#im gonna try and eat {hopefully with no one downstairs} and like maybe stop the sad songs | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

zuuriell · 8 months

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i felt like doing something so imma do this for the month! i’ll put all my answers below the cut because it’ll probably get quite long lol

1. Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (aka POTS)

2. well, it’s pretty complicated 😭 i’ve had some symptoms for probably like a year, but around late april/early may this year i couldn’t even shower or stand up too long from how bad it got. the uk healthcare system is absolute shit though, so even tho i’ve been a&e multiple times and tried to explain how much it’s all been affecting me, i still don’t get to see a cardiologist until february 2024 :( but we’ve ruled out other options of what it could be, and my mum’s cardiologist friend agreed when i said i thought i had POTS, and my GP agrees, and my potsie friends agree so i’m kinda like unofficially diagnosed as of now?

3. relating to the last point, i am not officially diagnosed yet because of the slow asf NHS so yeah :,) but i mean to figure out what i was experiencing was POTS, it did take me like 8 months? but probably around 10 for me to accept the fact that i most likely have it too 😭 an official diagnosis unless i can rack up the money to go private is probably gonna take me like another year at this rate, but hopefully it won’t be that long

4. i have to pick just one? LOL uhh probably the blood pooling! it’s so annoying because especially when im out and about, i can’t be with my legs in the air 24/7 so it’s always bound to happen. compression socks help but only to an extent, and it stops me from doing so muchhhh :( it means that queueing for things and standing for more than a couple minutes is so so much harder, and if i have too much blood pooling in one day then my can legs ache for DAYS after that. it’s so painful and annoying and just aaghhh i hate it

5. on a regular day: i wake up, chug water which i leave by my bed for the mornings, get out of bed slowly and walk downstairs to make breakfast. i chug electrolytes and go for a short dog walk, then come home to do schoolwork and my family make lunch/dinner so i don’t have to stand around too long. i’ll make sure i get any chores done that i can, and i’ll try to chill in the evening

on a bad day/flareup: i wake up a lot later, have my electrolytes with water and only get out of bed when i need to. i’ll do schoolwork from my bed (if i feel well enough to concentrate), and have salty snacks rather than proper meals, unless my family make me anything. i stretch from bed to combat deconditioning, and if i feel decent enough i can have a bath

6. i don’t have access to any specific medication unfortunately, so i currently just manage with painkillers when my chronic pain is extra bitchy + anti-nausea meds when i feel sicky

7. salt sachets (the little ones you get at like mcdonald’s and stuff) to shove in my purse/pocket in case symptoms flare while i’m out, compression garments, electrolyte tablets, and a recliner bed so i can raise my legs more when resting

8. electrolyte drinks!! not the tablets though (i hate the taste of all the tablets except like 1 lol) - my fav is making electrolyte drinks from scratch! at the moment i really love iced lemon water with honey and salt. i also saw smth about this fancy coconut water drink to make so i may try that and it may become my favourite :0

9. salty crackers, salt and vinegar/ready salted crisps, mcdonalds fries (stfu i know these aren’t healthy but they’re my favs 😭), pretzels, nuts

+ my fav foods to dump a bunch of salt on: pasta, veggies and dips (SALTED CUCUMBER IS SO GOOD), pizza, chips, soup, risotto, probs almost anything i eat tbh

10. i’ve only got one pair but i love them so shoutout to my knee-length black compression socks <3

11. i don’t have any 🥲 i really wish i could have a cane or maybe even a rollator but my family make fun of me and i can’t afford one lolsies

12. i try to do some stretching in bed so that i can safely work against deconditioning, keeping very hydrated, trying to stay upstairs as much as possible so i don’t have to suffer my staircase, asking family to make food for me so i can save energy, taking pain meds when needed, having a cold bath (if possible), trying to keep preoccupied with work if i can, but if not i’ll watch movies on my ipad and stuff

fun fact: i wrote this on a flare LOL so oddly fitting and now i’ve already made myself a plan for the next few days!

13. the thing that’s helped me most is accepting that something is wrong and remembering to listen to my body. going through life pretending that i’m perfectly abled and don’t have anything wrong causes much more harm to me than letting myself rest a few days. it definitely isn’t easy though - i still find myself getting stressed over work deadlines don’t get me wrong, but i’d like to think i’m getting better at adapting to things and noticing when a flare is coming on so i can be prepared to take the time for my body to rest.

14. chairs are your best friends now. i steal the chairs/stools from the kitchen table whenever i’m doing chores standing up for more than 30 seconds. compression socks also help! OOH and if you’re using hot water/heated stuff and struggle with temperature dysreg, i usually grab myself a cup of ice to munch on or an icepack to hold on my chest so that i don’t overheat :)

15. i’m afraid i don’t have much input for this as i left school for health reasons 😭 but i suppose keeping hydrated, getting accommodations such as not too many stairs + being allowed to take more days off to rest for flares, compression gear where possible, staying high on sodium + electrolytes, and extended deadlines would be good!

16. i’m gonna sound so silly for this but i love rewatching my comfort stuff. i’ve got my fav youtubers + fav films/series all compiled in a list, and i spin a wheel to decide which one i’m gonna watch! other activities i enjoy though are reading, playing video games, doing goofy quizzes online, chatting with friends, and going on pinterest sprees!

17. leading on from the last prompt, my fav is a marvel movie - tbh all of them bring me so much comfort but my favs are avengers, black widow, loki and any of the thor films <3

18. my main support system is my wonderful boyfriend, kurtis @agere-tomhiddleston-imagines 💚💛 he’s helped me through so much and he’s so supportive of me no matter what, and i love him dearly for that (and how awesome he is in general ofc) <3 other than that, my parents are semi-supportive! they still get things wrong sometimes but overall they’ll help if i need things and they handle all the shitty healthcare workers for me so i truly appreciate them for that 😭🙏 ooh and definitely just the general online community of chronically ill people/potsies!! i love y’all so much 🫶

19. okay i don’t know if this counts because she was an orthodontist rather than a doctor/nurse, but when discussing me getting braces she asked about my medical history and i explained it all but said i haven’t been diagnosed so i understand if she can’t accommodate me. then she said to me, “hun.. just because you don’t have a piece of paper with a few words on it, doesn’t mean you aren’t ill. if you’ve got symptoms but no confirmed cause, you’ve still got the symptoms, and i’m not gonna ignore those unless you want me to” - the validation was so relieving after years of fighting for doctors to listen to me and believe me :,) ❤️

(i’ll update this throughout the month! <3)

#vitassium challenge #potsawareness #chronically ill #dysautonomia #potsie #spoonie #chronic illness #pots syndrome #disabled

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harryhoney-bee · 3 years

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Hey bub!! I love your writing. I don’t know if your taking any requests or anything but if you are, could you write a little blurb about Harry and Y/N little girl having tantrums all day since she’s in her terrible twos age? Then at the end of the day Y/N and Harry finally settle her down and just cuddle on the couch and spend quality time with each other. Hope your having a great day/night. Love ya 🥰❤️

hi baby! Sorry, I took so long to answer you, but here it is, hope you like it. Love you, hope you had a good day <3

Word count: 1.3K

“(Y/n), could you please take her,” Asked Harry with a tired tone, Maya, the two-year-old on his arm, pout already placed in her angelical face, ready for another tantrum. “I need to answer emails and she just keeps screaming, I already tried giving her toys.”

It’s been like that all day, the phase of the terrible two was tiring, Maya was the sweetest baby, but sometimes she could just drop down on the floor, having full meltdowns because she didn't get to watch tv before bed. The past few months Maya’s been challenging (Y/n) and Harry at every second, she would find a reason to fight her parents no matter what.

If they didn’t let her run around naked? She would scream her lungs out. If they didn’t let her eat candy before dinner? She would lay down on the floor crying.

Of course, they were not bending to her wishes, (Y/n) more than anyone else was determined to teach Maya that she couldn’t and wouldn’t get things her way, normally Harry was the calmer one when it came to Maya’s tantrum, telling (Y/n) to take a breath while he talked to the girl, but even now Harry was annoyed, and that tells a lot about how stubbornly Maya was acting.

“Come on baby, let’s take a bath, it’s almost bedtime.” Said (Y/n) in an excited voice, trying another round of crying, she took Maya in her arms at the same time the girl started screaming.

“No bedtime, I want daddy.” Her little arms were fussing on (Y/n)’s body, trying not to be held. (Y/n) hated when this happened, she was her kid, why wouldn’t she want to spend time with her?.

The situation wasn't easy for Harry either, his eyes softened the moment he heard Maya calling for him.

“Maya, princess, you have to go with mommy now,'' cooed him, putting her curly hair behind her ear. “ Mommy is so fun, you love bathing with her.” Harry met (Y/n)’s eyes, a quiet 'im sorry’. He knows (Y/n) felt hurt whenever Maya rejected her like that.

“It’s just a phase” He would say, trying to smooth this wife out.

"I will even put bubbles baby! Let's go, say bye to daddy," (Y/n) smiled, looking at her daughter's face, no pout in it, just a smile.

"Bubbles, mommy?" Asked the girl, happiness in her eyes, she always loved bubble baths. "Can we play with Nemo too?"

"Of course!" Nemo was her rubber fish creatively named by harry.

"Bye angel, daddy will read you a story later," Said Harry, kissing Maya's hair and winking at (Y/n).

When they found a smart way to manage Maya's tantrums they would always wink at each other, a way to say 'we are a team and we did it!'

(Y/n) brought the little girl to the bathroom while Harry went to his office to finish his work, in a peaceful place now that Maya wasn't with him.

Since they had Maya the couple almost couldn't spend time alone, they were always working at each other's offices in the house, trying to keep the little girl entertained.

Today was one of the days they barely spoke, the day was chaotic and Maya was fussy, hopefully, they would get some alone time later.

"The water is warm baby, come on," (Y/n) placed the little girl in the bath, giving her Nemo, while also handing her other small toys so she could stay still while (Y/n) washed her beautiful hair.

"Mommy, I want the bunny book." Said the girl while splashing water around, (Y/n) splashed some on her back, making the girl laugh.

"When daddy is done he's gonna read it to you, don't worry, angel." She was almost done with her hair, a few more minutes and she would be squeaky clean, maybe (Y/n) could let her play some extra minutes to tire her out so that she would sleep more easily.

Maya was so cute when she was playing. At the moment she was doing a fish race with all of her toys, (Y/n) saw that her eyes were getting heavy. Harry was probably almost done so it was time to dry Maya's hair and put her in new pajamas.

"We are all done, Maya," said (Y/n) with a pink towel in hand, ready to wrap the girl from the cold. "Let's get out and put on some warm clothes."

The moment (Y/n) said those words, Maya started crying

"No! I don't wanna." Said the girl, not letting (Y/n) take her off the tub. "Wanna stay here.”

(Y/n) really didn't have the patience to deal with her anymore. "Maya, stop it, there is a time for everything, and now it's time to get ready for bed."

At the same time Maya started crying harder, Harry appeared at the door.

"Hey, what's wrong, why is she crying again?." Asked Harry, looking from one girl to another.

"Well, your child is being very difficult right now." Whispered (Y/n) to Harry so Maya wouldn't hear her.

"My child, huh?" Asked Harry playfully. "Why don't you go downstairs and turn on Netflix and I’ll take care of her, she must be tired." He suggested kissing his wife forehead, trying to calm her down.

"Are you sure? I can he–"

"No, love, you can go, me and Maya are gonna read some stories right, Maya?"

At the mention of her name Maya stopped crying, she looked at Harry with teary eyes. "The bunny book, daddy?"

"Yes, the bunny book, but only if you apologize to mommy for being stubborn," He said, taking Maya off the bathtub and putting the towel around her body.

"I'm sorry mommy," mumbled the girl looking down, now in Harry's arms, her little curls all over the place.

"It's alright baby, mommy loves you so much." (Y/n) gave her a kiss on her wet cheek. "Now daddy's gonna get you ready and you will read the bunny story!" Cheered (Y/n) to the little girl, who smiled back.

"Let's go to your room, princess," Harry said, now looking at (Y/n), winking at her. "And I'll see you downstairs."

And with that Harry left the bathroom with Maya in his arms, (Y/n) decided to brush her teeth while she was in the bathroom and go down to the living room.

She turned the TV on, putting on a nice and light movie while she laid down, waiting for Harry, a big and soft duvet wrapped around her body. The night was a bit chilly so she couldn't wait to feel Harry's warm body against her.

"So you started the movie without me, how rude," (Y/n) heard Harry saying from behind her, his voice soft, "Not even Caesar was betrayed like that."

He sat on her side, putting his arm around her shoulder bringing her closer, his finger gently caressing her skin.

"It's Nothing Hill, Harry, you know all the lines," Teased (Y/n), placing her head on his shoulder. "How was Maya? I didn't hear a peep, so I guess everything was okay?'

"Yes, she went down without a fight. After page 2 she was snoring just like her mom." Laughed Harry mirroring (Y/n) and putting the duvet around his body, holding his wife's hips so she could straddle him.

"I don't snore!" (Y/n) protested a pout on her face. "Neither do Maya."

"Be real baby, you snore, but it's ok because I love all the sounds you make," said Harry suggestively, biting her lips softly.

