#jj maybank x oc fic | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

featherandferns · 2 months

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orange juice (fic)

jj maybank x fem!reader | inspired by noah kahn's incredible music

content warning: mentions of drinking and drug use; mentions of abuse; mentions of bodily harm (vague, non-graphic); sexual content | feel free to message me with questions of detail if any of this concerns you before reading!

word count: 7.5k

blurb: in the most unlikely of settings, you and JJ reunite after five years apart in radio silence.

“You know, on my way here, I saw a dead rat.”

A cloud of cigarette smoke dispels into the air.

“It was funny, you know? Cause I felt bad that it was dead, even though it was a rat. I mean, I knew nobody was going to miss it, and that it didn’t have any rat family or friends which would mourn it or anything. But still…It looked like it had been hit by a car, and it was only small so it didn’t look very old, and it seemed so harmless lying there. It probably had a million and one diseases, but just laying there, it seemed harmless. And it felt weird to be sad about this thing dying which would have only maybe caused more damage if it had stayed alive – nibbling through electrical wires and all that.”

JJ takes another drag of his cigarette as he digests the anecdote.

“Anyway. This just made me think of that,” you quietly finish before sinking back into the silence.

“Did you just compare my dad’s funeral to a dead rat?”

You clear your throat. JJ watches in his peripheral as you look down at your feet and fidget your fingers.

“Shit, I guess I did.”

His eyes cut ahead the moment yours seem to flick up.

“Can’t believe that’s the first thing I’ve said to you in years.”

JJ inhales and exhales the nicotine of his cigarette. “Well, I can.”

That makes you laugh. Small and sheltered.

“I weren’t sure that you were going to come,” JJ tells you.

“Could say the same thing to you,” you reply.

Sighing, he drops the cigarette and crushes it under the heel of his boot. He probably should have worn smarter shoes. But then, why would he? Waste of money and space in his truck. Not like his dad was going to see them anyway.

“I only decided yesterday. Practically drove all night.” As if reminding himself of the sleep deprivation, JJ lets out a yawn.

“How is it, being back in Kildare?” you wonder.

JJ shrugs. “Weird. But also not weird at all. I guess I just feel old. I was driving through town and everything looks different.”

“I mean, it has been five years.”

“Jesus,” JJ chuckles, shaking his head. Had it really been that long?

He shoves his hands in his pant pockets and finally finds the nerve to take you in. His eyes scan over you like one might survey potential damage to a car after a close call. He never lets them go below your waist though. As if losing nerve, he flicks them back up to your head and meets your eyes.

“You look well.”

“Thanks. Right back at ya,” you smile.

With that smile – sweet and simple – JJ finds himself being hurled back through time to his teen years. The reminiscing of his youth and the memories that your presence stirs up feels like reflecting on a past life. Something that he almost had, and something that he didn’t exactly lose, but something that changed.

Everything had changed, really. The streets that he used to drive down with his friends, running away from security and darting to and from keggers and house parties, they all had new homes, new paint, new families. Old mom-and-pop shops were now trendy smoothie spots and hippie bars. Empty plots of land that were a good spot to share a joint had now been bought and developed into stylish holiday rentals. None of JJ’s family was left here, not even his cousin. None of his friends were here anymore either. Well, except for you. Is that what you were to him? A friend?

“It was a nice service,” you say.

“Was it?”

For someone like Luke Maybank, ‘nice’ is probably a generous term for a funeral service that’s void of cheery anecdotes and tender memories. It’s a shame that all the memories JJ held in high regard of his father – of the moments that they were bonded and close – often came with the overarching theme of alcohol or drugs. He wasn’t sure there was ever a genuine moment shared between the two. Whatever praise and pride he gathered from his dad was short lived and sparse. When his dad left the island on the boat he stole, JJ never heard from him again. And now he never would.

“Did they ask if you wanted to say anything?”

“What’s there to say? He was a guy and he died in a bender. Short and simple, I guess.”

You nod and go silent once more.

JJ knows that his answer evaded the politeness markers of small talk, but it was true. Luke Maybank was a human who lived on this earth with no mark to be left apart from those which he laid on his own child. The only way that he’d be remembered was in the nightmares that still sometimes have JJ waking up in cold sweats and reaching for the box of cigarettes by his bed.

“I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t have come,” you say.

“No, it’s not…” JJ shakes his head and offers you a smile, but he knows it looks unnatural. He isn’t sure what he’s feeling right now. Perhaps everything, if that’s even possible. “I’m glad you came. I’m just tired and…well, you know.”

The funeral of my father.

“Right. Of course.”

He watches you tuck your hair behind your ears and glance towards the graves. He remembers how you used to do that when you were both younger. It was funny to him: you’d go through the fuss of trying your hair back in one way or another, but you’d always leave out a couple of strands. “To frame my face” you’d tell him, and then you’d precede to spend the rest of the day tucking your hair behind your ears. He liked it though. When you’d be concentrating on something, like surfing or fixing something up or writing, you’d lean forward and they’d come lose and hang over your pretty features. He’d want to mess with them; tuck them behind your ears for you. Sometimes he did. He remembers when you’d be on top of him, kissing him senseless, and they’d come lose and tickle his face. Somehow it would make the whole thing more sensual, with his laughs and your giggles.

He feels his face flush as the memories of nights like those creep back into his head. He shouldn’t think of you like that, not after all this time. Not with how things turned out. And especially not at his father’s funeral.

JJ had come over to you once his father was safely tucked away in the ground, six feet under. You’d attended the service at the church, hiding near the back, and then the burial, and as everybody else departed to give JJ ‘a moment’ (whatever the hell that meant), he’d turned to find you stood near a bench, lost in thought.

“It was nice of you to come,” JJ thanks.

“I’m surprised none of the others are here.”

“They don’t know. I sort of kept it close to the chest,” JJ admits. “I’m actually impressed by the turnout.”

You go to laugh and JJ sees you stifle it. It helps him ease up, smile a real smile for a second, as wicked as that sounds.

“People have layers, I guess.”

“Not my dad.”

“Maybe. Maybe not.”

You meet his gaze again. Your eyes make it clear that you haven’t shed a tear and neither had JJ. He wasn’t sure if maybe that would come later, once the so-called shock had worn off. He doubted it though. And yet, there was a haze of sadness about him. Death is weird as a whole. The death of a parent like JJ’s, even weirder. Maybe it wasn’t just the funeral causing the sadness. Maybe it was you.

JJ makes a move to leave but before he can even shift his foot one whole step, you’re talking.

“Do you wanna come back to mine? We could catch up. I’m sure you’ve been doing all sorts since I last saw you. Maybe have a drink or two, for old times’ sake?”

“Oh, I don’t drink anymore.”

“Oh,” you say. A pause for thought, then, “well, I have orange juice.”

It’s a strange thing to offer in place of a bottle of beer or glass of wine. Most people would say a cup of coffee. But no - orange juice: that’s where your mind went. It makes JJ smile. It seems so on-par for you to offer him that.

“Okay. Sure. Orange juice sounds good.”

“Do you need a moment, before we leave?” you ask, glancing back over your shoulder to the gravesite of JJ’s deceased father.

The dirt atop of his plot is fresh and stark brown against the green grass. JJ stares a second. The groundkeeper is dusting some muck off the gravestone. The funeral director had offered him a fine granite with award winning chiselling, after recognising JJ from the articles of El Dorado and assuming some high-placed budget. JJ had opted for a simple thing though. Cheap and likely to be hard to read within half a decade. It’s what Luke deserved. Probably what he would have invested into JJ, if the roles were reversed.

“No, I don’t. We can go,” JJ says, voice vacant. He looks back to you. “I’ll drive.”

You don’t live in your childhood home anymore. The place that you’ve settled in is a small home in a sweet looking neighbourhood. In fact, it seems the only part of Kildare that feels familiar to JJ. The front garden is quaint but well kept, with trimmed grass and flower beds that clearly garner a lot of attention and care. The fence is in need of a lick of paint: the blue fading and peeling. A sticky note is attached to the door frame of the front door and it makes JJ smile. ‘Doorbell’s fucked – shout “ding dong” really loud’.

“This is a step up,” JJ says.

“Nice, right? My neighbour is a dick though. Always complaining that I leave my driveway light on in the middle of the night. As if I can even afford to that.”

JJ chuckles as he follows you inside. There’s an instant warm smell that hits him. JJ can’t seem to describe it in any other way than that it smells like you. The interior is safe and homely. The wallpaper and wooden floors pair nicely with the throw pillows and crystals and plants and flowers. Fairy lights are strung from end to end. A kitchen, open plan, feeds nicely into a sitting room. A dining table is tucked in the corner which seemingly functions more as a desk: books piled atop with sheets of paper strewn out. There’s a small corridor to the right and the walls are lined with framed pictures which JJ can’t make out from where he’s stood. He assumes it must lead to a bathroom and bedroom. It isn’t unlived in though. There’s a small pile of clothes which need ironing; they’re sat in a basket, next to the TV. Near the backdoor is an arts and crafts project of some kind strewn about on the floor in organised chaos, blocking the exit.

It's still early in the afternoon so you don’t bother flicking on a light, instead opting to soak in the last few hours of daylight before dusk. Kie used to compare you to a cat, basking in the sun and chasing the rays until there was none left to follow.

JJ closes the door behind him and leans against it.

“You can take your shoes off, if you want.”

“Alright,” he mumbles. He toes them off and kicks them to the side, amongst a pile of your own. He notices how there’s nobody else’s shoes there: just yours, and now his.

You pour out two glasses of orange juice and turn around, handing one to him. He takes it, lost in thought. It all feels surreal, stood here with you, after a five-year pause. When you go to the sofa to sit, he assumes he should follow. You sit on opposite ends. A part of him wonders why you haven’t stretched out your legs and dumped your feet in his lap. ‘These stink’, JJ jokes, poking your toes. You wiggle his fingers off. ‘Shut up, no they don’t.’ Force of habit: he always seems to get stuck on that past. Instead, you go to pull one of your legs up onto the sofa, and JJ flicks his eyes around the room another time. He sips his juice.

“So…” You start. “Any news?”

“Well, my dad died, so there’s that.”

You kick out your leg, aiming for his thigh. “Come on now. Be serious.”

“I am; you were at the funeral. Thought you might remember that,” JJ jokes.

Rolling your eyes mirthfully, you have a sip of your juice. The sun paints shapes on the coffee table, weaving through the thin curtains that line your window. It makes your skin glow, healthy and happy. He’s torn between staring at your face and remembering every detail of your features and avoiding you completely.

“When did you move in here? It’s nice.”

“About two years ago. Mom and dad are still at the old place. They’ve rented out my room though, for tourists and stuff.”

“That’s nice of them,” JJ snorts. “How’s your brother? Is he doing good?”

“He is. He’s at college actually. Graduates later this year.”

“The fuck? That’s so trippy,” JJ mumbles, almost to himself.

JJ can remember your brother as nothing more than a preteen, sulking around the house and begging for rides to soccer practice. Now he’s nearly got a whole ass degree. His eyes naturally fixate on the dining-table-come-desk in the corner.

“What do you do for work then?”

“I’m a teacher at Kildare high.”

Of course you are. JJ smiles, eyes still fixated on the table. It seems to prompt you to continue.

“It’s kinda weird sometimes cause some of the old farts still work there,” you say.

“Oh shit. Mr Rumble still there?” JJ asks, perking up a little, meeting your gaze.

You laugh. “Mr Rummel does still work there, yeah. Still likes to bring you up to me, actually.”

“Really? In what way?”

“Just likes to add the odd little ‘you remember when your boyfriend used to steal my stapler’ kinda things.”

JJ’s laugh is different this time. The word ‘boyfriend’ coming out of your mouth has his thoughts short circuiting. You glance down at your juice and swirl it around the cup.

“Anyway, it’s a pretty good gig. I like teaching, and I actually think I’m making a difference to some of these kids lives sometimes, which is sort of strange.”

“I bet you are. You were always good at helping people,” JJ tells you. Your smile turns soft.

“Thanks, JayJ.”

The nickname is like another sucker punch to the chest. JJ takes it like a champ. Washes it down with water; pretends there’s vodka in there somewhere.

“How are the others, then?” you ask. “How are they?”

“Good. Happy. John B and Sarah are expecting a kid soon.”

“Fuck off.”

“No joke,” JJ laughs. He leans back into the sofa, reclining in the soft throw pillows. It’s strange how easily relaxed he is in this new setting. “They’re debating between two names. Esmeralda or Eton.”

“No. Please God, tell me you’re joking.”

“I wish,” JJ snorts. “Not that I got much of a leg to stand on.”

“What do you mean?” you frown. You lean over and place your juice down on the coffee table.

“JJ? Kinda dumb name.” JJ has a sip of his own before mirroring your actions.

“Hardly. ‘John James’ is pretty proper sounding to me.”

“Meh.” JJ shrugs and props an arm up on the back of the sofa.

“What about Kie, and Pope?”

“Kie is on her environmentalist shit. Investing in rebuilding the coral and things. Pope is studying like crazy. Got a good job lined up too.”

“Only Pope would get a degree when he has literal gold in his savings,” you chuckle. “Didn’t you buy a shop too, or something?”

“A little surf shop with John B, yeah,” JJ nods, smiling proud. The surf shop is something that he would always take pride in. What felt like a pipedream was now his nine-to-five. “It’s doing real good, actually. We’re thinking about expanding.”

“Well, that’s good,” you say, nodding. The two of you lock eyes. Your smile holds steady. “I’m happy for you, JJ. Really.”

“Thanks,” he says. “I’m glad you’re doing good, too.”

And now the polite small talk is over and the catch-up is done. It’s so bizarre seeing someone again after so long. So many things in life have passed – relationships, jobs, fights, conversations, achievements, ailments – but when you finally come to sum it up, it only takes ten minutes. Going through a heartbreak lasts for months, but then a year later and the relationship is summed up in a sentence or two. Time doesn’t only heal, but it also shrinks. It seems to have shrunk whatever used to exist between yourself and JJ too, as you both sit, searching for things to talk about which avoid the dark and ugly. Things which avoid the obvious.

“Do you think you’ll stick around in Kildare for a bit?”

“I don’t know. I ain't really thought about it,” JJ admits. “I weren't even sure if I was gonna go to the funeral.”

“Where are you staying tonight?” you wonder.

He laughs to himself and shakes his head, running a hand through his hair. “I have no idea. Probably just crash in my truck.”

“You’re loaded as fuck and you’re gonna crash in your truck?” you laugh. It isn’t mean when you say it. Just amused.

“I don’t know. You don’t really get used to having money when you grew up without it. I still feel guilty buying a new pair of boots or something when my old ones ain't coming apart at the soles and shit.”

You nod. “That makes sense. Eminem had a similar thing.”

“Yeah, I’ve always thought me and Eminem were similar,” JJ deadpans.

It seems to strike well with you because you’re cracking up, laughing like he’s just told the best joke you’ve ever heard. He smiles. He always liked making you laugh. You have a horrendous laugh: truly awful. Cats in a bag being bashed against the wall-howling dog parade level of terrible. JJ loved it though. He used to tickle you just to hear it. Watching you now, head titled back, eyes shut and mouth agape, guffawing like a damn hyena…He feels like throwing up.

