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#little april kepner
anewkindofme · 7 days
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April in “My Boy”.
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babyjapril · 10 days
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April & Jackson + parallels (part 1)
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useragarfield · 1 year
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You want me to stop, just say so...and I’ll stop!
━  GREY’S ANATOMY 13.16 “Who Is He (And What Is He To You)” |  GREY’S ANATOMY 8.21 "Moment of Truth"  ━
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ginandweas · 2 years
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#japrilendgame Grey's Anatomy | ep. 400
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beachy--head · 8 months
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unprompted angsty japril drabble, just because.
___
There are some things about miracle babies that no one talks about, and it applies all too well to the bundle of joy that is Harriet. How even the happy moments can be tinged with a bittersweet sadness, how nothing is like what they could expect. They aren't first-time parents, but at the same time, they are, and it's enough to give Jackson a headache every time.
Cuddling his daughter helps. Being reminded every day that he divorced her mother doesn't.
Though they live together, they've devised a schedule for taking care of Harriet, and like everything between them now, it's stilted, heavy, full of everything they're not brave enough to talk about. They divide the nights too, and at first it seemed like a good idea, so at least one of them would get a good night's sleep every other day. They both agreed that it's a good plan, in theory.
In practice, April doesn't know that no matter how tired he is, he still wakes up every time he hears his daughter cry, even when it's April's turn to take care of her. Most of these nights are spent waiting until he hears April go to the nursery, and it's only then that he can go back to sleep.
That night is no different, so when Harriet cries, he opens one eye and looks towards the baby monitor. In the dark, he makes out April's shape, picking up their little girl from her crib and switching the night light on before settling in the rocking chair (the one he has to make a conscious effort not to call "Samuel's rocking chair"). He's about to shut off the audio from the monitor to give her some privacy and then try to go back to sleep, but then he hears her speak.
"I'm sorry."
He freezes and looks around, as if he's been caught doing something illegal. He wonders for a moment if April knows he's watching and listening, like he's been doing some nights when sleep eludes him, but he soon realizes he's not who she's talking to.
"I'm sorry I couldn't fully be there for you at first. You had your dad, and Ben, and tons of doctors, but you should have had your mom, too."
Blinking, he resists the urge to protest out loud, to tell her that nothing is her fault and remind her what she did to bring their daughter to life.
"I'm sorry you get this broken, shrunk version of the mom you should have had. You deserve the best mom, and I'm doing what I can, but you should have had the happy, bubbly, carefree version of me, and I'm sorry I can't give it to you."
He knows her so well that he doesn't need video proof to know that she's softly crying, and his own sobs stay trapped in his throat. He doesn't dare to move, as if any movement would break the spell.
"You should have a brother, and parents that don't act awkward around each other. And I know you can't change the past, and it's fine, but it's so different from what I imagined, and I... I'm still sorry, ladybug."
Samuel is still a taboo word in their household, too synonymous with pain, loss and heartbreak. This time is no exception, and he jolts when he hears April talk about him. He has to fight every instinct, every urge to not cry, or scream, or go to his girls (it's been eleven months, and yet he still can't think of April as anything other than his). He's afraid that he's forfeited any right to console her, to be her person, when he signed those damn papers, but he hears the pain in her voice, the pain he doesn't hear anymore these days because they're always so guarded around each other, and he cannot hear it and not do anything.
His hand is on the door handle, his eyes are blinking dangerously fast, but for the first time in what feels like forever, he knows where his place is, and it's not on this side of the baby monitor.
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one thing about me i’ll take any japril crumb i can get my hands on those are MY parents 🫶🏻🥹
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Get ready guys!! It’s time for another japril prayer circle!
May our endgame be secure and may we get news of a spinoff 🤞
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alyssaforevermore · 1 year
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I’m rewatching Grey’s and honestly I feel pretty bad for Matthew. He was so sweet and genuinely loved April from the start. I do feel like she loved him too, but just not like how she loved Jackson and I think Matthew having the same values she did made her think for a while that her love was deeper than it was. He was everything she dreamed of and everything she wanted to be so badly. April is one of my favourite characters and I don’t think she ever meant to hurt him, but Matthew deserved someone who was all in for him and she just wasn’t. I’m glad the writers had them get divorced in the end. It felt weird after everything April put him through.
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asliceoftoast · 2 years
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when i said i wanted to be like april kepner, i didn’t mean having ppl make fun of me for being a virgin 😩
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anewkindofme · 27 days
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Thank you for the tag @im-overstimulated-and-im-sad.
Here is another look at the "April retakes her boards" one shot in the "My Boy" verse.
---
April adjusts her ponytail as she walks into the seemingly empty resident locker room. She has just enough time to apply some more concealer, something she’s in desperate need of. Much of last night was spent studying and now she’s working a double. Her energy is still high, but she knows her face paints a different story.
She’s halfway to her locker when she hears some hushed voices a few rows away. In spite of how soft Vikram Roy attempts to be, his words echo throughout the room.
“I booked my flight for next month.”
Another male resident, one April doesn’t recognize comes next. “Yeah, me too. I think everyone in our class has. Got stuck by the bathroom.”
Roy scoffs. “My seat sucks too. You know, I heard a few got booked in first class.”
“Well, we all can’t be so lucky to have daddies who are chief of trauma.”
