#today was a hard day

[emahriel]

day 8: yotsuyu

#em: art #xivtober #today was a hard day #made 3 drawings for today #unhappy with all of them #gonna post this one anyway #yotsuyu goe brutus #fanart #ffxiv #ff14 #final fantasy xiv #final fantasy 14

[cevansbrat0007]

Real Talk.

Warning: the following post contains mature themes and references to drug overdose, death, and Fentanyl.

For the record, what I'm about to say in regards to NARCAN has nothing to do with me standing on a soapbox. Instead, I'm asking that people do what they can to educate themselves on the importance and necessity of this life-saving drug.

And I'll start by telling you a story:

This morning, I went to check on my roommate who lives on the floor above me. She had asked me to make sure she didn't sleep through her many alarms like she always did so that she could make it to work on time. She's a server at a steakhouse chain - and a damn good one at that.

She's also my friend. A friend who, just like myself, is nearly nine months sober.

Except this morning when I knocked on her door, she didn't answer. And when I opened the door and peeked in her room she appeared to be fast asleep. But she was half naked, and the fan she had borrowed from me the night before was set to full blast. Even though it was cold outside.

Her room was like an ice box. And she was so pale. And no matter how loud I said her name, she wouldn't open her eyes and look at me.

She wouldn't wake up.

So I poked her in the shoulder. I shook her. I yelled her name. And then I realized her lips were blue. Her body was stiff. And she was cold to the touch.

The only sound she could make was that of a low, almost eerie groan. If I'm being honest, it's a sound that I'd never quite heard before. And I don't want to ever hear it again.

What I would come to realize seconds later was that my friend had overdosed on Fentanyl. Possibly a few hours earlier. Which meant she was fucking dying.

I panicked, of course. Because I'm an alcoholic. I've never touched Heroin, let alone witnessed an overdose. I know what to do if someone was suffering from, say, alcohol poisoning...but this...this was brand new territory.

Because with Fentanyl, seconds fucking matter.

I sprinted to wake up another girl. Seconds later we were back with our friend where our worst fear was absolutely confirmed.

Fentanyl Overdose.

I'd never fucking seen this. Never. But we didn't have time to fall apart because from there we dashed down the stairs. She went straight for the NARCAN and I went for my phone to call 911.

Less than a minute later, she and I were back in our friend's room to administer the NARCAN, only for us to realize that she wasn't breathing anymore.

By this point, another one of my housemates had joined us as well. And the others were soon to follow. While I was on the phone relaying instructions from the dispatcher on how to revive our friend, the others were moving her limp body to the floor.

They were doing chest compressions. Two were racing to find more NARCAN stashed in someone's glove compartment. And then another was directing EMS on where to go in the house.

It was a team effort to make sure this girl fucking lived. We could yell at her for this tomorrow. But for now, all we cared about was her living today.

I had never been through this. But as much as I hate to say this, today I was grateful that there were others in the house who had been through this before. For those who knew how to administer NARCAN.

In total, we administered something like 28 milligrams to bring her back. Which is a lot. A cop may have mumbled out something about us not waiting long enough in between doses to see if we'd given her enough before administering another. But he can go kick rocks.

Because we did the best we could all while running on straight adrenaline and doing everything we could to save someone while not falling apart in the process.

In the end, what matters is that she woke up. She was in pain. And very ill. And has since been admitted to the hospital.

Now the rest of us are left to deal with the tears and the adrenaline comedown, along with the guilt of all the signs we may or may not have missed. And that is really fucking shitty. I am so mad at my friend.

But at the same time, I love her so damn much. And I'm grateful that I will hopefully have the opportunity to share all these feelings with her one day soon.

She was fucking lucky. And so were we.

I'm grateful we found her in-time - because the paramedics made it very clear that we cut it real close. I'm grateful I live with people who found it in them to unite to save someone's life.

I'm grateful for NARCAN.

And beyond that, I'm grateful that I now know what to do with it. I never completely comprehended the weight of its importance until today. I didn't quite understand why my friend kept a stash of it in her glove compartment when she had no intentions of getting high anymore.

But today that stash saved her life. I'm begging you, if you have a loved one who suffers from this disease, please consider keeping this life-saving drug within reach.

Read up about it. Talk about it. Even if it makes you uncomfortable. Even if you can't fathom why someone would think of or want to use. Even if the idea of having to use it scares you.

I'm sure if it ever came down to it, you would rather have it and not need it than need it and not have it. Wouldn't you?

I've come to learn that many people who relapse, even after months of serious sobriety, don't plan it. It just happens. Impulsivity is a deadly part of this disease. One lapse in judgement - just one - could very well mean death.

It's really that serious.

Because with this disease, you're always guaranteed another relapse. But you're never guaranteed another recovery.

Thanks to NARCAN, my friend will have another shot.

That's all I've got for now, guys and gals. I'd be lying if I said we weren't all emotional wrecks over here. But it's all gonna be okay.

And finally, but most importantly: if you're struggling with anything, be it addiction or mental health, there is no shame in asking for help. Not now. Not ever. We're all human. We all need love.

