luke’s now familiar voice brought a smile to your face and you carefully turned your head to look over at him.

“Hi.”

“Hi. You gave me quite a scare back there.”

“Perks of superpowers, I guess.” You said with a shrug, urging yourself to ignore the feeling that you had that Luke might leave after seeing all of that. You weren’t even sure if she had the opportunity to speak to him, if she did you wouldn’t know what to do.

“That was fucked. How the hell have you dealt with that?”

“It’s not usually that bad, Luke.”

“But it’s not fair!” Your heart clenched as he nearly yelled, of course it wasn’t fair but you had to deal with it either way.

“Shhh. I appreciate you going all cave man for me but there’s eyes and ears everywhere, Luke.”

“I know…”

“Come here.” You said, patting the small space next to you on the hospital bed. Luke smiled softly and carefully maneuvered you so he could sit next to you with his arm swung around your shoulders.

“I’m glad you dropped your bag at the library that first time I met you.”

“Me too.” Luke said, whispering against your head and then placing a soft kiss on your forehead. You drifted off, cocooned in his arms and let go of the nightmare that was dealing with her.

#luke riordan #luke riordan x reader #gen v #gen v x reader #gen v x you #luke x reader #gen v fic #the boys #the boys x reader #gen v prime #maria writes

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blessedtobebangtan · 2 years

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jungkook 3 :D

" don’t you ever raise your voice at me. ”

trigger warning(s): mentions of murder, mafia, brutal beatings, suggestion of sex, cursing, manhandling, yandere themes

word count: 3K

a/n: this might be my last post for a while because i think im beginning to fall back into an episode of depression and i don’t know when i will have the motivation to write again but i mat need to write to feel some normalcy, i guess we’ll just have to see!! but please enjoy and apologies for any spelling errors it’s 2am where i live and im TIRED! also thank you for all of the love on the latest post before this one <3 enjoy and stay safe xoxo

You brushed through you h/c hair softly as your mind was suspended into nothing. You couldn’t really process anything lately, you were stressed to say the least.

Between work, your boyfriend Jungkook and his work. His foul, inhumane, scarring work. When you met the mysterious, charming man you could never have imagined his day to day life in a million years. From simple meetings of heists and information theft to brutal interrogations performed by his men or commonly himself.

It was still a lot after 3 years because how could it ever not be. No matter what Jungkook did, you adapted. If he needed to go into the field for a mission, you could be left alone for weeks at a time with the company of bodyguards to keep you from harm's way. If an important deal fell through, Jungkook would be so tense and angered, you had to walk on eggshells with everything you did or said. If Jungkook had to go on business to another country, of course he would bring you whether or not you wanted to come, making you fall behind in your own work and having to work twice as hard to be up to speed.

You were drained- mentally, physically and emotionally. You were at a breaking point, you had been for a while, but of course you never spoke your mind in fear of how things would turn out.

“ Y/N ?”

You finished brushing your hair into a convenient bun on the back of your head, “ I’m upstairs.”, you yelled back.

Like tonight, a perfect example. It is 20 minutes after midnight and Jungkook has just strolled into the house without a call, text or a damn email since he left this morning. The problem is he wants everything to be sunshine and rainbows with you without the work of it.

The door of your shared bedroom slowly opened revealing your self-assured, over-achieving boyfriend.

“ Babe ?”

You peaked from the expensively-innovated washroom with an unreadable expression. You locked eyes with him and his eyes showed a kind, sweet gaze even after leaving you worried all day.

He wore all black attire, black denim jeans, black long-sleeved button-up, his signature black combat boots and a leather jacket to top it off. You couldn’t lie- he was unbelievably handsome. Even if you weren’t happy with him, he was still the charmer you met from the beginning.

As your eyes came back up, his eyes were already on you. His eyes locked on the silk, white nightdress you wore that stopped right above your thigh. As his eyes traveled he found himself locked on your hardened nipples that showed perfectly through the silk from the cold breeze. His sweet gaze had turned dark and lustful causing your cheeks to burn up in surprise.

Clearing your throat and smiling awkwardly, Jungkook raised his eyebrow with a smirk that made you melt intensely, “ How was work, today ?”, you asked, turning back to the mirror to take off the remainder of your jewelry.

It was almost silent as his soft hum echoed through the master bedroom, “ It was work, nothing special.”

He told you this, but you knew better. After so many years, you learned to decode his white lies. Nothing special means it was gruesome and violent, but he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.

You rolled your eyes to yourself and sighed, “ Must’ve been a little busy, yeah ?”. So busy, he couldn’t contact you once.

Jungkook sat on the bed pulling off his shoes and shrugged, “ Not really, basically just some paperwork and meetings.”

As you pulled off your diamond necklace, a gift from Jungkook to make up for his childish behavior, you nodded, “ Then maybe I could accompany you since it’s boring as of late.”

It was quiet as you heard him shuffling around. Gently, you placed the necklace into your jewelry box along with your other pieces and wondered how many of the pieces were a genuine gift and how many were an indirect apology from Jungkook.

You slightly jumped and felt a pair of muscular arms wrap around your torso just below your breasts. But, relaxed a bit as Jungkook rested his head on the crook of your neck.

“ Kook, what are you doing ?”, you asked softly, asking a question that wasn’t exactly for this moment in time, but a question for the entirety of your relationship.

“ I was gone all day, I want to hold my baby, is that a crime ?”, his voice smug and proud.

You said nothing, shutting the lid of your jewelry box and looking up at your reflection in the mirror. Jungkook looked into your eyes through the reflection smirking slightly, one of his large hands staying on the cusp of your breasts and the other traveling down your body to rest on your hip.

He changed from his work clothes into a simple pair of gray sweatpants and no shirt, all he needed to drive you crazy.

“ I missed you, princess, real bad.”, he whispered and began to leave soft, wet kisses on your exposed neck. Your knees began to go a bit weak and the butterflies in your stomach went wild.

Of course he was being needy when you were fed up with his behavior, could you ever break the cycle ?

It was silent other than your slow inhales and shaky exhales. His hand that sat on your hip began to raise the end of the silk fabric gently.

“ I know you missed me too, baby, you don’t have to be shy.”Jungkook spoke in the voice you heard when he was dealing with a partner and needed to persuade the other party. God, it always works wonders for him. And, now you.

His hand ventured down from the top of your thigh to in-between your legs, his slender fingers pulled at the waistband of your black panties making you gasp lightly at the contact.

“ Kook, we need to have a talk.”, you managed to get out somehow during your trance.

“ We can talk as soon as I get done making up for lost time, princess.”, his words came off his tongue clearly and seductively.

As much as you wanted him to fuck you, your mind caught a glimpse of Jungkook beating up someone for not paying his debt when it was owed. You thought of the beating turning deadly and that maybe this person died after being beaten so brutally. You pictured your boyfriend having his body disposed of and any evidence thrown away. How could you let those same evil hands touch you ? You caught his hand quickly and shook your head at him through the mirror.

“ I'd rather we talk now.”

His hand fell from your body and his arms crossed at your words, a worried expression sketching over his face waiting for you to speak.

In the silence you pondered about whether or not you should speak your mind for once or just apologize and let him have his way. But, the look of concern on his face pushed you over the edge into a pool of confidence.

“ I want you to leave the mafia.”, you said, turning from the mirror and looking up at him with soft eyes. At first a small chuckle left his lips thinking you must be joking with him, but after seeing you purse your lips and look to the ground nervously, his face dropped.

“ There’s no fucking way you’re serious, is there ?”, he asked you rhetorically.

“ Kook, I know it sounds crazy, bu-”

Jungkook scoffed, turned from you and walked out of the bathroom. Your eyebrows knitted together in irritation at his rude behavior. Of course when you had something to say, he had to act so childish. You stood in the doorway of the bathroom watching as he sat down on the bed and rubbed his temples.

“ Listen, I had a long day and I really don’t want to argue, Y/N.”

“ It isn’t arguing, I’m trying to talk to my boyfriend about something that is bothering me and you just don’t want to listen as usual..”

He bodded with an ironic smirk on his face, “ You’re right, I don’t want to come home to hear you bitch about things that don’t directly affect you, I just want to fuck you and tell you how much I love and adore you. You know me so well.”

It was your turn to scoff and raise your voice a bit, “ I’ve never been this stressed in my fucking life, Kook, I’m always worried about you, my career and our future. Everything that you’ve gone through, I’ve been right by your side and I always felt the consequences of being in this relationship- the good and the bad.”, you finished with a determined look on your face.

He looked up from the ground, concentrating on your words, but he didn’t seem bothered at all. In fact, he seemed relaxed and even more bored of the conversation, “ I know you make a lot of sacrifices for me and my work, I am so thankful for that, but I can’t give it up because it isn’t just my job it is my life.”, he explained simply making you feel guilty for bringing it up.

Jungkook walked over to you, towering over your body in intimidation, he smiled sweetly looking down at your blank eyes, “ How about we forget this whole thing and just watch a movie, yeah ?”

