#just let me do that for like two weeks

[essektheylyss]

One thing that I feel is really interesting and often forgotten about Essek is that fundamentally, his characterization has been from the start based upon his desperation for external perspectives and connection, which, along with much of his narrative and mechanical positioning, means that he actually has an extraordinary and almost (but not actually, as I'll show) counterintuitive capacity for both growth and trust.

(Buckle in. This is a long one.)

In particular, I would argue, knowing now that many places where the plot touches Ludinus have long been marked for connecting back into the current plot, that he was quite possibly built as a prime candidate for radicalization by the Ruby Vanguard. He felt isolated from his culture, he was desperate for other connection, and he was certainly of the type to believe he was too smart to be drawn into such a thing, given his initial belief that he could control the situation and the fallout. If things had gone any other way, he easily could've been on the other side by now.

As such, he has been hallmarked by being fairly open to suggestion, perhaps for this reason, but the thing about that kind of trait is that it is both how people are radicalized and deradicalized. This is certainly true of Essek, who experienced genuine kindness and quite frankly strangeness from the Nein and was able to move from the isolation the Assembly had engendered to meaningful and genuine connection, largely propelled by his own internal reflection. By the time Nein are aware of his crimes, he's already begun to express regret to an extent and, furthermore, doubt in the Assembly, including explicitly drawing a line against Ludinus, even in a position where he was on his own and probably quite vulnerable.

Similarly, when the Nein reach the Vurmas Outpost some weeks later, he has moved from regret for the position he's ended up carrying a heavy remorse. This makes sense! He's fairly introspective, seems used to spending a lot of time in his own head, and was left with plenty to mull over. It's not some kind of retcon for him to have progressed well past where the Nein left him; it just means he's an active participant in the world who has done his own work in the meantime.

This is another interesting aspect to him. I've talked about this a bit before but I cannot find the post so I'll recap here: antagonists in D&D have significantly more agency than allied NPCs. Antagonists are active forces, against which the party is meant to struggle; allies are meant to support the PCs, which means they tend to be more passive in both their actions and their character growth. Essek was both built as an antagonist, in a position that gives him significant agency, and also was then given significant opportunity to grow specifically to act as a narrative mirror for Caleb's arc. Even when he becomes a more traditional D&D ally, he still retains much of that, though he occupies a supporting role.

I believe that this is especially true because of the nature of Caleb's arc, which I've already written on; the tl;dr of this post is that Caleb is both convinced that he is permanently ruined and also desperate to prove that change is possible. Essek is that proof, because he is simply the character in a position to do so. But this also means that his propensity for introspection and openness is accentuated! He has to do the legwork on his own, for the most part, because that's where he is in the meantime.

But he still ends the campaign necessarily constricted; he is under significant scrutiny, he's at risk from the Assembly, and he goes on the run fairly soon after the story ends. He spends most of the final arc anxious and paranoid, which is valid given the crushing reality of his situation. It would be very easy to extrapolate that seven years into this reality, he would be insular, closed off, and suspicious of strangers, even in spite of the lessons he's learned from the Nein and their long term exposure.

So seeing his openness and lightness now is surprising, but at the same time, given this combination of factors in his position in the narrative over time and his defining traits, it's not by any means unreasonable.

But one thing that I found so delightful is how much trust he exhibits, which is obviously a wild thing to say about Essek in particular, given much of what he learns is both earning and offering trust, which was something he says explicitly in 2x124 that he's never really experienced: "I've never really been trusted and so I did not trust." It makes up much of the progression of his relationship with Caleb, and the trust that he is offered by the Nein in walking off the ship is the impetus he needs to grow.

But I think it's easy to talk about trust when it comes to people who have proven themselves to you or to whom you've ingratiated yourself, and that's really the most we can say about Essek by the time he leaves the Blooming Grove. There is this sense in a lot of discussion of trust (not solely in this fandom) that it is only related to either naivete or love, but there's far more to it. Trust at its best is deliberate—cultivating an openness to the world at large is a great way to combat cynicism and beget connection instead. It allows a person to maintain curiosity and be open to experience, but it can be incredibly difficult to hold onto.

It is clear that the Essek we meet now is a very pointedly and intentionally trusting individual. He trusts Caleb and by extension Caleb's trust in Keyleth, as he shows up and picks up a group of strangers from a foreign military encampment and walks in without issue. He trusts the Hells to follow his lead moving through Zadash and to exhibit enough discretion so as to avoid bringing suspicion upon all of them. He trusts that Astrid will respond well to his entrance, but he also trusts himself and the Hells enough to execute a back-up plan in the case that she doesn't. In the end, he even trusts them enough to give them his name and identity.

