#but now that i live in the uk and the chances of seeing them irl are non-zero? and presented with the chance to | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hotwings0203 · 3 years

Note

as ur irl bestie i am cashing in my favor and am asking- no begging for a dilf damon fic pls <3

😑fine fineee I guess I can take a quick break from writing BNHA stuff for you🙄

CW: NSFW, Damon Albarn being an a-hole, manipulation, gaslighting, language minor stuff like that

The studio itself was pretty spacious, you couldn't lie. As much as you loathed to give this cursed group any more credit, you were hard-pressed to remember the last time you´d been called into such a professional recording booth. You were used to dingy atmospheres, crumbling walls, stained carpet, and even cramped garages at times. It felt like your years of meticulously swaying your hand back and forth on the rosin and tuning your strings until they damn near popped were slowly going down the drain, lost in spaces of screaming adolescent boys and shady market agents. The streets of London were unforgiving for a young musician like you, no room to turn to since others were exactly in the same position as you.

It was by pure coincidence that the day you had played for a local cafe for a small commission, Graham fucking Coxon was sitting in the back of the run-down joint, sipping a murky glass of Bourbon.

You didn't notice him at first, of course. You had simply let the music in your mind travel from your head down to your arms, and allowed it to move through your fingertips to your bow. The serene melody that sang through the air had turned his head to face you, the shitty drink in his hand stopped halfway to his mouth.

Your solo was only a couple of minutes, but the second you were done and packing your bags to head out, the brunette made a beeline for you, blocking your exit.

¨Uh, can I help you?¨ You cock your head and shift your violin case.

¨Yes, you can actually. Listen, I know this is gonna sound a bit straightforward, but I really liked your piece. Did you compose it yourself?¨ He sounds quiet and sounds nervous, with him barely looking you in the eyes.

¨Yeah, I did!¨ You can´t help but beam-it took you several days just to perfect a few meager lines, but in the end you were content with the piece.

¨Wow...that's serious talent right there,¨ He opens the door for you, and you nod before you head out, him trailing behind you as he leaves with you.

¨You make a good amount of money doing small jobs like this?¨ His voice is nasally and low, but with a slightly higher pitch than your typical London accent.

At this, you squint your eyes a bit and turn your head at him. It was nice of him to be interested in your work, but for someone you don't personally know, the idea of talking about your small gigs that merited little to no money was not something you were fond of.

He senses your hesitancy and immediately withdraws. ¨I´m sorry, that was probably rude of me to be so blunt about it. Actually, I don´t think I´ve properly introduced myself.¨ He stops to face you, and you do the same.

¨I´m Graham Coxon. You may or may not have heard of me, but I can assure you that I too enjoy music, as an understatement.¨ He extends a calloused hand and smiles a little bit, adjusting the blocky glasses on his face.

Graham...Coxon? Graham as in....oh, holy shit.

¨No way.¨

¨Er...unfortunately, yes way.¨ His soft voice lilts as he holds back a laugh, and you gape at him.

¨Oh my god!¨ You drop your violin case in the excitement of eagerly returning his handshake. ¨You-you're from Blur! I know you!¨

¨Was from Blur, and ´careful now, don´t wanna ruin your instrument. But listen, I´m kind of in a bind here so I´ll get to the chase. We´re working on a few chords here and there back at the studio, and I´ve been on the lookout for a while for someone who fits our tune. ´Thing is, the deadline for submitting our song is comin´ up fast, so we only have a couple weeks left.¨

You raise your eyebrows, heart pounding in your chest as you listen to his proposition.

¨So I´m thinking, you sound pretty good, it's exactly what we need to fill in our bridge. I´d love it if you came in and played a tune for us. If we like you and you´re cool with it, you could feature on our song.¨

It feels surreal. Were you hearing right? Graham Coxon from Blur asking you to play on his song? This had to be a prank.

¨Ẅait, but you've only heard me once, what if my sound doesn't match what you're actually looking for?¨ You stammer, palms clammy as you wipe them off on your trousers.

¨Well, that's what a rehearsal session is for, lovely,¨ He chuckles nervously and slides his slightly foggy glasses up his nose. ¨So, you wanna give it a go?¨

You think for a moment, biting your lower lip. There wasn't exactly anything stopping you now, was there? I mean, sure, the prospect of playing in front of one of UK's most famous bands was daunting, but this was your chance to finally be recognized!

Taking a deep breath, you pick up your fallen case and nod. ¨Alright, I´m in. When you do wanna meet up?¨

Graham visibility deflates in relief, letting out a shaky exhale. ¨Great. I'll text you the time and place, yeah? The boys and I´ve gotta get a few more things set up, so we´ll be in contact soon.¨

You both exchange numbers, your phone tingling in your hand long after you bid farewell and drive home in a buzz.

When you finally get home to your apartment, you throw your keys onto the counter and flop down onto the mattress. What a fucking day.

So many thoughts bounce around in your addled head. You want to do well, but obviously you don't have their kind of experience in the industry. Should you play more in tune with their song, or continue with your own sound? An idea pops into your head amidst your lunch, a few hours later. Why not just do some more research on the band themselves? Then you'd know exactly what kind of music they're looking for.

The boys and I´ve gotta get a few more things set up.

Oh yeah, who else was in the band? It's not like you didn't know who Blur was at their peak, but you paid more attention to their music rather than their faces. Truthfully, you never really basked in tabloids and newspapers purring about the next big scandal, or the top dogs of Britain´s industry when that stuff was relevant.

You abandon your pathetic sandwich and make your way to your laptop, sliding into a chair and getting down to business. After a few quick searches, you pull up a couple tabs around the name Blur.

Graham Coxon- Recovering alcoholic. Big fight with Damon Albarn.

Alex James- Cute boy turned conservative. Classic case.

Dave Rowntree- Mainly untouched. Became a successful lawyer. Good for him.

Damon Albarn- A fucking mess.

Puffing up your cheeks and putting your hands behind your head, you lean back in your chair. Good god, this man is a wreck. Headlines from decades ago swim in and out of your eyes, loud, obnoxious neon prints of Justine and Damon broken up again? Suede claps back!, or Will the Blur Brothers ever come back to each other? Find out first-hand from Coxon himself!, and worst of all, Albarn relapses again, Damon Albarn from Blur goes head-to-head with Liam and Noel-news flash, the brothers win!

You think you see something about him and a potential wife and child, and that's when you decide it's time to sleep.

After all, there's no point in getting caught up in any of their backstories.You were just there to play a solo and get out. Nosing around in their lives was more trouble than what it was worth, anyways.

Which is exactly what you kept trying to tell yourself as you walked into the modern studio two weeks later, its grey soundproof walls and white floor screaming fancy and rich to you. And fancy and rich didn't come without grit and experience, which you had none of. As if to emphasize your inexperience, you went into the wrong halls twice before you exasperatedly checked your messages with Graham and saw that no, it wasn´t room 311, it was room 113.

Finally, finally, you came across your designated room. The mahogany door was closed, and you placed a hand on the silver knob. You could faintly hear the sounds of a guitar being played from the inside, and it was curiosity above everything else that compelled you to push it open.

From behind the clear window that separated the booth from the recording area, you see them. Graham, Damon, and other men you don't recognize are all in the midst of the song, the same song Graham had texted you the PDF of for the violin notes. You sheepishly take a few steps forward and clear your throat to catch the attention of a bald man leaning back against his chair right in front of the glass. He turns around and you give a weak little wave, clutching your case in the other hand.

¨Hey, I´m here for-¨

¨-Yeah, yeah, Graham told me all about you. Go on ahead and join in, they just started.¨ He pulls a toothpick out from between his lips and gestures to the door of the divider.

You feel your heart pounding in your chest as you make your way through the second door, and the second you step inside meekly, Damon and Graham´s eyes are on you.

Graham continues to play the guitar, only lighting up his eyes and giving you an encouraging nod when you step in, and the other two men on bass and saxophone also give a quick smile in greeting. And Damon…well.

Damon barely acknowledges you.

He continues to sing and stare straight ahead at the wall in front of him as if there's an interesting scene being played out on the grey paint.

You´re unsure of whether to catch his attention and give a proper greeting, but you decide not to as it would interfere with the song. So instead, you quickly grab a nearby chair and stand and set up your rosin and papers.

Your timing is perfect; the bridge is about to come up. Just to be certain, you look up from your poised position and catch the eyes of most everyone except for Damon´s. They all give you a quick thumbs up or an expectant look for your confirmation of playing.

And then, it comes. Damon stops singing, and your cue to sweep your bow across the horse hairs of your strings comes.

Melodious, whole, fulfilling, it was. Graham´s guitar chords harmonized with the tones of your violin, and music that you´ve never dreamed of creating was made by your hands exceptionally.

Everyone was in awe of your raw talent, from the way their gazes were rapt onto your bow, moving back and forth,staying still in some highs and whittling away at the lows. You even thought you saw the producer from inside the booth turn his head towards you from the corner of your eye, but you couldn´ be sure.

Everyone except Damon Albarn.

The song ended a minute later with the signal of a fading out bass, and then there was silence.

¨Right on with that tune.. ´Thought we'd be fucked ova´ if we didn't find someone to take that melody.¨ The bassist with long shaggy hair grinned and you returned one back.

¨Yeah, I was kind of hesitant when Graham ´ere told us he found one to take this position on, but I'm pleased.¨ The saxophone player scratched his chin and hummed his agreement. You felt relief.

Until he spoke.

¨Is this your first time playing?¨

You look incredulously over at him, looking straight on at his face. Sandy hair, lines on his cheeks, slight scruff around his chin, he looked older than his online pictures.

¨Uhh, no?¨ You laugh a little, trying to keep the annoyance out of your voice. ¨If I was, I doubt Graham would think I´m good enough to play with you guys.¨

¨I don't think Graham is the only one who needs to think that.¨ Everyone shifts uncomfortably, looking nervously from Damon to you, and Graham tugs his collar as if the temperature had gone up.

But nonetheless, you don't back down.

¨Oh yeah? How so?¨

¨You played the G-string too high,¨ He deadpans, looking utterly bored amidst oceanic hues.

¨What?¨ You flip your music pages a couple of times until you find the page where you played that part. ¨No I didn´t, I was right on tune-do you even know how to play the violin?¨

¨No,¨ he smirks, and with your blood boiling steadily you open your mouth to argue, but thankfully Graham butts in.

¨Damon, don´t be a prick, she played fine. Unlike you, who fucked up on the 5th verse.¨

The man in question lazily stretches his arms above his head, causing his white tee to rise a few inches over his belly button. You can´t help but glance at the skin-it's smooth, cleanly chiseled with part of his v-line showing, a happy trail rising from the juncture.

¨Oi, sweetheart, eyes up here.¨

You snap your gaze back to his smug face, cheeks burning.

¨I didn´t-¨

¨Sure you didn´t. Just like how I didn't mess up on the 5th verse, and how you didn't ruin the song with your shitty violin, yeah?¨ He simpers, and you almost rise out of your seat to snarl at him before Graham jumps in between you two, scolding a very inappropriately-grinning Damon.

You get up out of your chair and huff, shoving your belongings back into your bag as everyone else packs up, the men bickering and playfully throwing shit at each other.

The producer even congratulates you on your successful first day, and everyone cheers and pounds you on your back, your hair falling in your face and gracefully hiding your 120k watt smile.

Damon shoulders right past you, knocking your case right out of your hands. You grapple with it for a second before it hits the ground, and when it does you whip around and shoot him an icy glare.

He's not even looking at you, he's already out the door.

It's quiet for a moment.

¨Well, there he goes again being a dickhead. Classic Damon, you got.¨ The saxophone player points to the leaving blond and grins sheepishly at you.

¨What's his problem?¨ You ask in disgust, shaking your head as you join the rest of the boys leaving.

¨Uh, well...¨ Graham scratches the back of his head and avoids looking at you. ¨He's always been kind of like that, y´know, so don't take it too personally, but between just us four, his wife´s been on his arse for a bit about um...some...domestic affairs.¨ He finishes lamely, and the other two men guffaw at your raised eyebrow.

You don't have a chance to press further as to ask what domestic affairs, exactly because a loud clap of thunder shakes you all to your cores as you step outside.

¨Aw, come on!¨ You stamp your foot and hold out your hand for confirmation of the raindrops about to drop on you all. ¨I didn't know it was gonna rain today,¨ you grumble.

Graham squints up at the sky and wipes some droplets off his blurred glasses, covering his head with his jacket hood as he begins walking to the parking garage. ¨I´ll see you lot in about a week, yeah? Just keep practicing, good rehearsal we had today!¨ He waves his hand and dashes off.

¨Good job on your first day, Y/N. Fancy the weather on your walk back for us!¨ The sax and bass player bid farewell and also do a sprint to their respective cars, splashing through the puddles and sending muddy water on your pants.

¨Urgh!¨ You raise your hands to try and protect your bottoms but to no avail- London's sewage strikes again.

Sighing in defeat, you walk through the rain towards your car, succumbing to the grimy walk. Unfortunately you didn't think to use the parking garage due to high nerves when you first came in.

You walk for about 5 minutes, the rain drenching your hair and clothes and chilling you to your bones.

Could this day get any more annoying?

Oh, but you should´ve known that it could.

Because right at that moment, a black limo swerves right next to you on the sidewalk, sending a massive wave of gutter water right your way.

You swear loudly and jump back, barely managing to avoid the remnants of the sewage tsunami crossing your feet.

Looking up wildly at the offensive vehicle, you make a fist and flip the window off, your lip curled up into a snarl.

The obsidian glass rolls down.

¨Well that's not very nice, is it? Nasty weather we got going on right now, careful it doesn't get on your clothes.¨

Oh.

¨It's you,¨ you monotone, less than pleased to see his salacious grin at your predicament-which was being soaked to your undergarments in brown muddy water, your hair clinging to your face and your violin case lugging down towards the ground, its weight proving mutiny against you today of all days.

¨In the flesh,¨ Damon beams, and you scowl at his cheery attitude.

¨You almost drowned me, asshole,¨ You turn your nose up in scorn, and he chuckles in his baritone voice.

¨Nah, cant´ve love, I can't drive,¨ he clicks his tongue and jerks his thumb to the seat in front of him, where you assume his chauffeur is.

¨Oh, so it was under your orders that your poor driver practically waterboarded me?¨ ¨Well, yeah, I mean what else do you expect me to do when I see a pretty lady walking so harmlessly in the rain?¨ Your voice catches in your throat for a second from his words and the way his glacial eyes twinkle for a moment, but then he erupts in dry chuckles at your demeanor and you throttle your hesitancy at speaking.

¨Shut up, you're absolutely vile, y´know that?¨ ¨So I´ve been told, but to be honest sweetheart, I´d rather hear that in bed, where I´m used to hearing it. Now are you going to get in or shall I talk about my sexual prowess with you the rest of the afternoon?¨ He opens his door from the inside and mockingly winks at you.

You feign a gag, but still decide to jump in the spacious limo when a flash of lightning lights up the sky.

He scoots back to give you space to sit and adjust your violin case on the seats in front of you, but just as you´re about to close the door, he leans in right next to you and reaches behind you to pull it shut himself.

You´re caught still as he draws close, you´re extended hand frozen in midair as his arm against your back flexes and stiffens with it pulling the door. You can feel his breath against your neck as he exhales, can feel some of his hair tickling against your ear and cheek. You hold your breath, not daring to move lest you accidentally brush up against his proximity.

The loud slam of the door causes you to jump, and he laughs a little at that, signaling his driver to go.

You don't quite face him, your gaze down in your lap as his entire body is facing you, still stuck in its position when he was closing the car door.

¨Not nervous, are you?¨ He murmurs in your ear, and you can´t help it when your whole body shivers at feeling the rumble in his gravelly voice.

¨N-no, I´m not. Do you have to be so close?¨ You stammer, barely giving him a sideways glance which eggs him on, much to your displeasure.

¨Not really. But if you´re not nervous, then it shouldn't be a problem, right?¨ He says quietly and leans around to catch your eye.

Before you can lose your nerve and jump out of the car, you snap at him. ¨You just don´t quit, do you?¨

He finally relents and the side of his pink lips lift lazily as he stretches his knees out and practically manspreads across the expanse of three seats. ¨Nope. Not that you really were against it though, ´could feel your heart pounding a mile a minute sweetheart. Trust me, I´m used to making girls nervous, I would know.¨

You sneer at him. ¨Don´t call me sweetheart, and yeah, I was nervous about getting some disease-ridden prick like you getting close to me. God knows how many STD´s you've contracted from bedding some poor groupies.¨

¨Only one way to find out, right love?¨ He leans his head up to the car ceiling and lets his tousled golden hair flop back, his jawline accentuated by the cream-colored seats contrasting with his tan skin.

You catch yourself staring, and shake your head quickly.

¨You must´ve been more hopped up on heroine than I thought if you think I´d ever fuck a self-absorbed, narcissitic bastard like you.¨

The words leave your mouth before you can stop them, but once they do your eyes widen and you clap a hand over your mouth in horror.

Damon lifts his head and slowly turns to face you, his mouth set in a thin line.

¨A self-absorbed, narcissistic bastard whose limo you're riding in, need I remind you, so I can´t be all that bad. ´Can't say I haven't heard any of that before love, but most girls who say that end up in my bed anyways.¨

You open your mouth to argue but he cuts you off.

¨Although, ´hopped up on heroin´ is a new one. Just exactly how much research have you done about me so far?¨

Your rebuttal dies in your throat. You were caught.

Your ears burn and your face flushes as you bite your lip in embarrassment. Maybe you went too far, and on top of that you let it slip that you knew about him beforehand.

But you refuse to kowtow in humiliation to this idiot, so you think quickly.

¨I doubt you´ve got your head that far up your ass to disregard how half the world was tuning into your personal life when Blur was big, Damon.¨

He looks unimpressed with your excuse, but before he can open his mouth to question you further, you hurry up with another save.

¨Also, where are we going? You never asked me where my car was.¨

Bingo His eyes brighten and he shouts at the driver, harping on about him being a brain-dead idiot for driving in circles the past 10 minutes.

What a save.

*******************

The moment you step into the booth next week, a drumstick is lobbed at you from seemingly nowhere. You yelp and hold your case up, blocking the weapon as it bounces off your makeshift shield. You bring the case down and shoot a glare towards the only man you know capable of acting so childishly at his grown age.

But he´s already scrolling through his phone, looking for a measure to start from.

¨You´re late.¨

¨Hardly,¨ you mutter, glancing at the clock on the wall. Two minutes past shouldn´t be an excuse for having a drumstick pick out your eye.

¨Good to see you again, Y/N,¨ Graham pipes up softly, sending you an apologetic glance from Damon to you and you stick out your tongue in faux annoyance.

