#its always something and i cant mentally keep up with it anymore i have too much going on in my life

[ouchhq]

i think im gonna ask my therapist to get me an appointment with the private psychiatrist she suggested

#yesterday was kind of the wake up call #for a few days ive been feeling very little… still feeling bad but like sort of numb and i keep questioning wheter i actually need meds or #not which .. in any case i will not decide but a specialist will but anyways #and i was looking through book fairs and how to get appointments with publishers to show ur portfolio and just generally feeling like the #most incompetent person ever and also like i will never get anywhere because my style isn’t exactly what u see in most illustrated books #95% of which are childrens books…… and those styles are just different #anyway i digress #my grandma called and she was like what are u doing and i told her how stressed i was and i just started crying mid-sentence and i told her #i dont know where to bang my head anymore its too difficult and confusing and i feel like im just not good enough and im tired of trying to #keep it together.. she knows im not well mentally #like i was SOBBING #and she was like u shouldnt think like that u have to be patient keep trying and contact those publishers and whatever #and i get that she was trying to motivate me but i just told her flat out i. am. unwell. i dont know what to do anymore with this brain #and i asked her to please not tell me how i should think because i cant #and i know my grandad was there with her because he always is and he heard and like an hour later he came to my house to pick something up #and he was like ‘earlier i heard things i dont like’ aka me being depressed out of my mind #and then he said ‘we should talk about it sometime’ and proceeded to completely change the subject to his gums problem because he was going #to the dentist….ok #and the funny thing is things like this where people acknowledge that im struggling but proceed to say nothing about it keep happening #like i have a friend that i talk to very often and we say p much everything to each other but now shes working so she takes weeks to reply #and i told her i was doing VERY bad and of course she has her problems too… and she hasn’t replied to me in like three weeks or so #and she sent a text basically saying im dorry i havent replied yet i want to have time to do it well and hear how youre doing but hear this! #and proceeded to tell me stuff about her work and whatever… which is fine but dont tell me u care about how i am if u cant even check in #when u do have time because clearly u can send texts… #anyways im rambling good morning i already cried and its not even 9 great !!

[nexus-nebulae]

i amb. Dissociating

#low health #<- this tag for mental health too ig #ask to tag #i dont know why i am brain not working #literally do not know what is causing this #havent been able to focus at all yesterday or today #probably longer than that idk #id ont know who i am or whos nearby front #i dont think our brain wants echo anumore but we dont have a replacement what do we do #we almost got two relplacement but they werent fit for being host for various reaosns #i keep just. like. going blank for so amny minutes at a time #jsut staring at nothing midsentenece and never finishing the thoght #sorry for all the misspellnigs too i dont really have the energy to fix them tbh #brain is being not ok but i dont know why its happening or what can fix it #maybe its hust fall idk #fall always fills me with dread for like. many reasons #like soon im not gonna be able to walk as much and im almost never gonna be able to leave the house once winter hits #plus fall seems to be exactly when bad things alwys happen to me so #thank u august 2020 for that oen #but its not even august anymore youd think if it were connected to the august incident itd fuck me up during august #i dont know. i dont know whats wrong or why my brain is upse t #and i dont know how to fix it #i keep thinking 'talking to friend will help' and maybe it is i dont know i cant tell #but im too fucking dumb and anxious to do that half the fucking time anyways #... i think i have trust issues #not in the sense of 'i think everyone around me is hiding something' or shit like that #btu more in the sense of 'i am so scared at every second that i am going to fuck this up' #so i never even try bc it's the only 100% guaranteed way to not fuck up right???? #wrong then i lose all my friends bc i dont talk to anyone ever

[our-lady-of-mcr]

.

#also god bless my friend who pointed out that im moving up and im going to be in a salon soon and will actually be doing something good with #my life vs the friend who did me this way pretending shes still in high school that freaks out and loses all her friends every 6 months #i wish it didnt bother me. and i know in 2 months im going to have brushed it off and move on like i always do when bad shit happens #but for the wound being fresh this shit just fucking sucks i hate it i hate it i hate it #i made a very very very vague post on reddit just asking for advice #and the more popular reply was someone more on my side who basically said i should tell her to go fuck herself pretty much #and the second one was someone who v obviously did not actually read the post who said it was all fluff and basically defended her even #when in my post i am saying i defended myself while still listening to the shit she says #and i fucking hate reddit bc people are so.....quick to be hateful and judge #and i knew to expect people being hateful but god DAMN like you yourself are basically saying theres not enough info (yes there was) and you #still are quicker to assume im in the wrong #meanwhile everyone who knows her is like bitch we told you to not forgive her last time and now look where you are #and i am not a perfect person i have flaws the same way everyone else does. literally everyone has said and done shit they regret #and i have fucked her over before because she lost her fucking mind on a campus manager and an educator and she told me to find my own ride #home because i didnt defend her losing her shit and screaming at everyone and ended up having to write an incident report (so did the other #girls who watched it happen so nOT just me) anyways now she uses that as an excuse for treating me like fucking trash because she finally #found out about the god damn incident report which made it so now anyone can say i said anything and she just believes it #its such a fucking joke to me because like ????? girl if we were in opposite positions you would have filled out the fuckin report too #granted it was a handwritten letter and not a report but it was basically the exact same thing as an incident report #my bad that a year ago i wrote a letter saying i was scared you know where i live and that youre mentally unstable. funny how a year later i #feel the same way all over again! except i dont because im not scared of her anymore shes a fucking theater kid who needs to get a grip #i cant wait to look at my self tag again in 2 years and be like DAMN REMEMBER WHEN THAT HAPPENED #every single person who knows her that isnt friends with her (i am basically refusing to text her friends bc i dont even want to know) #keeps telling me i didnt do anything wrong and ive given her too many chances and she fucks me each time #i just wish she would go get help bro there is something so wrong with her #self

[fortunately-bi]

...... If I went on a hiatus for who knows how long again would y'all hate me....... 👉👈

#i just spent like an hour writing and rewriting a post trying to explain myself amd its just so hard to put into words #im bored here but not in a ew not enough content for the dopamine hit shit #in like a every time i scroll through I dont smile I dont see anything that makes me happy at all i dont get a laugh or anything #its just mindless brain rotting scrolling nothing wasting my time hoping maybe ill see a new artist to follow or something #and every time its nothing #so much nothing taking up so much of my time and space in my life and i already dont have a lot of time to begin with #ive made some awesome friends here ive had lovers from here ive had people who are no longer on this earth from here who ill never forget #i dont think ive really enjoyed anything on here in 7 years #ive left before for a really long time i think like a year or more or something #and i wont be totally unreachable of people message me ill respond but im so sick of this stupid app taking up my life #and all i ever get out of it is getting mad or getting depressed over shit that really is t worth my mental state over #all i ever feel on here is that the world fuckin sucks and theres not even anything here to make hanging around worth it #im not new to this site making me suicidal for an abundance of reasons and im luckily in a spot where i wont actually hurt myself #its just ideation and intrusive thoughts but its a pattern i cant keep ignoring #also im old tumblr im old tumblr and i think i will always be old tumblr im just not catching on to new shit anymore #the fact im even saying anything about a hiatus should show how pld tumblr i am no one does this anymore lol #i just don't want to be here anymore i dont really want to be anywhere online anymore tbh #its always something and i cant mentally keep up with it anymore i have too much going on in my life #my wife is having cancer removed on Tuesday im a lead teacher who has to take care of i think 8 babies now #i have problems i have actual problems that need me and need me to be as there as i can be #i cant be spiraling over stuff online on top of real world problems im in no position to do anything about on top of personal life problems #that are drastically affecting my life at home and hurting my family and loved ones #i have a mass in my thyroid which is so big i choke to the point i stop breathing if I dont have my meds i throw up all day #i have to see a neurologist because at best i have a pinched nerve at worst im having seizures and i might have to move states again #i dont have it in me to come on here and see stuff that makes me upset for the chance i might see something i like #and i can unfollow people and whatever but I dont have the energy or time to sift through people i follow on here #if you want to talk in dms or asks or you want to send me posts pls by all means continue to do so thats fine #but i think i need to take the app out of my line of sight again for a bit and just be in the moment again same with twitter #anyways i love yall i promise i am safe and not in harms way im just stressed af and i have got to start cutting things out that #arent doing anything other then making me miserable

