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ambivalent-anarchy · 4 years

Text

Too Cheesy

Gender: Female

Pairing: Peter Parker x reader

Warnings: Sickening fluff and insanely cheesy pick up lines.

Summary- Ned agrees to stay at Peter's house and help him find the perfect pickup line to ask out his crush with before spring break. But what happens when his crush tags along and also wants to help? ---------------------------------------

"Nah Peter, too corny."

Peter Parker was standing in the middle of his room, his best friend Ned sitting on his bed, cradling their death star in his hands. Peter scrolled down the screen of his phone. "Okay, how about this one?" After reading, Peter looked to the wall and gave a smug smirk, as if he were actually looking at someone. "Hey [Y/N]... are you religious? 'Cause you’re the answer to all my prayers."

Ned cocked his head to the side. "Is she religious?"

"I dunno, I never really asked before," Peter answered, breaking out of his assumed position.

Ned scrunched his nose a bit. "Well, we probably should stay off of religious pick-up lines then."

"Right," Peter agreed, looking back to his phone again. He scrolled a bit more. When satisfied, he looked up at the wall again, raised his eyebrows with an award winning smile before he recited another.

"Life without you would be like a broken pencil… pointless."

"Wow..," Ned said. He pointed and nodded slowly. "I think that's a keeper. Try it again just to make sure though. Oh- and this time, make it more personal."

"Okay," Peter said, going back over the line in his head. He assumed the position and instead of a smug, gave a small smolder.

"Wait," Ned interrupted. "Does this one even make sense? I mean- a pencil still has a point even when it's broken, right? Unless, of course, it's the bottom half, but that would only work if it's a clean break. A-and-"

Suddenly, realizing how completely ridiculous he must look, Peter grimaced. "Ned, why're we doing this again?!"

Ned rolled his eyes. "C'mon Pete. It's because pickup lines always work!"

"A-are you sure? Cuz that doesn't sound right."

"Dude, I'm telling you," Ned defended. "I saw Flash walk right up to Sydney and gave her the perfect pickup line and he immediately got a date! Flash of all people! If he can, you certainly can!"

Peter rolled his eyes. Ned was seriously comparing him to Flash? There were tons of reasons as to how Flash got with Sydney. "But Flash is popular and rich and stuff... I'm just me."

Ned scoffed. "Well..." He looked up with a carefree smile. "If it makes you feel any better, if I were a girl, I'd totally date you."

"..thanks..." Peter said, suddenly feeling incredibly awkward. He looked around the room with a nervous chuckle. Ned, apparently not realizing the awkwardness in the room, hasn't looked away and continued to smile at his friend.

Finding his voice, Peter spoke up. "So, um, what was Flash's line anyway?"

"Uh-uh man," Ned answered. "You gotta find your own! Sydney probably already told the whole school, so you'd just be a copycat. Your line needs to be original."

Peter raised his eyebrows. "We're literally looking this stuff up from the internet, Ned! That's not original!"

"Just trust me. Now read another."

"Okay..." Peter begrudgingly agreed. He was regretting this whole thing more and more each second. He took a deep breath and recited his next one.

"[Y/N], my love for you is like dividing by zero– it can't be defined."

He looked to Ned, who was silently contemplating the words.

"...I kinda like it," Ned finally said.

"I don't know," the scrawny teenager sighed, throwing his phone onto his bed. "It needs to be really good! Not mediocre. Tomorrow is my only chance to tell [Y/N] how I feel before spring break starts. I can't back out!"

"Pete, relax. We'll just add it to the list. Now do another-"

"Peter!!! [Y/N]'s here!!!"

The two teenagers froze. Their eyes widened at his aunt May's voice. They looked to the door, then to each other.

"What is she doing here?!?!," Peter whisper-shouted, two seconds from panicking.

"It's your apartment, you tell me!," Ned whispered back, arms flailing wildly.

"She can't be here!," he yelled to himself, pointing towards the door you could be walking through any second now. "She can NOT be here!"

The two quietly went back and forth as you came closer to his room. Normally, you were always more than welcome. But today, unbeknownst to you, Peter's home was probably the one place you definitely shouldn't be.

