#love yaa Lily too much

[ob-la-di-ob-la-di]

THIS IS A TUMBLR HUG! PASS IT ON TO 10 OF YOUR FAVORITE FOLLOWERS AND DON'T BREAK THE CHAIN! HAVE A LOVELY DAY! ~♡ (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

Asfgsjksanshsh Love you 😘😘🌷🌷

*Hugs back*

#love yaa Lily too much #answered

[with-love-anu]

Desiderata: When The Heart Speaks

PART: 8

WORD COUNT: 1.7K

PAIRING: Sirius Black x Reader

SUMMARY:  You had been best friends with James, Remus, Sirius and Peter. Read your journey of love, friendship and jealousy through your wonderful years at Hogwarts. Enjoy!

SERIES MASTERLIST

Sirius was being different. Not that you didn’t like it, but it was new. He had started to call you “my love” which never failed to make you blush. He had stopped flirting with anyone else all together and was directing every bit of his attention towards you. And you were over the moon. You couldn’t stop smiling, giggling as Sirius flirted with you. So, you did the only thing you could think of. You flirted back.

The first time you did it, you saw Sirius’s eye’s widen as a deep red colour tinted his cheeks and neck. He stuttered, amusing you, before muttering some lame excuse and leaving as fast as possible. Your cheeks hurted from how wide you grinned. Lily beside you, eyed you with raised eyebrows, giving you a knowing expression. James and Remus were splayed on the floor laughing so hard they had tears in their eyes. Did you just see your best friend, supposed playboy of the damn school blush and stutter nervously because you flirted with him? More importantly; did he start considering you more than a friend? Did you actually have a chance with him?

It took a while, before Sirius stopped blushing uncontrollably whenever you flirted back. This had been going on for months now. The two of you would tease each other; but it never went more than that. You actually wondered whether this was a part of some big joke. James and Remus continually assured you that it wasn’t.

***

“My love, did you even eat this morning?” Sirius asked concerned as you entered the history of magic classroom out of breath. Your heart gave a flutter. You had overslept and hardly had the time to take a shower before rushing for your first class.

“No. I overslept.” You said sitting down beside him.

“Here, I saved some muffins for you”

He offered you your favorite, blueberry and banana flavored cakes. You beamed at him.

“Why, thank you!” you said in a flirty tone taking one and eating it discreetly to make sure not to get the attention of your seemingly, ever-tired professor.

“Anything for you babe;” he said lowly, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

You gulped. He looked at you like he was going to kiss you. You stared at him, his grey eyes looking at you so intensely, it made your heart rate spike up. You were sure that Sirius who was sitting at quite a distance could hear your heart beat. He moved forward, and placed a kiss on your cheek making you look away. You blushed. Hard. You looked forward trying to listen to the professor (or attempting to).

As he droned on and on about goblin wars, you felt Sirius’s hand cover your own. You smiled. You shifted closer to him and heard him suck a breath. Your thighs were touching and your arms were over each other. You pursed your lips to stop grinning. You could see Sirius at the corner of your eyes having a smirk on his face even though his cheeks were tinted pink. Throughout the lesson you were torn between wanting it to end as soon as possible; so that you could stop yourself from yanking his face towards you kissing him until you were both breathless and wanting it to last forever; to stay close to him in case he didn’t want what you did.

When the lesson ended James put an arm around you catching up.

“Have fun in the class?” he asked the two of you wriggling his eyebrows. Both of you flushed. Sirius slapped away his arm from around you put his own. You raised your eyebrows at the gesture and rolled his eyes playfully.

***

“Y/n!!” Sebastian grinned beside you as the two of you worked on ancient runes in the quiet library. “So, Sirius huh?” he said wriggling his eyebrows.

“Ahhhh…” you groaned as you face palmed. Sebastian chuckled.

“It’s okay… I’ll find a place to repair my broken heart!” he sniffed, wiping away a fake tear from his face.

“Awww” you gawked lovingly. “You’ll always be my favourite man!!” you said bumping your shoulder with his. He bumped yours in return. You giggled.

“What are you doing?” a voice came behind you.

You turned to see Sirius. His jaw was clenched and if looks could kill, Sebastian would be dead twice over.

“Studying. Runes.” Sebastian replied gesturing towards the books.

“We are done, actually. So Y/n,” he said turning towards you. “I’ll be taking my leave. Don’t forget the charms lesson tomorrow. Bub-Bye!”

“Sure. Bye.” You watched him as he packed his books to leave. Sirius was beside you fuming silently. You bit your cheeks to stop smiling. It was fun to see Sirius jealous. It was adorable, actually. It reminded you of an angry kitten.

After he left, you gestured Sirius to sit beside you. After all you still had work left. He sat beside you opening and closing his mouth frequently. You sighed.

“You could say what you want Sirius, it’s just me.” You said not looking at him.

He cleared his throat before speaking.

“I didn’t know Sebastian,” he spat his name, “and you were so close”

You looked up at him. You were shocked to find vulnerability in his eyes.

“Sirius,” you started wanting to clear any confusion. “Sebastian is a friend. Only a friend. We tease each other for fun. There is nothing between us. Ever was or will be.”

Sirius looked at you as if trying to determine whether you were being honest. He took a deep breath.

“Yaa… I knew that” he said as if it didn’t matter reading the book in front of him.

“Of course not! You weren’t jealous at all” you said smirking making Sirius stutter yet again.

***

The party was in full swing. Everyone from different houses fifth year and above had come and were having fun of their lives. You wore a black dress that hugged your curves perfectly, hiding what you didn’t want to show displaying your best features. You had curled your hair and applied a bit of makeup too. Lily whistled as she saw you. As you both went down arm in arm you tried to spot your besties. To say Sirius way surprised would be an understatement. His mouth legit dropped when he saw you.

Remus nudged him saying, “Close it, or a fly would enter in”

He stumbled and stuttered, gulping before finally saying, “You look gorgeous”

“Thank you, you don’t look bad either.” You said smiling.

You spent the rest of the evening dancing with Sirius. Man! Did he know how to move! Placing his hands over your hips, your arms around your neck; you swayed to the beats of music. You were hyperaware of the places he was touching you. Your body bloomed with heat and your heart never calmed down. Sirius gazed at you as if you were the only person in the whole wide world. He felt the same.

You were broken out of your trance, as someone spilled something over you. Shit! Your skirt was soaked.

“Fuck- why don’t you clean this up while I wait for you?” Sirius asked solemnly.

You nodded as you went to your dorm muttering some cleaning and drying spells. Once satisfied you went down looking for Sirius.

You gasped as you saw him. He was kissing Marlene. Tears prickled your eyes as your whole body turned rigid. Of-course it was a game to him. Your head felt like it would burst. You turned and ran into your dorm bathroom. No reason for anyone to see you like this. You put a hand over your mouth trying to muffle your screams. You plopped on the cold tiles as you sobbed uncontrollably, your body shaking. It hurt. It hurt so damn much. Sirius never loved you, he never could, he never would. Those jealous girls from the bathroom were right, you were nothing more than a new conquest. You heard knocking outside your door.

“Y/n!! open up, let me explain.” Sirius shouted.

You tried to breathe, but couldn’t do anything except whimpering a bit more.

“NO!” you screamed.

“Y/n, please!” Sirius pleaded.

“Why are you even here? You broke my heart, made a fool out of me; what more do you want? You knew I loved you still you played this bloody game with me!” You shouted.

“Y/n, after all this time, you still don’t know I love you?” Sirius said sucking a breath.

That cleared your mind. He loved you-?

“What?” you croaked.

“Bloody hell Y/n! I am head over heals in love with you, can’t you see? Please, please open up!” he begged.

You wiped your tears and slowly opened the door. Sirius looked at you and cupped your face. He took you to your bed making you sit down.

“Marlene was drunk. I went to take some butterbeer for ourselves and she came out of nowhere and kissed me. I pushed her away as soon as I could grasp what was happening.” He gulped. “I love you. Have for a while now. Even when I didn’t know it. Loving you is like breathing, comes to me naturally and I couldn’t live without it.”

“I love you Sirius,” you said softly looking at him. You were entranced. You both were. Neither of you breaking the long stare. The feelings so long hidden bursting around you. Sirius leaned in. He kissed your forehead. Then your nose. He started peppering kisses along your cheeks, chin and jaw. His hands held you close as your heart pounded violently. He pulled away, cupping your face. He moved closer brushing his lips against yours. There was something about you that made him feel like an inexperienced nervous child dealing with his first relationship. You pressed your lips firmly against him, finally kissing him. He kissed back, fervently as if the moment would break soon and he would have to go back to the unwanted reality. You dragged your tongue against his bottom lip as he moaned and let you in. It felt like a high you never experienced. The two of you kissed passionately, neither wanting to stop. Sirius pulled away as you both heaved breathing.

“Sirius,” you said holding his hand. “Never leave me.”

“Not in a million lifetimes.” He promised.

#sirius #sirius black #sirius x reader #sirius imagine #marauders imagine #marauders x reader #harry potter imagine #harry potter #desidereta #my work #Anu writes

[punkscowardschampions]