“Sorry, that…That was good,” you chuckle, wiping your eyes and catching your breath. “You were always good at making me laugh.”

“Fuck knows why,” JJ chuckles.

“Cause you’re funny,” you reply, as if its obvious. “You were always funny.”

It’s strange how the tone of the conversation rises and falls like a mountain range the longer the two of you sit on the sofa.

Your smile turns sombre, like when someone reminisces over a funny memory of their dead pet. Nice at first, amused, and then dampened with the reminder that those times have passed.

“It’s weird, to be honest. You’re so different now but you’re also still JJ.”

“Different how?”

“I don’t know,” you sigh. You glance around the room for a moment, as if you’d find the answer hidden in code on the spine of the books stacked on the windowsill. You look at him again. “Your face looks different.”

“It does?” JJ asks. He lifts a hand and strokes his jaw. He could do with a shave, he supposes. The vanity tries to bite through to ask how, but before he can, you’re talking again.

“You don’t drink,” you add, nodding to the orange juice still sat on the coffee table. “You’re quieter. Less…”

You seem to lose the words and so you gesture with your hands. Explosion.

“Calmer. Sadder, but not sad.”

“I can’t tell if these are good things or not,” JJ says, half-joking.

“You look at me different too.”

That makes him pause. He meets your eyes and holds your gaze, steady. The whole room shifts in a moment, from carefree catch-up to tense confrontation.

“Different?”

“Yeah. You look at me different.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” JJ mutters, going to reach for his drink.

“Yes, you do, JJ.”

Your smile is gone now. He can tell, catching it from his peripheral. Suddenly he doesn’t want to be here. Doesn’t want to be in Kildare, doesn’t want to be in this house, in this room.

“You could at least acknowledge it, you know?”

“I don’t understand—”

“It’s actually more rude to not acknowledge it,” you snip.

“I’m not being rude, I’m just making conversation. You’re the one who’s got me on blast like you’re some God damn therapist,” JJ hits back, meeting your steely stare.

“You feel like you’re on blast?”

“I feel like I’m being observed, that’s for fucking sure.”

“Maybe you are. Maybe you are being observed, JJ,” you return, voice harsh and cutting like how a blade slices through paper. “Because it’s fucking weird having you back.”

“You’re the one that invited me here.”

“That’s not what I mean and you know it,” you say.

JJ takes a breath and closes his eyes. The anger never went away, despite what you’ve just told him, he just got older. Got better at hiding it. Got enough money to try therapy. He takes another moment to breathe through it. Push it down his throat and back into his stomach and let it burn out in the acid.

“I’m sorry,” you quietly say. The venom is gone. “I shouldn’t have…I’m sorry.”

He isn’t sure why – can’t pinpoint a perfect reason behind it – but behind his eyelids, JJ feels tears swell. Feels his lips twitch like a child when they hit their funny bone. His next breath in is shaky.

“JJ?”

“Just…”

His voice cracks and he clears it, shaking his head. He wants to open his eyes but he’s scared he’ll start crying, and he’s not doing that, not right now, not today. It’s not even you. You’d seen him cry before. Held him through it and patched him up; made him smile after the sadness. But he refuses to cry today because he can’t give his dad that satisfaction, even if it’s not about him. Opening his eyes, no tears escape. He reaches for the juice and downs it.

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying that,” he snaps. Then, softer, “please.”

You nod. There’s a quiet. Then, you move to stand and he closes his eyes again because it’s a struggle for you to stand. It’s a struggle. He rubs a hand over his mouth as if trying to shove the welling emotions back inside. There’s the sound of running water in the background as JJ tries to gather himself. The crack-crack-crack of a gas stove turning on and then the clink of metal on metal. You’ve put the kettle on, boiling water. There’s the tinker of porcelain mugs being taken off a stand. He seems to zone in on the peaceful sounds of you making coffee.

When you pour water into the mugs, he remembers the sound of your voice years back. ‘Did you know humans have the ability to hear the difference between hot and cold water being poured?’ ‘Why the fuck do you know that?’ ‘I don’t know. Just thought it was interesting.’

As the teaspoon repeatedly brushes against the inside of the cup as you stir in the instant coffee and milk, JJ finally feels all the emotions even out. As your footsteps make their way back over to him, you flick on the lamp by the front door. JJ opens his eyes to see you place a steaming cup of Joe in front of him on the coffee table. The mug is cute. It’s peach pink and says “I’m drinking tea instead of committing crimes” on the front in an innocent type-writer print.

“Cute mug.”

“Thanks. Thought of you.”

He silently laughs. You sit closer to him this time and your mug sits next to his. There’s no funny quote written across the paint. Then your hand is on his back, barely rubbing him, and it hits JJ that this is the first time you’ve touched him in five years.

“I shouldn’t have gotten so angry,” you tell him. “It ain’t my place to say any of that. Especially not today.”

“It’s true, though. That’s the kicker, ain’t it? That it’s true,” JJ replies.

He sighs and leans back, sitting upright once more. Your hand falls away and you clasp it in the other in your lap. He glances down and takes in your side profile. That stupid piece of hair has come lose again, fallen in your face. He distracts his twitching fingers by twisting one of his rings.

“I’m okay, you know,” you tell him. You look up and meet his eyes. Yours are damp with emotion, just like his were moments earlier. “I’m really okay.”

“You almost weren’t though.”

“Is that the problem? That I almost wasn’t?”

“It’s not the problem. You were never a problem.”

“I ain't mean it like that,” you tell him. You shake your head and JJ isn’t entirely sure why. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Am I the reason that you left Kildare?”

A bird calls outside and JJ seems to latch onto it like a lifeline. That question makes him feel stranded and scared. He wasn’t ready for it despite being fully prepared.

“I don’t think so.”

“You don’t think so?”

“I…It ain't that simple.”

“Can you explain it to me, maybe?” you wonder. There’s no wrath to your tone anymore – no vendetta against him. There’s just curiosity and care, and this wonderful tenderness that JJ always associated with you from day one, when you offered him your cap to keep his hair off his face.

“I didn’t like the person I was in Kildare.”

“Okay,” you quietly say.

“I didn’t like how I acted. I didn’t like how reckless I was, and how I didn’t care who got hurt in the process.”

“Like me?”

JJ swallows. He doesn’t tear his eyes from yours though. “Yeah. Like you.”

“Okay,” you repeat, quieter still, nodding.

“After El Dorado, coming back here, everything felt tainted. I just…I needed to escape it. My dad and my past and…And you. I couldn’t face it. I felt like I’d caused some freak accident and had gotten away, and then I'd come back to face the aftermath and I just couldn’t stomach it. I just ran.”

You nod.

“I just ran,” he hears himself repeat. “And I’m not proud of it. Of any of it.”

“Okay.”

“And I wanted to fix things, but I didn’t know how. Every time I thought of coming back to Kildare, or picking up the phone, or going on Instagram and finding you…I just got so fucking scared, like a stupid shithead kid. I was so scared of becoming the guy I was again.”

And, again, you nod. When he doesn’t continue, you fill the space. “How long have you been sober?”

“The minute I left Kildare.”

“Fuck.”

“Cold turkey. It sucked ass. It still does. You don’t miss it any less. I miss the rage too, sometimes. I miss my dad sometimes, too. Miss him beating on me. How fucked up is that? That I miss him beating on me?”

You don’t seem to know what to say to that. You just look down at the coffee mugs and watch how the steam is slowly but surely going away.

“I am sorry. I know that ain't worth anything, but I am sorry.”

“It is worth something.” You clear your throat, voice coming out stronger when you say, “It’s worth everything.”

Your smile comes back, timid and tiny. You meet eyes for the millionth time that night.

“It feels like I’ve been ready for you to come back, for so long, and now you’re actually here and…I don’t even know where to start.” He watches your tongue dart out and wet your lips. “I wasn’t expecting you to look so good.”

“Disappointed?”

“Massively. I would have got my ass in the gym more if I knew it was a Goddamn competition.”

JJ smiles. “You were always a sore loser.”

“Says you,” you snort.

There’s another peak in the conversation after the long slug of the last dip. It’s so bizarre. So wonderfully bizarre.

“I’m proud of you, for getting sober. Do you feel better for it?”

“Depends.”

“Well, you look better for it,” you say.

“You’re drooling, I think,” JJ teases, reaching a finger out to prod your cheek.

Rolling your eyes, you mirthfully bat his hand away. “You’re hallucinating.”

“Well, withdrawal does crazy things,” he quips back.

You chuckle and shake your head. “I missed you like crazy.”

“I miss you too.”

Your lips part a little with that. Miss. You seem to hesitate to hold his gaze then, like it’s too intense. JJ feels as though he can see every emotion flash across your face in a second, like watching a car crash in slow motion. Surprise, shock, joy, anger, then sadness. It’s that sadness that hammers hard when you speak, voice weak.

“You left without saying anything, JJ. For five years. You just left me.”

“Don’t make it sound like that. Like I abandoned you.”

“But you did,” you whisper. The tears are back. You’ve both fallen from the top of the mountain. “You abandoned me.”

“You don’t get it,” JJ replies, voice suddenly thick.

“I was in it with you.”

“You didn’t see it,” JJ forces out. His tears are falling: they didn’t wait this time. “You didn’t see how it looked – how you looked. You looked so fucking fragile and tiny and small and your leg was so bent and twisted and black – it was black – and I thought you were already dead.”

Your breathing is shaky and broken. The two of you sit on your sofa in the sunset, eyes locked, tears streaming, chests heaving like you’ve run a marathon. The word ‘dead’ hangs in the air and haunts the room.

“I thought you were dead, and I thought it was because of me.”

“Do you hate me for it?”

“Why the fuck would I—”

“Because I didn’t die? Do you hate me for it?”

JJ blinks back his bewilderment. He physically shifts back in his seat, as if you just spat in his face. Horrified, he tells you, “Of course I don’t. Why would you even ask me that?”

“Because I’m still here, JJ. But you acted like I wasn’t for five years. You didn’t even come see me in the hospital. Didn’t sit with me in the ambulance. Hell, you can’t even look at my leg now! You think I didn’t notice? At the graveyard, and now. You think I can’t see it on your face?”

JJ whispers your name in a tearful plea. Stop.

“I’m still here, JJ. And I invited you back here, and I went to the funeral, because I wanted to see you.”

“To show me what I did?” JJ asks, harsher than needed.

You hold his gaze. “To show you I’m okay.”

He shakes his head, insistent. “It was my fault. If I hadn’t been drinking and if I’d been thinking straight, I would have never let you jump off the bike like that. It was fucking reckless and stupid and I would never, ever do it again. It was all my fault.”

“I don’t care who’s fault it was, JJ,” you whisper. Your hand reaches out and traces his cheek and jaw, and he can’t help but lean into your warm touch. There you sit, cradling his face as if he was the victim in this whole thing. It calms him almost immediately. “Nobody forced me on that bike. Nobody forced me to jump, not even you.”

“I shouldn’t have let you.”

“JJ,” you sigh.

He closes his eyes as you shift in your spot, and somehow you end up with your forehead pressed against his. He reaches out one of his hands for the other of yours that rests in your lap and he clenches it, tight. You’re both still crying but they’re silent tears now.

“I forgive you, JJ.”

He shakes his head whilst you nod.

“Yes, I do, I forgive you. I always have. You know why?”

He doesn’t speak. Doesn’t move.

“Because you were dealt the shitest hand I’ve ever known and look who you are. You’re sober, and you're healthy, and you have loving friends and a steady income and a job which you love, and a boathouse, and so much of your life left. And you didn’t kill anyone. You didn’t kill me, JJ. You didn’t even lose me.”

“I don’t—”

“We’re more than our mistakes.”

When JJ opens his eyes, you pull back enough to let him meet your gaze. As if you know what he’s about to ask, you smile. That smile…JJ feels like he’s coming home.

“You’re more than your mistakes, JJ.”

The moment his lips slot against yours, tentative and hesitant, like a bird exploring new ground for the first time, he’s home. There’s hardly a moment of reluctance, of confusion and mismatch from the time passed, before you’re kissing him back. The softness of your lips against his and the brush of your tongue. The sigh in your voice and the tilt of your head. It’s so seamless and sweet and safe. JJ feels safe here, with you. He feels like all the shit doesn’t matter. He feels like sober might actually be synonymous with happiness, with you. When he lies you down on the sofa, JJ doesn’t want to leave this room, this house, or Kildare. He wants to stay here, worshipping you, breathing you in until you consume all of his senses, because after five years, nothing has made him feel as alive as this. As you.

Everything is a wonderful illusion of being rushed and well-paced all at once. He revels in the way your skin gives gently beneath the scrape of his teeth. When he sucks at your throat, the skin is so delicate, and this close to you JJ can smell nothing but your perfume. He wants to fucking drown in it.

“Fuck, I missed you,” he pants. You’re gasping too. Fingers sliding through his hair, down his sides, along his face.

“I missed you,” you whine.

And that phrase gets repeated over and over like a mantra or a prayer. He hears himself whispering it against your skin with every button he undoes on your blouse. Basks in the sound of your voice, older and mature but still you, as you say it whilst pushing his dress shirt off his shoulder.

There’s a stalling pause when his fingers finish tracing down your stomach to your pants. You seem to notice it. Your hand comes to his face and thumbs at his cheek. They’re still sticky from dried tears.

“JJ,” you whisper, coaxing his attention back to your face. You’re glowing. You’re happy, you’re healthy, and you’re here. “It’s okay.” Nodding, you repeat. “It’s okay.”

Then, he watches your own fingers land on the button of your pants, slowly undoing it. Then the other and the third until they’re lose. He watches you wriggle out of them, pulling them down, struggling somewhat from the tight position on the sofa. Watches the scars emerge, faint but clear, and how they grow and spread like ivy on the side of a house. They merge with the cellulite and stretch marks. With a random bruise you must’ve gotten from hitting your leg on the table the other day. They’re a part of you – plain and simple. At the knee, there’s the connection for your prosthetic right leg. Once your trousers are off, JJ finds himself reaching out to touch it. This thing that he was partly responsible for, this marvel of medicine, the reason you can walk. He loves it and hates it desperately all at once. Glancing back up to your face, you’re watching him just as carefully as he was watching you. But you’re smiling.

“You’re okay,” JJ finds himself saying quietly. Because you are. You’re here, laying almost bare before him, just like you had years before.

“It’s rude to make a girl wait, JJ,” you tease.

With that, JJ’s smile is blossoming back like the returning of spring flowers following a brutal winter. He leans forward and catches himself above you with his arms, kissing you like you’re all the oxygen in the world. Your left leg rubs at his calf, still covered by his trousers, and you giggle against his mouth.

“Fuck, I missed this,” you say. “I missed you.”

“How much?”

“So much,” you say.

“Oh yeah? What’d you miss?” JJ persists, kissing down your neck.

“Your mouth,” you say through a moan. His hands slip behind your back and unclasp your bra. You arch your back enough for him to tug it off.

“My mouth?” he wonders, breathing it against your skin. You’re practically writhing. JJ laughs. “What about my mouth?”

“Don’t be a jackass, JJ,” you mutter.

“You want my mouth?”

“Yes,” you quietly beg.

“You do?” he checks, kissing over your breast, sucking at your nipple. “Where do you want it?”

“You fucking know where,” you sigh, impatience shining through.