April pauses, her hand hovering over her makeup bag. She tries to still her breathing so she doesn’t give herself away. Roy and his friend carry on, proving their ignorance to her standing just a few rows away.
“God, how does she even still have a job here?” Roy asks, disgust in his voice. “She failed. You think if we don’t make it they’ll give us a second chance?”
“Nope. Because again, Daddy’s Princess walks around here like she runs the hospital.”
April’s cheeks burn as tears pick up in her eyes. She puts her hand over her mouth. This isn’t the first time someone has mocked her or her cousins for their dads being chiefs. She knows they’re just jealous and none of it has merit. They all get held accountable, especially Alex. It doesn’t change the stigma. One she’ll likely never shake.
“It just makes no sense,” Roy continues. “We’ve all seen her break down at the smallest things. How’s she going to handle it when she’s alone in an OR? Her daddy won’t be there to hold her hand forever.”
“As if she’s even going to pass. Hopefully, this time Chief Shepherd cans her ass.”
April clasps her hand tighter to hold back a sob.
---
No pressure tag: @cianmarstoo, @actualalligator, @kingofdarkness00 & @snowviolettwhite
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cianmarstoo · 1 month
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‘ shut up. i’m n-not s-s-scared. ’ -Not too much
Thank you so much for this prompt! It turned into a long chapter of my follow up fic to Not Too Much called You're enough
“Shhh be quiet!” he put his finger on his lip, they needed to be quiet. “I think there’s someone in the house.” “T-... there’s not, it’s probably just your parents,” April suggested, but her eyes darted to the door.  Jackson hesitated, but he nodded his head, “Yeah… I mean I didn’t hear it, maybe the movie just scared you?” Alex shook his head fiercely, “shut up.” his voice came out a whimper, “I’m n-not s-s-scared…” “We could hide?” Jackson suggested.  “Yeah if we’re quiet no one will come in here, and it-it’s probably not ghostface…” but her voice was too high pitched. “Yeah, they’ll leave this room alone.” “What! No !” Alex shouted, “what if they go after my parents we can’t do that? We’ve gotta save them.” There was a noise, and all three of the kids screamed loudly.
Read the chapter here
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send me prompts here <3
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babyjapril · 10 months
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(x)
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useragarfield · 2 years
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#tol grump smol sunshine
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drghostwrite · 3 months
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My House, My Rules
Pairing: Arizona Robbin’s x Wife!reader
Summary: You and Arizona are married attendings, you’re both performing ground breaking surgeries along with you revitalizing the role of Cheif of surgery, after an extremely long week all you want is alone time with your wife but you’re fellow surgeons seem to get in the way outside of work to.
Warnings: 18+, little angst, smut to fluff
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Ding… you heard your phone go off with a text, you figured if it was urgent they would call, so you let it lay on its respective side of the counter while you chopped veggies for your pico de gallo. Tossing some peppers into the bowl you heard it go off again ignoring it. You felt as gentle hands wrapped around you from behind, Arizona leaned her head between your strong shoulders her arms wrapped tightly around your torso, she relaxed her breathing letting it fall in line with yours.
“Hey baby…” you trailed tossing the last of the tomatoes in the bowl and cleaning your hands with the towel over your shoulder, she squeezed tighter around you. You turned in her arms letting her rest her head on your chest, gently wrapping her in your arms and kissing her head, the smell of her shampoo and perfume mixing was intoxicating.
“I’ve missed you.” She whispered, it killed you… seeing the impact this was having on the both of you. You had recently accepted the role of head of emergency medicine which meant paperwork and meetings on top of your existing case load, which is hard enough to manage. Arizona was so proud and extremely patient but it had been a week since you’d had a moment alone together.
“I know, I’m so sorry… Can I make it up to you?” You whispered in her ear.
“What do you have in mind?” She said looking up to meet your eyes, a shy smirk as she played with the buttons on your shirt. Before you could explain your phone started going off.
Ding… Ding… Ding,Ding… you rolled your eyes ignoring it. Turing your attention back to your wife, but before you could go any further your front door burst open, revealing Shepard, followed by Grey, Christina, April, and Karev.
You pulled Arizona against you holding her as they made their way into the kitchen… you couldn’t tell what they were taking about as they were all yelling at once telling different stories. Arizona looked up at you and stepped aside and she saw your face drop, it was a face she’s seen too many times in your ER, it was your take charge face.
“Okay, everyone shut up!” They all stopped talking at once, you were never one to raise your voice so when you did it caught peoples attention.
“What the hell is going on?”
“I just drove…” Derek said a hand swiping over his tired eyes.
“I’m here to watch the cat fight.” Alex said excited as Yang punched his arm causing him to jerk away.
“It started with Kepner…”
“Did not!!”
“Oh did to!!!” They all started yelling again.
“Okay!!!… Look I don’t care what happened or who did what… I don’t even give a damn as to why you are standing in my kitchen right now, what I am concerned about is my gorgeous wife that is standing here with me that I haven’t been able to be with in over a week… So please get the hell out of my house so I can spend the night with my wife.”
they all looked at you shocked and quickly exited the house as fast as they entered, you followed to lock the door, Derek turned with a silent thank you before closing the door behind him.
you returned to the kitchen to see Arizona standing there, a smile across her face, “You know that was really sexy, I love it when you take charge.”