We all deserve support to overcome our darkest of days.

Love, Britt

#britt's notes #addiction #sobriety #drug overdose #sobriety journey #narcan #substance abuse #today was a hard day #i love you all

[scentofpines]

You think it sucked being depressed as a teen? You're absolutely right, but guess what is absolute hell?

Being depressed in your 20s. While everyone around you travels abroad, goes to university, starts their career, gets their first jobs, dates and has fun. And you are at home, basically just trying to survive the next day, knowing damn well that every single day you don't have a job or attend university will be used against you by a future employer IF you ever find the courage and strength to look for a job.

Oh and also everyone and their mom constantly make little remarks about how you still don't do anything, that you still live with your parents ("at some point it gets w e i r d") and guilttrips you about having fcking depression.

It's a neverending spirale of anxiety, guilt and depression.

#depression #anxiety #lost #sad #cringy hashtags lmao #nofriends #lonely #guilt #teen #being in your 20s #20 something #alone #sorry had to vent #today was a hard day #einsam #gedanken

[rubenesque-as-fuck]

One of the stones fell out of the last ring that my grandma left me 😭

#it fell out of the setting at some point today but no idea exactly when or where the stone could be #it's just hit me hard #i miss her a lot #and wearing the ring from her was a small reminder that someone cared about me once #today was a hard day

[heartcravings]

things i'm grateful for today:

yoga

my dad's laughter

white buttery rice

strawberry jam on warm bread

my sister cutesy voice when she is excited about something but trying to be coy about it

#today was a hard day #managed to do half a work out but my tummy started to hurt again #listenned to this crazy murder podcast and i am currently struggling really hard to see positive things in humanity #sam's kintsugi heart #personal

[frasermints]

trans people: i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you

#transgender #transsexual #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #non binary #gender nonconforming #my post #trans positivity #trans unity #today was a hard day #i need to cry a lot after writing this paper

[sanguineterrain]

nothing like being involved in something that's centered around teamwork and feeling completely isolated and ignored by everyone in the group 🙃

#today was a hard day #ramble on

[clembian]

goodnight everyone. 🌟 love u all

#today was a hard day #hopefully tomorrow will be better #morning post

[redshoes-blues]

I’ve been saving myself a new chapter of my current favourite fic and a joint to enjoy after I finish writing my art history paper tonight and ugh I am so over this paper I just want to chill

#today was a hard day #had a panic attack this morning and then a therapy session that was quite good but pretty draining #my brain is very much Not in the headspace to finish an important final paper #I am very much Going Through It #but I’m also proud of myself because I’m prioritizing my mental health this semester #which I’m notoriously bad at doing #anyways haha love oversharing in the tags like this is my diary #redshoes-blues #personal #em rambles #it’s fine everything is fine #yeehaw #Lostmyhead by the 1975 is on repeat and I think that says all that is needed about my state of mind lmfao

[austerlitzborodinoleipzig]

Saw one mother today her husband died five years ago, she lives in a homeless shelter. She can't speak well because she has a cleft palate. She has two sons, twins called Pride and Precious. She loves them very much. The place where I'm doing my internship, an institute for mentally disabled kids, is going to take Pride in.

And then another family today. The kid is fifteen. Doesn't go to the institute, has joined a gang, has been already arrested three times for robberies. The mother has no authority at all over her son. As she said "I did everything I could the only thing I have left is prayer". The father at some point got angry and struck his son's head. Hard. We had to physically restrain him.

#today was a hard day

[the-bastard-hyena]

Contemplating embracing the tumblr experience of sharing my stupid little feelings and dumb little thoughts on my blog.

#today was a hard day #some days are harder than others #dementia sucks #and grieving a loved one who has it but is still alive sucks more #but life carries on #and so must i

[wewontbesleeping]

UGH I did not manage to get all of my math homework done today even though I literally spent 8 hours on math. after getting home from work. like this shit is truly impossible !!!

#I realize I’ve had a relatively easy life #compared to many #but it’s still fucking hard FOR MEEE #I feel like an asshole when I’m like HEYYYY #I’m REALLY struggling with working full time and going to school!!! #bc it’s like. ok. lots of people do that and it’s hard but it’s fine #but I’m struggling so much #idk #I’m just having a hard night #I struggled with my math so much tonight #today was a hard day #it just honestly fucking sucks #and I’m trying to also like. #get ready for thanksgiving and keep my house clean #but on the PLUS SIDE!!!! #im doing really well in my English class and I’m super happy and proud of myself there #even if I fail math it’s not the end of the world I do have strengths #also as I was typing this Alice crawled under the covers into my arms #so what do I have to complain about? #NOTHING!!!! #I have a little cat… what more is there to want

[imhisangelhesmydemon]

//OoC Real Talk

I work at a school, my job is to enroll, retain, and withdraw.

Withdraw includes having to do expulsion.

Today, I had to expelled a student who I believe we failed.

