#just self isolation things

[sunnykeysmash]

Man of words

#s16 spoilers #iasip #it's always sunny in philadelphia #always sunny #macdennis #analysis #parallels #I didn't exactly know how to name this thread but i had some scattered thoughts on it #dennis is the one mac depends on to define things. he's the man of words. but this situation is very limiting #firstly because mac can't read subtext. and dennis will rarely be open in his words. but he also doesn't know everything. #cant define everything. and by forcing the situation to have dennis speak for both. what actually happens is mac gets silenced #and when mac cant speak. no one besides dennis can ever possibly understand him. and that is very isolating. because den wont be open. cant #but they trust each other. theyre following each other's lead. and they're missing the right words #den defines his own self worth in the relationship by being able to have the right words. mac is the man of action! after all #but if mac learns to speak for himself. if mac doesn't depend on den (chokes). if mac is noticed for his appearance as den becomes insecure #(''what if my shirt falls off?'') what does den have left for mac? but mac will fall for him no matter what. #''make up or not you are the golden god! it's all about what's in here💗'' #maybe words arent necessary anymore. dont ask just do. and mac's the man of action... OR IS HE. #mac doesn't really act now does he. they got it backwards. don't they? mac got a lot better with his words in time... #idk lots to think about let me know what u think lolll #threads

[decolonize-the-left]

Had a tik tok in my Facebook memories that said something about how with anti-maskers it ultimately comes down to them perceiving doing things for others as weakness since they grew up in a hyper-individulistic society. It's them exerting autonomy and refusing to stop under peer pressure, largely just for the sake of fighting something since that's a strength. A value. "I don't let others tell me what to do because I can't be controlled"

Made me think that everyone else bought into the same type of individualistic rhetoric through pop psychology: having "good" boundaries means never needing others and always putting yourself before everyone else regardless of circumstance and especially if they make you feel any feeling you don't want to feel. ...Like guilty for not caring enough to keep wearing a mask in 2023. That's a strength. A value. "I don't let others tell me what to do because I love myself"

The conclusion here being: being needed/needing others is a threat to your autonomy which is a Value to protect.

And when you really think about it applies to more than masking; supporting BIPOC, watching the news, showing up to protests, etc.

"I'm already depressed, I can't handle it. I'm watching out for my own mental health by not participating"

"it's all woke which makes me feel like a bad person cuz Im a bigot so I only watch what validates my bias"

And personally I get a little suspicious when two sides defined by their opposite social values come to the same social conclusion.

You should too. This rhetoric is holding us back. Individualism is holding us back. People need people. It's not toxic or abusive or manipulative to admit that, no matter how much society has tried to make you believe otherwise.

Oppressed people needing allies and your friends who need help moving aren't violating your boundaries or "bad for your mental health" just because You don't want to show up AND not feel bad about it.

Can the generation that grew up screaming "I don't know how to teach you that you should care about other people" at boomers please stand up and take a heaping tablespoon of your own medicine.

And then show gen z how to swallow it because growing up in the social climate we millennials curated online hasn't exactly inspired feelings of confidence in others or the future.

Both of which we still care about right? We still care about other people and the future? Not just ourselves?

Just want to confirm that we haven't gone Full Boomer as a collective yet cuz at this rate I wouldn't be surprised if someone responded saying that being expected to care about their friends is akin communist dictatorship

And could this be a Red Scare Psyop meant to discourage you from finding community, collectivism, and mutual aid in a time where your hyper-individulistic behavior and beliefs are being exploited for record breaking profits in the name of capitalism?

#remembering that thing I shared awhile ago where OP was talking about their friends calling it Traumadumping when OP talked- #about having a shitty few days. like?????? #sometimes friends are unhappy or even depressed and they shouldnt have to hide that from friends sry not sry #most times they way you feel when they're talking are just NORMAL feelings of empathy and sympathy and sad and mad for them #Yeah the ppl around you will have an affect on you-the answer for dealing with this is building your emotional IQ NOT isolation #they need you as much as you need them actually #liberals #self care #society #lgbt #mutual aid #capitalism #biden #covid #masking #healthcare #social justice #socializing #boundries #pop psychology #sometimes you will be uncomfortable and that's OKAY #THATS GOOD

