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#im literally going to lose my mind and cry. this sucks.

elsfairy · 1 year

Note

OMG OMG ok so like what if sev like was dealing with a really drunk reader and (when you say things when your drunk their sober thoughts) SO LIKE reader is saying all these nice things about Sevika and how much they want her baby’s and get married to her and how drop dead gorgeous she really is while laying in her bed and then at the end reader climbs on top of sev and raps their arms around her neck nuzzling their head into the crook of her neck. And whispers to her “I really mean all of this cause Ik you think I’m only saying it cause I’m sooooooo tipsyyyy *giggle* goodnight sevyyyy” and they like pass out. I wonder how sev would react. I was wondering if you could write this thought I have into like scenarios or a fanfic if not that’s totally fine I completely understand YOUR WRITINGS ARE AMAZING I LOVE THEM 💗💗💗💗 sending lots of loveee to youuu hun!

a/n: I love love love love this pls 😭 i would have done modern!sevika but.... also, sorry this is taking so long to get out, im not okay mentally, and the amount of times I have redone this bc it sucked makes me sick. slightly tweaked some stuff but it's there i swear. Idk how i feel about this i won't lie. ilysm w/c: 1.1k

───── LIQUORED UP

First of all, out of the two, Sevika can handle her alcohol so much better than you. So after a few glasses of whatever you had chosen to drink, you're already giggly and hammered by her side, mumbling out random sentences that make no sense but, you're happy, she can see you're happy and enjoying yourself.

"C'mon Sweetheart, drink some water then we can go home yeah? That's it, gotta take care of my girl"

You're extra clingy whenever you drink, so even though you were drunk out of your mind, you both knew it was going to take a little longer to leave the bar, and go home. she's protective of you anyway, but knowing you're drunk she's more protective, holding you close to her, keeping her hand on your lower back. although if you can barely stand, then she's carrying you in her strong arms. (yummy)

You know when a kid likes to run off because they've seen something that makes them happy? You're like that, all excited and gushy about everything, so she has to make sure to hold onto you just a little tighter, pushing people away just to be able to get you out the bar, and on the right path to your home. she could literally lose you amongst people so she needs to take extra precaution.

"Vika, don't wanna move.."

"Hey, i know, but won't it feel good to get home and be warm? it's not that much further"

I can imagine the slow walk home, she's holding you up and guiding you the whole way. chuckling but smiling at how much you're stumbling, obviously she won't let you fall but she just thinks it's cute :( and the way you're rambling about stuff that still makes no sense? girl got it bad for you.

drunk as hell, giggly as fuck but to her you looked so free and so beautiful. sure your makeup was now ruined because of how much you laughed and the tears staining your now rosy cheeks from crying because you had laughed so much, so hard but she's never seen you be such a free spirit in this world. you were truly the definition of perfection.

it wasn't long until she had taken it upon herself to carry you the rest of the way home like she did every time you got drunk. worried you'd end up falling and severely hurting yourself. it was like having your guardian angel. she truly did protect you, even more in a vulnerable state. "you're so strong, Vika.." You'd mutter, giggling into the skin of her neck, oblivious to the sudden heat rising there.

"yeah? does it impress you, Sweet?"

"mhm, all the time.."

it was a gentlewoman thing she did, she will neve lets you untie or take off your own shoes. that was her job, and always do things for you when you weren't completely 100% there. your drunk brain had you swaying, hand on her broad shoulder, trying to keep yourself up as she carefully slipped them off your sore feet, shoving them by the door. so gentle and caring towards you. "so kind to me, what would i do without you, Sev?"

"sleep without me pestering you for a kiss before i go to work every morning is a start. Go and get these clothes off, I'll bring you some water and something to eat, sober you up a little alright?"

the room was cold, too cold for your liking but that was your own fault for leaving the window wide open, knowing Sevika would complain about the chill, still though without a doubt would cuddle you to warm you up. she was so loving towards you, even if you did have days where you were a brat, endlessly annoying the shit out of her. she never shouted at you, or complained, she just loved you and took care of you.

"Hey, got your snacks and water. lemme take your makeup first then you can eat this, and sleep, okay?"

Another thing she did, won't even let you take your own makeup because she simply enjoyed doing that for you. you were also drunk as fuck so you would miss every patch. you watched in awe, watched the way she was quick to rush into the bathroom, coming back seconds later with a damp cloth. "Vika, can i tell you something..?"

She found it amusing you spoke like you were trying to tell her some sort of secret, but shook her head amused anyway. "give me a minute Sweetness, gotta get this off your face. you'll wakeup and cry if i don't"

the movement of the cloth against your face was slow, gentle even. she never rushed this part, she adored the way you looked at her with soft wide eyes, a small pout and overly entranced with her. loved to stroke your face, admiring you. booping your nose, adored the giggle she gained from her action. "You're so beautiful Vika.." you sigh, poking her cheek.

"Me? you should see you, angel"

alcohol made you more tired than usual, so it wasn't a surprise to Sevika when you crawled onto her body, snuggling your face into her neck, that deep blush returning on your face when she pulls you more into her chest. "Vika can i tell you now?"

"Right, of course Sweet"

"Just really want you to know that i think you are so beautiful.. i don't know why you don't accept my compliments or whatever.. but i hope you know that I'm telling the truth.. I'd never lie to you.. you're so pretty.. so pretty i want to cry when someone else looks at you, but i can't blame them.. you're the prettiest of all pretty things.. you wanna know something else? wanna marry you Vika, you make me feel so safe and loved.. you're so kind and gentle with me.. i wanna wake up to know you're my wife.. wanna have children with you.. grow up so they can be strong like you are.. kind like you are.. really want a family with you Vika.. love you so much.."

the abrupt end to your giggle told her your ass somehow quickly fell asleep, head snuggled right in the crook of her neck, your breath fanning her now hot skin. she didn't ignore your compliments, she loved them but she kept it hidden because she's never been told how beautiful she is. until she met you.

her heart was beating way too fast, the heat on her face was oblivious to you in your deep slumber but she felt warm. your words warmed her heart. you have had this feeling and thought for a while? to marry her? you wanted to start a family with her? have children together? the hand on your back halted, and lips grazed your forehead.

"I'd marry and have a family with you in a heartbeat, Sweetheart"

#anon #sevika #arcane sevika #sevika imagine #sevika x reader #sevika x you #sevika arcane #sevika drabble #sevika fanfic

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wasyago · 8 months

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hello hello! if u ever do decide to get more into prime defenders, the first seven episodes are a little iffy but i can attest to it getting better (WAY WAY better) after that, and apparently season 2 is even better. so it might be worth getting into at some point if ur interested ^^

also would HIGHLY recommend blood in the bayou if u like horror because. my god it’s my favorite campaign BY A LOT which is saying something cuz i love all the campaigns i’ve listened to so much, but blood in the bayou hits different. it’s run by charlie, very horror based with a really cool premise that charlie executed fantastically, and it’s only got four episodes ^^

either way i’ve finally caught up w riptide and can finally go through your art for it and oh boy it’s literally so so so cool i’m losing my mind, i love how you draw la alma he is so friend shaped

i hope you’re having a great day, and be sure to Just Roll With It! (<- very funny yet incredibly subtle reference. i’m so tired)

hehehhehe i love the reference >:)c always hear it in grizzly's voice in my head ("and just roll with it baybee!!") and also waaa thank you, i love drawing la alma <3 kitty <3 need to draw more of him, but also there's so many cool npc's that i also want to draw aughh not enough hours in a day smh i need twice as much, maybe thrice.....

about other campaigns!

i think someone said in the tags (or replies, don't remember) under my post that first 7 episodes of pd were kinda eh, and it did feel like the first episodes were less serious and less engaging. like, literally my favorite characters after watching them are tide and wavelength, which is like???? one of them barely talked even. but i do believe that it gets better, i saw some of the art and it looks amazing and super interesting!

blood in the bayou. im so absolutely INSANE about. charlie as a dm is SO fucking good im kicking screaming and crying im not normal. everything from the voices he does to the way he explains things and creates atmosphere to the way he treats players and characters augghhbhhbbbbb words cannot explain how much i love it. i LOVE blood in the bayou, its literally perfect in every aspect. the setting, the game, the art (dont get me started on the art), augh augh augh augh--

both of them (and apotheosis!!!) are on patreon tho, which i sadly don't have access to, no matter how bad i want to watch them or to know what happens next. don't want to get into politics much, but. its not that i don't have 10 dollars or however much the lowest tear is, patreon just doesn't work where i live. same as spotify, paypal, steam, and all the other payed services. vpn works for twitter, instagram, ao3, tiktok, but everything that includes banks and dealing with money and paperwork doesn't get fixed by just changing connection unfortunately. it has its benefits, i don't get ads on youtube or twitch, but everything else sucks. and atm the only real way to deal with it is move to another country... (which sounds pretty good, ngl)

#yagotalk #also fun fact. had to watch bitb with a vpn. it literally got censored for how good it was-- or for the amount of drugs mentioned... whoops

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shadyhouse · 9 months

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i have to go off of hrt for the first time in three years because i ran out of syringes and i dont have insurance anymore so im going to have to order bulk online but its going to cost $100+ for everything i need. which i dont have because i live paycheck to paycheck. i literally got paid TODAY and it was one of the biggest paychecks ive seen since ive started this job and it immediately had to go to bills.

i cant switch jobs either because i dont have transportation and it's my best option for keeping myself afloat. i cant ask for a raise because it's a retail big box store. like they might give me 10 extra cents to pity me if i don't start a fight about it but it'll never get better than that. every time i look on indeed or whatever it's all stuff thats a 20+ minute drive completely off the bus route like ????

im extremely unmedicated too (not including the hrt lol) so that just makes everything harder to the extreme. im ready to give up. like what else is there for me. there's nothing left. im at the point where i keep thinking i mind as well just move back in with my dad and rot in my old bedroom because im losing faith in myself that i'll be able to get out of this hole. the absolute last thing i ever want to do btw. but if things keep getting worse i dont know if i'll have a choice. and im really really really dreading that outcome. i need to fix my life asap but the system is making it INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT to even plan it out.

if anyone knows how to build a budget id really appreciate some help because i have dyscalculia and it sucks to be talked down to about my inability to comprehend numbers, but im really not THAT bad with my finances its just that i made some bad decisions when i had a higher paying job and i'm having trouble pulling myself out of the hole. i can follow a budget if i have one set but i've been really struggling with making it myself. idk. im mad at myself okay im just really upset and i want to fix my life.

this turned into a rambling rant but im in a really bad mood rn and i needed to just. unload. its either this or ugly cry for an hour

#its just venting im like one bad day away from having a full breakdown and even then its not like thatll help or fix anything #i just dont know what to do anymore dude there's nothing left. what do i even do now. nothing matters #im also looking for someone to help me build a budget because i have dyscalculia and its a struggle for me to actually MAKE the budget #but im more than capable of following it once i have it set up. if i think of my finances like im in a video game its a lot easier for me

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thecoddaughter · 9 months

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QSMP Characters as O My Heart by Mother Mother

Im back with another album breakdown. I really love this album and hope y’all enjoy the comparisons.

