#make beau's abs more defined next time

[marlaluster]

Never gets old: more fake pro devil land comments...

I've got more fake pro devil land comments to share. My soulmates and I still get some delight to reread the comments and share them here, so we can keep track of them reread them again and again. There have been some comments such as these that I made early on in my endeavor to write them and I didn't share them here, but I share almost all of the fake positive comments nowadays.

I'll paste the comments I've made on Instagram yesterday here below along with links to the Instagram posts the comments pertain to.

Here's my fake (as in insincere) pro establishment, ie pro devil land comment I wrote and left on this post linked to above regarding Billie Eilish and her new beau: Another ARTIST with INTERESTING TASTES in clothes, men but able to please the many with her ART! We all have different tastes but often appreciate the same songs and good looking celebs! We are a bit of a mess, but we are ONE big, happy WORLD! Such a strange world, but normal and sensible at the SAME TIME, OF COURSE! LOL!

------------

Here's my fake pro devil land comment on this post shared above: Their bellies look wrinkly like they are old women bellies. Very bizarre looking photo. But no matter! The real issue at hand is the value of fitness and being a Magnificent mom, things that are as INTERESTING as a photo showing kids with abs! These people and their kids are SO SIGNIFICANT! Does celebrity news get any JUICIER or comment worthy than this?! It doesn't!

----------------

Here's my insincere/fake pro devil land comment on this post above by actor Stanley Tucci, which I found incredibly irritating for reasons I indirectly tried to note in my comment: She seems so at home with who she is! Not just another stereotypical old lady, but someone who's robust character has overcome outside defining of who she is, that's for sure! And there are such obvious reasons to share this with us… little people! We totally get it! Oh my, what a reveal of a REAL, well off person and a REAL, CUSHY lifestyle! Insert hand clap emoji! LOL!

--------------

[This next comment I made on the post linked to above. The post shows mugshots of a guy who is said in the caption to have an "abnormally wide" neck. The comments were very bizarre on this post, all of them seeming to make jokes by making word plays with the word "neck." Most of the comments by others on this post were saying something like the guy in the mugshots would be more careful "necks time" or something along those lines where "necks" was used in place of "next." It was extremely bizarre and fake seeming. The jokes were very bad and so similar to each other. My comment is next outside of the brackets and it's not really an intentionally corny comment; it's more just my true feelings about the post.]

It's to be well known, the saying Less is more, but I think somehow the same has become the case for abnormal, but it's just not said. Normal is abnormal or vice versa. Lots of abnormal things happen and aren't really called that, so very strange for it to be used here. It would seem better for the word not to be used in this case and probably others.

#Instagram

[theartingace]

A little contentious but as this group has gotten more comfortable with each other I’m really enjoying seeing the contrast of these two’s ‘discussions’ and just how determinedly they can misunderstand what the other is saying. 

Bowlgate stressed me out, but by this point I’m just interested in if they’ll figure out how to communicate- as they both are making useful, but completely different points about the same situation and I love it.

#critical role #critical role spoilers #caleb #beau #caleb widogast #beauregard #dnd #monk #wizard #note to self #make beau's abs more defined next time #i love these nerds #go #team human

[idreamofplaid]

Walker 1 x 04 Reaction

I’m late with this one. I didn’t see last week’s episode until last night. It was a rough personal week, but this is a rest episode. I’m so ready for episode 5 tonight!

This is the best episode of Walker yet. The case is strong, and it’s well balanced with the personal interactions. There is a theme here about trust and the complexity of relationships. I’m interested to see how it’s going to develop.

Walker is making a real effort to bond with Micki and cement their partnership, emphasizing the importance of trust with her, and he is so very cute doing it. He wants to know her middle name, saying little details might be important to them. Hmmm. That’s undercover stuff, right there. 

He finds out what he can about her by using his “investigative” skills. Walker learns her favorite foods, what she likes to drink, and also her middle name. He wants the kind of relationship with her that she had with the officers she worked with in APD, but she tells him that she doesn’t want to trust him because she needs to be careful. Being a Texas Ranger for her is an opportunity, and she doesn’t want to “mess it up”.

The single father vibes are strong in this one. I adore Cordell being a good father. I’m going to say that a lot in these reviews. He’s moving into the farmhouse on the ranch with his kids. I still love that house. I want to live there. First, the bunker, and now this. It’s rustic, and it’s cozy at the same time.

Stella wants to paint her room, and Cordell looking at the paint chip color she wants is just heart melting. It’s so very normal. He’s talking about ordering pizza with them and unpacking. 

Here’s where the problem comes in because August finds a box he shouldn’t find. It’s full of things related to when Walker was working undercover, including a camera that has pictures on it of his father with another woman and a phone with all Walker’s contacts from his undercover time.