[gayvampyr]

forgot for a second that oscillopsia is in my brain and not external and i almost tried to record what it looks like to me to show people what i mean

#the best i can describe it is like. when you spin around in circles with your head on a baseball bat and the world feels like it's #spinning sideways and you lose your balance #except im sitting and instead of the world rotating its shaking back and forth and i don't have very good motor control cuz #i cant sense where things are #i honestly think it's related to MS. it'd be one thing if this was an isolated symptom but i have so many others that align with it #especially the weird/obscure ones that aren't listed in mainstream descriptions. like i had to go onto MS forums to find people who knew #what i was talking about and had the same experience #and its not like i started there or typed 'MS' in my search. its just the only accurate results were from people with MS blogging about it #not to self diagnose but itd be nice if i could at least get tested and not immediately dismissed #ive also been dxed with peripheral neuropathy which could be related #idk #this got very off topic

[coquelicoq]

[Image description: 10 stills from the anime "Natsume's Book of Friends" featuring the character Natori Shuuichi with tumblr text posts edited in.

Image 1: Natori is waving and smiling in front of a background of sparkles and roses. The text post is by tumblr user YandereChild-Archive and reads "me, introducing myself: it is i, your local asshole"

Image 2: Natori, Hiiragi, Natsume, and Nyanko-sensei are standing in the wreckage of Natori's spare room after an exorcism. Text post by RoseCrystal reads "should i get my life together or should i just keep being sexy and chaotic"

Image 3: Close-up of Natori's smirking face in profile. Text post by ShirleyTemplar-Blog reads "I may seem like an asshole / but deep down I'm a good person / and even deeper down I'm a bigger asshole"

Image 4: At an udon restaurant, Natori is asking the server if she's seen or heard of anything weird in the area lately. He's posed casually with his chin resting in his hand and has sparkles around him. Text post by ManyWinged reads "*walks into an antique store* i'd like to see your most evil items, please"

Image 5: After a sleepless night, Natori is smiling and posing with sparkles surrounding him. Natsume, sensei, and Hiiragi look on, unimpressed. Text post by jumex reads "Making myself hotter. To cope"

Image 6: Natori is smiling at Natsume, his hand on Natsume's shoulder. Text post by avantegarda reads "I may be an absolute disaster of an adult but when someone younger than me asks for advice I turn into a Wise Professor"

Image 7: Teenage Natori is sitting in his family's storeroom at night, reading. Text post by FuckOffStraightPeople-Blog reads "occupation: the family disappointment"

Image 8: Teenage Natori glares at an offscreen Matoba. Text post reads "when people explain things to me i see red. if i wanted to understand iw ould have understood. leave me alone ."

Image 9: Wearing a bucket hat in an attempt to go incognito, Natori leans against a huge advertisement for his album "Unloved", half of which is a photo of his face. Text post by BPDSuperBoy reads "the lengths i would go to to both get attention and avoid it...astounding"

Image 10: On a poster for one of his movies, a sultry Natori smirks at the viewer, his hand poised to comb through his hair. The lizard youkai is visible on his cheek. Text post by semiotextiana reads "im so sexy and fun and fucking doomed"

/end ID]

BONUS: live teen reaction!

[ID: Watched by a crowd of people, an embarrassed Natsume pushes Natori in front of him. Natori looks serene and is surrounded by a purple cloud of sparkles. Text post by LauraMercierBodyScrub reads "cause of death: second hand embarrassment" /end ID]

sorry for being obsessed with this three-alter-egos-in-a-trenchcoat 20-something big bother figure disaster-ass man. as if it's my fault 🙄

natsuyuu characters as text posts 1/?

#sorry for thinking about this pathetic loser day and night. as if i had a choice in the matter!!!!! #natsume's book of friends #natsume yuujinchou #natsuyuu characters as #text posts #natori shuuichi #links #my posts #at LEAST three alter egos in a trenchcoat. only three we can be confident of...though scientists have conjectured the existence #of up to seven so far...with the possibility of finding more every day... #it's just very hard to isolate them in the lab. we're trying but we're not there yet. we just don't have the technology #every time we think we've stripped away all alter egos & identified the One True Self it turns out to be just another alter ego #don't tell the grant review committee but i'm beginning to think there's no such thing as a one true self lads :/

[jasontoddenthusiastt]

Imo Jason is “irredeemable” by default because I don’t see what he needs redemption from.

