#maybe i can get a new pen for christmas so it wont be so bad TvT
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doodles
#okkofushi#yuutafushi#yuuta okkotsu#megumi fushiguro#fushiguro#okkotsu#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#my art#slowly getting more comfortable drawing yuuta....slowly....#i wanted to do more with the top one but drawing without a pen hurts my hand 😭#winter always makes my hand cramp up bad 😭#maybe i can get a new pen for christmas so it wont be so bad TvT
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Christmas Admirers Teaser |T.H.
Pairing: Fratboy!Tom x Reader
Summary: Tom Holland and Y/N have never crossed each other’s paths in the 3 years of their college career. but can a silly letter change all that?
Loosely Inspired by Dash & Lily and every other cheesy Hallmark Christmas Rom-Com Movie out there.
A/N: This wont be a series but this story is going to be really long when it’s done but tbh not sure if Im really like how its coming...Ha...ha.. But I’ll still do a taglist for this when it’s completed so feel free to add yourself if you’d like.
Taglist
Wanna Play a Game?
All it took was one bright red letter and four words to intrigue the most beloved, foreign exchange student of New York University, Tom Holland. If his name sounds familiar to you, then you already know the answer to the question that just popped in your head. Yes, not only was Tom Holland a well renowned actor, he was also a student exploring the wonders of college along with his best friend Harrison. Some say he was only attending to prepare for a role, others say he did it to have his fun with sorority girls, and a very small percentage believed he was actually trying to get his degree in theater. Whatever the reason, college life suited him well, being the head of the Beta Gamma Sigma Fraternity, living the bachelors life with a new girl around his arm every week, but it was all the same...until he found that red letter sticking out of an abandoned shelf in the Potter’s Library.
He remembered it clearly, the day he found it. Tom had reluctantly arrived at the Library assuming his mates would be there to actually study for an exam they had this upcoming week. Lord knows if they didn’t pass this final with at least a C this semester, they would surely relive the nightmares with Professor Gonpu in the next. Yet to no surprise, none of them came and ditched last minute as the pool of messages started to flood his phone.
“Great.” Tom muttered to himself as he took a seat at the far right corner of the library. The area was empty, and as he slouched on the wooden chair and pushed it back, the boy hadn’t realize how close to the empty shelf he was. With a single thud, came a small red letter floating above and gently making its way down to his lap. The inviting words peaked his interest, and while he checked both front and back for a name, the letter should have been addressed to...there was none. He unfolded it and read it to himself.
Do you want a play a game?
You seem like the type of person that has nothing better to do, so let’s make it a little more interesting. I wont tell you who I am, but if I deem you worthy...I just might.
Still with me?
I’ll give you five clues to figure out this location. Everything you need is here in the Library. And...if you even think about using that phone, you might as well put this letter back where you found it. After all.. you’re in a library and it’s got all the information you need. Ready?
Tom looked at it puzzled by the words. “Do people actually do this shit?”, he thought to himself. He continued to read on, examining each clue and the 5 lines next to them.
1. You’ll find your first clue, deals with a tragic romance. He had all the money in the world but never ends up with the one he loves.
“Too easy.” Tom smiled to himself as he quickly looked for The Great Gatsby. He referenced the red letter seeing only 3 spaces for the first clue. “Jay” he whispered to himself, as he triumphantly wrote out the words.
2. Know what else is more shitty than dying and not having the love your life? Writing a depressing poem about the love your life dying. Or as Poe would imagine, a beautiful maiden by the sea.
He smirked at the line, knowing fully well the poem that the mysterious letter was referencing, and quickly headed to the poetry section. Tom scanned the row of books, until the black book with white lettering caught his eye. Flipping through the broken pages, he found exactly what he was looking for. “In this kingdom by the sea, but we loved with a love that was more than love, I and my Annabel Lee.” he muttered the lines, a smile slowly creeping up. Tom writes out the word “Lee” in the 3 lettered blank. “Tragic Romance, how typical.” he says to himself. Though his voice was laced with disinterest, it was Tom’s favorite poem, but he’d never tell anyone that.
