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bigskydreaming · 3 years

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You said the other day that you don't really like Talon stories. Do you mind saying why?

LOL they’re just not really what I’m here for? Idk, I think people tend to make a bigger deal out of this than it actually is even in my head, maybe because Talon stories have so quickly become such a staple of fics that it just seems weird not to like them? And its not like I’ve never liked one or been intrigued by a premise, I have, though specific recs elude me at the moment, there’s one I was reading on ff.net I really enjoyed, it was YJ verse.....

But honestly its really just that a recurring theme of Dick’s stories in canon - and one of the things I turn to fanfic for in the first place, to get away from, to read something ELSE about him - is dehumanization. Reducing his sense of self, brainwashing or controlling him, making him other than he usually is, even just in temporary ways....it gets old. I come to fanfic hoping to read and write stuff beyond that, and Talon fics are so often even heavier on the dehumanizing him aspect of things, like making him even more mindless than most Talons in canon are ever portrayed, and don’t get me started on how often they just flat out refer to Talon Dick as ‘it’.....its just a no thanks from me. Just not what I’m looking for.

Add to that other incidentals, like, its completely understandable in context of these narratives that the Batfam feel they have to restrain Dick while he’s a Talon and in the Batcave, but again, its just not something I’m looking to read? Because for example, another big theme of mine is how uncomfortable and unwelcome I think Dick’s come to feel in Wayne Manor over the years, given the many times Bruce has essentially kicked him out and how little effort he’s made to make it into a home for him again (like I think there are more reasons than just grief that Dick lived in the penthouse rather than the Manor when Bruce was believed dead and Dick was in charge of his estate)....so when you look at things from that angle, which I’m just kinda predisposed towards doing, the imprisonment angle of Talon fics (and the attitudes of a lot of the Batcharacters as they go about it, like they’re just being pragmatic, Dick will understand - yeah he might understand but that doesn’t mean there won’t be mental and emotional undercurrents of resentment and hurt to that understanding)....like, its just one more way/reason for Dick’s childhood home to be turned against him and made a place where he feels or will remember feeling explicitly unwelcome. I’m not saying its WRONG to take that angle in fics, lol, I’m just saying....its not for me. Its just not what I’m looking for.

Also its a bit of a pet peeve to see Talon abilities viewed as an upgrade rather than something inflicted on him by his tormentors and at BEST somethting Dick would have very conflicting views on - and tbh this isn’t limited to just him, I have similar thoughts about how Cass might feel about her own abilities and how even now that she can communicate well with others, she still feels somewhat different or removed from most people because of this ‘superpower’ that had to be ABUSED into her and that she would have traded for her father’s actual love any day - but I mean, there’s a thing in a lot of Talon fics where alongside the dehumanization angle, which Dick isn’t even just expected to just ‘get over’ once he’s back to his regular mental awareness, because its usually never even delved into, how he feels about the fact that for awhile there, he was nothing more than an ‘it’ even in his family’s eyes, and IMO he’s like, funny, I’m pretty sure I’m still the only person in this body all along, so if it was just an it to you, where exactly did you think I was? But aside from the angst I feel he SHOULD have from thinking about how easily he was viewed as just a mindless tool and pawn and thing by people, there’s a tendency to hop, skip and jump to him being okay with his Talon ‘upgrades’ because they make him so much more effective....and there’s just a WAY this is usually gone about that like, for me, glosses over how effective he was without them, and the fact that none of his family members seem to need or think they need them themselves to be effective....and somewhere in all that, it seems to get lost that the whole reason the Court even WANTS Dick so badly is because of how effective he is even already.

Plus - there’s my personal annoyance with how characters with super-fast healing are treated in narratives across the board. In comics, books, movies, shows, fics, everywhere - I ranted about this a TON in Teen Wolf fandom, its a complaint I have with Wolverine and his family in Marvel comics, etc....I vastly dislike how often its just treated as assumed that just because a character heals rapidly, like....the actual trauma and pain of injuries inflicted might as well not even matter. Like, that’s not how it works IMO? When I think about a time I broke an arm, I’m not thinking about ‘oh it barely matters because it only took a couple months to heal and when I view that in the context of my whole lifespan that’s barely anything, it was so fast’....like no, I’m thinking about what it felt like when I actually BROKE it. There’s a tendency, I feel, when characters get an ability to make an injury disappear out of sight out of mind rapidly, to just view the emotional and mental consequences of injury being inflicted as negligible, and not really mattering anymore, and I heavily disagree with that logic. IMO, these characters throwing themselves headfirst in front of everyone else as a human shield, while practical in one sense of the word, is also like, begging to be examined as oh I see, so basically you’re saying that now that you no longer need to be treated with care because you’re invulnerable, you’re worthless and the pain that goes along with all those injuries you get 100x more of now, that’s like...meaningless and fake news.

I mean, even if you make an argument for Dick no longer having pain receptors (which I’d also be heavily against because uh, if you go that route you’re also inadvertently suggesting things about his sensory input and ability to feel varying degrees of touch across the board and again its more the lack of examination of that as much as anything else that’s things that make me go mmmm no thanks)....the injuries are still being inflicted and there’s still gonna be psychological damage inflicted from processing that no one seems significantly bothered by him being ‘family niche - human pincushion for the prevention of others saying oww’ without so much as commentary.

And lastly, did I mention, I just really really reeeeeeally dislike the dehumanization angle that tends to go hand in hand with these fics.

But for the record, like, I honestly do like the Court of Owls and what they bring to Dick’s stories because all of this, ironically is precisely why they DO play so well into his core themes of autonomy and independence and self-determinism. Its just, I’m here for fics where Dick triumphs over them and their attempts to hijack him and his life for their own agendas, and I feel like a lot of the time we see a Pyrrhic victory at best, when going the Talon route, and a lot of THAT time its not even regarded or treated as such, but rather a full victory with no real examination of how Dick’s life is different now, how he’s changed not just by what was done to him but by how he was treated by BOTH sides WHILE it was done to him?

