#im not doing anymore of those fire things bc this took all the anger out of me

[cunningambitousdetermined]

Do You Love Me? (I Loved You Part 2: young!Sirius x Reader)

ahhh im so excited to write this! @aseriousfckingmess and @iamninaanna AND @maraudersbitvh​ asked for this and i was so happy bc i had so so many ideas and even more feelings. thank you to everyone who read my last two things i’ve written, i feel so so lucky and so happy. and thank you to those who spurred my ideas for a part 2! thank you thank you thank you. 

this is the second part to I Loved You which i wrote for @vogueweasley‘s challenge. so here it goes:

warnings: swearing, fluff, some angst, walburga being a butthole

not my gif

“Did it mean anything to you? Did I mean anything to you?” With that she turned on your heel and ran out of the dorm. Sirius stood and watched as you got smaller and smaller and with step she took, his anger ebbed a little. And then she was gone, leaving behind the boy who loved her.

“Mate,” Remus’s voice was cool and collected but the undertone of fury shook Sirius out of his stupor. “What the actual fuck did you do?” Remus swore often- he was always tripping over his long limbs, mumbling curses under his breath- but this, this, was calm fury. His jaw was wound tight and his eyes bore through Sirius. 

“Moony, I- I- What?” Sirius whispered, his voice sounded like the sad ending chord of a symphony as it moved and filled and soared through the space between them. “I- I- She hates me?” The realization rocked Sirius so hard, he found his knees skidding the rough carpet of the floor, Y/N’s words filled every inch of his head, spilling out his ears, mouth, his nose. “She hates me.” The only person who had ever seen past the arrogant smirk, the only person who had ever wiped his tears, whispered his fears away. The only person who had ever loved him, was gone. Gone. 

Remus needed to sit down. His whole body was buzzing with anger at Sirius. How could he hurt her? Why would he hurt her? It didn’t matter though. All that mattered was how sad Y/N looked, how tired and then how angry she had become. That wasn’t the kind, soft, funny, Y/N he knew. This was hurt, and betrayed and broken. He went to move the lumps in Y/N’s pillow aside when his hand brushed against paper. Remus dug his hand down farther underneath the sheet and grasped the paper. It was a letter and a stack of small papers, crumpled and wet with tears. He glanced down at Sirius, in his current shocked state and began to read. 

Sirius shook the tears from his eyes and turned to find Moony reading some papers on Y/N’s bed. Y/N’s bed. The one he’d used to sleep in. The one that he used to whisper the love of his life to sleep in. His mind was filled with thoughts, memories, and ocean of words and kisses and hugs. 

“YOU ARSE!” a screech shattered the rose tinted memories, Remus was up and towering over Sirius. “YOU ABSOLUTE BASTARD! I TRUSTED YOU! I TRUSTED YOU NOT TO HURT HER! YOU PROMISED! HOW COULD YOU?! SHE WAS NOTHING BUT GOOD AND KIND AND WONDERFUL TO YOU! SHE GAVE EVERYTHING TO YOU AND YOU BROKE HER! YOU BROKE HER!” Remus’s hands were shaking in an effort not to hit Sirius, he didn’t know the boy in front of him. It was occurring to him that maybe he never did. “YOU DON’T DESERVE HER AND YOU NEVER WILL!” He tossed the letters at Sirius’s face and with a turn Remus stormed out of the room and once again Sirius was walked away from, by the people who loved him most. 

Y/N was racing around the castle, trying not to break. She just needed to find a place. She paced past the stairwell to the Gryffindor Tower and stalled. She had taken those stairs and cuddled in his bed. She had kissed him awake and kissed him goodnight there. The memories came in waves, flowing down the stairs, kisses and hugs, fights and making up, crying and laughing until their stomachs hurt. Barefoot, racing toward the common room, collapsing on the couch, reading out loud. His smile, his eyes. His laugh, his cry, his nose all the way down to his toes. She knew it all. 

“Y/N?” a soft voice inquired, large hands placed on her shoulders, the soft smell of chocolate wafted through her nose. Remus.

She slowly turned around and was met by her best friends eyes drowned in worry. She croaked, “Did you know Rem? Did you know?” Her eyes filled with tears once more and she turned away, embarrassed. 

“No.” Remus slid his fingers under her chin, tilting her face up to meet his eyes. “No, no no. I never knew. I never thought he could even...” Remus trailed off as the tears spilled down her cheeks, “Come with me, love.” He then tucked Y/N under his arm and started to walk. She dug her face into his neck and smiled softly as she felt his hand encircle her own with a soft squeeze. Right now she just needed her best friend, who had always been there no matter what. And somehow he always just knew what she needed. As they entered Remus’s dorm and he threw her some comfy clothes and a book, she thanked him internally. Thanked whatever higher being there was that she had ended up with the best friend in the entire world. Her heart felt a little bit light as she snuggled into his side and he began to read aloud as he had done so many times before. 

“Rem?” she questioned, turning her gaze to his soft green eyes. 

“Yes?” his soft smile gave her made tears fill her eyes in gratitude.

“Thank you,”

“What for, darling?” Remus let his hands card softly through her hair as she looked away.

“Everything.” That word held so much meaning for them. Everything meant all the full moons, all the hard days and the good ones. All the sad moments and all the happy ones, all the time they had just been there. The quiet moments of just reading and the loud ones filled with laughter and joy. Everything just meant Remus existing. Thank you, she said, thank you for it all. 

Sirius would watch them from afar. His heart would ache as he hid around the corners as Remus and Y/N would walk to class. He would turn in his bed to hold her only to grab at cold sheets, to tell her a joke but she wasn’t there. To ask her if she really thought he was enough even if his family didn’t. If she didn’t think he was an awful person. Before, she would have held him and with words so soft, she would’ve told him how much she loved him and that he was real, human and it was okay to feel. But now, he was an awful person. Remus wouldn’t talk to him, Y/N wouldn’t look at him, and he was tired. 

He didn’t sleep anymore. All he could do was lay awake in hope of never falling into the dreams where Y/N would yell at him. Would curse him, spit at him. It was all his fault that she was gone. His fault that she couldn’t meet his eye. His fault that she hated him. Even drowning in these thoughts, he felt a confusion. What had he done? 

Sirius was sitting by the dying embers of the fire one night when footsteps echoed from behind him. “Sirius?” James’s groggy voice called, “What’s going on?” He didn’t answer. The footsteps got closer until James was next to him, sitting down. “Pads?” his voice had softened to one of worry, “Hey, tell me what’s up?”

“I can’t sleep James,” Sirius’s voice sounded like broken glass, the echo of happiness all but lost, “I love her. And I don’t even know what I did, but she’s gone. She’s gone. She’s gone, she’s gone, she’s gone. I love her. She was the only thing that mattered. I lost it all. I lost my family, my mom, my dad, my brother. My cousins. But I had her. And you guys but, with her... it was different.” James put a hand on Sirius’s shoulder and Sirius collapsed into James’s side. “She got it. And she was all I had. All that kept me good inside. The glue that held me together. SHE’S GONE!” and it went like that, Sirius sobbing into James, repeating how he didn’t know what he did, he loved her, he did. James just held him, his broken best friend as he cried for the girl he had lost. And James cried. He cried for his best friend who had been hurt so much and lost it all. He cried for the girl he once knew. But when his tears ran out and Sirius drifted off to let sleep’s greedy claws take him, he had an epiphany. Whether or not they liked it, Sirius and Y/N would forever be each others catalysts. The only way to balance was together. Apart, they would just keep on falling. 

James found a sense of resolve as he walked over to where Remus and Y/N lay under a tree, reading. 

“James...” Remus acknowledged him with caution, but James wasn’t done. 

“Remus, can I speak to you?” he asked, motioning to a spot not far off from the tree, “It won’t be long.” Remus glanced down at Y/N who offered James a tentative smile and wave. 

“Go on, Rem.” She said, “I’ll be fine.” With one last suspicious look, Remus got up and followed James to the shaded area where James leaned against the cool stone wall.

“Jam-” Remus began, but James was faster.

“Just let me say something.” James needed to know, “I just have to know. What happened?”

“Sirius didn’t tell you?” The bite in Remus’s voice made James flinch and he saw Remus’s face soften to apology. 

“No. He hasn’t slept, he lost it last night. Just blubbering about love and how he just didn’t know what he did!” James cried, “What did he do?”