He doesn't scan as someone who has spent half a dozen years living like a prey animal, afraid of any shadow he runs across in an alley, withdrawn into himself and an insular family, which would've been an easy route for him to take. He scans as someone who has learned the kind of trust borne of learned confidence and a trained eye for good will and kindness, which are crucial weapons one would need for staving off cynicism in his circumstances—as if he has survived thanks more to connection and kindness than paranoia and isolation. (If we want to be saccharine about it, he scans quite poignantly as a member of the Mighty Nein.)

So it is easy to imagine this trust and openness as a natural progression of his initial search for perspectives external to his own cultural knowledge. Though he makes those first connections with the Assembly to try to vindicate his personal hypotheses, he finds in them exposure to the deepest corruption among Exandrian mortals, which could've—and did, for a time—turned him further down that same dark path.

But it's also this same openness to exposure from the wider world that allows the Nein to influence him for the better, and in spite of the challenges he's certainly faced simply surviving over the past seven years, he seems to have held onto this openness enough to move through the world with self-assurance and a willingness to extend the kinds of trust and good will that he has been shown.

(I would be remiss not to mention that I was reminded about my thoughts on this by this lovely post from sky-scribbles and their use in the tags of 'light' to describe Essek's demeanor this episode, which is really such an apt word for it.)

#something something hope is a weapon hope is a discipline hope is a garden to cultivate!!! #HE'S SO GOOD HE IS TRULY EXEMPLAR OF THE WHOLE PHILOSOPHY OF THE NEIN AND I DO NOT THINK THAT'S AN ACCIDENT #truly just like. enormous proponent of letting trust and curiosity into your heart regardless of the horrors. #it's hard and it makes you more vulnerable and sometimes it hurts so so much but it will also save your fucking life! #cr spoilers #critical role #essek thelyss #cr meta #I was gonna apologize for the length but I'm not sorry. I'm also not sorry for being insane about him but he's so special to me. #head in my hands he's so GOOD HE'S BEST BOI! GUIDING LIGHT NORTH STAR!!! LOOK AT HIM!!! #also truly if i had two nickels for a span of time with no essek sightings where I wrote a lot of fic #with deliberate personal acknowledgment that I was writing some pretty maximal arcs for him in terms of character growth #and then end up getting essek for half an episode and having to go OH WE'RE GOING THAT FAR ACTUALLY. FUCKING INCREDIBLE. #yanno. two nickels. but good lord I am thriving that it's happened twice #augh this is ONE of the pieces I need to write this week. we're not gonna talk about it

[eyes-of-nine]

truly what a guy

#malevolent #malevolent podcast #arthur lester #arthur malevolent #john doe #john malevolent #my art #ahfdgfghsdd i have so many important things to do but these two have overtaken all of my waking thoughts so i'm fucked to say the least #adgfd i just wanna talk about them with someone but no one i know has the energy for that 12h long infodump #straight up today was my first truly no work day in a few weeks and what did i do? spent half the day figuring out how i want to draw arthur #still not sure if this the direction i wanna take his design in but somehow along the process he ended up as like my ideal look on masc days #tbh i don't have the time to unpack whatever that says about me ywy #john's design is very much still a first draft but i can't think about it too much or i might just actually go insane #this podcast makes me unwell(affectionate) #the universe is so evil for not letting me just draw them all day long ywy #in an ideal world it would be no diploma no uni applications only malevolent #.....i'm gonna stop with the rambling now #so yeah go listen to malevolent

[shopwitchvamp]

me the absolute first split second people are acting up in the shop

#yes unfortunately we have to have a blacklist at this point of people not allowed to order anymore #this was actually *more* of an issue back in the day when i was selling handmade crocheted plushies lol #but like explain to me why this has happened with more than one person at this point: #they buy something #then a week or two later they email us/post/leave a review saying how much they hate it and we suck and that they want to return it #then they never send the thing back #continue to go on about how mad they are about it #still never send it back #then they TRY TO BUY ANOTHER THING???? #what is that about #was it just wanting the first thing for free? like trying to bully us into letting you keep it for free??? i don't get it #if you hate it so much why would you order again ???????? #anyway #do this and your order will 100% be canceled #pls never return #thankfully this only applies to like 3 people currently haha #vs the dozen person long etsy blacklist i had for plushies #lots of people wanted them for free or at least i suspect that was what was going on.... it was the wild west out there #exhausting

[sluttylittlewaste]

One thing I love about Fig's school arc is that it counters a lot of the utopic teen ideas about how high school and being a teenager "should" work. Teachers trust your abilities enough to let you do whatever you want? Swaps classes mid-way through the semester in JUNIOR YEAR, pretty much ensuring that she won't be able to get the full benefits of any of the classes she is taking/has taken. Parents/Guardians that don't prioritize or even really care about academics? If no one cares she has very little reason to actually try, let alone learn good study habits or try to plan for the future.

