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sailorhyunjinz · 3 years

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~ 𝕋𝕒𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕡𝕚𝕔𝕥𝕦𝕣𝕖𝕤 𝕠𝕗 𝕪𝕠𝕦 ~

Part III

All picture rights to their respective owners.

ℂ𝕠𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕟𝕥: Photographer!Hyunjin x fem!model!reader, manager!Bangchan, stylist!Jisung, agedup!straykids, SMUT, fluff, character driven story, stranger to lovers, summer!au, soft!dom hyunjin x fem!reader, PIV, penetrative sex, protected sex (wow first time writing that, good on ya cher) sexual photos/pictures taken during sex, semi-public sex, orgasm (m/f), cum, fingering, blowjob, light choking, praise kink, handkink??

𝕎𝕠𝕣𝕕 ℂ𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕥: 5.4 k

ℕ𝕠𝕥𝕖: am so creative with the office numbers? right? tell me im creative LMAO

oh god this was a fucking pain in the ass to read through i cringed at every sentence so hopefully my pain will be your pleasure

Taking pictures of you - MASTERLIST

ONE｜TWO｜THREE

Unlike any other day you couldn’t get out of bed. A boulder of nervousness plaguing you. Through the cracks of the blinds the sun shined in, small particles of dust floating around your resting figure. You were wide awake yet you felt asleep, your thoughts consuming your mind as the dimly lit room became brighter as time ticked on.

You were thinking, perhaps overthinking. This whole situation with Hyunjin seemed confusing and happened way to fast, your psyche not having a moment to digest the events that unfolded during the last couple of days.

Love was a feeling you were familiar with. You knew how it felt. Those butterflies in ones stomach, fluttering everytime a thought of the person passes through your ones.

You felt the same feeling everytime you thought of Hyunjin.

How his soft lips would feel against your cheek that was hot from just looking at his beauty. How his blond hair falls in his face everytime he puts it into a ponytail, his silver decorated fingers tucking the stray pieces behind his pierced ear. These thoughts alone would make your heart beat faster than ever, you eyes clouding with lust even if you knew that this relationship would be impossible given the status the both of you have in this judging industry.

Pushing the covers aside, you sat up before slowly stepping out, your feet hitting the cold flooring of the apartment. You stretched your arms upwards, feeling your spine extend as you squinted, a ray of sunshine hitting you right in the eyes.

The boulder in your chest didn’t feel any lighter but you still got up, wanting time to fly by fast just so you could see his face once again.

♡

No amount of mindfulness exercises could calm the churning of your stomach. The clock in your living room ticked as you watched it with careful eyes, waiting for the time to hit precisely half past before you got up from the couch and shuffled over to the wardrobe, only being stopped from a pling on your phone.

[Bangchan] y/n! can you come by in about an hour? need to discuss some concept photos, sorry for such short notice ❤️

That’s when it hit you. Bangchan didn’t know anything about this. He didn’t know that you’d seen the photos from the shoot and most importantly that you went on a date with the photographer. You could only describe the feeling as ‘improper’. Bangchan was after all one of the closest people in your life, he made you to who you are today and lying to him felt wrong but you shielded your eyes from the truth as you typed back.

[y/n] soz, got plans

[Bangchan] I don’t see any other meeting scheduled for today?

[y/n] you do know that I have a life outside of work? take the day off Chan, you could use some rest ❤️

[Bangchan] Don’t worry about me! You have fun alright?

[y/n] alright, see you next week then ^^

You clicked on the off button on your phone, making the text messages disappear. Getting paranoid, you plopped down on the couch, thinking about every possible way you could get caught which you’d already been, photos of you and Hyunjin circulating throughout social media but they mustn’t have reached Bangchan just yet. You felt like digging a hole underground, wanting to hide away from all these thoughts. The main thought in your mind was whether or not you understood Hyunjin’s intentions.

What if this love was one sided?

Waveing your hand in the air, you attempted to get the mind out of your head as if you were breaking up a cloud of real thoughts. You glanced up at the clock and only then realised that you were running late, as usual.

“Wear whatever you want”

Was what Hyunjin said last time but that didn’t make it easier to choose an outfit. Standing infront of multiple racks of clothing you pulled up the weather application on your phone. “Sunny” you mumbled, making you gravitate towards a beige croptop with white stripes around the neckline as well as a white tennis skirt. Not too dressed up but not too dressed down either, just right. Clothes were flying everywhere when you searched for a pair of white socks to pair with your white high platform sneakers. You put the outfit on, observing yourself in the mirror and smiling, trying to get yourself in a better mood rather than being a nervous wreck. Pulling up your phone, you snapped a picture and sent it to the person who knew best about fashion. Jisung.

[y/n] Sungie! Is this acceptable for a impromptu photoshoot?

The fashionable boy replied minutes later.

[Jisung] oh!! that’s so cute! very much acceptable in my book 🥺

You smiled at his reply

[y/n] phew! good...

[Jisung] is it a date?

Your fingers froze above the keyboard on the phone. Was it that noticeable? Was this really a date?

[y/n] no!!!

[Jisung] you sure, i saw those photos on social media. ahh.. y/n dating famous photographers now...

By this point you were sweating bullets.

[y/n] first of all, i’m not meeting him and second of all, he’s a friend so shut it.

[Jisung] hahah alright alright... i won’t tell Bangchan

[y/n] you have nothing to tell!! we’re friends just like you and I so be quiet otherwise i’ll come over there with balloons, popping them in your face.

[Jisung] oh wow... im so scared...

[y/n] need to leave, if i hear something about you spreading some rumors i’ll seriously do it.

[Jisung] Photo Attachment.

The photo that popped up was from yesterday and your breath hitched. You couldn’t help but to notice the way Hyunjin was looking at you, his eyes filled what seemed like adoration.

[Jisung] yeah because that totally doesn’t look like a date

[y/n] DON’T TELL BANGCHAN PLEASE

[Jisung] oh so it is a date? alright, i won’t! have fun and be safe

[y/n] be safe? we’re taking pictures, not drag racing

[Jisung] hahah stop playing innocent

Your eyes widened in realisation.

[y/n] you crazy fucker

[y/n] I WILL DESTROY YOUR ENTIRE WARDROBE IF YOU DON’T SHUT UP I DON’T SLEEP ON THE FIRST DATE

[Jisung] Whatever you say

Thanks to Jisung you were now running dangerously late leading to you snatching objects from all corners of the apartment before ordering a cab that would arrive in minutes.

♡

“We’ve arrived, miss” the cab driver says, smiling at you through the rear-view mirror. You thank him and step out of the yellow car, a smell of car exhaust hitting your nose. The cab drives away, leaving nothing but a small cloud of smoke. You looked up, almost not seeing the tip of the building as the skyscraper towered over you. You’re beside the busy road, mouth agape. You’d walked by a couple of times but knowing that you knew the person that owned at least a bit of the building made you giddy.

You walked in and was greeted by a grand lobby, a front desk as big as the wall behind it. The entire place was filled with people, everyone from business men in suits to trainee models in the most flamboyant outfits. Fishnet stockings, heavy chains and distressed jeans that consisted of more air then jeans material. The sun shined through the many glass panes that made up most of the ceiling and the slight breeze of the air conditioner made this whole vibe of the building comforting.

“Hi! y/n y/l/n, meeting Hwang Hyunjin” you say to the receptionist that was a relatively old woman, probably in her early 60′s. She was wearing a white button down shirt with her hair in a high bun, a couple of gray strands sticking out. Her red painted mouth contorted into a smile.

“y/n, Hyunjin said that you could make your way to his office without the guards. You must be a close friend”

You smiled shyly with your warm cheeks, looking at either side of the desk where two tall buff men were standing, wearing walkie talkies on their black vests. With a small nod, you started speaking.

“W-where exactly is his office?”

“Floor 20, his main office is in room 03″

“Thank you!”

You quickly shuffled over to the elevators, pushing the button that lit up with orange light emitting.

PLING

The doors to the elevator opened and you stepped inside, a couple of office workers joining you and pressing the necessary buttons to make the elevator lift off.

You step out at the 20th floor, looking around at all the intricate wall design, everything inspired by ancient greece which explains the broken vases that were scattered across the hallway in the most unconventional places. They were all encapsulated with glass and standing on tall white pillars, the vases looking rather sad, being in a spectra of ashy grey colors, every single one of them falling apart.

Stopping, you observed this one vase that caught your attention. It had swirly details around the edge and was shattered in a rather beautiful way. It made you think how even the most broken pieces still carry beauty, beauty unique to only oneself.

“It’s pretty right?”

The voice sounded familiar and warm, almost as if it had anticipated your arrival.

“y-yeah, it really is”

You say turning around, nearly jumping up on the wall when seeing the figure that looked back at you. It was Hyunjin.

Yet again, his presence was astonishing. Everytime you met him it felt as if you’d met him for the first time. The blond boy was standing tall in front of you, wearing a black hoodie, black basketball shorts and a matching headband. A backpack was thrown across his one shoulder and a smaller camera around his neck, everything about his appearence looking completely different from the last time you saw him, his style usually more sophisticated.

“On your way to meet me, yeah?” he asked and you nodded shyly.

“My office is the other way, you know?”

You lifted your gaze to look at the tiny sign on the wall that pointed in two directions, you were walking down the hallway for offices 20-40 by accident and you smiled awkwardly, scratching the back of your head.

“I didn’t know heh...”

“It’s alright! Come with me, I was on my way to the studio”

“What room is that? Your office?”

“No, the room next to my office, come! I’ll show you!”

He grabbed your hand and you felt your body stiffen as he dragged you down the hallway, his hand not being decorated with statement rings this time, instead feeling soft and warm. You blanked out, your legs walking by themselves.

He stopped at a brown door, a tiny gold sign saying « 04 » and beside it a transparent sign stating that this was a photography studio. Hyunjin opened the door and dragged you in, closing the door behind you.

