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evelhak · 2 months

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[requests closed]

Okay, my KnB mutuals, friends and strangers alike, the day has come.

I'll tag some people off the top of my head, because then I don't get to secretly wish no one saw this, so I would be off the hook. @lylakoi @vespersposts @active-mind-15 @ni-kol-koru @misfitmiska @myndless88 @kurokonobrainrot @japeneselunchtimerush @shutokushintaro @kucho04 @deargravity @raspberrylix

Whether you're tagged or not is actually inconsequential for the rest of the post.

I never thought of doing events for hitting any follower count, EXCEPT I told myself a long time ago that

once I have 1111 followers (only because I will realistically never have 11 111) I will do something stupid in the spirit of this string of numbers.

In other words

✨I welcome you all to torture me✨

(if you want.)

Now is your chance to ask someone to do anything you want.

To write any fic, draw any fan art, or create any other type of fan content you want (edits and AMVs count too, in fact, if you tell me to bake a cake or knit a scarf with your idea, I will do it) and you may be as mean about it as you wish. Complete disregard for my feelings is encouraged.

I'm not saying you have to be intentionally sadistic about it, that's not the point, the point is that you get to do what you please, whether it makes me suffer or not.

Do you have an idea you wanted to make but didn't dare because you feared fandom hate? I'll take the hit.

Want me to write about a ship I love cheating on each other? I'll do it.

Want me to draw a ship I hate, doing something shippy? Name the ship.

Is there an AU you want to see? There's a good chance I will squirm through it, but squirm I shall.

Have a particularly gross headcanon you've wanted to see but didn't dare to make it?

You get the idea.

(Of course, how much you know about my likes and dislikes depends on how long you've known me, but since the point isn't really to ask me to do what I hate, it's for you to get the total freedom of not caring about the preferences of the person you're requesting something from, don't get hung up on that.)

For this one time, and one time only, I am your daredevil, I am your genie in the bottle.

Your rules are simple:

if you want, ask me to create anything you wish, give me your most selfish or egotistical KnB desire

you can be as vague or as detailed as you want

don't go easy on me, don't tone it down because you want to spare me

if you're wondering if you can request something the answer is yes

however if your most selfish desire is a sketch of some characters on a picnic then that is exactly right, you don't need to shock anyone on purpose, you can ask for anything that is true to you

My rules are:

I am not allowed to complete a request I hate in the easiest way I can imagine, my goal is to transform that hate into love

I must approach everyone's ships and headcanons and visions as seriously and with as much love as I would my own

the only occasion I will not do something is if it significantly impacts my mental health for the worse

My brain is ridiculously one track, and super attached to my own headcanons, my one vision for everything, so believe me when I say this could easily get hard for me. That's the point. Obviously I'm doing this for shits and giggles, but the underlying drive is also to give myself some tough love and Spartan treatment, for character building. Let's smash my One True Headcanon brain (for a moment, before I go right back to my preferences, hopefully taking something valuable and more permanent with me from the experience).

I will keep this open for three days. If I get too many requests, I will draw five out of a hat, or something. : D I'll finish them during 2024.

Like I said, I didn't tag anyone on purpose or leave anyone out on purpose so no matter how you pass by this post you're free to do as you please with it or ignore it, obviously. Anons are also fine, by the way.

(If you feel like inviting more chances for me to potentially cry, reblogging is fine too.)

#someone may have told me to branch out #probably not what they meant but let's go #let's torture eve event #knb

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bnbc · 2 months

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Character Arc: Isabella von Valancius

tysm for starting this @fuchsiareign, I really want to jump in so I tag myself LET'S GO

and before I dive into WORDS tagging @leadflowers @lylakoi @vitanithepure to talk about their RT's character arcs!