Get to pursue your passion and live your dream life as a rockstar? That's a full-time job hun, people build their entire lives around something you're trying to squeeze between night classes and solving mysteries. I hope you aren't feeling too tired, you need to write that album we already paid you for. Idk, I just think it's fun to see all the ways having no rules or supervision can be just as detrimental to a child as having too many.

#I love my “Teenagers adults treat like an adult” rep #There's a reason you can't just switch classes whenever you want #and it's because of students like Fig #who will switch classes every two weeks unless you say No. #who will DROP A CLASS SHE NEVER EVEN WENT TO #Because she had a vibe shift #Figueroth “I like having Friends cast on me” Faeth doesn't need people to let her do whatever she wants #She'll do that anyway #She needs GUIDANCE from the ADULTS in her life so she doesn't end up listlessly floating from impulse to impulse for the rest of her life #d20 fhjy #fhjy #dimension 20 #thoughts #if i die #let me die #fig faeth #figueroth faeth

[moongothic]

...I... I do not know what on earth compelled me to make this nor why, but I will not be taking criticism at this time

#Moon posting #Break Week is rough y'all #Please I just needed to shitpost a little let me have this #OP Meta #I know this chart is incomprehensible you just have to accept it for what it is #No I was kind of thinking to myself it was kind of funny how of the OG Shichibukai half of them are either dads or borderline dads #And I was like. Can I make a chart of this. Can I make a Dad Chart of the Warlords. #I don't know why I made this nor what to do with this information but. Sure. Let me yeet this out. #Kuma is the Dadliest Dad to Ever Dad in One Piece. Moria canonically adopted Perona when she was little. We love the OG Goth Dad #Crocodad is real TO ME but if nothing else he does have the energy 100%. It's just short of Canon Confirmation at this point #Mihawk is a weird uncle to me. He has no dad energy. This man does not fuck. But he'll look after some kids (Zoro & Perona). Sure. #Blackbeard is like the opposite of Mihawk. He has never looked after a child but I'm sure he has spawned a bastard or two or three #(He may be a father but he is not a Dad) (But canonically as far as we know BB has no kids yet so I'm putting him in Not A Dad) #Jinbei is the new Token Father of the Strawhats according to Oda and so I'm putting him where he is based on that. Also vibes #Law's where he is kind of for similar reasons as Jinbei. This boy is too young to be a dad but dealing with Luffy gave him a few grey hairs #Doflamingo did arguably watch over Buffalo and Baby 5 as those two grew up so he's The Most Qualified in that square #Weevil is baby #Hancock could have Dad Energy in the right circumstances. Like she has THE POTENTIAL #Buggy does not fuck #...Thinking about it I probably should've switched Hancock and Buggy's placements on the chart but whatever it doesn't matter

[turtletoria]

a mask of my own face

#turtlearts #dr two brains #scopophobia #body horror #sharp objects #let me know if theres anything else that needs tagged! #anyways. thats supposed to be a mirror btw #also i tried so hard to fit a lot of symbolism and random shit into it. i am so willing to pick this drawing apart so if youd like that send #an ask or smth!!!! #for real i sank so many hours into this... it was supposed to be a simple colored sketch lmao #i just kept adding onto it for weeks and weeks. and all for what #looked up so many references and had to learn how to do things and tried out new brushes for this omg #like i need to emphasize that this was so hard to do and for what!!!! a silly little halloween spooky month drawing??!?!?!?!?! #even now when i look at it i hate it so much i want to keep adding things to it #i have to post it NOW or else i will be working on it for the rest of my life #pls give me nice words so i dont regret all the time i sank into this drawing </3 #if u think im fishing for complements and looking all the more pathetic and desperate for it. ur right </3 im sorry

[front-facing-pokemon]