He grins at the sudden hitch of your moan as he softly nips at the sensitive skin around your nipple. Then he’s kissing down your stomach until finally his fingers hook into the sides of your panties. He slowly, tauntingly, pulls them down. You kick them off at the ankles, a clear act of frustration, and he bites back his laugh.

“What? Here?” JJ plants a kiss to your hipbone. “You want my mouth here? Or…”

Another kiss, to your pelvic bone.

“Here?”

“Fuck you, Maybank.”

“You wanna?”

“I swear to fucking God,” you huff, laughing through the annoyance.

With that, JJ settles himself between your legs and praises you like you deserve to be. The noises you make are downright evil, considering he can do nothing about it and has to hold it together. You taste so familiar on his tongue.

“Fucking missed you,” he groans against you.

When he sucks on your clit, your hands latch into his hair. Your back is arching and you’re gasping and panting and desperate, and JJ feels like a young God. Pulling back, he slips a finger into your hole and it welcomes him so easily. He cusses at how wet you are.

“Come on baby. Come on, I know you’re close.”

The tells of your body haven’t changed since the last time you two were in this position. The way your mouth hangs open in a silent moan when you fall over the edge is so surreal to see after five years apart. He feels you spasms around him and basks in the scratch of your nails against his scalp as you try to ground yourself. He hardly has time to suck his fingers clean before your pulling his mouth to yours and kissing him stupid.

“Fucking missed you,” you repeat against his mouth, making him laugh. “Nobody fucks me as good as you.”

“Jesus Christ, you can’t say shit like that,” JJ chuckles. “Won’t last.”

“Don’t care,” you say. “Only thing bigger than your ego is your dick.”

JJ can’t help but laugh at that. He loves your giggles in response. And then your hands are shoving at his trousers and the humour is gone, replaced with nothing but raw lust and desperation. There’s nothing performative about it, when the two of you hurry to strip his clothes away as soon as possible. He takes note to get his socks off. You’d always had a weird thing about it, sex in socks, and nothing was going to taint this night. Not after so long.

Being inside you…JJ missed it more than all the alcohol and weed in the world. Nothing compared to the feeling of you clenching around him. The vice of your leg hitched up and over his back as he grips into your thigh, mean and firm, perfecting the angle. The senseless, endless whines falling from your agape mouth, eyes closed tight, lost in the feeling of it. JJ wants nothing to be less than perfect for you, for this. Every stroke, every kiss, every clench of his fingers…it all has to be perfect. He knows when you’re close and he’s more than fucking relieved. It’s taking everything in him not to come. He needs you to fall over the edge first.

“Do the thing,” you whine. “Do the thing, John.”

With that, JJ remembers five years back, to late nights and later mornings spent rolling in bed with you. He bites into his lip, holding back his shit-eating grin as the memories flood back, and he leans forward to your ear. Gently taking the lobe within his teeth, he croons into the shell of your ear.

“That’s my good fucking girl.”

And finally, you fall apart, taking JJ with you like you always would.

When the high finally passes and the endorphins settle down, the two of you are laying on the sofa, only covered by a throw blanket JJ had dragged down from the back of the sofa. You’ve somehow shuffled so you’re laying mostly atop of him. His arms are locked around your damp stomach like a vice, nose nestled into your hair, just behind your ear, breathing you in with every inhale.

“Will you stay in Kildare, just for a short while? For me?”

JJ wants to laugh but he knows how wrong that would be in this moment. The humour doesn’t come from the question, but from the notion that he’d leave after finally having you back in his life, safe and happy, after five long years.

“Anything,” he whispers, pressing a kiss against your hair. Anything for you.

“You look like shit by the way,” JJ says.

His hands are warm in his cargo pant pockets. Head tilted down and gaze steady, he sighs.

“Guess you didn’t have chance to clean up though, right?”

Shockingly, the gravestone says nothing back. Well, says nothing asides form Luke Maybank in barely legible font.

It still feels surreal, that his dad is gone. That they’d never remedy anything, or even attempt to fix their relationship. That JJ wouldn’t be able to face him and show him what he’d become. How he’d risen past it all and grown from the pain and the agony. That he’d taken the shitty hand that he was dealt and turned it into nothing but flushes and full houses. That he hadn’t grown into a petty criminal or a tax-evading lowlife, but a strong, good-willed, well-intentioned man. The thought, bittersweet at heart, makes him smile.

“I’m happy dad. I know you probably hate that, being dead and all, but I am.”

As if on cue, there’s the high pitch giggles from afar that catch JJ’s attention. He glances over to spot you and your wonderful mini-you, sitting on your shoulders, waving at him. He waves back, small and short, smiling.

“I’m glad you never met her,” JJ tells his dad, never tearing his eyes away from the pair of you. You ease her off your shoulders and take her hand, pointing to a small bed of daffodils. “I was so scared I’d be bad at this. I was so scared that I’d be like you.”

She’s so fragile as she picks a flower free from the bunch, holding it by the stem, up to you. You nod and presumably smile in approval.

“But I’ll never be like you. She’ll never know what it feels like to live in fear,” JJ states, firmly. He looks back down to the grave. “I’m not your mistakes, and I’m not mine.”

He lowers to a squat and wipes some of the dirt off the stone, revealing the dates. “Happy birthday, dad. You suck, and I hope you’re finally at peace.”

“Daddy, daddy…”

There’s an insistent tug at his jacket sleeve. JJ smiles and looks down at the best mistake he ever made. Mistake is a strong word. ‘Oops, I think is better’, you’d said when you first showed him the pregnancy test.

“What’s up, bub?”

“I found this flower. Can I give it to papa?”

JJ takes the daffodil and glances to the grave. A brief moment of anger passes over him like the breeze of winter. He doesn’t deserve this. He isn’t your papa. I’m glad he’s dead. But he closes his eyes and breathes. Your hand squeezing gently at his shoulder tells him you’re there. It helps ground him.

“Yeah, bub. I think that’d be nice,” he smiles, handing it back.

She giggles as she puts it on the grass just before the stone. Her laughter is brighter and louder still when JJ scoops her up as he stands, looping her around him until she’s a backpack.

“You wanna get ice cream?”

“Hell yeah,” you whoop.

“Hell yeah!” mini-you copies. JJ laughs.

“Alrighty, lets go.”

As the three of you make the small walk back to the car, you intertwine your fingers with JJ’s, holding his hand tight and secure. JJ takes one last glance back at the gravestone. It all began here, in a way, the re-introduction to a life he thought he’d lost. Perhaps the nicest thing JJ’s dad ever did, the kindest act he ever performed, was dying. Perhaps that was his way of paying him back for all the crap he gave.

“Hey.”

JJ glances down at you.

“You okay?”

He smiles. Then, he nods. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay.”

Everything is going to be okay.

#JJ #JJ Maybank #JJ x reader #JJ Maybank x reader #jj x oc #jj maybank x oc #outer banks #outerbanks #outer banks jj #outerbanks jj #outer banks jj x reader #outerbanks jj x reader #outer banks fic #outerbanks fic

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thewulf · 2 months

Text

Tides of Comfort || JJ Maybank

Summary: Request - I begging and dying for JJ Maybank comfort. Like reader is just going through it and JJ being the best “I got you baby” and just holding her forever and the pogues are just “awww they’re so cute” I just craveeee it

A/N - Stoppp this is just so sweet. Again, trying to be a lil more descriptive in the writing so lmk how you like it!!

Pairing: JJ Maybank x Female Reader

Word Count: 1.6k+

As the evening draped over the Outer Banks like a comforting shroud, casting a soft golden glow over the horizon, you found yourself perched on the weathered dock of the chateau, tears staining your cheeks like dewdrops on delicate petals. The weight of the week's hardships weighed down on your shoulders, threatening to engulf you in a sea of despair. Hugging your knees to your chest, you sought solace in the solitude of the fading light, the rhythmic lapping of the waves against the dock providing a soothing backdrop to your turbulent thoughts.

Unbeknownst to you, JJ Maybank, your unwavering anchor, and beacon of light in the darkness, had ended his shift earlier that evening. A nagging intuition, a silent whisper of the heart, pulled him towards you with an urgency that he couldn't ignore. With each step he took, guided by an invisible thread of destiny, his determination to offer you his unwavering support grew stronger, his heart beating in sync with yours.

As JJ made his way towards the dock, the soft crunch of sandy dirt beneath his feet mingled with the gentle rustle of leaves in the evening breeze. The salty tang of the ocean hung heavy in the air, a familiar scent that filled him with a sense of homecoming. With each passing moment, the distance between you and him seemed to shrink, as if drawn together by an invisible force that transcended time and space.

Finally, he spotted your silhouette against the dimming sky, a solitary figure in a world of fading light. His heart clenched with hurt at the sight of your tear-stained cheeks, his resolve strengthening with each step he took towards you. Without hesitation, he closed the distance between you, his footsteps soft against the worn wooden planks of the dock.

"Y/N?" he called softly, his voice a gentle whisper carried on the evening breeze, infused with warmth and concern.

Startled, you turned towards him, tear-filled eyes meeting his with a mixture of surprise and relief. In that moment, the world seemed to fall away, leaving only the two of you amidst the quiet beauty of the twilight. Without a word, JJ closed the remaining distance between you, enveloping you in a tender embrace that spoke volumes of his unwavering love and support.

"What's wrong, baby?" he murmured, his voice a soothing melody amidst the chaos of your emotions, a lifeline in the darkness.

Unable to find the words to articulate the storm raging within you, you simply leaned into him, seeking comfort in the safety of his arms, finding security in the warmth of his embrace. With each beat of your heart, each hitched breath, you felt a sense of peace wash over you, as if the weight of the world had been lifted from your shoulders.

JJ held you close, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of your head, his touch a gentle caress against your skin. "You don't have to tell me if you're not ready," he whispered, his breath warm against your ear, his words a promise of unwavering support. "But know that I'm here for you, always. I've got you, okay?"

You nodded, a soft sob escaping your lips as you clung to him, finding comfort in his unwavering presence, in the depth of his love.

With infinite tenderness, JJ gently lifted you into his arms, cradling you close as he rose to his feet, as if determined to shield you from the world's troubles with the strength of his embrace.

Without a word, he carried you to the nearby hammock, its gentle sway offering a semblance of peace amidst the storm raging within you. As you settled into the hammock, JJ's heart swelled with love for you, his touch a soothing balm against the ache in your soul.

Brushing away your tears with his thumb, he spoke, his voice a gentle murmur of reassurance and affection. "You're safe here, baby," he whispered, his words a promise of unwavering support. "I'll stay with you until the storm passes, love."

And in that moment, as you lay together beneath the starlit sky, the weight of the world lifted from your shoulders, replaced by a sense of peace and serenity in JJ's embrace. For in his arms, you found not only comfort, but also the strength to weather any storm that life may bring.

You buried your face in his chest, your tears flowing freely now as you allowed yourself to release the pent-up emotions weighing you down.

JJ held you close, his arms wrapped around you protectively, as if shielding you from the world's troubles. With a gentle sway, he rocked you back and forth in the hammock, the rhythm soothing and comforting.

"I love you, more than you will ever know.” He whispered, still holding you close to his chest knowing how badly you needed it now.

His words washed over you like a healing balm, dispelling the lingering shadows of doubt and fear that had taken root in your heart. With each tender caress, each whispered assurance, JJ's love enveloped you, wrapping you in a cocoon of safety and security.

"You're not alone, baby," he continued, his voice a gentle melody in the quiet of the night. "I'm here with you, every step of the way."

A sense of peace settled over you, like a blanket of stars strewn across the night sky. In JJ's embrace, you found solace, a refuge from the storms that raged within.

As he continued to murmur words of comfort and love, his touch a soothing symphony against your skin, the walls around your heart began to crumble. Brick by brick, the barriers you had built to protect yourself fell away, replaced by an overwhelming sense of vulnerability and trust.

In JJ's arms, you felt seen, heard, and cherished. His love was a beacon of light in the darkness, guiding you through even the most treacherous of seas.

JJ's eyes twinkled mischievously as he shifted in the hammock, his arms still wrapped securely around you. With a playful grin, he leaned in closer, his voice filled with anticipation. It was that determined look on your face that meant you knew you were in for something.

"You know what always cheers me up when I'm feeling down?" he began, his tone light and affectionate, much different than the seriousness he had been conveying just moments prior.

Curiosity sparkled in your eyes as you tilted your head, eager to hear what he had to say. "What's that, JJ?"

His grin widened, a glint of mischief dancing in his eyes. "Stories. So let me tell you one. Well, did you hear about the cheese factory explosion?" he said, his voice laced with playful excitement.

You couldn't help but chuckle at the unexpected turn of conversation. "A cheese factory explosion?" you repeated, amusement coloring your tone, playing along with whatever, he had planned.

JJ nodded enthusiastically. "That's right! It was a de-brie-acle," he quipped, unable to contain his own laughter at the literally cheesy joke.

Your laughter bubbled up in response, the sound filling the air with warmth and light. JJ's eyes sparkled with delight as he watched your smile widen, his heart swelling with affection.

Encouraged by the sound of your laughter, JJ's eyes lit up with delight, and he leaned in closer, eager to keep the joyful momentum going. With a playful grin, he launched into a series of lighthearted anecdotes and jokes, each one more absurd and whimsical than the last.

He regaled you with tales of his childhood escapades, embellished with exaggerated details that left you in stitches. His laughter mingled with yours, the harmonious melody echoing through the stillness of the night.

With each story, JJ's enthusiasm was infectious, filling the air with an undeniable warmth and light. He painted vivid pictures with his words, transporting you to worlds filled with laughter and wonder, far removed from the troubles of the present moment.

As the night wore on, the two of you found yourselves caught up in a whirlwind of laughter and camaraderie, the weight of your worries fading into the background. In JJ's company, the darkness seemed less daunting, replaced by a sense of joy and possibility.

Sooner than you wished he had finished his stories, leaving you cozied in his arms under a comfortable silence. As you both lay there in the hammock, time seemed to stand still. The gentle sway of the hammock beneath you mirrored the ebb and flow of your emotions, a soothing rhythm that lulled you into a sense of peace.

The Pogues watched from afar, their eyes filled with warmth as they observed the scene unfolding before them. John B, Sarah, Kiara, and Pope exchanged knowing glances, their smiles mirroring the affectionate bond shared between you and JJ.

In that moment, amidst the tranquil backdrop of the night sky and the gentle rustle of leaves, they saw more than just two individuals finding comfort in each other's arms. They saw a beacon of hope, a reminder that even in the darkest of times, love and laughter could light the way.

For you and JJ were not just partners; you were each other's guiding light, offering support, comfort, and unwavering devotion in the face of adversity. Your connection was palpable, a testament to the strength of your bond and the depth of your love.

As the Pogues watched on, their hearts swelled with affection for the two of you. They knew that no matter what challenges lay ahead, you and JJ would face them together, hand in hand, drawing strength from each other's presence and guiding one another through the darkest of nights.

And as the evening breeze whispered through the trees, carrying with it the promise of a new day, the Pogues shared a silent moment of gratitude for the love that bound you and JJ together. For in that simple gesture of love and laughter, they found hope, knowing that as long as you had each other, you could weather any storm that came your way.