“ Will you fucking take me serious, Jungkook.”, you stated coldy pushing past him.

Jungkook followed in behind you and stopped a few feet away from you as you stopped in your tracks.

“ I don’t know how much I can handle this lifestyle, it’s making me go a little crazy and I don’t want to put my health in last place as I’ve done before, I want to be with you and be happy.”

Your boyfriend nodded before walking over the bed and sitting down, “ Okay, so what does that really mean, y-you don’t love me anymore.”, his voice becoming unstable as he thought of you finding another man and being in love with someone other than himself. His temper couldn’t help but rise as he looked over at you with a raised eyebrow.

You turned over at him hearing his tone changed immediately shaking your head, “ Of course not, I just don’t want prioritize everything else over my well-being, I love you and I would stay by your side through anything, but I was lately I’ve been thinking about a life where we have a permanent home, a little family and.. I don’t have to imagine you not coming back home to me.”, you finished with a gloss in your eyes and Jungkook with a softened gaze.

“ I mean, I really do understand you’re still trying to prove something to your father, but I-“

He laughed softly at your accusation although you were right, he always made his father proud by being the best at everything he did and turning away from the family business isn’t something he would approve of even from beyond the grave.

“ Babe, I don’t have to prove shit to anyone- especially a dead man.”, he told you with a faux-unfazed tone.

“ Okay, so then, why don’t you turn away from this life, so we could be a normal couple, be a normal family.”

“ Y/N, this is my normal. You forget I wasn’t just brought into this ten years ago, it’s always been my fucking life.”

“ Sometimes I think you say stupid shit just for attention, Y/N.”

You crossed your arms in defense and glared over at him, “ Stupid shit ? Stupid shit is having to wait hours after midnight worried sick and not knowing if you’ll come back home. Stupid shit is not being able to get comfortable in one place for more than a few months because you’re somebody’s fucking target.”, you spat at him with a sharp tone.

Jungkook tongue the inside of his cheek trying to repress his fiery anger begging to show you your place, but his sane side held him back. He stared over to you with an agitated gaze and shook his head, “ You know what, I don’t have time for this. I have to be out in the morning.”.

“ Time ?”, you scoffed tears brimming your eyes in frustration and built up anger, “ You had all the time in the world to shut out my cries and fuck me to sleep twenty minutes ago, Jungkook.”

He laughed to himself being caught off guard, but you found nothing funny at all. A tear fell from your eye, but as quickly as it fell you wiped your cheek, “ I’m fucking serious. You pick and choose what things are worth the great Jeon Jungkook’s time and apparently, my concerns don’t fit into your frame, huh ?”

Jungkook laid back on his side of the bed propping his head up with a muscular, fully-tattooed arm eyeing you with a knowing smile. A smile that he always used in arguments to try and crack you up, to get you to take a step back and apologize for getting so angry over nothing. Except this wasn’t nothing, this was your fucking life and you’d be damned if you kept backing down from him.

You nodded with the same amount of vengeance in your expression, you threw your hands in the air and clicked your tongue on the roof of your mouth, “ Since you love to have your options and be able to pick and choose your destiny, I have one for you.”

Jungkook shuffled in his spot with interest and nodded for you to continue, even though you were going to no matter what he said.

“ The mafia or me.”

“ Choose between my life-long work, my family’s legacy, the foundation of my name ?”, he repeated to make sure he heard you correctly with an eyebrow raised, you just stared at his relaxed position, “ Don’t be fucking crazy, Y/N, no such desicion exists

You felt your cheeks heat up at his words in humiliation and the tears beginning to fill your eyes once more. How dare he not choose the woman who’s been at his side, aided him in his time of need and done everything he asked of you. Fuck him and his love.

“ Then, I will make it for you.”

He watched as you walked to the closet and put on your Yves Saint Laurent zip-up he’d bought you for your birthday last year. You slid on a pair of Yeezy slides with a light gray color, another gift from your soon to be ex-boyfriend according to you words and actions.

Jungkook sat up from his position realizing how serious you might be, that you might actually leave him. You looked at him once more holding the ends of your jacket

“ Come on, princess, let’s be rationa-”

“ FUCK YOU”, you yelled in a swift turn of events as if you’d been waiting to use the two emergency words all night.

Now, in the very moment, your mind wasn’t concerned with the profile of the man you were speaking to. You didn’t seem to remember the murder or the man who would brutally beat up disrespectful victims, you just felt that you needed to release your anger in anyway. Only a couple seconds after, you realized how this might be trouble for your well-being.

You turned from him and began your walk to the door that now seemed to be miles away as you tried your best to ignore the loud footsteps that seemed to be quickly approaching your body. You held your breath and tried to at least make it to the door just as your hand connected to the doorknob. His voice spoke up, loud and clear to anyone with the intent to live.

" Don't fucking open that door.", his voice echoed, infinitely in your brain and once through the room.

You thought once more and asked yourself what he would do if you actually left and to that you answered, ‘ Jungkook would never hurt me.” With that response, you began to turn the golden knob.

Before you could pull the door open, you felt a pair of strong hands pull you by your forearms with such strength and effortlessly pull you back, spinning you and pushing you back against the door. You groaned in pain feeling your back collide with the metal door with all of his might.

“ Shit.”, you attempted to fall forward in distress, but you were pushed back once more with a little less force, but not zero.

You looked up at your attacker still in pain and shocked, realizing he actually put his hands on you, you guys got in pretty bad fights, but he never made you feel like he might hurt you physically. Jungkook stared down at you with a look of disappointment and vexation as if looks could kill you’d be six feet under. His body pressing you further into the door with no room to breathe yout shaky breaths.

“ Don’t you ever raise your voice at me. I let you slide with everything else you've said to me.", he placed one of his hands on your cheek and gripped your chin forcefully making you look deeper into his eyes, " but you will never again in your life disrespect me like that.”

You just nodded, too scared to speak back as he was silent and just stared at you with a look of crazy that almost seemed animated, he moved his hand from your chin, delicately rubbing your bottom lip in contrast to his hold on you.

“ I cannot leave my life behind, but I can’t let you leave me either.”, he whispered against your lips as if the secret was made clear by his actions, he leaned closer laying his forehead on top of yours, “ You understand that, right ?”

You parted your lips as a sound barely audible fell from your lips, “ Y-yes.”

“ I love you more than life itself, I need you to be with me.”. Jungkook put a little bit of space between you once more allowing you to regain steady breaths. He unzipped your jacket gently pulling it from your skin as you allowed him effortlessly.

“ So, let’s just lie down and come back to this in the morning, yeah ?”Jungkook asked with a dark gleam in his eyes that you’d never recognized before and a sinister smile that would be engraved in your mind.

Scared for your life and still in shock of his psychotic behavior that was gone in a flash you nodded slowly and took hold of his hand as he guided you back to the bed. And as much as he would apologize for his flash of anger and promise it was a one-time thing and that you didn’t have to worry about him acting so harsh in the future, it was never the last time.

#yandere imagines #yandere x reader #yandere #bts #bts yandere #BTS jungkook #jungkook #yanderejungkook x reader #yanderejungkook #jungkook smut #yanderebts #jungkook x reader

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softsnzstuff · 1 year

Note

I’d love to see more Doctor Eddie sick but being all soft and vulnerable with his patients!

My friend, I love this idea so so much. I think I may have mentioned in earlier fics that Joyce Byers works at a different clinic or something like that - but for the sake of this story, we’re going to say that she also sees Eddie as her PCP. -🤍KB

*****

Letters danced around the computer screen that Eddie was staring blankly at, completely zoned out. A tap on the shoulder jolted him back to reality, the letters returning to their original placement - an email he’d been trying to answer for the last half hour.

“You okay Doc?” The freckles brunette asked, waving a hand jokingly in front of his face.

“Yeah, I’m-” he blinked at her before pulling his arm up to shield his face, “N’xxTCH! ii’xxtchu! H’isSHuhew! I’b fine.”

It was Robins turn to blink incredulously at him as he blew his nose gently a few times. He looked back at her over the tissues.

“Im fine Birdie.”

She sighed, holding out the blue folder with papers clipped to it, “Joyce is in exam 3 for her annual. Should be pretty straight forward. Steve says she’s in good shape.”

Eddie nodded his thanks, taking the chart from her and standing up. He punched at the bridge of his nose, hoping to ease away the tickle that had set up camp early this morning.

He knocked on the door and let himself in, seeing his smiling friend and colleague waiting for him. Although he occasionally worked with Joyce, she was more of a mother figure to the entire office at Hawkins Medical.

“Hi sweetheart, how are you?” She chimed.

He tried to clear his throat but had to turn to cough dryly into his elbow.

“Im doing alright, love. How are you?”

She furrowed her brows. Clearly her mom-senses were on high alert. Especially with two boys of her own at home, Eddie knew Joyce could spot a cold from a mile away.

“Im doing just fine, but you sound a little scratchy. Are you catching that cold that’s going around? Will says half his class is out with it.”

Eddie didn’t like to admit to being less than 100%, but he knew with Joyce there was really no point in trying to hide anything.