[i-cant-sing]

Just thinking about Yandere Todoroki clan and reader's random moments.

Reader coming home after a particularly bad day, but poor girl cant even cry or complain without everyone immediately overreacting and pulling you out of school/college or even keeping you from going out at all. So now, reader has to either cry in self pity before she enters her home, wipe her tears and fix herself just enough to show that she hadnt just bawled her eyes out moments ago. That, or do the more risky thing and go home, go to your room and cry under the covers, but then theres always the chance of Rei or the others walking in on you any moment.

Also thinking about baby/toddler reader being sick, just a common cold or flu, nothing major. But with reader whining and being so young, the family's infantalisation goes through the roof and theyd treat you as if you were immunocompromised. I wont lie, but I think Rei is almost kinda... glad when you get sick? She enjoys you being dependant on her for the most things, even when you grow up and are able to handle a cold, she still deludes herself into thinking that you need mommy to come and help you.

I think the one person who is most affected by reader getting sick, no matter what age, is Enji. The man just cant help but view you as a fragile, starving Victorian child the moment you fall ill. In his eyes, even a harsh blow of air is too much for a fragile thing like you, let alone something as bad as the flu. He just- he's holding toddler reader in his arms, who snuggles into his warm body, your tiny nose pink and he cant get the image of you crying and vomiting and being oh so feverish- thats just way too much for your small body. Oh how he almost cried when he took you to the doctor for a shot and you clung to him, trying to bury yourself into him as you begged him to make you feel better, cried to him that you didnt want to get the "big scary needle!" He just had to hold you there in his firm grip as you writhed, had to look away when you looked at him and he saw the feeling of betrayal in your eyes, had to keep himself from not strangling the fucking doctor for not being careful, had to walk out of the clinic and hand you to Rei because he couldnt hear you cry anymore, had to have Rei console both you and Enji (assuring him that "no, Enji. Y/n doesnt resent you for making her get a shot.") and he couldnt even sleep a wink that night because he was standing by your bed, holding your tiny hand with his pinky as a tear finally slipped out of his eye.

ALSO thinking about adult reader going out of the house to meet up with friends, except shes meeting up with them at a club instead of at their house like she told Enji and Rei, and now shes standing outside, abandoned by said friends, and shes now running because a group of pervy men are chasing her and she doesnt know who to call, so she just speed dials Shotou, except someone just changed all your speed dials to one number, and you think youre doomed when Shotou doesnt say a word to you and just hangs up when within minutes, someone comes in front of you-

"Dabi?" He tells you to cover your ears and look away, and you know well by know what that means, so you obey, feeling a bit regretful as those men begin to scream in agony. You dont know how long its been until Dabi pulls your hands away and examines your wounds. He lets you crash into his chest as you sob, and this time, Dabi simply decides to take you home quietly without a lecture.

Hmmm, also thinking about Natsuo who is usually cool as a cucumber, the most normal being in the family, except for his very rare episodes of unbridled rage where he suddenly becomes the Hulk. Good thing for you is that this anger is never directed towards you, rather towards people who actively threaten your life (except Rei cause she gets to play "Im your mom who became mentally unstable because of your abusive dad") The only time NAtsuo is stern with you is when it comes to your health. He's just looking at you with those strict eyes when you refuse to take your multivitamins, or dont want to get a flu shot, or try to make up an excuse so that he cant check your vitals. And when he just grabs your wrist and pulls you to sit down so that he can do his checkup, its in those moments that you realise just how strong your brother is... and how easy it may be for him to overpower you and sedate you if he ever followed through Rei's threats.

#yandere bnha #bnha headcanons #yandere mha #bnha imagines #yandere dabi #yandere todoroki clan #yandere endeavor #yandere natsuo todoroki #yandere enji todoroki #yandere rei todoroki

[disneyprincemuke]

the best of (instagram) * bother figures

they always somehow manage the ruin the pictures she looks good in

pairings: max verstappen x fem!driver, lando norris x reader, alex albon x fem!driver

notes: LMFAO guySSSS I TOOK SOOOO LONG TO GET PICS FOR THIS IF U DONT LIKE THIS IM GOING TO RETIRE AND U WONT GET ANY LOGAN AND MICK STUFF

(series masterlist) | (📂 smau specials)

rockysroads

👤 tagged lily zneimer

liked by oscarpiastri, maxverstappen1 and 67,929 others

kidy/n you might look at me and think you’re going crazy or something like that

view all 2,797 comments…

user1 rocky being a fnaf fan was NOT on my bingo card

rockysroads yeah i just love josh hutcherson a lot too :/

user2 no cause WHO are you leaning on in that picture

oscarpiastri interesting choice of pictures

user3 so ur telling me u know something

user4 is that u?? or…

user5 is that logan

user6 if i speak.

user7 secret boyfriend??

maxverstappen1 who did u crop out wtf

rockysroads none of ur business

maxverstappen1 excuuuuuse me for being curious

user8 wow even being wdc doesnt exempt u from y/n’s disrespect

rockysroads so true like he’s not special just bc he’s a 2 time wdc

logansargeant did u crop me out

user9 SPEAK YOUR TRUTH LOGAN

user10 STAND UR GROUND LFG

user11 am i crazy or is y/n soft launching u

user12 i might have to check myself into the mental hospital after this one i fear

rockysroads yo shut up

rockysroads posted on their story!

user13 who is this man

user14 r u softlaunching 💀

rockysroads what does that mean

user15 is that loGAN’S WATCH

user16 whats this softlaunch

rockysroads

liked by oscarpiastri, logansargeant and 67,898 others

rockysroads ive looked SO good lately ugh

view all 5,987 comments…

user17 WHY IS SHE ALWAYS CUTTING SOMEONE OUT OF THE PICTURE DO U HAVE A BF

user18 blink twice if youve got a bf…?

user19 why he hold u like that

user20 my working theory is that she’s out and about on dates and these are all different guys

landonorris

liked by rockysroads, oscarpiastri and 68,376 others

landonorris guys it wasnt a soft launch it was just me :/

view all 10,478 comments…

user21 oh. i see.