And the other element here is like....the Court and their presence in his fics doesn’t HAVE to equal making him a full on Talon along the way, just like it never has in canon. I don’t view the fulfillment of what’s inherently a THREAT to his character as an improvement UPON his character. *shrugs* But also there’s just so many avenues for angst or emotional tangles when it comes to the Court even without making Dick a Talon himself.....just have him picturing or having nightmares of imagining his parents turned into Talons and how horrifying he’d find that, or worry in the wake of revelations about the Court that his family is now looking at him differently, imagining the threat HE could be when he hasn’t even done anything. Or there’s the angle of Bruce knowing but not telling him to try and protect him but that causing conflict OR you could go a route I’ve never seen done before, and like, have Dick and Bruce come into conflict with the Court before any of the others come along and like, save Dick from ever being made a full Talon but the point is years later the Court resurfaces and they and their plans for Dick are a complete revelation to his siblings and there’s perfectly understandable conflict because of that even if the reason is as simple and equally as understandable as Bruce didn’t feel it was his to share if Dick didn’t want to, as long as they honestly thought the Court had been neutralized, and he respected that its a painful topic to Dick that he wasn’t trying to hide, he just flat out didn’t want to talk about so it never came up.

There’s a lot that can be done with the Court, but usually they’re just utilized as a prelude to Talon Dick Grayson and bottom line is that’s just not somewhere I’m usually looking to go, personally.

BUT in the spirit of me being completely contradictory as always, again its like I said, there are some here and there that I really get into, there’s a YJ one that really delves deep into Dick’s emotions on all of this and has a prequel set during Jason’s Robin days, when they first encounter the Court, I forget the title but someone feel free to drop it in the notes if you know what I’m talking about, and @dustorange always does interesting things with the Court and Talons that’s different each time and I’m sure I’m forgetting more, so its not like.....a blanket across the board nope thing. Its just I have particular reservations about HOW a lot of Talon and Court fics play out that I’m just....not the right audience for simply because its not what I’m looking for in fics, personally.

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sometimesrosy · 4 years

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Anonymous said:

So Bellarkes have been gaslighted by Jason & his writing team and the CL fandom for seasons thanks to Jason again, but they are not bad writers? You really need to stop defending the abusers here.

+++

I mean. No. you’re incorrect.

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or a group covertly sows seeds of doubt in a targeted individual, making them question their own memory, perception, or judgment, often evoking in them cognitive dissonance and other changes such as low self-esteem. Wikipedia

People telling a story are not gaslighters. It’s just a story. They are not aiming their story at your psyche to wound you. They are not TRYING to sow seeds of doubt in you.

They ARE creating characters that you will relate to and ships you will root for. Their eventual endgame or tragic ending or failure to connect is not gaslighting. Can they guess how people will react to stories they love? No. They won’t be able to please everyone, that’s just how that happens. Putting forth a story as a love story, or a canon relationship, and having that play out onscreen, to whatever end, is not gaslighting. Neither Bellarkers nor CLs have been gaslighted by the story.

As to the social media? Sometimes it is questionable, I’ll grant you. But a creator saying they love a character or a ship is not gaslighting, whether or not that character/ship gets a happy ending. A creator saying people misinterpreted is not gaslighting either, I don’t think. It’s rude maybe, but that’s not a sin. A creator saying you’ll get a ship, which you do, but that ship doesn’t end the way you want it to is not gaslighting. It’s tragic, but not gaslighting. Saying you’ll like the story but you don’t is not gaslighting either. It’s a difference of opinion.

What are the definitions of abuse?Abuse is defined as any action that intentionally harms or injures another person. In short, someone who purposefully harms another in any way is committing abuse. There are many kinds of abuse encountered by adults, including: physical abuse. psychological abuse.

Putting on a tv show does not make people abusers. They actually have no to little contact with the audience. It’s just a story.

They aren’t tyrants intent on gaining power over their audience.

They’re telling a story that they THINK will draw the audience in. They are TRYING to create characters we care about and put them in danger and make us worry for them.

YES it is a tragic show with lots of death and loss and trauma. That is a valid type of story that fills the needs for many people. It does not work for everyone. It is not helpful or enjoyable for everyone, but that doesn’t mean it is bad for doing what it does.

If you ask me, which you did since you’re in my ask box, the gaslighting in The 100 fandom has come from within the fandom.

It’s the FANDOM that is telling us not to believe our own eyes and ears and canon. It’s the FANDOM calling huge swaths of fans “delusional,” making us question whether what we know is really happening. It’s the FANDOM that has worked against people, against the narrative, against the characters and actors and creators and other fans, in order to destroy their sense of community, identity, and ability to enjoy a show or ship.

I mean, isn’t that what all this ad hominem attacks are for? You call the writers bad writers and abusers and gaslighters so that we will be afraid to enjoy the show or trust them or support our own ship.

I’ve had people not only call me delusional, but deride my education, my career, my writing, my identity, my race, my experience, my age, my sexuality, my personality, my intelligence and on and on. Why?

...a person or a group covertly sows seeds of doubt in a targeted individual, making them question their own memory, perception, or judgment, often evoking in them cognitive dissonance and other changes such as low self-esteem. Wikipedia

Oh yeah. That again.

Isn’t that why you sent me your nasty anon?

I tell you what I think about something, backing it up with evidence from the story or my own life or fandom or my education, and you tell me I’m wrong, and then start flinging around ad hominem attacks to make me question my perspective and understanding.

You are personally using your nasty anon asks as a way to covertly sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual. Me. And my followers. Oh wait oh wait. I was looking something up about the signs of a gaslighters. You fit one.

8. They project. They are a drug user or a cheater, yet they are constantly accusing you of that. This is done so often that you start trying to defend yourself, and are distracted from the gaslighter's own behavior. [x]

You are trying to gaslight me so you accuse them of gaslighting and me of supporting gaslighters and abusers.

I’ve been called so many nasty names on this site and in my inbox that none of them mean anything anymore. It’s become a meaningless whine of white noise in which harassers and bullies (a variation of abusers imo) try to silence and gaslight and control anyone who doesn’t ship their ship or have their interpretation of a damn tv show.

Please be aware that I see through gaslighting. My life may have sucked as the daughter of an abusive paranoid schizophrenic and the wife of an abusive drug addict, but I know how to tell reality from paranoid fantasies and narcissistic manipulation.

Critical thinking tears those attempts at gaslighting apart. It wont’ work with me nonny. The writers are not gaslighting us, but you and people like you are trying to.

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fearsmagazine · 3 years

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HELD - Review

DISTRIBUTOR: Magnet Releasing

SYNOPSIS: Emma (Awbrey) and Henry's (Johnson) marriage is losing its spark. In an effort to reconnect, they vacation to a remote high-end rental, complete with automated smart house features and integrated security. However, after suspecting a nighttime intruder they decide to flee, only to become forcibly trapped inside by the automated security system. Emitting from the house, an unknown 'Voice' watches their every move through an array of hidden cameras, revealing an intimate and unsettling knowledge of their relationship. While the situation grows increasingly brutal, Emma and Henry must work together to uncover the truth and find a way out before it's too late.