"Oh I love this part,'' said Harry suddenly, fixing his eyes on the TV. (Y/n) didn't care to move her head, letting it rest on her husband's chest.

"Tired baby? Don't wanna watch it?" Asked Harry, stroking her hair, his other hand on her back.

"Yes, but you can watch, I’m just gonna take a nap." Whisper (Y/n) against Harry's body. "I’m sorry, I know it's been some time since we don't spend quality time–"

"Don't be silly, love whenever moment I spend with you is amazing, ok? Go take a nap, today was a hard day."

(Y/n) did as she was told, slowly drifting to sleep at the background noise of the tv.

#harry styles #harry styles blurb #harry styles writings #harry styles fluff #dad!h #dad!harry

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dead-inside-cx · 4 years

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So my Villain Hawks and among others au (which I need to give a better name for) anyways adding more to it. This posts focus is Shoto (with some dabihawks):

So Shoto gets found out by his father cause we going angsty. And his father just loses it.

Now Shoto wouldnt care usually but his father forced him into "training." Now Shotos strong. He can fight back. Hes a villain he should fight back, but hes terrified.

His brother and sister arent around to help and hes to scared to contact Hawks with the feather he has. Hawks gave then all a feather so if they need him he will come.

So he let's the "training" happen. Since hes to terrified to stop it. Once its over Shoto just lays curled up in a ball on the floor for hours. He doesnt cry. He just lays there.

He waits until Endeavor goes to bed before getting up and escaping. Usually he would go back to UA but he was scared his father had told the school.

So he races to the base. Ignoring the pain hes in. He arrives and goes inside.

Its dark which is normal since its late at night and whatever strength Shoto had to get here was now gone. He collasped to the ground in pain going back into a ball.

Hawks froze up hearing a thud. Now usually he wouldnt but when you have a potential member but also like technically your enemy naked in your bed cause your actively screwing him and no one else knows you kinda freeze up.

Hawks untangles himself from the sleeping male and puts some pants and a top on.

He goes downstairs and turns on the light. Ready for a fight. Instead his eyes go wide "Shit!" He yells out.

He rushes to Shotos side and gently unravels Shoto who groans and whines in pain. "Its okay. Your safe." Hawks whispers gently.

"Hurts." Is all Shoto can say. Hawks is now examing the injures. Bruises galore, theres blood. Possible broken bones. Some cuts. Hawks is wondering who got him.

Then he sees something. Something that makes him sick. He knew shit went down in that house. He knew Endeavor was a piece of shit. He just never fully understood how bad it was until he saw all the burns. Shotos back had burns. The back of his legs had burns.

His eyes had glanced over it before but he saw a big red handprint that could have only been caused by someone who a fire quirk around his wrist.

"Ill kill him." Hawks growled dangerously low. He wasnt strong enough to save Touya but he would save Shoto.

Picking up the boy gently he carried him to the infirmary. "Lets get you cleaned up okay Sho?" Hawks tells him. Shoto just nods. He feels safe now.

Hawks gets to work. He was no doctor or recovery girl but he could enough to help the boy heal a bit faster and hopefully withoit to much scarring.

He was focused on helping Shoto he didnt hear Dabi walk in. "Birdbrain?" Dabi sounded tired.

Hawks stops and looks over at him. "Well shit." Is all he can say. Dabi walks over and freezes at the sight. He had no clue his little brother was a villain.

He could lose it. "Sit. You can help. Questions later." Is all Hawks says. Dabi nods and helps him. Seeing his brothers injuires spark his brother instincts. "Hawks. Why is Dabi here?" Shoto manages to ask.

"Potential recruit?" Hawks tries to pass it off. "Do all potential recruits wear your shirts? And is that a hickey??" Well at least he is feeling better.

"Shut it." Is all Hawks can tell him. Dabi watches the interaction and while he should hate it he loves it. Hes happy his brother has someone he can come to.

The rest of the night goes normal. Hawks and Dabi end up sleeping in the same room as Shoto since hes terrified to sleep alone.

The others show up in the morning and just about lose it when they hear what happened to Shoto. No one even cares that Dabi is there.

"So do we call Dabi dad now as well?" Deku asks him. There it was. "Stop that you little shit." Hawks says glaring at him. "But daaaaaaad." Deku whines.

Dabi decides he likes it here. Hes still deciding on if he will join or not but he might.

As for Shoto he ends up refusing to go back to his fathers house. Since he lives at the dorms at UA hes fine but when it comes time to the weeks they are allowed to go home hes not sure what to do.

"We take turns!" Deku suggests excitedly. They even make a whole ass list of who goes in which order. Hawks also reminds them all to come here if anything goes wrong.

Eventually everyone else leaves but Shoto and Deku. "Kaachans gonna be at dinner tonight so Im trying to stay away for as long as I can." While in this au the two have a semi better relationship since Deku got his mums quirk as well as one for all (thats for a different post.) The two bonded a bit more over quirks.

Theres still strain (But thats a Deku focused post).

So now its just Dabi, Shoto and Hawks. "I gotta go. Hand job will get pissy if I dont come back today." Dabi says before leaving.

Then there was two. Hawks gives Shoto a gently hug and the boy just breaks down. Hawks is shocked. Hes never seen Shoto so hurt and upset so he just holds the boy. Its all he can do.

Once Shoto calms down Hawks orders them food cause he cant be fucked cooking. Shoto of cpurse answers the door since no one knows the address is Hawks base its fine.

They eat and Hawks stays with Shoto while he goes to sleep. Hawks ends up staying the whole night cause Shoto cuddles into him and Hawks just doesnt want to risk waking him up.

He also plans his revenge. Endeavor realy should not have messed with one of his kids. And maybe just maybe he will team up with Dabi for this.

#villain hawks #villain hawks au #villain Shoto #among others #dabihawks #this is quite minor #someone give me a name for this au #pls #hotwings

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thethespacecoyote · 5 years

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Did someone order more sad modern AU BenArmie? No? Too bad.

Done for more Bad Things Happen Bingo! For “Hidden Scar” because that’s a whole load of angst fodder. Warning because this references some past and current abuse Armitage’s suffered thanks to his dad.

Ben walks out of the bathroom, fresh from the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist, just in time to hear his phone vibrate against his desk. Puzzled, he steps over the backpack strewn across the floor and snatches it up, checking the illuminated screen to find a text from Armie.

>>> 10:47pm

are you awake?

It’s not too weird to hear from him this late at night, especially on a weekend. He and Armie text all the time, chatting about school or movies or nonsense, really. But it’s better than nothing, and Ben has few other friends he can talk with outside of classes and extracurriculars.

>>>10:48pm

sure am whats up

Ben cradles his phone in his palm as he sits on the bed, towel still draped over his thighs. The rain that’s been lashing his neighborhood all evening seems to have lessened to a trickle in the past hour, though the night outside still looks pretty cold and miserable.

His phone buzzes once more.

>>>10:48pm

would it be alright if i came over?

It’s not necessarily unusual for Armie to come over, even so late in the evening. Considering it’s the weekend, it’s even less strange, though usually they plan it out beforehand. Ben has nothing better to do, however, and having Armie over would certainly brighten a fairly dully and rainy night.

>>> 10:49pm

yeah sure lemme know when ur here

Ben tosses the phone back on the bed and rises, figuring he has a moment to get ready. He rummages through his chest of drawers for a pair of sweatpants, tying them low about his hips. His phone lights up with another notification, and he picks it back up.

>>>10:52pm

im outside. can i come up?

Outside? Already? Their houses were at least twenty minutes apart, and Armie didn’t even own a car. He had a bike but that wouldn’t shave off that much time. So how was he here?

Ben glances to his window, where droplets of water still cling and glimmer in the moonlight. At least it’d stopped raining. He hopes Armie hasn’t been waiting that long.

>>>10:53pm

one sec

Ben looks around his room, suddenly conscious of the mess. If he leaves things like this he won’t hear the end of it, so he scurries about, trying to do some last minute clean-up. He scrapes loose shirts and jeans and socks off the floor and stuffs them into the closet, before tossing couple old receipts and empty snack wrappers that’ve accumulated onto his desk into the garbage. He rolls his free weights towards the walls, getting them out of the way so Armie won’t trip on them.

Finally he pulls on a tank and hoodie, tousling his still wet hair as he heads out of his room and downstairs. He pads quietly through the house, knowing which floorboards to avoid, which doors to treat especially gently lest they creak. Both his parents should be sound asleep but it’s best not to take chances. He doesn’t want them sending Armie home if he’s already made the trip here.

He prowls to the front door and unlocks it as quietly as he can, peeking out onto the porch. The dim orange light just barely illuminates where Armie paces dully on the bottom steps with his arms wrapped tightly around his chest. He stops in his tracks and looks up when the door opens, hopping up onto the porch like a lost animal waiting for food.

Ben thinks it’s weird he isn’t wearing a jacket, or really anything to protect him from the cold apart from a dark grey turtleneck. He can see Armie shivering, hair lightly dusted with dew, and wishes he’d brought one of his hoodies down to wrap around him. Good thing it’s warm inside the house.

“Hey.” Ben waves awkwardly, not sure what else to do with his hand. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to take so long.”

“S’okay,” Armie mumbles, arms squeezing tighter around himself. Ben stands aside to let him in, quickly closing the door behind them. His eyes fall to Armie’s back and thinks it might be good to put his hand there so he can guide his friend through the dark inside the house, but he stops himself and instead rubs the back of his neck.

“You alright?”

“Yeah. Just wanted to see you,” Armie admits, hunching his shoulders inwards as he adapts to the sudden warmth. “That’s fine, right?”

“Oh yeah. Just gonna have to explain to mom and dad in the morning.” Ben leads the way back to the staircase, stopping only briefly to nod towards the kitchen.

“You hungry or anything? We probably can’t turn on the stove or microwave without waking the parents but there’s probably some snacks or something. If you want.”

Armie shakes his head.

“No…can we just go up to your room?”

“Sure.” Ben’s still full from dinner anyway, he just wants to make sure Armie actually eats. He knows he has a tendency to skip meals for studying, or just because he forgets.

He hopes Armie won’t notice how messy his room is, as despite the earlier manic cleanup Ben knows it’s really not up to his friend’s standards. Armie’s space back at his house looks crisp and tidy, almost barely lived-in—a real contrast to Ben’s chaotic den, walled in by music posters and lit by only one lamp.

“You want me to turn something on? It’ll be fine as long as I keep the volume low.” Ben gropes for the remote on the desk when Armie hums in vague agreement, sinking down besides the other boy as he flicks on the television. Ben flips around until finding some older-looking movie he feels Armie might like. From the amount of gray men in suits that walk into frame it’s probably one of those political thriller films from the forties he’s always trying to get Ben to watch.

Well. No time like the present. Armie seems a little off, so hopefully this will cheer him up.

But when Ben looks over to him, he finds Armie’s not looking at the screen, eyes instead downcast upon where his hands fold in his lap. He hasn’t really reacted at all since sitting down, not to the television or Ben’s presence.

Concern worries in his stomach but Ben knows better not to pry when Armie’s shut off like this. They’ve been friends for years but he’s still pretty private, and tends to react fairly negatively when Ben tries to get past his walls. The only real fights they’ve ever had stemmed from that, so Ben’s learned to back off whenever Armie’s sending out serious “don’t talk to me” vibes.

Still, he can’t help but wonder where this all comes from. They’ve been friends for years but Ben doesn’t know all that much about his home life or what happened before he moved to town. Hell, Ben’s been to his house a handful of times and he’s still never met Armie’s stepmom nor any other member of his family apart from his dad

Ben’s not a fan of Brendol Hux, so he’s not quite complaining that he hardly gets a chance to visit Armie at home.

He leans back, propping himself up as he half-watches the roundtable of suits arguing on the television, wondering if he should say something but not sure what. Armie remains still, sitting on the edge of the bed with his fingers rubbing the hem of his sweater. But just as Ben opens his lips to break the silence Armie suddenly leans back and turns to rest his head against his shoulder.

Ben’s heart jumps in surprise at the sudden contact, expecting Armie to excuse this kind of intimacy like he usually does, but he stays quiet and only turns his nose against Ben’s shoulder, inhales like minute kisses against the fabric of his hoodie.

Ben watches, a little stunned. He’s never seen Armie this openly affectionate before. He’s pretty aloof about physical contact, though Ben’s got him to open up a little more in recent years. But definitely not enough for this degree of friendly cuddling. Or so he thought.

Ben wonders if something’s caused this change of heart—as well as the unexpected late night visit.

But he’s not exactly in the mood to rebuke it. Really Ben’s long pined for this kind of closeness with Armie, to fill in the last space missing in their friendship He tilts his chin down, watching the reflection of the television play across Armie’s pale skin. He can tell he’s still not watching the movie all that closely, but that hardly matters when they’re cuddled up like this.

Ben inhales slowly, careful not to disturb his resting friend too much, though the pounding of his heart might’ve already done so.

Wow. Armie’s hair smells nice. Ben hopes that’s not too weird to think that, as it’s just hard not to notice when he’s leaning against him. He turns his head slightly, inhaling the sweet scent and trying to figure out what exactly it is. Lemon, and maybe a hint of something more herbaceous.

