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thebluestbluewords · 1 month

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ot3 week day two: the cool kid, the jock, and the nerd

Audrey/Lonnie/Jane, post-canon. Unfinished, this is just the teaser for now! Someday I’ll learn a better way to format text messages lol.

Lonnie’s phone pings.

Txt from: Audrey Rose 🌹

break a leg!

or your opponent’s face :)

oops, autocorrect. I meant to say be sure to look your opponent in the face. :) It’s so satisfying to see people cry when you beat them!

Lonnie laughs. This girl.

There’s not a lot that Lonnie can say to the message. Both legally, because as a representative of the Northern Wei University women’s fencing team, she’s obligated by the intercollegiate board of athletes to practice good sportswomanship and not text her friends about breaking people’s faces, and also because…

Well.

Audrey’s been texting her a lot lately. And Lonnie’s not quite sure how to handle it.

Maybe she should back up.

Lonnie's in her freshman writing seminar when her phone chimes. It's a distinctive chime, not the usual half-second ping that means she has a text from one of her new school friends. Not the ding-a-ling sound of her mother's text tone either.

No, this chime is a special one. One that she set ages ago, shortly after receiving her first cell phone as a going-away-to-school gift, at the start of seventh grade.

It's Audrey's chime.

It's not like Lonnie's close friends with her anymore. Going evil, trying to destroy the entire country, and also just generally being rude to anyone who exists outside of the pretty Auradon princess mold will break a friendship faster than Lonnie's been breaking her wooden practice swords. She's talked to Audrey a few times since the whole world domination incident, but they're not close anymore. Not like they were as kids.

She can't take her phone out in class, but Lonnie slips the ringer to silent and makes a note in her planner to respond to whatever Audrey wants from her later. After class. Once she's got a handle on her old feelings again.

It's so inconvenient, having a crush.

So, they text sometimes now. Just a little bit. And yes, Audrey comes to her fencing competitions. Just a few of them. Audrey's doing a princess gap year before she goes to rule Auroria with her parents, and she doesn't have too many places to go on the weekends.

It's not a big deal. Lonnie just has to squash down her teeny, tiny little crush on the prettiest girl she's known since high school, and ignore the way that her stomach flips over every time she hears Audrey's special text tone, and remember that Audrey isn't flirting with her, she's just a good friend.

A good, bubbly friend who sometimes says how much she loves spending time with her.

And said she loved her. One time.

They were drinking.

Txt to: Audrey Rose 🌹

Haha thanks!

That’s normal. Cool. Yeah. Lonnie’s got a handle on this whole feelings thing. Her phone chimes again.

Txt from: Janey Godmother ✨

Hi!!! Me and Audrey are here!!

We're on the top left side of the stands! We couldn't get seats any closer :(

Audrey wanted me to flirt with the doorman to get us better seats but I don't know how to flirt with guys :(

Txt to: Janey Godmother ✨

JANEY!! I'LL LOOK FOR YOU!

and don't worry about your seats lol I'll look out for you guys!!

#my fic #descendants #ot3 week #jane daughter of fairy godmother #li lonnie #audrey rose #I feel like the potential for oblivious girl crushes is SO high for these three and I’m just having some fun with their text convos :)

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yuraslefttoe · 5 months

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hey, it's me again! I came to pester you with questions!! *there should be a scary laugh, but it sounds more like mean giggles*

(by the way, I’m thinking about sending you such long texts with questions (because I have a lot of them!!) once one or two weeks, if you don’t mind. . . . . . .you don't mind..??? (god, I hope you don’t get tired of me..!) I'm so sorry, please, I'm just very interested!! *qwq*)

ok, let's start with the sweetest part, prelude. ACTUALLY, I DIDN'T EXPECT THAT YOU REPLY SO QUICKLY, GOD, NOT PASSED A FEW HOURS!!!!!! I THOUGHT YOU HAD TOO MANY QUESTIONS SO I DID NOT EXPECT A SO SOON REPLY!!

I’ll remind you once again how much I adore your work (after all, you deserve it!!), and I’ll also say that I specifically shouldn’t talk about posts tagged with the adm, because I’ve read your tumblr and twitter in its entirety several times, I even have a separate album in my gallery with answers that particularly interested me, there are several hundred screenshots there and I don’t regret anything! (sorry if my hyperfixation may be intimidating!!)

*=^._.^= ∫*

and now the questions!!!!

1. my wife doesn’t have a tumblr, but her suggestion interested me and can be seen in the first two screenshots(the translation sounds like: “after the release of “red hour” I have an assumption that andrey is more... athletic than misha. either this is because of ferry’s drawing style, or he really has such wide shoulders")so now we are interested to know about the physique of your characters!! maybe some of them are thin, or vice versa, a little overweight. and what about physical training? did you have any headcanons for this??? ( by the way, when I ask about “characters” I mean not only misha and andrey, but also europe and maya, because they are also worthy of attention <зз)

2. what about the abbreviation "dyusha" for andrey? in russian it is... not used very often, but still, it sounds very cute. so it would be interesting to know how you would feel about this? 3. I also want to hear about the names of the characters!! how did you choose them? I mean........ how did it happen that from ☺europa☺ you switched to 👹MiKhAiL👹?? (I'M SO SORRY, BUT MISHA'S FULL NAME SOUNDS SOMETHING THREATENING. MY UNCLE'S DOG HAS THE SAME NAME EHE- *ᕕ(ಥ▽ಥ)ᕗ*)

4. and lastly, let's return to my wife for another moment. she suggested that andrey was now also in a time loop. what do you say about that? and also in enigma, she noticed that misha seemed to be addressing the second person in the lines: "and if you wanted to be anything more than just free" and "you’ve seen a hundred lies I see that all the time". is this second person a viewer? or maybe one of the previously mentioned characters??

the last photo, by the way, is one of the sketches that I found so far in my gallery! ^^

initially it was planned to attach two sketches, but andrey turned out TOO bad, I’m ashamed to show him. someday I'll redraw it into something normal.... maybe. but! I really like the pic with misha and the wolf(I hope this is the wolf you were talking about lol. google didn’t show me anything else, and I’ve never been to ikea myself, ehe...)

