#like fuck this something fierce

[xserpx]

‘Maybe I’m the better brother,’ said Calder, ‘but you’re the elder.’ He brought his horse up close, and he pulled their father’s chain from his pocket and slipped it over Scale’s neck, arranged it carefully across his shoulders. Patted him on the back and left his hand there, wondering when he got to love this stupid bastard. When he got to love anyone besides himself.

— The Heroes by Joe Abercrombie

Bayaz had been right. You don’t get to be a king without making some sacrifices.

#the heroes #the first law #joe abercrombie #calder #scale #there's something about the way calder sacrifices the chain itself that cements him as my 3rd favourite character in the series #like on one hand it's all about family and he's soft at heart #but otoh there's an edge of calder's intelligence & self-preservation in the decision that is just so HIM #calder knows his limitations & he has a steely rebellious streak #and i think he's able to step back from his own fear and analyse bayaz's strategy #and he realised that for all bayaz scared him shitless he doesn't have calder's measure #all bayaz sees is ambition & a rivalry between brothers (because OF COURSE he does) #when the reality for calder is much more complicated #he DOES resent his brother deeply there's a lot of trauma there but he's also fiercely fucking loyal to his family #he knows it's a weakness and i think he's incapable of letting anyone - even bayaz - take advantage of that #mostly it's just really heartwarming but it's also fucking badass #idk how to describe it #it's like loki & thor turned up to eleven

[tillman]

Robo ky is too good of a cgaracter to be yaoified in the way that he is theres just something so insanity inducing about the theme theyve been building on w him since the xx era of dreams in every sense of the word … a robot who dreams when he sleeps … and who then dedicates himself to his own passion and goal … even to the point of almost dying so other people can pursue their own … too damn cute …

#txt #I like robo something fierce sorry I fight as the only person in the fucking world who gives a shit about venom outside of yaoi #I need to do the same for robo ….. #he has his own fightwrs though. respect #smthing about robo being willing to sacrifice himself for venom but REFUSING to lrt venom sacrifice himself in vein is like. so fascinating #hes such a character.

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

i feel like i should start making more of an effort, when i talk about something in a piece of media being Upsetting to me, to distinguish between 'cathartic' upsetting and 'gave me psychic damage' upsetting. sometimes i mean OUGH OW MY FEELINGS THIS FUCKS ME UP IN A MEANINGFUL AND RESONANT WAY, MY LIFE IS ENRICHED FOR BECOMING AWARE OF IT and sometimes i mean that it is genuinely distressing and i want to shake the creators and ask what the fuck they were thinking

#whosebaby talks #blog policy #this goes double when it comes to pieces of media to which i have both reactions lmao #i worry sometimes that not being clear about it makes it come across as if i'm saying 'something containing upsetting subject matter is Bad #when in fact a lot of upsetting subject matter is critical to depict; diversely so and often #and i am fiercely protective of the rep that resonates with me #which a lot of people are extremely quick to label as A Disrespectful Depiction absolutely no matter how it's done bc they want it erased #and use 'well it's only valid if it's done *respectfully*' as the Shirley Exception; with no intention of ever letting one be Allowed #but in spite of that there *are* absolutely fucking horrible and incredibly disrespectful ways for Upsetting Subject Matter to be depicted #and that deserves well-informed discussion and criticism; starting from an understanding of the actual purposes of fiction #and what infrastructure and language and framing and technique is used to achieve those purposes #and sometimes the purposes of a particular use are fucking awful! and executed in ways designed to cause real damage + get away with it! #so when i'm talking about something being Upsetting in the psychic damage sense; i'm referring to that #and the fact that not only is it infuriating and upsetting to witness that process in action #it amplifies the already deeply emotionally loaded subject matter; which may already require selfcare to engage with even when cathartic #and then yanks away the catharsis and just leaves you blasted in the face by uncushioned unvarnished Oh Right This Horrible Thing Exists #Thanks for Shoving My Face Straight into Boiling Acid Asshole #anyway complicated feelings about it but yeah i feel like i should try to be clearer lmao #(this isn't just about depictions of SA; and abuse in the sense most people think of first when they hear the word) #(although it comes up in that context often) #(see: Big Screan at pretty much everything with the talking animals in sd/mi but especially the fucking asylum lmao)

[strechanadi]

So it is true.

He’s leaving before he’s 42. 41 even.

And I hate it.

I was supposed to have two whole seasons at the very least.

