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fanfic-lover-girl · 2 months

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Taking Gryffindors and Their Stans to Court

So I thought it would be fun to compile a list of crimes committed by various Gryffindor characters, especially the ones I have seen stans blatantly glorify or condone. This is also fueled by the narrative ignoring how horrific these actions are as well. For each, I will provide the definition of the crime as listed in British law (hyperlink provided in the crime category), cite the guilty parties and cite some of the flimsy defences provided by stans. The characters include, but are not limited to:

Hermione Granger

Weasley twins

Marauders (especially James Potter and Sirius Black)

Rubeus Hagrid

Professor McGonagall

This post will be a work in progress so I will add as I go along. Please feel free to add as well. Also, I am not a legal expert so do not expect these categories to be 100% accurate despite my doing my best. Here I go!

Crime: Sexual Harassment

The Equality Act 2010 says someone sexually harasses another person if they:

Engage in unwanted conduct of a sexual nature and

The conduct has the purpose or effect of either violating the other person’s dignity or creating an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment for them.

Guilty parties: James Potter and other marauders as accomplices (Snape's Worst Memory, Book 5)

But too late; Snape had directed his wand straight at James; there was a flash of light and a gash appeared on the side of James’s face, spattering his robes with blood. James whirled about: a second flash of light later, Snape was hanging upside-down in the air, his robes falling over his head to reveal skinny, pallid legs and a pair of greying underpants. Many people in the small crowd cheered; Sirius, James and Wormtail roared with laughter.

There was another flash of light, and Snape was once again hanging upside-down in the air. ‘Who wants to see me take off Snivelly’s pants?’

Said by Marauder/James stans:

Snape was a future DE so he deserved it; ie. future criminals/bullies deserve to be bullied before they commit said crime. Someone had to bully Snape.

What James did was not sexual harassment

Snape is a guy so he can't be sexually harassed

I hate Snape so I love seeing him hurt and in pain (perfectly valid reason, we can hate who we want. still listing it though)

Boys will be boys. The marauders are just teenage boys joking around.

In that period, what James did was not illegal

Snape called Lily a mudblood so he deserved it

Snape attacked James so he deserved it

Crime: Kidnapping

The legal definition of kidnapping is to take someone unwillingly and then keep them illegally imprisoned without their valid consent. The latter is normally done with motive, such as financial gain in the form of a ransom.

Guilty parties: Hermione Granger (The Beginning, Book 4)

‘Oh, not electronic bugs,’ said Hermione. ‘No, you see … Rita Skeeter’ – Hermione’s voice trembled with quiet triumph – ‘is an unregistered Animagus. She can turn –’ Hermione pulled a small sealed glass jar out of her bag. ‘– into a beetle.’

Said by Hermione stans:

Rita deserved it for being a sleazy journalist and saying mean things about her and her friends

Rita deserved it by committing a crime first as an illegal animagus. So she has no leverage against Hermione.

Crime: Child Cruelty (Or Child Endangerment/Abuse)

The offence in section 1 of the 1933 Act is committed where a person over the age of 16, who has responsibility for a child under that age, wilfully assaults, illtreats, neglects, abandons, or exposes that child in a manner likely to cause ‘unnecessary suffering or injury to health including any mental derangement’.

Guilty parties: Prof Minerva McGonagall (Snape’s Grudge, Book 3)

Professor McGonagall was so furious with him she had banned him from all future Hogsmeade visits, given him a detention and forbidden anyone to give him the password into the Tower. Poor Neville was forced to wait outside the common room every night for somebody to let him in . . .

Context: An alleged mass murderer (Sirius Black) was on the loose 🫠

Said by McGonagall stans:

She's just strict

Crime: Assault

An assault is any act (and not mere omission to act) by which a person intentionally or recklessly causes another to suffer or apprehend immediate unlawful violence.

Guilty parties:

Rubeus Hagrid (The Keeper of the Keys, Book 1)

He brought the umbrella swishing down through the air to point at Dudley — there was a flash of violet light, a sound like a firecracker, a sharp squeal and next second, Dudley was dancing on the spot with his hands clasped over his fat bottom, howling in pain. When he turned his back on them, Harry saw a curly pig’s tail poking through a hole in his trousers. ... ‘Oh, well — I was at Hogwarts meself but I — er — got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wand in half an’ everything.’

Fred & George Weasley (Back to the Burrow, Book 4 & Snape's Worst Memory, Grawp;Book 5) - two for the price of one lol

Dudley was no longer standing behind his parents. He was kneeling beside the coffee table, and he was gagging and spluttering on a foot-long, purple, slimy thing that was protruding from his mouth. One bewildered second later, Harry realised that the foot-long thing was Dudley’s tongue — and that a brightly coloured toffee-wrapper lay on the floor before him.

‘Yeah, Montague tried to do us during break,’ said George. ‘What do you mean, “tried”?’ said Ron quickly. ‘He never managed to get all the words out,’ said Fred, ‘due to the fact that we forced him head-first into that Vanishing Cabinet on the first floor.’ ‘Not until Montague reappears, and that could take weeks, I dunno where we sent him,’ said Fred coolly. ‘Anyway … we’ve decided we don’t care about getting into trouble any more.’

To cap matters, Montague had still not recovered from his sojourn in the toilet; he remained confused and disorientated and his parents were to be observed one Tuesday morning striding up the front drive, looking extremely angry.

Hermione Granger (Felix Felicis, Book 6)

‘Oppugno!’ came a shriek from the doorway. Harry spun round to see Hermione pointing her wand at Ron, her expression wild: the little flock of birds was speeding like a hail of fat golden bullets towards Ron, who yelped and covered his face with his hands, but the birds attacked, pecking and clawing at every bit of flesh they could reach.

Said by Hagrid stans:

Like with Minerva, I don't see Hagrid stans or regular fans bringing this up. But crimes against the Dursleys are usually justified by the fandom due to their being abusive to Harry.

Said by Weasley twins stans:

The Dursleys were abusive to Harry so Dudley deserved it.

Dudley brought it on himself by eating it. The twins did not force him to eat it.

It was just a joke - harmless fun (for both crimes)

They did not know what the cabinet would do

They did not intend to almost kill Montague

Montague deserved it because HE WAS TAKING HOUSE POINTS (***INSERT RAGE!!!!***)

The twins are just mischievous. They are so funny!

Said by Hermione/Romione stans:

It was just a mistake

Hermione has anger issues. She's just a teenage girl.

Hermione was distraught. She didn't mean it.

Ron deserved it for hurting queen Hermione.

Ron doesn't care so why do you?

Romione is the best HP ship ever. All ships have rough patches.

No matter what Hermione does, I will always ship her with Ron. The other options are not good for her.

I will pause here because I can feel my blood pressure rising. I don't really have beef with anyone, I just don't like seeing these takes on my dash or these responses on my anti blog posts. I have no control over people's opinions and I doubt more than a handful of people care about mine.

Will continue next time on Taking Gryffindors and Their Stans to Court!

PS. All attempts to deflect by pointing the finger at other characters like Draco Malfoy, DEs, Severus Snape etc will be ignored. This is about JKR's darlings who apparently can do no wrong and the stans who shamelessly justify violence.