#hell for all you know it had nothing to do with [redacted] and you were just on bad meds/depressed and forgot three solid years of your life | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

milogreer · 24 days

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❥ my top ten redacted audio speakers !!

i’ve seen a bunch of people doing this so i wanted to join in! i love a bandwagon 😋

feisty werewolf; milo - i mean, come on. *gestures at my blog* look at me. milo very quickly took top spot, by the time i got to the panic attack audio i was like the rest of y’all can pack it up bc this guy’s got me hooked lmfao it was just so sweet to see a softer side of the guy who, at that point in the timeline, had mostly only been abrasive, cocky, and flirty. that accent also does everything for me. the exact moment i fell in love with him was when he said, “of course i’m not mad. i was worried - scared that you were hurt or something. but never mad.” 🫠💖

nervous air elemental; lasko - lasko… what can i say about lasko. he definitely awoke something in me lmao, initially i didn’t want to get into the elementals because meeting new people felt like a chore at the time but he immediately made me laugh and it was all downhill from there… i love that he’s kinda freaky and he makes me want to bite him in the non-canon audios, but even in prime universe he’s just so sweet and a really good friend. and his relationship with coworker makes me so proud of his development

arrogant incubus; gavin - i’ve said it before but gavin’s the reason i’m here! his hbs 2023 audio was my first audio of the channel, and to go back in time and watch his progression to that point was so heartwarming 🥺 him and freelancer are possibly the best pair in the universe, i just adore everything about them. gavin’s audios are actually the hardest ones for me to listen to because the love he has for freelancer is suffocating to witness in a really bittersweet way 😩

yandere cultist friend; blake - this one is um …. i never expected this HAHA when i first listened to the balance he really skeeved me out (as he should), but then mother mother released ‘explode!’ and for some unfathomable reason it got into my head as a blake song and i couldn’t dissociate it from him. on a second listen of the balance, i definitely appreciate his character more and the juxtaposition of him with elliott and sunshine vs bestie is so so interesting to me. i can’t even be mad at bestie because he’d have me wrapped around his finger too 🥲 rly nervous for his next story update

chaotic boyfriend; guy - BABYGIRL. humor is the biggest thing i look for in relationships both platonic and romantic and no one makes me laugh like guy does. he’s so my type and the way honey acts is literally how i am with guys i like, so guy audios are always so much fun to listen to 💖 and no BA hits quite like that pre-recorded one

i ended up talking more than i thought i would so the other half is under the cut!

it gets kind of messy in the second half because i think these could get shuffled around depending on my mood but for now these are my thoughts!

seer obscura; morgan - morgan is… captivating. i know he kinda only blew up after ‘time is a song’ but it’s with good reason; the atmosphere is so calming but also, like… there’s a longing to it, ykwim? the two of them being the only know seer obscuras naturally lends a hand to the tension between them. no one else understands their unique struggles - so when his new obscura acquaintance calls him up in the middle of the night asking for help and comfort, of course he isn’t going to say no. it’s such an intimate setting for their third audio together and you can feel the tension building the whole time up to “i want to know you.” it’s just a really good audio. very interested to see where his story goes

sarcastic inchoate demon; avior - THE SNARK. THE QUIET KINDNESS. THE MYSTERY. THE YEARNING. THE TRAGEDY. avior’s got it all. sovereign state had me on the edge of my seat the whole time and still does, honestly. his hbs rewind audio is one of my favorites; the effort and love he put into that little date to give starlight a reprieve from their shared hell… he is such a romantic 💖 there’s nothing quite like falling in love while stuck in an actual hell

unempowered boyfriend; geordi - he’s an interesting one for me bc my love of him is directly tied to cutie + cutie’s telepathy giving us a look into his head (i just melt over his whispered little i love yous and compliments). they have a fascinating and messy story that i live for even when it makes me sick lol i adore that they’re both flawed but that they’re taking steps to better themselves. it’s fun when couples in the redactedverse aren’t perfect but still try to be better out of love

mysterious stranger; hush - THE weird guy. within his first audio i went from being indifferent to charmed. i love a mystery and everything about him is mysterious, but he’s also so clueless sometimes that it’s like. so what if he tied doc to the bed in their first meeting, now he’s asking to hold their hand when he’s nervous. so what if his purpose is to free the sovereigns? he learned how to cook for doc. i can’t NOT love him

unknown yandere caller - i’m a ghostface fan, okay. and i’m a taurus. i like when people are obsessed with me 🤷🏼‍♀️ there’s just something so… like. listen. “you’ll start to expect me. you’ll start to crave me.” from the audio and “i know you’ll find them. and you’ll keep them. because they’re from me.” from his card? the arrogance. it’s bewitching. i need him back ASAP i don’t even care if he doesn’t get a real name, i just miss him. come back please 🙏🏻

#redacted audio #redacted asmr #yap yap yap girl be QUIET 😭#i’ve spent most of today on this post smfh #sweetheart.txt #misc

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ofmanycol0rs · 3 months

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↶*ೃ✧˚. Hello everyone! Welcome back to another video with LuckieDuckie. Today we will be discussing Rainbow Entertainment’s Best Eras!

As a disclaimer so people don’t come for me in the comments: this is in no particular order. I’m not ranking these eras, just factually stating that they are the best. Also, if you don’t agree with me, I don’t care. Keep it to yourself, I don’t want to see a million comments like “Duckie! Where’s blah blah? Where’s… Chu?” It’s up your [redacted]. Don’t try and tell me I’m wrong either because respectfully… I’m not. Anyway.

Starting off strong, we have LOVE DIVE!

LOVE DIVE! Is That Girl for a reason. Not only was she literally SOTY (4 times btw), but she had the vibes to back it up. I was a big fan of the ethereal cupid aesthetics they had going on and the styling just always looked so expensive. I’m a Chaehee stan, but Blue’s Hime Cut look was literally unmatched. Even the b-sides went crazy this era, with the iconic Sour Grapes taking over everyone’s For You pages. This song was actually inescapable for months, so of course this era had some iconic moments too. My personal favorite moment was Summer’s solo live ban being instated after she called Angelico’s Jinhwa a “fucking weirdo” in front of 45 million Dream. Free her tbh, she did nothing wrong!

Next up… Neverland’s Sugar Rush!

This song was so addicting honestly, the concept, the vocals, the dance, the silly little whistle chorus, it all ate down. We all know where we were when those shirtless concept pics dropped. The whole Peter Pan vibe obviously went with their concept as a whole, but how do I get to that woodland raver’s paradise? Where do I buy tickets? One thing about Neverland is they’re throwing a party and I need an invite. Speaking of parties, the iconic MakoDae club pics dropped this era. All I’m saying is that you can’t prove the girl throwing ass on Mako isn’t me.

Next, we have my favorite Eunji era, Forgive Me.

Honestly, I don’t really stan Eunji like that. I won’t deny that she is the superior Golden Goose producer, of course. But I don’t know all that much about her. What I do know is that whoever this song is about is going straight to hell. She ate them up, your honor! The rock instrumentals had me so shaken when I first listened to this song that I couldn’t stop listening to this song. Ginger Eunji in her rockstar era was peak cunt, The Revenge Era was so serious for her. Not to mention, this song had the most iconic performance of all time. If you haven’t seen it yet, immediately look up Eunji Halloween Bash Forgive Me Carrie. It will change your life. Miss girl is a performer.

Next up is one of Lucky’s most iconic eras, which is difficult to say because they’re all so iconic, I know… but I mean Ping-Pong!

This era could get the title solely from the styling. So many people love to hate it, but they just do not see the camp of it all! The bright pink and blue hair duo lives in my head constantly. I fear Kpop may never see styling so creative and unique again… Someone please rescue Hidae from 4Luvs because they are literally the most hated duo even though they make the cuntiest comebacks! I need them back together asap. Not to mention, these two have the best chemistry. And who could forget the iconic Twister video dropped this era. This video was so divisive among fans but I personally think they looked like they were having a lot of fun answering all the questions while playing Twister. We all know how those two treat competitions and they were undeniably getting flirty up in there, liiiike…

The Song of the Summer is up next… La Vie’s Fruit Salad!

This song is It. One of Rainbow’s most iconic songs by far. I don’t think there’s a single kpop stan out there that doesn’t know this song or even this dance. Honestly, they were the queens of summer before, but this song just solidified their title and made them simply unbeatable. No one else can ever wear the crown when this song exists. The concept and styling is also so perfect, one of my favorites out of La Vie, with the bright colors and quintessential summer vibes. Red-haired Tomi still rules my heart, honestly, and Sohee’s baby bangs were so quirky and cute. One of my favorite variety shows from RBE also comes from this era, I find myself rewatching Lovie’s Fruit Stand all the time. I think it’s so nice to see them getting time to rest and doing fun summer activities together, and its just so nostalgic to me.

Next we have Roly Poly by XOX!

Listen… I know they were flops. But they served with this one, I can't lie! They had no budget, no fans, and no future. All they had was a dance floor and a dream, and yet they still had fun with it. This was the age of camp and techno and XOX ran with it. And in doing so, they created every single RBE idol’s go-to karaoke song. It almost seems like an inside joke at the company because there is at least 2 videos of every single group covering or dancing to this song. And now she’s made her way on to TikTok and the legacy lives on. Everyone say RIP XOX, you will always be famous. Kind of.

Up next is Thee Lucid! Era… TOMBOY!

This is their most iconic era by far and if you think I’m wrong then argue with the wall or something. The song, the styling, the lyrics, the message, the music video, the performances, the moments… need I go on? I fear they ate the whole industry up with this comeback and the industry knew it too! I guarantee you that every single one of yall’s favs was caught doing this dance. Just the sheer amount of people, specifically men, that this song pissed off already puts her high up on my cuntiest songs roster and that was before they went on national television and said fuck! Speaking of fuck, Lucid! did not give a single one this era. My personal favorite Blue moment happened this era when sasaengs leaked pictures of her and Youngho leaving practice for together before their collab stage dropped and sparked dating rumors, and the Next Day she posted “ew wtf? him of all men?” on her public Instagram story on accident… which then started a nuclear fan war on Twitter. Dare I say; iconic. The Tomboy vibes had possessed the whole group I fear, because even Chaehee got man-hating rumors after she ignored Haruki’s hand to help her down the steps at a music show. Not to mention, Minji’s rap verse got so much shit and yet every single time she took her cutesy ass to center stage and ate down. I could literally go on and on about how much I love this era for hours, so if you want to hear more, click the link in the description for my full explanation on why it was the best era kpop has seen from the fourth generation.

Anyway. Next up is La Vie’s Fancy You!

This era was directly after Fruit Salad which means they had a tough act to follow… yet they absolutely came through. They were giving galactic space princesses, rulers of the cosmos, sparkling amongst the stars. Basically… they served. Tomi and Mari’s pink and purple hair duo is still one of my favs and don’t even get me started on the styling. Gogo boots and sequins and hot shorts, god. It was so cunty. And this era isn’t one of their best just because of the concept (even though that is one of their best too) but the vibes. The song and instrumental produced by the iconic ROZE Mari duo that gags to this day. It seems like every 6 months the song is back on TikTok for its cunty instrumentals or choreography. The Anya Kai dating rumors first started this era and you really just had to be there. The entire kpop world imploded on itself. Speaking of Anya Kai dating rumors, my favorite Sol video of all time is from this era in her cute blue highlights making a face in the back of an interview when Kai is brought up… EXO-Ls came for her for weeks until she finally took to Twitter to tell them she doesn’t give a shit about boy groups and their stans with internalized misogyny complexes! If that’s not mother I don’t know who is.

Next, we have DAZED, a Neverland classic.

Remember when I said that one thing Neverland is gonna do is throw a party? Well this is That Party. Out of all 130 million views of this mv, I’m probably 26 million of them. It’s so addicting with the concept and the cinematography… like what are you doing if you show up to this hot guy’s rager birthday party and find out that him and his friends are faeries after you drink their wine and dance for eternity? The ACoTaR girlies (me) went wild for this one, let me tell you. I loved the way they took their whole Neverland Lost Boys concept and twisted it to give us faeries which totally works but it’s also something new? They gave the girls what they want! Howie absolutely owned this era, especially after an edit of him as Rhysand went viral and he had to google the series on live when people asked him about it. I still think about that clip of him saying “What do you mean fairy porn?” every single day.

