#like im genuinely ashamed

[skunkes]

severe and extreme exaggeration but igts so crazy how ive been having the Energy and Drive to do lots of comms lately but when I calculate everything its like. yey i finally have the energy to do 50 comms this month ^_^!! how much will that earn me? and the answer is like. $300

#genuinely what it feels like haalp #talkys #i know its also on me for not raising prices but like. T_T i refuse to go higher on chibis....! theyre CHIBIS theyre meant to be quick and #simple for me I'm not gonna charge more for something thats not even rendered or with a background.... #like the real solution is to take less chibis and offer other more expensive comms #so its less art for more $$$ but my other comms also arent very high price... #bc i havent honed my skills there...and also i still feel nervous and ashamed of my art + skills....aroo #non chibis being Not Chibis and more expensive leaves more room for messing up and disappointment. and freaking out over potential #disappointment to the point where im nearly crying thru a comm bc of how ugly it is. augh #(also clarifying im not blaming my clients im literally the guy setting the prices) #bc i dont want anyone seeing dis and feeling bad #it is not anyones fault #wagooobnhnnnn

[stundamage]

anyways going through all five stages of grief because one of my favorite rasey fics was deleted from ao3 😭

#rasey #genuinely obliterated about this tbh #the worst part is that i never commented on it. i was busy so i told myself id do it later. #and now i can never tell the author how much i loved it! #ugh! i'm so sad and i feel so stupid for feeling sad #like im an adult w a job this is NOT the most important thing i should be thinking about. but unfortunately i'm devestated nonetheless :( #i just hope the author is okay and didn't delete bc they were sad or ashamed of their work. it was so good! man! i wish i had commented

[banjomelodies]

9/10 I hate calling myself a fan of any of the anemo boys because of the LIKELY teenagers on the Internet who say the most vile things about these characters or people who don't like these characters. Like we're all automatically associated with it. Some people are scared to talk to mains of these characters, even. Please I just want to be able to say my favorite character (and current main) is Wanderer, My favorite archon is Venti, and I really want Kazuha on my team someday because I think he's really cool and he has such a pretty design.

Please do not assume I want to fuck any of them or that ill try doxing you for saying you personally aren't a fan. I hate the Tiktok thirst traps as much as you do, it's all I see when I just want to watch cool edits of these characters 😭

#genshin impact #wanderer genshin impact #kaedehara kazuha #shikanoin heizou #heizou #kazuha #xiao genshin impact #genshin venti #venti #Its like the bash on kokichi and nagito fans thing from the Danganronpa fandom #and im ashamed i USED to do that when i was really big on the fanbase #You grow out of it eventually since its genuinely so childish to do but like #its the same thing

[hella1975]

they call my job cuntenserven the way i serve cunts 9 to 5

#‘you need to sort out this fucking billing system it’s a fucking shambles you should be ashamed’ and is that cash or card 🤭 #waitressing is one idgaf war i will always be unbeaten at #like this man was twice the size of me and drunk getting IN MY FACE shouting about his bill #and i was ENJOYING MYSELF #like shout ur little head off baby you still owe me £400!! get aggy all u want the doorman loves me bc i make him lattes shall i get him 🥰 #embarassing behaviour. i got a thrill out of it though ❤️ #I genuinely do enjoy this brand of rude customer it’s like sport for me #hella slaves to capitalism #im back in the fucking building!

[todayisafridaynight]

no cuz fr the most unexplainable thing would be how they didn’t reunite sooner like,,, Mine could have been staying away because he wansnt good enough for daigo (in his mind) but still i don’t think he’d stay THAT far away 💀 at most bro is down the street at any given time 😭

reviews are in for Mine Isn't Dead Actually But He Is Emo So

#snap chats #crying at the thoght of mine and daigo reuniting at the grocery #like yk when you go with your mom and she bumps into an old friend and now youre stuck in a five minute cutscene #yeah that. but your Old Friend was your one true love who you thought killed himself #and now you find out he's just working at the bar around the bend 💀💀💀 #stop whyd i remind myself of that tiktok where dudes in a coat rack and is like 'dad is this where youve been all this time' #same shit mine's booking it. hes too embarrassed too ashamed #itd be so funny if every 'dead' character did just get kidnapped by the daidoji #thats the funniest shit to come out of gaiden The Daidoji just being an excuse to bring dead bitches back #not that im complaining its 1000% hilarious as hell vjaLKAEKLJ #gonna see kiryu at the daidoji HQ and act like they dont know each ther #a-fucking-pparently since kiryu doesnt even have a memory of mine in y8 💀💀💀 #genuinely hilarious how thats so ... like no i dont think ill remember the man who tried to usurp my son who he was in love with #and he destroyed my orphanage before killnig himself right in front of me. and my son. not worth remembering at all #at least the vocational school quizzes remember mine 💀💀