You poked your head around the doorframe. "Heyyyy fellas!"

They froze, looking to you with their mouths zipped shut. "Why so tense?," you asked, a small smile playing on your lips.

"No reason!," Peter yelled.

"Hey [Y/N]." Ned gave a wide smile.

You return it with a wider smile that certainly betrayed the rest of your face, that held only confusion. "Uh, what's going on, guys??"

They looked to each other, then to you, then to each other again. Ned broke away first this time. "Peter's trying to find a pick-up line to tell his crush was tomorrow!," he spat out quickly, earning an excited gasp from you.

Peter's jaw stopped to the floor. If he were a computer, he would've definitely been crashing right now. "What the hell, Ned?!," he practically screamed, his voice cracking a bit before he covered his face with his hands.

"So, whose the girl?," you asked, pushing through them and climbing onto the top bunk to sit.

"Uh-"

"DON'T. SAY. ANYTHING!," Peter hissed out through gritted teeth.

It didn't take you too long to realize the tension in the room. "Uh, should I come back another time or something?"

"That would be ideal," Peter mumbled under his breath.

Your eyebrows scrunched together in annoyance. Why were they being so weird and vague?

"Okay, did I do something? Is that why you're acting so weird, Pete? I mean, I was gonna try to help you out so you won't make a complete fool of yourself in front of this girl, but-"

Ned dropped the death star as he excitedly clapped his hands together. "That'd be perfect, actually!!"

Both you and Peter groaned as you looked at the peices on the floor. "Ned!"

"At this point that thing needs to stay at my house cuz when it's at either of yours it always breaks!," you laughed.

"Umm..." Peter looked away and took a deep breath. "[Y/N]?"

At this point, he had no idea nor any control over what was going on and the only words processing in his mind were what the fuck.

His crush was not supposed to be here while he was practicing what to say to his crush tomorrow.

"Yeah, Pete?"

But you were here now, and you didn't seem to be leaving anytime soon.

So what's the worse that could happen?

"C-could you maybe, um, help me with this?"

"With your girl problems? Sure. I mean, if we leave it your hands, the poor girl won't even know what hits her."

Ned bit his lip, attempting (and failing) to hide a fit of laughter. "She sure won't!"

"Dude!," Peter hissed, nudging his shoulder.

"So what've you got so far?," you said, watching Peter expectantly.

"Uhh.." He blew out a heavy breath. Welp, he thought. Guess we're doing this now. He picked up his phone and awkwardly read off the line.

"My love for you is like dividing by zero– it can't be defined.."

He looked back up at you, frozen as statue. That was so embarrassing. You smiled and giggled a little. "That was so cheesy!"

"Oh..," Peter mumbled. He'd actually thought that one was pretty good.

"That's only because he's not doing it like he did a second ago," Ned, ever the oblivious one, noted. "C'mon! Do it the way you did it before [Y/N] came in here."

If looks could kill, Ned would surely have been maimed and then ran over a bus by now.

Peter sighed. He looked up to the wall right above where [Y/N] was sitting and gave his best smolder.

But before he could get a word out, laughter erupted the room. "PETE WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?!," [Y/N] shrieked, practically falling off the the top bunk of the bed with laughter. "Girls' want a genuine smile, not some James Bond wannabe look!"

"Y-you don't think it looks cool?," he asked, cheeks red as beets by now.

"Frickin' goofy is what that looks like!," she responded. "Gimme your phone."

Peter's face fell. Wow, he thought. I'm way off. No way I'm gonna get her now, except...He looked to Ned, who was practically just spectating the whole thing at this point. Their eyes joined, and they could both tell they'd come to the same conclusion.

What better way to find out exactly what to say than by finding out by who you're going to say it to?

[Y/N] scrolled down a few until she found one that she liked. "Ooh, this one's pretty good." She looked up from the phone. "Now, watch me and I'll show you how it's done." She hopped down from the bed and said the line straight to Peter's face, biting her lip and smirking.

"Hey you, apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?"

