#maybe get ahead on school

[verystressedcollegestudent]

god ive just completely wasted the last two months of my life haven't i 🙃

#so originally my plan was to take about a month off then get a job #at the local theater #but then my mom decided we had to immediately fly out to florida bc of a family emergency #so i thought 'well we got that family vacation in june so ill wait till that's out of the way then get a job #but NO #immediately after THAT trip we had to go out of town for a funeral #and THEN we had to drive to pittsburgh bc my aunt hAsnT sEeN uS iN fOreVeR #and all of a sudden it's the fourth of july #im JUST NOW getting hired AND had to postpone a paperwork session bc the stupid system didn't send me the stupid link #so i have to start like a WEEK late #AND my parents decided we're doing a week long family road trip to florida to visit family #and all in all im just tired of all this like i just want to spend the last month and a half at home working a part time job #maybe get ahead on school #there's this random ass family car trip at the end of the month then i have like TWO AND A HALF FUCKING WEEKS before i have to move in #i probably could have started work two weeks ago if it weren't for these random family trips my parents decided we're going on #and both of them were like drive six hours stay one day drive six hours #SO WHAT WAS EVEN THE POINT #just two full days of driving and one day there every time #like ik my family loves road trips bc flights for 8 people are super expensive #but this is ridiculous i am SICK of road trips and we got two 14 hour trips this summer fml #anyone who sees this ik ik first world problems #but im tired #im just so tired disappointed in myself and so so goddamn STUPID

[vse-kar-vem]

together in every universe. or something

#bojan cvjetićanin #kris guštin #joker out #im neglecting schoolwork to draw this but that seems like the norm at this point #hoping if i get it all out of my system now i'll be normal during exam szn (in like. a week 😨) #<<sorry if i keep talking about school btw (semi age reveal ahead) gcses are fucking killing me uuaghhgshhahhhaj #i actually quite like this since i started drawing on a whim this afternoon and its only ten now #i dont even mind the lineart (DONT LOOK AT BOJANS HAND OR ILL JUMP OUT A WINDOW) #only a one storey one tho 💗💗💗 can't die without seeing bokris irl <<pipe dream as im too embarrassed to go to a concert #NO because bumping into jo in london would be my worst fucking nightmare 😭😭😭 #what do i even fucking say 'hey are you jan from jo--' NO id combust on the spot #and what if im bothering them uknow 😭😭 idk but i used to live in an asian city where none of my idols from the west would ever visit #(except safiya love you safiya) so keeping the real life person and fictiinalized versions apart in my brain and/or at arms length was easy #but now that i live in the uk and the chances of seeing them irl are non-zero? and presented with the chance to #actively seek them out and you know go to a concert #im just too scared and awkward to do it #maybe i'll bully my friend into going with me #i feel safer revealing age more in the fucking depths of these tags but another thing that makes me feel awkward about going is age #like ik lots of jo fans are younger than me and there's no shame at all in bringing your parents i just feel so embarrassed?? to??? #like i'd rather go with my friends #but that would require at least us riding the train alone and i am a small east asian girl who never looks up from the floor ever #sooooo #not happening any time soon #maybe next yr?? but probably not #unless i suddenly get a lot more independant and cool #i doubt anyone's read this much of my tags but if you have 😭😭 hope you like the art i guess #at the time of me writing i want to draw more but i'll see #(you will know since it will have been posted) #a tag previously used to say 'queueing to post at school' this is false as i am now in fact nauseous at home #my art

[birgittesilverbae]

Sister "I became skilled at so many things just so I would still have value" Beatrice not having hobbies makes me feral. Camila has her music, Shannon had her art, Mary had her cooking, Lilith has her being-a-massive-bitch, and Beatrice is over there like "I have encyclopedic knowledge of the fighting styles of every woman in this convent, and also I have spreadsheets"

girl, ava shouldn't have to yeet herself into another dimension for you to realize you need a better work-life balance

#no wonder you reached your breaking point the first time someone really invested themselves in you as you are #rather than judging your worth by what you could bring to the table #(teen bea at boarding school like maybe if I'm top of my class maybe if I'm winning martial arts tournaments maybe they'll let me come home #teen bea devoting every waking moment to bettering herself because that's the only way she could get her parents to notice her as a kid #teen bea losing herself in the focus and isolation of individual sport) #(adult bea trying and trying and planning a museum heist and /failing/ and losing ava and if she can't do what's asked then she's worthless #adult bea coming undone becoming desperate chasing and chasing and chasing and vehement that Ava thinks she has worth as a matter of course #believes in that and believes in Ava hard enough to power through the fog plague #adult bea who enters the church and flies true as an arrow towards ava comes back to her path every time she's dealt with an opponent #adult bea heading dead ahead towards her north star towards the space at ava's side where she belongs) #warrior nun #sister beatrice #ava x beatrice #avatrice

[metalandmagi]

Someone: so how are you?

