#im super proud of myself for trying :)

[klonoadoortophantomile]

oh yea i can upload art this time uh heres a drawing from new years eve =]

#its a redraw of a thing i did on new years eve in 2018 #i finished the origjnal digitally a few days later but i thought itd be fun to try and redraw the full drawing traditionally #its kinda janky in some spots but im proud of myself. its cute #plus i just dont do full traditional drawings much #scribbles #ocposting #i havent used this character in forever… man #by forever i mean literally 2019 btw XD ahhh i feel so bad abt never doing shit w my old ocs but like… idk #they dont really do much for me anymore like i love them dont get me wrong. theyre my silly little guys. #but like i dont really… want to do much with them? like their stories dont do much for me their characters and designs arent stuff im super #crazy abt abymore. this sounds so negative help 😭 i dont mean it that way #like. some old ocs i do revamp and do stuff with. eyesontreeseason is a big example #but also like recently i remembered abt my old lps ocs and ive been doing stuff w them #not really actually having any storyline just like doodling them and stuff #but like.. i feel like thats different becuz their story was never very set in stone and also its just. the whole setup was ‘they can trave #thru dimensions lol’ so i can do more silly stupid shit w them i guess #idk #im just rambling help

[driftwooddestiel]

I DID MY COMEDY PERFORMANCE TODAY!!! in front of like 200 people!!! and i didnt stutter or forget what to say!!! and people laughed!!!

#i wasnt THE funniest other performances got better reactions but that was largely because the people performing were popular #point is people laughed !! two girls i barely know came up to me after and said i was really good! (thank you nikita and i forgot your name #and according to one of my friends some mullets were making fun of me during my thing and then a popular girl behind them was like #hey stop dont do that #so thats cool #and the girl whos lockers next to mine also complimented my comedy thing after so that was nice #+ one of the other ppl performing who i used ro be super good friends with (years ago) was very engaged and laughing which was nice :-) #we may not be close friends anymore but yk its nice to still get along 👍 #also two of my friends also performed and they did well too ‼️ it was very cool #anyway im very proud of myself for being able to perform in front of that many people cos i have literally never done that #the last time i spoke to an audience of more than 30 people was year 4 assembly and that was like 100 ppl max #so yea im very happy lol. especially considering that the past three years weve been doing persuasive speeches instead of comedy #(comedy was introduced this year to try it out instead of persuasive speeches) #and for the past 2 years ive done my speeches to just the teacher and a few friends cos i dont like giving persuasives to the whole class #(which i still feel tbh) but like. i can do comedy and play a character in front of an audience! which is pretty awesome

[kazuichikazuichi]

peko! based on a stage play photo (under the cut)

i get insecure about making people annoyed when my posts are too long vertically lol so sorry for this being under the cut. but yeah. peko's actress is very pretty <3<3<3

#i love peko a lot #coloured her with a different hair marker than usual (have 3 grey pens- 2 dark (used on her clothes) and 1 super light (used on her hair - #-today) and idk. the actual marker is way too light but i think the pencil shading made it a bit more accurate! i think i will probably - #-continue to use the darker pen for her hair that i usually use even though its further from canon just because i like it more idk why #anyway. i love peko #<3<3 #super danganronpa 2 #sdr2 #danganronpa #peko pekoyama #my art #sdr2 the stage #also im super proud of the clothing folds here! i find that super hard and ik its copied from the reference but i usually just skip it so #im super proud of myself for trying :)

[munamania]

having a moment. it's like. something else to have someone be so genuine and openly interested and swoony im not um. very easily accustomed to this yk it's like cognitive dissonance unfortunately. as much as i want to be with it

#and im trying! #and ive communicated like an adult that i have some things i need to work on #but it's truly............. waugh. #also guys. um. big moment for me! something i am trying so hard to be chill about #had my first lil kiss. in a long time. and i was so nervous all day and there were so many moments where i meant to just go for it and ask #like one time i set myself up so perfectly it could have been cute. and i literally said. Give me one second im short circuiting. and #walked away into the kitchen. like when i say losergirl #um. yeah. i dropped that ball several times. AND when i so super casually suggested a lil gn kiss #i literally backed up cause they leaned in to the left and i was like Omg and they were once again so chill #like ok you kiss me however you want. i literally like. had to step back do a full 360 and then went for it #and got soooo nervous and jumpy that i stepped away after like one second with an Okay gn see you #not my hottest moment let's be real.... i guess everyone be so proud of me but like. Ugh. #im hoping and thinking they just found it endearing but i was so geeked and scared lmfao #overall though i cant complain or self obsess they were so sweet and silly and patient #abby talks