In a parallel, Walker finds some letters that another man wrote to his mother. By the end of the episode, Cordell confronts his mother; August confronts his father. They both ask questions. Cordell’s mother refuses to answer his questions saying they are still the parents and points out to him that she’s sure he and Emily didn’t share everything with the kids. He’s quick to answer, “No, we didn’t.”

Well, he still isn’t. August asks his father why he looks so happy in the picture he found and why there aren’t any pictures like that of Cordell with his mother. Just like his own mother, Walker deflects. He tosses the picture to the side and says “that was a job” echoing his mother’s words “That’s in the past.”

Adding to the infidelity thread, the case Walker and Micki are working also has an affair that factors heavily in it. I’m not saying Walker had an affair, but maybe he did or something like it. Could have been an emotional affair, or something born out of complicated emotions he had surrounding this woman “on his undercover team” because he had to trust her to keep him alive. 

There is so much in this episode. It looks like we’ve gotten to the part in the series where the setup is starting to move into something much deeper. Stella meets a boy, Trevor, at the stables where she is doing community service. Trevor’s father is in prison. This is going to get complicated because Stella clearly likes this boy. No doubt his father is somehow connected to what Walker’s been doing undercover. There are also questions about Captain James. Liam finds out he’s been reviewing the border footage related to Emily’s murder that he wants Walker to stay away from. Is James dirty?

In contrast, the relationship between Micki and Trey is solid. I was so happy to see Trey back in this episode. I love his energy. He has a smile that beams, and his abs certainly aren’t bad either. He looks like Jared did in the early seasons of Supernatural when his muscles were so defined, they didn’t even look real. 

Let’s talk about what a perfect boyfriend Trey is for a minute. He pays attention to the little things that are important to Micki and supports her. She’s an artist. I’m enjoying these little bits of character development, and I’m really beginning to like some of these characters. 

Trey finds a drawing Micki made of a superhero when she was a girl. He is precious about this and wears a blanket like a cape, but the sweetest thing ever is when he takes that picture, gets it framed, wraps it up and gives it to her. He tells her she “drew a superhero when she needed one and then she became one.” Well, damn. Just swoon. We should all be lucky enough to have a partner like that. 

It’s all about to get very interesting. I’m excited for Episode 5. We’re about to find out much more about who Walker really is, what he’s done, and how it’s affected him.

Miscellaneous notes: 

Walker became a clearly defined character for me in this episode. I epted him without wanting him to be partly Sam.

Walker’s middle name is Beauregard. It’s cute when Micki calls him Beau. There’s a baby name for a future Walker fic. 

Jared’s hair may be shorter, but it still curls around his neck.

Walker Peeps: @lovealways-j​ @sams-sass​ @thinkinghardhardlythinking​ @girl-next-door-writes​

I’d love to hear what you guys thought about this ep! 

I’ll definitely be writing some more Walker fics. My Taglist for everything Walker related is open.

#walker reaction #walker spoilers

[aurora-daily]

AURORA.

Interview by Daniel Megarry for Gay Times Magazine’s issue #497 (July 1st, 2019).

Norway’s eu­phoric-pop con­nois­seur on fighting climate change through mu­sic and why big­ots will al­ways lose in the fight against love.

There re­ally is no other artist quite like Aurora. When we meet the 22-year-old Nor­weigan on a rainy day in Lon­don, one of the first things she (quite glee­fully) tells us is that she styles and trims her own hair with a pizza cut­ter. It’s ex­actly the kind of quirky, DIY ap­proach to life we’ve come to ex­pect from Aurora, who si­mul­ta­ne­ously ex­udes a child­like sense of won­der and a wis­dom well be­yond her years. Much like lis­ten­ing to her mu­sic, chat­ting to Aurora is a calm­ing ex­pe­ri­ence, but one that also pro­vokes thought and stays with you long af­ter the record’s stopped spin­ning. Right now, she’s pre­oc­cu­pied with the state of the en­vi­ron­ment, stress­ing that our gen­er­a­tion is the one that has the power to de­stroy or save the earth, a mes­sage that pen­e­trates the lis­tener’s mind on A Different Kind Of Hu­man, the cine­matic sec­ond ‘step’ (or half) of her new al­bum. While Step One was in­tro­spec­tive, Step Two sees Aurora look­ing out­wards, mak­ing noise and ques­tion­ing how we can fix things be­fore it’s too late.