The other two members of your group greet you as well, and you all begin practice. Notes begin harmonizing together, voice and sound coinciding to make music you´ve swayed your hips and nodded your head to on blue nights.

It´s a hot day, humidity clinging to your skin akin to the perspiration hanging off your forehead, and halfway through the song you decide to take off your sweater. You´re wearing a white tank top underneath, nothing too revealing save for the slight dip in the V-neck, but you couldn't care less about modesty at the moment when your fingers were literally slipping in their grasp on your sweat-slicked bow.

During a quick break in your part of the song, you slip off your sweater and fan yourself out. It feels good, but you feel a pair of eyes staring at you. Following the laser gaze, you turn your head to face Damon, but he´s nose-deep in the lyrics sheet, warbling about a broken love or friendship.

Huh, must´ve been imagining it.

Your solo comes up, and you prepare yourself for tackling the notes to your best ability, keeping up with Graham´s rapid guitar pace. Sweat continues to build on everyone´s vicinity when the rapid movement of arms waving around their own instrument causes more body heat to suffocate you all.

Miraculously, the song finishes, and you collapse in your seat like the rest of the men, panting and wiping slick off your foreheads. You reach for a bottle of water on the floor and unscrew the lid, grimacing at its lukewarm temperature but drinking it nonetheless.

For the second time, you have an unnerving feeling of being watched. This time, you whip your head to the side and catch him staring straight at you.

Damon´s face is flushed, his hair tousled, his rose colored glasses steamed up from the muggy aura in the room. His denim jacket is hanging off one shoulder, the rest of his torso covered with a sheer wife beater that accentuates his chiseled dad-body.

But he just stares you down, saying nothing. You frown at him a little bit and shift your body away from him, feeling vulnerable to his laser-gaze. His eyes darken, but Graham speaks, cutting him off from whatever he was about to say.

¨That was pretty good, you lot. Greg, Taz, hold off on the third beat of the fourth measure. We´ve gotta crescendo slightly-¨

¨Y/N, do you have a job?¨

Damon's voice cuts off Graham, and everyone falters as they look at him and then you in surprise.

¨I don´t know what you mean,¨ you respond coolly, knowing that whatever he was about to say wasn't good.

¨I mean, do you have a job? Because as far as I know, most people who work don't dress like whores at their job.¨

His eyes travel from your face down to your slight cleavage, and you sputter in rage as the rest of the boys shift uncomfortably.

¨Damon, for god's sake what´re you on about?¨ Graham asks wearily, taking his glasses off and rubbing his shiny neck.

¨I could ask you the same thing, actually. Because as far as I know, you've fucked enough women in your lifetime that one would think you could keep it in your pants for five minutes without acting like a twelve-year-old. Oh, but unless that´s too professional for you? I guess you´re not as serious about your work environment as you claim.¨ you laugh, and the sax player, Greg, snorts into his water bottle.

Damon sneers, ¨How could I forget, you actually have done your research about my life and sexual endeavors, what a cute little fangirl you are. If you wanted an autograph, you could've just asked, sweetheart.¨

¨Go fuck yourself,¨ you snap. ¨You´re all wearing wife-beaters anyways, what's the difference?¨

Damon starts again but Graham claps his hands loudly, startling you all.

¨Enough, both of you! What's gotten into you? Need I remind you that our song is due in less than two weeks? We need to finish this shit and get on with it. Stop acting like children.¨

You mumble under your breath and Damon shoots a dark look to his childhood friend, but the brunette doesn't back down, and continues to give advice on how to improve their song. You don´t look at Damon the rest of the session out of pure spite, but that doesn't stop him from shamelessly staring straight at you, right until it's time to leave.

The second Graham checks his watch and exclaims that it's a quarter past twelve already, you´re already bolting out of your seat and shoving your violin in its case, eager to get out of the disgustingly hot room.

Fortunately, this time you had the right idea to park in the garage like everyone else to avoid any other unwanted encounters, but unfortunately while it was nice to not be waterboarded on your walk, it wasn´t enough to stop said unwanted encounters from occurring.

Take right now, for instance.

As you stumble to your car in the blistering weather, your energy depletes faster and faster, causing you to be light headed. Practice was already tough enough in the sweltering heat, but after Damon's little scene you don't have any energy to even walk.

You crash blindly into your car, the metal of the doors burning your skin as you make contact with the handle. You hiss and jerk back, swaying slightly as your head fogs up. You can barely see, you feel like your clothes weigh a ton on you, so you slide down the vehicle and sit up against the tires, throwing your head back against the car and groaning. The idea of unlocking your doors and sitting in the seat where no doubt several temperatures higher will be settling on the dashboard and in the front row is nauseating.

Weather-2

You-0

You don't know the building well enough to know where a vending machine is, and even if you shot Graham a text, you don't have enough energy to wander around and scout for it.

And lo and behold, from a distance, a figure approaches. You squint as it draws nearer, and let out a laugh as the features come into familiarity.

The heat must be getting to you worse than you thought, because you´re certain you´re hallucinating Damon Albarn of all fucking people swaggering towards you, one hand holding his denim jacket over his shoulder, and a shit-eating grin on his face as he comes to stand in front of you.

All you can do is pant like a dog, looking up at him with unimpressed eyes.

¨Oi, G-String. ´Brought you some water.¨ he holds out a hand, and you choose to ignore the offensive nickname, insead noticing the large bottle in it, cold condensation covering its expanse.

Your eyes widen and you lick your lips unconsciously, holding your hands out for it.

Damon watches your tongue poke out and loses focus before snapping back to reality and moving his arm above your head. You pout and try to reach for it again, but he laughs and holds it even higher.

You glare and turn your head away from him, suddenly remembering how he embarrassed you earlier.

¨Go away. I don't want it anymore. You´re an asshole.¨ you mumble, perspiration hanging off your lip as you lick the salty beads away once again.

Damon´s eyes never leave your mouth as he listens to you and watches the pink appendage make its appearance again, and his mouth hangs open slightly unbeknownst to you for a second. You cross your arms and glare at the empty parking lot, silently willing him to go away.

He snaps back into focus yet again and shakes his head at you. ¨Oh come on love, I´m just teasing. You look like you´re about to die anyways, might as well make this your last meal-er, drink I mean.¨

¨I´m not taking anything from a complete dickhead who enjoys harassing women about their clothes. You know, for such a womanizer, you act pretty clueless about how comments like that would make a girl feel. No one else but you had an issue with it, or rather, had the audacity to point it out.¨ You cough at the last word, your dry throat and heavy head making it harder to talk.

He sighs and crouches down, balancing on the balls of his feet. He pops open the cap and gently turns your chin towards his face, much to your surprise. You´re genuinely too weak to protest, but when you look at his concerned face, eyebrows scrunched up and accentuating the lines on his forehead, you don't think you'd want to turn away even if you could.

He coaxes your agap mouth even more open by dragging a rough thumb down over your lips, and you obediently open your mouth, mesmerized by his eyes. His movements are soft and slow, as if you were a fidgety rabbit about to run off at the slightest touch. He scoots closer, right over in front of you as you simply gaze up at him, allowing him to pour cool water down your throat, quenching your bone-dry palate.

For a couple of seconds, water floods your mouth but all you can do is stare up at him. The light rays are reflecting off his back, casting a yellow glow around his silhouette and he almost looks like an angel. His hair is mussed as if he'd spent the day running his hands through the golden locks, and the scruff on his face peeks through soft-looking skin.

¨Swallow, or I'll really waterboard you this time,¨ he says lowly, chuckling a bit as he catches you staring so adamantly right in his face. You jerk back to consciousness and swallow hastily, accidentally choking on the gulp in your rush.

He laughs even more and lets go of your chin much to your disappointment as he adjusts himself to sit next to you, not seeming to mind the scorching car metal. The absence of his hand on your face leaves a cold, empty feeling in your heart despite the heated blush on your cheeks

¨You´ll burn yourself,¨ you mumble, lolling your head over to look at him.

But he looks straight ahead and shrugs casually. ¨Not any more than you.¨ You both sit in silence for a few minutes, occasionally sipping from the bottle he passes towards you and watching cars go by.

¨You didn't answer my question. Why do you harp on me in the studio? You act like a normal human being here.¨

Damon looks thoughtfully at a white sedan passing by, then speaks.

¨As I´m sure Graham has blabbed to you already, I´ve been having some...trouble with the missus, let's say.¨

You say nothing and raise a questioning eyebrow.

¨For the shitty attitude,¨ he mutters and swipes the bottle from your hand, taking a large swig himself.

¨And, like you said earlier, I am an asshole. Of course I´ll enjoy harassing pretty women over their revealing clothes,¨ he smirks and gives you a once over.

There it was again, pretty woman.

You scowl and get up to leave, but what he says stops you in your tracks.

¨Taz was lookin´ at you,¨ he says quietly, suddenly very interested in the now-empty bottle. ¨´Didn't like it, but I couldn't say anything to him. Graham likes him too much.¨

Huh. Maybe the pair of eyes you felt back in the room didn't only belong to Damon.

He cracks a small smile and looks up at you, his face adorably innocent and wide as he sheepishly admits, ¨I´m used to butting heads with blokes like him for women.¨

You jerk back up to your feet, brushing off any insinuation he was giving and pat his knee awkwardly, ignoring the fire now igniting once again in your chest.

¨Thanks for the water, I needed it. You might wanna move if you don't want to get run over by my car.¨ You reach down and pick up your case as Damon clambers to his feet.

He looks amused as you fumble for your keys, nervously turning the lock and sitting in the hot car, obviously eager to get away from his intimidating gaze.

¨I´ll see you next week, yeah?¨ You laugh breathlessly and roll your window down to call out to him.

He says nothing, but merely cocks his head at you, his eyes now obscured by the rose-colored glasses he puts over his eyes. He waves a little and watches as you drive away a little too fast.

But as it turns out, you don't see him next week.

******

It was just your luck that one of the cutest guys from your work asked you out on the very same week you had practice with the boys. You contemplated moving the date to another time, but...you deserved to have some fun time off too, right? It's not like it would make too much of a difference in your skill, anyways, you´ve gotten all the strings down and such.

So, you decide to go on this date. It goes well, the dude was cute, dorky, lacked a little pizzazz but nothing a bottle of fancy red wine and a night of movies couldn´t coax out of him. It honestly wasn't anything too big, you exchanged numbers and made plans to meet up again soon. After parting ways, you threw yourself back into the regular regime of practicing your violin and meticulously listening to the booth recording every night, just so you could perfect your part to a T.

The day came where you had to go back to practice, and you were ready, veins pumping with determination to make these last few sessions the best you´ve played yet. You texted Graham that you´d be there soon, and he gave you a thumbs up in return. When you finally arrived in front of the room, you were 10 minutes late. The boys were already playing, by the sound of the percussion booming outside the door. You grimace and take a deep breath, turning the handle in and hurrying inside the booth.

No one really spared a glance at you, so you assumed you were okay in terms of punctuality. You opened your case and started strumming your strings, counting the measures and beats until it was your turn. Damon´s voice rang out, melodious and airy as ever, dropping octaves and floating on soprano tones. Your bow moved across his words, accenting his tones and adding emphasis to his sorrowful song. And then, after a couple of minutes, it was done.

¨Alright you lot, pretty good for today. ´Specially you, Y/N, you caught up pretty quick, I expected you to slack behind but I'm actually impressed.¨ Graham flashed you a nervous grin and you beamed back at him in return.

¨Yeah, speaking of, why were you gone last week? I expected someone who makes below the poverty line would actually want to work for their money,¨ Damon chuckles a little meanly.

You feel your smile drop a smidge.

¨Well actually Damon, not that it's any of your business, but I went on a date.¨ You smirk at him, enjoying the way his mouth opens slightly and moves silently.

But he regroups quickly and glares at you. ¨None of my business? The deadline is only a few days away, and you´re whoring yourself out and going on dates? I guess you´re not as professional as Graham thought.¨

Everyone shifts uncomfortably, and blood rushes to your face, anger clouding your mind. Why was he being like this? He was fine the last time you saw him, you actually thought maybe he was going to change the way he addressed you.

Graham speaks up. ¨Damon. You´re overreacting man, I gave her the okay, and she played fine today. No harm done, seriously, there's no need for that kind of language towards her.¨

¨Actually, there absolutely is a need. If I knew you were going to invite a prostitute as our sub-in then I would´ve never agreed to have her here. Didn´t know you were so low on money Y/N, I would´ve spared you a couple pounds.¨ He sneers.

¨Damon!¨

You laugh bitterly and rise to your feet. ¨Oh that's rich, coming from the man who fucked half the continent just because he couldn't get over one girl. No wonder every real woman in your life including your wife wants to leave, nothing is ever good enough for you. Except heroin maybe.¨

The words leave your mouth before you can take them back, and there's a pin drop silence as if a bomb had been dropped. In a way, it kind of did.

Damo glares at you. Everyone is holding your breath, including you.

¨Get out.¨

¨Hey,-¨ Taz tries to gently interject but Damon throws the mic at him.

¨I said get the fuck out. You´re not practicing with us anymore, you can pack your shit and leave.¨

Tears brim at the corners of your eyes, and you choke out a small ¨Fine.¨

You hear Graham berating him behind you as you fly through the door, telling him that they need you, it's too late to change people, but the words jumble in your ears as the door slams shut. You don't hear what Damon says, if he even says anything, and you aren't interested in his comebacks right now.

It's only when you leave the car, tears streaming down your face in rage and embarrassment that you groan to yourself, your hands reaching an empty seat with one foot out the door-

You forgot your violin case.

************

It's nighttime.

The crickets chirp as you creep silently through the parking garage, the soft thud of your shoes echoing a lot louder than you wanted in the empty lot. The studio itself wasn't closed, but you were sure Damon must have informed the manager there not to let an ex-musician like you back in there.

Wearing a black hoodie and black pants was a smart move- you blended in with the shadows well. The doors weren't locked, and you hiss out a small ¨yesss¨ as you slip inside the mostly dark building. Needless to say, you were proud of yourself for navigating through the windings pitch-black hallways to your old booth.

Testing the handle lightly, you sigh out in relief when that too gives way. Unfortunately though, the second the door shuts behind you, you immediately stumble forward and fall.

The room is dark, darker than the other hallways so you can barely see your hands. The only source of light you´re granted is the dim red bulb on top of the booth door. And speaking of, that's exactly where you need to go...which proves to be harder when you keep bumping into random shit and cursing when you feel potential bruises forming on your shins.

Miraculously you stagger through the next door towards where you last sat, and blindly feel around the floor and chairs for your violin case. You feel nothing there, but panic starts settling in your heart when you can't find it.

¨Looking for something?¨

You scream and lurch backwards, knocking your head into some kind of stand. Groaning, you rub your head and hold a hand on your racing heart as you squint into the dim red room, placing the voice to the person.

¨D-Damon?¨

¨In the flesh sweetheart. ´Knew you'd come back for this, s´just my luck I came back to get it tonight so I could give it to you personally in case you wanted to be stubborn. But this is even better than I could´ve hoped.¨

You make out his silhouette in the obsidian abyss in front of you. He's sitting with knees spread on a chair, a few feet in front of you as he leans his head back on the wall. Your precious violin case is being held hostage in his arms, and it's the absolute love you have for the brittle instrument that propels you to your feet and moves you to get the hell out instead of interrogating him.

¨What, so you were just here the whole time listening to me falling around like an idiot?” You laugh incredulously, and you see the area of his shoulders move up and down.

¨Was pretty funny to watch, honestly. You sound cute when you curse.¨ He stands up to his fullest height now, the red light bouncing off his back, giving him a sort of demonic halo.

You knew it was actually time to leave when you felt those stupid butterflies in your stomach rise up again.

¨Right, well, I´ll be on my way then. Good luck with your song and whatever, I´ll just take the case...¨ You trail off as your extended hand is left in midair, no violin case reaching it.

He cocks his head at you. ¨Why are you in such a rush to leave?¨

You can´t help the scoff that escapes you.

¨Are you serious? You were such an absolute dickhead to me this afternoon, you said all sorts of horrible things to me, and you even fired me for Christ's sake! I want nothing to do with you, so could you please give me my case back so I can go?¨

He's silent for a moment before answering. ¨Are you done yet?¨

It isn´t just the light that's making you see red now.

¨Fuck you, honestly.¨ You whirl around and stomp towards where you guess the door is, ignoring the clatter behind you and bingo you locate the handle, but as soon as you turn it-

A hand reaches from behind you and pulls the ajar door shut.

¨Don´t go. I´m sorry.¨

You´re absolutely still as you feel him towering over you, his arm dangerously close to your midriff as his hand remains on the knob.

His voice is low, and you can feel him breathe against your neck, mere inches away. You can´t help the involuntary shiver that passes through you, and he feels it too, inhaling deeply when he gets close to your ear.

¨You smell so good.¨

¨Leave me alone, Damon,¨ you whisper, your voice catching in your throat from the overwhelming onslaught of emotions passing through you.

He breaths in and slowly lets his hand rest on your side.

¨I can't do that. You know why. You have to have known by now.¨

You tremble in his touch, yet allow his hands to wander down to your hip, the other coming around in a sort of hug to pull you closer to him.

¨We can´t.¨

¨Sure we can.¨

You can feel his erection bumping against your ass.

¨You´re not worth this.¨

¨I´ll make myself worth it.¨

And as soon as he latches onto the back of your neck, you´re like putty in his hands, a moaning mess as he sucks galaxy-colored hickies on your skin. You can feel yourself grow wetter as he shoves his hands up your shirt and teasingly pulls down the bridge of your bra, letting the weight of your tits fill up his hands appreciatively. He starts rolling your hardened buds in between his skilled calloused fingers, and you whine and throw your head back when you feel him rut against your ass, panting raggedly in your ear.

You rub your thighs together, desperate for some form of friction as he squeezes your tits, and then letting one hand ghost across the expanse of your stomach, down to brush against the rim of your panties. Damon chuckles meanly in your ear when you buck against the stilled hand over your mound.

¨You want this?¨ He lightly nips your ear. He smells like old spice and sandalwood.

You nod desperately, frustrated with him not giving you his thick fingers already.

But it's not enough for him. ¨No no, pretty girl, use your words now. I´ve barely touched you yet and you´re already moaning like a wanton little slut for me? And here I was thinking you weren't that easy.¨

You stop jerking your hips and blood rushes to your face at his insulting words. You try to move out of his grip, huffing and regretting the whole thing but he outright laughs now and spins you around, tugging you forward until your chest is slotted against his. You pout at him and look away, but he's quick to grasp your chin and pull you in for a rough yet sensual kiss.

Pushing you backwards against the wall, he deepens the lip-lock, tracing his tongue over your lips, nipping at the soft flesh and darkening his eyes when you whimper and look up at him.