[jamesvin-varsity]

i left zookeeping for architecture because i became interested in how the built environment beyond the zoo could better serve local wildlife. how could we design our architecture, infrastructure and public spaces to work with natural environmental processes and build positive multispecies partnerships? how does the design of the building change when you consider the sparrow as your client? the coyote? the soil micro-arthropod?

this is obviously no new concept. cultures past and present have been living successfully with nature for millennia, but modernity has smothered much of the real human symbiosis within local ecosystems in favor of limitless growth and profit and oppression. take "sustainability", which in architecture often (though not always) results in renderings of luxury condominiums with Capitalism-Approved-Green photoshopped onto every balcony.

in my architecture studios i communicate through image. drawing. i try to separate myself from this lazy greenwashing aesthetic, researching local species assemblages to get my planting schemes somewhat accurate, considering hydrology on the site, considering local communities and how Something Green could drive up real-estate and force people out.

i try to, but at the end of the day my project is still an image and i’m still photoshopping plants onto a building. most architects aren’t really making buildings. they’re making drawings of buildings.

don't get me wrong, the image is a powerful thing. design is a powerful thing. ultimately though, i see myself doing the research that supports the decisions of the designer and not working as the designer directly.

being back at school has helped me rediscover my passion for science, and more specifically, physics. last year i took a hydrodynamics class and remembered why i studied it in the first place. because i like math and mechanics, and it's with these tools that i want to answer questions about design, conservation and multispecies community resilience.

the connection may not be obvious at first, but now, somehow, my work unites these three passions of mine -- a combination of environmental fluid mechanics, wildlife zoology, and design. broadly, i'm exploring how to incorporate marshes and other coastal vegetation into the design of physically, ecologically, and socially resilient urban waterfronts. the marshes can physically attenuate wave energy, preventing erosion and wave-driven flooding. they also provide important habitat for local wildlife like birds, crabs, and larval fish. social resilience is perhaps a more diffuse subject, but by grounding these nature-based coastal management solutions in community stewardship, we can start to rebuild relationships with our non-human neighbors. how? not sure yet, but i have some ideas.

yesterday i was accepted into a masters program in the department of civil and environmental engineering to research some of these questions (specifically regarding wave-structure-vegetation interaction). i'm not leaving the architecture department, but instead continuing in both programs as a dual degree student.

i don't identify myself as an architect, but I do as a designer. and as a scientist and educator. these titles are arbitrary (every problem is interdisciplinary when you get down to it), but they help me connect the person i am now to the person i was then.

physics-major-in-a-us-naval-officer-program turned zookeeper turned architecture-student turned science-and-engineering-student-studying-the-codesign-of-climate-adaptation-with/by/for-coastal-ecologies? my transition happened in there somewhere lol i'm also 5 years on T this week.

things will keep changing naturally, but really enjoying the ride so far :)

#ive been hustling trying to get this dual degree for over a yearrrrrrrrr #and by hustling i mean HUSTLING #this is not an existing dual degree program and has involved a lot of work on my part and im super proud of myself #also so so glad i found environmental fluid mechanics #i could really talk about fluid physics of marshes all day #planning on going for my phd! #and this is all great but i couldn’t have done it without my darling partner who i am SO in love with #going on 4 years soon :’) #anyway i’m just blabbing guess i’ve been really happy lately :) #zookeeping #grad school #architecture #animales #illustration #my art #engineering #climate adaptation

[leatherhead]

I Won DBD.

#dead by daylight #until the next chapter at least #i was Dreading doing my last achievement Evil Incarnate but i got it First try? #it was a Perfect tombstone meyers game #im so proud of myself i Never complete games unless they are super easy completion requirments #i got it before my hubby Is a completionist #hell ya #who is a completionist*

[s0fter-sin]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead/Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic Characters: Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead Additional Tags: Ficlet, Past Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead/Shirakumo Oboro/Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic, Horror, Canonical Character Death, Angst, Sleep Paralysis, Unreliable Narrator Series: Part 3 of Soft’s Twt Threads Summary:

There’s something dead outside his window.