Gen 4 Ideas

Junie B Jones: Alright so golden boy lucked out in all the ways the others didn't, is he a dick with it or a good egg? Embert: In my head, he's always been not a dick about it but obviously in relating to his sibs/fam, there's only so much he could do when Indie's resentment is already real so maybe her kids wouldn't fuck with him by the side of the story they've been told? Junie B Jones: ooh that's a good idea Embert: Astrid would've been mad as a kid but now they could be pretty close, obvs there's still the age gap and obvious reasons why not besties but I think they'd get on Junie B Jones: Yeah I vibe that she'd love him and like wanna look after him even though it'd lowkey be him looking after her more Embert: Exactly Embert: his mum, in my head is about early- mid 30s to Drew's 47 when he's born, as you say not much older than Indie but not like a bimbo 20 something and she's always been really mothering, like everything Ro ain't tbh so Callum is probably spoilt by her but not in a financial way like some but with love Junie B Jones: Indie would not fuck with her obvs but Astrid would so that adds to their closeness Embert: Exactly, like its too late for Indie literally she's having her own kids at the same time so she doesn't need a mum now and I reckon the woman would respect that, she's a good egg, like she knows Drew has been shit and ain't gonna make apologies for it, ahem, Ro, ahem Junie B Jones: I like the sound of her tbh soz we killing your son Embert: Maybe she should have kids from a previous? Because if he's her only son like I'm so sorry lol Junie B Jones: Yasss I love that because more interactions we can do Junie B Jones: [potentially one of Indie's sons get with I assume they are straight? Callum's half sisters even if it's not like a lasting ship should defs happen] Embert: Perhaps this mum goes for like bad eggs so this sister was old enough to remember like however many partners before Drew so then when she gets with him and he's clearly him she's like nah and makes his life difficult 'cos don't wanna do it again Embert: [If she's 5/6 when Callum that makes her 7/8 years older than Dash] Junie B Jones: [early 20s sudden death situ] Junie B Jones: he should have a boyfriend/girlfriend whatever when he dies who's also lowkey part of the fam cos then it's awks like do I stay or go Embert: ooh that's a good idea Embert: he's probably straight but maybe we could do bi so he's a less annoying example of a gay than most we've done whoops Junie B Jones: a mood Embert: so a girlfriend who is really close to his fam Junie B Jones: and really pretty damn Embert: he probably has a job I think, I can't see him being super academic Embert: maybe something like an estate agent or in a bank, a job where you show up and wear a suit Junie B Jones: his girlfriend could work there too cos that couple Junie B Jones: so when he dies she's not gonna wanna go back there either Embert: what fun Embert: but real Embert: they're just pretty and living their best life but in a chill way Junie B Jones: we all know the vibe Embert: Cosmo, same age as Callum, Indie's 1st Embert: so in my head the dad always plays football with them both and without intending to be pushy, does push him into that field, clearly Dash weren't as good/arsed whatever so it kinda all ends up on him because say he does get into an academy/on a junior team Embert: so then that becomes his life, training and matches and all that intenseness that comes with Embert: not to mention lad lifestyle, getting with WAG type girls, always going out partying, you know the vibe Junie B Jones: whereas Dash be like nah this ain't fun anymore I'm out Junie B Jones: cos I don't think he sticks with anything Embert: what if, their dad gets injured Embert: or tbh, is too lowkey old 'cos they put them out to pasture real quick Embert: I think by the time they're 19/17 when we start it, he'd already be too old to be a professional himself, so he could be a coach, hence he'd be even more pushy 'cos he could be on a professional team by now, they're ridiculously young like Junie B Jones: yeah it's usually like 30s at the latest isn't it unless you're like famous af which we ain't going that hard Embert: exactly, so without intending to its like, take on your dad's legacy Embert: 'cos in my mind he isn't naturally inclined to be like a ladladlad and is just doing it to be the full-package Junie B Jones: poor boy, again we all know the vibe Embert: 21st bday breakdown Embert: I think the zoe kravitz girl should still exist in some way, obviously not the way before Embert: because she's so anti-wag and clearly what he's actually into Junie B Jones: we could stay that Dash fucked her and that's how they cross paths if we want Junie B Jones: but he's clearly not interested and they are into each other Embert: it has potential to be different from other ships we've done 'cos he'd be tryna keep her on the dl which is shady but not just being an out and out dick Embert: like, I like you but no one can know don't ask why Junie B Jones: I agree, it'd be really interesting Embert: 'cos from her POV, casual headfuck Embert: used to boys being like Dash and just being like bye but not like showing you they like you then blanking you Junie B Jones: exactly dr phil I'm invested already tbh Junie B Jones: I also imagine Dash hanging at the commune so there's potential for lots of different dynamics there and he could be there when the fire too if we want/need but obvs not hurt or anything Junie B Jones: I'm also lowkey debating having Jules from Euphoria as one of his many love interests cos like her face and we've never done trans but it'd be a good way without it being someone's whole identity Embert: OH Embert: this is a tangent based on that thought which I also feel btw Embert: but Astrid's face is like bffs with the Kat face from Euphoria irl, so I'm thinking what if that's her gf and she's the one with an eating disorder, bulimia vibes, and then 'cos Astrid is her she's like okay you must be right Imma support you in this and accidentally enables her/joins in too Junie B Jones: YAAS I WAS GONNA SAY I WANNA USE HER FACE TOO BECAUSE SHE'S BEAUTIFUL BUT I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE/HOW Junie B Jones: this makes so much sense Embert: exactly, with Ro as a mum she wouldn't even question it, like oh yeah I guess you are fat you probably should, even though she'd think she's so pretty and perfect Junie B Jones: Boo you are so smart Embert: also, when we killing Ro, by this point she's like 54 Embert: okay, so Ro is 34/35 when Astrid is born so if we kill her off when she's 9 that would make Ro 43, so 2044, so when we're doing Astrid's story at 19, its about 10 years ago Junie B Jones: I like that cos it's not raw for these characters Junie B Jones: we're actually gonna let you recover though ladies, fuck you ghost Ro Embert: Seriously, like I don't want it to be full-blown its more of a deep insecurity thing but one she can get past Junie B Jones: 100% feel that Junie B Jones: [so yeah like I said just gonna write this down so we don't forget the Jules girl lives at the commune and probably has done for quite a few years by the time the fire happens so then she's got nowhere to go and goes to stay with Dash cos step up for someone dickhead and they are either otp or brotp to be decided] Junie B Jones: because I think he wouldn't be as supportive as he should be to Cosmo's whole breakdown in the sort of ableist vein of oh well you overreacted Embert: it fits, 'cos in my head its a very Nick and Matty vibe where they don't acknowledge each other Embert: like the whole 'how is that your brother' moment from his footie friends and being like yeah I know Junie B Jones: same tbh cos Dash's friends would be like damn your bro is uptight Embert: exactly so they aren't close anyway Junie B Jones: and never are [evil laugh] Embert: soz Indie Junie B Jones: not your fault babe they are just too different it happens Embert: although part of the breakdown is obvious resentment that he's just allowed to be a fuckup and he feels like he has to do all this shit and be perfect so Embert: that kinda does need to be acknowledged if we're going recovery Junie B Jones: family therapy time Embert: 'cos like if Dash just continues to be him and shit it'll come to brawl even if he has to stop being this footballer moment and do what he wants, its still about how its all come down on him, you know Junie B Jones: they totally should have a fight cos what a moment Embert: yeah, like it either fixes or breaks totally, I don't think they can just be meh Junie B Jones: agreed Junie B Jones: maybe we could do like a Joe mood of him distancing himself from the whole fam but then ultimately a more healthy resolution for everyone Embert: We could work that Junie B Jones: and obvs him ultimately getting with his gf and figuring out what he wants to do with his life and all that jazz Embert: exactly dr phil Junie B Jones: and Dash can work out what he cares about whatever the hell that turns out to be Embert: Jac is born 48, (year after Callum and Cosmo and same year as Ollie's girl, Mila) Jude is 49, as is Lily's 1st boy Adi and dash, Jameson is 51, same year as Lily's girl Priya, a year after Ollie's boy Ash, Iggy's 1st Arlo, Diego's kid Tayo and Bobby's teen pregnancy girl Cammie Embert: My characters, Callum, Cosmo, Mila, Jac, Adi, Jameson Embert: My boos, Dash, Jude, Priya, Ash, Arlo, Tayo & Cammie Embert: Potentials, Jac, Jameson and Cammie, would've been raised together, essentially Embert: Jimmy is a photographer for advertising, Bobby a graphic designer for same and Janis as a massage therapist moment Embert: Cammie has 2 younger brothers born 60 and 62 so they exist but we aren't playing Junie B Jones: lots of dogs please Embert: all the dogs lmao Embert: so my initial vibe for Jac is that she's like JJ in the sense she's quite grumpy and anti-social 'cos it suits her face but also with a more shy but not shy if you know what I mean vibe, 'cos they're both quite self-assured and I don't see that for her, I potentially see Jude having that element though? Junie B Jones: I agree, like I don't wanna shamelessly Miley but I defs see her as being that self assured kid Embert: the most out of anyway Embert: Jameson should be their nerdy side because the Cammie face has a very Cara silly side when you peep her socials so that could be those two Junie B Jones: Cute cos he looks like such a bad boy but he's actually a babe Embert: I know we said this for Adonis so either need to change it to him or not go as hard but what if he gets a gf that's like really jealous and doesn't let him hang with Cammie 'cos she's a girl even though they're like siblings and have been besties long before you came Embert: and like she could try and change his personality like be really unimpressed and like 'you're embarrassing me' if he tries to be a cute nerd Junie B Jones: I love that because always such a thing like boys and girls can't be friends like bitch we're related calm down we're not incesting again Junie B Jones: like she thought he was such a badass or whatever soz hun Embert: yeah like the mood of, you're fit so i'll just make you what I want you to be Embert: and she could be a real cunt to Cammie in sly bitchy ways 'cos clearly the mood and that's a throwback to how Mia and co treated Janis without us like putting this fam through too much trauma, you know? Embert: esp if Cammie is less like Janis and Cass in a way she's not like, fuck you, I'll just deck you Junie B Jones: I fuck with this heavily Embert: and obviously, it can be resolved in the end, he can get rid and they can be friends again, so I feel its a good level of angst and drama for them both, 'cos it is serious but not like, well there's nothing to be done, vibes Junie B Jones: and we can potentially ramp up the angst when things are at their worst cos maybe Cammie's mum gets a new job and she's like come live with me in wherever (not far but like far enough she would've been like no cos close to them all and not wanting to change schools) but she's like maybe I shall but then of course won't cos it's like the peppa pig when her mum don't get the job and gets mugged off Junie B Jones: but they all think she's going and it's like noooo Embert: are Bobby and this mum still together, like is she the boys mum too? Embert: but yes, I fuck with that Junie B Jones: In my head they would've been together for ages so it depends how far back we go into their childhood/teens but maybe she isn't the mum to the boys Embert: Okay just so we know Junie B Jones: but they always on good terms we don't need that drama again Embert: yeah I feel you, and she's chill with the boys mum, 'cos she's only 10 when the first one is born so she's been around since then? Junie B Jones: Yeah exactly Junie B Jones: We can potentially give her more younger sibs on the mums side if we want but they'd also only be ref-ed Embert: defs plausible Junie B Jones: Like let's say they broke up when Cammie's like 7 so it's all chill on both sides Embert: I vibe Junie B Jones: she could totally spend half the week at her mum's house and half at her dad's but same school cos nearby so again no drama Embert: that makes sense like its all in the area 'til she wanna pull a suzy sheep Junie B Jones: hahaha yeah Embert: so that's a start for those two Junie B Jones: I really like that Junie B Jones: it's just what we wanna do with the girls Embert: I was thinking Embert: and I'm just speaking it out now Embert: we've done people being shunned out of their friendship group/being the bullied Embert: but what if we do someone being the sort of ringleader of the shunning Embert: I'm vibing like you know that story we listened to/all teen girl murder stories, like Jac has a friend that she's really too close with (Grace and Mia vibes) and we show them like ditching a third Embert: maybe something happens, not murder but like you know, an action serious enough that she's like I need to sort my shit/we can redeem in the end Embert: but she's the Mia, not the Grace, you feel me, like its her pushing it Junie B Jones: Oh snap I never even thought of that but we haven't actually that's such a good point even if Janis would be so triggered by the ghost of Mia lol Junie B Jones: Like yeah there could totally be some kind of accident like how baby Ali and Ro but she's not a child Junie B Jones: I also like it cos Jude is the louder one so you'd think it'd be her but it's the quiet ones you've gotta watch Junie B Jones: and it's a nice contrast to how Cammie and Jameson are literally being bullied so Junie B