It continued on this rhythm of deciphering clues and running around the Library like a chicken without a head to figure out what the letter wanted from Tom. He had been so focused that his plan to study for Gonpu’s final and meeting with the fraternity has completely flown out the window. As of now, Tom’s main priority was to find the answers to the letter’s puzzling challenge. Maybe, if he answered it, he would know who the mysterious writer was.
Then it happened. The last clue was solved, as Tom quickly wrote out the final word, examining his work and trying to make sense of what he found. There were no other instructions left on the letter which only made Tom more puzzled. It wasn’t a name. It wasn’t a thing. It was a place on campus. Jay Lee’s Coffee Lounge, the most serene coffee spot you’ll ever find in NYU. It offered all the essentials needed to focus and complete your work all with a side of great cold brew made in house. People say it’s NYU’s best kept secret, but really it’s because students will rarely go since it’s so out of the way.
He made it to the shop after thirty minutes, and stepped into the calm atmosphere. The smell of gingerbread lattes hit him once he opened the doors, and soft chatter between students filled the air. He looked around the area in hopes to find the person who wrote the letter. Perhaps they were waiting for him, but it was unlikely since Tom wasn’t even sure if the letter was written that same day. For all he knew, he could be wasting his time, and yet....it didnt feel like it. Almost as if he felt he was meant to be here.
“Mate, what are you doing here?!” Tom followed the robust British voice as he whipped his head to the counter. His best friend Harrison, dressed in a Jay Lee’s short sleeved shirt.
“Harrison? You...work here?” He asked voice filled with confusion. Not once did Harrison tell Tom about his side job. In fact it was almost offensive to think the blonde hair bloke would even it hide it from him.
“Yeah...I didn’t really tell anyone because well you know, it’s the last place people would expect a frat to be working in. Reputations and all...What about you? I didn’t think this place was your type of thing.” he asked.
“It’s not...” he paused for a moment, debating on whether to tell Harrison what he found. If it led Tom here, Harrison might know who wrote the letter. He hoped it was girl...God he really hoped it was. “Actually, I was at the library today waiting for you divs --”
“Oh yeah sorry mate.” Harrison looked at Tom apologetically.
“No, its fine really. But I found something interesting, and --”
“Tom, if it’s another blonde wannabe model, I --”
“Bloody hell, Harrison just listen to me. I..” Tom paused for a moment to quickly check his surroundings before pulling up the red paper. “I found this red letter. Made me go on bloody goose chase and led me here. You dont happen to know anything about this do you?”
Harrison took the letter and examined it thoroughly reading the lines word for word and the notes Tom made next to them. He was just as intrigued, but unfortunately shook his head, unsure of the answer to Tom’s question as well. “Sorry, Mate. I have no clue. Never seen anyone here writing out a red letter before.”
Tom held the letter, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Was this it? Did he really just waste a whole 3 hours in the library and 30 minutes worth of gas for nothing? “I just dont understand.” he muttered.
“Look if you really think the person that wrote this letter wanted you to be here, why don’t you just write a message in it and post it on the corkboard? Im working the entire week, so I’ll keep an eye on who grabs it and let you know.“
It didnt seem like a half bad plan, Tom nodded in agreement and grabbed a pen from his bag, writing his reply in the empty space, the mysterious writer was so kind enough to leave. He posted it on the corkboard, and turned back to his friend.
“Dont forget.” Tom pleaded.
“I wont mate.”
#tom holland#tom holland imagine#tom holland x reader#peter parker#peter parker x reader#peter parker imagine
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OCD Subtypes for the RPC
Part 1 is here
Well well well, we are back for Part 2 of the Roleplayer’s Guide to OCD.
Fellow Ocd Folks, I see you in those tags and I'm going to do my best to ensure those obsessions are represented here- BUT understand that physically it is not going to be possible to list every single one because I am one person. Regardless its incredibly brave of you all to rb and add things in the tags, I know its hard to talk about this shit and I see you. I see you.
Resultantly I typed this out and posted it in formatting to assist with accessibility in mind; if you cannot read it still ( I tried Im sorry!) i recommend the copy and paste method or getting the chrome extension bee-line reader.