He doesn’t ask, honestly a little afraid to hear what Armie might say if he did. Instead, he just starts combing through his hair—at first just barely, his fingertips dipping through the feathery ginger locks like he’s afraid he might spook him. But Armie doesn’t pull away, or even comment on how Ben’s touching him. He doesn’t stiffen or twitch, only relaxing against him as Ben lightly skates his fingers against his scalp.

Soon he’s stroking through Armie’s hair properly, loving how soft it feels against his palm, how his friend almost melts against him. Just like a cat, Ben thinks with a smile, remembering the time they’d encountered a stray while walking home from school. It’d happened way back in middle school. Armie had convinced him to use his jacket to wrap up the poor thing once they’d coaxed her out from beneath a rain-soaked bush, insisting he couldn’t use his own blazer to keep the cat warm. Ben hadn’t complained, more amused by the stray’s orange coat and how closely it matched Armie’s fiery hair than upset about his sodden jacket.

He remembers they gave the cat away once she was nursed back to health. Armie had grown quite fond of her, but argued his father would never approve of a pet. Ben would’ve taken her if not for the fact that his dad already owned a dog that didn’t exactly get along well with other animals.

He knows Armie still wants a cat. Maybe someday when he moves out of his dad’s house he can have one.

Ben almost loses himself in the soothing brush of Armie’s hair. His fingers now thread at the locks close to the top of his head, properly petting him. Armie feels so loose and weightless against him, completely relaxed and trusting Ben as he touches him.

Elation fills his chest, and Ben can’t stop himself from smiling. It feels right to keep close to Armie like this, to comfort him through whatever’s going on, because something always seems to be going on with him. He wishes Armie would open up a little more sometimes and let Ben know what he’s feeling but this—this is good. This is a start.

Then his finger brushes against something strange on his friend’s scalp.

Ben pauses for a moment, fingertips feeling out the edge of something firm and raised out of Armie’s skin. But as he tries to touch more of it, lips parting in confusion, Armie tenses and jerks away from his shoulder. Ben catches a glimpse of his friend’s wide eyes and trembling lip before Armie pushes himself up off the bed. He clenches both his fists, voice hurried and wavering as he speaks.

“I—I have to go, this was a mistake—“

Ben’s up in a flash, longer stride quickly putting him right up behind Armie, who’s trying to grasp the doorknob with shaky hands. He doesn’t quite get it turned before he’s pulling on it, jolting the door against the jamb andsending a shudder through the house that might wake up Ben’s parents. Fear jolts through the teen’s chest, and he reaches out.

“No, Armie, wait—“

Ben grabs his wrist and pulls without thinking. To his horror Armie reacts instantly, a muted cry ringing from his throat, like it’s hurt him. Ben instantly lets him go but instead of running away Armie shrinks down, arms wrapping back around his chest.

There’s some kind of shootout scene ringing on the television, the beginnings of climactic showdown between the enemy spy and the hero flashing across the carpet as Ben quickly kneels at Armie’s side, hands floating above his shoulders. He doesn’t know what to do, or whether the labored breathing wracking his friend’s body is all his fault.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Ben stammers out the apology, struggling to find the right words. “Did I hurt you? I didn’t mean to hurt you, I’m so s—“

“N-No, no. You didn’t. You don’t have to be…” Armie clears his throat, voice returning with just a shred more composure. “I’m sorry. That…that was uncalled for.”

He tries to sit up straight, expression sudden fallen with shame at the outburst. Ben can see the wear on his face with alarming clarity now. The sallow cheeks, the bruises under his eyes and—most alarming of all—a puffy little cut on the slope below his chin.

“I really should leave. You’re not—you don’t have to deal with me.” Armie babbles as he turns away from Ben’s gaze. His fingers anxiously stroke through his hair, trying to push the mussed locks back into their usual place.

“Don’t, please.” Ben still hesitates placing his hand on Armie’s shoulder, or anywhere else, no matter how much he wants to.

“I shouldn’t have touched you there. I’m really sorry. I didn’t know…whatever it was…I didn’t know it would freak you out so much.” He doesn’t know if any of his apologies will help get Armie to believe him, but he doesn’t know what else to do.

Gradually, Armie sits back off his knees, though his arms stay guarded around his body. He rubs his hands along the bend of his elbows, like he’s still cold despite sitting in the musty warmth of the bedroom. Ben’s heart pangs as the fabric of Armie’s sweater pulls along the thinness of his limbs.

“It’s okay…I didn’t even think about it…It felt so nice for you to…” Armie trails off into silence, letting his eyes flutter shut. Outside the rain has started, beating a soft tattoo against the house. The movie too has reached a lulling denouement, the sounds of polished professional voices fading as Ben focuses his full attention on Armie.

He doesn’t know what’ll happen now, what he should say or do. He realizes Armie probably wants to let it go, bury it away like he always does and never speak of it again. But Ben can’t stop thinking about that thing—that scar on his head, hidden under the beguiling locks of hair.

How long has it been there?

“I just—,“ he swallows past the tightness in his throat that’s grown in the silence, “—want to help you if I can. If you need to—I mean—”

“Ben.” Armie shakes his head with a dead chuckle. “You don’t want to know about what happens.”

“But I do. If you want to tell me I—I’ll listen.” Ben finally pushes past his own hangups and reaches out, resting his hand on his friend’s knee. “I promise.”

Armie leans back against the bedroom door, shoulders rising with a weighty breath. His lips tighten together, a last ditch effort to hold back what threatens to spill out of him. Ben scoots a little closer, palm rubbing down Armie’s thigh, hoping his presence is helpful.

“My—my father has this damned ring. From his military days. Big old gaudy thing.” Armie emphasizes the shape with his hand. “Engraved and solid. He likes to wear it on his forefinger, fidget it over the knuckle.”

Ben vaguely remembers something like that from the few times he’s encountered Brendol, though he never took much notice of the specifics. The man’s a arrogant windbag, dressed with like he thinks he’s some the last beacon of aristocracy in the modern day. Always looking down his nose at those around him, even his own son—like gaudy jewelry and a pompous attitude makes him the better man.

“Things weren’t great when I was younger,” Armie continues, voice just above a drone. “I mean, they’re not great n—well, they were worse back then, right after he married my stepmother. They fought a lot. Sometimes I got in the way.”

Ben’s stomach sinks, but he dare not stop Armie, even though he dreads where this is leading. He watches as his friend swallows harshly, expression trembling.

“I don’t remember much of it, but I know that he hit me when I tried to get them to stop once. He got so angry he…punched me in the head.” Armie mimes the action with a numb fist. “Just…like he didn’t care what might happen to me after.”

Anger flares up inside Ben at the confirmation of his worst fears, calling all sorts of terrible images to the forefront of his mind. His Armie, just a kid, indifferently assaulted by his own father. He’s always found Brendol Hux unpleasant, the tension Ben senses between him and his son all but confirmed whenever Armie complains about him. But he would’ve never guessed that the animosity ran that horribly deep.

Armie lifts his hand to the side of his head, where Ben had found the scar, fingers twitching as if afraid to touch it, as if it still hurts him.

“I needed stitches. I was only five, and I needed thirteen stitches for what he did to me,” Armie spits.

Ben feels sick with rage. He’d only felt the edge of the ragged skin, the healed-over evidence of Armie’s pain. It must extend even further along his scalp, an inescapable reminder of what his father did to him.

“And that wasn’t the first time he did it. Or—“ Armie’s chest hitches, fists clenching in his lap. “—or the last.”

He leans his head back against the bedroom door, finally looking Ben’s in the eyes. Despite his efforts to come his hair back earlier it’s fallen across his forehead once more, looking thin and lifeless.

“Ben, it’s—it’s never going to stop, is it?” Armies voice cracks out of the dull monotone, pain and frustration finally bleeding out as tears start to collect in his already reddened eyes. “If it hasn’t stopped by now, it’s not ever going to. Not until one us of dies.”

He palms his forehead, teeth gritting around his weak sobbing.

“I wish he was dead, why can’t he just die and leave me alone?” Armie gasps, his entire body shaking as tears crawl down his cheeks.

Ben’s never seen him cry, and it hurts. It’s not like that kind of healing crying, nor tears brought about by moments of great joy. It’s frustrated and crumbling Armie down right in front of him. It’s a cry for help.

In that moment Ben’s hands itch for a fight, for anything to help him deal with the sudden furious energy rolling through his body. He feels like he could scream and throw things, maybe even march to the Hux household through the rain and beat Brendol’s face in until the storm gutters ran with blood—

—but Armie needs him. He needs Ben’s comforting presence. Not his boundless anger, or his need for vengeance.

Those will come later, when they’re rested and clear-thinking and ready to make a plan.

“Hey, shh. C’mon, don’t cry.” Ben tries to keep his voice even, to push away the rage that bubbles up for his friend’s sake. “You’re going to be alright.”

Armie snorts through his tears, disbelieving, but Ben leans in and wraps his arms around him before he can protest. He holds him close, one hand around Armie’s waist with the other pressed against the back of his head, pulling him away from the door and letting him rest against his shoulder. Ben feels him sniffle, body shivering as it slowly relaxes in his grasp.

Armie’s so much slighter than him, less bulked out with brawn—but Ben suddenly feels he’s the strongest person he’s ever met.

“I…” Ben starts, his own voice feeling roughed and hard to command as it brushes against the side of Armie’s head. “…I’m really glad you. Y’know. Came here tonight.”

It feels like a lame, inadequate thing to say after Armie’s spilled his guts out to him, but Ben can’t think of anything else. He really is grateful that his friend is here, somewhere safe and away from the monster who calls himself his father. If Ben could, he’d keep Armie here for as long as he wanted to stay. He’d never have to go back to that house where Brendol could keep hurting him.

Armie sniffs, rubbing his face against Ben’s hoodie, before carefully pulling away. Despite the tears, he looks a little better now, even managing a weak smile that goes right to Ben’s heart. He wipes at his nose with his sleeve, letting out a soft sigh.

“I probably look a mess…sorry.”

“You really, really don’t have to apologize,” Ben stresses. “It’s late. And you look real good anyway.” Armie gives him a strange glance at the admission, but Ben quickly changes the subject.

“You wanna sleep in that,” he whispers as he rubs the shoulder of Armie’s sweater, “or do you need something else to change into?”

“Uh…I’m not sure any of your clothes would fit me…” Armie sniffs, even mustering a small laugh as he presumably envisions what Ben’s closet full of hoodies and baggy jeans might look like on him.

“Well you’ll just be sleeping in them, not going to meet the Queen for tea.” Ben affects a weak impression of Armie’s accent, hoping it’ll earn him more of that smile. It does get Ben a slight, amused eye-roll which is—all things considered—close enough.

“C’mon.” He helps Armie up off the floor, guiding him back to the bed to sit. “I’ll grab you something.”

Ben scrounges in his closet, finding a pair of pajama pants he’d gotten for one Christmas and never tried on, as well as the least worn of his collection of black graphic shirts. He gives it a quick sniff, before deciding it’s clean enough for Armie to wear and holds it out to him.

“Here.”

Armie takes the clothes with only a little bit of skepticism. Ben shrugs sheepishly, smoothing his hair back.

“They’re not that bad, right?”

“Someone needs to teach you how to do laundry one of these days,” Armie tsks, even as his fingers brush affectionately over the clothing. “It’s better than nothing,” he adds after a moment.

“That’s practically a compliment from you. Now go get changed before you fall asleep in your slacks.” Ben sends him off to the adjoining bathroom, before deciding to clean up the bed a little bit more. He pulls out a pillow wedged between the mattress and the wall, fluffing it up along with the rest before brushing the covers flat and grabbing an extra blanket folded up under the bed.

By the time he’s finished things up the bathroom light clicks off behind him. Ben turns around to see Armie crouching in the doorway, gingerly setting his old clothes and damp loafers upon the floor before shuffling towards him.

Both the shirt and pajama pants hang off his skinny frame, making Armie look a lot smaller than he actually is and—honestly?—pretty adorable. Ben’s almost thankful for the dim light in his room, because otherwise Armie might see him blushing.

“Not half bad.” Ben nods his approval, patting the covers beside him. “This could be a new look for you. We could match.”

Armie rolls his eyes and comes to sit on the bed, the cuffs of the pants pooling over his bare feet.

“I wouldn’t dare. The world doesn’t need two Ben Solos on its hands.” He smirks, before reclining back against the bed. Armie stays that way for a couple moments, chest rising and falling gently with his breath, before pulling his legs up onto the bed and curling onto his side. His hair splays out slightly over Ben’s dark bedcovers, contrast making it more vibrant. He looks so soft, so vulnerable lying in Ben’s bed, and when Armie’s eyes lift up and lock with his he’s sure his blush could glow through even the deepest darkness.

Ben shuts off the television, now playing the end of the movie’s credits, before lying down besides the other boy. Ben faces him, only a moment of doubt flickering between them before he reaches out and pulls Armie in close. Ben would’ve never dared to hold him like this before tonight, too afraid of how his friend might respond—but it feels like their relationship has shifted a little bit, at least to warrant a deeper sort of intimacy. A crack in Armie’s hardened armor has opened, and Ben fits into it perfectly.