Me: The reason why High School Musical The Musical The Series works so well is because at the end of the day, it took the correct but surface level message of the original movies (that theater is for everyone, even jocks and math nerds), and added a sense of depth to it that reflects reality better than pretty much any other theater focused show or movie I've ever seen.

When I say that, I mean that shows or movies that involve a drama club or theater in general will take the message of "theater is for everyone" and really only apply it to queer (and sometimes only queer coded) outcasts. And yeah, it's true that theater is for the queer outcasts. I'm saying this as a queer person who loves theater! Theater is a major safe space for all the queer people who were picked last in dodgeball, and that will never change. But some things (*cough* the Theater Camp movie *cough*) will take that idea and project their message as "yeah, theater is for everyone" but they really only mean those types of people. HSMTMTS, on the other hand, understands that theater is not just for the queer outcasts, but for everyone.

Yes, there are queer kids in the East High Drama Club (who have significant arcs and get to be more than just stereotypes). There are also straight kids in the club (who also get full character arcs and get to be more than the butt of the joke in a theater environment). They are able to co-exist. There are certified skater bois who start off only caring about themselves. There are water polo players with six packs who have also been into theater for years. There are shy kids who don't think they can handle being on stage and then really come into their own by the end of the series. There are kids with anxiety. There are outgoing kids who want to be the center of attention. There are kids who have been kicked out of school for their attitude problems and kids who have never been in one place long enough to get attached to people. There is never a joke made about the straight, good looking, social butterflies not belonging in the club, because Miss Jenn truly understands the message that THEATER IS FOR EVERYONE, not just the Sharpays and Ryans. In this essay, I will-

#high school musical the musical the series #hsmtmts #rant in the tags ahead #i feel like some people will be mad at me for saying this... #but this aspect of Theater Camp bugged the shit out of me #i get that it was supposed to be funny and yes I loved the movie overall and yeah it's funny how the kid came out as straight to his dads #but don't say “yeah theater is for everyone” and then have Ben Platt tell someone who is doing his best that this place isn't for him #not without rectifying it in the end at least #maybe that part of the movie was satire but they never address it again in the end so I have to wonder if they really meant it

[theriverbeyond]

slowly introducing meat back into my diet after being a vegetarian for 20 years and truly, the one who benefits most out of this situation is my cat

#me when he wants to eat my veggies and carbs: NO!!!!! #me when he wants my chicken: maybe.... just a tiny shred......... 🥺 #trb.txt #cat #also to get ahead of it obviously i am not feeding him like. seasoned chicken. just a tiny bit of cooked plain #anyway this is my news and updates #please know i am scrolling just as much as ever but school is grinding me rn hence less posts

[chloeseyeliner]

help, now that i have stopped tearing up at every mention of the series, the young royals forever documentary and the bts videos have brought my past obsession with film-making back-

#beware: rambling ahead!!! #so when i was in high school a secret dream of mine was to go to film school #because i was mesmerised by the whole process of writing and directing and everything the crew typically does during filming #and i was reading so much stuff about all the different angles and symbolism and the like #but of course my mother wouldn't let me #(very neil perry of me lmao) #and i mean i was trying to be realistic too #because i don't come from money and greece is not exactly a great place to be an artist #(since i wouldn't be able to go abroad and chase my dreams or something like that i am not the main character in a disney movie) #so like i threw this dream into the bin along with being an astronaut (i was bad at physics because no one ever explained anything to me- #-before last year of high school i still don't know how i technically aced my uni entering physics exam lol ANYWAY) #and don't get me wrong #i like the path i have chosen now (which was at the beginning at least also against my mother's wishes but she thinks it 'has money' so- #-she 'allowed it' as if- i won't say anything worse i'll regret later i'll just leave it be) #i like it very much because i can help people and maybe contribute to making this world a better place #i just... #i watched the documentary some days ago and it's all i can think about (along with the show of course) #like i LOVE the cast #but the crew is magnificent as well #what they create is like magic #anyway #young royals #filmmaking