“Tonight.” Remus’s face hardened now, “Room of Requirement, and bring Sirius. We need to have a little chat.” He then whipped around and resumed his position with Y/N, placing a brotherly kiss to the top of her head. Remus gave James a look which he took as a sign to leave. Sighing, he trudged off, hoping that Sirius wasn’t going to end up in the hospital wing tonight.

Remus paced impatiently in the seventh floor corridor as he waited for is roommates to show up. Just as he was about to go drag them from wherever they had gotten themselves sidetracked, James rounded the corner, dragging Sirius behind him. James stopped in front of Remus and shoved Sirius forward. He looked up and Remus’s heart clenched. His eyes were sunken deep and his eyes held a pain so deep he had to look away. He closed his eyes and heard the familiar scratching of the wall becoming the door. Remus couldn’t stomach a glance back at his friends sad face as he pushed the door open. Inside, there were plush couches and loveseats scattered around near a small fireplace. Remus took up a position curled into a loveseat and raised an eyebrow in expectation at James and Sirius. They quickly took their spots. James sitting on the floor while Sirius sat stiff backed on the couch. The silence and tension thickened as Remus started Sirius down, his eyes burning through his long tousled locks. James finally had enough, “AHEM.” Sirius’s head shot up, “Remus, please tell us what the bloody hell is going on.” Remus sighed and pulled the stack of well work paper from his pocket. Glancing down and then at Sirius’s hurt face, he let out another tired sigh. 

“What happened is that Sirius, our dear friend,” The way he spat the word friend had Sirius flinching and James’s eyes widening. “was using Y/N. To get back at his mother. And, and I quote  ‘ It doesn’t hurt that I get sex. I mean I could have any girl but damn, she gave herself to me so fast. Even I didn’t know I was that good. ‘” He let out a hard breath as Sirius’s face still looked painted with confusion.

James had stood up and was towering over Sirius, “YOU DID WHAT?!” he screamed, “YOU TOLD ME SHE WAS DIFFERENT!” Remus was in shock, he had never seen James yell at Sirius before. And he barely ever saw James angry. 

Sirius couldn’t even register the things that James was saying. He didn’t write that. No, no he didn’t. He loved her more then anything. She was the only one who cared. She kept him human in his family of monsters. She kept his feet on the ground when his head was in the clouds. He loved her. This was supposed to be the real thing. Like forever, this was it for him. “I didn’t- I would never- Remus-” The shock that she had read those words hit him like a knife to the gut. Remus threw the paper down at him and Sirius scrambled to read them all. Note after note after note saying awful things. Each time he read something he felt the knife twist as he realized she read this. His love. Thought.... he couldn’t even bare to finish the thought. He kept going and going. He knew he didn’t write these, his handwriting was neater then that, crafted to perfection by his mother. But all the things that the notes said; worthless, mudblood, fat, ugly. His Y/N was stunning, took his breath away, blood status didn’t matter. She was worth more then anything this world could offer. She was his world. The notes just kept going, the pile seemed endless. He couldn’t tell if he wanted to puke or go find you and get drunk on your kisses. He could feel Remus and James’s stares on him as he rifled through the papers. Just as he was about to turn away from them and tell his friends that theses weren’t his, a signet caught his eye. The Noble House of Black signet. He yanked the letter out and his eyes frantically scanned the page. His mother’s tone made his stomach churn. It was no wonder she hated him now. He might not be able to get her back, this was quite unforgivable, but he could put her heart at ease. He still loved her. But did she still love him?

“Remus, James; I didn’t write these” His voice came out raspy and shaky from the tears he didn’t even realize were falling down his face, hot waterfalls cascading on the papers. He cleared his throat and continued, “It was Regulus and Walburga. I know it. I love her. I don’t care about her blood status, I never have! She was it for me.” He lowered his head, “I know that I hurt her by putting her in harms way and she might still hate me, but I can try and fix what I’ve broken. I know I don’t deserve her and I never have, but she’s all I have and I need her. I need her to know how I feel. I need her know I love her and I’m sorry.” Sirius was crying harder but his voice was firm. Remus and James exchanged looks that very clearly said He’s telling the truth. Remus sunk to his knees and took Sirius into his arms. “Do you believe me?” Sirius’s voice was cracked and tired.

Remus tugged him closer letting Sirius’s tears soak through his sweater, “Yeah, yeah I do believe you. I’m sorry that I yelled at you, I didn’t even think.... but it all makes so much sense. She told me Regulus gave her the letters, and I mean Reg is a nice enough kid on his own but something seemed off. You’re my best friend and I should have given you the benefit of the doubt. I’m sorry. But if you ever really hurt her...” Sirius made a noise somewhere between a sob and a chuckle. 

“I know, I know... you did the right thing. If I did that, I would murder me too.” The boys laughed and James joined the hug. Sirius gave his smallest but most real smile in the weeks it had been. He had his friends back, now all that was left was her.

Sirius was shaking. Like actually shaking. He stood outside your dorm door as Remus knocked softly. “Y/N?” he called, “Can I come in?” 

“Remus? Come on in!” A soft voice floated out the door and he felt his mind go blank, his only thought was to get to her. James tried to shake him but he could only think about his skin on hers. The delicate shape of her hips and the small curve of her smile. His mind spun, would she forgive him? Could she forgive him? With one last glance back, Remus pushed the door open. Sirius froze. There she was. She had never looked more stunning in shorts and a old t-shirt of... his? Yeah, that was his shirt. His heart leapt, she was wearing his shirt. 

Y/N was petrified. What was he doing here? Her heart clenched, he looked so soft, and her whole body ached with the effort to run to him. “Siri...?” her voice came out soft and wispy, high and broken. His whole face broke open at the tears in your eyes. Y/N whipped around, furiously wiping at her tears. “Leave.” she croaked, “please.” 

Remus let a hand massage her shoulder, “Love, just listen to what he has to say. I would not have brought him here to hurt you, you know that.” She gazed up at her best friend with glassy eyes and scanned his face. His face only held love for her and strangely enough, hope. 

She turned away again, letting Remus’s hand fall of her shoulder, “Fine.”

Sirius stepped forward and took a breath. This was it. There was no going back or do overs anymore. “Y/N, I love you.” he began, “And I always will. Those notes, they weren’t from me. Regulus wrote them after he told Walburga about us. He must’ve seen you sneaking in or with me in the yard. They took you away from me to hurt me. And I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you. I’m sorry for making you a target. But none of that bullshit if true. I love you and you are perfect. You are my whole entire world. You are my oxygen and I’m struggling to breathe right now. I love you so much and I know I don’t deserve you or your forgiveness but I need to know. Do you love me?”

Y/N was shocked. It all made sense, the notes, Regulus. The tears pooled in her eyes slipped out and she sobbed, hands clasped over her mouth. She had missed him so much and here he was in all his glory, with his long hair and his grey eyes, asking her if she loved him. She did, there was nothing to ask. 

“Y/N?” Sirius whispered and she realized she had been silent for much to long. 

“Of course I love you, you arsehole!” That was all it took to break Sirius and he was running at her and sweeping her up into his arms. Her breath fanned over his neck and he pulled back to gaze at the face he had been missing so much. The soul that completed him. 

“Do you forgive me?” he whispered as he inched closer to her lips.

She closed the gap, pressing her lips against his and his heart had never felt lighter. She pulled away softly and Sirius panted as he laughed at the sheer happiness of it all. “There’s nothing to forgive baby.” She breathed against his lips and went back to kissing him. He kissed her neck and her cheeks muttering all the things he loved about her between kisses. James and Remus shared a disgusted but happy look as they slipped out the room.

 “I love you Sirius Black and don’t you ever forget it.”

wow sorry the ending was rushed and idk but it’s done! thank you guys so much for reading this ahhhh im so happy that you guys liked it enough for a part 2! i love you guys!

#sirius x reader #marauders x reader #harry potter #marauders era #hogwarts #not wolfstar unfortunately #but jily #fanfiction #my writing #part 2 #maruaders imagine #young sirius x reader #young marauders #angst and fluff #fluff #sirius imagine #remus x best friend #sirius black x reader #young!sirius #young!sirius black #harry potter fanfiction #marauders era fanfiction #yes i wrote something #ok cool

[grapefruitflavoured]

13. talk abt a story or au you came up w (i think that's the right one?)

