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deadcactuswalking · 6 months

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 28/10/2023 (The Kid LAROI/Central Cee, blink-182's 'ONE MORE TIME...')

Content warning: Cynicism and brief masturbation

For a third week, Kenya Grace’s “Strangers” is at the top of the UK Singles Chart, and welcome back to a quieter, later episode of REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

Now the Official Charts Company was so delayed in posting the chart this week that I am so incredibly late in actually getting the chance to write this rundown section. Alas, let’s do a speedrun here - firstly we always start with the notable dropouts, songs exiting the UK Top 75 - which is what I cover - after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40, you know it, yadda-yadda-yadda. This week we bid adieu to: “DArkSide” by Bring Me the Horizon, “I Do” by Nines featuring who the Hell cares, “Hide and Seek” by 163Margs featuring Digga D, “PARK CHINOIS” by Headie One and K-Trap, “Rich Men North of Richmond” by Oliver Anthony Music, “Hell n Back” by Bakar and finally, “So Much in Love” by D.O.D. It had a good run.

As for our gains and returns, we see re-entries for bottom-feeders like “Riptide” by Vance Joy at #75 and “Everywhere” by Fleetwood Mac at #66, as well as the new Rolling Stones album letting “Angry” slip back at #73, “Lil Boo Thang” by Paul Russell sprouting legs at #65 and “bad idea right?” by Olivia Rodrigo doing weird three-song-rule shenanigans at #46 because of course. And as for our gains, we see boosts for - bear with me - “Style” by Taylor Swift at #62 (watch that space), “Dreams” by Fleetwood Mac at #56, “Party All the Time” by Hannah Laing and HVRR at #53, “ONE MORE TIME” by blink-182 at #42 thanks to the album, “Calm Down” by Rema at #39, “Me & U” by Tems at #36, “On My Love” by Zara Larsson and David Guetta at #29, “Agora Hills” by Doja Cat at #28, “Pompeii” by Bastille at #26, “One of Your Girls” by Troye Sivan and finally, Noah Kahan grabs his first top 10 with “Stick Season” at #9.

As for our top five, it’s pretty expected - “Water” by Tyla is at #5, which I’m never going to complain about, and then we have “greedy” by Tate McRae at #4, “Cruel Summer” by Taylor Swift at #3 gaining off of the back of a re-release featuring a live version and a remix - more of her to come next week - and then “Prada” by casso, RAYE and D-Block Europe at #2 with of course, “Strangers” at #1. Now to see what this smaller week may have to offer in its pattering of shoddy new entries.

NEW ARRIVALS

#63 - “Sensational” - Chris Brown featuring Davido and Lojay

Produced by DJ Hardwerk, BigRagee, Krazytunez and XQ

Davido and Lojay are Nigerian singers so it seems like Chris Brown’s latest ploy is to slot himself within Afrobeats, a genre wherein he… honestly fits pretty well. A lot of male Afrobeats singers have nasal, Auto-Tuned voices saved by their potent, earnest delivery. That’s Breezy’s vocal default in a nutshell… so why is he trying to be cool here? He plays off the wavy, tropical shuffling with a level of restraint and subtlety you rarely hear from the guy ever, I guess to match the sample-esque murky backing vocals from Lojay. It’s not a bad groove either, but it honestly kind of disappoints me that he didn’t go full-out with the classic Chris Brown approach, even if he does do some obnoxious “na-na-na”s and those staccato harmonies as usual. It doesn’t help that this song doesn’t have a good hook, despite Sean Kingston being behind the writing of all people. There’s just nothing catchy about this song, which seems to focus much more on atmosphere… which makes no sense! It’s a club dance song where the girl’s body is described as sensational, where’s the sensation? Davido tries, bless him, but as a result of the song’s misplaced “coolness” pretence, he just sounds out of place. And Lojay’s verse is embarrassing - “booty wider than the Internet”? Really? Sigh, given it’s Chris Brown, it could be a lot worse.

