#its not fun when i'm in pain

[b4kuch1n]

I lied I think it’s fun to draw animals sometimes

#sonic the hedgehog #miles tails prower #knuckles the echidna #amy rose #team sonic #hey. still dont expect more sonic stuff okay. this is an exception #(I say as I immensely enjoy scribbling these animals) #man. Im mad how good these designs are tbh theyre so (clenches fists) theyre so! scribbleable! #hate that! dont like that dont like how much fun it is to draw them! #also I made amy spiky bc I want to and I can. and also shes a hedgehog #gods. thinking abt it sonic designs cater to me to such a disgusting level... the cartoon gloves... the big shapes.... the varied footwears #it's like psychonauts raz was so fuckign fun to draw. but here it's the whole cast #it's fucked up! it's entrapment!! I didn't consent to this!!! #next time they give any of the characters a big coat I'm sending sega a strongly worded letter. they cant do that to me #well. here it is anyway. genuinely these all took like an hour each I drew them as breaks inbetween work #(an hour for me is equivalent to other artists' fifteen minutes btw. I'm not fast at all I just don't know when to stop) #well. that done. back to work now #I am actually so excited abt the current one lol its just also gonna be a pain in the ass to coordinate #but I really wanna do well with it. go crazy go stupid baku!! #have a good night! a good pair of boots is worth the money but only if you can tie the strings together & wear it on ur neck in emergencies

[horizonmlm]

I miss Jordan :-(

#(I hope he is doing well his insta is just pics of him having fun in LA and I'm so happy for him but wahh) #(I know it's not my place to know why he left but I really wanna know why they don't talk anymore when they were so close before) #(it pains me to see him doing other things without BMTH so much as acknowledging his existence outside of the band when he's been-) #(-such a core influence on them and their friend for so long) #(I know it's a thing they do a lot when they drop band members they did it with Jona and Curtis too) #(it'll take a while for them to talk about it but Im just so AUGHVGHVJG) #(JORDAN I LOVE AND RESPECT WHAT YOU'RE DOING BUT IT BREAKS MY HEART TO SEE YOU NOT FRIENDS WITH THEM ANYMORE) #bring me the horizon #bmth #its loving bmth hours #jordan fish

[spinoff-antithesis]

(muth being music theory!)

#FUCK IT MY OWN EDITION OF THE ODDLY SPECIFIC POLLS BC THESE ARE FUN #me when i've been obsessed with space/time stuff since i was a KID its more an interest than hyperfixation rn but man. #media with any of those?? i am OBSESSED (star wars rottmnt movie etc etc) like i hyperfixated on dr who for a year in middle school #the skateboard one is so funny. in high school my guard instructor saw me with a friend's pennyboard & immediately said no. #me when i was notoriously clumsy in middle + high school so everyone i knew was like. “this is a bad idea” when i did anything #my first semester of college i bought a longboard off someone then 5months later i turned around & ate SHIT it was so funny in retrospect #anyway fun sage lore i have only ever heavily injured the left side of my body. my knee + elbow and the SAME FUCKING TOOTH. TWICE. #also i have a high pain tolerance. like idk how or when but in middle school it just got Really Strong. me when i injure myself and just #live with it for a year before it becomes a concern and i get told to get an xray (i will live with a fractured knee the rest of my life) #also when i fell off my skateboard and ate shit my first concern was “ah fuck my glasses did i break my nose” and #“nah my elbow isnt broken! my arm is just rly sore from how i landed on it” (readers. it was in fact fractured.) #like i literally went “no im fine we dont need to tell my mom or go to the er” and my friends said “call your mom and go to the er” #me spitting out my tooth and blood bc i also busted my lip: that hurt. time to hobble back to my dorm. #anyway hiding this one in the tags bc i will never not just ignore my issues LMAO did it with my ptsd dx and i will continue to do it #another incredibly hyperspecific thing: oh this doesnt seem normal! im gonna ignore it and hope it goes away #these symptoms match up to something? nah i'm sure it's not that! (proceeds to get dx'd with ptsd five months later)

[an-assortment-of-forks]

being disabled/chronically ill around coworkers is just constantly having to defend the fact that you have no plans on the weekend without going into your whole backstory and the deep lore of your specific illness.