[july-19th-club]

me age seven being sat down in front of the school’s district child psych lady and being given strange, simple spatial puzzles to solve and then long, complicated worksheets and hammering my way through them at the speed of light while having zero comprehension what their purpose was or why i was here: this is urgent! i have to get a good grade in Weird Puzzles, Or Else, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve,

#kjalkjsdalkjasdl mrs button was a nice lady but not one adult in my childhood ever seemed to notice what to me now seems like #a pretty obvious case of the autisms #then again maybe they just didn't look as hard unless it was *really* obvious back then . it was like. what. 2000? a couple years later #everybody was talking about autism but not when i was six or seven then it was usually just when it was Very Visible #a couple years later my cousin who's more visibly on the spectrum than me got her diagnosis so young that she's pretty much always had it #which is...well i think it's just made her life difficult in a different way. people underestimate her or don't treat her like she's her age #but then she's always had the opportunity to get accommodations and people are sometimes more forgiving when she can't do something #whereas i got labeled 'kid that should be ahead of the game' from a pretty young age and then when i struggled adults either ignored it #or it was just a huge hassle to them and even i could see it exasperated them to have to work around me #but because mrs button (nice lady but what were you thinking) hadn't told them to treat me like a kid with a developmental disorder #they didn't do that in good OR bad ways . so i never got any accommodations with school stuff i struggled with which was a fair bit #i wasn't supposed to need extra testing time in a quiet room or tutoring with math or help organizing my abysmally scattered things #the only time i DID get that was in sixth grade when i was sort-of friends with this kid jonathan who was Very On The Spectrum #he wasn't really a talker unless it was about whatever he was reading which suited me fine so we just kind of existed in each other's space #and his TSS was this very smart and nice lady who had clearly clocked that Something Was Going On With Me and even though it wasn't like #her JOB she made a little bit of time for me. mostly with emotional stuff (i think i was under the impression she was a therapist?) #but if i had some problem with being unable to keep friends or being frozen out by the kids i wanted to be liked by (happened often) #she'd be able to just like. be there she'd make the time . wish i could remember her name

[miss-mossball]

Roommates talking

#marion the wizard #prince haze #doodle heaven #modern au #my ocs #haze and marion were roommates in university :v (along with Siegfried maybe?) #marions a few years ahead of his twin in school stuff so he ended up going to the academy in cygni like haze :v #hes coping with a lot of stuff too so he gets into drugs and alcohol and lots and lots of sleeping around #haze is also coping with a lot but he went more the recluse route #they usually hate eachother very much #suicidality tw #suicide tw

[truecorvid]

i didn't think the leopards would eat my face!!!!!!!!!!!! (all of my professors cancelling classes in solidarity with the student union strike)

#teeth.txt #*through gritted teeth* solidarity. forever. #to be clear i do think this is a good thing i just didn't expect it and i like going to my classes despite how much i bitch abt it #so i'm just a lil sad. #but also maybe this will just get admin to respond faster #they sent out some thinly veiled panic emails this morning #anyways i think this is me being a little cosmically punished because guess what happened four years ago #during the last semester of my senior year of high school #actually i think maybe that's part of why i'm maybe more affected/upset than i would otherwise be. lol. lmao even #welp. guess i'll go ahead and stand on the picket lines since i actually don't have anything else to do now #also when i say 'all my professors' i mean two bc two of my classes are being taught by the same prof #double also allegedly she's just uh. 'sick' but i'm pretty sure she just doesn't want to say it's a solidarity thing #bc the faculty union members are technically not supposed to do those #and then my other prof is a visiting professor so i think he might not be a part of the union or just doesn't care bc he was like #yup strikes on. no class tomorrow gang #welp. gonna go write some angry emails to admin

[simple-and-cozy-life]

I've been so stressed from the changes happening in my life that I forgot that, even though this is going to suck, God is going to get me through this transitional time. Eventually, I will have the stability that I need and I will have a family.

Life will persist and so must I.