He knows what he´s fucking doing when he again drops his hand under your pants and over your panties, his other palm wound up firmly through your hair. He pulls your head back and lets you breathe for a second from his kiss of death before he speaks again.

¨I didn't hear an answer, slut. Do you want this?¨ He leans forward until his nose brushes against your neck, flicking his tongue out to taste your saccharine flesh.

You tremble against his firm body when he pushes his pelvis against you, letting you feel how hard he is for you.

It doesn't matter anymore. Maybe he was right, maybe you were just an easy slut putting up a facade for him, but when his clothes erection grinds up against your pussy you can't care less.

¨Y-yes, yes, ´want you, please,¨ you pant, frantically gripping the back of his cropped hair as his head descends to mark your neck again.

¨What a good girl,¨ he whispers, finally allowing his digits to oh-so-slowly trace over your mound, pressing down harder when you jerk against him. He finds your wet clit and flicks it a few times, snickering when you gasp and moan. Your body writhes in place but he holds you literally between a rock-or, wall- and a hard place, preventing you from scampering off.

He drums his fingers against your folds, paying no attention to the way you grip his head tighter against you, silently begging him to go further.

But he relents eventually and retires from just pushing and prodding your folds, allowing his slicked fingers to slowly dive into your drooling hole. You whimper and bite back a string of curses when you feel him fill you completely, scraping against your walls for that one special spot.

His mouth moves off your neck and he rises to face you, a stupid smug grin on his wet lips, his eyelids lowered and trained on you. You flush at his lustful expression and gently push his head away, not wanting to accept his victory yet.

¨My fingers are literally fucking you right now, and you still won´t let me look at you? What, too embarrassed you couldn't continue being a stone-cold bitch for long?¨

You open your mouth to snap back but right at that moment he curls his fingers and grazes your G-spot, simultaneously grounding his wet palm against your clit.

With a loud gasp and the sluttiest moan you´ve ever made, you cum hard, your mouth open in a silent scream and your tongue hanging out like a bitch in heat as you do so. You fall forward against him.

You don't even need to look up to know that he has a shit-eating grin on his face.

¨What was that sweetheart? Sorry, ´couldn't hear you over those slutty moans. I think even the pornstars I´ve been with would give you a standing ovation if they heard what you just sounded like.¨

Your words are slurred as you curse nonsense at him, yet you´re still gripping his forearms to keep a hold on yourself. Your ears are ringing and you see spots as you come down from your climax, and surprisingly enough, Damon holds you close and doesn't let you slip down to the ground as you expected to when your knees start to give out.

Instead, he lifts you up quite easily and carries you over to a table in the corner of the room. You don´t know how he even navigates his way through the dimly lit room, but you suppose after almost half a lifetime in studios he knows his way around.

You offer no resistance as he sets you down gently and begins to lift your shirt off of your body. You manage to lift your arms weakly up in the air for easier access to stripping, but when he starts to kneel down to take your pants off you stop his hands at your knees and look at him with scrunched eyebrows.

He stops and looks up at you. His eyes aren't so darkened anymore, they´re wide and imploring, probably noticing your hesitation.

¨Damon, I...¨ You trail off as he maintains eye contact with you and slowly lowers his pursed lips to your calf, lightly pecking his way up to your knees and ensuring that you´re watching his every move.

Your breathing increases again as his pink appendage darts out, his saliva cooling on your exposed thighs. He sucks on the plush skin and turns his head upwards to face you.

You want to run your hands through his hair.

¨You have a wife,¨ You breathe.

¨Not for tonight I don´t.¨

Your voice gets caught in your throat at that. He positions his hands at the side of your knees, fingers curling around the hem of your pants in a second attempt.

¨Let me make you feel good, love.¨

His answer is in the form of your hand reaching for his collar and pulling him up into a standing position until he towers over your seated form, once again breath stolen in a heated kiss.

Damon fumbles with his zipper as you shove your pants off, fully ready for him now, your dampened panties solid evidence of your need for him.

He pulls his cock out and it bounces out, slapping up against his stomach.

You do a double take. The tabloids were right. He was absolutely huge.

It was disgusting almost, it was insulting really. How the fuck could he be that big? You lose count of how many inches he is when you start to get light headed, realizing with a jolt that he plans to put that monster inside you.

And fuck, why did it have to be so pretty too? Normally you wouldn´t use the word pretty to describe a dick, but fuck, that´s the only appropriate word that came to mind as you admired the white flesh as it mixed in with a dull pink flush turning into an angry shade of red as your eyes progressed up to his tip...which was soaked with precum, mind you.

He was neatly shaven everywhere, including his plush balls. No wonder he got to fuck half the continent.

Damon notices your gawking and smiles lazily, taking a fist around his prick and stroking lethargically up and down.

¨You gonna just stare at it all day or are you going to spread those cute legs for me?¨

Spoken like a true middle aged fuck-boyman.

You look up at him beseechingly, thoroughly intimidated by his length. He merely scoffs, winking at you when he wrenches your tightly closed knees apart.

It's almost like he falls into a trance when he presses his now-naked torso against your chest, when he slots himself between your legs and drags his tip through your sloppy folds and up onto your clit. His mouth falls open slightly and he moans when your juices coat his dick, making it slippery and easy to push the first few inches ever so slightly into your spasming cavern.

He can't help but want more, need more as he practically smothers his weight onto you, forcing you to lie back on the table and letting your legs dangle off the edge. He hunches over you and thrusts minutely into your pulsing folds, groaning when you whine and lace your fingers around his neck and tangle your legs around his back, dragging him impossibly close into you.

For a moment it´s just the sound of you two panting and moaning like inexperienced teenagers, and a zing of pride zips up your spine at the realization that Damon Albarn, one of the world's most renowned playboy is whining and humping against your pussy, reduced to nothing at your hands.

He takes your hands from around his neck and grips your wrists, forcing them above your head on the table. He leans down and kisses you, hard. You give him back the same energy when your hips move up and down along his length, pushing your inviting hole towards his eager and jumping dick.

¨Pretty little girl,¨ he murmurs against your lips, and you nip his bottom lip playfully in retaliation. He slowly starts to sink himself into you, and you practically purr at the feeling of his veiny member dragging against your sensitive walls until he stops.

You look at him questioningly, and blanch when you see the mischievous glint in his cobalt eyes.

¨I want you to count for me.¨

¨Count…?¨ You shake your head in confusion and he pulls out, making you groan in annoyance.

¨I want you to count every inch I put inside you. Unless your slutty mouth can't even do that? I'd be surprised if you couldn´t, you usually have so much shit to say.¨ His voice is low yet teasing, and a shiver passes through you when the rumble of his chest vibrates against your nipples.

¨F-fine, I´ll count.¨

He hums in approval and regroups, guiding his length into your awaiting pussy once again.

It´s almsot torture how slow he goes, and your toes curl at how vivid the sensation is at this pace.

You almost forget to do what he asks until he ducks his head down and teeths your bud.

¨Ah, fuck! One!¨ You yelp, writhing to get away from his lecherous gaze and hold on your poor tit.

He tuts and licks the swollen area until the pain subsides a bit, and then he continues to push.

¨T-two,¨ you moan and let your head fall back. It's unfair how tightly he´s holding your reins-you want him to plow you down, not take his sweet time in this punishment.

¨Damon, can´t you go any faster? Please, I want y-¨

¨-I didn't take you for a masochist, Y/N, but I´m happy to play around with these cute tits if you want to bitch more.¨

Your scowl is cut off when he suddenly shoves two more inches into you, and you mewl loudly at being filled so much.

¨Three! Four! Fuck, oh god, please,¨ you babble nonsense as he curses above you, his form shaking in an effort not to push all the way in.

¨Doing so good sweetheart, you´re almost halfway,¨ he smirks and you gape at him in disbelief.

Halfway?

Five, six, seven, eight, and nine go painfully slow, and by the time he´s fully sheathed inside you, plush balls pressed against your ass, you´re an incoherent, drooling mess.

Your hair is in your face, your cheeks are flushed, and your body bounces up and down as he begins to rock inside you, finally giving you what you want.

His name is chanted like an obscene prayer from your mouth as he grunts and shakes the table. Your legs are wobbly and unable to do anything except press him tighter against you to the point where he can barely move back. The skin of his stomach slaps against yours, his balls slap against the crevice of your ass, and your pussy practically sloshes with every stroke in and out.

He fists your hair with one hand and pulls your neck up to meet his searching lips, his other hand holds your wrists fast against the table. You want to touch him, you want to explore your body as he has conquered yours but he doesn't let you feel anything else apart from the rapid thrusts inside your battered body.

Damon switches positions and lifts the back of your knees up and pushes them forwards until they meet your chest. He lets his body weight rest on the back of your thighs as he pulls out and pushes back impossibly close inside you, closer than he did in missionary.

You sob with need as he plunges into you and reaches a higher spot than before, his tip grazing your cervix. He pounds into you, and you thrust your hips up to fuck back into him, calling out his name as if he were your god.

It´s a good thing the rooms are soundproof.

You feel your second climax comes when he paves way through your tight walls and batters your uterus. It doesn´t hurt so much as feel intense, and your choked moans become panting gasps when he brings a hand down to swirl his thumb over your aching clit.

¨You´re not going to meet with that prick from your work again, yeah? Say it. Say it if you want me to let you cum.¨ He could have been speaking an alien language for all you knew. Your poor addled brain didn't pick up anything except for the word ¨cum¨, and you were a goner.

¨Yes, yes, anything you say, anything you want, just please let me-¨

And oh he does.

It comes over you like a tidal wave, your mind going blank, your eyes seeing white as your legs shake from your earth-shattering orgasm. You feel like you´re going down a rollercoaster, and you never want to stop dropping.

Distantly, you hear him groan and say your name. You can feel pulsing in your filled walls, with what you assume is his ropes of cum. It feels like when you came, it practically squeezed all his cum out with your clenching.

He lets out a shaky breath and falls forward, his nose inches from yours, his breath puffing in your face.

Your eyes are glazed over, but you´ve never seen anything more clearly before.

Maybe Damon Albarn really was worth it.

#blur #damon x reader #damon albarn #damon albarn smut #britpop #90s damon #90s #smut #fluff #britpop smut #damon fluff #Damon Albarn #damon albarn x reader #Damon albarn smut #Damon albarn fanfic #Damon albarn fanfiction #blur fanfic #blur fanfiction

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fific7 · 3 years

Text

Even His Name - Part 1

Sirius Black x OC

Summary: Friends forever? Maybe. Maybe not.

Warnings: Swearing, alcohol, slight consent issues, 18+ please due to NSFW content including unprotected* sex. The age of consent in the UK is 16, sorry if that’s not in line with the laws in your own country/state.

*Irl, please don’t go wild in the country without protection.

A/N: Looking at this photo, I can kinda see why Ben Barnes got fancast as Sirius Black. This story is non-canon and takes place in my imaginary HP AU with OC, Celeste (meaning celestial or heavenly).

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Sirius Black. Even his name was beautiful.

She watched his tall, lean figure approaching as she sat & relaxed against one of the shady trees beside the lake.

She drank in every last detail before he got too close, before her out-and-out staring was noticeable to him.

The lazily slouching but graceful walk, his long legs eating up the distance between them.

The pale, porcelain-like skin, the aristocratic cheekbones, the trendy light scruff of moustache with matching scruff along his jawline, the full sensuous lips, the famed long black wavy hair. And of course, those hypnotic grey eyes, ringed by long dark lashes. Those eyes could change like mercury, from silver to dark pewter within a heartbeat.

As he got got closer, her eyes almost totally closed, but she wasn’t dozing off, it was a ruse to disguise her intense staring. Her eyes continued to eat him up like he was a very large chocolate eclair.

It was Saturday, so no school uniform. Trademark bad-boy attire, then. Her heart sped up at the sight of the scuffed leather biker jacket, the Led Zeppelin t-shirt, distressed jeans & leather work boots. Not properly laced up... of course.

All in black, a living embodiment of his name.

She heaved a long sigh, letting it escape without thought, and her eyes closed fully.

She was aware of a shadow blocking the sunlight falling on her closed eyelids. The sound of somebody settling themselves down next to her, still partly casting a shadow onto her.

Her eyes opened a sliver, and her head rolled to the side towards him of its own accord.

“What’s the big sigh for, Celeste?” in his deep, slightly hoarse, breathy voice. The voice which sent a thousand female hearts beating like drums.

“Sirius.” She sighed again, her eyes opening slowly. “You’re blocking my sun.”

He grinned, chuckling. He gestured to his body with one hand, “This ... masterpiece... of a man joins you for a pleasant interlude by the lake, and all you can say is that I’m blocking your rays?!”

“Yeah.”

He chuckled again. “Ah c’mon, you know you love me.”

She rolled her head back to its original position. “Keep telling yourself that.”

“And maybe it’ll come true?” he smirked.

“When hell freezes over.”

He leant over, placing his head on her shoulder as he did so, puppy dog eyes in play, complete with pouted bottom lip.

“Now, you know that isn’t true. You’re desperate to get me into the sack.”

“But, Sirius,” she said innocently, “there wouldn’t be enough room in the bed for me, what with you and your massive ego already in it.”

His head shot back, his unmistakable & glorious barking laugh issuing forth & attracting the attention of every female within earshot.

“You’re hysterical,” he continued laughing, more quietly. “No, I’m Celeste,” she smirked, throwing her version of his favourite line back at him.

He groaned, “You’d use my own comeback against me? Really?”

“Every time,” she nodded.

He was grinning back at her, when she was suddenly aware of another shadow falling across her. She frowned involuntarily, looking up to see who it was. A tall Ravenclaw girl stood there, confidently smirking down at Sirius. She didn’t spare his current companion even a glance.

“Hi,” she smiled brightly at him. “Thought you’d maybe like to take a walk with me, Siri?” giving him a suggestive sideways look, all the while twirling a strand of her long brown hair round a finger.

Celeste rolled her eyes, smirking & tutting loudly. She muttered, “Pathetic,” under her breath & began to gather her books, getting ready to ‘exit stage left’.

Sirius looked over at her, smiling and laying his hand on her arm, stilling her movement.

He looked up at the other girl. “Sorry, love,” he said with a grin, “spending some one-on-one time with my best girl here.”

She still didn’t look at his ‘best girl’. “Well, why don’t I just join you here while you do that, and then we can go for a walk by ourselves afterwards?”

Sirius looked down, and Celeste knew what was coming next. He’d given her his polite brush-off, now here came the not-so-polite one.

“Didn’t you hear what I just said? I’m here with Celeste,” he said, voice harsh, glaring back up at her.

She stopped twirling that lock of hair, recoiling from his glare & tone. “Well, you know, I just thought...”

“You just thought wrong then, didn’t you! Now, run along dear, off you go.” Voice cold, eyes narrowed.

She turned on her heel and scuttled back to her little band of giggling friends. Something told Celeste that her friends wouldn’t be all that sympathetic. If there was one thing almost guaranteed to break up friendship groups, it was who did, or didn’t have, Sirius’ attention.

Celeste laughed, “Lordy, I don’t know how you put up with all that fangirling.... ‘Siri’.” she imitated the girl in a high-pitched tone. “They make me ashamed to be a woman. Don’t they have any self-respect?!”

Sirius laughed, “But Cel, they’re just rightfully worshipping ... this!” Again, one hand gesturing up & down the length of his body.

“What.. a skinny boy?” she questioned, looking him up & down, “Really? What’s the attraction then?” she laughed.

He’d sat up straight as she’d been speaking, faux offended. “Celeste! How could you? Firstly, I am a man, not a boy.”

“Sirius, you’re sixteen. You.. are.. a.. boy!”

“Nah, nah, nah! I.. am.. a.. man!” dramatically emulating her slow delivery before continuing, “And I’m nearly seventeen. Secondly, I am not skinny. I’m tall and athletic.”

“Skinny.”

“Athletic!”

She laughed. “You don’t even play Quidditch any more. So where do you get this ‘athleticism’ from? Running away from Filch and the prefects after a prank?!”

“Thank you for answering your own question!” he said, laughing back at her.

He again leant towards her, eyes boring into hers, changing to dark & stormy mode, lips so close that she felt the little huffs of his breath on her own lips as he spoke.

“Don’t fight it, Cel. Just give in and admit you want me! We’ll head to my dorm right now and spend the entire night together, having hot, sensual, sheet-tangling sex!”

She burst out laughing, turning away momentarily, eager to break the close proximity to him. “The gods love a trier, Sirius. Pity I don’t.” She looked back at him, “And no doubt one of your fangirls is already curled up under your quilt, just waiting on the god that is Sirius Black to arrive and rock her world!!”

“My bed is exclusively reserved for you.”

“OK... curled up in her bed then, waiting on Mr I Never Stay The Night to arrive.”

“You pierce my heart!”

“Sirius, you may be one of my closest friends, but I can honestly say that you, within just the last few weeks, have become a total man-whore. And a barely legal one at that.”

“Celeste!! Just bloody well admit you want me.”

“Can’t that huge ego of yours handle the fact that there’s at least one girl in this school who doesn’t drop her panties the second you look at her?!” her laughter pealed out over the surrounding area, catching the attention of and sparking the venomous jealousy of the Sirius Fangirls’ Club.

He also burst out laughing, inciting the Fangirls even more.

“Ah.... Cel, my ego is perpetually the size of a peanut whenever you’re around.” Innocence personified, wide grey eyes gazed at her. “It never gets the chance to grow any bigger.”

Then the trademark smirk appeared. “Unlike a certain other part of my anatomy.” One eyebrow quirked up at her, long fingers slinking down onto his jeans zip. She couldn’t stop her eyes following them. His lips slid upwards into a pleased grin.

“Urggghhh!” she groaned, closing her eyes briefly before starting to pack up her stuff. “On that note, I’m off!”

“Awww, don’t go! This was just about to get interesting. You almost agreed to give me a quick blowjob!”

She stood up, brushing grass off her denim cutoffs and slipping on her low wedge sandals. Sirius raked his eyes up and down her figure as she did so.

She leant back down to him, knowing full well that he was getting an eyeful down her tastefully low-cut frilly top. She had on a translucent lacy bra, and she heard his breath catch as soon as he spotted it.

Putting her lips right next to his ear, she said, “Firstly, I don’t give blowjobs to sixteen-year-old skinny boys.” She huffed out a breath onto his earlobe, “And secondly, even if I did, it would.. not.. just be a quickie, darling.”

She pulled back and stood up straight, looking down at Sirius. A deep pink blush was spreading up from his neck over the entirety of his handsome face, his mouth hung slightly open and his eyes were wide, a glazed look in them.

She grinned, starting to walk away, “Have fun with the fangirls, Sirius!”