Permanent Taglist (Message me or comment below if you want to be added!): @loving-and-dreaming @kmc1989 @memeorydotcom @matisse556 @buckylov3r @taygrls @ah-blossom @hardballoonlove @rosiahills22 @djs8891

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maybaenk · 2 years

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Aftermath

Summary: In which JJ is the only one who can ease the pain.

Pairing: JJ Maybank x reader

Warnings: SA, mentions of SA, mentions of ED, cursing

NA: this story is about the reader dealing with the aftermath of a SA so be careful before reading. Also if you’ve been through this, please speak up to your loved ones. My dm’s are always open if anyone needs to talk.

This is very personal to me, it hits home, so please do not judge. Just scroll.

————

JJ Maybank had never been one to be silent.

He would constantly be telling stories, cracking jokes and teasing people. His voice would often be loud and he would sweet talk his way into just about anything, his way of speaking just captivating. He was the kind of person to lighten up an entire room as soon as he’d walk in, everything about him enthralling.

That’s why, upon noticing him grow quiet one Friday afternoon at The Wreck, the pogues immediately knew something was off with him. They silently decided to let him be, although they quickly grew worried over what was happening to him. They brushed it off as him being mad at something his shitty father had done, that usually being the reason of his bad mood.

However, Kie had noticed the way his eyes would linger on you. You were sitting, quietly, in front of JJ. She observed from her spot next to him as his eyes would frequently flicker to your frame. You were playing around with your food, not really hungry it seemed, as your mind wandered to what seemed to be a world of your own.

She sighed, eyes softening upon seeing her best friend look so off. You’d been distancing yourself from them for the past days, and she remembered how JJ had told them he thought it was weird you’d suddenly grown sick the day after the kegger that took place five days ago. That’s what you’d told them, you’d been sick and would stay in bed until you’d be better. JJ had told them he was worried when the fifth day had passed and you still hadn’t reached out but didn’t want to invade your personal space.

This was the first day you’d shown up since then.

Kie asked herself how she couldn’t have understood immediately JJ was acting this weird because of you.

She sighed, returning to her conversation with the boys and thinking of ways of approaching you later to ask what was wrong.

JJ’s eyes, however, never strayed from you. He watched you pick at your food with your fork and he furrowed his eyebrows; you loved fries.

“Hey.” He softly spoke up.

You didn’t answer, didn’t even seem to have heard him. His leg nudged yours under the table.

Your eyes snapped to his, for the first time today, and he was taken aback by the void dullness in them.

“You okay, baby?”

If this had been any other time, you would have blushed at the nickname he’d often use for you. He was your best friend in the whole world, your golden boy, and yet you couldn’t deny your feelings for him. Sometimes you’d wonder if he felt the same.

But this wasn’t any other time. Something had happened to you, and you couldn’t let him find out. So you put on the best fake smile you could before answering.

“Yeah, sorry. Just tired.” You replied, eyes averting from his own in hope he wouldn’t see right through your lie. He always seemed to.

JJ saw the way your smile didn’t reach your eyes. His frown deepened when he saw the sad look you were trying to hide behind them and he shook it off. You were already starting to zone out again.

“You not hungry?” He inquired, choosing not to say anything about your evident lie.

You shook your head lazily, placing your chin on your hand as you returned your eyes to him, then to your plate.

“You never say no to fries.” He spoke, and before you could think of another lie as to why you weren’t hungry, he did again, “C’mon, bub, you have to eat some.”

Your heart swelled at his sweet tone, but you couldn’t bring yourself to smile. Nor to answer.

You looked at him when you heard him move and saw him pick up a single fry, holding it up for you to bite. He gave you the best puppy eyes he could, and your heart quickened at the look he was giving you, and you would do anything to make him happy.

“Just one.” He pleaded, smiling at you, “For me?”

You sighed, finally cracking a smile at how cute JJ Maybank was. You could never say no to him. His grin widened when he saw you smile for the first time today and he brought the fry closer to your mouth.

“Fine.”

You bit it, gently taking it from his hand. You chewed slowly, really, really not in the mood for eating.

“There you go.” He praised you once you were finished, “One more?”

————

Your friends took off to the Chateau, of course asking you if you’d be crashing there. They’d tried convincing you with the promise of a bonfire and a lot of beer.

Any other day, that would’ve done it. But this wasn’t any other day, so you’d gently reclined, telling them you were still feeling a little off. They’d eventually given up, telling you if you had changed your mind, that’s where you’d find them.

JJ had offered to walk you home, but you’d told him your mom was on your way to pick you up. A total lie, but he didn’t need to know. Of course, being the gentleman he was, he’d told you he’d wait for you but you’d insisted on him going with the others so he wouldn’t have had to lose his ride to the Chateau. He’d reluctantly agreed before taking off, too.

You’d walked the whole walk home in silence, trying to find peace within it.

The water now cascading on your skin did nothing to help you with the uneasy discomfort you felt in your whole body. This was the third shower of the day, and it was doing little to nothing to help you soothe that feeling. You scrubbed at your skin, too hard. You scrubbed every inch of your body, washing it again and again. Your skin became red when you scrubbed too hard in the places he’d touched the most.

You tried shaking the thought out of your mind.

Stop thinking about it.

You shuddered, a memory of the feeling of his hands grabbing your legs suddenly flashing through your mind.

It wasn’t long before you were sitting on the shower floor, knees brought to your chest with your arms around them.

You sobbed quietly, shaking, the hot water falling on you and burning your skin. You wanted to forget the feeling, you wanted to forget it all. The steamy water was nothing compared to it.

————

You’d ditched them again that night. This time you’d told them your mom needed your help with something.

You sure everything’s okay? JJ had texted you.

Please, God, don’t let him find out.

You hadn’t replied.

You were in your bed, knees to your chest as you laid on your side in one of JJ’s t-shirts he’d leave over when he’d sleep here.

You’d hoped JJ’s scent and the feeling of being in his shirt — it always comforted you, would make you forget about what had happened. About him.

You found yourself wishing to be with him right now, craving his touch.

You soon realized you needed to be in his arms, you needed nothing more than his comfort right now. The only comfort you could have.

You needed him now more than ever.

You grabbed your phone.

I need you

You hoped he would see the message, not feeling like calling him. You knew he’d leave his phone laying around the Chateau when crashing there.

You didn’t know JJ had kept his phone with him the whole time, hoping you’d answer his text or to have some news.

He answered just a minute later.

Are you home?

Yes

Leaving now

Twenty minutes later his last text you heard a knock on your window. He chose not to ring on your doorbell, assuming your mom would be home since you’d told them she’d needed your help, not knowing if you wanted her to know he’d be over.

A little startled, you looked up to see JJ standing there. You sighed in relief before getting up to open the window for him.

“You could’ve come in by the door.”

“Thought your mom was home. Didn’t know if you wanted her to know I was here.” He explained, climbing over the window edge.

You felt panic rise in your stomach, before you had to tell yourself he wouldn’t think much of it.

“She left a while ago.” You quietly told him, deciding to leave the window open, the summer breeze light on your skin, “And you know she doesn’t mind.”

JJ wanted to tell you about how he thought you didn’t want her to know because maybe, just maybe, you didn’t want her to know something was wrong with you. You didn’t usually go and talk to your mother about your problems, not wanting to burden the poor woman, already too much on her hands. JJ knew that.

But he decided to change the topic because you yet had to admit to him something was wrong. He was hoping you’d tell him tonight, given the fact you’d told him you needed him.

He got closer to you.

“What did you need me for, Y/N/N?” He gently asked you, his voice so sweet you thought this boy would be the death of you.

You shrugged, eyes tired. You grabbed his hand and pulled him to your bed.

“Just needed you here with me.” His eyes softened.

He couldn’t even be disappointed at you for not telling him the truth, you looked so tired and sad it was starting to pain him.

“Okay, baby.” He whispered, hand coming up to place a strand of hair behind your ear, then resting on your cheek, “Just let me change and then we can cuddle and watch a movie or something, yeah? How’s that sound?”

You smiled feebly, feeling the urge to burst out crying. You pushed your emotions back, nodding at him.

“Yeah? Okay, I’ll be a minute.”

JJ was quick to grab one of his sweat shorts from your closet, changing into that and removing his t-shirt. He placed it on your dresser before taking off his shoes and plopping down on the bed with you.

He adjusted himself on the pillows before tugging you to him. You laid down on your side, resting your head on his chest and your arm around his torso. His arms was around you as he pulled you closer.

“That’s better. Now, what do we wanna watch?” He asked, picking up the remote control on your nightstand.

You let him pick the movie, loving to hear him rent about the new sequel of an action movie he was dying to see once it came out. He settled for the first movie, telling you you just had to see it so you could watch the second one with him.

You smiled into his chest, comfortably nestling into his arms. You didn’t really care about movies right now, just his presence, but you loved listening to what he was saying. You always did.

You were the only one out of his friends who actually enjoyed listening to his bullshit. It made his heart warm.

The movie started playing, and it was a few minutes in that you spoke up.

“Thank you, J.” Your voice was low.

“For what?”

“For being here with me. I’m sorry if I forced you here, I know you’d have more fun at the bonfire.”

You felt him pulling you impossibly closer.

“Don’t say that, you know I’d rather be with you.” He replied, making butterflies flutter in your stomach.

You sighed, nuzzling further into him.

He was easing the pain.

You thought the conversation was over when you heard his voice again.

“I know something’s wrong. It’ okay, you don’t have to tell me right now. I’ll be waiting.” He whispered.

You didn’t know how you managed to keep the tears at bay this time. You held on to him tighter as you silently wished for it all to stop.

————

It had been a week and a half since that day. The Outer Banks’ summer breeze swept through your hair and gently caressed your skin as you sat on the HMS Pogue, silently looking out at the water.

This was the first time your friends had managed to convince you in coming with them on one of your ritual days on the Pogue. You relished in the feeling of comfort being here with them brought you, momentarily stranding your mind away from what tormented it. JJ had been by your side all this time, giving you your space but nonetheless providing you the comfort of his touch and presence whenever you needed him. He’d been so careful with you your love for the boy had become unbearable.

You flinched when you felt a hand on your thigh, quickly calming down when you turned your head to see JJ. He looked concerned at your sudden movement.

“Sorry.” You quietly said, your hand reaching down to touch his fingers on your skin.

A frown was on his face, but he didn’t let it sit there for long before he changed the subject.

“You wanna swim?” He asked, carefully.

You let your eyes roam around the boat, shamefully noticing it had been stopped at your usual spot and everyone had long dipped in. Your thoughts had distracted you from reality.

“Oh.” You let out, masking the surprised tone in your low voice, “I don’t really feel like it today. But you go ahead.”

JJ’s eyes stayed on you, eyes scanning your face. He gave you a small pout.

“Come on, a little dip.” He gave you that pleading look that always made you give in, “It’s really hot today, you’re gonna burn yourself.”

You sighed, already knowing putting up a fight wouldn’t be no use. With a little nod, you sighed softly before following him in standing up when he took your hand.

“Can’t have my princess all burned now, can I?” He grinned, happy you’d agreed.

He let your hand go when you needed to remove your clothes. You slipped out your shorts before removing your t-shirt.

JJ’s frown returned when he took in all the weight you’d lost. He took you in carefully, his eyes noting the way your ribs were starting to lightly show and the way your thighs did no longer touch each other.

“I’m ready.” You told him, averting your eyes from his scrutinizing gaze.

“Y/N…” He started, voice unsure.

He was worried now.

“Let’s go.” You interrupted him and pulled him away by his hand.

The water was cold against your skin, the refreshing sensation making you almost hum tu yourself.

With a little push from JJ, you timidly joined the others who were currently floating and joking around. Sarah and Kie were splashing each other when you swam towards them.

John B immediately lightened up at your presence, smiling softly at you.

You couldn’t help but feel disappointed when you felt your mind slowly begin to drift away as soon as they brought up a topic you didn’t really care about. Normally, you would have. You cared about everything your friends said.

The cold water was starting to make you shiver. You were starting to feel lightheaded, the contrast between the hot sun burning on your already hot skin and the water that minutes ago had seemed so refreshing was now starting to bother you. Your head felt hot and throbbing. You sighed as you started to feel dizziness fog up your mind.

“You okay, Y/N/N?” Kie’s voice brought you out of your daze and you looked up to see them all staring at you, worried looks painted on their faces.

“Yeah, you’re looking a bit pale right now.” Pope stated, eyebrows furrowed and a concerned expression on him.

JJ was immediately by your side, hands coming up to grab your hips and hold you against him.

In the suddenly confused state you were in, you remembered feeling relief just by his touch.

“Hey, hey, what’s happening, baby?” JJ rushed as your body slumped against his.

Black dots started to blurry your vision, and you shuddered against your best friend.

“I’m not-“ you started, “I think I’m going to faint.”

“Fuck, JB help me out here, man.” He frantically began, voice panicked as John B immediately swam to you.

They helped you back on the boat and you didn’t remember anything but the hot sun beating down on your skin, your head felt burning and your heart racing.

“Shit, don’t faint on me, baby. Come on.” All you heard in your semi-unconscious state was his voice.

They made you lay down on a towel messily laid on the floor where there was a bit of shade. Kiara grabbed the cooler and got you water as fast as she could, throwing the bottle to JJ.

“Lift her head up, JB.” He instructed briefly before helping you drink it.

You couldn’t really understand what was going on. Everything felt hazy, you tried waking up but you could feel sleep luring you into unconsciousness.

When you woke up a few moments later, a cold bottle of water was placed on your neck and JJ’s eyes were the first thing you saw.

“There she is.” His shuttered voice breathed out in relief.

You could hear the pogues muttering grateful words.

The concerned look in them, the desperation, almost made you cry and you wanted to apologize for making them worry but you couldn’t. You still felt a little dizzy.

“Come on, baby, let’s get you up so you can drink some more.” He placed a hand behind your back to help you up, then placed himself behind you so you could rest against his chest and between his legs.

“Feel any better, Y/N/N?” John B hopefully asked.

“A little.” Your voice felt hoarse, your head still a little dizzy.

You could fill the unspoken questions lingering in the air, the hesitant looks. They were debating whether or not to finally speak up, to finally demand to know what the hell had been going on, why you were suddenly so skinny and why you were acting so distant. You hoped they wouldn’t ask.

And they didn’t. Maybe they thought it was a conversation JJ should have had with you.

As the boat moved to shore, you became painfully aware of the swinging of the boat. You thought you’d be throwing up had you had food in your system. You were kind of grateful for that.

The rest of the ride home you didn’t remember very much. You still felt fuzzy, your mind fogged. You could hear the pogues worrying around you and offering water to you but the only thing that mattered was JJ’s touch on you. You were pressed up against his chest, safe in the protective embrace of his strong arms.

JJ carried you inside the Chateau as soon as the boat stopped at the dock, not even waiting to help. He placed you softly on his bed, the one in the guest room that was now practically his. You whined playfully at the loss of contact, reaching your arms out for him. He didn’t seem as amused.

“When is the last time you’ve eaten anything?” His blue gaze suddenly felt cold on you, he sounded angry.

You looked away, eyes immediately filling with tears. It wasn’t often that he was mad at you, and you hated it.

“I’m sorry.” Your voice was low, trembling.

When you’d gathered the courage, your eyes found him again. His expression had softened, realizing he’d been approaching this the wrong way.