“Peo­ple are so afraid of be­ing po­lit­i­cal, es­pe­cially in pop mu­sic,” she muses, “and that’s why I want to make good, in­tel­lec­tual, emo­tional pop mu­sic that can reach out to peo­ple and speak about something im­por­tant, and re­mind us of something other than all this stuff we don’t re­ally care about.” She’s also pas­sion­ate about Pride, be­ing part of the LGBTQ com­mu­nity – although like many young peo­ple, she prefers not to put la­bels on her­self – and en­cour­ag­ing love, which she says will “save us all” one day. As her new record con­tin­ues to win over fans and crit­ics, we sat down with Aurora to find out how be­ing at one with na­ture shaped her unique out­look on life and mu­sic, why it’s “not even worth lis­ten­ing” to ho­mo­phobes, and how her track Queen­dom is an an­them for all the queers of the world.

Con­grat­u­la­tions on the al­bum re­lease. How are you feel­ing now it’s out in the world?

Well the day it was re­leased, I ac­tu­ally cried a bit at midnight...

Happy cry­ing though, right?

Yeah, happy cry­ing. But also re­lief that you can truly let a lit­tle part of your life go, and then you have so much space the next morn­ing, it’s ridicu­lous how big a dif­fer­ence it is for me. Step One was very sensitive, whereas Step Two is much more pow­er­ful, and so I wanted to split this al­bum into two parts be­cause of the very dis­tinc­tive moods and per­spec­tives. I had one emo­tional jour­ney I wanted to bring peo­ple through, but it was very clear which songs be­longed to which step. Step Two is me think­ing, ‘What can I do for you? What can I do for ev­ery­one else?’ It’s about re­ally ac­knowl­edg­ing that we’re co­ex­ist­ing to­gether with the peo­ple around us and with na­ture.

Na­ture is a big theme for this al­bum, es­pe­cially the dam­age that we’re do­ing to the planet. Is this something that worries you?

I think about it a lot, es­pe­cially now that we know so much. We are in­vent­ing new, much more en­vi­ron­men­tally-friendly ways of do­ing things all the time, and we al­ready have a good replacement for plas­tic wa­ter bot­tles. We have the tools, but peo­ple refuse to use them, which re­ally frus­trates me. We have no ex­cuses any­more be­cause we have the knowl­edge, the in­tel­li­gence, the money, the power. We have ev­ery­thing ex­cept for the will, maybe, or the en­ergy to do it.

I think some peo­ple find it hard to think that far into the fu­ture. If it’s not an im­me­di­ate threat, they don’t care. But it will come even­tu­ally.

It will come, and maybe within our life­time, be­cause things are al­ready hap­pen­ing, and we are re­ally dam­ag­ing the planet. I think in gen­eral, our nat­u­ral way is to be em­pathic and to care, be­cause I be­lieve we are good. That’s what I have to be­lieve. But to give ex­tra meaning and ex­tra per­spec­tive to your life, and to be a part of something bitter than your­self – that will change us. It makes us happy, I think, to be a part of something bitter than us, to re­alise we are part of a team. It’s this beau­ti­ful thing that hap­pens when we fight for something that should be im­por­tant to us all. We have a choice now: Will we be the gen­er­a­tion that de­stroyed the world, or will we be the gen­er­a­tion that saved it? That’s what I care about right now.

You clearly have a re­ally strong con­nec­tion with na­ture – why do you think that is?

Well, I didn’t like school, I al­ways knew I was different, I didn’t know where I fit in – all of that shit. I found a lot of com­fort in my­self and I was my best friend, but peo­ple didn’t un­der­stand me and I felt like it was my fault – and for all the peo­ple out there who feel the same, the world is so much bitter than what you think, and one day you’ll go out and you’ll be able to give the world something spe­cial that hasn’t been given be­fore, that’s why peo­ple like us are made. So I didn’t know where I be­longed, but I knew when I was in na­ture. When I was there I felt like I was given time to be a philoso­pher, I dis­cov­ered the power of my own mind, and I fig­ured out my problems. I re­alised what I could change and what I couldn’t change, and it re­ally made me a bet­ter and hap­pier hu­man. I’m very in­spired by that, be­cause what na­ture has given to me, I want to give to peo­ple who don’t have na­ture on their doorstep as I had. I think that’s the biggest in­spi­ra­tion I want my mu­sic to of­fer peo­ple, that sanc­tu­ary and the feel­ing of be­ing safe and at home. Safety is such an im­por­tant emo­tion that isn’t ob­vi­ous to a lot of peo­ple.

Do you find it quite di cult to nav­i­gate things like so­cial me­dia and stream­ing, which are ob­vi­ously so im­por­tant for artists to em­brace now?