Isabella von Valancius, "I never asked for this" Hero Arc

The Fool >>> The Strength >>> The Hermit

The Fool

A daughter of psyker, born on board the Black Ship, Iza had little chance to keep her life, yet, she was lucky. A group inside Astra Thelepatica needed people with a high chance of psy-manifestation to test and train. Years spent in Scholastia Psykana facilities gave Iza a fair amount of loyalty indoctrination… and a couple of examples of people twisting the letter of Lex Imperialis to better serve its spirit: the start of her personal collection of Iconoclast icons.

After a sanctioning that went wrong and blocked out a major part of her potential, she was trained as a telepath and assigned to Navis Imperialis, where she had her moment of triumph and thus attracted Theodora's attention.

Needless to say, Isabella wasn't ready for the task, and when she had to take responsibility for the dynasty and protectorate, she had only two people to rely on: Abelard and… an image of the only Rogue Trader she knew. And, for a long time, she tried hard to be Theodora v2 in image, in mannerism, and sometimes even in action.

The Strength

For a long time, Iza treated 'Isabella von Valancius' as a construct, she stopped to believe in her titles as soon as Abelard's voice pronounced them dissolved in the air. Yet she was stuck in the role of Rogue Trader and had to play it as well as possible because she was a big fan of living.

But then something happened, and by something I mean "Comorragh". Stripped of all her wealth, influence, and regalia, of her image, of her people, Isabella was left with what she was. And it turned out that a bald psyker who has nothing but the adamantium will and talent for commerce and negotiations is pretty damn good for surviving the horrors of Dark City.

She made it, she saved her people, and she stopped them from killing each other (oh they TRIED). The person who came back from Commorragh knew her worth and her strength. Isabella still respected Theodora but chased her shadow away from her ship. She never asked Abelar to introduce her since then.

The Hermit

The power corrupts, but the power was never something Isabella wanted. All she wanted was peace, and maybe she could have found it as a Rogue Trader, but among other things, she was a psyker.

Her power started to grow after the Night of Change aka the night she became a Rogue Trader. After meeting a certain birdie Isabella reached her predicted potential… but didn't stop there. As not to write an essay: she suffered, and she suffered, and she suffered a lot.

So at some point, she prepared an heir and regents and exiled herself to a small house surrounded by miles and miles of nonhabitant space, and got the biggest luxury an Imperial citizen can ever afford: peace. She left the Expanse as free and unruly as it was before her arrival, but her protectorate was safe, stable, and a better place even for those who were considered second-grade citizens.

Isabella's condition was getting worse, so after about ten years, she decided to end her life.

#rogue trader crpg #Rogue Trader #Rogue Trader OC #oc: Isabella von Valancius #von valancius #gigiltrader

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vitanithepure · 2 months

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Tagged by the lovely @yrlietlanaevyss thank you💜

5 Songs

Fall Out Boy - Uma Thurman

Woodkid - Iron

Imagine Dragons - Bones

The Smashing Pumpkings - Tonight, Tonight

KISS - Heaven's On Fire

One from each of my favorite playlists :)

Questions

1. Three ships you like:

Gale/Astarion BG3! Nobody pried bloodweave from my cold dead hands yet.

never stopped being a Brienne/Jaime (A Game of Thrones) truther

Also not sure if it counts (it does because I say so), but I love each and every friend OC paired with literally anyone out there? They are my favorite characters and I love seeing them happy in my friend's loving daydreams.

2. First ship ever: Oh. That's a hard one, because for a very long time I just...didn't? I enjoyed romance in media I consumed but never went out of my way to ship any of the characters outside of canon. I think the first that comes to mind is Bishop from Neverwinter Nights 2 and my OC at the time? I think I even wrote some fanfiction with them those years ago. Does this count? :D

3. Last song you heard: Eisbrecher - Rette mich

4. Favorite Childhood Book: I remember having a beautifully illustrated fairy tales by Hans Christian Andersen, read that one so many times the pages started to fall out...I don't remember what happened to it!