The rain continues outside, drawing glistening patterns against the window. It looks and sounds cold, and Ben wonders if it’ll continue into the next day or break once morning dawns, showing the sun through the clouds.

He nudges his nose into Armie’s hair, hand brushing over his back and feeling the slope of his body beneath his palm. He still smells of citrus and herbs, a bright aromatic spot in the dark musk of the bedroom. Even half-sleep and clad in Ben’s spare clothing, he brightens up the space between them.

Ben curls around his best friend, the person he cares most for in his life, slipping their legs together beneath the blankets. He feels he might be pushing his luck but he wants to be as close to Armie as possible, keeping him shielded and safe from everything out there that wants to hurt him.

It’s all Ben can do for now.

#spacetext #long post #fanfic #kylux #benarmie #sw #bad things happen bingo #hurt/comfort #parental abuse

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wheelthefridge · 5 years

Text

in honor of last night having been my last ever shift dishwashing at the same restaurant i’ve been at for the past four years here’s an absurdly long list of random chaotic moments that literally no one asked for that i’ve been compiling since day one:

bj, with a half full gallon of orange juice: this expired two months ago. *pours down drain* that was a long time ago

sam: YOU! I HAVE A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU!! *carries on normally with no explanation* bj: smack that! that too! smack those vegetables! punch that burger in the nose! chop that bun! bob: no, flick the bun. you have to flick it.

*bad and boujee playing* bj: walks into kitchen, singing bj: you better know when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away, know when to run bj: walks out of kitchen, still singing

me: hey can you put the wet floor sign out for me dylan: sure dylan: *slips while putting the sign out* me:

sam: get this- i haven’t smoked pot in like three days and my brain is ready to roll! yeah!

joe: ha! oldest trick in the book i just started writing

dude @bar: ten percent of people are over 6'1" other dude: what about 6'2" dude 1: what? no. ten percent of people are OVER 6'1" - so that includes 6'2" dude 2: idk I know a lot of tall guys. taller than me dude 1: what? i’m saying- just- ten percent of everyone in the whole world- you know how many people there are in the world? 7 billion– dude 2: i thought it was six billion dude 1: no, 7 billion- ten percent of 7 billion—

joe, digging through the trash: i’m just gonna peruse through here,, aaaaannnd….. nope not here me: what’re u looking for Joe: …..a book

didi: is eating a pistachio katherine: is that sour cream

sam: some dirty whorebag wants two pickles

joe: sam she am. that’s right. dr seuss wrote a book about her

katherine: oh my goddd this song is always on i’m so tired of it joe: is it? i don’t think i’ve heard it before carolyn: eh it’s all just one long brazilian song to me

katherine: look at my straw i put it in the pencil sharpener

sam: i’m on crack cocaine. you heard it here

sam, aggressively putting silverware in the tray: just the way the cookie crumbles me: yeah? sam, fake crying: yes

adele: if you’re ready- sam: what if I’m not bob: too bad. she only cares if she’s ready

something: *breaks* sam: time for the mop. and by mop i mean… this thing *holds up dustpan*

mike: you should go on junior master chef…. and only make fries

sam, quietly as she speedwalks by me: panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic

sam, beginning of the night: my goal is to make at least forty bucks tonight. hopefully sixty sam, later that night: i’ve made five dollars

sam, pouring a drink into the trash right next to the sink: you know, im not sure why i poured that in the trash. i’ve had a very off day

katherine, after accidentally spraying salsa on herself: i just sprayed salsa all over myself bj: i feel like that too sometimes. i love salsa so much

sam: can you imagine if i did like hardcore drugs how messed up i would be- i’m messed up soberly

someone: what’re you supposed to feed twenty kids kerry: pizza bj: vodka

sam: will you let bob know there’s gonna be seven in the snug bj: seven in the snug? that’s my band name. we’re really good

edson: *spins cover on counter and stares at it for solid thirty seconds before putting his finger down to stop it* edson: good.

sam: what should i draw bj: you should draw casey, hanging from a cliff, with a pterodactyl flying towards them who is on fire, but, seems optimistic about it

bj: life is too short for low fat cheese. remember that.

sam, beginning of night, in a really good mood: guess what i’m drunk and high right now sam, later that night: i was just pouring a beer and i dropped it. like my hand just let go of it sam, end of night: i’m never doing this again

joe: you know who didn’t clock out yet?? i have two thumbs! joe: ……wait joe: you know who has two thumbs and hasn’t clocked out yet?? this guy!! me: there ya go buddy

bob: i’ve slept fifteen hours in the past four days me: that’s not good bob: yeah

edson: look edson: *holds out hand with top spinning in his palm* *giggles*

sam: i cannot wait for this day to be over me: it’s barely started sam: i took a shot before i got here. i have more in my car

bob: hi sam sam: hi bob didi: hi sam sam: fuck off

joe: her? oh yeah her name is sarah whitaker katherine: oh i think i know her joe: that’s funny because i just made that up. i’m willing to bet money that she’s nineteen tho me: why joe: bc i overheard her say that she’s nineteen

joe: i’m gonna send you a video but you can’t watch it now it’s needs full attention with headphones and the lights off

bj: if you lose your hand, don’t replace it with a fork. that would be a bad choice. i know it’s probably the cheapest option, right up there with stick, but just spend the money.

bj, on a different day: i think if you were to get your hands cut off, getting them replaced with plates would be a very bad idea. you can dig. and you can toss. but that’s about it. no playing the saxophone.

colby: *doesn’t show up to work* bj: maybe i should leave him a message of just me crying

katherine: i think an old man just asked me to live with him

sam: wait *pulls celery strings out of her mouth* that just came out of my throat

bob: i’m such a grump tonight. i’m in a good mood i’m just so grumpy. bob: maybe i’m not in a good mood…

bj, after sending christa downstairs to get liquor for the bar: i put a live cobra down there too so… if she comes back with it dead in her hands…. she’s a champ. and that’s that.

bj: i had a dog today did you have a dog? me: no bj: oh. well.

dylan, holding phone camera at joe: hey joe can you pull ur shirt down joe, pulling the collar of his shirt halfway down his chest: yeah like this? dylan, taking picture: yeah thanks

bj: HI-YAH carley: you’re a ninja!! bj: yes. don’t be alarmed. i only use my powers for good.

bj, with one bottle in each hand, pouring water in the sink, mimicking cow milking motions: it’s like a cow. mooooooeeeeeeuuuuuhhhhhhgggg aaaaaauuuuuueuejhshhsii. that’s what cows sound like right?

bj: we have a dog, and we’re getting chickens. i’m not really sure why were getting chickens. do i consider myself a farmer? not really.

bj: we should make a youtube channel of just me saying really random things to you and you not responding to me whatsoever me: mhmm

nancy: I’m sleeping

sam: *pours drink out on counter next to sink* sam: wHAT the FuCK was that!? why did i do that?? i’ve lost it! i’ve hit rock bottom!!

sam: *bends over* ughhhhhhhhhhhhh *straightens up* ok i’m fine

bj: yum! that’s how i rate the soup. two yums up!! *laughs for like a full minute*

sam: i got my motorcycle license over the weekend and now all everyone’s saying to me is “no don’t get a motorcycle they’re so dangerous” like shut the fuck up if i die i die it’s my choice

bj: i think if i were to be turned into some kind of commercial type of food, if i got turned into a nugget, i think i’d be indignant. i’ve lived my whole life and now i’m a nugget??? “oh i was a great roasted-“ i was a nugget. i was eaten with fries out of a box with a small soda.

bj: hello everybody. i have arrived. please remain calm. bob: *screams*

radio: the fastest lawn mower in the world goes up to 150 miles per hour! bob: …….why??

sam: i just meowed in scotty’s face and he was completely unfazed by it. like a full on Meow.

bob: lemme just touch these live wires with my wet hands bj: bob has gone offline

katherine: i totally forgot to put their order in for i don’t even know how long me: ……..i’m sure it’ll be fine katherine: i mean, nothing matters, right? right. nothing matters.

bj: hey did you guys hear that kate: yeah what was that bj: oh i was just yelling……….. about the soup kate: me: katherine: bj: i’ll try to keep it down next time

bob: you sleep a lot when you’re old. it’s just practice for death. getting ready for The Big Sleep. let’s see how do i wanna go out? on my back?? nah not for me. on my front babey!

didi: hi sam sam: SHUT UP didi, quieter: okay…… sam: i love you didi: no bj: so you’re a grownup now. that’s means you have to do grown up things, like, pay for dinner and stuff? me: uh huh bj: it’s all downhill from here

bj: pon pon the van poco. right? me: mhmm bj: probably. i mean. i’m no doctor, but

random woman @ bar: we are the matrix. We. Are. The Matrix.

bj, to the tune of frosty the snowman: clunkity clunk clunk clunkity clunk clunk look at all this stuff. clunkity clunk clunk clunkity clunk clunk making casey’s job tough! pretty good right?? i just made it up

bj: *walks into kitchen* YES! that’s all i have to say. that’s it. BOBS killing it. DIDIS killing it. casey MURDERED it. you’re welcome. *walks out of kitchen* bj: today is the second day in a row my dog has eaten my lunch. yesterday and then today. it’s my own fault really bob: well you know what they say about men who like floppy french fries. *doesn’t elaborate*

sam: there’s a toy baby in my section. like just a toy baby taking up a seat in my section. what do i do like do i move the bitch? do i leave her there??

bob, talking to himself: if you get sick tomorrow, just remember. it’s your own fault for eating food off the floor.

bob, to katherine: no, you don’t have to mop the carpet

bj: cheeeesy.

laura: if i get through tonight without a heart attack it’ll be incredible. if i do have a heart attack tho just let me go

caldo: *unintelligible yelling* SELLING my BODY for SEX *more unintelligible yelling*

bob: my fathers brother sent all his kids to australia. i guess he figured at least one of them would make it

caldo: i don’t trust people who go out to eat tuna fish

bob: can you make some more guacamole soon we’re running low laura: pulls five (5) avocados from her pockets

bob: he looks like jesus. well. he looks like what white people think jesus looked like

sam: yeah. Please. eat some more mother Fucking crackers.

bj: i feel like i gave birth to the eggplant stacks tonight. and honestly? if my child looked like that? i’d be proud. proud to have an eggplant child

bj: alright everybody let’s get the fuf out of here!! i said fuf not f- it’s safe. f u f starts and ends with soft letters no one gets hurt. any word that starts with a soft letter and ends with a hard letter is bad news… i feel like every time i come in here i annoy you guys. casey’s one dumbass comment away from killing me. “hey so what are your thoughts on grass?” “that’s it” *mimics shooting a gun*

ilia: -and the dogs gonna get diabetes- katherine, indignantly: i cleaned it really well!

mickey: i’ll tell you one thing. crack is good.

sam: some lady just rolled up to the bar, no bra, nipples beamin through the shirt- LETS GET IT!!!!

caldo: *speed walks into kitchen and shotguns a beer over the trash* ok i’m back. i should not have smoked this morning

dom: little kid just picked up a knife and went “oh cool i can stab someone” me, katherine, and sam in unison: good dom: yeah the dad took it away

sam: my friend was like “why is your go to dance move just to snap” and i was like “i don’t know, i’m white” *shrugs*

bj: someone just asked me if i’m having fun. am i having fun? i don’t know if i’m having fun. there are certainly other things i’d rather be doing right now, but i don’t know if i can definitively say that i’m Not having fun.

bj: some jobs require Only a ladle bj, thirty seconds later, after walking away and coming back: sometimes, also a funnel

bj, @ laura who’s eating cornbread: you cornbread eating chef!!! laura: bj: laura: bj: i’m just saying facts in a weird way. you know like you’re in trouble.

sam: *war cry* *spits out gum* *walks away*

bj: what kind of smoothie? Soup Smoothie!!

katherine: so this woman ordered some hot water so i gave it to her and her husband says you know what that’s for right and i’m like ….to drink? and he says nope! and doesn’t explain so i’m just like ………..okay! and walk away bc i don’t even want to know

bj: there’s no shame in it! A Grown Man Can Bathe In Yogurt!!!

bj, leaning down very close to to-go box: i love you

bob: anyone want a drink? brian: whatever’s your strongest bob: milk it is

guy at bar: sUE HIM?!?!??? oh i’d sue him yeah

sam: who orders something extra cold?? like, you need to Die now thanks.

sam: do you dare me to drink this buffalo sauce me: yes laura, walking by: snort it

sam: one more day. just one more day laura: of what sam: waking up

bob: *is trying to explain easter to jewish laura* laura: wait so he died… then he came back to life?? then he died Again??? bob: he died. then he came back just to tell people he was alive. then he said SEE YA and ascended to heaven

sam: i HATE margaritas. i don’t know why i just made myself one.

bob: wow. i have this overpowering urge to just go home.

bj, putting back a slotted spoon: this is a bad choice for dressing. a bad choice.

me: *catches a plate about to fall* bj: woah! smooth moves!! spider-man? maybe.

danny: so you know how at my other job everyone calls me daddy?

sam: *dumps out two full wine glasses* i fucked up. tell no one.

me: remember when we used to be able to leave early? bob: no. i think we imagined it.

danny: i didn’t realize we served DICK here -a few min later- danny: sorry i just got out of work and i’m all fired up

sam: my moms drunk and she won’t go home

bob: hey wasn’t that slang for mari- bj: cocaine.

bj: *kicks kitchen door open* YEE-HAW!!!!

danny: sorry casey me: what for danny: for having to deal with me me: yeah *shrugs* danny: they should pay you more me: yeah

didi: i kill you ilia: do it now didi: no ilia: do it i wanna die

danny, about a burger: we’ve got ourselves a squirter!!

sam: is that a chicken patty sydney: it’s my dog

sam, on my last night with her: lets get casey TRASHED tonight

sam: are you gonna go dancing in new york didi: yes laura: whore it up

#this is insanely long #feel free to scroll past but you might get a chuckle #mickeys is not a restaurant it’s a den of chaotic energy #also if ur curious bj is a bartender and basically a manager #bob is the head cook and kitchen manager #sam is a waitress and bartender (and lesbian)#didi (pronounced gigi) is the buffest man i know and also gay and brazilian #oh and he’s a cook lmao #i got too caught up in describing his buff and gayness i forgot to mention his role in the restaurant #and katherine’s my sister #i think that covers all the main people #my post #feel free to rb but i doubt anyone would want to????#things heard at mickeys

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some-dark-side-writing · 6 years

Text

Sickness vs jealousy

Anti X reader

Request: Then may I request an Anti X reader where the reader catches a cold and reluctantly Anti agrees to have Dr Schneeplestein look at her because he does care and he realizes that she is gettting sick. When Schneep comes over Anti gets jealous because he somewhat tries to flirt with her, but in the end she assures Anti that she is his. Thank you!