Finally, last but certainly not least, is the best Rainbow era of all time. NEW WAVE.

I know I said I wasn’t ranking them and all that and that is still true, but… this era is inarguably the best out of all of them so I had to put it last. And of course I'm not biased just because I ult Lucky. I’m convinced that Jung Jisoo tried acid for the first time and then came up with this concept based off of that. And I support it. She was Euphoria before her time, a true masterpiece of neon glitter and debauchery. If I could pick one place anywhere on the space time continuum to live out the rest of my days, it would be the set of this mv. They were literally taking shots in the making video. This song was nearly banned from broadcasts and I’m still surprised that Lucky hasn’t had one of their songs banned yet. Queens Eunbi and Jisoo just know the exact line between cunt and can’t, I guess. This era gave the vibes of the early 2000s club craze tabloid era in the best way both in the concept and for the members. The rumor mill was working over time going after them! Angel was accused of sleeping with fans and cheating on Jennie even though the dating rumors didn’t exist until after the cheating rumors? Sunnie’s gay rumors started this era, although she has since been pretty clear that they weren’t just rumors, LOL. Even baby Han got into one of his first scandals after he got caught with a pack of cigs in his back pocket. The most groundbreaking scandal this era though, one of the only times Lucky has had to issue an apology over the years despite being notorious for saying fuck it, Hiro’s infamous AKB video. Iconic or not, it had impact! But it wasn’t just bad things that came out of this era, of course. It was their most successful ot4 comeback, winning 8 music show wins and PAK as a full group. Plus, they still make room for it on every set list, so they clearly feel the same way about it as 4luvs do. You cannot deny that this era is the most iconic eras of both Lucky and RBE as a whole.

Thank you for tuning in to this video everyone! Feel free to comment below which of these you think is best, or even another one I didn't mention, I guess. But I don't want to see any fighting about it!

Til next time! Mwah!!

find more mentions of jinhwa in the myahverse @venusvity and haruki at @intoloopin !!

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mcflymemes · 10 months

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PROMPTS FROM HITMAN 2 * assorted dialogue from the video game, adjust as necessary

at the location. no hostile presence.

tell me about the targets.

you know what we want.

i had such big plans for you.

you had a chance to walk away. why didn't you?

it comes back in flashes. fear. anger. but... like it happened to someone else.

i'm... i'm sorry for your loss.

you made this our fight. now let's even the playing field.

i'm breaking more rules than i care to count.

i remember everything.

that's the catch. the report is redacted. no names, no location.

so what am i missing?

i'll explain when i'm back.

it's a dangerous thing... having a conscience.

i spent a long time feeling guilty about that.

everyone hates power until you offer them some.

only one way to find out, i'm afraid.

i'm sorry you had to endure all that free champagne and cello music.

looks deserted.

is that a sense of humor, [name]? whatever next? crying at the movies?

oh, hell no. how did this end up here?!

think about what that means.

i swear to god, when i find out, you're dead!

we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

we need to know who we're up against.

this is our best lead in twenty years.

i say it's time we break a few rules.

no one's untouchable.

no more. i'm done.

so it's a dead end. i can't track them.

the breadcrumbs were almost too easy to follow. it could be a trap.

why are you doing this?

okay, i'm ready. let's get this thing fixed.

probably just some pitiful cry for help or some shit like that.

a great moment. i cherish the memory to this day.

plenty of spies went dark.

i have just the tool for the job.

i know what it's like to have everything taken from you.

i suggest you get rid of them, [name].

good aim.

what are we looking at?

like i said... it's a long shot.

how does he know about us?

we got what we came for. move out.

maybe next time, then?

it's the most beautiful thing i've ever seen.

this is exactly what the enemy wants.

you've seen the pictures, yes?

you should be able to jimmy open the garage door with the proper tool.

i'll call you after the presentation.

the house is just up the beach.

getting caught on tape is the last thing we need.

our intel indicates that she and her team are laying low.

for now, it's information we seek.

infiltrate the house and get us a lead on the shadow client.

up for some b&e?

oh my god! it's really you! it's such an honor to meet you!

on my way.

oh, could you fix me a cup of tea?

we got all we're going to get.

i thought this night would never end. what a snob fest.

according to the local home security provider, the house is equipped with multiple cameras placed around the perimeter.

why don't you search the pool area?

they could be out. could be lying low.

i see them. poor bastards.

i'm not a fool, [name].

she was never shy about collateral damage.

this feels more like identity theft.

what can i say? you really took one for the team.

nothing we can do for these people now.

don't worry. i've got this under control.

imagine what he would do to me if i messed up.

let me just grab a quick selfie with you.

improving on stuff that looks like crap probably isn't too hard.

there might be a concealed space behind the wall.

hurry. i'm detecting movement up the road.

they're back. multiple hostiles.

it won't make a difference. they're too powerful.

good. i will tell you exactly what to do.

take a deep breath and try again.

well done. now get off the property.

they're on high alert, combing the beach for intruders. proceed with caution.

someone will need to stop them. might as well be us.

no, i don't give a rat's ass about it.

i'll head up when i feel like it.

your so called "friend" is working for them now.

he's coming for us. and unlike you, he won't hesitate.

just get me inside.

we can't focus here, all right?

well done, [name]. this should be good.

i'm not as strong as you.

they have to pay for what they did.

it needs to stop. you... need to stop.

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cr1ms0nesp3ra-ac3 · 22 days

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Part 3: DAY 03

( Sleep Token Lyric Challenge by @a-s-levynn )

This ain't gonna be art for now..

yet.

But instead! An oc's sibling angst oneshot,but before you must start.. warnings ↓

{ TW/TRIGGER WARNINGS:

Implied kidnapping

Mentions of Dysfunctional Family and Implied Abuse(such as either mental, emotional and physical.)

Mentions of Death ( which includes characters who are my ocs, also um parent death. )

Implied Panic Attacks

Mentions of Nightmares

Styles of Anxiety and Paranoia

And Mental Heath mentioned.}

( Btw, just to let you know that this is only my oc lore and my interpretation canon lore to ST, and no this is not canon in real life that they will be having a new band member. I just had to clarify just in case fore' I had to block someone who had said it. )

That will be a first POV of this lore I will be working btw.. and with that!

Let us begin..

an Ascensionism inspired angst oneshot.

Undercut: ↓

[ August 3, 2023 took place of-

Las Vegas, the REDACTED Residence on a streetown. ]

There is no way, no way that the brother that I always love..

now went missing.

I can't be all alone! NOT LIKE THIS!!

Not without my brother like that!! How am I supposed to keep on waiting since he told me that secret?!

...But none of that matters anyway, my sisters were still nicer to me.. though I- can notice that they felt tired.

I see why..

All was starting with worry when Jasmine tried to call Ace, over and over again but there is no response.

Til now.. Hell broke loose when She and Nora began to argue outside of my room during 8:14 PM after Nora returned from working at Starbucks.. I didn't like that, when I began to just hearing that Ace haven't responded her calls.

I didn't believe her at first.. til I tried calling him too.

No responses.

Yet it's the same thing when I tried and tried again. But again, all nothing but silence.

Now I feel scared, scared if my brother was either snatched by someone, or is it because he was busy? But what I am now officially dealing with is that.. well—

I didn't want the broken family we used to had unto from return, Jasmine began to feel tired, feel workaholic, and yet anger is inside because she'll do what it takes to find Ace.. She now works for the detective after she had to quit her job for being a gardener, but Nora and I were worried, but we also didn't want to interrupt her.. and so, we had no choice.

We had to leave her and move somewhere so that she won't hurt us again.

Like our own mother and grandfather from before.

I remember Father and Auntie trying to protect us from them, not until they died from a terrible accident.. yet we're the only three left, the Siblings.

[ August 8, 2023, 10:38 PM.. 4 weeks later after. ]

My own sense of anxiety and paranoia began to spread as I was just lying still on my bed, staring at the celling from midnight. Reflecting it like a shadow shuddering behind the celling fan.. and yet I was shaking from only fear. Because of fear, only just fear and nothing else.

I can't help but feel nothing as a fragile doll, but I don't want them to know..

...There was a nightmare I had, 3 weeks ago at 11:11 PM.

I didn't even want to mention it but it was so scary... Scary but at first, me and Ace were just playing around at the neighborhood, I didn't realize that something happened. Then I stopped, in confusion.. and now scared, as I just saw my brother being held from blue strings, for me, I was forced to watch him get dragged away by... those 5 red eyes.

Yes, those 5 red eyes... I'm not sure what that was. But it scared me.

I was supposed to run up to my brother, reaching him, trying to save him from whatever is trying to get him.

But darkness nor light either tried to stop me, as I got greeted by an...archangel entity–like demi-god, it looked like a woman but not like that in my own eyes.

This demi-god I first saw has 5 eyes, white silvered skin, glowing red color, 3 wings, a black veil dressed and dried dark brown medium-like hair, while staring at my brother who is now in strings like a puppet doll. There was someone controlling him..

I was too frozen when staring at...whoever is hunting my dreams, the expression was blank, blank at first but there is a smile to the lips.. she slowly placed a finger on her lips to keep me quiet, I don't know what to do now but to nod despite my paranoia and fear beginning to rise up.

Then she proceeded to leave like a floating angel, when I tried to get up and shouted at my brother's name to make him "respond"..

I now woke up, shaking and shivering what I just witness.

It was someone, someone who was actually the one who took my brother away from me. And yet I...hated that nightmare. I really do.

Then weeks later, I always pretended that everything is okay to my sister Nora, she was suspicious at first but she always just shrugged and just..let that slide, thank god.

I was this lucky enough that I began to had an panic attack when I was home alone, lucky me didn't have the security cameras at our new home.. Wonder how Jasmine is okay but who knows...

I feel she is no longer the first older sister I loved now. She has changed.

But what that reminds me... Ace is a journalist, he is trying to research about that "Sleep" God he tells me and my sisters' stories about. Every now and then.

Until realization hits me...

Did it just..

.....Was it the one who took Ace?

..Did it, or she actually did?

Or is just my anxiety trying and making me feel delusional?

And yet I hate it.

I hated it so much that I can't help but cry quietly and softly in fear and anxiety mixing together from my brain and body, I tend to cover it with under my own pillow and my blanket.

This is really all my fault for keeping a lot of secrets, it must have been. Because before the week he went missing, he told me about something of him wanting to be a new bandmate of that band we all loved.

I just wish I could stay with Ace.

I just wish I couldn't keep his secrets but I just can't do it, ..bitter consequences will hit me if I say the truth to the ones I know.

This will be the bitter deception I will be forced to live on for now. And it cannot make me feel safe. Nor to set me free from the tragic and sadness that I've been through.

....But maybe.... just— m-maybe..

If you are really safe for me, or you feel comfort for being safe to whoever snatched you, dear brother..

Will you come home?

#oc #oc angst #fanfic #angst oneshot #oneshot #sleep token #sleep token oc #sleep token 666 #<- ( mentioned. )#sleep token band #sleep token fanfic #sleep token fanfiction #tw implied kidnapping #tw mentions of dysfunctional fam #tw mentions of death #tw anxiety #tw paranoia #tw mental health mention #tw parent death mention #tw implied abuse #tw mentions of nightmares #Poor Jake has been through a lot!!!#Btw. Jake and Jasmine will have a very important role during the lore expansion.. they've changed of what they do nor don't want to be now.#sleep token sleep #<- ( mentioned but she only appears in whatever scenes I put lol )#Ma boy is slowly bout to get mental health during the age of 11- I .... feel bad honestly to my ocs help #🥲😭 my honest reaction to this:#a series of small offerings #welp- time for day 4 tomorrow! this time its art again hehe...#time to torture Jake for angst- sorry little small blond boi 😭

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zozo-01 · 1 year

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It's their Big Night, but we can have fun too.

Happy New Years Eve everyone!!! This fic is apart of the Redacted Winter Gift Exchange ran by the amazing and lovely @the-sugar-crash!! Thank you so much for hosting this event!! And a big thank you to @taelonsamada for helping me through writer's block, @lostinanothersmemories for letting me use their headcanon of Darlin's nickname being 'fluffy' and to @sri-rachaa for beta reading this for me!!!

@starlight925, I hope you enjoy your fic!!! It's always fun to revisit my favourite non-canon couple!!!