5. Currently Reading: Malleus by Dan Abnett, as part of The Omnibus. (also am in tears over it, too)

6. Currently Watching: Nothing, no time!

7. Currently Craving: fresh orange juice would change my life for the better if I could have it now.

Tagging (a long one [for me], because I am filled with *feelings* today) @iamaweretoad, @malewife-mansplain-magus, @schmooplesthesecond, @mightymizora, @aylinvail, @lylakoi, @bnbc and anyone who stumbled upon this and wants to give it a try 💜

#tag game #thank you for tagging meee 💜

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sylenth-l · 2 years

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Crawling out of my hole with some Classic Pack™ sketches, pt.1

These were requested by: @the-trustingguard, @beltsquid, @lylakoi, @poorlytunedukulele and some anons 💙 The featured asks are under read more!

Next part: coming soon 👀✨ Spoiler: it’s mostly candal

1000% YES I wanted to draw it for some time now, so thanks for giving me the reason!

BABY HUNTERSSS 😭💙 Lucky (poor) Shiro, they won’t leave him alone... At least it WAS fun!..

I feel like Exo kids need some serious thought, so I settled with Tevis and Andal, I hope you don’t mind! They turned out so cute though that now I feel like I should draw all fireteam as babies anyway lol 😂

Ooh, that’s a lot of cool ideas, I think I’ll use some later too! For now I’ve picked the booze one 😂 If you wanna live with Exos, then you should drink like Exos!! (It was a joke, but Andal took it dead serious)

Everyone’s cheating, but Cayde is the sneakiest ✨

#destiny #destiny 2 #destiny the game #my art #andal brask #cayde-6 #shiro-4 #tevis larsen #candal #art requests #hunter idiots 💙#thank you all for the cool requests!!

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niuniente · 1 year

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It is so good! 1000% down to my alley and my aesthetic! Really speaks the language of my soul and heart in all possible levels and ways.

The only time I have felt this same feeling was when I was in Germany in a museum, in a corner dedicated for witch hunt times. There were replicas of torture devices, dioramas of witched being tortured and executed in all possible ways and this all was crowned by Gregorian chants for God’s Grace and Mercy playing on the background. I stood on that tiny corner around 30 minutes, feeling like I was ascending some other realm of existence.

Unbelievable.

I can’t wait to finish the game so I can dive head on into the Blasphemous art book I got with the game.

#lylakoi #blasphemous #blood #reply #niu plays blasphemous

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nei-ning · 12 days

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Thank you for the tag @lylakoi! :D It was nice surprise!

Currently watching: Just finished Undead Unluck anime the other day and it was pretty good! At least the humor was great but since I'm such a slow reader, most parts of the text / plot just flied past my eyes, me not understanding anything much from the actual anime plot... ^^;

Sweet/Savoury/Spicy: I like sour and sweet foods but I can't eat them since my stomach can't handle them anymore (bo hoo, aging!). Same with spicy. I like it when food has strong flavors (whenever I actually EAT something else than chocolate) but in Finland we have very mild foods which only have salt and pepper.

Relationship Status: Still waiting the one ;) All the way to the grave if I have to, ahah!

Current Obsession: Aaahh, uumm... Writing new fanfics? Does that count? I haven't write in AGES and now that I'm back on writing, I can't stop it (can't stop thinking my stories either :'D)

Last thing I googled: A LOT of stable equipment (hayfork and how they actually look since there's SO MANY DAMN VERSIONS of them which differs from those what I used at home when we had horses like 20 years ago!)