[caffeinatedopossum]

I think because I'm gentle and truly try my best to understand and not to judge, people tend to reveal their truest selves to me, and I'm incredibly privileged in that way because oftentimes it's something deeply beautiful and poetic or something vulnerable and hurting that I can offer support for. But every so often, that deepest part of someone is something ugly and festered that jumps at the satisfaction of being seen. And I don't know how to combat that. I don't see it until it's too late. I see someone vulnerable and hurting before I see that something ugly and it always gets me off guard, wrapped up in its tendrils

#this sounds almost as if im bragging i think but thats not my intention #like i am genuinely ashamed to be so susceptible to manipulation #i think i should know better

[silenthillbunni]

having avpd is like oooof i feel ashamed w u or like you're judging me just once it's over i'll never feel comfortable enough to show myself to u again :((((

#:// #like for example idk if i'll ever be able to feel ok w my sisters agaib #again* #they genuinely think im a loser for being 25 and living at home w no job #it's ruined between us now. i will never be able to be honest or open w them again #bc i feel so ashamed #avpd makes your brain broken and makes u feel shame for everything #and if i feel judged by you once? oooh that shame will never leave :(((

[curiouschaosstarlight]

person #1: "[character i really love] should die violently!"

me: okay, bye

person #2: "i love this character!"

person #2: "[other character i really love] should die violently!"

me:

#not important #chaotic rants #if i had a nickle for every time one of my non-villain favorites got bashed i'd... #i'd be rich honestly why the fuck does this keep happening to me #i feel like i've made this post before #anyways i dont want to get directly specific because i dont want this to show up in searches #but if anyone's wondering the characters are Sampo and Argenti from HSR #i love those two immensely #i also love Kafka WHO ALSO gets bashed a lot i've noticed :\ #i think i'd be deeply uncomfortable with ANYONE wishing violent death on any character #it's a feeling i genuinely cannot relate to in the slightest despite having characters i dislike and dont really want to see #but it's especially distressing when it's my favorite characters #in case you're wondering this is why you'll never see me participate in direct character or ship bashing on my stuff #maybe i would have in the past but everyone is someone's favorite #and whenever im about to directly namedrop a character or ship that frustrates or annoys me i just kinda pause and go #'okay but what if someone who really likes this character/ship sees this and feels ashamed for their enjoyment?' #And Then I Don't Do It #not because anyone's making me but because the internet is a public space and frankly #there's already enough toxicity in the world #...i should post more character positivity and dress up/picrew stuff (and art but my art block's been severe lately) #maybe i'll build a queue in a bit if i can get my energy up #(if y'all are wondering why i have so many posts that are me complaining about fandom attitudes) #(it's 'cause spite gives me a temporary energy boost and i've been severely lacking in energy lately) #i -am- a bit hesitant because i know my takes on certain characters (particularly Dottore) are #insanely niche in a way i dont think anyone reading this before i've posted anything demonstrative of that fact will expect #and then i feel self conscious putting my niche stuff out there to be looked at #but! that's why i have custom character tags anyway i s'pose

[moonscape]

emery has brought this up a few times recently but it's actually so deranged that when faced with evidence that the developers intended for espeon and umbreon's relationship to be seen as romantic and not as siblings, pmd fans' first thoughts weren't to do the reasonable and admit that they were wrong, but was instead to state that spike chunsoft supports incest. like no offense but are you fucking stupid.

#bwark #there is nothing wrong with admitting that you were misinformed!! that's a good thing!!!! #saying boldfaced that a group strangers support incest is fucking horrific though. like genuinely if you've said this you should be ashamed #incest mention #im not even saying this as a diehard espeon/umbreon shipper or anything im just offended and disgusted on the devs behalf #like that's not something a normal fucking person says

[skitskatdacat63]

Podium on Sunday? 👀

#killing the person who edited these pics they are actually so horrible #i think i dogged on the 2000s era ones back when i was watching them but #their shitty quality is charming in a nostalgia way #this is 'this person's access to photoshop should be permanently restricted' #WHAT DID THEY DO TO MY BOY(fernando) #charles is okay? very devilishly handsome very kubrick still overedited #max also way too overedited and cursed #but fernando...literally horrible im sry but look how they massacred my boy #i remember wanting to post a pic of his p2 last race but decided against bcs i hate looking at this pic of him LMAO #it is genuinely a crime what they did to their pics like how do you make someone so handsome look like this #WHO allowed these to be the official pics you should be ashamed of yourself #but yeah this is my ideal podium absolutely begging absolutely praying manifesting #f1 #formula 1 #charles leclerc #max verstappen #fernando alonso #2023 australian gp #we do a little bit of f1 #catie.rambling.txt #catie.race.lb

[redneckangelsdrinkmoonshine]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JENSEN!!!!!