He sighed, hands coming up to cover his face.

“I’m gonna make you a sandwich or something, and you’re gonna eat it for me, okay?”

You relished in the familiar sound of his sweet tone, you couldn’t take him being mad at you.

Without even thinking, you nodded.

He disappeared, leaving you alone. Maybe it was time to open up. Maybe you had been hurting him and the rest of your friends for too long now. He deserved to know.

When he came back, you let him help you eat the sandwich. He sat beside you and encouraged every single bite, his voice honey as he helped you. You didn’t want to, you weren’t hungry; the bread felt disgusting in your mouth and you hadn’t eaten in so long you couldn’t even get past half of it.

But you did, because he was looking at you with this pleading look in his eyes and JJ Maybank was your weakness.

“There we go. All finished.” He happily praised you, a lingering kiss on your forehead.

You gave him a small smile, the best one you could master.

“I need to shower.” You told him.

You surprised yourself by not wanting to be left alone, by wishing he could come with you. Would it freak him out if you asked him to come with you?

“That’s fine.” He whispered.

When you got up to leave, he spoke again.

“I wish you’d tell me what’s going on with you.” His voice was strained, and when you turned back to look at him again where he was sitting on his bed, his head was in his hands.

You felt your heart shutter, pain immediately blossoming in your chest at the sight of the boy you loved pleading, begging you to just tell him why you had let yourself fall apart. To let him in. To let him help you.

It really was time to tell him.

You sighed, walking back to the bed.

When you sat down your hands began trembling. You didn’t look at him, you looked forward into nothingness. You could feel his gaze on you now.

How did one approach this? How did one get this kind of thing out? You spent what felt like minutes trying to get the courage to speak up, to say something.

And JJ waited. He sat silently, waiting for you to be ready.

It was only when his hesitant fingers touched your hand that you found the courage hand that you spoke up.

“It was that kegger.” You started, voice feeble, “It was like — like, two weeks ago.”

“What about the kegger?” You could hear the confusion in his voice.

“I don’t know if you remember that touron that flirted with me all night, the one I left with.”

A pause.

JJ was starting to get it, a terrible feeling settling in the pit of his stomach.

“What did he do?” His voice was stoic, hard. You felt your hands tremble.

It wasn’t unusual for you or him or any other of the pogues to leave with someone, to hook up with someone met at a party. You’d always told him you’d never went further than making out. Just once had you went third base with a guy, someone you’d been seeing for a few months at the time. (Of course, being in love with him, you’d always hoped JJ would be your first time, and so you’d been waiting for him. Even if you knew he certainly wasn’t a virgin himself.)

So It wasn’t anything new for you to maybe leave with someone, but what had him dreading your next words was that he’d already started connecting the dots. You’d been miserable for weeks and it had something to do with this guy. JJ didn’t think of himself as smart, but he also didn’t think it would take a genius to figure it out.

“He—“ how could you go on? How could you shutter his heart? “JJ I can’t…”

You felt your eyes beginning to sting, the burning anticipation of tears. You exhaled deeply, trying to look at him. You weren’t strong enough.

His hands found your face, gently forcing you to look at him. His eyes were begging you, an angry and desperate storm simmering behind the blue ocean.

You let go then, completely crumbling beneath his touch, his hold. A broken sob left your lips as the tears cascaded in an endless flow on your cheeks.

JJ shut his eyes, looking like he was straining himself, like it physically pained him to see you like this. He took a deep breath, his gaze found yours once again and this time his eyes were watering.

“Did—“ he stuttered, his voice completely broken, “Did he touch you?”

You knew he meant raped, but he didn’t want to trigger you even more. You knew he knew now the boy had taken you against your will, had taken the very thing you’d saved for someone special in a brutal, scarring way you would never forget. You knew he’d ruined you forever.

You found the will to nod softly.

His hands suddenly left your face, the absence of his touch leaving you feeling cold and alone. You sobbed, again, as you watched him storm out of the room. You tried following him, calming him down, but how could you when you didn’t have enough strength for yourself?

You placed your hands on your ears when the yelling and shuttering of glass reached you. Despite this, you could still hear the rumbling of objects being thrown and the voices of the pogues now intervening. You could vaguely make out Kie’s voice trying to calm him down and John B screaming at him to tell him what happened.

You don’t know how you found yourself curled up in the corner of the room, knees to your chest and hands still covering your ears. Your eyes were shut as your chest heaved uncontrollably as you fought the panic attack you felt coming.

Then, silence.

A shattered sob. Someone crying.

JJ.

You didn’t know how much time had passed before you felt the touch of someone on your hands, prying them away.

“Hey, hey, it’s me.”

Kie crouched down before you, her eyes glossy and lips trembling as she reached her arms out to you.

She knew. Everyone knew now.

“I’m sorry.” She cried and you found yourself engulfed in her embrace, her arms around your body and your head buried in her neck.

You couldn’t breathe, you felt the anxiety and the panic swallowing you as you fought to stop the sobbing.

“JJ.” You hoarsely let out between broken cries.

“Okay, okay, babe, calm down.” She whispered to you, standing back to hold your face in her hands, “Try to breathe for me, he’ll be here in a minute, okay?”

She turned around quickly, and only then did you notice Sarah standing in doorway. Her hand was on her mouth as she silently cried, too shocked to do anything.

“Sarah, please get JJ here.” She pleaded, her voice as serious as ever.

The blonde was gone in mere seconds, disappearing in the hallway to supposedly retrieve her friend.

You needed him, and hoped he’d find the strength to be there for you. You hoped he’d be there to hold you.

“Breathe for me, okay?” Kiara’s eyes found yours and you felt your heart warm at the worry you saw in them.

Your friends cared for you so much, and yet here you were making them cry.

You nodded, just for her sake but really couldn’t.

“I love you.” You sobbed out and reached your hands out to hold her hands, still trying to breathe.

She inhaled and exhaled deeply, trying to show you how to do it. Tears flowed down her cheeks at your sweet words, and Kiara had never felt so guilty in her whole seventeen years. How could she have been so blind? It was so clear something had been wrong with you, yet she’d never pushed it as not to overstep any boundaries you had put between yourself and the pogues lately. She just though you needed your time.

“I love you too, Y/N/N.” She sniffed, her hands finding their way around your shoulders again in a desperate attempt to hold you to her, to protect you. It was too late, she’d been a shitty friend, she felt it was her fault.

“Kiara.” Sarah’s worried voice sounded from behind her.

Kiara backed away to look at her blonde friend, her eyebrows furrowed at the concerned tone in her voice. Something was wrong.

“JJ’s gone.”

You don’t know how you recovered from the sinking feeling in your chest and the panic attack that sentence triggered, you don’t remember how long it took them to calm you down, how long they’d tried helping you breathe for. At one point, Sarah had been so scared she’d proposed calling an ambulance. But then you’d grown so tired, slumping against Kie’s chest as she softly ran a hand down your back, silently thanking God. You just remembered them laying you down on the bed, each of them on either side of you as they held you close in their familiar, comforting embrace. The last thing you remembered was the thought of JJ in your mind.

JJ.

Even in your sleep you could swear it was his scent that was engulfing you. You could vaguely sense his strong arms around you as you stirred awake.

You opened your eyes, and you could feel how swollen they were. They were probably red, too.

And there he was. You’d been right.

You don’t know when, but he’d moved you so you were laying on him. His arms were around you as he rested against the headboard, your face buried in his neck.

You moved your face away, slightly, just so you could look at his face.

You felt your breath hitch when you found him staring right back at you. An intensity in his eyes you’d never seen.

“JJ.” Your voice was hoarse, broken.

His eyes immediately softened. You could see the dark bags under them and your heart shuttered.

“I’m here.” His voice was soft, broken.

You sighed, falling back into his embrace.

You had a terrible feeling about his disappearance, a fear in the back of your mind about where you were almost sure he could have gone during the time he was gone. What he could have done.

You knew he remembered who the touron was, and knew for a fact he’d still be on the island for a whole month. The two things combined didn’t make for a good ending.

You didn’t want to ask, though, just wanting to be with JJ. You didn’t want to think about him, about what JJ could have done to him. The only thing that worried you was the consequences, but you knew your boy was smart, so you pushed the thoughts away for now and just enjoyed the way his presence subsided your pain.

“Don’t leave me again.” You whispered.

He inhaled, like it pained him to hear you say that.

“I won’t.”

You knew he wanted to say more, he was just trying to figure out the best way to do it. He’d never been one to talk, never good at expressing his feelings. You didn’t mind.

“Does it hurt?” He cut the silence, deciding on voicing his worries regarding the physical part first.

You frowned, tightening your grip on his shirt.

“Not anymore.” You let out.

You could hear his rage in the silence.

“What time is it?” You tried diverting his anger, suddenly wondering how long it had been.

“Four.” His hand found his way to your head, his fingers starting to play with your hair. He knew it calmed you.

You loved him so much, it hurt you. How you wished it was him instead. You’d always thought that maybe, somehow, he would be. That’s why you’d been waiting, saving your special moment for the person you loved most in the world.

Your mind started to wander. You imagined how it could’ve been, how sweet JJ would be with you. You imagined his lips on yours and his strong arms around you and his scent clouding your senses. You imagined his sweet words when it would hurt, and then your mind betrayed you and instead carried you to your pained cries and his threatens to stay still.

You opened your eyes, trying to forget about it.

In a daze, you let the words out.

“You know, I’d always hoped it’d be you.”

You felt surprised hearing yourself voicing your feelings for him after all this years.

You didn’t regret it, it was how you felt. And it was time he knew. You were kind of grateful of the numbness that brought you to confess yourself to him, or else he’d probably never known.

You felt his breath hitch, the movements of his hand stopped.

It took him some moments to speak up.

“What do you mean?” He tried, hesitant.

There was no use in trying to take it back, you wanted him to know.

“I’d always hoped you’d be my first time.” You admitted, being completely honest now, “For so long, I’ve rejected everyone because I was waiting for you.”

You didn’t want him to say he felt the same about you, that he loved you. You didn’t care if he reciprocated your feelings because you were just so glad you’d finally told him the truth that either way you’d be happy. You’d love him nonetheless.

Silence.

Obviously, though, all of your heart hoped he would.

You didn’t expect what happened next.

You didn’t expect the broken sob that left his mouth, you didn’t expect him to pull his hands away from you to cover his eyes with their back.

You knew your heart was already completely broken, so why did it feel like this was the most painful thing you’d ever gone through and that it was shuttering for real this time? You felt devastated at the thought of being the cause of this. What had you done?

You sat back, looking at him and you felt tears running down your cheeks before you knew it.

“JJ, I’m sorry.” You hurried, “You don’t have to say anything back. I swear, I don’t care if you don’t feel the same.”

He cried, his knees coming up to his chest and his hands staying on his face, shielding its view from you.

It took him so long for him to speak up, you’d already concluded he was feeling guilty about not feeling the same. You waited, tears cascading down your skin as you watched the boy you loved break down in front of you.

You didn’t know how long it passed when his voice cut the silence.

“Maybe-” he started, but had to breathe a few times in order to go on, “Maybe if you’d known — if I had told you I love you and I’d do anything for you, you would have never met that fucking sick-”

He stopped, now sobering up and realizing the mention of that guy could have triggered bad memories for you.

You stayed silent, refusing to believe this.

JJ actually felt the same about you?

You felt something, something for the first time in almost a month. You felt happiness swirl inside of you and you had to breathe out in relief at the feeling of something other than pain.

JJ removed his hands from his face.

“This is my fault.” His eyes were completely broken.

You could see behind them the guilt that would forever torment him. Suddenly you put your happiness aside and the realization hit you that he believed if he’d confessed himself to you, this could have been avoided.

“JJ, what are you saying?” You rushed to him, your hand coming up to meet his beautiful face, “Don’t ever believe that. This is none of your fault. It’s his. No one else’s.”

He shook his head, furrowing his eyebrows. JJ looked away from you, a pained expression on his beautiful features.

“You don’t understand, Y/N.” His voice was strained, “I could have avoided all of this.”

You couldn’t believe he was blaming himself.

You shook your head, “No! JJ, you couldn’t have known. You couldn’t have know how I felt about you. Stop blaming yourself, please. You’re hurting me.”

He turned to look at you again, his gaze immediately finding yours.

Only then did something shift in his eyes. Another realization. This time, JJ felt extremely selfish. He looked into your eyes to see the pain behind them and could only think about how extremely selfish he was being in giving you another burden to carry. The worry of him feeling guilty.

“I’m sorry, angel.” It was all he said.

Exhausted, he slumped against the headboard again, laying down on the cushions. You were hesitant, not really knowing if he wanted your comfort. It was paining you, the absence of his touch. You needed him, but also knew he was fighting another battle in his head.

Then he extended his arm to grab you by your waist and pull you against him. You sighed in relief once in his arms again.

“I really want you to know that it had nothing to do with you. Nothing could have changed it.” You sniffled, your hand coming up to play with his hair.

JJ felt like shit. Here you were, trying to make him feel better when you were the one who’d gone through it.

He nodded for your sake, although in his mind he’d always think that if he’d just told you, maybe you two could have been together. Things could have gone differently for you.

It wasn’t about courage. In fact, JJ didn’t have a single amount of shame in him. It was just that he loved you so much and he was so sure you could never reciprocate his feelings that he preferred not to ruin your friendship. He always thought it was pretty clear he liked you, that the pet names and the constant physical contact gave it away. But apparently they didn’t. Not for you at least.

There wasn’t time for you to wonder about what was going to happen now, the distraction from this moment already subsiding to the pain you’d constantly felt all of this time. It was draining.

You’d love him no matter what, whether he wanted to be with you or not. That, you knew.

Now, you just wanted to feel the comfort he brought you and you just wanted to be with him. To have him so close to you. Because he was the only one who could ease this never ending pain.

His voice cut your thoughts off.

“I wish it could have been me, baby.”

You guessed with all of the tears you’d cried, it’d be physically impossible for you to have any more in you to spill. But apparently not.

“I know, now. That’s all that matters.” You spoke, “You’re all that matters, JJ.”

You felt his heartbeat quicken underneath your head.

“We’ll figure this out together, okay?” He asked.

You held him tighter. You nodded, grateful for his presence.

He spent the rest of the night whispering sweet nothings in your ear, wiping away your tears and caressing your hair. You’d barely speak, too drained from everything.

At some point, you felt sleep carrying you away. But not before a thought occurred to you.

“I love you, too, by the way.” You whispered softly.

5K notes · View notes

downbadf0rficppl · 3 months

Text

well, my left hand's free

JJ x F!Reader

Summary: JJ's been staying at your house for a bit, and you catch him doing something you definitely weren't supposed to see.

Word Count: 2K

Warnings: Masturbation, Smut

Repost

You slipped out of bed to grab a glass of water. It was just passed midnight and you were sure everyone was asleep. The floor was cold against your bare feet and you wrapped your jumper tighter around you. It got cold on the beach, even in the summer.

You heard shuffling from your brother's room. It took you a second to remember that you'd put JJ up in your brother's room for the night.

You were walking home from work when you overheard JJ talking about needing a bed for the night. You considered yourself a friend of JJ's - more an acquaintance, but you sat next to him in half of your classes and let him cheat off your tests. Plus, he bought you new pens when he stole so many of yours that you ended up not having any left, and he invited you to every kegger personally. Yeah, you guys were friends. Your house was also closer to John B's than JJ's, and since your brother hadn't come back from college on the mainland yet, it seemed perfect.