Jones: maybe we should have jude as like more of a background character then? cos don't want too much drama in one fam unless it's as big as Cali's Embert: Yeah she can be more chill, like a Tommy vibe, like we use her but only when we need lowkey Junie B Jones: Yeah like obvs I'll still try and flesh her out into a character and who knows what could happen like we could think of a cool ship or whatever but Junie B Jones: it makes sense as of now Embert: agreed Embert: like obvs this twosome vibe has a lesbian one 'cos always do but I maintain she shouldn't ever like get with her it should just be friends that are too obsessed with each other, regardless of what's behind it Embert: like maybe the other girl is closeted or whatever but it ain't happening lol Junie B Jones: I agree she gives me straight vibes Embert: plus it would be easy to make her gay 'cos everyone does ala Lily Junie B Jones: not doing it on principle Junie B Jones: they all seem straight to me in this group Embert: I think so Embert: 'cos like you said, you don't wanna make Miley Junie B Jones: it would be so easy to make her a musician but I must not Junie B Jones: I might make her a tattoo artist though professionally cos Ali and Iggy both dabbled but it was never a thing Embert: That's a good idea, she fits that well Embert: okay so my random idea, which we could attach to anyone really but let's see who we vibe Embert: we did a teacher crush, what if we did a crush on a friend's parent Embert: so Arlo having a crush on a commune mum and thinking he can go there 'cos why not and then the shitstorm that can ensue from that Junie B Jones: such a good idea Junie B Jones: like maybe his friend is a girl so peeps be like aw he likes you he's trying to get your mum on side Embert: yas again, always a thing like maybe he's just lowkey using you soz babe Junie B Jones: and maybe the friend actually fancies him secretly even though they 'just friends' so it's awks af Embert: yeah and if Barley's boyf is with this fam and they leave Embert: she could be the one (or one of the ones) like I said that wants to be normal and already hates living here so its like well you took the one thing Embert: 'cos we said dating within the commune for the kids wouldn't be encouraged obvs 'cos one big family, so the fact she was was already like no no missy Embert: then we said about her not acknowledging the other mum/the two kids that are from that woman as family and just generally fucking with your hippie paradise 'cos its coming to and end lads Junie B Jones: 10000% and she could still be sneaky seeing him long distance behind their backs/ get back with him after the fire when they have to leave themselves/both if long distance is too hard Embert: I vibe with this 'voice of reason' character for you Embert: like no wonder he fucked up you can't give us 'no rules' but then have all these unspoken ones that contradict how you wanna live like, loads of this hippie bullshit is so hypocritical read 'em tbh Junie B Jones: it makes sense cos Arlo as the oldest buys in totally and then the two kids she don't fuck with come after her in quick succession so it's logical Embert: exactly, and then Shea is her biological sister and the baby so she don't know nothing about nothing Junie B Jones: Okay so Echo is like a Naomi vibe v passionate and studious and does not fuck with commune life etc Junie B Jones: wants to be some kind of researcher/ lecturer kind of vibe in like philosophy but a nihilist not hippie bullshit Junie B Jones: Arlo and Dash should be friends I say even though I play them both but just acknowledged Embert: I thought the same Embert: Dash would probs encourage him with this crush lbr like thanks Junie B Jones: I was just gonna say that cos he's always getting with older girls and generally being a hoe Embert: Exactly Embert: right, so circling back a lil, we can do Cass' Embert: what do you reckon her relationship status is and her career Junie B Jones: her career should be like we said she's set up a charity organisation to look for missing people Junie B Jones: she should still be with her man cos everyone's breaking up looking at you bobert Junie B Jones: maybe their marriage is lowkey a bit dead though and its a stay together til the kids move out mood cos we've never Embert: I vibe, 'cos casually triggering Jimmy but not in an OTT way just like well that's sad Junie B Jones: yeah like neither of them would cheat or be violent or any of that Ian shit but they obvs not in love anymore Embert: its a good way to do it 'cos idc what you say the kids always know and obvs we're unlikely to ever do that in a ship 'cos if they make it to adulthood they're OTP and teens don't stick together just 'cos like lol Junie B Jones: exactly my thought and like she would wanna hold it together and think that she was doing it well cos of Ian like Embert: exactly like it is sad but when that's your standard you would think you were slaying it Embert: like the positive she can see with JJ she might just think that's one-off and she can't have that 'cos obvs around the time she has the boys, Bobby's first has fallen apart Junie B Jones: and because JJ are such a good couple you wouldn't wanna be like my relationship has failed bye Embert: samesies babe lol Junie B Jones: ooh and maybe they aren't married so if one of them leaves the other gets fuck all Embert: which assumedly, is her because as much as you do get salary for charity work, if its a smaller one, she wouldn't be bringing in the bulk so the mortgage could be in his name Embert: so she'd be in the position of moving out into a one bed flat, two if she was lucky so the boys could at least come see her, it happens that way a lot Junie B Jones: precisely what I was thinking Junie B Jones: it's sad but real Embert: idea though, although this is suddenly just becoming about Cass not her kids lmao, what if her lil boyfriend from back in the day was Tylers face and then they can reconnect later but its actually a positive and not drow Junie B Jones: He was and they should cos I'm screaming Embert: again, he can bring kids into the mix for faces and stories should we wanna Embert: but it'd be a nice way to take a situ that is sad and shit for her, and for her boys to see, and then have a happy but realistic ending like yeah you do need to leave your man but you can be happy and it'll be alright Junie B Jones: I love it Embert: Alex having anger issues like Cass did and also due to the home situ as mentioned, Max, as the older brother trying to hold it down in a very Jimothy way and not causing more trouble as he sees it Embert: Alex ending up in young offenders but actually turning it around/ending up okay too Junie B Jones: and there's potential for characters he could interact with when he's in there, before and after Junie B Jones: like remember on DG when Electra was in that gang and then the bitch came back around like Embert: yes I do FAT mood Embert: also Max should get help too 'cos it ain't just the one that causes trouble that needs it and its nice full circle for that fam to have that Embert: but my idea, could be related to Alex but I think is big enough we could give this to another character entirely Embert: you remember on this is england when combo turned it around and he saved lol and he was working with the young people and making a difference but then milky set his fam on him for what he did to him when he was a racist and was like you have to pay and he was like okay Embert: what if something like that happened like, Alex DID hurt someone, or like I said, another character did, and did do something bad Embert: but then turned it around but sometimes you do for yourself but you still have to pay and the person you wronged could call that at any moment and you just being good now isn't good enough for them Junie B Jones: OKAY YES because what if another character is doing that shit with Alex but don't get caught and so they carry on and escalate and yeah they do hurt someone and yeah it's like that Embert: what about Israel 'cos he's the same age Embert: and it can be another sins of the father moment, 'cos Pablo is a dick especially to women like he's 34 when he has his one child 'cos he's still being a fuckboy very Drew Embert: so he is not a good role model in anyway Junie B Jones: and like we said that'd make sense like if he started out stealing and shit because Pablo's debts and being bankrupt but he wants nice things like it all ties in he has his own motivations Embert: right, fully Embert: maybe he ends up doing something to a girl, like something Pablo would never but shows how your kids see you isn't how you see yourself if you often show a bad side of you to the world Embert: 'cos then the girls family/friends/boyfriend anything could come for him and its like, fair Junie B Jones: OMG THO that's so legit Embert: 'cos we said an assault moment 'cos that's something that's indefensible Embert: like stealing and drugs and what have you, its scummy but you see why, like we all get why Tess has to deal etc Junie B Jones: we have to Embert: so if we want a family death, that could be one, again, leaves you conflicted Embert: 'cos no one obvs wants him to die but then he did do a bad thing so you can't blame her family fully Junie B Jones: yeah instead of killing of fam in the fire we could kill him instead that's so much more interesting Embert: *** in said commune fire, Dash gets burnt, severely, face/neck area, and changes his life 'cos people change around you, you can't rely on your looks and you aren't gonna just sit around and get stoned when you nearly die, Jules can and will still fuck with him Embert: Zelda having Crohns or UC and having a stoma and meeting someone brotp or otp at a support group/hospital moment, dealing with people being shady/saying you aren't disabled etc all those fun times and then the person dying and losing that understanding you only get from someone who also has the thing you have Embert: ALSO I've had another idea whilst we're just spitballing Junie B Jones: Me too because we mentioned Tayo and like yeah I've said about K-stew being a carer to her mum but we could do some of that too in a different way like maybe unlike her he really doesn't wanna be/is scared of having to cope alone with his mum's fits and shit like Embert: I'm so about that Embert: 'cos so many kids have to and its really hard and thankless, so he 100% needs a confidant whether its within the fam or a friend or OTP moment Junie B Jones: like maybe he doesn't ever wanna be alone with her now in case and it's like putting a strain on their whole relationship obvs Embert: 'cos Diego has his own things like he gotta work etc he's not like a replacement carer Junie B Jones: yeah like he'd do a lot of course but he also works a lot Embert: so Adi because his mum also has a disability like it isn't the same but he'd get it enough to not be totally clueless and annoying Junie B Jones: yeah and they can have fun together it'd be cute Embert: Wid it Embert: so my idea, completely unrelated but I was thinking we need to give someone an addiction issue but someone who gets over it and is within the fam 'cos like Joe and Ronnie do but you know they're still like, fucked and not here lowkey so Embert: I was like hmm who can I and then I was like, it NEEDS to be a ruster child Embert: because its canon that Fraze drinks too much and doesn't address it and Buster is v similar Embert: so yeah genetic and also if it was drink, they'd not take it serious just like oh slow down a bit but you're fine but then it affects the kid in the ways it didn't affect them like not functioning and not going to work etc so they have to take it serious Embert: also think it should be one of the girls 'cos double standard of being like a lad Embert: is going to be Sekhmet, okay Junie B Jones: because the twins and their younger sister could all be lowkey party girls because rich so they'd all have to deal with the change in their social lives and behaviour Junie B Jones: since she'd need to not drink ever again let's assume Junie B Jones: we know the whole fam is about that party and entertaining life Embert: exactly so like, they're all gonna be put out like really, just don't go as hard and ruin it for yourself and us Embert: hence it can get to a problematic stage like they just think she's being a typical teen/20-something 'cos it is socially acceptable to binge and be a mess like ok Embert: my vibe is she's in uni but also has an internship that she royally fucks up 'cos she can't get in on time and then maybe there's like a work dinner like on can't cope won't cope and she is wrecked and embarrasses herself and the boss is like goodbye 'cos no one fails in this fam its not an option and if you do its all on you so Junie B Jones: and maybe one of her sister's is a DJ cos literally a lifestyle and they'll have to be like excuse me while I go straight edge to support my sister Embert: I can see that for her twin Embert: my idea for her is fashion but actually designing and buying and the business side of it, not like, imma just model 'cos I'm pretty, no shade Junie B Jones: Yeah the aesthetic feels real for both of those tbh Junie B Jones: Their sister is a holiday rep so loads of travel loads of club promo etc Embert: Jay is a PT, mommy issues for commitment etc, travels a lot, ultimately will get over commitment phobia; is 6 when Chloe admits Buster is her dad (as Ruster was outed around the time she was born, Chloe denied it and went with James, James goes uni and finds someone else so that being over etc can prompt her to change her mind) and allows access, at 11, moves in with Ruster for good (Chloe has new man and babies what have you so allows it without argument which also fucks her up duh) Saint is 8, King is 6, Venus is 5, Adonis is 4, the twins are 2 and Nefertari is 1 Embert: so when all the Venus drama is unfolding, surprise you have a child too Buster lol, Saint is 3, King is 1, Venus is baby Embert: so Saint Embert: firstborn son, their first child too which is relevant 'cos both Jay and Venus would get doubly spoiled either side of him for not being Embert: so then he'd probably get spoiled too 'cos just a mess of a time really Embert: like he can't not be a bit of a prick really 'cos he can do no wrong and no offense to the other two boys but he's the most masc and conventionally 'perfect' so that's obvs going to your head too Embert: okay so mood, Leilani is 15 when her mum (works with Grace, close) dies in 2053 and Grace, 30, takes her in so she doesn't have to do a care moment or be homeless and struggling alone Embert: is friends