*disclaimer: I wrote this like a week ago and I don’t watch all these povs

O My Heart: Maximus

He has mentioned recently how he feels like he has lost everything and this song seems to me like a song about a heart that can never heal

Burning Pile: Foolish

“All my troubles on a burning pile, all lit up and I start to smile. If I catch fire then I’ll change my aim,” is very “The only problem going this route right now is that it could end up being a lonely road, and I'll just simply have too hold all the pain of it deep within me. But that's okay. Cause eventually it'll all pay off... I just have to be very.. very.. patient. Like we've always been,” coded.

Body of Years: Cellbit

I know next to nothing about Cellbit’s past and implied lore but the things I do know make me think of this song. A man of many horrors.

Try to Change: Quackity

At least at one point, he would say he has changed, but he is relatively consistently heartless toward the eggs, trying to get an egg as his own, pulling a stunt of some sort…

Wisdom: Slime

Vibes… also the line “And I feel useless. Don’t think I know how to do this. Once I was told but I like to fidget and miss out on good advice.”

Body: Leonarda

I feel like little explanation is needed outside of this quote “I want to become a robot so that I will never die and can always take care of my parents.”

Ghosting: Jaiden

This song feels like her relationship with Roier after the loss of Bobby. Come on, “This is why I have decided to leave your house and home unhaunted. You don’t need poltergeists for sidekicks.” She loved him (platonically) but felt like a burden and the only reason she stayed as long as she did was their child.

Hayloft: Roier and Leonarda

Am I saying this because this song is literally just “My daddy’s got a gun” repeated and Foolish loves his gun? Literally, none of the rest of the song is relevant.

Wrecking Ball: Slime (again)

Slime in his murder arc was very wreckless, poor thing. Pay attention to lines such as “You gotta wanna break the hearts of all those pretty porcelain dolls” (eggs) and “I make a fist and not a plan.” But also the ending being sweet and soft feels like JuanaFlippa resting a hand on his shoulder or something.

Arms Tonite: Tilin / JuanaFlippa

SWEEPING EDGE BUG KIDDOS! Aka this song songs like the eggs haunting Slime and Mariana. Especially with Flippa and the line “tried to escape the afterlife” cause miss girl got a second chance and died at the hand of the same person. (Added after reading liveblogs! SLIME BEING HAUNTED BY FLIPPA AGAIN EXCEPT ITS CODE AND IM GOING TO CRY THIS SONG IS SO THEM CODED!)

Miles: Vegetta

IDK guys… His house is the only one you really have to cross a desert to get to. Plus he has his family with Foolish now is pretty calmed down since the beginning of the season ‘drama’.

Sleep Awake: The Order

Baghera (aka miss extremely careful with evidence): “I throw the evidence into a trunk and drop it in the sea”

Roier (I feel like he has paranoid Cell is gonna be taken away): “I sleep with one eye on the bedroom door, the other on the cake”

Maxo (Sir is terrified of losing anyone else): “Carving away our fingerprints out of our fingertips until they're smooth”

Cellbit (enigma = royal flush in my mind, the next big break): “I sleep with one eye on my royal flush, the other on the take”

Foolish (aka mr gun): “I sleep with one hand on my 45, the other 'round my baby's waist”

Bad (Grim Reaper himself can’t let himself get sucked up into the darkness now, can he?): “I go to bed with all my lights turned on, so I don't slip away”

Forever (idk it was the last line and bro goes on solo missions it seems): “Out on the street, I keep a started car who only waits for me conveniently.”

#qsmp #QSMP as songs #qsmpblr #I can’t tag all these folk I’m too freaking tired

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just-rogi · 9 months

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I just had a follow up with my dr after my blood work came back and she told me I need to get down to 135-140 lbs. 130 ideally. My BP is phenomenal my lipids and cholesterol too but I should cut out everything that isn’t water, and eat smaller portions and run more- god I get a drinkie once in a while as a treat but now I’m losing that too. Man I want to scream… its literally not fair bc everyone else can eat whatever they fucking want and be skinny, I’m literally 100% vegan eating exclusively rice lentils beans and LOTS of green vegetables. Like that’s fuckjng it Im not a French fry and Oreo vegan (tho that’s fine too it’s just not my regular diet). I eat intuitively and that means I usually never finish my meal or clean my plate so I don’t over eat. My ‘special girl treat’ is fucking fresh fruit. I TREAT myself by buying like cherries… I don’t drink soda (if I do it’s a v rare Diet Coke), I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t drink juice, I drink unsweetened iced green tea and honey or coconut water… I don’t even eat three meals a fucking day- I get like one or two bc I don’t get hungry until 4:00pm!! I don’t even eat desert super regularly because there just isn’t a lot of vegan options that taste good!!! I don’t own a car so I literally have to walk everywhere and would walk to work every day- rain or shine- 30 minutes there and back!! It’s not fucking fair. I’m tired. I’m angry. What the FUCK man I don’t know what to do! My dr doubled down during my follow up that I NEED to lose weight but I don’t know what more I can do!! Why do I have to eat less of my already super limited diet but my roommate can come home from work eat three hotdogs and Mac and cheese and wine and be healthy!! It feels like I’m fighting a fucking uphill battle constantly!! Like fuckjng hell!! I don’t know what to fucking do??? Like I literally don’t know what more I can cut out! It’s just not fucking fair I’m doing everything right! I’m also literally a size small in all my clothes!! I don’t know where I’d even lose 25 lbs from!! It’s just such fucking bullshit that I can be so goddamn on top of my fucking health and go to the doctor and get told I’m obese but other 21 year olds are eating pizza and drinking and are fine fuck me this sucks everything Sucks and I can’t even cry in my room with a tub of icecream about it bc I’m a fuckjng vegan!!! FUCK!! Like I’m NOT going back to counting calories I cannot do that again I won’t let myself- I’m mentally healthy FINALLY not throwing that away- but I literally don’t fucking Know how much less I can eat!! I hate it! I hate it so much!!! Why can’t I be mentally healthy and physically healthy at the same time! Why the duck is it that the second I recover from years of unhealthy restriction I’m told to lose weight!! Why can’t I do anything in moderation Jesus fuck it’s not fuckjng fair!!! Man!! Weight doesn’t matter and it’s not an indication of morality but I’ve fought SO hard to be healthy and eat a balanced diet WHY CANT I WIN ONE FUCKJNG THING!! Why do I have to be either obese or literally starving myself god fuck I was DONE with goal weights and calorie counting but for the second appointment in a row I was told I’m obese now and NEED to lose weight and will have a follow up in three months. There’s just no winning. I just want to eat my stupid rice and vegetables and beans and drink my stupid green tea and water and mind my business and be 130 lbs but that’s too fucking much to ask for I fuckjng guess FUCK great fuckjng time to start the fucking 1989 era again Jesus Christ man I’m just so frustrated especially when I see my roomates laughing and having fun big meals- one of my male roomates eats bacon Mac and cheese or half a meat pizza and that’s dinner and he’s fine! And I try so hard not to be jealous of people who can put anything in their bodies and be the bmi their doctor told them to be but GOD it’s SO hard to NOT feel shame and frustration after my appointments when I’m told point blank that I’m obese and need to drop 25 lbs I’m just fucking tired man

#tw food #tw weight #tw weight mention #tw weighloss

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red-dyed-sarumane · 1 year

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u know what im giving everyone homework. u have to perceive my blorbos from my songs now. no none of these have any other info outside of their respective songs. (some of them have other art tho!! sena yuta drew the unplanned apoptosis chara & kugutsu ashura chara a second time for example)

youtube

this is. in my opinion. the best song ever. i love screaming for 6 minutes straight & i love that the story telling is built into the instrumental as well as just. everythingn else god i love kyuuyaku hankagai so much

youtube

this is my wife my fave chara ever. (rn). this song is so dynamic and pretty it gives me so many emotions

youtube

this song HATES translators. u cant be super direct with it or it makes no sense bc its just words. the ending takes me out every single time tho i cannot overstate how much the end lyrics mean to me

youtube

she is soooooo funny to me. shes the only chara with teal eyelashes and she acts so petty(?) immature. i love her. song sounds like chaos. as it should.

youtube

okay this ones not aru sekai but its my layout rn. this one also sucks for translators bc its like 95% word play. the text in the bg is a silly little halloween theme story that is arguably less scary than the aru sekai series songs

youtube

welcome to the first song they uploaded. its 11 minutes long and it absolutely cannot be any shorter for thematic reasons. it holds so much info on the series while also somehow being completely incomprehensible without other songs for context. none of us have any idea what the greek(?) letters/phrases mean beyond i can hear that toroid & function is in there if u have any clue i am literally begging u to tell me. this is long but its like the easiest song in the world to listen to i promise they have amazing composition in it it works

youtube

this song gave me a crisis for like a solid month its so GOOD but the concept of having everything that makes u who u are torn away from u by force is downright devastating of a concept. somehow i think this is the most direct song in the series so far

youtube

me with my shuuenpro brain like haha what if they make the shuu song "shuuen" and then losing my mind when it actually happened. the distance in this song is absurd. i lost the link but hiiragima posted a vid about a super long journey like this outside of this series it still blows my mind

youtube

ill leave u with canon bc i always pretend its not one of my fave songs & then it makes me feel like crying. the "'no one's going to become a sacrifice' i clung to such ideals" gets to me okay