JJ had tried to argue with you about it, saying that he didn't want to be in the way, but you were far too stubborn for him to even try to reason with you. "Plus, my parents aren't going to be home. They're going to dinner. It's their anniversary."

You walked past his room and went to the kitchen. You grabbed two glasses of water, given that JJ was up, and you softly padded back over to your brother's room.

You were knocked on the door with your elbow, holding a glass in each hand. "Shit." You heard him whisper through the door and then a loud thump as he fell off the bed.

"You good in there? JJ?"

You went to push the door open, but he yelled out quickly, "Wait, wait, wait. Give me a second."

You waited for a second before the door flung open. You were met with a flushed - and very shirtless - JJ. You shamelessly checked him out as he moved out of the way to let you in.

"Like what you see?" He smirked.

"You didn't need to go to all the lengths of taking your shirt off. It's not anything I haven't seen before." JJ raised his eyebrow at you, "Gym class, JJ, get your mind out of the gutter."

"Sorry." He muttered as you elbowed his chest, "I - um - sleep naked." He said, scratching the back of his neck, "Didn't think you were still up."

You shrugged, "Thought you might want some water. Heard you shuffling around." You handed him a glass of water, before walking over to the window, "You can open the window, by the way. My brother said it gets really hot in here sometimes."

"What are you doing up?" JJ said, taking a sip of water.

"Just making sure you're not having sex in my brother's bed. He'd kill me if he found out." JJ choked on the water. You looked at him, mischief glinting in your eyes, "I'm kidding." JJ smiled unconvincingly.

You walked out of the room, and JJ shut the door quickly behind you. You smirked at how easy it was to fluster JJ.

JJ sighed heavily when you walked out of the room. Shit. He'd almost been caught. His head had flown out of the gutter when you knocked and he'd fallen off the bed trying not to get caught with his hand on his dick. Just thought of sleeping in your house, with you less than 15 feet away, had his cock standing at attention. He downed the glass of water and grabbed the towel that you gave him, headed to the bathroom for a cold shower. Maybe that would stop his racing thoughts.

He forgot that you had told him about the faulty lock and that he should knock to make sure no one was inside. You were inside having a shower when you heard the door open. You shrieked, and tried to cover yourself with the curtain, except the curtains you had were practically sheer.

JJ's eyes dragged over your body before his mind caught up with him. He spun on his heel quickly and slammed the door shut behind him, quickly retreating to his bedroom. He threw himself face down on his bed, and groaned, head in his hands, cock somehow harder than before.

You stormed into his room, towel wrapped tightly around yourself, "I told you to knock!"

"I'm sorry! I didn't think anyone would be showering right now!" He said, refusing to face you.

"Well, it doesn't matter, just forget it ever happened." He groaned, "It's fine, JJ, you didn't see much."

"Yeah well, maybe that's the problem." He muttered under his breath.

You looked at him, stunned, "What?"

"Shit." He sat up to face you, trying to apologise and explain himself, but as his eyes met yours, you dropped the towel. His eyes went wide, drinking in everything he can. You crawled over to him, his legs widening as you settled between them, straddling his cock.

You gently pressed your lips to his, hoping you haven't massively misjudged the situation. But JJ's hands moved to rest on your ass as he kissed you harder. You broke away for air and pressed light kisses down his neck.

"As much as I'd love to have sex with you. I'd prefer if we didn't do it on my brother's bed." He chuckled into your neck, picking you up with ease. Weeks of working in the junkyard lifting scrap metal had definitely done JJ some favours.

He attached his lips to yours as he walked over, kicking open the door with his foot and carefully dropping you onto the bed. He shut the door and ripped off his t-shirt before re-attaching his lips to yours. He bit your lip gently, eliciting a low whine from you.

"Just like that pretty girl, keep making those pretty sounds for me." His fingers ran over your slit, caressing the clit as you bucked up against him, "Didn't know you were this dirty, acting so innocent in class. Makes me wanna fuck your brains out every time you bite your stupid pencil." The thought of that makes you smile.

JJ thrusted a finger into you without warning. You shrieked, grabbing his hand as a hot pain burst through you. He looked at you in concern as he retracted it quickly. You held on to his hand, not letting him move further away, as he lifted you up and into his arms.

"What's wrong?" He searched your face for any secrets that you were hiding from him.

"Just...hurt. Never done that before." JJ looked shocked. You were mortified.

You tried to crawl away from him, covering your body with your hands and trying to find some clothes.

"I'm sorry, baby," The nickname sent a hot flame straight to your core, "I didn't know." He came up behind you, rubbing his hands up and down your arms, pulling you back to rest on his chest. "I'll be more gentle."

"You still wanna have sex?"

"Of course, I do, baby." He turned you around, eyes gazing into yours, filled with adoration. He leans down to kiss you again, but this kiss was different. The other kisses were fervent, lust-filled, driven by purpose. This one was slow, understanding, driven by trust and love. He carried you back to bed, lips never leaving yours. He trailed kisses down your throat, in between the valley of your breasts and down your stomach. Each kiss made your back arch, the sensation completely unfamiliar to you.

"You ready?"

"Please, JJ. I swear to God, I need this so bad. Please, JJ, please, please... please." His head dove between your thighs, placing small kisses on your clit and slit. He let out a low groan at the sight of your glistening cunt, the hot air making you shiver. His tongue slipped between your folds, parting your pussy just for his view, pulling a loud moan out of you.

He delved further between your folds, tongue-fucking you as you writhed above him. He placed a hand on your stomach, keeping you in place as he continued his ministrations. JJ drank like a man starved, letting out moans every now and again. You couldn't believe it. There was no way JJ was truly enjoying what he was doing.

He sure acted like it though. His mouth attached to your clit, sucking harshly, as rutted into your bed. He moaned loudly before he pulled away. Arousal coated his face, and the sight alone made you want to combust. "You ready for more?" You could only nod.

He returned to your clit, tongue running over it, flicking it before sucking it again. He slid a finger into your now dripping pussy, and the intrusion felt much less painful now. His pace was slow, his finger pushing into you completely. He watched your face for any signs of discomfort, but all you could do was throw your head back and moan out loud in pleasure. The pad of his finger circled over the spongy patch at the top of your vagina. You bucked your hips up, eyes watering in pleasure.

"You like that?" He placed a gentle kiss on your clit, before he picked up the pace with his fingers. Your moans had become silent, mouth stuck in an 'O' shape. JJ rutted into your bed beneath you, speed picking up with his fingers.

"So close," you whispered, moans breaking through you. “JJ… feels so g-good JJ… oh shit… oh, JJ-” Your orgasm crashed over you like a wave, a white-hot lightning strike bursting low in your stomach and shockwaves through your cunt. It made your ears ring, black spots covering your vision.

You felt JJ brushing the hair out of your face and kissing your forehead gently when you came around. His fingers were still pumping in you slowly as you rode out your high, "Just like that, baby girl, just like that. There you go, you did so well. So good for me, pretty baby." He pulled his fingers out of you, and you whined at the loss of fullness. It felt nice.

Your cum clung to his fingers, and brought the digits to his mouth to lick them all clean. You moaned lowly at the filth of his actions, pulling his lips to meet yours again.

He kissed you, but stopped you again, "I think that's enough for now. Got to let my favourite girl recover."

You blushed at the compliment, but looked at him confused, "What about you?"

"I kinda already took care of myself." He said, sheepishly. You looked down to see a wet patch on the front of his shorts.

You burst into laughter as JJ let out protests of, "Hey, it's not my fault you look so hot when you cum."

You clean yourself up with your towel as JJ changes your bedsheets, and then you find a pack of unused boxer shorts in your brother's drawer.

You throw the pack at JJ's head, and he creeps into the bathroom to clean himself up. You throw his boxers and his shorts into the washing machine, before heading back to your room. JJ comes in a few seconds later with a glass of water in his hand.

"Drink. Or you'll get dehydrated."

You smile and down the entire glass. JJ turns to leave, but you grab his hand. "Stay?"

"Tut tut tut. What will your parents say?"

"They don't have to know."

"Still I'd rather not get beat up by your dad." You pouted as he pressed a tender kiss on your lips, "I'll see you in the morning."

"In the morning."

fin.

buy me a coffee

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underoospeterparker · 1 month

Note

congrats on 600!! I love ur work smm <3

🐬 how about jj Maybank x “that’s okay, no need to be embarrassed” with like a hurt comfort type thing…

i hope this is what you were looking for!! <3

join the celebration

jj maybank x gn!reader (but they get a period)

As soon as you pulled the covers off of your already aching body, you felt the dreaded wetness between your legs. "Shit," you groaned, your voice still a whisper so as to not wake JJ from his sleep. He was barely able to rest now, especially just after his dad had left for good.

You inched off the mattress and started towards the bathroom, stepping over Sarah and John B on the floor.

"(Y/N)?" John B's voice was cautious. "What's up?" He asked groggily. You knew he would rather be sleeping, but he'd taken great care to make sure everyone was okay: especially because he blamed himself for the situation you were in. It was, of course, his dad who had gotten him in to the whole treasure finding gig, but all of you had offered to join in and help him. After all, Pogues for life. And the treasure wasn't a downside.

You gave him a small smile, and John B squinted his eyes to make it out in the dark. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. Jus' going to the bathroom." He gave you a thumbs up and rolled over into Sarah's shoulder, pressing a kiss there before closing his eyes and drifting off. You admired his ability to just fall asleep whenever he wanted.

Closing the bathroom door as gently as possible, you sat down on the toilet and tried desperately to clean up the mess. You found an extra pair of underwear and some pajamas under the sink, which you gladly climbed into after a quick rinse in the shower.

Praying that you didn't stain the sheets, you pushed the door open only to find JJ wiping at his eyes, clearly confused. You almost screamed, scared out of your mind, before JJ pressed a hand to your mouth, his wide eyes mirroring yours. "Sorry," you mouthed when he pulled his hand away.

He nodded, his lips tilting up at the edges before grabbing your arm to pull you over to the bed. He leaned over to whisper in your ear, "I changed the sheets, so you can get back in bed." Then he hopped back under the blankets like nothing had happened.

You must have looked extremely bewildered as you crawled into bed because JJ chuckled under his breath. "W-" You stuttered, "how did you know?"

JJ pulled you into his chest, arms circling around your back at he tugged you in closer so you could rest your head against him. You listened to his heartbeat as he spoke, voice rumbling through his chest. "You never wake up that early to shower, and I jus' looked over, sweetheart."

You buried your head into his t-shirt further, if that was even possible. "I'm sorry," you whispered, slightly ashamed that your boyfriend had to clean up your mess.

"Hey." He studied your face carefully, nothing except concern in his eyes. "It's okay. There's no need to be embarrassed, angel. You can't help it." Your eyes teared up and you let out a muffled sob, hormones driving you crazy.

"Oh, honey," he cooed. His voice was so gentle, sticky with his endearments and love for you. "You're okay. Are you hurting?"

Nodding, you leaned away to press a hand against your stomach, but JJ moved over to take his place. His warm palm provided some relief and you sighed softly, returning to the comfortable space beneath his neck. "I'm sorry you're feeling like this," he murmured, "wish I could take it from you."

JJ pressed a kiss to your forehead, and across the room, Pope sat up, rubbed at his eyes and looked over to you and JJ, limbs entwined and cuddling on the bed. He gagged viciously and Kiara burst out laughing, clearly awake now.

You and JJ groaned simultaneously. "They're never gonna stop giving us shit about this, right?" You asked.

"Never."

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jjmaybankswifeyx · 26 days

Text

ok but like ….

you walking in the chateau thinking nobody was there just to grab a few of your clothes from the guest bedroom but as you get close you start hearing someone moaning, cracking the door open slightly to see JJ an absolute sweaty mess mumbling out pantie dropping words like “yn please” and “keep going baby” falling from his lips while he’s panting and groaning until u trip over and he sees you yet carries on “wanna help me out gorgeous?” no shame about it.

*do not translate or copy my work!!*

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i-love-ptv · 4 months

Text

I’m Crying While I’m Cummin’

JJ Maybank x reader

An: Hey Hotties! This is my first EVER fic (kinda just a blurb since it’s a littleeeee short.) I hope you enjoy!

Feedback would def be appreciated bbs!

(You’re hot if yk what song the title’s from 🤭)

Fluff + NSFW <3

JJ was always on top. Always the dominant one.

Yes, he’s had a few tourons ride him, but completely control him? It almost sounded foreign to him. He never even considered letting go; letting himself be taken care of.

That was before you came along.

Now, sometimes he finds himself thinking about what it’d feel like to let his thoughts exit his body while you take what you want from him. Milk his cock for all he’s worth until he’s withering underneath you.

Until he can’t think about anything except for you.

You, you, you.

Your scent is intoxicating, and he feels himself getting wasted on the smell of saltwater, sex, and your perfume. He can smell faint remnants of the shampoo you use and it makes him melt like the ice cream you licked off your fingers yesterday in the hot sun.

Your touch is warm: like the rays of sun beaming down on the obx.

The sun.

You remind him of the sun. You were his sun.

His everything.

He can’t help but think about how lucky he is to have you while you’re quickening your pace as you ride him. You light up his life, and right now, he really wishes you’d just choke him. He wants you to take every thought and every question out of his head until he can barely keep his head straight.

He begs, whines, and cries out to you.

Blubbering on about what exactly?

God, he doesn’t even have a clue anymore.

His speech is slurred, making you giggle softly in his ear. He feels your laughter rattle throughout your body, making you clench even more around his throbbing cock.

He lets out another hearty moan.

The sounds of the bed squeaking, and the slaps of your bodies becoming one floods his senses.

You flood his senses.

His eyes water as his throat tightens, he recognizes the diminuendo of the beautiful song you two have created together.

He thrashes around as you slick cunt takes every drop of cum out of his leaky, aching, dick.

The pair of you are scrambling around, trying to grab one another desperately; like your lives depended on it.

Life.

That’s what JJ thinks about as you coo sweet nothings into his sensitive ears.

He wants to feel this way forever: pussy drunk, fuzzy, and loved. Loved by you. At this moment he decided that he didn’t need anyone but you.

And he knows you’ll always be the one to make him feel this beautiful.

#jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #jj maybank x you #jj maybank x pogue!reader #jj maybank x kook!reader #jj maybank x oc #jj obx #jj maybank imagine #obx fic #outer banks #rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron x you #rafe obx #rafe imagine #Lee’s Ted Talks #obx x reader #obx x you

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stvolanis · 1 month

Text

Rafe Cameron would definitely call your breasts “tits”

JJ Maybank would call them some stupid shit like "melons”, or “jugs”, but more commonly, “boobs”.

John B is a simple man. He’d probably refer to them as “his girls”.

Pope Heyward would just call them breasts, but when he’s influenced by JJ, he’d call them milkers.