Tagging @blood-and-pepper (you up for this? :D) and everyone else who wishes to do this! You can add me as your tagger! :)

#text #tagged

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ni-kol-koru · 1 year

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a big big thanks to my lovely mutuals @vespersposts and @lylakoi for tagging me in this little answers questiongs game! i am so excited to answer! 🩵

1. Are you named after anyone?

yes! and there is a longish story behind it! my parents struggled having kids for a long time before having my twin sister and i. they tried everything possible, but mum just couldn't stay pregnant. no doctor could tell why and no amount of praying was helping. when they almost gave up, after 8 years of trying, on December 19th, mum finally found out she was pregnant! in Orthodox Christian Calendar that's a day called St. Nikola, and so mum knew that the baby would be named after him, to honor him and thank him for the blessing! then she found out she had identical twin girls! we ended up being born sooner becayse my sister was developing way faster than me and she was so big she was kind of crushing me, leaving me with almost no oxygen. she was eating all my food as well, so i was starving, too. doctors thought i wouldn't survive, but my mum says that she believed in me and was praying to St. Nikola that i would be healthy and okay. and so i was the baby named after him! now i bear a female version of his name, Nikolija!

2. When was the last time you cried?

two days ago actually... before posting my art on here i had a little crying session because i was really worried and thought people wouldn't like and enjoy my work. then i cried from happines when my first like happened a few minutes after i posted!

3. Do you have kids?

no, but maybe one day i would like to have them.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

i don't think so, but some of the people i know claim otherwise?

5. What's your eye color?

dark brown! they are very dark though! most people in my life thought they were black before i pointed a flashlight in them.

6. Scary movies or happy endings?

i am not a fan of scary movies, so happy endings!

7. Any special talents?

not sure if this is a talent, but my intelligence is really high! after doing my iq test my examiner told me that i was really impressive and that the last time she encountered someone so bright was like a decade ago. i have an iq that's between 135 and 145, but i was never given the exact number for some reason?

8. Where were you born?

on a sunny and beautiful August day, in the middle of her vacation abroad, my mum had a weird gut feeling about the babies in her belly. she asked my dad and her parents if she could visit a doctor. when the doctors had a look they said and she had to urgently give birth or one of her babies could die. she originally wanted to go home and give birth there, but she decided she didn't want to risk anything, so, my sister and i were born during mum's vacation in Trieste, Italy!

9. What are your hobbies?

i have a bunch of hobbies! my oldest and absolute favorite hobby is drawing, i do that since i know for myself! i also really love dancing and i have been a folk dancer for a really big part of my life. now i am just a casual part of a folk dancing club because i don't have enough time to commit to it fully... i have a hobby similar to it, and it's learning K-Pop and J-Pop dances! i am a big fan of a few Korean and Japanese groups and i find learning their choreographies enjoyable! i also love learning languages! in school i learned English, Russian and German, and on my own i am learning Japanese and Italian! i might not speak them all fluently, but i am actively working on them! watching anime is one of my favorite hobbies as well! i also play video games, mostly the ones that you create things in, like Minecraft and the Sims! another hobby of mine is collecting K-Pop photocards of my favorite girls, SuA of Dreamcatcher and Nayeon and Dahyun of TWICE! it's my most recent hobby! throughout my life i have tried many more things like singing, crotchet, embroidery, making sculptures, animation, sewing, writing, reading, a few different sports, but these are the ones that stuck with me for the longest!

10. Have you any pets?

yes, i do! i have a cat and a dog! my dog is a black labrador named Oddie! he is turning 10 human years old this year! he is the sweetest and cutest boy, but his health is slowly declining and i am scared for him. he has been by my side since i was 8 and i wish he could stay by my side forever, he is truly my favorite dog ever! i also have a black cat! my mum's friend found him in the garden and now he is our precious Leo. he is cuddly and sweet and he loves spending time outdoors. he sometimes gets injured and gives us heart attacks, but he always ends up being okay!

11. What sports do you play/have played?

if dancing folklore is a sport, then yes! i have also attempted volleyball and basketball a couple of times in my life, but i am really clumsy with my hands so i was never good at them and quit them really quickly.

12. How tall are you?

i was around 168cm last time i checked it!

13. Favorite subject in school?

i really love Geography, History and English. though Biology and Chemistry are right behind them!