It started with a lot of sneezing. You thought it may be hay fever and Anti begrudgingly stocked up on tissues for you when leaving you comfortable sofa and blanket burrito made you dizzy even thinking about it. His worry started when he returned from his quick visit to the shops to see you unconscious and sleep not even waking you as you started to slowly slip off the couch, probably would have woken to a bang on the head if it wasn't for him re-positioning you, which didn't even wake you to his surprise, even when he teased your state out loud. In fact you only woke a few hours later, Anti crawling into your blankety warmth and flicking through tv while you slept, when he noticed your snoring which was very loud right now suddenly stop as if you couldn't breathe and you shot awake to blow your nose, throat croaky and eyes barely flitting open.

After that Anti helped you upstairs where he got you into bed and biting his tongue, wondering whether to ask if you needed anything or if that would be soppy and weird. Fortunately you crashed as soon as your head hit the pillow and he could just attach himself to your warm body to shut down for the night and forget this ever happened.

That didn't work however as his sleep was interrupted by you waking up to blow your nose, or clear your throat, or get a drink and groan, normally, yes, he'd just pin you to the bed and growl at you to shut up or he'd make you but he didn't think you were well enough for that, instead he patted your back when you hunched over the toilet bowel and put you near a fan or heater whenever your temperature changed, but he was always unsure if he was doing the right thing. By the time the sun broke through your curtains the two of you had barely slept which wasn't good for your well being nor Anti's mood, especially if you refused to stay in bed one more time, he'd already put you as taking a sick day and refused to let you do anything for yourself, which was pretty annoying for the both if you since Anti couldn't even entertain you he was trying for the fourth time to make you some food that you'd eat.

Eventually though Anti realised he couldn't help you. he didn't know how.

"Anti!" you called out, a coughing fit following shortly after. He dropped his last attempt on the counter and jogged upstairs, he was surprised you were sitting up, amused seeing your feet kicking out to try and untangle themselves from the knot the blanket had formed, Anti sighed, fixing it for you and even tucking you in which you didn't realise he knew how to do, once he'd tucked it under your waist looking down over you he asked "Yeah y/n?"

"Can you get me some more water please, unless you're going to let me walk to the bathroom and get it myself?" you asked hopefully. Anti squeezed your hand, looking seriously into your eyes "More water coming up." he got up and took your glass and your bin full of tissue while you rolled your eyes and lay back down exasperated and bored, massaging your temple in pain from throwing your head back like that. Once he came back he looked pitifully down at you, sitting on his side of the bed as you turned to face him, only to shoot up again when your nose started to run. "I'm disgusting right now Anti, i'll honestly be fine i don't want this image of me scaring you for life." You joked while Anti gave small chuckle. "You'd be surprised at my tolerance of what in find disgusting, y/n, and nothing you could ever do would ever lead you close to that line."

You nodded, feeling better as Anti wrapped his arm around you and you lay your head against his shoulder, trying to quiet your sniffles. Anti sighed after a while, and thinking you were the cause you looked up at him. "What's up?"

Anti groaned, conflicted before turning his gaze to finally look at you, hand testing your scorching forehead and cheeks before sighing. "I'm gonna call Schneep. You need more help than i'll be able to give you." You smiled at that, your arms circling around his waist as you snuggled into his shoulder more, because he was a wuss when it came to not being the biggest, greatest thing in your life and he was adorable when he was jealous of others being better, "Aw, thanks bud." You joked as Anti bit the shell of your ear, growling playfully which caused goosebumps to rise on your skin, something he definitely didn't miss. "Don't think for a minute i'd take pity on you because you’re a weak human who's sick, i'll still take ya." His fingers poked you sides while his arms were the ones encircling you now, like a cage he wouldn't let you escape any punishment for teasing him, growling in your ear and threatening to bite until you swelled his ego again.

A few hours later the doorbell rung and Anti who was sitting in bed with you paused the tv and pouted over at you. "Do I have to answer it?" he asked cutely and you shook your head. "Nope. I can walk downstairs and greet him my-" Anti had glitched out the room and you heard a shriek as Anti had no doubt either appeared right in front of the poor doctor's face or electrocuted him with the doorbell.

You quickly made sure the room wasn't a mess and you didn’t look a total disatser, brushing your hair with your fingers since you were sure Anti had fried it and made it all puffy like he loved to do, before Dr. Schneeplestein opened the door to your room, Anti shoving his way in front of him to lay next to you before the accented man could take a further step.

"Y/n! It iz good to zee you! Ve haven't caught up in zuch a long time!" Henrik went to hold your hand, lips drifting towards it for a kiss before Anti, who had much quicker relfexes than yourself, snatched it out of his hand. "Wouldn't do that doc, she's infectious." Your cheeks burned but Schneep took this as a different sign you guessed since his hand instead now moved forward to cup your cheek, the back of it soft against your skin as you could feel Anti vibrating next to you, it was making your legs feel fuzzy where you sat and harder for your eyes to focus. "Anti..." You whispered, taking his hand in your own as his gaze softened only slightly, you only caught it since you knew him so well. But he let you go and got off the bed, the world thankfully steadying. Anti's eyes never left the doctor and Henrik's hand moved from your forhead as he had to straighten to try and seem taller than Anti. "I'm gonna get some vaseline babe, shout if you need anything." He had backed into the doorway now, threatening glare not leaving Schneeplestein. "Thank you Anti." you croaked with a supportive smile to your boyferiend. "Yes. Zhank you." Henrik added, nodding with a determined smile at him, a smile that said 'I know what im doing, hurry along now.' not that you could see that since the boys seemed to be in a staring competition, but soon enough Anti ran downstairs, you could hear his light feet battering against the carpet as he obviously didnt want to stay away for long.

You smiled apologetically at Scnheep and he could immediately read you. "Y/n if you're upset by zhe glitche'z outburztz and jealouzy you zhould not be vith him. You zhould be vith zomeomne who knowz better, iz more mature, knowz how to look after you. I don't zee zhe glitch bitch az any of zhose zhingz and it concernz me zhat you are mizzing out on life ztuck vith zhat moron." Schneeple said as he placed down his own cold medicine that you'd heard from Chase's partner worked a treat.

Your eyes narrowed as he spoke, maybe this was why Anti had even considered asking dr Iplier to help rather than Schneeple, you knew how much he distanced hismelf from any Ipliers, it should have been a red flag, but you could take care of yourself, even with Anti's denial of it recently not letting you express that. "Thank you, doctor." You swiped the medicine into your hands with a nod and a wink "But I think I can take care of myself."

Anti came back into the room just then, vaseline in hand as he asked with a joke, "You're not trying to go on a nature walk again are you?" Completly ignoring the doctor as he walked past and under the covers with you, kissing your warm head as he snatched the medicne, ripped the label off and began to read all the ingredients listed.

The good doctor looked between the two of you who weren't paying him any attention before clearing his throat, giving him the same 'yes, what?' eyebrow from you and Anti. "I'll be going now, im very buzy after all, y/n..." he looked towards Anti who was sneering at him, lips tightening before looking back to you "ztay zafe." You pat Anti's hand that rested in your lap and Anti lifted his chin and looked at you with a flash of bright teeth, seeming proud. "Oh don't worry, I will." When Schneep left you finished that sentence "Especially with worry wart here." smacking Antis arm as he flinched back defensively. "Ow! What was that for?"

You laughed tiredly, kissing his hand and your other hand poking his hips in retaliation for earlier. "You. Thinking you had to protect me from the knowledge that your doxctor friend was interested in what you already had. Although don't get me wrong, I have you back, like way more. You're totally reeled in." Anti groaned, handing you the medicine label and while you were confused you saw stuck under it a note with his number on and an 'x', a kiss, next to it.

"I didn't want you to feel, weird, or unsafe." He shivered, having hid this from you since the septic christmas party where Henrik was intoxicated enough thanks to Chase to be obvious about his affections, being more obvious after that, like with the hand kissing thing, for fear Anti would stow you away. You swigged the medicine, immediately feeling better, you suspected Marvin may have been too shy to admit his involvement in this miracle cure, as you hugged Anti's arm tightly, eyes slipping closed as the label had suggested taking a nap from the drowsiness side effect for it to work faster as Anti helped lay you down, letting himself be pulled down with you. "I'd never leave you like that. Anti I love you, and thank you for making me feel better, even if you didn’t cure me you put yourself and your fears aside and let me be cured and now I won't die, so thank you." Anti was gald your eyes were closing so you couldn't see his surprise on his face as you slipped out the 'L' word, his only reaction being "I'm sure you wouldn't have died." and once you were an hour into sleep him kissing your lips so lightly as he told you "Love you too."

#anti x reader #antisepticeye x reader #fic #schneeplestein mention in fic #requested fic

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softforimjaebum · 7 years

Text

죄라 (2)

Im Jaebum x Reader

Word Count: 6.8k

Genre: Angst, Smut

Summary: Reader wakes up to a day full of surprise; but no one ever said all surprises have to be good, right?

Author’s Note: I could only listen to defsoul’s mixtape while writing this, and it’s probably a mess of my own emotions, I’m sorry in advance and thank you for reading!

Chapter 1

You woke up the next morning, pleasantly sore from the night before and alone, just as you had expected. It wasn’t anything new, so it didn’t faze you to fall asleep in a warm bed and wake up in a cold one. The sheets on his side still smelled of him, they always did when he left. And it was a routine you followed to wash your sheets after the fact. It wasn’t helpful to the kind of relationship the two of you had to have your sheets smelling like him.

It wasn’t like you were madly in love with him, but you knew deep down that you felt more for him than just this lust you showed him. And maybe he felt the same. But the two of you were very similar in how easily you could repress feelings. It would be impossible to know if he had those feelings for you too, and neither of you would ever risk it unless there was some solid proof to do otherwise. And even then, with his lifestyle, you didn’t really think it was possible to be anything more than what he was currently giving you. And so he hadn’t ever over stayed his welcome, and neither had you ever tried to make him stay.

But today was a Sunday, and it was probably early in the morning judging from how dark it was outside, it wouldn’t harm you to just indulge yourself in not washing your sheets yet. You could just always do it later in the day.

You could feel yourself drifting back to sleep when you heard a loud noise. It sounded like something smashing on the floor, and you shot out of your bed and threw on the nearest t-shirt you found thrown carelessly into the laundry basket. Then you reached for the baseball bat kept in the little hidden corner between your closet and the wall. There was supposed to be no one in the house, your roommate had gone to spend the night at her boyfriend’s house and you knew they had a better, a more romantic if you will, Sunday planned than yours.

If Jaebum left the door open, I swear to god I will cut him.

With that thought, you tightened your grip on the bat you opened the door as slowly as possible, trying to peak into the lounge to see if you could see any traces of where exactly the intruder was. When you fully pulled the door open, you found your lounge empty. However, you could hear noises in your kitchen.

Why was the intruder in your kitchen? Who the fuck was robbing your fucking kitchen of all places to rob?

Moving to grip the bat with both hands, you slightly lifted it in anticipation of having to knock out whoever was trying to rob…your kitchen.

Just as you turned the corner of your kitchen doorway, heart beating so fast it could leap out of your chest any second, you were met with a very hassled Jaebum, scrambling to pick up the pieces of the two plates he had broken. When you came into his view, he froze, staring up at you with wide eyes.

You asked him the first question that popped up in your mind, and it wasn’t about the plates he had broken.

“What….are you doing here?”

He wasn’t supposed to be here, he was not supposed to outstay his welcome; and his welcome only extended to you fall asleep in his arms, never waking up to him in your kitchen…-burning an omelette as you now noticed.

He smelled the burning too and tired to get up to turn the stove off, but you told him to take care of the plates and took care of the stove yourself.

