#learning - going out with friends - drinking

[tangledinink]

if the timing had been off by even just a little bit-- if he had turned that corner just a few seconds sooner or later-- he probably would have lived. but if he hadn't been going so fast, the timing wouldn't have mattered.

sometimes people seem to think, "i'll be fine. i'm a good driver. i'm good enough that i can do this safely." but some things you can't do safely. it doesn't matter if you're good or not.

if you're going anywhere today, i hope you get there okay. april 13, 1997 - may 11, 2022

#my brother had a cat named luna #my brother went through an emo/death metal phase in middle school #my brother was really good at math and science #my brother liked the guardians of ga'hoole books #my brother played so many hours of call of duty #my brother learned how to fix cars all on his own #my brother stepped up when our father died #my brother was planning to buy a house #my brother and i had a hard time in middle school #my brother and i werent close for a long time #my brother was in a really bad relationship for a long time #my brother had a drug problem for a while #my brother had a drinking problem #my brother got out of that relationship #my brother got better #my brother stopped doing drugs and drinking #my brother found really wonderful friends #my brother had a wonderful job and had an amazing partner #my brother had so much going for him #my brother was turning into someone who i could look at and say “i want to be friends with them” #my brother and i were fixing our relationship little by little #my brother was finally growing up and coming into his own #my brother used to hold my hand and protect me when we were in preschool #my brother and i were inseperable once #my brother and i shared a womb #and then we shared a bed #and then a room #and then we were in different classes at school #we went to different high schools #i went to college in chicago and he stayed in massachusetts

[bulletsfrank]

me when running away from everyone makes me end up all alone:

#i dont have any irl friends anymore theyre all gone with my old discord and its been too long to go back #i lost myself over the summer in ways i can never explain.. i dont know where i am if im being honest #drinking is worsening it all #i feel so insane.. genuinely.. i cant stop getting into my own head and letting it all happen #its just me and teddy #im too scared to leave the house for longer than a few hours anymore #i cant handle people looking at .e #me. i cant handle talking. i cant handle daily tasks of anything. even these days moving feels too hard #i keep finding myself face down floating in the river #and when i turn my body over #my face isnt rotten #it isnt bloated at all. #... its just me and i look young and like i died two minutes ago #then i snap out and im making dinner #and im someone else. somewhere else forever #im so alone but id rather it right now. no one knows how bad it is. intentionally. i never tell anyone #because what would they do? #the only thing i ever learned was to run away and hide. i cant stop thinking i need to keep doing it #i just want everyone to be rid of me so i keep running and running and running

[ladyimaginarium]

Manifestation Moodboard: Interfaith Christmas, Hannukah & Yule!!

#arcana.uploads #the idealized self. #christmas. #hannukah. #yule. #mine. #do not reblog unless you're a member of our system. #christmas + hannukah + yule inspo !! ft fancy clothes & cool stuff i'd& love to wear & do one day !! <3333 #the contrasting colors of christmas / yule & hannukah are so neat tbh #like. you have red & green for christmas / yule & blue & white for hannukah w/ flecks of gold & silver for both !! #i& would totally love to have a whole hannukah thing w/ jewish friends & maybe some trusted goyim & vibe while we eat jelly donuts & challa #& study some more jewish literature & learn about revolution bc at its core thats what hannukah's about !! #& then for christmas we'd& vibe w/ friends while we drink hot cocoa & watch some cheesy movies & decorate the tree qwq + chinese food ngl #both hannukah & xmas get gingerbread houses & cakes for their respective holidays BET !!!! idc idc #& then in between xmas & yule we'd& love to go out w/ friends to like. a cabin or idk a longhouse or smth & vibe there !! #& go skiing maybe even tho i suck at it or try traditional dogsledding LAGJGAAGLJAGGALJAGJL #one of my& favorite gifts are gonna be blue roses + mullah bc we& love to see it !! #& then i'd& totally wanna go on those horseback carriage rides w/ either partner(s) or friends or maybe a future niece/nephew/nieph qwq #our& outfits would ideally SLAY #& then for yule it'll be a more quiet solemn but happy time !! bonus if it has log cake !! lots of prayers & hopes for the new year !! <333 #maybe do some kinda fancy altar & practicing winter witchcraft / magick along w/ traditional indigenous medicines on the side !! #bc listen a native jewish bitch can dream !!!!