Yeah, I do. I find it re­ally over­whelm­ing, ac­tu­ally. It’s hard to have ac­cess to ev­ery­thing all the time, be­cause then ev­ery­thing loses some of its value, it just be­comes noise, and it be­comes hard to define what’s pre­cious. I don’t re­ally use lots of stream­ing ser­vices, be­cause I don’t like hav­ing ev­ery­thing avail­able. I like buy­ing what I want and I lis­ten to that again and again. I of­ten take long pe­ri­ods off, which I think is healthy. There was a time in the be­gin­ning where my fans, or my sup­port­ers – the word fan is such a weird word, be­cause we’re all just peo­ple who love mu­sic – they would make so­cial me­dia pages, and they would write things like, ‘Sorry I haven’t been ac­tive lately, I have so much to do’, and it just broke my heart. Why would you say sorry? Who cares? It’s lovely that you want to share things, and you have things to say, but don’t feel guilty. So I also try to spread that to my­self and oth­ers, that it’s im­por­tant to take time away. Even if you have art to share, it be­comes bet­ter if you’ve been out­side and got­ten the in­put that will help you do something amaz­ing. You need that time off. It’s re­ally im­por­tant.

You’ve spo­ken about hav­ing a girl­friend in the past. Do you iden­tify as part of the LGBTQ com­mu­nity?

I haven’t re­ally thought about it be­fore, but yeah, I guess I have to say that I do. I knew that it was my right to love who­ever I wanted to love, and I’m very pas­sion­ate about that. I’m very sensitive to reading the news, I find it very dif­fi­cult, and some­times they try to fool us and make us think that the world is such a hor­ri­ble, dan­ger­ous place be­cause peo­ple like to read about aw­ful things, but it’s not. The world is re­ally good. Hu­mankind is such a com­pli­cated and aw­ful and beau­ti­ful cre­ation, and it just blows my mind some times... and then I re­mem­ber that we have love. Some­times you fall into a hole, and you ques­tion ev­ery­thing that’s go­ing on, but ev­ery time I re­mem­ber we have love, and that’s go­ing to save us all one day. Ev­ery­one who brings hate to­wards the LGBTQ com­mu­nity, they will die, but love will not die. So it’s al­most not even worth lis­ten­ing to them. They try to pick a fight against love, which is quite ridicu­lous, be­cause they will never win. As long as peo­ple have love in them, love will ex­ist.

We’re mov­ing to­wards a world where la­bels don’t mat­ter as much any­more, and peo­ple can just be them­selves. I feel like that ties in very well with you as an artist.

I think so too. But also I think if peo­ple want to define them­selves be­cause it strength­ens their sense of com­mu­nity or be­long­ing, that’s fine. There can be many rea­sons why peo­ple want to define them­selves, or define something un­de­fin­able. If some­one wants to define me or put me in a box, that’s fine, be­cause you can have feet in all the boxes. But I don’t feel like I have to define any­thing about my­self, and it’s so gor­geous the way we are mov­ing to­wards that free­dom. I think if you go back a long, long time ago in the ages of gods and monsters, we were even more open. We’ve been there be­fore, where sex was sex, and love was love, and ev­ery­thing was just about feel­ing good, be­cause that’s quite simple re­ally. It’s very beau­ti­ful and it al­lows peo­ple to truly be­come fan­tas­tic, be­cause peo­ple are given no roles, they are just free, and then truly amaz­ing things can happen.

Your song Queen­dom is very much about fe­male em­pow­er­ment, but it also seems like a queer an­them...

Oh ab­so­lutely, that was the seed of the flower, it was the main in­spi­ra­tion behind it. I don’t think we can save the world be­fore we know our value, and it’s hard to know your value when some­one is try­ing to tell you that what you are is not right – that’s so de­struc­tive and so point­less! So it’s very im­por­tant for me that peo­ple know their worth, and their potential. When peo­ple feel ac­cepted they be­come so good. I’m re­ally pas­sion­ate about Pride, it’s very im­por­tant to me, be­cause it’s such an ob­vi­ous bat­tle. It’s very ob­vi­ous for me to know that I’m on the right side of his­tory, and it’s so easy to be pas­sion­ate about it when I know that we are right.

You’re al­ready work­ing on your next al­bum. Will that be Step Three, or something en­tirely differ­ent?

I will re­lease a Step Three at some point, one day. I haven’t told any­one that be­fore! I’m very ex­cited. But for what I will do next, I’ve told you a lot about it al­ready in track eight, A Different Kind Of Hu­man. That tells you quite a lot about where I will be go­ing, and I’ve hid­den some hints here and there. I know the ti­tle, I have the order al­ready, I know the con­cept – and I’ve al­ready started. I ac­tu­ally started in Jan­uary. I feel like I can’t rest, I can’t sleep. Some­times I find it hard to fall asleep be­cause I have ideas, and I get adren­a­line from the thought of mak­ing new songs. I just want to make mu­sic, and I’m re­ally mak­ing sure that I have the time now that I’m so hungry for it. One day, a time will come where I don’t want to make mu­sic, I’ll want to do something else, but for now I’m re­ally grab­bing the chance. It’s very fun.