There will be grammatical and spelling mistakes. Im sure spacing is odd some places, but you have to understand doing this is extremely anxiety provoking for me so Im just getting it done when I can.
Remember to use your critical thinking; not everyone has the same symptoms/compulsions/triggers and all that.
OCD is fluid. Its like liquid mercury. One day its a handful of subtypes another day its another different serving.
If you are in general squicked about certain topics even by mention read ahead with your own judgement. Remember us folks that have OCD have many disturbing and distressing experiences so if you are writing a character who has OCD and you can’t read about it just don’t give them that obsessive thought/ compulsion. Make sure writing is still a safe and enjoyable hobby for yourself first and foremost.
But ethically and morally I cannot and will not leave out the more disturbing bits. You have the ability to scroll by, I and many others do not get the chance to escape triggering content that our own mind creates.
So read ahead with your best judgement or at least skip around the squicky parts and educate yourself on what OCD is so people quite using it as a Obsessive Christmas/Corgi/Cat Disorder thing. Alright? Cool beans.
Okay so you made it passed post 1 and got under the read more. Give yourself a gold star for diving into this monster of a document.
Below is a crash course it is not meant to replace actual psychoeducation, personal research, or google. Honestly most of us do our research extensively but because OCD is treated so horribly by social media, media, and society in general.
I wasn’t sure where to throw these together because the education tools to learn fully about OCD are very specialized and thus very restricted. I found that many people DO have these experiences with OCD though so I will represent them throughout. I’ll also sprinkle some of my own experiences so you can get a good reference of a person who has the disorder and not just a randomly generated person.
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So OCD is made up of Obsessions, Trigger, Intrusive thought, Misinterpretation/feared consequence,Somatic and Psychological Anxiety, and Compulsions/Rituals.
Your character may not be able to list all of these. In fact if they aren't in ERP therapy they may not be able to puzzle these things out. But YOU as the writer should know them. Your character won’t be walking around talking to just ANYONE that they have OCD. Remember a huge aspect of OCD is it’s Shame. The disorder makes us feel intense shame regarding our intrusive thoughts, as a result OCD goes undiagnosed for years especially if it has pediatric onset.
We won’t tell anyone what we are experiencing or why we are doing x y or z. We act like nothing is wrong because to emotionally react is to admit to yourself- and therefore the world- that you have had this intrusive thought and are therefore by virtue a horrible person.[For further information I would suggest also researching PANDAS].
It may be noticeable if your character has an intrusive thought. They may wince or grimace or roll their eyes certainly, but they won’t open up to Joe at the cafe about how their brain is constantly torturing them. I apparently have a very noticeable eye twitch.
Depending on the nature of the intrusive thought it will get more or less of a reaction out of me. Its usually dependent on how distressing the intrusive thought is and/or if its a new one.
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You see OCD doesn’t sit still. It never looks the same. You’ll have your long haul intrusive thoughts that are with you for years but then you’ll have weird ass ones that just appear and demand their voice be heard yelling about cars hitting people or squirrels getting eaten.
Some people have similar ones! So while everyone is different there will always be someone out there with an intrusive thought similar to yours.
For instance; I bonded emotionally with a lady on reddit because we both have intrusive thoughts during storms that animals and the homeless are dying. We were both horribly relieved to find another person and also distressed that every snow or rain storm brings horrible images and whispers to your mind that while you are warm and snug in bed someone is freezing to death. And its all your fault.
Some days are better than others. As with all mental illnesses it isn’t CONSTANT ALARM BELLS. Some days it will be all alarms and other days it will be like a gentle whisper on the breeze. You can almost not notice it. Almost.
Obsessive thoughts run the gauntlet from ‘i will/could have/may/may accidentally harm etc’ something that you hold of value. This is any obsessive thought that you have: you think about repeatedly and not by choice, it is very anxiety provoking, it is unwanted, and unwelcome.
Mine run the scale from ‘squirrel will be murdered’ to ‘being responsible for harm’.
Compulsions or ‘rituals’ are any behavior done to alleviate the anxiety from the intrusive thought and trigger object. In short, compulsions and rituals are not fun. they are absolutely not logical, and we know they are not logical but we are forced to do them. Thats why its a disorder.