WELL

this fic would follow azula post-atla (right after the finale, ignoring what the comics did to her the comics fucked up) i'm actually really excited about it skdfjlskdaf

ive had this idea in february but realistically im never gonna write it so here are the notes i wrote (im so sorry i don't know how much detail to go into so i just put it all)

anon you just opened my pandora's box

-

these are some of my notes for it, i'm so sorry

its sectioned off by chapter

chains

Starts as Katara is chaining Azula to the grate, she manages to get out and runs into the forest, sobbing. she didn't have anywhere to go, she just needed to get out

Hiding

she hid from everyone (all people, not just those she knew) bc it was all a reminder of what she did and how she "failed" the fire nation so she went to forests and swamps and stuff to hid

she did her own things and let herself think what She wants to do, not what ozai would want

"its not worth it"

spirits

She sees spirits and animals and starts to like them. Realizes they aren’t out to get her. They help calm her from panic attacks

no redemption arc tho. not everyone gets one and azula is one of those people imo

she regrets what she did but isn't the type of person to try and fix it or anything

she runs from it and yknow what that's ok bc she's traumatized too, she grow up with proper love and after her mom left she tried to get her dad to love her by helping with his war, whether she understood it or not

she just wanted validation and to be appreciated by someone and she learned that fear is the easiest way to do that (even if it's not 100% genuine)

she avoided people and got close with animals and spirits who she liked and helped and they did the same for her (not like snow white but also ya kinda like snow white)

for the most part she had absolutely no idea what was happening in the world, just isolated herself and tried to heal

she never grew too attached tho and moved on before that could happen bc she didn't want to feel the way she did when mai and ty lee left

“I've done my damage on the world they don’t need me anymore”

Faces

She's in her 20’s now and runs into koh the face stealer. She's very cocky and he gets pissed and takes her face

Right before meeting him: she’s content now. Not happy, not sad. She’s actually fine and okay for the first time.

so she decided to find the mother of faces to get her face back, but took her time getting there bc no face wasn't a really big issue for her and also she had nothing else to do

Mai

First time seeing mai since the Incident

Azula felt something she hadn’t known in a long time. Anger. Blood boiling rage. (ayo a complete sentence lets go)

She refused to think about mai and ty lee before that, it hurt too much.

mother pt 1

Getting to the mother of faces (from the comics) and getting her face back

The spirits helped her find the right forest

She was in her 30s by the time she got there

when she got there and got her face back she learned about her mom and decided to try and find her (Azula is in a better headspace now and wants to at least see her mom)

mother pt 2

Seeing her mom

she found her mom and talked to her (almost same thing as The Promise but she did it on her own, zuko wasn't involved) and her mom explained everything and said how sorry she is and offered azula to stay with her for a bit (yes i am an ursa apologist)

it hit hard bc it was clear she was genuine and no one had ever really loved azula before and the one person she thought could never love her was here sobbing and saying how sorry she is that she didnt love azula enough

that helped a lot and she went back to the town every once in a while to visit but for the most part she still hid in different forests (azula is very much still traumatized and Represses)

She’s not as upset at her mom but still very hurt and doesn’t understand why her mother left or never showed that she loved her

ty lee

First time seeing ty lee (tyzula tease), they are in their late 40s

ty lee doesnt see azula though

azula is Uncomfortable with how she still feels (love?) about ty lee

swamp

in her 50s, azula ended up in the same swamp as toph but a few years before toph moved there

Final paragraph is toph seeing (with the vines) someone familiar enter

“Wonder if we’ll run into each other”

cliffhanger

toph

running into toph and how their “friendship” unfolds

they didn't run into each other for a few years after tho, it's a huge ass swamp

toph just laughed and didn't really give a shit "lmao i remember u"

azula tried to avoid toph but it didn't work very well, eventually they started acknowledging each other and when they ran into each other every few months they just vibed for a bit

*no toph x azula that's not what this is i just think they could be friends. barely that, they could just tolerate each other*

Toph helped Azula in the same way she helped korra. anytime they ran into each other toph made it clear that she did not give half a shit and it helped azula give less of a shit and get out of her head

Neither one cared much about the other and they both knew that. there no commitment or deep feelings just conversations on the off chance they see each other and feel like talking

azula and toph never talked about the war or anything, they both knew an explanation or apology wouldn't change anything

toph talked about su and lin a lot, she was really proud of them (i had to)

Dying

azula dying (in her 60s/early 70s)

she stayed in that swamp the longest bc she was tired of running and wanted to "settle down"

she died there a few years before tlok started

She wasn’t scared, she knew she’d die soon and it was her time. She had collected enough memories and left different marks (physical and emotional) on people and places. And it was just her time.

Took her last breathe with a new sense of pride

eulogy (epilogue)

Toph’s eulogy when she finds azula’s body

not so much of a eulogy as "o shit it was kinda nice talking to u, sucks that youre dead um"

remembering (epilogue)

Someone finally asking about azula and toph telling them what happened

toph never told anyone about her partially bc she just did not care enough and partiall bc she knew azula was hiding and didnt wanna ruin that, even after she died

but if anyone asked toph told them, like when bolin asked who lin's dad was and she told him without batting an eye, confusing the fuck out of whoever heard it

#i swear itll be good if i write it one day #me and my silly little hands

[f-xholecourt]

🔥 13 reasons why

MMMMM, STRAP IN MY GUY IT’S TIME TO DIVE IN! some of this will be under a read more because i feel like that’s appropriate for the topic we’re gna discuss. ok? ok. lets go

so for one, i liked the show when i first watched it. i was like, whoa, this really speaks to me and then i read into it. and the more i thought about it, the more i read about it, i started to hate it. don’t get me wrong. the acting is great, and the issues it deals with (depression, anxiety, internalised homophobia and rape) aren’t often portrayed on screen, but it was done all wrong. 

like, ask anyone with enough sense and they’ll tell you it wasn’t done very well. any warnings the producers received from mental health specialists helping youths (you know, the people that know what the fuck they’re talking about)  told them not to be graphic, not to show the suicide on screen, not to show the rape on screen - they did that shit anyway, regardless, for shock value. but this is an opinions thing, right? so here are my opinions - warning, you might learn a bit more about me than you want to, but i’ll keep it brief 

start with hannah baker......

she represents every troubled youth in the world, the depressed, anxious teens who feel like they have nobody to talk to, the suicidal youths who just want it all to stop. and you know as a teen reading the book, her death seems okay, but portrayed on national television, they should’ve changed the story - what the ending of this show tells people is oh, okay, so if i kill myself and leave behind a bunch of tapes blaming people who really, apart from a select few (bryce. literally just bryce), had nothing to do with my death, people will suddenly think oh fuck man, hannah was so cool why did we do that? that shit doesn’t happen in the real world. 

if they really wanted to portray a positive ending to the story, they should’ve changed it. instead of everyone accepting what they did, hannah should have literally spoken up about her problems, sheri’s problems, jessica’s problems. half of the shit she went through wouldnt have happened if she’s been honest. who the fuck witnesses a rape and keeps quiet about it? at the very least, doesn’t tell her own friend that she was raped by someone she trusted.

also, why do the people that ‘pushed her over the edge’ get tapes? long detailed tapes that take days to listen to, but her parents get nothing. absolutely fuck all. they dont get a note, they don’t get a tape, they don’t get anything. that’s cruel.

now, here’s where it gets personal. as someone who, years ago, attempted suicide, you dont do it for revenge. you’re not thinking about the nice things people are going to leave on your locker or on your facebook wall. you’re not thinking about anything, really. i wrote my family a note. i did not write letters or make tapes for the people who bullied me, for the people who hurt me, for the people who made me feel worthless. because they’re not why i was going to kill myself. i was the reason i was going to kill myself. i wont go into detail but i ended up stopping myself because i realized very quickly i didnt actually want to die. and still, i didnt blame people for what i felt. sure, you know, being bulled wasn’t nice and i never spoke to those people again and told them to stay the fuck away from me but I, ME, MYSELF - I WAS MY OWN PROBLEM.

i was my own problem because i hadn’t faced what i was going through, and didn’t let myself talk about it. after that, i went into school, sat down with my teacher (who like mr porter, wasnt that much help) and i got help for myself. i did that for me, i didn’t ask anyone else to notice that i was depressed, or had suicidal thoughts. i didn’t blame people for “not caring” when evidently THEY HAD THEIR OWN PROBLEMS!!!!!!!

hannah baker didn’t help herself, and expected others to notice all of the signs, when they were struggling, as we see in the show, with their own problems. you can’t do that to people. bryce is a gross human being and courtney is a raging asshole and marcus was a pric but alex, jessica, zach? their parts in her story didnt amount to nearly as much.

13 reasons why glorifies suicide to an extent that even parents loike it? they think its a great show that educates them on what to look for in their kids? not all kids are the same.