#aurora #aurora aksnes #interviews #step 2

[theepitomeofamess]

Strictly for Convenience pt. 8

Sorry ‘bout the wait, y’all, but life hit hard for a bit there. won’t be able to update every day like I was, but we’re still truckin’. (also sorry for this chapter it’s mostly filler ‘cause I’m trying to get ready for something else but anyway)

Word count: 3586 (too damn many)

AO3 link here

previous parts:  1 2 3 4 5 6 7

taglist:  @shattered-raine @insert-epic-blogger-name-here @ilylogan @reallyanextrovertipromise @ladynightmare12 @allsortsofgeekery @awkwardangie410 @th3okamid3mon @shattereddreamsamongotherthings @februaryfun @izlaria @keeshy-ekho @a-ghosts @virge-of-a-breakdown @doepuffsss @lyre-lyre-numb-desire @vexation-virgil @detective-lemon @nightwhisker17 @shadycomputerduck @randomfanderfriend @ab-artist @penguinkool @another-sandersidesblog @iamdefinitelynotanalien @spectralheartt @aroundofaceapplesauce @downrightdanny @rainfallen9

anyway, hope you guys enjoy (you always seem to enjoy it more than i think it deserves but) have fun!

Patton drove down to his parent’s house to meet Virgil and Roman that Wednesday. Logan said that he would get down to the house as quickly as possible, but that he had to work with Brian all day. Patton had smiled and nodded, hoping that Logan couldn’t tell just how much his heart was aching with worry. He’d been so distant since Patton had lost control of his impulses the other day. It helped that he spent every moment in town working with Brian, that was a reason that made sense, but it didn’t make sense when he said that he’d spent a few extra hours working with Brian, not coming home until after dinner and going straight to bed. Patton was horrified that it was his fault - he knew it was his fault, that he’d gone too far the other day when he’d tried to cross that border with Logan, and it hurt.

He definitely hadn’t expected it to hurt this much. The kind of hurt that’s too desperate and confusing and hopeful to even be defined as traditional pain, that’s too widespread to be stabbing and too acute to be an ache and not physical enough to be comparable to any kind of pain - or whatever this was - that he’d felt before. A metaphysical windburn that comes from falling down a hole that seems to have no bottom, no end to the thoughts that skewer and slice at him as he continues falling… the kind of hurt that can’t be put into words.

Watching Logan strolling down the drive on his way to town while Patton and Dexter loaded the car, a third footstep on the gravel as his cane hit the ground, Patton couldn’t help but smile sadly to himself. Their goodbye had been brief - more of a ‘see you soon’ than a ‘goodbye’ - and Patton had wished that he’d given him a hug before he’d turned and started away. He wished that he’d said something to try and make him stay a bit longer. Logan had a schedule to keep, though, Patton understood that.

Still…

I wondered when I met you why your parents were so desperate to get rid of you. Now I don’t.

“Don’t worry about Logan,” Dexter said as they pulled out of the driveway on their way to Roman and Virgil’s house. Patton hummed in response, having not quite caught what Dexter said. “He’s emotionally constipated to the point of bursting and he doesn’t know how to handle how he feels for you without running away. It’s not your fault. You don’t need to overthink it.”

“I know,” Patton grinned. “I’m fine, I’m not over-”

“Patton, I lie for a living,” Dexter warned. “Don’t try to lie to me unless you want the truth thrown back in your face like a brick.” Patton almost smiled at the warning, now unable to see Dexter as any sort of threatening. Still, he had to admit that he was an expert at reading people, or him at least. Turning away silently, Patton hoped that he wasn’t actually some sort of mind reader. If he could hear what was going on in his head…

So desperate to get rid of you.

He’s desperate to get away from you. You scared him off, you read him wrong and now he’ll never feel the same way because you tried to move too fast and why would he feel the same way anyway? He’s been desperate to stay away from you from the beginning.

Patton perked up when he saw the familiar pattern of trees lining the drive. He remembered running among those trees, gripping Remy’s hand tightly as they followed Roman through the “enchanted forest” on a quest to defeat whatever imaginary evil he’d made up that day. He remembered watching intently as their mother tended to Roman’s cuts and scrapes when they popped up, learning how to bandage wounds through observation. He could still feel the faint ache in his arms as he carried a perpetually exhausted Remy through the trees, rolling his eyes and smiling every time Remy insisted that he wasn’t tired and wanted to be part of the adventure. To this day, picking Remy up and carrying him to bed when he refused to admit that he was tired was more or less a routine for Patton.

Patton grinned when they reached the house and saw Virgil and Roman standing outside. For a little while, at least, he could forget his problems. He could be somewhere familiar with people that he loved and that he was sure cared about him.