“oh do you?” You said smirking kissing her soft lips.
“Mmhmm…” she said pulling at you shirt buttons again.
“Well then forget dinner for tonight we can heat it up later.” you said pressing against her, her back pushed into the stove as you leaned and quickly ghosted your lips before turning everything off. You leaned down kissing her again and running your hands along her body. You lifted her up seeing her on the counter, she pulled the buttons apart and quickly pushed your shirt off your shoulders not breaking the kiss, you pulled at the jeans she wore tossing them to the side and wrapping her legs around you. She ran her fingers over the simple black bra that you wore taking in the sight before her, she quickly pulled off your old Harvard t shirt that she was wearing throwing it to the side, revealing the matching maroon bra and panty set.
She kissed you again as your hands explored her body, you hoisted her up wrapping her legs around your torso as her hands ran through your hair on arm Bri thrown over your shoulder as you carried her upstairs to your room trying not to break the kisses.
you placed her on the bed and slipped off your jeans, she looked at the sight before her, you on top of her in your black bra and matching simple black panties, the scar on your abdomen from the shooting, she ran her soft fingertips over the strong muscles that she so admired. She undid your bra sliding it off and taking in the sight before her she ran her hands, gently along your nipples, she looked back up making eye contact with the beautiful woman above her.
you bent and placed bruising kisses on her lips only pulling away to catch your breath letting you lips ghost only mere centimeters apart, your eyes trailing hers. She lifted her leg pressing her thigh against your hip as you ran your hand down her thigh and up her side. You bent down placing kisses on her stomach, your skilled hand unhooking her bra and tossing it aside, you kissed up her body, placing kisses on her breast but before you could go any further she flipped you over. She sat in your lap before working her way down to your legs, gently parting them and pulling your underwear off, tossing them behind her.
“You my love, have already done enough… let me take care of you.” You tried to open your mouth to talk back but she quickly quieted you, by running her hands down your inner thighs. You felt every nerve tingling as she kissed up your thighs, her fingers slid over your slit quickly ghosting over your clit before she inserted one and then two, she wrapped her soft lips around a nipple and you arched your back into her already teetering on the edge. Her fingers pumped in and out slowly at first only picking up pace as you moaned into her kisses.
“Arizona… baby… Oh god… I’m…”
“Hold on love.” She said moving her mouth down to your clit, her fingers kept moving in and out as she pulled it into her mouth, she knew exactly what she was doing and in a couple seconds you would be seeing stars.
“Arizona…” you moaned with a high pitched whine, your hands one tightly gripped the sheets the other tangled in her hair as she pushed you over the edge. You felt your muscles tighten and then release as you climaxes she pulled her fingers out letting her mouth take over and coax you back down, that was until her nose ghosted over your clit and she heard your whimpers and pressed a little harder, the aftermath causing your legs to tremble. She crawled back up your body laying on your chest.
“Thank you.”
“for what, you did all the work.”
“I just wanted you to know you were loved and I wanted to do this, you’ve worked so hard all week you needed to relieve some stress.”
“well in that case it’s your turn next.”
“in the morning… can we just lay here for now, i just wanna lay here and enjoy my wife.”
“whatever makes you happy baby.” You smiled as you both laid there in each others arms tangled in your own bodies.
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crazyk-imagine · 3 months
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Ruined Relationships, but the Love is There
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Pairing: Mark Sloane x Ex-Girlfriend!reader
Characters: Mark Sloane, Ex-Girlfriend!reader, Kara Sloane, Jackson Avery, April Kepner, Meredith Grey, Christina Yang, Derek Sheppard, George O'Malley, Owen Hunt, Addison Montgomery (briefly mentioned)
Warnings: Angst, fluff, cheating, adultery, ooc peeps, minor cursing, drama (what else would you expect), like a lot of drama, near death experience, classic grey's things going on here, cheating, bad relationships, mentions of pregnancy, keeping children hidden from father, car accidents, reader is a doctor, everyone is in kahoots, Christina is into beating, Meredith and Derek are cute, Bailey is great as always, George is here and lives, no mentions of Izzie or Alex, friendships between Mark and Meredith, plus Mark and Christina, Christina is a secret romantic at heart
Word Count: 4,593
A/N: I feel like everyone is ooc but idc bc I love this fic
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You ignore him, praying to whatever god is listening to keep him away from you.
Meredith and Christina notice the tension in your shoulders, sharing a look.
“You know I don’t care about a lot of people but, are you okay?” the curly haired female asks.
You shrug, acting as if nothing has changed. “I’m fine, why?”
Meredith chimes in. “You’re looking a little-“
“Squirrely?”
“I was gonna go with tense but squirrely works.”
You huff through your nose, “would you two shut up.” You hand the clipboard back to your favorite nurse, Marjorie. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” You spin around and walk out, not looking back.
Derek shakes his head, watching you basically run out of the hospital.
Mark glances behind him, not finding who he wanted and sighs. He looks up to see his friend and offers a small wave.
The ferry boat lover nods to acknowledge him.
The plastic surgeon bids the others goodbye and stands in front of the doors, thinking about everything that led him here.
You drive past him without realizing it as he thinks of your face when you caught him in bed with Addison.