REVIEW: In order to discuss elements of HELD there will be some spoilers. No major reveals, but some plot reveals will be addressed.

Given all that has been in the zeitgeist these past two years it is with little wonder that some of these issues should filter into entertainment. While you might see words like thriller, psychological, etc., just to describe these films almost all of them will include horror. It mostly likely begins in 2004 with “SAW” and the question of justice, which went on to spawn a franchise that some dubbed “torture porn.”

Then there is the 2020 film written and directed by Gerard Bush and Christopher Renz, “Antebellum.” The hero is an Africian American female civil rights and empowerment speaker who is abducted and taken to a modern working plantation with all the trappings of the Southern Confederacy and its atrocities. It’s a chilling tale that addresses many contemporary issues in a terrifying tale. As entertainment I would be hard pressed to say there was anything “entertaining” about it. In a conspiracy theory riddled and fake news world we live in it is horrifying to consider that something like this could happen. If there are people who can believe in “PizzaGate,'' or the election was stolen, why couldn’t there be an operational confederate plantation somewhere south of the Mason-Dixon line where unspeakable atrocities are taking place. It is a nightmare of our times given life in the cinema.

Now there is HELD. We meet Emma and Henry who we think are taken prisoner in this luxury smarthouse. As they fight for their survival, the film makes a hard left when their captor makes an error and Emma uncovers the truth behind their situation. They are not being held captive and everything she thinks she knows is wrong. Henry has engaged the services of a company called Eden. Their promise is to recondition a wife so that she becomes a more docile, subservient, “housewife.” The mysterious voice is Henry’s accomplice in this charade to break Emma. The place they are in is only one of the numerous locations throughout the globe to aid husbands in transforming their spouse. Henry is not simply after the mind control package but he wants some hard evidence to use against Emma so she remains loyal.

Emma does overcome adversity and so some might consider HELD an anti-misogynistic horror film, especially in this era of the METOO movement. Again I’m not so sure. Although it is Travis Cluff and Chris Lofing who direct, it is written by the film’s female star, Jill Awbrey. So the film does have a feminie perspective. They put Emma through an ordeal, but here it is psychological and physical abuse. I found it painful as my family was raised with strong values and respect for women, and there were holidays where we gave of our time at women’s shelters. From a purely unemotional standpoint I get and understand what they are doing. However, is it entertainment? While it is a bitter pill to swallow, I did find it a bit disingenuous when Henry and the accomplice turn into these bumbling fools who begin to make numerous errors allowing Emma to best them. I think Emma deserved a bit better.

Held has an excellent cast, and I applaud Jill Awbrey for her acting and screenplay. There are some great effects, some excellent editing, the house is an amazing location, and the score by Richard Breakspear is extremely effective. Everything about the film draws the viewer in to take them on a harrowing cinematic journey.

HELD is a great film, a powerful viewing experience, but how do you recommend it? It certainly isn’t a Friday night dinner, popcorn, and a date movie. There are going to be some conversations after screening HELD. And therein lies the rub. HELD is not a film a viewer should go into totally blind to what they are about to experience, They need to be prepared. So I’m not sure if it is entertainment. It also left me with the nagging thought that if these filmmakers could imagine this might there be something like this actually in the world. Who wouldn’t think that at least once given our crazy times.While there are certainly many angles they could use to spinoff a sequel, I can only hope they move onto another, different story.

CAST: Jill Awbrey, Bart Johnson, Zack Gold, & Rez Kempton, CREW:. Directors - Chris Lofing & Travis Cluff; Screenplay - Jill Awbrey; Producers - Chris Lofing, Travis Cluff, & Kyle Gentz; Cinematographer - Kyle Gentz; Editors - Aaron Tharp & Andy Matthews; Score - Richard Breakspear; Costume Designer - Trina Short; Production Designer - Max Martinez; Special Effects - Renee Mason, Jason Moore, & Robert Vargas; Visual Effects - Lucas De La Torre. OFFICIAL: N.A. FACEBOOK: N.A. TWITTER: N.A. TRAILER: https://youtu.be/eiVLLrwcos8 RELEASE DATE: In theaters and on demand April 9th, 2021

**Until we can all head back into the theaters our “COVID Reel Value” will be similar to how you rate a film on digital platforms - 👍 (Like), 👌 (It’s just okay), or 👎 (Dislike) Reviewed by Joseph B Mauceri

#film review #movie review #magnet releasing #held #chris lofing #travis cluff #jill awbrey #horror #psychological #stalker #anti-misogynistic #joseph mauceri #joseph b mauceri

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m00nslippers · 5 years

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Why as a Jason Todd fan, I don’t talk about ‘punishing’ Jason.

I wrote this as a response on one of my other posts but I think it needs to be it’s own post.

I’ve been seeing a lot of ‘discourse’ about Jason fans not talking about the things Jason has done like shooting Damian (twice) and beating up Tim (twice) or railing on Bruce or Dick or whoever. They are annoyed that I and others are not calling for the pitchforks and continue to be sympathetic. I’ve seen some unreasonable people who seem to think no Jason fan will admit (at least to their satisfaction) that Jason has done bad things. Some seem to want me to admit that Jason is a bad person, which I think is unreasonable and untrue. They also think it’s unreasonable for me to hold the bat family responsible for not giving Jason adequate psychiatric care and emotional support.

So here. I’ll explain why I think the way I do.

Do I, as a Jason fan not talk about Jason’s violence that much or hold him as accountable as you apparently do? Maybe not, I don’t know, but if that’s the case then I’ll tell you why.

Jason-Antis see Jason’s violence as something he chose to do with full knowledge, presumably because he just likes hurting people or because he’s so selfish that he’s willing to hurt people to get something that benefits him and only him.

But that’s not how I see it. I see Jason’s violence as a symptom of abuse. The vast majority of the time, Jason’s violence is a reaction out of fear, to escape or prevent himself from being hurt or abused, or prevent the hurt or abuse of others.

Honestly the vast majority of time in society in general crime or abuse is a result of past abuse or other issues like poverty or the person’s needs otherwise being met. You meet the need, you treat the root, the unwanted behavior goes away.