#I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before but joining this fandom made me fucking hate the word ‘redemption’ #no person I’ve seen who is in love with the concept knows the who what where when why or how it should work in a story #apparently it isn’t just themes and tropes anymore people don’t understand the proper use of the word ‘villain’ #kelseethe #also hilarious: Jason should recieve sensitivity training HR style from Bruce ‘I’m the government and children are my cronies’ wayne #if Jasons headstrong/‘answers to no one’ attitude towards vigilantism is what makes people think he's villainous #I hate to be a broken record but the baddie you’re describing is Bruce #nobody thinks he’s a villain for only trusting in his own methods/self and repeatedly isolating himself #and on top of that gaslighting and hurting people around him in attempts to do what HE **thinks** is the right thing #you people always thought *him* heroic not problematic for all these traits #the only difference is Jason isn’t psychologically abusive & controlling #yet he’s still the bad guy just cause he liberally kills folks in the crime business. #l'd argue goth ham war is the b*tman story to remind you of everything that makes Bruce authentically himself #Idk how to tell you that Bruce mentally compromising/crippling his son in a twisted attempt to ‘save him from himself’ #is perfectly in line with slitting the same son’s throat because he couldn’t stand to see him avenge his own killer #and yk what a redemption arc could be interesting for someone like Bruce #because he rarely questions or doubts his choices esp wrt Jason. no matter how morally dubious they may be #I think it would be quite fun to witness his extremely restricted worldview be challenged/shattered he deserves that humbling experience

[good-beanswrites]

An 0309 drabble for an anon ask I got a bit ago :) Thank you for being patient, I really enjoyed writing this!! It's actually a little moment I've wanted to write since I started Milgram fic, but never got around to it. (I mention his injured eye, but don't actually describe anything)

“Stop moving around so much.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.”

“I mean it. You’ll make things worse.”

Mikoto watched as the intensity in Fuuta’s gaze flickered between fire and fear.

He had a doctor’s kit laid out on his lap. Recently, Shidou had his hands full with Mahiru’s treatments and having intense conversations with Haruka, so Mikoto wanted to give him a break. With none of the injuries actually healing as they should, the prisoners were caught in an endless loop of changing bandages and checking for complications.

Shidou was grateful for the help. Many of the others tolerated Fuuta in the same way they spent only the necessary time around Mikoto. They smiled and placated him, acting like he’d gone mad all of the sudden. Whatever was making the others avoid the two of them, it drew the pair together. Mikoto was finding he enjoyed Fuuta’s company. Something about him was rather… charming. 

“Me? You’re the asshole that will make things worse. You’re no doctor! Fuck you.”

Eh, maybe he had gone mad. 

He took comfort, at least, in the knowledge that Fuuta was growing more comfortable with him. He sure had a special way of showing it, but Mikoto didn’t brag about being a people-person for nothing – he picked up on the way Fuuta sought him out during the day, pretending to be involved in his own activities. The way he struck up a conversation, then acted as if it had been Mikoto’s idea to come over and bother him. 

Therefore it was exciting, though not surprising, when Fuuta allowed Mikoto to help treat his injuries. They had only done it a few times, but today brought a whole new challenge. 

“I’m not performing surgery or anything. Shidou said it just needs some basic disinfecting.” He flashed his usual grin. “I have a steady hand – I’m a photographer, you know.”

Aside from Shidou, Fuuta hadn’t allowed a single person to look under his eyepatch. 

He remained unamused by Mikoto’s smile. For better or worse, he could always tell when it was forced. “It’s not like I have any proof of that. You could be awful at it, for all I know.”

“First chance I get, I’ll request a camera and prove it. Want me to take a picture of you first?”

“If you haven’t already messed up my face…” Fuuta’s focus was glued to the hand carefully reaching towards him. 

Mikoto pouted his lips. “Shidou trusted me enough with this. And you must have, because you agreed earlier. So If it’s not about me… You’re not scared, are you?”

There were some things that Fuuta didn’t stop to see through. He sputtered in surprise. “Hell no!” He lifted his chin, finally taking his attention off Mikoto’s hands. He stared defiantly. “I can take it.”

