#like a certain person we know

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

[mintjeru]

rough day?

open for better quality | no reposts

#kaveh #alhaitham #kavetham #genshin impact #genshin #fanart #myart #doodle #i'm fine!! probably. i just wanted to draw alhaitham being comforted #while it is funny that he became acting grand sage despite not liking leadership positions- #i do feel bad for him just bc those positions often entail much more stress and work #kaveh gives him hug hugs and patpats and chu chus to help him feel better! and they will talk about whatever's bothering him #while i would love to wish for alhaitham this coming update i think we all know my priorities lie with a certain adeptus #i will have him eventually though #for kvthm reasons and personal reasons #unrelated but i also got k.hadein b.yleth in feh this morning. if anyone plays #snagged two 4 stars early into pity and decided that was a sign to stop #it's good though i have feathers so he's a merged 5 star now #didn't even have to whale 😌 #'whale' meaning i spend the 2k orbs i've been saving since forever

[aprito]

sasosaku month 2023 day 8: free day

this abhorrent behavior runs in the family

#my art #sasosaku #based same age au #sakura haruno #sos month #sasosaku month #akasuna no sasori #lady chiyo #heartwarming: everyone in this room is a terrible person #kidding chiyo actually likes sakura but is incapable of asking like a normal person #sounds like a certain someone else we know #i gave sakura a new fit so she doesnt stick out like a sore thumb #she still sticks out like a sore thumb

[arospecsyourblockdudes]

the thing abt being a transhet dude is like i get actually upset at jokes like making fun of straight dudes sometimes which i Know is like kinda lame but like. being who i am i never know how to interpret it as anything other than that queer people would see me as like better/more queer/more human if i closeted myself and identified as a cis lesbian again. which would make me miserable. and it is stupid cuz ik no one ever thinks about it w transhet people in mind but like idk maybe they should. cuz what the hell do you want from me like i just dont want to be seen as deserving of mockery cuz im a dude who likes girls

#transhet #bad explanation cuz it doesnt really make that much sense to me even but i know how it is in my head #we all have those things #anyway theres certain ppl who can make fun of me for being straight and theyre my best friends hwo i love sm #but its like idk i feel like whenever im friends w a queer person and they find out im straight #its like they need to redefine me in their minds or something like that #esp when theyre like kinda shocked im not gay or stopped being gay like #th ehell do u want

[trans-axolotl2]

Fuck the DSM. Seriously, fuck the DSM.

The DSM is and always has been used primarily as a method of rationalizing mistreatment of the people it labels as "deviant." When you look at the history of psychiatry, it becomes clear that things like drapetomania, protest psychosis, hysteria, and homosexuality as a disorder were not just thrown into there randomly. Rather, it showcases the power of the DSM: labeling and categorizing ways of being as mental illness opens up new paths of incarceration, social control, and curative violence. I need people to understand that the modern DSM still works like this: these classifications of madness/mental distress/neurodivergence into psychiatric labels encourage society to treat madness/mental distress/neurodivergence with the apparatuses used to eradicate "deviance." Diagnosis is not neutral.

As mad/mentally ill/neurodivergent people, we deserve access to more explanatory models of madness/mental illness/ neurodivergence than what the psychiatric language of normalcy and disorder offers us. Whether this looks like rejecting diagnosis, embracing varying cultural understandings of mental experience, or any million different ways of interpreting our bodymind, we deserve the option to move beyond clinical language that tries to convince us not to trust ourselves. We deserve to view ourselves wholly, leaving room for all our experiences of madness/mental illness/neurodivergence--the meaningful, the terrifying, the joyful, the exhausting. We deserve to have our own relationship with our madness, instead of being pushed to view ourselves as an inherent "danger to self or others" simply by existing as crazy.