with Stevie from joining this fam, can also know Janis' kids before this even but is 6/7/8 years older than them so knows them more in a protective capacity than a friend vibe Embert: comes in Saint who is 3 years older, thinks he's god's gift, tries to sleep with her just 'cos lbr and when he gets a no his world is shooketh 'cos no one tells him no for all the reasons Embert: can end up friends when he's humbled etc Junie B Jones: oh but maybe King is little and really fierce like 🥊 Junie B Jones: don't be underestimating him so hard dickheads Junie B Jones: he should be the angry one lol Embert: you would be if people treated you like that so I buy it Junie B Jones: all of y'all stop being extra and let him live Embert: and no one takes your anger seriously if you can't do anything about it so again, real Junie B Jones: so rude Embert: Next up is Venus good lord Junie B Jones: we know what the story is, her dad only cares when she's little and cute and lives in Paris anyway pretending he's still in his 20s forever instead of a grown ass man Junie B Jones: would obvs be proud when she's gay though even though can't relate to anything about the female form cos that kind of gay Junie B Jones: like Saint she thinks she's gods gift but unlike him how are we backing that up hun cos unlike him you aren't talented at anything you're just pretentious Junie B Jones: like okay you're beautiful but JESUS you know it and can't take any criticism again like Saint but you're never getting humbled Junie B Jones: instead you're getting a gf who looks like you and probably a fine arts degree pop off sis Junie B Jones: only wanna be part of the fam when it suits you which is when you're getting spoilt Embert: but I think we don't have to redeem her 'cos like, its not a fixable situ so you just get to be a shit person 'cos you got fucked over and that is everyone's bad Embert: like they can't take it back, even though you could also blame your father 'cos he's more at fault than anyone else 'cos he should've never but you do you girl Junie B Jones: yeah and not everyone gets redeemed even when they can be so it's real Embert: that said, I think she should have a teen gf that looks like her as we said but then she realizes she can't hack any situ where she potentially might not be the 'prettiest' so she then only dates butches Embert: or androgenous artsy types but no femmes Junie B Jones: I feel that for her Embert: like she literally should be in love with this girl as much as she's capable but dump her 'cos clearly your insecurities are so deep-rooted Embert: then just be with people you lowkey don't even fancy Embert: 'cos then we could play that out, the girl just like what the fuck Junie B Jones: oh honey Embert: we all know hoes that sabotage themselves always and then blame the world Embert: which starts by picking to be on her dad's 'side' even though everyone can see he's most at fault, even you Junie B Jones: bitch #past me I am triggered by this Embert: like a lot of her stuff I feel like we just know at this point so it might not be all here 'cos its well developed within gen 3 Embert: we know that her and Jay just would not get on, mainly 'cos they aren't alike but do you wanna come at it from her POV and then I will Venus' Junie B Jones: I think the way she sees it is like she is so team ruster like she'd refer to Rio as her mum and shit cos Chloe is not the one and so she would not fuck with how Venus treats the fam and doesn't wanna be part of it but is still happy to benefit from it Junie B Jones: And how quick she is to call peeps racist or fatphobic or whatever else would not ever help the situ of course like bitch I'm trying to talk to you Junie B Jones: But also there's some similarities whether they acknowledge them or not in them both not being able to hack relationships that makes it interesting as another reason to avoid talking to/ acknowledging each other seriously Junie B Jones: like she'd so pretend Chloe doesn't exist if someone mentioned her mum she'd be all oh you mean Rio lol lol lol Embert: 100000% all of that Embert: also another reason you cannot fuck with each other, casually never shutting up about your dad Embert: okay, so from her POV I vibe it that as a kid she literally just wanted all the attention and 'til the twins which is when she's 3 so (literally so petty you can't remember) its like I should've been the only girl and you came and took my attention lmao Junie B Jones: Oh god she'd be such an annoying child though Embert: then as they get older and she doesn't want to be part of the fam she'd think its unfair (as if Jay can help it lol) that Jay is obviously not Rio's 'cos she's white whereas she fits Embert: its the anti-Edie of it all Embert: like I fit and I wish I didn't Embert: basically she doesn't wanna be here but she's not a runaway type or willing to not live lavish so she ain't leaving Embert: she needs her dad to take her in but he's said no so like, you'll have to make it happen yourself but how Junie B Jones: sad but true Embert: and you can only feel so bad 'cos she whines like she's dying in all situations but like Embert: it ain't that bad and there's plenty you could do about your situation so Junie B Jones: Grace of this gen I've said it before baby Embert: oh honey Embert: makes you barren to humble is not an option 'cos you wouldn't want kids Embert: the tea of it all like you wanna live like your dad but he had a kid and shouldn't be so pick a better role model tah Junie B Jones: literally this fam is so big you're surrounded by potential worthwhile role models girl Embert: honestly she'll never be satisfied she's that hoe in a very Ro way like my god do something about it but she won't Embert: casually making it your life's work to make everything harder than it needs to just be miserable because something happened to you when you were a baby (again, so Ro) that you couldn't control Junie B Jones: all y'all frustrate me like I wasn't that bitch #tea Embert: loads of peeps are never happy though or are but then lose it so or fuck it up, we gave Ro a kid as a chance and I think Venus should actually love this girl/ she should be good for her in a way that makes her feel #seen hence she has to end it too Junie B Jones: agreed and she never gets her back because sometimes you don't and you can't Embert: mhmm mhmm mhmm Embert: I don't think we need to go as in-depth on any of the other sibs, like Saint would probably tolerate her the best, as mentioned she'd patronize King 'cos just that bitch without it being intentional 'cos self-absorbed, Adonis would do his best to ignore her and she wouldn't fuck with any of the girls 'cos she can't with girls so Junie B Jones: agreed on the legitness of all that Junie B Jones: Oh maybe Xander could be a hypochondriac because his sister is actually ill all the time like remember on skins when Liv thought she was dying Junie B Jones: obvious idea but I'm drawing a blank otherwise like Junie B Jones: also have we ever done online dating? Junie B Jones: because my thought is maybe he's lowkey catfishing someone pretending to be like a badass when obvs not Junie B Jones: like maybe he catfishes loads of peeps as if it's a hobby Junie B Jones: but then someone could find him out Embert: that's a really good idea 'cos we haven't Junie B Jones: like potential for otp/brotp to come from that even in a slow burn way Junie B Jones: if they end up liking who he actually is or whatever Junie B Jones: despite everything that's happened Junie B Jones: oh snap what if he's using pics of one of the other boy characters and whoever he's catfishing finds that person's socials or whatever and are talking to them thinking they are a thing and the person be like um Embert: omg yes Junie B Jones: Jameson was my immediate thought cos badass look and you play him but could be Ollie's boy cos also or whoever else Junie B Jones: cos they don't need to be a you character necessarily could just refer like Embert: that ties in well though 'cos his jealous girlfriend Embert: make it a huge thing so then Xander kinda has to shame himself like that was me 'cos feels bad that he's now getting accused of cheating even though it'd be a blessing to be out of that relationship Junie B Jones: ooh true that'd be good Embert: and the other person/the catfished could have like found his socials and seen he was in a relationship/know 'cos his highkey gf and be like calling him out so less embarrassing on their end 'cos bad enough they're being catfished as is Junie B Jones: that's a really good idea Junie B Jones: even with the age gap between Xander and him I still think we can make it work cos adds to the catfish of it all Junie B Jones: even if we can't then get him with the catfished person we can always do that he's himself online in the future and blah Embert: yah Embert: wid it Embert: so Stevie Embert: Billie is 17 when she has you with another male model in NYC, you live your life with Nancy too so factor that in Embert: moving back to Dublin when you're 10 and like, maybe the dad and her have phonecalls but like, he doesn't make an appropriate amount of effort like Junie B Jones: visit her you dick Embert: and we've said that Billie as a mum is like not the best 'cos Edie only died like 3 years ago when this and she left 'cos not coping so its not like NYC fixed her or anything Embert: she'd take care of her but she'd be distant 'cos giving a shit too much fucked her up so Junie B Jones: sad but true soz Stevie babe Embert: we also said before she'd like take her to work and shenanigans that someone like Venus would think is so cool but she does not 'cos it would actually be so boring if that was your life and you had to Junie B Jones: and on any shoot there's so much sitting around even if you're the person doing it never mind for her Embert: exactly, like in my head they make a ThingTM of them being like a model couple with a model ass child but as soon as she's old enough to have say she's like well I don't wanna do it thanks Junie B Jones: a mood Embert: so my vibe when they go back to Dublin is Billie has to face up to what she's not for the last what, 13 years Embert: so she'd lowkey be a bit of a wreck no offense so I feel like someone else needs to take care of her but I'm like Embert: do we make Nancy come back for a bit like the #lifepartner she is or do we say someone else does lol Junie B Jones: we could because it'd be less traumatic for Stevie or we could make someone in the fam and make it more awks for her Embert: I don't know which way I prefer it lol, also from a Nancy POV Embert: like should you come back or are you good you know Embert: hmm Junie B Jones: yeah I'm not sure what I fuck with more, who would be able to if not her cos that might help us decide Embert: so it would be 48, let us see Embert: Ruster have all their kids, including Jay Embert: hokay so Embert: maybe we bring Nancy back but she's like ehh about it like obviously she can work from wherever anyway but she's dedicating to some time she can't really travel whilst Billie sorts herself so she could be talking to Junie about it 'cos can vent without sounding like a bitch and he's like I'll come help and then she can help him get back in touch with the family properly 'cos low-key avoiding everyone else still and Venus is the same age as Stevie so if this is happening when she's like 10, Junior could actually talk to her and explain what happened from his perspective and answer questions best he can Embert: and like she can pretend it never happened when she's older but it did, like not saying it has to be good enough for you but he did try Junie B Jones: that makes my heart happy cos he's so young still don't be in exile forever boy Embert: and like Nancy can spend the time with all the Ruster kids too and reconnect more herself Embert: like they can both go back 'cos Billie won't be like totally incapable forever but they can both put in the time and feel better about it Junie B Jones: Okay so then she's like 12 ish and back with her mum and shit is better but obvs her dad is still not showing up ever Embert: and you have an accent and a 'famous' (ish) mum and you've been in shoots with her and you're pretty and so to me a vibe of like, this is too much attention and I'm not about it seems real Embert: not even necessarily shy just like, everyone likes me for the wrong reasons vibe and I don't fuck with it Junie B Jones: that's very real Junie B Jones: so if we did do the opposite of Jay and Venus and like I gotta find someone to like me for the right reasons and give it my all I think that would make sense Embert: I see it Embert: and she isn't like woe is me about it 'cos that would be unbearable but she's also not faking it like I'M LOVING LIFE and bad shit has happened so Junie B Jones: Yeah exactly Junie B Jones: and like nobody could blame her for being 'too much' with said person if her mum and dad are both distant Embert: exactly and she'd probably need to have a fair few failed relationships 'cos people aren't about that for loads of reasons like you're too full on too quick, or people would be about that for the wrong, i.e. they sense it and use it against you so then you have to leave which she'd be bad at doing so, in that case, she should have a boyfriend/girlfriend who is equally fucked but in different ways and its just a disaster 'cos she won't be the one to end it Junie B Jones: I feel that, there's loads of potential for doomed relationships there Embert: like, it doesn't even have to be like they're abusive levels of bad, its just it doesn't work and they treat her like crap in a like, do something about it way and then she don't and they're like...why, lowkey what's wrong with you Embert: like it could end up being right but not through the relationship but just by being like, you gotta work on that Junie B Jones: 100% Embert: much like how Grace was with boys like lowkey just love me and I'll deal with whatever tbh Junie B Jones: maybe there's someone on the sidelines watching this like I wish you'd sort your shit cos ILY but we can't be a thingTM Embert: I'd vibe Junie B Jones: idk who or why but like who doesn't love pining from afar while someone fucks their life up Embert: so helpful whoever you are godbless Junie B Jones: honestly Junie B Jones: and they should get together like this man thinking he's gonna fix her and it's like guess what twat you can't Embert: and it takes someone actually wanting you and wanting to to be like hmm, I gotta fix myself 'cos this ain't it Junie B Jones: mhmmmm Embert: I think we can start Junie B Jones: we did it boo *Echo abortion storyline