(and I don’t want to post all this yet, because running a tumblr was certainly not part of my plans, haha)) I registered here solely to read your blog, and not to maintain my own)

sorry again for possible illiteracy, and also for the chaotic nature of my thoughts, haha, I don’t know how to adequately express them in english.. and also, I’m really REALLY apologize that the text was too long, next time I’ll try to be shorter...

okay im gonna try and answer everything here in a coherent way so sorry if nothing makes sense

im just fine with lotes of questions :) answering asks and responding to comments is one of my favorite things ever and i brings a verry big smile to my face

on andrei: i consider him to be a skinny little gut but not exactly unathletic, and in addition i think he would have basic combat training and probably be good with firearms. misha is probably a very average bodytype, nothing special, not particularly athletic.

i do not speak russian (though ferry has recently encouraged me to learn so maybe in like four years ill be able to form a sentence) so i dont know anything about the short forms so you can do whatever you want. if you coin it and peoples tart calling him that i will not stop it from happening

i do not name my characters, i usually let me friends name them (i think that the only one i named was europa and his partner). going forward maybe ill try to make it more cohesive

the time loop idea im seeing thrown around alot is really cool and while i havent particularly wrote any of my songs about that in general i see it fitting into the loose narrative i have going on. also in enigma misha is definitely talking to andrei whenever he says the word "you" but it could also be to the listener because the entire theme of enigma is 4th wall breaking and meta shenanigans like that

that sketch is SO CUTE oh my god

#asks #adm #misha #andrei #deepest lore

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bcolfanfic · 2 days

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everytime i listen to picture me better by weyes blood i can't help but think of young vets buck and bucky. my heart hurt everytime i think of those boys. you've written them so perfectly. <3

what are some songs you associate with either of them?

heyy sorry it took me so long to get to this (and everything else in my box)- it’s finals szn at my law school and my brain is gonna be at like- total capacity till next thursday at 5pm central time. buttttt. i am big music as a story mood setter person so lotsss of thoughts. gonna focus on young vets au here, but i can make another similar post for show canon if ppl like this? im biggg into oldies music so that would actually be fun to me!

disclaimer: re: the young vets au the “veterans” part of the story takes place starting in august 2021 after the us pulled out of afghanistan. If you see a song and think “but wait that didn't come out until this year so they couldn't listen to that in 2022/2023” simply work with me here and don’t think that <3 LOL.

bucky

biggg zach bryan person and i think in general really likes that specific niche of “new age” country music. gets *irritated* by the hardcore conservative military country music lmfao, those vets that go hard in the sand for songs like courtesy of the red white and blue? not his people. that song gives him hives. also a big fleetwood mac guy, just scratches an itch on his brain. likes florence + the machine too.

east side of sorrow - zach bryan

i lost friends in the august heat / at night it was God I'd always meet / i said, "Lord, won't you bring me home? / i've got women in the west i wanna hold

oklahoma smokeshow - zach bryan

there's so much whiskey in his coke it'll make her nose bend / but she swears that his love is a damn God send / she's known God since she was a child

el dorado - zach bryan

you used to say you'd settle down / but that kind girl from school in town /she was gone before you got back home

to El Dorado, hell if I know if you're still alive /there's a note in the glovebox in your drive / El Dorado, hell if they know the difference in a hero / and a man i wish was still by my side

burn, burn, burn - zach bryan

i wanna be a child climbin' trees somewhere / breathin' in the fresh outside air / before I knew this life was unkind

you should probably leave - chris stapleton

sun on your skin, 6 am /and i been watchin' you sleep / and honey, i'm so afraid you're gonna wake up and say / that you should probably leave

me against the mountain - ian munsick

it’s me against the mountain / most days the mountain wins / but i’ll meet you tonight my love or i’ll meet my end / either way an angel’s waitin when i fought this fight

painkillers - rainbow kitten surprise

living just comes with a bit of heartache / heartache comes with a bit of young faith / faith stays young till your heart get broken / hope grows up to become someday / i never hurt no one and no one will ever hurt me / i believe i believe i believe i believe

motorcycle - colter wall

well, i figure i'll buy me a motorcycle / wrap her pretty little frame around a telephone pole / ride her off a mountain like old arlo

physco - jack kittel

don't hand me johnny's pup, mama / 'cause i might squeeze him too tight / i'm having crazy dreams again, mama

go your own way - fleetwood mac

if i could / baby, i’d give you my world / open up / everything's waiting for you

third eye - florence + the machine

i'm the same / i'm the same / i'm trying to change

astrovan - mt. joy

he said son you're famous in heaven / maybe you're famous in heaven / maybe there is no heaven / maybe we're all along together now / but i don't wanna see those tears again / you know Jesus drives an astrovan

gold dust woman - fleetwood mac

take your silver spoon, dig your grave / heartless challenge / pick your path and i'll pray

all these things that i’ve done - the killers

i got soul / but i'm not a solider

between me and you - brandon flowers

the first time that i saw your face / time stood still / i found my place / now i'm watching it tear out of my arm

gale

listens to zach bryan for bucky but his country music niche is more on the tyler childers side of things. likes older music too bc it’s what his mom would play around the house and he finds it comforting. i think he likes pop music more than bucky does lol, bucky ribs him a lil about some of it but he finds it endearing. the taste they share the most i think is the fleetwood mac and the killers/brandon flowers stuff.

follow you to virgie - tyler childers

back when all us boys were tryin' / to make sense of all these string / i can see her in the corner / singing along to all our crazy dreams

coal - tyler childers

so sometimes, i imagine that I'm getting pretty close to hell / and in my darkest hour, i cry out to the Lord / he says, "keep on a-mining, boy, 'cause that's why you were born

nose on the grindstone - tyler childers

well daddy, i've been tryin', i just can't catch a break / there's too much in this world that i can't seem to shake / but i remember your words, lord, they bring me the chills / keep your nose on the grindstone and out of the pills

folsom prison blues - johnny cash

i bet there's rich folks eatin' from a fancy dinning car /they're prob'ly drinkin' coffee and smoking big cigars / well i know i had it comin' i know i can't be free / but those people keep a movin' and that's what tortures me

old rugged cross - alan jackson (i’ve made a woowoo post about this before/bucky being gale’s cross to carry but. in my mind he listens to this on the drive home when bucky’s in the hospital. has to pull over to cry a lil. sweet boy.)

to the old rugged cross i will ever be true / it's shame and reproach gladly bear

where we’ll never grow old - johnny cash

when our work here is done / and our life's crown is won / and out troubles and trials are o'er / all our sorrows will end / and our voices will blend / with the loved ones who've gone on before

(sittin on’) the dock of the bay - otis redding

sittin' here resting my bones / and this loneliness won't leave me alone / it's two thousand miles i roamed / just to make this dock my home

wouldn’t it be nice - the beach boys

oh we could be married / and then we'd be happy / woudn't it be nice?

the chain - fleetwood mac

listen to the wind blow, down comes the night / running in the shadows / damn your love / damn your lies

romeo and juliet - the killers

i can't do the talk like the talk on the TV / and i can't do a love song like the way it's meant to be / i can't do everything but i'd do anything for you / i can't do anything except be in love with you

xo - beyonce

in the darkest night hour (in the darkest night hour) / i'll search through the crowd (i'll search through the crowd) / your face is all that i see / i'll give you everything

if i ain't got you - alicia keys

said nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing / if i ain't got you with me, baby

sweet escape - gwen stefani

come on let's bounce / counting on you to turn me around / instead of clowning around / let's look for some common ground

come on over baby - christina aguilera

now baby don't be shy / you better cross the line / i'm gonna love you right / all i want is you

the clock was tickin’ - brandon flowers

jackie flips the pages and she dreams little dreams / a cottage in the country built with real wood beams / there's a baby in the bedroom, he's starting to scream / she holds him though he probably won't remember it

#young vets au #buck x bucky #masters of the air #clegan #buckbucky

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rambling-addict · 1 year

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Ranking my favourite Avatrice moments from season 1-2…

a.k.a I have nothing better to do again.. a.k.a I miss them already… a.k.a I did it for Raylla, so I’m doing it for Avatrice too ;)

Just a quick BEWARE: Long post.