Here's another truth: I hate the DSM, and I still call myself bipolar, a diagnosis that came to me through psych incarceration. While I wholeheartedly reject the DSM and the system intertwined with it, I simultaneously acknowledge and believe that many of the collections of symptoms that the DSM describes are very, very real ways of living in the world, and that the distress that they can cause are very very real. When I say fuck the DSM, I don't mean "Mental distress, disability, and neurodivergence aren't real." Rather, I mean that the DSM can never hold my experience of what it is like to be bipolar, the meaning I derive from experiencing life with cyclical moods. The DSM can't hold within its pages what it's like to see my mood cycle not as a tragedy or disaster, but instead as an opportunity, a gift, to grow and shift and go back to the same place over and over again, dying in winter and blooming again in spring. The DSM can't hold the fact that even though I experience very, very real distress due to those mood cycles--they're still mine and I claim that as something that matters to me. I call myself bipolar as a shorthand to tell people that I experience many things both extreme high and low, but I do not mean the same thing when I say "bipolar" as a psychiatrist does.

When we build community as mad/mentally ill/neurodivergent people, I want us to have room to share, relate, and care for each other in ways that isn't calling to the authority of a fucked up system with strictly defined categories. I don't want us to take those same ways of thinking and rebrand it into advocacy that claims to fight stigma, but really just ends up reinforcing these same ideas about deviance, cure, control, and danger. I dream of the day when psychiatry doesn't loom as a threat in all of our lives, and I think part of that work requires us as mad/mentally ill/neurodivergent people to really grapple with and untangle the ways we label and make meaning of our minds.

ok to reblog, if you want to learn more about antipsychiatry/mad studies check out this reading list.

#personal #antipsychiatry #antipsych #mad pride #mad studies #disability justice #disability #prompted by. idk. being tangential to certain spaces lately #seeing ppl who r forming communities focused on neurodivergency #in a way that really just. reinforces and legitimizes the dsm #and constantly refers to the authority of the dsm as a reason why they r right #not going to get into the specific discourse of the week except to say that something i feel strongly. is that we get to have different #explanatory models. but also that we r allowed to critique explanatory models as a community #like i hate the indigo child shit. i think its full of white supremascist dogwhistles #that's not an explanatory model i feel like the autistic community should ever support u know #anyway. getting offtrack

[looking4thatqueersubtext]

im so fucking sick of seeing jude depicted as a thin ass woman like NO.

it's stated multiple times through out the books that not only is she muscular because of all her swordfighting training but she also doesn't have that thin frame and that is exactly what sets her apart from the fae (and part of what makes her beautiful to cardan like hellooooo?). she has curves and muscle and scars. all of that is so so so important to her character.

#i dont even know why i feel the need to say this but there's OBVIOUSLY nothing wrong with being thin #and people are allowed to have their own headcanons and to imagine a character however they like #but i feel like since she's such a mold-breaking character (if you know what i mean) #we all appreciate her for her fighting skills and strategy and her bloodlust #but can a female character stray from the mold just a certain amount before it becomes too much? #before people don't find her attractive anymore? #why does she have to have either a personality that's not the stereotype of female fantasy protagonist #or a body that doesn't fit those standards? #anywayssss went on a little rant there #jude duarte #tfota #jurdan #the folk of the air #the cruel prince #the wicked king #the queen of nothing #my post >:)

[gideonisms]

I will admit I hate the trend towards measuring how Healthy fictional relationships are. they're not breakfast cereals! we don't need to measure the amount of fiber! even if it did matter how much fiber a fictional relationship has "healthy" is also a very general, vibes-based word for concepts that I think we probably should get more specific about

#here are some great words: 'consensual' 'exploitative' 'fulfilling' 'draining' 'enjoyable' 'painful' 'affectionate' #we can talk about the ways a relationship is or isn't working for the parties involved #without falling back on 'health' #i think that what is considered healthy changes based on the time period and in general as a queer person i do feel a certain hesitance #to just like nod to health without specifying what i mean given the complicated relationship between queerness and #being considered unwell or unhealthy by society/doctors/psychiatry #ultimately this is a small thing and doesn't matter because once again #if everyone in a work of fiction stayed physically and mentally healthy throughout that would be a very boring story. to me #it's just not the type of story i like so it doesn't matter anyway it's just #sometimes i'm like. but we all know there is no one simple standard for health right? right??