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To emphasize from post 1: magical thinking and the faulty link between thoughts and actions are hallmarks of OCD. Magical thinking can be anything from contamination to if I turn around three times or stare really hard at something the bad thing wont happen. Sounds weird and is weird and we know it is thats why its a disorder and not a delusion.
The faulty belief that thought=action is the biggest hurdle it is incredibly difficult to grasp, at least for me maybe some of you that have done further ERP can attest, that the mere concept of a thought not being the same as an action is completely and totally mind blowing.
Free will? Yeah thats terrifying. IDK about anyone else but free will is absolutely terrifying; what do you mean i could do anything i wanted?
Thats how you face OCD(WITH A TRAINED THERAPIST). You give in to ambiguity and the unknown. Its breaking that link between thought and action. Its incredibly difficult and draining. A five minute exposure leaves me in shatters for a week and two five minute ones had me ripping my nails past the nail beds with anxiety.
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Just a reminder: Do not have your character expose themself or expose folks with OCD to a trigger to “ help us get over with”. That is literally forcing someone with a mental illness into a break down and is not helpful. In fact its worse because a person knows about this intrusive thought and they tried to make it real. More shame and some trauma.
If you have OCD, more likely than not a family member or significant other has tried this with the purest of intentions. But it never works like that. Theres a reason that therapists get special training for this. If people want a post on ERP I can make one at some point.
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Actually let’s drag me with the squirrel thing as the example- fellow OCD Folks get out a pen and paper and try breaking down one of yours;
Obsession:Squirrel will be murdered
Trigger: seeing a squirrel
Intrusive thought: Graphic images of a squirrel being murdered by a hawk/ impaling depending on the day
Misinterpretation/feared consequence: Squirrel will be killed and its all my fault
Somatic and Psychological Anxiety:intense anxiety, palms sweating, heart racing,
Compulsions/Rituals: Must stare at the squirrel to prevent bad things from happening,
Now imagine if that is every time you see a fucking squirrel. You have somehow become completely and totally transfixed on a squirrel and nothing is going to pull your attention away or the squirrel dies- which your mind is giving you lovely images of btw.
Cute right?
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Below are the subtypes with general information/example thoughts/ and how some of these have impacted me socially because apparently some people dont understand that mental illnesses impact their social lives?? yall...
Social: This can range from ‘ i am constantly thinking i did something wrong so i have to ask for reassurance that we are still friends’ to completely unrealistic worries. Maybe its an intrusive thought that ‘ your voice is annoying them’ . There’s reassurance seeking, internal and external checking.
It makes friendships extremely difficult and exhausting. You’re not trying to get to know someone with an annoying frat boy egging on anxiety in your brain. This can also manifest as having strict rules for yourself and ethical codes.
My therapist likes to say she could give us (folks with OCD) a pile of hundred dollar bills and come back and they’d all be returned. Because OCD makes you so strict and morally confined. Which ISNT fun. Like I dont get pleasure over having to memorize the entire Code of Conduct!
Social Media: Its the bane of human existence some days and a lifeline the next. But what if everytime your follower count was an odd/even number it sent you into a panic attack. What if you spent all your time with intrusive thoughts that somehow someone misinterpreted a post or that someone is going to be harmed by a post you made about tapirs.
You may be forced to block people to get your number down or keep pornbots on your blog to keep your number what you like (see there is a use for them! We sacrifice those before actual users!) You may be refreshing your page every second because ‘what if you miss a message’. It's going to look a lot like ‘check check check check reassure yourself double check your posts check check check reassure check check FALSE MEMORY check your post etc’
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Clothing/Body Image: When its not Body Dysmorphia it can be OCD. Sometimes this looks like I obsess about a body part and therefore I choose my clothes/hairstyles to hide those. Some personal examples: as a kid I was sure that mind readers exist ( THIS IS AN OCD THING TOO I was so relieved to find that out) and that if i didnt wear a particular hat they would see all these horrible thoughts and it would be revealed what an awful person I was. So I wore the same dumb ass bucket hat for a year (or more I cannot remember but it was a long ass time).