[scribbling-dragon]

sometimes I think about my years as a scout. and then wonder how im still alive/sane

#WHEN DID I WRITE THIS??? HELLO?? #i have no memory of doing this but my drafts were empty last week???? #we did a competition camp and we burned everything. set baked beans on fire set a tub of butter on fire #i ate a basically raw sweet potato because we were tired of waiting for it to cook more #someone in my troopgot paid 20p to drink a concotion of out of date juice dirt water and stick pieces (he did it) #i sat and read a warrior cats book in the shared tent while my friends pretended to have gay sex next to me #(i say pretend because they were still fully clothed #that was just one camp #and then at the scout hut we had a box of expired foods that wed occasionally go thru #and my sister got tricked into eating a green marshmallow and got food poisoning #(i didnt eat it bc i was suspicious of why they were giving out free food) #i had a knife thrown at me multiple times. most notable being when someone (weird drink guy) thought i was tryna steal his chair #we werent allowed pocketknives at camp after that #one of the leaders hated me. told me i looked miserable all the time and didnt like that i was vegetarian #but its fine bc he was a dick. made us clean his car okce because it was a “learning experience” #my parents paid for me to go to scouts #i talk to none of the people from there anymore #oh and the majority of the boys had a weird obsession with my sister. and would ask me how to talk to her #i think it really shaped me as a person tbh

[sob-dylan]

i quit smoking weed a few weeks ago on account of my being a dumbass, and i have replaced that addiction with a newfound crochet addiction. so yeah. i guess you could say i'm doing "sobriety" better than any other "sober" person in the history of "sobriety."

#i've been crocheting a bunch of little necklaces and giving them to all my friends #and now i'm crocheting a tote bag with granny square hearts #and next i think i'm gonna crochet a capybara for my siblings birthday #i hate “sobriety” but i'm fucking crushing it tbh #(i'm putting “sobriety” in quotes bc i'm still drinking #but i'm not doing any other drugs #except for the poppers i did last weekend but to paraphrase the late great dr. wendy carr #how could anyone get satisfaction out of something that only last 19 seconds? #but fr i just learned that one of my friends had to go to the hospital after taking too much acid and a bunch of other shit last week #and there may even be some permanent side effects #so i'm serious about getting straight! #i'm serious!) #personal

[designernishiki]

“ugh why couldn’t nishiki see that reina was Right There and would’ve made such a good girlfriend–” he’s gay, susan

#easy explanation. next #don’t say a word about yumi. that whole thing smells like comp het to me and you can’t tell me otherwise #not in MY house #my personal self indulgent hc is that reina is a close friend to him because he goes to Serena alot and gets drunk and when he’s drunk he’s. #like. basically a white girl drunk when left to his own devices and ends up crying and spilling all his secrets and emotions and etc and #reina has inevitably learned a LOT about him through that not even really by choice #most relevantly; that he’s got a Lot of repressed gay angst going on in his fucked up little brain #has never mentioned legitimate or deep feelings for any girls before and it doesn’t even seem to cross his mind to do so unless it’s called #out. mostly just ends up lamenting about the complicated feelings he developed over god knows how long for his best friend #that he’ll probably never act on because he’s probably straight and probably sees him in a more familial light and blah blah blah #whether or not reina has feelings for him is up in the air but either way she figures out real quick that oh man. this guy. needs someone #to vent to and make sure he doesn’t drink himself to death or do something stupid when he’s in one of his Lament Spirals #and well. may as well be her #yeah. anyway. I got sorta sidetracked here point is I think that boy’s trying to do comp het but Failing #that’s my take #nishiki #rambling

[mainfaggot]

i often get nostalgic for something i never had the chance to experience but only watched from afar, when i see teenage boys on public transport with dyed buzz cuts and skateboards