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

Those Beyond The Wall

sequel/companion to The Space Between Worlds, set a decade later

character-focused sci-fi set in an area divided in two, the rich protected city on one side and everyone else in the post-apocalyptic desert

follows a woman who works under the Emperor in Ashtown, keeping the peace

when mangled bodies start showing up with seemingly no murderer, she’s tasked with finding the cause, and finds out that it’s the result of corruption spanning both cities and multiple worlds

explores oppression and messy revolution, police violence and apartheid

bi & polyamorous MC

#Those Beyond The Wall #aroaessidhe 2024 reads #space between worlds sequel!!! honestly I’m not entirely sure how I feel about it….. In general I enjoyed it and I think it had #a lot of important things to say but also maybe highlighted some weaknesses(?) in both books? #or - I guess just the fact that the sff stuff (which skews a little more magicy here) is kinda small scope relative to its potential #and more there to serve the plot and characters. Which actually maybe is the point. idk- there's def mixed reviews lol #it has a messy unlikable MC (like actually - when half the weak ass reviews are saying the MC is annoying you know they are Actually a #complex character) and some interesting relationship dynamics #it is pretty solidly a sequel - I wouldnt read this without reading TSBW #cara does show up in here& tbh her characterisation felt quite different to me? unsure how I feel about that? but maybe it's the biased POV #also to be clear: polyam MC; not a polyam romance or anything #(there's - kinda a romance? or various feelings floating around and she 'ends up' with someone. feel like i would have liked that to end #more subtley but that's probably my personal taste lol) #man some of the 1 star reviews of this are kinda.....just racist though. can we get some measured critique in here #as I said i am not entirely sure how I feel about it but not quite in a way I can articulate.... idk! i think it's worth the read tho #it's maybe one of those revolutions that feels solved a little too easily in the end - but then also is it solved or is it just that the #narrative has to end at a certain point

[puppyeared]

i wrote this as a joke because I wanted to strangle a guy watching tiktoks without headphones on the bus, but im genuinely disturbed that we've gotten to a point where convenience comes first. and it depresses me even more that its used to justify and monetize greed

#like we have so many ways of doing things that could help us in the long run but because we're told it requires more work we just cant #its too resource intensive. or maybe its too much to maintain. we have to overlook benefits so money can go into more important things #we teach each other to do things a certain way so it works for everyone but who was it convenient for first? what abt who it might hurt? #i have to wonder if the rules our current system uses is worth listening to or following if it doesnt have our best interests in mind. u an #me and the ppl around us.. would we be better off if i ate my meals knowing the person who grew it wanted to feed others the way they could #feed themselves? and that isnt to say we're going to be happy doing it but i guess satisfied that its helping someone instead of quietly #accepting that itll eventually go in the dumpster behind a grocery store because it stopped looking appetizing or it wasnt on sale anymore #what about building homes so we can shelter each other? what if we were satisfied with what we did because we knew it would be paid back #with kindness? isnt that what we evolved to do?? heal each others bones and tell stories and help each other?? #why dont houses come with solar panels or generators unless we find a way to make people pay to use the sun? why is our pooled money used #to fund genocides instead of education and hospitals? whose interests and convenience came first when we started this?? #i wont pretend to know the answer because i dont. but we all know we're miserable and im sorry to say that i cant see myself fighting #for a world that wont fight for me too. why do we work if we cant live from it?? why did they stop us from plucking more teeth from our #bosses until they could build more walls around themselves and then go back to underpaying us?? #im so tired. i cant even imagine making it to age 70 #yapping #vent

[moongothic]

...So Crocodile could beat Akainu

Good to know

Sidenote but that did make me realize how when we see the Impel Down prisoners in Level 4, Oda does semi-consistently draw everyone sweating their asses off, which makes sense, since they're in the Inferno Hell. It is focken hot in there.

But then there's Crocodile and dude never breaks a sweat

Like to be fair there are a few characters who don't seem to be bothered by the heat of Level 4 either (Iva-chan, Sadi-chan etc)

But when you considder the sheer amount of fucking layers this man is wearing, like. You know what. Crocodile being completely heat-resistant up to 1700 Celcius makes perfect sense to me, I'll add that to my worldview, it's canon to me now.