#57 - “IT GIRL” - Aliyah’s Interlude

Produced by Lxnely Beats

It’s been a while since we got a straight-up TikTok viral song, it feels, but rising star Aliyah’s Interlude - what made you go with that name? - seems to have cultivated a pretty loyal fanbase and specific terminology, some of which is mentioned in the song, already so this could either be the start of a big deal or a complete meme fluke. And God, I hope this is a fluke because this is insufferable. It’s not even insufferable in a moral or boring way, it’s just annoying. The Eurodance throwback synth is obnoxious, the plodding percussion is lazy, and whilst Aliyah’s Interlude herself is clearly full of passion and character, it is actually to the detriment of an already minimal, annoying song. It seems the intent was either to be primal or overwhelming, but that synth is so distracting that I can’t fully understand the cult of personality with borderline comedy-rap verses and an admittedly very good use of spelling out the title in chorus. I believe that this is what one could claim as “slaying”, and I kind of get it, but it’s just too much of a stressful listen for me. That synth, it just never stops. I’m sure Aliyah’s Interlude would shine on more polished production as her performance here is close to salvaging something but that may come years down the line. For now, God, please don’t make this a hit.

#55 - “DANCE WITH ME” - blink-182

Produced by Travis Barker

This is such a dry week that I could aptly describe it as being victim to a blink-182 album bomb, or at least as much as the UK Singles Chart will allow. At least they debuted some songs from their #2 album ONE MORE TIME… unlike the Rolling Stones at #1. Anyway, this was a pre-release single only charting now thanks to the album, and it has a music video that mimics that of the Ramones’ “I Wanna be Sedated”, which the track also interpolates. The 1978 track was never released as an A-side single in the UK so failed to chart, but has been set in stone as one of the classic punk outfit’s most iconic songs. I assume that as a result we have a pretty straightforward punk throwback from blink, and for the most part we do, but it’s not really a good one. I love Travis Barker’s cavernous drumming and production of course, and it will always will give a certain base level of quality to these songs, but blink aren’t doing anything new here, or doing something they’ve already done particularly well. There’s a weird bitter venom in Tom DeLonge’s delivery and an apathetic disinterest in Mark Hoppus’ voice that both miss the mark for a song about dancing - or masturbating, if the awkward intro is to be believed - all night long. The chorus is basic but somehow not even catchy, it’s just expected and predictable. At this point with blink, maybe that’s all we should settle for? It just sucks that I know how interesting they can be.

#48 - “ANTHEM PART 3” - blink-182

Produced by Travis Barker

This is the opening track on the record and one that follows in the footsteps of their older “Anthem” tracks, signaling their big comeback. The original “Anthem” from 1999’s Enema of the State is actually the outro to the album, and is fittingly out of fuel considering the rest of the album’s energy that this track seems desperate to grab onto, which sounds like a complaint but considering the fantastic drumming, atrocious vocal delivery and mixing, incredibly cathartic post-chorus, I’d say it sums up the aftermath of a reckless party pretty damn well. The issue here is that “Anthem” plays a lot into the idea that parents - probably a further analogy for authority in general - possess a lot of power behind what fun can actually be had, with “Anthem Part Two”, the opener of 2001’s Take Off Your Pants and Jacket, playing even further into that by basically making it a protest against how the youth are having their futures ruined by those in power who are from generations prior. It sums up pop punk’s teenage rebellion side pretty well - it’s not good, it’s formulaic and surprisingly dull, but I can understand why it is held up as the anthem it claims out the gate to be. Now here’s the real problem: blink-182 are now the parents. What do they rebel against this time around? Life, in general. Actual adult life in fact. It’s an uplifting track with rapid, awkwardly-mixed drums and a seemingly constant crescendo of guitars that merges into a muddy, gross stretch of noise under Tom DeLonge, but an uplifting track nonetheless, an anthem for people who have been played with by the nine-to-five and tedious career. The really resonant bridge from Mark Hoppus, who recently came out of his struggle with cancer, ends with a line about no-one caring for the eventuality of him dying… but it gets cut short, taken away by the chorus. This could be a pretty effective decision, if it weren’t the only part of the song that I actually liked or moved me in any way, with even the classic pop punk drop-into-half-time trick just coming off as tired. Whilst all of these “Anthem” tracks are tired, exhausted last bursts of anger, this one is tired in a particularly sad way. It’s a pathetic song, one that can’t really be called “ANTHEM”… and that’s fine. In fact, it’s slightly endearing and not even really a slight towards the song. It’s just kind of sad to hear.