He was still staring after her when the first wave of girlies washed over him, clamouring for his attention in various tried, tested and (to him, at that moment) very tedious ways.

They were all to be disappointed. Sirius swatted them off like they were so many irritating mosquitoes, stretching out & lying on his back with his hands crossed under his head, staring up into the blue of the early autumn sky, deep in thought.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

She leisurely strolled back to the castle, sniggering to herself at how easy it had been to wind Sirius up into a tight spring.

Her smirk dropped somewhat though, when she contemplated the bigger picture. What a shitshow.

She was slap-bang in the middle of the biggest cliché the fates had ever created. Best friend really fancies best friend, but won’t admit it in case it either doesn’t work out and/or ruins the friendship. Yeah... that old chestnut.

Sighing, she made her way to the Gryffindor common room, spotting Lily and Mary on their favourite corner sofa. She plopped herself down next to them, instantly becoming enmeshed in the girlie gossip which was currently in progress.

However her mind drifted to the beginning of that school year, their sixth, when she and Sirius had met up again after the summer holidays on the Hogwarts Express. She’d been frankly amazed at the change in him after such a short time.

From awkward, gawky schoolboy to man-god in the space of a couple of months.

She learned from him that he’d run away from Grimmauld Place at the beginning of the holidays and was now living at the Potters’. She was very glad to hear that, knowing what he’d gone through at the hands of his parents. He certainly seemed to be thriving there, having apparently sprouted quite a bit over the summer.

Everything about him suddenly seemed long & slim. Long legs and arms, with big hands and big feet to match. Long slim fingers. Long slim feet & toes which she stared at, fascinated, every time she caught a glimpse of them.

She’d instantly known that their friendship would change in future. She’d never thought of Sirius as anything except a little schoolboy buddy, but over the summer he’d emerged from his post-pubescent chrysalis as a hot, sexy teenager with shoulder-length hair, designer stubble and attitude with a capital A.

He’d always attracted a fair bit of female attention over the years. He’d never really acted on it though, too caught up in Marauders mischief to care.

But holy hell...now? All the girlies were going to go batshit crazy over him.

He’d also - right there on the train no less! - boxed her into a corner and immediately started flirting up a storm, which had mildly terrified her. This was the guy who, only two months before, had been a kind of surrogate brother figure in her life for the previous 5 years.

Now he was making sexual innuendoes and inviting her into his bed every five minutes. She just couldn’t figure out his agenda.

As predicted, at the start of term, the Hogwarts female population - irrespective of year - quickly lined up behind Sirius and adoringly dogged his every footstep. As did a fair proportion of the male population, it has to be said.

Sirius quickly accepted his new-found godlike status & revelled in it. Flirting his way around school and through classes and meals. Getting caught in broom closets, empty classrooms and corridors, snogging for Britain.

It was only 4 weeks into the new term and she already found it all mildly disgusting. Hence she’d decided to knock the flirtatious idiot back down a peg or two every chance she got.

However, his flirting behaviour with her hadn’t dialled back at all, if anything it had increased, and this is what she was pondering on.

Her name was suddenly yelled right into her face. Lily was staring at her as if she was an alien.

“Uh, sorry - what?”

“We’ve been waiting on you to answer Mary’s question, for like, 15 minutes.”

“Oh shut up! I just zoned out for a minute or two.”

Mary sniggered, “And no prizes for guessing who the subject matter of said zoning out was!!”

She sighed. “OK, OK, alright - yes - it was Sirius.”

Scoffing noises from her friends.

“Look - I just can’t get my head round the way he’s still behaving towards me. Flirting & shit.”

She shook her head, and continued, “This was my annoying little ‘school brother’ 3 months ago! So he’s either had a brain meltdown and actually fancies me, or else he’s practicing all that crap on me to then use on his fan girls! And let’s be honest, one reason’s as bad as the other!”

They both exchanged significant looks, grinning at each other.

She huffed, “What’s wrong now?! I’ve just told you what’s on my mind!”

“Can you, hand on heart, swear you don’t fancy the pants off Sirius?” asked Lily.

“Look, I can see why girls find him attractive, yeah. But you’re forgetting that for five years, he was...”

“Yeah, yeah,” interrupted Mary, rolling her eyes, “..your surrogate little brother.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

@omgrachwrites

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

#sirius black x reader #ben barnes #sirius black imagine #sirius black fanfiction #ben barnes as sirius black #sirius black #sirius black fan fic

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trzee · 3 years

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I feel like apologising would be so disrespectful to Gee, like really imagine wanting to have fun with your friends for your birthday and the next day they kinda shit on your party talking about how they shouldn t have gone. I think we should look at things like human beings and not woke social warriors from time to time. They dont live to please us, their irl friends will always be more important than us. Sorry if i sounded mean, this is not directed at you but mostly at everyone whos angry they got silence in return. I know from our POV it looks bad, but it was just a birthday party with friends. How many of us can say we never met up with a group of friends at a mall or a restaurant, or that didnt go in vacation. These streamers are some of the very few people that really stayed inside for the whole thing until they were allowed outside (thank god for their job). They should be allowed to enjoy normal human things, again how many can say they havent been to a single bday party. Also lets not forget they are popular streamers that can afford private parties and covid tests, like they re already doing more to prevent the spread of covid than any other regular human. And again they re human, i ve stayed inside for the whole lock down and it ruined my mental health. My mental health was already bad but during quarantine there were moments i was paralyzed in bed because of my depression and social anxiety. Then wilbur came out and admited that he also experienced something similar because of the lockdowns too. I know it s a hard concept to grasp for lots of people and it might seem selfish, but if theres a chance wilbur experienced the same mental issues as me... it should be allowed for them to have fun too. And after all the harrasment wilbur endured... it s not really that fun. It s been the first party they ve been to in a year and a half (not to mention the uk had one of the strictest and longest lock downs of them all), they shouldn t feel sorry for indulging in what most of the people hating on them already have.

yeah, i've also been locked up inside my house for almost 2 years at this point, my graduation from college was just me signing a document bc we couldn't have an actual graduation party, i've barely seen my grandmother, haven't seen my best friends for 2 years, almost lost 2 family members, had to see my dad get covid, my mental health in the worst state it has ever gotten, but now i'm just like yeah whatever let them do what they want idc anymore

i just hope ccs aren't stupid privileged assholes like imallex and keep saying shit. ignorance is bliss and they should keep their mouths shut. <3

#this is officially the last ask i will answer about this topic #pls don't send it anymore #it's over and done #let the uk streamers create their new variant #zee answers #long post #discourse cw #covid party tw

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1ddotdhq · 3 years

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👱🏻‍♀️Thurs 12 Nov ‘20🎸

Niall and Ashe’s performance on yesterday’s Late Late Show was, of course, gorgeous! No other songs, unfortunately, but the interview did give Niall a chance to run through all of his RAH talking points again, as well as describing the odd circumstances that had brought him and Ashe together. Ashe said they instantly felt like old friends, and then they compared the situation to a reality dating show, cue awkward chuckling all around. Oddly enough, I almost think they had more chemistry through zoom than they do irl, sigh. Guess it's all right we can’t all meet our online friends: sometimes distance truly does make the heart grow fonder! In what could perhaps be called the end of the HBW era, Niall has changed his twitter layout to pictures of himself during the RAH show. The question now becomes: is this just the end of an era, or the beginning of a new one as well? He's been clear that NH3 won't happen until the circumstances of the world change (change back?) so what would that mean? Anne-Marie, who was working with him earlier this month, said that they wrote three “brilliant” songs in the studio that day (she was like “wow, you’re actually talented” when Niall began showing off his instrumental prowess). Niall + blond female collaborator/promo tour BFF has proved to be a winning formula many times over now, perhaps we can mark time in these uncertain months by how many of these collabs we see from Niall! He is also donating a signed guitar to Wishio (an app that connects celebrities with causes) to raise more money for We Need Crew. I wonder if this guitar will sell for more or less than the $28k Harry's did, do you think, and will this one actually sell to a fan? Whatever it goes for will just be the icing on top of the over ￡2 million the RAH show ended up bringing in for the cause.

Speaking of $28k guitars and the people who signed them, we learned a bit more about H’s project with Gucci: it’s a seven episode mini-series that follows the character of Silvia (presumably Not Harry) through her “eccentric morning routine” in her home in Rome before “the arrival of an unexpected visitor”, who seems to work some kind of magic, and her day becomes a surrealist experience in a Gucci-filled reality. The titles of some of these episodes are “The Theatre”, “In the Cafe” and “The Neighbours”, none of which sound very COVID-friendly to me, but at least there is one called “At Home”. The series, which will be streamed online from the 16th to the 22nd (which, holy shit, that’s next week, how are we not still in July?), and is called “Ouverture of Something That Never Ended”, which would be a stunning alternative title to Fine Line, tbh. It is unclear which exact episodes Harry will appear in, or who will be playing the part of Silvia, but I have created a Gucci account to receive regular updates on this thing (the things I do…) so you will all know when I do! Harry has also been nominated for, uh, EVERY category of J-14′s 2020 Teen Icon Awards, Niall is in almost as many, and Liam and Louis and Zayn are each in one. Gotta say, I think J-14 is a bit obsessed. It’s okay, love, we’ve all been there.

Abby Roberts, the Spooky Makeup Queen, put up a ‘Day in the Life’ video on YouTube with some fun bloopers and behind the scenes from the LP show, which means we got to relive the moment where Liam admitted that Louis dared him to pull Harry’s pants down, and the Tik Tok live, which broke several times, because it’s not a 1D event without the full array of technical difficulties. Liam continued his celebration of the armed forces today with a one on one golfing outing with ex special forces/current TV personality Jason Carl Fox. The picture is of them standing around, and WHOA Liam’s beard is REALLY growing (uh, pun not intended, but please feel free to take it that way). Is this a picture evidence of a flagrant disregard for the UK’s lockdown? Uh, it appears to be, yes, but I’m happy to see Liam happy, at any rate. And, in true supportive Liam fashion, Liam sent out an email reminding people that Tom Felton will be doing a Veeps “19 years later” watch-along at 12 PT, ft. Willow, Tom’s dog. Liam asks us, “I’ll be watching along, will you?”

#niall horan #harry styles #liam payne #and zouis is MIA #i mean technically H is too but y'all know what i mean #also i want to clarify something really quickly re: the Ticketmaster thing from yesterday #the part that i was uncomfortable with was not the 'mandatory vaccine' bit #though i would love the reassurance that the vaccine is safe and has gone through the rigorous and necessary trials #before they are distributed #BUT i understand the need for a mandatory vaccine #I even understand the need for a national record of who has been vaccinated and who has not #but what i am DEFINITELY uncomfortable with is that my medical records would/could be given to a third party private for profit corporation #and then to Ticketmaster which is ANOTHER private for profit corporation #that just seems like it could cause a massive problem if someone were to say...hack the system #and steal the data #and think of the data mining!#it just all seems like it hasnt been thought out with consumer privacy in mind #BUT i am very very very pro-vax #vaccinate urself vaccinate ur kids please and thank you #anyways!#song of the day!#So It Goes by Billy Joel #which is a reference to Slaughterhouse Five which I really really love!!#but also the song is sad and sweet and i knew it complete etc.

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lycomorpha · 3 years

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The flora of AC Valhalla - Part 1: some botanical considerations

Least yellow sorrel from AC Valhalla, which I’m currently drawing

My last few posts have been about the botany of Horizon Zero Dawn. But right now I’m sneaking in to talk about Assassin’s Creed Valhalla (Ubisoft), before my collaborator Maria & I get back to freeze-rime root. (Maria is off rn and I can’t be left alone for 5 minutes, apparently). I love ACV and I’ve been drawing fungi and plants from that world too, but it’s a very different environment to HZD.

This post is about the botanical anomalies of ACV - as much to get them out of the way before any real botanists get mad at me as anything! Then next time I’ll share a quick survey of familiar flora from one of my favourite locations – the Temple of Ceres in the Forest of Denu (aka the Forest of Dean)

Lichens in AC Valhalla - probably oakmoss (Evernia species) or a Ramalina species if I had to guess

Video game botany in 9th century England

I don’t wanna dwell on them but there are some plant-related things in this game that may vex actual botanists (I am not a botanist, being an artist-pharmacologist is weird enough on its own). So I want to say; yes, we know about those things, but it’s more fun not to get hung up on that and to enjoy the wildlife as we find it. So let’s talk about that stuff before we get into the weeds (or in this case, the ancient woodland wildlife).

Location

ACV is set somewhere familiar to me – the UK, where I live. A lot of the plants are very recognisable, but familiarity can trip you up. It’s easy to assume you know what something is based on where you find it, without looking closely enough at a plant’s characteristics.

However, it’s not always familiarity causing me double-takes. Many plants have a much more widespread distribution in-game than irl and several of the plants (and a few animals) didn’t appear in 9th Century England where ACV is largely set. Much like Maria (who is a botanist) doesn’t begrudge AC Odyssey those Opuntia and Bougainvillea that prematurely appeared in her homeland… I’m just gonna mention it when it happens & move on. I do not grudge over this kinda shit tbh. Besides, when it comes to animals and skulls, what’s to say they didn’t arrive via trade with Vinland - an area of the game on the north American continent I think - or Europe?

Possible Mule deer skull on a cursed zone marker. Not a species I’d expect here - maybe traded via Vinland? Didn’t stop me sketching it anyway. I drew it from memory before the screen cap so I miiight have made that string of bones a tad oversized. Also I didn’t capture how the skull is attached to the post - only worked that out after zooming in....

Seasonality

It leads to some cognitive dissonance seeing oaks and beeches in their autumn colours next to spring bluebells, summer flowers, and winter fungi in ACV. I kinda like that in some ways - it means we get to see all the good plants/fungi regardless of what quests we’re playing and when. (Big fan of moors & autumn, glad everyone gets a chance at seas of pink heather or fiery bracken). I also imagine seasons are hard from a design standpoint - the UK flora changes so distinctively in time, but the game doesn’t have a fixed time of year or months to go on. It’s open world and the story has no particular season attached to quests, for the most part. (Yes I know… Yule & Ostara in the settlement, Samhain in Gloucester, these are festivals that come with dates... Listen. Half my family are pagan, I’m very done about how accurate those aspects are or aren’t. Pls let’s never speak of this again.) Anyway… Given seasons aren’t essential the story, I think it’s fair enough to somewhat smoosh them into one (sorry botanists) even if it looks a bit weird. And hey, bluebells in autumn woods = all the best colours at once, whoop whoop!

You get all seasons at once around Ravensthorpe

Scale

The size of some plants in ACV is… unexpected. But as mentioned in past posts; if you want to interact with a plant/fungi/insect it has to be big enough for players to see. There are also many plants we don’t directly interact with in the game that are very much larger on screen than they are in reality. Again, I’ll just mention it as and when… (And point at this post to say ‘yes we know’ if any botanists pick me up on my shit, heh.) But truly, I wish we had giant brittlegills and wood sorrels that were as big as me bc THAT would be awesome.

Surprisingly large sorrels & ginormous winter chanterelles

OK that is about as many things as I can think of for this post. Now I’m gonna get on with enjoying the ACV botany!

#nature #plant #plants #botany #assassins creed valhalla #ac valhalla #sciart #colour pencils #color pencil #pencil drawing #drawing #ACValhalla #AssassinsCreedValhalla #video game botany #VideoGameBotany #eivor varinsdottir #eivor

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punkscowardschampions · 3 years

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Mattie & Lulu & Dolly (mostly)

PlanityPlan: Okay, so we wanna get down what Mattie, Lulu and Dolly are like, that’s the main point

PlanityPlan: but then we wanna pinpoint the time of this reunion for their storyline together, so we can then say what Jay is up to, Beckett not really ‘cos he’s a child but we could also say what we wanna do with you eventually here because we are planning to use him but yes, kind of unrelated but not

PlanityPlan: So it’s like, individual story, what they’re like, the lives they’re living, and then the storyline we’ll do with them together

PlanityPlan: OKAY so Mattie doing an accelerated 2-year Maths and Computer Science degree at Greenwich (57, 58) and then her PGCE which takes a year and in this year you do 2 school placements, 2nd placement at the girl's new school after gay teacher drama in Surval, so this 2nd meeting after first failed attempt at contact, in 59

PlanityPlan: Basically, energy being, making contact before starting Uni and the twins are like nah and then we show up at their new school (accidentally) and the twins relationship has suffered so now we have an in

PlanityPlan: OKAY OKAY so Mattie reaches out Summer 57, she's about to start Uni, the twins are 14 and just finished year 10, 58 teacher stuff to happen and come out year 11, 59 we move to new school year 12, Mattie starts placement too

Junie B Jones: The school I found for the twins is called Surval Montreux in Montreux Switzerland and they’d have been going there from age 12 (and leaving at 19) it’s obviously an international school but there’s a heavy focus on French in lessons as obviously because English is usually a 2nd language, but don’t even worry ladies cos there is only a maximum of 10 girls (cos it’s only gals) in your classes and 60 in the entire school

Junie B Jones: worth noting the finishing school bit from 17-19 cos your mother would love that for you and you can share a room no problem as it’s usually 2 or 3 anyways

PlanityPlan: So, do we be evil and say they have to share with another poor gal?