And without further ado:

#1 THE KISS SCENE. I don’t really need to say more, but I will, because look at them. This scene definitely takes top spot. It’s such a powerful scene, where both of them had finally let down their guards. It was the softness in Ava’s face and the surprise in Bea’s face, the craving in that brief kiss, the need to chase the feeling after the high, and that reluctant acceptance that this may be their last chance of feeling it all. It’s a rollercoaster of a scene that makes you wanna smile in glee and cry in frustration of what’s to come.

Also, “In the next”.. No words have ever hit me as hard since “May we meet again”. Some things, we don’t want to end and we cling to it desperately. But alas, it does. And so instead, you hope for “maybe someday”. “In the next life, may we meet again.” *dead*

…

#2 THE “I LOVE YOU” SCENE. I debated putting this as 1 or 2, because it’s a milestone confessing your feelings, but this scene was also bittersweet. At first, I was screaming for Beatrice to say it back immediately… but as I watched it again, I realised that she needed those few seconds after Ava said it, to finally accept what those words mean. Beatrice has been emotionally-repressed for probably most of her life. She was ashamed of who she is, and craved for validation. And so for someone to say that they love her, Beatrice took awhile to receive and give back those words.

What I love so much with this scene is how they cling to the last vestiges of what it feels like to touch each other. And Bea smiling back at Ava, despite the pain she feels. *dead again*

…

#3 THE FALL SCENE. A more lighthearted, but slightly dramatic moment— where Ava is classically Ava and Beatrice being the overprotective and anxious gf. These two are shameful for this overly sweet PDA, but slightly respectful in the sense that they probably would’ve kissed if Mother Superion wasn’t there. If anyone had any doubts about Ava reciprocating Bea’s feelings, this scene is a slap to those doubts. It evens slaps Michael in the face, lol. Like, “oh, she’s taken”. Ava has fallen, definitely—both literally and figuratively.

Also, if Mary was here (which she should’ve been), she’d probably be strolling over casually when Ava fell and be like “Relax, Bea. I pushed her down a cliff higher than that. The little shit’s okay.” It would’ve been a great comedic relief. But I guess I’ll take this sweet and dramatic scene.

…

#4 THE OG STARE SCENE. Yup, this is like #3, but in the baby Avatrice phase. It’s awkward, but electric. It’s an eye-opener for these two and there’s definitely an obvious spark. I’m sure this was one of the moments that took away the doubts of fans still questioning if they should ship them or not. Like, look at them. You don’t stare at someone like that and caress their face while your face is centimetres away. *ahem*supercorp*ahem*

Besides, when Ava said she managed to phase through successfully is only because of Beatrice… like c’mon. I knew I was a goner at that point. This scene would be tied with what I’ll call THE CATACOMB SCENE, because of the similar stare and show of trust. And that damn quote they keep exchanging.

…

#5 THE HALO SCENES a.k.a. “Brace yourself, Michael, you’re gonna get blasted off again”. So we see Ava unconsciously using the halo to protect Beatrice in s1. And in s2, we have 2 scenes, but Ava being more in control. And I find it so hilarious that Ava can’t seem to protect anyone but Bea. She has a one-track mind when she’s on protective mode. Others be damned, lol.

And bonus scenes, we get the worried gf hug… then Ava carrying Bea away. Adios Miguel.

…

#6 THE BADASS BEATRICE SCENE. This is classic “if you want to get to her, you’re gonna have to go through me”. Bea to the rescue, and Ava being Ava, stating Bea is a badass. And yup, Beatrice is truly a badass. I’m thinking everyone whooped and yelled when they saw her on screen. I know I did. So yeah, such an iconic scene.

Fierce cinnamon roll. Reminds me so much of Lexa.

This spot is tied with THE CATHEDRAL BASEMENT SCENE, where Yasmine was in awe watching Ava fight… and Bea affirms Yasmine’s statement about how incredible Ava is. Safe to say, I think Bea meant not just in fighting.

…

#7 THE JEALOUS PUPPY SCENE. I loved this scene so much… even more than the scenes where Beatrice is pining for Ava. We all knew Bea had feelings for Ava, and she’s so sure that it’s probably unrequited. But then we get this scene, and it’s like rainbows and unicorns appeared. The hot girl talking to Bea has stoked the fire, and when Ava interrupted them, the girl put even more fuel by leaning in to whisper in Bea’s ear. And my my, it was so satisfying seeing Ava so visibly jealous at the beginning of the season.

Another thing… Ava messing up the drinks and snapping at the customer is gold. Then, she asked Bea what hot girl said. Ava basically ticked all the jealousy checklist, and I live for it. Lol.

…

#8 THE CHEEK KISS SCENE. Ah, domestic Avatrice is such a nice change from all the chaos of s1. It’s been two months and you can really see how Avatrice evolved. It’s in the little things like this—where Ava is completely at ease with showing her affections and Beatrice gladly receives them. Bea didn’t even flinch when Ava did that, which means this isn’t a new thing that Ava’s done. I bet the little shit always does this, and that’s why Bea has to take a deep breath afterwards… because it’s too much at times.

And that look Hans gave, that Beatrice noticed. I don’t think it’s because he’s jealous Bea got promoted before him. I’d like to think it’s because he knows something’s up with Avatrice. He’s curious, and he definitely knows Bea is biased towards Ava.

…

#9 THE BAR SCENE a.k.a. Ava’s awakening. I think we can all agree that this was probably the moment Ava realised she’s got more than friendly feelings for her best friend. Beatrice wasn’t even dancing seductively, but Ava had that look in her eyes. That intake of breath when she was staring at Bea—it’s like she lost her breath because her heart was on her throat threatening to dislodge and offer itself to Bea. Ava was truly captivated.

And Beatrice… oh Bea, you’re so whipped. You’d think she would have more resolve to stay true to her vows, but nope—Ava asks, Ava gets.

…

#10 THE FIRST HUG SCENE a.k.a. Bea’s gay reawakening. Like we’ve said, Beatrice is emotionally-repressed. She will not show affection if it’s not initiated first. This may be the first time someone has actually hugged her… and it’s a new girl, not one of her sisters. You can definitely see the panic in her actions.