#magu-san goto #aru sekai series #everyone knows marshall maximizer i dont need to post it #its NOT overrated its the song ever it deserves everything #i like other vocaP too like dopamines songs are amazing too. kaiko no kanmuri my beloved #but there u go theres aru sekai series (+rasshaina -maximzier)#Youtube

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trappedbeautyunleashed · 1 year

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I have this strange feeling that I'm not myself anymore and I’m scared I’ll never find her… I’ve been in such a bad mental space that I can’t even explain it, it’s so exhausting just to wake up and go through the days motions but I'm used to it, and how bad it is, and how often it's so bad that it rings like a bell inside of me, drowning out everything around me. The truth is that I get frustrated with myself about it again and again but i can’t fix it ….I take meds but I’m still like this still? Again? It's not that I feel weak, precisely. It's just this sense almost like - I've already been pushing against this Demon for years now, shouldn't I have gained more ground? I get frustrated because I'm sick of picking up the loose ends and I get frustrated because it's always this same shit, same problem - I lose myself in a matter of months and spiral out of control, lose touch with friends and loved ones. I stop taking care of myself and therapy gets harder to the point I want to avoid it and I let everything around me wilt and shrivel and fall off.somehow I start both sleeping too much and not enough. I get panic-attacks just from simple tasks …just the other day I was having one and literally bawling in my car in the parking lot of DG pulling my hair out and hurting my ribs from sobbing so hard - and later, when I'm better, I'm embarrassed because how could I let it get that far?!?It feels like I already have done this so many times. Isn't there a way out of it? Isn't there a point where I've just... finally won? that it never happens again, that I just get to be done? maybe this is weakness that I often feel but comes to a point where I am used to it so I forget exactly how hard it gets. Do you even know how many times I’ve laid in bed, exhausted, blank and numb and try to drown out the thoughts with music as I lay there crying out to God- I can't anymore. I just can't. Im not even really upset just broken and lost…”It's okay” I hear but in that moment all I feel is that I’ve been here long enough. so much of my life was beautiful until the darkness took over .... I'm just... done. Do you know how many times I wake up and I say -I can't and put my feet on the floor and said I can't, I don't want to and literally forced myself to get up and take a shower, feed and dress my kid but it’s just to much work to make my own so I just don’t won’t eat that day. I put a nice playlist on and try to dance it out but I really can't and it sucks because then the thoughts start suffocating me there is no end to this and I go to my appointment and I called a friend just to get no answer,I made myself coffee even if everything tasted like ashes and decided that I really should wait for the new album from that artist I love and i thought I can't, it's not worth it and then I washed my hands and dye my hair,drank more water and wrote some gibberish,signed up for some fancy Mom group that I’ll never really attend because by the time it comes around my mind and body say I just can't, i try to fight back like I’m at war…I can't, I won't do this again, and I paid my rent but haven’t vacuumed or sweapt all week but still made myself eat something fresh and healthy even if it meant overdrawing my account on a stupid bag of carrots just because they looked delicious and do you know how often I closed my eyes and thought this is it I really fucking can't anymore seriously something has to give and I have nothing left that this “illness” can take but then I force my eyes closed till I finally drift to sleep and morning comes and I wake up and realize I survived another day anyway.

#keepgoing #mystoryisntoveryet #mentalhealthisreal #dontsufferinsilence

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bigpeepee · 2 years

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Vampire Eddie Munson taking you to underground concerts at night. Vampire Eddie Munson chewing on your wrist/neck absentmindedly . Vampire Eddie Munson but actually from the 80s but looks the same now cuz he is a vampire. He is very excited about it the 80s revival esp DnD . Vampire Eddie Munson having stories about 80s musicians and pointing out inaccuracies in popular media set in the 80s. His clothes are falling apart because they are from the 80s but they are his favorite clothes. Vampire Eddie Munson keeps poking a hole in your toothbrushes because he uses them on his fangs. Vampire Eddie Munson taking you to 80s rock concerts and it's you, him, and a bunch of 50yos. Vampire Eddie Munson having to sit in your room all day even if you have to go out cuz he stayed over and overslept past sunrise. Vampire Eddie Munson being needy about sucking your blood.

literally what's the point in me having blood in my body if not for vampire eddie munson to suck me dry !!!! also im gonna buy him a new toothbrush every day idc i would do anything for him !!!!! im literally losing my mind crying tearing out my hair clawing at my face i love him so so so so much

#freak (affectionate)

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the-gayest-tree-you-ever-did-see · 2 years

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god, you know that feeling when you meet someone you haven’t seen in ages and you’re freaking out bc you want to tell them everything, but your brain goes completely blank- that’s literally me everytime i send you an ask!! brain overload, too much i want to tell you!!

firstly, your response made me cry so how dare you be so kind and thoughtful and sweet?? it’s literally so unfair that i can’t give you a giant hug. honestly, i fully believe that we are parallel people and that the sheer queer energy of us meeting would tear a hole in space and time and shit. that being said, the universe could stand to fall apart every now and then if it meant i get to hug you.

noooo, i used to dance to bangaru kodi petta in front of my family as a kid and you just unlocked a core cringe memory. why…. did i have no shame?? i agree there is something so wrong and so right about that song. what does it even mean? why does it exist? no one knows~~

also i just started an internship too?! (this furthers my suspicions that the multiverse is real..) but my boss didn’t show up for my first day and no one knew what to do with me so i just sat in a couch for six hours. i wish this was a lie. needless to say, i had a pretty shitty day lmao. how’s your internship been?

i’ve got weird thoughts about graduating high school. i just want to be a kid again and make mud pies and fairy grass food again (yes, i was one of those kids who played fairies lmao)

i haven’t watched ms. marvel, but i will soon- v excited to see some good south asian rep! god my memory of ninjago is so blurry, but i remember being obsessed with it and having a crush on one of them. i can’t remember which, but they’re all kinda cute in a plastic toy sort of way.

also i made you pani puri, bc i make the best pani puri and thats a fact, so here *insert pani puri emoji*

mWah! mWah! mWah!

- indi <3

(please indi is fine, Mrs.Indiphannon was my mother)

omg thats exactly it!!!!!!!! its like i go through the week waiting for sunday or something so i can call you up and give you the highlights of my week like you would not BELIEVE what alex said on tuesday to darion it was INSANE and twirling a phone cord >>>>

oh 🥺🥺 i think the universe might have to just take it if we met, i think it'd be worth it to destroy it for a little while. i want to hug you so badly<333333333333333333 one day im tearing down your door just you wait

stopppp, the mental image is making me LOSE my mind kdshfksjdfh, i used to dance to kevvu keka all the time for NO fucking reason. i was twerking before it became popular/cringe i was into it and i was never going to die. kevvu keka is still a great song but i cant listen to it without the Memories anymore. bangaru kodi petta is so???? like lyrically and musically it makes sense but when you listen to it it just? confuses you? its a song beyond comprehension

omg we are. The same people. hello god? i have a query? nooooo, im so sorry about that, that literally sucks, why did he not show up??? my friend you are the boss. i hope next time goes better!! did you get to do anything on your own or did they just make you sit with empty hands? either way that sucks shit :/ my internship has been good! we had an excursion to a stadium to learn about the tech used there and we got the vip tour so we got to see the team locker rooms and everything it was super cool! plus i got a lot closer with the other interns so we're a lot more comfortable now, and we took the marta there bc it was far away so it was just a bunch of us with company shirts on crowding the back of the bus and laughing at literally nothing. on the downside, we have a project we have to do for it and my team is Actually shit, they wont do anything unless i detail how and when and why they need to do it, plus one kid is a sophomore in college but hes literally the worst bc he has done Nothing so far. grrrr

omg i played fairies too!! from first grade to third grade i had everyone convinced that i was a fairy for real and pretended i had to go visit fairyland and i had a sister there (other than my real life sister) and everything and i would put my head on the seat in front of me on the bus with my friends and hide my face and say i was sending my soul to fairyland i was. hot ig idc, but then something Happened in third grade (trauma event LOL) (its actually kind of funny now but its a loooong story so) and then everyone in the grade hated me including people ive literally never met before?? so i kind of dropped it. SAD wish i could be a fairy forever. well at least i am gay. on the bright side, you can still make mud pies and fairy grass food as an adult!! you can also make REAL pies and REAL fairy grass food omg!!!! whats more magical than macerated blueberries in puff pastries?? i will make fairy food with you i promise

omg im excited on your behalf, its so good!! one of the title cards at one point is in telugu and when i say i screamed? i SCREAMED. ME i used to have a crush on each one at various points 😔 baby tree, they are legos. <///3 all of them are so worthy of crushing on though, maybe they should try not being good people. stfu and steal candy GODS. i do remember i had a crush for the longest time on jay, but that was very very closely followed by. ok dont make fun of me but. by pythor 😭 i guess i was into him in a bad boy sort of way we're never talking about this again

you DO make the best pani puri !!!!!!!!! this is so good thank you indi youre amazing *nom nom nom*

mwaH! mwaH! mwaH! mwaH! 🥰

(so Mrs. Indiphannon is who i have to get permission from to marry you? whats her number rq)

#ily indi #indiphannon #< until we get used to the new tag :]#asks #the tree speaks