CW: This is an David/Darlin' story, No Angel or Sam AU, surprisingly no angst considering who is being written ;-;

“Hey Tank! We wanted to ask if you could-”

“If this is about chaperoning the pup’s prom, then no. Do you want me to say it french? Trouver quelqu'un d'autre parce que non, je ne veux pas y aller.”

Asher knew that this task would be one of the hardest of his life. He's handled inter-pack politics, an onslaught of the most vicious empowered folk, and he has been blessed with the patience to navigate David’s temper. But holy hell, nothing could top this.

“I know this isn’t your thing, but pleaseeeeee! It would mean so much to the pups that their favourite tank wolf is thereeee!” He wore the best puppy eyes he can muster, a look that has made the most strong-willed people give into all of his desires. Or to get Gabe to sneak him another sweet treat without his parents realizing.

There was only one person with even more deadly puppy eyes than him, and they were standing in front of him.

Tank scoffed in disbelief. “If you think some sorry ass puppy eyes is gonna change my mind, then you better start begging.”

For a split moment, Asher genuinely considered begging them to go. It had been tradition for the older wolves to attend the pup’s prom, just to make sure no shenanigans happened that night. And the shenanigans that do occur only do so after every wolf make sure the pups will be okay.

It was part of the reason why Asher wants them there so badly. Unfortunately, Tank had plenty of experience both doing and witnessing dumb teenagers doing dumb teenager things. Having them there would make sure none of the pups slip through the gaps of the older wolves’ piercing sight. Like hell they’d let a pup pass through without notice the same way they did.

He didn’t want to say that reason though, it makes him sound like he’s using their bad experiences to his advantage, and that is the last thing he wants. He wants them there because they’re them and they’re a wonderful presence to be around.

A lightbulb went off. Asher remembered that there was someone as desperate, if not more, then himself to have Tank be a chaperone.

“David’s gonna be there.”

Unnoticed by human ears, Tank’s breath hitched and their heart rate sped up for a quick second. It was just that, a quick second.

But for the poor darling Tank, Asher did not have human ears and a second in their change state was all he needed. ‘Hehe, got you right where I want you,’ he thought mischievously.

“I sure as fuck hope David is going ‘cus how the fuck are you gonna get anyone to go if the big dawg ain’t going?”

Asher's face beamed in a wicked grin. They were deflecting, and when Tank deflects, it means you’ve struck some nerve in them. There was a truth that they were desperately trying to conceal, and that was their everlasting and ever burning feelings for a certain Alpha.

Lucky for them, that certain Alpha was holding onto hope that they had felt the same.

And as Beta, it was duty to bring these two stubborn dumbasses together. After everything they’ve been through, they deserve to feel true and unbound joy with each other. All he had to do was convince the both of them to tell each other the truth.

Seems easy enough?

“Well, David said that he wants you there too! You’re pack and therefore, you need to be a part of pack traditions!” He flashed his trademark easy going smile and continued, “and besides, heard that David’s going all out for this event too.”

They raised their eyebrows. “Our David? Going all out for something that isn’t company related? You’re gonna have to tell me more buddy.”

‘Fuck yes! They’re curious and now they won’t stop until they find out! That’s another point for best Beta Asher!’

He lowered his voice as if he was revealing his own greatest secret. “David’s pulling out the suit, you know? The black one with the gold designs?” When Tank realized what Asher was talking about, their eyes widened by a fraction and they took a sharp intake of air.

The suit in question was one that David wore at an industry dinner that was mandatory for everyone, including the pack’s beloved wayward wolf. He had worn a classic black suit that had gorgeous golden embroidery that adorned one half of the blazer. The whole outfit had shown off David’s well toned body. He exuded power and commanded attention from everyone in the room, and that included Tank’s.

Asher had later learned from his mate that after the dinner when they, Tank and Stealth had met up for some after party fun, Tank had confessed in a drunken stupor how much they adored David’s outfit. How they were ready to rip out the eyes of everyone in that room so they could keep that sight to themselves.

If the outfit had that much of an effect on them, who’s to say it wouldn’t have that same effect again? And there is nothing that makes a person want to confess more than thick sexual tension choking them.

“I’ll…” They let out a sigh knowing they fell hook, line and sinker for Asher’s trap. “I’ll go, you bastard. But whatever you’re planning? It ain’t gonna work. There is no way in hell that I’m gonna let it.”

“Do you even know the plan?” “No, but you’re fucking planning something and that’s enough to keep me on edge.”

‘Typical Tank to think that there are nefarious plots being plotted against them.’ Sure their instincts were right that he was planning something, but that didn’t negate the fact that he wished they didn’t have to be this hypervigilant. Part of him hoped David could ease the desperate grip Tank has on control of their life.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you! I’ll text you details later!” He ran off, ready to tell David the good news.

‘Now I just gotta convince him to wear that black suit without giving Tank away.’

“Oh hell fucking nah, you ain’t wearing that outfit to prom.”

“I’m with Milo on this, what the hell are you doing Tank?”

Despite many preconceived notions about them, they truly cared about how they appeared.

Something, something, if they were going to die, they want to die pretty.

It hurt Tank to wear such a boring outfit, but between not having the most… appropriate outfit for a high school prom and how they absolutely do not want to steal the show with their scars, they have relegated themselves to wearing a terrible outfit. Said outfit was a pair of black jeans, a hoodie and some nice shoes. It was nice, basic but nice.

Milo and Sweetheart were anything but basic.

He ripped the outfit from their hands and threw it onto their bed. “Tank, I know you can do better than that!” He walked over to their closet and rummaged through a number of outfits. He pulled out a red cropped and backless shirt. “See? This outfit is way better than the shit hoodie.”

“First off,” they started off while taking the shirt in Milo’s hand. “Don’t diss my hoodie. Secondly, who in the fuck would wear a shirt like this to prom?” They gestured to redshirt in their hand. “I’d get dress-coded before I make it to the hall and I’m not even a student!”

Sweetheart walked over to their closet and took a peak in. “What if you wore a leather jacket on top of that? That should keep it ‘appropriate’.” The stealth grabbed the first jacket they saw.

The jacket was a black leather one, slightly larger than the ones they own. It had laid untouched in their closet for a long time, years even. They don’t know why, but they were convinced that the jacket wasn’t theirs. Which is stupid, it had a similar style to their other black jackets. And sure, it was a bit oversized, but Tank was never opposed to a looser fit.

So where the hell did that jacket come from? And who did it belong to?

Milo snickered and said, “oh I know why Tank don’t wanna dress up.” He strained his arm so he could wrap it around Tank’s shoulders. “They don’t want David to see them all dolled up. Gotta keep that side of ‘em locked up!”

They pushed Milo’s arm off them with the sound of Sweetheart’s laugh echoing in the background. They tried to stutter out an answer, but each word that left Tank further incriminated them.

Sweetheart patted them on the back. “It’s ok you know, having a crush on your Alpha.” They picked up the red shirt and black leather jacket off the ground. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t be the hottest wolf in Dahlia. Now go show everyone why you’re the pack’s heartthrob.”

The wolf knew when the stealth says everyone, they specifically mean David.

Tank took the outfit from Sweetheart and kicked the other two out of their room.

They were the Tank wolf of the Shaw Pack, they were one hot ass wolf and like hell they’ll let anyone intimidate them.

But their feelings for David Shaw might be the one thing that could scare them.

–

“They’re late.”

“It’s only been half an hour, they’ll be here.”

This is ridiculous. Here he was standing in the middle of the banquet hall, watching a bunch of sweaty and horny teenagers, in his fanciest outfit and the person he wanted to see hadn’t showed up. What was the point of putting on this jacket if Tank wasn’t going to show up?

Asher noticed the all too familiar impatient look on his Alpha’s face. “Look, they’re coming with Milo and his mate, and you know how they like to take their sweet time.” He put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it. “They’ll come.”

Asher’s reassurances doesn’t make up for the fact that the worst case scenarios are flooding David’s brain. Had they decided that the pack tradition wasn’t worth it? That he wasn’t worth it? Or maybe something had happened to them on the road. A car crash? Quinn?

He needed Tank to walk in this hall or so help him, he will shift and tear the city to the ground to find them and-

Asher's face lit up at the sight of Milo, his mate and Tank walking into the ball. “Well look who decided to show up! Took them long enough.”

David’s face relaxed seeing his wayward pack member face under the neon lights. Their eyes scanned the room, looking for suspicious people and exits. It’s a habit he’s aware of, but one he wishes they’d never develop. Wasn’t like he could blame them, the life Tank lived forced them to be hyper aware of every single little detail. It was their survival instinct, their way of protecting themselves.

Though he wishes that he can be their protection. That one day, Tank will never have to take a hit again because he’ll be there.

Their wandering eyes caught his stationary ones. Once Tank realized it was David eyeing them from across the room, their face relaxed and a small smile appeared. A smile that was made more beautiful by the bright lights surrounding them. Though nothing outshined them. In David’s mind, nothing could ever outshine Tank.

The newly arrived trio pushed past the awkward teenagers on the dancefloor. A few of the pack pups stopped the older wolves and stealth to thank them for chaperoning. The trio finally made their way to the Alpha and Beta, ready to receive their assignments.

“Thank you all for volunteering your time, though it would be appreciated if you came on time.” What? He could be a little salty about them taking forever and giving him a heart attack.

Milo scoffed at David’s comment, while Sweetheart and Tank snickered. “David, you can’t blame us for taking this long! It takes time to look good!” He pushed Tank in front of David. “Especially this one! Fucker took forever, but ain’t it worth it?”

David was inclined to agree that their delayed appearance had been worth it.

Tank looked really fucking good. Maybe too good for his heart to take.

And… he could be wrong, he often is, but… were they wearing his jacket? The one he lost a few years back? He looked closer and saw a familiar patch on the jacket… And the familiar scent lingering on it, mixing it with theirs… Oh yeah, it’s definitely his.

He pushed down the shiver of pride and assigned placements for the latecomers. Milo and Sweetheart were stationed by the snack table, making sure no one even thinks about lacing the food or spiking the drinks with anything. He also hoped that the constant influx of hungry partiers would keep them from making out.

Tank on the other hand was to walk around the hall and keep their eyes peeled for anything weird. He knew stationing them in one spot for the whole night would drive them crazy. Had it not been for that, he’d have them stationed with him at the entrance, an artificial way to keep them close to him.

Once everyone was told what to do, Milo, Sweetheart and Tank left to where they were designated. Though, David so badly wanted to drag Tank back. Just to have a conversation with them. To tell them they look wonderful. That he loves them.

But there was work to be done, so like always, David swallowed down and choked on the love that has been years in the making.

David’s scent filled their senses and brought a sense of comfort to their wolf side. He cleared their throat and said, “Tank, I need you for a second.” Thank goodness for David and his bailouts. They had been approached by everyone and anyone left, right and centre and desperately needed a break.

“So what do you need me to do?” They asked, curiosity piqued.

“Milo and Asher said that they were running out of plates at the food table, so he wants us to get more.”

They raised their eyebrow. “And they asked for you and me? Specifically? No one else?” They couldn’t help but be suspicious.

“Yes? Is that a problem?”

They were going to kill the two later.

Tank waved David off, gesturing to him to forget everything.

The two walked through the familiar yet unrecognizable hallways from their childhood. They could see their younger, brighter self leaning against the lockers. That they could feasibly achieve a fairy tale ending with their fairy tale prince. Walking through the school with David in their old prom outfit, loving him like a lovestruck teenager should.

Years later, they had somewhat gotten their wish, they were walking through the school with David, but with years of experiences weighing down on them.

What could have been had they not fucked it up royally?

“Nice jacket.”

David perked up at the sudden complement. “You think it looks good?” Did they think he looked good, had he looked in the mirror? He looks like he’s a kind king who decided to grace his subjects with his presence. Tank just had to be a lucky wolf to be this close to him.

“It does look good on you and I’d say you should wear it more often, but then it would lose it’s charm.”

“Well I’ll wear it more if you like it.”

Their heart sped at that comment. He’d wear it more? Because they like it? Tank had to fight their pulse to maintain a steady beat. They did not need his wolf ears to pick up how much that comment had affected him.

They didn’t know what got to them more. The fact that they’ll get to see him in that jacket more often? Or that their opinion matters to him?