A cold wind hit your warm body, the air conditioner blasting it’s breeze with a faint sound. The room was wide, one wall being made completely out of glass, stand close enough and you could peer down the bustling city filled with people, cars and buildings. The typical photoshoot setup was already in place, the camera being propped up infront of a white backdrop, a white pilar in the middle and two boxlights standing unlit behind the camera. In the corner stood a vintage brown leather couch, the swirly metal details were concealed with a layer of chipped gold paint. Beside the couch stood a simple white table. A black bucket rested on the floor and upon closer inspection you noticed plants, multiple stems of eucalyptus poking out, wrapped in cellophane.

“What are these for?”

You sat down on your knees infront of the bucket while Hyunjin was pressing buttons on the camera that was screwed onto the tripod before walking over to the table and placing down the camera he had around his neck, his backpack lying lazily on the floor. He looked at your crouching figure, the corners of his lips going upwards.

“I thought they’d suit you”

You held in one of the stems, turning your head and looking at his shy smile, his dimples sitting playfully on the sides of his cheeks. You giggle, standing up and leaning against the white pillar, holding the plant in your both hands.

“Do they?”

Hyunjin walked towards the steadied camera, bending down and peeking through the lens.

“They do”

click

Your eyes widen, him snapping a picture without you paying attention.

“Hey! I wasn’t even prepared!” you chuckle, pointing at the blonde boy with the long plant that was dripping at the stem.

“Nature is a bit more beautiful when caught off guard, don’t you think?” Hyunjin says, his honey-like voice, echoing through the room.

You nod, staring down at the leafs of the plant, rubbing them between your thumb and pointer finger.

click

“Try leaning with your butt against the pillar and with one foot fully on the side of the pillar”

You did as he told, the pillar being surprisingly stable.

“Tilt your head and look down to the right”

Once again, you follow his instruction and he hums in satisfaction before pushing the button on the camera twice.

click

Your warm face turned into a smile, laughing loudly from embarrassment when he observed the pictures on his display. He snickers quietly from shyness, a faint blush brushing across his features as his brown eyes were glued to the screen. Hyunjin peeks up from the camera, seeing you looking down at the backdrop that was filled with ashy grey shoeprints.

The sound of his footsteps got closer until you saw them in your periferal view causing you to look up at his tentative face. He smiles, displaying his pearly white teeth and crescent shaped eyes before stretching his hand out, feather light fingertips grazing your hot cheek as he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, your dainty gold earrings now visible. Hyunjin’s hand lingers on your jaw as he looks at you with a gleam in his eyes, you gulping loudly as your gaze lowers to his pouty pink lips. Leaning forward, Hyunjin tilts his head, attaching his lips onto yours, your heart skipping a beat from the comforting feeling of having him close to you.

You drop the fragile twig on the floor, kissing him back by pursing your lips and tilting your head as well. The romantic tension that has been bubbling on the surface everytime you met had finally subsided, now the air overflowed sexual tension.

Cupping his blushed cheeks, you deepen the kiss my licking his plump bottom lip, coaxing his tongue that eventually slipped into your mouth. His hands were firmly planted on your waist, pulling you closer to his body that radiated heat in the already scorching summer weather.

The two tongues danced around in a impatient manner, the two of you dreaming of this moment since meeting. Hyunjin’s hands roamed over all the valleys of your body, placing his hands on the bottom of your butt, pulling you even closer, close enough to feel his semi-erection against your abdomen. Your eyes spring open in realisation, your body melting in his arms as you felt the effects of the deep kiss, the effects being you unable to control the wet patch that was forming on your underwear, nothing but the thin fabric seperating it from the air due to you wearing a skirt.

Pulling away from the kiss, your hot breath and a line of saliva was the only thing that seperated you and Hyunjin. You shielded your face from his twinkling eyes, you glancing at the blonde boy through the gaps between your fingers. His two hands grip your wrists, pulling your hands down as he smiles widely

“Don’t hide that pretty face”

Hyunjin giggles, your chuckles following shortly after. The boy grips your wrist tightly, walking backwards as he looks intensely into your eyes, his back falling against the couch as you sit down on the couch on your knees, he looks at you for a moment before attaching his lips again, pushing you down and hovering above you. The wet sounds of the sloppy kiss fills your ear, you helplessly rubbed your thighs together in anticipation. His fingertips trailed down your chest, tracing small circles on the inside of your thigh before plunging down under your skirt, grazing the wet spot on your underwear. The both of you smile into the kiss.

“Can I?” Hyunjin says, momentarily pulling away from your sweet lips and tugging on the edge of your panties. You nod shyly, not believing that this is happening.

His lanky fingers run up and down your wet folds as you put your hand at the back of his neck, pulling his blushing face closer to yours and pursing your lips to kiss him sensually. Hyunjin’s fingers gently brush up against your clit that was swollen from excitement, sending shivers down your spine.

You knew this was wrong, the door wasn’t even locked meaning that anyone could walk in at any moment but the way lips felt on yours made a thousand fireworks ignite, sparking from your chest. Wrapping your hand around his wide wrist, you guide his fingers down to your sopping entrace, your entire body craving him inside of you.

Hyunjin places once last peck on your soft lips before looking at you with concern, asking for permission with his fluffy brown eyes. You nod, your eyelashes gently fluttering over your eyes. His middle finger slips into you with ease, shortly followed by a second finger from seeing how good your cunt swallowed his digits, your essence coating them. A faint gasp escapes your lips as his fingers felt around your velvety walls, the whole situation still feeling like a dream.

“D-does it feel good?”

“mhm!” you hum, nodding your head as your grasp around his wrist tightens everytime he curls his fingers upwards. Small whimpers came from you as his fingers started pumping in and out, the blond boy chuckling at your reaction.

“Did you think I was innocent?”

The question lingers in the air as you look at him in the eyes.

“Y-yes,,,” just as the question you let the answer hang in the air as Hyunjin hummed, being knuckles deep into you and curling his fingers upwards once more, making you choke on your own moan. Hyunjin nodded slowly, glancing down at your body as he thought.

“It’s because,,, because you’re shy,, different from the others.” You added quickly, filling the silence that was soon interupted by your whimpers as the so called ‘innocent boy’ started circling your sensitive bud with his thumb.

“I think you’re different from the others, you make me like this baby”

Hyunjin said, seconds later crashing his lips against yours, his tongue attacking yours. He retracted his fingers, the tips coated in your juices and glistening in the sunlight. You whined inbetween kisses, the feeling of being empty leaving you disappointed. Hyunjin’s veiny hands trailed up your stomach, pulling the croptop up and resting it just above your boobs, your white bra exposed.

Hyunjin pulled away from the kiss, the both of you breathless as the kisses you exchanged were anything but light. His two damp fingers made their way to his mouth, licking them with a slight smirk on his lips. You could go crazy from the sight alone, his big brown eyes turning blank with lust. Not being able to control yourself any longer, you sat up on your knees and pulled off the top, unclasping your bra while you’re at it. As the fabric hit the floor, Hyunjin’s eyes darted to your bare tits, the wind from the air conditioner stiffening your two sensitive buds. You looked at him with a jumbled expression, him staring at your nipples for what seemed like an eternity. You hummed softly, causing him to snap back into reality, the blond boy pulling the black hoodie up from his head, displaying the defined muscles on his abdomen. You wanted him, you wanted him so bad.

Your knees hit the floor with a thump as looked up at Hyunjin, knealing between his two legs and watching the tent in his loose shorts grow.

“Do you really want to do this,, y/n,, you don’t have t-”

You hushed before speaking.

“Don’t worry, Hyunjin” you say with a stern voice making Hyunjin shiver, not knowing if it’s from your tone of voice or the way his name rolled of your tongue.

The blonde boy grabbed the small camera that was resting on the table, you looked up at him with confusion before smiling at his pleading eyes that met yours. You nodded, knowing exactly what he wanted to do and giving him permission since you never knew if he’d get to see you like this ever again.

You hook your two hands on the sides of his shorts and underwear, pulling the fabric down as Hyunjin awkwardly lifts his hips up from the couch for a moment, allowing you to slide the both garments down in one nimble motion. His veiny length sprung out, the tip hitting his abdomen for a moment before resting infront of your eyes, a bead of precum already leaking from his delicate slit. You gulp, the task of sucking him off suddenly seeming daunting. Hyunjin must have noticed since his face turned concerned, a half smile flashing across his lips.

“y/n,, you don’t have to-aghh!”

Hyunjin was cut of by his own breathy moan, your pursed lips wrapping around his leaking tip, licking small kitten licks before sinking deeper down his impressive length. Hyunjin’s blonde hair fell out of his face when his head rolled back in pleasure, resting it against the back of the rustic couch.

“f-fuck y/n,,, just- just like that”

He hummed out, his sweet voice intoxicated with desire. Your tongue swirled around his pretty red tip, simultaneously stroking the part doesn’t fit inside of your wet mouth. Multiple shutters of the camera was heard, his hand barely stable enough to hold it due to the pleasure that was shooting through his core. It didn’t take long before his dick twitched against you lips, your cheeks hollowed as bob up and down his girth. His eyes rolled back into his skull as his hand went down to cup your cheek, your eyes stinging with tears as you choked around him. Pulling off with a pop, his dick glimmered as a heavy layer of saliva rested on it, his already warm body turning hotter. He looks down at you, a smug half-smile errupting on his lips as he continued to stroke your cheek, his thumb grazing your cheekbone as he flicked through the photos on his camera, the half-smile now a full on expression of happiness. The two of you sat like that for a while, the silence engulfing the room as you observed his indescribable features. His sharp jawline contrasted with his soft skin that had a dust of rose pink across the cheeks, his moles adding to his charm.

“Fuck me, Hyunjin”

The words slipped out of your mouth, his brown shiny eyes widening before being overtaken by a blank gaze, placing the silver camera back on the tiny table.