Poor baby doesn’t know how to react, lol. Gay panic Bea, and oblivious Ava… classic trope.

…

So that’s that. Would’ve gone on and on if tumblr didn’t have an image limit. I would’ve included every single Avatrice scene. I just have a lot to say, okay! Avatrice gives me so much feels.

Can’t wait for season 3!

#warrior nun #avatrice #ava silva #sister beatrice #if you read all of this you’re awesome #i miss them already #i’m a hopeless case lol #ok byeee

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romatique · 7 months

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hi lina! i sent jes a message ab a day ago and it's all ab astrology. if u have time and it doesn't bother u, i hope u could give ur two cents ab it ^^

my bestfriend for 14 years, know nothing about ATEEZ [ i just found out that she won an ATZ album to a "BTS ALBUM GIVEAWAY" so she's not completely unaware of them ] recently gave me her birth time and out of curiosity, I put it up with my bias' (hwa) chart and in my interpretation, if these two meet— idk... IM A FAN

8h mars overlay

1h mars overlay

7h vertex

11h moon overlay

6h moon overlay

virgo-juno conjunction

juno-juno conjunction

asc-sun conjunction

moon-sun conjunction

mars-moon conjunction

mars trine moon

mercury trine venus (both ways)

mars trine venus

*attached below is a pic of their composite chart*

these r the placements that i feel are very strong and important to relationships. but idk, i could just be reaching and maybe im just a delusional bestfriend and fan but im not even kidding when i say she *almost* always match the seonghwa ideal type and fs readings VERY WELL that it almost always creep me out and even question my sanity bc it was just so random (somehow).

so yeah, that's basically it. im actually not so very much deep into astrology YET. i already asked her ab her thoughts on this, and she just said "everything will workout if it's meant to be" then followed it up with "or baka masyado ka lang oa sa interpretation, baka kapag nagkita kame niyan pumikit pa siya heheh POGI-POGI NIYAN" implying that she doesn't think it's impossible for them to cross paths but also doesn't believe that there would be something, that he's too good- looking, and that I AM JUST REACHING LMAO

I HOPE I DIDNT BORE U BC OF THAT LONG ASS MESSAGE LMAO. this is me asking for ur 2 cents btw lol i just want to know if i am interpreting things properly or... im just reaching.

THANK U IN ADVANCE, LINA!

hello sweetheart! you didn’t bore me at all~ i absolutely adore jes and i’m happy she sent you to me.

i know a lot of people have that “delusional” concept in their heads. i’m ngl, i’m lowkey like that too, i try to stand on a realistic ground, especially for readings. but i do believe that, in some way, celebrities could end up with potential fans aswell.

someone (i don’t quite remember who rn, i’ll make sure to check after i post this) posted once that bangchan’s fs is also a fan, for example. that happens more often than we could ever imagine. some celebrities even prefer it that way (let’s say they like the attention, not in a negative way, they just like being cared for)

in astrology, not everything’s perfect, of course. so even if their charts don’t match perfectly, that’s still a good sign. if you never bleed, you never grow and etc. it’s important to have a few negative sides to every relationship, as long as it’s not abusive! cause if not, how will we know what works and what doesn’t?

so, i read your whole message and the chart you sent as well. and i LOVE the earth energy right here. stable, grounded, and there’s also an open-minded side to the relationship with the gemini mars in the 10th house. could mean a foreigner, someone who’s into literature, or has an academic life, opposite to seonghwa’s which makes sense since he’s a cancer moon conjunct rising. he NEEDS that, haha.

i’d say: you’re completely fine on having your own opinions on it! she seems like she has her own life to handle so i believe that this won’t get in her way. as she said, if it’s meant to be, it’ll be.

don’t worry, you’re definitely not crazy haha. i was like this with my boyfriend before we started dating. but i just wanna let you know to not live like your life depends on it, just let it be~~ who knows? maybe someday their paths could cross, maybe not. let’s wait and see 🫶🏻

thanks for the ask again, love 🥹💞

#astrology #ateez #seonghwa #no but fr #sometimes it happens yk?#and it’s alright #if it’s meant to be it’ll be

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meraki-yao · 2 months

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I just wanted to tell you that I can't wait for you "candies" posts. I, 🤭, actually decided to just tell you anonymously because I might be seen like a crazy person in the replies.😆 But just know that I enjoy reading them because they're so interesting and fun, and yes, I know that it's just Chinese people/fan speculations. I do go outside and touch grass as the people say.☺️

I'm also really interested about the Mary and George post. I just thought it was just about being supportive of each other. I didn't know there could be more "fun" (???) speculations. Oh!!! And also the parallel thing you did, I forgot, I just remember about it mentioning Phil and Dan and JZ. I know you said you don't feel comfortable now to post it but just know that I would like to read it. Not to sound like a creep or crazy person. But it's SO FUCKING INTERESTING! And if this is the only way we get Taylor and Nick "content", then so be it. And it also gets the bad/evil thoughts out of my head when people put Taylor and Nick against each other. And when people say they hate each other.

And even though I sadly don't know Chinese, I've also seen these speculations about these two other pairs. Only on YouTube videos though. But of course, only speculations. So I definitely get what you mean about the whole really great chemistry thing.

Again, interested here. Especially about Taylor, Nick, and RWRB. Of course, take your time and feel comfortable to post it. Again, in the case of Taylor and Nick, I know it's just for fun. 😊

Hi! I'm so sorry it took me a week to reply to you (I'm a bit of a mess irl lmao) but I’m really glad you’re interested and enjoying my candies post! Don’t worry about “seen crazy” especially when you know that this is for fun and just fan speculations, it’s alright!

I just posted the M&G post last night if you haven’t seen it yet! You’re right, the fundamental thing that’s reflected from that is that they’re supportive of each other and close enough to prank and joke around (i.e. Taylor doodling on Nick’s face every chance he gets lol), and the rest… well… let’s just say they’re interesting 😂

I understand what you said about calming you when haters pit the boys against each other. Honestly that’s the main reason I started writing my candies series: if they’re gonna pull all these non-existing strings to show that the boys bate each other, I’ll to the exact opposite and post “evidences” to show that they love each other :D

As for the other two pairs, Dan and Phil are …well, Dan and Phil 😂 I mostly find parallels between TN and JZ, but the reason I’m not comfortable with posting that publicly is because the JZ fandom is quite a mess (if you recall, I mentioned that Z can’t be seen in public because of a very complicated scheme), I hate to mislead anyone but in order to explain the whole situation that will take me forever and possibly bring a lot of JZ haters that I don’t want to or have the energy to deal with. Maybe someday if I can find a better way to concisely summarize the situation. I’m guessing you already know what ship JZ’s referring to since you mentioned watching proof videos on YouTube?