13 reasons why is toxic, it’s triggering, it’s done more bad than good from what i’ve heard and teens who defend it and sympathise with it the most are people that are in denial about being bullies. ive seen it all over my facebook, people that hurt me supporting the show and saying what an inspiration it is, because they dont know how badly they affected me. and thats so like, blah blah look at me - but thats what shows like that do. glorify the idea and make it sad so that you’re like aww, i relate. because everyone can relate to being depressed at one point, being sad, being anxous, but nobody wants to admit that they’ve hurt people too, and at the end of the show what dow e see? one of the kids thinking he’s actually responsible for hannah’s death tries to kill himself, and thats on HER.

anyway those were my opinions. they are just MINE, so dont come at me. i dont care if you like the show. its nice for what its worth, but i dont like what it promotes and what is stands for.

#answers #suicide / #depression / #13 reasons why / #beep. this got super long and angry but lmao there it is #im not doing anymore of those fire things bc this took all the anger out of me #i have nothing more to give #enjoy this if u wanna #if i get any negative comments in myinbox or anything defending it against a PERSONAL opinion i'll just delete it

[onlyjihoons]

policeman!jihoon pt.2

a/n; special thanks to bff jupiter @chaeyolks for the pretty pretty moodboard once again,, also! this is a collab w @alliwannado-w1, her installment for woojin is coming up this weekend so do look forward to it^^

policeman!jihoon pt.1//policeman!woojin

warning: slight alcohol mention+slight violence, however characters are written when they are of adult age

“you’re illegal, why are you even a police officer?”

“you’re going to do undercover duty with y/n.”

“again?!”

“unless you want me to–”

“yes sir”

so here he was, groaning at his impeccable luck

he needed to get back at daniel for making him buy that drink LOL

“hello, im inspector park jihoon, please take care of me”

you looked up, being greeted by jihoon, in a light blue button down and ripped jeans

with that lanyard that has his name and picture??

usually staff id pics look like mugshots

but hey his pic deadass looks like a shot of those models for some fashion show

“hello, i’m sergeant y/l/n,” you smiled, sticking out your hand, “i hope we will work well together.”

at that moment jihoon fell for your brown eyes

and dimples when you smile

whatever he said about having zero interest in girls was thrown into the gutter

jihoon was tasked to shadow you for your duties for a month

he was pretty sure he was gonna get sacked for falling for his superior LOL

anyways

your first day of working with jihoon was nothing big, just typing out some reports

it was a little weird because an inspector from the violent crimes department in a street crimes(idk what its called pls forgive me) department? typing out reports of a lost puppy??

anyhow your female colleagues from the other departments will ever more often drop by your desk just to see jihoon

it was getting annoying how theyre actually paying more attention to jihoon

so you asked minhyun to dispatch you for more undercover duties LOL

“i thought you loved writing reports”

“not until the female sergeants from other departments come to my desk to see inspector park??”

“are you jealous?”

ngl you were but you arent gonna let it show

especially in front of minhyun

he would f l i p

“try having 3 colleagues flocking to your table every 2 hours to see your co-worker instead of talking to you, and also distracting you from doing work.”

“fine”

undercover was boring, you would normally drag sergeant!baejin along with you

but this time he wanted to stay in the office because he doesnt want to be the “third wheel”

you and jihoon would go to the same club everyday to do undercover duties

and the both of you manage to bust some sleazy dudes

since the whole thing was already under control the both of you soon don’t need to go to the club

and actually do night patrols

it was fun, because jihoon would entertain you by pulling funny faces and treat you to ice cream

contrary to your expectations, jihoon was actually quite nice to be around with

but then something in your mind went off about him

 you remembered the fuckboy senior that played with girls’ hearts in high school

it was jihoon

you were well aware that you were a position above him despite the 2 year age gap

but you couldn’t let yourself fall for someone who breaks hearts

so you decided to build a invisible wall of friendship to prevent yourself from falling for him

i mean how couldn’t you,, he was good looking, good at his work, and had a faint protective vibe which you liked

like whenever you were feeling only a little chilly at the cool breeze jihoon would not hesitate to drape his jacket over you

and also let you walk on the inside of the pavement

besides, minhyun would fall off his chair at the thought of his sister dating someone from the violent crimes department

but that didn’t stop you from having fun

the both of you would sit at swings and play at the slides

there was once jihoon was stuck at one of the slides and you had to help him LOL

but ended up pulling out one of his Stan Smiths and nearly called the fire brigade

day by day, the both of you got closer

and you told jihoon not to call you “sergeant hwang” bc that sounds rlly formal

one day the both of you were just talking about random stuff and you mentioned that you wanted to pick up martial arts

“i can teach you if you want!^^”

“really? what martial arts do you do?”

“i have a six-don black belt in taekwondo, i do teach little kids in my spare time as well”

so here you are, standing at the back of jihoon’s taekwondo class

you felt very over-aged learning taekwondo with a bunch of white-belt kids

but they were really good, and jihoon told the kids you were his assistant for the time being

yeah, assistant with a white belt

and just saying, jihoon looked rlly rlly hot in that taekwondo uniform

with slightly sweaty bangs and all

when he just stands aside for the kids to practice and adjusts his belt

bOI

ok moving on

you learnt some basic moves and jihoon barely needed to coach you to get them right

so all those years of fighting with minhyun was worthwhile

jihoon would shift you up to a yellow belt in two weeks because you were that good

so one day your eyes obviously wasn’t doing you good

you kept messing up the sequence throughout the lesson, maybe your condition wasn’t good

jihoon could see it and asked you to rest for a while

after the lesson ended, you took your street clothes and accidentally walked into the men’s changing room

and you walked into a topless jihoon

luckily, he was the only one inside

you could see his toned abs, and defined arms

not to mention that killer jawline

and in taekwondo pants????

jihoon noticed you staring slightly and then fumbled to find his taekwondo robe

and you noticed you were in the wrong changing room

“oh shit im so sorry i--i”

just as you were about to get out of the changing room jihoon blocked the door

without his robe

“y/n, did you enter the wrong changing room to see,,,”

“see?”

he pointed to his abs, “this?”

you could only laugh, “i would never do that, i can easily see them on the internet”

he raised his eyebrows, “so you watch porn?”

“no??” you rolled your eyes, offended, “do you think i’m that kind of person, inspector park?”

“n-no--”

“i’m sorry i’m not like those girls you played with back in high school, i’m not after your body--”

“you’re driving me crazy, y/n”

“what?”

“your eyes, your nose, your lips, drive me crazy.” jihoon stared right into your eyes, making you blush

“hey inspector park--”

“why don’t you call me ‘jihoon oppa’ anymore? is our relationship strictly work-related now?”

“i just...” you sighed how something small could escalate to something big like this, “i like you, jihoon-oppa”

you slightly cringed but you continued, 

“but we cant do this. minhyun will get mad, and there goes my job.”

“b-but--”

“sorry, inspector park, i’d have to go.”

you pushed jihoon aside weakly, then going out and into the ladies’ changing room

you felt hot tears trickling down your face, in reality, you just didn’t want your heart to be broken

the next day, you and jihoon went to work like a normal day

just, no patrolling and writing of reports the whole day

the office could sense a tension between the both of you, even your female colleagues stopped coming over

“hey y/n,” baejin stopped by your table and handed over a file, “you gotta go undercover again for that club, the perverts are striking again.”

“again?” you sighed, “okay i’ll go.”

“do you need me to go with you?” baejin leaned against your desk, “ you seem, off, today”

“i-”

“i will go with her, sergeant bae.” jihoon spoke, “it’s my last day here anyway.”

so fast, a month has passed, you thought.

“thanks inspector park. i’ll get going then.”

you skipped dinner, all you did was to write reports continuously throughout the day

until jihoon slammed your laptop shut, and stared straight into your eyes

“we need to go now, sergeant hwang.” his lips stretched into a straight line.

you unwillingly got up from your seat, as you shrugged on your coat and headed out to the carpark to wait for jihoon

the car ride was quiet, with you staring out of the window, not talking to jihoon

though it was jihoon’s last day, and you were sorry he had to spend his last day like that

you had to stop yourself 

though the club was playing upbeat music, all you could do was to stare into blank space

just then, some sleazy dude came up to you

“can i buy this pretty lady a drink?” he winked

“no thanks, im with someone else--”

“ey, that someone else can wait.”

“i really do have someone--”

“i said i will get you a drink alright?!” the man’s rogueish smile appeared, grabbing your wrist, “i know you’re here to do undercover duties, sergeant hwang--”

just then, a fist was sent flying to the man’s cheek, as he stumbled backwards

you saw an angry jihoon, his face was red with anger

“if you ever touch sergeant hwang again, you’ll end up in the hospital.” jihoon growled.