Thankfully for their wandering mind, the two wolves have arrived at the storage room. David came forward and pushed it open, letting them both walk inside.

The storage room was dark, the singular lightbulb not being enough to light up the room. It was also cramped. Extremely cramped, to the point that their back was pressed onto his chest. They felt their body heat up, but were convincing themselves that it was because of the humid air and not from their own embarrassment.

They had found the plates they were looking for on a high shelf. David noticed Tank looking at the plates and wordlessly picked them, making them let out a squeal. “Fucking hell David! Give a wolf a word before you pick them up!”

He chuckled at their words. “Forgive me, your majesty. I’ll give you a warning next time.”

Tank pulled his hair in protest. They definitely weren’t thinking about the more suggestive side of their actions.

But their heart dropped at the sound of the door slamming shut.

And it locking.

“SHIT!” David dropped Tank back onto the ground and they ran to bang on the door. “WHAT THE FUCK? UNLOCK THIS SHIT RIGHT NOW!” Every second that passed made their banging more violent and frantic. David called out their name to try to get them to stop, he didn’t want them to get hurt, but nothing was working.

“FLUFFY!”

“WHAT?”

It had been years since anyone called them fluffy.

David thinks it’s a shame, ‘fluffy’ always fits them better than ‘tank’.

“Instead of banging on the door like a maniac, I’ll call Asher to get us out of here.” It was their worst nightmare, being stuck in a small room, but if they were stuck with David, then they'd stick it out.

Once David made the phone call, Tank opened their mouth. “So what now, Alpha? You got anything to keep us busy?”

“You look good in that jacket too.”

Oh fuck, his plan was to kill them before help arrives.

Tank thanked the shitty school infrastructure for only having one lightbulb, so that David wouldn’t see their embarrassed reaction. “Ah thanks, Stealth pulled it out of my closet. Gonna be honest, don’t know where I got it from. Just kinda popped in one day.”

“It’s mine, the jacket. It’s my jacket.”

Shittttttttt.

Tank scrambled to get the jacket off of them, spewing apologies like their life depended on it. They were so caught up in the new information they were given, they had completely forgotten the ‘scandalous’ outfit they wore underneath. But David placed a hand on their shoulder, stopping them.

“You look good in it and I want you to keep it. Besides,” he leaned in to whisper in their ear. “I want to be the one to take it off you.”

With all the false bravado they could muster, they replied, “sounds like you like me Shaw.”

“I don’t.”

Well there goes their heart. Like they ever had a chance with a man like him.

His eyes softened at their dejected look. “No, no, that’s not what I meant.” He ran his hand through their hair. It was an action that had always brought them warmth and comfort, and he remembered that.

“You know I’m not the best with words. I’m terrible at expressing my feelings, but you never needed that from me, an explanation. You always got what I was trying to say and accepted it with no question.” He took a deep breath and continued. “But you deserve to hear this, because I want to be clear where I stand. I know that your mind likes to wander, so I’m telling you right here, right now how I feel.”

“My fluffy puffball.” That had earned a chuckle from Tank. “I love you.”

Tank blinked in disbelief before responding. “You… love me? But I’m fucking me! The pack fuckup!”

He scoffed at their words and placed a hand on their cheek. “You made some mistakes, sure, but that doesn’t make you a fuckup.” He placed his other hand on their hip, light enough to not scare them off, but present so he can ground them. “I have loved you when we were kids who were less scarred, I love you during your bad days with Quinn and I still love you. And Fluffy, if I’m being honest, I don’t think- no, I know I will never love someone love someone the way I feel for you.”

How do they respond to that? They were words they’ve been wanting to hear for the longest time. Tank has never thought they deserve such soft love, especially from a man like David, but they won’t fuck up this opportunity they were gifted by the heavens. So they went with theur heart and said the one thing in their brain.

“David, kiss me, please?

And he granted their request.

One soft kiss turned to two, turned to him pressing Tank against the wall and them ripping each other’s jacket off.

Maybe Tank will finally get their fairytale ending with their fairytale prince.

#redacted david #redacted darlin #the way i struggled to keep this fluffy </3 but we pulled through <3 #i just think they deserve a wittle kiss <3 #zo writes tingz #this is zo speaking #redacted 2022 winter gift exchange

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aziraphales-library · 2 years

Note

My, thank you for your constant service with providing fics to us! I wonder, do you happen to know about any fics where Crowley is turned back into an angel?

You are so very welcome! We have some risen Crowley fics here, and I have some more for you now...

Unwanted Redemption by CaspianTheGeek (T)

The angels decide that it hurts appearances to have an angel in a relationship with a demon. They can't force Aziraphale to fall, so instead they redeem his demon. Crowley, however, is of the opinion he was perfect just as he was.

"Crowley staggered to his feet. No, no they couldn’t have. It’s impossible. How. There was no way this could happen. He glanced around to be sure no humans were nearby and then let his wings unfurl.

They were white. As white as Aziraphale’s. Their obsidian beauty washed away. He reached for his familiar scarf, just to give himself something to touch as his brain ran wild. Only to realize it was gone. He glanced down and saw his clothes had changed into a white suit.

He hissed."

White is Not the New Black by AughtPunk (G)

You know, I thought to myself, I've seen so many lovely 'Fallen Aziraphale' fics but not a single 'Risen Crowley' fic. Time to fix that.

Or: Crowley wakes up with an odd warm fuzzy feeling in his chest and doesn't like it at all.

forgiveness (can you imagine) by snowkatze (M)

And hungrily, hungrily, he dreams, a soft warm hand grasping skinny fingers. Yellow eyes and dark heart forgotten. What was once wretched. What was once wicked. Forgiven. Skin that has forgotten the shape of scales. I recognize you. I see you. We are the same.

***

After Beelzebub slams the door to Hell in his face, Crowley walks to Aziraphale's bookshop, but he can tell that something is off. He falls to his knees in pain - and then he realizes. She is making him Rise. It's painful. It's what he would never admit that he wanted. (Maybe now he can be loved.)

Parallax by Crystalshard (M)

God's ways are ineffable, but She rather likes this angel and demon duo who prevented the Apocalypse. So She gives Crowley the choice to Rise back to Heaven. Taking that offer, however, leads to more trouble than anyone (except possibly God) ever expected.

Some strangeness in the proportion by trailingoff (T)

‘I assume your punishment involved the destruction of the demon, but I am not aware of the details,’ says the Angel. ‘The description was redacted from your file and labelled “Highly Classified” with a red stamp.’

Aziraphale is trying to mourn in peace, but the cause of his grief keeps bothering him.

When We Find There's Life on Earth After All by jane_with_a_j (T)

An angel awakens in Heaven from a six thousand year coma, the result of a head injury taken in the First War.

He's missed everything. The entire history of the Earth. Well, except for one thing. He hasn't missed the apocalypse, because the apocalypse, for some reason, didn't happen, and no one seems to know why - or if they do know, they won't say.

He has questions. And if the rumours are true, there's one angel who might have answers: the Principality Aziraphale.

Aziraphale isn't at all what he expected.

And nothing, as it turns out, is quite what it seems.

- Mod D

#good omens #ineffable husbands #risen demon crowley #risen crowley #angel crowley #mod d

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readyandnot · 2 years

Text

holy fuck. here we go.

SAM/DARLIN THOUGHTS:

(spoilers under the cut)

first of all- COLOR CHANGE LOVE IT

second of all- THE TITLE MY FUCKING GOD

“vampire MATE” “MAKES YOU A PROMISE” 🥺

okay lowkey disappointed we didn’t have a call with david but no big deal lmao he’s mentioned anyway

“i already know what you’re thinking darlin” NO YOU DONT…

“like hell i don’t” okay fine maybe you do-

well fuck me sam knows darlin too well, love him for that <3

“hey. look at me, please.” GOD DAMMIT ALREADY???

SAAAAAM YOURE SO SOFT FOR NO REASON

I JUST LISTENED TO HIS BA THIS WEEK AND I KNEW HE WAS SOFT BUT FUCK ITS STILL EFFECTIVE

his breath of relief when darlin looks up at him. THATS GOTTA BE ANOTHER LEVEL OF TRUST. ESPECIALLY WITH THE FACT THAT MOST PEOPLE PROB STRUGGLE WITH FOR FEAR OF TRANCING-

and darlin looks up with no hesitation. i love these two omfg

“i know. and i’m not judging you for it. i get it, i feel it too.” and there’s my first hand up to the face.

“my first thought was to run up there and end this fucker too.” HE UNDERSTANDS. OF COURSE HE DOES HES SAM FOR GODS SAKES

“darlin you know that’s not what i’m saying.” HES SO STEADY AND CALM LIKE FUCK IF HE ISNT PERFECT FOR DARLIN-

“give me a second, please” the trust these two have for one another my fucking god

“they can bring him down now there’s enough heat for them to do something about it”

sam i get it and i want to believe that, but when had the department been quick about something besides the fl and vega situation? and he still isn’t caught after the breakout, neither is regulus. if i’m wrong then i’m wrong but it’s also not where i think the story might be heading so i’m having doubts that it’s just gonna end with quinn in custody. that’s too easy.

“when i had to stand in front of them and explain what he did to my progeny”- FRED AND BRIGHT OMFG

“it’s fucked up.”

what i love more about this is that sam truly understands the frustration first hand. he knows the suffering behind waiting and nothing being done. he can truly understand darlin and help them to the best of his abilities and not bullshit them. he literally tells them his thoughts about when he first heard and what he wants to do, but he knows what’s best and to stay calm.

“for once you don’t have to do it alone. so don’t do it alone” sam, you’re gonna fucking break me.

“i’m asking you to promise me something. promise me you will let the department try to handle all this” darlin better not break this promise istg-

DAVID AND ANSEL MENTION LETS GO

SWEETHEART MENTION LETS FUCKING GO SAM KNOWS THEYRE POWERFUL AF AND GREAT AT THEIR JOB

“hey, i’m not asking for this to be one sided though. if you promise me you’ll let them try without running off on your own, then i promise you, if he keeps at it, if he keeps hurting innocent people and they still haven’t gotten him, then you and i will hunt him down. together. and we’ll take that freak to task. no half measures. no holding back. we do whatever we have to, to bring him down. can you promise me that?”

“i promise” “okay, then that’s what we’ll do”

MY GOD YES I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. THE TRUST AND THE LOVE AND SUPPORT.

“come here.” AHHHHH IM SOBBING HUGS YES PLEASE

“i know darlin. i know..” FUCK- AND KISSES TOO AHHHHH

“it’s cause now you got more things to lose again.”

this is a point that’s been brought up into light for a while now. the fact that darlin wasn’t wrong in wanting to do this on their own from the start, because they didn’t have a lot to lose. they were separated from the pack, and therefore making quinn feel like attacking them wouldn’t work on darlin. and it makes sense. but like sam is about to say, it’s a reason to go back and live instead of dying alongside it.

LOVELY MENTION WOOOOO

OH MY GOD FRED AND BRIGHT MENTION YET AGAIN

i’m not kidding when i heard sam say that I SLAMMED MY FISTS AGAINST MY PILLOW IN EXCITEMENT AT THE MENTION OF THEM.

because NOW especially with redacted saying “old characters coming back” MAKES ME THINK WE MIGHT SEE THE RETURN OF FRED AND BRIGHT. ITS A LONG SHOT I KNOW BUT ITD BE FUCKING SICK.

i wasnt around when fred and bright were on the channel, and that hurts me to this day lmao because i’ve gotten so curious on what they were like and how sam was (even if he was an asshole). i still would’ve loved to hear how it was, and based on what people have said, yes sam is probably better off without that playlist leaving a bad taste in peoples mouths, but it’s still intriguing, whether he was bad or not. it also leaves more room for growth in the good he has done and what he has become as a character. idk just my thoughts. because most of us weren’t around and left with curious thoughts, so the return of those two with a somewhat better situation would be insane.

“not to mention they have their own trauma from him” HE RECOGNIZES THAT YES.

“i still feel it like, like a knife in my heart, when fred wakes up screaming in the middle of sleep. even when he’s far away from me, he had one of those nightmares when we went up on vacation with your pack. i still felt it. even there.”

that fucking hurts. i wasn’t even around back then but that hurts nonetheless. HE HAD IT ON VACATION IMAGINE HOW SAM FELT LIKE FUCK.

quinn doesn’t have progeny!!!! thank god. he doesn’t seem like the type to like sam said.