#no its ok im cleaning this weekend #oh a new game came out so im playing that with my friends #oof no i didnt get enough sleep so il gonna relax #all of those are common ones from me lol. when the reality is just. no. i am in pain and it would make it worse if i didnt rest #and its not sad. ill fuck you up bro dont call it sad I'm having fun playing videogames and hanging w my cat #chronic illness #chronically ill #spoonie

[marinsawakening]

[Timmy Turner voice] I wish every Links Meet AU that uses Marin as a phantom to haunt and traumatize Link goes to hell no matter what

#No I am not vaguing any specific links meet au bc ive already seen four different ones that do this #Fun Fact! You can give ALTTP!Link different character conflict! #That doesn't butcher the themes and ending of one of the games! #And reduce a female character and arguably LOZ's first complex character to a flat source for man angst #Marin would murder Link if she found out he was remembering her and Koholint in trauma and tragedy #Rather than treasuring its memory and celebrating its existence #GENUINELY framing Link as wildly traumatized by the events of Link's Awakening the way so many ppl do #Completely destroys all thematic coherence in the game's ending and makes it wildly unsatisfying #Yes Koholint disappearing was sad. No Link did not kill an island no it would not haunt him like a ghost #It's a treasured memory and a net positive experience! I have OPINIONS on this and I'm CORRECT #And I'm calling out Links Meet AUs specifically bc those are the biggest offenders #Of stripping everyone else of depth and focus for the sake of white boy Link #If ur lucky then Zelda still has character depth but everyone else* is shit out of luck basically #*Exceptions apply ofc #Lots of stuff that's not links meet aus also interprets Marin in ways I don't personally like #I am picky #Some of which I'd argue are just. Bad. #But at least they often make an effort with her character #Links Meet AUs are the Link Only Show tho and I'm ANNOYED bc I WANT TO LIKE THEM #I AM A SUCKER FOR MULTIVERSE SHIT. U DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH THIS PAINS ME #Anyway. L + ratio + you did not consider the thematic implications of ur fanproject and it annoys me :( #My posts #Loz #Link's awakening #update when i first made this post i was genuinely not intending to single out any specific links meet aus #however i have since crunched the numbers and two thirds of the marin tag on ao3 is linked universe #and i would like to make it clear. i have no real issue with the actual comic or its portrayal of marin #mostly bc marin has not actually appeared or been addressed in the actual comic at all #however i do hope the linked universe FANDOM goes to hell no matter what

[adustoflove]

My parents did NOT like me 💀

#personal #vent #and now I will stop oversharing #but its so genuinely sad to me #even my grandma asked why my parents didn't appreciate how good they have it because we're like.. #pretty decent kids. we don't ask for a lot. we don't expect a lot. we try our best where and when we can #we did well in school and BOTH have ambitions in life that were completely ruined and wasted from a childhood #of living in a broken home and being verbally beat down into a grain of salt and made to feel like nothing #no wonder I always view things as a competition half the time because my own DAD saw me as a competitor against him #why are you calling your daughter a dumb bitch and telling her you had way more friends and fun than I did #like?? okay??? #are you having fun now? acting like I'm not your own flesh and blood and instead someone to be better than? #....... #I ranted in the tags iMSORRY #or no. i am not. view my uncomfortable oversharing and pain

[blujayonthewing]

waoh boy I love to sleep in my bed in my bedroom with my husband and just simply not actually sleep even a little bit because my body is hurts

#cool and good! neat and fun #I started sleeping in the guest room to see if the old bed would be better #but it's been so long that at this point it was just habit and continually forgetting to clear a bunch of my laundry off my side of the bed #I thought!! maybe!! it would be fine!! maybe with a body pillow and with my pillow not overstuffed and with better sleep position...! #AND LIKE. I'd put up with Aches tbqh. but I can't FALL asleep so I'm just simply fucked #and justin snores which okay was always a problem for me but now also I am a couple of months used to not hearing it #so I CANNOT fall asleep because Sounds and then also that keeps me up long enough that MY BODY. IS HURTS. and then I REALLY can't sleep #and it's FRUSTRATING it's WEIRD it's not like the bed feels immediately uncomfortable to lay in #and like I end up with pain in my foot and I start to notice it when I'm not even laying ON that same hip #and other things like that where like. I can't even tell what exactly the problem even IS #the discomfort is all too weird and displaced around my body to draw any obvious conclusions about its source #and I swear I'm sleeping in the same positions as I do in the other bed! and trying to angle my weight off my hips! #I'm a side sleeper in theory but in practice I've become more of a belly sleeper because of the way I end up tilting my hips and shoulders #we have a king sized bed! it's not like I'm trying to squeeze into a smaller space even!! #AUUGHH. IT'S NOT FAIR. I DON'T WANNA BE A SEPARATE BEDROOMS COUPLE IT BUMS ME OUT SO BAD I WANNA CUDDLE MY BOY #I just don't know what else to do #HE sleeps better and more pain free in this bed than any other bed he's been in since we started dated (including at other houses etc) #so it's not as simple as 'get a new bed' either :') #about me