Jason has been conditioned to violence for his entire life, by his upbringing in Crime Alley, by the abuse from his father, by Bruce training him to be Robin, by Talia training him to kill people. Jason’s entire life has taught him to use violence to meet his needs and solve his problems. It’s not his nature, it’s just all he knows how to do. He’s like a dog who has been hit and beat and starved and thrown into dog fights. Of course he’s going to attack people the moment he thinks he needs to. Is that the fault of the dog? No, it’s the fault of the human who trained him that way. So if it’s not the dog’s fault then should it still be punished? No, it should be re-conditioned in a place where it can’t hurt anyone until it’s safe to enter society.

But Jason is not a dog, he’s a human with logic and reason and empathy, you say. Yes, but the kind of systematic abuse and conditioning that someone like Jason has undergone will literally warp your view or reality, will interfere with your ability to use reason and logic and if you are afraid or desperate enough it will overcome your ability to empathize with others too.

But Jason’s actions often seem systematic and manipulative, you say, so doesn’t that mean he’s just hurting people for selfish reasons because he wants something? Not necessarily, Jason is highly trained and clearly makes decisions in a very systematic way. He’s highly intelligent and has a lot of self control, so he channels his fear into planning and strategy, which have been taught to him by others. Most times when he’s been really violent he’s actually been trying to get away/escape capture. Other times when he’s been violent he’s been very emotionally distraught. And still other times it’s in service of his goal to kill criminals–which is born out of his fear and pain of them continuing to hurt him or others. He might seem in control, but that’s only because of his training, and his constant planning and goal in itself is mostly a response to his constant anxiety and fear. He channels it into his revenge/execution plans.

So you look at me and you say, well fine, let’s say for arguments sake all Jason’s actions all stem from his untreated mental illness. But there still needs to be a punishment because what he did was wrong.

But I’m telling you that, logically speaking, no. He actually shouldn’t be, not if your goal is to prevent the behavior–which for Jason absolutely needs to be the goal because clearly punishing him is impossible if you aren’t going to kill him since he keeps escaping prison (which is part of his point, that punishment is either impossible or doesn’t work for some criminals. He is a walking case of his own point.). Punishing him isn’t going to stop him from killing people, it’s not going to stop him from hurting people, it’s not going to stop anything it’s mostly just going to make it worse. Because nothing the bats are willing to do is worse than what he’s already been through, what he’s already built up in his head as the consequence of not killing/hurting people. At this point every criminal he sees is just the Joker and he’s terrified at the thought of him/them walking free to hurt him or hurt others.

The bats tried to punish Jason multiple times, they’ve tried fighting him, they’ve tried imprisoning him, they’ve tried yelling at him, they’ve tried ‘reasoning with him’ (he’s sick, he’s not reasonable). But none of it worked. Jason kept killing, kept ‘acting out’.

But you know what curbed Jason from killing? Roy and Kori. Once he got friends who weren’t telling him every moment ‘you’re a killer, stop killing, you’re crazy’, who were emotionally supportive, who made him feel safe–low and behold he stopped or at least significantly calmed down. That’s honestly how I know that most of his behavior is anxiety/fear based.

And sure you can say, ‘well different people wrote different things it’s just different writers writing him differently you can’t read anything into it.’ Well maybe, but I can and I am. The more I read about him the less I actually want to throw out, the more cohesive it actually feels to me in a lot of ways. And If you are going to hold Jason responsible for everything he’s been written as doing, then you have to take his New 52 change too. You can’t have the first and not the second. Either he beat up Tim and shot Damian and calmed down as soon as he got friends, or neither count because they are both writers writing him ‘out of character’ and there’s not point even bringing those things up.

So to my mind at least, talking about punishing Jason is stupid, it’s pointless, and it’s pointless talking about it. That’s honestly why as a Jason fan I don’t and why I don’t dwell on the fact he’s done “messed up things to his family.”Yeah, I identify with him but I don’t identify with his ‘need for validation’. I identify with his need for psychiatric treatment that he can’t get because his family will not treat it as the disease it is, with the care he deserves. Because that’s been me before, and it’s a reality for a lot of people in the country I live in.

And yes, asking his family to recognize his illness and bring him in, to accept him and help him even though he’s actively hurting them is a lot to ask for the average family. But the bat-family is not the average family. They are geniuses and they have all been trained in psychology and victim treatment, and they are trained physical fighters who can protect themselves against him. If anyone can handle it, it’s them. They know better, they can do better. In a world with non-shitty DC writers they probably would do better. But if we’re taking all of Jason’s shitty writing, then we are taking all of theirs too. And I don’t think they are doing as much as they are capable of.

So that’s a problem which a lot of the anti-Jason arguments that I see. They are solely focused on the bad things he’s done, and saying his fans are ignoring them. They say ‘yeah he’s traumatized, but that doesn’t excuse him hurting people’. And from my perspective that’s missing the point.

And I don’t want to call anyone out or make assumptions about anyone, but this kind of thinking, that people with mental illness and people who commit crimes are responsible for their own actions and no one else is culpable even though their action or inaction resulted in their behavior–feels like the same kind of bullshit I see everywhere in society. This person steals–let’s not address the fact that they can’t afford to eat because they aren’t paid a living wage, let’s just throw them in jail. It’s the same mentality.

Punish the symptom instead of treating the illness. It’s just laziness, in my opinion.

#Jason Todd #Red Hood #mental illness #critical analysis #analysis #psychology #dc comics #batfamily #batman #fan wank #discourse #jason anti

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malachi-walker · 4 years

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What character(s) from other fandoms that you're a part of remind you the most of Catra? Personally, I don't think I've seen too many, aside from maybe Vegeta from DBZ and maybe Jason Todd from DC comics but that's about it for me

Ok, anon, thanks for your patience. Let's go.

Firstly, I have two ladies that do give me a similar vibe to Catra (though they aren't 100% matches as you'll see.) And I want you to take particular note of that: it's very telling that the characters you mentioned are both dudes. This is something I have been thinking about for literally decades because it is a deeply entrenched stereotype in our culture: male abuse victims are angry, frustrated loners who lash out until they find that one (girl) person that gets through their facade, female abuse victims are portrayed as either anxious messes (more common in recent years) or as just... These smiling caricatures who continue to pretend to be happy because that's what our societies expect women to be. And this is something I took note of at a very early age, because as someone growing up with an abusive birth father I looked to the MALE characters as a guide book on how to act, because getting angry and lashing out was what made sense to me at the time and I resented the hell out of that unspoken implication that I was supposed to just suck it up and plaster on a smile when I wanted to rage against the injustice of what I was dealing with. In hindsight it wasn't great behavior, but it was what I needed to keep myself sane at the time. I'm not even exaggerating when I say I have waited my whole life for a character like Catra: someone who is reflective of my experiences as an ex-abuse victim, someone who is angry and wrathful and still allowed to be sympathetic. Now on to our two ladies.