Mikoto felt a bit guilty for resorting to foul play. But not that guilty. “Good. Now hold still...”

He got right to it. One hand held ginger hair out of the way, while the other pinched the corner of the eyepatch. Fuuta’s good eye darted nervously around the room, avoiding the other's close-leaning face. Mikoto peeled it away swiftly, gently

As a horror movie buff, the injury didn’t faze him in the slightest. As someone who’d grown close to Fuuta recently, he felt a wave of anguish at the sight.

Fuuta squirmed. “It’s nasty, isn’t it…”

Mikoto reached down for some supplies. He considered mustering up a smile and saying there was no need to worry so much, but it would have been pointless. Times like these, it was kind of a relief when someone else could see right through him for a change. 

“It looks like it hurts.”

“Tch, I don’t need any pity from you.”

“I was going to say, you hide it well. You’re tougher than the warden gives you credit for.”

His cheeks flushed red. “I – I don’t need any flattery from you either!”

“Don’t need anything from anybody, huh?”

Before he could come up with a retort, he hissed through his teeth in pain.

“Ah, sorry.” Mikoto immediately retracted his hand from where it had been dabbing alcohol onto the injury.

Steeling his expression, he muttered, “it’s fine.”

Mikoto tried again. He made sure to move with even more steadiness, his face drawn up in concentration. He saw Fuuta’s features flinch when he touched him, but he stayed still. The two were silent, now, as Mikoto worked. Leaning his face so close made the short task feel much longer. The reddening in his cheeks didn't subside.

He expected Fuuta to snatch the fresh eyepatch away the moment he unwrapped it – he was shocked that Fuuta let him adjust it into place without a word.

“Alright. You’re all set.” He started packing up the kit.

“Listen, don’t tell the others. About my eye.”

Mikoto squinted. He gestured to the right side of his face. “I hate to break it to you, but the big patch kinda gives you away.”

“You idiot! I just mean, don’t tell them what it looks like.” He pulled his hood down over his hair. “I don’t need everyone trying to steal a look at it like I’m some sort of freakshow.”

“Hey, of course.” Mikoto gave him a smile, the kind they both knew was genuine. “I’ve got you.”

Fuuta nodded. He turned his face away, his fingers lingering over where Mikoto’s had just been. “... And… thanks.”

#milgram #fuuta kajiyama #mikoto kayano #0309 #thank you so much for the request woo!!! #lmao it leans more 'serious intimate' than 'sappy romantic' - i hope thats okay #and yeah! i was actually planning to have a chapter in thermoregulation where yuno treated his eye #but every way i envisioned it wouldnt fit right with the tone of the whole thing #so ive been considering other characters and mikoto works So Well -- i was really glad to finally sit and write it out with him!! #its just... having someone as paranoid and ashamed as fuuta actually letting someone close enough to see/touch his most vulnerable injury.. #it Gets me man 😭😭😭 #and mikoto is also showing a very open side of himself - he has someone who trusts him despite everything thats going on with him/john #someone he doesnt need to preform for -- someone who truly trusts him #;--; #im torn between picturing the prisoners staying away from mikoto t2 or him self isolating while they all still really like hanging out #i went with the first option here but it changes depending on the fic LOL #anyway i hope you enjoyed!!!! #the two start out sitting really far apart and awkward but by the end of t2 with mikoto treating him regularly they start sitting like that #meme where the girl is putting on the others makeup LOL #drabbles #what if i keep procrastinating on school writing and i just write milgram fic forever and ever huh

[ride-a-dromedary]

I have no base for this, but Halsin seems like the type who would settle in the middle of the group with fruits (that he likely foraged) and little wooden bowl in tow and just start cutting them unprompted and offering them to everyone else.