“Ugh, yeah. Steve had it a little over a week ago. Think it finally caught up to me. It’s not too bad though, really.”

She looked him up and down with her motherly gaze, “If you say so.” She commented warmly.

“Anyways! Let’s snff skip to the good stuff. Your labwork!” He pulled one of the pieces of paper out from her chart. “Labs look great, Joyce! Sugars are all snfsnff normal. Thyroid is in range. Blood pressure is a little bit high but I think for now we can chalk that up to the stress of the job. It’s not high enough to concern me.”

“That’s great to hear! Jim will be thrilled to know I passed.” She teased.

“You’ll have to tell him I said hhh hello. Excuuuse me- H’ESHuhew! eh’TSCHew! snfsnff ii’KSHiew!”

“Aw bless you, honey.”

Joyce had stood up and walked to the counter Eddie was leaning against. She handed him a tissue, using her other hand to rub little circles on his back.

“I know you love your patients, but you should really be home in bed taking care of that cold.”

Eddie squeezed his eyes shut, again pinching at the bridge of his nose as he sniffled.

“I k’dow. SNF It’s silly. It’s just… doctors can’t get sick. The patients will think I’m weak.”

He winced slightly, knowing it sounded more pathetic once the words had escaped his mouth.

“Sweetheart. No one thinks you’re weak.” Joyce cooed, “And doctors can’t get sick? I think you’re losing the argument against that one.”

“You’re right. At least it’s Friday. I’ll rest up this weekend.”

“Good, I’m glad to hear it.” She smiled warmly before they wrapped up her appointment.

***

At the end of the day, everyone was heading out the back door. Robin was in the lead, but shortly behind her were Eddie and Steve.

The younger of the two was shouldering both their backpacks, arm around Eddie as they walked out together. His cold had truly drained him and all he wanted was to go home and sleep for 44 years.

Right before they made it to Steve’s car, Joyce came running up from her mini van. Had she never left? She answered her own question as she approached the two men.

“Hi boys! Glad I caught you!”

“Did you forget something inside? I can let you back in.” Steve asked.

“No actually, I was telling the boys at home about the appointment and Will insisted I drop this off with you, Eddie.”

She handed over a piece of paper folded hot dog style. On the front was a decent crayon drawing of what appeared to be Eddie sick in bed. It had scribbled on the front in Will’s handwriting:

DoctOrS gEt siCk tOo

Eddie opened the card to reveal another classic Will drawing. This one was of Eddie holding up a guitar standing next to what appeared to be Will in a wizards hat. The inside of the card read:

DoctOr RocKsTar,

I hoPe yOu fEeL bEtteR.

From Will tHe WisE

A sappy smile crept across Eddie’s face as his heart warmed. He blushed slightly, embarrassed that the whole Byers family knew he was ill, his cheeks matching the pink tone of his nose.

“Thank you so much Joyce. Please tell Will the Wise that he’s healed me! I’m all better now!”

He coughed into his shirt sleeve and Steve rubbed up and down his arm. “Alright Doc, time to get you home I think.”

Joyce nodded in agreement, smiling at them. “Feel better Eddie!”

The long haired man mouthed ‘Thank you’ one more time as he got into the car, holding the card tight to his chest.

Steve got in the car second, and looked over at his partner still staring at the card, smiling. He chuckled to himself.

“That make you feel better?” He asked.

“MmHmm.” Eddie nodded before quickly pulling the neck of his shirt over his face. “M’Ptsch! TsssCH! H’IKSHiew!! … snFF, m’buch better.”

#s/tranger t/hings #e/ddie m/unson #doctors office au #j/oyce b/yers #she’s like a mom to Eddie #kb au’s #snzblr #ask box

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vanillatalc · 11 months

Text

had a weird wig sale day yesterday. i did make £400 so i truly cant complain but i felt like the ugliest wig was the most beloved + i was very confused bc my favourite ones got literally zero love... ill post the wigs at the end of the post + you can all tell me which wig is the ugliest one. and i'll tell you if you're right

i emailed a UK doll convention too to see if they have any vendor spacecs bc i think a cash injection a few times a year would be really good (altho i have never done cons before so fuck knows how this is gonna go). ben offered to come along + help out as well and he's actually done that for ana too so i'll allow it

benno fucked me like a champ this weekend - he's so good! im so lucky!!!! in related news though the huge pink vibrator (long term followers may remember when i bought it + did not check the specs beforehand) i think may be broken lol hmm (it only vibrates if you hold it at specific angles... lol)... hmmm

site is late paying me again. fucking !!!!!!!

i am feeling quite worried about work (see point no.1) but im in contact with a nice alpaca woman who is willing to sell me her champion alpaca fleece for £240 for 4kg. (reminder that i bought 3kg for £70 last week) honestly i probably will buy it even tho that's a lot of fucking money - £60 per kilo is more than ive ever spoent on alpaca - the prev most expensive was 50 - bc it's 15/16 inches lon which is a very very rare length, and i can charge more accordingly. the profit margin is still staggering to be honest so i shouldn't really fuss too much

honestly i wouldnt be so worried about money if we weren't getting married in 3 months bc we still have a shit ton to pay for. HOWEVER my parents have been consistent about saying they will pay for whatever is asked, so i think possibly my worrying is unnecessary, but ana is suspicious that they're gonna pull out of this offer @ the last minute. i actually dont think this is likely (ben doesnt either) bc they've always actually been hugely financially generous (if emotionally devastating) like they paid for everything (rent/food/literally everything) when i was in uni, never asked me for rent when i moved back home, my dad pretended not to notice me buying groceries on his debit card for years - like i really dont think ana is right on this one. but until i actually have the money in my hands i will be nervous. they have a fair reason for not sending me money also - my granddad's will money hasn't cleared yet + they're just waiting for that these are the wigs anyway

the only colourway anyone gave a shit about was the red/black omg i was so shaken bc i think it's hideous + really unsubtle and i only made it bc i thought it would be popular. which to be fair it was but i think it's vile. that blonde ombre is basically perfect, a really really pretty blend with no colour where it shouldnt be, and NO ONE CARED!!! ETA: shortly a fter publishing this post someone did enquire about the blonde one. thank you that's better

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grasslandgirl · 10 months

Note

for the fanfic ask thingy! 1, 5 (gimme the list i love lists <33), 11, 15, 23, 46, 55 and 73!

mwaaaahhh moss !!

1.Do you daydream a lot before you write, or go for it as soon as the ideas strike?

usually if i have a concrete idea- especially a clear vision for a scene!- i'll jump into writing, but if it's less clear i'll write down the vibe somewhere (gdoc. discord, in an email to myself, etc) and let it percolate until i do have a clear scene to jump into

5. How many wips do you have? What fandoms/pairings are they for?

(these are just unposted wips i have actively written for this year, not including wips from past years that i haven't returned to in 2023, bc there are too many to go back through and recount)

dimension 20: 10 wips

- noble pining (+ B sides) - slasherverse domestic - figayda concert - samzelda figgorgug - figgorgug right person wrong time - figayda cuddle pile - figayda notting hill - bad kids spiderverse - eftbk markland

ted lasso: 1 wip

- charlieverse

stranger things: 1 wip

- buzzcut ch2

original fiction: 4 wips

lockwood and co: 3 wips

- george kisses luce beat - lucy sick beat - lucy winter beat

now you see me: 1 wip

- fifth horseman

11. Do you write scenes in order, or do you jump around?

in order, almost always. motivation is a beast i always have to try and wrangle and making myself write chronologically in order helps force me to finish writing the scenes i have to get to by dangling the scene i want to write as bait over my own head-- essentially: if i finish scenes a, b, and c; then i can write scene d that im REALLY excited about!

15. What’s your favorite time to write?

night time lmao!! im a night owl and i tend not to get as distracted later at night when the rest of my family has gone to bed/ we're all doing our own separate things!! but i do write throughout the day when i'm hit w inspo <3

23. Is writing the beginning, middle, or end of the story easiest? Hardest?

the end of the story is always always the hardest. almost every time i finish smth and send it to one of my lovely friends for editing/beta reading i ask "is the ending good?? does it make sense?? is it fulfilling??" etc <3

46. If you could only write one type of AU for the rest of your life, what would it be?

uhhhhhh get togethers, probably ?? modern/no magic get together aus are a good majority of what i write anyway so like yeah skjfvnksjfb

55. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

ummmm i focus on the visual impact of light a lot in my writing <3 also @precalamity called me out a while back in an ask saying a big throughline in a lot of my work is the idea of like. people not feeling like they are loved enough/worthy of love/deserving of love/love too much and that it speaks to my own insecurities skfjvnskfjbnskfb and they were right then and right now !!!!

73. What do you tend to get complimented on the most about your writing?

idk???? that its like. soft and affectionate and warm i guess?? the general vibe<3

send me fic asks from this list!!!!