“Welcome home,” Roman cheered as he scooped Patton up almost as soon as he was out of the car. Patton giggled as Roman swung him around, only setting him down when he started to get dizzy. Patton had always loved Roman’s hugs, the way that he’d never grown out of glomping even though almost everyone told him that it wasn’t proper or manly. His response was always, ‘I’m a man, therefore whatever I do is manly.’

“Good to have you back,” Virgil smiled as Patton stumbled over to hug him. Virgil had always been more tentative about hugs, but once Patton got one out of him, they were some of his favorites. Warm and gentle and reserved but not so much that Patton felt unwelcome. “Where’s Logan? Who’s this?” Patton released Virgil to look back at where Dexter was working on getting their bags off the back of the car.

“Logan’s working, he said he’d be here as soon as he can. This is his brother, Dexter.” Patton strolled to Dexter, throwing his arm around his shoulders and guiding him to where Roman and Virgil stood. Virgil kept on a relatively polite smile, trying to be nice for Patton’s sake in spite of knowing his profession as a card sharp. Roman didn’t even try to hide the shocked recognition in his face. Dexter chuckled at the face.

“Nice to meet you, Virgil.” Dexter smirked up at Roman’s sneer. “Roman. Long time no see.”

“Wait, you two know each other,” Patton asked.

“We met a while back,” Roman grumbled, “and he cheated me at cards. Won everything I had on me, and won’t admit that he cheated, let alone give me back what he stole.”

“Can you prove that I cheated? Maybe you’re just that bad at cards.” Dexter winked, taking up his bags and started into the house. Roman grumbled something to himself about not wanting to be under the same roof as someone like him.

“Well, you don’t have much of a choice, do you,” Patton asked, following Dexter inside, the other two trailing behind him, Virgil questioning how much Roman had lost and Roman averting the subject that it was just pocket money and that it happened before he met Virgil, so it shouldn't matter now.

Patton kept himself distracted by talking to Virgil, making preparations for Roman’s party. The event wasn’t a surprise - it never was, they couldn’t keep anything secret from him for long - but that didn’t mean that they couldn’t have a few surprises. They wrote letters to bands who might be able to come and play, looked into stocks of Roman’s favorite wine, making a list of what had to be done for people to stay there if need be. They had just about everything planned out by the time Remy and Emile showed up that afternoon.

They had just about everything planned out and Patton didn’t have a distraction anymore.

Patton kept his smile on, of course - he always did. He was the happy brother, after all. He kept his smile on, joked with Roman and Remy, laughed at Emile and Virgil’s jabs at how ridiculous their husbands were, but when Logan didn’t show up later that first night, Patton was worried.

“You haven’t said anything about your new beau, Pat,” Remy mused the next morning at dinner. “Didn’t really get to meet him the day of. What’s he like?”

“He’s, um,” Patton thought on a safe way to say it. He’s kind, he’s sweet, he’s caring, but he doesn’t want anybody to know it, so he’s distant. He acts cold, but his smile could melt a glacier, even when he’s doing his best to hide it. He’s brilliant, he’s restless, he’s… “He keeps himself to himself.” Patton smiled as he stabbed at a piece of egg.

“That’s it,” Remy chuckled after waiting a moment. “One little comment that’s at least partially false because he’s involved enough in your life to get you to get glasses? Yeah, don’t think I didn’t notice that. Come on, give me some detail. What about the love life? What about your first night? You’ve gotta be excited about that.”

“Remy,” Emile sighed, in a perpetual state of exasperation because of his husband at this point.

“Come on, sugar, you’re curious too.”

“We actually,” Patton cleared his throat. “There’s nothing to tell, because nothing happened. He saw how nervous I was, and he respects the boundaries of consent. Nothing’s happened.”

“Oh, that’s no fun,” Remy grumbled.

“But it shows that he’s a very good man,” Emile assured, “that he would respect your boundaries like that. Not many people would.” Patton only nodded, staring down at his food, pushing his eggs and potatoes around absentmindedly. He knew that Emile was probably reading him like a book - that was his job, after all - and Remy probably had some idea what he was thinking, too.

He knew what they’d been talking about, but he had a different definition of the “first night”. In his mind, the first night he’d spent with Logan was the night when he climbed in his chair and pulled himself close. The night that ended with him waking in Logan’s warm embrace and not wanting to leave it. The night that, to his memory, had yielded the best night’s sleep he’d gotten in years.

That thought was still in Patton’s head when Roman suggested that the six of them take a walk (he was still wary of Dexter, but Patton had told him earlier that they were related now whether he liked it or not, so they might as well try to get along). Roman and Virgil led the walk, talking loudly, something about the plot of a book and the symbolism or moral behind it, with Roman defending the classic interpretation and Virgil and Dexter providing darker alternative interpretations. Emile was smiling next to Remy, working to keep the peace while Patton stayed at the back. He’d always liked walks to be quieter, the open world not a place for arguments or negativity or anything too disturbing.