“I was making breakfast” he said, still trying to throw the pieces into the bin nearby. “The more important question is why do you have a baseball bat in your hand? Are you going to hit me with that just for breaking two plates?”

You sighed, dropped the bat to the ground as you tried to salvage the unsalvageable omelette, and answered, “I thought it was a burglar”

You hoped he wouldn’t ask why you thought he was a thief because answering him would make things way more awkward than you were currently feeling. And thankfully, he got the hint. He didn’t press any further, and both of you continued doing your respective tasks at hand.

Jaebum successfully cleaned the kitchen, making sure there were no broken crumbs left on the floor, everyone knew about your habit of walking barefoot in the house. However, the egg was well and truly doomed, so you gave up on trying to save it half way through and just scrapped it into the bin to start making another one.

When Jaebum saw you finishing up, he handed you another egg.

“You eat two eggs in the morning?”

“It is for you” he said, just slightly confused at your question.

“Oh no, I am not a breakfast person. I just have coffee”

He looked shocked for what you could swear was an entire minute before he spoke up to scold you in his dad voice.

“But breakfast is the most important meal, you have to eat in the morning before you go out for the day”

Little did he know, his dad voice didn’t work on you. There was only one authoritative voice he could pull off with you and it was not nearly as innocent as this one.

“Ehh” you replied as you moved to a nearby cabinet to grab two mugs to pour the coffee that Jaebum had thankfully already started.

“That is not an answer” he said, blocking you from reaching for your coffee. It was too early in the morning, and you hadn’t had your first cup of coffee which meant you did not have the patience for him right now, but moreover you did not have the energy to fight him.

“I never had time to eat breakfast when I was in school, so its a habit now. I can’t eat in the morning without wanting to throw up. Now can you move so I can get my sustenance?”

He didn’t budge instantly, he just slowly moved to the side, only giving you enough space to squeeze in between him and the counter to reach for the coffee. He just kept lingering as you poured the coffee out for both of you, and something about it felt extremely foreign to you.

It’s the daylight your mind reminded you. You aren’t used to seeing him being like this without in daylight.

Pushing your thoughts away, you moved away from him and took a seat on the small dining table you had fit into the kitchen. He followed suit with his breakfast in hand and sat right next to you.

God damn him and this strange behaviour

You were cursing yourself for not bringing your phone with you, regardless of the kind of situation you came downstairs in, because this was very unusual for you. The contact that the two of you had inside company walls were entirely professional, and people would more likely believe you were fucking Jackson than believe you were fucking him. You were currently awkward around him to the point where you didn’t know what the hell to do with your limbs.

Jaebum, on the other hand, wasn’t awkward at all, munching away happily at his eggs on toast and occasionally pausing to take a sip of his coffee. And if he was awkward, he surely didn’t let it on. All you could do was sip your coffee, look down into your mug when you weren’t sipping from it, and pray to god he would finish his breakfast and leave as soon as possible.

But of course, the earth would crack open and satan himself would come to your house for tea sooner than your prayers getting answered. Once Jaebum was finished eating, he showed no signs of hurry. Instead, he took his utensils to the sink and started washing up after himself at a leisurely pace.

Unable to bear the discomfort any longer, you decided to head back to your room and make yourself useful by putting your sheets in the washing machine.

“I’m gonna go back to my bedroom” you quietly spoke as you hurried away from the kitchen.

Once in the comfort of your room, you breathed a sigh of relief. Even though he was still in your kitchen, you were away from that situation for a while; hopefully just long enough to gather your thoughts.

The first thing you did was to wash your face and brush your teeth, just to feel like an actual living person which was far from what you were feeling when you can walked back to your room.

Going out of your bathroom, you stopped at the mini closet, pausing to select new sheets and then made your way to the bed. Quickly stripping off the older sheets from your bed you threw it onto the floor, to be picked up when you were done making your bed. It didn’t take you long to put the new sheets on and carry the old ones into the small balcony attached to your bathroom where you kept your washing machine.

Once you put the sheets in, you stood there, staring outside, lost in your thoughts; that is until you felt a pair of arms wrapping around your stomach and pulling you back.

You instantly knew it was Jaebum, who else would it be? But it wasn’t just because of that fact that you knew it was him, you could smell exactly what you were trying to wash away from your sheets behind you. What was worse is him being like this. Cuddling was kept to a minimum, and it was always kept as an after care for when things inevitably got rough with him.

He pulled you towards him and rested his head on your shoulders before he spoke up.

“So eager to wash me off your sheets?”

His words were nothing but a whisper, and it sent chills down your back and your arms because while it was just a whisper, his tone was something else entirely. You knew what that tone suggested, but what he was saying in that tone was unfamiliar to you.

He seemed to want an actual response to his question, which also was not usually the case when he used that tone with you. Your mind was scrambling to look for a response which did not let on just how eager you were to not just wash him off your sheets but get him out of door right now. You couldn’t let him in on your weaknesses and your coping mechanisms.

“I just wanted new sheets on the bed, it’s got nothing to do with you”

Yes, great job, amazing, the award for the lamest fucking excuse in the world goes to yours truly

You knew that both of you knew your answer was a whole pile of bullshit, but Jaebum didn’t question you any further and you didn’t dare bring anything up. You stood in the same position, him refusing to move and you being too confused to think straight. Instead of asking you questions he knew you would give equally bad responses to, he busied himself with placing feathery kisses down your neck and the exposed skin of your shoulders.

And then his lips were travelling back up the road they went down, just a tiny bit harsher. He let his teeth scrape over that one spot on your neck that he knew was your weakness and you knew you had to stop him now, or you would be far too lost in him to realise what on earth was happening.

“Jaebum, please stop” you tried to warn.

“Stop what?” he said, as he continued to place kisses on your neck, sloppier and needier kisses.

“You know exactly what”

“Maybe I don’t want to stop”

His hands took this opportunity to busy themselves by sneaking under the shirt you were wearing, going straight to your breasts. He would usually grabbed a handful in each hand and massage them or pinch your nipples until you were a moaning mess begging him to stop. But this time he just felt them up, his fingers lingering on your skin and on the curve of your breasts and down your sides, as if trying to remember every dip and curve of your body.

It was strange for him to be this delicate with you, and in the back of your mind you knew that all too well, but his hands and his lips were getting you closer and closer to the point of no return.

Your mind was practically screaming at you to push him away, to do anything to make him stop; but when he turned you around to face him, you simply let him. He kissed from your jaw, up to your lips; soft, lingering kisses that left you breathless.

He led you out of your bathroom, towards your freshly made bed and carefully pushed you back on it until you laid down on your bed. He didn’t join you; instead he took his shirt off, and went straight to kissing your legs, all the way up to your inner thighs.

He nipped occasionally on the soft skin, but other than that, he only prepped your skin with lingering kisses, never letting his lips get anywhere near where he knew you needed him. It got to a point where you couldn’t deal with his teasing and bucked your hips up to let him know you were getting impatient.

“Look at you, always so ready” he said.

Before you could reply, he placed a single kiss right on your clit and all you could manage to respond with a strangled moan.

You could feel him smile against you as he continued his ministrations; slowly dragging his tongue on your clit, never increasing the pressure or the speed. It was slow enough to buck against his mouth again, only to be held down by his arms. You knew this game too well, you just had to take what he was giving you, however he was giving it to you.

To your surprise, he actually stopped teasing you. He got off the bed, quickly getting rid of his pants and grabbing a condom from the stash kept inside the drawer of your bedside table.

You were still confused about what was happening and how you got here, but it would be a lie if you said you weren’t enjoy this needier side of Jaebum. He was usually the one with all the patience in the world to tease you all night, but he seemed like the eager one today; and your body welcomed that change.

You snapped out of your thoughts when you felt Jaebum’s hand on your thighs again, focusing on him again to see that he had rolled the condom on, and was making his way back between your thighs.

There was no teasing, no making you beg for him until he was satisfied. He just slowly slid into you, burying his face in the crook of your neck. He moved just as slowly as he his tongue had been moving, making you frustrated at his pace.

You were chasing your orgasm, but he had very different plans. He moved so he could kiss you as he moved slow and deep inside you, wanting to make you feel every small movement he made.

But just because Jaebum was suddenly taking things slow didn’t mean you weren’t the usual mess you were for him. You could feel each and every one of his thrusts in every part of your body. And it was overwhelming, the feeling in the pit of your stomach was threatening to spill over and yet it was seemingly so far away.

You hands were tangled in his hair, not pulling on them like usual, just holding him. When he stopped kissing you to catch his breath, you ran your fingers through his hair, caressing him however you could. He leaned into your touch, the slightly sharpness in his thrust indicated he liked this just as much as he liked it when you pulled on his hair.

“Please Jaebum, faster, you’re killing me here” you whispered, barely audible to your own ears and for a moment you wondered if you were loud enough for him to even hear you.

“No…I just don’t want this to fucking end” he whispered back, causing you to feel a new rush, one that neither of you had experienced with each other.

At his words one of your hands came down from his hair onto his shoulders and down his arms, nails scratching his skin lightly as you took him.

“Please” you breathed, and he just shook his head, stubborn as always.

For a while after that, you were both a mess in each other’s arms. Jaebum wanting to make it last as long as he possible could, you were tangled, holding onto each other for dear life. He didn’t stop kissing you until both of your jaws hurt, and even then he lazily continued to kiss you wherever he could. He kissed every bruise and bite he had left behind the night before, over and over again.

You could feel your impending orgasm close in on you, and when you tried to warn Jaebum about it, for the sake of the habit of always warning him when you got too close and needed him to slow down or to tell you you could cum, he beat you to it.

“You know I can feel that you’re close right? So tight, always so good for me”

You arched into Jaebum even more, if that was even possible anymore. He didn’t say anything, just brought his hand down to your clit, rubbing slow and precise circles, still not rushed to help you finish but not entirely opposed to it either.

You hoped he wasn’t going to just stop and bring you down from your high, and so you found yourself getting even more lost in what he was making you feel. One particularly deep thrust, and you came, with nothing but a loud intake of breath, holding onto Jaebum’s neck and probably even digging your nails into his skin. It wasn’t an explosion like you were used to, it was like a knot unwinding itself. It was less falling and more being suspended in air, just flying.

Jaebum followed suit, losing himself in his own orgasm a few more thrusts later, kissing you lazily again and again until you both came down from your highs.

He pulled out, disposing of the condom, and got in bed again. He pulled your body towards himself, which now felt limp after what you just experienced, kept his head on your stomach and wrapped his arms around you. You were far too dazed and tired to question any of his moves, and simply let him cuddle into you before you drifted off to sleep.

You were woken up by what you presumed to be Jaebum’s phone ringing considering your phone was presumably already out of battery, after all you hadn’t seen it since last night or remembered to put it on charge. You winced slightly at how loud his ringtone was, but you suppose when living with people as loud as the rest of GOT7 he maybe needed a loud ringtone.

You were surprised, yet again, when you realised Jaebum was still in bed with you; and not just in bed with you. He was still wrapped around your stomach, now detaching himself from you to look for his phone.

He found it in the pocket of his discarded jeans, clearing his throat before picking up his phone. You decided this would be a good time to get out of bed, and to look for your own phone. The slight anxiety of not having checked your phone for so many hours was slightly settling in; what if someone had been in an emergency and called you?

You crawled forward on your bed to find your t-shirt, discarded around the same place as Jaebum’s jeans, which were now in his hands. He was putting his jeans on, while talking in a hush voice to whoever was on the phone, his back towards you. Quickly picking up your t-shirt, you pulled it over your head and started looking for your phone. You found it quickly enough, on the little desk you had by the window of your bedroom. You were right in assuming it would be out of battery, and moved to your bedside table to put your phone on charge.

“I’ll be back in a minute” Jaebum said, now turned around towards you.

You nodded at him and he rushed out, you figured it was a work call and sat on your bed, on his side, and turned your phone back on. You were immersed in checking the notifications on your phone, you hadn’t missed anything too important; the messages were mostly from your friends and they weren��t many, a social media notification here and there. You felt yourself relax a little at the thought of not having missed anything too important.

Jaebum returned to your room, finding you sitting on what had been his side of the bed for the past couple of hours.

His side of the bed. He liked that thought, he didn't know why but he did. He was surprising himself doing whatever he was doing today, but for once, it felt so right to do those things that he didn’t question his impulses. Just like he didn’t question his impulse now to go over and kiss you. He knew that kissing you was reserved to moments the two of you were in bed, or heading that way. He also knew kissing you like this was against the unspoken rules the two of you had. But he did it anyway.

When you felt Jaebum’s presence near you again, you looked up at him. He was shirtless, his jeans hanging low on his waist, his hair was messy and he had a shit eating grin on his face when you looked at him. When he reached your bed, he leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on your lips before plopping down on the bed. You looked over at him, extremely confused.

“What’s gotten into you today?” you asked, unable to stop yourself.

“Nothing” he beamed up at you. “So…I was wondering if you were up to go party with all of us tonight?”