#asks #mwaaaahhhhh

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notcolleen · 2 years

Text

good morning this post is …not abt my eating disorder 😮

(it’s a coworker rant lol) (it got …..long 👀) (i started early this morning and am now finishing hrs later without changing times so sorry if some things don’t add up time wise) (not that ppl other than myself would know? but tumblr anons have me paranoid that everyone thinks im lying abt every little thing lmao)

[[MORE]]

anyway this has been a pretty solo trip for me, but im technically here with another woman from nj as well, whom i actually met last year working this same camp so we knew each other and have now spent over 3 weeks together total, not super long in the grand scheme of life but long enough to say we know each other

and i don’t dislike her at all, but this week it became a lot more clear that we are really different ppl, both professionally and just in life lol

and i kinda like that despite working at the same job/staying in the same hotel, we both quietly acknowledged that it could end there and we didn’t have to do things off the clock together. i didn’t see her at all outside of our work hours lol and that was fine.

but during work, she sat on her phone at a table away from the kids, and when she did need to “engage” with them, it was yelling. i heard her say “what is wrong with you??” or “why are you crying?” to 6 year olds too many times this week (1 time is too many times, 4 is ??? like why are you working in childcare) — and that is just what i heard, she ‘opened’ and i ‘closed’ so there were two hours each day where we were on our own and i dread thinking of how she spoke to them then 👀

on that note, she was supposed to clock in at 7am — get things set up, plan out the day a little, whatever. but every morning we would have an awkward moment where i would see her sitting in the hotel lobby eating breakfast as the time crept past 7 and she would still have to factor in the uber there and all i could think was what if i kid came early or if her uber didn’t get her there by 7:30 (when kids could arrive)??

but i would try to just drink my coffee and pretend i wasn’t aware of the time lol and i know she was annoyed that she had to wake up to open (bc she certainly lmk that) but i had to stay until the last kid got picked up (and parents were not always the most punctual coming from work ☠️) and then clean up so i was there until after my scheduled time each day, there were no early days that she kept telling me to ✨enjoy (also we are getting paid?? that’s why we’re here??)

but we are in the same role here — i am not her supervisor, i didnt feel comfortable correcting or redirecting her, i can’t give her training on how to speak to kids

….still, in the end, i did feel like i put a lot more work bc kids are smart and intuitive and are gonna go to whom they feel comfortable with — so even if i was trying to put stuff away or talk to a parent or whatever….even with her right there in front of them….they would ask/find me.

(i will say, it says something that by the end of the week they finally had learned my name and still didn’t even seem to know she was working there with me lol, or she was “the other teacher” ……like i don’t think im good at much, but i do know im good at interacting with / treating kids with the respect they deserve)

anyway i had started this post mostly to say that it’s also very telling that she clocked out of our last shift saying “ill see you when i see you” even though we took the same flight here, i booked our uber from the airport to the hotel together, and we have the same flight back — but just based on our endings vibes, i didn’t reach out to see if she wanted to share an uber there this morning**

i think she’s also upset with me bc we were both offered the opportunity to travel again with the company after this — and both told that it would be “either oklahoma or texas” — and both definitely preferred texas over oklahoma — and i made the mistake of telling her i emailed one of the higher ups voicing my discomfort with OK (mostly just thinking out loud before i sent the email) and even though i received this (wonderfully validating 👀) reply back:

it ended up that i was chosen to go to TX and she will be going to OK and i feel like she assumes the email played a role / that i used my discomfort as leverage. idk, i should have just waited it out but i was anxious abt it and when im anxious i tend to ramble/voice my inner dialogue and that’s what happened — it also lead to me basically coming out to her (if she hadn’t already figured that one out ☠️) and even before the decisions were made re: locations but after that, i felt a shift in our dynamic and overall it was just a mess after that day lol

**and now when i arrived at the airport, it turns out our original flight was delayed so much that we had to reschedule to guarantee making the connection……but she hadn’t checked in yet so idk what’s happening with hers……all i know is that our boss booked our flights so it’s all linked together and it wouldn’t show my boarding pass, only hers, so it kept trying to check her in when i just wanted it to register my boarding pass for pdx—>ord—->ewr instead of pdx—>den—>ewr and i was so anxious i was gonna miss my flight and so proud of myself for not crying when a very nice woman helped me out ……but then! 😔 i did cry bc when i mobile ordered a pumpkin load from starbucks…..waited 20 minutes for it…..told myself i could keep waiting bc i have done my time as a barista and know how annoying customers are……waited another 10 but then saw my ticket behind the screen so knew it had gotten lost in the shuffle and i would actually literally miss my flight if i didn’t ask the barista…..only to be told they were out, but would i be okay with a lemon loaf instead?…….no 🥴 not really 🥴 but am i anxious bc food still want to scratch my skin off when it’s not exactly what i want it to be? 🥴 yes 🥴

so i have to say that’s fine ! thank you so much ! have a good day ! 😌

anyway that’s when i took my lemon loaf and cried on the way to my plane

and here i sit

winning the secret competition for longest tumblr posts abt the most mundane things ever 😌 cya

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wisteria-lodge · 2 years

Text

bird primary (in the process of creating a system) + burned snake secondary

Well. I read the fifth draft of all of this. You're a Bird primary, you are, I know you don't like them, but that's because you've got a definition of Bird primary in your head that's just... wrong. I know you're not reading my analysis, but you probably are going to have to read *an* analysis at some point, so pick someone whose style you like, and have fun.

As for secondary, yeah, you're burnt. That's actually the theme of this whole submission. It's in parts, misspelled, very hard to read, and has a whole lead in about why you're not trying and why you don't even care about this anyways. And I think that's actually the point. I expect in your head, there's a bit of 'If I don't try, I can't fail.' Which is too bad really, because you're clearly smart and creative. There's good in here. If it were a little more accessible, people would read it. But you ask me to write a clear paragraph summarizing my thoughts, and that's what I'm doing.

(Oh, and all your fantasies are very Snake secondary fantasies. So I figure that's probably what's underneath everything else.)

~ Wisteria

***

Sort me submission. full Version of final Draft. EMAIL me your thoughts please.

Final Draft-Read this whole thing, as it's the last one.Warning: I jump from thought to thought v. quickly, so every sentence may be a different thing.

some stuff, pls sort me if you can but know it will be taken as a guideline. also, pls add me to ur masterlist post smwhere as an ANONYMOUS person.

also sorry but i cant be bothered with grammar or spelling or punctuation or writing full out rn so pretedn this is a text message and it should be easier to decoed, especially with abreviations and punctuation and such stuff. i am really really really really really really sorry in advance for... well i dont really know why. plus one more thing or two actually before getting to it. i dont rlly know how tmblr works, like how do we communicate, can u answer, can i see posts, etc. just a word of warning, this will. no IS a series of ramblibgs and my own thoughts and dissections of my primary and secondaries. i did read your version of sortinghouse chats but i couldnt be bothered to adjusted any of my results accordingly (sorry abt that and no offence meant, i read your article and it was pretty good; i especially liked the way you analysed the different and most common forms each primary and secondayr can take.) Anyway, getting back to it. Just one last note/thing; this is the last thing/note, i promise you: I really dislike labels (im reluctanct to say/write hate bc no one should hate anything without a lot of whys and analysing how it feels, the possible reason for the felt hate and whether there's any other way) bc i feel/think/kbow/believe that they limit who i am and any potential growth. ive categorised primaries and secondaries as which i believe are my actual ones and why and the other three houses in models 1, 2 & 3, bc i connect with all of them in some way.

Finally, let's get to it!

I was really EXTREMELY stuck on primary, until (having read 1st Tiffany Aching Discworld book recentely) and finding my most personally relatable quote from that book online smwhere in pinterest with the Slytherin label and in the sortingchat (i mimssed a word, didn't i?) smwhere i feel inclined to believe that, being the selfish leadership-aspiring and valuing cunning in my top 5 values person i am, slytherin is my primary. however, let me break this dow further. if slytherin is my primary, then i include the whole WORLD in my loyalty bc i have a such deep loyalty and duty to the Earth and everyone in it because they are MINE and i used to be rlly jealous of anyone and anything that would take away MY world but i reason myself out of it now bc thats possessive and mean and cruel and bad but on the other hand this world and planet is MINE to protect and be selfish abt, but i also (sorry abt all the rambling) think ive kicked myself out of my circle of care bc even tho the world and this planet and this environment and these species and humanity and ppl are MINE AND MY OWN TO PROTECCT AND CHERISH aAND BE COMPLETELY SELFISH ABT (but selfishneesss is bad. no ti's not. yes it is. NO. IT'S NOT. It depends ow it's used and potrayed and the entire world is mine, my planet and my selfish spaec. well except myself bc all i ever do are bad things for other ppl), i am a horrible, terrible self-centered person that also smhow have a higher, more close-knit circle that im not in bc selfishness=bad and possesseviness= evil bc ur not allowing the others freedom and choices but i want to protect MINE and be selfish abt it but it's incredibly guilty too and.. im rumbling. too much said abt this, moving on. oh wait; but i could also want so much to be this primary that im ignoring my biases of wanting to have this primary bc it i relate to tiffany's quote so much and it soundsand is kinda cool (uhh, this is rlly hard to make sense of, even for me. sorry abt that. probably not even suited for the trash can, nvm a sophisticated and heartfelt profile like yours. ) ANYWAY i also feel like a gryffindor and hufflepuff primary smtimes, but that stuff comes a bit ater. i would say hufflepuff is my primary model 1 bc fairness is one of top five values and the idea everyone has inherent value because theyre ppl is pretty true. i find that i put myself down if i base my opinions of oteh ppl on how others think of them but have no problem putting them down myself after meeting and de-humanising them. absolutely hypocrtical of me.