His eyes trail on the car, wishing he could see you again and not just glimpses.
-
You roll your eyes and walk away across the bridge, not caring how unprofessional you look. “I’m not talking to you.”
He picks up his pace, following after you. “Please just-“
You scoff, spinning around to face him, “no, I tried before. I did and then,” you lean forward poking him in his chest, “you decided to stick your dick in someone else. Someone who was married and oh, yeah, not your girlfriend.” You cross your arms, “so, excuse me for not being particularly excited at the sight of you.”
“Fiancé.”
You blink once, furrowing your brows. “What?”
“I was,” he gulps. "I was going to propose to you that night.” He pulls the little black box out of his pocket, handing it to you.
”Before or after you screwed Addison,” you bitterly add, staring at the box. If you open it, that's giving him hope.
"I- she came to me and-“
You scoff hard enough for the vibrations to scratch your throat for a few seconds. “I cannot believe this- you- you think it’s okay to just- I’m done.”
“Please don’t,” he begs, eyes getting glossier the more you talk. “Don’t say it.”
Your bottom lip wobbles, removing your gaze from him. “I’m done with this, with us, and you. Now, you get to deal with the guilt. If you have any at all.” You slam the box in his hand and walk away.
Nothing could have prepared anyone at the hospital for this.
You know they’re all looking at you and it pisses you off. “What are you looking at?!”
Christina does damage control, stopping everyone from getting your wrath.
-
Meredith finds him in the on-call room, she was hoping to nap before joining in on a surgery but seems like the universe had other plans. ”You uh- okay?”
He fiddles with the box, staring at the diamond that taunts him. “Does it look I’m okay?”
She shrugs, “not really but it’s better than admitting you were stupid for messing things up with her.”
“My mistake brought Derek to you, didn’t it?”
“Why are you here?”
“If I go to Joe’s I’m going to sleep around, proving her point.”
“And staying here?”
“I don’t know where else to go. Derek is still upset with me, and I don’t blame him, but I know he loves you and I don’t need to hear a speech from him. I’m not ready for him to tell me I messed up more than any of us want to admit.”
“Why did you do it?”
“Do what?” He asks, finally looking up from the ring. “I was scared.”
“To,” she gestures to the ring.
“That and be a husband.”
“You weren’t scared of asking, it was the commitment that got you, I can understand it.”
“No, no," he shakes his head. "I didn’t think- I knew I wouldn’t be a good husband. I- everyone only saw the bad, my parents, Derek at times but she didn’t. She never did and that’s why I,” he lets out a tearful chuckle, “that’s why I fell for her. She saw the good no one else did and I screwed it up.”
Meredith hands him a tissue.
“You tell anyone about this, and I’ll let you observe one of my surgeries beside me.”
“I wasn’t but if you’re offering.”
The two chuckled.
-
Christina owlishly blinks, watching as you work on your last patient for the day as if nothing’s happened.
“How can she just put it all behind her?” George questions, sitting beside her.
“Having a nervous breakdown earlier in the day helps.”
“I feel like there should be someone sitting between us.”
The future cardiologist shrugs, “suit yourself.”
“You’re going to check on her after she’s done, right?”
“I’ll talk to her, if she opens up, good for her.”
A smile dances across his lips, happy that someone’s going to check on you; he likes you and admires your work, knowing you could be someone as well-known as Ellis Grey.
-
“Can you teach me your sutures?”
You ignore her and finish checking over your charts. “Yours are fine. Tell me the real reason you're bugging me.”
She purses her lips, not wanting to admit it out loud. “Are you okay?”
“You really want to know?”
She hesitates to nod. “I… do.”
“It sucks. Everything just… sucks. I don’t want to be here, but this is the only place that makes me feel calm.” You hand Marjorie the chart, smiling at her before returning to Christina. “I’m going to get through this. He’s going to find a nice girl and have the family he always wanted while I’ll still be here.”
“He’s going to go through girls like I go through tequila.”
“I know,” you grab your bag. “Which is why I know he’ll finally find his girl.”
She follows you until you reach the door. "What if it's you?"
A sad smile stretches across your lips. "He lost her."
”Forever?”
You shrug.
The resident stands there, unsure of what to do now.
-
You glance in his direction, wondering how many women he’s going to write down on the sheet. You hand yours back to Bailey, “I keep my life outside of work, unlike some people.”
Mark inwardly groans.
Bailey avoids making eye contact with him, she can’t continue to feel bad for him when he’s the one who messed things up (from what you told her).
You walk past the new residents, not in the mood to deal with them, especially with the girls fawning over Mark.
-
You sit down and watch his surgery, listening to the way he talks down to them.
You always told him he needs to slow down and be kind to them or else they won’t respect him but with everything that’s happened, you assume he’s a little bitter.
He always knows when you're watching and composes himself, but he can’t help and snap at the newbie (you don’t need to be talked about as if you’re a piece of meat). He glances up, catching your gaze.
You gulp, finding his soft expression he only used for you.
Everyone turns to you.
Two of the girls in orange start gossiping beside you.
“I have charts to look over. Come with me?” George asks.
You nod, finding it hard to keep your gaze off him but do so, only to inform the girls of some key information. “Keep talking like that and you two won’t find yourself off bedpan duty for a few months. Don’t talk about your superiors like that again."