Immediately afterwards, she broke out of it. "See?," she asked. "That's how it's done." [Y/N] tossed the phone back into Peter's hands before sitting back down. "Now do that."

Peter sucked in a quick breath, lightly tugging the bottom of his gray shirt. "U-uh, um, yeah okay.."

That was hot, was all he could really think at the moment. She's so frickin hot.

Scatterbrained, he stood and looked back at you. "U-uh.. -oh, here's one..." He shook his head slightly, as if attempting to shake the jitters out. "A-are you a cam-mera? C-cuz.. you sure do make me sm-mile," he stammered, ending with beyond awkward fingers guns.

[Y/N] chuckled, biting back a small smile. "Ya know, you're just too cute sometimes..."

At that, Ned's jaw fell to the floor. Peter's face turned a shade of red you didn't believe was even possible.

"Uh, u-um, ah, heh, thanks..."

"Hey yo, my mom's texting me," Ned suddenly announced. "I gotta get home. See you two tomorrow." He smiled at [Y/N] and then looked Peter square in the face with a shit-eating grin. "And good luck Pete!," he said, earning a middle finger from his best friend.

After the door closed, [Y/N] frowned. "What's up with you two? Are you guys fighting?"

"Nah, Ned's just being..." Peter trailed off, shaking his head slightly. If he were to elaborate, he could risk telling you. Better to play it safe. "So was that one good?"

"I mean, it'd be nice if you could g-g-g-get it out!," you mocked with a smile.

"No stuttering then," he concluded to himself. "Stuttering's a turn off."

"Well, not exactly," you corrected. "I actually think it's kinda cute when you do it." Noticing his intense blushing, you grabbed his hands to give comfort. "Just relax. No stuttering. And keep eye contact. Got it, Pete?"

His cheeks reddened as he looked away, desperately trying to redirect his focus from your turned up lips. "Oh, u-uh um, thanks! That's great, ya know! L-lets, ah, just get back to the th-thing- uh, the line..."

And so you did. You helped him til eleven o'clock at night. You went over about fifty. Until there was no way he couldn't have a perfect one to show the girl.

Until the next morning.

Spoiler alert: he didn't find a line.

When you left the indecisive teenager, he'd looked like he was on the right path. He had an entire list of good choices you'd picked out with him, along with practiced ways to do each one.

But, when he woke up and looked back at the list, each one just felt wrong.

Cheesy.

Overused.

Corny.

Lame.

You wouldn't like it. You'd already heard it. It wouldn't feel special to you if he'd told you something you'd already picked out for yourself, even if you didn't know you had.

You'd reject him. And more? Because you were a nice person, you'd probably still want to be friends.

Which was definitely way, way worse.

"Peter!," May yelled. "Engine's being turned on in five! Be there or you'll have to swing to school!"

Perer told you he'd tell his crush the line by the lockers during homeroom.

You couldn't wait. 'This is gonna be so awesome,' you thought, scanning the halls for his curly brown hair and wrinkled jacket.

'Of course, this girl better be worth his time or I'm gonna frickin' tackle her....'

The night before, Peter had told you nearly everything about this mystery girl.

He gushed about how she was perfect. Beautiful. Everything he ever wanted.

And you felt happy for him.

But deep inside, you knew that whoever the girl he'd chosen was, you wouldn't approve. Because deep down, you wished that it would be you.

But you and Peter were friends. Since the sixth grade. If anything was ever gonna happen, it surely already would've.

And It wasn't gonna happen...

And when this girl said yes (it's Peter Parker, why wouldn't you?), you'd have to watch them hug, kiss, give inside jokes, and everything else couples did.

And because he was your best friend, you'd have to just sit there and be happy for him.

"Miss. [Y/L/N]. Come on, get to class!," your homeroom teacher yelled, standing by the door, holding it open for you to walk into the classroom.

"Must be late again...," you mumbled, looking around the halls for Peter one last time before making your way to the door.

"[Y/N]!"

You whipped your head to where the voice was coming from. It was Ned, running down the hallway.

"Yeah?"

"He's gonna do it!," he yelled. "He's about to ask!"