according to me, (but i have an insiders perspective which isnt always the most claer. and ooh random thought: well done and thanks and i really like and really appreciate how you say smth nice abt everyone, no matter orting, on ur blog), gryffindor is my primary model 2 because authenitcity and integrity are good but hard to do but i dont think or know if id drop them, just like i dont know if id drop a slytherin's values (which i rlly cannot be bothered listing agin after doing so above. and wow, thank you for letting me rant to you, random person on the internet, in so many ways and on so many topics. anyway, continuing. ) its like yeah gryffindor values are good and maybe i used to feel them rlly well but i dnot think they go 100% with who i am but deinifnetely above 81.6% (not a random number, took time to come to this deliberaion of a decimal/percentage. wow so long and not even finished primaries yet. hmm, rnadom thought: i wonder what id feel and think and how id react if i was reading my own post thing on the internet without me having written it...)

anyawas, i think im done with gryffindor and cant find anything morw to say on it. for ravenclaw its just. no. not at all.

why would you find an external morality, based on sm stupid shit (sorry for the swearing, it just came out but i can change it if u wish) smone else came up with that u havent approved or u dont feel is right and that isnt ur own ORIGINAL "THIS/THESE ARE MINE" idea. like honestly (sorry for non-understanding. ha, one of my values is understanding yet i dont even try to do it with others. ) how can you bear to do that and live with urself? im rlly curious but also extrelemy confused!!??!?!?

okay, now seconds. slytherin doesnt feel rght either but it's the one that feels the most rigth and its weird but i dont why it feels the most right when whoever is reading this is probably thininh lioin but i think i cant do anything right (let's establish early on, my opinion= cheating is bad, v bad; for example like on exams and stuff. but rule-breaking is smtimes necessary and lying is good to stop others seeing u as who u truly are or upending their perspective of you as a perfect figure but it can be bad if it stops u from facing ur issues or managing them and can also be fun- like the time i convinced smone i didnt know brands existed in cars and thought they existed only for other thisgs like clothes and shops and toys and etc and in cars they were names and it was so much fun fooling that person and i still feel slightly proud of it but HOPE TO EVERYTHING desperately THAT THEY WONT READ THIS because that would ruin it and they wudlnt trust whtever i told them after that.) Anyways, im the least observant person on the planet anyways and dont think i could improvise at all in a topic i know onthing abt so maybe rapid-fire bird but im also kindof shy and embarrased of who i am so that factor into it and i have no idea why im telling a random stranger all this stuff but anyways.

secondary model 1- ravenclaw bc i want to imrpoviesse so badly its such a vuluable skill and generally fun and good way to problem-slove but im completely terrible at it and rlly clumsy and not brave enough to actively decide that i should be my authentic self through imrpovisation or competent enough to get the joy of it and then settle into a neutral state that encourages other to assume im anything other than a snake. how did this part end up being abt a snake secondayr rather than a bird? dont know, could know if i bothered to think abt it but dont actually care enough to cotemplate the possibilitiesof reasons why. if im delving into snake, i assuem i dnnt have anything else to say abt ravenclawand its tmie to move into the next model. oh wait one last thing: i want to improvise but am horrible at it so my first plan is to find as many references as possible to the thing i want to do then mesh them together in my own version to create a plan and then improvise and change the plan and its rules based on the outcome or/and situation. and collecting and becoming slightly proficient in different hobbies and info and subjects is kind of fun but also stressful but i nice place to relax and unwind and just search up random stuff im interested in and curious abt but it's more like a coping mechnaism used quite often now.

secondary moel 2- gryffidor bc i find that most times when i dont have enough data, i tend to bluster through it and stick with my cause without backing down but unable to back it up. however ive mostly noticed this either shows as ragged persitence and gulit and sense of failure when i get smth wrong or continuing ot argue for smth, when i dont rlly believe in it or would rather get more data or would prfeer to manipulate us out of this situation but ofc mnanipulation is evil but i...i...i... i likre it and it's the best way and by extension reading each others body language and position others is evil bc it doesnt give the freedom bc im manipulating them into thiking that way but on the other hand i could be a bird bc of specific language uses such as "data" and "fist plan" above, even tho those are only two factors of it. its like i wanna be special, a chosen one but at the same time i konow am not and can never be bc im not good enough or observant enough or socially daptive enough or myself enough or soccially aware enough especially of specific sociopolitical undercurrents that influence most things (not everyone and everytihng because v.few thigs influence absolutelu EVRYTHING) or empatheic enough or clever enough or cunning enough (whats the difference bweteen clever and cunning wanyways, except for cunning having a more negative connotations/misconception?) or too blunt which i know i have to be bc... ... well i dont rlly know, or too tlkative which stops others from voiving theri opininons (and hionesty, good luck with this and sorry for dumping this mess of a text/explanation and my mess as person on you) just generally a person atl all or eeven just human, quite often feling alien.

secondary model 3- i fell like hard work is important and maybe i used to do it but ow its a no can do thing for me nucless it really REALLY important, bc theres other more important values and it would and could be good but am a terible person anyways and ... i guess i show up at things but life is more than just showing up. theres got to be a method to ur madness (and wow, ddi i rlly just say, no, write that?) life is more about taking charge behind the scenes then exploiting it for the good and making everyone see you're their best option for leadership (if it's actually true, bc smtimes it's not and there are others better suited) bc of cunning and bravery and creaitivity and compassion and empathy and logicality in one neat package, when im not being a selfish person who foolishy and mistakenly believes they can take care of all that is MINEEEE! and ive probably maade this very confusinf gor you but dont u worry its evry confusing for myself as well, actually.

tahnk you for reading this and enjoy your ilife and sorry for the absolute mess that is this piece of writing.

ohh, and please list clealry the resullts at the very end of the discussion to reiterate them, if possible bs ive noticed that u dont frequently do that on the masterlist published articles and its annoying bc i find myself having to scroll up and untagle your complicated wordings of stuff which is quite tedious and erllay annoyong smtimes. thanks for crreating this website, and i hope you have whatever dreams you want to have in your sleep tonight and that you follow your real-life ones as well.

update: from reading ur analyses of buffy world i relate to following passage sooooooooooooooooooooo much. :

"Her threat to Ben/Glory is “If she ever comes near me and mine again (but without the me, bc im not worth it but my people are my and my responsibilty alone and i will protect them and be selfish abt them and absolutelu worth it, but i dont know what to do abt it bc the world is so bug and its quite selfish to waste so much time and energy into improving it, and quite hard but. it. is MINE.) and i guess ive kinda kicked myself out??!?!)….” It’s a Loyalist primary talking. Sure Buffy talks about the Slayer destiny like it’s her Gryffindor Cause, but really she’s out there to protect her people. And when those people betray her, it’s like the ground under her feet disappears. Buffy at her lowest is the scarred-up loner from Cordelia’s “Wish” vision: a Petrified Slytherin who doesn’t “play well with others,” waiting for something to kill her. An isolated Buffy is an unhealthy Buffy, so her arc is about the way her inner circle expands. When we first meet her, priorities are self-care (good hair, pretty shoes, cute boys, a place on the cheerleading squad) and maybe her mom. Buffy starts to include the Scoobies, then the Scoobies’ people, then Dawn, until eventually she’s a general leading the Potentials. She’s on her way to deciding that the world is her people, an it’s all her responsibility. "

except im not my responsibility because.. well im a bad person who shoudnt have responsibility to or for myself, rlly.