PlanityPlan: ‘cos we could run with that

Junie B Jones: that poor girl requesting a transfer cos they are so odd hahaha but yeah I say there’s potential there even if it was only for a while like maybe it’s lowkey a version of how they put me and Trace in separate classes cos the teachers are like UM

PlanityPlan: I see that, forcing you to stay involved, ‘cos with 60 people you’d have to be all up in each other’s business, like you’re for sure meant to see the teachers as friends/fam too

Junie B Jones: the website was very culty and that energy

PlanityPlan: which brings me to my first idea ‘cos I think it works on many levels beyond being a cliche

PlanityPlan: Okay so, I thought it’d be interesting to have a secret between them ‘cos how hard it’d be to keep

PlanityPlan: and then I thought that it’d be hilarious karma if Dolly had an affair with a female teacher but we actually let it go there

PlanityPlan: ‘cos it’d be a massive scandal even your parents can’t ignore and the girl gives off some gay vibes and it’d be like, a thing they can’t share in if Lulu isn’t gay like we share a boyfriend but we’re not sharing this teacher moment

PlanityPlan: and it’d probably get you both kicked out so we can time it when we want it and Chloe would be fuming about this lesbianism lmao

PlanityPlan: so with the whole culty school like this would be NEWS ‘cos they’re tight with the teachers clearly so it’s like ARE THEY ALL BEING GROOMED lmao

Junie B Jones: Lulu gives off the straightest vibes EVER so I am down & also the vibe that she would love that culty school

PlanityPlan: right so not only have you kept a love affair and gay from me, you’ve also ruined our school moment, it’d really shake them and their weird twin energy to it’s core, which is the fun of it all obvs

Junie B Jones: I see now why you agreed to share a boyfriend hun, also the potential for her to have a gay awakening with the roommate so hitting all those cliches

PlanityPlan: right, I’m not being gross but it’s true that all-girls school girls experiment together, facts, like Lulu probably joined it with it too but it’s like oh you actually like girls for real

PlanityPlan: but if Dolly isn’t just then living her best gay life and is trying to get shit back to how it was, I think it makes it different

Junie B Jones: the tea and also it seems like the kind of school where a teacher would go there, especially if it’s a younger/artsy one like that film Cracks that Imogen Poots was in, soz Nancy but most teachers won’t

PlanityPlan: it’s a cliche with posh schools for a reason, the bond is closer by the fact there’s not 30 kids in a classroom, there’s more opportunity for it to happen because you have actual relationships with all your teachers, whereas in normal schools they barely know your name lol

Junie B Jones: gross but necessary question being how long do you see the relationship spanning in secret before the big reveal

PlanityPlan: it should probably be somewhere between enough that it’s an actual thing that happened and not like, it happened once, like the teacher probably thinks they’re gonna be together if she doesn’t go to jail lol, but not so long that it is like, how’d you not know

PlanityPlan: it’ll be fun to like, play out, see how long we feasibly could

PlanityPlan: and if Lulu finds out before EVERYONE finds out, then she has to decide what to do with this info for a bit too, which would also be good

Junie B Jones: I love that because the twin vibe is very much like oh we can read each other’s minds haha bitch you thought

Junie B Jones: totally can picture Lulu snitching on you ngl gal

PlanityPlan: accidentally fucking yourself over when they kick the lot of yas out, a mood

PlanityPlan: NEW CO-ED SCHOOL IN SURREY, STILL BOARDING

PlanityPlan: maybe Lulu does care more about school in general, but also specifically that school and being one of the girls forever

PlanityPlan: ‘cos then it’s gonna be hard to win her back when you end up in another school, with boys dundundun

Junie B Jones: she very much comes across like that to me, not only because she’s clearly the clingy controlling twin here but I think she clearly likes how small and family like this school is trying to be cos of how chaotic and lacking their home life is, she’s definitely scared of boys & navigating socialising with them without making a tit of herself because of how little dealings she’s had so it’s gonna be a SHOCK

Junie B Jones: dobbing her sister in because 1. You think the teacher will get sacked and it’ll be over 2. You think you can score some points back and stay in the school’s good books

PlanityPlan: It’s honestly sad how much sense it makes, like you really buy all in with the family vibes and then ya twin fucks it all up, rude

Junie B Jones: okay idk how plausible this is but remember in Wild Child aka the greatest film of all time that boy is like the headteacher’s son, what if the boyfriend (Danny Griffin is his IRL name but I’ll give you a french af one in character boy) they share is like the son of someone who works at the school (obvs he doesn’t go there but like he’d have to live nearby and generally loiter) which is part of the reason Lulu picks him cos all the girls would want to but also she could tell him something about this and he’s like UM you have to dob her in

PlanityPlan: I see that, they can’t all be spinsters like this is an enid, they’d have families and stuff, I can vibe it because again, a thing if there’s any male in the vicinity we all lose our minds lol

Junie B Jones: and like obvs that’s why she got with him but there’s potential for an actual relationship to form with this boy on some level if we want

PlanityPlan: Yes, maybe you actually like him, because clearly Dolly doesn’t, have him to yourself hun, but also then you’ll have to move so rude

PlanityPlan: Another reason to be fuming when you were the clingy twin before, role reversal

Junie B Jones: and another reason to not want to leave because I can’t imagine that your parents will move you to another school in Switzerland because it’s tiny and the scandal so literally in a different country

PlanityPlan: yeah, we’d probably move you to the uk like we’re going to be more involved like doubt that lads but you know

Junie B Jones: my thoughts exactly

PlanityPlan: so the question is do we want to do this before Mattie gets in contact or after

PlanityPlan: I’m leaning towards before so then 1. You’ve got a chance of getting in but 2. You can also help or not help them get on better terms, whatever we vibe

Junie B Jones: maybe when she first gets in contact it’s a secret still so we get the best of the both worlds, cos like you’re gonna get stonewalled then hun but when it all pops off you can be there

Junie B Jones: just cos I’m thinking if it’s all happened by the time they’re 16 that’s slightly drama but then again we’ve done worse lol

PlanityPlan: That’s a good idea, it makes the most of it for sure

PlanityPlan: I’m not sure what the age of consent is but that might affect how in deep shit this teacher gets

Junie B Jones: it’d be a way to show how their dynamic and relationship changes from a POV that isn’t just their own

PlanityPlan: for sure and then we can have the outcome be not just down to their new school and their parentals

Junie B Jones: poor Mattie getting way more drama than she expected

Junie B Jones: are you having her go to a UK uni because obviously relevant because this isn’t getting resolved in a summer hol

PlanityPlan: I’m kind of vibing no uni, honestly

PlanityPlan: because a lot of gen 4 do go and it isn’t the only option

Junie B Jones: love that for her tbh

PlanityPlan: So yeah, you’ll be around for sure

Junie B Jones: do you have a job/career in mind yet?

PlanityPlan: not really, like I see you being a bit lost in that sense, which is fine because you’ve got a lot in other respects and you’re looked after, but it’s definitely a vibe of not knowing what you want to do, but not just doing uni ‘cos as most people in that situ do, so you probably have lots of random jobs

Junie B Jones: that’s legit cos loads of people don’t know what they wanna do but don’t have the luxury of taking time to figure it out but she does & lowkey it doesn’t matter if she never does cos like you said she’s fine in a lot of other ways

PlanityPlan: like I won’t let you be insufferable with it and not work and just bum about but you’re just striking me as work-driven, which a lot of characters are again, so I’m not mad

Junie B Jones: I like it

PlanityPlan: So it’s just working out what your actual main motivation is, which I think could be tied into getting in contact with this fam

PlanityPlan: as we’re saying Jay doesn’t really want to, so it’s a difference there

PlanityPlan: and it’ll be good to have it not a total failure if you do make something with the twins but we know you won’t with Chloe so there’s the struggle with that

Junie B Jones: it pleases me because the obvious and cliche thing to do would be to have Jay be the one trying to do this as she actually has memories of and issues with Chlo whereas Mattie is basically Ava’s child

PlanityPlan: and I don’t think it resembles like, Edie’s feelings about Drew and Caleb etc either, it’s not like I NEED you to be my mum because you biologically are

PlanityPlan: it’s just lowkey a curiosity like, people can’t just vanish from our lives like that, like what are they doing, ‘cos you know their main house is still in London too, like it’s just like, why shouldn’t I look into this

Junie B Jones: agreed, it’s not coming from a place of having a deficit, she’s happy and has everything she needs in that sense, so it makes sense for her to only gain from it

PlanityPlan: and it is naive but that is how I vibe her being in a not really annoying way lol, not a jaded character though

PlanityPlan: and it will be shit when Chloe is Chloe but it won’t destroy her or anything it’s just like oh god, what is wrong with her though

Junie B Jones: and that’ll strengthen her relationship with Jay because she doesn’t wanna talk about all of that and you’ll get why in a way that you can’t unless you experience the crazy that is Chloe for yourself

PlanityPlan: exactly, like that can be a source of strain between you when you’re first deciding to do this

PlanityPlan: and you’d give Chloe a few chances ‘cos like I said you aren’t looking for a mum so you’d be trying to lowkey work it out and being empathetic so she’d probably actually love that ‘cos she’s a narcissist so it’d be a bit dicey

PlanityPlan: suddenly wants to tell you every drama in her life like poor me

Junie B Jones: how real

PlanityPlan: ‘cos you can think you’re like objective and just putting the mystery together but you’re gonna get dragged in, clearly

PlanityPlan: especially combine this with the twin drama which you do genuinely care about

Junie B Jones: mhmm, Lulu is gonna drag you in gal, not like she can bring these emotions and drama to her new school when it’s a scandal and this is supposed to be a fresh start

PlanityPlan: which is what you were warned about/one of the reasons we left it ‘til you were grown but you’ll have to work this all out, which will be good

PlanityPlan: ‘cos you can’t be dealing with your younger sister’s drama instead of living your own life but clearly at a point here we are ‘cos bit lost

Junie B Jones: you’re so clever boo, this is such a good idea that flows

PlanityPlan: heheh, I think it makes sense if you’ve had such a chill upbringing and the twins have not that this chaos can take over your life and drag you in

PlanityPlan: I’d like to think we all get to a healthy place gals but we’ll see tbh

PlanityPlan: as for who Dolly is… I think she never bought into the school as hard, like it’s probably better than home, not that we’d know, but we’re not like omg this is IT

PlanityPlan: same with the boyfriend clearly, none of it is as real but the twin bond is so like may as well until the gay drama comes along

PlanityPlan: but then that’s lowkey over before it’s begun so then we go into overdrive of trying to win her back

Junie B Jones: which Lulu is not having sis

PlanityPlan: like in reality we should accept our truth and start working on separate personalities but we’re like no no

Junie B Jones: potential for how far aka too far she can try and take winning her back, like that creepy book energy

PlanityPlan: deffo, like we’ll have to think of ways but if we’re going all-in on this, there isn’t reason not to

PlanityPlan: ‘cos we don’t care about school or whatever mum and dad are saying or doing

Junie B Jones: not gonna kill you off gal but oh the possibilities for danger cos lbr your grandparents can’t stop you either clearly

PlanityPlan: bless them they’re alright people but obvs a bit useless for all this to happen lmao

Junie B Jones: hence I vibe that Lulu totally walks all over/ has them wrapped around her little finger like Chloe did but more subtly because she has no nuance

PlanityPlan: deffo, oh lads

Junie B Jones: which is a shame when they could literally give you the family energy you want without need for a creepy cult school but hey, you’ve been taught to treat them like that

PlanityPlan: exactly

PlanityPlan: they should’ve lowkey took you in but we’re too posh for that and you’ll probably be fine right lmao

Junie B Jones: at least Dolly can stay with them when her parents are literally hate criming her

PlanityPlan: sad that you won’t ‘cos getting back in that closet so hard like will you forgive me if I’m straight and we’re still the same

Junie B Jones: it’s really sad like this isn’t sustainable huns and shouldn’t have been allowed to be a thing for this long

PlanityPlan: at least Mattie does have fresh enough eyes to be like, respectfully, maybe let’s not do this

Junie B Jones: just like Lulu don’t haze your sister thank you

PlanityPlan: right, I think this gives us energy to go on for all y’all

PlanityPlan: *** so the energy now is she can get more drawn in because she's literally there living at the school too, and after the placement, she's getting a permanent position at the school, so we can actually work through this together and have relationships etc etc

#gen 4 #mattie pemberton howard #dolly blossom farrington stone

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chucklestheechidona · 4 years

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Red Dwarf: USA

AKA: One week into isolation and a Welshman drunkenly types out his most controversial opinion

One of the first sci-fi shows I ever watched, at least, without realising it was science fiction, before even Star Trek, of which I vividly remember seeing Patrick’s face and voice on my thick arse grey heavier-than-sin Television, would have been that of the 1988 comedy - Red Dwarf.

I didn’t watch it live of course, I was born in 1993, by the time I could actually start remembering things the show had already ended. Like many people, I watched it on someone’s recorded VHS tape, among others in our house such as Duckman. Like Duckman, Red Dwarf was a bit out of my depth, but I liked it all the same. Some of the jokes landed and the slapstick and (not)aliens were enough to capture my attention.

Of course, I grew older, my appreciation for the show changed over time. The jokes obviously landed a lot more, but what I appreciated more was the character building, the acting, the writers and the cast having an appreciation, even through troubled shooting or grievances, towards what they were working through.

As anyone would expect though, I have my thoughts on where the series’s high’s ended, can see the flaws in some writing and some episodes, and overall the direction it headed after series 6, but yet, it still holds a special place in my heart.

Something I didn’t figure out until I was much older was the existence of a USA version. There was a pilot, then a failed attempt at another pilot/episode 2, and it was never heard from again.

Anyone from Britain could have told you this was a terrible idea from the start, anyone who’s watched it will tell you how awful it is.

In a DVD extra on one of the boxsets, both writers lamented what could have been if things went right, the misery of working in an American environment which didn’t appreciate the British insight. Rob, who plays Kryten, speaks about how the American cast thought the script the American execs were pushing on them to be terrible. But Rob got paid a lot of money to eat food and do some scenes, so he enjoyed it for the most part.

But if you like Red Dwarf, you already know this. If you didn’t, thanks for staying with me.

There are many reasons for why Red Dwarf USA didn’t work. “You can’t just take a British thing and try and localise it.”

Yet The Office USA is a massive hit, and has its fan-base here.

Craig Charles, as in, Lister’s actor, reckoned it was because of a lack of a class system, although Doug, one of the writers, would disagree.

I get Craig’s feelings, mind you. In the UK, I have more in common with people who are on the same pay-grade as me than anything stupid like race, sex or religion. Which isn’t to say there aren’t those divides in the country, but the class system is very heavy here. The Lower and Working class bond knowing they’re working harder than those above for not as much pay.

But as Doug says, the people on Always Sunny/Malcolm in the Middle aren’t the same people who are on Friends/Frasier, for example. He uses a different example, for it’s an old documentary, but the point still stands. There is class in America, even if it’s implemented differently in media and IRL

(As an aside, Malcolm in the Middle was fantastic.)

Craig Bierko (the USA Craig and the USA Lister) said it was just a mistake to do, that they shouldn’t have even tried to localise an exceptional program. I mean, he partook in it, but the actor had to eat and food isn’t free.

But after all that, here’s the thing.

I think it could have worked.

It would need heavy editing mind you. A proper look into why it didn’t work in the first place. More of a look into an American future, rather than a future which was (despite original intentions) still heavily British.

The jokes would need localising, the actors would need a bit of a workaround in terms of personality, but here’s why I started this.

Where the story would go next.

Dave Lister (UK) was a happy-go-lucky carefree scouser, who worked as little as possible, chased impossible dreams while playing a guitar he never put any actual time into learning. He got along with people quite well, despite being on the bottom of the pecking order. He got in trouble with authority, but he was doing it out of good intentions.

This was mostly to balance out his bunkmate, Rimmer, who was in every way opposite. He was a stressed pent up ball of worry and anger, who had one dream and one goal only, of which he failed constantly. He was liked by no-one, the only person he was above (Lister) he took extreme measures to exercise the little power he had.

On an aside, UK Lister wasn’t conventionally attractive. Craig Charles is a good looking bloke mind you, he’s not ugly, but his looks managed to sell the underdog achiever. He looked very much the part of a low-life Liverpudlian drunk. (despite being a wordsmith and successful poet in real life, not to mention his impressive DJ’ing)

USA Lister however, was played by this HUNK.

Dave Lister USA was shown to be the same kind of person, but hinted at was his more roguish cheeky nature. A more... American view. While Lister UK, when talking to his crush, would be almost awkward, never really sharing many words with her, despite being madly in love with her, Lister US had gone out with Kochanski.

(True, UK did past series 5, but a retcon to match the books is still a retcon)

Lister US was cheeky, cocky, a bit arrogant to Kochanski. He hadn’t taken the relationship seriously. She was a Flight Navigation Officer, he was the lowest rank on the ship, a Third Technician. He had no aspirations, no dreams. He had a plan, much like our Lister, but hadn’t even seemed to save up pay for it. He mentions it once in passing to Kryten at the start, but the way he talked to Kristine, the way he spoke about it to Kryten, it seemed that he’d given up, more than our more hopeless UK Lister.

UK Kristine knew Lister but had hardly shared words with him, and it was all Lister’s fault, as Kris would have been kind enough to actually talk to him. UK Lister’s story overall is of a man who had the chance to be better, but gave himself excuses why he couldn’t, or didn’t. UK Lister could have talked to Kris at any time, but had been his own obstacle.

USA Kristine however, had had USA Lister actually get her to go out with him. It was nice, they still talk. But Kris had ended it. Kris had career aspirations, and Lister had not.

(This kept close to the UK books, but UK Kris had somewhat used UK Lister as a rebound. It was still a nice enough break-up, but Lister then careens down into depression. Unlike AmeriLister who’s optimistic he can pick it back up. Gotta love America and their hope.)

This culminated in the final scene we see of pre-accident Kris, where she sees David did a noble gesture by sacrificing himself to save his cat, and (even though oddly paced) tells David she loved him.

Heat of the moment it may be, but USA Lister immediately cracks, telling the crew that he’d give up the cat’s location. It’s played for laughs obviously, but maybe this is what’s more important to USA Lister.

But these very differences, like angles, could stretch further than just copying the show. By leading on from what made AmeriDave different than BritiDave.

What I would do

First, we make USA Lister stand out more. His dress attire seemed Han Solo-esque, so let’s put a bit of that personality into him. This Lister, would have been an under-acheiver his whole life, maybe after the event, he wouldn’t be. This Lister would be brought back with a new sense of determination. He has to prove to Kochanski, Rimmer, his Cat and Holly that he’s no longer this Third Technician, he was capable of getting back the human race.

Where UK Lister (at least, in the show) would try and see in what ways he could kill time, in a sobering kind of malaise that strikes a man three million years into deep space, USA Lister would be trying to get his head around how to get back. In the final part of the show, after they see their future selves, he knows he actually has to do something. Back to earth? Sure, he wouldn’t know, and finding out would be hard, but USA Lister would actually have to learn to apply himself early.

This doesn’t sound like Lister! (or more accurately, isn’t this just the Book Lister) British people like seeing despair. We long to see Del Boy fail, we want to see Basil Fawlty have a meltdown. Americans have hope. They want to see Ross get with Rachel, they long to see their hero win. Or if he can’t win, have a snarky comment about it. We want to see UK Rimmer and Lister fail in their attempts to get back, because it’s funny. USA have hope. They’d want to see Lister get home.

USA Rimmer would make learning hell for USA Lister. Rimmer, thinking he knows more, would foil the attempts at Lister, but not out of malice, out of incompetence on Rimmer’s part. “Thermodynamics, let me teach you, Dave, no-one’s taken that test more than I have!” Que the failed test.

Unfortunately, the Cat, Kryten, Holly and Rimmer in the US version are almost all carbon-copies of their UK counterpart. I haven’t thought this through enough, obviously. They’d have to be changed, Episode 1 would have to be rewritten, but with changes in mind.