But yeah! Glad you’re enjoying it and having fun, that’s really all I wish to achieve with my posts hehehe

#anon ask #answered

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izzy-b-hands · 3 months

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Life After

Cjizzy smut with ftm Izzy is below the cut! Post S2 fix it; everyone is alive and horny and dealing with an increased sense of their own mortality! In particular, these two lol. Implied polycule and open relationships for Izzy with the rest of the crew as well. Gonna eventually get this on ao3, but for now, on here at least lol.

TW for mention of Izzy's near death experience re: the gunshot wound.

“I just don’t want to think for a little bit,” Izzy murmurs as he settles into Jack’s lap and onto his cock.

“We can do that,” Jack’s hands are warm on his bare back, running slowly, gently, up and down it. “You sit here with me, and we’ll take care of you.”

They’re on a spare cot in the rec room of the ship, where Frenchie ordered quarters be made up for Jack after they found him floating adrift on the waves.

Roach has addressed the wound in Jack’s torso, mostly healed, but a bit of additional babying and care won’t do it any harm from the looks of it.

He tries to be mindful of it as he rests against Jack, letting his head drop to Jack’s shoulder.

“You’re okay,” Jack says softly, soothingly, rocking slightly with the sway of the ship. “I got you. We’re just gonna have some fun, fuck, and not think about anything we don’t wanna.”

He nods into Jack, lifting his head enough to press kisses to his shoulder, his neck, collarbone. The sun wasn’t quite down when they found him, but it’s been cold enough that his skin is still icy to the touch.

“I’m sorry you didn’t get to say goodbye to Ed,” Izzy starts, but Jack shushes him.

“Don’t worry about any of that right now,” Jack says. “I’m sure I’ll run into him again someday, one way or another. Can I roll us over?”

“I’m good with that.”

Despite his more-than-occasional frustrations with Jack, he’s never worried about his safety in Jack’s arms. Now is no different, as Jack holds him close and rolls them over, a hand behind his head helping to guide it onto the cot’s pillow.

“I missed you,” Jack’s head drops down to kiss at his neck, breath warm on his skin. “Been too long since we did anything like this.”

“Maybe I should have been following you around for years,” Izzy mutters. “We could have had more opportunities.”

“Don’t start,” Jack sing-songs softly. “I know your brain. I know how it goes, once you let it get going. It’s been trying to eat you alive with everything that’s happened, hasn’t it?”

He doesn’t need to tell Jack, he knows Jack already knows that’s the truth. He barely made it through the group retelling of everything that’s happened over the last few months without breaking into tears, and it was obvious to everyone the state he was in.

“Let it shut off for tonight,” Jack continues, pausing to kiss him more, each kiss increasingly frantic, like he can’t get enough. “You convinced them to bring me onboard and take care of me. Let me take care of you.”

That does it, and he can’t stop the tears.

“I got you,” Jack thrusts slowly, mindfully. “If you need me to adjust, or stop-”

“I’ll let you know,” Izzy can hear himself sniffling, and wishes he could make himself stop. “I’m good. You’ve never felt anything other than fucking perfect inside me anyway.”

“Now you’re just bein’ nice,'' Jack chuckles, moving to kiss at the side of his eyes, catching the tears as they fall. “But I’ll take the compliment.”

He lets himself melt into the next few kisses, feeling Jack finally start to warm up as they move together.

“Speaking of compliments,” Jack blushes as he thrusts harder. “How would you feel about going for a second round?”

“That close?”

“Oh god, don’t mention it,” Jack laughs softly. “I’m trying to not think about it, so I don’t. You know. But I wanted to warn you-”

“Come in me,” he whispers it into Jack’s ear, nipping gently at his earlobe.

There are a lot of sounds he would admit he finds satisfying, but hearing Jack moan and whimper while his cock pulses inside of him is one of the few that’s in the top five.

“Sorry,” Jack mutters. “Fuck.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Izzy rubs gently at the back of Jack’s neck, running his fingers through his hair. “I like it. And thank you for the compliment with that.”

“You’re welcome,” Jack laughs. “Can I stay inside you?”

“I was hoping you’d say that.”

They readjust again, flipping so Jack can lay on his back.

“Your leg okay?” Jack tentatively touches the spot where Izzy’s knee used to be.

His prosthetic is set carefully against the nearest wall, along with the pile of their clothes. “I’m okay. I’ll let you know when I need to move. Honestly, if anything, now I don’t have to worry about that knee giving out on me if I ride you. No guarantee on the other one though.”

Jack giggles, hands roaming over Izzy’s thighs. “We got matching torso wounds too now. Ain’t that special?”

“Ed and Stede have left their marks on us both,” Izzy mutters. He can’t pretend he wasn’t thinking a bit about Ed when Jack came in him, if only because Ed used to love fucking him and cockwarming until round two as much as Jack does. That, and the way Ed used to thank him for it, peppering his face with kisses, smiling in that uniquely relaxed way in the moment-

“Yeah,” Jack’s voice interrupts his thoughts, a hand reaching up to cup his face. “They left that and more on you, didn’t they?”

“Don’t say it like that.”

“I’m just callin’ it like I see it,” Jack shrugs. “If they’d been smart, they would have kept you for themselves at that inn.”

“And have me do what, exactly? How would I have been of any use to them?”

He doesn’t mean it to come out so harsh, so forceful, but it’s been haunting him since they left the inn. At sea, he can do most of what he used to, albeit more slowly and with accommodation on the days everything hurts and refuses to stop. Those are the days he dreads the most, when the phantom pain in his leg distracts overwhelmingly and the spot where the bullet tried to go through his gut itches and twinges, making him worry he won’t be able to keep up with the rest of the crew.

There’s only been a couple days where he genuinely couldn’t, and stayed back from a raid. No one has held it against him, and Frenchie has told him he can take as many of those days as he needs. He appreciates it, but it somehow doesn’t make it any easier when he’s stuck there, left to hope that everyone will come back okay, that they won’t need his help-

“You keep disappearing into that brain of yours,” Jack interrupts his thoughts again. “Stay here with me.”

He sighs softly, and tries to focus on the moment. How he can feel Jack getting hard again inside of him, the occasional twitch. The warmth of being pressed so close together there, with Jack’s other hand gently teasing his cock and the lips of his cunt as they splay around Jack’s cock.

“Fuck me,” Jack murmurs, head dropping back onto the pillow on the cot.

“I’m working on it,” Izzy scoffs playfully. “I thought we were giving you some more time before the next round.”

“Yeah, no, we are,” Jack mumbles. “Just. You feel so fuckin’ good.”

“Not already-”

“You know very well I’m not there yet,” Jack interrupts. “But goddamn it might not take me long again. I know you might have meant for this to be a one night thing-”

He leans down and kisses Jack. “I’m up for it for as long as you want to hang around with us. And you might as well stay, you’re safer here than anywhere else right now. You have to behave yourself though.”

“I won’t kill anybody else’s birds.”