First up: Vriska Serket from Homestuck. (I know, Homestuck is a huge fandom with a lot of assholes, but I do still enjoy the original comic. I just don't interact with the fandom.) Vriska and Catra both have similar vibes in the way they project their outward personas of being the badass bitch who takes no shit and is on top of things, but we all know that's a lie. And they both come from abusive backgrounds: Vriska was forced to become a killer at a very young age because her parental guardian (a literal giant spider) would eat her if Vriska didn't feed her other kids. Doesn't excuse her jerkass tendencies or her terrible actions, but that was how she started out. And Catra's deal with SW needs no explanation.

They both have developed very similar gadfly tendencies in order to maintain a sense of control around other people (though Vriska is a lot more mean spirited about it) and both have moments when the facade cracks and they show actual sincerity and frustration at themselves and other people. The main difference between them is that Vriska's actions are driven by a sense of grandiose self-importance that she has cultivated and fed into as a way to avoid looking at her own actions (because she's the best, so everything she does is awesome, right?) whereas Catra's primary driving motivation is pain: either making sure she doesn't have to hurt anymore or hurting those who hurt her. Plus Catra grapples with her sense of guilt a lot throughout Spop and maintains those sympathetic undertones while Vriska's moments of clarity are so rare that you basically have to keep a chart to locate them. But you could totally picture them both teaming up to make fun of their respective frenemies, assuming they didn't kill each other first for reminding themselves of their deep underlying self-loathing.

Second candidate: Anthy Himemiya from Revolutionary Girl Utena. And boy howdy, if anyone is interested in this show and wants to avoid spoilers, skip to the end now, because we're going on a deep and dark journey here.

At first glance, she and Catra don't have much in common. In fact, she seems to fit the stereotype I described above: the placid smiling doll who takes the abuse and keeps going. Key word: seems to. Anyone who actually watches the show knows exactly where I'm going here.

We're introduced to Anthy as the "Rose Bride": the prize in a series of sword fights between students at a very strange school, with the ultimate promise being that whoever owns the Rose Bride at the end of the duels will gain some nebulous ultimate power. And yeah, I said "own" for a reason: whoever possesses the Rose Bride effectively owns her and some of the most uncomfortable scenes in the show reinforce the fact that Anthy tailors her thoughts and actions to whoever currently controls her. And as you can expect, this leads to BUCKETS of abuse. Literally everyone in this show is culpable in some manner for this, no matter how well intentioned.

But remember that "seems to?" Because that's only one side of Anthy; the outward persona if you will. On the other side of the coin you have Anthy the Witch, and that's where the parallels with Catra come into play and why Anthy was my go-to abuse representation before Spop rocked my world. Because the big twist we find out at the end of the series is that Anthy and her older brother Akio (formerly Dios) are the former literal personifications of the fairytale damsel in distress princess and the noble prince on a white horse, respectively.

But the balance was upset: having to constantly go around saving people was literally killing Dios, because one of the major points of RGU is that you can assist people in saving themselves but doing it yourself strips them of agency and traps them in a cycle of needing to be saved again and again. The more people the noble prince saved, the more people needed saving. When it became clear that he couldn't keep going, Anthy took a stand and prevented the people coming for Dios (angry that he wasn't saving them anymore) from getting to him, and thus incurred the wrath of everyone and got skewered alive by an angry mob in the process. This isn't hyperbole: the role of the Rose Bride is to instinctively bring out the disdain and hatred of everyone on the planet. It's a punishment for stepping out of line, for not being the placid princess who needs to be rescued anymore.

Because we're operating on fairy tale logic, no longer being a princess means that Anthy became a witch, and no longer being the prince made Dios into satanic archetype Akio. So behind the scenes of the entire show, Anthy is the witch assisting her brother in orchestrating the duels, and their ultimate goal is to find someone pure of heart enough to embody those princely virtues Dios once possessed and to steal that power so Akio can return to being who he once was. All of the psychological torments and head games are designed to weed out the potential candidates to find that special someone... Except it's an impossible goal because no human being can live up to that standard. And with each atrocity they commit it becomes even more impossible to return to being that person.

Ok, tangent done, here's where it gets interesting: Anthy is a character with two sides to her, the suffering Rose Bride fated to endure the hatred of the entire world and the Wicked Witch who manipulates and orchestrates the torment of those around her. But here's the deal: she's a victim too. She's a victim of a system that won't let her be anything other than these two binaries; she's a victim of her brother who has all the power over her and has trapped her in a codependent incestuous relationship, and I don't care how awful the things she's done are: nobody deserves to go through the shit she does. So with all of that in mind, the actions that she goes through as the witch make perfect sense. Why shouldn't she torment these people who do nothing but abuse her and deny her of agency? Even the best hearted of the duellists (aka the ones who don't hit her or abuse her sexually) nonetheless fall into the trap of projecting their own biases and expectations onto her, biases that her role dictates she carry out. Her actions as the witch aren't right, but nothing about this situation is. That's the entire point.

And that's where she ties into being like Catra. Catra does some truly fucked up things, but it doesn't cancel out the fact that she's an abuse victim that has been literally tortured for most of her life for no good reason and has received zero acknowledgement of that abuse in universe. And much like Anthy, she can't begin to heal until the situation is acknowledged, because that's literally step one of breaking the cycle: confirming that this is not okay and that no one deserves the shit she's been through. Just knowing that herself isn't enough: it's acknowledgement from others that enables that process to begin, because no one can recover from abuse in a vacuum. You need outside people to be touchstones, because so much of recovering from abuse is confronting the way it warps your perception and thought processes. You need at the minimum one normal perspective to give you that, preferably more, but one minimum.

Hurting the people who care about her is definitely not okay and I'm not excusing her actions in that category, but it doesn't change the fact that she is justified in wanting to rage and lash out, because she is still trapped in that cycle. She can't heal or let go because the process hasn't even been started. She's not off the hook for the things she's done, but neither should she be automatically condemned without taking those factors into account (which is the entire reason why the distinction between an excuse and a justification exists.)

And if I can be a little pithy... The other similarity between Catra and Anthy is I can guarantee that in twenty years people will STILL be arguing over whether or not Catra "deserved" to be freed from her abusive situation.

Good God this turned into an essay. Hope this makes up for how long it took, anon. And anyone else who makes it this far, treat yourself. You earned it.

#long post #anon #answers #comparitive analysis #yes virginia i am a lit graduate

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undiagnosednpdhurtseveryone · 5 years

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What is hoovering?

it’s called Hoovering….