The young faced one eyes widen and her face pales at your threat.
Mark can’t help but smirk behind his mask, always loving it when you straightened people out, if it was necessary.
-
"I see you two still aren’t talking.”
“Shut up, George.”
“Right, yeah. Got it.”
-
You try and ignore him again, which is when Derek steps in. “You should talk to him.”
“I know you two are all buddy buddy now, but I can’t do that. I can’t pretend like he didn’t break my heart in two. So, excuse me for ignoring your best friend."
He stops in front of you. “I need you to stop, think about this. What if you two don’t make amends and something happens? How would you feel? Think about how he would feel?”
“We’d be depressed, but eventually get over it, maybe be slutty for a few months and that’s the end of it.”
“That’s not a healthy way of dealing with your feelings and you know it.”
“I don’t care if it’s healthy or not. I have issues and I deal with them my way.”
“If you’d talk to him, maybe you’ll feel better.”
You roll your eyes and head into the prep station before you two head into surgery.
-
Bailey rolls her eyes, reaching for your phone. “Your phone keeps buzzing, doctor.”
You sigh, “does it look important?”
She leans closer, whispering, “it’s about your daughter.”
“Daycare or babysitter?”
“Babysitter. Fever, wants her mom.”
You take a deep breath and lean over to talk to your friend, “doctor Bailey’s going to take over. I need to go.”
“You’re leaving in the middle of a surgery?”
“I have to take care of something.”
“What?”
“My daughter.”
The staff in the OR got quiet, no one observing said anything.
You didn’t see the lights until it was too late.
-
“We got one adult in critical condition. One child with a minor bruising.”
Bailey and Owen are the first to arrive.
The woman’s eyes narrow to the familiar baby in Matt’s arms.
Owen steps forward. “What happened?”
“Car accident. Drunk ran a red light. Drivers side took more of the impact.”
“We need to get her checked out now.” The redhead pushes himself through, taking over one of the rooms. He tells the interns and fresh residents to prep a surgical room and put Christina on babysitting duty, leaving Jackson to follow him and Callie into the OR.
“I heard there was an accident,” Mark says, standing in the doorway. “I wanted to see if you needed any assistance?”
Callie glances at her ally in the room. “No, you should go check on Derek. I think I heard him calling for you.”
“When did he-"
“She’s coding,” Jackson interrupts.
“Crap! Avery, push one of epi.”
Everyone in the room prays for it to work and you to come back.
“Let me help,” he takes a step forward before being called away by one of the nurses.
-
He takes a sip of coffee, goes over the notes and overhears a few residents gossiping. His head whips in their direction. "Where'd you hear that?” He asks them, not accepting their answers.
They freeze. "Where did you hear that? Is she here?"
The group of residents’ glances at one another, unsure of what to say. "Who told you she's here?"
April had never worked with Mark before and seeing how freaked out he was over someone who wanted almost nothing to do with him, she felt bad; if someone she was in love with was hurt or worse, she'd want to know. "We- we saw her come in. They-"
He doesn't listen to anything else and takes off, running past Christina, who coddles the tear eyed, red faced toddler in her arms.
-
He runs straight towards Meredith, who's talking to Owen. "Where is she?"
The red head takes a step foward. "She's in surgery-"
"What room?"
"Sloan, you know I can't-"
He grabs Owen's scrubs by the collar and pulls him close. "I need to see her. I can't be here, waiting to see if she's dead or not. Tell me where she is."
The ex-vet slowly reaches for the man's hands. "Mark, I need you to calm down."
"How can I calm down when I just found out my fiancé is in surgery?"
-
Meredith takes a seat beside him, slumping against the wall, offering him a snack.
He shakes his head, closes his eyes and resting his head against the wall. "Have you heard anything?"
"No," she shakes her head. "I don't even know where she is."
"I just- what am I going to do if she's really-"
"Don't talk like that. She's not one to give up. She's-"
"A fighter?"
"Yeah."
Christina turns the corner, eyes wide. "Meredith?" She spots the two of them and runs towards them, inadvertently introducing your daughter to her father. "Mer. Mer. I need your help."
"Where did you get a baby?" She pushes herself off the floor. "Why do you have a baby?"
"Bailey put me on Kara duty and she won't stop crying."
"Whose baby, is it?"
That's when things got awkward.
Meredith's eyes widen, "no."
She nods.
Mark opens his eyes, glancing up. His eyes stop on the little girl, who glances his way.
She reaches for him. "Dada."
No one knew what to do.
"Oh my god," the two women muttered.
He pushes himself off the floor, staring at her. There's no mistaking it, she has your features, but she's got his eyes.
The little girl fusses in the woman's arms.
Mark easily slides her into his, his daughter settles into his arms, staring at him with those wide, curious eyes. "Mama?"
He gulps, "we have to wait a little bit before we see mama, okay?"
She nods and lays her head down on his chest.
He closes his eyes to keep his tears at bay, kissing the top of her head.
-
"She still loves you," Christina tells him.
He keeps his gaze on his girls and hums. "When you showed her the ring, she didn't say it was officially over for you two but she's still heartbroken over you and Addison getting together."
"I was getting ready to leave."
"What?"