“i feel frederick here. always. when you turn someone you give them a piece of yourself. and that never goes away.” AHHHHHHHHHHHH-

also why does that feel like foreshadowing…

“i know the thought of waiting makes your blood boil” WHAT DID I FUCKING SAY-

one of my fav parts: “he’s out there, but he’s also up here.”KISS MOTHERFUCKING KISS ON THE HEAD “in your head”

SAM COLLINS YOU FUCKING DREAM OF A MAN I CAN ONLY IMAGINE DARLINS FACE WHEN HE DID THAT

“the rest of the the fight is right here, inside here. you can’t let him own your mind. if your every waking thought is of him, then he wins. without having to life a finger. it’s easier said then done believe me i know that.” sam’s right, half the battle is mentally as well, darlin isn’t in the right headspace to take him on as they’re full of adrenaline. and while he can’t be every thought, he can’t be ignored that’d just be stupid.

alexis mention. this is a touchy subject, because we don’t exactly know her perspective but i’ll always support sam. he was hurt terribly by her and made into something he refused to be. i’ll always take his side no matter the intentions, good or not.

“but we can’t let those people who hurt us, own us at a time like this, that’s a fight i’m not willing to lose. and i know you aren’t either..” MOTHERFUCKING PREACH

“so, we keep on living, life is better with people you care for in it. even if it does make the scary shit more scary. it means you got something to lose. but it also means you got something to fight for, so we’ll fight, in our own way for now. by keeping them safe.”

“and if the time comes, we’ll follow through on that promise of ours. and you and i put this fucker six feet down and never look back, in the name of everybody he’s ever hurt.” WELL THAT ENDED MORE ABRUPT THAN I THOUGHT LMAO

if it does come to that, i wonder how david will react, because they might not tell him, i’m sure he’d be disappointed. i wonder.

sam sam sam, i love you so much, you’re the right mate and support for darlin. he knows how to help and has first hand experience alongside them. god they’re so perfect together.

the way sam and darlin have evolved together is so fucking astonishing. they trust each other with everything and anything. it’s so beautiful to see similar people love each other deeply and have an understanding of each other in a way most people in their life don’t. not with them i mean. i love their relationship so fucking much. one of my top fav pairings on the channel. well done.

i also like the fact now that there’s most likely been development in fred and brights relationship with sam. i’ve heard sam was not the best of people with bright and apparently blaming them. but hearing how he talks about them now, makes me think he truly sees them as a person who made a mistake and never intended for this to happen. and that they really and truly care for fred. i’d like to think sam and bright are more caring of each other now.

i truly have hope for a good ending in this plot line, it’s a high hope but i always look for the bright side of things, this being no exception.

WHOS NEXT- ASHERRRRRRR MY LOVEEEEEE

i love him so much my god. i’m excited for this one, WE LOVE A DATE NIGHT IN AND WITH ONE OF THE BESTEST BOIS hehe <333

#redacted asmr #redacted sam #readyrambles

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a-reader-and-a-writer-for-all · 1 year

Text

Bleeding Heart (Part 1)

Fandom: The Suicide Squad (Spoilers for Movie), Rick Flag

Summary: Rick has a mysterious new recruit on Task Force X. Without being provided any information, Rick will have to learn about this new team member on the job.

Word Count: 4191

TW: Powers that Allow Transference of Injuries, Blood, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Canon Injuries, Reader Death

Part 1, Part 2

Series Masterlist

In all the years he had been in command of Task Force X, Rick Flag had thought he had seen everything when it came to new recruits. Every file that crossed his desk provided detailed descriptions of the new members including their relevant skills or abilities, assets to the team, reason for imprisonment in Belle Reve, and remaining time on their sentence. He had grown so numb to the bizarre and impossible material, that he barely glanced at the information as he thumbed through the files anymore. That was, until he came across your file. He made it to the third page before he registered something amiss. Flipping back to the start, he stared at line after line of black stripes that filled the page. And the next page, and the next, and the next, all the way to the end. Excluding the small information box on the front, every line of the file had been redacted. All he was left with was an alias, date of birth, and physical description.

Rick wasn’t sure what to make of it. Sure, other files had contained some information that had been deemed too top secret for his eyes, but it was usually just a name or location. Occasionally, a few lines or even a paragraph may be omitted, but never entire pages. Gathering the file, Rick stormed off to get some answers.

He found his boss in the control room preparing for the next mission. Throwing your file on the table, he demanded, “What the hell is this?”

Amanda Waller didn’t even glance at the file. “Your newest recruit.”

“There’s no information here. I have an alias. That’s it. What am I supposed to do with that? I know nothing about her abilities, her skills. Hell, I don’t even know what she did to get thrown in here or how long she’s going to be staying.”

“Doesn’t matter. All you need to know is that she is very important, so you need to keep her safe. She doesn’t have the training your usual members have, so keep a close eye on her.”

“You expect me to babysit an unskilled, inexperienced inmate while in the middle of a war zone?”

“I expect you to do your job. Keep her alive. At least until she has time to do her job.” Waller walked off towards her office, signaling the end of the discussion.

All Rick could do was scowl at her retreating form. He knew that nothing good came from trying to argue with Waller. He just hoped this new girl didn’t get him killed.

It turned out, Rick was right to worry. From the second the team touched down, you were a trembling mess of nerves and fears. Placing a hand on your shoulder, Rick tried to calm you down. “It’s okay. I’ve got your back.” You nodded frantically, eyes wide as saucers, but you gave Rick a small smile.

However, within minutes, you were cowering behind a burning car, hands pressed firmly over your ears as you rocked back and forth anxiously. Rick had more important things to do, but he was forced to stand by your side and take out any assailant who approached your location. Cursing under his breath as he took down yet another enemy, he heard you cry out in warning. Before he could react, he felt a sharp pain sear down his side. Turning, he watched a man smile wickedly as he pulled his knife out of Rick’s side. Rick used his gun to make short work of him, but the damage had already been done. Stumbling slightly, Rick collapsed to the ground. Blood gushed through his fingers as he desperately tried to apply pressure to the wound. But it was of little use, the knife had gone in too deep.

Suddenly, he felt you at his side. As he looked up, he expected to see fear and horror painted across your face. Instead, you had a sweet yet determined smile on your lips, sporting a confidence Rick had not seen in you since the two of you had been introduced. Without a word, you gently placed your hands on his side. Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath. Rick felt a strange, warm pulling sensation deep in his wound. Glancing down, he could see the gush of blood slow to a stream then to a trickle. As you fell back with a hiss, Rick watched as blood began staining your shirt in the exact same spot as his wound. As he glanced back and forth between the two identically placed wounds, you smiled weakly up at him, “Don’t worry Colonel, I’ve got your back too.”

Later, once the mission was over and the surviving members of Task Force X were on the plane heading back to Belle Reve, Rick had examined his side. While there was still a small gash, it appeared to be little more than a graze compared to the deep puncture he knew it had been. He glanced over to where you were currently sitting, hunched over and half-asleep.

He had seen when the medics had removed your long sleeved, high collared shirt and gloves to work on your injury. Your torso and arms were covered with hundreds of scars of various sizes and severities, many of which overlapped each other. Scars, Rick had a feeling, that someone else had earned. It had taken five stitches and a pint of blood to stabilize you. And Rick noticed that even though you had been terrified during the mission, you didn’t even bat an eye when the medic pulled out his needle and began sewing you up. Like you had done this a thousand times before. But this time, it was all because you had taken his injury.

Rick walked over to where you were sitting. You smiled up at him through sleepy, half-lidded eyes. “Colonel.”

“Are you going to explain what the hell happened out there?”

You blinked sharply, rousing yourself awake. “Um, I’m not sure what you mean?....Colonel? Sir?”

“I’m talking about the gaping wound in my side that somehow ended up on you.”

“Oh, that. I can absorb an injury from someone to myself, taking as much or as little of it as I want. But however much I heal it, that much is inflicted back onto me. I figured this would all be in my file.”

“Your file contains almost no information about you. Nothing about your powers, why you are in Belle Reve, or how long your sentence is. I’m not even sure of your real name. All I have is your alias, Aceso.”

You shook your head. “I guess I’m not surprised she hid all my information. Oh, and I’ve never gone by that name outside of Belle Reve. That’s just the name Waller assigned me to help her hide me in the system. Apparently, she said Aceso was the Greek Goddess of the healing process, or something like that.” You rolled your eyes. “I never had an alias. I never did anything where I needed one.”

Rick’s brow furrowed in confusion, and he crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Then what did you do to get thrown in here?”

“I was born,” you said sarcastically. When you saw Rick seemed even more confused than before, you elaborated. “I can’t prove any of this. I’m only going off of things I saw, or Waller has said to me, or I’ve overheard. But what I think happened is she got wind of my abilities and what I was capable of, and she wanted that power for herself. So, one night, a bunch of henchmen for various Gotham villains – you know the Joker, the Penguin, the Riddler, guys like that – broke into my apartment demanding that I heal them. Before I even knew what was happening, the police showed up and arrested everyone. I was charged with being an accessory after the fact to any of their charges, and by association, the villains’ charges as well. I lost count of how many life sentences they finally settled on. I know Waller was behind the whole thing, but she was smart enough and connected enough to hide her tracks extremely well.”

“But why do you think Waller was behind everything?”

“Well, she came to see me three days before I was arrested. She was asking me all kinds of questions about what I could do, how big of an injury I could transfer, how long it took me to heal afterwards, stuff like that. She wasn’t the first person to find and ask me those sorts of things, but she was definitely the most powerful one. I could practically see the gears grinding in her head as I talked, and it scared me. Then, as the police were leading me out to the squad car in handcuffs, I could swear I saw her watching from across the street. That’s when I knew I was screwed.” You shrugged. “And I was right.”

Rick let out a long, slow breath as he sat down in the chair next to you. He knew Waller was ruthless, but this was a whole other level of underhandedness. “Do you have any evidence?” He saw you bristle, and so he clarified. “Don’t misunderstand me, darlin’. I one hundred percent believe that you’re right and she orchestrated that whole situation. I’ve seen her do some pretty shady things in the past, but I had never imagined she could get away with going to this extreme. And I know you said you can’t prove any of this, but if you have any sort of evidence of any kind, I know some people who might be able to help you out.”

You blushed. “I appreciate the vote of confidence and the offer, Colonel. It means a lot to me that someone actually believes me for a change. But no, I don’t have any proof.”

Rick nodded. “You don’t have to call me Colonel when we aren’t on a mission. Rick or Flag is fine. And that’s okay. I can still have some contacts look into it. Maybe they could find out if Waller slipped up anywhere. You never know. They might get lucky.”

Your blush deepened. “You would really do that for me….Rick?”

Rick smiled. “You saved my life out there today. I think making a few phone calls is the least I can do to repay you.”

You waved him off with a smile. “Oh, like you hadn’t saved me from like ten guys before I distracted you. Besides, that’s why I’m here. I might not be able to fight or shoot but I can help those who can!”

Rick chuckled. “So, what do I call you if you don’t go by Aceso?”

“Waller won’t let me use my real name. The one time she found out I had shared it with one of my guards, he was immediately fired. So, I guess I’m stuck with Aceso.” You stuck out your tongue. “Ugh, I just wish she would have picked something cooler or easier to pronounce. And I’m not even Greek! My family was originally from England.”

“Well, what about a nickname? I mean the most obvious would be A, Ace, Eso, something like that. But you can really go for anything. Just pick something that feels a little more you.”

“I kind of like Ace. I know it seems like I should be a pilot in Top Gun or something, but, I don’t know, there’s just something about it….”

“Then Ace it is. Honestly, that’s a relief. I had to google the pronunciation of Aceso like three times and I’m still not sure I said it right.”

“Don’t look at me! I had never heard it before Waller told me it was my new name.”

The two of you laughed, shoulders slightly knocking against each other in the cramped space. Noticing as you stifled a yawn, Rick offered you his arm as a pillow. Shyly, you took him up on his offer and soon you were fast asleep. Looking down at your peaceful form, Rick thought about everything you had just shared with him. He hated the story about how you got here. He hated how Waller basically turned you from a person to her own personal pawn. He hated that someone as sweet and upbeat as you were in a hellhole like Belle Reve for something you hadn’t done. And, most of all, he hated himself for the feeling of happiness he had knowing that you would be by his side once again on the next mission even if it meant you would be in danger.