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yancoreboy · 7 months

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god i was so scared last night like it's seriously embarrassing. i joined call at 7:50 and was waiting so excited to talk to him and then there was nothing and i was just waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and he didn't go online and didn't text me back and i was so scared i couldn't stop crying and losing my mind and then i was like ok let's act like this is no big deal now that he's back after i waited like 3 hours in call. oh my god i don't even think he would have been upset at me if i had said it upset me, cuz like it's not even really his fault? i mean im not mad at him for it it was just really frightening and not being able to get ahold of him is really a lot for my codependent dog idiot brain to comprehend. and the idea of him coming home from such a long day to me bitching was so humiliating i didn't wanna do it because i love him and i didn't wanna add to a bad day and i wanted to support him but then i got so fixated on that one comment about me saying im sorry that i literally couldn't stop thinking about it all night and had another panic attack about it this morning. there's something fucked with my head like seriously. how am i supposed to reconcile with it? like how do i fix it? because im starting to think im just an objectively bad person/bad partner. i feel like i lack the skills to make him ever feel better, and all my attempts fall flat because i suck and im just too stupid. like i think that's seriously the problem. genuinely im just not smart especially not emotionally or socially and congrats to me for managing to dupe him into thinking i was long enough to get this far but i feel like there's no way he's not gonna get sick of me soon. but im so excited to see him, i want to see him so bad, and thinking about all this while i literally should be packing is SO. DUMB. of me but i just can't calm down and im so worked up and low on energy and weak and sick and stupid. so yeah

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keefwho · 2 years

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September 05 - 2022

11:32 AM

I had a dream that I had a total mental breakdown because my mom had removed everything from my freezer for a few hours before remembering to put it back. I was crying, and hitting things, and neither of my parents were being supportive or helpful in the slightest. I’m not one to think dreams mean anything special beyond simulating your own feelings. This dream reminded me that I don’t think my parents are supportive in an understanding kind of way. They support me and might even try to understand whats going on, but they really have that “just get over it” boomer mindset. When it’s all said and done, the only thing they have to offer me are counterproductive solutions rather than the kind of help I actually need, and they insist they are right.

2:38 PM

I just started re-reading the first pivot chapter in the book and already have some direction again. It’s all about defusing from automatic thoughts which I thought I understood before, but a second pass of anything always gives more insight. I get that our mind, when unoccupied, spits out thought after thought and attempts to problem solve anything that comes up for the sake of having coherence, which is a basic human desire. The problem is that it is usually not logical. The “problems” aren’t really problems or are not relevant at this moment so it actually becomes a detriment to think about them. The goal with managing these thoughts is to give more attention to the ones that are actually helpful to us. We can’t make all the unhelpful thoughts go away, but we can encourage more helpful ones. It’s like enforcing paths we know are better for us to take. I’m going to do an exercise where I’m meant to track my thoughts for 1 minute uninterrupted. I’ll try to focus on how I’m feeling about myself in general and my progress through all of this.

Im currently excited about my progress, but obviously I’m still nervous. I worry I’ll fail, whatever that even means. I don’t know how to fail at life unless you actually die. Losing everything I have would suck but it’s still not game over. But that can’t happen. Most likely. I’m most afraid of losing my friends. I fear that I won’t be able to be good enough for them, or maybe we’ll drift apart naturally. I miss having friends that stuck around. I think I only have 1 who I’ve known since I was young. Maybe thats normal. It just seems like people only stick around for a couple years max before going away. Then Its time to find new friends. Maybe it’s a me problem. Maybe I change too much, or don’t know what it means to be a real friend.

I actually went for 2 minutes since 1 seemed too short. Now I’m going to do it again but pretend that my job is to determine whether or not each thought is actually true or appropriate.

I always go on about losing people or things, but in reality its probably not realistic. These are my deepest fears talking. I also give too much credence to the negative aspects of myself. From an outsiders point of view, I’m probably not that bad. I feel bad because I know my deepest darkest thoughts, but everyone has bad thoughts. The thing is we don’t act on them and that's what matters. Realistically I’m a decent person when I try to be, which is often (I hope.) I also just realized I went on a pretty big tangent, I was talking about myself before and now it’s all about fear. Back to the main point for just a moment, personal progress is inevitable. Just like with drawing, if I keep putting time in and learning from outside information, I WILL get better. Literally.

Now I’m going to do it one more time, but pretend my thoughts are like arguing children. So repetitive and illogical I suppose.

I know I’ll get better over time. But I won’t. I’ve always been the same and always will be. People don’t change that much and neither will I. But people DO change. Sometimes people have such dramatic changes over short periods of time that they’re like different people. I’m way different than who I was years ago, and years before that. But in general people stay within a certain range of what is considered “them.” And you can lose everything if you’re not careful. Realistic I can’t. But the possibility is always there. Maybe I want to fail and I’m pushing myself in that direction subconsciously. But I’m literally aware of that thought and actively working against it. So how could that happen.

I read the rest of the defusion chapter and I have a goal in mind. Practice all 4 starter defusion methods at least once every day for 2 weeks. I’m going to put that on my calendar and do them even if it feels redundant. I think the goal here is to “wake up” to the idea like when trying to draw a new body part and brute forcing it until the anatomy finally ‘clicks.’

5:14 PM

OKAY, Im in panic mode for an embarrassing reason. A fucking banana. Because towards the end of eating one, it had some black spots in the middle and I thought “Oh should be nothing, but I still won’t eat it.” Then I googled it and so many results are about this fungus that can infect bananas and WILL make you sick. So I freaked out. But upon further examination, I’m almost certain it’s not that. It looks more like it was extra ripe around the seeds. I even dissected another banana from the bunch and it had a similar thing going on in a similar part of the banana, except it straight up correlated to a bruise on the skin.

This is how easy it is for me to freak out about something and I’m embarrassed to admit it. I’m still a little worried, but I really fucking shouldn’t be. This mold shit I keep seeing should greatly infect the whole banana, not just a tiny little part. And it’s a reddish hue, mine wasn’t. Mine was just ripe is all. Most bananas I’ve eaten haven’t been perfect. God I’m so dumb.

Either way, I’m going to have a hard time not thinking about it. This would be the perfect time to practice defusing from my fearful thoughts but its HARD to accept that I should. I WANT to worry like it’ll keep me safe, but it wouldn’t do anything even if it was mold I had eaten. (Not that I even ate it, I stopped as soon as I saw dark spots.) ITS. HARD. TO. STOP. THINKING. Why am I so DUMB and BROKEN.

Today is mental exercise day so I’ll do my best. I’ve gathered a bunch of evidence that the banana was safe. I’ll try to avoid thoughts that anything is wrong and focus on something else.

11:04 PM

Currently looking back on myself like I’m a dumbass. It’s so weird to fall into that panic mindset, its like I become and animal. I feel a lot better now, especially since it turns out that even if a banana has full on black center syndrome, it’s not likely to hurt you if you eat it. Some of the things I read earlier were just dogshit article sites making things up. This is also one of those subjects where all the information about it is almost like folklore. I need FACTS, STUDIES, PAPERS. Not someone’s grandpa’s opinion.

Other than that, I got on VRchat to hang out for a little even though I just wanted to sit cozy and play Zelda, I figured it would be a nice little exercise. Now I’m chillin for the night thinking about lots of things. I think I know why maintaining friendships has been so stressful. Before all this, I had a stronger routine that coincided with other people’s schedules, but it’s all changed ever since I started working on myself. It’s not just the schedule but also my attitude and mindset. I’ve been much less social because I truly am focusing on ME now. I take priority currently, before I would sacrifice often for the sake of spending time with others. That makes me worry that I might not be putting in enough time. I feel like I have to deliberately commit to certain people now as opposed to naturally bumping into each other at certain times. I guess it doesn’t help that I feel like I really need a couple good friends to fall back on here and there when things become too much. So keeping them is all the more important. But I feel like I might become a drain if I’m not careful. I don’t want to use people and not give back.

11:57 PM

I wonder how long I’ll take to improve. Will my friend’s patience wear thin? Is it even that big of a deal?

I need to get out more. My biggest social problem right now I think is not having a schedule for it anymore. It used to be the same VRchat time every day so I’d end up seeing the same people. Now I’m kind of all over the place. It would be beneficial to narrow down that specific time again or maybe hang out in a specific discord server at a certain time.

#journal #parents #dream

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kyovtani · 3 years

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𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 – 𝐤𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐢 𝐤𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮 (𝟐)

— pairing: Kyoutani Kentarou x female Reader

— genre: smut, angst, little bit of fluff to keep the balance; tattoo artist!kyoutani, inexperienced!reader, strangers to lovers!AU, SLOW BURN

— word count: 9.6k

— warnings: swearing, mentions of infidelity and violence, as well as the consumption of drugs and alcohol; smut: corruption kink, degradation and dumbification, dacryphilia, praising, spitting, (soft) dom!kyou, oral (m. receiving), fingering, dry humping, unprotected sex (dont do that kids), impreg kink, iwaoi say hi-

— (A/N: and here’s part two! thank you SO much for all the love you sent my way after i published the first part. ngl i was a little nervous bc i thought it was boring and not interesting at all but you guys easily pushed me out of that hole so thank you for everything. i love and appreciate you with my whole heart. all the love, zade xx)

[ part one ]

— summary: after fucking up, you make it your mission to get him back..(im so bad at this pls just- okay.)

"He's not picking up, Hana", you say, another soft cry falling from your lips before you bury your face in your pillow.

“Once in my fucking life a guy treats me good and the way I've always wanted to be treated and I had to fuck it up. Why the fuck am I like this, Hana? Why can I not enjoy one fucking good thing in my fucking mediocre life", the profanities keep coming just like the tears and the amount of frustration and anger rushing through your veins is nowhere near normal anymore.

"Calm down, love", Hana sighs and makes you sit up so she can look into your tear stained face as she tries her best to make sure her words actually find their way to your pain clouded mind, "at this point you shouldn't worry too much because you do know Kyoutani, don't you? He does lose his temper a lot, so give him the time he needs and then you'll show up at his doorstep, suck his cock and make up with him, yeah?", she explains calmly.

"If this hurts you so much, why the fuck did you even say he's just a friend, Y/N? I really don't understand", Hana mumbles and lets out another sigh, her hands caressing yours softly, managing to calm you down a little bit.

“You're right, I should just– give him some time and things will eventually fall into place", you reply after crying a little more and with an encouraging smile your best friend nods at you before she suggests a movie marathon to which you happily agree.

At least something to distract you from all the demons inside your head.