I’d have USA Lister be an actual hero, but a kinda useless one who takes a while to get things done, consulting with his equally useless crew. Rimmer, to be a dick, but with a lot of the bitterness taken out (because American’s can’t really pull it off), but with the same inferiority complex. He’d make hell for Lister, but under the genuine reason of “I want to see you do better. (cause right now you’re an embarrassment to the human species)“ The last human, trained by the best of what was left of humanity. Or at least, Rimmer would see it that way.

The rest of the cast could be figured out later. Honestly, too much like their counterparts. I guess that was the point of the show when they tried to release it, it was only a localisation after all.

Conclusion

We’ll never know what Rob and Doug wrote that the other actors liked, I doubt a copy was kept after it was butchered by the Americans.

But I think what little made it different, was the bit where it shone. Sure, shone as in behind 4 panes of glass and a sheet of paper, but still, it could have been something.

I’m a sucker for “What could have been.” Even for money-grabbing USA executive schemes such as trying to make RD: USA

And hey, maybe it could have. And I like all that alternative stuff. When Mortal Kombat actually included bits from the movies, that made me smile. If Sonic ever had a nod to Fleetway, I’d be happy enough.

Maybe one day we’ll have an alternative Lister played by Craig Bierko, and he’d be an actual space-wanderer hero. And then our UK Lister can call him smug smeghead. And he’d be right.

(About USA Lister, not Bierko)

Final Conclusion

The word count on this went way out of hand. This killed an afternoon and I’m stuck in my house, I have a backlog a mile long to go through

Need to finish ‘Off’, ‘Torchwood’, DW, and possibly watch some Red Dwarf before the new one is out.

Thanks for listening to my rant.

Smegheads

#Red Dwarf #USA #Lister #Rimmer #Kochanski

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lopez-richter-fangirl · 4 years

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Those starfury cons weren't just starkid tho right? I believe they said they'd never done that before AVPW (and yes I also wish I'd been a fan earlier, or actually, a more engaged fan earlier so that I knew it when they did events in the UK, cause I just always had the idea of "yeah they're american, not a change I'll ever see them or anything of theirs irl" which wasn't true and now I've already proven myself wrong on that twice aaaaaaah)

Oh no they weren’t, I was just making the point that at least living here there was the chance to see them for a cost genuinely about 10x less than it costs to fly out there. And yeah I’m still proving myself wrong now 😂

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grimdarkfandango · 5 years

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six facts (whether you want them or not)

taking @drawlight‘s open prompt, because I’m incapable of passing up the chance to talk about myself. Tagging any who want it!

1: I was born and grew up in New Zealand, but in the last 10 years have also lived in Melbourne, Australia; Dublin, Ireland; & now somewhere in the rapidly crumbling UK. (I miss Melbourne desperately) I’ve travelled a lot, though rarely the same place twice - Japan is the exception and I would go back in a heartbeat. I also did 2 weeks in the US solo this year, my first trip there, and am desperate to go back!!

2: I play in 2 regular d&d campaigns, one through video call and one through discord text chat and both are amazing and enriching and everyone should play collaborative storytelling games with their friends!! In one I play a dwarven fighter with a slight martyr complex and in the other I play a half-elf bard with a slight martyr complex and no I will not be taking any comments thank you.

3: This year I made a lot of new friends and have done a lot of new things - writing fic & poetry, volunteering for creative projects, working a pretty solid side hustle, mostly all borne out of yelling loudly at people about how much I like them and the things they make. It is always worthwhile to tell people you enjoy their work or their presence and it is never unwelcome to do so!! (unless you are being super creepy about it obvs!!) Please leave comments on every fic you like and tell artists when you like their stuff, I promise it’s a great thing, you put the love and kindness out there it circles straight back around. Be enthusiastically in love.

4: I’m getting a gorgeous snake tattoo on my left arm in exactly a month, thus fulfilling my oath that if I didn’t get a snake tattooed on my body by the end of the year I would physically explode. I have three others already: an infinity symbol on the back of my neck, a sheild with celtic knotwork on my right calf, and a stormy night sky on the back of my right bicep.

5: As a root factor in all of the above and also my life in general, I’ve also been working with an amazing therapist this year, and I would endorse therapy to literally everyone.

6: I also came out as nonbinary, at least online (I have no irl to speak of outside of my very conservative Brexity workplace, so... no.) which has been wonderfully freeing, just in being able to see myself differently. Words have a ridiculous amount of power, even if you don’t use them all that much. Basically nothing about my life has changed in a practical sense, but the emotional weight is so much lighter!! gender is weird and chaotic and never stops being so!!

#about me #I just finished a dnd game and should be asleep but I'm BUZZING #and also love yelling about myself lmao

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latin-dr-robotnik · 4 years

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20 Questions Meme

Thanks for tagging me, @isakthedragon ! I never did something like this, so here goes a big revealing dump of info about me :P

Name: Sebastian

Nicknames: my ex used to call me "Sebin", does that count? (lol jk) Close friends call me "Sebi", and people that disagree with my political views call me "pendejo de mierda", sooooo...

Zodiac Sign: Leo

Height: 175cm, at least last time I checked.

Languages: Spanish (native), English (self-taught by vidyagames), and I kinda know a thing or two about Portuguese.

Nationality: Argentinian

Favorite Season: Spring (the only decent season here)

Favorite Flower: I'm more of a tree guy honestly. I have a lovely Ficus Benjamina tree at home that is such a beautyyyy <3

Favorite Scent: Pizza. Although I like the scent coming from all types of bread (I have my Spanish ancestors' anarchist baker DNA), there's nothing that can beat a good old pizza.

Favorite Color: Currently I do love Purple a lot (just look at my blog's design), but I've always been a Green lover.

Favorite Animal: Dogs, yup.

Favorite Fictional Character: Well, this blog is called Latin Dr. Robotnik, right? Apart from the obvious Sonic characters that I fanboy (Sonic, Eggy, Amy, Knux and Vector, just to name a few), I do love Arnold (from Hey, Arnold! He's always my mood), Theo (Celeste) and Azula (ATLA, childhood crush alongside Katara, ngl).

Coffee, tea, or hot chocolate: I'm a big chocolate fan, but I have to admit that I do drink a lot more of coffee, that's the student life.

Average Sleep Hours: 8-9 hours (sometimes 6 when I have lots of stuff to do, and up to 12 during summer and winter break)

Dog or Cat person: I have both on the house, but fucking hell, a couple of weeks ago the cat pissed on my fucking potatoes bag just when I was about to cook a Spanish tortilla. This is not a SA2 Fandub reference by the way, I'm still rather upset.

Number of Blankets Slept With: what kind of question is that? lmao. Currently, during the hottest days of summer, I rip every blanket off the bed, and sometimes that isn't enough.

Dream Trip: I'd love to do a West Europe tour, you know, France, Italy, UK... and I have my cousin living in Barcelona, so the dream might actually come true some day. But first I have plans to visit Peru and Mexico.

Blog Established: 2018.

Followers: 122, and I love each and every single one of you <3 (except the bots, gtfo)

Random Fact: I do Simpsons references ALL. THE. TIME. It's a regional thing, seeing how much Latin Americans love the show. On my IRL friends group, if you don't speak in Simpsons references, chances are you'll be isolated from the conversation.

Bonus fact: I'm the type of guy that loves sharing knowledge and specially music with everyone. Want a Sonic track? Here's one for ya! Want a videogame track? I'm a big fan of this game, and the remastered OST is orgasmic. Want a rock-pop song from my country? Try this song (I went to their live show in November and my mind was simply blown away when they played that song)

Now the hard part, I don't know who I want to tag, and I don't want them to feel forced to do it, but I'd like to see @waywardcollectionchai and @yvanixrose try it. You are free to decline, and everyone else can do it on their own without being tagged, so, much love to y'all <3

#ask meme #latin dr robotnik stuff #so now you know a lot about me #more than i would normally like #but what the hell this is a fun experience

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borisbubbles · 5 years

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Eurovision 2010s: 30 - 26

30. Nika Kocharov & Young Georgian Lolitaz - “Midnight Gold” Georgia 2016

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When rating Eurovision entrants, it’s important to also take note of the journey, and Nika Kocharov had one of the best ever? Similarly to The Shin, everyone was just about:blank towards “Midnight gold”, not understanding the concept and ranking it last in unison. Like Shin & Mariko, I was mostly intrigued and willing to give it a chance. Unlike the Shin though, I thought “Midnight Gold” was a good song for its genre, just not one I was that entheused by. The revamp, which provided the setting of a mad scientist’s laboratory, was a step in the right direction, providing a hint of entropy, a dash of absurdity, a spark of insanity. And then, at long last, the dénouement:

STAINS OF MUD

ON UR SKIN

THE NIGHT WILL COME

AND SO WILL SIN

Winning LIFE *and* everyone over with that <3 I don’t think ANYONE could have anticipated that “Midnight gold” would deliver a non-stop absynthe-minded ACID TRIP in Stockholm. 😍 The visuals were so ICONIC they are still setting the special effects bar in the present day. This is Sacha Jean-Baptiste’s best staging. Period. Not “Euphoria”. Not “Alter ego”. Not “Fuego”. "Midnight gold”. BY FAR. Would it be even considered a stretch to go as far as saying that “Midnight Gold” has the best staging of any Eurovision entrant to date? I don’t think it does, but it is definitely a contender.

Who would have thought that THIS song would become one of the more memorable, epic entries of a great year such as 2016? Of course the flawless staging also made me retroactively appreciate “Midnight gold” as a song as well and I regularly give it play time whenever I can. 😍 STAINS OF MUD.

ps: I don’t care about fashion much, but I want his hat.

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29. Naviband - “Story of my life” Belarus 2017

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[2017 Review here]

HEY HEY! HAYAYAYA HO!

What superlatives can I still use for describe the pure, unshattering LIGHT that is “Historija majho zyccia”? It leaks mirth from every pore, infecting everyone around it with the irresistable urge to tap their feet along to the HEY HEY HA JA JA HO’s!

At the center of this wonderful hovercraftian masterpiece lie Artiom and Ksenia, two of the most adorable humans ever to exist, who are also a couple irl and it shows. The two have chemistry and charisma in spades, especially Ksenia who is the living embodiment of the “^__^” emoji. I am ALWAYS happy when I listen to this song and I am thrilled we got to hear it twice.

Eurosnob contempt for happiness is a well-documented feature in this ranking, but it reached its nadir with Naviband: You see, in addition to being ‘A Happy Song’ (a term used with contempt, imagine that O_O), Naviband are also folk singers from Belarus, who -shocker- sing in Belarusian. However, don’t be harsh on the Eurosnobs because the area of the dopamine receptors in the brain of a Naviband hater are always attached to a person who isn’t living happily ever after. Naviband is life at its best. EMBRACE IT. Like this Lithuanian frump did:

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28. Måns Zelmerlöw - “Heroes” Sweden 2015

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lol I JUST spoke about “Midnight gold” having one of the best, but not the best staging. Well, that’s because “Heroes” is, in my opinion, the most visually impressive Eurovision entry of all times. 🤗 I don’t think it’s even a stretch to call it that? “Heroes” as a song is widely regarded as pretty whatever, winning due to its act. However, while I don’t necessarily disagree this is why Måns won, I feel this take very much undersells Måns. Using it at an excuse to dismiss his goodness is ridiculous.

First of all; “Heroes” IS a really, really good song. Infectuous, upbeat, irresistably positive with highly quotable lyrics (”now go sing it like a hummingbird the greatest anthem ever heard” 😍) and an earnest anti-bullying message (<3). It may not be *as* original as some of the entries ranked around it on this list, but it definitely handles its own, with and without an act.

Another defining factor in making “Heroes” a great entry is Måns himself. Måns Zelmerlöw is arguably the most attractive human to ever set a foot on a Eurovision stage. The man is irresistable even on a platonic level. He puts every other charismatic performer to shame and does it effortlessly.

However, even with these two trump cards, the staging is indeed the best part of “Heroes”. It bears repeating that I think this is the best Eurovision act to date. Impressive visual effects, flawless choreography and impeccable camerawork elevate “Heroes” to a much higher level. It tells it story with more clarity and efficacity than any other entry I can think of.

Ultimately, Måns staging is a testament of his goodness, and an acceptable reason for winning Eurovision. Because of “Heroes”, many countries have upped their staging game, resulting in more visually impressive entries (specifically the Sabotage Baptiste ones in 2016, and Sergey I guess), which is a positive development. Live music isn’t so much about which song you perform, but about how you perform it, and “Heroes” is the best example of that.

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27. ZiBBZ - “Stones” Switzerland 2018

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[2018 Review Here]

WILD JOKAH ON A GOLD THRONE

Here we are again, our annual appointment with everyone’s favourite sibling alliance. 😍 “Stones” is powerful kick-ass diamond of indie-rock and a serious contender for my favourite Swiss entry of all time.

The song is a masterclass in mental health awareness and self-empowerment, dismantling bullying and depression with perfectly timed percussion and AHUMs, truth-bombing lyrics and an insanely charismatic lead who sounds like Joss Stone on five packs a day. 😍 It’s catchier than ebola, more addictive than sugar and soars higher than a kite.

In addition to all of that jazz, “Stones” is also responsible for some of the most iconic visuals in 2018:

God the shot of Coco with the flare still sends shivers down my spine. WHAT A CRUSADER OF THE DOWNTRODDEN. 😍 Whenever I’m feeling down, this is the song that lifts me back up again.

Really, the only thing not good about ZiBBZ was the camerawork and that wasn’t their fault. FY Hans Pancake. 🙄 If ever there were a robbed NQ who deserves a Genovaesque return, it’s the Zibblings. BRING THEM BACK!!!

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26. Paula Seling & Ovi - “Playing with fire” Romania 2010

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Speaking of highly addictive songs, holy cow Ovi I need rehab for that beat alone because I CANNOT get it out of my head.

Anyway, who else would be the #1 for Romania if not for Paula Seling and Ovi? “Miracle” was a beautiful example of tacky taste, but “Playing with fire”, man, :takes a sip of gin:, now that is the real stuff.

I’ll start, I guess, where I’ve begun my write-up which is the composition: “Playing with fire” has one of the best underlying beats in this decade, which gives it infinite replayability. Layered on top of that is some delightfully aggressive piano (😍), on top of THAT some amazingly playful lyrics (”BOY BOY BOY If we’re mean, i would start a fight tonight” songs about playfighting <3) and on top of THAT, Paula Seling. Paula is the STAR of this performance, stealing the show every time she’s shown with deliciously flirtatious facial expressions

and some vocal masturbation in the guise of a dolphin impersonation.

She and Ovi and ignite the place with both insane pyrotechnics and spontaneous chemistry. So fun, SO GOOD, so dynamic especially for an act where the main singers sit down in front of a double-headed plexiglass piano (😍). Duncan Laurence DEAD in a motherfucking DITCH.

And with this update we have eliminated FIVE countries. Check their reviews below:

GEORGIA

Georgia is such a bizarre Eurovision country, often churning out absolutely BONKERS entries that leave Europe stunned in silence. <3 It may not be reflected in their vital statistics but I always look forward for what they have on offer because even in the rare case of them being boring, they are always interesting.

BELARUS

Belarus was one of the worst countries in the 00s, but in the 2010s they’ve evolved into a bargain bin Moldova, which makes them solidly good. It’s really astounding that a country SO GOOD at being entertaining gets dismissed so easily because of their flag (and dictatorship (and gay rights)). They’re mostly good and 100% worthy of our time, tyvm!!

SWEDEN

The worst part of Sweden’s success streak is that it made them conceited and lazy. They no longer need to be innovative, creative or entertaining in order to get a top five position and worse, they are fully aware of it. This resulted in a marked drop in quality and if they don’t curb their hubris quickly, I predict it will soon come back to bite them. (ie: another NQ)

SWITZERLAND

B A S I C. Zibbz and Luca did a lot of the heavy lifting here, which caused Switz to mathematically outrank Sweden, and while that’s hilarious it also feels absurd and wrong. Don’t be fooled by all that green though. Switzerland are basic bitches and have no idea what to do in order to be cool.

ROMANIA

Romania are one of the better hit-or-miss countries in Eurovision, imo even if the chart doesn’t fully reflect it. The problem I have with them is that their entries don’t have a long shelf life. Like, the Cezars and Ilincae of this world grow stale very quickly because they’re exhausting and shallow. Having said that, this is by far preferable over being consistently boring (UK) or violently oscillating between great and demonic entries (Germany, Demark).

#Eurovision #Eurovision Song Contest #Georgia #Belarus #Sweden #Switzerland #Romania #Nika Kocharov & Young Georgian Lolitaz #Midnight Gold #navimumbai #Story of my life #Historija majho zyccia #Måns Zelmerlöw #Heroes #ZiBBZ #stones #Paula Seling #Ovi #playing with fire

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loopy-owl-thing · 5 years

Text

Our side of the Story

So, we didn’t want to go public with this information. But quite frankly We’ve gotten annoyed that whilst Myself and Twi have tried to move past this whole incident quietly and maturely like adults. All this did was leave Kit to run around telling anyone who will listen to him that he has been a victim and that his partner cheated on him and ran away for no reason, etc.. We’ve gotten a bit fucking tired of it so I’m going to clear the air a bit.

A bit of background information for everyone who doesn’t know anyone mentioned here: Hi, I’m Loopy. I’m a woman in the UK who’s also extremely new to participating in the furry community, only started making furry type stuff late last year, but quietly lurked about since 2017.

Kitsune-Youkai is a male “Popufur” artist from Florida, and popular on a furry site called Inkbunny. I discovered his art while hopping art streams one day. He was colouring a SFW picture on Picarto so I sat and watched for a while. That’s how I found his art, and spoke to Twi briefly for the first time.

Twilight AKA Twi was Kit’s writer and “girlfriend” of seven years, who lives in Oregon. Twi identified as female for a few years, but since the start of 2018 he’s been back to being his birth gender and only goes by male pronouns, with no desire to ever transition in the future. Nor did he start transitioning in the past. Any references to being called “she” in this article or screenshots are due to Kit refusing to accept his partner was male, because that’d make Kit not straight.

And he really, really hated that idea for a while.

What prompted me to start writing this the most is the surge of comment’s we’ve gotten recently of people saying things like “Gee I wish you’d get back with Kit :/” or “Things won’t be the same without Kit!” in Twi’s PM’s or comments. I got a Private Message I since deleted from a throw-away account calling me a “Home Wrecker”. But the tipping point is the fact one of my friends showed me this message they got from him after they left a vague comment on his art back in December. At first we tried to ignore it, but we’ve found Kit has been sending similar messages over the past couple months to people, some even forwarding them to Twi:

(Twi hadn’t spoken a word of his abuse to my friend, she just made an edgy comment and Kit sent this)

This is the message my friend has sent me, and the only one I will show off since she is the only one who has given me consent to show this off. Now, this is the only message I’ve seen that Kit has sent someone that’s got a grain of truth in it. Which was that he smacked Twi hard in the back of the head. But since then I’ve seen him send messages out since to people where he’s claiming “It was a small soft slap!“ or "I didn’t hurt anyone! Honest!”