“No, you fucking won’t,” Izzy flexes himself around Jack’s cock, grinning when Jack whimpers. “Stede told me all about that fucking mess. What the fuck were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t,” Jack replies. “Got no excuse. I fucked up.”

“Well, Buttons is a bird himself now, so you’ll do well to make sure you don’t go after any gulls,” Izzy murmurs into his ear, in between kisses and nipping bites to his neck. “Or the crew will gut you alive.”

“And you’ll watch?”

“If you’d want me to.”

“Kinky, nasty, little fucker,” Jack laughs, pulling himself up to sit against the wall the cot is pushed against with a groan. “Ugh. Felt that right in the cannonball wound.”

“Then let me handle this round,” he shifts on Jack’s cock, letting himself move just enough to make Jack moan again. “I do mean it though. I asked Frenchie when we were pulling you up, if you could stay. As long as you keep your shit together and don’t kill anyone, you’re welcome here.”

“I’d like that,” Jack sighs, his eyelids fluttering shut. “Come here.”

Jack’s hands move from where they’d been resting loosely on his hips, and his arms wrap around him to pull him closer.

He waits for a nod and affirming grunt from Jack before he starts to fuck him in earnest, grinding on his cock.

“I never understood it,” Jack mumbles as they fuck. “How Ed wasn’t fuckin’. Doing everything he could to keep you happy, keep you right by him-”

“He knew I wouldn’t leave,” Izzy murmurs against Jack’s lips before kissing him. “And I didn’t. Not even at the end. Not even when I felt goddamn close to it-”

“You were that close to going? To dyin-”

“I don’t know if a person is supposed to see anything in particular when they nearly die,” Izzy continues, switching to a gentle bounce on Jack’s cock, leaning harder on his full leg to move like he wants. “But I didn’t see jack shit except the light fading. It was close.”

Jack’s hands move back to his hips, helping him bounce. “I’m glad you’re still here.”

He almost stops moving, out of shock. “I thought you weren’t that sentimental.”

But Jack’s head drops against his shoulder, and he switches back to grinding as Jack holds him close and tight, so tight it almost hurts.

Jack’s shoulders hitch, and he moves his hands to rub the back of Jack’s neck. “Hey, I’m here. I’m okay. Slower, still learning how to move like I want to with all of this, but-”

“I don’t think you’ve lost any of your skill with moving,” Jack sniffles, raising his head, tears still falling. “Not like this, at least.”

“Goddamn it,” Izzy sighs, feeling tears at the edges of his eyes. “I just fucking stopped crying.”

“Fuck it, cry while you fuck me,” Jack sobs it as much as he says it. “Maybe we both need it.”

He can’t deny that, even if he doesn’t like it. There’s something fucked up but freeing, fucking Jack as hard as he can, ignoring the ache of his hips, while he lets himself go and weeps into Jack’s shoulder.

“I know you got everybody on here lookin’ after you, whether you’re fucking them or not,” Jack says after a few moments. “But while I’m here, however much longer I manage to survive…I got you too, okay? I want to look after you.”

“If you wanted me to stop crying, you’re going to be disappointed,” Izzy gasps in between something that’s not quite a moan, but not quite a sob. “I love you; you absolute twat.”

“I love you too,” Jack sighs happily. “I don’t normally like saying all that sentimental shit, but it feels so good right now. You can take the piss out of me later for this, but…can you say it again?”

“I love you,” Izzy repeats, breathing into Jack’s mouth before another kiss. “I love you, despite everything we’ve been through, everything we’ve done to each other-”

“You’ve only ever shouted at me, and usually for good reason,” Jack interjects softly, his hips thrusting up to meet Izzy’s movement. “I know you’re feeling good or you would have stopped this by now, but-”

“I’m close,” Izzy murmurs. Jack, bless him, has always been a bit bad at noticing when he’s close. He’s gotten better over the years, but he can’t fault him for being distracted enough to struggle with it tonight. “Either keep doing that, or-”

“Tell me how you want it,” Jack’s arms are warm around him, hips thrusting up harder now. “Quicklike, if you could, though.”

“Either like this, or flip us over again,” he’s actively holding off now, wanting to come as close to when Jack does as possible. “I’d say prone, but-”

“You do love it like that, don’t you?” Jack chuckles.

“I do, but I want to see you when I come,” Izzy continues. He can hear himself panting, and the rest of the crew can probably hear them if they’re in any of the nearby rooms. He doesn’t care; he can apologise for it later. “And if you’re not biting my neck when you come, or kissing me, or something-”

“I know how you like it,” Jack smirks as he moves them, helping Izzy get onto his back without his cock slipping out too much. “If you’re feeling up to it, later we could try it out prone bone. Make sure it still feels as good as it used to.”

“I think we’d better make sure.”

Jack laughs, thrusting hard. “Are you-”

“If you stop, I’ll stab you directly in your fucking cannonball wound.”

Jack laughs again, shoulders shaking, tears still falling. “I fucking love you.”

“Then come in me again.”

He lets himself go just as he feels Jack’s cock start to pulse, drifting on a wave of pleasure that leaves him moaning loud enough that the rest of the crew will definitely hear.

Jack swallows up his moan in another kiss, panting into his mouth. “I know I just said it, but-”

“Keep telling me,” Izzy interrupts. He’s tired of trying to figure out if what he feels is the same as what other people would call ‘love.’ All he knows is he likes Jack, likes being this close to him, and only wants more of it. Maybe that’s love to him, even if it isn’t love to anyone else. It was enough love for him and Ed, for the longest time. “Tell me, please-”

“I love you,” Jack murmurs into another kiss. “I do. The way things are going, we all might be dead in a week. I’m gonna say it and make up for the years I couldn’t, wouldn’t. I love you.”

They lay there, in a sweaty heap, gasping and moaning into each other’s mouths as they come down together.

“I made you a fucking mess,” Jack sighs after another moment. “Can I eat it out of you?”

He cackles. He can’t help it. “Yeah. Yeah, you can.”

Jack moves to settle between his legs, and he lets his eyes shut.

“There you go,” Jack murmurs as he kisses Izzy’s thighs. “We spent most of this time talking, didn’t turn your brain off at all. Now though-”

“Not a single thought,” Izzy interrupts with a contented sigh. It’s been awhile since he’s had anyone do this particular bit, and he’s tempted to ask Frenchie, Roach, and the other crew members he’s been spending nights with if they’d be into it at all. “I promise. Just gonna lay here. Catch my breath-”

“And let me make you come again while I eat you out,” Jack smiles, his head lifted for a brief moment, nose prodding at Izzy’s cock. “Good boy.”

That shuts the rest of his thoughts off, and he can only focus on threading his hands through Jack’s hair, and the feeling of Jack’s lips and tongue on the folds of his cunt.