#ive been very very stressed #i dont like that im not going to be a school teacher for two years #even though i will ve teaching college #i wont have a stable income #ill have a job to get me through grad school #but nothing like my teaching job with benefits #my boyfriend is supportive though #we'll make it through #itll be ok #today is a tough day because its the last full day of school #i want to jump ahead when i have a family and all is well #and life is predictable again #and stable #but this will be an excellent opportunity and i will accomplish so much #im going to get a masters in music #and maybe one day get my doctorate #plus ill be by my boyfriend's family so thats ok #and ill have roommates #my new apartment seems nice too #just gotta keep going and itll be ok #and manage my stress better #catholic #grad school #i am going to get my ass handed to me in the first semester of grad school though #this professor is very kind and welcoming and she thinks the world of me so ill be taken care of #i must try #and itll be ok

[miodiodavinci]

a a a a a tired and buzzy , , , , ,

#can't seem to want to stay awake . . . . . . #even though i just got through sleeping for 17 hours and then napped for another 3 hours sdkjfhgklj #if i sleep now i get the feeling i'll probably just wake up around 4am again #but i also don't want to waste the day considering tomorrow's my last day off before things get hectic #a a a a a a but i did spend this entire week barely being able to sleep so it makes sense that my body wants to make up for it now . . . . #weh . . . . . #maybe . . . . . . . i will go ahead and sleep . . . . . . . #and if i wake up early i can spend some time watching things or working on projects again #i basically haven't worked on anything this entire week outside of necessary school things . . . . . . . #alas . . . . . .

[daz4i]

love my social worker he's so sweet and i love my mentor/guide/one day i'll find a fitting english word for what her role is too. last time i met the former he said they talked abt the thing i'm starting this thursday and said "while it feels like these circumstances may be impossible for you, logically speaking you shouldn't succeed there, yet both of us are certain you will" which is very nice but also AAAAAAAAAAAAA

#they're right like these ARE p much impossible circumstances for me #but i do think they think too highly of me and i'm definitely gonna disappoint them 🥲 #this was both assuring yet. like. pressuring. if that's the right word idk #ik there's the whole. 'what if i fail' 'but what if you don't' back and forth but genuinely. realistically speaking. i most likely will #i have never been able to maintain those daily structure stuff like school for example #and while i do hope that since this is only 4 short days a week (with a break in between 2 and 2) and smth i like doing - #- then i'll have an easier time. but. it's still gonna be so hard. #there's a reason i don't go out or wake up early ughhhhh it's bc i hate doing it. idk if theater would be enough to make up for that #and what if i don't like the people what if i don't get along with the directors what if i struggle with remembering lines or physicality #which will make it all so much harder and make the part i'm supposed to love unpleasant as well #what would i do then 🥲 #. why am i anxious about this rn. i have a tough day ahead of me for a different reason i should probably focus on first 🫠 #vent #sorryyyyyyy it's 1 am and i need to clear my brain out it seems #also maybe i want. advice. or encouragement. idek what i want. here. i don't wanna have to worry abt this but that's impossible ofc #(my mom told me today that she wants to tell me there's nothing to stress about but she knows that'll just be incorrect 😭 and she's right) #(dw she meant it nicely and gently as in she knew i'd just get mad at her for saying it lol. and i mean. again. gotta be realistic)

[itstimeforstarwars]

The struggle about posting stories that I KNOW are going to be zero-note wonders is that I have to finish them before I post them. I have to rely on myself to enjoy them enough to finish them, both because I will not be getting feedback from readers saying 'wow I'm so excited about this!!' but also my brain will interpret a lack of positive attention as people hating it instead of as a reasonable lack of interest due to writing about unpopular characters or writing in a dead fandom. This is one of the fun tricks you learn when you've been writing for over a decade.

#chit chat #conversely if i know that a handful of mutuals are gonna adore a story and I'm having trouble with it I'll go ahead and post the first chap #because the excitement of my friends is often the push i need to get the words flowing #see: galidraan #ofc this only works when the world is not crushing my face to the dirt but there's only so much u can control #obviously i am still going to post my darling zero note oneshots #i used to not post things that i expected wouldn't be popular and five computers later i have lost everything #except what i posted on ffnet #so like. if it gets finished it gets posted at this point #because i had stories that i LOVED and i still remember fondly and i fucking LOST them forever #because it was on an old computer that my parents upgraded #because it was saved on a floppy disk that my grandmother threw out #because it was in the gmail of my school account that got shut down the day i graduated and even tho i shared it to my other account #it was deleted #no #i have learned that i must post #on this account. on my ffnet account. on my cringe omg nobody look at this account. #let it be preserved as long as it can in as many places as possible and then maybe i can see it ten years on

[lesbiacnh]

omg i get a little stressed and to cope i end up playing esthetician until 130 am and go to bed feeling worse than before. and like id pluck every leg hair out but haven’t brushed my teeth yet. and after that my skin gets soo bad and im like whattttt why is this uappening.