“wow, sergeant, i didn’t know you were into flowery pretty boys like--”

jihoon sent another punch across the man’s face, making him fall to the ground

you had to physically stop jihoon from hitting that sleazy dude, or it would’ve turned into a full fight

“jihoon-oppa,” you held his arm, which weakened at your touch, “let’s stop, minhyun wouldn’t be happy if he saw this.”

jihoon scoffed, putting the dude in handcuffs

“you’re under arrest for sexual harrassment, you have a right to remain silent, unless with witness that will support your innocence.”

after that dude was thrown into jail, jihoon immediately hugged you

“are you okay?” he then took a step back to analyse your frame, “he didn’t hurt you, right? i was so--”

you then cut jihoon off with a kiss, shutting him up effectively.

jihoon kissed you back with more assertion, to make up for the time he didn’t get to talk to you throughout the day

“what was that, y/n?” jihoon smiled, ruffling your hair

“don’t tell minhyun about this”

boyfriend!jihoon in the police station is super sweet, leaving you a sandwich for breakfast, then dragging you out for lunch

minhyun soon found out about it, “i knew the both of you had something going on”

and jihoon wasn’t the asshole you expected him to be

he only had eyes for you, and it was really endearing

the both of you would go on night walks, and then sitting on the swing set, talking about random things

overall, the sweetest crime-busting couple in Gangnam Police Station

“I don’t know how you became a police officer, your looks are illegal, you’re my illegirl”

lowkey stole that from dimple by bts sorry im lame i hope you guys enjoyed this as much as i liked writing this,,my request box is always open, so do send in requests!

#park jihoon #hwang minhyun #wanna one #wanna one scenarios #produce 101 season 2 #produce 101 scenarios #park jihoon scenarios #Fluffy writes #collab: policeman!wna1

[retroreaderr]

Daryl/Reader | Sweet Child O' Mine

akjdkahsjd ok so i’m so sorry for being gone for so long, but hey while i was busy wallowing in my own depression i started watching twd for real this time bc im hyped for death stranding and i kinda maybe love daryl now,, what a cutie jesus someone get him a warm blanket and cocoa the poor boy;; anyways with that, i’ll be adding twd to our fandoms list so feel free to send in some rqs, though please keep in mind i’m only on season three. i’m trying my best to make it through before it starts up again in october, though – 🕷️💋

It would have been a quiet evening were it not for the soft sound of a guitar drifting from the campsite.

It started as what seemed to be random rather out of tune notes, then evolved into something somewhat-coherent, and then finally into what one could call decent playing.

“Say, you’re pretty good with that thing,” a voice interrupted your absentminded strumming.

“It’s Glenn’s - the one Dale grabbed for him. Said he couldn’t play, I figured I’d give it a shot.”

“You’re a quick learner, then?”

“Nah,” you finally turned to look at the woman interrogating you, “I used to play. Before all this.”

Lori nodded before lowering her gaze back to the acoustic.

“Can you play anything besides a scale, then? Or does your expertise end there?”

You let out a small chuckle before glancing over at her, “I might be able to.”

After a few more seconds of tuning, you strummed a few notes before taking a deep breath. It seemed to come back to you all at once, thank god for muscle memory.

A small riff opened the song, and it was immediately recognizable despite the slowed tempo and softer tone,

“He’s got a smile that it seems to me, reminds me of childhood memories, where everything was as fresh as the bright blue sky…” A few other members of the group had stopped their work and turned to stare in your direction, the soft glow of the fire casting an even warmer tone onto you than the setting sun already had. “Now and then when I see his face he takes me away to that special place, and if I’d stare too long, I’d probably break down and cry,” your eyes drifted shut as your hands continued to play through the chorus. Your voice grew even softer with each word, and the small audience you’d attracted seemed to lean in with each line, as to not miss the comfort that the music brought.

“He’s got eyes of the bluest skies, as if they thought of rain…I hate to look into those eyes and see an ounce of pain-”

“This ain’t a vacation, people! Get back to work! Come on, now!” your concert was cut short. Your head snapped up at Shane’s voice calling your name.

“What are you doing?”

“I was just…”

“She was just having a little fun, let her go,” Lori finally stepped in.

“Well as great as that sounds, if you haven’t noticed, we don’t have time for fun. Not anymore.” She stood up to say something back, but instead sighed and glanced back at you once more before walking off towards the house.

“Everyone else seemed to like it,” you mumbled, your gaze turning towards the ground.

“Well everyone else needs to get their heads outta their asses.”

“What everyone else needs is a break. I was doing that for them. I get it, the world’s gone to shit but…I don’t think a little normalcy is gonna be the end of us.”

“Just save your distractions for later. The rest of us have work to do, you know, actual contributions.”

With that, he turned and walked away, following in Lori’s steps towards the house.

“Asshole,” you breathed, staring after him before looking down at the guitar.

“I liked it,” a soft voice praised.

You turned to look at Daryl as he emerged from his tent, making his way to where you sat.

“Thanks.”

“I think you’re right. These people need a break. Somethin’ to remind ‘em it there’s still some humanity left in this world.”

You watched as he slowly made his way to the vacant seat next to you.

“Yeah.”

“Besides, it sounded pretty damn good.”

A smile tugged at the corners of your mouth, “Thank you.”

“Ain’t nothin’ to thank me for.”

You then stood, setting the instrument down on the chair you’d been sitting on.

“I’ll get some wood for the fire,” you whisper. You weren’t sure if your voice broke because of the shame that Shane’s insults had brought, or the embarrassment you’d felt in response to Daryl’s compliments.

Either way, you practically ran away from where you stood, being sure to take a lap around part of the farm before actually getting the wood.

By the time you’d arrived back, it was getting darker and most had retired to their tents or sat quietly by the dying fire. You tossed what you’d brought back into the pit before solemnly taking back your seat.

You then sat staring at the flames for a while, until you were alone, lit by the glow of the fire and warmed by its heat.

“I mean it when I say what you did earlier wasn’t a bad thing,” you heard Daryl’s voice creep up on you once again. He rounded one of the tents before taking his spot next to you. You seemed almost surprised that he chose to sit so close despite the plenty of open seats. Then again, your relationship with him wasn’t exactly normal. You weren’t really sure what it was. It wasn’t…Romantic, you supposed. He confided in you occasionally, something he hadn’t done with anyone else in the group. You knew there was so much he still hadn’t told you, but you were grateful he trusted you with what he did tell you.

Best friends? No, it was different.

Complicated. That’s the word.

“You should play again sometime. I think they’ll like it,” he himself stared at the fire, his voice as soft as ever.

“You’re very caring for someone who rarely speaks to anyone else.”

“I talk to you.”

“I don’t count.”

“Why not?” he looked at you with an expression crossed between confusion and anger.

You opened your mouth to respond, but you couldn’t think of an answer.

“I just… Don’t.”

“I think you do,” he turned to look back at the fire.

A silence followed and you felt yourself growing tired. You knew you should have returned to your tent for the night, but you couldn’t bring yourself to. Instead, you let your eyes close as your head slowly fell to the side, resting against Daryl’s exposed shoulder. You felt him flinch at the contact, but he relaxed once he realized what it was.

He looked down at your sleeping form, and with a few moments of consideration and hesitation and many moments of (unsuccessfully) attempting to convince himself it was simply a friendly gesture and nothing more, he wrapped his arm around your shoulders, his hand resting near the top of your arm, where he hadn’t even realized he was absentmindedly tracing circles into your skin. After what seemed like forever, he felt his own fatigue catch up with him, but he was determined to stay awake until you were safely in your tent.

The only problem was that he couldn’t recall which was yours.

With a sigh he stood carefully and lifted your sleeping figure into his arms.

He didn’t want to take the chances of waking anyone else - they all needed the rest.

It took him a while to get the zipper to the tent open, but once he did he set you down on his cot and, taking an extra blanket, laid down on the ground next to you. It was uncomfortable, but then again, so were most things these days. He didn’t mind.

“Daryl…?” your voice was slurred by sleep.

He let out a small noise in response to let you know he was there.

“Why’re…Why you on…th’ground?”

He didn’t answer.

“Whaddya doin’ down there? Get…C'mere.”

He slowly sat up, giving you a questioning look. You were half asleep - you probably didn’t know what you were saying. How would you react in the morning if -

“Please?” your voice seemed a bit clearer now, more coherent.

More awake.