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runningfrom2am · 11 months

Text

rafe/drew masterlist

requests are closed temporarily!!

join my taglist here

series

the sea around us (r.c)

on the one screen in my town (d.s)

achilles heel (r.c)

in this life or the next (r.c) (part two)

oneshots

you're losing me (r.c) (II)

kinda famous (d.s)

getaway car (r.c)

big reputation (r.c)

lost in japan (d.s)

too much to drink (r.c)

haunted (r.c)

this is why we can’t have nice things (r.c)

all i think about is karma (r.c)

i'll tell her you stopped by (r.c)

get the fuck off her (r.c)

study hall (r.c)

twenty dollars says he cries (r.c)

blurbs/drabbles

drew with a sick!girlfriend

long live (r.c)

one night only (d.s)

goodbye kiss (r.c)

wrong place, right time (d.s)

daddy issues (r.c)

headcanons

soft!rafe as a cat dad

#rafe cameron #jj maybank #obx #obx fanfic #outer banks #rafe obx #rafe cameron x oc #jj maybank x oc #rafe fanfiction #rafe fic #rafe cameron fluff #rafe x you #rafe angst #rafe cameron x reader #rafe outer banks #rafe imagine #rafe x y/n

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vampiretendencies · 1 year

Text

throw another stone at a glass house

request/summary; your writing literally gives me life. love it sm <3 would you be able to do something where jj and the reader get into an argument at dinner but they have a rule to never go to sleep mad at each other?

pairing; jj maybank x fem!reader

warnings; fluff & angst, maybe a bit suggestive

authors note; love loved writing this anon :,) pls continue to send in requests ! gif creds to owner

His cured blood was boiling— searing even.

Eatery being complacent, fairy bulbs roped neatly and whimsically throughout the establishment. Fake plastic plant leaves braided about the paneled open roof. The trimming on the tables simplistic and clothed white, any other vibrancy would clash with the modern elegance that was being established. Clammer from steel trays and the mouthy Kooks that JJ was rubbing elbows with.

His attire is classy to fit his false image— dapper wrinkle-free black button up: buttons done up until the narrowing of his chest, not too revealing, not too Pogue-like. Arms broad and fibrous, giving quite the show whilst they bulged and unbulged with every movement he made. Grey slacks, steamed specifically for this event, an absolute fool as to not recognizing himself cleaned up so pleasantly.

The amount of meals he missed simply for this one meal, to scrimp and scrape pennies together merely to see a joyous picture-perfect smile planted on your face.

And he hadn’t told you he was doing so, but for about around a month now he’s been saying ‘Got a special night for us in the works baby.’

You knew it was tonight and you knew the address.

It wasn’t a familiar one, no, the both of you, Pogues, and not having heard of such a lavish restaurant. Hell, JJ was even awestruck himself when he stepped foot in the door.

But to him it was showing you a glimpse into the future with him. The life he would scavenge to define, to escape the one he’s living in now.

Full Kook.

But, nevertheless a Pogue at heart.

With that being said, he cannot fathom as to why you wouldn’t be here.

As to why you wouldn’t be here basking in the night, with him.

As to what could possibly be any more revelation, right here.

“Sir, are you ready to order yet?”

The same lanky waiter, with a nasal like voice spoke— and the irritation of it made JJ’s skin crawl. His class bow tie, with upheld posture was something JJ cut his eyes at, interrupting his thoughts as he already done prior.

“I told you no the past three times, didn’t I?”

JJ bit back at the man, partially because he’d been to JJ’s table all those times within the span of twenty minutes, not to mention prior to when he’d arrived two hours ago. The waiters mouth turns up in disgust.

“M’waitin’ for my girl, alright?”

He proceeds to add, confirming again to not come back unless he proclaimed he was ready. A kind way of saying ‘fuck off’.

“We cannot continue to keep holding your table this long, there are other people waiting to eat.”

“I’ll call her.”

The waiter clicks his tongue, spinning on his heels to the rest of his section to serve. And JJ presses your contact in his phone, as he did thirty six calls ago— to be exact.

Pitiful, going straight to voice mail, beating organ falling straight to his half-cut boot clad feet.

Pissed, seeing to it that he should be. All this money, all this devotion, only for it to go to waste due to you not being on time?

JJ would give his soul away not feel this.

On the verge of flipping over this table and making a scene just for shits and giggles, or to cope.

The reason you were late was anonymous to him. A slumber took over you, sleeping in later than usual after work, exhausted in that shared apartment. Forgetting to charge your phone, all events that pushed you farther and farther behind. Remnants leaving you pressed to get ready for the event, all whilst having to catch a ride from Kie.

One would probably wonder why JJ simply didn’t wait for you to get ready and just drive you to the surprise himself. He was too adamant, prying on the idea that, even appearance would be a remembrance factor.

Small heels colliding with cement in a clack sound, digits on the iron knob studying the building once more, to assure yourself this location was right.

Pulled straight out of a dream.

And you prodded on the thought of JJ affording this, the effort that went into it. Wondering why he thought he had to spend so much just on you, yet impressed with your boyfriend— if only you knew the sheer devastation upon him.

The red lacey satin of your dress was enough to turn heads and you did just that, strutting whimsically to the front podium to be sat at the table with JJ. Every Kook eye studied you, but you spotted one head of hair in particular. Sat in a dainty wooden chair that caused his back to be turned to you.

Numerous round tables, purely yearning for just that one.

That one with the unearthly being; light locks dancing over his features, and a jawline fierce enough to cut paper.

The one that’s battling with himself as to wether or not to make a big deal out of this, the moment he saw you next.

Little did he know you were feet away, gawking at him and the entirely ethereal gesture he did for you.

Jesus, he looks so fucking hot.

Dapper.

Heat growing on his neck whilst he feels a shadow standing over him, he continues to play with the given metal utensils in front of him.

Perhaps the knife grazing past his fingertips, would pain much less than the ache of disappointment surging in him.

He almost, turns to face the shadow preparing to tell the waiter off. But as his sense receptors fill with that familiar warm vanilla scent ...

He doesn't.

He doesn't because he knows it's you.

And he's gathering himself for the argument that's about to ensue.

Did JJ want to fuss and fight with you?

Absolutely not, he avoids confrontation at any given moment.

However, he is also human and can only take so much.

Your graceful hand stretches over his flexed back, tensing up at a touch that would normally lull him away into no tomorrow. Blue orbs daggering into your figure overtop his eyelashes, clearing his throat at your presence. Your chair scratched along the patterned wooden floor, a notion JJ always does; pulling your chair out.

This time, you do it with no complaints; declaring to avoid the subject at hand. Acknowledging that you were in deep shit with your lover.

That exact lover teaching you so: deny, deny, deny.

And God, that dress is hugging you so tight his hairs stand up on his neck. Alluring and sensual.

If he wasn't so fucking livid, he'd rile himself up enough to temper delicate, mouth-biting, love marks to your neck.

Over

And over

Again.

Until he got his fill.

You're supposed to be mad at her, JJ thought to himself.

"Hi, J!"

His insides rumbled as if he ate sour food.

But, no food would be eaten tonight.

"Hey."

His tone laced with malice and defeat. The worse kind of greeting, not the usual 'baby' or 'pretty girl' attached to it.

Then you knew were in for it.

"Thank you for tonight, s'so pretty baby."

Reading you, he knew you were probably thinking how he managed to get a table here. But something this polite, it was uncalled for to ask such a question.

"Yeah, it was prettier earlier."

He muttered under his breath, with his face contorting into a frown. Across the table yet so far away, the bright light of the eatery highlighting his cheek bones so handsomely. And you longed for him to be, himself.

"What'd you say?"

His words unclear, he was someone that usually has a voice prominent enough to hear from miles away; so it couldn't have been anything loving.

"Nothin'."

Accent think and harsh, eye contact here and there, though it wasn't anything promising.

"Gonna' have to fix your face J, it might ruin the night."

You gasped out a laugh, but to JJ it wasn't fucking funny.

If he wanted to glower, then he'd do so and he meant it.

How dare you joke about something he busted his ass to do, money that could've been enough to pay the apartments rent that month.

He thought you were being ungrateful and that you didn't appreciate him.

First you were behind time, and now you're laughing in his damn face beating around the obvious bush that was weighing him down.

And he can't help himself.

"No ... you ruined the Goddamn night!" He spat, voice broad and demanding, through grit teeth. Knowing that if he spoke any louder the couple would be asked to leave.

He's disgusted with you for being so careless with his feelings.

A night that was supposed to be filled with desperate, needy touches, and bellies full of the finest food; JJ could find it coming to a halt.

You grew ansty in your seat at his remark, lungs missing air and guilt replaced it.

Remorse entering your features.

Falling apart at the cause of his disfunction being you.

"I didn't mean to, JJ."

You reach for his hand across the table, veins apparent and digits long; in effort to console him for your mishap of being extremely late. And he lets you interlock your finger with his upsettingly, though he waited for that same touch all night; unable to deny any touch from you.

To get his point across, he lets go.

"But, you did."

He corrected you with a tilt of his head, replacing your missing fingers with a comb through his hair.

"I-I overslept after work ... and-"

"That's such bullshit. Do you know how many long hours I worked for tonight? Just for you to not be here?"

The palm of his hand slams against the table, drawing the attention of the couple next to the two. You hurriedly shush him, bringing his anger back down to earth.

"M'trying to say sorry JJ."

Both sets of eyes glare at eachother as if in competition, and JJ's stomach whirls.

"I don't want a sorry, I wanted you to be here."

"Well ... well, I'm here now. We can still order, J."

You try again but ultimately fail.

"M'not sitting here with you and pretending like everything's 'dandy', when you fucked everything up."

His words were cold and emotionless. You search for everything to say, but all that JJ said clarified it for you. Your sullen heart thumped, salty tears brimming at corners of your eyes.

Making you feel small.

Fighting to prevent them, so you didn’t fall apart in the middle of this restaurant.

“C’mon, let’s go.”

He wasn’t cruel, not enough away, to leave you here with no way back to the shared home.

No matter how big the fight or the cause of it, it always left JJ wondering if you still besotted him the way he did you.

He wondered why, altogether going with the fact that nothing was ever permanent in his life,

Did you still crave him— on your lips, in your lungs, and beneath your skin?

One way to describe the ride home was— sickeningly tense.

Amid his rage, his hand clutches the wheel so tight that his knuckles turned white. Stealing glances at you, hoping you didn’t hate him. Neither of them able to etch a sentence, whilst the radio played and you sat turned with your knees to the door staring out of the window.

Oddly close enough to your position now.

On the edge of your side of the bed. Admiring JJ peel off his pants and unbutton his shirt, leaving them aimlessly on the carpeted floor— stripped down to his only boxers.

You’d thought you wouldn’t get much comfort tonight, being that he avoided even still after arriving home. Mustering a ‘gonna’ pick up the kitchen’, knowing full well it was only to an excuse to not be up under you while you both were overstimulated and on edge. Leaving you to get the bed ready and practice your night time routine. That’s why you are in the pajama attire of JJ’s t-shirt, his musk still attached to it.

His flesh on fire, conscious that you were boring at him.

‘When you fucked everything up,’ stung your chest and tainted your mind.

Reflecting, he’d wished he would’ve cut you some slack.

His baby, that he hoped for on nights when he had no one.

He baby, that he hoped for on every shooting star.

His baby, that he hoped for in a crowd of people.

His baby.

There was this rule book.

This rule book, was true and real, and contained all the expectations you and JJ had for eachother being together. It was for numerous reasons to begin with, but a year passed by and another and they fully became implicated.

The rule book was a thin black note book, adorned with two red pairs of lips. One was yours, and one was JJ’s— having put red lipstick on his puckered lips, afterwards staining your entire face with them.

Painting your face with his desire for you.

And still that notebook remains framed in the living room, just above the TV.

Rule #1: Never go to sleep mad at eachother.

It was in big, chunky black letters— JJ wrote it and with every letter he wrote he meant it more. One would think cheating would be at the top of the list— but that wasn’t a worry.

It wasn’t a concern because if JJ could inject you into his veins he would do just that.

And so would you.

Opening up his heart to you was not a thing he’d ever regret doing.

Letting himself become infatuated with you, and letting you treat him the way he deserved to be.

You’d silently prayed that JJ would enforce the rule tonight, seeing as even though you did fuck up, you had reason to be irate as well.

His feet pad against the khaki carpet to switch off the bedroom lights. Miscellaneous TV show, playing whilst it illuminated his appearance. He made a b-line for his side of the bed, queen size engulfing him. And you did the same, twisting to lie in bed next to him, but not right beside him.

Lying the exact same— backs flat against the black silk sheets, duvet pulled up past either arms. Pairs of eyes darting at the the other. Except JJ’s left arm is behind his head, the muscle fissuring with ease as it grooved forward from the small glance you got. His right arm is the one closest to you, flat in the open space between the two.

He doesn’t know what to do.

He doesn’t know how to lay.

He is so use to having skin on skin contact, but now he’s lying alone and deprived of your touch.

And you would initiate but you quiver at being denied again.

“Y’know you can’t go to sleep yet.”

His raspiness booms and echoes off the walls, causing you to jump in the slightest. Still continuing to look forward at the cinema before him, you bore into him with furrowed eyebrows— head turning on the firm pillow.

“How come?”

His insides fluttered at your melodic and rhythmically put together voice.

He’s still scolding to the touch, but realizing his tad of unreasonableness consumes him. Turning to his side, he faces you, an everlasting lump in his throat.

“Rule number one-“

“Never go to bed mad at eachother.”

You finish his sentence, and his mouth is partially open. Heartbeat becoming deathly, hands clammy at him bringing the rule book up. He remembered.

He remembered it all.

“So can we stop being mad?”

He pleads, voice cracking in the slightest.

Giving himself to you in every way possible.

Vulnerability only amendable when he’s near you.

Enchanted and explicitly, letting you suck his soul in.

And he didn’t care.

“I was never mad at you J, you were mad at me.”

Solely, truthful acknowledging that you couldn’t be viled at him chewing you out at dinner. Feeling like you deserved every bit of it.

“I s-shouldnt have said that, baby m’sorry.”

His lone hand encapsules your shoulder, the pet name leaving his mouth smoothly, a part of his everyday vocabulary. You crane your neck to place small pecks to each one of his knuckles, showing each one more attention than the last.

“S’okay, I get it J.”

“Just wanted us to have tonight, for us.”

“I ruined it, I know-“

“Nothing’s ruined … we still have us.”

His head lowers, lips puckering in the faintest way. Softly pressing with yours, all whilst enveloping you closer into his frame. An embrace his sore body hungered for. Tongue delving into your mouth, molding together like puzzle pieces. Angrily kissing to make up for the love lost today, he hummed at the comforting sensation.

“And m’not letting go of that, baby.”

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thewulf · 4 months

Text

Always & Forever || JJ Maybank

Summary: Request - Hii. Love your work. It's so good. I'm feeling a good hurt comfort fic with the obx cast. Could I get a JJ Maybank x reader (maybe john b's younger sister?) where she's lost everything after they assume John B and Sarah are lost at sea... Read Rest Here

A/N - Ohhh this was kinda hard to write. Being sad is a bitch. Please let somebody know if you're sad/getting sad. People love you! Always remember that <3

Pairing: JJ Maybank x Y/N

Word Count: 2.3+

TW: Talks of depression, being sad, not eating etc.