#shedinja #now THIS is what i'm talkin' about! i love shedinja. i think it's a very unique pokémon and wonder guard is very *cool* if only it were ever #y'know. relevant. this thing is weak to way too many types for it to be relevant but like it's still cool in concept i think #you kinda can't tell what it is from this angle but that's why you have me here to tag it so you do know what it is #so. bit of a life update for you all. i accidentally deleted some semi-important files i needed for work. like two weeks ago #and i didn't realize i did‚ bc they were inside a folder that i deleted. but i didn't need the files at the time and i hadn't for months #i hadn't used those files since like last year. but now i need them again and i just realized that i deleted them two weeks ago #by accident? and now i need them again. to be able to do my work. so i'm actually queueing this guy and the next guy up #while i'm supposed to be working. as i've just sent an email to my boss being like Haha Hey. Do you Have a Backup of tHese Files……… PLease #and i'm hoping DESPERATELY that she does. if she doesn't i'll have to fucking reverse engineer them which i am not excited for #if it comes to fruition. so i'm just hoping she has a copy of them. feelin like shedinja against a fire-type rn fr i swear #i'll let you all know what she says when i get her response. if i get it before i'm done queuing up shedinja and whismur #spoilers. whismur is next but you could just look up the natdex numbers. and know that whismur is next #also don't tell me to look in the trash. on my computer. i know they're not there. for one i checked and for two they couldn't be there #because i rm -r'd the folder. i didn't just right-click delete that shit. i killed that shit. it's GONE #you might be asking me… why would you do that! and i would say? i did not know these files were in there #you didn't ask for all this information so i'm cutting it off here

[hella1975]

just think this time tomorrow ill be publicly indecent in a spoons somewhere. i am so strong

#ONE MORE EXAM. WE CAN DO THIS. I WILL BE DONE IN LITERALLY LESS THAN 24 HOURS NOW #AND THEN THE NEXT EXAM SEASON ISNT UNTIL MAY. COME ON GIRL #we have such a fun plan for tomorrow though bc the consensus has just been 'we need to get fucking mangled after this exam' #like i havent been out-out in WEEKS the closest i came was the end of december for a hometown house party of all things #i didnt even go out for nye. let's all take a moment and consider the implications for someone like me NOT GOING OUT ON NYE #so i am OVERDUE a good night out and then on top of that ive had exams be SO fr #and also this is the first year where my main friendship group (i.e not my housemates but my actual social circle) #are ALL econ students like there's about five of us and we all do econ and yeah two of them ive been mates with since first year #(the girl is my best mate at uni and is always who im on about if i talk about a 'girl on my course' and the lad is the one i lived with #in first year and have kind of got a thing with now?) BUT THE OTHERS ARE NEW ADDITIONS AND THAT'S SO FUN #so we're ALL gonna tip out of that exam and then me and her are gonna go back to mine to get ready bc am i fuck doing make-up #before that exam. the STATES i have shown up in these past few days i think the invigilators are worried about me #and then we're meeting the lads at the pub and starting there and THEN going spoons bc it's me and the girl's tradition #(calling her just 'the girl' is so funny. woman 🫵) after exams to buy each other mystery shots at spoons and we HAVE to drink them #and then one of the lads really wants to go to a karaoke bar for some reason?? so that might be in my future #AND THEN we're going clubbing. im so ready. take me home vodka shots. the end is near please please please #hella goes to uni

[jacksprostate]

ok look getting paid to do all the stupid little trainings from the comfort of my own home is super cool and leagues better than my prior work environments however the only thing worse than those stupid trainings is NOT having those stupid trainings to do, having nothing to do, and sitting here twiddling my thumbs and pretending i should be paid for this. i am going to deglove my arms

#i should channel this energy tho yeah #this is your funky update on what im up to. thinking of writing once i'm off the clock #or on the clock i guess. idk. there is a tension that makes doing things useless because i need to periodically move the mouse to indicate #that i havent killed myself yet on teams #if they had made ALL my days wfh for these two weeks i wouldve gone insane literally. at least now im pacified with fieldwork 3x a week #anyway i should just consider all of this research #even tho my job is actually worthwhile and contributes to society when they let me do it #unlike the narrator... #but like. idk i have a cubicle and the feeling i should fill it with knicknacks. do you think he had like a little penguin figurine. l #like one you can get from the zoo. did he go to a zoo #frothing at the mouth here yall sorry

[novantinuum]

Anyways, I declare this era as Steven Universe Fixation 2: More Fun, Less Bullshit