#text post #cjizzy #the title is eh but i couldn't find any lyrics I liked enough so i just winged that lol #making myself title it now so I don't get caught up on that when i put this up on ao3 fdjakljdasf #it's nearly 430 in the morning and i gotta get my tshot done but pls enjoy this thing where i project a bit onto both of them lmao #it's all good it got some emotions out and writing smut is just. always so satisfying #just feels good to have a completed and published piece too tbh

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asecretvice · 1 year

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have you published/posted any more of your poetry? nights in pink satin has been stuck in my mind for weeks now, and i’d love to read more of your work

also ! do you have any fic recs? i’d never read a supernatural fic before, so i have no idea where to start lol

Wow, thanks so much for your interest in my poetry! That one of them got stuck in your head is a great compliment indeed ^_^ Sadly I do not have poetry published. Maybe someday I’ll get my ducks in a row and start trying again.

As for fic recs....yes? The problem is there are too many! I’ve been in this fandom...well, this summer it will have been ten years. That is a lot of time to read fic. Especially since I don’t know your tastes, I will direct you to two amazing resources--two of many, truth be told, but these are first to come to mind. Truly, we have the most wonderful fandom full of incredibly generous fans who do spectacular things.

One of them is the Destiel Fan Survey. It sadly has stopped (it was a tremendous amount of work, I gather), but for a few years, it was an annual survey run by @unforth soliciting your fav destiel fics you read that year. The AO3 collection has almost 2800 fics in it plus 600 more bookmarked. The beauty of this collection/survey is that each one is the very favorite of someone in the fandom, so no matter your taste you’re going to find something incredible. I know it may seem like a lot, but given that the ship has over 100,000 fics on AO3 alone, this should be a less daunting pool to dive into.

For a more directed route, try The Mixtape Book Club. It’s a podcast run by @malmuses and @ellen-of-oz in which each episode discusses a trope and several awesome fics that use it. They also have an AO3 collection for ease of searching. Peruse their back catalog and pick whichever episode catches your eye! I believe most of them also have transcripts if listening to podcasts is not your thing.

It’d be remiss of me not to mention that all three of the people I called out here are amazing writers in their own right, so don’t forget to look at what they have to offer, too!

I hope this helps as you start out on your spn fic journey. Let me know if there’s anything else I can do! And thank you again for your ask :)

#opal replies #anonymous #living kiss #spn #fanfiction

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chopshajen · 1 year

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I really need to get over myself and post more stuff so here goes

Design update for Janos! Someday I’ll post what they looked like originally too LOL.

They used to have long hair but cut it as a part of a disguise while traveling through the Dwendalian Empire, a country they’re wanted in (for a myriad of reasons, some of which are actually their fault). After a series of pretty unlucky events, Janos was captured by the Empire and tortured for the location of the rest of their party. The party came to bust them out of jail very quickly, all considered, but the damage was done. Luckily it’s mostly cosmetic, if you don’t count the mental trauma.

Despite magical healing being available in this setting, scarring can still happen, dependent on how severe the wound is, how quickly it’s treated, and how much time/magic is invested in fixing it. The torturer repeated downed and healed Janos only to down them again, so I figured the repeated attacks would’ve resulted in some permanent scarring. I have a drabble about what they went through which I might post…maybe

Janos has a giant, intricate tattoo of a tortoise shell on their back, representing their barbarian totem animal (the horizonback tortoise) and it got all sorts of fucked up by the scars. So watch out Parson Pellinost, Janos has yet another reason to really, really hate you.

#when I first designed their short hair disguise look #I gave them round glasses and the fluffy hair #and I was like hang on…this looks really familiar #turns out I’d accidentally reinvented Quilt’s look LMAO #now that the disguise is busted I think they’ll probably just grow their hair out again #also just for the record in case I never post the drabble #the spell the torturer used made their skin crack and shrink all over their body so the scars are everywhere #it did more than that too but my DM spent a not insignificant amount of time describing how their skin got fucked up so I was like #well that sounds like scars are on the table #Janos #DnD personal #my art

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bengalaas · 1 year

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A Year In Review: 2022 Writing

So I’m weeks behind the usual end-of-year memes, but whatever. The past year has not been too great, although good things happened too. Anyway, here’s how it compares in terms of writing: 2019 | 2020 | 2021 |

Writing

I wrote a measly 7600w for A Different Kind of Courage, making 2022 the... third (?) year in a row when I’ve been planning to finish the fic, but then life happens and everything flies out the window. But those were quite solid three chapters and I’m rather proud of them, as the story reached the crash-and-burn end point of an arc. It was terribly satisfying to write. So many things coming finally together, mmm.

In the beginning of last year I randomly started Poludnica / Midday Shadows, a Shadow & Bones fanfic, of all things, and got some 16k words in before Russia’s war in Ukraine made me kinda unwilling to continue writing in a setting/aesthetic based on romanticized Tsarist Russia. But it was very fun while the inspiration lasted and maybe someday I’ll pick it back up.

I also wrote a small ‘Tasertricks in Thedas AU’ oneshot Dancing In the Ruin; a tiny M!Lavellan/Josie drabble Air; a similarly tiny Matt/Elektra ficlet Trade it all in for a lifetime of smelling your skin; and translated two fics: People Caught in a Storm (American Gods) by @spaceinthecage and Leave Barefoot (The Punisher) by She is Hale, which is a prose poem and I’m pretty proud of that one too :)

So that’s 38,600 words writing and 2145w translation.

Somehow, I apparently have had less productive years. (how...??)

Beta thanks

@serial-chillr is still as awesome as ever, she knows the craft, and she also just holds my hand when I haven’t posted anything in a while and suddenly start doubting every single damn thing I know about English grammar XD

Progress

I think Poludnica was the most important learning exercise, as I cut myself some slack and just let myself get some writing done. So there’s some time-jumping, cutting of boring scenes I didn’t want to write, there’s short chapters, there’s more summaries and less descriptions than usual, etc. But apparently the pacing still works okay. So yeah, I guess I now have experience consciously writing an average fic just for fun :D

I also discovered that prose poems are a thing, and that I love them. There should be more of them.

Community

I’ve kinda drifted away from DA and The Hobbit; blazed through Shadow & Bone, and then @sausagesquirrel dragged me into the Daredevil/The Punisher fandom. So I’m making some new friends like @youwouldneverbreakthechain and appreciating the ones I’ve known for years, like the excellent @cafeleningrad, @serial-chillr, @vyrridiana, @dafan7711, and other pocket friends (and @dorianpink came back to tumblr!!) ♥

Comments

Unexpectedly many, on a fic I didn’t give much of a damn about :D So fandom is weird.

But also I’m so impressed by Serial and Squirrel and @valla-valla who have kept reading my fics even in new fandoms: you are so lovely, and your support means a lot to me ♥

2023

Honestly, I just want to finish something by this point lol. I’m hoping to have more free time this year, but I think that, for a while, at least, if I’ll be writing anything, it will be behind the scenes until I’m sure I can carry on. I really don’t want to update and then disappear again.