He hesitated once again, but his racing thoughts were interrupted by you reaching down and grabbing onto his arm and weakly tugging at it.

“C’mon, I’m tired.”

His breath sped as he stood and waited near the edge of the cot.

“I…” he didn’t know what to say.

You rolled over as far as you could, and he attempted to take the spot next to you, laying awkwardly and trying to avoid as much contact as possible.

That plan, however, was ruined as soon as you threw the covers over him and rolled over to rest on his chest. His breathing hitched and it was enough for you to notice. He was obviously uncomfortable, why were you even here?

“I’m sorry, I-” you were about to get up and leave, but a certain pair of arms made their way around your lower back, holding you in place against him.

“Don’t go.”

He sounded so…broken.

You buried your face in his neck, and you could’ve sworn that instead of his breath speeding up, it instead had the opposite effect - he relaxed.

“I won’t.”

Though you couldn’t see in the dark, he smiled.

#daryl x reader #daryl dixion imagine #daryl dixon x reader #twd #the walking dead imagine #twd x reader #daryl dixon #widow's kiss

[kensingtcns-blog]

( CHARLIE HUNNAM, MALE, HE/HIM ) —— [ BENJAMIN KENSINGTON ] is a [ THIRTY-FIVE ] year old that has been part of the [ HEATHENS ] for [ FIVE ] years. They have been working as a [ GUARD ]. The people in Boulder say that [ HE ] is [ CUNNING ] but also [ RECKLESS ]. Lets see what this wasteland has in store for them.

*uberhaxornova voice* alright helLO ( watch, no one else knows who that is ) its me, ur new resident trash queen & angst n pain lover, caitlyn. i’m 23 and i live in cst so like ?? yeah hi hello how are ya’ll ?? this is my baby benjamin that’s actually ?? a hot ass mess lmao ?? under this is a basic af bullet point bio, personality traits n stats & the three headcanons!! i’m so ridiculously excited to be here as well so that made my rambling worse ?? just like it is right now jfc okay i’ll stop. anywHO i’ve got a basic af list of wanted connections for him right HERE & i'll be working on making an actual bio for him over the next few days!! if you wanna plot w this hot ass mess, just like this or hop into my IMs bc i cannot wait to plot with all ya’ll!!

( TW: mentions of death, cancer, alcohol & weapons. )

BIOGRAPHY

was born and raised in denver, which means he’s always had a love for colorado.

ben’s the oldest of two siblings, his sister being ten years younger than him.

raised by two v loving parents who gave the pair everything they could have every wanted.

however, his mother did from breast cancer when he was 12 and that heavily impacted his father.

causing the older male to teach ben that having feelings wasn’t a good thing and that ben should bottle up everything because he wouldn’t get hurt that way.

something that ben took to heart and kept with him all throughout school.

speaking of, ben did really well in school, graduated at the top of his class and decided he wanted to go into the medical field.

so he did, went to medical school and started learning how to become a surgeon & to his surprise, he was really frickin good at it.

& along the way, he happened to fall head over heels for another student who was there to be a registered nurse. something his father frowned upon due to what’d happened to ben’s mother, but it was something his father quickly began to accept because he saw just how good the two were for each other.

ben ended up proposing to her about a year after they started dating & she said yes so they had a small courthouse wedding surrounded by loved ones... and a few months later they found out that she was pregnant.

this drove ben to be even more dedicated to his job because he wanted to be able to raise his son like his parents had raised him.

nine months later, along came his son and ben’s world quickly started revolving around that baby.

but all of that came to a screeching halt the second the virus hit.

benjamin knew that they had to get out of a populated city, so he packed his wife, his son, his father and his sister up and they were gone by sunlight.

however, his father and sister ended up getting separated from them and he didn’t know where they could have gone, even though he searched for days to find them.

things were okay for the first few month or so, they’d taken enough food to last from their home and the store but with an infant, keeping those supplies in stock wasn’t the easiest thin in the world and soon enough, ben found himself having to go out and search for formula and things like that.

those trips usually went pretty smooth, making sure his wife and son were safe before leaving them for a few hours. however, the one time he happened to be gone longer than a few hours was the one time they weren’t safe at all.

he came back to find both of them gone, something that hit him in the chest so hard that he sat in that buildings for nearly two days just waiting and hoping they’d just moved to somewhere more safe.

but all the hoping and waiting wouldn’t make up for the fact that they’d been taken from him.

this caused him to start being reckless, to go down this dangerous path that he figured would get him killed.

but not only did he do that, he started to have to figure out how to survive on his own. he didn’t have anyone, which meant he’d have to figure out how to shoot a gun, how to hold a knife, how to protect and fend for himself.

so he did, finding guns and ammo that’d been left behind by people, practicing by lining up the numerous alcohol bottles he’d killed off days before and firing into them.

sure enough, he seemed to be a natural with that and with knives.. or a natural for violence in general. he liked the feeling, and it wasn’t something he was going to deny anymore.

& he didn’t deny it one bit. if he met people, he’d resort to violence and threats faster then he could blink an eye because he didn’t trust them, didn’t trust anyone but himself with the feelings he now kept bottled up.

fast forward to about five years later, ben runs into a group that calls themselves the heathens and they instantly catch his interest.

offering him food, water, anything that was needed and gave him purpose.. something he hadn’t had in years. not since he lost his wife and son.

he took the offer almost instantly and has been a guard for them ever since.

PERSONALITY.

hides behind a wall of sarcasm, cockiness, anger and lust.

doesn’t really care to get to know people and had a tendency to push people away before they get too close to him.

is …. stubborn as hell and refuses to ask for help with anything.

has a motorcycle and it’s his baby..

a hot mess

fluent in a lot of languages, picked them up so that he didn’t need translators at meetings with patients.

lowkey worried that people will figure out that he’s not the complete asshole role that he plays on a daily basis and is actually a very hurt person bc if people started realizing that, he’d have to start feeling again and tbh, he don’t wanna do that.

is the biggest flirt you will ever meet??

will try to either get u to drink w him or take ur alcohol.. there's a v thin line between the two options tbh.

super, super intelligent but keeps that on the dl ?

he cares… god he cares so much about people and the world but he pretends to hate everything because it’s easier than letting people in.

is a highkey hoe but he also keeps it on the dl

super into keeping fit as it’s a way to keep his mind from wandering onto subjects such as his wife and son. so he’ll like ?? find random shit to use as a homemade gym ??

still wears his wedding ring but wears it on his middle finger so that know one knows the real story behind it.

also keeps a photo of his wife at baby boy in his leather jacket.

actually super loyal and caring once you’re able to see get past his wall??which is really hard to do due to his job but if u do it he’ll cherish u.

has a bad habit of smoking so he looks for packs of cigs like ?? everywhere he goes.

is actually super open to teaching other people how to fight / use weapons because it's fun for him but acts like it'll kill him to do so.

is a burnt cupcake who has really good intentions but has horrible execution skills.

HEADCANONS

Benjamin was raised solely by his father, who taught him that most emotions were bad things to feel or to talk about. Meaning that he usually hides all other emotions other than anger and lust. Which means that most people see him as an asshole, something that Benjamin is actually fully okay with because in his mind, having people view him in that light is far easier than having to address and/or deal with his feelings. But that doesn’t mean that Benjamin is unable to feel any other emotions other than anger or lust, but he does keep a wall up around him that not a lot of people can break down. If you can break past that wall, though, you’ll find that Ben is far from the ‘asshole’ character he likes to play.

( TW: mentions of death ) Before the virus broke out, Benjamin was actually going to medical school, hoping to be one of the best surgeons in Colorado, maybe even the United States. However, the virus took his wife and son from him and it caused him to break, causing him to give up on the little bit of hope he had left and away from the 'helper’ path he’d be heading down. Instead he found himself becoming extremely reckless, loving everything about violence and danger. He started doing things that his old self would have hated and not caring about the fact that it was risky, that he could easily get hurt or lose his own life in the process. But in all honesty? He doesn’t care about his own well-being, letting the grief that still sits deep in his soul cause him to drift towards dangerous things.

( TW: mentions of weapons. ) Due to him being on his own for a few years before he found The Heathens, Benjamin had to learn how to survive in the toughest ways possible. Meaning that whenever he ran into other survivors, he rarely trusted any of them and if it came to it, he’d resort to violence to get what he needed to survive, food, weapons, whatever it was. Not to mention the fact that he had to teach himself how to use knives, guns and anything else that could have been considered a weapon, how to hunt for the food needed to survive and how to deal with the infected anytime he happened to stumble upon them. After a few years of that, though, he started figuring out that maybe the life of survival and violence was something that he was rather good at, and something he really enjoyed as well. Which was the beginning of him turning from the 'helper’ he wanted to be before the virus hit to someone who’s actually rather selfish.