#honestly no words can describe the love and admiration and pure respect I have for this person #his mere existence keeps inspiring me on a daily basis #his songs help me through my depressive episodes #i love him i genuinely i love him #im lucky to be alive in the same time period as him #like im not ashamed to say he's become my idol #i adore this guy dude

[hella1975]

i hate my town i hate the people in it i hate the shame that consumes us all i hate that every failure might as well be posted in the square because everyone knows everyone i hate that my grandparents are here and i hate that my mother came back for them i hate that the kids are dying and no one cares i hate that every good memory has a bad memory right next door like sam's house around the corner from my childhood home i hate the body they pulled from the river i hate the memory of hearing yellow by coldplay at my cousin's funeral because all i could think was that it was too modern for the situation but then he was only seventeen so it makes sense i hate that i was seventeen too and all the boys i knew were there his friends that were supposed to be the tough guys the scary guys i hate that i pretended not to see them sobbing i hate that everything smells of cigarettes here i hate the politics i hate the people i used to love that dont even smile at me on the street i hate that the girl who called me a slut works at my favourite bar i hate every alley and hidden shortcut and i hate that i know them like the back of my hand i hate the same fucking coffee shops i sat in when i was fourteen and scared and now im nineteen and scared and i hate that it's exactly what this town wants i hate that it wants anger i hate that it wants fear i hate that it wants shame i hate that i can give it everything

#thinking about how the two biggest things in my life rn - writing and my degree - are so punctuated by this fucking town #like my biggest fear with my degree isnt what id think of myself if i dropped out or failed #or even what my family would think bc they're nicer to me than i am #it's genuinely the thought of what my hometown lot would say that keeps me up at night #like the thought of my neighbour who told me id never accomplish anything bc my school was shitter than his fancy one #the thought of having to look him in the eye #or the thought of knowing my friends will tell their mums who are still on the PTA with old teachers who thought i was special #like small towns wrap you in this bubble of smallness and it suffocates you and you're so terrified and ashamed of every little mistake #and then my writing GOD i keep thinking about how tbos is probably the best thing ive ever written #and id publish it id genuinely try and get it published #but im just again so scared and ashamed and embarrassed like how do i explain to these assholes that im writing fantasy #and that's not even counting the gay angle bc that's the biggest part #i just am not brave enough for that yet and yeah maybe it's bc im still young but i shouldnt have to be brave to enjoy things to begin with #failure shouldnt require bravery when it's just a fact of life #and i think about if we'd lived in london like my dad wanted us to or if we'd gone to dublin bc my mum loves dublin #or even if we just hadn't come to this fucking town and we'd lived in ANY FUCKING CITY #my dad jokes about how in london he didn't even know his neighbours names and god i just crave that anonymity so fucking much #it's so frustrating and my mum takes it so personally whenever i say i hate the town and my sister says i'll grow out of it just because #she did but i genuinely dont think i will #and maybe that's the creative in me or the queer in me that she just cant relate to but i have always always hated this place #like a guy i have a VERY complicated history with messaged me the other day and we havent talked in TIME #and it was kinda sweet if not awkward just bc of our aforementioned rocky past but one thing he mentioned when i said i was at uni #was that he said really genuinely 'im so happy to hear that; i know you always wanted to get out of [town name]' #like he still remembers that about me even though weve been friends since we were 12 and i havent spoken to him since i was?? 17?? #UGH i just hate it here and it's the fact that i'll never escape it either bc i cant totally abandon ship without also #abandoning my family and i refuse to do that and they refuse to leave so now im just stuck with all these CONNECTIONS #sorry to vent lol #ig this could be a poetry thing? we'll say it is instead of me just having another meltdown LMAO #hella goes home

[caffeinatedopossum]

Ed recovery with autism and adhd is so weird.

Like I'll either forget to eat lunch entirely or I'll forget when I ate last and end up eating lunch 3 seperate times instead.

Then sometimes I have to literally ask my girlfriend if I'm hungry because I don't fucking know what my body is feeling ever and she's usually like "Yeah you should eat".

Then when I go to prepare food it's like:

Me: okay body so how much food do you want

Body: hm...m... food...?