14. Dream job?

a concept artist for cartoons. that is something i want to do since i was literally 10 years old and i still stand by it! if that doesn't work out then becoming a tattoo artist sounds awesome! i already draw a lot on people in my school and it is really fun, and the job is very well paid!

anyone who follows me is open to answer these questions!

though, i would really like to hear your answers: @mibuchis @zelandiangelo @shofii-j @kumikoshortcake @candycaneaddict @shintaroukazunari @teiasstuff @tamnozeleno @nat6lie 🩵

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vespersposts · 1 year

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Hey Vesper! Slowly reading your works, finished the Housewarming series. I liked all of them. Each different and bright. Sometimes when I read good authors, they can portray some characters so well, that I will start to have “Sam’s Haizaki”, or “Bex’s Hanamiya” cause their portrayal of that characters hits so close to my personal home (usually a mix of headcanon close to canon) that they become the ‘new norm’ of those characters. That I now have continuation of canon but with some personal aftertaste of the authors. Well, I have to say your Akashi there was absolutely fucking magnificent. That sophistication that borderlines on snobism but never crosses into it. The elegance with standars high as sky but never going into indifferent coldness of ‘this is beyond me’. And of course he helps person in trouble cause that’s how you suppose to behave, common decency, and no, his crown is not affected by leaning down to help. Still glued to the head. :D Your Akashi was really a calligraphy. Sharp, graceful lines on a white paper. I absolutely love good descriptions and yours were amazing. The way you describe each of them was mesmerizing but again, Akashi took the cake from me. Was a lovely read, thank you! 💕

You have given me a gift for life, I hope you know how deeply grateful and happy I am for this wonderful message I read first thing this morning.

I thought about how I could express gratitude to you but it is not only gratitude that I feel. The absolute beauty of the words you have chosen for me, your being so incredibly sophisticated yet in touch with me. This I wish I knew how to express to you. You have moved me so much, and I have no words to thank you enough.

I embrace you tightly,

Vesper

#inbox response #fill my inbox #lovely moots 💕#me and lylakoi #you are loved

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red0490 · 2 years

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@lylakoi Here’s the link :D

https://href.li/?https://twitter.com/cparrisart/status/1475535559984656392

#red0490 #reply #lylakoi #character card

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evelhak · 6 months

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I need to see what you can write for KagaKuro and the number 12 ♡

I had a talk about different points of view in writing with @lylakoi and I mentioned I only tend to use omniscient pov for satire or parody, because that's how I find it natural to create a sassy narrator voice. That made me want to challenge myself to writing something completely serious in that pov. I also tend to write all third person perspectives in past tense, so this time I'm going for present tense. I hope you'll enjoy reading this experiment! Thank you for the prompt. 💙

Mini(?) fic: Ripples Prompt: Things you said when you thought I was asleep Pairing: pansexual!Kagami/bigender!Kuroko Timeframe: Third year of high school Rating: Teen and up

---------Ripples---------

The stairs creak as Kagami finally makes his way upstairs towards Kuroko's little attic room. It has only been about twenty minutes, but that's how it feels to him—like forever. A small eternity he has spent with Kuroko's granny and the jungle of houseplants that have left the living room in a state not far from a mud bath. The granny believes in chaos. It is far too satisfying to let go of control while you're immersed in what's in front of you. You can always clean up later. Kagami likes Granny's thinking. She can turn the simple, boring task of repotting the houseplants into an adventure. It reminds Kagami of childhood, when dirt under your nails was a mark of a successful day. Things like this make him think that Granny seems both younger and older than most people.

Indeed, Operation Save The Jungle, as Kuroko's Granny likes to call it, is not why Kagami feels like too much time has passed, after Granny has sent him to check on Kuroko. He doesn't mind doing things with Granny, hasn't for a long time, not since he realised she wasn't out to get him for daring to date her precious grandson. (It was always the father Kagami should have worried about.) He hurries to Kuroko now, because he always does. Whenever Kuroko shows signs of overexertion, Kagami feels the ghost of last spring, the big slump, and he can't quite sit still.