“You thought I would stop here?”

Now it was your turn to be flustered, his sugary sweet voice interlaced with the cocky words making you even wetter then before, if that’s even possible. Without answering, he pulled you up to the couch by your hand and laying you down before realising what he forgot. The blond boy reached for the baggy backpack laying on the white floor, unzipping the front pocket and fishing out a condom. You nodded shyly, feeling your hands getting sweatier from nervousness, not really sure where to put them. Hyunjin noticed your gaze that was running all over the room, your body slightly tense. The boy snickered, ripping the shiny wrapping open with his hands where veins had started to become apparent.

“Something wrong?” He asks shyly, placing the condom on his leaking tip before rolling the rubber onto his length. You shake your head.

“J-just thinking,,,” you say, your voice fading out at the end.

“About?” His voice inhibiting a questionable tone as he holds himself up above you, his elbows on either side of your head.

“A-about,,, you”

That was a lie. You thought about how this would end up being disclosed to your company and your friends, Felix would snap your head if he found out that you slept with Hyunjin. Did it even have to be disclosed? Couldn’t it just be a secret between you and Hyunjin? As much as you wish that it could, it simply couldn’t. Not working in this industry.

Hyunjin smiled softly, his hand trailing down the curves of your body before lifting up the fabric of your skirt, his fingers pushing your panties aside and feeling your throbbing pussy once again. His caramel eyes looked into you the entire time.

Lifting himself up, he positioned the tip of his member at your sopping entrance, you chuckling softly as he gripped your hips but your chuckle was quickly replaced by a loud gasp, his dick stretching out your tight pussy better than you thought.

“Are you ok, y/n?”

He said softly, his dick not even halfway in but already jerking from your welcomingly wet and warm cunt wrapping around his crimson tip. You nodded, looking up at him.

“Pl-please,, keep going Hyunjin”

The blonde boy blushed, his ears turning red. Tightening the grip on your hips he fully entered you, you shutting your eyes tightly from the slightly painful but pleasurable experience. Glancing down at you, he had to use every bit of discipline to not pound into you. In his eyes you looked angelic. Your parted lips that we’re coated by saliva and the way your skirt bunched up around your waist made it feel like torture to be inside of you, not moving to let you adjust to his size.

“C-can I move?” He asks impatiently to which you smile, nodding and wrapping your legs around him, pulling him closer to your warm body. Your breath hitched as he softly wraps his hand around your neck, him thinking he’d gone too far.

“I-im sorry! I-”

You hush him, placing your index finger over his plush pink lips.

“I’ll tell you if anything doesn’t feel good, alright?” You so desperatly wanted to place a “baby” at the end of the sentence, that nickname fitted him but being to scared to confess your feelings. Just because he wants you doesnt mean he loves you. Hyunjin nodded like an excited puppy, finally getting the permission of moving and feeling your clenched walls around his length, his one hand still wrapped around your throat.

His thrusts were slow, filled with passion which only worsened your longing for him, the longing of him being yours. Small whimpers dripped from between your parted lips, the moans being mixed with Hyunjin’s low grunts and sounding like a melody. You peeked up at the model-like boy, his expression being synonymous to pleasure. The movements eventually quickened, his long cock hitting your cervix with every thrust, making you put your hands behind his back, your fingernails digging into his soft honey skin. His previously closed eyes fluttered open, watching you with a soft gaze through his fierce eyes. You smiled and he smiled back before his gaze drifted away from yours.

“Y-you feel so good y-y/n,,, you’re an angel”

Chuckling and moaning at the same time, his praise gave you a sense of security but also a sense of lust, wanting to coax out even more dangerously sweet words from his pretty mouth.

“Go faster,,, Hyunjin”

You gasped out, the pleasure starting to pick up it’s pace. The sound of skin slapping against each other bounced off the white walls in the big studio, the old sofa creaking ever so often from the blond boys powerful thrusts. Hyunjin would never get tired of hearing you say his name, never.

The knot in your stomach signaled your impending orgasm as your walls were stretched out. You pleaded him to not stop, your voice sounding frail as you neared your sweet release. The hot tempeture wasn’t helping the situation, sweat beading underneath Hyunjins headband, soaking the two strands of blonde locks that hanged infront of his face.

“F-fuck,, y/n you’re so pretty with my hands wrapped around your throat, fuck-”

A loud groan escaped his lips, the pleasure of your wet pussy against his rock-hard length getting too much, Hyunjin having to hold back until you came, not wanting to appear selfish. It wasn’t long until you felt your legs shaking around him, your toes curling as the squeaky sound from the couch increased along with the speed of Hyunjin’s thrusts, the rubber not giving him as much intimacy as he would have liked but the visual of you lying beneath him, squirming away from bliss and softly moaning made up for it.

“I think- i think I’m cumming, s-shit Hyunjin, I’m cumming”

The words spilled from you, quickly followed by a incoherent mumbling of his name before a wave of hot flashed through your entire body, your walls clenching around him as your erotic juices coated his twitching cock. You held your hands against your face that was lightly coated with sweat but before you could come down from your high Hyunjin pinned your hands above your head by your wrists, him letting out a growl before his cum filled the tip of the condom. The both of you rode out your powerful orgasm, your moans softening as the intense feeling subsided, Hyunjin shivering with his last thrust before pulling out.

The light sound of the air conditioner was now accompanied with heavy panting, your chest heaving as Hyunjin softly pulled down your skirt and ran his hand through his blonde hair, pushing the stray hairs away before rolling off the cumfilled condom and throwing it on the floor, the rubber landing on the dark clothing that were pooling next to the leather couch. The young boy lays down beside you, your eyes fixed on the ceiling as you faded away in a million thoughts, still trying to process what just happened. You turned your head against his, feeling his lingering gaze on your face and you swore you could hear your heart beat in your ears as his cheekbones lifted, his now cherry red lips turning into a soft smile.

“Do you like me?”

You choked on your own saliva, coughing and sitting up in panic making Hyunjin worry, him patting you on the back as he sat up next to you.

“I-im sorry,, I shouldn’t have- y/n,, so-sorry”

He mutters out as you start laughing, he looking confused at your chuckling figure.

“T-that’s,,, quite the direct question” you say, clearing your throat before continuing. “I don’t know Hyunjin. You know that this isn’t possible”

You saw his previously twinkling eyes turn blank, his heart sinking.

“Uhm,,, n-no totally not,,, I just said it to-”

He tried to play cool, brushing off the fact that he didn’t get the answer he so longed for. His gaze turning away from your angelic face.

“But I like you”

You spoke quietly, your voice cracking at the end. Hyunjin turned back to you.

“Why wouldn’t it work then?” he asked with a confused voice. You sighed

“Hyunjin, do you not know who you are? We fucked in a building where you own half of the rights, you work with famous people and your work is in every magazine, don’t you understand?”

He stayed silent for a while, comtemplating on what to say before grabbing your clammy hand.

“Do you only see me for my career?”

You shake your head, trying to catch eye contact with the blonde boy but failing as he stares down at your small hand in his grasp.

“Hyunjin, I love you but this feels way to quick,,, I can’t just-”

“I’ve known about you for a while, y/n. Do you know why we even worked together in the first place?”

Hyunjin speaks calmly, a thin string of sadness threading through his voice. You shake your head, looking at him but he looking away.

“I reached out to Bangchan first”

You weren’t surprised, only confused. What did he see in you?

“I know it might seem,, rushed! But if- if we both like each other then we can make it work. Please don’t worry about our reputations, you are more than your career y/n even if it means the world to you.”

Hyunjin hesitated finishing his sentence, feeling sick to his stomach from the fear of rejection. You withdrew your hand, instead opening your arms and hugging him to which he smiled and hugged you back, the both of you falling back on the couch facing each other.

“I think I love you,,, like,,, I really love you”

Hyunjin brushed away a strand of hair from your face, his tender eyes meeting yours.

“And I love you too, y/n”

𝕋𝕒𝕘𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕥

@vogueinnie @that-anxious-bisexual @putmetogetheragain13 @hyunsluvv @lawleighette @meow-minho @minaamhh @ohmysparkle @hwangi @rindomo @fleeingreality @nycol-ie @jisungsplatforms @p0t4t0don14ll @skzstanlol

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faerielleart · 3 years

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I love that they are friends before lovers! Honestly, it feels so refreshing rather than “i’d die for you” it’s a mutual feeling of “i love you; we are going to get through this together” that love is so important, it goes unnoticed quite often...

you said it anon!