#BG3 Musing #Halsin #Halsin Posting #i cannot get over him telling shadowheart he would feed her and carry around her bowl if she were a goldfish #you know what i'm talking about right - like the little paring knife cuts them in his hands #at first it just looks like he's doing it for himself but like halsin just eats things sans cutting them lbh #it's a clever and nonchalant way for him to share because others are more likely to take small pieces than like a whole apple yk? #we should all benefit from the bounty we are provided every day and all that #and eventually near everyone just starts...taking it from him and he smiles and continues #i think my other basis for this is halsin just doesn't like seeing people suffer - whether that be neglecting their basic needs #(because he neglects his own self enough lmao but lemme not neglect my friends though they're important) #or isolating themselves or what and it stems from his desire of just wanting to help #and feels absolutely no offense if they brush him off #like okay but it'll still be here if you want it later ^_^ #that's also why i am a sucker for the 'halsin offers to let astarion drink from him' trope in fics #because it goes along with the 'i don't want you to suffer and if i can help i will' even though as a druid #technically your existence is very dodgy to me (but halsin is just a nice person! that's really the long and short of it) #but like obviously disapproves if you do it without permission lol

[dastardly-crows]

Every time I see someone say "find a better way to cope" when referring to writing or reading fiction, I have to fight back the urge to start laughing hysterically.

Buddy, pal, dude, writing and reading fiction is the better way of coping.

#not only is it really shitty to act like you know how to deal with someone elses issues more than they do #its also wild to put fiction into the same category as actual bad coping skills / methods #ppl will cope by abusing others by using drugs by self harm by isolation by spending money #you know like... actually... harmful.... shit #im never going to use the term proship/proshipper for myself bc i dont ship or anything #and the issue with censoring isnt just with ships and fandom #pro fiction #i also hate the term antiship / antishipper #the terms feel like such bs tbh #i rlly love the “fuck proshitters >:(” thing in dnis tho bc its so... funny... and edgy #tags for reach #proship #fuck antishippers #fuck antis

[onekisstotakewithme]

i know everyone is struggling right now but jesus christ i'm struggling right now.

#personal #school/work stress #this thing with my grandpa #feelings of isolation and self-blame #but dear god the isolation #do you ever just feel like you're just shouting into a void? #if the people you love actually love you as much as you love them? #is it even worth it to keep going? #i miss my friends #my one IRL friend is too busy when I need her but when she needs support i have to drop everything #i'm coming down from my first semester of grad school #and i just feel so overwhelmed and done with it all.

[rosesloveletters]

I’m hoping one day I’ll be lucky enough to feel secure in myself, knowing that I’m at peace with my quiet little life and not feeling like I’m meant to be going out drinking & partying instead of sitting at a coffee shop or lounging on the couch. I have zero desire to go out to bars. I don’t drink. I don’t party. It’s not even the kind of situation where you say “oh, I hate xyz” and then you get there and have a great time. I know that I would hate it and be angry with myself for going, but what I would be even more upset by is the act of putting myself out there and realizing that it isn’t meant for me. It isn’t that I’m doing what’s comfortable and not trying new things, it’s that I am content with the life I’m living and the things I do, I just wish I had others to share it with. No one seems to enjoy that kind of lifestyle so I suppose I’m on my own till further notice.

#I am going to be alone in life #but if Wonka did what he did completely alone then I’ll manage #maybe that’s why I like him so much #he completely self-isolated for years #and still managed to be an incredible person #and no one hated him for it #or told him he had to do things differently #and if they did he just continued to be who he is #I love him and I need him #I feel like sobbing #vent :: 🖤 #monologue :: 💭

[p2ii]

forgot to post abt this panel but god it absolutely breaks my heart. I love when kaworu's 'ethereal easy-going' composure is broken through and we get scarce bits of the lonely boy unacclimate to being treated like a person underneath.

#his expression in the bottom left panel 😭 #can't believe there was such a goldmine of kaworu context right under our noses since 2007 and I didn't know #been re-reading the ep24 drafts like an animal instead :') #CA is sooo good #also just wanna clarify. I don't think his etheral poetry talk thing is a false persona persay. it's just how he as an extremely isolated #individual who is aware of how alien his existence is compared to his peers- has learned to communicate #but despite how attuned he is to the universe and others he is also a very hurt individual who doesn't see the purpose of hurting about it #in the first place. choosing rather to fixate on the hurt/general lives of the people around him #as a coping mechanism perhaps but moreso curiosity. a source of catharsis even? self recognition through other? #idk #either way I know he will be remembering that xp #psii.txt #campus apocalypse #kaworu nagisa #maybe kaworu is more like us Tumblr girlies than I realised. shinji is his blorbo who he is also in love w X)c

[turtleblogatlast]

omfg did you have any content on that post you just posted? the one about leo never shutting up until hes in real pain? because you are very much Correct for that one holy hell it gets me every time

[ cw: violence mention / self sacrifice implied / ]

No content, just something I thought upon when thinking of the movie (something that is on my mind so very often.)