After changing into your pj's and doing your night time routine, you plop down onto the couch next to your bestie again, her eyes focused on the phone in her hand and knowing she's probably either sexting or inviting her new boyfriend has you shrugging at her lack of attention as you start looking for a good movie to begin the night with.

However, just when you're about to read the description of some kind of french rom-com, Hana puts her phone back into her lap and starts staring at you with her pretty eyes widened in shock.

"What's wrong?", you ask and turn to look at her, reaching for her hands but before you even get the chance to touch her, Hana unlocks her phone and holds it up for you to watch someone's instagram story.

The video begins with loud music, a crowd full of young college students whose faces definitely are familiar.

Everyone in the video is dancing, making out, smoking and just chatting in a random living room and every now and then there's someone yelling in the back – a typical college party.

However, just as the video is about to end, the camera shifts to a tall male leaning against the wall, obviously standing really close to the person who's filming and it takes you a full blown thirty seconds to realize who said male is.

Kyoutani Kentarou.

You stare at the phone for another minute, your throat dry and your head empty as a thick veil of tears slowly starts blurring your sight before you finally decide to pay attention to the username.

"He can't be fucking serious", you hiss, fisting the blanket beneath you, the urge to punch something or someone becoming unbearable, "what the fuck is he doing at a random college party with – Sora?"

"Y/N, don't–", "Whose party is that?", you interrupt your best friend, not giving a single fuck about her attempts to calm you down; not anymore. Hana gulps harshly and strictly avoids your gaze as she mumbles a name and you roll your eyes, asking her to speak up with an annoyed sigh.

"It's one of Yuuji’s frat parties", and as soon as your best friend says the name of your ex-boyfriend, a cold shiver of disgust runs down your spine and you can feel yourself getting lightheaded from all the emotions rushing through your overwhelmed body.

"Don't follow me if you're going to stop me from leaving, Hana", you say and stand up before quickly disappearing inside your room.

You have no idea how you manage to get dressed, your outfit consisting of a pair of jeans and a hoodie you can't even remember buying and you don't even wanna think about what your hair and face look like when you end up leaving the house with your keys and your phone.

After driving this route for over two years on an almost daily basis, it takes you less than ten minutes to arrive in front of the huge house your ex-boyfriend lives in.

The memories start finding their way back into your head way too fast, taking away your breath and numbing your whole body because even if you didn’t love Yuuji anymore, the bitter feeling of betrayal still manages to hit you in just the right way.

It takes you a lot of willpower to actually approach the house and eventually get in. And after being in between the crowds of drunk, stinky college students, you remember why you hate college parties so much.

"I – Wow”, a familiar voice manages to break through the loud music, your instant reaction just an annoyed eye roll, “you were the last person I expected to see at one of our frat parties", Yuuji says and comes to stand in front of you.

His blonde hair messily falling into his handsome face and from the way his whole face seems to be covered in the deepest shade of red – including his eyes – you know that he's probably higher than the stars and you can't help but sigh.

"I'm not here to party, Yuuji", you hiss, feeling the anger crawl up your spine again the longer you look at your ex, "my boyfriend is here and I have to talk to him."

"So you and that tattooed guy are actually a thing? Didn't think so since he, you know – showed up with another girl", Terushima mumbles and pulls out a cigarette from his pocket, a mischievous smile on his lips.

"Oh, shut the fuck up, Yuuji", you spit back and roll your eyes, taking in the way the pretty boy arches his brows up in pure shock at your rather new attitude, "go and get high or whatever you do to feel proud of yourself", are the last words you say to him before you walk away, your heart thrumming inside your throat.

Your eyes roam the huge crowd, desperately searching for the only face you wanna look at right now and you try to remember where they were standing in the video Sora had posted only to realize that you can't remember.

After all you only watched the video once, your whole attention laying on Kyoutani. And after almost fifteen minutes, you find yourself slowly giving up.

Maybe this was just not meant to happen or maybe Kyoutani has left already.

He probably left with Sora- something you can’t and won’t ever blame him for.

After all she's literally one of the prettiest and hottest girls you have ever seen – anyone who rejects her would be out of their mind (or not attracted to girls which isn't the case when it comes to Kyoutani).

You give it another ten minutes of desperately looking around before you let out a deep sigh which gets lost in the loudness and thick air of the party before you finally start making your way back to the front door.

You quickly walk back to your car, trying your best to ignore everyone around you, especially all the drunk guys who are currently about to get into a verbal fight over something totally random and the last thing you want to experience those threats becoming reality.

At some point you're scared they might even include you which is probably why you end up literally sprinting and even though you always park so far away from frat houses just because you've heard way too many stories of people getting their cars stolen during parties, but right now you just wished you would have listened to your gut feeling and parked in front of the fraternity like every normal person.

However, to your life long luck, you spot a tall figure standing a little too close to your vehicle just as you’re about to unlock it. You slow down your movements almost instantly upon seeing the stranger, yet your eyes still try to figure out if it's someone you know despite the darkness surrounding the two of you.

He has probably spotted you by now, after all you're still panting like crazy from speed walking down to where your car is and it takes you a full minute to realize how loud you're actually being.

"Y/N", the male suddenly says, his deep voice sending shivers down your spine and even though it could have been everyone, it sounds a tad bit too familiar to your ears which is probably why you end up approaching him slowly.

"It's me, Kyoutani", he adds and at the same moment the words leave his lips, you finally recognize his pretty features which seem extra beautiful underneath the bright moonlight.

And then realization hits you.

"How did you know–", "Hana called me and asked if I could make sure you got home even if I didn't want to talk to you. So, here I am. Get in the car so I can tell her I did my part of the job", he interrupts you quickly, obviously not having the intention to interact with you and the way his usually so tender-filled eyes and calming voice are nothing but ice-cold has a thick veil of tears blurring your sight.

Never ever did you think about the moment, where Kyoutani puts the cold mask on he loved to hide behind when he had first looked at you all those weeks ago.

And the longer he avoids your gaze, the heavier the burden on your chest becomes.

"I'm sorry, Tani", you whisper, your voice breaking at the end, easily giving away how much his cold demeanor has gotten to you.

“Of course you're not just a friend to me and I d-don't know why I introduced you like that, everything happened so quickly and I – panicked. It's not an excuse and does not justify my behavior but I just wanted you to know that you've always been more than just a friend to me", you continue, managing to keep talking upon realizing that Kyoutani won't interrupt you and the way he even listens to you with his eyes looking everywhere but yours is absolutely enough for you.

"What am I to you then, Y/N? Am I the guy you're casually fucking? Your booty call? Am I your second choice? Like what the fuck do you expect me to say? I know we never put a label to – this", he starts pointing at you and then himself, "but you knew I was serious about it, about you. So, I just don't understand why you would even think about considering me a friend. I told you that I am not one for that friends with benefits kinda shit and you agreed yet you did this and now I can't help but be convinced you just used me to get that Yuuji fucker.”

Kyoutani is angry and he doesn't even try to hide it as he spits out those words, the ones he’s probably been dying to say out loud for the past few days and you know he has every right to actually be mad at you, his words still hit you in a way you didn't expect them to.

"I'd never do that to you, Kentarou; I'd never use you like that, please believe me", you say quickly, a little surprised you're even able to form proper sentences.

“You m-mean so much to me and I just don't know how to put it into words. My heart hurt so much when I watched you type your number into Sora's phone but the demons in my head, they just kept talking over my heart and – I'm just really sorry, Kyou, I really am", you sigh and after realizing that he's not going to look at you, you finally manage to shift your gaze away from his pretty face.

"Go home, Y/N. It's been a long day for both of us and I think some more distance will help me get my mind straight", Kyoutani replies after a long, torturous beat of silence lingering in the cold air and even if it wasn’t the reply you had hoped to hear, you're glad he's at least not completely ending it.

"Okay b-but at least let me drive you home?", you ask softly, wiping away the few tears which had managed to escape and when you look up at the beautiful faced male in front of you, his eyes meet you for the first time since what feels like forever and you feel yourself melting away.

"I don't think that's a good idea, pretty girl", Kyoutani sighs, the soft pet name sending your mind into the sweetest haze of comfort just like that, "it's only been a few days but I am craving your touch and I just know I'm going to lose it and fuck you against the next best surface if we get into that car together, so I have to decline this offer", he adds and takes another step back, his lips stretching into a tiny smile and you can’t deny how much his words have you gotten you worked up, but you have no choice but to nod.

"Have a good night, baby", Kyoutani sighs and deep down you're hoping for a kiss, after all it's been way too long since you got to feel close to him but instead, he just lifts his hand up and starts waving at you and just as he is about to turn around, you find yourself reaching for his wrist. The fear and despair inside of you making you a little too brave for your personal liking but you know you can't just let him walk away like that.

"Please, Tani- Kyoutani", you whisper and let out a soft sigh of relief when he turns around to face you again, "I won't try anything, I just want to spend a little bit more time with you."

Kyoutani takes a deep breath, his dark eyes roaming your face and wandering down your body and even though it feels like he's literally devouring you alive, you enjoy his burning gazes regardless, a hidden part inside of you even craving them.

A solid minute passes by before he lets out a sigh and gives you a nod, his plump lips pressed into a thin line.

It takes you another deep breath and a couple of seconds to actually calm yourself down from the rollercoaster of emotions you've been through within the time span of an hour and as you sit there in your car, inhaling the cold air of the night, your mind starts replaying everything that went down, starting from the day you met Kyoutani, to your first and most recent kiss, as well as the encounter with Sora and your deep anger towards Yuuji.

The drive to Kyoutani's apartment passes by in a blur, way too fast for your liking and you can't help but pout when you pull up in front of the huge building, knowing very well that this will be the last interaction with the handsome tattoo artist for the upcoming few days and you can already feel tears pricking at the corners of your eyes.

He's been awfully quiet, not like you actually said anything but Kyoutani's silence was intense, boring into your soul and actually suffocating you to a point where the urge to just jump out of the car became overwhelming.

You know he's probably going through everything just like you, yet the feeling that his thoughts are more on the negative side just won't leave you alone and you hate the way your assumptions are being confirmed as soon as Kyoutani turns to look at you.