i have to confess that i usually tend to ship enemies to lovers rather than friends to lovers because i really freaking love the angst, the misunderstandings, the attempted murder once or twice lmao no seriously, it’s a trope that i really enjoy cause i love love love redemption arcs and the slow steps towards a reluctant friendship and then finally BOOM they’re in love like thats my type of shit

levihan (and royai but im not really deep into the fma fandom bc i was far too young when it was at its peak hhh and i got to grow up through aot so yeah im more attached to levi and hanji rather than roy and riza tho i love them both) is just too god tier. literally god tier. i dont even know how to explain it but: God Tier. the healthiest, deepest, most beautiful, most special bond i have ever seen in two characters across all the media i’ve consumed. what you say, “i love you; we are going to get through this together” rather than “i’d die for you”, i see if fundamentally tied to the fact that their relationship is completely, 100% EQUAL on literally every level. i love this ship SO MUCH bc their bond gives me the kind of emotional maturity that i crave and dont usually get from any of my other ships and fucKING HELL HAJIME ISAYAMA fucking hell hajime isayama. Fucking hell hajime isayama

i just idk man i cant even think of these two old fucks without getting teary eyed. i could write my bachelor’s degree thesis, my master’s degree thesis and my doctorate thesis about them. im tired of even having to label them. who tf cares about platonic shit romantic shit whatever shit like these words just sound so???? trivial???? mundane????? i dont think a word that completely encapsulates the meaning of their bond exists. it’s the kind of shit that goes beyond life and death. they ARE each other’s person and they ARE soulmates. you dont have telepathy with anyone am i right ladies n gents? ;D

also. who tf needs words anyway. their actions speak louder than everything to me. it’s in the subtext, in their subtle acts of caring for the other, it’s in their utter trust of the other, it’s in their constantly watching the other’s back (hello rts panel on top of the walls), it’s in their noticing when the other needs to be cheered up, it’s in their knowing exactly what the other needs to say. lemme give you an example: if i had to use two sentences which sound similar and mean the same thing but in my opinion have profoundly different nuances, their relationship is not a “what can i do for you?”, it’s a “what do you need?”. i hope i got my point across with these two sentences. furthermore, it’s in them having lost so so so much but still having each other to lean on, it’s in them being able to lift each other’s burdens by pure, unquestioned support of the other in every single moment, it’s in their bickering, in their constant looking out for the other. ya know that song that literally every singer that existed on earth sang at some point in their carrer, “you raise me up”? thats literally them. “you raise me up so i can stand on mountains, you raise me up to walk on stormy seas, i am strong when i am on your shoulders, you raise me up to more than i can be”. they literally bring out the best in each other, they are each other’s rock, they are able to let go of their masks and be vulnerable around each other.

and personally, to me that says a lot, like, a lot more than any kind of explicit confession, any kind of kiss, any kind of conventionally romantic gesture, any kind of label.

who needs “conventional” anyway? they’re abnormals. abnormals know and need no conventionality. thats my two cents 🤙

#levihan

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bottomjasontoddweek · 3 years

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tell me your secrets on how to run one of these please. do i make an entire new tumblr? a sideblog? can i run it by myself or do i need to hunt down mods? (not last anon i was just thinking i wanted to run one but im a little lost on where to start)

honestly, anon, it’s a lot easier than it looks!

I personally have both this and OJTW as sideblogs, because otherwise I will forget them. if you wanted to make entirely seperate blogs and give it its own email, which you then use to sign up to twitter/surveymonkey/discord/etc, that would also be a fair idea.

I run both BJTW and OJTW entirely by myself, but this style of exchange week is relatively unintensive. they have their own channels on the DC event discord, but that’s it. if I were going to create them their own discord servers, then I’d probably bring mods on, largely because my timezone is drastically different to American timezones.

basically, my process goes as such.

create social media gathering place (tumblr, twitter, whatever your main is going to be)

create collection on AO3

create surveymonkey survey to vote on what date the week should be held

NB: main downside of surveymonkey is that it only takes 100 responses. the first time I ran OJTW, this wasn’t an issue. the second time I did/when I ran BJTW on the other hand...

advertise this across various platforms (tumblr, various fandom discords, etc) - also let people know that they can start submitting prompts to whatever your main social media is (personally I only take them via asks on tumblr, I’d recommend only accepting them in one place otherwise you’ll forget them)

let the people vote on the week (I recommend at least a month after voting ends, to give people enough time to create)

continue to let people submit prompts until you think you’ve got plenty/a week has passed

create survey for people to vote on prompts (depending on how many prompts you get, you can choose how many prompts per day you want. I usually go three to four per day to try and give the widest variety to spark an idea as possible)

let the people vote on prompts for a week

arrange the prompts however you wish. as I said, I go for variation, but I know some people like to arrange them so that every day has a ~vibe~

release list of prompts

remind people of when the week takes place

during the week when it happens, reblog/retweet/whatever entires to your main social media. this, for me, is far and above the most time consuming thing, because I’m pendantic about the tags I use.

let me take this opportunity to recommend that people check out the AO3 collection for BJTW, because I got busy with my job and didn’t reblog a shitton of stuff to this blog orz

thank everyone!

get ready to do it all again in a year.

2021 will be the third year I run OJTW, second for BJTW, and they’re both a lot of fun! I recommend running event weeks to anyone who wants to see more of a particular trope/pairing/character/etc.

LMK if you want more info! you can also ask the good people over on the DC event discord, they’re good people

#Anonymous

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lightblueterracota · 3 years

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hey, about your hermitshipping post, i wanted to weigh in: im of the opinion that people shouldn't do it (it's complicated though)

i actually agree with viewing hermitcraft through a roleplaying lens. there's a lot of character work involved, much like the stuff that doc and ren are doing, helsknight/evil x, plus the fact that anything we see onscreen is something they've chosen to share (so their persona isn't 100% indicative of their irl self). i think it's a gray area for shipping here (all within boundaries of course) and from what i've seen, the hermits have been neutral-positive about the topic for the most part.

the issue is that the people who vehemently defend hermitshipping are usually self described "anti antis" or "proshippers". there are other posts out there that explain why these labels and mentality are so harmful better than i can. bottom line is, a lot of my discomfort comes from the culture surrounding shipping, and the people terminally online trying to justify gross or triggering behavior (in general, not just within this fandom). i try my best to steer clear of it, just block and move on, yknow?

in general though.. shipping real people is just weird to me? in vintagebeef's latest episode he mentioned his wife and like. stuff like that just cements the fact that these are real people and it's strange seeing people take this stuff super seriously.

so that's my take, i hope it made sense. i'll acknowledge the gray area but it still makes me uncomfy, so i filter block and move on

hi there! thanks for taking the time to send in your thoughts, i’m very open and friendly to discussion!!!! i understand and agree with what you say too about fandom culture tbh. i feel like with way social interactions and content consuming works in our current age with the internet, the way we consume media nowadays has become extremely warped. i’ve seen a lot of really well articulated posts describing why those certain fandom “titles” of anti-anti and proship and all that are really harmful and i completely agree that there really is some irredeemable behavior, a lot of justification of some very bizarre and not okay things under the guise of “fandom culture” in general, not even just for mcyters.

i think it all comes down to how one is able to draw the line between a content creator and well… their content! and how to separate them and then when to acknowledge it’s one of the same and not. for me in particular when i look at hermitcraft, i always thought it was very roleplay esque, similar to how actors take on roles in movies as they act out their really fun lore and stories, and as such i look at their minecraft activities as completely separate from what they actually do as people! of any fun pairings i do see in hermitcraft, i absolutely do not see it beyond the realm of minecraft and their characters of them being fun creatures and supernatural beings and things like that. ( personally i love doc’s lore of him being part creeper. that’s so cool )

(also i didn’t know vintagebeef had a wife and kids that’s really cool! i learned recently that impulse has also a wife and kids and some nephews & nieces too, which was really cool and surprising to hear because imo he sounds so young! but anyway.)

it makes me think about for example ren and doc! both of those have joked about rendoc and encouraged it, all within the realm of their storyline lores and stuff. but irl ren has his own girlfriend and doc is also in a relationship & has a baby, and that’s super fun to hear & is completely separated from whatever minecraft activities. especially in a fantasy type of world that i think minecraft is, esp this season will all the lore, it can be really fun to imagine with! but also just really cementing that i don’t see these youtubers in hermitcraft roleplayer servers really any different from an actor taking on a role in a movie ! of course i think these youtubers are also completely entitled to say “hey, i make this content, so please treat my content as such” when they ask for fandoms Not to be shipping and stuff, which i think is completely understandable since youtube content creation IS a bit more personal!

of course that’s my interpretation tho. some people disagree and think that these hermit characters are one and the same with the people making the content (which i can understand, but also it is obvious they tailor their content to BE presented a certain way!). i think the fact that a lot of people have a lot of difficulty finding that line of interpretation and acting on it peacefully is really lost within fandom spaces due to… internet? new age? a variety of reasons probably. so that’s why i’m curious to hear how other people think of it! the thing is, i don’t really think there IS a universal answer for where that line is between content creation and its creator, because literally everyone is different.

thanks for sharing your two cents, i completely agree with you :) i find irl shipping to be pretty invasive and disrespectful of said irl relationships you and i both mentioned, so as such i avoid it. but for me, i don’t see hermitcraft server as irl, but rather it’s roleplaying a lore storyline as these youtubers create their own characters. so while yeah it is a persona made by them, it’s still a fictional and fabricated persona so i don’t really see it as the same as Shipping Them as Content Creators. unfortunately, that causes a lot of rifts between people, & i do wish people could have normal discussions about these kind of things without needing a million disclaimers asking for peace and civility.

#thanks for being civil about this! i really appreciate it #fandom culture really needs to be reevaluated tbh #the way we interact and consume content nowadays had become incressingly more polarized yet the creators that make the content seem to #get increasingly personal and familiar #all while being tailored at the same time #quite weird!#anyway yeah that was basically a very long winded way for me to say i agree i just like having fun with fictional characters and heres why #why* i see hermits as fictional rather than their irl content creator selves #i guess u could say im pro having fun with content but anti dont be weirdos and disrespectful #and that really cant be summarized easily in fandom terms eh #hate the way fandoms always gotta use absolutes 😐#mine

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nessafms · 4 years

Text

new york’s very own NESSA LOCKE was spotted on broadway street in 𝓳𝓲𝓶𝓶𝔂 𝓬𝓱𝓸𝓸 𝓿𝓲𝓸𝓵𝓪 𝓯𝓮𝓪𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻 𝓽𝓪𝓼𝓼𝓮𝓵 𝓱𝓮𝓮𝓵𝓼 . your resemblance to kylie jenner is unreal . according to tmz , you just have your twenty two birthday bash . while living in nyc , you’ve been labeled as being finicky , but also alluring . i guess being a scorpio explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be expensive diamonds clinging to delicate fingers , makeup swatches on tan skin , & wine induced giggles .