Me: yes food. But HOW MUCH

Body: uhh... s e v e r a l

Me: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

And then I end up making too much for me to eat (thank God I'm allowed to not eat all of my food now- I hated that rule so much growing up) but its still so goddamn confusing skgjfjfhff

#wrong #anyway im incredibly thankful for my girlfriend who is so so patient and supportive #the amount of help and support i never realized i need is actually insane #like i genuinely cant function without help because of my autism (and adhd to a lesser degree) #idk its just really nice to not only have help but not feel like i should be ashamed of needing it either #oof i forgot the other thing that happens when i make food is that i prepare it and then by the time its done cooking #i dont even want it anymore -_- like wtf? i literally was JUST hungry #or i wont feel hungry but then as soon as i go to bed and cant make food because everyones asleep #and the lights are all off and im all cozy and sleepy #THEN im starving. my body has the worst timing ever sometimes istg #still not as bad as before recovery though #ive just elected to be a lot more patient with myself #i used to compare my recovery to other peoples never understanding what i was doing #but the truth of the matter was those people i was comparing myself to #had only had eds for like 2-5 years. which is still bad of course but its not applicable to my scenario #they were also neurotypical and cisgender which i also couldnt relate to #the thing is i never learned how to eat properly. before my ed i still wasnt eating enough #because my parents were neglecting me #i only know hunger and i never learned how to eat properly or what being nourished feels like #that means i have to not only relearn things but learn them entirely for the first time #i have to learn what hunger feels like and what being full feels like and when it is and isnt ok to skip a snack #its just really hard learning these things for the first time ar 20 years old #and once i acknowledged that- that it was really hard for me- i think i felt a lot of relief #like im struggling but it makes sense that i am and i wont always feel like thia #one day i will heal. i just needed a little help

[qumiiiquinnquin]

ill never be good enough at anything

#vent #events of today only proved it #im genuinely so close to giving up completely #i dont feel happy when I draw because I know its not good enough and im ashamed when others see it because I know they think the same thing #I dont feel satisfied or accomplished when finishing schoolwork because I know others will have done it better and responded better and im #the stupidest person of the entire class. some things I just dont understand but I know everyone else or lots of others did #i cant do anything right. i cant socialize correctly. i cant remember to do anything. i cant keep any stable relationships #i know if i get a job they'll ly me off or fire me within days max weeks. i dont expect to be able to hold down a job for long #i dont have the skills necessary to become what I want to be which is a meteorologist. i struggle in math and that career is a lot of math #i actually want to be an artist too but ill die a lonely death. i cant even do this class. and artists are not paid enough to survive #hell what I do right now with art in my spare time is much worse than others. a mouse and microsoft paint. both arent good enough #i cant not compare myself to others. i know that they're all better than me. and im around these people every day and see it on social medi #i really want to put my art in our shredder and permanently delete files. i want to drop out. i dont know what to do with myself because i #know that im not good enough for anything except lay in bed like the depressed piece of shit i am and end up getting kicked out #i thought about just leaving class today and throwing myself down the stairwell from the top floor i was already on #just over the barrier thats right next to the first flight of stairs that prevents people from falling off the stairs from a height #the one you can look down and see the following flight of stairs. just throw myself down from that and hurt myself significantly. #ive been thinking about jumping again. from a new part of campus thats higher than where i initially wanted to fall from #if not those then sl!t my wrist or run into traffic #i just need to d!e. There's no room for someone as worthless as me #i cried when I came home today because im just done. i cant carry on and itd be better if i didnt. itd be preferred.

[sludgeguzzler]

look i really dont mind having a pre t body with its little biological quirks but i have a limit and the limit is waking up at 4am with immense pain and a puddle of blood on my bed

#im probably most likely overhyping what t will do to my body but i cant wait till my periods stop #if they dont stop i will fr go after some way of stopping them im not kidding there is literally nothing good that i get from having them #its just. its just pain and blood and a constant reminder of how Woman i have to be. it makes me sad #like. all the good cramp medicine is like WOMAN PILL FOR YOUR SCHEDULED GIRL MOMENT OF THE MONTH [picture of a woman] #[venus symbol] [flowers] #and all pads come with th same thing too. like i get that its technically not harming anyone but please man cmon #my mood gets all janged up i cant think straight in the worst ways possible im always having breakdowns during them #and i have to deal with genuinely unbearable pain! and! a heavy flow! because my moms ovaries! are the most fucked ovaries ever! #hhg the only good thing i can think of is that if there was a death metal band of trans guys the lyrics theyd write would be sick #[hi this is me telling you im about to get a little gross so if stuff like this grosses you out uh. yeah] #like the gruesome symbolism of periods is pretty damn cool if im honest. i dunno #i genuinely really like the movements on normalizing periods and how they are not something to be ashamed of and happen with a lot of ppl #but. but. #it puts a lot of emphasis on how its a Woman thing when a lot of women (cis or otherwise) dont have them #and it excludes all the other non woman people who have them #re personal opinion but i think our image of periods really shouldnt be flowery beautiful woman moment that passes by in a blink. #i think we should talk about how it hurts and how it will suck a little too hard for some people and that #periods not always mean a symbol of feminity and fertility and other stuff (its 5am im tires) to everyone #like to me periods are misery and oain and dysphoria but i have a cis friend who sees her periods as symbols of her womanhood abd #*and like. shes not wrong but im also not wrong either #idk my head hurts and i wanna go bacm to sleep so bye #sg.txt