Being at the back also meant that nobody was worried when he stopped dead in his tracks, staring at a small, solitary bloom in the ground surrounding the rose bushes. A single bluebell.

Patton couldn’t help but smile. The memory wasn’t old, not by a long shot. He could have been staring at the rose bushes thinking back to the time Roman tried to hide in one and got thorns stuck everywhere - Remy had laughed so hard that day, even after Roman pushed him into the bush indignantly - or the time that one of his earlier suitors approached him with a bouquet of a dozen bright red roses, but no. He thought of Logan smiling at a field of bluebells. He thought of Logan telling him that he was sure he had some witch in him, of hopping into the blooms and grinning up at Logan’s half covered smile.

“What are you thinking about?” Emile’s question made Patton jump, jerking from the blissful memory in half an instant.

“Nothing in particular,” Patton smiled.

“You really like him, don’t you?”

“Who?”

“You know who.” Patton sighed at the response.

“Please don’t psychoanalyze me right now, Em. I’m not in the mood.”

“I’m not psychoanalyzing, I’m being a brother. And it’s as plain as the nose on your face that you’re falling for him, if you’re not already gone.” Patton shook his head, looking back down at the blossom before starting after the rest of the group. “Dexter says that Logan feels the same way about you.”

“Dexter doesn’t mean what he says half the time.”

“He said that you’re lying to yourself.”

“Why are you talking about this,” Patton smiled, turning to face Emile straight on. “I told you, I’m not thinking about anything in particular.” Emile only looked at Patton for a moment, then opened his arms. Patton, never being one to turn down a hug - even if he denied that it was for his benefit - stepped into Emile’s arms, the two of them enveloping each other in warmth.

It didn’t feel right.

Patton felt crazy for thinking that. A hug was a hug. Sure, there were different kinds and there were different levels of hugs, but he’d never been hugging someone and thought that it didn’t feel right. Patton couldn’t tell what was wrong with it at first. Emile’s hugs were some of the best - he was soft and warm and about the same height as Patton so they could hook their chins over each other’s shoulders and he smelled of lavender soap, and he was such a perfect teddy bear of a man…

Patton pressed his face into Emile’s shoulder when he realized that he didn’t want that.

He didn’t want the softness and same height, he wanted a rigid posture that stood a head taller than him. He didn’t want lavender, he wanted books and ink and chemicals that he couldn’t identify ingrained in the clothes. As much as he loved Emile, he didn’t want him.

“Thanks,” Patton muttered, holding back tears as he pulled away, refusing to think about Logan. “We should catch up with the others.”

That afternoon was when the first few guests arrived. They lived farther away and would be staying with Roman and Virgil until the day after Roman’s birthday. They were mostly closer friends of Roman’s. One of them, though, was a friend of the family that Patton was all too familiar with.

Robert Laurens had grown up with them in every way short of being their actual brother. He was closer to Roman’s age than Patton’s, but he’d always had a soft spot for Patton. Patton wasn’t sure why exactly, but Robert had always stuck close to him, talked to him, told jokes and laughed at his, done everything in his power to get along with him. He was the one that had first started flirting with and courting Patton when they got to that point in their lives. He was the one that had brought Patton a bouquet of roses one day for no conceivable reason.

Patton wasn’t surprised to see him there, not exactly. He just hadn’t made mental preparations for him.

“Roman,” he’d greeted when he arrived, smacking Roman on the back. “You’re getting old, buddy.”

“Aging like a fine wine, more like,” Roman countered. “You remember everybody, the whole motley crew, and- Patton, where’s Dexter?”

“He went into town for something,” Patton explained.

“Probably to find somebody to hustle.”

“Be nice.” Robert chuckled at Patton’s gentle warning.

“Patton, ever the peacekeeper.” Robert approached Patton after shaking Emile’s hand. Patton reached out his hand to shake, leaving himself open for Robert to turn his hand over and kiss his knuckle. Between him and Dexter doing that, Patton wasn’t sure if he was flattered or getting sick of people doing that.

“Good to see you again, Robbie,” Patton took back his hand.

“I was a little bit devastated to hear about you getting hitched,” Robert teased. “I was hoping that at some point I’d work you down to the point of saying yes to me.”

“Yeah, well, I’m off the market now. Married man with a good husband.”

“Just good? Oh, you deserve so much better than good. You deserve the world.” Robert reached out, taking Patton’s hand back in his, this time interlocking his fingers around Patton’s.