GREETINGS , cuties . i’m gi , 9teen , and go by she and her pronouns . i kind of suck at introductions ? so please excuse all of the rambling and unnecessary comments that are throughout this . nessa is kind of my baby ? so im super super excited to bring her into this group and play her once again and even more excited to write with all of you !!!!!! everything you need to know about her is under the cut , and if you want to plot please give this a heart and we can do so ( or message me on discord , 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐛𝐮𝐝𝐝𝐲#1776 )

* basics

FULL NAME. nessa ryan locke .

NAME MEANING. pure , holy ; butterfly .

REASONING. it was suppose to be vanessa but somehow ended up being just nessa by the time she was actually born .

NICKNAMES. ness , nessy .

PREFERRED NAME. ness and/or nessa .

BIRTH DATE. november third , nineteen ninety eight .

AGE. twenty two .

ZODIAC. scorpio .

GENDER. cis female .

PRONOUNS. she and her .

SEXUAL ORIENTATION. heterosexual .

CURRENT LOCATION. moved to new york city at the age of nineteen , ( click here to see her residence ) .

PLACE OF BIRTH. los angeles , california .

HOMETOWN. los angeles , california .

FATHER. jared locke , actor .

MOTHER. jillian locke , former model .

SIBLINGS. nirvana locke , emerson locke .

BIRTH ORDER. youngest .

PETS. wolfie , husky .

HAIR COLOR. originally a black color , though it tends to go from black to a light brown and/or a blonde color .

EYE COLOR. brown , but she takes pride in the small specks of green .

DOMINANT HAND. right .

HEIGHT. five ft six .

TATTOOS. nessa has five tattoo’s all together , the first one being something that resembles the fire emoji on her right inner hip she got with her group of friends . she has a rose on the left side of her boob , which she got strictly because she thought it was pretty . she has two butterflies behind her left ear , a smiley face on her right upper butt cheek , and finally the words , ‘ take care ‘ tattooed on her right arm .

PIERCINGS. she has five holes on her right ear and seven holes on her left ear .

DRUGS / ALCOHOL / SMOKING. no ( beside smoking weed here and there ) , yes , no .

SOUNDTRACK. self care , mac miller . angel , the weeknd . fetish , selena gomez . bitter , fletcher . july , noah cyrus . bad news , kehlani . after hours , the weeknd . needy , ariana grande . save myself , ed sheeran . p*$$y fairy , jhene aiko . girls in the hood , megan thee stallion .

AESTHETICS. emerald hues forming into a distant memory , soft laughter in the dead of the night , luxurious material clinging to honeyed skin , tired hues , the glow of neon lights lightening up a dark room .

LINKS. here’s her pinterest !!

FUN FACTS. she has a three year old husky , whom she treats as though she carried him around for nine months . she has a obsession with acrylic nails , you will always find her with something different every two weeks . she always has her toes painted , usually baby something baby pink , baby blue . she enjoys switching up her look which includes hair changes whether it be sporting a wig or actually dyeing it . has a talent of painting but normally doesn’t have the time or inspiration to do so . a music bug , she has to be listening to tunes if she’s cleaning , cooking , bathing ... hates the gym more then anything but has a personal trainer ( she spends most of the time avoiding ) to kick her ass in shape . rarely diets and with this she has a bad habit of eating whatever her body craves . she loves waffle fries , and prefers a burger over a chicken sandwich . she hates neon green , don’t fight her on this . she’s a bit of a car junkie and constantly purchases them despite not needing to . her worst habit is online shopping , she will spend thousand of dollars at ONE store .

* background .

stranded at the age of five , a stuffed elephant in hand and confusion lingering on skin . only small glimpses of heart felt moments to ease the tears . one moment she was there , and the next she somehow slipped through the cracks . not even the power of hollywood being able to track down the angelic emerald hued model . instead , her father had to wrap his arms around his three children and fabricate a story that would not shatter their delicate hearts . but the damage was already done .

drenched in sovereignty and affluence , the privilege of being privilege had always been a reality , even before the disappearance of her mother . a celebrity child , grew up in the spotlight and had ears filled with comments from millions who did not know her . not a sob story , unless you considered her mommy issues . inherited her father’s ambition and her mom’s trust issues . started branding herself at the age of seventeen , a trend setter . the title of social media personality was granted to nessa before it was even a thing , and she did not stop there . ventured into the beauty industry , building an empire from top to bottom . and eventually even created a fashion line with her older sister , even after all the red warnings .

but the finer things in life did not come with all blessings . her delicate hands drenched in cold glue , shattered pieces clinging for their lives with expectations of being put back together again . adored and envied by the world , but the outside looking in did not see bent back constantly picking up pieces of her sisters who crumbled with even the softest poke . addiction controlling every aspect of her sisters lives , and the relationship she shared with them . it’s never been pretty to watch the ones you love self destruct and take everything you love and trust down with them .. hard to look them in the eyes as anger and heartache consumes you . and even harder to forgive .

forever fighting the demons her mother instored in her , and the demons her sister’s stir up . her only breath of fresh air being her daddy , and the way he always has her back ( no favorites are played but we all know ) , and the life she helped build for herself . wants to be rid of hands that hold her back and take and take until she has nothing left , and instead plunge into the world of living for herself and new york city granted the brunette that opportunity .

* personality .

affection sings to her in the form of a love song , her love language . digits itch to hold friends hands , and lean on lovers shoulders . uses pet names like her vocabulary only consists of the word angel and baby . a chatter bug that hides vulnerability with ebullience and teasing manners . impulsiveness that jumps out at all the wrong times , and a carelessness that teams up with her pettiness to make all the wrong choices . feels replaceable and easily disposable , makes her fear of ever letting anyone get too close . finicky , hard to please and even harder to totally figure out , some would say she’s hot and cold . tries to stay out of her head with burying herself in work . knows how it feels to feel like you are nothing , and fills that whole with giving back as much as she can . silly and sometimes ditzy . loves too hard for her own good , and has a bad habit of letting people back in even when they do not deserve it or her .. has a softness that’s desperate to escape . hates love because she understands what it can do to you and loves just as much for the same reason . built a wall around her heart to avoid adding any more scars , and will save you before she saves herself . holds on to people a little too tight , because she hates going through the process of letting people in all over again . a twenty something year old who craves a mother’s touch but holds a grudge that sometimes causes her to miss out on people . always just wants to feel like she’s worth making sacrifices for .

* career .

kylie cosmetics ? nessa cosmetics , a brand built at seventeen years old and has only grown from there . collections that consist of collabs with close friends and family ( when she’s talking to them ) , and season / holiday collections . does something for her birthday , november third , every year . has a collection dedicated to her zodiac sign , scorpio . constantly changing her formula to better her brand , and does everything hands on . does most of her work from her office . can find her instagram stories to be her swatching her latest products . favorite thing of hers being her eye shadows ( applaud for the pigmented ) . good quality , inclusive and diverse ( more then actual kylie cosmetics ) is the most important thing when it comes to her brand .

launched nessa skin a single year ago , and has worked on it for the last three years . her latest child , and plans to only grow it . skin has always been super important to nessa , and delivering her supporters with products that will actually work is her main priority .

a youtube channel with ten million subscribers , youtuber as a second job . it starting as a hobby and a way of connecting with supporters to becoming something she cannot imagine not doing . her channel consists of mixed content such from fashion hauls to makeup videos to even vlogs that involved her friends ( and family ) doing stupid things .

em & ness , a clothing brand her and her sister are developing . features trendy street wear , more to come soon .

* connections

the childhood friend that reminds her of simpler times , mud pies in the back yard and riding their bikes around the neighborhood . secrets and promises of being friends forever that felt secure but feel short . bonded forever maybe , but constantly feeling like strangers . ( or they could still be close friends )

the family friend that their parent(s) swore were going to end up together , though if the two caught any talk of that would scrunch their nose ups and shake their head . or at least they did for a while , until lines started to fade and the comfortableness felt like something more .. not together now , but constantly a what if , the idea still runs in their minds but is a friendship worth something that might not work out

a friendship or more so platonic soulmates , if you see one you know the other is not far behind . they are somewhat extensions of one another , swear they cannot survive without one another . the one person nessa trusts the most , someone who has never hurt her or left her . her person .

the bad influence that plays on her impulsiveness . talks her head up to get even or take that tenth shot because why the fuck not . anytime something bad almost happened , like that time we almost got a fine , she was with this person . and while she adores them , she knows they aren’t exactly the best for her .

the friend group you cannot help but envy , constantly plastered on one anothers instragram feeds . has their own groupchat that does nothing but blow up . shopping trips in italy and vacations in greece . do not always get along but there is always love in between them . they are constantly in her vlogs , and would kind of be like her very own vlog squad .

the friends with benefits who swear they are just friends , and the sex means nothing . despite the fact that they linger a little too long in one another’s bed . and the promises of this will not ruin anything become blurry when they connect on a deeper level . and it gets confusing when their affectionate comes to surface , but regardless they are just friends .

a trio of three friends who are always seen together , best friends could be the world to use to describe them ( bonus points if its all girls ) .

the heart breaker , the person that fucked her up for good . ruined the way she loved and left her with a lot of regret and heart ache . she swear she hates them , but she hates how much she loved them and how close they got to her . hates how they went from knowing her more then anyone to being someone she cannot even look in the eyes anymore ( bonus points if it involves them cheating on her , extra bonus points if it’s angsty as hell )

the drinking buddy she confides in , a glass of wine and a lot of shit talking that always end up in talking about personal matters . they are a ear and someone to lean on .

the on and off fling , their back and forth being nessa and her refusal to let them in completely . her feelings for them scare her , and she’s not ready to walk down the road of being with someone again .

other things i want include ; unlikely friends , enemies to friends , friends to enemies , lovers to friends , friends to lover , ex best friend , ex friends in general , ex friends who miss each other terribly , other youtubers she collabs with , other ceo’s of makeup brands / skin brands she has a rivalry with because the media made it seem like they hated one another .