"I grabbed my jacket and made sure I had the ring. I was- I wanted that night to go perfectly but then I opened the door, and she was there." He sighs.
"She let herself in and I tried to get her to leave but she wouldn't and then she kissed me. I told her I couldn't because I was about to become a proud married man," he bitterly chuckles.
"I told her no and she got upset because she knew she could always run to me but when she knew she couldn't anymore, she decided she wanted to love me. The way I wanted her to when we were younger. I accepted it, you know."
The woman nods.
"I accepted the fact that she chose Derek. He was a good choice."
"He was a safe choice, and she knew that."
Mark nods, "yeah and that's why I... tried to warn him before he proposed."
"You tried to warn him?"
"He's my best friend, I couldn't let him go into a marriage that was going to hurt him."
She chuckles, "that's ironic."
"Shut up, Yang."
"Go on."
"I gave into her because a part of me was scared- scared I was going to hear the rejection. No, I can't marry you because..."
"You're a manwhore?"
"Baby present and, yes. I didn't want my past to define my future but then, it did, and she left with Derek."
"Do you think Derek knew about," Christina gestures to the baby in his arms.
"Probably. I'm not happy I missed it but at least I know she had someone who could take care of her."
"Are you ever going to tell her?"
"If she'll listen."
Her pager beeps.
"Go, Yang. I'm not leaving."
Derek nods and steps into the room.
"You hear all that?"
His friend shrugs, "only the good parts."
"Funny."
"She was going to tell you before... everything happened but then she needed to get away and I did too-"
"So, she left without saying anything."
"If it means anything, she wrote a journal throughout the entire pregnancy, in case she passed, and Kara wanted to know about her mom."
He can tell by Mark's expression; he needs to explain.
"She was stressed throughout the entire pregnancy, and it was cause for concern. She had a few fainting spells and needed to stay home for a while. The doctor was making it seem like if she even went to the bathroom, she was going to lose Kara which scared her more than leaving you."
"Why?"
"If she lost Kara, it meant losing a piece of you which would have made her feel like it was officially over for the two of you."
Your heart monitor beeps. "Derek?"
His friend calms you down, checking you over before whispering that Mark and Kara are in the room.
You slowly turn your head, spotting them.
The father of your child smiles, relieved to see you awake. "Hey."
You spot your little girl tucked into his neck and tear up. You bring your hand up to your mouth to hide the sobs that want to escape.
Mark gestures for your guys' friend to exit so he can talk to you. He slowly pushes himself out of the chair, adjusting to the little girl. "Hey, hey," he brushes the few strands of hair out of your face, his thumb rubbing agaist your hairline. "What's going on in that pretty little head of yours?"
"I'm sorry."
He shakes his head. "Don't be. I'm just- I'm happy you're okay."
"I wanted to call you so many times."
"I know."
"I wanted you to be there."
"Where?"
"In the room," you whisper, staring into his eyes. "I didn't want her to be away from you but-"
He nods. "I know, I messed up. If I didn't- if it didn't happen, we could have been a family, and I will forever be sorry because you went through it alone."
Hearing your voice alerts the little girls’ ears and she squirms in his grasp.
He sets her feet on the open area near your arm, letting her turn around and launch herself into your arms. "Mama!"
"Oh, my sweet baby." You kiss the side of her head. "Mama missed you."
His heart swells at the sight of you two.
-
A few days later and you feel okay enough to be sent home.
You bid your goodbyes to everyone, even the newbies because they were nice enough to check in on you and make sure everything was okay. You step outside and take a deep breath.
"What do you think you're doing?"
A quiet moment ruined by your ex.
"I'm breathing, Mark. Can I do that, or do you need to make sure the weather's just right?"
He chuckles before getting out of the car. "You know your doctor gave you strict orders, I think you should be following them but that's just me."
You stare at him with a deadpan expression. "I got it, Mark. I know what I need to do, don't try and patronize me."
"I would never."
-
The residents huddle together, watching the two of you.
"How much do you want to bet that they're going to get back together?" Christina asks.
Jackson nods, "I'll take that bet."
Meredith stares at the two of them.
"You two are awful," April adds.
"Yes, but we'll be bad people with money," the future cardiologist tells her with a sarcastic smile.
Derek stops at the desk, taking a sip of his coffee before making his way to the group. "Okay, if we're all done gawking at two grown adults trying to move past their differences, can we get back to work?"
"You're no fun. I remember when you were having fun."
"You want to scrub in on my surgery, Dr. Yang?"
"Let's go have fun. See yah, Mer."
-
You make it through the door of your place and wait for it. "Say it."
"What?" He closes the door, setting the stroller by the door as he unbuckles Kara.
"I know you're judging, so, out with it. I'm not going to pretend as if you don't want to say something because you do."
"I don't," he notices the look you're giving him. "I... like it."
"You hesitated even finishing that sentence."
"I did not."
"Did too."
"Mama!"
You two glance down at the little girl, wanting attention and out of her father's grasp. You gently take her from him and wander into the kitchen, scouring through the cabinets to figure out what kind of things you could have as a snack.
This is what he wants, he wants this life: the one where you're not mad at him, and he can watch his daughter grow while you look amazing at being a mom.
He gulps down what little saliva he has in his mouth and takes a hesitant step closer to you. "What are we feeling?"