[aggressionbread]

It's been a shit week and it's only Tuesday 😞

#unexplained paun yesterday left be unable to do anything all day #and as it finally subsided in the evening i was attacked by big moths hiding in my room #didn't get to sleep until 2am tearing my room apart and didn't get to relax or do anything fun #and uh today its 32 degrees and more moths unusually large for my region are slipping in through the cracks of the front screen door #i am having a different unexplained pain still haven't done anything fun or productive and i don't feel safe in my home or bedroom bc moths #we do not get large moths here so when i say giant i don't mean like the huge fuzzy monarch butterfly sized asssholes #but when the average moth here is the size of a piece of corn seeing ones with a 1-2 inch wingspan is terrifying when ur afraid of bugs #AND just learned there's a gap in my bedroom window and fucking anything could crawl in there at anytime #basically I'm scared and itchy

[martyrbat]

blegh i been having my usual warning signs im about to have a seizure for the past two days and i dont have the energy or patience to deal with it

#being poor and disabled is fun because youre gonna be fucked over regardless #especially because all the side jobs and help i do to get paid is all blue collared and physical labour. #which?? yeah im pretty strong and its what i know so its fine. but also i cant remember when i wasnt in pain lol #and i keep getting sudden delirium bursts and worse muscle spasms. which when ur lifting 75-100 pounds all day? over ur head too? not ideal #it doesnt matter and I'm sorry for the mini rant im just apparently in a mood lmao. but back to ur regularly scheduled dc posting #crypt callings #ask to tag please !!

[shoechoe]

I have mixed thoughts on that 6k Pucci analysis I made over a year ago now. On one hand I kind of like looking back at it because I feel like I've improved a lot with my writing but on the other... man I really don't like it anymore

#rambles #maybe this is just insecurity but it's just... messy and i don't even agree with a lot of the points i made in it anymore #and there's a lot of things i just failed to talk about. like his relationship/parallels with jolyne for example. #i do not like the way i talked about his relationship with dio at all #i only briefly mentioned that it was a manipulative relationship since pucci was a child... #and i said i disliked shipping dio and pucci but in the lightest most gentle way possible that's just painful to look at SDJFKDSF #(that was specifically because i was a lot more nervous back then and i didnt want shippers to get mad at me. not from genuine opinion) #maybe when the anime finishes in 15 years i'll rewrite it (is that a thing you can do ?) #i have too many writing projects going on and im slow so i'm not saying that'll happen but like... not 100% off the table #i'm a lot slower at finishing things than i used to be because i'm a lot busier #and i end up rewriting shit like 10 times before im happy with it #its just gotta feel right. you know #so sorry i don't push a lot of stuff out like i used to. i have projects in the works though #idk why im treating writing jojo metas as like this important thing lmao but it's fun you know #i'm like a professional media critic but literally not at all #short posts

[minimoll7]

The boop thing looks fun and I do want to participate in it but.. I am so exhausted. Had a rough week, still recovering from that and then today was genuinely awful. Rip to anyone I would have otherwise booped and rip to me for not receiving any. I am so tired

#molly vents #period absolutely destroyed me last week #sleep has generally been a big big problem since like #late november/early december #so it hits extra hard when my period decides to put me through pain when i'm trying to sleep #i missed so much sleep last week because of it and i have very little memory of last week #and then today my dad yelled at me #for something stupid #something not worth that kind of behavior #i've been crying on and off #like i'm doing better now than i did earlier #but sadly for me i can't recover from something like that quickly #it takes me time #i feel so tired and exhausted in every sense of the word #i saw the boop thing last night before i went to bed and was like oh that looks like fun! i'll do that when i get up tomorrow! #but now its like #i don't have the energy for something simple like this #which sucks because its a simple joy and its an april fools thing so i'm not gonna be able to experience it at all once today is over #i know its not like this super big thing and all #i just feel sad about it 'cause of just how awful and exhausted i feel right now

[eggy-tea]

Just going to vague about it because I don't actually follow any of these people and this is tangential to the post itself, but I saw an anonymous ask to the tune of "Why do you care about atrocities going on in the world if you're an atheist (unlike me, a principled believer)? Everyone dies; why does it matter how or when if you're not concerned about the afterlife?" and like...