You turned towards your teacher. "Um, can I go to the restroom please?"

"Yeah sure," the teacher replied.

Once the door closed, you ran to meet Ned in the middle of the hall. "Ask? Wait, on a date or to actually be his girlfriend?"

"TO BE HIS GIIIIRRRRRRLLLLLLLFRIEND!!," he yelled, shaking you by your shoulders back and forth frantically.

'Wow,' you thought, eyes wide. 'Peter's actually getting some balls now.'

This was it. And you were gonna hold your tongue and watch it happen.

Ned looked over your shoulder as he practically gasped for air. "He's coming! He's coming!"

You pulled his arm a bit, attempting to pull him to towards the wall. "Don't we need to hide? They don't need an audience!"

Suddenly, using his strength against you, Ned turned you around quickly for you to come face to face with Peter.

"Where's the girl?," you said, looking around curiously. After you were met with silence, your curious smile went away. "Pete, where is she? Where's she at?"

"I-it's...um, [Y/N] it's always been-heh. It's you," he answered, looking into your eyes shyly.

Ned could've bursts from joy right then and there. You could feel his grip on your arms tighten out of excitement.

But you didn't care, because you were sky high yourself. "So all that, yesterday? That was all about-"

"Yeah. You."

You sighed, practically frozen. "Major fucking plot twist, dude.."

He tilted his head. "'Saw' level?"

"More like 'Shutter Island' level," you answered.

"Ooh, that was a big one," Ned added brightly.

You shifted slightly. "So, um, what was the line you chose?"

"Oh!," Peter laughed. "How could I forget? Uh-" He grabbed your hands gently. "Okay." Hey blew out a long breath. "Relaxing. No stuttering. And keeping eye contact," he reminded himself aloud before he slowly and tenderly recited the line he'd chosen.

"[Y/N], ahem, um, If I had a penny for every time I thought about you, I'd have exactly one cent.."

You frowned. "Hold on, I don't get it. That means-"

"-Because you never leave my mind, sweetheart."

Raising your eyebrows, your heart warmed and you covered your hand over your mouth. That was one you hadn't chosen. You'd never even heard it before. He'd found it himself.

Noticing your reaction, Peter tensed. "W-was that too much? I'm sorry if that was too much! The last thing I would want for it to be is too-"

"That was perfect, Peter."

He paused. "It wasn't too cheesy?"

"Just a little cheesy," you said, pinching your fingers together and giving a quick wink.

"On a scale of one to ten?," Ned asked.

"Ned!," Peter scolded, quickly sliding his finger over his neck as a warning. He then looked back to you with a timid smirk.

"So, ah, does this mean you'll be my girlfriend?"

"Hmm, I guess it does, huh?," you giggled and turned to walk away just as the bell rang for first period.

"Sooooo, how'd it go?," May asked, poking her head around the doorframe of Peter's room.

When Peter turned towards her from his bed, May knew the answer before he even uttered a word.

He was staring up at ceiling twiddling his fingers and grinning like a madman.

"She said yes, May..I-i didn't think she'd actually say yes!"

May smiled. "Well, that's good!"

"Our first date's tomorrow and- Oh God! I might need to find another line to tell her! I'll use the math one this time since she was so excited about acing that test earlier today. Oh my gosh what if- what if we kiss?! That'd be SO awesome! Right, May? Ooh man, what am I gonna wear?? Ned said to wear a tux. But it's just a movie date, not prom! Jeans and a t-shirt should work, right? What if I get there and I'm underdressed?! Why is this stuff so hard?!"

Aunt May watched as the young boy frantically vented to himself and shook her head. "God bless him..."

She looked down at his desk in the corner of his room. On it was a small journal. It was opened to a page labelled 'Pickup Lines To Tell [Y/N]'

Underneath it were lines separated into sections based on 'coolness,' 'nerdiness,' and 'sexiness.'

May furrowed her eyebrows. "Hon, you know pick-up lines never work, right?

"Well May," Peter sighed, leaning back into his bed. "There's a special girl out there that would beg to differ.."

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