#dipped my toes into horror with this one lads #and i truely mean dipped this one be Short #but its also kinda why im posting my threads #i can get such good prose in my threads that for whatever reason i just cant get the hang of for full fics #theres some kind of block in my head that only lets me do ‘proper realistic’ writing for fics #and something more experimental that i can tap into for shorter threads #i dunno #but im super proud of my threads and i hate that they just get buried on twitter #hence this series #i wish i had the bandwidth to extend this and make it a proper scene but i know i wont so im not gonna force myself to try #i still have so many things that i want to finish that trying to force something new when im already so stretched is just a bad idea #but im still super happy with this thread and thats good enough! #word count doesnt equal quality or worth! #it’s hard to be the bard #erasermic #erasercloudmic #aizawa shouta #eraserhead #oboro shirakumo #loud cloud #bnha #mha #go beyond plus ultra

[depresseddepot]

yes my sourdough turned out badly and yes my mother laughed at me for failing and YES i am crying like an idiot but i will be so brave about it and i will not let her meanness dissuade me from trying again

#i knew i fucked it up bc it didn't raise properly but i wanted to bake it anyway #and i was still so proud bc i made something. even if it was fucked up and bad i still did it #and ofc she came over and looked at it and laughed at me #all snotty saying ''you're not going to like it'' like i was stupid for even trying #im beginning to see where my issues are coming from lmao #im not even embarrassed bc i knew it wouldn't be right but. why does she always have to make me feel like im a fucking idiot #EVERY time i try something new she's super patronizing and treats me like im 12 years old #and when it does turn out well and im excited about it she gives me the cold shoulder for like a week #we aren't fucking competing to see who can be the better housewife. i just wanted to bake some fucking bread #i will not be ashamed. i will not let my mother make me feel small for trying something new. #this is why i still haven't told them about quilting #gritting my teeth i WILL eat my chewy fucked up sourdough and i WILL like it because i MADE it and SHE DIDN'T #and if she wants to act like this is a fucking competition that is her problem #i have met other mothers who are so kind and supportive and do it naturally because that is how they are #my mother will not be that way towards me but i can be that way towards myself. fuck her for making me feel worthless #i will move out and she will continue to think i can't even cook an egg without needing help #and i will thrive and barely speak to them and they will be confused and act victimized #and it is not my fucking problem

[sonicenvy]

so i decided to learn to crochet and my mom and i had an argument about it, which in retrospect was 50% funny and 50% depressing.

i was like just vibing crocheting a shitty scarf as my first project (as one does) and my mom was all like "you're wasting your time doing this and procrastinating on things that you need to do" (sidenote it is like 8:00 PM during this conversation lmao).

im all like "oh? why?" and she goes "well you can just buy a scarf from the store for like $10."

personally i think that this crocheting for me is a lot like pottery in that it is more about the practice of making than about the object itself. i am "getting my hands dirty" with a real, tangible and useful object. this is like the opposite of wasting my time playing video games or dicking around on tumblr dot com or something. i find making stuff and things, especially practical simple items kinda spiritual actually and i feel this sense of connection with the past and with our ancestors when i make stuff. plus when i use a thing that i made in my day to day life, like having a bowl of soup i made from scratch in a simple green bowl that i made with toast i made from bread i made from scratch on simple plate i made i feel things. there's something magical and wonderful about simple useful things and making idk.

that said, like no matter what i said she just ... didn't get it and insisted that doing this is a waste of my time. #momfinallyundestandhobbies2023

we circled around to the "you have nothing to show for yourself despite being out of college for almost 4 years" argument which was fun and the "you did nothing this week".