Just, thinking of Leo, when he’s separated from everyone and everything, being completely silent. Even being so horrifically beaten as he was, even being in a true nightmare scenario, he is silent in his suffering. Smiles through it, even.

At the moment where it would have been more than justified to make any noise, he stays silent.

#non au ask #violence mention / #self sacrifice / #I stg there are more instances of this in the actual series too but I can’t remember the actual details from the top of my head #I’ll have to do a rewatch someday #but yeah make no mistake he’s still that joking boy that’s legitimately who he is as a person #but silence meets him like an old friend the way only a Leo would know #side note but I also think the theme of him and silence kinda ties in to how- #he’s the best one at stealth plus the one who’s most likely to go off on his own #silence and isolation are two things that go hand in hand with his character #and what makes rise leo all the more interesting is how much he fights against that #his inclination toward talking and joking and his dependency on being with his brothers as a team works in tandem with his root nature #djjdjdj okay I’m getting pretentious now but I could write a lot about my personal interpretation of Leo as a character #(even though it 100% is prob me just looking too far into things lol but that’s the fun of fiction analysis huh)

[theophagie-remade]

People who fancy themselves intellectuals on this hellsite love to condescendingly bring up fandom issues to minimise them or go on about whataboutisms when the question simply is do you think people deserve to be told they ought to die or be abused over fiction and fantasies or nah

#''uwu fiction and reality have a complex relationship akchtually'' no shit. literally the only people who doubt this are the ones who #started making problems for everyone else. sorry you were too busy acting like you're above it all to notice #(why are you even bringing it up then?) #i'm pretty positive most people in fandom would love it if it was possible to go back to openly entertaining complex discussions about the #matter in more general settings and not isolated communities. if only Some People weren't always ready to start harassing others #over things that in the grand scheme of things don't really matter that much :) #but well. for how Above It All they like to act these people always do turn out to be anti-lites so... #fiction talk #+ another thing that annoys me is the whole. ''what do these terms even mean there's like 10 definitions🙄'' like. #eg i don't call myself proship because despite its origin as a term it Does give off the impression that this is just about ships #but still it does mean ''i mind my own damn business'' and that's what pretty much everyone who self identifies with it will tell you #so really. is it really that confusing. is it. or did you just ask what it meant to an ~anti~ and got Their definitions of it. #mytext

[ectonurites]