#I died today for a bit #it hurts already #and I am not sure what I’m gonna do then #Karl was bad enough #but this one’s gonna hurt something fierce #especially with this season he’s barely dancing anything #like I don’t care for fucking Manon in fucking Japan #it was supposed to be Giselle in Paris #at least one more… #and by now I have almost zero hopes for Swan lake in june #but he’s going with Onegin #that’ a good one #that’s a good one indeed… #and now please excuse me while I leave feeling sorry for myself #and being overly dramatic and shit

[steelycunt]

starting 2 finish up research and move into trying to create some sort of plan and. this r is sooo. oh my. he is the loneliest girl in the world but like actually this time. he is so very. he needs a hug so terribly much he is such a sock in need of darning he needs a little kiss he needs. even just one single friend

#r in an au is often sooo crazy because it’s like imagine the guy that this friendless + melancholy boy would become if #instead of making friends 4 life at age eleven he simply continued to be friendless + melancholy for his entire adolescence #he needs. he soo desperately needs someone who is not his mother to grab him by the shoulders and go hello i like you i like spending time #with you i think the things you have to say are interesting and i would consider you my friend. or he might die......... #still need to give this thing a . fucking title huh. i have one in the works but i dont like it all that much. usually the title is the #first thing i come up with this is. crazy 4 me what even is this thing if it doesnt have a pretentious nonsense little titular phrase #anyway r he is so. he loves his home so fiercely he doesnt feel like its his he never wants to leave he thinks if he doesnt get out #he might die his home is everything 2 him he wants to turn his home into something that does not make him so unbearably sad and #lonely and like a stranger or he will not be able to stay here he. wants his dad to like him as well as loving him he wants the things he #loves to love him back he wants. a friend. well dont worry i am going to give him a pretty boy to. hold hands with justhold on babygirl... #pride au

[s0fter-sin]

criminal minds/call of duty crossover where a serial killer is targeting sets of brothers. the bau think it’s ghost after finding out he’s on leave and looking into him and finding out about his abusive childhood. they think being military, getting held by the cartel and his family’s murder made him snap and he’s trying to recreate a perfect childhood with perfect brothers but they’re never perfect enough

he’s arrested when he can’t provide an alibi for the nights of the murders. the interrogation is rough, even with his resistance training. he can’t fight back, he can’t wait out the clock until price rescues him bc it’s not ghost being interrogated, it’s simon. getting his family and childhood thrown in his face, being questioned about his time with the cartel, forced to remember everything he went through and the entire time he can’t hide behind his mask bc they took it the second they brought him in

he’s being moved from interrogation to a cell when soap bursts in, screaming and swearing at them, how dare they think ghost would ever hurt those boys, after everything he’s survived, all the people he’s saved, do they really think he would ever do something like that, what the fuck is wrong with them!!

he sees how rough ghost looks, sees they took his mask and is two seconds from throwing hands with morgan. ghost’s just been quietly saying his name as he rants, trying to get through to him before he gets himself arrested too until he finally barks, “sergeant mactavish!” and soap instinctively freezes and falls to attention. he tries to make him leave but soap tells the team that ghost was with him on the nights the boys were killed and he had security footage of him coming and leaving his apartment, as well as pictures from throughout the night

the team don’t believe him, asking why ghost would lie to them, he could be charged with murder if it went far enough, why hide his alibi? he stays quiet until soap finally says, “he was protecting me. it doesn’t look to good to be gay in the military. or to seduce your superior officer.”

“you didn’t seduce shit, johnny,” ghost argues back and the team realises they were trying to dodge a dishonourable discharge not hide a murder habit and releases him. they end up stealth helping them solve the case bc even if he didn’t do it, seeing all of these boys, these brothers getting killed was getting to ghost in a bad way

#the extra pictures are absolutely from soap blowing ghosts back out #outside perspectives are one of my favourite things in the world #the interrogation specifically is making me lose my mind the conversation theyd have about how to go about it? #should hotch play to his obvious daddy issues and come at him heavy and aggressive? should rossi do the same but with a sympathetic approac #or go the other way a military man probably with mummy issues too so send in emily or jj and see if hes misogynistic #they think hes killing boys should reid go in and ramp up his age and vulnerability? #ghost would see through them all with his training but each approach would tear at him in different ways #that they think they can get to him by treating him like something damaged or playing to his supposed prejudices #rossi acting anything like price would fuck him up something fierce #ghost is the king of repression and being confronted with all of this? hed be losing it #and the way he protects his sergeants (roach is alive bc i said so) as if theyre his little brothers? how he goes hard on the recruits to #make sure they live? #to be told they expect him to be killing these kids? it breaks him down a bit #it stabs at a part of himself that calls him a monster and unworthy of love and affection #his fathers son #and soaps just furious that anyone could ever think ghost is capable of something like that #that they dug up his trauma and saw a man to condemn instead of a boy to be saved #coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt #we’re a team. ghost team #criminal minds #spencer reid #call of duty #soapghost #ghostsoap #ghost cod #simon ghost riley #soap cod #john soap mactavish #ghost mw2 #save post