So I’m going to lay it all out in the open for people. Because it’s honestly disgusted me that he’s gotten away with this because we tried to simply move on with our lives without making a scene.

Onwards with the point of this long post then eh?

(I’m going to provide people with all the screenshots I can, I don’t have a lot of the Group Chat ones anymore after my computer crashed a while ago. It was a Discord server I ended up closing after the "big fallout" happened, And I didn’t think to archive messages via a bot at the time. Names will be blurred out if I don’t have consent for their names to be used, or my personal discord name)

((Also just clearing this up right now since I’ve seen this theory ‘cause of Kit being adamant he’s straight: Twi never catfished Kit. Kit has always known Twi was biologically a man. They lived together since the second year of their relationship, so unless Twi could tuck it in like a champion drag queen, there was no way of not knowing.

So I’m going to separate this post into a timeline of events for people since that gets muddled up the most.

May 31st 2018: I saw Twi’s ‘journal’ he made explaining his situation about how Kit refused to even care for him and found him hideous for being male. Despite reaching out I had no intention of being his “fling”. I was at the time, happy with my own boyfriend irl that’d id been with for almost four years, and I don’t do the ‘poly’ thing, and most of all, I live in the UK. I wanted to check if things were okay between him and Kit. Because no relationship would do something like this if it was fine. I sent him a quick PM basically just saying Hi, we’ve chatted before once or twice in a live stream and if he needs to talk to someone I can probably lend an ear.

June 1st: Twi sends me a message back, saying he’d love to talk more with me, and he’d add me on discord whenever he got the chance, but currently he and Kit were getting ready to travel across the USA back to Kit’s house. I sent a couple PM’s back and forth over the next couple of nights, chatting about games and anime we liked.

June 4th: I speak to Twi on discord for the first time, we become good friends fast because we liked a lot of the same unpopular characters and played a lot of the same platformer games growing up. I meet Kit for the first time, he was talking to me using Twi’s laptop with him. He is pretty rude to me, tells me that if we’re going to “Yiff” (Had to look that one up lmao, was very new to furry terminology stuff) we had to use condoms so he could jerk off to it and enjoy the cuckoldry, and that my bird sona is ugly but it’d do if it was anthro. I was immediately grossed out by that, and I proceeded to ignore this strange conversation he was trying to have with me, and kept talking to and only responding to Twi. Kit stormed out of his and Twi’s room. Twi left a few minutes later found him attempting to break his nose and he kept screaming that we had to stop talking to one another or he’ll kill himself. Twi quickly apologized to me, saying he had to go and left the chat. I didn't know he had done this until the next day, and I soon found this was normal behavior for him when Twi did something that displeased him.

Over the next week or so they were still on the road, traveling to Kit’s house for Summer in a long car ride across the states. So I’d have very short conversations for a few minutes a night, these contained Twi on the verge of a breakdown, as Kit constantly threatening to throw himself out of a moving car because I started talking to Twi and he didn’t like it.

At one point Twi had to pull over his car because Kit took his seat belt off and swung the door open. He refused to set off driving again because he didn’t want Kit to kill himself. Their argument went on for several hours, when it was finally over Kit then blamed Twi for making the conversation last for hours without going anywhere.

I got a private message from Kit on the 11th of June, where he was angry at everyone. Saying that I had stolen his “wife” and chance of a happy future. He also claimed that Twi told him that if Kit asked him to stop speaking to me, he’d end his relationship with him. I was pretty alarmed at the idea that their marriage was falling apart but… I found out a day later that they, in fact, were not married, and he had never approached or asked Twi to marry him either. Their relationship was more akin to roommates who just barely got along but had no one better to move in with. From what I understand, Kit has only ever been “Married” to Firecat. Regardless, I apologized for everything that had been going on, because I truly felt bad for this. But I also understood what Twi had been saying, we were just friends talking and there was no reason for Kit to be this extreme. but I knew to point this out to him would not end well. So I just blindly agreed to keep the peace. This is also when I found out what he was doing about beating himself in the face.

I’ve lined areas I want to argue points on now that I know inconsistencies with what he’s saying I didn’t when he first messaged me, and the tiny black bits are my former boyfriend's name being blacked out.

Purple: Kit knew Twi was writing the Ad. He read through it, approved it and said Twi could post it. And didn’t object at all that day, or the day after, if he had Twi would have took it down instantly. It was only after Twi made friends with me and my boyfriend did this suddenly become a problem. Also! “with toys” would imply they never had to touch ever, which is alarming and fits with the fact Kit hates contact with anything. This is one of Kits biggest fetishes and its the only way he would have “physical contact“ with him. I find it deeply concerning Kit was willing to spend thousands of Patreon dollars he tells fans he needs to pay his bills, on fursuits (or more likely Twis money) just to go near his own partner that he found no attraction to, to pretend he's fucking him. What's the point in that?

Red: He was constantly talking about the abuse he sustained… To himself, by himself. In hopes that you’d stop everything and cradle him like a child. It’s one of the most noticeable things about him. He’ll shoot himself in the foot but be convinced you did it to him because you didn’t stop him. Regardless I didn’t know this at the time, so I was deeply concerned about it.

Blue: He was constantly trying to convince me and Twi himself, that Twi was broken mentally in every way. And only Kit could look after him properly. When in the short time I had spent talking to them I could clearly see which one of these two adults was... well, an adult. It’s the only reason I’ve highlighted this.

This was my response. I apologized profusely for causing problems that I believed I had caused. I tried not to push any buttons, I did, however, point out he was refusing to speak to any of us about what had been going on, and that if he joined us to talk we could all resolve this issue he was having. This being he believed Twi was going to run off with me somehow. Despite this issue, I still really tried to be friendly towards Kit. I wanted to believe that there was something nice about this guy. I sent him my Discord username and said he should add me on that and said we could all chat in a server together, and I’d add my boyfriend too so he could see there wasn’t any “threat”. He adamantly refused every time I suggested it, insisting that he didn’t care about speaking to anyone because he hates people. He then decided to tell me about his dick instead when I tried to get him to talk about himself. (Yet he knew I had a boyfriend, I kept having to mention this to him because he kept accusing Twi of making that up.) I was a bit grossed out but still tried to be friendly as I could bring myself to be.

But in the end just left him to it, I couldn’t do much with someone who refused to talk. But I assured him my inbox was always open and my discord always on.

((This “Love’s everyone equally” thing confused me rereading it, and when I asked Twi about this he explained that Kit doesn’t believe that you can love anyone but your partner. Even in a friendship way, that’s not “love” apparently.))

So this went on for about 10 days, I spoke with Twi every day, making sure he was doing alright and trying to find things for him to focus on that weren’t causing him any more stress than what he had to deal with. I know this all happened on the 21st because I still have these messages that shocked me:

Looking over these screenshots I’ve realized I apologized profusely even when I had not done anything. In this case, I came home from work and opened my inbox, and I felt so sorry for these guys I just said “I’m sorry” and I didn’t want it to happen because I felt put on the spot and I did still feel sorry for Kit at this point

Now If I recall correctly, this all started because Twi wanted to send a fully clothed, normal selfie of himself to me, to show me that he’s started to look after himself again and was losing weight, I’d dare say he was taking pride in who he was finally. When he asked Kit if he could do this, and showed him this perfectly normal, ordinary selfie, all hell broke loose. He got incredibly angry, threatened to kick him out, telling him to never come back… Then quickly started “apologizing” when Twi went to leave. Spamming Twi over and over and over with things like “I’m sorry you made me get angry at you!” and that he’s the only person he ever truly loved. I kept messaging Twi during this period, who was now in a separate room because I now was extremely worried for him. I talked him down from doing anything rash to himself in frustration and said that he should probably walk away from Kit at this point. As there had not been a single day since I started speaking to Twi that Kit hadn’t blown his temper at him. Calling the relationship toxic, was an understatement.

Kit then added me on Discord, just to demand I stop speaking with Twi because I’m interfering with the breakup? :l I tried to keep this interaction light-hearted. However. What he was actually doing, was threatening to stop making art if Twi leaves, and started telling Twi that if he stopped making art, he’d end up homeless with no money, and would have to kill himself and it’d all be on Twi! Twi got scared and stayed with him

(Screenshots say 22nd because this went on ‘till the early hours of the morning since I’m in the UK)

After that I was afraid for Twi, I felt this guy was going to start beating Twi any day now. I added both of them to a chat on Discord because I thought maybe Kit just needed to see that I’m not a bad person, and he’d relax.

So I put Kit, Twi, Myself and my partner in a chat.

Things were…Not great. Kit instantly took a disliking to my partner -who actually really enjoyed his art and was a big fan - solely for being a man and talking to Twi. He was also repulsed by one incident where my boyfriend said that he loved everyone in the chat, especially Kit despite his faults. Leading Kit to go into a long tirade about how love is an extremely strong term and that he wasn't gay and/or sexually in men... When my boyfriend had meant it platonically.

I also had to constantly explain to Kit

every, single day

that no, no one is running off with anyone. We’re all just friends and that’s how it’s gonna be. And that no, Twi isn’t going to run away to England and catch a flight to suddenly try and marry me or something.

If I had to sum up what dealing with Kit was like... It was like dealing with the spoilt, weird kid in High School. The one who never took part in anything and seemed to treat life like it was an early 80's anime, and he was the protagonist or anti-hero of said anime... And if the spoilt kid was almost ten years your senior. Every day I’d come home from work or education to see Kit yelling at or berating Twi (Over messages by the way, not in person. Kit only spoke in person if he had to, even in the same room..) over the slightest of things. Once I distinctly remember a whole argument kicking off because Twi didn’t open a window right away after he woke up, that was near Kit in their office, when he’d been up for two hours already. When I shouted at him for being childish, Kit presumed I was actually just talking about Twi, and still refused to go open this window and made Twi do it.

I started to chat to Twi in private again, often sending him jokes or just trying to calm him down in general. Anytime I called Kit out on his behavior in my chat it only escalated things. If I spoke to Twi in private about things it helped us all cope with him.

Another week passes. And Kit noticed Twi and I often spoke privately, and got very angry about this. Determined that we were gonna run off together into the sunset (Weird ‘cause as I’ve mentioned and kept mentioning to him: I'm in the UK and was still taken. He’d even met my partner now….) I constantly told him things were fine, he needs to chill out. Nothing bad is going on, just not everything has to be in a group chat. He then got really angry and tried to say he was going to “yiff” Twi in my group chat because he decided “There should be no private chats between anyone anymore.” when I calmly inquired it’s funny he’s decided that, because did he really need to know what kind of tampons I was going to ask my boyfriend to pick up for me later, he quickly took back his request for every chat everyone had to be put in the channel.

More to the point on this yiff thing and why I wouldn’t allow it. Aside from the fact it's really fucking weird to do… NSFW content was banned in there for the longest time because my boyfriend had a family computer and couldn’t look at that stuff in front of his family. I made a NSFW channel in the server and asked Kit to post art there if he wanted us to see it. So my partners family wouldn’t see anything. But he then got disgusted when we started posting other peoples art in there too and called us all gross because we weren’t allowing him to be the center of attention. In the end, he went back to posting in the main channel until I banned all NSFW stuff permanently and threatened to kick Kit out. He stopped only because he wanted to see everything me and Twi spoke about. This ban didn’t stop him from starting to send private messages to us over and over with his art in them. Later resulting in my partner having to block him because he wouldn’t stop.

So the 3rd of July: Kit and I tried talking for a while when Twi was fast asleep, and he seemed in an okay mood. As soon as Twi woke up and the two of them started arguing about the day prior. As Twi went and got dressed, I tried to calm Kit down and we chatted for a while, all seemed to be going okay. When I voiced that Twi is worried that one day he thinks Kit’s anger would get the best of him and he might attack someone, he confessed if he wanted to punch anyone it would be me. I was shocked at this and tried to turn it into a joke. He seemed miffed I didn’t take his threat seriously and went outside.

He was determined still when he got back, and said that Twi had been telling people that he would “Sacrifice” Kit for me. I presume in a figurative way and not the literal one with goats and stuff, but he never elaborated and Twi has no memory of saying this (And its not how he talked about Kit ever to me..) and went off again. Not before making himself into the victim again though.

Kit in typing this second message revealed to me he had read a private conversation Twi and I had the day previously. That he could only have possibly read by logging into Twi’s account.

For context: Yet again Kit had refused to listen to any problems Twi had been having that day with him, so I talked Twi down from being so upset and frustrated with Kit. After this I made a joke saying something like “Once again the day is saved by me!” I explained it was much easier to “save” him than it was Kit. Twi said it was much easier to “Save” me too, and preferred doing so than trying to save Kit because he knew I wouldn’t scream at him if he suggested anything. Before Kit left again he sent me this which I guess he thought was a clever “fuck you” to me but uhhh… I’ve no idea?

I thought it was a mean spirited joke, so I just sort of said if he’s insulting me it doesn’t upset me. Kit then said the joke was offensive to him (So why’d you fucking make it then??). I told him Twi isn’t gonna fuck anyone unless Kit was okay with it. (Not that I had plans to do so, it was a joke in response to his joke… self insult thing..) and told him to lighten up or I’d poison the KFC as an even more obvious joke. I got no response.

Twi and Kit went out to eat food, Twi gave Kit his phone to hold while at KFC because he often would forget or lose it in public places. Thing’s seemed fine, they got back however and started arguing in the car on the way back. Whatever it was about, Kit refused to back down as usual so Twi got extremely frustrated with him.

Twi got out and left Kit in the car, as he said he wanted to listen to music/something on the station he said he wanted to listen to. Twi went into the office, and sat down and told me what had happened over PM's. He was very frustrated and distressed, as he was starting to understand Kit didn't love him.

So I tried to cheer Twi up and made some jokes about how uptight Kit was. Things like how he really needed to stop acting like a wind-up toy with the key lodged in its ass, that sort of thing. What neither of us knew is that Kit had kept ahold of Twi’s phone, and logged into Twi’s discord on the phonewithout permission to do so, and watched us talking, saw these jokes I made, and that I had said me and my boyfriend were getting annoyed with how he’s being shitty and childish to everyone and expecting everyone to be nice in return, no consequences for his actions in sight. I suggested that he should try and take Kit to therapy.

He then snapped when Twi laughed at some of my jokes, he stormed into the house and accused Twi of cheating, and then started screaming that no one loves him. Twi attempted to tell him this wasn’t true, and Kit continued to yell and berate Twi for being “a whore.” (I thought Kit liked those though since that’s all he ever portrays women as ) Twi laughed in shock, and gave up, turned his back on him to go back into the office, and that’s when Kit smacked him in the back of the head, making his glasses fly off and onto the floor, the glass of one of his lenses popped out on the floor, and this caused his vision to go funny for a few seconds:

He blamed everyone else for what he just did, then demanded that Twi leave forever this time and that he’d never ever make art again and close his Patreon this is where this journal came from:

Sorry, it’s struck out, hopefully, you can still read this tantrum he had.

The rest of the chat me and Kit had that day is right here. He quickly started to do suicide baiting with me. Any attempts I made to point out the seriousness of what he just did aka physical assault was ignored. Then started implying Twi might have killed themselves to make me upset:

(I’ve lost close friends to suicide, so has Twi. It’s not a fucking joke or something you yell at your loved ones to scare them into obeying you. Anyone who does that is garbage. I was at a complete loss of what to say to this guy.)

(Rereading these, it honestly horrifies me anyone could talk so coldly about their partner of 7 years..)

So Twi left, apparently, this was him picking “Me over Kit” and not because he had just been assaulted and thrown out by Kit and his family, no that can’t be right, can it? Nah, obviously it was all of us who abused poor Kit.

Twi got shoved out the house late at night/early morning, and his screen monitor got cracked in the process. Twi went to a hotel to spend the night, crying and confused. I pulled an all-nighter to stay up and talk to him, advising him to be careful with his head and maybe stay up a bit later than normal to avoid concussion, and started to help him figure out the best journey home.

Kit, realized there was a good chance Twi was going to actually leave. Which meant he’d be alone with no one to beat up anymore.

He started messaging his discord frantically, saying that Twi needs to come back right now or he’ll kill himself and the fans will never get art ever again. Exploiting Twi's weakness of always wanting to please people. Twi caved in because he really thought he’d do it this time, and didn't want fans to hate him, and went back to him. All this did was cement in Kit’s head he could do whatever he wanted from here on out. He’d got to bully and abuse his partner and got away with it all. And I couldn’t do a thing about it.

Kit then made the new journal, demanding a ton of pity from all the fans, making it seem like it was just a little hiccup everyone! Nothing bad happened ever! Twi’s just soooo silly for trying to leave him for no reason, I really love him her! teehee! Kit and Twi are the best nothings wrong BTW thanks for giving me more money on patreon. I cried all night because of you guuuys. Feel free to blame Twi and speculate uwu

I'm never going to forget that day.

All while he played the victim to his fans, he bitched and moaned in private to us all, not even 12 hours later how he had to replace this monitor he just broke.

Honestly, I cried myself to sleep that night Twi went back, most of the day too. I was so worried for Twi’s safety every single day after that, I’d rush home from work and education to make sure he hadn’t been hit again. Or Worse. After this incident, I got in touch with one of Twi and Kits mutual friends, and they joined the chat and would more or less stop them fighting best he could while I wasn’t there.

Oh and you want to know what Kit told Twi, as to why he hit him? That he believed he had brain cancer that was making him violent because he got headaches a lot.

(Blocked out a bit of text that seemed far too personal and not public information I don’t think, so I wasn't sharing that)

I explained to Twi that its convenient he suddenly has Brain Cancer and has no side effects of hair loss, weight loss, vomiting, or any other of the horrifying side effect of this being left untreated for years. Just a nasty fucking temper. Twi quickly dropped it when he agreed that I was right but didn’t want to say in front of Kit. Weirdly enough, Kit never brought this up again to me after this day. Almost like he made it all up… (Twi has since corrected me that Kit has claimed on and off for years he had brain cancer because of the headaches he would get from staring at screens all day… It was the only reason he could come up with as to why he’d get head pain doing that…)

Twi said in the middle of an argument one day that he bet Kit would be happy if something happened to me. Kit agreed that he wished I’d just drop dead or die in a plane crash. Then got angry Twi was disgusted by that reaction, and angrier after that when he told me.