What is hoovering?

Hoovering is a technique that is named after the Hoover vacuum cleaner, and is used by Narcissists (and other manipulative people) in order to “suck” their victims back.

Hoovering is often done after the silent treatment is given or the victim has left them. This behavior often starts off subtle and unassuming, and is done through voicemail, text messages, email, phone calls, notes, other people, or through any other form of possible communication with the victim. Because the Narcissist knows the victim’s weak spots, they will generally tend to target these areas in order to reopen communication. Once communication is reopened, the Narcissist generally promises change–which never, ever happens for any length of time. It’s like when Lucy holds the football for Charlie Brown, and every time he goes to kick to the ball, she pulls it away and enjoys his fall.

Some common types of hoovering after the silent treatment or the victim leaving are:

Text messages pretending to be concerned: “How are you?”, “Hey, I’m thinking about you”, “I know things didn’t work out, but you really do mean a lot to me. I just want you to know that.”

Text messages acting like nothing happened: “Hey stranger, long time no talk” or “Hey what’s going on?”

Text messages on or about special occasions/holidays: “Merry Christmas”, “Hope you are having a good birthday–wish I could be there”, “Are you going to Molly’s wedding next weekend? If you’re going, I won’t go–I don’t want to upset you.”

Text messages about the kids (especially if they’re not his): “I was at the park today and saw a cute kid that looked just like Jason. Just wanted to say I miss you guys.” or “I know you hate me, but please tell Ava that I wish her a happy birthday and I’m sorry I can’t be there.”

Text messages about an upcoming event: “Hey, I know you said you never wanted to talk to me again, but Disney on Ice is this weekend, I was thinking about taking the kids.” or “Aerosmith is playing next weekend and I have an extra ticket–you wanna go?”

Text messages about things you like to do that he’s never been interested in doing with you before: “Hey, there’s a vegetarian cooking class this weekend, you wanna go?” or “Wanna go wine tasting this weekend?”

Text messages about bogus family illnesses or some sort of crisis (including his own): “I think I might have cancer, can you talk?” or, “OMG my mom just had a stroke.” or “What does a heart attack feel like? My left arm really hurts,” or, “I can’t handle this anymore, I’m going to kill myself.”

Text messages that are supposedly meant for someone else, but sent to you by mistake: “See you in ten minutes xoxo” (Supposedly for his current girlfriend–sent to upset you.) “The boss just moved the meeting to Wednesday at 3pm.” (Supposedly for his coworker–sent so you feel a sense of obligation for the coworker.) Or, “Sam called and said John is in the hospital and to call him immediately.” (Supposedly sent to someone else, but sent to you so you feel a sense of urgency to get back to him.)

Text messages that are guilt or pity inducing: “Can’t we work this out? Please give us another chance.” “What about the kids? You know how hard it is having divorced parents–why would you want to do that to them?” “I have a lot of issues. I get that now. I’ll get into therapy. I promise.” “My alcoholism is out of control. I need help.”

Text messages about sex/deep connection: “I miss snuggling with you.” “You always be the love of my life.” “You are my soul mate, I’m sorry I let you down.”

Text messages that attempt to flip the hoover back on you: “Did u just text me?” or “Did you just call me?” or “Did I just see you drive by?”

Text messages, when all else fails, making bogus accusations to get some type of emotional response: “Why are you calling my mom and bugging her?” or “I just found out you cheated on me.” “I’ve moved on. You need to quit stalking me.”

All of these examples are just one big fat manipulation for you to open the door and let them back into your life. Don’t fall for it!

Why do Narcissists hoover?

Narcissists hoover because it’s their way of making sure you stay sucked into their game, and remain a source of their Narcissistic supply. Keep in mind that while they were giving you the silent treatment before, they were busy lining up someone else–generally a new girlfriend/partner. They haven’t returned to you because they care, or because they love you. They are incapable of love. Most likely they have returned because things didn’t work out with whomever they had replaced you with, and they are looking to feed off you some more. It’s very important that you realize that a “relationship” with a Narcissist is nothing more than a game–their game, and it’s only over when they decide it’s over. This is why you make take back a Narcissist during one of their hoover attempts, only to be discarded by them a few weeks later.

How can I be sure that this is really hoovering and not just a normal relationship that has it’s ups and downs?

Time will tell. If you keep having the same issues, with the same conversations with the same outcomes, and getting sucked back in over same promises of the same changes that never come, then you are in a relationship with someone who has no desire to change. End of story. (Here’s an example of both gas lighting and hoovering from my own life.)

It is impossible to have a relationship with a person like this–it’s all one-sided: their side! Normal/healthy relationships don’t follow this cycle. In normal relationships people are exhibit some form of empathy towards each other (even during a break up), are accountable for their behavior, and they show through their actions (not just their words) that they are truly remorseful. You may have issues in your relationship, but it’s not the same issues over and over again. In other words, a normal partner has the ability and desire to be accountable for their bad behavior and they work towards changing it. They aren’t unrepentant compulsive liar, cheaters, thieves or addicts/alcoholics.

A relationship with a Narcissist also differs from a normal relationship in that it follows a very distinct pattern that involves the same issues generally lying and cheating) over and over and over and over again.

The cycle starts out with love bombing/(or hoovering if you are in the makeup stage) then devaluing then discarding–and sometimes the devaluing isn’t even there (well it’s still there, it’s just not done to your face). Sometimes the relationship goes from amazing to nonexistent in the flash of an eye, with no remorse or empathy on the part of the Narcissist, and the victim is left in absolute shock as to what just happened.

How can I get out of the hoovering cycle?

The first step is for you to see it for what it is. Once you realize that you aren’t in a relationship but are a pawn in their sick game, you can choose not to play. If you are able to cut off all ties and go “No Contact” do so immediately. If you have children with them, or are unable to fully cut ties, you can implement a technique called “Gray Rock.”

Narcissists do not change. They only get better at hiding their true selves. I know it’s hard to let go of hope, but please break the cycle and get help. You deserve better. Domestic Violence shelter generally offer free or low cost therapy to people who are, or think they are in any form of an abusive relationship–and psychological and/or emotional torment like this is abuse.

From Lawrence Schneider on Quora

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iheartpaps-blog · 6 years

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TDCJ’s Ad-Seg Program is for Profit not for Rehabilitation- Writen by: Jason Renard Walker

TDCJ's Ad-Seg Program is for Profit not for Rehabilitation: From Sensory Deprivation to Sensory Overload – And Back, by Jason Renard Walker – Deputy Minister of Labor, New African Black Panther Party

After randomly being awakened in the early morning, boarded on the TDCJ transportation bus, then shipped to the Ramsey Unit, a prisoner told me that the experience was like “being snatched from a dungeon and sent to a new wave slave plantation.”