user22 not on my bingo card but ok

rockysroads why would u do this

landonorris to ruin ur life idk

user23 HELP WHY DID SHE CUT U GUYS OUT FROM THE PICTURE??

rockysroads they were ruining the picture :/

user24 IMF UVKINNNNN HOWLINGGGG

user25 if this one is u, who r the other guys in the photos???

rockysroads sighpie okay i'll expose myself then

rockysroads

👤 tagged alex_albon

liked by oscarpiastri, sebastianvettel and 45,693 others

rockysroads please stop speculating it's literally just alex :/ they just keep ruining my pictures with their boyness

view all 4,123 comments...

user26 why do you keep messing with us is this funny to you

rockysroads little bit actually

user27 honesty is the best policy ig?

rockysroads u get it fr user27

alex_albon i'll try not to be offended

rockysroads i appreciate that

maxverstappen1

👤 tagged rockysroads

liked by kellypiquet, rockysroads and 104,303 others

maxverstappen1 here's to the best addition the grid's ever seen

view all 50,498 others...

user28 no wtf she's the worst

kidy/n boy if u dont shut up

user29 wow guys its time to go to clown school i think

user30 real. i just know she's tired of us being delusional

rockysroads it's ok same haha

user31 i'm so tired of hER GAMES

user32 like i cant do this anymore

rockysroads u ALWAYS ruin my pictures

taglist: @wcnorris @treehouse-mouse @laura-naruto-fan1998 @mindless-rock @inejismywife @vellicora @leilanixx @meadhgbcavanagh @2bormaybenot @ironmaiden1313 @angsthology @cherry-piee @christianpulisic10 @elliegrey2803 @cashtons-wife @love4lando @sadg3 @bborra @a10vely-yutazen @mellowarcadefun @glitterf1 @megatrilss1885 @peqch-pie @gentlyweeps-world @woozarts

#alex albon x reader #max verstappen x reader #lando norris x reader #fem!driver #female driver #f1 fem!driver #f1 female driver #vettel reincarnate #disneyprincemuke #disneyprincemuke imagine #disneyprincemuke imagines #disneyprincemuke f1 #disneyprincemuke vr #formula 1 x reader #f1 x reader #f1 grid x reader

[draco-after-dark]

Feral JD!!! I love this kinda stuff, and you already got some awesome art for it! I’ve been appreciating John Dory more and more lately, so it’s cool to find all the AUs

Got any specific scenarios you’ve been thinking about for him? Love to hear anything about it.

I also wonder about when he discovered he couldn’t read anymore, was he nonplussed? Disappointed? Didn’t realize it happened? How’d his brother figure it out and would they go about teaching him again?

I appreciate you! ✨💜👍 have a good day!

OOOOOOOOH I HAVE SO MANY ACUALLY

I'm having so much fun building his world out

I actually have a few scenarios in the works now and some mini comic ideas too, Just gotta finish them :]

The reading thing is actually an interesting point. To be honest it wasn't something I initial thought to hard about but now that you brought it up. Here are some thoughts I had on it.

(Also sorry this kinda long I got a bit carried away woops)

not being able to read does come as a shock to JD when he first realizes, It takes him a bit to come to terms with it and when he does realize its a "Shit, I really am a failure." kind of mentality.

Since he was just out in the wilderness reading and writing wasn't something he need to do, it was all about survival for him so something so simple as that never crossed his mind as a skill he could lose.

Not being able to sing/talk just sort of sprouted from when he turned grey and fully integrated himself to being alone, Truly alone. Just being by himself he never had a reason to speak, so eventual the years added up and he just couldn't figure out how to speak.

So I always figured Clay would be the first one to figure out that JD can't read. For some context JD has been away from any type of society for several years if not a whole decade at this point. just by himself out in the wilderness wander around from place to place. So loneness has set in hard and he hasn't had a conversation with someone since being on his own.

JD tends to approach his brothers when their on there own or hanging out with each other. He tends to avoid large crowds and sticks to the outskirts of pop village unless there is immediate danger within the village. They had a spider incident a week ago but JD dealt with that real quick. The village still has pretty mixed options on allowing him to stay but considering the brothers haven't even been able to get JD to come inside branch's bunker yet. It's not something the they have really considered or cared about yet.

Also for Clay figuring out JD cant read it would probably go something like this...

Being in a book club Clay can often be found reading books around pop village. So when its a beautiful sunny day. He decides that it's the perfect time to catchup on his latest book. That quickly becomes wishful thinking however when he feels the brush of fur against his arm. He's surprised to see John Dory crouched next to him head tilted leaning into his personal space. Just sort of staring at his book with a curious look on his face. He's not interacted this close to JD yet on his own, usually he only makes an appearance if Floyd or Branch are around. So being on his own with John so close makes him pretty nervous. Especially since previous interacts between the two of them haven't been the best. John may or may not have tried to attack him and Bruce at their first interaction. It was quite a shock to all the brothers when they discovered that not only Floyd but also John Dory had been kidnapped by the pop star wannabes. If Clay's being honest he didn't believe Floyd when he first told them that John Dory was still trapped some where in the dressing rooms. It didn't make any sense to him. Why would they keep leave John backstage for their big performance. Unless they had already sucked him dry of his talent. What they actually discovered Clay could have never seen coming. Their brother, their oldest brother was practically unrecognizable, In both behavior and colour. He still thinks about when they found him in that room huddled in the corner. The terrify snarl that came from him when they tried to get close. Heck. he didn't even know a troll could make such a noise. So what was he doing here with him now?

"Uh . . . hi?" Clay asked curiously his voice wavering slightly.

He could see John's ear tilt towards him so he must have heard him and was at least listening. Hopefully.

"what uh . . . what brings you here today?"

A low deep rumbled sounded out from John's throat has he lifted his hand nearest to the book and brought it closer to himself. Eyes flickering across the page. To Clay it looked as if he was trying to read the pages so without a word he tilted the book more towards JD and waited. Just watching him. As seconds turned into minutes he could feel the frustration growing inside his brother, from the way his brows knitted together, to the way he kept getting closer to the book. Like if he looked harder, tried harder it would all make sense. That was when it clicked.

He cant read. Clay thought.

He can barely talk, if grumbling even counts as talking. Can't read and chances are he cant write anymore ether.

With a scoff John shoves the book away from himself slides down from the rock to sit on the grassy earth below.

Clay felt odd. He wasn't sure what he was feeling. Pity? Hurt? No that wasn't quite right. Emptiness? A sense of loss? A mix of everything he guessed.

He never really considered how John must be feel. That it must be . . . frustrating. Not just being alone for so long that he unconsciously forgot things that always seemed so, basic. Normal to everyone. That writing and singing songs came so natural to all of them. That the once self-proclaimed leader of Brozone couldn't even read his own lyrics anymore. He could never imagine not being able to read again. Being left unable to communicate even the simplest of things, but here John was. Going through all that. Practically alone. Clay frowned well he stared down at his once proud brother and then a flicker of hope flashed through his eyes.

". . ."

"Do you want to read again?"

His ear perked up at that and his head quickly flipped back to Clay. An unreadable look in his eyes.

"I could teach you, to read, write, to talk again?"