#the fandom is more peaceful finally #there's less people being noisy with takes i disagree with #my fics are going to get less traffic thus less chances of rude commenters #i am Not majorly active in any SU servers #i do Not have to deal with my ex friends #instead this is a happy and joyous time for creativity #like legit... i got seven pieces of art done in the past two weeks #and i've written over 5K words since the beginning of the year #it's been so nice to reconnect with old stories #and to start dreaming up new one-shots #i just feel like sometimes i need to grit my teeth and go 'it WILL be different this time' #bc there's nothing i'd hate more than to drag myself into the same patterns and let the same things bother me again #so nope! #we're going to be Better than that #we're going to block when things mildly annoy me #we're going to stop looking at youtube comments #we're going to stop looking through the tags #we're going to focus on creativity instead of comparing to others #so speaketh jen #jen rambles

[backformores]

@kpopcreators event one: favourites favourite artist's title tracks + favourite bias → le sserafim's sakura

sources.

#lsf #sakura #miyawaki sakura #le sserafim #lesserafimnet #kpopedit #lua gfx #tuserose #danablr #usershri #userrsun #gtkm2023 #so this took me like 3 weeks to make and many days of spamming skyes dms w multiple variations of all of the above HGKSDLHGSKLDGHS #please dont let this flop i will never make gfx again LMAOOOOOOO #idk if the prompt i picked makes sense but its a two in one LOL #i pretty much just wanted to make a gfx for lsf's title tracks and then i was like well what if i include only sakura #and then the problem was how tf do i make this prompt not a paragraph long LMAO #i tried to make all the panels kinda match but like clearly u can see where i started and where i ended 💀💀💀 #oh yea in case ppl wanna see what resources i use when i make my gfx since i source free stuff alr (besides kpop related images etc) #we dont stan using pinterest reposts and google images in this household

[designsdefiance]

day 21: lost

it's bad enough being in a new world totally alien to her. to not recognise her sister? agonising. unbearable.

#ffxiv #miqomarch #seeker of the sun #gpose #miqo'te #shadowbringers spoilers #oc: m'seyli #oc: m'kipfhi #i've been thinking a loooot about the two of them in the first it causes me physical pain #bc kipfhi went shortly after/around the same time as thancred #and she was like. 12/13ish #teenagers change a LOT in 5 years! #to have this initial moment of. someone is calling your name (and dropping the tribal letter! which she doesn't let a lot of people do!) an #running towards you at mach speed and clearly knows who you are and you have this brief moment #of 'who the hell is this person' before it dawns on you that it's /your sister/ who you have never been apart from for more than a few week #at most since she was born #and like it's not just that she's grown up physically. she's an entirely different person to the girl she was like. a month ago to you. #bc again!!! teenagers change a lot!!!! and she's grown up in the fuckin apocalypse #and like kipfhi too. she's been DESPERATE for seyli to get here and has been standing there just like. vibrating in excitement over finally #getting to see her again. and seyli's not very good at hiding when she's feeling off about something and everything is /so/ off. #their bond is strong enough that they can get through it but it's rough for a hot second. #anyway im very normal about shadowbringers

[felizusnavidad]

looks like i'm going to see three musicals this year 👀

#i just bought another ticket #i swear i'm not crazy #looks like i'm going to have a little trip in... two weeks? #hey guys do you know this musical called tick tick boom #...yeah #LET'S FUCKING GO #but sincerely can you hear me?*

[reactionimagesdaily]

quick update

Hola everyone!

Just writing a thing to say I SEE all the messages that've been sent to my inbox and I'll promise I'll get round to them soon! I've been doing National Novel-Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) this year (as well as some job-huntng lolol) and it's taken up a lot of my spare mental energy. Low-key it feels like all I can do to make sure that the queue doesn't run out of submissions xD

Next month I'll get to everyone's image requests - promise! - and also to those 10K celebrations I mentioned a little while ago! (I've been cooking some stuff up behind the scenes for that milestone, don't y'all worry)

And. Yeah that's about it from me. Stay tuned, thank you for your patience, love y'all, adios <3

#'Mr Reaction Images Guy why do you let the stuff in your inbox build up to begin with' well my dear strawman #I have autism and my executives have a nasty habit of dysfunctioning #and when I'm trying to knock out 50k words in 4 weeks I don't have the spare mental bandwidth to get them to behave #T_T #but anyways yeah I wanted to make a post just kinda acknowledging/appreciating the fact that people are asking me stuff #I've gotten a couple of very nice messages as well as the image requests and it's like: I see you and I love you #(and I'll get to you individually before the end of the year) #(ALSO maybe I got excited and wanted to tease the 10k celebration because dohohoh I have An Idea Or Two) #not a pic