The statement he made is a reality that many prisoners housed in close custody units and solitary confinement cells throughout the state of Texas are experiencing, on a whim.

In fact, the majority of prisoners that are sent to the Ramsey Unit claim that they were forced to board the bus with one small bag of property and the rest was left in their cells, as is, with the mere promise that it would be sent later – a situation I'm all to familiar with.

To “middleman” and profit off of tax, state, and government funded rehabilitation programs, state and prison officials create then embed unproductive and meaningless programs within the many costly pre-existing programs, like the Pamio and CMI psychiatric programs at the Clements Unit and the Ad-Seg Transitional Program (ASTP) here at the Ramsey Unit.

On paper these programs are supposed to help prisoners cope with the physical, mental and psychological stress imposed from countless years of living in solitary confinement-like conditions.

They've done everything but that. A special group of “experts”, teachers, therapists and counselors are weaselled onto the state's payroll as advisors and instructors, but not to help us rehabilitate. No! No! No!

The purpose is to expand the job opportunities for the relatives of ex- and current TDCJ employees, both in the upper echelons and on the lower rungs. This way everything is kept “in the family”, the capital is concentrated and the exploitative practices and for-profit schemes are perpetually passed from one generation to the next. This explains why the grievance supervisor, mailroom supervisor and warden all have relatives (with the same last name) working at the prisons, who are corrupt as ever, and get away with it. It's a repeated cycle.

But this ASTP program is clearly one that is shifting unknowing prisoners from sensory deprivation to sensory overload, then back to sensory deprivation immediately after the prisoner breaks down from being simultaneously bombarded with the contradictions of solitary confinement. I'll explain later.

In response, this hasn't been a concern to the transition team (who are mostly related to prison staff), who are using this program to get free pay checks, ride the clock and use the education building to hold banquets, premature Christmas parties, and gossip with co-workers all day.

On top of which, the 2017 Texas state budget called for a four per cent decrease in funding for the state's prison system. This amounts to a quarter billion in slashed funds for a system that's already under pressure. With the pressure valve being an understaffed prison system, over-priced commissary vendor, phone services with sky-high prices, and the reduction of limited non-Texas harvested food items, like fish, cheese and coffee etc, which is part of TDCJ's budget.

But even though this budget cut was called for, this hasn't affected the TDCJ's efforts in using a compromised budget to design unnecessary and ineffective programs that call for expanding the annual state payroll, which has a domino effect on TDCJ's inability to get a budget increase.

How the scheme works:

Originally the ASTP program was designed as a “voluntary” program for ad-seg prisoners only. By their own written policy (which may have changed), prisoners have to be a line class I (one) or higher to be eligible.

The chosen are picked during the state classification committee (SCC) hearing that is held every six months. Prisoners aren't supposed to be sent to the program unless they agree to the terms and conditions. Those that decline to participate are supposed to have an alternative route, like medium custody.

But in any event, refusing the program isn't supposed to affect our eligibility to be released from ad-seg, as the program is supposedly “voluntary”. After arriving at the Ramsey Unit, I was told that we all “agreed to be here” and could've exercised other options.

I also learned that the administration are ignoring their own policy and are randomly enrolling close custody prisoners, regardless of their line class, ineligibility, or willingness to participate – all to fill up space and keep the program running and the checks coming in. “If you don't wanna be here, just say the word and I'll put your ass on the bus” said Mr McGowen, an obese bigot who's obviously eating well from his highly paid, non-laborious position as program manager or held negro in charge (HNIC). “I get paid regardless”, he said while wolfing down snacks in front of the commissary window.

This get put on the bus routine only sends the prisoner back to close custody or seg, only to start their stint over, be reconsidered to attend and sent back, over and over until they graduate or go home.

Despite this “volunteer” notion, before they are put on the bus they receive disciplinary cases for refusing to attend classes or something. Similarly, with this being done, our placement back into the same conditions is justified.

The policy says we can go back to population after being kicked out of the program, but their statistics show that we are being sent back to close custody or ad-seg – a revolving door scam.

Additionally, we attend two separate classes held by two different teachers, one class is Monday-Friday and the other is twice a week. In regards to the latter, on days the teacher feels a need to hang out with her co-workers like McGowen or sleep, she'll simply cancel the classes for the day and have us forge our names on the roster saying that we attended the days in question. This is sometimes arranged ahead of time and told to us before it takes place, as to get our agreement to conspire in their money scheme.

This ultimately results in prisoners being forced to stay on the cell block all day while “control freak” guards like O'Moregie spend the entire shift provoking them into confrontations then write them disciplinary cases, resulting in them being kicked out of the program. All the while, those who run the program and are key to our transition, kick back in the education building while inmate bellboys cater to their every want and need.

In retrospect, the five-day-a-week class can only be completed after we do a minimum of 150 classroom hours, which doesn't include non-school time like unit lockdowns, holidays etc, which prolongs our completion. So essentially this class has its perks for staff too.

Normally these classes are held three hours per group, but due to prison count defaults, we are routinely forced to stay close to an hour over, in which case we get no credit for having to stay late, but the teachers get paid as if class is still being held.

From Sensory Deprivation to Sensory Overload

Outside of the money scheme, an abstracted element exists – zero tolerance attitudes from staff who desire to remove us (mainly Blacks and Hispanics) from the program under the slightest pretext.

After an openly racist ranking official (Sgt Gerrold W Sharp) replaced Sgt Hughes as the program sergeant, “zero tolerance” mode was put into effect.

I observed prisoners chatting among themselves about how racist Sharp is but thought it was exaggeration. That's until, on December 11 2017, I witnessed him use the words “nigger” and “black ass”, following a confrontation with a Black prisoner who he denied the right to eat in the chow hall. “You're not getting shit. What you gonna do about it?” he screamed at the prisoner who was on the other side of the locked cell block door.

What I noticed about Sharp is that he doesn't show his true colors unless he's around white co-workers or the prisoner is locked behind a door and is provoked by him to hurl impulsive threats, in which case the prisoner has a lesser chance to be in a position to challenge Sharp's returned threats. In response, a case can be written and the prisoner can be kicked out of the program.

“Please don't shut up, so I can write you up”, Sharp taunted another prisoner in the education building, following an office asking him to be quiet. During that time, Sharp was surrounded by guards.