#wealthyhq:intro #fingers crossed i didn't miss anything asdfj #tw: mention of addiction

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npd-light · 4 years

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What makes a character a komaeda please I’m so out of the loop-

heres a quick check list for the komaeda requirements but under it im copying from an indepth post about it if you want more info cause komaedas break me. putting the giant wall of text under a read more tho

What Defines a Komaeda Archetype?

A Komaeda archetype is based mostly on a character’s role in the plot, and how said role is received by the fandom. Even without interacting with a fandom, it is possible to infer if a character is a Komaeda archetype based on the fandom’s forecasted response. For a character to truly be a Komaeda archetype, they must possess ALL these characteristics. Due to this, these traits are based on the following criteria:

Widely applicable: Traits are not exclusive to one medium nor superficial characteristics. These traits can be found in video games, books, and movies, and apply to characters regardless of gender, species, race, etc. If a plot exists, a Komaeda archetype can exist within it.

Cohesive, but not restrictive: Critical thinking may be required but the traits are, for the most part, clear-cut. They should not be so specific that it becomes difficult to find characters which actually have said trait.

Play a large role in the story

They are not a side character and are integral to the plot. They may not be the most popular character, but are very high up there.

Play an antagonistic role, but are not originally presented as such

The character is not originally presented or treated as a “bad guy”, but they need not be a “good guy” either; they may be suspicious or disliked, but the other characters do not acknowledge them as the antagonist nor have solid reason to believe they are. Later in the story they are explicitly treated as the antagonist.

Are morally grey; have a justification for their actions and/or reason for redemption

Legitimate arguments can be made which put the character in the right or in the wrong, but it is not possible to make an undeniable conclusion. The character can be relieved of blame, commit justifiable actions, or provide reason to believe they regret what they’ve done and will change for the better. Typical examples include a character suffering from mental illness or emotional trauma, “the end justifies the means”, or are forced by things beyond their control.

The character must also be held accountable for their actions even if they are at someone or something else’s mercy. They may still agree with their own actions, go above and beyond what is asked of them, or ignore chances to defy authority and/or act righteously. Whatever the reason, the character is not a helpless puppet.

Split fandom which woobifies or demonizes them (ig their intentionally grey morals are only seen in black or white)

Despite being morally grey, members of the fandom lean heavily towards defending them indiscriminately or demonizing them. Those who love and defend them will woobify them and act as if they are incapable of doing wrong, while those who hate them will demonize them and act as if there is no possible way to rationalize their actions. While this is limited by one’s exposure to different kinds of fans, it is guaranteed that if a character is morally grey, the fandom will treat them like this.

What is Komaeda Energy?

Having Komaeda energy is based mostly on the character and how the fandom treats said character. These characteristics are more subjective and also more superficial. Make no mistake: being a Komaeda archetype and having Komaeda energy is NOT mutually exclusive, but they are also not part and parcel. Perhaps they are a side character, or are undeniably being free of blame, yet still garnar the kind of popularity and arguments a Komaeda archetype generates. It can also be that even without knowing anything about the plot, a character gives off vibes which makes someone think “Yeah, they’re a Komaeda”. That is Komaeda energy. Please note that this is not a comprehensive list. These are a select few characteristics which are common among characters with Komaeda energy:

White or similarly colored hair

White, silver, grey, pale blond… it all counts. It should be noted that blond hair that is not particularly pale doesn’t. Additional points for being on the longer side.

“Edgy”

The character is disheveled. has a dark color scheme, baggy eyes, or emo hair. They hide their neck or face (such as by wearing a scarf or a high collar), like knives, are violent, sadistic, sarcastic, or an asshole… the list goes on. However, they are still generally considered attractive.

Is male

“Komaedas” are most commonly male This is both a result of complex and morally grey female characters being much less common, and that a lot of their hate is from straight male fans (this is related to the next point).

Young/not traditionally masculine

They may be thin, short, have feminine hobbies (such as enjoying art or fashion), and are generally difficult for straight males to project onto. In turn, their devotees are often women and/or LGBT and the criticism these characters get may be redirected misogyny and homophobia. However, these characters are usually still deserving of genuine criticism.

The following characteristics also contribute to having Komaeda energy, but are much less superficial and require a person to actually consume the relevant media. These are more important than the former characteristics due to the fact they relate to the character’s role in the plot, but I believe including them into the primary category would make this checklist too restrictive.

Has gay subtext, or are blatantly gay

Typically associated with male characters but not exclusively. May also include a disinterest in, if not dislike of characters of another gender. Includes any character that expresses attraction to the same gender, not just homosexual ones. Usually their feelings are used to show that the character is not heartless or incapable of connecting with others, or to exemplify that the character feels remorse when they hurt the one they love. Although rarely treated as a negative thing, don’t expect a happy ending.

Protagonist has a “soft spot” for them despite their objectionable action

Related to the previous characteristic as the protagonist is often the love interest, although it does not have to be romantic; it can stem from platonic, familial, etc feelings as well. The protagonist may refuse to believe the character is truly the antagonist, gives them the benefit of the doubt, or forgives them after the fact. The protagonist may genuinely hate them at one point or another, but typically believe “the Komaeda” is not fully to blame.

Actually hiding the true antagonist

The character may be doing this intentionally or not. Regardless, this is usually where they are given a justification or reason for redemption: maybe they were just a pawn, or were trying to protect everyone from the true antagonist, or whatever.

Physically weak/chronically ill

This evokes a sense of sympathy for the character. Although it typically involves being physically weak or suffering from a physiological disease it can include mental illnesses if they also make the viewer pity the character; for example, having panic attacks, anxiety, or trauma-induced nightmares. If mental illness is used to demonize a character or primarily justify/excuse their actions without evoking sympathy, it does not count as this.

Unhappy childhood

Maybe they’re an orphan, were abused as a child, picked last for dodgeball, or grew up poor. Whatever it is, no kid should have to suffer through that!

#shade speaks

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rescuebot · 4 years

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wfc opinions (spoilers)

-idk if this is just me but it kind of feels like i HIGH KEY have no clue what’s going on sometimes? it’s like the same problem that idw2 has where it’s lots of talking about stuff that the audience doesn’t understand the meaning behind? i feel like at the least they should have explained what the fuck the motivation for each faction is supposed to be because i’m literally so confused and i feel like as soon as i finished watching wfc all of my knowledge about what was going on plot wise got thrown directly out the window. it seems like they just throw things at u so fast that u don’t really have the time to process them but they’re also not really throwing u anything at all? maybe it’s because i’ve been a little distant from tfs recently and needed a refresher so that it would make more sense but also if i already know a bit about transformers and im feeling this way wtf is it like to have never consumed any tfs media at all and watch wfc? does this make sense to other people or has my brain just stopped making tfs make sense bc i thought we were all on the same page of idw2 not making any sense but now i feel the same way about wfc?

-i like the dynamic between jetfire and starscream tbh? i kno a lot of people are mad about it bc they would rather them have more of a g1 relationship but i think it’s interesting to see how starscream is resistant to any type of authority. since he’ll have jetfire’s job in the next season it’s going to be fun to see him then try to go after megatron’s job and i think it would be a good way to SHOW that starscream is ambitious instead of just having people say it. it’s also going to be interesting to see how megatron and starscream will interact with each other because of how megatron reacts to jetfire coming to him with starscream problems.

-some of the characters have fr no characterization whatsoever? and they also all sound really similar to each other? mirage in particular for me had a scene where he spoke to sideswipe and it kind of struck me that if i hadn’t been watching them talk to each other i would have no idea this was a conversation going on between two different characters. i feel like this is super unfortunate because those two characters especially have had very different characterizations in the past and here it feels like there’s no distinction between them.

-impactor’s death was so pointless and makes me so mad lmao. like his relationship with ratchet seemed so one sided and when he dies it seems to not even really effect ratchet at all, which could be a way to show how desensitized he is to war but up until this point ratchet doesn’t even really treat impactor differently from how he is shown and implied to treat everyone else so there’s no reason for ratchet to be super upset over impactor anyway because only impactor is the one shown to have any sort of deeper relationship with ratchet? impactor’s death loses all of the impact it could have had on the audience or on the characters because up until that point he isn’t shown to have any sort of strong relationship with any of the other characters. it would have been more meaningful to have ratchet have died in his place and use this in the next season as a reason to make impactor side more with the autobots. they fleshed impactor out more than probably any other character and then killed him without utilizing any of the work that they did. like. its only a 6 episode series and they have a pretty decently sized cast of characters that the time could have been given to in order to make the rest of the living cast more interesting but they used that time for a character they ended up killing instead? i hope this is making sense.

-it also kind of feels like they were hyping impactor up to be an eventual autobot and were giving him conflict with mirage that would later turn into like. respect but then they killed him and it’s like? why? their argument scene was the only real show of how the autobots think of themselves and how the decepticons view them and it also created conflict between the group because even though impactor is a decepticon he’s still hanging out with the autobots who aren’t shown to have any type of relationships with one another other than they are working together? there was nothing personal about them or their team at all but they also weren’t shown to have any internal conflicts within their faction and mirage and impactor having conflict with each other that spans between seasons would have been a good way to show the dynamic that exists between the autobots themselves and the one that exists between the autobots and decepticons?

-love that decepticon high command are constantly disrespecting each other lmao. i hope we learn more about whatever is going on between soundwave and shockwave and if the cloning thing was something they both decided to do (and why) or if shockwave just decided to make soundwave clones without telling him. just the little interactions between the decepticons made me laugh

-also. i love how starscream really just gathers all the seekers together behind jetfire’s back to talk shit about him and i love the way skywarp, tc, and barricade walk away real fast when jetfire shows up and sees it. it makes u wonder what the seekers think of starscream and how well they will take his leadership.

-the mercenary thing. is really interesting and for some reason i kinda doubt it but i would love to see more about mercenaries in the show?