#i never really did anything in hs but study cry drink coffee and draw and cry some more and then draw some more #i was very... anxious academically inclined and artistic (the three big As of my hs experience) but i was so obsessed with perfection #that i only had fun like 30% of the time #i had a few close friends but i was so afraid of social situations and i avoided bigger gatherings and club activities that actually couldv #benefited me #i never dared to try things outside my comfort zone #i wanted to learn how to skateboard and i wanted to go places alone but i was always too scared #i do the second thing nowadays bc i have no friends at my university... #thats good i guess but im still really on edge while im out alone sometimes idk #i guess the point is i wish i had more fun when i was younger #im only 20 now so i guess it's still high time #but I've felt so horribly alone since i was 17 #z.post

[benetnvsch]

whoever said I could have A Job and Make Money was Not thinking about the effects this would have on the economy - (<- is about to spend $150 on kunikida merch someone please tell me this is A Bad Idea)

#I DON"T MAKE MUCH BTW I DON'T EVEN WORK FULL TIME #I just have horrible spending habits ;; #this is next to nothing for me too considering how much I spend on art commission KJHFKJHF- HELP #I fear I will lose my bungou stray people hyperfixation soon too so do I really wonna do this? #but I am sad and going back to school in 10 days and the serotonin boost from this is Like No Other KHFJH #my most prized possessions are all similar things #(genshin plush I got from friend #oc plush I got from friend) #literally they were the first things I packed for evacuations #k/nikida plush good for mental health Trust #the issue here is also that im not at school yet so anything shipped here will be received by my parents here first and Idk if im ready #for them to learn about how unnormal I am abt k/nikida yet - #FKJHKJHFKJH #I should not be allow to spend money OUGhhh- recently spent like 150 on a character I liked and regretting that just a bit- #300 in like a month for nonessential stuff if a bit much for me #what most ppl spend on gas money and idk coffee drinks and eating out I spend on art comms and anime merch #through the power of Not Going out and being Lactose Intolerant and indifferent to food :) #help me-

[youcouldbewonderful]

the fine line inbetween not drunk and nauseous drunk where you're just wobbly is the ideal

#at bfs family cabin for a few days #cant wait to drink for 3 nights straight #nothing like hanging out with other peoples friends to make you feel so lobely #lonely #bfs friends are cool though #talked to camilo about art and writing and going to europe #also learned a bit more piano today #happy #and drunk #but also happy #personal log

[lupismaris]

The immediate cut to of spending time with a queer friend then going back to your strangely isolated life cut off from external local queerness is a really violent kind of whiplash i do not enjoy. Hm.

#hate this hate this hate this #its friday its gorgeous the city is bursting with people out at bars and parks enjoying themselves with friends and chosen family #and i spent the day one of two close queer friends who was in town from dc but is busy all weekend including tonight #the other lives just far enough away that last minute plans are hard love u zoe #but outside of them i have no one to call to go to a queer friendly bar or even just a bar and have drinks with and be queer with #and learn to be joyous and joyful and alive in my body out in the world like everyone else because everyone I spend time with socially #is already part of an existing social group and i just hover on the fringes and pick up the scraps #tbd im just. fuckin lonely. you can only live vicariously through characters ao mich yknow.

[oatbugs]

moving out tmrwww im so excited sjdhd

#i get to see my friends etc etc #aaa #and meet my housemates 4 the first time...and actually have . some peace #and ill feel safe going out at night etc . ill drink w ppl i care abt #we can cook together/for each other again. ill lose at mario kart again + my friends will stroke each others hair and lean on each others #shoulders and we can go over to each others houses again . ill get to wake up earlier and feel more at peace...ill become lovelier #and ill care more abt everything and ill get to study a lot and go to lectures again #and ill go grocery shopping and buy food i like #and cook food i like for myself . ill get solitude when i want it . i get to stay up at the library until 4 AM #ill debate with my pretty philosophers and lose to the clever ones and then ill smile when i think of it. ill learn #so much about so much. ill get to do my own laundry again and wash my own dishes again and fold my own clothes again #etc etc. i have an east facing window so ill wake up to sunlight again. im . rly excited .

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

i love my mom because sometimes she'll just casually say "me and your dad went swinging" and upon seeing the confusion on my face, she'll ask "haven't i ever told you about the time me and your dad accidentally went swinging?"

anyway, my parents accidentally went swinging one time.