He see the thoughts swirling through his eyes, the hope, that became to spark but that quickly disappeared as he sank back down towards the grass. I look of sadness crossing over his face as he began to fiddle with his claws.

"Do you not want to learn how to read again?" Clay aske bewilders

John huffed and stared at him with an unamused face

"well why then?"

John glanced to the side and gestured in way "carry on" sort of way.

"I don't understand."

John gave him a deadpan stare and flung his head to the side letting out a deep sigh.

Clay was thoroughly confused. what was he missing, what wasn't ne understanding. This was his brother, his older, former bossy, arrogant, obsessed older brother. So Clay wanted to try something. Something he had done in years.

"What, are you still to cocky to let your little brother teach you a thing or two?"

He huffed again, but this time it sounded more like a light chuckle followed by a quick eyeroll and after a few seconds John stared at him, one eyebrow raised like he was saying "are you serious right now?"

"So your telling me you'd rather sit on grass and feel sorry for yourself rather then spend time with your younger brother?"

Oh ya, That hit a nerve. If there was one thing John cared about it was his family, Family was apart of him and it always had been. His greatness strength and weakness. Something Clay figured out real quick when they were younger trollings. John must have felt as offended as he looked because next thing clay new he had already stood up and hoped right back up on the rock beside him.

"Same old Dory"

To which John responded by giving his brothers shoulder a shove and jerked his head towards the book down in Clay's hands.

"okay okay, will start with the basics . . ."

Don't know how in character this is for Clay but I tried guys. So yeah that's my thoughts so hopefully this makes sense.

Also if any Fanfic people out there stumble across this and start thinking they want to give try at writing some stuff for the Feral boi please do I would LOVE to read it. Like tag me please so I can read it and draw it.

Anyway imma go to bed byeeeeeee

#feral john dory au #trolls john dory #trolls band together #trolls #Feral JD au #rocky asks

[cyberkitty1]

Black Musician Reader

about a year and a half after your break up with miles you decided to focus on yourself and your career. making a plethora of songs and being openers for big artist’s.

your living your dream life; moving out of your apartment and getting a house, nothing too bug just something to fit you and your 2 dogs, working out to look better snd feel better about yourself and starting on the journey to better your mental health.

your manager and team have finally decided its time for you to have your first concert. you got to choose where it would be.

you were nervous and excited! these is a new chapter in your life sure you’ve done openers but your very own concert?? this is crazy.

brushing iff your outfit and fixing your hair hair one last time before you step out on stage. the moment you made your way to the middle the lights were blinding but once your eyes got used to it you could see everyone.

cheering your name with signs and pictures it was surreal. you were performing your very last song when you see him. you see him but he looks different, he’s not wearing his puffer or his messed up jordans. he’s wearing a sweater?? and a whole outfit.

you cant ignore the feeling of want and missing him. its been almost 2 years ; he’s always been in the back of your mind you couldn’t deny it and those last words he told you. that he wanted to change for you. did he really change? for you? really?

the concert came to an end it was a success. people gave you gifts and flowers you loved it all. just then someone knocked on your dressing room door.

“come in!” you calm in a loving tone before spinning your chair to see who it is. you were shocked to say the least.

it was miles standing with a big bouquet of your favorite flowers. you felt your heart melt a bit. “miles” he gives you an awkward smile “hey” he says scratching his neck”

“why are you here miles” you say standing keeping your hands at your sides in fists. you were nervous, so so nervous. he messed with his necklace. “remember when we broke up? i told you i would change and treat you better”

he walked toward you giving you the flowers. “ and im here to do just that” he say’s confidently. “miles-“ “no wait i went to therapy i got into a college i have a better relationship with my family, i don’t spray paint walls anymore i, i changed because i love you and i want you to give me another chance, please?”

you stare at him, you’ve missed him so much and the fact that he changed just for you? so he wouldn’t loose you? thats how much he loved you he was proving it to you, just like he said.

you missed him, the moment you broke up with him you wanted him back, you couldn’t just forget all the memories you made with him. there was no way it was going to happen.

“miles, are you being serious?” your eyes filled with tears. he felt anxious he knew how things ended and he knew what he did wrong.

you couldn’t help but let them fall as you give him a hug. he changed himself so he could be with you again? you expected him to just move on by now.

“im sorry about how we left everything, i know i could have been better to you, you didn’t deserve it. can you find it in your heart to forgive me?” he asks speaking into your hair as he hoods you tighter. “ of course miles ive missed you so much” you say through tears.

“ im so sorry for how i treated you, te amo mucho mami” he says wiping your tears. “ please dont do that again, if you need space ill give you space just talk to me, you cant just leave” you day beginning to get agitated.“ i will, i will. forgive me my love”

.

.

.

🏷️: @soseoulol @shoyofroyoyoyo @pandoragalora @miles-42-morales @heavisdelulu @lilcassipuff @levanneisdumb @thebaddest @sussybaka10 @itsznanabanana @mallywally @missyysyx @c4nth3lp1t @sgmianne @miles4hour @ulovejayy @onginlove @buckleyverse @lexixiii @swaqlover @yoursidehismain @florencepughswife030196 @lethycia @edgyficuselastica @druiggf @onsimpshii @lovely-horror-show @vivsamortentia @leighs-gallery @remuslupinsno1slut @steve-harringtons-bitch @shurisbbymama @bunnybabylovesstuff @karmascute @c4rine @janaeby @mookiebutt @paraccosm @zkristuz @reflectionsinrealtime @mindymeeksrules @nagi3seastorm @popeheywardssecretgf @be3_Fl0w3er @piopio @hoodypunpurri @hiyoo-o @enchanting-violet @Dee.xo @sylisan @violettathewriter @ariellaa

rushed im sorrryyy

#miles morales #atsv x reader #earth 42 miles #miles morales x reader #earth 42 #earth 42 miles morales #earth 42 miles morales x reader #across the spiderverse #musician reader #sza #black reader #angst #comfort #fluff #cute #ˏˋ°•*⁀➷CYBERKITTY1

[ctenophora]

The art community is literally dying

Recently I have seen way too many fanartists get hate for the way they draw/head canon characters from shows and its actually ironic when its mlp, because its supposed to be a show about friendship and kindness yet the people who "claim" to be defending them are always down right disrespectful and rude as hell.

having fun and making headcanons have lost its meaning in why people do it to the point people are so mad that a character that is portrayed with headcanons seems like its the worst thing a person can do to a character. it always has to be what they look like originally. the fact y'all have the audacity to be so racist, transphobic, homophobic and fatphobic over a headcanon, you guys need to log out and shut up.

it is honestly so annoying to me that no one can make art without some asshole tracing over their art work, or calling it a caricature. or making fun of it.

in a few years we'll all be twiddling our thumbs asking ourselves why fan art isn't around anymore? it's because of the hatred people are experiencing today on social media. YOU ARE GOING TO CAUSE THAT.

you guys forget why headcanons exist. why headcanons are just for fun. YOU do not HAVE to agree with someones headcanons YOU also do not HAVE THE RIGHTS to make fun of that persons headcanons, or say its wrong unless it is truly HATEFUL in anyway.