He can't believe it used to be funny. How everyone, including him, could just tell Kuroko... "Don't die". It was a joke. Kagami knows the exact moment it changed, and he could never joke about that again.

Kuroko is not in danger. He is sleeping on the covers of his bed, curled around two other sleeping creatures—Nigou, and the old black cat Shiro who has valiantly carried Granny's sense of humour for 16 years. Kagami will see them in a moment, but for those few more creaky steps he has left before his hand reaches the door handle, his heart races a little. He has seen Kuroko in danger for twice too often. It will take longer than he understands, for those memories to turn into background noise.

It was in the middle of repotting a spider plant that Kuroko suddenly needed to lie down. He didn't say that his vision was blacking out, but Kagami can guess this much by now. It doesn't happen as often as it did before summer, but Kagami can't tell if it happens more or less than first year of high school. He wasn’t paying enough attention back then. One thing is definitely different, though. The causation from a source of exhaustion towards losing consciousness is not as straightforward to follow as it once was.

Kagami enters the room as quietly as he can do anything. Kuroko's easy, steady breathing calms his mind in a second. His jaw unclenches, his shoulders relax, but these changes are so small that Kagami himself cannot tell they are happening. His focus is on the unlikely sight on the bed. The eager dog and the grumpy cat are getting along. It makes Kagami grin a little, he thinks they would only do that for Kuroko's sake. When they can tell it isn’t the time to fight for his attention.

Kagami sits down on the bed. It creaks too, but like a whisper. A strand of hair on Kuroko's face seems to call him to wipe it away. Kagami doesn't intend to wake Kuroko, but he wonders if his face is paler, or feels colder to the touch than normal. He cannot decide. Kuroko looks peaceful, and a sigh escapes Kagami. His own worry brings the thought of Kuroko’s father back to his mind now. As much as he isn't appreciative of the fact that his place in the man’s good graces could be taken away on a whim, no matter how hard he has worked to earn it... there's also the fact that Kagami understands his worry. It isn't as misplaced as one might think at first. Excessive, maybe, but not untrue.

Kagami hasn’t seen everything that happens under the roof of this house. He doesn’t know about the morning Kuroko was brushing his teeth in the bathroom, and suddenly he wasn’t. His father heard the sound of glass shattering against the floor tiles. He broke the door open. Kuroko wasn’t hurt, but afterwards he was no longer allowed to lock the bathroom door and his toothbrush would always sit in a plastic cup since then. Kagami is still unaware of all the incidents that have piled up over the years, because Kuroko is always a little too true to his life style. You won’t see what is happening behind the scenes, unless you make conscious effort to find out.

And yet, the ultimate point of discovery always comes. It is now demonstrably true that Kuroko’s father was not wrong about the dangers of fainting. Kagami is the last person to argue.

And then, there was always the other thing.

Now, looking at the love of his young life, asleep, unguarded, Kagami thinks that he understands Kuroko’s energy better. It's not that there's nothing coming from him. It's that most of it goes past people. But that doesn't mean there's no mark left, somewhere in their mind. A vague sense of having missed something. Kagami is not articulate enough to put it into words, but he can sense it with more clarity these days, an energy that dissolves itself to accentuate its duality. An energy that hits the point of full overlap. The mistake is easy to make, but it is not a neutral energy, it is not "neither". It is "either", it is both, and that's what confuses people. It doesn't fit into the dual world view despite of encapsulating it. It isn’t about the shoulds and shouldn’ts people assign each other. It isn’t about your role, even if crafting that can be used to communicate what’s deeper than that. The truth resides where the words to describe it end. People can tell on instinct. And you can see it in the underlying patterns of how they treat each other.

It took Kagami a while to see, but Kuroko's father's actions were never simple either. After a while though, they do speak louder than words. It becomes apparent to the one who knows what to look for, that the man isn't just punishing his son for kissing a boy. He is also, no matter how much discrepancy acting on the underlying instinct causes in him, protecting his daughter from said boy. There is no way Kuroko's father understands this, Kagami thinks. Kagami would not have been able to see it for what it is on his own before he had the right context. But that is how Kuroko’s father acts, regardless.