You barely heard the soft knocks on your bedroom door. Currently, you were huddled underneath the comforter of your missing older brother just hoping and praying he was okay. They’d officially called it. Lost at sea. Presumed deceased. Dead. Just like your fucking father. How was this your life? Two years ago, you had the world with the two coolest guys on the earth. And now? Now you were alone. Utterly fucking alone. It’d only been three damn days, but they gave up. There was no funding for a poor pogue boy from the wrong part of the island. Sherriff Peterman just gave you a sad look when she broke the news to you a few days prior. Or it could’ve been yesterday. Time didn’t matter anymore. Nothing really mattered anymore. You were a sixteen-year-old girl alone as fuck in this cold ass world.

“Hey little Rout.” You heard JJ’s kinder than usual voice from the other side of the door, “You need to open this door or I’m going to have to pick the lock. Need to see if you’re okay. You haven’t been at school and Mrs. Smith is getting worries, she said she’s going to report you.” You heard the soft sigh of utter defeat as he waited for a moment for you to respond. To do anything. You didn’t have the energy to respond so instead you just laid there.

“Come on kid.” You rolled your eyes at the nickname he’d long since used on you, “You need to come out. Get some fresh air. You can’t stay in there forever.”

Nothing. You just couldn’t. Depression was a hell of a thing. You just couldn’t fathom getting up and unlocking that door. Your brain knew you should. But the actual thought of moving seemed like a foreign concept you weren’t ready for sure yet.

He didn’t give you much else of a choice as you heard the lock click. You knew it wouldn’t take him much effort to get it but alas, you just couldn’t care. It didn’t seem to matter. Nothing else mattered. John B was all you had left and now you sat here empty and void.

“Oh Y/N…” His voice trailed off as he spotted you withering away underneath a mass of blankets. A blank stare on your face. You couldn’t bear to meet his eyes feeling grossly ashamed you let it get this kind of bad.

“I just…” Your voice croaked out as it hadn’t been used in while, how long you hadn’t used it you really didn’t have a clue.

He shook his head kneeling down beside your bed, “It’s alright mins.” His head was close as he smiled at you with a smile that never reached his eyes. A smile he was putting on for you. He took his hand brushing your knotted hair away from your sunken face.

Mins. You wanted to laugh. It was the first good emotion you had felt in a while. Mins was your current nickname of quite the long line of ever evolving nicknames from the blonde-haired boy. First it was mini-Routledge, then it was mini-JB, then mini and now mins. He didn’t use it all too often anymore, only when he thought you needed it. And you needed it more than ever now. All his love and everything he could give to you.

JJ knew just how much John B meant to you. He was your best friend. The two of you did everything together, practically inseparable. Even when JB met JJ they still included you in on everything. You were his shadow. That didn’t change as you got older. You just had to play it off as something different.

“I’m tired JJ.” You sighed letting your eyes close in front of him. The effort to keep them open was beginning to become too much.

He frowned deeply. This wasn’t like you. You were usually so full of life. The one who wanted to go and do things. The one who called him lame when he didn’t want to try something new with you. You were the one that kept the group going. And now it felt like everything was falling apart. The pogues were without their people and they needed you back.

This was your way of shutting down and he knew it.

“When was the last time you ate honey?” He asked while trying to brush the knots out of the hair he could get to. You were never particular about your hair, but JJ knew how badly knots hurt to get out. He remembered that one time when the both of you were younger, you crying when your dad tried to brush out some gnarly knots after JJ and JB tried to teach you how to surf one afternoon. It broke his heart even as a twelve-year-old boy. He had that same protective love that JB had over you.

You sighed trying to remember, “Before we found out he was missing I guess.”

JJ’s eyes bugged. He knew he should’ve checked in on you sooner. Damn the pogues who told him to leave you alone. That you needed space. You clearly didn’t need space. You needed help.

“That was three days ago Y/N.” His blood felt like it was running cold. How could he let you lay here for three entire days? JB would fucking murder him if he found out. Some friend he was.

You hummed in acknowledgement, “I’ve had some water though. Haven’t been hungry.” You admitted to your concerned friend. Your voice finally started sounding more like your own after the hoarseness had worked its way out.

“Well, that’s a start mins.” He sighed brushing his overgrown golden hair away from his eyes, “Can you get up for me? Get you some soup downstairs or something?”

“JJ.” You whined not feeling up to the task, “I’m too tired. I don’t feel like it.”

He took you hand in his and wanted to cry from how cold it was. You weren’t right. No, you were suffering, and they just let you. He felt nothing more than a piece of shit seeing you so broken, “I’ll carry you. I just need you to eat something honey. John B would be sick with worry if he knew you were starving away.”

“Don’t talk about him.” You turned away from JJ feeling your own blood run cold at the mention of your missing older brothers name. You couldn’t fucking believe he chose to leave you. Fuck, you couldn’t believe he’d ever put Sarah in that position either. It all felt like a fever dream you had to wake up from. But you weren’t waking up which meant this was a sick and twisted reality that you didn’t want to participate in anymore.

“Y/N…”

You shook your head on your pillow, “Please JJ. Don’t talk about him. I can’t take it. Not yet.” You felt the tears that had long since dried up come flowing back in an instant. Why in the hell did he bring out these feelings in you so effortlessly? Leave it to your older brothers cute as hell best friend that was certainly off limits. JJ would never, ever feel that way for you anyway.

“Alright honey.” Honey. That was a new one. You’d heard him use it sparingly on girls in the past, but it certainly was never used for you. But he’d used it a few times in the last few sentences sending your overly tired mind reeling in another direction. He was just being kind, that was all. After all, your older brother did just fucking vanish into thin air, “Can you please get up for me? Please mins? I need you to eat something. Whatever you what. Please?” He added one last please to let you know how dire he felt.

You rolled back over to him exerting far too much effort in doing so, “I don’t think I can.” You sounded defeated as the tears started once more, “I’m so tired J.” You whispered trying to contain the sob that wanted to escape from your throat.

“Cause you need to eat honey.” He spoke with nothing but concern on his face, “Let me take you downstairs? You need to move. Need to be somewhere new. Need to get some calories in your body.” He said so matter of factly you weren’t sure if it was JJ in front of you. But then again, for as much as a mess the boy normally was he thrived in crises situations such as these. He always seemed to know exactly what to do.

“Yeah, that’s fine JJ.” You knew he’d win eventually so it might be best to just give it up.

He let out a subtle breath of sure-fire relief as he scooped you up into his arms. You were light. Far too fucking light. God, he was such an idiot. He knew you better than any of the other pogues. Of course, you needed help.

He set you down at the messy table filled with whatever shit JB had likely left there the week prior. You grew tired of always cleaning so you just started leaving it. Your eyes scanned the table full of junk. A sad smile formed seeing his homework scattered about with an unpaid parking ticket next to it all. He’d never get to finish that homework. Never would have to lie his way out of that ticket. Why him? Why your JB?

“What do you want to eat honey?” He asking running a hand up and down your arm. Attempting any form of comfort for you. He saw the sad look in your eyes as they scanned the table. He had to get your mind off of JB in any way he could.

“Why are you calling me that?” You asked instead of answering him. It was driving you nuts, and you had to know. In your right mind you’d never

“Honey?” He asked, a bit taken aback by your sudden brazenness. The you he knew would never have asked him that. Instead, you would’ve asked JB. Something you couldn’t do anymore.

You nodded in confirmation feeling your eyes droop and your mouth open to yawn. JJ cursed internally making the decision of canned soup for you knowing you needed to eat as soon as possible. Light and easy and calories. That’s exactly what you needed.

“I don’t know mins.” He admitted while heating up your food, “It just felt, feels right. I can stop saying it if you’d like.”

“I didn’t say that.” You spoke back in almost a whisper.

“Honey it is.” He grinned while putting your warm, not overly hot, soup in a bowl. He set it down in front of you waiting for you to eat.

“I still like mins too.” You added admitting to him just how much you did like the nickname. He’d stopped using it as much now that the two of you had gotten older. You’d forgotten just how much you’d liked the nickname. Probably because it was a nickname only you could have. A special one from the boy you surely loved but vehemently denied.

“Noted, now eat mins.” He grinned pointing to the bowl.

You nodded not really sure if your hands would agree with your brain. You were so utterly fucking exhausted. Turns out you did need to eat if you wanted to be able to function. Because it felt like a task you’d never be able to start. As much as you tried your arm just wouldn’t cooperate.

“Mins?” He asked seeing you not really making a move for it.

“I can’t JJ. It’s too much.” You hated to admit how disgustingly useless you felt. Yet here you were.

He nodded in understanding, “Here, let me.” He took the spoon from the bowl and held it front of your face. For the first time in three days, you relished in the taste of food. It did taste really good. And damn, you were a lot hungrier than you realized. Before you knew it the bowl was gone, and you were entirely full.

“Thank you J.” You let your eyes close once more feeling the outright exhaustion of the situation come down over you.

“Anytime mins.” Seeing your eyes close he noted your fatigue, “Why don’t we sit on the couch and watch a movie?” He suggested hoping you’d agree.

“That sounds nice J, I may need your help again.” You let out a frustrated sigh at the state of your condition. You did start feeling a bit better but the thought of walking or even crawling made you shudder.

He shot up from his seat to get you up. He picked you up like it was nothing, “I got you hon. I always do and always will. Remember that alright?” You nodded in his chest doing your best to fight off the sleep that wanted to take you.

“Thank you J.” You whispered into his chest. He set you down right next to him, letting your head fall into his side.

He wrapped an arm around your torso letting you know you were safe and secure. He wasn’t planning on going anywhere without you anymore. Running his hand through your hair he felt a shiver knowing you liked exactly what he was doing, “Always mins. Now, let yourself sleep. We’ll deal with all this shit when you wake up. Together.”

You nodded letting the darkness take over, “Promise?”

“Always and forever.” He gave your head a soft and gentle kiss before the soft snoozes overcame you. He decided he was going to watch you sleep, for however long that was. You were his everything too. He was only just beginning to realize that now. Always and forever. It had a nice ring to it. Forever with you was a life he would dream about. Maybe one day. Maybe after he sorted you through this mess. Maybe just maybe.

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floredaqueen · 2 months

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𝔹𝕃𝕌ℝ𝔹 18+

𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐉𝐉 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐞'𝐬 𝐠𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐛𝐞 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐌𝐅.. 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐞'𝐬 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐞.. 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐢𝐦 𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐭..?

𝐊𝐢𝐬𝐬.. 𝐊𝐢𝐬𝐬.. 𝐊𝐢𝐬𝐬... 𝐉𝐉'𝐬 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐩𝐬 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐞𝐝𝐞𝐬' 𝐩𝐥𝐮𝐦𝐩𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞-𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐬𝐡. 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐨𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲. 𝐄𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐚 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬, 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭 '𝐩𝐨𝐨𝐟' 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐨𝐫 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐱𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐠𝐫𝐢𝐩 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐬𝐭.

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐛𝐨𝐲 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐲, 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐥𝐲 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐝𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐞𝐝𝐞𝐬 𝐦𝐞𝐥𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠. 𝐈𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐞𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫. 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐢𝐫. 𝐇𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝, 𝐡𝐚𝐳𝐲 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐉𝐉 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐟 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐬𝐡𝐲𝐥𝐲.

"..𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭?" 𝐂𝐞𝐝𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐚𝐬𝐤 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐬𝐦𝐢𝐫𝐤 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐥 𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐉𝐉'𝐬 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐞. 𝐈𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐬 𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐧𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐚 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐭, 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬-𝐛𝐫𝐮𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐩𝐬 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐟𝐞𝐰 𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐤𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐞𝐚𝐫. 𝐎𝐧 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐭, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐨𝐫 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐝, 𝐬𝐨𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝. 𝐒𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐭 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐧𝐮𝐦𝐛𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐥𝐬𝐞. 𝐇𝐞𝐫 𝐞𝐚𝐫, 𝐣𝐚𝐰𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞, 𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐤, 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐡 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐦𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐤𝐢𝐧 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐧𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧.

𝐈𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐞, 𝐂𝐞𝐝𝐞𝐬 𝐠𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐉𝐉 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐝, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐡𝐢𝐦 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐲 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐜𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐞𝐫. 𝐈𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐡𝐢𝐜, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐭𝐨 𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐩𝐬 𝐥𝐨𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐮𝐭𝐞 𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐬. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐡𝐢𝐦 𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐟𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐬 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐝𝐢𝐠𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥. 𝐀𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐦𝐨𝐚𝐧 𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲, 𝐬𝐰𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧 𝐥𝐢𝐩𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐨𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐞𝐭 𝐜𝐮𝐧𝐭. 𝐇𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐛𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐮𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐧𝐨 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐟𝐟 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐬. 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐬 𝐛𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭 𝐉𝐉'𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞.

"𝐋𝐞𝐭'𝐬 𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤, 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐡..?" 𝐇𝐞 𝐡𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐥𝐲, 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐳𝐲 𝐛𝐥𝐮𝐞𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐜𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐫𝐛𝐬. 𝐈𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐝, 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐦𝐲 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐩𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧. 𝐒𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 ��𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐨𝐟𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐦 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐩, 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐡𝐢𝐦 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐜𝐮𝐬 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐮𝐭𝐞 𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬.

"𝐋𝐞𝐦𝐦𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐩𝐮𝐬𝐬𝐲 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐬𝐨 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝,"

" 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐛𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬, 𝐉𝐉" 𝐂𝐞𝐝𝐞𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐥𝐲, 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐝𝐢𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐤 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐛𝐨𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐜𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐡𝐞 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐫. 𝐈𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐞𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐟𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐢 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐚𝐧𝐬.

"𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬..?"

"𝐅𝐮𝐜𝐤 𝐲𝐞𝐬." 𝐉𝐉 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐥𝐞𝐝, 𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐚𝐰 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐟𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐯𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐬 𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧. 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐦𝐠 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐠𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐮𝐬𝐬𝐲, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐥𝐲 𝐢𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐤 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞.

𝐇𝐞 𝐬𝐰𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐝 𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐞𝐝𝐞𝐬' 𝐦𝐨𝐚𝐧𝐬 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐬 𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐝𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐲. 𝐀𝐧𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐬 𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐭𝐡, 𝐬𝐰𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐝𝐞𝐞𝐩, 𝐝𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬. 𝐒𝐨𝐨𝐧 𝐞𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡, 𝐉𝐉 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐭, 𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐭.

𝐈𝐭 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐞𝐝𝐞𝐬 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐮𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐉𝐉 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐜𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐲 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐬, 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐬 𝐛𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐥𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐱 𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐬𝐡𝐥𝐲. 𝐉𝐮𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐠𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐟𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐨𝐚𝐝𝐞�� 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐞. 𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡, 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐥𝐞𝐝𝐠𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐬𝐨𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐬.

𝐈𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐉𝐉 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐛𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐲 𝐬𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐛𝐨𝐲 𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐚 𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐨𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐞𝐭𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐠𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐬𝐞𝐭 𝐡𝐢𝐦 𝐨𝐧 𝐚 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭, 𝐉𝐉 𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐚 𝐨𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐩𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐝𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐨.❤︎

P.S.ⁱᶠ ʸᵒᵘ ʷᵒᵘˡᵈ ˡⁱᵏᵉ ᵗᵒ ᵇᵉ ᵗᵃᵍᵍᵉᵈ ᶠᵒʳ ᵗʰᵉ "ᵏⁱˢˢⁱⁿᵍ ᵇⁱˡˡʸ" ᵒⁿᵉ ⁱ'ᵐ ʷʳⁱᵗⁱⁿᵍ ⁿᵉˣᵗ ˡᵉᵐᵐᵉ ᵏⁿᵒʷ ⁱⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ᶜᵒᵐᵐᵉⁿᵗˢ ( ˘ ³˘)♥︎

♡𝕋𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕜𝕤 𝕗𝕠𝕣 ℝ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕚𝕟𝕘♡

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