#Moon posting #OP Meta #Sir Crocodile #''How is Luffy going to get revenge for Ace when Akainu's made of magma'' He doesn't have to. Daddy's got it covered #Sabo? I mean I'm sure he hates Akainu too but those two have never met so Sabo vs Akainu doesn't have the same emotional weight #Dragon and Akainu at least have seemingly personal beef and that could make for a good emotionally heavy battle #(Depending on the beef) (Like if there's a good tragic backstory then sure let's go) #But considder this: if all Akainu wants is to erase Dragon and his son from the world in the name of Absolute Justice #Crocodile getting in the way and not letting Akainu even LOOK at those two would be quite fun. In a petty way. #But then there could be the Added Juice of Crocodile wanting to protect his baby boy and his idiot ex while Akainu has no idea #Also Crocodile gets to have revenge on Akainu for hurting his son and breaking his heart by killing his precious brother #Ohhhhhhhhhhhh this is the match-up I want arrite this is all I want from The Final War when the time comes #Also we don't even know what ability Dragon has for 100% certain but like. Like it could be a bad match-up on Dragon's side

[shadowslocked]

“The QSMP doing events and lore feels off given the admin situation especially since we haven’t had an update” and “we likely will not receive updates on what is being worked on behind the scenes and if we do it likely won’t be in depth, we’ll have to wait and see what happens” are two things that can co-exist

#qsmp #qsmp neg #qsmp situation #can’t say I’m personally a fan either #but Quackity did say roleplayers were on hold till things were sorted #I’d rather believe they figured it out with the NPC/admins we’re currently seeing #and that’s why they’re on the server #but we also want really know unless someone with QSMP comes forward #as much as I’d like to know things are going well #Quackity already said he’d put in work to make sure people are paid #a stream repeating that isn’t going to help #and I can’t see him giving more details than that because at a certain point it isn’t our business #if something is going wrong we’ll have to wait till somebody comes forward about it #or in my case wait till somebody posts a link from Twitter

[twilight-deviant]

Telling content creators it's wrong to explore artistic freedom and be independently funded by fans, and they should instead continue taking advertisement revenue from google* is

NOT

the anti-capitalism stance actually.

*(Yes, google owns youtube.)

#Watcher #This post is specifically and exclusively about the people who seem to have the capitalism bit wrong #It's almost fascinating how no one is hearing themselves speak #I feel like some of you don't understand WHY we support small businesses and are anti-monopoly #I've seen multiple posts saying “Shane is so anti-capitalism there's no way this was his idea.” #So... you think it's pro-capitalism to start your own business instead of relying on pennies from the exploitative mega-corporation? #Guys... we support small businesses KNOWING it will cost the consumer more #Stop thinking you're entitled to someone's product #That's what got us in this mess #I understand $6 is a lot for many many people but that is what makes certain things a luxury #Nothing used to be this way #Nothing used to be “free” so you can be monitored for your viewing habits and sold to advertisers #If you see a little guy trying to leave youtube/google and you paint them as the capitalist??? You. have. taken. a. wrong. turn. #I don't know how many more ways I can say it #It is better to support someone (if you can) than to pressure them into taking money from the trillion-dollar corporation #so that you can have what they put all their blood/sweat/tears into for free #If you want something badly enough you're going to have to pay for it #Them's the breaks #If you don't want it that badly then maybe it didn't mean enough to you personally #Thinking otherwise is how corporations like youtube take over and squeeze out small competitors #btw on monopolies: having almost every single video content creator (outside of tiktoks and video game streams) on youtube is BAD #You understand that's bad yes? #How tf are we going to diversify unless SOME CREATORS leave youtube??? #It's almost the responsibility of larger creators to do so #Ironically what I said is backwards #In its ideal state‚ capitalism is supposed to inspire innovation and new business‚ giving every person a chance to succeed #But I think we all know that's not the reality we're experiencing #I just went with what everyone means when they say it

[cuntylestat]

Fifty years later, you talk like he was your soulmate, like you were locked in some fucked up gothic romance.

“This is the odyssey of recollection.” The tapes are an admitted performance. This is the premise of our interview. Half a century later, allow me my odyssey. 

#interview with the vampire #iwtvedit #louisedit #tvedit #cinematv #iwtv #iwtv spoilers #edits #gifs #i feel like we have not talked enough about jacob's performance in these moments. hence these gifs #like i want to know what he's feeling at this moment #while he's listening to himself talk about lestat in the past #compared to how he sees him in the present #the past is a foreign country and memory is a monster #eric bogosian said on the podcast that once you reach a certain age your past self is like a different person #is that how louis feels listening to himself in 1973? #god i want to study him #the quality is bad but i wanted to focus on his acting

[timemachineyeah]

I think in the next Animal Crossing, you should have to earn your control over the environment. And I don’t just mean working to get terraforming, I mean, like, earning it before getting to decide where other people’s homes are and stuff.