If YOU are so mad that you think your favorite wouldn't look like that DO IT YOURSELF. Everyone and their mamas have pen and paper, draw how you think your favorite would look and mind your own business. these talented artists sit here and spend days working on something that they relate to and hope other people do too just for people to criticize them unasked. why is that still happening today? if No one asked for help don't give help its so simple. keep words to yourself a child could follow this easier than grown ass adults can.

Theres always something wrong when people hate on someones art. we cant project anymore, we cant be inexperienced anymore, we cant show representation anymore. its always gotta be "They wouldn't look like that!" "why do they look like a man" "they look ugly"

or even worse telling people to die, and causing them to go private. have we not learned from pass situations!? so many young artists get depressed and broke down over comments that hurt their mental because you couldn't even keep something to yourself.

if you claim to actually be helping people, actually look to the people who whitewash poc characters, or make an originally plus size person thin. look at the actual problems instead of some random artists who wants to see their favorite look like them.

I literally was on twitter and someone drew pinkie pie plus size and with PCOS and everyone thought she looked like a racist caricature because "No black girl looks like that" congratulations welcome to earth. people look like that irl. people are so scared of someone being unconventionally attractive, its actually embarrassing how slow the progression of accepting people for how they look is going. we've gone no where. you people will always judge someone and know nothing about that person.

that other person on TikTok did not deserve their art getting traced over a bunch of times, y'all will get so scared over women having hair, welcome to how the body works hair and muscles exist on women too, women can look masculine and still identify as a woman, have we not learned from gender non comfirmity, and pronouns don't = gender tiktoks? have we also not learned from "Art lore" y'all are so disgusting, and hateful.

and Tina from kid vampire yall will be so scared over Tina being black or not being white, for why? the creator literally said they don't care. let people have fun. LEAVE THAT LITTLE GIRL ALONE AND LEAVE PPL WHO HC HER BLACK ALONE TOO. I promise you Tina is not about to jump out of the screen and say thank you. once again headcanons exist for a reason.

AND the fancast Rapunzel literally sit down and hear yourself right NOW.

for years through stories princesses have always been portrayed from a different culture in there own way, there was a German Rapunzel, a black Rapunzel a Korean Rapunzel, an indian Rapunzel. and so on

even Cinderella, a bunch of stories have been retold for different cultures for different people all around the world. it is not that serious.

your childhood is not being destroyed over some fancast, innocently made. wake up wipe off those crocodile tears and go into research on why you feel so much hatred for black and brown kids possibly getting representation in media.

#fandom headcanons #my little pony #pinkie pie #headcanons #twitter #tiktok #art lore #rant post #literally stfu if you are about to spill some bs in the comments I truly don't care like bruh. #representation #anti blackness

[reformedpeasant]

KAT SO LIKE BASICALLY ill explain to u the characters :3 so usually in tmnt, if u had to summarize the tmnt in one word it would be raph: hot-head, mikey: goofball, donnie: nerd, and leo: leader. its been that way since the first comics in 1984 and its stayed that way w little to no variation until 2018. this isnt to say that they were one-dimensional, and they definitely weren't the same as their previous counterparts since every iteration has a different backstory and context so the characters are different too! you could always tell they came from the same place, though.

then, in 2018, rise of the tmnt came out, and changed EVERYTHING about what we previously knew abt the turtles, their dynamics, and how they worked as a team. not only were they physically all different species now, but they had different personalities and roles on the team. raph was the oldest (leo usually is) and subsequently the leader, and was really just a big teddy bear when hes 'supposed' to be angry, aggressive, and a loner. mikey was still a goofball but in a comedic show, theres no need for a comedic relief, so that wasnt his role anymore. now hes taken on a more emotional role as well as being depicted more as an artist. donnie is still a nerd but has the biggest ego EVER and probably secretly wants to blow up the entire planet just to see if he can. leo is NOT the leader, and actually makes for a pretty bad one- he's lazy and self confident where leos are usually the most driven and anxious.

put on paper, this sounds awful. its one thing to try new things but this is basically just deviating from everything the characters and franchise once were w no remorse. a lot of long time tmnt fans ignored and even hated on rottmnt when it first came out because of this, BUT!!!! i think its a really great adaptation in terms of what it did to the franchise.

firstly, the tmnt were still Themselves, just differently. raph may be compeltely different in the sense that he cant be alone (and has an entire episode where hes left alone and literally goes crazy, when usually hes the one ditching the team to do his own thing lol) and doesnt get in fights w his brothers that often, but he still has the typical 'punch first, think later' mentality and he Does get angry when he needs to. mikeys probably the most faithful to previous mikeys in the franchise, but he can stick up for himself better and feels a lot more meaningful then other mikeys. donnies the same but if u crank the arrogance up about 50x, because while in the past when tmnt was created, computer nerds were considered kinda weirdos, now if you were good w code or engineering its pretty sick, and the writers took that change into account. leo may be lazy and self centered, but he Knows his brothers inside and out and is subtly the voice of reason on their missions.

essentially what rottmnt did was strip them to their core and build them back up. raph isnt usually the oldest, but this is what would happen to him if he was. leo isnt usually not in the lead, and this is how he would develop without that burden on his shoulders. etc. and its genuinely a testament to the writers that despite them being so different, they still fundamentally feel like raph, mikey, donnie and leo. its something that tmnt as a franchise really needed imo, because its been going on for so long that its easy for new iterations to fall into archetypes; how they "should" act according to the generalizations these characters have built up over the decades. rottmnt was like a reset and a breath of fresh air that i personally think tmnt really needed for the future. yeah! :3

ya know what this is brilliant and you're so right. like I mean your take is definitely perfection but the writers changing them the way they did also brilliant because you're right they do still feel like the same characters at the core of it but the new take helps to keep the entire franchise new. that's actually so cool. oh my gosh thank you for sharing aaaa

#i might have to show my mom this i think she'd appreciate it

[prof-peach]

Is Val a regular Kantonian Vulpix? Because she displays far too powerful psychic abilities to be pure fire type to me. A fire/psychic variant maybe?