[twowivestwoknives]

think it's been hitting me just exactly how unstable my housing and work situations are even if theyre good right now and im like. fuck i knew but my brain is Absorbing the Knoweledge it's been hiding for years

#my partner and i have been looking for a place together since JUNE #we're both govt union jobs technically #and cant find a 2 bdrm in the city we work in that allows pets for our budget #thats it thats literally the big complications is we need 2bdrm bc nonmonog #i have a cat #and we need to stay in our city bc of our jobs #its makin me wanna die something fierce #im not doing super well like im ok im making a lotta art and stuffs #and im good at my job and im paying rent on time and shit #but like fuck im almost 30 and we had to have a talk #about whether or not having an OVEN in the suite we want to rent is a deal breaker #for 2200 a month would we accept NO OVEN #it feels horrific i wanna cry N E WAY #2 new chapbooks and 5 new songs #so we;re winning actually #life and times

[badolmen]

So funny how trauma will just kick you in the fucking teeth with the most random triggers.

#ra speaks #personal #watched the most recent quintin reviews vid which like yeah I went in with expectations of the content #and it’s not like I actively avoid stuff that depicts/discusses abuse I’ve been going to therapy long enough to know my most sensitive #triggers and stuff. but…idk something abt when he got to the drake bell section just set me off something fierce. #I’m all nerves and stress and self loathing/misplaced guilt from my own past bullshit #like brain can we please cool it we’ve been over this for years why you freaking the fuck out now? (I mean. logically. I know why #and how trauma works and that I’m just having emotional flashbacks but still. ugh.) #brain please be real niceys to me I have a meeting in an hour we cannot be having a panic attack. #you’re safe you’re good it wasn’t your fault etc etc can we please go back to being an adult more than a decade past all that? please??? #survived my meeting so I’m gonna vent abt this a bit more bc. let’s be real. #I don’t rememember a solid 3 years of my adolescence and it fucks w me sometimes. #I remember things before 4th grade. I remember 4th grade. then bam I’m in 8th going to high school. and like #I know logistically what happened. I know emotionally I hated/was so fucking scared of [redacted] until I finally left that fucking school. #it’s just. frustrating bc if I remembered maybe I’d feel more justified letting myself get upset abt it. but I don’t so suck it up buttercup #it probably wasn’t even that bad if you don’t actually remember it so pull it together. #hell for all you know it had nothing to do with [redacted] and you were just on bad meds/depressed and forgot three solid years of your life #after meeting [redacted] <- I am not convincing myself unfortunately.

[coquelicoq]

natsume book of friends season 4 opening sequence has got me incredibly fucked up. the lyrics. kid natsume's tiny little legs and teenage natsume watching him run. the lyrics. nyanko-sensei burrowing into his arms. did i mention the lyrics? ending frame on the fujiwara family. including natsume. because he's part of their family. as the lyrics ask him to "please [not] keep suffering alone"? somebody fucking hold me.

#i'm actually almost done with season 4 because i have no self-control. and every time i watch the opening i'm like #no this has only gotten more potent since the last time i watched it. we are reaching danger levels #natsume yuujinchou #natsume's book of friends #my posts #season 4 is the season of tanuma just completely destroying me on every level. why is every single character like this?? #every time he learns something about natsume he's like oh so this is what it's like for natsume? #and then it happens again and he's like wait natsume ALSO has THIS OTHER THING to contend with?? #and again: AND A THIRD THING?? WHY MUST THE WORLD'S BEST BOY NATSUME TAKASHI SUFFER??? #he just wants to help natsume deal with stuff and i am on the fucking floor #his thought process is just #this is hard for natsume. i wish i could help him. maybe here's a way i could help him? he doesn't want me to though because it would #put me in danger. but i don't want him to be in danger either. and i'm telling him that to his face. i don't think it's really #gotten through to him but that's okay i will just keep telling him. now i'm realizing that the thing i did to help him maybe just made #things harder for him. this is hard for natsume. i wish i could help him. maybe sometimes the best way to help him is to just #respect his wishes and yet remind him that he can lean on people and that people love him as much as he loves them #the part where tanuma realized why natsume doesn't tell the fujiwaras about youkai gutted me #this kid is so emotionally astute and such a sweetheart #i just watched the episode where natsume loses his picture of his parents and his old house is getting sold and i cried. SO many tears. #tanuma putting his foot down for once like no actually you need to admit that something is bothering you this time #we can find this picture. ask us to help you do this thing that we can actually do for you. you don't need to be sad for no reason #mmm can't be coherent about it just rest assured it was extremely harmful to me and also exactly what i needed #anyway the season 4 opening song as the thing you say to your younger self who lives inside your current self because #you can't actually go back in time and be the person your younger self needed to have in their life. so all you can do is love that child #in absentia but so so so fiercely and with your whole entire heart #all you can do is give your current self all the love you have for the child you were #jesus CHRIST