You hum, "I don't know, little miss here can't decide on what she wants."
"I can make something," he meekly offers, unsure if this is too much or not.
"What can you make? Last time I checked all you knew was protein smoothies and even then, that wasn't the best."
He scoffs, "I know how to cook, and you know it. You forget who made you dinner for our second date."
You open your mouth to respond but don't have it in you when you think about the good times you two had. Your gaze drops.
He feels bad but he can't pretend as if your romantic past doesn't exist. "I was so worried I messed up with that dinner."
"Really?"
"Of course, I was cooking for the most beautiful girl within a five-mile radius of my house. I was more than nervous."
"Good."
-
You step out of the room and start cleaning up, only for Mark to stop you and grab everything you pick up.
"I told you not to do anything. I got this."
You lean over the couch and watch him wander around your place. "Do you..."
"What?" He glances up, staring at you with kind eyes, wanting to hear what you have to say.
"Do you ever wonder what it would have been like if it didn't happen?"
"I know we'd be married with at least one other kid now."
"I'm serious."
"I don't want to focus on the past."
You scoff, rolling your eyes.  "Says the man who always wanted to ask about my exes."
-
You don't even know how it happened but here you are. You pull away, needing to breathe before continuing.
"Are you sure about this?"
You stare into his eyes, for what feels like an eternity. "I'm sure. I want this. Please," you beg.
His lips curve upwards, "who am I to deny you a fun time?"
You keep him at arm’s length, "that comment makes me want to rethink this whole thing."
"No, it doesn't."
You grumble and pull him back in for a kiss.
Meredith immediately closes the door, regretting not checking before opening. "Seriously you guys?"
You reach for your shirt and cover your mouth to hide your giggles, Mark turns to you with a smirk. "How do you know we weren't trying to invite you?"
"Because you know better."
Your eyes widen.
"Hey, Bailey," he says with a cool tone.
"You two better be out of there in the next five minutes or-"
You open the door and run past the two. "See yah, Bails. See yah, Mer."
Mark stays there flabbergasted at how quickly you ran out the door, leaving him to deal with her.
-
He closes the door just as you finish making dinner. "You are evil."
You stick your bottom lip out, "I don't think so, I made dinner. I'm going to be feeding you, I'd consider that to be something nice."
"You left me to deal with that- that woman alone."
"I left you with Bails, you were fine."
"I was not fine. I was far from fine."
You click your tongue, "stop exaggerating."
"I'm not and you know it."
"Okay," you groan. "I'm sorry. I left you with Bailey and that wasn't nice."
"It wasn't." He wraps his arms around your waist, resting his head on your chest.
"I said sorry, don't be like this."
"I think I'm going to need a little more in order to forgive you."
You lean into him as you settle into his arms.
The monitor goes off and you're brought back to the reality of you being in the arms of your ex.
You push yourself out of his grasp and walk towards her room. "Hey, pumpkin."
She holds her arms out for you.
You pick her up, "how's my little baby?"
She babbles a response. "Dada?"
"He's still here, checking on dinner. Your favorite."
"Maccheese!"
You chuckle, "yeah."
"There's my favorite girl," he smiles at the happy little girl.
You observe the way they interact with a heavy heart, knowing you can't continue doing this with him.
-
"What happened?" Christina asks, practicing new sutures on a banana.
"Nothing happened-"
"You're not sleeping with McSteamy, something happened."
"I just- I realized we need to not fall back into old habits."
"Do you still love him?"
You hesitate to answer.
"I'll take that as a yes."
"Of course, of course I still love him, but I can't be in love with him-"
"Because he was an adulterous whore?"
"Yeah."
"Have you seen him with anyone else?"
"I didn't need to see anything if all the girls talked about him?"
"Did you ever think maybe they lied? Maybe they're jealous of the fact that you have a hot guy fawning over you and only you. What else would they do other than gossip?"
"How am I supposed to believe that?"
"Have you ever talked to him?"
"I'm scared."
"So is he."
"I don't want to get hurt again."
"He wouldn’t want to lose you again."
"Christina?"
"Yeah?"
"You're wise beyond your years."
-
You run to him, pulling him into the break room.
He attempts to get up. "Shut up and let me talk."
You take a deep breath, "I want to be with you, like we were before but we're not those people anymore. And- and I want you to be in Kara's life so you can watch her grow up but this," you gesture between the two of you.
"This can only work if we're honest and you don't leave me for a quick lay or else, I will put you in an OR and change things about you. I will not put myself or Kara on the line if you're not going to give us your all."
He nods, taking in everything you've said. He pushes himself off the couch and walks towards you and pulls you in for a hug. "I'm never letting you go," he mumbles into your hair. "Living without you was the worst time of my life."
Mark pulls away, cupping your cheek, staring into your eyes. "If you let me into your lives, I promise not to mess it up because you two are too important to me and I don't know if I'd be able to live without you."
You sniffle, chuckling at his dorky smile. "Then don't be an idiot and kiss me."
-
"Finally," Christina turns around, pointing to everyone. "You all owe me money."
"Us."
"You owe Mer and I money."
Derek makes his way towards them. "What are we looking at?" He smiles, "good, it's about time he got his act together."