-i think next season will sadly focus more on bumblebee and him being apart of the autobots instead of exploring any of their other characters from this season. i think him not being an autobot is more interesting than his usual characterization but i would still like to see more from all these other characters they’ve introduced at the same time.

#i think this is it i feel like i've slowly gotten more confused as i was writing this and now i have no fucking clue what im talking about #i did like it tho overall even tho im kinda disappointed #i might go back and add some things and do a rewatch so i can hopefully make things clearer and understand better #wfc spoilers

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literaphobe · 5 years

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hi michelle! so want to start saying that i identify as bi and honestly, I would LOVE it if jake was bi. I think it'd be great. But i'm also okay if he's not, bc how cool is it that they're allowing a man to break down traditional gender norms/roles! i think one of the greatest parts of loving a show like b99 is that it lets us escape the 'real world' for twenty minutes every week. and that means something different for every person watching the show. 1

SO while i believe you are entitled to your own opinions, and you can share them on your blog bc it's yours, i don't think its fair to invite people to share their opinions but shut down anyone who feels differently than you. for example, you said to someone who said they didn't care if jake was bi that you hope they 'get well soon'. also, you posted saying that if bi people didnt want jake to be bi then they're wrong. im sorry but thats really hurtful. you dont get to decide how people think 2

just bc someone feels differently than you doesnt make their feelings less valid, ESPECIALLY someone who identifies as lgbt+. you run a popular blog and it makes me sad to think people might feel their opinions are less valid or wrong bc they see it here. again, im not saying you cant have opinions or post them. but maybe just think about how your words can affect others. also saying this off anon bc i respect you and am open to having a conversation. Thanks for reading, hope u have a good day

hi. thank you for ur mannerly tone and for having the courage to go off-anon.

mlm/bi representation will always be more important than ‘straight man comfortable with his sexuality’. while i am not saying that straight men in media shouldn’t be portrayed as comfortable in their sexualities, the stance that it’s okay to take away representation from people in the lgbt community as long as we have Good Hets is harmful, and it gives people in the tv/movie industries a cop out. they don’t have to give us more lgbt characters! straight characters who Know What’s Up are good enough to make them seem woke and avoid criticism! and whether you’re comfortable with this happening as an lgbt has nothing to do with it. we have to hold the media accountable, we can’t just settle for less. whether you want to watch b99 uncritically or not is entirely up to you. i get that it’s exhausting to analyze the media content you consume! i more than understand just wanting to escape and not ask for more! it’s tiring! it’s draining! it’s disappointing, it hurts so much and it gets so so lonely. but we can’t just let the world stagnate. progress needs to be made constantly, and shows can’t be made to feel like they can just do one or two good things and not be expected to do anything else! i’m not asking you to fight for this, i just want the acknowledgement that this is the right thing to do

i didn’t exactly... invite anyone to say anything. i truly am just sending my thoughts out into the void. and yes, i am aware that my words reach a wider audience because i have a larger than average follower count. of course i know my words can affect others. that’s what i’m trying to do. aside from getting thoughts out my brain, i want to promote a less passive line of thinking. i want lgbt folk to want better for themselves. unfortunately, because words and actions have responses, people will climb into my inbox and start conversations that i inevitably have to take part in (sometimes i don’t though. it really depends on where my head’s at that day. having to discuss this repeatedly is draining). most of the time, i’m just making a statement

i don’t particularly enjoy “shutting down people who feel differently from me”. usually, if i’ve done that, i really am tired because i’ve likely discussed and explained numerous times whatever it is the person who got shut down said to me. i might also come off as mean-spirited or perhaps aggressive if i know some anon is just trying to pick a fight/spew hate at me. if you don’t understand where i’m coming from/don’t believe why having an opposing stance is harmful (this might vary depending on the issue), i am (given i have energy that day) more than willing to elaborate on whatever it is i say here. if i say stuff like ‘get well soon!’ it is a tired response to something i have already covered in depth and i am making some semblance of a joke to deflect/put a lid on the stuff i really want to say (likely because i have already said it)

i never said that bi people who didn’t want jake to be bi were wrong. i was trying to get them to think deeper and explore why they don’t want that. being lgbt sometimes means that we allow and normalize a lot of unfair treatment. we think that we have it good enough so we decide not to ask for more, to settle. and i will never blame any lgbt for falling victim to this line of thought. we were brought up to think this way, we were conditioned to think this way. acceptance does not equal inclusion, and sadly many of us are so grateful for the acceptance that we do not bother to even think about having inclusion. or, better inclusion, for that matter. of course, it is definitely not up to me to decide how anyone thinks. i’m just trying to convince you! very desperately. but if you don’t agree no matter what i say then what can i do? it’s your life. it doesn’t affect me much in the grand scheme of things. i’m not going to hate you for disagreeing. i’m not going to sic the dogs on you. am i going to be kind of annoyed if someone walks into my inbox, turns on anon, and hurls insults at me? yes, that’s hurtful, and it’s kind of funny sometimes depending on how dumb you sound, but it’s mostly tiring and a lot of pain. so like... read, if u don’t like it, move on, if your well-being is drastically affected from reading the things i say, i’ll tag it so you can blacklist

the sad thing is, being a member of the lgbt community doesn’t automatically make your opinions on lgbt issues valid/unproblematic. internalized homophobia exists. things i described in the point above can lead to this. just because a bi person says ‘im bi! and i don’t care/don’t think bi jake is important!’ doesn’t mean that suddenly, there is no need for him to be canonically bi, that we aren’t being queerbaited/pandered to by the show. do i think that the show is intentionally/heinously queerbaiting us? not exactly. but lack of awareness and lacking understanding on why bi-coding jake w no intention to make it canon is just as harmful bc it produces the same result (in jake’s case)

once again, i don’t intend for people to feel “less valid/wrong” when they read what i have to say on this blog. self-reflection is important. sometimes, people have opinions that are wrong! including myself! which is why more often than not i think deeply into the things people say to me here and consider whether my opinion holds up. you don’t have to feel bad for being wrong. we are all constantly wrong on stuff. everyone, at some point, has had a bad take/the wrong take on something. if you hold yourself up to this standard that you must always be right or you are suddenly a horrible person/must feel bad and demoralized, i suggest that you change your approach to issues such as this. i hate to say this but it is not my job to make sure everyone is 100% cool and chill about everything i do and say here. some things need to be said. some things need to be acknowledged. i’m sorry if any of you have been hurt/upset by anything i’ve ever posted but after a certain point... that is your issue and not mine

#ask #ncrit #sorry for the long post #thank you once again for being respectful #i hope this wasn't too harsh #i hope you have a nice day too :)#arnie-santiago

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ofniko · 5 years

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troye sivan. demiboy. he/them. ／ nicolas “niko” goldwater just pulled up blasting coming of age by foster the people— that song is so them! you know, for a twenty-one year old social media influencer/fashion guru, i’ve heard they’re really -mercurial, but that they make up for it by being so +gregarious. if i had to choose three things to describe them, i’d probably say a shiny pink vinyl skirt with pristine nails to match, designer shopping bags weighing down twiggy arms, and margaritas with extra sugar around the rim. here’s to hoping they don’t cause too much trouble!

hello friends ! i’m lainie, she/her, cst, and i talk about stephen king too much :/ im!! so excited to introduce u to niko my fashion baby and to get to know all of ur amazing outstanding totally unique never been done before muses !! under the cut u can find a very lazy intro with some summarized points and i’d promise a real bio later but lich rally who am i kidding lmao anyway i have a p full day but ill be around for plotting n stuff so come smash a heart and ill slide up in ur dms or hmu in my ims or on discord (starslut#0877) whichever works best for you MWAH

background/history

niko grew up right here on the upper east side, born and bred into the life of new york’s elite and while his attitude doesn’t entirely reflect the sort of pretentiousness we get when we think gossip girl, he definitely exudes an air of wealth and privilege and of having a limited view of what the world is really like outside of his trust fund bubble

for all his ostentation and lack of control when it comes to the wealth at his fingertips, he’s always maintained a very genuine humbleness and sense of humility that, while not always strong, is definitely there. it can be seen in his passion for helping people through what he does--his greatest thrill in life is to know he’s helped people find themselves through fashion and self care

his dad is a wall street trader and entrepreneur and they’re new(ish) money. he got wealthy very young so niko grew up knowing nothing but a life of luxury. his mom is a socialite, and his relationship with them is about what you’d expect. they love him, he’s their child, but they don’t take a huge amount of interest in his life. their blasé attitude toward him was highlighted most in his mind when he came out to them at 15 and they just......didn’t really have a reaction. weren’t upset, weren’t really surprised, but weren’t necessarily proud or happy for him either

when he came out a couple years later to them as non-binary it wasn’t much different, only in that they didn’t really get what he was saying whereas “gay” was something they could understand

he did two years of school at nyu and dropped out because he simply wasn’t enjoying it and was making enough money through instagram and youtube and brand promotions that it felt like a no-brainer decision

again, his parents weren’t happy about it, but they didn’t fight him over it, either

his following is growing exponentially and he’s just released a line of scents and perfumes that, on top of the revenue from everything else, makes it so he hardly needs his trust fund anymore

personality

gregarious and extraverted sometimes to a fault, niko can easily get on the nerves of people who don’t have the energy to keep up. he’s like a child who never quite grew out of adolescence, and with that boundless energy also comes a selfishness he’s usually unaware of. it can be very difficult for niko to be conscious of the way his actions affect other people and ends up hurting those close to him that way

in that same vein, when he does realize what he’s done, he’s more often than not consumed with guilt over it and will go to great lengths to try and resolve the issue

not that he always does a good job

he sleeps around a lot mostly because he enjoys it, but partly because he doesn’t know how to have a relationship. the lingering adolescence makes it so he doesn’t have the necessary awareness of another person’s needs to be in a stable relationship and he manages to a large degree to convince himself he doesn’t care and prefers being single anyway

fashion is his favorite thing in the world and though he doesn’t wear a lot of makeup on the daily, he definitely dabbles and has a lot of fun experimenting

catch him exploring the city and taking pictures, partying, clubbing, brunching, and shopping on the regs and if he’s in a Mood, you can usually tell bc he goes on shopping binges and fusses to an extreme degree over his appearance

also he he dyes his hair platinum blond

and his pronouns are flexible! he usually uses he/him referring to himself but genuinely doesn’t care whatever people feel like using

connection ideas

gal and gay pals :’) for fashion and shopping and instagram photoshoots

also a best friend ride or die pleaSE and thank u

i need enemies and angst and drama so give me everyone who hates niko/thinks he’s a fake bitch/can’t stand him

high school connections are cute so maybe someone he didn’t get along w back then and does now/vice versa where they were rly close and something turned them against each other and now it’s world war 3