STATISTICS.

full name: benjamin rhys kensington.

nickname(s): ben, benji (used by his wife mostly).

age: thirty-five.

date of birth: october 31st.

zodiac sign: scorpio.

place of birth: denver, colorado.

gender: cis-male.

sexual orientation: bisexual.

religion: n/a.

occupation: guard for the heathens.

language(s) spoken: english, french, spanish, welsh, russian, korean, japanese, italian, romanian, greek, gaelic and bulgarian.

accent: american.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE.

face claim: charlie hunnam.

hair color: blonde.

eye color: blue.

height: 6′ 1″.

weight: 225 lbs.

build: athletic.

PERSONALITY / TRAITS.

label: the cataclysmic.

positive traits: cunning, adventurous, intelligent, charming, loyal & brave.

negative traits: reckless, hedonistic, cocky, impulsive, flirtatious & closed off.

FAMILY

father: gideon james kensington. ( undetermined. )

mother: marie ann williams-kensington. ( deceased. )

siblings: a younger sister ( undetermined. )

TESTS.

myers-briggs: estp-a

enneagram: type 8 ( the challenger. )

moral alignment: lawful evil. ( the dominator. )

temperament: choleric.

hogwarts house: slytherin.

#lb.intro #( master of puppets — ooc. ) #when will i ever not ramble in intro posts??? #come plot w me tho pls

[houseofdemi-blog]

Playing with Fire - 08 [Finale]

Summary: After breaking up with you, you decide the only way to get back at your -now ex-boyfriend and avoid public humilliation is by making a deal with resident bad boy Min Yoongi: you’ll give him money as long as he pretends to be your new boy.

Genre: Romance.

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Rating: Mature  (BITCH READ IT IM NOT SPOILING ANYTHING THIS TIME)

Length: 3.3k

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 -  Part 7 - Part 8 [Finale]

A/N: wowowo so its finally here i decided to end this on part 08 bc 8 is my lucky number so anyways thank you so much for enjoying this as much as i enjoyed writing it and for your lovely messages im so emo now i need a moment BY THE WAY someone had the amazing idea of creating a playlist with songs inspired by the story so id love for you guys to send me which songs you think fit the fic?? id appreciate that a lot :)

Yoongi's eyes focused on the fan on the cieling. Staring, but not looking. Beer bottles surrounding his unmade bed; clothes scattered all over the floor; the TV's screen, pitch black. The window is closed. So is his door. The blinds are not entirely down. There are a few rays of afternoon to evening providing him with light. Enough light to keep staring at the cieling. A cigarette dangling from between his index and middle fingers. A lighter resting on his sheets, right next to his head. Ashes falling on the carpet, right on top of a small plastic bag of weed. Smoke filling the air as it filles his lungs. Blinding his vision, blinding his brain cells. The fan kept moving. Slowly. Too slowly. He didn't remember it being that slow. His eyes tried to keep up with the blades but they're too slow. He didn't remember them being that slow.

He heard his phone's ringtone in the distance.

He doesn't bother to pick it up. He hasn't picked up his phone since the moment you stopped picking up yours.

'Bro, what's up? How're you doing?'

He would snort if he could. If he had the energy to fake a laugh, to fake a smile. But his face hadn't left the scowl that appeared on it the morning he woke up to not find you beside him anymore. And that was exactly twenty nine days, eleven hours, thirty two minutes and fifteen, sixteen, seventeen.... seconds. But who was counting?

'You haven't left your apartment in almost two weeks, man.'

Of course he hadn't. He did leave his apartment the following two weeks after you started hiding from him. Because that's exactly what you were doing. And he knew you were hiding from him because those first two weeks he had been calling you, messaging you, he had been showing up at the places you and your friends -and you two together, for Christ's sake- always hung out at and -ignoring your neighbors' judgemental looks and the high possibility of your mum feeding his body to a Rottweiler- he had shown up at your doorstep, only to leave a couple minutes before when you hadn't answered the door.

'We just don't even know what's wrong with you. You should be happy that bitch disappeared.'

He should. He really should. He should be happy he didn't have to go to any of your friend's snobby parties. He should be happy he didn't have to pick you up from school everyday. He should be happy you were out of his apartment and his life.

Because at the end of the day, he knew this would happen. You both did. He knew the moment to approached him with such a stupid idea, the finale would be both of you going your separate ways. That's what your imaginary contract had said.

But he missed keeping an arm around you while a bunch of preppy kids threw daggers at him. He missed you greeting him with a -too enthusiastic, too feigned- kiss after saying goodbye to your classmates. He missed your legs on his lap, he missed the scent of your hair on his pillow and the way your body curled up to his in your sleep.

And, fuck it if he was crazy, but he was sure you had fallen for him as much as he had fallen for you. He knew it stopped being pretend the moment his lips met yours.

'You need to do something, Suga. You can't keep isolating yourself.'

Taking a long and last drag from his cigarette, he dropped the butt on the floor. He closed his eyes and held the smoke for a while, enjoying the burning feeling in his chest. It was better and way more enjoyable than that fucking knot in his stomach.

Yoongi read the paragraph all over again. His eyes read every word, analyzed every letter, every coma, while his head filled with questions and his chest filled with anger. His rough hands scrambled the paper at the sides. He hadn't realized his grip was so tight until his knuckes turned white. His jaw was clenched and his breathing was heavy.

He had opened his mail box three days later, closed the door to his apartment and sat on the couch skimming through bills to pay when he had come across a letter that definitely had nothing to do with his rent.

Un-fucking-believable.

It was the only way he could describe what he was feeling.

Standing up and grabbing his jacket and car keys, he had left his apartment again.

Yoongi walked through the café door, paper in hand. His eyes spotted her in the distance, laughing, talking, without a care in the world, and his boot claded feet immediately started making their way to her table in long and noisy strides. His hand almost smashed on the table, startling the group of people around her, who stopped the conversation to stare at him.

“Where is she?” his voice was low and menacing, but it was not shaky, it was not out of place. It was calm, steady, determined to get an answer.

Wendy gulped, knowing very well who he was referring to and knowing very well the look on his face said he was not there to play any games.“Yoongi, she doesn't want to talk to-”

“I don't give a shit if she doesn't want to talk to me. I want to talk to her and you're going to tell me where I can find her.” he said through gritted teeth. One of the boys- probably younger than Yoongi, wearing much expensive clothes than Yoongi and sporting a hairstyle that must have cost more than anything Yoongi could afford- stood up, ready to confront him. Wendy looked at him reassurangly, and he sat back down the moment Yoongi pierced him with his black orbs.

Wendy looked at him again, sighing. “She's in her house. I'm suppossed to meet up there in an hour or so because she wasn't feeling like hanging out.”

He didn’t need to hear anymore. He was practically out of the door the moment her first words left her mouth.

He was knocking at your front door faster than he had thought he would. It took you a while to answer, but when you finally did, you wish you hadn't.

The moment you saw him, you tried to close the door out of instinct, out of fear. He was faster though, his foot stepped between the door and him and  he placed the palm of his hand solidly on the door, keeping you from smashing it in his face.

Yoongi,being stronger than you -or maybe just not as tired as you were- pushed it open once again and rushed inside before you could even protest.

Your stomach couldn't help tightening when he passed next to you and his scent hit you. The same scent you had tried so hard to forget was also the same scent you had tried to remember. You had no other option but to finally close the door, not moving your hands from the handle after you did so. The thought of inevitably facing Yoongi was making you feel dizzy and sick, especially now that he was less than five feet away from you.

You turned around and was met with his dark eyes staring right at you and you took the time to admire him after a month.

He hadn't changed one bit, of course. His hair was the same pale blonde, almost white color. Almost as milky as his skin. His eyes were smudged with black eyeliner and ire and the bags under them confirmed he might have had the same amount of sleep as you. His lips, probably the most colorful thing about him, were still the same shade of pink, were still as plump and irresistibly kisseable as you remembered.

You folded your arms over your chest. To keep yourself from reaching out to him? A pathetic attempt at trying to steady their shakiness? Or maybe a pathetic attempt at trying to protect yourself?

His chest moved rapidly and his voice sounded rough when he spoke, raising the paper in his hand.  “What the fuck is this?”

Your eyes flickered to it for a second before they settled on his again. “I don't know. What the fuck is that?”