[suth-sardian]

V-Day! D-1

yeah, you could make him better, but why would you want to?

#stone dance of the chameleon #sdc #nirxa mimetus #naranith sei #they have a very fun and great relationship in my heart 🫂 very balanced and passionate and mature #i think what’s funny is that their House names both start from N 😭 maybe in some AU they become bfs bc their rollnos in class are together ✍ #i actually had a design for Sei already—i still like that one a lot #but i feel like it was a bit of a youthful style? by the time he got w Mimetus i think he’d quite a bit more mature #idk i feel like the version of him that got with Mimetus would already be a father. idk #i actually first developed Mimetus for my GATSD concept 😭 he was one of Sardian’s bfs. my notes only said: #‘does drugs and gambles’ #which is a bit amazing i guess #but i think he would be extremely clever and cunning—something that would attract Sei a lot #also Mimetus is iirc a couple of years older than Sei and even became RL earlier? 🫂 #i like to imagine that he started to pursue Sei when he became RL—his fave thing would be forcing Sei to unmask #i do also think their natures would match a lot—they would be fierce allies #though i can’t decide if they’d let everyone know—they wouldn’t *hide* it #but i think there’s something to be said about a hidden power couple that fucks everyone else over #anyway->one day #Sei: i’ve told you not to smoke so much if you’re going to meet me—your entire mouth tastes of ash #Mimetus: ok don’t kiss me #Sei: i didn’t say /that/—by the twins i’m so sick of you #[this art]

[shyrule]

Wars getting drunk and Fierce has never seen anyone drunk before and has no idea what’s going on

god i wish that were me- i mean YES

#can you tell i’m still pissed (angry) that it just didn’t work for me yesterday #because i am #also i hope that’s what inspired you here #anyway YES- #fierce is like captian what’s wrong with you can you walk? #and wars is like Yes. and then falls into his fucking desk #like he’s so certain that the boy has been poisoned or something and he’s Technically correct but also…

[adriartts]

Something about purpose and pasts, old worlds and new ones.

(Dialogue from @dungeonsanddragonsfifthedition‘s Bird and Bear are Friends)

#original #nightlings #fauns #ANYHWAY. having an incredibly normal one #*slaps roof of mini-comic* this bad boy can fit so much fucking worldbuilding in it #bird and bear are friends lives rent free in my brain. omg they are. f.riends #me preparing to draw reiji: that's it you're going to the fucking grassland. get in the plains idiot #i fuck hard with the bright panel in the middle here. didn't turn out exactly as it was in my brain but i like it a ton either way #it's the only warm colors. they're hella saturated even more so than i usually saturate my colors. resembles either an explosion or the sun #both mean something to the world or the characters respectively so either interpretation is correct #redesigned the tattoo on milo's left arm again because i changed how the moons function. dig it tho and now it's got LORE lmao #the three panels of reiji that overlap the sun look really good. i like his fucked up eyes #all the hands. he's signing. his hair is down and the jewelry is gone. it's the middle of the night. he'd been sleeping #constellations as something that follows milo. stars as something that reiji follows #reiji's colors were initially more saturated but he was TOO fucking purple so i had to change it #their speech bubbles are complimentary colors. sorry. ill be SO normal dude i promise im so incredibly normal bro #apparently around thanksgiving every year I need to do a minicomic. last year was fierce deity comic. now u get ocs #now you get THIS GUY (plural) #my fucked up little creatures who are here to wander around and Find Out #my fucked up little guys who are here to exist on the ashes of an older world. and be friends about it #my fucking. these dudes. make a normal character then shoot them with my beam that makes them a fucked up little fantasy creature. #get creatured. idiot #ONE more. i simplified milo's design a lil for the sake of clarity. mostly just the fur pattern is typically not so defined but for the... #...small panels especially. it didn't look good to draw it all out. ok NOW i'm done #Milo Montalvo #Reiji Droet #oc #ocs