Rick stood in the doorway of your hospital room. You were curled up in the bed with you back towards him, but he could still see the bandages which covered most of your body. Rick sighed. The last mission had quickly gone from bad to worse. He had only been able to watch helplessly as his team dropped like flies around him. Waller had screamed repeatedly in the coms for you to heal everyone you could reach, but there had been just too many injuries. As you grew weaker, you had begged Waller to let you stop but she had insisted you heal as many wounded as possible. It wasn’t until you had finally collapsed that Waller had reluctantly backed off. Rick had carried your broken body back to the chopper, stopping twice to perform CPR. It was a miracle you had made it back to Belle Reve alive.

This had been their twelfth mission together, and each time you seemed to come back in worse and worse shape. And it killed Rick to see you like that. Your shallow breath hitching in your throat, your eyes fluttering weakly, your skin pale and clammy beneath his fingers. And this last mission... there was a moment when he thought he had lost you for good. And it was in that moment that Rick knew that he loved you. He had tried to fight his feelings for so long. After June, he promised himself he would never let himself get into a personal situation where Waller had that much control ever again. Yet, as he was frantically trying to restart your heart for the second time, he knew that he had broken that promise.

Rick noticed as you shifted slightly in the bed. “How are you doing?” When he didn’t get a response, he sighed and tried again. “Come on Ace, talk to me. I know you’re awake.”

Slowly, you rolled over and Rick felt his heart shatter. Besides what was covered by the bandages, fresh wounds littered your cheeks and your bottom lip had been taped multiple places where it had split open. The slice on your neck that you had received from healing Harkness was currently bleeding through your bandages, staining them a bright crimson. Your eyes were red and puffy with tears still silently streaming down your face.

Rick hurried to the bed and gathered you protectively in his arms. “Oh Darlin’, it’s alright.”

He rubbed your back as you began to sob desperately into his chest. “It was too much! I tried to stop, but she wouldn’t listen! I begged her, and she still made me… I’ve never taken that much before. I thought I was going to….” You don’t even finish the sentence as another heart wrenching sob tore from your lips.

Rick squeezed you tighter in his arms and he gently rocked you back and forth. “I know, I know, baby girl, but you didn’t, okay? You’re still here, and you’re going to be fine. You just need some rest.”

“Yeah, this time. But what about the next mission or the one after that? Waller is going to keep making me get closer and closer to that edge until I just…” You hesitated for a moment before continuing in a voice so soft, Rick had to strain just to hear you. “Since the day I discovered my powers, I knew that it was how I was going to die. That someone would force me to go past my limit or I would heal too many people until my body just couldn’t take it.” You picked your head off of his chest and stared deeply into Rick’s eyes. “I don’t fear dying. But I want it to be on my terms. Not anybody else’s. I would rather her use the bomb in my head than repeat what happened today. If I ever do make the decision to go all the way, it needs to be because I want to, not because I’m forced to.”

Rick ran his finger lightly across your cheek. “Ace, listen to me. I’m not going to let that happen. I’ve been reaching out to some of my contacts in the government. Waller set you up. You should have never been here in the first place. I need a few more months, but I think I might have found a way to get you out. For good.”

Rick watched as your eyes widened in surprise. “Rick! How? Why? If she finds out….”

“I don’t care. You don’t deserve to be here. You’ve never deserved to be here. And I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure you get out.”

You buried your face in his chest once again, muffling the words as you asked, “Why are you doing this for me?”

“Isn’t it obvious, darlin’? It’s because I love you.”

You went still in his arms. “Really? Do you honestly mean that?”

“I do.”

You lifted your misty eyes to meet his. “I love you too. I have for a long time. You’re the only thing in my terrible life that makes it worth living.”

Rick gently placed his finger under your chin and pulled you close to him. Then, mindful of your split lip, he softly kissed you.

Just as you had feared, over the next few months Waller continued to push you far beyond your breaking point. A few times, she had even pulled you directly from your hospital bed, broken bones and all, to join the next mission. Rick tried everything to protect you, but there was only so much he could do when your job was literally to get injured. And they hadn’t nicknamed the team the Suicide Squad for nothing. Grave injuries were more common than not on the missions. But to make matters worse, most of the other members of the squad (with the exception of Harley) had come to see your abilities as something that was owed to them, not as the gift it was. Soon, they were demanding you heal even the smallest scratch or tiniest cut. And being the kind, caring soul that you were, you always obliged. You and your god-damn bleeding heart. You just couldn’t stand seeing others in pain when you knew you could help. Which had just made the members more reckless since they knew they had an easy fix in their back pocket.

So, injuries became more frequent and more severe as time went on. Most missions ended with Rick having to carry you in his arms back to the plane, dripping blood and half-unconscious. Then he would cling to your shattered body as you struggled to survive until they could get you to a hospital. Rick had seen you take on almost every injury known to man, the most common being broken bones, punctured lungs, lacerations, bullet wounds, burns of all degrees, and concussions. And though you healed about 50% faster than the average human, your body could only take so much.

Rick refused to let you heal him unless it was absolutely necessary and, even then, only enough to get him back on his feet. But more often than not, as he laid curled around you in your hospital bed, he would feel a sudden warmth as all his aches and pains disappeared. This would always be followed by his deep disapproving growl to which you would just smile and say, “I’m already hurt this badly. What’s a little more?” And Rick would always pull you into an intensely affectionate kiss. It had happened so often now, it had almost become a ritual between you two, a way to express your feelings for each other without having to say the words.

So when Task Force X was given a mission to Corto Maltese, Rick had been relieved to see you were not assigned to his team. It had only been a few days since you had been released from the hospital wing after your last mission and he knew you still hadn’t fully recovered. He had wanted to find you to say goodbye before he left, but Waller had rushed him through his briefing so quickly he never got the chance. But it was ultimately for the best. If you knew he was going on a mission alone, you would have done everything in your power to force your way onto the team.

Which was why Rick wasn’t really that shocked to see you peeking out from behind Nanaue the next day after Task Force X’s second team came bursting through the tent he had been sitting in with Sol Soria. Rick was furious that Waller would send you here, especially as he noticed your limp as you hurried to his side, but he had to admit he was happy to see you. As you slid into his arms, he immediately felt his side mend back together as you flinched beneath him. Pulling back a little, Rick shot you a dirty look, but you just smiled slyly from under your eyelashes as you stood on your tiptoes to plant a kiss the tip of his nose. Rick couldn’t help but chuckle as he shook his head. God, he loved you. Throwing his arm gently around your shoulder, he steered the two of you back to the group so you could plan your attack on Jötunheim.

Everything had gone according to plan, until it didn’t. Now Rick was laying on his back, the shard of porcelain Peacemaker had stabbed him with protruding from his chest. Ironically, he knew it was the only thing that was keeping him from bleeding out instantly. But as he felt his heart stutter and slow, he knew it wouldn’t matter for much longer. It was just helping to prolong the inevitable.

“Rick! Oh my god! No!”

Ace? Rick’s vision had already begun to blur when you came into view. He silently chuckled to himself, noting how the haze he was seeing just made you look even more like an angel regardless of the tears and dirt smudged across your panicked face. He was just glad he could see you one more time before the end.

But all the happiness drained from his body as he saw you reach for his chest. He recognized that determined look in your eye and realized what you were about to do. He willed his body to move, to stop you before it was too late, but his strength had completely left him. He was barely able to twitch his fingers. So, he tried silently begging you with his eyes, Don’t do this! This isn’t what I want! Please, Ace, stop! But if you understood what he was trying to convey, you paid it no mind. Instead, you smiled lovingly down at him as you ran your hand over his sweat drenched hair. “It’s okay, baby. It’s all going to be okay.”

And you jerked the porcelain out of his chest, immediately replacing it with your hand.

Rick bucked at the violent movement, a groan of pain ripping from his lips. Then he felt the warmth of your power surging into him, felt his heart knitting itself back together. But as he grew stronger, he could only watch in horror as you grew weaker. Blood blossomed across your chest as a fresh wound opened up there. You began wilting before his very eyes, slumping further and further over until you were almost doubled in half. But still, your hand maintained its firm position over his heart.

Finally, just as he regained enough strength to move his arms, your strength gave out and you toppled over. Rick managed to catch you just before your head hit the floor. Pulling you into his lap, Rick watched as a ghost of a smile flickered across your lips. With tears streaming down his face, Rick demanded, “Why, darlin’? Why would you do that?”

You silently moved your lips a few times before finally managing to rasp out, “It was always going to end this way….. I was always going to heal a wound... that was just too big for me to handle….. And if it was going to be for someone, I want it to be for you…..” You lifted your hand, your fingers barely brushing against Rick’s cheek. “Besides, my heart has always been yours.” And with a final smile, your hand slipped from his face and Rick watched as the light softly drained from your eyes.

#sfw repost #fic #bleeding heart #rick flag #rick flag x you #rick flag x reader #the suicide squad #suicide squad #joel kinnaman #dc #dc x reader #angst #whump #fluff #hurt & comfort #hurt/comfort #blood tw #injuries tw #reader death tw

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horriddler · 1 year

Text

playlist for my beloved redacted babies [2]

kinda had a hard time making these but i have just made asher and geordi! + ivan and an imperium playlist

emo punk asher

really likes paramore and fall out boy in all honesty. also let’s say this playlist is all the (music) phases he has been in ever since he was a teen and now compiled with his current music taste!

him in the 2000’s was like hell for david because asher had this jukebox that he plays emo music with full volume sometimes.

david listens to ash ramble about the new blink 182 album coming out when they were young LOL and sometimes davey can’t admit that he likes some of the songs ash plays in the car.. (david’s playlist says so)

ash had loads of piercings (nipples, bottom lip, septum, etc) and those spike accessories but now took most of them off which made the holes close up :’)

loved to lie about his fake tat

geordi (kin???&:&-)

take it or leave it, this is just geordi’s (aka mine) spiralling anxiety and the playlist is just a brainrot of him

he gets one of my favourite genres and the funny haha songs that makes your brain shut off because he’s depressed and overstimulated like that

this adds to the fuel for cutie because fuck geordi’s a really tender guy and seeing how his mind works?? unfiltered? that’s just hell especially for geordi’s way of deep thinking. i see geordi as me really. but i see myself as cutie too.

mm literal brainrot

sadism’s hold ivan

hoho..hohohooh i’m fucking proud of this one

i felt a little happy and some morbid concern here but i think i did a pretty good fucking job idk

his disturbing vibe during vega’s manipulation is just fucking incredible to me. he is what my pinterest looks like.

caravan adds a nice touch to this playlist (if you watched whiplash)

ivan i love you, you my bbg but holy fuck you’re complex and i’m so attracted to it

but anyway

laplace’s angel (hurt people? hurt people!) by will wood could be his song mwa mwa + moon age for some disturbing touch!

imperium album

okay i literally have no idea why i made this but i just let it be because why not, you know??

idk what to say…LMFAOO

this playlist could be disturbing to some people so i have to put it out there to be careful!

if imperium had a trailer, i’d make abbey by mitski as the trailer soundtrack just like the ‘smile’ movie trailer, random thought but oh well

——————————

but that’s actually it, it’s nothing special! just wanted to add a little more characters that i’m familiar with and i plan to add more (vincent maybe? and all other characters) when i know more about the lore and stuff.

it’s totally fine if you don’t feel my song choices the way i do ykyk, it’s my music taste after all!! nothing wrong with that but if you do enjoy it, i appreciate you so much ^^

but yeah! you can follow my spotify to see more playlists in the future or the current ones i have aside from redacted. i hope you have a wonderful wonderful day

ps. i have a migraine so i might come back here to edit the grammar stuff so my apologies if i’m bad at the english here… xoxoxooxo

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shyvioletcat · 9 months

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👀

Hell yes I do. And because I've been absent for a hot minutes I'll hand out many.

~~~~~

Untitled Secret Project:

“Spare a drink for a poor, weary sailor?”

The question came from behind her, smooth and sensuous, the words were nothing but a tempting caress over her skin. Aelin knew that voice and knew its full intent, even though it had been missing from her tavern for months. As pleased as she was to hear it she made sure her smile was hidden away as she turned around slowly, a hand on her hip conveying her feigned displeasure at being interrupted. This is how they would start the game, and if he played along they would both win.

“[redacted], what brings your sorry arse into my tavern,” Aelin drawled.

[redacted]'s smile was pure taunt and flirtation. “The rum and the company of course.”

“So the rum takes precedence over the company then?” Aelin said, stepping up to be just a little closer.

“Ah, Princess,” [redacted] said, leaning his elbows on the bar that was still between them and not bothering to hide the appreciative sweep his eyes did over her. “You know what the truth of it is.”