[elesheva]

A lot of this year is gone already, tucked away in the vault where I keep things I’m not ready to think about, but here’s what I remember about a few of the books I read this year.

The Nest, Cynthia D'Aprix Sweeney

This was the part she hated, the part of a relationship that always nudged her to bail, the part where someone else’s misery or expectations or neediness crept into her carefully prescribed world. It was such a burden, other people’s lives.

I read this on a dock on Culebra at sunset, occasionally wrinkling my nose just to check that it was still a little sunburned or letting my foot bump into Lauren’s to check that she was still there. It’s not a good book, but it is a good book to read on vacation.

X, Sue Grafton

Memory is subject to a filtering process that we don’t always recognize and can’t always control. We remember what we can bear and we block what we cannot.

Hillary Clinton sort of gave me this book, so I read it immediately, and then three more Kinsey Millhone novels. It’s low stakes, which I liked. Sue Grafton should include more kissing in her books.

Homegoing, Yaa Gyasi

When he was younger, Yaw wondered why they did not preach that the people should avoid wrongdoing altogether. But the older he got, the better he understood. Forgiveness was an act done after the fact, a piece of the bad deed’s future. And if you point the people’s eye to the future, they might not see what is being done to hurt them in the present.

Oh, this was one breathless afternoon on a friend’s couch in Chicago while she cooked and listened to Two Dope Queens. It was the day before Barack Obama’s last public speech, and I could feel my heartbeat against the roof of my mouth. I needed a distraction, and I got one. What a sturdy example of story and form.

Another Country, James Baldwin

“On days like this,“ Cass said, suddenly, "I remember what it was like–I think I remember–to be young, very young.” She looked up at him. “When everything, touching and tasting–everything–was so new, and even suffering was wonderful because it was so complete.”

I read this for the entire month of August and finally finished it on the drive home from the airport after a beautiful little trip to Seneca Falls. “You look like you were just nearly hit by a truck,” Lauren said. James Baldwin had something that most of us just cannot reach, you know this, and holy shit did he use it well.

The Pleasure of My Company, Steve Martin

I’m smart enough to know that Elizabeth had no doubt seen dozens of men leap over curbs without her falling in love with the leaper, but I do believe this: When an endeavor is special in a person’s life, others discern it intuitively and appreciate it more, like the praise a child receives for a lumpy clay sculpture.

This was a birthday gift from Lily and the twin charm of Steve Martin and Lily made it the best book in the entire world. Read in one gulp on the drive up to Beacon in our little convertible.

The Likeness, Tana French

I wanted to tell her that being loved is a talent too, that it takes as much guts and as much work as loving.

I bought this after midnight at Kramer Books after a very, very long day involving a Lyft ride from the side of the New Jersey turnpike, a train we shouldn’t have made, and a secret birthday party in a house so fancy I refused to touch anything. I read it on the train ride home the next day, occasionally letting my foot bump into Lauren’s to check that she still loved me.  

I wish I could remember more about the reading of Swimming Studies, The Vermont Plays, The Maytrees, South of the Border, West of the Sun, All Grown Up, The Odd Woman and the City, Giovanni’s Room, The Rules Do Not Apply, Plum Bun, The Age of Grief, The Girls, Life’s Work, and Killer, but I only remember that they were very good. 

Honorable mentions also go to What Happened, which I read in the back of a car on the way to Chetek, Wisconsin and cried so hard that I can’t possibly give it a subjective review, and to the ten thousand drafts of the book the cutest girl in the world is writing, which will come out next year and which you should read.

#book chat

[irrationalityi]

A year in books, 2017

* Worth a read.

** I would evangelize for this volume, but like, gently.

*** Shook.

.  

Fiction

A History of Wolves, Emily Fridlund*

A King is Always Above The People, Daniel Alarcón

A Tale for the Time Being, Ruth Ozeki**

All the Light We Cannot See, Anthony Doerr*

An Artist of the Floating World, Kazuo Ishiguro**

An Unnecessary Woman, Rabih Alameddine*

Association of Small Bombs, Karan Mahajan*

Autumn, Ali Smith

Behold the Dreamers, Imbolo Mbue***

Do Not Say We Have Nothing, Madeleine Thien**

The Door, Magda Szabo*

Everyday is for the Thief, Teju Cole*

Everyone’s an Alien When Ur An Aliebn Too, Jonny Sun*

Everything Belongs to Us, Yoojin Grace Wuertz*

Everything I Never Told You, Celeste Ng

Exit West, Mohsin Hamid*

Fates and Furies, Lauren Groff***

Gilead, Marilynn Robinson

The Goldfinch, Donna Tartt*

Good Kings, Bad Kings, Susan Nussbaum**

The Group, Mary McCarthy*

Her Body and Other Parties, Carmen Maria Machado***

Home Fire, Kamila Shamsie**

Homegoing, Yaa Gyasi***

The Idiot, Elif Batuman*

La Rose, Louis Erdich**

Lincoln in the Bardo, George Saunders**

Little Fires Everywhere, Celeste Ng*

The Loved Ones, Sonya Chung**

The Lucky Ones, Julianne Pachico

Manhattan Beach, Jennifer Egan*

Marlena, Julie Buntin**

Miss Burma, Charmaine Craig

The Moor’s Account, Laila Lalami***

The Mothers, Brit Bennett*

Pachinko, Min Jin Lee***

The Paper Menagerie and Other Stories, Ken Liu***

Salt Houses, Hala Alyan*

Salvage the Bones, Jesmyn Ward**

Sing, Unburied, Sing, Jesmyn Ward***

The Sound of Things Falling, Juan Gabriel Vasquez

Swing Time, Zadie Smith*

The Sympathizer, Viet Thanh Nguyen*

Third Girl from the Left, Martha Southgate**

The Tsar of Love and Techno, Anthony Marra**

The Turner House, Angela Flournoy**

The Unit, Ninni Holmqvist**

The Vegetarian, Han Kang*

We Love You, Charlie Freeman, Kaitlyn Greenidge*

What It Means When A Man Falls From the Sky, Lesley Nneka Arimah***

What We Lose, Zinzi Clemmons*

.

Poetry

A Bestiary, Lily Hoang

.

Other nonfiction

$2 A Day, Kathryn J. Edin and H. Luke Shaefer**

Against Purity, Alexis Shotwell**

All the Single Ladies, Rebecca Traister**

Bad Feminist, Roxane Gay**

Between the World and Me, Ta-Nehisi Coates***

Brother, I Am Dying, Edwidge Danticat***

The Color of Law, Richard Rothstein**

Crazy Brave, Joy Harjo*

Evicted, Matthew Desmond***

The Fire Next Time, James Baldwin***

The Fire This Time, Jesmyn Ward (ed.)**

The Great Derangement, Amitav Ghosh

H is for Hawk, Helen MacDonald

The History of White People, Nell Irvin Painter**

Hope in the Dark, Rebecca Solnit**

Hunger, Roxane Gay***

The Internationalists, Oona A. Hathaway*

Kids These Days, Malcom Harris*

Lower Ed, Tressie McMillan Cottom***

Regarding the Pain of Others, Susan Sontag

The Return, Hisham Matar*

Too Much and Not the Mood, Durga Chew-Bose**

The Warmth of Other Suns, Isabel Wilkerson***

We Are Never Meeting in Real Life, Samantha Irby*

We Gon’ Be Alright, Jeff Chang*

We Should All be Feminists, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Weapons of Math Destruction, Cathy O’Neil*

#reading list

[surat-pendek]

Halo guys, gimana hari Seninnya? Menyenangkan atau bikin pengen cepet-cepet weekend lagi? Bandung sekarang selalu hujan, ini bahkan dari jam setengah 12 siang sampai sekarang masih awet aja. Hujan aja lebih awet dari hubungan kita. #eh

Saya mau cerita kalau kemaren saya habis menyelesaikan novel karya Colleen Hoover, judulnya It Ends With Us. Belakangan ini, saya lagi banyak baca novel, sehari bisa selesai satu kalau emang lagi luang waktunya. Maklum saya lagi mengejar target Goodreads Challenge 2017 buat membaca 100 novel. Sekarang baru sampai 88 novel jadi masih 12 lagi hehe. 

Novel karya Colleen Hoover ini adalah pemenang Goodreads Choice Awards 2016 untuk kategori Romance. Saya sendiri udah sering baca novel karya Colleen Hoover jadi langsung aja baca novel ini tanpa liat review di Goodreads. Biasanya saya kalau baca novel selalu liat-liat dulu reviewnya tapi entah kenapa kali ini enggak. Saya baca novel ini hanya butuh cukup 1 hari, dari Minggu pagi sampai Minggu siang. Endingnya sangat tidak ketebak buat saya (mungkin karena saya gak baca review dan sinopsis) bahkan bikin saya nangis. Walaupun endingnya tidak seperti yang saya harapkan tapi saya bisa mengerti kenapa berakhir seperti itu. 