It's really hard to deny the death cult allegations when you're out here straight-up admitting that within your moral framework, the only thing that matters is death, and the only thing that gives death any meaning is adherence to your religion. Death + Cult = Death Cult.

#i'm assuming this person would claim christianity as their religion because it's probably the biggest loudest english-speaking religion #that can tend towards death cult #especially at this time of year #i'm also assuming american because the boldest flavours of death-cult christianity seem to come from there #but really this is something that needs to be guarded against in any social structure that focuses on an afterlife #and regardless of whether you believe in the divine provenance of a religion #it is - in its earthly form - fundamentally a social structure #and like. a belief in an afterlife is a very powerful thing when your present life on earth is hard and painful (as everyone's is sometimes #it can help you keep going! it can be the foundation of hope when there's no hope to be found anywhere in the world around you! #but *that* should be its purpose #and even then it's a very dangerous way to live for both you and the people around you when life on earth is just a means to an end #and death is that end #that's why you have to add on all these other rules like: #'NO SHORTCUTS!' (because otherwise why *wouldn't* you just kill yourself and everyone you love? why not kill babies at birth?) #'oh but you have to live a GOOD life if you want a GOOD end' (because you've deprived life of meaning; gotta add that back in somehow) #'you have to say the right words / do the right actions' (gotta check that goodness against our rubric; how else can we KNOW???) #and the 'no shortcuts' leads to 'but what if it's not my fault' leads to 'okay look. permitted exceptions include...' #leads inevitably to people trying to game the system by making themselves martyrs because people are people and we work like that #like i'm sorry but if - as a religion - you're big on the promise of an afterlife #(makes sense! the world sucks a lot in a lot of ways! imagine if you could live in a world that didn't!) #then you really have to guard against the death cult that WILL be forming within your membership even if that's not what you're going for #and you have to keep watching out forever because the minute you let up #whoops! death cult! #fun and spicy religious thoughts brought to you in part by easter and the catholic church

[featherymainffins]

Binge-reading Dungeon Meshi because it's the only thing standing between me and suicide ngl.

#it at least gave me the single molecule of mental energy required to force myself to eat at least one slice of bread #because it's like the physical energy is there sure but mentally I'm like 'noooooo I don't want to eat anything i hate food #all food tastes bad and i hate life and i want to eat nothing at all and furthermore i need to lose weight so i should starve myself' #I'm thinking that it might actually make me last until I either convince the crisis center that I'm for fucking real for real #or until my appointment with the school counselor. which idk when would be because i was supposed to go on the #2nd of April but i guess there might be holidays because he called me when i was atva lecture but i couldn't take it #because i had a lecture and he hasn't called since but I'm assuming #that hell call again and that he wants to let me know that the date is impossible #but I want to like wait and see what he says. and if he goes like 'oh actually im on a long vacay now goodbye forever' #or whatever I'll just go '...slay' and ride my ass to the hospital tomorrow. #show up at the crisis centre looking exactly like the patients with chronic pain who report pain 7 while looking unphased #like 'hello i am an active danger to myself I can't get out of bed most days; i need 16 hours of sleep to function for 4 hours #my meds have stopped working I haven't eaten anything but exactly 2 pancakes and a slice of bread in the past 4 days #and i exhibit a strong refusal to change this marked by thoughts present in people affected by eating disorders. no activity #feels fun anymore and they were marked by a strong sense of anxiety a few days ago but now i just feel nothing at all. #at this point I'm not even refusing to do any of my hobbies because im increasingly afraid of failure and its #consequences while being hunted for sport by anxiety from the opposite end telling me that i need to finish 50 masterpieces #immediately or nobody will ever like me again and they'll all see me for the talentless fraud i am. at this point i just don't care. #i don't do anything because i feel sluggish and my body is heavy and I'm so so tired and I'm tired of being awake and I can't think straight #also i think i might be going into a psychotic episode again.' #they're gonna tell me to get the fuck out of their faces anyway but it's worth a try. #like idk i feel like they might kinda listen because yesterday I guess they wouldn't have but today i have stopped caring about cars #and looking both ways. which is like. not a good sign probably. also yesterday i was still somewhat able to talk to people #even though i was in a very irritated and drained out state but today I'm feeling like if anyone even fucking attempts to talk to me #or if i hear any loud fucking sound at all I'm just gonna punch myself in the head until the pain drowns out all the sound

[cheeziswin]

i find it so funny when i mention I don't like cats bc they tend to scratch and bite pretty much unprovoked and cat owners go insane like "no they don't!!! cats are sweet!!!" and then you go online and its like "here's a video of my cat biting me for no reason :) silly"

#knick they knacks #pardon me for not wanting to break out in hives lol #im allergic. do you know how much cat scratches and bites STING when you're allergic? #its not even that i think cats are evil or bad pets #but they DO bite and claw out of nowhere sometimes #and I'd rather not have to worry about whether or not I'm gonna have to be in pain for a few days bc a cat decided to scratch me for fun #so.