We've tested her, she seems to poses no other strange genetic mix that would suggest she's a variant. She is however not from Kanto, she was found and caught in Sinnoh, so perhaps theres something to it, she otherwise looks like a regular Vulpix, no adaptions or unusual changes save for a messier coat. We chalk her appearance up to not evolving, she's putting that energy into growing her physical self, hence the more...feral look to her. Same with Booker (teddiursa) the energy goes to other things when pokemon don't evolve. While variants and hybrids are the easiest way to achieve unusual power sets or skills, plenty of pokemon show an adaptability for skills often overlooked. Due to how we work with her, how I trained her, and how she felt most comfortable working, she's become very adept. This is not to say she does not use fire moves, its just usually not her go-to. She's used her psychic skills to aid me for a long time now too, so it's become a tactic she's fluid with, very familiar, complete second nature. The dex was wrong about the Vulpix line and I'll take it to my grave. They're dual psychic types, through and through, I'll argue it all day and night. Val admittedly has worked very hard at that and has pushed it a step further than the average sure, but all vulpix have this skillset, it's just often ignored in favour of the more flashy fire power. Kids catch them and think 'oh neat a fire type' and don't explore the other aspects of the species very far unless it benefits them in the gym circuit, a short sighted reason. We've bonded for a long time, she draws strength from me, and vice versa, if the trainer is tough, is confident and capable, the pokemon follows suit. This is even more the case with Psychic types, who have a link to those they are closest too. I don't have to tell her commands anymore if we're doing something stealthy, she just knows, looks in my brain and sees the plan. If i'm feeling an emotion, she feels it too, and vice versa. So closely linked now if she's alerted to a sound or energy, the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, I feel it too. She's unusual yes, but its not out of the question for the species, not in the slightest. I do wonder if she pushed herself down that route to help me sometimes, an adaption to her living situations perhaps. She keeps other psychic types out of my head like a mental barrier, and her shielding skills are top notch, enough to protect people from powerful blasts without a second thought, doesn't even break a sweat anymore, its why the dragons here don't mess with her anymore, she doesn't even retain the typical vulpix personality, they often flee and slink to the shadows to collect themselves before an attack, an elusive, evasive species, and often lean more into the timid type than most. Perhaps she picked my personality up over the years, maybe this is her own and we just sync up well, i'm not sure. She's just, extraordinary, always surprises me. There probably wont ever be a clear answer as to why, but I will say she's put mountains of work in, every day we train, every day she's out there putting the hours in even if I get caught up in the lab. Never knows a pokemon with so much tenacity. Doesn't matter what type a dex says she is, it's wrong, cant see her do the things she does and not think it.

#prof.peach #pokemon #peach talks #valka #val

[k-arb]

Dunked on: a collection of thoughts reguarding sans

I like how sans just cheats. Specifically at the end of the genocide route. When you get there, youre expecting a fight, be it from asgore, sans, or whoever. When it finally starts, youre braces for it to begin, you know the rules of the game, youre prepared with your highest healing items

And then sans goes first. You arent expecting it, it hasnt been like that the entire game, and youre not even familliar with the mvoes hes using. You know how the blue soul works, assuning you played pacifist beforehand, but noones ever been able to physically move your soul. And then theres the gaster blasters, more moves you know nothing about. Everything flies at you so quickly, you almost instantly die. And the whole time youre confused as to why youre taking heaps of damage with what looks like poison chipping away at your health.

Your invcibility frames are gone, mentally youre thinking "thats not fair". And it isnt. Sans doesnt let you go first because you dont deserve to be fought fairly. Youre a mass murderer with too much unchecked power, noone in their right mind is going to want to fight you fairly. So sans cheats

Immediately after the first attack, you may fight, but by checking you find out how sans cheeses the game. "The weakest enemy, can only do 1 ATK". 1 ATK sure, he can only deal 1 hp of damage, but with the absence of your i frames, now replaced by the KR meter, 1 hp adds up. And it adds up fast.

Now maybe after checking him, you decide to try out your new weapon. But you cant. Sans knows you'll kill him in one hit, so he does something no other monster has until this point. He dodges. He dodges your attacks, breaking the rules of how the game is supposes to work. Monsters dont dodge, theyve never been able to. Sans doesnt care. This isnt a fair fight, and he never intended for it to be one. Everything he does is to get you to give up and stop playing, because that means you cant hurt anyone else. And playing a game thats unfair sure as hell wont want to make you play anymore.

Sans's attacks are unlike any other in the game. He plays dirty. Sometimes theres a pattern to be followed, sometimes there isnt, and you have to think on your feet in order to not get killed. His attacks dont give you any breathing room to speak of, you have to jump through tight spaces, inch your way between bones, its always at 100 and wont ever not be.

Then the turning point happens. Something stressed in undertale is that your goal as the player is to see what happens. You kill almost everyone just to see what sans will say, or to see how things play out. Its always you wanting to see whats next. So when sans presents you with the option to spare him, some might give into that desire, and click the button. This is tied for sans's biggest act of cheating. He puts you in a box, shoves it full of bones, and gives you nowhere to run.

Youve been dunked on. Sans says so himself. In an attempt to get you to stop once more, he says that if you really are friends, you wont bother coming back. Hes a sore winner, and he tells you to never boot up the game again because youre just that bad.

Now once you come back, and decide not to spare him, his attacks get harder. The screen blacks out, youre unprepared for what happens next, and the gaster blasters ramp up in intensity. And to make matters worse, he gets more blatant with his cheating. He begins attacking you during your turn, in the text box, in your menus, not enough to kill, but just enough to chip your health down to 1. Reminding you that this isnt a fair fight. It never was, and it wont get any easier.

The fight keeps getting harder, you only learn how his very first attack works now instead of when you needed to, and the quick attacks get quicker. All the while, sans appears to be getting more and more tired. So he issues one last attack before his so-called special attack one thats a combination of almost all of his attacks so far, and if you manage to survive all of that, he just grabs you and throttles you around the room like youre nothing. It doesnt kill you, but it does rub salt in the wound.

Then, after youve made it to the end, sans tells you what his final move is going to be. Nothing. Aboslutely nothing. This is the biggest act of cheating sans displays. Its as if you were playing chess, and the opponent means to win by never moving. Sans is going to keep having his turn forever. It doesnt matter how long you stay there, hes not going to give up. It never becomes your turn. Sans has won by initiating a stalemate.

At least thats how it is before you decide to play along.

The only way to beat a cheater is to cheat back. You do something youve never been able to before. That being having your turn during sans's you push the text box to the side, and then down, and press the attack button. Sans, still keeping up his cheating streak, decides to dodge again. But at this point you dont care. Mid sentance, you issue your first and final blow. Sans falls, bleeds, and realizes hes lost. Then, he simply gets up, and walks off screen. If he cant beat you or cheat the system, the least he can do is take away the satisfaction of seeing you die.

So yeah, sans cheats. He cheats a whole bunch. And i like that. Its such a frustrating fight, and i feel it was at least partially designed to be. Story-wise it also makes sense because why would anyone plal fairly against you, a murderer?

Im not sure how to end this off, so i'll just reiterate that i really like how sans cheats against you, and i hope hes drinking ketchup in undertale heaven.

#sans undertale #undertale #sans cheats a lot lmao #essay #maybe???? #hope bettina levy sees lol

[setsunatekiblast]

sorry this is like fully just insane babble and a look into truly how fucking weird i am in the head im really considering making a blog JUST for venting but im too lazy to do that rn

so like general rundown for context

i did some really downright shitty things as a teenager as a result of unresolved trauma in basically every corner of my life at the time (obviously this doesnt absolve me from what happened). when i was told about the extent of it i apologised and distanced myself & never talked to anyone involved ever again.

months later when i expressed that a former friend who had (in my opinion, rightfully) stepped in to stop the situation from worsening had caused me harm prior to all this and that it was still impacting me on my private account, it was leaked to her. i was threatened with a callout post and she was acting like i wasnt truly sorry for the things i'd done/trying to change even though i had done my level best to be accountable for my behaviour and do what was asked of me.

because of everything that'd already happened + this i was living in this constant state of severe anxiety. as in, i could hardly eat due to feeling nauseous every moment i was conscious, would randomly start shaking and crying & my physical health was deteriorating at many points. i was like this from about july all the way through to november-early december, i think?