"I – love you, Y/N", he suddenly says, his voice soft and calm, yet still deep and the way it's filled with tenderness and the sweetest bit of longing makes the effect of those magical words even heavier.

Your lips part in shock, your head having a difficult time actually processing his confession and you can feel your whole body going into a standby mode.

"But you're not good for me."

You remember the way your heart broke into thousands of pieces when you found out the alleged love of your life was cheating on you without even batting an eye.

The pain was so intense and heavy, you didn't know how to deal with it and at some point you were convinced that your heart had stopped beating for a solid minute. It was bad, left you speechless and threw you into a hole of darkness you barely managed to escape from, yet still leaving you grateful for the experience.

You thought your first heartbreak would be able to prepare you for what's to come in the future, but what you went through as soon as those words had fallen past Kyoutani’s lips, can't be compared to anything you've ever felt before.

Your heart starts clenching as his words keep replaying inside of your head and your throat so is going absolutely dry from your desperate attempts to gasp for air as the feeling of being suffocated comes back.

Everything around you seems to disappear, your eyes still focused on Kyoutani's intense gaze as the feeling of emptiness starts filling up your whole body.

You easily lose track of time, your heart beat so slow and heavy and when the wave of reality crashes you yet again, an almost inaudible sob falls past your lips.

"B-But...", you can't get yourself to speak, the words getting stuck in your throat and soft cries the only thing filling the inside of your car.

And yet, there are so many things you want to tell him, so many things rushing through your mind at the highest speed, almost impossible to grasp them and actually put them into proper sentences.

"You have too much control over me. I lost myself trying to fit into the picture of a lover you need and deserve. But – I am not who I used to be anymore”, Kyoutani explains, nervously rubbing the sides of his pierced node with his thumb as he avoids looking in your direction at all costs.

“I am scared of losing what's obviously not mine. You make me feel weak and vulnerable and I just can't deal with it. You've become the center of my world, and I can't control how much it affects me. How much you affect me and – I hate it", he continued, his voice is still incredibly calm, yet a bittersweet tone of fear coating every single one of his words.

"B-But...", yet again, the whole of your vocabulary seems vanished, not one word to say as the knot in your throat tightens even further.

"I'm sorry, Y/N. I thought I could do it but – I am not meant to love and you deserve to be loved in the most special way possible”, he takes another quick break, letting out a sigh of exhaustion, “and that's why I'm letting you go. Please, don't hate me. Take care and – goodbye, my love.”

Those are his last words before he presses his lips against your forehead, making your head spin like crazy because of the contrast of his heartbreaking words and his soft kiss.

Kyoutani leaves without saying another word. He doesn't even look back once as he walks away and enters the apartment building, while you can't stop staring at the door with hot tears streaming down your cheeks and loud sobs filling the suffocating air surrounding you.

There you are, yet again.

Your eyes staring into the dark night as your body tries to cope with the intensity of pain you've thought you had overcome.

The constant breaking of your heart starts numbing every part of your body and you slowly start losing yourself in this certain kind of darkness.

Seconds turn into minutes and without even realizing, a whole hour has gone by with you staring into nothing.

Your mind plays games with you as it keeps replaying his words, his behavior, his kiss and the feeling of slowly but certainly going insane as you get out of the car a little too fast.

You tumble back, the sudden coldness hitting you right in the face and the mental as well as physical exhaustion has your body trembling.

And then it hits you.

The wave of anger, wrath, frustration and hatred literally wakes you up, pulls you back into reality and ends up taking over you completely.

Your eyes find the huge apartment building Kyoutani lives in, staring at it as if you could set it on fire and you know what you're about to do is a bad idea but your body acts before your mind can even get the chance to intervene.

And that's how you find yourself almost brutality slamming your fist against Kyoutani's door, your heart hammering against your rib cage way too fast for it to be still physically healthy and ten thousand different thoughts rushing through your chaotic mind.

"What the fuck is going – Y/N", Kyoutani looks at you with his pretty eyes slightly widened in shock, his lips parting as he struggles to keep his eyes on you and a disgusting feeling of shame and embarrassment starts filling you up.

You know this is pathetic, you are aware of how stupid you look standing in front of him like this but you just can't get yourself to actually care about it.

"Y/N, please don't-", "No, I listened to what you had to say and now I'm going to talk and you're going to listen to me. Before that I am not going anywhere because I deserve this", you cut him off, hands balled into fists as you try to stay calm but the more you think about his words in the car, the angrier you get.

"I–", Kyoutani sighs, his eyes nervously roaming your face and upon noticing the way you seem to shiver from the cold and your lack of clothing, he lets his conscience get the best of him, "alright, come in then.”

You follow him inside, the familiar scent of vanilla and Kyoutani's favorite febreeze scent filling your nose and you hate the way how comfortable you are.

After all you've been spending quite some time in this apartment; visiting him after your classes so he could bury his face between your legs and then offer you some homemade food, followed by a good old ghibli movie and lots of cuddles has become some kind of routine.

Oh, how you hate him for ruining all of those memories.

"Do you want something to drink? You're probably freezing", he offers, his voice filled with concern and you know he is right and you'd definitely give everything for a cup of tea and maybe some water, you still shove all of your body’s basic needs into the very back of your head and try to regain your composure.

"I – you – we", you take a deep breath, your mind struggling to put all of those racing thoughts into some kind of order, yet failing miserably.

But there's so much you want to say to him; so many things you want him to hear and now that you are actually standing in front of him, your body betrays you.

"You're a fucking coward, Kyoutani Kentarou", is the first thing you finally manage to let out, "and I hate you for leaving me like this. I fucking hate you.”

Deep down, you hate yourself for saying those words; the choice of words and the incredible heaviness they come with are usually not your way of expressing yourself yet you're not regretting them.

You don't know how this night is going to end, maybe this will be the last time you get to see Kyoutani or he'll eventually fuck you into oblivion and you finally end up together; but nevertheless you want your words to hurt him; you want them to wake him up just like his did to you.

"How dare you confess your love to me and tell me I basically ruined your life in the same breath when you're the one who's fucking all of this – us up. Yes, I’ve made a mistake and I've been regretting my choice of words for the past four days, even came to the point where I accepted your distance and decided to let go because I know how much my words hurt you. But us ending like this? Definitely not going to happen", Kyoutani stares at you with his pretty eyes focusing you attentively, barely blinking, not moving at all; he’s just listening to you.

"I just – don't understand how you can be this oblivious."

"Oblivious? Oblivious to what?", he asks, his voice a little deeper and raspier, sending goosebumps straight dow your spine as if your body needed to remind you the effect he has on you.

"Oblivious to everything. This is what love does to people, Kentarou. Of course you're going to feel weak and vulnerable because of me - because of the one you love. After all the point of being loved and loving someone else is showing those vulnerabilities and weakness to the person you trust the most because you know, or at least you hope, they won't take advantage of it.”

You take a deep breath, your mind slowing down as you ease yourself into his calming embrace and subconsciously losing yourself in the comfort it comes with.

“I'm yours. I've been yours since the very first day and we both know this, that's why you are so scared of losing me. And that's why my words hurt you so much”, you can tell that he’s already processing your words as much as he can; his habit of scratching the back of his head giving him away easily.

"You said you've lost yourself trying to fit into this picture of someone who I deserve but – you are the one who created that picture in the first place. Just because my first boyfriend was an alleged goody two shoes doesn't mean that you have to be like that too. Fuck that", you hiss, the thought of Kyoutani changing even the slightest bit about himself sending jolts of anger through your veins, "I don't care if you dropped out of college or that you have tattoos and piercings and bleach blonde hair. None of that matters to me because it's you, your kind heart and your pure soul I fell in love with.”

And suddenly - you can feel the burden on your shoulders disappear when those certain words leave your lips and the second Kyoutani raises his eyebrows in slight surprise before he locks eyes with you again has another breath of fresh air run through your suffocated lungs.

"Yes, I'm in love with you, Kyoutani Kentarou. Believe it or not, but for me, you're perfect just like this, with all your tiny habits and every single tattoo. There's nothing I'd change about you and I'm genuinely, truly sorry if I ever made you feel like you needed to change for me. You're a great guy and I guess that's why I ran back here after sitting in that car, crying for an hour because I couldn't stop thinking about the way you confessed your love to me”, you feel the thick veil of tears appear before they manage to block your sight, making the pretty face in front of you turn into bourry little pixels as your emotions overwhelm you.

“And yes, you are meant to be loved; maybe not meant to be loved by me but you deserve to be loved, do you hear me?"

You go up to him, closing some of the distance between the two of you before your finger darts out and poke his strong chest, trying to ease the tension after letting go of all those thoughts, "you deserve to love and to be loved because you're a good person. And I just – wanted to thank you for letting me into your life. Meeting you, getting to know the beautiful person you are has been one of the best things that has happened to me and I will cherish these memories forever."

And with those words you take a deep breath, let out another sigh, goving away your acceptance of defeat before you lift your head and prepare yourself to say your last goodbye no matter how painful it is.

"Take care, Kyoutani Kentarou and thank you, for everything", the words fall past your lips in the form of a whisper solely because you're too scared to break if you raised your volume just slightly.

You turn around and feel the first tear find its way down your cheek before you even get to walk away.

And just as you wrap your fingers around the doorknob, the sound of rushed footsteps approaching you makes you halt your movements.

"D-Don't go", Kyoutani suddenly says, his voice breaking when he comes to stand behind you, so close you can actually feel the warmth he's radiating, "I need you...so bad", he whispers into your ear, pressing his forehead against the back of your neck and it's like everything that happened tonight becomes irrelevant.

You turn around, not expecting Kyoutani to push you against the door with his whole body, yet still embracing him as much as you can.

With a soft sob, you start inhaling his unique scent, grazing his soft skin with your fingers and letting the warmth blossom inside of your chest after feeling his rapid heartbeat beneath your palm.

"Don't leave me, please", he cries, the tears running down his flushed cheeks despite his desperate attempts of holding back, "let's do this whole love thing.”