[betweenblackberrybranches]

I just need to rant for a second :)

Screaming into the void please dont judge me

#that feeling when you and the person you live with have to move out of two rooms of your flat because the flooring had to be done there #and your girlfriend just. doesnt. do. anything. unless you strongarm her into it at which point she snaps at you and treats you #like you are unreasonable for not letting her just sit there and ply video games while you do all the work #eventhough its her fault that we didnt even have a full week to prepare for it because she just took the fastest possible appointment for it #when they called her to do the appointment #also sitting there like 'it will be fine we can do it in time' yea no shit because i am actually doing all the fucking work #its not like i usually do almost all the chores anyways #i ask her to help me move her pottet plants she is just like 'no. not because i dont want to help but because i dont want to move them' #why does she have to act as if she is doing me a fucking favour when putting away her own stuff that she never cleans up otherwise anyways #i am tired #like great. let me just do all of the work and then get angry at me when i ask you when you will be able to cook after taking 'me time' #because i have to clean out the kitchen but you thought it was a good idea to bring meat that has to be cooked today #because from tomorrow on we wont have a kitchen for 7 days #but then you definetly wont do the dishes after cooking which means ill have to do it #ontop of all the other stuff #idk im just annoyed #incredibly annoyed

[flamboyant-king]

I had an Isaac run where it was so stressful my heartrate was at a 145bpm and it persisted for 6 hours. After that, like every day that followed, my heart would just suddenly shoot up to 120-140bpm for an hour if I so much as thought about something I've been stressing over recently. Everybody encouraging me to go to the ER. And I'm just like "Oh please I've actually always been like this, I'm fine." Had to chop down my Adderall dosage. But I swear I've felt like this since high school, but I guess the medicine enhances the feeling and that feeling was ANXIETY.

So, suffice to say, playing The Binding of Isaac™️ almost gave me a heart attack.

#and its not the adderall thats just inducing the heartrate #cause i only got prescribed adderall this year #dad got diagnosed with afib when i was still in school. he rushed himself to the hospital with mom while i was taking a test #i was like what the heck where did you guys go and mom said oh dad was having a heart attack or something and we didnt want to bother you #like WOULDNT YOU TELL YOUR CHILD OH MAYBE YOU WONT SEE YOUR FATHER AFTER WE GO TO THE HOSPITAL BUT FINISH YOUR EXAM BABY #that was like 2020 and we have a couple of those oxygen readers for your fingers and it measures your heartbeat #i out one on for fun im just sitting there at the dinner table and my heartrate was at 120 #like i didnt do anything we been stuck at home because pandemic and we just having a nice dinner #and my heartbeat was just thats my resting heartrate. they told me to try the blood pressure thing #average blood pressure but truly my heartbeat was just vibing at 120. mis padres were like oh no maybe you have afib too #babes youre too young to have that. and i jsut said oh is that what it means when im nauseous and have to lie down #i havent been diagnosed with anything. i suspect is tachycardia but no official thing #although i havent seen a cardiologist. what if we pay to get a screening and its nothing #i dont want to go thru all that and let it be nothing. lets wait until its a real problem #when my brother and his family visited just like what two weeks ago he was like #he was sitting on moms exercise bike and said it reads your heartrate #and it did you put your hands on the handle and it reads yer pulse #i told him like oooh let me try. hey brother my resting heartrate is 120 a lot. and hes like. what. get on this thing #and i get off the couch literally resting and lay my hands on the handles #and we see it go up. from 80 to 90 to 100 to 110 to 120 and hes a nurse and my moms a nurse and he says go upstairs and rest #dont hang out here with the kids. and im like ha i already told mom #he said sit there for ten minutes dont do anythingg and were trying again #he got mom to call our doctor and my doctor said to stop taking the adderall which is NOT IDEAL theres worse repurcussions to stop cold #so i cut mine in half. cause i had a dosage of 20mg and i almost fainted at work. we died the dosage down to 15 #but after all that i cut my 15 down to 7.5 cause hey i cant stop cold but i can ween myself #brother said i shouldnt be taking adderall if im not doing anything that requires focus. but im like i need focus to live man #look at how much ive been drawing...i mean its only in like hour long intervals but its productive #so theres that. i can feel my heartrate already up but i guess its just a thing with me...anywho #doodles #the binding of isaac