like all of this happened five years ago but ive absolutely refused to let myself move on because i thought i would be dodging accountability for my behaviour but i've kind of just had a mental shift recently (maybe from my kansai trip i think it did something to me). looking back while talking to my friend i internalised everything about that series of incidents so hard that i considered myself a horrible and irredeemable person, so ive been keeping myself at arms length from others because i didnt want it to happen all over again and didnt trust myself to actually change. i thought that if i was pursuing relationships with others, i wasnt being accountable enough and dodging my past behaviour.

idk im just tired of living like this. im tired of all the self-sabotage and the fear and anxiety i have over the most minor of things. i'm tired of jumping up and running at the first signs of closer friendships forming. i had a panic attack over someone calling me a friend for gods sake, that's not normal. its not! the fact i even struggle to call people friends because of all this fear about relationships with others after all that isn't good and i need to change from that lol

even just thinking that i deserve better makes me feel like im swallowing needles and glass though, and it sucks so fucking much LMFAOOOOOOO. i dont even know what to do because i feel so shitty about even trying to pursue support from those closest to me. i feel like i'm asking so, so much of people when i cant give much of anything in return. not to mention that right now even the idea of being misunderstood makes me feel absolutely terrible and like i need to be on the defensive. in general i feel like i offer so little that trying to lean on people is selfish and that i'm just going to end up hurting them like i did that friend who simply just wanted to help me. i don't want to feel this way anymore but it's a cycle and i don't know how to stop feeling so horrid about everything and actually. well. allow myself to feel supported AND be normal in the head about it

like i need to move on not just for my sake but because. really. it's been such a long time and i don't even recognise the person i was in those messages. but i can hear just how much pain my past self was in and that just sucks, man. my friend didn't want me to suffer, but he was rightfully hurt and angered by the way i behaved. the best way to show my remorse has always been to do better by those who come into my life, but i never wholly succeeded in that because 90% of the time i would sabotage my own relationships with others and not get too close out of fear that i was going to ruin it all and just be as shitty as i was before. i thought closing myself off would be doing right by him, and to a degree it was. but it wasn't productive for me because i wasn't doing anything but closing myself off

anyway i handled something pretty good tonight that i know my past self wouldve probably flipped out about so that's probably a good sign i guess. its actually kind of surprising to see that even though my spoons are maybe a 1 at best rn i can still handle things with some grace and tact and Not be terrible. idk. maybe things are gonna be okay, especially since i have so many people in my corner nowadays who want nothing more than to see me overcome everything

#blabber #SORRY. i needed to get this shit off my chest before i sleep #i just wanna be okay again and allow myself to have relationships with others like a normal human being again #anyway i have been listening to a STUPID amount of rina sawayama songs these last three weeks #im about to go sleep for like a year or something god i cant wait to talk to my counsellor in like two weeks #he is going to have a field day with this after he heard about my home life during these years

[dorylinae-supremacy]

BFOB Ramblings (spoilers)

Backyard full of bones is full of my little guys I love thinking about them.

I'm gonna put a break under this but in general its just me rambling about how it links back with the DSMP plot we know and it just kinda gives context to some stuff that'll happen later on!

Its very long and full of deranged ramblings.

Currently toying with the idea that Techno used to smoke around their teen years, something that drove Phil crazy, and after the events of cigarette box (ILYLTAIMCB) Wil just takes one of his coats (the trenchcoat) and runs away.

I brush on that more in the Fundy visit fic I'm working on dw but in general I think thats around the time that Wil starts smoking. He misses his brother and after his scent fades from the coat he starts smoking to try and fill that space.

Wil somehow evades SBI's capture and raises Fundy, eventually moving to the DSMP where Tommy finds him and does what little he can to mend the familys relationship.

Wil convinced himself that they wouldnt forgive him for having Fundy and just believes that constantly running is better than coming to them and being rejected. After a few weeks Tommy convinces him to send off a letter to Phil to show he's wrong and to Wilburs surprise his dad actually responds.

This is ofc all an elaborate plot to yoink him back and Phil (and Techno) are both incredibly furious about Wil running and Fundy's existance but they can forgive him once they have him back. Tommy is probably messaging Phil to keep mellow so that Wil doesnt get spooked and it actually works for a while before Wil goes into his ravine arc.

That was enough for Techno to finally have an excuse to join the server and thus the ravine. Him and Wil do repair their relationship a little but Techno is distant as a punishment and it only damaged Wils mental state even more (Tech is unaware of how bad it is) and things start spiralling.

The ravine is more full of family than Wils had in years but he's never felt lonelier and Technos distance only makes him feel even worse since despite everything he still relies on his brothers approval. Theyre so codependent its insane.

Techno does finally start spotting the signs but only when its far too late, sending off a letter to their dad to have him come and take care of Wil. Obviously at that point Wil is already laying the dynamite and everything is just building up.

Then theres the button room and Wil dies (I have a fic on that in th works too dw bbgs) and goes to limbo. I very much like to think that one of the main (secret) reasons that Techno destroyed L'manburg is because it was the only thing that remained of his brother.

If he cant have Wil then no one can. Phil shares the sentiment and so they both help blow everything up. This is where I get blurry with the DSMP so now we start to go a bit off the rails.

Stuff happens like normal after that, exile and then Tommy's recovery arc happen in the same spots and he gets yoinked up and fixed. I think Techno would just never leave him alone during this time, seeing the signs he missed in Wilbur and vowing to not let them slip past again.

Tommy cant do anything if Technos always watching him, after all.

Ghostbur is mulling around but I'm not sure how the others in this universe would feel about that. Tommy finds comfort in him and I think in a way Techno does too.

Phil feels incredibly guilty about the whole 'killing his son' thing so bedrock bros generally try and keep Ghostbur away from their dad by keeping the ghost in the cabin.

Honestly I think Techno would just feel very bittersweet about Ghostbur. Thats his brother who he loves but its a shell that barely even acts like him anymore. He's probably pretty indulgent of the ghosts whims based purely on the fact that he could never say no to Wil.

Then theres the butcher army and the execution. That stuff I think only drives Phil to get even darker and more possessive of the sons that he still has with him. It was probably during this that he was working out how to revive Wil.

Techno ofc doesnt die in the execution because of both the totem and the fact that he's practically a demigod due to Kristin. I like to think that Revivebur in limbo would get flashes of what Ghostbur sees and he ended up watching the execution. Just for extra angst and trauma.

Usual stuff after that, Phil gets yoinked home and Techno takes Quakitys eye. Fucked up dude probably keeps it in a jar. Anyway though they go back to destroy L'manburg again and Tommy tries to betray them and fuck off but he literally just gets dragged back by them.

It takes ages for them to have him settle but during that theyre working on revival so neither of them mind babysitting him. Tommy eventually falls into their way of thinking and half agrees with their view on things.

Wil is then revived and ILYLTS happens, draggng him back to his family in the Tundra where they all finally begin to heal (i.e make each other worse) and its dark fluff for ages.

Some time after that when Wils allowed out the house (has to bring one of his brothers with him) the Fundy visit happens and its basically just him trying to find closure and Phil responding 'kys' at every turn.

He's very meanza towards him but who wouldnt be tbh, hes practically a stranger and he tried to kill Techno so obviously he's not gonna be happy with him. Its also so he can try and isolate Wil away from other people in the SMP but thats just usual dark Phil shenanigans.