~~~~~

Set Up:

“Work has been the worst,” Aelin nearly groaned, heading to the minibar and pulling out a bottle of beer. “I know this will cost you like $50 so I’ll pay you back.”

“It’s fine,” Rowan said, he’d give her just about anything right now if she asked for it.

Aelin took a few decent mouthfuls then left it on the table along with the pizza. Then she stalked over to him, stopping right in between his knees. Her hands rested on his shoulders, fingers playing with the ends of his hair.

“Aelin,” it felt so good to just say her name, to see her face soften just the slightest when he did. “There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”

Rowan’s breath caught as Aelin brought her body flush against his. The fingers in his hair tightened, angling his face upwards so he could watch her whisper. “I don’t want to talk.”

~~~~~

Made of Ashes:

“I don’t know,” he said honestly. “I guess I’ll just have to play it by ear, wait on Aelin’s whims.”

Iris made a disapproving sound. “You’ll have to stop that.”

Rowan shot his mother a look. “What?”

“The animosity, that won’t be good for Elsie,” Iris explained.

He managed to hold in his sigh, flashes of Elspeth’s stricken face all those times she’d got caught in the middle of those arguments still haunting him. “To be fair, we’ve cut down on it quite a bit because we did notice that.”

“Well, look at that. You can work together,” Iris said, the slight sarcasm carrying a healthy dose of truth.

Rowan’s laugh was humourless, his mother still had a point.

Thanks for asking!

ask me writing things

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jlf23tumble · 10 months

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Jen, did you go to the Bowl show?! Would love to hear your take on the vibe and fan mix - obversherly nothing about the whole [redacted] situation that I saw more than enough about elsewhere.

I’ve never seen LT solo but I’m taking a friend to who only knows about him in the context of Larry (which she randomly brought up to me during the dark days of the pandemic and I was like noooo irls can’t know my conspiracy theory spirals!!!). Mine is one of the larger capacity US venues.

I *did* go to the Bowl show, and I had a blast! I was there with my best friend, and we stayed in a hotel right next door, so we were able to have some drinks and just soak it in without the usual post-show blitz down the 101. I also got to see Gillian, my beloved! I feel like you'll have a similar experience (my friend isn't in the fandom), and if you're in a larger capacity venue, maybe you'll see fandom people you know? At any rate, I wanna hear what goes on! Herewith, some random takes:

Fans were a mix of young (with parents) and old, more than a handful of loud larrs, but mostly solo red/black vs. blue/green (no rancid vibes, but jesus CHRIST, I'm so done with barking).

Lots of random Harry merch (my fave was a dad wearing a custom "HARRY AND LOUIS STOLE ALL MY MONEY" shirt)

Louis read (to me!) as tired, and he even said at the end that he was knackered--his general mode seemed pretty low-key, not a lot of patter (gave me old AMs vibes, when they fucking HATED the LA crowds and just played as fast as possible to be done with it vs. what it was like to see them in SF or SD).

FOR REAL that second album was solely created for people to shout-sing at a show, and shout-sing at a show they did!

No fireworks at the end. :(

It felt like they (Louis?) needed to constantly fix those in-ears? Lotsssss of fiddling, and a dropped note or two because of it, but he still sounded really good overall.

Bummer for Freddie to be in the crowd vs. backstage (and seemingly not in a garden spot but in the tiers??).

I call bullshit on anyone saying bUt ThE vEnUe DoEsN't AlLoW sIgNs??? People near me definitely had some, and I was like, my love, we are in section J2, I cannot read your sign, he sure as hell can't, let it gooooo. Plus, the amount of shit people can bring into the Bowl, like, if they didn't stop the guy behind us with the heroin kit, they're not gonna worry about someone's "end it" poster or whatever. Then again, some of those same people who weren't there kept saying he was wearing black and yellow, so, lmao.

I wish he would do more covers! 505 was ethereal, his One D selections (intriguing!!) were perfectly done, and he even covered himSELF in a creative, cool way...let's hear more! I don't need to hear [five or so songs redacted] ever again! Let's goooo!

#there were a couple of people with some shirts that made me want to go full-on meme style #dude in corner: they don't know i'm momrry

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wetheepiphany · 3 months

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blog #2: the paradox of loving jotaro and not his anime (AKA "Great Expectations")

Part 2: stardust crusaders and the five stages of grief

================================================ Having spent a solid year and a half researching Jotaro and JJBA, we felt that we were fully prepped with all the knowledge we'd need to properly appreciate the anime- according to the most common advice we'd heard about it. We knew not to part-skip, we knew to appreciate subtleties and look for the genius of Araki's writing in the storyline and characters, we knew to expect battles and scenarios to get pretty bizarre. We knew about Hamon/the Ripple and the difference between it and Stands. We felt ready, ready to finally watch the anime proper as a "rite of passage" in becoming a "true" JoJo fan.

And so, we tackled the anime in order. Part 1 was very short and wasn't particularly interesting, but we knew it was important for setting up the overall storyline. Part 2 was entertaining with Joseph and the Pillar Men's antics; enough to make our binge buddy (who had seen much more anime than us) laugh and become hooked on seeing how absurd the anime's situations could get. At last, we reached Part 3: Stardust Crusaders. We were thrilled realizing we would have 48 episodes to watch our favorite JoJo in the starring role. Surely, that would be more than enough time to get to see Jotaro in action, to witness all the nuances and complexities of his character that we had heard so much about, and to get to know how he became so closely bonded with his fellow Crusaders.

The first two episodes started off introducing Jotaro and the conflict that would send the Crusaders to Egypt. We saw Jotaro keep himself locked away in jail to protect others, risk his life to save Kakyoin, show concern over his ailing mother, and begin the adventure to stop DIO. We were excited- we could see the evidence of what people were talking about with Jotaro's character- and it was setting up for 46 episodes of an unforgettable story...

...and then...there were battles. And then more battles. Long strings of monologuing during battles. "The More You Know" fact lessons about the countries the characters were traveling through in-between battles. A single instance of backstory exposition for each main character. Only two are shown being shared with the other characters, and of these, only one is ever brought up again in major story prevalence. Plenty of focus on what DIO and the villains were doing and thinking: internal monologues, interactions between them, DIO reminiscing about his past and his current goals... A couple of lines exchanged between our heroes outside of battles. More battles. A couple of lines exchanged between our heroes during battles. Lots of toilet humor. Figuratively and literally. Naked children. [REDACTED]. Thrice. Even more battles.

...what the hell happened? Where were all the other good things about Jotaro and his anime part- all the things we'd heard about? Where was this complex and interesting hero that Jotaro was, or the meaningful relationships between him and the Crusaders that made their deaths so heartbreaking? Jotaro being a champ in battles, sure, that was easy enough to see...but where was the depth and nuance of his character? Was it the camera holding on Jotaro's face for three seconds while he blinked (while saying nothing)? Where was the evidence of relationships he built with the other Crusaders, to the point of his future self dearly missing them? One single time, the others claimed that he showed them a cool cigarette trick...okay, but was there anything else of note? Was the two seconds of Jotaro briefly staring at another Crusader the evidence of their growing bond? A single hand pat on the shoulder? A mid-battle one-liner? There was a moment where Jotaro picked up a phone to comfort his grandmother, and a spark of hope was reignited in us. Maybe, finally, we were going to start seeing more moments of Jotaro outside of battle, moments where there was tangible evidence of Jotaro's emotional connection with the other characters, moments like how the anime season started- and then we realized we were halfway through the season. We anxiously awaited every moment Jotaro would be on-screen so we could analyze his character...only to feel like he was a minor sidekick whose sole purpose was to show up whenever he needed to win a battle. It felt like even Iggy got more screen time and story moments outside of battle than Jotaro did. And then, suddenly, we were watching the final fight with DIO. Instead of feeling triumphant at the end of the journey, or feeling sadness over the deaths of the other Crusaders...we just felt empty. We had watched most of the DIO fight before, thanks to YouTube, and yet- rather than feel a sense of fullness in watching the fight after seeing (literally) all the buildup that led up to it- we felt like the fight was less emotionally impactful than when we watched it without any additional context.

I cannot stress how much we wanted to see the anime the way so many other fans seem to. We love analyzing the construction of narrative and characters in film and media. We love when a story makes us think. We wanted to feel as riveted and wowed by the anime as so many others seemed to be. We rarely last watching unfamiliar shows for more than a handful of episodes, even if they seem decent or are short. Us committing to watch all 48 episodes of Stardust Crusaders was because we wanted to find and see the good stuff in it. We love great character and plot writing, we love nuance and unusual tropes. We wanted to view Part 3 as a genius masterpiece of subtlety and big-brain plays, with a beloved cast of characters we'd grow to mourn. We wanted to view Jotaro as an amazing, brilliantly written character. We tried to cling to what others pointed out was the evidence of Jotaro's character and Araki's brilliance, tried to advocate to ourselves that everything we'd been told about the anime was there and that we'd see it as long as we kept watching closely...only to feel the wind slowly being let out of our sails with every episode that didn't meet our expectations. As the final episode completed, we were forced to admit defeat. Despite all our efforts to enjoy the series...we didn't. Despite all our efforts to see Jotaro as a complex and nuanced character...all we found was a buff teen whose personality was as interesting as watching paint dry.

After finishing Stardust Crusaders, we were left questioning why our experience seemed so different from what most other fans said their experience was. "Did we do something wrong while we were watching?" we thought. "Did we miss something? After how much we've grown to love Jotaro, how can we not like him or his anime?" "How could we grow so attached to a character just by hearing about him...only to feel so detached from him when watching his canon material?"

In trying to solve this mystery for ourselves, we realized something. Jotaro wasn't the first character we had experienced this sort of enigma with. His predecessor- our previous muse- Dusty, had come from a similar situation...but with the start and end results reversed. When we first saw Disney's Planes, our expectations going into it were the exact opposite of the ones we held for JJBA. We fully expected it to suck. We expected it to be an absolute ass experience, because we had read the critics' reviews and the movie's less-than-stellar plot on Wikipedia. It was a by-the-numbers kids movie, something that was going to be a forgettable direct-to-DVD film until Disney changed it to a theatrical release instead. And we weren't wrong. The plot? The humor? The characters? Lackluster or terribly handled. There's no surprise this film came from the same studio that gave us Mulan 2. But we loved it. We enjoyed the experience so much, we ended up watching it again. And again. We bought the DVD so we could watch it whenever we wanted. We bought a novelization of the film to try and analyze it even more. Why?

What we fell in love with, it wasn't necessarily the actual movie itself: the finalized version of Planes that we got. The actual movie deserved all the flak it got from critics (and we say that lovingly- as a fan who was dedicated to the film franchise for almost eight years). For all its faults and failures, we were able to see the potential the movie was built upon. We could see what they were trying to achieve with its characters, with its plot, with the extra details put into its animation and world building. We could also see incredible potential lying inertly in what was created- whether said potential was a part of the creators' intended design or not. It was enough for us to be able to bridge the gaps during our viewing experience and see the movie for what it could be. And what we saw was beautiful. Countering Cars 2's canonical establishment of car racism mistreatment of other vehicles because of how they were built; via a protagonist who defies the Cars world's societal standards by pursuing a dream career he was literally not built to do? Holy fuck- this was in 2013- where was this sort of daring ingenuity in the main Cars films? This could be an incredibly profound story about standing up against discrimination- racism- hell, you could find transgender coded themes in here- but presented with types of vehicles instead of humans, something adults and kids alike could grasp- But that's not the story that was told. Nah, the actual story is just a poorly structured attempt on the average "underdog hero" sports story. There is no special focus on the concept of "doing more than what you're built for" other than to carry the generic narrative- it's presented as a reason to root for Dusty as an underdog, but not as something in and of itself to really focus on or think deeply about. Any undertones of overcoming discrimination and advocating for acceptance- being who you are, no matter what you were born as- feel like something created on accident rather than a genuine attempt at deep commentary. And without that deeper meaning to carry its plot...the rest of Planes falls agonizingly flat.

Planes was a film we loved the concept of, but were disappointed in the realization of.