[stackslip]

Ok speaking of Viserys and Daemon, I cannot remember were he said it, but the lead writer suggested that part of Daemon's deal is that he wishes he'd been born a woman so he could marry Viserys.... That's such a good window into Targaryen relationships for me lmao

HELLO HI????? I NEED A SOURCE FOR THIS RIGHT NOW IM OBSESSED WITH THIS...... I SAW THIS CONCEPT IN A FEW FICS AND LOVED IT BUT I HAD NO IDEA THE WRITERS INTENDED IT...... i mean it makes complete sense, daemon is utterly devoted to viserys and constantly seeks his approval and attention even if he's being an absolute shithead about it. even his pursuit of rhaenyra seems to be in part bc he wants to get under viserys's skin, or be as close as he can to viserys's own blood......... i love targaryens they're so fucked up lol

#eli talks #it's interesting how that concept of incest is originally born from seeking to Maintain The Blood Purity of old valyria and old kinds of od #*odd shit #maintaining their own hold and supremacy over dragons and westerosi affairs #like some of it is just ruling family shit part of it is genuine terror of losing whatever they have left of their homeland #but over the decades it's clearly morphed into something beyond maintaining power #it's the feeling that no-one can understand a targaryen besides another targaryen #it's growing up with the inherent knowledge that whoever you marry/fuck there's a large chance it'll be your sibling or uncle/aunt or other #it's a fierce devotion and seething hatred between all these fucked up relatives who have nothing but each other #bc fuck westeros and everyone who isn't of old valyria right #anyhow it's a lot of fun. i know hotd won't explore the political implications nearly as much but the family drama is fun #hotd

[acelessthan3]

Missed sunset by an hour last night, but still felt accomplished climbing a mountain

#hiking #oyster dome #sunset #secret bonus content: so we got to the top right? 1800ft elevation gain in 3.5 miles and i start shivering something fierce #it's not even that cold. it's dark but still almost 60°F #it was my fucking tanked blood sugar like not five minutes after finishing my capri sun i had mostly stopped shivering #that's what i get for last eating 5 hours before an intense hike

[rendnotmyheart]

Jason Todd is a Christopher Marlowe (specifically Doctor Faustus) girlie and I stand by that

#this is incredibly niche but i literally have never been more right about anything ever #doctor faustus is all about predestination and am i damned or can i be saved? #which is just so jason todd #like faustus is absolutely convinced of his own damnation #to the point that he thinks that the serpent who tempted eve can be saved but not him #also the writing is just so fucking good and jason would be insufferable about this play #like when he was younger he was a shakespeare guy bc pretentious and shakespeare is pretty accessible #but post resurrection??? #he happened upon doctor faustus by chance and he hasn't been the same since #he's a marlowe girlie now through and through #there's this one line in the A text that goes #i'll leap up to my god! who drags me down? see see how christ's blood streams in the firmament! one drop would save my soul. half a drop! #like gOD the imagery? #faustus trying to leap up to god but something is dragging him down? #christ's blood streaming from the sky and all faustus needs is not even one drop but just half a drop and yet he still can't get even that #that line is part of his monologue in the minutes before he gets dragged to hell by demons #(he sold his soul to the devil in exchange for magic bc he was bored of academia and had learned everything he possibly could already) #but at the very end of the monologue he goes #my god my god look not so fierce on me! #which if you know the bible is a blatant blasphemy of christ's my god my god why have you forsaken me #like marlowe is so #to have the man who sold his soul to devil in his last moments before being condemned begging to god mirror jesus's line from his last #moments before he was condemned to die?? #no fucking wonder marlowe was accused of blasphemy (and sodomy but that's not relevant) #anyway back to jason todd #he would fucking love this play #more detailed thoughts on this later maybe #jason todd #doctor faustus #batman

[no-no-no-ahhhh]

I hate the concept that witch craft is a human habit

I feel like it discredits Casta from being a monster 😭

Also I hate how Draculaura is also not implied to be related to Dracula anymore

Just gosh I hate this reboot shit

#monster high #monster high reboot #Draculaura #casta fierce #with a passion #how the fuck they gonna ruin something so good and i know some hoes still gonna like it 😩