“Stop playing games, _____.”

“I'm not playing games. I don't know what that is.” you held your head high and didn't back down from his glare.

His tongue toyed with the inside of his cheek and he dropped his hand with an incredulous expresson on his face. “Ok, let me read it out to you to refresh your mind. Here I go.” he cleared his throat with a smile that held no humor at all. “'Dear Mr. Min. We were sent your tape last week, blah blah blah, we apologize for taking so long to reply to your email, blah blah blah, but we would be more than delighted to have a meeting to discuss a possible record deal and blah blah blah.'”

You gulped through an almost entirely closed off throat when he looked at you again with raised eyebrows, waiting for an explanation. You opened your mouth to speak but closed it again, not being able to find a decent excuse. But pride still held your head up high.

“That's awesome. You're going to pursue your dream. Congratulations. But I don't know what that has to do with me. So I think you should lea-”

“You think I don't know you sent my demo tape to a music producer?” his words stopped you right away and made your heart skip a beat. He could see it in the way your whole body tensed up and the way your breathing hitched. “You think I don't know you took my USB drive?”

“W-what?” you stuttered through an uneasy tone.

“You think I didn't see you putting it inside the pocket of your jacket that night?”

If you felt sick before, now you felt the whole room spinning.

“Did you you really think this would make me want to distance myself from you? Because it didn’t work.”

The lump in your throat burned when you swallowed and his stare was pinning you completely without letting you move. He must have sensed that and he seemed to show a little mercy when he looked away, finally letting you breath as he placed the hand holding the letter on his hip and brushed his hair back with his free one, huffing exhaustadly.

“Why didn't you say anything?” you managed to say. You almost winced at how vulnerable you sounded.

“Because that's how fucking crazy I am about you!” the sudden desperation in his raised voice made you jump slightly when his words hit you. He inhaled and probably counted to ten in his head, trying to calm himself. “I didn’t know why you took it and I didn’t care. I would have let you throw it into a garbage can. I would let you to anything as long as that meant keeping you by my side. And if keeping you by my side meant giving up my music, well...” he closed his eyes and you wondered if he was as close to crying as you were. “And then you left. Without saying goodbye. And you've been avoiding me for a month. And here I am again. What does that make me? A masochist? A low self-steemed moron?”

“Yoongi-” he cut you off again.

“I love you.” everything went still. “I'm absolutely, completely, one hundred percent in love with you.” He made his way towards you slowly but surely, almost hesitant, watching your reaction. Watching your eyes filling up tears that started to blur your vision. Yet you didn't look away. You couldn't even if you wanted to. “And I know you feel the same way I do. And you cannot tell me what we had-... have, is not real.”

“Why didn't you say anything before either?” your voice trembled as his hands rested on either side of your head on the wall behind you.

“Because I'm an insecure piece of shit?” his voice didn't hold a pinch of anger anymore. It was low, delicate, gentle. One of his hands left the wall and collected a tear that had slipped from the corner of your eye. “Every time you let me touch you, every time you let me kiss you, every time you let me undress... All I could think about was how much you deserved, and how little I could give you.” he caressed your cheek until it cupped your jaw. “You deserve someone who makes love to you in a five star hotel, not someone who fucks you on the hood of their car while it's raining.”

Your heart clenched and you raised your hand to place it on top of his.

“I don't care about any of that.” you licked your lips, tasting the saltiness of your own tears. “I just want to be with you.”

You almost you couldn't finish your sentence before his lips were on yours and, God, how much you had missed them.

He tasted of self-doubt. Of teardrops at midnight. Of empty bedsheets and lingered scents. He tasted of short-lived memories. Of songs on the radio and feet propped on a car's dashboard. He tasted of mint. Of coffee that only worsened sleepless nights. He tasted of worry as well as determination. He tasted of hopefulness and new beginnings.

It didn't take him too long to pull you closer by your waist and it didn't take you too long to pull him closer by his neck. It didn't take him long to lift you up and make you wrap your legs around his waist before disappearing up the staris.

He didn't need indications or any words. He knew exactly where your room was and where in your bed to place you.

He pulled back to admire you and your hair all over your pillow, rosy cheeks and bruised lips. You smiled at him. You had already stopped crying but tears were already threatning to pour again if he didn't put his lips on yours again soon.

He pulled his shirt off and your hands were glued to his skin almost instantly. He was always cold, but he was warm now and you were begging to feel him closer. His teeth grazed the skin of your neck. It reminded you of your last night with him.

Your hands slipped to his jeans, desperate to free him and to free yourself. He got the message. He got rid of your clothes as well, dropping them somewhere. Who cared.

Your tongues moved against each other as if they were old friends enthusiastically running into each other for the first time in years, except it had only been a month.

“I've missed this so much.” he mumbled against your mouth and you moaned in response when his fingers found your core, already drenched. “I've missed you so much.”

You cried his name when he inserted one of his fingers with ease inside of you.

“Have you touched yourself after that night?” you heard him in the distance but you couldn't mutter a word. Not when his finger was fucking you and his thumb was moving in circles over your clit. “Answer me.” his gruff voice, the curling of his fingers and the sudden roughness of his touch made you gasp in pleausre.

“Y-yes.” you breathed. His lips wrapped around your breast, his tongue worked around your areola and his teeth bit your nipple in punishment. That only made you cry his name once more and pull at his hair.

“You’re still a bad girl, huh?” The hand not inside of you travelled down until it was gripping your thigh, hooking it over his hip. A loud smack filled the room and a the beginning of a red mark printed on your buttlock.

“Yoongi, I need you.”

That was enough to make him pull his hand from between your thighs and replace it with the tip of his cock, already throbbing and fully erected. He teased at your entrance, watching your face twist in agony. You looked up at him and muttered a 'Please' that convinced him to push inside of you.

You both moaned in delight and he stayed like that for a moment, closed eyes with his forehead against yours and his breathing fanning against your lips. You studied his features before leaning up to meet his mouth. He wasted no time in kissing you back and started to move his hips. Slowly at first, but picking up his speed until they were slapping furiously against yours.

He was usually quiet, too focused on pleasuring you. But this time, the small ‘Ah's’ and hissed noises that left his mouth were too beautifully melodic and all you could do was appreciate the way his face contorted in bliss.

“I love you.” you said. His eyes shot open and locked with yours, looking for a confirmation. “I love you.” you repeated. Then, his hands gripped both your thighs and pushed them open, allowing him to thrust into you in an angle that almost made you pray.

“I love you.” Yoongi said. His lips attacked your neck, leaving bruises along the way while he pounded in and out of you. Sweat ran down his back and your hands tried to bring him closer to you as he brought you closer to the edge.

He kept leaving 'I love you's' on your flesh until you finally climaxed, clencling around him and making him reach his peak as well. He didn't move out of you and you were glad he didn't because you didn't want to let go.

You fell asleep with his arms around your body, his chest against your back, his breathing behind your neck and the shape of his lips on your shoulder.

You woke up at around two in the morning, muscles too sore to move. Body too tired to fully respond to anything. But also too cold to ignore.And that's when you realized Yoongi wasn't beside you to keep you warm. Your stomach twisted right away and you sat up to find out that, in fact, he wasn't there anymore.

He couldn't have left, right?

Your eyes moved frantically around the room and you sighed in relief when you realized that, no, his jeans weren't on the floor anymore, but his shirt was still over your frame. And that's when you spotted him.

He was sitting on a chair outside your balcony, smoke coming out of his mouth and a cigarette between his fingers as he seemed too enticed by the night to realize you had woken up.

You smiled.

Then you pulled the covers from your body and walked quietly towards him. He didn't flinch when you wrapped your arms around him from behind or when you leaned down to place a kiss on his cheek and nuzzled your face between his neck and his shoulder.

“It's late. Go back to sleep.” he ordened sternly, but you could hear the small smile on his face. You shook your head no, your nose caressing his skin, never getting tired of his scent filling your nostrils.

“I can't. I was cold.” you murmured before cirling around him and positioning yourself in front of him. He motioned you to sit on his lap and you did so. “I thought you left.”

“Well, you're still wearing my shirt. I'm not really into walking around naked at 2 a.m.” the playfulness in his voice made you kiss him and he kissed back.

He engulfed you in his arms after throwing the butt of his cigarette away. Then he made his way to your bed. He made love to you again, both sure it wasn’t the first nor last time and you were alright.

Everything was alright.

#yoongi fic #suga fic #yoongi smut #suga smut #bts #yoongi #suga #bts smut #its over and im sad :(