“All of us?” you questioned

“Yeah, the boys and I are headed to this party tonight, if you want to, you could come along with us? I mean, you don’t have to of course but I thought it would be nice”

You could tell he was nervous, having worked around GOT7 when you first joined the company you knew he rambled when he was nervous. You thought about it for a second, it wouldn’t be so bad. You were friends with all of them, and you hadn’t had the chance to really meet them in a while. A party with those extremely noisy, loveable boys could only do you good right?

“Yeah sure, it’ll be fun. Where are you guys headed to?”

“Its this private party at nb2 , I’ll pick you up around 9?”

“You…want to pick me up? And go to a party with me?” you wondered out loud.

“..Yes” he said, and made a puzzled expression at your question.

You could think of a lot to say, but none of it felt appropriate for the mood. Before you could vocalise any of your thoughts, he intervened.

“But, for now, I need to leave. I’m gonna head back to the dorm, freshen up and then there is a group meeting at the new company building…work stuff. But I’ll call you when I’m done okay?”

“I guess?”

He picked his shirt from the ground and quickly pulled it over his head as he headed out of your room with you following suit.

He wore his shoes hurriedly, and pulled your main door open. Before he left, however, he turned back around and kissed you again, his lips gentle on yours and with that, he rushed out.

You realised soon after that you were hungry, and that you had half dried sheets in your washing machine.

You decided to eat first, as your stomach at this point was grumbling loudly, cursing at you for forgetting to eat for so long. You went about your day, pushing the thoughts of what had happened with Jaebum to the back of your mind. You knew thinking about it too much would only result in confusion and feelings you simply did not want to deal with.

So you got on with your day, cooked for yourself, ate while watching episode after episode of Brooklyn Nine Nine. When the sun was beginning to set, you got up to wash whatever utensils had been used and went on to put your sheets in the dryer.

Then you got back to your Netflix, the weird anxiety in your stomach was making you feel queasy and you thought distracting yourself would be the only way to make it through the evening. And that is when your phone rang.

JB calling…

You sighed, and almost debated whether you wanted to pick his phone or not. You could always just say you were taking a bath and left your phone in the living room.

“Hello?”

“Hey, I hope I’m not disturbing you or anything”

“No, not at all”

“So uhm, you still up for coming out with us tonight, right?”

You were so not used to this that your answers just automatically coming out short and to the point.

“If you still want me to, yes”

“Of course I do. I was just calling to check in. And to remind you to eat before we leave, I know you don’t handle alcohol very well on an empty stomach” he chuckled as he remembered a particular memory.

“It was one time, Im Jaebum. When will you ever let me forget it?” you whined, you hated being reminded of that night.

It really was just one fucking time and Jaebum took every chance he got to tease you about it. So what if you had thrown up on his favourite jacket, you were slightly sick and you hadn’t had a single mean since your late morning bowl of ramen. And yes, you had a little too much to drink. And it wasn’t even that much. And you had taken it upon yourself to make sure you returned a clean jacket back to him.

You heard him laugh, hearty and warm.

“Just eat okay?”

“Just stop okay?”

Jaebum chuckled again and went on “I’ll be there at 9 babe”

With that, he hung up.

Did he just…..no, you were surely mistake. He must have said 바보 (babo; stupid) and you misheard him.

You decided on eating the leftovers from the lunch you made while you took a bath, after which you started getting ready, which in your opinion was always a pain in the ass. You had no trouble getting ready for a normal day, but for night outs it was always a bargain between comfort and looking fine as fuck. You ended up just putting on a dress which leaned a little more towards looking fine as fuck than it did towards comfort; however for your footwear, your mind was set on your favourite pair of black boots, comfort trumped sexy any day when it came to being on the dance floor in a club and feeling like your feet wanted to die in the heels.

As promised, Jaebum was on your doorstep at 9pm. He rang the bell, and you were just about done with your makeup, finishing up your red lip just in the nick of time as you heard the bell go off. You rushed out, grabbing your purse and your phone on your way out. You had already informed your roommate that you were going out for the night, and everything else in the house was taken care of.

You were yet to put on your boots, but since they were kept near the entrance to your apartment anyway you decided on just putting them on after you let Jaebum in.

You pulled the door open to see Jaebum leaning slightly against the wall beside him, straightening up once he saw you. He wore blue jeans with a silky black shirt, and if your opinion was asked for, you’d say he left his shirt unbuttoned a little too far down. His skin was so soft, and you could slightly make out a light red mark running down his chest, possible from earlier today or from last night.

He smiled at you, opening his arms to pull you in for a hug. He smelled so good, and your mind was quickly rushing to a different place. You mentally cursed yourself, just returned his hug and let him go when he pulled back.

“You look really good” he said, awkwardly scratching the back of his head.

You smiled at him, amused at how awkward he was acting. He had seen you in much more compromising positions and he was awkward about this.

“You don’t look too bad yourself” you said, still smiling before continuing, “Just give me a minute, I need to put my boots on and then we can get going”

He nodded, and you got busy putting your boots on, and then the two of you were on your way. He had driven himself, which was another surprise since he didn’t always drive. He had a license, but you had very rarely seen him drive.

When you reached the club, you spotted a wild Bambam on the dance floor. Seeing as this was a private party, there just were the right amount of people, it wasn’t too crowded and it wasn’t empty enough to be awkward. You went to greet Bambam, who when noticed you, just pulled you in for a hug while still swinging along to the beat of the music.

While the two of you dance-hugged, Jaebum just stood nearby smiling at the both of you.

Bambam let you go, and shouted over the music “It’s good to see you noona!”

“You too Bam” you shouted back, quickly kissing his cheek, like you were used to doing to him. Whenever you saw Bambam, you always saw the little baby with a pink patch of hair and it always made you want to pinch his cheeks, which was apparently embarrassing to Bambam (“I’m not a child anymore noona!!” he’d whine to you), so you settled for pecking his cheeks instead.

“I’m going to go meet the others yeah?” you continued.

He gave you a thumbs up, while still grooving to the music and you laughed at him once before turning around to find Jaebum. He led you to one of the booths where you saw the rest of your friends along with a couple of other guys you knew were friends of the rest of the boys. Jackson was the first to get up and pull you in for a hug, always the excited little puppy. He kissed your cheek and let you get on with greeting the rest of them.

Yugyeom, the ever whiney baby, complained about you not seeing them for way too long. And you teased him back about only missing you for the free chocolate shakes you always bought for him, to which he whined back again.

Mark gave you another hug, engulfing you in the huge t-shirt he was wearing, and looked over at Jaebum to shout “mine!” and then proceeded to giggle. You laughed with him, not really wanting to look back at Jaebum to see his reaction.

Jinyoung gave you a quick hug, followed by a simple “I missed you” shouted over the music to which you pinched his fluffy little cheeks before he could complain about it. You waved at the rest of their friends, you were not really close with any of them. Some of them smiled back at you, and some waved back.

The greetings finally being done, you settled down between Mark and Jackson, and they got busy trying to order drinks for you and Jaebum. Jackson instantly ordered another round of shots for everyone, and you ordered a cosmo for yourself while Jaebum just wanted beer.

All of you talked and enjoyed the alcohol, ordered a couple more shots and before you knew it Jackson was pulling you out to the dance floor. The two of you danced, soon joined by Bambam, Mark, Yugyeom and Jinyoung. Jaebum stayed in the booth, talking to a couple of his friends. Being with them was like a second nature to you so it was a fun time, Bambam and Yugyeom pulling out their silly moves, and soon enough Jinyoung was twerking to a song.

It was a good time, until Jaebum decided to join you all and the DJ chose that very moment to switch up to sexier songs. Jaebum easily snaked an arm around your waist in the dark club and pulled you towards him, your back touching his chest. He started slow, grinding into you in a way no one would notice, his hands tight on your waist guiding you to grind back on him. As the music changed, so did his movements.

He was grinding harder, holding onto you tighter. And then his hand was pulling the hair away from your neck, his lips placing a single kiss on the exactly spot he knew made you go weak and your head fell back on his shoulders; the two of you moving to the music was addictive, whether it was the alcohol or just Jaebum’s hands on you, your mind was clouded with desire. You didn’t see if any of the other boys saw the two of you, because you knew it was very evident what was happening between the two of you now, and frankly, you didn’t care. All you could feel was Jaebum.

His lingering, wet kisses continued while his hands felt up your sides. His hands stopped at your waist, digging his fingers into the skin there, pulling you back harder on him so you could feel just what this was doing to him. Just feeling him through his jeans made your mouth salivate and you moved your head away from him to look at him through hooded eyes, silently begging him to just take you somewhere empty and have his way with you. He looked at you, looking up at him with so much need he could have kissed you right there if there wasn’t still a part of him acutely aware of your surroundings. He knew the two of you had already gone too far, and this would be taking it even farther.

You were in a trance, the music flowing through your veins like the alcohol influenced blood. And then it was gone; the trace completely broken.

One of Jaebum’s friends, who you didn’t know too well other than the very basics, was besides the two of you and shouted over the music, loud enough for both yourself and Jaebum to hear.

“Your plan is working perfectly, isn’t it? She is so jealous I can see her seething from here”

Your eyes followed his tilted head, right across to where you and Jaebum were dancing, on the other side of the club. You didn’t know who to look for, but your eyes quickly settled in on an all familiar face.

Jaebum’s ex.

The ex he had ended up making an entire mixtape about. The ex that he always regretted letting go of. The ex everyone in GOT7 referred to as Jaebum’s toxic love. The ex he wrote songs for and wrote songs about. Her eyes were glued to the two of you, and you could feel the high from the alcohol evaporate under her gaze. Your body froze up and Jaebum felt it instantly. He wanted to say something to you, but he was just as shocked as you. And you felt as if you were going to be sick.

Then another wave of nausea hit you as a new thought made its way into your mind. It all made sense now. The staying over, making breakfast, the cuddling, the kisses; it was all for this moment. You kept thinking it had something to do with you, and yet now you were quickly realising it was all really for her. So he could make her jealous, make her want him back.

There was a sudden pit in your stomach, fast spreading through your entire body. You felt used, and utterly humiliated. You were almost sure the humiliation you felt would translate into you falling right to the ground and breaking down. But your pride wouldn’t let you fall to the ground like that.

And then you felt another pair of eyes on you; Jackson’s. He was looking straight at you, your mouth agape in shock and your locked up body. You knew he had witnessed the whole thing, and the humiliation you felt just increased with that realisation. Your body hadn��t even felt the pain yet, the humiliation being too much to handle for it to let your mind go to any other emotion.

With whatever little dignity you still had left, you finally lifted your head from Jaebum’s shoulder and pushed his hands away from you, not really caring to gauge his reaction to your movements. Taking a breath to steady yourself, you kept your head held high and your emotions at bay and walked towards the exit. In this club, mostly full of absolute strangers, you felt as thought everyone’s eyes were on you, witnessing your humiliation. It felt like everyone was aware of what a sad little fool you were, believing even for a moment that any of what Jaebum had done today was for you.

You managed to make it out of the club without keeling over, the fresh air outside helping you feel a little less suffocated. You stepped a little farther towards the road, trying to hail a taxi home when you felt a hand on your arm, and you were almost ready to turn around and slap that person if it turned out to be Jaebum.

But when you turned around, you suddenly felt like even more of a fool. It was Jackson, not Jaebum. Of course it wasn’t Jaebum, he was probably in a dark corner with her by now, his hands that were on you moments ago were now probably entangled in her hair and touching her body as his lips kissed her instead of you. The thought made you sick to your stomach, even when you knew there was no reason for you to feel this way. Those were the rules right? He could get laid with whoever he wanted, as could you.

“I’m so sorry” was all Jackson said before he pulled you in for a hug, and your dam just broke. You sobbed into his chest, Jackson’s hands caressing your back. Both of you stood there for god knows how long before you could stop your sobs, and he didn’t complain once.

When you finally pulled back from him, he wiped the tears staining your cheeks and leaned down to kiss your forehead.

“Did you know?” you managed to breath out, not really trusting your voice to not break if you spoke any louder.

“I didn’t. I swear to you I didn’t know any of this. I didn’t even know she was going to be here. To be honest, I’m not even sure what all just happened”

You nodded, not looking him in the eye, looking out into the ongoing traffic instead, trying to distract yourself by looking for a cab.

“I should look for a cab” you spoke out loud.

“No, please, let me at least drop you home”

"No Jackson you don’t have to leave your party for-”

“Its for my own sanity, just so I will know you are safe and sound at home” he interrupted.

You simply nodded at him, and he proceeded to take your hand in his and walk you towards his car.

As he drove, you looked out into the night. 24 hours ago, Jaebum was with you, and now he was with her. Maybe he was only with you 24 hours ago so he could be with her now. Maybe you were a convenient replacement until he could get her back. And you didn’t know why that hurt you so much.

All you knew was that you wanted to go home and erase this entire day from your memory.

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i-also-miss-our-talks · 7 years

Text

IHOP and the Enigma (Connor Murphy x Reader)

Asked by Anonymous: Can I please get a Connor x Reader where the reader is basically Belle and Connor is the Beast. Thank you

Bro tbh I have no idea what I just fucking wrote. I think I started to work with your request, but it slowly veered away from it and I’m so so so sorry about that. Even though this took me forever to write, I honestly hate how it came out and I will most likely redo it in the future.