but the people i used to be... well, most of the wre and still are better versions of me and my future will evolve me as a person until i am the person i could be. - just weird thought that i noted down bc i dont get hoew others think that when you change you remain the same person. you dont. also, its weird but, more generally, the world is in my nner circle but i have levels of relatoponships!!???!?!?? as in not worth knowing, acquitancee, interesting person/want to know/ could know/ could become best friends with because of good mix of similarities and diferences an those in my elevated inner circle that id actually trust and those in my full and complete inner circle that are all my responsibility, that i should try pushing them to improve and beetter myself and that i should protect bc they're mine. not me and mine, just mine, possesively and agressively. p.s. i should probably mention, i think both my primary and secondary are burned, whatver they are bc no primary feels completely natural or smth i should be doing (but slytherin is the closest to feeling right) and i dont think im competent in anything rlly or good at anhthing much, outside of my opinions bc the questions is now to you= how would you sort me? for more information, email me. thanks and & bye. Update: plus one more, hopefully, last thing. i feewhi dont rly know how to write this but is it possible to have the world as in my inener circle but not have all the ppl in it? like have he world itself and select ppl, bc that is what i do much more than having all the world's ppl as well as the world. the part i rlly relate to iabt tiffaniy's quote is the tuurn selfishness into a weapon thing because even tho its bad its a good and essential part of who i am that i dont want to change even tho i can and could if i wanted because selfishness as a weapon as tiffanny uses it is inerehtely extremely powerful and feels right. like inistead of blaming myself for selfishness, keep it and adjust it to who i am so it feels like it should feel. and also maybe hufflepuff mprimary model 1 bc i realise that , yse while i do relate to its fairness, i think the best way, not necessearaley the right way but the best and most practical and applicapale the way ppl will actually listen to and respond is hte hufflepuff primary and i relate to its fairness and inherant value that each person has but its like i know it's ot me but i feel pressured to make that me in a way??!?1!! if that makes sense. thanks a lot and hopefully last update. oh and if ppl not in inner circle leave i dont care (and usually when picking new friends, it means i have observed them for a while and found that i relate to most of what they do and eventually approach them and after a couple of conversations think this mine from now on no one will harm them (or if they do, i find myself thikning of how to get revenge without being caught and if theyre an important enough perosn, evetually accomplishing it. ) and if ppl in inner circle try to annoy me i mostly ignore them if im healthy and in a good place and if they attack mine or am feeling particularly bad that day, then i will call them out on it like its my cause but fairness is mine not a specific cause. bye, thanks, sorry for the many updates and enjoy ur day!!!! P.S- if i was u, I'd wait at least a day before analysing bc i may send more updates as they come into my mind and/or i experience circumstances. also, one time i was remembering the time my dance teacher taught us some history abt the dance, where the all the men soldiers were killed by the enemies and the women self-sacrificed themselves and their children so they would never be forced to go in the enemy's army but even tho i can understand that last part, i cant relate to it bc in their positino i would pretend to be loyal to the enemy and get high enough to be able to kill the metaphorical head of operations and eventually lead a resistance behind the scenes wit all the information i would have gained as a "loyal" prisoner, but that would probably not succeed bc im not a competent

enough actor or that comfortable abt putting on a mask or good enough at sensing undercurrents in social interactions so i would get captured and put to death for treason in that nacient environment and i woudnt have been able to gain revenge for mine who had all self-sacrificed or help whatever left of my people; but when my acquitance asked abt it i said it was a school history project bc i didnt want them to know that i did dancing or was at all much physically active both bc that doesnt suit my cultivated image of an academic-bookworm nd my friend isnt that physically active and bc i like my projected image is good bc it causes others to undersitame me. and idont rlly factor rules into my plans ( hmm, maybe ravenclaw smth?) or in my adjusted on the spot ones or in anth rlly, i break rules when neccessry for smth or think its unimportant compared to why i break it but i dontgo out of my way to do it. anyway thanks again and bye and so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so sorry a gazzilion times over for breaking my promise before and not remembering to copy final version into this and rlly especially sorry or this confusing mess of a ruminating rumble turmoil, clutter, uddle an barely coherent mishmash of thoughts. Update-here was a period of three years when i trusted absoluely no one bc i thought i shouldnt trust anyone since theyre all using me and no one rlly cares anyone and i dont have anything to offee them anyway nor can i let anyone see me or be truly close to me otherwise I'll hurt them or they'll betray me or both. Then i grew curious abt what my sibling was doing woth the neighbour kids and went to see and now after five years i semi-trust them but i dontvknow how or why they care abt me or being my friends since all i can do is hurt them. And we dont interact at school so im rlly lonely there most of the time bc even tho subjects r interesting and the reading and writing and hoework/studying and irganising and other stuff i do at break is absorbing and necessary it would be awesome tk have a companion, someone i could truly open up to eventually, who sees who i am and acceprs it without pity or endorsement. and even tho ive been lycky in the neighbor friends i feel so lonely and removed and isolated and alien everywhere also and im pushing everyone away more intently than that zero-trust-period and i dont know why or how to change that but im so tired of veing lonely so i approached an acquaintance thats on "possible bff", "could make great friend" and "to become froends with somewhen because theyre interesting and have 3+ similarities ans some differences from me " lists and i thought for a whike what the best approach would be but its eight years abd i miss having friends at school and im so tired of being alone and the constant itch of loneliness that i opted for the vlunt apprtoach to see how they react and simply sat down next to them and asked if they wanted to be friends. (last time i used this tool/technique 7yrs ago, everyone on the grp stroll laughed at me when i asked and kept on looking at me with those 'oh that was so cute' glances and pitying looks so i havent been proactive in friendship-making since then.) And it is going well a couple of days later; our conversations are fun and engaging and thought provoking and meaningful and i feel close to that person, like ive weve been conversing for months instead of days even tho i smtimes think the person might hace been better of without me bc i dont know if im at all loyal rlly and truly or if i actually even contribute to the relationship at all but life was generally so much harder and more tiring and flavourless without smone i could hang out with but am u even rlly building thisrelationship for them or just me and my pathetic loneliness? Lifes so much easier and fuller and brighter with close friendships- someone there for u, hoping they stay bc they care and telling them when ur in a bad place or the days not goingvwell and u hope desperately they react... appropriately. Its just so hard to trust when u know they

could be playing or manipulating u without u even knowing and especially when, in my opinion, theres not that much of a reason to maintain a friendahip with me bc i dont thinkni count as a reason, i start to wonder and search for their true motive. Plus if im responsible for that possible friend, i might fail in that responsibility or hurr them or forget smth meaningful to them or something else worse that i cant come up with rn. today, me and that person (friend?) couldn't meet at school's break and i felt so lonely and lost. i did find them afterwards and they explained they were finishing a project but still, such a close attachment from me in that short a time period feels weird and unnatural but the attachment itself feels and is calm, joyful, interesting, happy, engaging, serene, peaceful. still kinda awkward but we're getting there.

Update- A couple of new conclusions/possibilities I could also be a burned gryffindor primary with an extremely strong slytherin model or gryffindor primary with slytheirn ideals because i find myself writing and saying "i feel this" and "I feel that way abt this" and i check to see if things feel/sound right. i could also burned ravenclaw with a strong slytherin model. burned bc of what i think abt that house but i doubt it bc it doesnt feel right or me at all. lastly i could also be burned hufflepuff bc i dehumanise whole grps of ppl but i dont like doing that and dont want to do it, so im slwly stopping bc ppl should be judged on who they are not who others perceive them as and prefer/am comfortable with a small amount of friends and a limited inner circle of humans and tho i dont rlly trust the world it is still mine and i have a responsibility towards it. and yes, i would feel slighlty guilty if i abandoned a stranger in need for a friend in need but i owe mine my loyalty and help and advice and anything i can give or do or sacrifice for them; i also know that friend well so im the one that should and will help them and i'll make time for the stranger in need later, once and if mine are compltetly 100% fine and sorted out. and if anyone ever harms my inner circle of humans that i love (platonically or/and familially), respect, admire, value, trust (tho i dont nkow when that creeped up on me, bc i shouldnt trust others; its an easy way to get hurt or betrayed) and feel responsible for, what i call my "demonic anger" comes out. i named it demonic bc it feels so fiery and dark and pitiless and blazing and mercenary and ruthless and scorching and merciless and fierce that even those who its used for their defense/protection back away and cant bear it to stay friends with me, mocking/deriding/ridiculing me in front or/and behind my back and im afraid of that scorn and jeering but also afraid of trusting and my anger but these past few days of approaching that person at school and actively deciding to choose to trust smone again... they've been heaven on earth. Final. Couple of last thoughts before stop sending updates and wait for you to email me back.

28.3.2022 today, me and that new friend asked each other the question that if your closest person was a murderer that killed 50 ppl and was now badly injured, would you leave them to bleed out? no, i said, i would try to stop the bleeding because yes justice and fairness have their neccesery situations and are all well and good but what about the preson themselves andd how well you know them and ur responsibilty and the way they depend on you for smth/smths and the selfish way that u need them too? and then take them to a hospital anonymously and stay with them and try to reform them and understand why they became a murderer and if it can be helped aand even if they keep murdering others, they must eventually realize it's wrong, correct? and i will encourage thm to stop murdering others and i might call the police but if they are treated badly, iw ill btrak them out. and i think im slowly unburning my slytherin primary bc im gradually trusting my human inner circle of 5 and those who are gradually building up to that inner circle with more quantity and more true info and more accurate info abt me but im still not completely there and generally trust must be earned from the ground up, so i dont trust others the general population. but it can also decrease from zero to negative (dehumanisation or cotmept or dislike). but i know that i dont deserve to be in my inner circle because i often hurt ppl and am not good enough for them anyyways. i want to be a gryffindor bcuz a moral compass is right and morally correct and it's what the other gender is constantly told to be so i break stereotypes if im a gryfindor primary but hufflepuff is good ecause networking is a compulsory tool for my ambitions and if iwant any of my projects to succeed and its fairness is good but unrealisitic and impractical because ti cant and shouldnt be applied equally but to those who you do the following: trust, repect, admire, feel comfortable with, can drop any and all disguises and pretenses whiel with thee, and can and do talk to them about everything including difficult topics and it's almost never awkard and you can just relax and have funu adn allow yourself to hope they wont judge or criticise or betray because if u dont take that first step they wont either, so u have to be strong and brutally honest and just take that first step in trusting smone and showing them the staircase to ur human inner circle where i would hide their crimes and try to understand why if they make it even a third of the way up that staicase and into the first level of trust as a metaphorical staircase landing with a door for them to get out of staircase if, on that first examination they'll undertake, they fail. but that landing's door will become glass through which we can peek into each other's life and knock on to answer the door if they need me for smth bc i still have a slight responsibilty to them but htey have almost nil chance of entering staircase again unless they change dramatically and dont fail a more intense but shorter series of 3+ tests bc theyll almost certainly betray/fail me again.