Dream ofc stays in prison in all this, if Techno were to go in there then Wil would probably beat the shit out of Quakity for 'tricking' his brother and Techno would most likely maul the dude that abused his baby brother.

#backyard full of bones #dory brainrots #dory rambles

[whorewithagodcomplex]

sweetheart,

i love ya, but I'm not doing that for the rest of my life, no sir,

everyone knows not to marry into that, and its kinda common sense not to date someone with your type of addiction and just walk away, like we all know its never gonna work if youre constantly making your partner feel like shit because youre always lusting of the things you so desperately want, and yeah you may say that 'your're better, real, youre my love theyre just pictures, theyre just videos, ect) but we all know you wish it was them you could have when your gazing longingly and thirstly at those pictures, you create relationships with all these women, i just happen to be in person version added to the collection, its nasty, and its horrible knowing this will likely never change, cause its 'not that bad' its 'a comfort thing' 'i was alone for so long' and i have to live feeling like im always competing with them, i cant escape them, im so fucking tired of being paranoid that the person i love is going to always be looking at something more appealing, its awful, that constant pit in your stomach everytime hes lookin at a female character a little too closely, or when the girls are everywhere for him, camera roll, most social media, even his wallpapers on all devices, sure theres a photo of you two, sure as a homescreen but its really just a sunset photo and we're hidden in a low corner hidden by apps, and the never paying that close attention to you, you learn as much as you can about him listen to every word he says but doesnt care to know about you, with the exception of major plot points he knows nothing about what you like and why you like it, its either you rarely get a chance to speak, or youre perpetually cut off, or just simply ignored when speaking about yourself, but, he knows everything they say, knows every little detail, their backstories are phenominal and look how hot they are, he wont really say that to you anymore youve shown you dislike, but you know, you always know, so you try your best to be pretty and good enough to be wanted like he wants them, but you never get wanted like that, to be fair you never did, this was the first time someone is showing they love you and want you, but of course if i wasnt wantable before him what makes me wantable now? yknow all his needs are met by them and his ablilty to do so much with them that he feels no need to pay any mind to you beyond the physical and guidance, yeah he loves you, you know that hes shown that, but is it worth the mental and emotional exhaustion it takes to fight for a normal relationship? one where we both feel happy? i know theres no way he isnt miserable too, the contant bickering the anxiety of fucking up, but c'mon man, if you cope properly, like by speaking (without lashing out) to someone when things are too much, not falling further into an obsessive chemical pick-me-up addiction and honestly this sex obsession, youd do so much better, but you wont because its one of them hidden addictions that no one but your friends and people youre close to know about, by your choice, and you think that means its totally fine, because I'll stick around regardless right? cause i have this long and im making life plans with you and i love you more than youll ever know and as long as i dont see it' or notice it its fine, it wont kill me, youll keep going until im about to cut my losses and you promise and youll try you really will, but itll creep back and we'll be back at square one, or youll get better at hiding it from me, youre already pretty good at it now, ill bet money that if i got 3 hours and all your passwords id find cia sized files everywhere and id puke and cry myself to sleep for months, and i know youll only get better at it, and i dont want to be paranoid that your girls are still around my whole life, what kind of example am i setting for my daughters if i just let myself live like that, god id kill my son-in-law if he made her feel like that, honestly id kill him for most of the things youve done, so why am i letting it happen to me???

[mochiwrites]

I MIGHT BE LATE. I MIGHTVE READ THIS A FEW DAYS AGO. HOWEVER, COMMA, IM HERE NOW. AND I NEED TO YELL.

F     irst of all. The way you wrote mumbo is driving me insane how did you manage to make the killing machine so wet and pathetic I AM taking notes. Thank you. I’ve got a little box of index cards that I keep in my desk and one of them just reads ‘make mumbo pathetic somehow while murdering, review mochi’s writing for ideas’. SECOND OF ALL I am so so so happy for Crime au to be back. Don’t get me wrong. I love songbird’s blood. I cant wait for you to ramp up w your ideas about that one again. But. Idk if you noticed, I love a good criminal. Mm. Love someone who maims and murders and covers themselves in gore and is still, somehow, lovable at the end of the day. And clearly so do mumscarian.   THIRD OF ALL. MUMBO. I AM SHAKING THIS PATHETIC MAN HE THINKS HES A FREELOADER?????? MUMBO. MUMBO.

G o d the way your write his relationship to death is WILD. The distance he keeps it at while also being comfortable enough with it that it’s ‘like breath’. THE MENTAL COMPARTMENTALIZATION MMMMMMMMMMMMMM. The way Mumbo avoids looking in the folder titled ‘family’ glkasfdh good. Sooooo good.

And then P E A R L. MY DELIGHT. I LOVE WOMEN. ALL HAIL. My lord she is lucky they bumped into each other when Scar and Ren had called a truce huh. I am shaking them both. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

And then Scar and Grian???? I am being fed on Relationship tm Interactions on this fine day. THEY’RE BEING DOMESTIC. THEY FINALLY GET TO BE DOMESTIC. AND THEY GET TO BE DOMESTIC ABOUT MUMBO TOO!!! ‘I miss mumbo’ you and me both grian. You and me both.

AND THEN THE GRIAN AND PEARL REUNITING AHZdXLFKHSDFGHWKL GOD YES. ITS WHAT WE DESERVE!!!! THEY FINALLY FOUND EACH OTHER YOUR HONOR!!! I AM FLAILING IN THE STREETS!

And the way Pearl got out? SO smart. Love her. Love Pearl. Cant get enough of pearl. AND IMPULSE! CLAPPING AND CHEERING EVERYONE SAY THANK YOU IMPULSE!!!

Love that Mumbo and Scar are like “Oh huh. Hm. They need a minute - *dips out*” bless them. And Pearl and Grian has so much catching up to do – clearly. HE DOES NEED TO TELL HER EVERYTHING YES! ITS WHAT WE DESERVE. A GOOD TALK!!! YES!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HJGFJG HELLO TO YOU TOO BELLE

HELP??? quick tip for writing hitman mumbo wet and pathetic: give him Two (2) things. Trauma and Depression. it Works somehow JHFHGFJ

but !!!!! I am also very glad that crime au is back <3 it's nice to be excited about writing again and there's still so much story left to tell of the crime au >:3c

PLEASE I LOVE MUMBO'S RELATIONSHIP WITH DEATH IN THIS AU!!!! he grew up Exposed to it. by now it's considered so normal for him that he hardly bats an eye at it anymore.

not even gonna lie grian's "I miss mumbo" thing was just me. I was speaking through grian. JHGFHGFJH

god grian and pearl's reunion is something So important to me. like I mentioned before, it was super important to me that I got their reunion Perfect. and I think I got it as close to perfect as I could. impulse is as always the real mvp <3

but yes !!!! I felt like it was super important to highlight the fact that scar and mumbo left them alone. it couldn't just be implied, it had to be written out. you as the reader HAD to know that scar and mumbo made the choice to give them privacy. it was a thing of trust, of knowing immediately that this is That Pearl, the one grian believed he killed, and they needed that privacy to find each other again.

grian and pearl have SO much catching up to do man...

#mochi speaks #good crimes asks