That man is far from the only one expressing a view of Kuroko more inconsistent, more easily shifting, than people on average have of each other. He’s only unique in that he’s the father, and the one most conflicted because of it.

After Kagami was aware of it, he could see it everywhere, in the smallest and the broadest strokes. To Kuroko’s father, the ultimate burden of proof always rested upon Kagami's shoulders. It wasn’t even an undertone. He made it perfectly clear he would accept their relationship, but only as long as Kagami had proved himself good enough. Just like that, the father’s frame of reference shifted from “I cannot let this half foreigner corrupt my son” to “I suppose I can accept this relationship as long as this boy’s affection appears to me as identical to a man’s love for a woman”. Because with someone like Kuroko, the shift in projection happens with an amount of incongruence that is right below the threshold. It’s just mild enough to ignore.

The question is… where do projection and the truth, the push and the pull, meet?

Kagami knows that identity doesn't always coincide with people's perceptions of you. But he is also beginning to see that it more often coincides with people's subconscious, underlying perception than the overt, literal one. He can't explain it, but he feels how it is in the ways people approach and respond to each other when they don’t think about it, in the ways those interactions make you feel, where the direction of pressure, stress, ease and flow are. He understands, on some, subconscious level, that it’s one thing to be viewed as something you “shouldn’t” be when it misses the mark, and another thing when something inside of you resonates with that perception reflected back to you in the eyes of others.

None of this was ever an issue to Kagami. Even the fact that the most reluctant person to accept that the truth resides somewhere in the contradictory ways people perceive him, is Kuroko himself, doesn't bother Kagami to any mentionable extent anymore. No, it's always the same crux in the end. It's because malicious people can pick and choose what they see. How it follows, that residing anywhere in the ambiguous territory makes it harder than average to anticipate what kind of violence you'll be the target for. It’s not necessarily more or less. It’s just less of one kind.

Kagami is not worried because he thinks that Kuroko inherently needs more protection than the average person. He’s worried because he can sense what he can’t explain. In his gut, he knows that a desire to deny the relationships between certain aspects of yourself and the world makes you blind to where exactly the crossroads with the biggest risks for you, are. And Kagami has seen Kuroko do that on multiple areas of his life. It’s not that it’s just Kuroko’s own fault. It’s not that he should know better. How could he know better?

In that sense, Kagami understands Kuroko's father, even if he doesn't agree with the man’s methods of protection. Kagami thinks there’s another kind of misdirection Kuroko can learn. The kind that allows him to control or at least anticipate how people will see him. Maybe then, Kuroko could feel more secure in all of this. Less reserved. Wouldn't have to so carefully put away anything he might wish to express about himself. Not for fear of attracting the wrong kind of attention.

What no one in this house, not even Granny for all her wisdom, understands in this particular instance, is how much comes down to a word. A word Kagami has, a word Kuroko has grudgingly accepted as the only explanation for the way he feels, a word Granny has accepted all too eagerly in Kuroko’s opinion, a word Kuroko’s father doesn’t have. Because a word; all the knowledge and understanding it opens, or the lack of it, translates into action. Kuroko’s father, quite literally, doesn’t know what he’s doing... or does he? Is it possible that he, in turn, has a word Kagami does not have?

Kagami never really felt like he needed words before. He was fine with just instinct. Kuroko confessed as much at one point too. Being with Kagami was like a wordless bubble where he could be fully who he was, no questions asked, because he felt that Kagami saw him and got him right from the beginning. But the rest of the world couldn’t measure up, and you have to live outside of the bubble too.