Cerita ini memakai POV Lily, sang karakter utama perempuan. Karakter utamanya Ryle, laki-laki yang Lily temui di atap sebuah apartemen setelah Lily pulang dari pemakaman ayahnya. Yang membuat ceritanya bikin terenyuh itu adalah karena di awal cerita, kita dibuat jatuh cinta sama Ryle dan Lily. Lalu di tengah cerita sampai ke akhir, ada sisi dari Ryle yang sangat membuat tercengang sehingga perlahan rasa cinta yang ada di Lily dan saya (sebagai pembaca) berkurang. 

Jadi, Ryle itu abusive ke Lily seperti ayahnya Lily dulu ke ibunya Lily. Sifat Ryle ini baru terlihat setelah Lily dan Ryle menikah. Lily pun dilema, di satu sisi dia cinta sama Ryle, di sisi lain dia tidak mau disakiti terus menerus. Nanti di akhir cerita, Lily akan membuat keputusan mengenai dilema yang dia alami. Dan keputusan itu sedikit membuat saya gak menyangka dan patah hati. Tapi meskipun begitu, saya mengerti kenapa Lily membuat keputusan seperti itu.

Di bawah ini adalah cuplikan dari bab final, bagian favorit saya.  Kalau mau baca spoilernya, tanggung sendiri ya.

“...“Ryle,” I say gently. “What would you do? If one of these days, this little girl looked up at you and she said, ‘Daddy? My boyfriend hit me.’ What would you say to her, Ryle?”

He pulls Emerson to his chest and buries his face against the top of her blanket. “Stop, Lily,” he begs. I push myself up straighter on the bed. I place my hand on Emerson’s back and try to get Ryle to look me in the eyes. “What if she came to you and said, ‘Daddy? My husband pushed me down the stairs. He said it was an accident. What should I do?’ ” 

His shoulders begin to shake, and for the first time since the day I met him, he has tears. Real tears that rush down his cheeks as he holds his daughter tightly against him. I’m crying, too, but I keep going. For her sake.“What if . . .” My voice breaks. “What if she came to you and said, ‘My husband tried to rape me, Daddy. He held me down while I begged him to stop. But he swears he’ll never do it again. What should I do, Daddy?’ ”

He’s kissing her forehead, over and over, tears spilling down his face. “What would you say to her, Ryle? Tell me. I need to know what you would say to our daughter if the man she loves with all her heart ever hurts her.” 

A sob breaks from his chest. He leans toward me and wraps an arm around me. “I would beg her to leave him,” he says through his tears. His lips press desperately against my forehead and I can feel some of his tears as they fall onto my cheeks. He moves his mouth to my ear and cradles both of us against him. “I would tell her that she is worth so much more. And I would beg her not to go back, no matter how much he loves her. She’s worth so much more.”....”

Jadi, bisa ditebak kalau akhirnya Lily meminta untuk berpisah dari Ryle. Of course, Ryle tidak bisa menolak karena Ryle memang sebenarnya mencintai Lily tetapi dia tidak bisa untuk merubah temperamennya. Alasan Lily buat pisah juga demi anaknya agar bisa memiliki hubungan yang baik dengan ayahnya. Cerita ini mungkin bisa jadi pelajaran buat kita semua karena abusive relationship masih sering terjadi dimana-mana.

Sekian review dan curcol kali ini. Terima kasih sudah membaca yaa.

Cheers,

A.W. a.k.a yang punya @surat-pendek 

#personal #review novel #colleen hoover #it ends with us #novel

[itslenaluthorbitch]

2x19 thoughts

- so firstly I honestly feel so blessed with the amount of lena screen time like I thought she’d only be in one or two scenes but wow was I wrong. - also I kinda had a headcanon that lena went to mit and now that it’s confirmed it just makes me love her even more and wow she’s so smart I’m crying. - also like alex and her survival techniques were crazy man and all the sanvers, that was some good shit. - I also love that it seems like lena is so healthy and that kara eats kale just for her until she literally can’t anymore and saturday brunch, yaas. I really wished that we had seen more of their relationship as it progressed to this stage. - I honestly have so much hope in lena and I don’t think she will turn evil like she doesn’t even know rhea’s true intentions yet. - ok so this is such a major issue but like how can Lena not know that kara is supergirl but know that rhea is an alien?? I do kinda like that lena doesn’t know that kara is supergirl because then kara can be kara and know that she is enough, she is amazing without supergirl and like lena doesn’t just like her for being supergirl. like she knows that #karadanversmatters - the sanvers reaction to mon-el at the start and the end are literally what I love for, solid gold - rhea seems like she is going to become a morgause, but I know lena won’t turn evil, I have too much faith in her - while watching the episode and thinking about lena and rhea as a mother daughter relationship, I could literally imagine brenda strong being a bitch and fighting with teri hatcher and trying to prove that she is the true mother of lena and man I was legit dying I love the way she’s so proud to play katie’s mum - so this is totally off topic but I was watching this episode with my mum and she was looking at the met gala fashion and we were talking about lily collins when my mum was like ‘she has really nice eyebrows, right?’ and I was literally like, ‘who? lena?’ cause like she is legit the queen of eyebrows - so overall it was a pretty heavy and emotional episode so I’m really sad now cause of the sanvers and kara and maggie conflict - I don’t have some other thoughts but I can’t really remember them right now and can’t be bothered typing anymore, this post became longer than I anticipated. As usual, anything I have reblogged I pretty much agree with.

#supercorp #supergirl #karadanvermatters #sanvers #lena luthor #kara danvers #alex danvers #maggie sawyer #brenda strong #katie mcgrath #loved this episode

[andisambergs-archive]

🌹 & and I voted for dorkyjensen !

thank you so much love!!

url: sunflower | ((daisy)) | lily | orchid

icon: camellia | ((azalea)) | dahlia | heath

mobile theme: anemone | ((buttercup)) | gladiolus | amaryllis

posts: irises | ((peony)) | poppy | tulips

overall: ((foxgloves | snap))dragons | vervain | lilacs

following?: ((not yet bb but ily)) | +f | yes | youre my favorite flower 🌷

compliment/advice: you ship bellarkeeee yaas otp! but i like your posts theyre really pretty!! the color of your mobile theme is really pretty too i love light blues! advice wise id say tagging stuff?? thats a bout it though! thanks for voting babydoll❤

want one?

[belahalim-blog]

MY HAPPINESS DAY

Welcome 21 🙌🏻

New number, new journey 💃🏻

Astaga astagaaa astagaaaaa gak berasa bangett umur uda di kepala 2 ajaah :( uda sama banget nih sama nama bioskop di indo... Bener2 time flies too fassssttttttttttttttt banget, berasanya tuh kemaren baru beres sweet 17an ehh ini uda nongol aja kepala 2 dan satu buntut di belakang nya lagi... But it’s okay kokkk berati born to a new better person lagi dehh hahahahhaa..

So, hari ini gw mau sharing sedikit my super duper happiness day to all of you guys.. Let’s get started....

Jadi jadi jadi, kalo biasanya orang lain tuh mau ulang tahun selalu kasih kode kode cantik yang nandain dia mau ultah gituu, lain cerita nih sama gw hihihihihihiii, kalo gw gak ada tuh namanya KODE lagi tapi langsung ajaa bilang kalo tanggal 23 September gw ultah lohhhh hahahahahahahaaa, langsung sebutin mau nya diapain dikasih apaaaaa sjs dehh, upsss tapi yang ini becanda kokkkk gak pernah minta kado kokkk akuu..

Setiap gw ulang tahun di setiap tahun nya, pasti ada aja deh something something spesial yang baru yang beda setiap tahun nya...

Tahun ini, spesial banget.. Semalam sebelum gw ultah, gw berencana balik ke bogor bersama bapak satu ini, terharu sihh dia dari Jakarta terus ada kerjaan ke Sentul dan balik ke Jakarta buat jemput si incess ini pulangggg ke bogor lagi, padahal jarak si sentul dengan rumah dia ibarat tinggal nemplokin pantat aja nyampeeee tapi effort dia luarbiasaaa dan itu yang membuat aku merasa tersentuh dengan segala pengorbanan nya eaaaa hahahhahahahaa..

So, selama perjalanan ya gak ada bedanya sama hari2 biasa yaaa hahahhahaha and hari itu pun berakhir setelah aku sampai di rumahhh..

Mungkin ya memang tipe manusia satu ini gak ada so sweet kaya gulaku kayanyaaa.. Di jam 12.01 aja dia gak ada kedatangan ucapan happy birthday dari dia cobaaaa :( or give me something surprising gituu, dia malah molor hahahahhahaha but it’s okay karena i know dia tuh capek banget nyetir kesana kesini dari pagi sampe almost mid night :’(

*Next day*

Keesokan hari nyaa is MY DAY hihihihihihihihiii. it’s amazing banget sih bisa bangun jam set6 pagi yang which is itu jauh lebih pagi dibanding hari2 gw kerja bbiasanya yg baru bisa melek kalo ada lantunan suara dari si alarm ituu.. Bukan karena lagi ultah terus penasaran siapa ja yang ngucapin, bukan loh hahahhha tapi gatau kenapa yaa perut ini emang susah diajak kerjasama kalo lagi pengen istirahat gituu.. So akhirnya, karena si isi perut minta dibuang ke tempatnya mengharuskan gw beranjak dari tempat terindah ku yaitu kasur menuju lokasi tkp dan membuat saya gak bisa tidur lagi sampe pagi..

07.12 AM, munculah notification dari pangeran jamur ini yang menggreetings ku dan mengucapkan happy birthday dengan wishes yang super super itu... Bener2 happy sih, kenapa? Karena sempet terbesit kalo planning hari itu yang sudah dia buat bebrapa waktu lama nya itu mau dia ganti kebesokannya, padahal kan ultah nya hari ituu tengtonggggg, tapi pada akhirnya dia bisa bangun dari tidur cantik nya dan bersiap untuk berangkat...

Planning kita hari itu adalah Taman Safari Indonesia...... Kenapa ke taman safari?? Gatau sih kenapa ya ulang tahun malah kesana, kan padahal uda kesana setahun yang lalu waktu di hari jadian kita ituuu hahahahhaha.. Entahlah, mungkin dia mau membuat gw seneng karena waktu anniv 1 tahun kemaren gw sempet request mau ke sana tapi dia nya gamauuu :( atau ada mau buat suprise2 cantikkk gitu disanaaa hahahahahaha, itu sih perasaan aja gatau bener apa gak nya, dan gak sempet nanya juga karena terlalu excited kayanya mau ketemu penguin dan jerapah yuhuuuuuuu....