SUPER DARK TIMES (2017) DIR KEVIN PHILLIPS

#tragically had to skip the 'are you afraid of me' exchange i love at the start bc. this scene is Long #super dark times #josh templeton #zach taylor #sam edits #btw i'm firmly in the 'Josh didn't kill John' camp. bc to me THIS scene is the point that... makes the most sense as Josh's breaking point/ #'villain turn' if that's what you'd want to call it. because this is really when Josh... sort of 'officially' loses Zach. from early on in #the movie it becomes clear how much Zach is like... an anchor for him—the way Josh is just fucking *chanting* his name in distress during #the Daryl accident. The way Josh begs Zach to believe him that it was an accident. The way Josh turns to Zach for answers/clarity/direction #Like even if we want to take a cynical approach and think of it as Josh just latching onto Zach in the Daryl situation because he was There #rather than that being an established thing w/ them... in the aftermath of that same incident Josh is still looking to/depending on him! #Josh self isolates at first... but after they talk & Zach tells him they shouldn't act weird Josh goes back to school. (yes #he lashes out there because He's Dealing With The Crushing Guilt but *all* of 'em are acting off then—Charlie specifically calls attention #to the idea they all probably are) Josh goes to the party just like Zach said they should and is *visibly confused* when Zach seems mad to #see him there. He goes to Zach's house to talk and you can SEE how caught off guard he is by what Zach says. Even though the script version #of this scene is VERY different from the final version I do think this one bit of description from it is... insightful: 'Josh seems sincere #almost vulnerable. But Zach is too focused to see it.' LIKE in this scene Zach is already convinced Josh has lost it! He's trying to act #more neutral about it (claiming they could just 'draw a line') but we saw his phone call with Charlie. Because of his own guilt-fueled #paranoia—something shown pretty clearly through the assorted dream sequences and like tht scene of him walking in the hall hearing people #gossip about Daryl—it seems like everything lines up too well! that '*of course* it's Josh and what if it's *been* Josh all along and well #then the role *I* played in the situation really isn't *my* fault because it was all *Josh* and...' etc. even if that's more subconscious #But like... this scene is really when it hits Josh! from the moment he asks if Zach's afraid of him now like... there's a shift. although #Zach says he isn't... i mean he fucking stumbles on the word 'afraid' (like... he hangs on the 'f' sound a moment too long to sound natural #its very subtle but like Noticeable). But Josh sees right through him. Zach doesn't trust him anymore. Zach thinks he's the bad guy. the #monster. Josh feeling like he lost the last person he had in his corner feels like the most realistic thing to... push him over the #edge. like that's a compelling tragedy to me—the idea that these two poorly coping with the Daryl situation in these separated ways where #they *aren't* talking/communicating ends up CREATING the feedback loop that makes everything get worse and worse. #But for that to be the case... it wouldn't make sense for Josh to have just randomly killed John before this scene. I think it's a more #interesting story if certain things really ARE just coincidences but it's that Zach's paranoia won't let him see that 🤷

[gumy-shark]

the environment includes humans. maybe you hear “the environment” and think, oh, nature! trees and bugs and oceans! and forget that a if a human’s city is not nature or the environment than neither is the termite’s mound. we are not separate from every other thing!! there is a place in this world for us, too!!

#it’s just like. #we pretend we’re so different from every other animal #and that self isolation has hurt our society #and i love humans and i love nature and i think there’s a place in this world for both of us because i think we’re the same thing #and i think a lot of us have forgotten that

[sarcasticsra]

I’ve had so many thoughts about Rue but let’s talk about our heartbreaking little bugbear

Hob’s actions and motivations all make 100% sense and nothing he’s doing is wrong, but it is tragic as hell. He’s surviving in a court where he doesn’t fit in as best as he can, and he’s done that by pushing down his own desires and needs. He can’t conceptualize self worth outside of his service to his court because his “self” is not considered ideal for his court - that was made pretty clear when he identified with what Rue was saying about not belonging, “to have the only root you have not feed you”

He doesn’t prioritize his service to the goblin court because he’s happy there, he’s internalized that service to the goblin court is all he’s good for, that he’s broken or wrong for being the way he is, so he has to make up for it by being of use

There’s a line in the song “Surface Pressure” from Encanto that is Hob in a nutshell:

“I’m pretty sure I’m worthless if I can’t be of service.”

I don’t fault Hob for any of his actions - I mostly just want to give him a hug. It’s all coming from a place of trauma, because of course the goblin court was happy to take advantage of a competent soldier willing to prostrate himself at their feet if only he might be considered good and useful

He just isn’t acting out of a healthy sense of camaraderie and being part of something - he’s acting out of the deep, terrible fear that since he’s no good at being like the other goblins, if he’s not dedicating his life to serving them, what’s even the point of him?

And I do and will absolutely hate and fault the goblin court for doing this to him, for fomenting those feelings, all because they wanted a little more fucking status

#like it’s pretty clear he is an Outsider #that has been made apparent from the beginning #he is a goblin and has some goblin traits but he is still different enough to feel deep isolation #’as far away from the goblin rumpus as he could get’ #hob would benefit from dismantling the courts just as much if not more than rue #but because he has no sense of self outside service it’s impossible for him to see #hob’s relationship with service and his court is deeply fucked #he wants to be proper and gentlemanly and sure still sometimes eat some trash #he’s gotta heal enough to realize he can do all those things #and he sure as fuck doesn’t need the goblin court’s permission #acofaf spoilers #acofaf #a court of fey and flowers #captain k.p. hob #battlemaster of ceremonies #why do i have so many feelings about a bugbear and an owlbear and their complex emotional bonds and traumas #i’m just going to wallow in these feelings for a while #ahhhhhhhhhhhh