Idk, the deserted island is fun but I kind of hope in the next one we’re back to being a new face in an already established rural community. And you can still progress to moving absolutely everything on the map and decorating each square foot and flower to your liking, but, like… these other people have lives of their own.

I like knowing a rando isn’t gonna move onto my carefully curated flowerbed and ruin my path, but I don’t like how much the villagers in ACNH feel like fashion accessories rather than neighbors.

#timemachine wuz here #acnh #animal crossing #also Isabelle should be mayor #also I know I said this before the last game but we should get to choose a biome #and maybe even change the biome later idc #it’s not that I am opposed to godlike control of town aesthetics #I miss being able to choose themes for public buildings like let me redesign town hall cowards #it’s that I don’t want the villagers to be just another piece of furniture #I want them to feel individual and relationships with them to matter #like in new leaf you had to have a good relationship with villagers before they’d request a public works project #so if you wanted to decorate your town you had to befriend your neighbors #and certain requests would only come from certain personalities #so you had to get to know ALL your neighbors #which gave you the reward or breaking through a cranky or snooty’s shell and seeing their dialogue change #not like the crafting recipes which might be personality locked but they’ll just give it to you #idk I just want to feel more cozy again. less Instagram more strange comedic zen garden with animal friends y’know?

[starflungwaddledee]

Hi sorry to bother you but I just wanted to say that as an autistic person Starstruck makes me want to cry. I love her so much let her live the happy life she deserves with people that accept and care about her. That “otherness” or feeling of being “incorrect” and being seen as suspicious/ostracized for it was absolutely NAILED and it HURTS SO GOOD. I just really wanted you to know that. It’s nice to see someone like me in media, especially in something like the Kirby franchise. Thank you.

ohhhhh i am SO thrilled to receive this message because i am autistic, and by extension so is starstruck, and this was entirely on purpose! i'm so happy that you feel i nailed it! thank YOU for letting me know this; it's the highest praise i could have hoped to receive!

this was intentional autistic representation by an autistic creator and i am over the moon that it's connecting with you! her inability to "have the right magical signature" and her "mimicry of the signatures around her in attempt to fit in" is explicitly a (rather ham-fisted, if i'm being honest) autistic parallel, especially towards masking.

there are obviously parts of her story that aren't explicitly parallel (she is still a little alien after all, and there's going to be Fun Dramatic Aspects that my real life autistic experience sadly lacks), but for what it's worth i'm really happy that this purposeful allegory was noticed!

thank you again so much for writing in, it means the world

#also ngl but i just think like the entire kirby cast is pretty autistic in their own way #like we ALL know meta knight for SURE but the others too. at least imo!! #i have actually been wondering if folks were picking up on this tbh. it seemed so apparent to me but that's bc i made it so i knew #i've had some say 'oh it's the social anxiety' which.... yes. also correct. i also have that too & it is that as WELL but it's incidental #i think this is the first time that someone has directly compared it to autism. it's nice. thank you! #representation in media sure does continue to be like... a Certain Way. but i think you can just hit everybody with the autism beam #it's morally correct. #asks #starstruck dee #starflungs personal tag

[varminties]

why are people so afraid of the word "fat". when I call myself fat why do they insist on "correcting" me and saying curvy, or plus sized, or anything else. there's nothing shameful about the word and if I'm using it to refer to myself as fat (which I am!) I'm not doing it because I'm being self deprecating. it's just a fact of my being. my god, let people call themselves fat

#i think there's this inherent thing of 'fat' meaning 'undesirable' but things like 'curvy' and 'plus sized' are seen as more palatable #but I'm fat regardless what word you use for it! it's the same thing! but I'm the only person who seems okay calling myself fat! #the guy im seeing says he doesnt consider me overweight and bless your cotton socks sir but i absolutely am and we both know it #and im okay with it. im not offended by this part of my existence. i want to get fitter so certain aspects of life are easier #but im really not bothered by this. anyway that's it long tags over #mint.txt