#submission #sortinghatchats #sortme #wisteria sorts #bird snake

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sparksnevadas · 1 year

Note

I have finished reading the latest GIHASM chapter and I am here to let it be known that I am once again wailing sobbing crying about mumscarian.

I feel like it can’t be said enough but the way you write them together… they’re just so soft. The little domestic scene of Scar and Grian cooking together. The implicit trust between Mumbo and Scar as they talk about how they are doing in the wake of everything. Grian trusting Mumbo to be there while he and Pearl preen and Mumbo getting the courage to speak about his experiences with the HA inspired by Grian. I could probably write a whole novel about how much I love the tender affection between them and how absolutely romantic your depiction of them is <3

(Side note: the way you write cooking has really reminded me that I do indeed love to do that)

The dancing scene needs a special shout-out, okay? I had to keep pausing to hide my face because it was just so good. I love your redscape dynamic so much, I think about them often.

The bit about Bdubs’ driving was great too! You got so much of his chapter into such a short bit.

And the parts about Grian’s complex emotions about the HA </3 they were so realistic and I loved getting to see that (especially with the added context of that post about why you named the chapter as you did).

I know you’ve said you are starting to wrap up GIHASM and while I am obviously excited to see what you come up with next, I am definitely going to miss this AU a lot. Every time I get that AO3 update email it puts a smile on my face and I drop whatever I’m doing to go and read it immediately. I love GIHASM so much and if anyone who is still reading at this point hasn’t read it yet I highly, highly recommend you go and check it out!

void!!! my friend <3 i had not noticed you sent this, i am genuinely sorry!

i love little domestic scenes, even if these idiots wont admit they're in love, they will cook for each other, sacrifice for each other, let each other sleep in and distract each other when its needed.

this is a very minor thing but i feel like in popular media and fic, once a character finds out they like someone, its very fast: attempted confessions, miscommunictions (my dearly detested), etc. etc. my thing is like... i wanted to explore what it would be like to fall in love with your friend over a year and not notice. and what'd be like to figure out you kinda see your nemesis as a friend (and maybe more, as you get to learn more and more about him). and even when you do find out, are you really that quick to turn around and risk something you value so much? maybe, maybe. Im trying really hard to find a balance between the two ends i suppose. its very slow going, but im glad everyone seems to be enjoying the ride? But anyways ya, ya, they are in love, but more importantly, they are best friends :)

(I LOVE COOKING!!!! the recipe for the spanish omelet is a mix between official recipes (putting it in the oven) and my own (adding bell pepper occasionally. it adds flavor and color))

its really funny to me that when i started drafting this fic, my head was so full of redscape stuff. and then i kinda realized i needed to focus on grian, so then i went full scarian mode for a bit. grumbo is the ship i feel like in a way i've had to put on the back burner for most of the fic bc mumbo wasn't "there" for the first half. anyways i love redscape. it consists of one Anxious but sweet man and his Confident but too sweet man wholoves him very loudly (but maybe not loudly enough?). and theyre best friends :) and they were roommates!

<3 <3 <3 i think i havent made it super clear in the fic up until this point that everyone and everything is morally gray, including the like. ig antagonist? of the fic. The HA has good people in it, and it has people who are not so good. everyone has different opinions on what should happen to it, and they are all valid in their own ways. given that a lot of readers were rallying against the HA, i was like :3c time to reveal why grian likes bleaching his wings and why he loves the HA and will always feel mixed emotions about it.

(can you tell i like writing about complicated relationships? lmao)

i have about 2 more story beats to finish off on..... i have also been saying i have two more beats for about 2-3 months. I say "soon", i have no idea how much longer this fic will take to write. for example, i thought of the stuff for this chapter within the last three weeks. so it was a last minute beat add. soooooo idk. "soon" but like. im gonna take any excuse to write more domestic scenes lmao. a meandering "soon"

anyways!!!! hi void my friend!!! thank you so much for this long ask i love long comments so much i love seeing what everyone picks up on and what parts are fun to read!!! genuinely the interview part was nervewracking for me to write bc i was like... i hope i dont sound preachy but journalism is important to me, and morality is important. anyways, i wont ramble any longer, but i lov u!!!

#its void!#gihasm

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literaticat · 2 years

Note

I'm an editor in need of an agent opinion pls! Im new to acquiring - 1.5 years. After rejecting once, most agents never talk to me again, not even to say thx for feedback. My 9 sales are on 1st subs from that person or repeats. I respond within a week if its a clear no and <1 month if its a maybe and I illustrate why it wasnt a fit each time. I realize it may be *what* Im saying/how- but is responding quick/giving 2-3 paragraphs feedback a fauxpas? Is there some etiquette agents expect?

You sound like a ding-danged UNICORN, hon! A WEEK for a no is great, and feedback on a maybe is wonderful. THANK YOU, from all agents, and I'm very sorry if they aren't saying it themselves.

For the declines, like if you want the agent to send you more (but different) things, you can keep the conversation going -- So something like, "This isn't a fit for me, I'm not taking on Picture Book biographies because my colleague so-and-so does so many of those, BUT, I'd love to see XYZ if you happen to have anything like that! I'm attaching my most updated wishlist for your reference and I'd love to set up a call!" This might not always work (sometimes we see "no" and just file it away under "no") -- but at least you should make some more Agent Buddies that way.

As for feedback - I'm NOT SAYING that you do this!!! But I have had the experience a few times where editors -- particularly brilliant young editors in their first couple of years of acquiring -- give feedback with like... Too Much Info, in a way that can be very off-putting.**

For example: I send a MG contemporary. Editor spends two paragraphs in response telling me why it will never sell. "This feels didactic, the characters are flat, nothing happens, I'm not sure why this book was written, it is doing nothing new, it does not distinguish itself and won't sell in this market."

Um... wow. I didn't ask, and yes it will? The problem here is two-fold - the editor is leading with their ego, acting like their opinions are facts. Additionally, they are insulting not just my author and their writing, but also ME and my taste. Not inspiring!

A better way to approach this is to be positive, say something kind, and make the reason for the decline clearly a YOU thing, rather than a "this sucks" thing. Like, "There's a great voice here and I get why you are so fond of this. I did love the premise, but for me the execution felt a little muddled. I found myself getting confused and distracted in the middle there. Ultimately, when I'm on the fence I've realized that I just have to say no, so I'm afraid it has to be a pass, but thanks so much for sending, can't wait to connect with you on something in the future, etc. etc" . . . [Again, I'm not saying that's your problem - but MAYBE that's a BIT of your problem?]

Basically, if you know it is going to be a no regardless, I don't think you need to feel pressure to give a ton of feedback about all the things that are "wrong" with it. At the end of the day, it just wasn't a fit for you, so save yourself the trouble. BUT, if you think that your feedback could potentially legit take this from a "maybe" to a "YES" -- then ask if they want to potentially do an R&R, and THEN spend the time giving them all your wonderful thoughts.

I have no idea if that's helpful but anyway. (Reveal yourself to me in email and I promise I'll write back! :D )

** (And yes, the brilliant young editors generally DO grow out of this and get better 'bedside manner', I think when they are around a bit longer and realize that sometimes they are just WRONG. Like, OK, you turned down this manuscript and said it would never sell and it ended up getting a bunch of starred reviews and awards and now the author is famous.... um.... LOL.)

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lonleygirl222 · 11 hours

Text

There was a girl.