Karena hari itu, hari Sabtu dan rasa long weekend karena ada libur di hari Kamis dan Jumatnya banyak yang harpitnas menyebabkan puncak lumayan macet, tapi karena secara gituu ya gw kan anak baik hati disayang Tuhan, biarpun kena macet tapi dapet posisi pas saat one way atau buka tutup jalan ke arah naik ke puncak nyaa..

Sampe taman safari sekitar jam 10an kalo gak salah inget yaaa, dan suasana disana lumayan rame atau rame banget yaa karenaaa sepanjang jalan taman safari lumayan nyendet2 dan kasih makan hewan2nya juga lumayan rebutan per mobil nyaaaa hahahahhahaha untung hewan  nya banyak jadi masih kebagian deh feeding merekaa..

Agak kurang puas sih nonton show hewan nya karena akses ruang parkir yang terbatas di sana dan banyaknya mobil yang uda duluan nagkring disana jadilah kita gk dapet2 parkir sampe harus beberapa lap muter buat nyari parkir doang, dan ditambah bapak satu ini gamau jalan jauh2 karena takut encok kayanya, jadinya kalo dia parkir harus deh yang paling deket sama lokasi yang di inginkan ajahh.. jadi gak nonton show apa2 dehhh, cuma ngejengukin aja sodara2ku disanaaaaa...

FYI, hewan apa sih yang paling gw suka sampe gw seneng banget ke zoo?? Sebenernya, gw gasuka sama hewan sama sekali dan gw gak melihara pet dirumah, apalagi dengan yang namanya kucing, no way! agak geli aja kalo megang bulu2 mereka tapi kalo liat doang suka banget.. tapi ya waktu itu gw pernah punya binatang peliaharaan, kura2 tapi jelaslah gw cuma maunya doang yang ngurus yaa papa gw hahahhahhaha.. terus kenapa gw suka ke zoo? Ya karena itu, gw suka aja liat binatang tanpa harus memegang mereka yaaaa, kasih mereka makan, sejuk aja gitu hati hahahahhaa..

Terus hewan yang disuka kalo ke zoo apa? PENGUIN! Nomor satu deh kalo liat penguin, gemessssss bangettt dan kalo ini pengen banget melihara deh tapi gamau pegang tetep hahahhaha.. Next girrafe, suka aja liat kulitnya dia cantik bangetb motifnya dan unik aja liat hewan satu ini. Terus hipopotamus, gatau nih alasan kenapa suka banget sama hipo apalgi kalo dia lagi makan, mungkin gw berasa ngelliat hipo kok mirip gw yaaa badan nya gak berbentuk gitu dengan perutnya yang tuiiingggg melendung ahahhahhaa dan kalo ngeliat mereka lagi lehe2 berasanya nyaman banget hidup tanpa beban gituu.. Ada lagi dolphins dan monkey serta teman teman sebangsa dan sodara nya, ini juga gatau apa alasan nya, mungkin karena gw amaze karena kepintaran merekaa kali yaa, atau apa karena mereka lebih pinter dibanding gw kali yaaa hahahahhahahahaa.. Dan ada satu lagi yaitu PANDA, but but sedih bangett sampe sekarang belom muncul dan belom kesampean tuh liat si panda disini :(

Well, kurang lebih sampe jam 4an disana dan akhirnya kita memutuskan pulang ke bogor lagi karena dia juga uda capek gw ajak jalan kesana kesini sampe kaki nya merah dan  takut macett dan kena tutup jalan , tapi namanya hoki yaaa pas banget tuh jalanan turun ke bogor nya lagi di buka jadi lancar jaya deh sampe bogor dengan ditemani guyuran hujan nya hahahhaha...

*******

Menurut gw, tahun itu gw sadar, kalau ulang tahun itu bukan hanya melulu soal kue, lilin, balon, pesta, ataupun kado ajah, melainkan how you spend your special day with someone you loved and love you. Kalo pun ada, itu dijadikan sebagai bingkisan tambahan di umur yang baru ini..

Ulang tahun kali ini, gw sama sekali gak dapet kue, lili, balon, pesta meriah atau surprise yang mengejutkan tapi hari itu gw mendapatkan waktu spesial yang menurut gw itu sangat precious banget bisa quality time bareng dia, dengan segala effort yang dia uda kasih ditengah kelelahan nya dia dan segala urusan kerjaan nya yang bikin kepala pusing di waktu weekend dia..

Semakin bertambah nya umur dan perubahan fisik yang terjadi, disitu kita bakal ngerasa quality time sama orang - orang yang kita sayang itu bener - bener berharga dan gak akan bisa diulang lagi kaya kaset dvd...

Dan kado, menurut gw kado itu adalah hadiah tambahan yang gak perlu di liat dari harga nya tapi yang harus kita hargai, karena di balik kado iitu ada usaha hebat berpikir muter otak dan arti penting kado tersebut...

Di setiap ulang tahun juga, menurut gw bukan cuma gw yang harus diucapin selamat tapi ada 1 orang lagi yaitu MAMA.. Karena kalau bukan karena usaha dia menjaga gw selama 9 bulan lebih di perut nya dan rela ngerusak badan dia demi ngasih gw asupan gizi yang cukup di perut dan harus rela dirobek perutnya terus dijait kaya baju dan segala usaha - usaha dan cinta nya mama ke gw, gw gak akan ada sampe sekarang jadi orang yang seperti ini.

So, setiap ulang tahun, orang pertama yang harus diucapin tuh mama, terima kasih mama atas segala usaha nya 21tahun ini untuk melahirkan ku ke dunia ini.. Jadi kalo ditanya minta kado apa sama mama, jawabannya apa aja boleh, dan hal terbaik setiap ulang tahun dari mama adalah wishes nya dia yang gak akan pernah tergantikan oleh siapapun di dunia ini, dan setiap denger wishes dari mama setiap tahun pasti nangis deh, dan di ditahun ini juga air mata gak pernah kering dari mata, bahkan ngetik pargraf ini aja netes say 2 tetes hahahahhahaha but it’s real!!

Okay, itu aja sedikit sharing spesial di hari ulang tahun gw yang penting gak penting sih buat di denger but gw seneng aja bisa berbagi cerita kehidupan gw yang kadang2 sedikit absurd hahahhahahhaaha..

Once again, thank you so much much much muchhhhhhhh my dear, Devid Sutanto for your time, effort and uncountable love :* I love you bebihhh :)

**** To be continued: My Happiness Day (Part2)

Bogor, 23 September 2017

Much Love,

Isabela

#gif

[useyourrwords]

Month in Review // I FINALLY CHANGED MY NAME – February

You are officially reading the post of someone legally named Greyson and I am so fucking happy!

So obviously February was a bit of a landmark month for me and boy was it packed! And March looks to well an truly have earned the name Adelaide uses for it, March Madness.

          Introducing The Structured TBR

Last month I introduced my new structured TBR! So here is a quick overview for those who want to follow along.

Must Read

  5 books a month

 1 backlist ARC, if I have any 

 Read new ARCS ON TIME 

 2 owned backlist books 

 3 diverse books 

 10 entries from Rejected Princesses

 5 entries from Bygone Badass Broads

Allowances

 1 library book in either physical, ebook and 1 graphic novel format 

Month’s TBR

│Unbroken Anthology││

│The Boneless Mercies││

│Sadie││

│The Raven Boys││

│The Dream Thieves││

│Blue Lily, Lily Blue││

│The Raven King││

│Yaa Asantewaa│Mary Bowser│Nwanyeruwa│Nana Asma’u│Nanny of the Maroons│Agontime and the Dahomey Amazons│Josephine Baker│Nzinga Mbande│Arawelo│Ida B. Wells│Rejected Princesses││

│Queen Arawelo│Stagecoach Mary Fields│Sarah Breedlove AKA Madam C. J. Walker│Alice Ball│Nwanyeruwa│Lorraine Hansberry│Bygone Badass Broads││

So I knew when making my TBR last month that I probably wasn’t to get to all of these but wanted to see how I would go for my first structured TBR and I’m not entirely disappointed.

     Read

│Unbroken Anthology│Marieke Nijkamp│││││3.5★│Read Feb 4│

I wanted more from this one and it never quite got there.

│The Raven Boys│The Raven Cycle #1│Maggie Stiefvater││││││★★★★★│Read Feb 15│

Love love love! Even better the second time. You should see how many tabs I used. It’s going to take me forever to log all the quotes I marked.

I’ve linked my original review but I might do a new one at some point. .

│The Boneless Mercies│April Genevieve Tucholke││││││★★★│Read Feb 18│

Uh this was fine. It was entertaining and I loved the whole women seeking glory thing but it could have been more engaging. This is a really journey heavy book and those just aren’t my cup of tea.

│Queen Arawelo│Stagecoach Mary Fields│Sarah Breedlove AKA Madam C. J. Walker│Alice Ball│Nwanyeruwa│Lorraine Hansberry│Bygone Badass Broads│Mackenzi Lee││││Read Feb 7│

│Yaa Asantewaa│Mary Bowser│Nwanyeruwa│Nana Asma’u│Nanny of the Maroons│Agontime and the Dahomey Amazons│Josephine Baker│Nzinga Mbande│Arawelo│Ida B. Wells│Rejected Princesses│Jason Porath││││Read Feb 16│

Really glad that I’m using this year to finally read these two books and so far I am loving learning about 15 different women from history a month!

│The Dream Thieves│The Raven Cycle #2│Maggie Stiefvater││││││

So I kinda got into a bit of a slump at the end of the month and it really isn’t this books fault and is entirely because I’m not giving myself down time to do “pointless” fun things.

│Skylarks│Karen Gregory│││││

│The Surface Breaks│Lousie O’Neill│││││

Book of the Month

│Sadie│Courtney Summers│││││★★★★★│Read Feb 14│

This book is fucking brilliant. Like God has blessed us and her name is Courtney Summers and it’s just so fucking good.

│Average Rating: 4.1★│ 3│

Structured TBR Pass or Fail?

│Must Read:  4/5│ 1/1│ 0/0│ 1/2│ 4/3│ 10/10│ 6/5│

│Allowances:  2/1 P or EB | 0/1 GN│ 

This month was a bit of a fail but I expected as much as I have only just started to implement it! I knew I’d have a few kinks to work out as I went!

I didn’t quite reach my 5 book goal and I didn’t read 2 owned backlist books.

I also read 2 Physical/Ebook library loans so that broke the rules too.

Next month I’m going to bring my library loan all together so I can only read 1 physical book or one ebook or one graphic novel to make room for my backlist.

I’m also planning on adding audiobooks!

Past Grey Reads

 Book Review // Everything Leads To You – A Quite Love Story

 Book Review // Girl Made of Stars – I Am Broken

 Grey Reads // Everything’s On Fire and I Couldn’t Be Happier – Girls of Paper and Fire

        Film & TV

Month’s TBW

│On The Basis of Sex││

│The Favourite││

│Drag Race All Stars│Season 4││

│Jessica Jones│Season 2││

│The Young Pope│Season 1││

│Brooklyn Nine-Nine│Season 6││

│One Day At A Time│Season 3││

│I Am The Night│Season 1││

     Watched

│The Favourite││2018│ Yorgos Lanthimos│ Olivia Colman, Emma Stone, Rachel Weisz │★★★★★│

This was so fucking funny and just good.