Kagami leans closer on the bed, caresses Kuroko's nose lightly with his, barely brushes against the sleepy lips with his own. They have agreed a long time ago that it's okay to kiss, even if the other is asleep. But Kagami is too in his head to notice the slight change to Kuroko's breathing, when he lets uncharacteristically quiet words into the air.

– Hey, I know you still... hide so many things. Even from me. Even from you.

Kagami thinks Kuroko is still asleep. He scratches his head.

– It's not like I'm holding my breath, or anything. You don't have to tell me. Even if you never want to share your unfinished thoughts... Even if they’ll just remain unfinished, I don't care. Not really. It's not like I haven't already got everything that matters, you know... with you.

Kagami lets out a dry sigh and looks away.

– I have no clue what the future holds for you. It's not like I spend much time thinking beyond tomorrow anyway... It's just... a feeling, I guess. That I sometimes have. When I look at you. Don’t know what makes me think it. But it's like... there's something left. Something... that has been in your words for so long. Not just words. Everything. Maybe since the beginning. Something you know but you don't know. If your mind doesn't know it, maybe your body knows it or something. I'm not smart enough to put it together for you. I would, if I could, but...

Had Kagami been aware that Kuroko was listening, he would have stopped talking already. For a while Kuroko was so torn over the possibility of any conflict of identity. Like it was literally the last thing he needed in his life. The worst nightmare. Kagami feels ashamed about not understanding how it could be that big of a deal. He barely had any prejudice about who he was attracted to, at any point in his life. He could on some level and contexts be described as a lot more gender-blind than average, although it’s too conceptual for him to put like that himself. That is the reason he didn’t care, regardless. Why it was difficult for him to understand how something that always fit their relationship perfectly as long as it was wordless, unspoken, never pointed at, suddenly made Kuroko insecure, when it had a name. Not just with the rest of the world, but around Kagami too.

Things with names begin to take a clearer shape. To become more visible. Words have the power to affect how we see and what we see.

Kagami is aware of his mistake now. Even after Kuroko admitted to the core of his complicated feelings, the sense of caution didn't leave Kagami. He said too much once.

Kagami is no longer gripped by his own insecurities it sparked, and his circumstances over the summer forced him to understand none of it was caused by anything in Kuroko. After the summer, Kagami no longer questions how letting something to the surface—or being ambushed by it from the depths, could cause a sudden aversion to that which was just going along with the flow before in the undercurrent, away from your immediate consciousness. He understands all too well. About things that can alter your sense of reality and self. About things you cannot control.

– I guess I just wish you knew that I don't care, but that’s like, in a good way, and I'll be there, because I obviously do care, you know. I’ll be there whatever you'll do. And I can't say this to you, because then you'll think that I think you'll do something specific which I’m just not saying out loud. But it's not like that. It's so much vaguer than that, it's... more like there's still a piece of the puzzle missing. The piece that will... tie everything together in some new way. Everything you don’t know what to do with.

Kagami rolls his eyes and leans the bridge of his nose on his knuckles.

– I sound mental...

He turns away from Kuroko and lies down on his back next to the sleepy trio. In truth, Kuroko is now aware of Kagami’s every word and every movement, and something in him illuminates from the inside for the thousandth time, clinging to all of that, not like a lifeline, not like a string of light, but like a microscopic pattern that shouldn’t matter but changes everything anyway.

And then, Kagami says one more thing.

– You’re gonna be fine, you know. Because where the world puts an “or” you’ll always find a way to have an “and”.

At the last word, Kuroko’s heart races, and his eyes sting, but none of it is visible from the outside, just like everything else that has been hidden inside him, everything that still never was, and never will be hidden as well as he would like, everything he believes should stay hidden. Kuroko will believe that for some time still. The clock is ticking past midnight. The ocean waves are crashing too hard. The lake seems perfectly still, but sometimes, especially when the boy lying on his back next to Kuroko is close, there are ripples.

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Some appropriate music I listened to:

#knb fic #kagakuro #TOTverse spoilers #but it's still a standalone #a confusing one maybe but still

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