which. like. i painted 3 doors on monday. i had CANCER removal surgery on tuesday. i went to work for 7 hours on wednesday and taught a group of children how to make paper snowflakes. today i finished some overdue online work training modules, went to the doctor and had blood drawn and then went to the craft store to buy replacement buttons for a dress im rehabing and then went to the grocery. i also worked on figuring out what was wrong with a broken family heirloom camera that i inherited. and i did crochet. so. like. i didn't do nothing this week. sure i slept the back half of the day on tuesday and overslept (in til 9AM) today, but like. i am in a lot of pain (between 5/10 and 6.5/10) from a burned hole in my head with stitches. so uh. yeah.

idk i think that the fact that im not dead (and still employed, if part time) despite months of extreme fatigue and crippling depressive episodes, lots of shitty death and family drama, and oh. yeah. fucking CANCER. TWICE, is actually pretty good. idk. maybe thats just me.

anyways 2021-2022 have been big ass FML years and i just want it to stop. god if you're real you're a bitch.

#margaret babbles #personal bs #ok so maybe im a little pissed today but uh its super annoying that my parents cant stop reversing around to the whole #i am wasting my youth™ and i have nothing to show for myself because i don't have full time employment or enrollment in grad school #and im not ambitious and focused on earning more $ #is very annoying. i am trying. sure its not great. sure i haven't attempted the 2 things y'all want #but like for now i think im still like in survival mode because i am becoming a part-time professional sick person #hate it here #cw: cancer #other shit ive done since leaving college is paying off $17k in student loans #and saving $18k in savings #which i am actually proud of tbh

[applejee]

.

#sometimes i have to pause and be super smug and proud of myself #bc like ok #i know i write well and my fics are good #im proud of that i try #but i am SOOO over the moon #that my blue period fic is top kudos lol #like that’s meeee hiiiii #anyway periodically i check #and if i lose top spot i won’t mind #but still i am so proud of that FACT! #like i made it #LMAO #aahhhhh happy little moments

[indycar-series]

rant in the tags

#tw depression #i feel like i do this song and dance every two months or so #but im once again at the point that im considering admitting myself to a mental hospital #i literally can't take care of myself and i have no energy or motivation to do so #the house is a mess and my roommate is basically the only one doing anything around here #except for taking care of her cat. i do that. #and i raced this weekend with my friends and i felt so useless the whole time #like he was airborne in turn 3 at irp and when we got the car back in our pit box i basically just couldn't do anything #like yeah there were already 3 people examining the car #i felt like i was more in the way tho than anything #i just stood there holding the deformed tire and trying to figure out what was going on #and sure it was my first time really doing anything racing wise but still i should have been able to do more #i dont have an appointment with my therapist for another three weeks and i don't want to text her this late at night #and while my parents know my mental state is super fragile right now my mom didn't help #she just showed me this church sermon about how i should be proud to be me #like 1. why would you show me that 2. why did you show me that when i told you i was going back to ohio right then #and my dad stressed me out yesterday after i was already in a pissy mood after the brickyard but he bought me lunch bc he felt bad #i feel like mental health wise he's the only one i can talk to but i don't want him to call me right now #and he's been trying hard to keep me out of a mental hospital #even once i came clean and told him what a piss poor job i've been doing at taking care of myself #so i dont know what will happen if i tell him this time #on top of all this im dealing with some serious body dysmorphia that came up after my therapist asked if i was considering top surgery #like yes but only slightly #and now i'm having a full blown identity crisis #so yay... fun times for me i guess #i honestly should probably text my dad instead of venting but i also don't want him to drop everything and come out here #that would make me feel 100 times worse at the moment #i dont even feel anything at this point #just numb. tired. exhausted. drained. #enough ranting for now i think

[candiednova]

some artfight minigames art ! (character drawn)

#novart #animation #iv been drawing alot but most of it is others charas #and i want to share it bc iv done some stuff im super proud of so ! #expect to be seein lots of different charas for the next while while im giving myself a buffer to work on other things :] #starting with this one bc i ! really wanna share it ! im super happy with how this turned out !! #was trying to make it look something like a battle sprite youd see in a game #originally it was going to be much more complex but it would have def gone over the 2 week timeout #and i was already doing this lineless and shaded so i felt justified not going more crazy than i already had drthjrtsjr

[deancaskiss]

*runs and hides*

#dont judge me for the terrible audio i just posted #my editing skills are -1290843943 but thats okay because i tried super hard and im proud of myself for being brave and trying something new!