COLLABS ?? youtubers/influencers/instagrammers he’s worked with or regularly collaborates with

a parental figure/figures :( since he doesn’t have much of a relationship w his real parents

umm!!!! someone who like they DONT get along usually and everyone knows they’re weird frenemies but they VIBE SO HARD when theyre drunk and partying

one (1) ex who lasted maybe like 3-4 months and it didn’t work out either bc they cheated on niko (would love this angst) OR bc niko was too flaky for them and they couldn’t handle the way niko doesn’t rly understand intimacy

someone who can challenge!! that!! and it’s freaking niko out bc he’s starting to catch Feels but doesn’t know what to do w it/doesn’t know if they feel the same way

casual hookups/one night stands/maybe a hookup or two from back in high school and they’re either on good terms and just friends now or like....it’s angsty maybe!!!!!!!!!

#excessintro #whew im so good at being a mess #this isnt even gna show up in the tags yet probly but we going ✈️ bold 2day

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marsixm · 5 years

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edit sorry this post is both long (if the readmore fails i am truly truly sorry) & longwinded im just reflecting and thinking; (another edit: u can probably just read the tl dr and get it)

anyway allow me to spin some very personally based theory here for a mo while i put off/warm my fingers up from the cold in preparation to email my therapist

so growing up i had, i think only, het ships, but i never quite had the ones you were (narratively speaking) “supposed to” have

in most media i recall when i was a kid, there were like, 2 diff structures of character romance plot arcs in media i consumed, there was the main lead and 2 best friends model, where thered be the star of the show who had outside romantic leads and the 2 best friends (who were always a boy and a girl) would have their secondary romance, OR there were ensemble shows where there was a more clear romance set up between the main boy and main girl, then side characters whod pair off in whatever ways ended up happening. in the first, see: hannah montana, the second, see: zoey 101. obv this isnt a hard rule and there were loads of exceptions but like, lets just say i tended not to care for the romances set up for the main girls in the trio models, or quite as hard for the main boy and girl in the ensembles, and in general if there was an obvious romance between two leads i either didnt care or outright hated it

basically i never liked the ships they set up for us in straight media, as a kid (namely, a girl) i liked being that “ew pink!” “i hate valentines day” sort of contrarian, but what i remember actually disliking was the predictability of it, because i clearly still shipped characters, so it wasnt /really/ that i hated romance, per se

looking back on it i think it was probably or at least to a degree more like that i hated the hetero expectation of it- i can nit pick down to more specific examples of why i disliked the main pairings (kataang, for example, i thought was weird bc katara acted like a mother/older sister figure to aang, and i didnt feel like there was romance between them at all except where it felt shoehorned in) - maybe it was also that i thought it made more sense for a main character to be with someone they clearly already spent a lot of time with and not some random new hot boy in town (i very distinctly remember shipping miley and oliver on hannah montana, and i believe that was the first time i ever read fanfiction @ age like... 11 lol) as is often the case w like these things.

theres another level to this though, which is that i notice i tended to ship characters who were more vaguely similar to each other, like, physically (ie, similar heights, or hair colors mainly) obviously this is funny now since my main pairing is johnlock which is such a physically different ship we can construct them from basic shapes and colors and theyre still recognizable as who they are, but i have some thoughts about this- but i think there might be two interesting things about this again in retrospect

first of all, this sounds silly ik, but shipping the vaguely similar ones as a child’s way of queering heterosexuality is an interesting concept and not that difficult, like, two boys are also vaguely similar to each other in a similar way a boy and a girl with the same hair color and height might be, which is something i thought of a while ago

the other way in which this is really interesting to me now, that i think might have been more actually pertinent to myself as a trans child, is that i think i shipped the characters i did in an attempt to morph the concept of boy and girl? to find the boy counterpart to every girl??? that second one makes more sense actually. anyway, i digress

2 start off i definitely had gender feelings starting from a very young age so i think these observations ring more true than just reflections, PERHAPS

so the first thing i remember shipping, ie wanting them to be together, thinking about it an inordinate amount of time outside watching the films, even imagining them eating ice cream together in their pjs (i was NINE DHFJGghfkg) was jack sparrow & elizabeth swan from potc (basically my franchise of choice as a kid bc i never read harry potter) now this doesnt quite fit the “visually similar” thing bc actually orlando bloom looks more like kiera knightly and is prob due to them like making out in one movie, but i think this works for the “shipping as gender expression” theory, because elizabeth swan dressed up as a boy, spent most of that movie wearing boy’s clothes, etc- meanwhile jack was a wacky pirate which like hello duh i’d want to be. so i wonder if beyond the fact that they kissed and flirted, there was something to this concept of me wanting two characters to be together, meant i wanted to marry together two conceptual things happening with two characters, or absorb the cool dude and the boyish girl characters into each other to make one whole archetype for myself? i likewise shipped aang and toph (toph who, normally doesnt really have anyone to be shipped with, since she likes sokka but he has a gf) who we all know is the VERY boyish girl character, so boyish im p sure her actually being a trans dude later in life is a p decently accepted headcanon (i dont actually delve into aatla fandom though so i can only hope)

another thing about this ship thing, is most of my ships had brown hair (like miley and oliver), just like i always have, and in certain cases the girl character would look a LOT like me (i also shipped logan and quinn on zoey 101, which to my surprise n delight actually came true later (although looking back im like... 11 yr old me is glad they made out a lot but adult me is like uhhh why were the kids on this show making out a lot? anyway thats another issue) and i def was a weirdo girl with glasses and long brown wavy hair) which sort of further fuels my feeling that this was an attempt by my brain to do 1 of 2 things, if my own involvement really was a greater motivating factor in this thing, 1. ship MYSELF with a boy (which is like def possible for my gay kinnie ass, but not quite my thesis here) or 2. morph these boy and girl counterparts by imagining them together, seeing them together, etc

for example, i realize now, when i was a kid i drew an avatar sona for myself and said sona looked an awful lot like how id imagine a katara/zuko fusion would be, and the fact that i shipped zutara (very hard lol) was what lead me down this thought path rn

i feel like even to me this concept sounds weird and far fetched but like, gem fusion made enough sense for someone to write with its clearly, usually, romantic implications and we all “get” that, so whom knows???

another thing ive noticed while writing this is for a good few of these ships you can argue the boys in them can be read gay, like jack sparrow and zuko and aang, which feels even more strongly like me trying to marry my gay boy feelings to my tomboy realities [thinking emoji]

the biggest reason i think this makes sense to me is because when i was 10 i became obsessed with the idea that this boy i was friends with and i were secretly twins separated at birth, like i was so into the concept that we looked alike, i like hoped and wished so hard for it to be true, i wished a christmas miracle would happen for fucking real and a magic door in my house would open and be his new room and itd all work out perfectly! and you might think this was a manifestation of my difficulties with my family and wishing to leave it, but in my dream world my parents were still my parents and he came to live with us- which makes me think the obsession of ME looking like this BOY was a manifestation of my gender feelings, which i think can maybe be traced to this concept of pairing a visually similar, possibly gay, brunette boy to every brunette and/or tomboyish girl

anyway. if you actually read all of this id love it if you lmk somehow (doesnt need to be a like) like this is clearly very long and strange but i hope it makes sense. i think i stop myself a lot from ever commenting on gender or theory or whatever but i am a living breathing trans person who has experienced things and i have opinions and i dont think im claiming anything destructive with this lol i think its not unusual to reflect on the way you interacted with the world as a gay/trans kid

also im obviously not saying that shipping straight things is somehow inherently queer, im not trying to retroactively claim something about straight ships, like, those two characters are still functionally straight, and i definitely also shipped probably all of them for normal shipping reasons (although, kid ones, so less “oh theres a lot of ACTUAL romantic subtext between these two” but rather “oh theyre friends and would be cute together!” (or like they kissed and i was like O: )) but im just trying to theorize about something its possible my tiny trans brain was trying to express- and who knows maybe im not the only one!

anyway i guess the TL;DR is: when i was a kid i had a lot of “unconventional” straight ships- i already observed that i eschewed the main canon pairings in kids media in what was probably my tiny baby brains rejection of hetero culture, but i also actively shipped side characters who looked like me, and also looked like each other (ie, both tall and brunette, a boy and girl counterpart of Each Other) OR characters who seemed to be a gayish boy and a tomboyish girl, and im theorizing that maybe the reason that was was my tiny trans brain wanting to gem fusion those two together because of my Gender Feelings and fuse the boy with the girl and this desire manifested in shipping therefore thinking about a lot these pairings of boy and girl counterparts

#please dont be weird about this post i hope its like understandable what im trying to think about here?#like i dont think its that weird to consider nor am i claiming anything bad or destructive about ppls lives n genders n whatever #purely an observation about myself and the way i consumed media ages like 8-12 #in reflection as a gay/trans adult and thinking about what those things might have potentially been expressing or something #i dont know any official queer theory stuff n i dont think that should stop me from thinking my own thoughts so here u go #also i am TRULY sorry if this readmore doesnt work

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