[hollow-prey]

I'm not jealous of my f/o and their canon ex I'm not jealous of my f/o and their canon ex I'm not jealous of my f/o and their canon ex I'm not jealous of my f/o and their canon ex I'm n-

#dumb #ellie rambles #*bites my phone and vigorously shakes head back and forth like a dog* #I KNOW it doesn't matter I know it's silly and the only canon I should care about is my own #I know multiple timelines/stories/etc. can coexist peacefully with my own self ship ideas #and yet here I am. taking psychic damage over the mere thought of these two previously dating or getting back together #pain. agony even. petty stupid envy at its finest. #like I was already Suffering slightly when I first played the route and learned they were exes #because my brain can't let me have anything nice and thus cranked up the insecurity #making me think 'he really wants to get back together with ____ he wouldn't actually like you' #or 'even though this is a dating sim you are somehow going to blow your chance and they're going to get together again anyway' #which is why I'm also terrified to play the other routes in case they DO get back together in one of them which will kill me on sight #but for the most part I could cope while playing bc I was getting fun indulgent moments in my chosen route #then I open up the app the other day and get hit with a promo ad for modern AU. with art of the two of them being cute and Clearly Together #the app forces me to see it with my own two eyes before I close it out. and there's no option to mute the pop up next time I log in #and again I KNOW it's silly and I'm overreacting and canon is fairly relative in this game #hell multiple timelines/stories/canons etc. exist in it by design. your canon is based on whoever you choose to pursue #but to me all of them are still canon on some level whether you play through them or not #which means those two are out there in their own canon universe waiting to strike me down. just standing there. MENACINGLY. #it's truly the smallest deal possible and I shouldn't let it bother me because multiverse but also RRRRR GET AWAY FROM ME

[mayonaka-sunshine]

we're doing really well now once we got over the learning curve of. Yeah you're not going insane there is just some guy living in your head. yeah they're pretty chill. yeah they ultimately want what's best for you they're just not great at expressing it sometimes. if nothing else this gets me to look at my feelings more seriously....

i've known of mika for the longest so he gets special guy privileges but i love everyone here :) they're all nicies to me. sun goddess lives in my head ?? wild. we've had. spats back and forth but nothing devestating. and it's made existing easier for us (me at the very least... i'm not losing memories now. i just go. Hey bud was that you. what happened. Thanks)

but really we're doing well :))) ummm we love u vani mwwwwah -🪴

nodnod i'm glad !!! it definitely took me. A Long Time so i'm glad you're adapting pretty fast <3 and i'm glad your headmates are nice!!!!!!! that is always a plus <3

it is good to not lose memories... we have a bit of amnesia but not much. mostly bc im always here but if one of the others kinda "takes control" for lack of a better term (like when sonana or mugi end up talking to my brother a lot) i tend to forget what was said even if i remember the actual event taking place, if that makes sense at all???? so. its nice to not have the amnesia skdghsd

i love u sys anon <3

#yeah system stuff is. wild #don't feel bad if you ever get the System Doubt. it happens. sometimes u just think 'this cannot be real' and that is not a bad thing #it happens ! you just gotta get used to it <3 its okay if you backslide a lil on progress :3 #altho idk if you'll have the Doubt like i do skdghsd figured i would offer the reassurance anyway ! <3 #also isn't it so fun how ur alters can vary. like. i have a wholeass angel in my head (mugi) but most of the time he just smacks me with #newspapers when im being bad like i'm a dog. i'm /not/ a dog. i'm a /cat/ tyvm. #(its not painful dw its just a gentle little swat to make me stop thinking bad sdkghsgd) #anywya !!!!!!!!!!!! i am happy for u dear sys anon :3 #if u ever need/want my help/take on smth/to hear abt my experiences just ask !!!! #i am always open to just hearing you talk and share silly antics too !!!!! <3 #system anon 🪴