So that’s the most important plan. Sort out this inconvenience called depression, and fall in love with writing again :)

#beng's writing #bengruminations

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tianhai03 · 2 years

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hey everyone. im not here to post art right now, i just have something on my mind that i kinda wanna ramble about, which i’ll put under a read more below bc its really long lol. i know this is kinda sudden but i promise its nothing serious. stick around if you’re somehow interested in listening to my ramblings, if not then thank you for reading this anyway, and thanks for all your continuous support :)

i cant remember the reason why anymore, but a couple minutes ago i felt like going through all the blogs ive followed on here. i only follow like 276 blogs if i remember correctly, it’s not much considering how i’ve been here since 2015. i probably felt like looking through it because i was reminded of an artist i follow here and i wanted to see if they’ve updated anything, i have no clue lol.

anyways i looked through the list, and i found a lot of artists ive followed since my early days in 2015, when i first started posting art. some i still remember fondly, some i have vague memories of, and others... i just dont recognize anymore. the only thing im sure of is that they were all artists i looked up to very much, artists who have also definitely motivated me to keep drawing just so i can be as good as them someday. im confident enough to say that ive gotten close to a lot of their levels already, and i am now very comfortable with drawing in a style that is uniquely my own. i have all these artists to thank for that.

but... another thing ive also realized is, most of them arent posting anymore. some have already stopped before i myself stopped tumblr briefly in around 2019, but a lot of them stopped at that exact same year. it makes me kinda sad, i remember looking forward to these artists’ drawings often, but a lot of them just kinda dipped out of existence 3 years ago, without other social medias that i can check to make sure theyre still around. it made me think about how hellish every year has been starting from 2019, it mightve only been 3 years but it sure felt like its been a decade. all i can do right now is hope that they’re still okay, somewhere in the world, still safe and still doing whatever they love.

and on the same note, i hope every single person who is still following me, who still constantly come up to this crumbling website, maybe even look forward to me posting my art; i hope you guys are doing well too. i know there are a lot of people who were from my old 2018 dmc days (since i came back to the fandom just half a year ago and a lot of people started checking up on me again), some of you guys were probably even from my earliest 2016 undertale days; whether you followed me 6 years ago or just today, i want to thank you guys, from the bottom of my heart, for always giving me kind support on the things i do. i am not joking when i said i wont be here right now if it werent for you guys. thank you so, so much.

#guess i just felt like getting sappy today.#im sorry if this makes anyone anxious; i promise i am totally okay and nothing bad is happening to me #it's just... sometimes you look back on your life to remember the things you've done that led to the life you have today #ive been doing that a lot lately. and i just wanted to talk about what ive thought about #i actually feel a lot better thinking about things like this. it reminds me of the reason why i started drawing in the first place #with how things have been lately especially with my own uni life; it gets so frustrating its very easy to forget why i liked drawing so much #but im not gonna forget about it now; even if i stop drawing someday i'll forever hold on to these memories #i probably sound like a broken record now but; genuinely; thanks for everything i really do appreciate it #allyrambles #long post #if youve read till here #through this long ass post ive been writing for over 30 minutes now #do me a favour and talk to a long time friend you have that you havent talked to in a while #yknow the ones. you were super close but then you just slowly stopped talking to each other? even though nothing bad happened?#do me a favour and just shoot them a message. a short one will do #even a little 'hey we havent talked in a while; just wanted to check up on you and make sure youre still okay' is enough #times are tough right now. it has been for the past 2 years for everyone #if you can do it; im sure it will brighten someone's day up; to know that theres someone out there who still cares #someone will appreciate the kindness #im gonna go now. this post has gotten way longer than i expected and its almost time for bed #i hope everyone has a decent day :) thanks again for reading #hopefully i dont regret this someday lol

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wheretheivystillgrows · 10 months

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I’m in Europe right now!

I’m here with my family, traveling to different cities. I’m enjoying it so much. I recently started a new medication and stopped two of my older ones that were hurting me. This new one along with medications for my stomach have done incredible things for me. I’ve been able to have pizza without being sick for 4 days afterwards, I’ve had gelato and chocolate and cheese and my body is somehow able to handle it now. It’s crazy! It makes me want to cry. It’s been 7 years of this. 7 years of missing out on family experiences, family dinner, family trips, and just happiness in general. I should be crazy, crazy sick right now even just from the food I’ve had. Usually I would be incapacitated from eating even one of those things. Today I have a migraine, but it’s the first intense one since this trip started, which was about two weeks ago. I’m sore throughout my body, but not as sore as usual. My stomach pain and nausea have been worse today, but still mild compared to my usual pain I had before these medications. I went on a tour through Zürich, Switzerland and it was so beautiful. The sights were beautiful, but it was also very beautiful and healing for me to be able to do something like that without crashing 30 minutes into it. By the end of the tour (it was like 4 hours-ish, I think), everyone was exhausted but I wasn’t as tired and painfully sore as I usually am after going somewhere like the mall. My doctors haven’t diagnosed me but are basically treating me for fibromyalgia, migraines, weird mysterious stomach issues, and depression. All of those thing seem to have gotten significantly better since I started the newest medication like 3 weeks ago. My family is so happy for me, but if we’re being honest, no one can truly understand what this means to me unless they’ve been through it themselves. I’ve been isolated and robbed of soooo much, and I’m finally getting to live again, finally getting to genuinely smile and laugh again. It’s always scary for me to have hope bc for some reason, in the past I always seemed to be punished for thinking that maybe I could be whole someday and my body would just torture me even more. But, I can’t but feel hopeful this time. Tentative hope, but it’s still there. There’s still so much fear that I’m carrying that probably most people with chronic illnesses carry. A lot of fear, anger, hopelessness, sadness, trauma, anxiety, should I go on? Lol. But I’m gonna work on it, I promise. At least I have medical support now for depression so that should help me as well.

Anyway, here are some pictures I took in Switzerland:

Switzerland is the most beautiful place I have ever seen in my life. I am so lucky to be here and to be able to enjoy it with my family.

Yesterday, it rained all day long and we were all so tired. So we just slept in and chilled all day. I sat on the hotel patio, listened to music and read. The light rain was so calming and it was cooler than the past few days had been and it smelled so good and fresh. That was exactly what I needed to rest and recuperate a little bit of my strength (and sanity).

I think I want to do like a post about my interests and about who I am outside of my illness. Of course, I’m the only one reading this right now, but i think would be fun for me and also I want to remind myself that there is more to me than being sick and depressed. I’m not like this super cool person that everyone wants to be around at all times lol, but maybe I’ll find some people here that enjoy similar things and we can be friends.

Okay, well, that’s all for today folks. Tune in next time ;)

— Love, Ivy 🌱

#chronic illness #migraines #ibs #depression

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