#personal #kai rambles #i have learned a lot of stuff about my parents today #its honestly not that shocking #like i already know about the time my moms friend who was married asked her to go out for drinks and then took her dogging #and when she was like paul what the fuck im not going dogging with you #he drove away and then took her to a different dogging site dhsjdjwjd #paul was also a paraplegic athlete #idk if he was like paralympic level but he was like pretty prestigious #so like she accidentally/non-willingly went dogging #finding out she accidentally went swinging is not shocking at al #my dad used the '''oh i got a phone call we have to leave'' excuse but cell phones werent a thing yet #so instead he was like oh we got one at the phone on the motorway? #and this was like after theyd gone through the ''leave your keys in the bowl'' ''...leave our keys in the bowl?'' gig

[solarisposting]

I have a headache and feel like I'm never gonna ever make connections with people I actually see in person on a regular basis wyd?

#the closest thing i have to a friend in this city is the lady i work with for the poetry library #and she is a friend. in a way. i spend a good bit of time in meetings w/her and we catalog books at a coffee shop sometimes #i learn a lot from her and i also admire her and enjoy working with her #but i'm not going out for drinks or watching movies with her yknow? #my fellow queer coworker keeps talking abt getting a few of us together and out for drinks outside of work #and i want to. but i dont fucking know how to go from 'yeah lets get all the gays together!' to actually doing it #i hate where i am in life sometimes. its not all bad but its nauseatingly lonely #and i feel quite pathetic about it #my literal only interactions outside of work are online. i get so sick of being constantly online. #but if i'm not then i'm cut off from the only friends i get to talk to #god fuck ugh wah

[opalsiren]

one thing i will never say to my loved ones is i feel that, if they met me right now rather than before the rapid deterioration of my health, they probably wouldn't want to be my friend/acquaintance/partner. any other spoonies whose health has gotten worse over time feel like that about their loved ones? or is it just me lol

#like when me and my bf first started dating we were constantly out on walks cinema dates dinner dates even just for drinks at the pub #art gallery dates botanic garden dates seaside dates etc. #now i can't do any of that and have to stay home most days #my bf likes to be out and likes to be doing things that aren't just sitting around the house all day #and sometimes i feel like i have little in common with my friends because they are out working studying going to the threatre the gym #learning new hobbies meeting new people while i am just. here in bed #i'm sure they would wholeheartedly disgaree if i expressed any of this and probably be a bit offended so i'm 🤐 #.txt #spoonie #disabled #actually disabled #chronic pain #chronic illness #chronically ill #actually chronically ill #ask to tag

[chosoguapo]

gonna have a temporary pinned until i make a new one! trying to finish out this last month of the semester out strong so i can get back active here. miss you all dearly and hope you’re doing well 💕

#໒꒰ྀི⸝⸝´ ˘ `⸝⸝꒱ྀིა ghoul.ᐟ #being a academic weapon is hard #wish i didn’t have to think so much #just being a college girl is so hard #learning - going out with friends - drinking #and so on #like whew 😩 #but i need to get my grade up in my one class back to #an A #i wanna finish with all A’s #this semester #gotta belive in myself 🫡🤍

[i-am-ki11ing-time]

reconnecting w/ an old friend (who prob also has bpd) w/ whom you've had at least 2 HUGE friendship-ending fights is a good idea right?

#well i am doing it anyway #if she accepts my friend request. #actually bpd #actually borderline #we're so toxic for each other - or we WERE - look all i'm saying is i've been doing Work on myself #i am on meds i go to therapy i figured out i'm trans #i don't drink anymore! #all things i didn't have before #i /feel/ better. not a ton but yknow. #anyway last try cause i learn in threes #if it works awesome!!!!! #if it doesn't work then hey. now we know for sure it will never work out #i miss the hell out of her and our messy friendship #stg she was my platonic soulmate #fuckin mental illness got in the way of that #sitting here trying not to kick my feet and stare at my phone like a lovestruck teenager #.....wait y'all hang on is THIS what y'all mean when you talk about favorite person???? #I thought this was just how A Person Feels about their closest friend