She is an incredibly intelligent young lady who could do amazing things. She does have anger problems that we believe are medical, but guardians refuse to seek out medical help for her even when given information about free programs. (I work at a low income school)

She has come a long way from last year when she would punch walls and bang her head on things. She started improving last year by seeking out those she trusted to talk to and continued this year.

She continued to seek out trusted adults to talk to when she was feeling mad. She did have a few incidents that involved her fighting with her classmates (which is why she was expelled).

She has ZERO support at home. She has ZERO structure at home. We were the only place she got support, even if it was limited.

She came so far with knowing when she needed to remove herself from the situation and talk. Did she mess up? Yes, but she is a child who is at that coming of age...age.

She has so much potential.

She has come so far and I think this is going to set her back to square one.

I feel like I failed her because I was one of the adults she would come to. And there was nothing I could do to stop this from happening.

When I was told yesterday of what I would have to do today. I went home and I cried. I cried so much because there was nothing I could do.

I knew being in education was going to be tough, even tougher, because I work with kids who come from broken homes and low income families, and this broke my heart.

The system is broken, and kids like her are the ones who pay the price.

[Side note] I know why she was expelled, and understand she did present a danger to other students. But still I wish there was more I could have done.

#today was a hard day #the system is broken #i wish there was more i could have done #im still and always will be in her corner

[insertdisc5]

happy Trans Day of Visibility 💙💗🤍💗💙✨✨✨

#in stars and time #trans day of visibility #couldve added the whole dang convo tbh... but whatever you just get those #my favorite part is actually the 'change is destruction' one but that goes a little too hard for today maybe #isat spoilers

[inkskinned]

but they don't care about the burnout. everyone is burnt out, they tell me. who isn't burnt out!

the good news is they don't say depression is a choice as much anymore, but the symptoms for burn out and depression are so hand-in-hand that they are mirror images of each other. but depression is serious. you're not depressed, you're just whiny. they barely change the script - don't be lazy! burn out is for people with real problems. burn out can be resolved with some fun candles and a day off work. burn out only happens in adults - no kid can be burnt out, after all; they've barely even had a life to live!

do you have a roof over your head and a steady job? you're not burnt out. so what if every night you wake up with a panic attack frothing inside your chest. you're lucky your problems are small. get back into plants or into yoga. shut up about it.

rich people get burnt out and go to fancy places. they get burnt out in their fancy offices with their real-people problems. they get burnt out and hire an assistant to help them never burn out again. you don't have the money to burn out. you don't have the two weeks to recover in a local spa. the job you come back to will still be stressful and hard.

you find yourself often wondering - does nobody remember about the pandemic? it seems almost like a joke or a punchline. being burnt-out was okay "during" the pandemic. now that people are back to ignoring covid, burnout is just-an-excuse again.

you google how to know if it's seasonal affective disorder or burnout. you google how to know if it's anxiety or it's burnout from working. you google how to know if my depression is back or i'm burning out badly.

coming back from burnout just leaves you covered in ashes, not new growth. you struggle to get back basics, and then - you're just supposed to get back up and keep going. every day the amount of tasks you are able to do seems to dwindle even further - where does the time go? why is everything moving so-fast-and-yet-so-slow?

my therapist and i were talking about how many people had latent mental illnesses that were triggered by the pandemic. how depression can be environmental and situational. i am annoyingly logic-driven about my own recovery - i like to be sure i'm working on the "right" thing. i tell her i feel like i'm lying. that it just might be burnout, and i need to stop complaining. she asks me what words come to mind when i think of burning.

oh, i guess i see.

we casually ignore the violence of being left empty.

#employers for 2 weeks during the pandemic: we know it's gonna be so so hard and we're here for you #week 3 day 1: now that we have been nice to you fucking get over it you weakling #do not worry this is not me romantically recalling the ''we're here for u'' overhead announcements #this is the opposite #side note #the new options to post????????? huh #gonna go write something VERY gay just to test it #(eventually. i skipped my meds by accident today so im nowhere)

[floccinaucinihilipilificationa]

#sherlock #it might be the cough medicine but I'm really feeling the bbc sherlock wedding episode today #a good feeling ₍՞◌′ᵕ‵ू◌₎♡ #like finding an old block of cheese in the back of the fridge you forgot about and its gotten super hard and chewy #i currently have half a block of gouda curating in the vegetable cupboard #waiting #how are you doing friends!! C: #I'm good! I still have the cough but I also got a new scarf #I'm still thinking about buying window colors as well but I am waiting if that is also just because of the cough medicine #I can't believe it's already been a year since I have moved! last year I was doing everything here for the first time #and now everything is happening for a second time! that year was both very long and also happened very fast #our floor in the “office” my father wanted to install still is not completly done but he threw up last time he tried #he did not threw up because of the floor but because every time he does a home renovation project he drinks 3 liters of Cherry Coca Cola #we are trying to not make him drink 3 liters of Cherry Coca Cola but he doesn't want anyone else to finish the floor I think so we just do #not mention the hole in the floor #have a nice autumn day friends!! I hope you're doing well! ( ´͈ ◡ `͈ ) #♥