You stand there for what feels like an eternity, just hugging each other, taking in each other's presence and calming down from everything that has happened in such a short time. You finally calm down completely, Kyoutani's soft touches and tiny kisses give you the last bit of energy you needed and for the first time in almost three months, there's not one demon in your head trying to make you overthink something.

Because this feels perfect; there's literally no other word to describe the feeling of holding Kyoutani Kentarou and being held by him.

But nevertheless, you've been on a constant adrenaline rush for the past four hours and the exhaustion has been killing you, making you grow tired a lot faster than usual.

"What about moving this to your room, hm? I'd rather fall asleep with you in your bed than against the door; especially because I know the boys are out and will be coming home soon", you say softly, lifting Kyoutani's head from the crook of your neck and looking at him.

He sighs and gives you a soft kiss, giving you a nod in response before he gets himself to let go of you; his warmth leaving with him and it's almost disgusting how you literally crave his presence.

After Kyoutani makes you drink two glasses of water to avoid the dehydration of your body, he hands you one of his thick hoodies and leaves you to get ready in his bathroom.

You come back to the sight of him sitting against the headboard of his king sized bed, his oversized shirt revealing the perfect amount of collarbones and you enjoy the sight of his pretty skin and the dark lines covering most of it as well as the way his sweats hug his strong thighs in the best way possible.

And as you watch his eyes lazily roam your body, a hot jolt of arousal finds its way through your veins and right to your cunt.

"Don't look at me like that, sweet girl", Kyoutani suddenly groans and cocks his head to the side, his tongue poking out to wet his lips before he gulps harshly; his eyes never once leaving yours.

"B-But Tani...", you reply, approaching him with tiny steps become you come to stand right next to his tall figure, feeling yourself growing needier because of the way your body is craving his touch now more than ever.

“Baby…”, he replies and gulps harshly, knowing your body better than yourself after weeks of getting to know you in a way nobody has ever before.

"Please, Tani...please, fuck me. I need to feel you inside of me. I've been waiting for so long...", you plead, your fingers coming to graze his pretty lips as memories of all the times he had turned you into a crying mess with those lips.

Kyoutani is just as affected by the change in tension as you, the slight bulge in his grey sweatpants as well as the hunger burning in his eyes giving him away.

"You're such a pretty angel girl, aren’t you?", he whispers and sits up, pulling you closer to make you stand in between his legs as he starts caressing your hot cheeks with his fingers.

“Yet you're saying all those naughty things”, Kentarou chuckles deeply, “imagine how people would react if they knew what a cockhungry little slut you actually are", upon hearing those degrading names, your cunt starts clenching around nothing and a high pitched whimper escaped your throat.

"For you...", you whisper, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth the second Kyoutani starts placing open mouthed kisses on your neck.

Your fingers dig into his shoulders, pulling the material of his shirt a little too tightly.

"Of course, baby, you're mine after all and this sweet cunt", the sudden feeling of his palm pressing against the damped fabric of your panties has you gasping for air, "belongs to me, and me only", Kyoutani grunts, pulling the skin of your neck between his lips before he starts sucking gently as well as slowly moving his fingers against the lacey fabric between your legs.

"Yes, it's yours", you reply, after several weeks of being intimate with Kyoutani you've learned one thing and that's how much he loves hearing you say all those dirty and lewd things, "please fuck me."

"Patience, my love, patience. I am going to fuck you", Kentarou replies calmly and suddenly pushes you away, his hands disappearing from your body and when your lid flutter open because of the lack of touch, he shoots you one of his cocky smirks, "but let's not forget the whole friend situation, hm? What about you make it up to me before I fuck you like the little whore you are?"

His words have excitement rush through your blood, your head literally spinning just from the thought of finally getting to be on the giving end after weeks of him playing the selfless lover.

You nod eagerly, anticipation sparkling in your eyes as you watch him palm himself over his sweats before you get on your knees and wait for him to let go of his now fully erect cock.

However, the more seconds pass by like this, the more nervous you become because for some reason you suddenly remember that you've basically never sucked dick before.

Your head shoots up with slight panic written all over your face and of course Kyoutani notices your change in demeanor right away.

"What's wrong, angel?", he asks you and stops the movements of his hands.

"I don't know how to do it, Tani", you whisper, knowing there's no point in being shy about it, after all he happens to be the guy you've experienced your most firsts with.

"It's okay, baby, I'm going to help you”, Kyoutani replies and actually loses his composure for a second, “fuck baby, don't look at me like this when I'm literally about to fuck your throat", he hisses, throwing his head back as he grunts and his hips desperately bucking into the air.

Kyoutani takes another deep breath before he finally pushes his hand underneath the waistband of his sweats and with your eyes focused on his movements, you watch him pull out his hard length, a soft hiss falling past his plump lips when the coldness of the room grazes the slightly wet tip of his cock.

You gulp harshly, his impressive size in girth as well as length has your pussy throbbing like crazy, yet you can't help but wonder how the hell he's going to fit inside of you.

“Don't worry, baby, I know you're going to take all of my cock like the good girl you are", Kyoutani says after observing your facial expressions for some time.

"Give me your hand", he asks you softly, his voice still raspy and incredibly hoarse yet still soothing and you appreciate his attempts to calm himself down so you won't feel too nervous. With your heart slamming against your rib cage, you lift your hand up and are slightly overwhelmed at the sudden feeling of Kyoutani's warm spit pooling inside your palm. Without adding anything, he straightens himself and motions you to stroke his hard cock.

Not once do you stop looking at him as you wrap your fingers around the base of his impressive length and slowly start jerking him off.

Kyoutani cocks his head to the side, his bottom lip pulled in between his teeth and his eyes constantly fluttering close.

"Start with the tip, angel- just wrap your lips around it and start sucking, but be careful with your teeth, yeah baby?", he grunts, his hips thrusting into your fist every time the pace of your strokes slows down.

You give him yet another nod before look up at him one more time and do as he says.

The feeling of his cock between your lips is – different.

It feels like it's not supposed to be there, yet the salty taste of his precum coating your tongue has you sighing softly. Your tongue darts out, giving his tip a tiny kitten lick before you go back to sucking on it eagerly.

And while you seem to enjoy it a lot, Kyoutani is going absolutely crazy. You can see the way he's tensing his body as his grip in the bed sheets tightens and the vein on his neck pops out.

"F-Fuck, baby, just like that", he praises you "now try to take more of it in a-and use your hand for the rest", Kyoutani's voice is shaky, his eyes are nervously roaming your swollen lips and the string of spit connecting them to the tip of his cock.

Without giving it another thought, you take a deep breath and take more of him, trying your best to not graze his sensitive cock with your teeth and despite your initial struggle, you still enjoy the feeling of his cock on your tongue.

You subconsciously wrap your fingers around the part of his cock which you can't fit inside your mouth and suddenly it's like your body knows exactly what to do.

Kyoutani's moans grow louder and the soft thrusts of his hips become a little less controlled. You look up at him every now and then, trying your best to keep the steady rhythm as you bop your head.

And then he suddenly thrusts his length all the way to the back of your throat, your gag reflex just about to go off when he pulls back which is the moment you take notice of the tears streaming down your cheeks.

You give him a soft smile before going back to wrapping your lips around his tip, but you don't get very far.

Kyoutani pulls you back, his grip on the back of your neck not firm enough to hurt you.

"I promise I'm going to fuck your throat properly and even cum in your mouth the next time we do this but right now I just can't stop thinking about that tight cunt of yours", he says, helping you get up and almost instantly pulling you onto his lap; his wet cock rubbing against your panty covered core as Kyoutani pulls you in for a kiss.

It's sloppy and rushed, the way his tongue grazes over yours before he pulls it between his lips and starts sucking at it. Your hips start moving against his cock, your sensitive pussy craving some kind of friction as the arousal has your head spinning like crazy.

You start moaning and whimpering into his mouth when Kyoutani’s hips start meeting your desperate movements, applying the perfect amount of pressure onto your needy clit.

You feel the knot in the pit of your stomach tightening, the clenching of your cunt becoming worse the more you hump Kyoutani's cock like a woman starved.

But nothing prepares you for the feeling of one of his large digits entering you. Your hole start clenching around his finger Kyoutani pushes another one in, both digits buried inside of your little cunt.

"Such a good girl for me, aren't you, baby? I'm going to finger you nice and slow so you're ready for my cock. Now come on, my love; show me what a good whore you are and ride my fingers", Kyoutani encourages you, his hot breath fanning against the sensitive skin behind your ear and without missing a beat, your hips meet the skillful thrusts of his fingers.

Kyoutani continues to whisper naughty things into your ear, his other hand eventually wrapping around your throat as he makes sure you look into his eyes when you stumble over the edge.

Your high hits you hard and fast, the intensity knocking the breath out of your lungs and leaving you gasping for it; something you should be used to by now yet still can't believe is even possible.

He pushes you off of his lap softly, helps you get rid of his shirt as well as your ruined panties before he makes you lay down in the middle of his bed; eyes locking with yours when he also starts undressing.

"My pretty girl", Kyoutani sighs, his hand caressing the soft skin of your thighs, spanking you every now and then just because he's absolutely obsessed with the way your whole body tenses whenever his hand meets your skin.

“Look at me", he orders and almost instantly your head shoots up to meet his gaze, the sight of his naked body distracting you a lot more than you expected but after all this is the first time you get to see the rest of his tattoos; the ones you usually only get a tiny glimpse of depending on his outfit choice.

Kyoutani spreads your legs apart, his eyes never leaving yours even when he starts jerking off again and you can't hold back the soft whimpers and begs leaving your lips.

But also something about his flushed cheeks and swollen lips as well as his messy hair falling into his face has you incredibly turned on.

"We've never talked about this before but are you on the pill, baby?", he asks, pushing one of his thumbs into his mouth before he brings it down to your clit and starts rubbing soft circles into it, making you arch your back off of the mattress as you bury your face in the pillow to keep your noises down.

"N-No", you whisper, a deep sigh coming from Kyoutani and even though you know you shouldn’t do it, you stop him from bending over to the drawer of his nightstand, making him look at you in confusion.