What made us become interested in Jotaro's character was the analyses of fans. Interpretations. Headcanons. Theories. Examining the underlying foundations upon which his character and his franchise's narrative were constructed. Jotaro's underlying potential as a character. Despite trying so hard to see that potential being realized in the Stardust Crusaders anime...we didn't. We didn't find Jotaro "deep." He didn't come across as "having layers." Our limited impressions of the character, based on his incredibly small screen time, was that he was mainly a deus ex machina: the character called in to decisively defeat the "villain-of-the-week" so we could move on to the next episode. Without a well-conveyed sense of depth or meaning in Jotaro's character...he was as flat as a cardboard cutout. He is a character we loved the concept of...but were disappointed in the realization of.

#jjba #jotaro kujo #blog #spilled thoughts #fandom #personal experience #unpopular opinion #creative writing #to be continued... ->

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1eos · 11 months

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hello ms kendra! first off just wanted to say i hope you're doing well and i love your blog theme. also that i hope only good things come to you and those you love 💗

i don't know if you feel comfortable sharing, so please don't worry if you don't want to answer, but how did you know you were a lesbian? sorry if this seems out of the blue ahfjfkal but i've been kind of questioning myself lately and i trust your thoughts and opinions and i was just... looking for some thoughts/feelings i guess? once again please don't feel pressured to answer. thank you for reading 💗 have a sexy day ms leos!

omg its not too much at all 😭😭😭 how i realized i was a lesbian was obvious in retrospect but i was surrounded by so much comphet i didnt realize it was an option until one day i was like ohhhhhhh i can just like women lol

anyways when i was a kid i felt a bit left out bc ive always been a girls girl and only rarely found boys worth hanging out with but when all my girl friends were starting to be boy crazy i just had. no interest. none at all. when i was in elementary school the one boy everyone liked he did nothing for me but i started to fantasize abt him liking me so all the GIRLS would like me 😭😭😭 like i said obvious

but it didnt click bc i had crushes on 2 guys. one was gay so 😶😂 LOL and for a while i was like so im not gay bc i liked 2 guys but then i realized those 'crushes' were just how i am with ppl i like and want to be friends with. this all encompassing desire to be with them 24/7. i didnt want to do anything w my friends i just wanted to but stuck on them and im the same way to this day just toned down (scorpio vedic moon)

and then i started having intense and tumultuous friendships with other girls who similarly didn't like boys at all. and i would be consumed in wanting to be with her all the time and got jealous. it was how i was w close friends but even more intense bc it tended to be mutual. YOU KNOW HOW IT GOES. like i was in a toxic lesbian not relationship in middle school looking back

and then in high school when my mom left me alone at home i would runnnnn to the dvd player and rewatch the sex scene in monster's ball bc halle berry was topless 😭😭😭 i was kinda obsessed w sex but again had NO interest in the men? and if boys approached me irl i would just be like 🧍🏾‍♀️ what the hell did u want. and i was learning that u can be other things than just straight so even tho i was fucking sneaking away at my grandma house (we didnt have internet at our house) to scroll thru playboy and look at pics of half-naked WOMEN bc i didn't want to be desired by men i was like 'ohhhh ok so im asexual'

I WAS SO CLOSE TO THE TRUTH but comphet was fucking beating my ass bruh. andddd in college i branched out started meeting more girls like me (black and gay) and i was like oh ok. so im NOT abnormal there are ppl like me. met more men still didnt want to do anything w them. met more girls i wanted to fucking build a house with after geeking out after dragon age once. anyways i got a girlfriend...sophomore year and magically turned from sexless nun to disgusting horny beast and also i met this very sexy butch girl who i wanted to [redacted] so bad and wouldve if not for girl code. and it finally clicked that girls just do it for me 😭😭😭😭severely. all the romance and sex things i was all ick abt fell into place bc i finally beat the comphet. ofc i found sex disgusting bc i didnt like men and it put alllllllllllllll previous relationships into perspective

so for me what helped was to just not try to force myself into any label or worry oh what if im actually this or that? i just lived my life liked who i liked and slowly the reality that i want girls to [redacted entry] me very nastily fell into place!

and thank you so muchhhhh wishing good things on you too. good things and clarity 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

#*oldhead voice* as you get older it'll start to fall into place #and it may take a while and your identity may shift but thats good!#but for me it was a 'yeah looking back the signs were there moment'#😭😭😭😭😭😭ive just never truly had a serious interest in a man

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submalevolentgrace · 4 months

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i've been thinking a lot about gunpla lately, hell i am so gunplilled all i can think about is gunpla, but like it's good to have a hobby right? whenever i say that i just keep remembering "i think it's great you have a hobby" which is a line this guy says to his girlfriend about her getting involved in the women's lib movement aka 2nd wave feminism, it's from this like 60's british crime drama about a gay gangster, i think it might be based on a real guy and his autobiography? it's such a brutal belittling of her involvement that she sleeps with the female student he's having an affair with, and the main character is played by that guy, he's not the one that says the hobby line to his girlfriend btw that's a side character and the main character is gay as i said, he's played by that guy, you know, he's been in a bunch of stuff, he was the power hungry bad guy in shazam and also the power hoarding bad guy in john carpenter of mars, which i only know because i literally just watched it tonight with my girlfriend, because she got a new ereader recently right and it has access to all these public domain books for free, so she was reading princess of mars and i was like oh i have heard of that, did you know they made a bad movie from it, so we watched it and yeah it was pretty bad, bad acting bad cgi bad like structural editing, so my gf was then telling me all about how the movie butchered the book, which by the way she wasn't even super hot keen on, but she did point out that it has a cohesive theme about war and turning away from violence and how important it is that it's on mars, mars the god of war, theme of war etc, and the movie butchered it so bad and also it wasn't even called john carter of mars, just john carter, because the marketing team, apparently, decided nobody would see it if it had mars in the title because hollywood is just insanely dumb and it didn't matter because nobody saw it anyway, and apparently there were 2 sequels planned and got cancelled when it bombed and last year the director talked about those sequel plans, which i guess got it into search term lists or something because, and this is so fucked up about our modern culture and it makes my blood boil, if you lookup "john carter trailer" on youtube there's a fuckton of videos titled "john carter 2 teaser trailer" with the same thumbnail that are just, complete lies, there is no sequel or trailer, they just exist to literally bait your clicks and hopefully get ad revenue, because nothing matters anymore, you know i read a thing a while ago about someone struggling with centrelink's bullshit to get unemployment payments, and their job services people kept telling them they needed to be a productive member of society, but their last job had literally been doing mail merge setups for spam email for some shady startup that was almost certainly a scam, and they were just exhausted by like, the system punishing them for quitting that job when it was literally anti-productive, literally making society worse, and that's all those fake trailer videos are, that's all most of the internet is now, but we're still here, still struggling, so much struggling, i am always struggling,

did you know when i spoke to my gp like probably 7 years ago now about getting a referral for adhd assessment, she literally said to my face, this woman with a medical degree, "i don't know why you'd think you need that, you have no problem sitting still in the waiting room", and i was speechless, but i composed myself and begged her to write the referral anyway, and she did except it wasn't for adhd, it was for [redacted] that everyone told me i had but everyone was scared of even touching, and i knew any psych that saw that would rush right past even looking at adhd and nobody was helping with [redacted], so when i saw my copy of the referral cc'd in an email back to me i called her up and was like hey this isn't what i need, i need adhd referral, and she legit said "but dealing with [redacted] is much more important, it could cause you serious bodily damage and even cost you your life if we don't address it" which was the most real and honest thing a doctor had said, so ofc i was like yes fuck it might! that's what i've been saying! so are you finally going to start looking into treatment?? and she said "no, treatment is bad, you could become drug dependent" and i was like, limit my scripts then, do a monitored trial, come on. do something. there was this back and forth like, so you acknowledge it exists and need treatment? yes. and you acknowledge that without treatment it could harm or even kill me? yes. so what treatment is available? oh i can't give you treatment that's dangerous. and i just, couldn't even cope anymore. i stopped seeing that doctor at all, i didn't have a doctor to see. i called the psych i was referred to and they told me they wouldn't see me, taking on a patient with [redacted] would be too risky for their professional reputation. timelines are fuzzy to me, but i'm almost certain that in under a year from that going down i'd end up in hospital needing major surgery, except they didn't do the surgery i needed to repair the damage to my body, they overrode my right to consent and experimented on me instead doing a surgery they wanted to do and i still don't really know what their motivation were, beyond just speculating, ego and ableism, the lawyer told me, off the record, that they'd jist close ranks and use my past teenage trauma against me to defend their removal of my right to consent, as if that had anything to do with what they did….

anyway i'm really into gunpla lately, it's basically all i can think about. just ordered some new weapon packs. gonna have a four-armed assassin girl mech - yes 30 minute missions still counts as gunpla - with matching quad-wield pistols, i've gotten really into the idea of a four-armed gunslinger lately because of this game i've been playing, fun but runs like shit and crashes a lot, and it has a four armed pistol girl in it, and strangely enough there are aliens in john carter (of mars!) that are four armed too, but it's not because of that, it's because of star renegades, the green martians are just coincidence, but man, fuck those fake trailers for a nonexistant sequal of a bad movie, just a drain on society. did you know the guy that helps run the unemployed workers union had to do work for the dole at the ballarat cemetry and centrelink paid private investigators to drive by and make sure they were all doing their mandated unpaid work, is there a word for mandatory unpaid work under constant surveillence?, but he also still had job services appointments to go to which were scheduled during workhours and if he didn't attend he'd have his payments cancelled, but he wasn't allowed time off from his mandatory unpaid work to goto them or he'd be marked noncompliant with work for the dole and have his payments cancelled? homelessness is illegal. that's how you make a productive member of society. how much money do you think centrelink pays the private dicks that spy on the unemployed mandatory unpaid workers? more than unemployment benefits i'm guessing. i know i'm lucky not to be in that system anymore, to be in the disability system instead. lucky. out of the unemployment system because my disability cost me a hand. recently got told that i'm not on the ndis as an amputee, i'm on there for [redacted]. don't know how true that is. i don't even think i have [redacted], they never ran scans, they didn't do tests, it's supposed to be a diagnosis of exclusion, but they didn't bother to exclude anything else first. lucky. there's something deeply wrong with my body and i'll probably never find out what, because last time i tried, i ended up hospitalised under constant guard with no right to consent, no right to withdraw my consent for the experemental shit they did to me, the awful things they put me through to try and make their ego project work. totk got 2nd spot on a youtuber's goty list this week, that's nice. people are scared of [redacted], that's why i don't say it. can you believe people used to be scared of people with cancer, like it was contagious? i remember princess di hugging aids patients, barely. if i don't have a chaperone people in public pull their children away from me, as if my amputation is contagious. they don't even know about [redacted] and they're scared of me, unless i have a friend. i think my nub responds to barometric pressure changes kinda like arthritis, it hurts more when there are sudden shifts in weather. i don't actually know what it's like to have a hand crushed by a frigid hydraulic press, but my brain is assuring me that's what's been happening constantly for three days now. i've been thinking a lot about gunpla lately. i also got a rocket launcher for my beloved dilanza sol, and the kit also comes with a scale mobile worker, which i'm stoked about because ibo kits are hard to come by, and i really enjoyed ibo. it had some problems definitely worth dissecting, but also way more homoerotic tension and overt text than wfm did, even if all you want is yuri i still reckon kudellia and atra have more chemistry than suletta and miorine, fight me. i wonder if that'd get me death threats like my totk post did? also mikazuki is thematically linked forever in my head with-- no i don't want you consolenscences. the reason i refuse to post selfies is that my third worst nightmare is going in to he bakery or fish and chip shop one day and the respective old ladies that work there recognise my tattoos and go "submalevolentgrace???" and know all this

my top two worst nightmares btw are medical torture and child rape.

i've been thinking a lot about gunpla lately.

it's nice to have a hobby.

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