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actually-a-fish · 22 days
Text
the best supernatural episodes
according to an autistic person with a special interest and the ability to make a list.
if youre really serious about supernatural spoilers then maybe stay away :)
None of the season one episodes made in on the list but I will give an honorable mention to S1 E2 Wendigo.
S2 E11 Playthings - A classic, creepy girls in a creepy hotel. Special call out to Sam getting SLOPPY
S2 E16 Roadkill - There's a ghost haunting the highway. the Boys help the spirit move on. This is an early example of monster empathy
S2 E18 Hollywood Babylon - Dean loves hollywood. I love dean. this episode makes me kick my feet like a little girl and i will not defend myself.
S2 EP 20 What Was Shall Never Be - all I have in my notes for this one is "Dean Djinn Dream" which was enough for me to remember the episode and get misty eyes. This is SEASON 2 my son will never know peace.
S3 E5 Bedtime Stories -I had to check the wiki on this one, I think i liked it cause it referenced classic fairytales
S3 Ep11 Mystery Spot - "HEAT OF THE MOMENT" RISE AND SHINE SAMMY!
S3 E13 Ghostfacers! - Im a Facer through and through
S3 E16 No Rest for the Wicked - S3 finale and the Boys are facing consequences! Classic Dean, Sam and Bobby episode.
S4 E1 Lazerus Rising - First Cas Episode. That handprint makes me feel things.
S4 E6 Yellow Fever - What if Dean had anxiety (The Eye of the Tiger blooper is also at the end of the episode which gives it bonus points.
S4 E17 Wishful Thinking - Make a wish? was it for your teddy bear to be diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder? Well thats what youre getting!
S4 E17 It's a Terrible Life - Sam ~ the sales rep. Dean ~ middle management.
S4 E18 The Monster at the End of the Book - There are books about Sam and Dean?! Written by this guy who loves self insert character? Surely the entire show isn't about to take a tone shift?
S5 E3 Free to be You and Me - Sam and Dean are fighting again, but this time Dean has a new heavenly boy toy to play with instead. (Cas has no rizz yet it's actually a little painful to watch)
S5 E5 Fallen Idol - Okay the Wax People episode is on here for one reason and one reason only. Paris Hilton.
S5 E7 The Curious Case of Dean Winchester - Old man Dean and old man Bobby. This is also the episode for HH Husk kinnies.
S5 E8 Changing Channels - Dr Sexy MD is that you?!
S5 E9 The Real Ghostbuster - *in a grizzly voice* "I'm Dean Winchester, this is my brother Sam. Have you experienced anything strange?" "Dude that was so good! Now we can go solve the puzzle" "Man you're breaking the immersion!"
S5 E10 Abandon All Hope - This is here for Crowley's first appearance and not because the end will make you cry.
S5 E12 Swap Meat - "uh... its Audi Nos". Freaky Friday starring Sam Winchester! An angsty teen and April Kepner from Grey/Sloan Memorial Hospital.
S5 E16 Dark Side of the Moon - The Boys lives flash before their eyes. Dean is pissed forever about Sams.
S5 E19 Hammer of the Gods - this is for all my pagans out there!
S6 E4 A Weekend at Bobby's - What do you think this episodes about idjit.
S6 E15 The French Mistake -  “For whatever reason, our life is a TV show.” “Why?” “I don't know.” “No, seriously. Why? Why would anybody want to watch our lives?” 
S7 E4 Defending your Life - consequences? for fucking people over? how about you stand trial.
S7 E20 The Girl with the Dungeons and Dragons Tattoo - The self insert character made for us :) Luv u 4ever Charlie XD
S8 E4 Bitten - found footage will always scare. this one reminds me that this show started as a psuedo horror.
S8 E8 hunteri heroci - Cas tries his hand at being a hunter
S8 E12 As Time Goes By - FINALLY THEY ARE CARVING TRAPS INTO BULLETS
S8 E17 Goodbye Stranger - verbatim here are my notes for this episode "Cas chooses Dean, but the way he handles Meg... Fuck Naomi"
S8 E18 Clip Show - If you only want to watch just one episode of Supernatural this should be it. It's not actually a clip show, theres a broment, bonding time with favorite characters and crazy plots that only supernatural could get away with.
S9 E5 Dog Dean Afternoon - Dean is finally a dog person
S9 E11 First Born - Another bro fight leads to shipping <3 SamxCas + DeanxCrowley <3
S9 E15 #thinman - the slender episode feat. GHOSTFACERS. You come away from this episode thinking "supernatural is so fucking gay why wont the boys kiss"
S9 E21 King of the Damned - my favorite crowley era change my mind. Also the way the Boys interrogate an angel is so funny
S10 E5 Fan Fiction - I would unironically fuck w a supernatural musical and if helluva/hazbin taught me anything the rest of you would too
S10 E6 Ask Jeeves - The Clue episode. (Pay attention to the improvised weapons Dean chooses. It brings me joy)
S10 E9 The Things we Left Behind - Cas is suffering a midlife crisis and his besties are there to help him repair his relationship with his daughter. Funnily enough, Crowley is also getting some family bonding in.
Okay, I'm all caught up on my list. Should I have stayed up late transcribing this with an 8am class tommarow?
Probably not but it did bring me great joy. Tell me your favorite episode! I'll continue to add to my list as I continue my rewatch :)
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