WC: 2,751

Warnings: Swearing, Mention of attempted suicide, Shitty writing, Jared Kleinman

Masterlist

Again, sorry for the horrible writing. I really should not post this. I am not proud of how this turned out at all. Please don’t send me messages about how random it is and how I can’t stick to one plot line.

Because I know that already.

Also I haven’t slept in like 24 hours so give me a break.

Connor Murphy was an enigma.

By definition, an enigma is a person or thing that is mysterious, puzzling, or difficult to understand.

So, yeah. Connor Murphy was an enigma. And everyone at school avoided him like any other enigma in their lives. Including the area underneath the left side of the football fields bleachers. That’s where Connor went to smoke. No one dared to venture near that side, fearful of what the “School Shooter” might do if he found out.

You, of course, weren’t fearful. You were rather curious. Curious if Connor Murphy actually smoked there or if it was just a myth. Curious about what he would do if he found someone in his area. Curious as to how enigmatic this enigma really was.

Therefore, you conducted an experiment. In all honesty, you just didn’t want to sit through another boring history lecture. So instead, you decided to put your curiousness at ease.

You sat under the bleachers, pulled out your phone, and scrolled through some apps while you waited for Connor.

“Hey!”

Thankfully, you didn’t have to wait too long.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?” Connor asked as he walked under the bleachers. He stuffed an unlit joint back into his hoodie pocket.

You look up at him. “I was just doing an experiment.”

“An experiment? That’s a poor ass excuse. What are you actually doing here? Trying to find out some creepy shit about me so I’ll freak out?” Connor accused, his temper growing by the second.

You shook your head, putting your hands up. “No! I swear it was just for an experiment! I’ll be on my way!” You spring up and start to walk away until you feel a tug on your backpack.

“Nope. No fucking way are you leaving just yet,” Connor snarled. He harshly pulled you back against one of the metal poles. Your head slammed against the metal but you weren’t worried about the pain. You were more frightened by what Connor was doing. “You’re gonna help me show people that I’m not to be fucking messed with. So as of now, you’re my slave.”

You opened your mouth in protest, but quickly shut it when Connor glared at you with eyes full of darkness. Wordlessly, you nod.

Connor smirked slightly before letting you go, pulling his joint back out of his pocket. He grabbed a piece of paper and handed it to you. “Write down your number. I’ll text you whenever I need you for something.”

Again, you nodded and obeyed. Your shaking hand made it difficult to write the numbers cleanly, but you managed. You handed the paper back to him and gripped your backpack straps.

Connor stuffed the paper in his pocket and lit his joint. “Now get your ass out of here before people see you with the School Shooter.”

So you ran back to class. What did you get yourself into?

During lunch, you got your first text.

From Connor: Y/N this better be your fucking number

You rolled your eyes and went outside to eat, as always. You sat against a tree away from everyone else and took out your lunch.

To Connor: It is. Chill.

From Connor: where the fuck are you

To Connor: Outside eating lunch. Why does it matter?

You put your phone away and start eating your sandwich. Just as you were about to take your first bite, someone sat down next to you. So much for away from everyone else. You sigh and look next to you, surprised to see the enigma himself. “What are you doing here?”

Connor shrugged. “Figured if you’re my slave, I should at least fucking try to get to know you,” he said, taking his bag off his shoulder.

You nodded and ate silently. But Connor just sat against the tree, staring off into the distance.

“Don’t you have a lunch?” you asked, slightly concerned by how calm he was.

Connor shook his head. “Nope.”

“Do you want some of mine?”

His head whipped towards you. “What?”

“Do you want some of my lunch?” you repeat, holding out your apple towards him.

“Why the fuck would you share your shitty lunch with me?”

You shrug. “Why not?” Connor stared at the apple for a few seconds before grabbing it cautiously. “It’s just an apple, Connor. It’s not gonna bite.”

Connor rolled his eyes and mumbled incoherently before taking a bite of the apple. When he was finished, he threw the core as far as he could into the grassy field ahead of them.

“Connor, what the hell? Why didn’t you just throw it out?” you question, packing up the rest of your lunch.

“It’s an apple. It’ll decompose. Just give it some time,” he said, standing up and putting his bag back on. “Plus, that’s where the shitty soccer team practices so hopefully they’ll slip on it,” Connor mumbled before walking back into the school.

Even though the bell rang, indicating lunch was over, you kept rooted in your spot.

What kind of fucking enigma was Connor Murphy?

It was a few months since that day and that enigma still called you his slave. You did multiple things for him, including doing his homework, buying him more nail polish, and once you even had to pick up some weed from his dealer for him.

From Connor: tomorrow get me some coffee

“Ugh!” you cry out, flopping onto your stomach on your bed. It was currently 11:47 at night, just when you were about to fall asleep, when Connor Murphy gave you another job as his slave.

To Connor: Fine. What kind?

From Connor: dark roast with two creams

To Connor: Really? You don’t want any of the fancy stuff? I think the Pumpkin Spice Latte is back in season.

From Connor: im not drinking that shit

To Connor: Alright. Dark Roast it is.

You turned off your phone and rolled onto your back. You closed your eyes, ready to go to sleep.

From Connor: ill give you money at school tomorrow

“That asshat!” you yelled into your pillow before replying.

To Connor: Okay.

From Connor: okay

To Connor: Don’t start with that Fault In Our Stars shit. I beg of you.

From Connor: damn i didnt mean it like that fuck

You smiled a little bit.

To Connor: You okay, Connor? It seems like you’re just trying to make conversation.

From Connor: im fucking perfect

To Connor: You don’t seem fine. Send me your address. I’m gonna pick you up. We’re going to IHOP.

You got dressed in some jeans and an old T-Shirt and headed downstairs where your mom was still watching TV. “Hey, Mom? One of my…friends isn’t feeling well so I’m gonna take him out to IHOP,” you said.

Your mom muted the TV and looked up at you. “At midnight? On a school night? I don’t think so, Y/N.”

You bit your lip. “Mom…he’s attempted suicide before.” The memory of the assembly from years ago flashed through your mind. The first time Connor tried to kill himself. You didn’t know him then (if you even knew him now) but you did learn a bit about it and what signs to watch out for.

Her eyes widened. “Oh…yes…yes that’s fine. Just keep me updated, okay?”

You nodded and kissed her cheek. “Thanks!” You grabbed your keys, pulling out your phone when Connor texted you his address.

You sat down across from the enigma at the booth. There were a handful of other people in the restaurant, but you and Connor asked to be sat away from them. So they gave you a back corner booth.

After ordering your food, you decided to start the conversation. “So…you’re getting waffles?”

Great conversation starter.

Connor nodded, pulling his hair back into a messy bun. “Yeah. Waffles are pretty fucking good.”

You shrug. “I prefer pancakes, myself.”

Connor smirked. “What’s the difference?”

“Nothing except that pancakes are the best.”

“What proof do you have?”

“I have the proof of everyone here!”

Connor let out a laugh. Whoa. “Oh yeah? How do you know if they prefer shitty pancakes over the almighty waffles?”

You smiled brightly. “I’ll just ask them!” You grabbed a napkin and pulled a pen out of your pocket (magic!). You quickly made a T-Chart on the napkin and walked around, asking everyone there if they preferred pancakes or waffles. Connor laughed as he watched you walk around all the half asleep patrons, trying to pry an answer out of them.

You walked back to the table and showed Connor your results. “So we’ve got five for pancakes, five for waffles, and two that are allergic to eggs.”

Connor smiled, whoa part two, and crossed his arms. “So you still don’t have any proof?”

You shook your head. “I guess not.” Your food then came out. The waitress set the plates down and started to walk away. “Wait!” you said. “Do you prefer pancakes or waffles?”

The waitress thought for a moment. “I’d say pancakes.”

“YES!” you yelled, pumping your fists in the air. “PANCAKES RULE!”

Connor laughed. “Now you’re gonna get our asses kicked out of here for yelling so fucking loud.”

You laughed and began to eat.

The drive back home was much more enjoyable than the drive to the restaurant. You two couldn’t stop talking. And it wasn’t just awkward conversations, either. It was laughing and debating and truly enjoying each others company.

You pulled into Connors driveway and turned off the car. “Well, I guess we’re here,” you sighed, turning to face him.

Connor nodded and looked at you. “Yeah. Guess we are.” He scratched the back of his neck. “I, uh, thanks…for that, I guess. It…it really helped? I don’t fucking know how you knew I wasn’t feeling well but somehow you fucking did so yeah.”

You don’t know how it happened. Maybe it was from all the sugar you just had. Maybe it was because it was 2:32 in the morning. Maybe it was because you were the only person who saw this side of Connor so you felt like you could do anything. But whatever the reasoning, with a sudden bolt of confidence, you did it. You reached out, grabbed the collar of Connors shirt with your hands, and slammed your lips against his.

Teeth clacked, noses bumped, eyes closed too tight. It was a horrible kiss as kisses go. But it felt so right. At least, you thought it did.

Connor gripped your shoulders and detached his lips from yours. “What the actual fuck, Y/N?”

You blushed deeply and avoided his eyes. “I’m sorry! It-it-it just felt like what I w-w-was supposed to do! I-I won’t d-do it again I pr-“ You were cut off by Connor once again. He kissed you, properly this time.

Sighing contently, you loosened your grip on his collar and reached a hand up to his hair. Carefully, you took out his ponytail holder and let his hair fall around you two. You giggled against his lips as his hair tickled your nose.

Connor smiled and let go of your shoulders. He tangled one hand in your hair and put the other one on your waist. He gently squeezed your waist, causing you to let out a small moan. Connor took this opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth.

You two made out for a few more minutes until you both forced yourselves apart. Your backs slammed against the car seats, both of you panting.

“Whoa,” you mumbled, running your fingers over your swollen lips.

Connor ran a hand through his hair. He licked his lips and took a deep breath. “So…what now?”

You shrug. “I…I don’t know,” you mumbled. “Does this count as Stockholm Syndrome?”

Connor laughed. Like, really laughed. Like, threw his head back and squeezed his eyes shut tight laughed. “I have no fucking clue!”

You laughed along with him. Wow. That just happened. You made out with the enigma of the school.

And boy, oh boy, were you happy about it.

The next day, not even five hours later, you pulled into the Murphy’s driveway. Clutching his coffee, you walked up to the door and rang the doorbell. A few seconds later, Connor appeared, his hair tangled in knots and bags the size of carry-ons. But seeing you, his face lit up just a bit.

“Hey,” Connor said and leaned down to peck your lips.

You smiled and returned the kiss. “Hey. Ready to go?”

Connor nodded. “Yeah. Just let me grab my shit.” He took his coffee before walking into the other room. A few moments later, he returned and grabbed the keys out of your hands. “Let’s go.”

You nodded and followed him to the car. Normally, Connor would drive to school while he’s still in a somewhat decent mood, and you would chill in the passenger seat, not daring to say a word. But today, you took a risk. You grabbed his free hand and intertwined your fingers. From the corner of your eye, you could’ve sworn you saw Connors mouth turn up in a slight smile.

When you got to school, Connor parked in the back of the lot and quickly turned off the car. He faced you and squeezed your hand. “Y/N, I don’t want you as my fucking slave. I want you as my S/O. Okay?”

You smiled brightly. “Okay.”

“Don’t start with that Fault In Our Stars shit.”

You giggled and got out of the car, grabbed his hand, and walked into school with your enigma. Of course, having spent the past few months as his slave, you knew Connor’s class was before yours. “I guess I’ll see you at lunch?”

Connor nodded. “Yeah. See you then.” He leaned down to give you a quick kiss before letting go of your hand and walking into his class. You smiled and began your trek to the other side of the school.

That is, until Jared Kleinman came along.

“So you’re dating the school shooter, huh? Tell me, how’s the freak in bed?” Jared smirked, walking beside you.

You frowned. “He’s not a freak, Jared. Fuck off.”

“See, this is what happens when he threatens you. He’s probably holding your family hostage so you’ll agree to date him, huh Y/N?” Jared nudged you.

“Shut up, Kleinman! Leave me the fuck alone!” You started a quicker pace towards your class.

Jared, of course, didn’t leave you alone. Cause why would he? “You’re not actually saying you like that stoner, are you?”

“Actually, I’m saying I fucking love him, alright? Connor’s changed, Jared. Maybe you could learn something from him,” you spat before stomping into your class. You quickly took your seat and laid your head in your arms.

Soon enough, lunch came. You ran out to the tree and smiled when you say Connor. “Hey!”

Connor turned and smiled at you. “Hey.” He wrapped an arm around you as you two sat down. He pressed a small kiss to your temple. “I guess if we’re dating we should actually go on a fucking date, right?”

You shrugged. “Yeah kinda. We can just go to IHOP again, though,” you said, handing him your apple from your lunch.

Connor nods. “Yeah, but we should do other things too.”

“To be honest,” you say, smiling at him, “if it’s with you, I’d do anything, Connor.”

The long haired boy laughed. “Oh man, this is so Stockholm Syndrome.”

#deh #dear evan hansen #connor #connor murphy #deh x reader #dear evan hansen x reader #connor murphy x reader #connor murphy x male!reader #connor murphy x female!reader #deh x male!reader #deh x female!reader #dear evan hansen x male!reader #dear evan hansen x female!reader #i-also-write

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