So there’s a little story time for this that I’ll get into further down the post.

│Drag Race All Stars│Season 4││2012│ RuPaul│RuPaul, Michelle Visage│Watching weekly episodes│★★★★│

Fave One-liner This Season: “Yeah, well some of us don’t have to force story-lines to get air time” -Farrah Moan.

I am so mad at that ending, don’t talk to me. Also I was really hoping RuPaul would not be a judge on the new UK edition of Drag Race and I am nothing but disappointed.

this is my new fave drag race gif

│Brooklyn Nine-Nine│Season 6││2013│ Daniel J. Goor, Michael Schur│ Andre Braugher, Andy Samberg, Stephanie Beatriz│Watching weekly episodes│★★★★★│

This is great. I am actually all caught up! I really loved the episode that focused on Jake and Rosa solving an impossible case.

│One Day At A Time│Season 3││2017│ Gloria Calderon Kellett, Mike Royce│ Justina Machado, Todd Grinnell, Isabella Gomez│★★★★★│

I started watching this with mum and then binge watched the rest by myself and then got my aunt to watch the first two episodes of season 1 and then started watching the rest of season 3 with mum again.

│I Am The Night│Season 1││2019│ Patty Jenkins│ Chris Pine, India Eisley, Jefferson Mays│★★★★│

So I did start this but I’ve not been great and keeping up with new episodes…

I’m excited to see how it continues though!

│The Umbrella Academy│Episode 1││2019│ Jeremy Slater│ Ellen Page, Tom Hopper, David Castañeda │★★★★★│

This was a wild ride and I am looking forward to seeing how it goes.

│The Girl King││year│ Mika Kaurismäki│ Malin Buska, Sarah Gadon, Michael Nyqvist │★★★★★│

I mean at this point I might as well be on a hunt for sapphic royalty.

It was a bit made-for-tv-movie for me but I still enjoyed it.

│Russian Doll│Episode 1││2019│  Leslye Headland, Natasha Lyonne, Amy Poehler│ Natasha Lyonne, Charlie Barnett, Greta Lee│★★★★│

I had no idea what was happening but It was fun and I’m hoping to get to the rest of the season at some point.

│The Bold Type│Season 1││2017│ Sarah Watson│ Katie Stevens, Aisha Dee, Meghann Fahy│★★★★★│

I started this on the very last day of the month because I was anxious and sad and needed something to calm me down and make me happy… Or so I thought.

What I actually needed was a cathartic watch of women kicking ass and tackling lots of issue and to just cry and cry and cry which is exactly what I got from The Bold Type and I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!!!!

     Music

Mostly I’ve just be listening to music I can belt out and cry…

│Dodie│Sick of Losing Soulmates│Monster│Human│She│Burned Out│Secret For the Mad│

│Troye Sivan│i’m so tired…│

│Noah Cyrus│Mad At You│Sadness│Good Cry│

│Julia Michaels│Anxiety feat. Selena Gomez│Happy│Deep│What a Time feat. Nail Horan│

│Lauren Jauregui│Expectations│

│Billie Ellish│idontwannabeyouanymore│lovely w/ Khalid│when the party’s over│

│Ruin My Life│Zara Larsson│

Past Grey Watches

 Grey Watches // I Wanna Bone Jude Law and Kate Winslet – The Holiday

 Grey Watches // It Has To Be A Shit Show – A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding

 Grey Watches // I Hate It So Much I Love It – A Christmas Prince

Use Your Words Highlights

 2019 Ahead // It’s Twentybiteen, You Ready?

 January in Review // I Cried, Laughed, Ate Pasta, Celebrated My Birthday & Completed TWO Read-A-Thons/Challenges

 February Ahead // I’m Finally Going To Read The Raven Cycle Series & It’s Black History Month + A Great Resource for Education!!!!!

 Grey Reads // Everything’s On Fire and I Couldn’t Be Happier – Girls of Paper and Fire

 Tag // The Library Lover’s Book Tag – I Am a Library Fiend

     Blogosphere Highlights

│Krystin @ Here’s The Fucking Twist│Opinion: Withdrawing My Support of ‘Woman in the Window’ & AJ Finn Is Creepy AF.│True Crime Tuesday: The San Francisco Witch Killers│

│Lauren @ Northern Plunder│Announcing Blogs & Tea | Online blogger help group│

│Rain @ BOOKDRAGONISM│HOW TO CONQUER YOUR TBR PILE IN SIX (OR SEVEN) WAYS│

│Destiny @ Howling Libraries│BEST OF 2018: HORROR│

│Jamieson @ Jamishelves│some of my favourite tropes in books│BOOK TAG (ORIGINAL): Books I WANT to read, but don’t want to READ│

│Vicky @ Vicky Who Reads│Heroine by Mindy McGinnis: A Harrowing Tale About Addiction│Ace Reading Recommendations from An Arm and A Meg! │The Ultimate YA Romance Reading Recommendation List: 80+ Romances to Fall In Love With This Valentine’s Day!│

│May @ Forever And Everly│Discussing Blogger Appreciation and the Lack of It: Analyzing Answers, Stats, and Graphs From a Survey I Made!│

│Ellyn @ Allonsythornraxxbooks│HOW TO: OUTLINE A BLOG POST│MY 10 STEP GUIDE TO GROWING YOUR BLOG│

│Marie @ Drizzle & Hurricane Books│HOW TO STAY POSITIVE WHILE BOOK BLOGGING│

│Marija @ Inside My Library Mind│The 5 Star Rating System: Why It Does (Not) Work and How I Rate Books│

│Kelly @ Just Another Book in the Wall│MY CONVERSION TO AUDIOBOOKPHILIA // FIRST LISTENING EXPERIENCE AND SURPRISES│THE VALUE OF TEEN VOICES IN THE BOOK BLOGGING COMMUNITY + PROJECT ANNOUNCEMENT!│

│Shealea @ Shut up, Shealea│21 SAPPHIC ROMANCES THAT’LL MAKE YOUR HEART SOFT ON VALENTINE’S DAY│

│Swetlana @ The Caffeinated Bookworm Life│My Goodreads TBR Has 12 Books On It – Here’s Why│6 Reasons Why YOU Should Watch One Day At A Time│

│CW @ The Quiet Pond│Collab: Balancing Book Blogging and Life│

│Madeline @ Caffeine & Writing Dreams│How to Cut Adverbs for Stronger Writing // & When It’s Okay to Use Them│

│Kat @ Novels and Waffles│Stand Out Above The Crowd // 4 Ways To Make Your Free WordPress.com Theme Look Different From Everybody Else’s│My Branding Journey + Four Questions To Ask Yourself While Rebranding // ft. A Free Downloadable Checklist│How in the World I Make My Graphics // A Step-By-Step Tutorial│I Font It That Way // How to Choose the Right Font for Your Blog│By Any Other Name // 5 Steps That Will Help You Choose An Awesome Blog Name (ft. A Free Worksheet!)│This is The End // Q & A Session + A Secret Reveal│

Past Month In Review

 Month in Review // November – I Already Hate Christmas

 Month in Review // Christmas is Over Thank Fuck – December

 January in Review // I Cried, Laughed, Ate Pasta, Celebrated My Birthday & Completed TWO Read-A-Thons/Challenges

Month’s Goals

 Start floor exercises

 Start regularly going for 40-minute walks

 Read 5-7 books

 Get my mental health plan

 Book a therapy session

 Service my car

 Get a massage from mum

 Try and take a mental health day

 Have my name change official!!!!!!

I know I did terribly but I kind of took a mental health weekend. I mean I worked both days but I just relaxed and didn’t go for my walks because I have a bad blister and I think my body just needed the break.

I Left the House

I had to get my car serviced on 7/2 and seeing as I can’t really rely on anyone to help me out and mum was working I had to drop off my car and then find a way to kill time without a car for several hours. So I decided to use my free birthday movie ticket and caught a train to the nearest cinema for that chain.

Two main positives from the whole adventure:

I took public transport for the first time in years and didn’t have an anxiety attack.

The Favourite was amazing.

And then I got my car back from the service and they told me everything that was wrong with it and how much it was going to cost and so that was no great and there were some tears and a panic attack but I don’t know. Hopefully I can work it out.

I was only 80 steps away from hitting 14000 steps on 12/2 so I’m very proud of that!

I Socialised

On 14/2 my aunt came to stay with use for a few days while my cousin was busy having her baby only 5 minutes away from us. In hospital. I feel like I need to clarify that… It’s my cousin’s second baby, he didn’t come until 16/2 I’m pretty sure, and he’s pretty cute I have to admit and hes very calming to be around like my nephew who’s birthday is only a couple of days before.

Speaking of my nephew. It was his birthday 14/2 see we visited him and hes walking around and his whole personality is changing now that he can run around and he’s just so cute I die a little every time I see him. I can’t believe he’s 1 already!

While my aunt was down she made mum and I dinner and cheesecake (15/2)!!!! The dinner was surf and turf which I’ve never had before and it was delicious! and the cheesecake she made from scratch, only going off what flavours I wanted, WITHOUT A RECIPE. My mum nearly died when she was told that. It was so good and I desperately want more… So basically now I have to try and visit her once a month just so I can have cheesecake.

I Did Things

I made myself some protein oat cups (19/2) from scratch WITHOUT a recipe and they’re actually really good considering I had no idea what the fuck I was doing???? It was also the day I officially got my new birth certificate and my name change was complete!!!!!! now I just have to do all the hard part which is changing everything. 

On 22/2 I cried and literally have no idea why. Like there wasn’t anything that triggered it…I just cried. I really need to book a therapy session…

On 25/2 I decided I needed to play the sims and then wasted basically a whole day because some of my mods/ccs were broken and so I was having to figure out which ones it was to get rid of them.

26/2 I actually got to play the sims and I just really needed it??? I also changed my licence over to my new name!!!

On the 27/2 I decided to open a new bank account with a different bank because I haven’t been that happy with my current one for a while. But i didn’t have enough points of ID yet so I can’t access the account…and I didn’t discover that until after I already gave the details to my work so thats where I was paid so that was NOT. GREAT. Thank god my mum could help me out with money until I paid again (hopefully in my old account until I get my new licence in the mail otherwise I’m??? Kinda?? Fucked???

So basically the 28/2 was me crying and fighting anxiety attack while on the phone trying to find SOME way to access my own money… It did not work… I hopefully it is all worked out next week but also I’m not holding my breath.

Past Month Ahead

 Month Ahead // December – I Already Hate It

 Month Ahead // Happy Birthday To Me + Hiatus Announcement – January

 February Ahead // I’m Finally Going To Read The Raven Cycle Series & It’s Black History Month + A Great Resource for Education!!!!!

Outro

What did you do this month? What did you read? What did you watch? What posts did you write that you’re super proud of?

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