**Disclaimer, names have been changed for privacy reasons.**

(So you know who I'am speaking of there are the names below)

S- Chloe

J- Georgina

M- Melanie

T- Drea

Well now that i have the time to talk about all of this I would like to tell you about the time i feel in love with another woman. Let's take this back to 2013? or 14. I was in this group on Facebook in my Local city in Arizona. I met a woman by the name of Chloe. To describe Chloe she reminded me a lot of a female Johnny Bravo mixed with a night, i guess lol. She wasn't really much of anything negative at the time because i didn't know her. So i one day friended Chloe on facebook, thought we could be friends and i was open to finding a girlfriend and wanting to have that world FULLY opened up. I had dated women in the past and i wanted to date another one. ((Lets be clear though i have been married since 2012 and he was FULLY aware and OKAY with the situation!!)) Chloe and I were friends for I wanna say a year before we actually hung out. She invited me to a concert ahh i loved that show so much!! Rob Zombie!! and in this moment? Anyway, that was a good show. Chloe and I hit it off the energy and the vibe was good. She picked me up and dropped me off, it was nice. Next couple weeks went by and she invited me to dinner so i went it was a nice place she took me to. I had a kale salad i didn't enjoy it lol BUT i'm a woman and thats what we do lol. FROM WHAT I REMEMBER she had asked me to be her girlfriend and i accepted. I like to live life in the moment so we got to know each other as the days went on. She was from Seattle, she had two cats, she's divorced, manager for a very well known company. She is a Pieces. Amazing cook! Things with her were just simple we clicked. I don't know why or how we just did. OH the LIVE.ME days. I usually go on from every now and then but not as much as i used to before. The older i got the less fun it became. She never met Georgina, Melanie, or Drea. They didn't know about my relationship with Chloe because i knew how judgmental they were and I felt like they didn't want to compete with another female spending time with me. Plus at the end they were Jealous about my relationship with her anyway. So anyway. Things with her were great. The sex ugh! I kind of tingle thinking but i wont even waste energy. lol. So sex was good, the conversations were good. I feel like she didn't really understand my resting bitch face when i would watch tv some times lol but its okay. I was a little annoyed that she kept asking me if i was okay haha. She showed me a new show i liked and it was good. Wentworth check it out. WAY better than Orange is the new black. Chloe was extremely giving. Never expected anything back. She was ALWAYS there for me. When i didn't ask she would deliver. She was in love, I wasn't as there like she was but i got there and once i was there, i was there. I wanted to be with her every day. I wanted to fall asleep in her arms and enjoy having someone care for me when im sick or uplift me when im sad. I never had that from my husband. I spoke to my cousin about everything and told her that i would really leave my husband for her But i was scared. I don't know what it was at the time but i was TERRIFIED!! My friend Georgina found out I was dating Chloe. She apparently saw us at a restaurant and went and created a group chat on facebook with Melanie and Drea. she told them about us and it was basically an intervention for me. I met up with them at this spot at a restaurant we usually went to. That whole set up was because Georgina opened her big mouth. Now this all started like 3 months ? into our relationship. Things started to go bad Like REALLY bad. Chloe started getting messages, texts, calls, emails. all from Georgina. The other two didn't know about this. Once they found out a whole month later no one could put a stop to it. Georgina was a little crazy to make people believe in her like she is HORRIBLE things when we were younger and she got her way out of it. Lawfully things. i can't believe i allowed her to get away with so much. Things got so bad Chloe and i started to fight we broke up got back together broke up it was just a mess. part 2?

#lesbian love

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nathank77 · 1 month

Text

3/29/24

1:18 a.m

Why do I dislike Mike as a therapist? Hate is a strong word but I wanted to make it clear in my email to Danielle that I posted below with a whole speel about having a lower quality of care and having to out myself to providers as trans and a voice hearer, making it known to her that I feel unsafe, dehumanized, stigmatized and discriminated against yet I will stay with Mike bc of this bc I don't want to be discriminated against.... anyways I got that all out but it was an important entry.

Why do I dislike Mike?

1) do you really hear a voice or is it a narrative?

- we talked about it and he showed genuine human emotion and cried a little but nonetheless I don't want to see him bc of the question that's why I tried to replace him.

2) would you rather have a mood disorder (bipolar voice hearer/schizoaffective) or a personality disorder(schizotypal)? In relation to saying psychosis is not a stand alone thing.... fact is psychosis can be a stand alone thing 1000%. Look it up. I had to fight him on this with facts.

- we talked about it and said he wasn't trying to diagnosis me, either way it rubbed me the wrong way that I had to fight him about facts, it is factually psychosis can be a standalone thing and go away. It doesn't have to be schizophrenia or depression or something else.

3) he brings up his education at NYU constantly and acts like a big wig. He thinks he is a big wig and he challenges me with questions which I'll list below that blow my mind, and aggravate me constantly.

He actually thinks he is smarter than me. I'd say we are of equal intelligence tbh. He isn't stupid but he isn't emotionally intelligent that's factually and he actually acts like a big wig.

4) just going back to psychosis not being a standalone illness. He doesn't believe psychosis can just be psychosis......

5) he pushed and has continued to push antidepressants..... especially since getting psychosis.... BRO MY NEUROTRANSMITTERS ARE ALREADY ALL SORTS OF MESSED UP. And I'm trying to recover naturally from psychosis....

Why not throw in some random SSRI or whatever and see what it does??? Antidepressants aren't a fucking bandaid and I don't have depression....

I'm sick of this conversation. He keeps saying well ERP in conjunction to an antidepressant is the highest quality of care for someone with OCD. First off we aren't doing ERP right now but secondly even if we were, I don't want to take a fucking antidepressant.

WELL BROTHER I DON'T FUCKING WANT AN ANTIDEPRESSANT. I NEVER DID AND I ESPECIALLY DONT WANT ONE NOW THAT I HAVE PSYCHOSIS.

WE DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND HOW THE BRAIN WORKS AND WE NEVER TRULY WILL SO LETS LEAVE MY BRAIN ALONE IM ALREADY ON BENZODIAZEPINES JUST TO SLEEP AT NIGHT AND ID RATHER NOT BE BUT I CANT SLEEP WITHOUT THEM.

6) when I brought up how my quality of care is lower bc I won't take antipsychotics bc of the side effects, and I'm not being treated the same by medical providers bc I'm labeled as psychotic.

Aka they won't treat me. If they will they won't look at issues as separate. Such as insomnia. And Continuing to be referred out to Behavioral health where I'm going to be forced to take antipsychotics.

Mike actually asked me why wouldn't you just do antipsychotics..... well idiot:

1] Seizures

2] movement disorders

3] negative symptoms- aka all this functionality I currently have can come to a screeching fault

4] the voice doesn't typically go away I've asked and looked at research....

5] it lowers your life expectancy by 30%

6] it lowers dopamine all over your fucking brain rather than the appropriate pathway-talk about antidepressants being a bandaid and the brain not being fully understood, antipsychotics are way worse

7] when you look up can you recover from psychosis in Google searches- you actually see in the commonly asked questions can you recover from antipsychotics!!!!!

8] I brought up my extensive education on the topic as I studied it intensively in grad school

9] they actually lower your IQ

His response was why wouldn't you want a lower IQ?? STUPID PEOPLE ARE HAPPIER..... that may be true... but:

I responded well I mean I went to school for my masters in neuroscience... I have a 160k education I worked very hard on and I may not be using it but I like being intelligent... I like learning new things. I like being inquisitive and educated and may be one day I will beat psychosis and OCD and end up getting my PhD or using my current education and getting into research but either way I like being intelligent.

7) when we were having this conversation i said i wasn't psychotic just bc I have psychosis and he said having Psychosis means you're psychotic... and I was like not when you're in remission, when you are firmly gripped in reality and not delusional, not when you're socially and occupationally functional and the only symptom you have is an auditory hallucination that causes suffering but nonetheless doesn't prevent you from functioning, you're not psychotic.

He made me feel like I was once again defined as fucking psychotic just bc I hallucinate... my grip on reality and functionality and intelligence plays a role in whether I'm, "psychotic."

Gotta love how people label you. Erin doesn't see me as psychotic. She sees me as a functional, intelligent, and firmly gripped in reality person who suffers from broken d2 receptors.

8) I asked him if he could stop cutting me off so I could finish my stories cause I need to vent and everytime he cuts me off I have to answer his annoying question and then I have to backtrack to explain what I was explaining. I explained it nicely but nonetheless now he is "checking out." I can see it in his face.

9) When I reestablished Therapy with him and I lost track of time and missed our 6. He said 630. I showed up and he never did and he pretended he didn't receive my texts.

-This is all I can come up with now minus him always bringing up movies that's gotten a little better but he talked to me about Benadryl and the man in the hat. I didn't know what he was talking about but Benadryl can make you see stuff cause I guess it's a delirium... I mean I never had visual hallucination with psychosis. Other than numbers being a little different (50 followers would switch to 51 back and forth) and i had that one physical hallucination the Rosalyn post i thought Elise posted... but that was actually October 7th before I had psychosis. Nonetheless it scared me that it happened but that's the extent of my visuals. I don't have them anymore.

before psychosis I took benadryl every single night with weed and I slept but bringing up the man in the hat scared me.... like of course I worry that things will worsen despite them getting better.

-he really lacks emotional Intelligence. I don't hate him. I don't like him as a therapist but bc of Danielle I'm stuck with him...

-Do I think he is a bad person?

No. I just don't think he is emotionally intelligent enough to be my therapist. I think generally he is a decent human but not the right fit for me as a therapist. I'd drop him like a hot potato if Danielle would find a therapist who was accepting of trans people and someone who doesn't stigmatize voice hearers.

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