I just said “Thank’s for telling me” because I was just so shocked by this whole situation, I had no idea what else to say, and anything I did say would have resulted in a bad situation for Twi to deal with. He then tried to claim Twi said this to justify wanting me dead:

(Found these two screenshots in a folder when digging to see if I still had any, hence why they have current-ish dates on them) It got to the point I stopped being able to post my own art in my own server because just seeing anything I posted in there, even terrible anatomy practice scribbles or terrible first attempts at sprite art would cause him to get upset, and he’d tell Twi to leave him because in a couple of years my art would surpass his, then he’d stop making art and you can all guess what he’d say would happen after that by now. :l

Kits behavior got worse and worse towards everyone, not even his friend was safe from being treated like shit.

On the 31st of July I got home from work to get messages from Kit insisting that Twi had been trying to “fingerfuck“ him and didn’t allow him, but then kept saying that Twi was so mentally unstable he believed that Kit’s left hand was "Firecat" and uh... Well... No idea if it is anywhere else in the world. But Finger Fucking is slang for Fingering in the UK. So, here’s me at the late hours of the night thinking I’d just read some sexual assault claim about Kit’s ass and Twi having gone crazy on him.

Kit was adamant that he felt violated over these events too and wouldn’t shut up about it in my group chat, and Twi was so fed up with this childish behavior, he wasn’t talking in the group chat. So I spent my afternoon attempting to sort this out in PM’s.

“Autistic Robot Mode” is how Kit would describe Twi any time Twi got upset with Kit, and would attempt to ignore his temper tantrums while trying to calm down. I asked Twi to explain to me what had happened, he sent me this chat log that the two of them had an hour or so before I answered my messages. Twi attempted to talk to Kit about him taking things too far over him doing hand gestures with him, and Kit had “Firecat” to speak to him about rape.

I like how Kit's ignoring all Twi's points and trying to make this about consent.... Over hands touching. After being with him for seven years.

Never in my life, even from the most abused of people I’ve met over the years, have I ever. EVER heard of someone trying to tell people holding hands and doing silly gestures was similar to sexual assault. Twi brought up his understandable and valid concerns about Kit constantly pretending to be Firecat to justify his own actions. (And I’ve had one other person who’s known him IRL has also confided to me they said to him the best thing Kit could do for himself is stopping what he’s doing with Firecat, but he refuses to each time insisting it’d “Kill” Firecat. )

Finally one day after work on the 14th of August I’d had enough and stopped being nice back.

Kit got really angry at me over the stupidest fucking thing. I told him you can’t sell porn games on Steam. He tried to argue Hunie Pop was just porn. I explained that no, it was a game and it sold really, really well because it was an addictive puzzle game with cutesy anime girls in it doing lewd things and attractive Youtubers played it and pretending it was just like porn so dumb little 13-year-olds would buy it.

(Just incase anyone didn’t know what this was, here ya go)

He got madder because he couldn’t accept the game sold really well because it got taken down for a short period of time… Which happened years after it came out after it made its majority sales… I explained if it didn’t do really well it wouldn’t have gotten a spin-off game and a sequel in the works. Twi agreed with me, as did their friend and my boyfriend. This made his temper worse and worse. Because if you aren't with Kit, you are clearly against him.

Things soon escalated into Kit saying it was Twi and the friend’s fault that he would never get anywhere in life because a project fell through. (Which he never paid any of them to work on..) and that they were both useless and he hates the fact he even has to pay a tiny fraction of his earnings for Twi to write for him… Which I just found out he never did anyway!

Sorry for this interjection. But Twi has been reading and fact-checking this post for me before I post it, and he has explained to me that didn’t get paid once for working on the comics.

(Kit used to have a donation goal on his Patreon, and it said at around $300 he could then afford to pay Twi $50 a month. When this donation goal was met, Kit would go to pay Twi. But instead of just transfer money to his bank account and that’d be that, he’d go up in person then say things like “B-but remember I’m down on money this month, and/or I need it to pay for x and y. but if you really have to take it I guess.. I can go without... even though you have money..." basically, guilting him out of accepting money. Money that Twi had more than earned, and Twi didn’t have much money either but it didn't stop Kit pulling this. So Twi would refuse to take this money because he didn’t want Kit to suffer over bills because he genuinely loved him.)

So after Kit’s outburst, I’d had enough. I told Kit I was sick of him abusing everyone around him yet somehow still being the victim. And that how he treats everyone is disgusting. Especially Twi. His partner he apparently loves and treasures, but in reality, he only keeps him around for free slave labor. This is the only screenshot I have left of the chat, taken after we all told him to stop being an asshole to everyone and victimizing himself

(This resulted in this chat going down. This is the only screenshot I have left of the group chat, as my pc hard crashed a few months back, and I lost screenshots of logs I’d kept that I hadn’t backed up. The only reason I still had access to this was that it was in a folder I back up every month. (Black is the friend who joined the chat, Brown is me. Small bit blacked out is ex’s username.)

After this Kit lost it again with Twi.

Demanding again Twi stops speaking to me for a few months so they could “repair their relationship” Twi didn’t want to agree to this but felt he had to because Kit was in such a violent rage again. It lasted a couple of days before Twi fell into a deep depression. He was having panic attacks as frequent as five a day. And it dawned on him that this was his final attempt to isolate Twi from getting better and seeking help. Kit made no effort in this time to try and repair things with him either, and if anything ignored him even more.

Twi unblocked me around three days later and apologized for feeling he had to shut me out. I forgave him of course and we went back to talking like normal. Kit refused to join a new chat I offered to make and blocked me. He’d then spend his time getting angry whenever he saw Twi talking to anyone on discord. Even if it wasn’t me. He’d lose his temper if he so much as heard Twi typing. He’d blare loud music constantly at him or yell at him when he did something Kit didn’t like and would constantly watch him typing when he could, then claim innocence if Twi caught him out reading his messages.

If he was feeling particularly more abusive than normal, he’d lock Twi out of the office after screaming he was going to end it all, forcing Twi to sit and panic in the hall for hours on end before he’d emerge, perfectly fine and demand food.

This became Twi’s life for the next month, until near the end of September. Twi finally understood what a terrible situation he was in, and as he no longer had any feelings for Kit and hadn’t for a long time, only staying out of fear that Kit would do something to himself, and he had to leave no matter what Kit threatened to do.

So on September 21st Twi left Kit for good, walked out of his life and made his way back home. However, he still tried to speak to Kit as friends in hopes this would help him. Kit refused to acknowledge they had broken up at all for many days.

On the 24th When Twi tried to ignore him and keep making his travel across the US home, Kit then unblocked me and started to hound me. He lied about Twi wanting us to now “be friends.” I figured this was a lie and wasn’t having any of this behavior anymore. So I didn’t respond happily to him, and he quickly stopped pretending to be nice back. I was pretty rude, but also… I didn’t care at this point. Not after this shit I knew my friend was going through.

He accused us all of lying to him because Twi left him. Sorry “is Leaving” him. I guess him packing up and going three days ago and saying they had broken up isn’t clear enough. He also refused to apologize for anything he has said or done to anyone in my chat. He thinks saying sorry for hitting Twi was acceptable when he shows no remorse for it, only remorse that Twi left him. He got it into his head that I had abandoned my boyfriend for Twi too no matter what I’d said. We went round in a loop for a couple hours.

(I didn’t ask him to feel sorry for me. He just decided to talk about himself and explain how NOT sorry he is for anything he’s done.)

Twi woke up and came online, and confirmed what I had suspected.

I assured Twi everything was fine, and I didn’t want him to worry about me finally giving Kit a proper piece of my mind. But all while I was doing this, I gave Kit multiple chances to at least admit that he didn’t want to change or do things out of his comfort zone, because while I can’t stand lazy, partner abusing assholes. I can at the very least then go. “Well, at least you were honest about this.” But he never did, hence why in some screenshots here I am saying “You did it again.” because I kept telling him to stop making excuses for his actions and pinning everything on Twi or Depression.

So I brought up something that had been on my mind the whole duration I knew the two of them. If Kit was so deeply concerned about Twi’s mental state as he said he was. And was worried about his apparent inability to care from himself, or tell reality apart from fiction. Which he clearly thought after that whole ordeal about finger fucking... Why was he still parading Firecat around, and pretending she was his real girlfriend after all these years? Why would you do this if you really believed your partner of almost a decade had a psychotic break and needed constant care because they couldn’t consent to anything? (terrible spelling because I was trying to juggle five chats at once.)

Well because my friends, here’s a Spoiler Alert: He was the one with the delusions that needed feeding, and he never gave a rats ass about Twi’s mental health like he claims he did. He can argue all he wants about that. He insists he knows Firecat isn’t real, and fair enough, that much is obvious. But he still treats her like she is.. And that's my point to him. No one would give a rats ass about her if he didn't treat her better than those in reality. But no whenever I brought up a good point to him, he immediately deflected it and tried to blame Twi.

(Just asked Twi who all these 12+ people are in his head he apparently has. He explained they are characters he's told me about. Who he doesn't treat as real people nor have had verbal conversations with them, or anything similar to what Kit does with Firecat and I've never seen him do it. He just thinks and writes about them when stressed. Which he frequently was with Kit.)

Also, sorry anyone who’s ever jerked off to Firecat porn... But Kit finds it way creepier that any of you have ever openly lusted over Firecat, than the fact he treats his imaginary fuckbuddy better than real people. Again showing he cares more about fiction than anything else.

1. The previous context for this is that he thinks I’m the creepy human being because I dont call myself a furry, (I merely produce art for the community and thats as far as my involvement gets) and he tried to say that if Twi’s character is a Yoshi and mine is an anthro bird that’s creepy because...?

Keep in mind we weren’t together at this point either! He was trying to do more deflecting

I was gonna gloss over this. But after rereading this screenshot a few times, It’s really fucking hilarious and hypocritical him blurting this out as a desperate attempt to annoy me somehow, since Kit, I know that your current Condom Crusader comic is currently about a feral dog turning anthros into ferals and fucking them. Now I can only show small parts because I don’t want readers to vomit, (and in every panel there's weird dicks and gross looking wound looking pussies so I tried to crop best I could) but here we go, under the cut:

And your previous comics are either you and your dragsona fucking “feral” yoshis, or having THE Yoshi from Mario games fuck Princess Peach. Y’know a human on an animal?

“B-but Loopy! Thats just firecat! Shes not real. Kit would never do it himself-”

As well as art of yourself and Firecat as ferals, or one of you as a feral and the other anthro.

“Am I... PREGANTE?!“

Also fantastic art here if I must say my good buddy Kit, it’s been my reaction image of choice when someone mentions you this past week.

And I know around 70% of your Patrons and fans like ferals too. I spoke to a few of them to make this post. So tell me Kit, are they all creepy too? Oh and there is stuff I'm not gonna post here for legal reasons, but the stuff with Shippo? That stuff with Lilo and Stitch? Remind me who draws that? Those are clearly children getting done by or fucking animals Kit. Is that not creepy either? Lemme guess it’s only creepy unless you draw it or do it. Then it's perfectly fine, right? You never do wrong am I right? All this hatred and these names, this couldn’t be projecting...Could it?... Nah that's crazy.

(E621 is your friend if anyone really has to see proof, don't blame me if the FBI kicks down your door.)

2..Twi was only “Okay” with Firecat, because he thought it was some harmless fantasy and wouldn’t affect you negatively as a person, and wouldn't affect reality, because Twi is chill like that. (Kit’s only started being open that she's not real very recently from what I've seen. Again saying “Me and Cat” though...)

Anyway, In the end, I got so tired of this I blocked Kit, so he went back to harassing Twi.

He told Twi he was throwing up blood, he was going to die alone thanks to Twi if he didn’t get back here right fucking now. When he had given himself a stomach ulcer from constantly screaming and shouting after Twi left. He then started telling Twi frantically that his family were going to have him live with family friends until he calmed down, claiming "I was depressing them." so he ““needed”” Twi to come back and look after him, acting like that would be the end of him and he'd go homeless.

When this didn’t happen, Kit then started making alts to previous pictures of Firecat dressed as a Pink Yoshi's in some bizarre attempt to show he still loved Twi… This also didn’t work. Kit then went out of his way to draw a picture and send it to Twi, in an even bigger, creepier attempt to woo him back. All this did was frustrate Twi, as it was the last thing he wanted to see at this point.

Kit continued to pester and prod at Twi over the week, trying to find something that’d make him cave in and crawl back to him. Still refusing to acknowledge Twi had left him several days after the fact Twi told him REPEATEDLY that it was over:

(As you can see this screenshot I took of us talking was on the 26th of September. Five days later from the break-up. And two days after He spoke to me, determined Twi and I were now “mates” :l)

Kit directly after this, all while Twi was heading home, tried begging Twi to do sexual RP’s with him, insisting that he’d never get an erection again without him or something. And was disgusting and confused when every time Twi refused. Twi explained they are no longer together, and he doesn’t want to do them anymore.

So he started telling Twi that he’ll always love him. This pissed Twi off, but he refused to stop, often saying it hurt him too much to not say it. :l

Twi eventually got home with his family and tried to distance himself from Kit as much as he could while still working on that god-awful comic we still cringe at when we are reminded of its existence.

I almost left this out, but Twi mentioned it in his journal and should be elaborated on: He was often made to work on these comics after Kit was done screaming at him and verbally abusing him for long periods of time, often hours on end. Then after a rough plot was finally agreed on, scripts would be written out, then it was up to Kit to do the art. But Kit would then demand last-minute re-writes for minor or fabricated reasons after he’d drawn the pages. So if the comics ever read like a jumbled mess, now you know why. See, He’d always leave the faces ‘till last. You could see him do this on live streams, so at the last minute, he could then accuse Twi of being a shit writer because now the art didn’t match the script. It got so bad the last few months before he left, that Twi often was made to rewrite the whole script over, even if the first couple of pages had just been produced. These rewrites would take five to six hours each time he was made to redo it. The only comic I know this didn’t happen on was that Spike and Rarity comic he was paid to work on and it had been fully planned out before he could draw the pages, as it was a commission.

On this comic in particular, he was writing while still stuck with Kit, was the “Condom Crusader” prequel. Problems arose because Twi didn’t make the totes lovable Kitsune and Firecat more likable than Twi.

When in reality, what happened was Kit would draw the characters differently from the script and layout that was agreed on, on purpose because he wanted Firecat and Kit to always be rude to Twi because he loved that stupid love triangle plot where he was worshipped and seen as the cool cocky hero, and Twi got shat on for existing and bullied by him for no reason. A perfect reflection of their real relationship actually… Kit got really confused that no one found him likable in the comics after the changes he made, so he kept demanding worse and worse things happen to Twi as punishment, which only made fans sympathize with Twi more, thoroughly pissing Kit off. That’s not an exaggeration, that’s really why that comic got as dark as it did, go look at the earlier pages and comments. It was supposed to be the Eggmaker back story, but he demanded it became about Firecat five pages in because he always cared more about his fictional life and wife than his real partner, and was mad people were worried about Eggmaker.

So he made his real partner out to be a jealous psychotic rapist while he never did anything wrong ever.

Here’s one example I found, of him publicly getting annoyed and trying to nudge his fans into arguing with Twi.

Here is another making it into a joke that he fights with Twi, which I'm sorry, but when you have a fanbase that’s not okay to do. You are painting a colleague as the bad guy/idiot, and many people do latch onto that and take it seriously (a good example would be the “Goddamnit Ross” thing from GameGrumps, and how fans quickly took that too far.):

(I just noticed he posted that on the 27th of June. 6 Days later he hit Twi… )

Around the start of October of this constant bullshit Twi was enduring still from Kit whenever he was awake, I started to notice a difference in Twi. Whenever Kit wasn’t hounding him on Discord and it was just us talking, Twi was outgoing and happy. But the second Kit was awake and pestering him, Twi was always twitchy and aggressive, scared still even though he was on the other side of the country. But I couldn’t blame Twi when Kit was constantly sending him messages like this:

After that, I told Twi he needs to block Kit, because this wasn’t doing anyone any good. Not Kit, not Twi, not me, not their friends, not either of anyone’s family around them. At first, Twi argued against doing this and tried to speak to Kit one more time, but whatever was said in that conversation made Twi see the light, that Kit couldn’t be helped by Twi. That Kit wasn’t the prey in this situation, but a skilled predator luring anyone in he could. So Twi said his goodbyes and blocked him on Discord. A week later he blocked him on other sites too. Then took a step back from most of his social media because he knew the fallout would be immense if he stayed. Kit had all the fans, he could tell what he wanted. So he hoped if he was quiet he’d stop and leave us alone.

The change in Twi’s mood and mental state was almost instantaneous, he was still very anxious, abuse victims always are. But he was no longer looking around when in video calls like he was going to be hit or in danger anymore.

October 23rd I broke up with my boyfriend. Things weren’t working out with him anymore and I wanted to move forward with new experiences and start a new career path, etc. After a few hours of late night talking with Twi, Twi suggested that we try an online relationship together due to how close we’d gotten after he became single, and if it didn’t work out it’d be no big deal for either of us to walk away. I was concerned because I was fresh out of a relationship, and I didn’t know how a long distance thing would even work. So I thought about it for a couple nights.

On October 27th I decided to see if a long distance relationship with him could work. And we’ve been together since. We met for the first time in person on May 11th. We have our ups and downs, but we are very happy together, and slowly working on making things work in the future.

My Final words on this:

Kit, Twi does not want anything to do with you ever again. He doesn’t want to talk to you, be your friend, etc. Ever. Period.

Stop running around telling people you were justified for hitting Twi. It’s fucked up and laying a hand on anyone is never justified. Oh and Yes, I’m aware of that one time he pulled your headphones off of your head after you completely ignored him, then you stood up and shoved him into your desk as a response. Just because you made Twi say it was a justified reaction, doesn’t mean it’s true.

Please just leave us alone, we tried to leave you alone and mind our own business for over six months now, and make our own art in peace. You’ve gone around messaging people that you’re the victim, and how everyone betrayed you, and we’ve had enough.

I really hope that one day you seek out anger management classes or therapy for your problems, and then you can grow as an adult and have people around you.

My advice to start would be that it is best for you if you give up this whole thing with Firecat. Stop acting like she’s real, stop treating her better than how you treat real people. And yes, you do that, we all know it, because both people I know who know you In real life have told me that too, as well as a third person Twi informed me you met who you immediately got hostile with because they were his friend. They know how you would have conversations out loud with her. Among other things… Just give her up, and move on with your life. Go out and meet people in the real world. At a gaming convention or something, it’s fun and you wouldn’t stand out there.

If anyone still wants to support Kit, after all this then so fucking be it. I simply wanted people to be aware what he’s done to us and other people, because when people stay silent on these kinds of incidents, all it does is allow predators to do this again and again.

#kitsune youkai #firecat #kit #condom crusader #furry #artist beware #furries beware #f no furries #not safe for life #kitsune-youkai #18+#furries #furry drama #tw abuse #tw assault #inkbunny

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