#41 - “In the City” - Charli XCX and Sam Smith

Produced by A.G. Cook, Charli XCX, George Daniel, ILYA and Omer Fedi

I have no idea what either of these artists are doing career-wise at this very moment. It seems like both Charli and Sam are struggling to hold onto the balance between mass appeal and niche novelty, and Sam may be in a similar spot to where Charli was back in the mid-2010s, or at least appears to have some kind of dissatisfaction with pop stardom as a fact rather than how they viewed it when it was a promise. Basically, it makes complete sense for the two to collaborate, and it also makes complete sense that the song is… just bad. A.G. Cook is on the boards here but his style is so washed out by the pop songwriters also involved that even Charli sounds disinterested. It’s hyperpop lite, with some interesting lyrics about finding your true self after meeting a partner in New York City’s sprawling nightlife, but over some particularly dull four-on-the-floor percussion and with vocal effects - particularly on Sam Smith’s voice - that overwhelm the actual performance, making it feel programmed and somehow so professional it breaches back onto amateur, in a cyclical motion I didn’t think could even happen. I know Charli fans will defend her continuing to experiment whilst also spreading out to mainstream pop tracks but let’s be real, how far is this really from a Joel Corry song? A.G. Cook could have had nothing to do with this and it’d sound the same. Everyone here just seems tired and confused with what to do with themselves, in an awkwardly passionless single that seemingly isn’t connected to an album yet and doesn’t have a video. Sam Smith is nowhere to be seen in the cover art or even the picture used for the YouTube audio video. This is just… nothing.

#10 - “TOO MUCH” - The Kid LAROI, Jung Kook and Central Cee

Produced by Blake Slatkin, Jasper Harris, Emile Haynie and Omer Fedi

You know, this is kind of refreshing. For once, there is no discourse. It is just a simple idea that this top 10 hit by three big-name artists, including a BTS member, with a stacked production list, Scooter Braun single push is a bad song, and that’s fine. There is nothing immoral about the song’s badness, there’s nothing particularly annoying or sad about the song’s badness, there’s nothing even all that boring about the song’s badness. It’s just bad, sometimes comically, and I’m honestly okay with that. The vocal sample is filtered to crap and placed against a similarly weightless, chippy snap and ladders of gross, inhuman leads and sounds, none of which actually seem like they actually want your attention. The chorus has too much empty space punctuated by… bilingual breathing, The Kid LAROI’s verse goes for a desperate and annoying delivery which doesn’t last too long but is still overly whiny, Central Cee is in full rent-a-rapper mode and despite having a completely fine, on-beat flow, he still somehow sounds awkward with his typically toxic, sexual lyrics that don’t go too far to be immoral, just more weird and overly wordy and detailed, maybe manipulative at times. The Kid LAROI’s second attempt at a pre-chorus is actually pretty good, he sounds great, especially on the backing vocals, right before the final chorus, wherein I couldn’t tell where he ends and Jung Kook begins. In fact, Mr. Kook has jack to do in this song. The song just seems to reflect how all three of these guys are at least slightly complacent, facing slightly less favourable results than they expected commercially but still doing well enough and is a piece of apathetic male pop music no one is actually seeking out too much anymore - and apparently Justin Bieber was supposed to be on this at some point and still has a writing credit, so that rings extra true. But that’s all it reflects. It’s just bad, and if anything sums up this week of new arrivals, it’s that: just bad.

Conclusion

And yeah, that wasn’t really hyperbole in any way. I liked none of what little the charts had to offer this week. I can barely give a sincere Best of the Week and really, Chris Brown is a runner-up for the most quality song here, which is a depressing state of affairs. He’s not getting it though, at least blink-182 gave me a lot to say with “ANTHEM PART 3”. As for the worst, I mean, pick any of them but I think I’ll give to “In the City” by Charli XCX and Sam Smith for making me feel absolutely nothing, with Aliyah’s Interlude as the Dishonourable Mention with “IT GIRL” for making me feel a pounding headache. Taylor’s next and then we’re in the holiday dregs for the next two months. Thank you for reading, sorry for the delay - genuinely out of my control, complain to the Official Charts Company - and I’ll see you next week!

#uk singles chart #pop music #song review #charli xcx #sam smith #the kid laroi #central cee #blink-182 #one more time...#aliyah's interude #davido #lojay

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