A White prisoner told me that Sharp explained that he'd assist the Whites in any way he can to make sure they completed the program, while going out of his way to coax Black and Hispanic prisoners into getting kicked out. A second White prisoner told me that he was approached by Sharp and told “I got y'all's back”, but after finding out that the White prisoner embraced Black culture, he started harassing him and threatening to kick him out for minor everyday things. (This prisoner was eventually removed from the program for one reason or another.)

As I was collecting evidence from prisoners about Sharp's behavior towards them, one-by-one they were kicked out of the program for a variety of minor things that were factually baseless. A Black prisoner, D Bell Jr #1781174, who'd recently been removed from the program by one of Sharp's running dogs, sent me this message while waiting to be sent back to the dungeon, in hopes that I'd bring awareness to it:

“Being falsely accused is abuse throughout prisons across America. These problems are often veiled by being conveniently grouped together under a category of “criminal” or “offender” and by the automatic attribution of criminal behavior to people of that status. This causes some officials to abuse their authority and keep this corrupt behavior breathing. I am innocent and I only wish to complete this god-given program.”

Given that 80% of prison staff are of African descent, it is strange that Sharp was able to survive the short time he did (due to valid complaints, he is no longer controlling our cell block).

But this still hasn't solved the problem of prisoners being kicked out of the program on frivolous grounds. Lieutenant Joe M Lopez has picked up where Sharp left off; his motive isn't driven by greed or racism, but pure hate for ASTP prisoners, and his love for absolute authority over them.

During my seven-year stay in solitary, I'd grown accustomed to expecting and predicting the outcome of certain situations that I was powerless over, and other situations where I had some control, e.g.: using the restroom when I want; sleeping when I want; saving my meals to eat when I want, etc.

This long state of extreme sensory deprivation forced me into adjusting to being restricted from things like social and physical contact with staff; the ability to leave the cell without leg and hand restraints; the ability to physically confront staff without them being safely guarded by a cell door, etc.

But the contradictions of this program have exposed us to being bombarded by racist, aggressive, taunting, mentally abusive and verbally threatening guards; guards running up to our faces; screaming, swearing and pointing their fingers at us; challenging us to fight but writing us up when we accept the challenge – that is to say, deliberate sensory overload.

What I'm about to describe exposes this program as being bogus instead of rehabilitative. In the month of November 2017, me and three other prisoners were scheduled to see medical staff and psychiatrist Brandon Heiple.

Immediately after we arrived to the sign-in desk, escorted by Officer Derrick D Day, an officer who told me that “everyone” is out to get him fired, Officer Misty C Sam jumped up from the desk and maniacally screamed “you niggas back the fuck up!” After we tried to explain our reason for being there, she began swearing and hurling insults. This was enough to make us step behind the door connecting the walk-way and the infirmary entrance. Day closed the door.

We fired back insults of our own, but she obviously wasn't in any mood to have a verbal battle and got straight to the point. “What's up, what you gonna do?” she said to prisoner Leonard M Brazier Jr, #784079, who told her it didn't matter.

As Officer Day opened the barred door, inviting one of us to challenge her, she stood with balled-up fists,and as nurses watched, screaming “what's up nigga, you ready?” Nobody moved, so Day closed the door and the nurses carried on. “Y'all niggas ain't ready” she said to herself as she sat back down, smiling.

I confronted Officer Day about why he didn't control the situation, but he claimed that prisoners and his co-workers are out to get him fired, so he didn't want to get involved. But in contradiction to his statement, he opened the door so as to assist with Officer Sam's attempts to provoke us into hitting her, and didn't close it back until it was confirmed that we wouldn't bite. A great example of one way to get fired.

Program employees like Mr McGowen, Ms Dogan, Ms King, the Smith sisters and ranking staff who oversee the cell block are supposed to respond to and assist us in situations where our position in the program is in jeopardy, but they don't.

The only time we are given advice is after we've lashed out at guards, in which case the advice is usless since being kicked out is inevitable. And other times, we are told to keep sucking it up regardless of how unconstitutional and flagrantly abusive their acts are. “What's more important?” they often ask, with no thoughts of fixing the dilemma.

On November 27, 2017, I was challenged to act out yet again. As I was standing in line, getting food put on my tray, I was approached by the food service manager, Etta T Armstead, who first told me to get out of the line for no reason at all.

After I exposed her baseless reason, she grabbed the tray and tried to jerk it out of my hand, spilling food on my shirt. “Give me the tray”, she said. After I asked for an explanation, she claimed that I'd already eaten, which was proven to be a lie. She then claimed that she saw me steal two slices of cheese from behind the service line. Officer De Souza explained that he'd given them to me since I have a medical pass authorising me to have extra nutrition.

“I run the kitchen, I don't care what kinda restriction you got” she said, ignoring this justification. After I wouldn't give up the tray, she called Sharp and Lopez, and they all huddled up. I went to sit down.

Sharp approached and demanded that I hand him the cheese. I slid the tray to him so he could get it himself, but he stated “boy you gonna hand me the cheese or you going back to seg”, showing me the handcuffs.

I refused to hand it to him but put the tray where he could grab it, which still wasn't good enough. “Hand him the cheese or I'll say you stole it” Armstead said, I refused. I was handcuffed, take nto medical for a pre-seg evaluation, then thrown in solitary confinement.

To justify the theft cast they had pre-wrote so I would get kicked out of the program, character witnesses including medical staff, Armstead and DeSouza were interviewed.

Knowing that the initial statement that staff make is usually adopted by others, they got Armstead's theft claim and tried to see if DeSouza would agree with it. He and medical staff both admitted that the cheese was given to me and that it can be used to replace items I'm allergic to.

This forced Lopez to release me from solitary and throw the case away, but not before admitting that Armstead may seek revenge on me or write me up on another day.

This is not a unique situation, prisoners are being provoked and set-up every day. Due to the average prisoner being unaware of their own constitutional rights and how to challenge bogus disciplinary cases, this program has turned into one that doesn't seek to help us make the transition to population; but one that is used to provoke us into going back to the dungeon, and which gives the administration data that can be used to keep us there and label us as lost causes.

We need the public and journalists to scrutinize the ASTP program and help crack down on the state's abuse of it as one that's torturing us by sending us from sensory deprivation to sensory overload and back.

Dare to struggle, dare to win. All power to the people.

Jason Renard Walker #1532092

Ramsey Unit

1100 FM 655

Rosharon, TX 77583

#PAPS

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