“But I still want you to raw me, please...", you add and gulp harshly when his whole body seems to go into some kind of haze once the words leaveyour lips.

Kyoutani looks at you, his eyes darkening even more as he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth and lets out a loud moan of your name.

"I can't just raw you, baby", he presses through gritted teeth, his mask slowly falling apart the more you rub yourself against his cock, "you've never had sex without a condom and my pull out game is weak, even weaker when it comes to you because fuck – the thought of filling you up with my cum sounds so fucking good", Kyou groans when you scoot up a little, taking his length into your hand before you line him up with your entrance.

"B-But what if you get pregnant, sweet girl?", he sighs and tries to pull away, making you wrap your arms around his neck as you look into his pretty eyes.

"That will just show everyone around us how well you've fucked me", you whisper and elicit another deep moan from him, his whole body shaking slightly as he tries to hold himself back from just pounding into you.

"Such a cockhungry whore", he hisses and – finally – starts pushing his fat cock into your tiny cunt, the slight stretch making you both gasp for air.

“If that's what you want, then that’s what you get, you little slut. I'm going to fucking raw you and fill you up with all of my cum, make you my cumslut", Kyoutani grunts, pulling your bottom lip between his teeth before he harshly grabs your face and looks into your eyes as he buries more of himself inside of you.

"F-Fuck, you're big", you whimper, throwing your head back and trying your very best to stop clenching around his cock.

“We're almost there, baby- you got this, s-stop clenching", Kyoutani grunts against your parted lips. Without a warning, Kyoutani pushes the rest of his huge cock inside of you, bottoming out completely.

“F-Fuck...you’re so– tight”, Kentarou grunts, his fingers digging into the flesh of your hips as he buries his face in the crook of your neck, “it’s like you’ve never been fucked before.”

“S-So good...so fucking good, nngh-”, your little whimpers and whines are slurred, barely coherent as the feeling of being filled to the brim pushes you into a haze of pleasure.

You feel the pulsation of his cock against your spongy walls, his hands nervously roaming your body and groping one of your tits, as he obviously tries to calm himself down.

And then he finally starts moving.

A deep, guttural moan leaves the both of you when he pulls himself out of your tight hole, dragging his huge cock along the walls of your little cunt in the most delicious way possible before he almost brutally shoves himself back in again.

“Mhm, just like that, you little brat”, he grunts, sitting up on his knees as he pushes your legs further apart, his eyes focusing the way his fat cock stretches your hole just how he’s been imagining it all this time, “coming up to me and talking about having your little cunt rawed like some cumhungry little whore.”

You start nodding almost instantly at his words, your brain barely recognizing them, the only thing you can focus on being the way the tip of his cock grazes the entrance to your womb with every harsh, brutal thrust of his hips.

His thrusts find a steady rhythm, hard and so, so deep.

“Open your mouth”, Kyoutani grunts, a single drop of sweat finding its way down the center of his tattooed chest, the sight making you whimper and whine for him even louder as you part your lips as soon as you process his words.

“You know what? I’d rather have you say it”, he suddenly hisses, pulling his cock out of your spasming cunt before he presses your legs together and shoves himself back inside of you with one skilled thrust of his hips.

You have no idea at what point you start crying but by the time Kyoutani's moans and grunts start picking up their pace, you're a sobbing mess.

“S-Say wh-what?”, you sob, hiding your tear and spit stained face behind your hands, not daring to look up at him.

“I want you to ask for my spit and beg for my cum”, Kentarou’s voice grows raspier, the dominance seething through every single one of his words makes it so easy for you to fall even further into the hole of absolute submission, “and stop hiding yourself, angel girl..I wanna watch the way I’m fucking your brains out.”

A row of loud, high pitched whines and a combination of sobs and moans are the only thing you manage to respond with, your brain clouded with the feeling of his thick cock dragging along the spongy walls of your cunt.

And before you can even comprehend his next movement, you hear the loud sound of skin meeting skin followed by the delicious feeling of a sting sending jolts of pain through your body, something you’ve come to love after so many hours with the tattoo artist.

“I told you to ask and beg for it, angel girl..you’re making me wait”, Kentarou spits, never once halting the movements of his hips as he watches the way you start sobbing even more, your cunt spasming around his cock after his painful spank.

“Please...f-fuck, please spit in my mouth and my face and on my cunt- want it all”, you start brabbling, another row of incohrent begs following right afterwars as your hips sloppily meet his harsh thrusts, “I want you to stuff me full of your cum, too- please, Daddy, wanna be your little c-cumdumpster.”

“There you go..”, Kyoutani’s plump lips stretch into a big smile as his cock throbs at the sound of that one forbidden little word he’s come to love even more after hearing it from you only a handful of times.

He didn’t hesitate to tell you about how much it turns him on around two weeks after the two fo you had started dating and even though he never really expected you to use it, he was secretely hoping for you to overcome your shyness.

You had used it only twice before when the pleasure had gotten too much for your brain to handle and Kyoutani knew you’d stop holding yourself back as soon as you got a taste of his cock.

“What did you just call me, pretty girl?”, he cooes, giggling softly at the way you whimper and cry even harder, knowing oh so well what he wants to hear.

And for the first time you just can’t get yourself to argue with the little voice in the back of your head; the feeling of his cock stretching your tiny cunt making it so, so easy to just let go of all those doubts and worries.

“Please, Daddy”, you reply and look into his eyes, groping your own tits as you arch your back to feel him even deeper inside of you, “n-need your cum inside of me...please- want everyone to know who I belong to.”

You don’t really expect it, yet your pussy almost instantly start clenching around his cock when kyoutani harshly grabs your face, making you part your lips before he spits into your mouth.

The loud, lewd sound of it rings in your ears in the best way possible and acting like a literal aphrodisiac in combination with the delicious taste of his saliva coating the hot muscle of your tongue.

You hum softly before you swallow it all, a gentle sob escaing your lips before you look up at him again.

"Now go on, angel girl”, he growls, pushing his hand in between your legs to rub circles into your hardened clit, “I want you to cum for me. Be a good little dumpster for your Daddy and show me what only I can do to you.”

You can barely process his words, the lewdness just fueling the fire in the pit of your stomach as you lose yourself in the feeling of your upcoming high. But you still start nodding, cringing at the feeling your saliva dripping down your jawline.

And with one last thrust, you feel your high crashing down onto you with such heaviness, you're left absolutely breathless.

Your whole body is trembling as the waves of your orgasm hit you, a row of incoherent words leaving your lips before you stop trying and just start crying for your precious Daddy.

"That's my baby”, is the first thing your brain manages to process again, everything still a blurry mess and when you look at Kyou, you realize you’re still cumming.

Your cunt is almost painfully spasming around his big cock, your juices dripping down the sides of his length as he helps you ride out your orgasm.

“You’re such a good, good girl for Daddy, aren’t you? I'm so proud of you", Kyoutani praises you, his thrust a little sloppier than before and from the way he's digging his fingers into the skin of your waist, you can only assume that he's also quiet close, "you're also going to take all of Daddy’s cum, right, baby? We gotta make sure I fill you up nicely..."

You take a deep breath, your slightly overstimulated cunt sending shivers down your spine as your eyes focus on Kyoutani's parted lips.

"Please, Daddy...need you to fill me up with your cum", you encourage him and when you slowly push two of your fingers into his mouth, knowing how much he loves to suck on them no matter what situation you’re both in, you finally get to see his whole face crunch up in pleasure.

His body tenses up as his grip on your waist becomes firmer before he starts cumming inside of you with a deep, raspy moan; coating the walls in several shades of white with three thick spurts of his cum.

Kyoutani buries his face in the crook of your neck as he slowly calms down, loud breathing and rushed gasps for air the only thing to fill the inside of his empty room.

"I love you so much", he whispers and gives you a soft kiss, his cock still firmly buried inside of your sensitive cunt before he shoots you a soft smile; looking almost boyish with his glossy eyes and flushed cheeks.

"I love you, too, D-Daddy”, you whisper, gulping harshly as the words leave your lips, feeling yourself grow even smaller underneath his strong yet comforting gaze, “thank you for giving us a chance", you add and pull him into for another kiss.

"Kyoutani Kentarou, your favorite group of walking disappointments is back and better than ev - oh", Iwaizumi Hajime, Kyoutani's High School best friend, fellow tattoo aritst and roommate suddenly yells and almost brutally slams open the door, startling you to the last bone in your body.

Kyoutani is quick to cover you up with his body, his hand reaching for one of the blankets on the floor as he grunts in annoyance.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know–", "What is it, Iwa-Chan? Is he jerking off again? Kyoutani Kentarou you little piece of shit, just go and fuck that–", just like Iwaizumi, Oikawa – who also happens to be his best friend, felow tattoo artist and roommate – comes to stand in the doorway, bumping into his best friend before he finally spots the two of you.

"You're naked", he points out, closing his eyes almost instantly after realizing what he has just come to witness and despite the disgusting feeling of wanting to disappear and never come back again, you can't help but giggle at their shocked and slightly disgusted faces.

Kyoutani takes a deep breath and pulls out of you, still making sure to hide you behind his body before he hands you the blanket and lets his eyes shift to the door, looking at his best friends in pure disbelief.

"Kawa stop fucking staring and – can you two please fuck off?", he yells, pulling the boys back to reality and the way both of them shift to look at you only to blush from their necks to their ears has you chuckling softly.

This type of situation is nothing you’re not used to – unfortunately.

"Uhm – of course! Oh, my fucking God! So sorry, Kyou", Iwaizumi stutters and wraps his fingers around the doorknob, avoiding your eyes as much as he can before he pushes Oikawa away and then closes the door with another row of apologies.

Kyoutani just looks at you apologetically as he shakes his head and face palms himself, making the both of you burst into loud laughter.

And after taking a shower together and actually eating some late dinner with the boys, you fall asleep with Kyoutani's arms tightly wrapped around your waist, his face buried inside the crook of your neck and one last love confession.

And when those sweet words fall past his lips yet again, you realize – you're finally home.

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