[b0dyr0tt]

At least 2 months off of m3th and cough syrup

Haven't smoked any weed in over a week since it's just been making my anxiety worse

Drinking makes me wanna blow my brains out but I still do it occasionally because I am afraid to let go of everything for fear that I will be left with nothing, I guess.

Which is just part of addiction for me at this point.

Fear of who I am (if i am anything at all) if I am no longer an addict (or in active addiction) or something idk

#i got drunk and cut myself up pretty gnarly the other night but its okay i am still learning and still growing #i guess some backsliding is to be expected. especially for me lmao. #thats just kinda who i am as a person i spose #but anyway i guess im like proud or whatever. and i think this time it really will last. as long as i quit drinking anyway. #it makes me super dumb and sad. makes my inhibitions lower and i have enough trouble trying to stay on track #i still wanna die all the time but i know i probably shouldn't and really can't. but getting better has always been terrifying #so i still like to sit with those feelings as much as I can. comfort in the thought of non-existence #idk rambling and life updates or whatever #save

[sdfckz]

new job is so fucking hard but im Adjusting. im Adjusting......its really lucrative and worth it in the long run and ik that. new place doesnt feel quite like home yet but its so beautiful and fancy and nice, like TOO fancy and beautiful and nice. it feels like a hotel lmao. i keep thinking "i wanna go home" while sitting at home. feel restless and exhausted at the same time. change is always just hard even if its objectively for the better..............but challenges create growth etc etc etc and the job really pushes me out of my comfort zone so thats a good thing. gotta try n get used to more things that are difficult for me. objectively a rlly good job theres nothing bad about it except that its not what i wanna do in the longrun. ik im in the right place for right now. my best friends are about to have a baby soon too and they moved in right downstairs. gonna be my sisters bridesmaid. we're building more on the property. its really beautiful in the summer, theres lightning bugs everywhere u look and the stars are so bright. camping there is great. everythings okey.

#growing and changing for the better as usual. taking b12 has helped with the bad summer moodiness i get too. #im lost though........i wish i had clarity about what direction to go from here #gonna buy a car soon bc i can afford it... #but then what. idk what makes me happy #i dread every single job #i miss my old coffee shop job because that place really really felt like home to me #i could do every single thing backward forwards and with my eyes shut #not being perfect and knowing everything at my new job is making me feel kind of insecure #i just want the dust to settle so i can feel normal again. i did SO well this past year and now im facing discomfort again #but ive gotta accept it and just live with it. n thats what im doing #i got so upset that i called out for a week straight but after that i just accepted it and now its fine im just going forward #and its gotten easier. and its gonna keep getting easier as i adapt #my life has so much potential right now its extremely overwhelming. and making decisions for myself and myself only is crazy #but its also awesome because i CHOOSE to change. i couldve stayed at my old job but i left because i wanted more #i couldve stayed in chinatown but i wanted more and i created the change i wanted to see #i used to be so afraid of change and its still so scary but now i fully know that i have the power and control to create the life i want #i have total personal power and enough confidence in myself to embrace change #even though its so uncomfortable and scary #im genuinely proud of myself for the first time ever #ik it sounds corny and like im trying super hard to sound positive but thats the only thing getting me through this shit rn #im doing well and struggling at the same time #just pushing myself forward whether i like it or not

[wewontbesleeping]

UGH I did not manage to get all of my math homework done today even though I literally spent 8 hours on math. after getting home from work. like this shit is truly impossible !!!

#I realize I’ve had a relatively easy life #compared to many #but it’s still fucking hard FOR MEEE #I feel like an asshole when I’m like HEYYYY #I’m REALLY struggling with working full time and going to school!!! #bc it’s like. ok. lots of people do that and it’s hard but it’s fine #but I’m struggling so much #idk #I’m just having a hard night #I struggled with my math so much tonight #today was a hard day #it just honestly fucking sucks #and I’m trying to also like. #get ready for thanksgiving and keep my house clean #but on the PLUS SIDE!!!! #im doing really well in my English class and I’m super happy and proud of myself there #even if I fail math it’s not the end of the world I do have strengths #also as I was typing this Alice crawled under the covers into my arms #so what do I have to complain about? #NOTHING!!!! #I have a little cat… what more is there to want