“Why don’t we get you settled.” Patton slipped out of his grip, heading back into the house. He used to humor him, to allow himself to blush and giggle when he flirted, to let him be crude and make attempts at being seductive, to let him hold and kiss his hand. Now, though, something didn’t feel right about it. It wasn’t just teasing, it wasn’t just a joke, it was somebody flirting with him when he wasn’t available, and it was kind of creepy. He should have been used to it, but his lenses had changed. He didn’t want Robert flirting with him, holding his hand.

He wanted Logan’s safe voice and secure arm around him.

He didn’t admit that, though. He wouldn’t admit that he was sad or longing in any way. He wouldn’t be the happy, stable brother if he did. He wouldn’t be the Patton that Robert knew. He wouldn’t be Patton.

So he kept smiling. Throughout the day, through his continuous checking of the door to see if whoever had just pulled up was Logan, through Robert’s continuous flirting, through Emile’s unending stream of “are you okay”s and “do you want to talk”s. Patton knew that he meant well, but he couldn’t help but get irritated at the constant questions and the tone that bordered too closely on pity, and he knew well enough that Patton wasn't going to tell him anything if he didn't want to.

“So when am I going to get to meet this husband of yours,” Robert asked. Patton felt like he’d blinked and he was standing in the library after dinner, a glass of wine in his hand and his heart aching.

“Soon, I think,” Patton smiled. The expression was all too natural for him, too easy to pull off. “He said he’d get down here as quickly as possible.”

“But what’s keeping him away? Is he scared of us?”

“No, he works with a pharmacist in town. He’s a chemist.” Patton’s grin brightened with a bit of pride. “They’re working on developing new treatments, making them more effective and more affordable.” Robert only squinted at the explanation.

“I thought you said he was an heir. Why would he be working?”

“Because he’s an intellectual,” Patton kept his grin on, “and he’s restless. He’s not doing it for the money.”

“But he is getting paid?” The question came from another old friend of Roman’s that Patton couldn’t quite remember the name of.

“It’s his friend’s version of compensation, he’d be doing it anyway because he loves doing it.”

“Intellectual and restless,” Robert sighed, taking another sip of wine. “Those aren’t necessarily good qualities in a husband.” Sighing, Patton was beginning to wonder why he ever liked Robert in the first place.

“But they aren’t necessarily bad,” Dexter defended.

Robert was saying something about “you’re his brother, of course you’ll defend him” when Patton decided to slip away, to go upstairs and, if not go to sleep, at least get away from the growing crowd. He loved his family, he’d come to love Dexter, and seeing old friends was fun, but he was exhausted. He wasn’t usually exhausted by stuff like that - he was normally more exhausted by being alone than by being with people, especially people that he knew. There was normally nothing that he liked more than a good party.

Today wasn’t normally, though. Today was one of the days that was more common than Patton dared admit to himself, one of the days when he wanted nothing more than to stop existing, if for just a little while. It was normally manageable, especially when he was surrounded by his brothers, but it was different today. He’d learned that earlier when he’d tried to hug Emile. They couldn’t help him today, they couldn’t comfort him without making him crave a different kind of comfort even more. Today was the first time Patton could remember feeling truly lonely in spite of being surrounded by people who cared for him.

It definitely wasn’t the first time that Patton sat on his bed only to collapse into a puddle of tears, to curl in on himself in order to feel some kind of body heat, to fall asleep to the sound of his mind echoing with self deprecation that he couldn’t convince himself was inaccurate.

It definitely was the first time that he was woken by someone removing his shoes, his jacket, his glasses. It was the first time he’d opened his eyes to see a familiar silhouette against the moonlight pouring through his window as it pulled his covers over him. It was the first time he’d blinked hard, working to keep his eyes open, lifting his head slightly to try and get a better look at the features of the silhouette only to have his face cradled and a kiss pressed to his forehead. His eyes fluttered shut at the touch that was both new and familiar, inviting the pair of lips to just barely press against his eyelid, close to the corner where his skin was stained with salt from tears. The hands started to slip away, but Patton grasped them, begging them to stay. Patton was half asleep, unable to keep his eyes open as the silhouette climbed onto the bed with him, laying next to him and keeping one of his hands gently cupping Patton’s cheek, thumb stroking just beneath his eye.

The sweet, gentle bliss was enough that Patton fell back to sleep effortlessly.

#logicality #logan x patton #sanders sides #logicality fic #sanders sides fic #arranged marriage au #logan sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #deceit sanders #remy sanders #emile picani #prinxiety #remile #ts #thatsthat24 #what the fuck am i even doing anymore #why am i so invested #in giving this fic to you guys #i don't even know #whyyy #i thought i hit the bottom #just you wait #i've got a damn spoon down here #we're gonna get lower than #shawty with them apple bottom jeans and boots with the fur #i shouldn't be legally allowed to say that #anyway #hope y'all enjoy