#text #the past couple of months have been crayzeeeeeee but now things are cslm. but im still 🫨🫨🫨 mentally bc im not in a good routine or anything #it always starts bc im like ‘i need to take better care of myself’ and then ends badly. lol #tiktok ‘everything shower’ joke kinda made me get back into the strange habit of doing the absolute bare minimum + doing everything in one #night and feeling worse. instead of like having a more consistent routine #rly i need to start working out again. it helps me regulate things bc i like to plan ahead lol #im on anxiety meds now so im gonna TRYYYYYY to help myself by getting in a better routine #AND BY THAT. i mean SLOWLY bc ive gone through this cycle before and and starting things all on the same day is a variant of this. #and i gotta get off my phone. my neck fucking hurts from sitting weird and scrolling too long #tiny bit cringy to admit but i want to find a stim toy that i could do the same scroll motion on. if that makes sense #like a smooth peice of metal or something. maybe i’ll buy a little keychain and see if that could replace the motion while im chillin doing #something else #SORRY if anyone does read this usually i reread my posts to make sure im coherent before posting but its 140 something am and im high again #ALSO 2024 resolution im done being high on most week nights. i need to calm down w it #ok last thing bc this is funny #phoebe bridgers song came on while i was driving home and the one lyric was like im not afraid of going back to school……. #and it hit me in that exact moment bc I AMMMMMM AFRAID TO go back to school but im not‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ it’s fine‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ i am not gonna #ok goodnight. i brushed my teeth #sabotage this.

[secondstar-acorn]

GODSSSS I HATE TRANSITIONS I HATE CHANGE I HATE MOVING AROUND CONSTANTLY FUUUUUUUUCK

#I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine #it’s fine I loooooove getting used to being back home and then having to go back to school #and I loooooove going to school and feeling comfortable and maybe okay with myself and then I have to go back home #I love it i love it i love it #I love never knowing what’s ahead and having to change my personality constantly #it’s amazing it’s soooo fucking fun #fuck fuck fuck #I gotta remember I’m building it up in my head #school will be fine #I refuse to be miserable this semester I fucking refuse #I’m going to leave the house at LEAST once a day that’s the goal #I Will take up crafts to do each day #maybe a coloring book #goddammit my life will be fulfilling #FUCK #fuuuuuuck #:D #I’m great I’m fine I’m fantastic #star rambles #sorry y’all I needed to get out my thoughts #ignore me

[salsflore]

#its always the fucking chemistry projects that ruin my life #not ready to go back to school ... getting home late & eating the same food everyday & having less free time & hanging out with the same few #people i honestly! don’t even like that much.. zzz i don’t wanna receive my test results either – esp not for math #and i KNOW it gets 100x worse in a college/uni/work environment i think i’m just being a bit of a crybaby but i can’t bring myself to #look forward to anything at all. pass my exams & graduate yay ^__^ -> immediately go back and study some more #then i’ll have to get a job and afhjdkf... maybe i’m thinking too far ahead but it all feels inevitable anyways so does it matter if i am? #i don’t know why i’m struggling so much compared to my peers who don’t see any of this as an issue at all #was i cursed to be sad since primary school #i can’t even talk to anyone about it because my dad [ though he has good intentions ] almost always ends up feeding me a variant of #think about your future Or thats just how student life is. meanwhile my mom will begin a competition of Who Has It Worse?! #my sister has her own stuff going on and my religious aunt will say something along the lines of [ have faith & go with the flow ] #i wish i had someone to confide in but i only ever really have myself i think. it sucks cuz no one seems to get it at all #i know objectively thats probably not true but. ahh i feel so disconnected from everyone #cw negative #cw vent #i didnt intend for this to become a whole thing but i got carried away #💭