I was once so fixated on being given a compliment on my eye color that I wore sunglasses (even at night) to a summer camp. And if any of those teen girls in that cabin that stood up and mocked me in a crowded lunch hall by singing ‘i wear my sunglasses at night’ you all owe me 40$.
Even younger still I had intrusive thoughts. Like say, if anyone noticed I was female that i would be kidnapped so I chopped my hair very short. I altered my appearance to be very androgynous and even switched to walking more masculine. Because omg if your hips move someones going to kill you thats just how it works. ( It doesnt help I later figured out I was a lesbian)
Your wardrobe may be impacted by OCD and yes so can your body image.
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Also yes the fear of mind readers is also a thing; i always thought I was somehow faking OCD because yes that is also a…..
Faking: Do you value telling the truth? Do you detest lying ? Boy Howdy do I have some news for you. OCD is going to try and convince you that YOU LIED. Whether it was on a chastity pledge to get a free sandwich or in a conversation you just HAD. This links a lot with false memory OCD.
Another aspect is OCD makes us doubt we have OCD and tries to convince us we have any other diagnosis under the sun and we are obviously faking our OCD.
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Sexual Orientation OCD; It is as it is called. Sexual Orientation OCD is what happens when your brain goes ‘hold on what if you’re not this orientation what if you are THAT’. It doesn’t matter where on the LGBT umbrella you fall you will have OCD trying to convince you otherwise. From compulsive staring at members of the same/opposite gender to compulsively reassuring or checking with yourself to ensure that ‘ no no you are in fact THIS orientation.’
This can range in behavior from binge watching porn, staring compulsively to check that there is OR is NOT attraction,self checking past experiences and memories, analyzing your clothing and your lifestyle in painful and intricate methods.
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False Memory OCD; False memory OCD is basically your brain sitting you in a noir interrogation room, handcuffing you to a chair grilling you. It demands that you did *insert bad thing here*. This can range from anything from something Harm based to pretty much *anything* from other OCD subtypes. Which is quite delightful really.
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Sensorimotor OCD; Sensorimotor OCD is obsessive body responses. These can be ‘ I have to cough really hard and really feel it right in my chest and if I can’t get it right I have to cough until I do’. This can be counting your heartbeats. Trying to check yourself that you in fact have a heart and checking and reassuring that it is still beating. It can be hyper-awareness of swallowing or even swallowing repeatedly. It is anything with selective attention; ie its an automated process but your OCD is forcing you to be aware of it.
Your OCD makes you aware of the sensation of, say, breathing, and then it convinces you that if you stop paying attention to it you will stop breathing. So now you’re horribly aware and focused solely on breathing and breathing alone. It keeps me up most nights with the pounding anxiety fueled by the pressure of ‘if you stop focusing on breathing you will stop breathing completely’ or waiting to feel that last heartbeat in your chest.
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Existential OCD; You ever feel existential ? Existential OCD is like having a very aggressive existential crisis that turns you into NEEDING answers IMMEDIATELY. This can look anything from hours panic scrolling the net to panic inducing anxiety because you don't know what happens after death. The thoughts are like foghorns on a misty sea.
This sounds basic and the only example i can give is as a teeny tiny 7 year old I had a panic attack in bed screaming that ‘ what if im a dinosaur and im asleep and i wake up and my whole family is GONE’.
To be fair I did like dinosaurs a lot.
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Harm OCD; This is pretty self explanatory but I will give more details. Harm OCD is OCD demanding that you will/could/can/may have/might harmed yourself/others/any living creature and that you alone are responsible.
This means anything from getting anxious driving over crosswalks because ‘what if you dont see one and hit someone and its all your fault and you hit someone go back and make sure you havent hit anyone’ to ‘im holding a knife so im going to accidentally stab someone’ to ‘ i didnt see my cat this morning and now im at work and think she must be dead and i am responsible for her demise.’
It can be as simple as ‘if i use a pencil i will stab myself in the eye’ or as complex as ‘ i may accidentally say a slur’/ ‘ i am going to say this horrible thing out loud if i cannot control myself.’ It can also be images of terror or racist/sexist/ableist jokes in your mind that repeat like a broken record.
(Please note from section 1 that this is extremely anxiety provoking and not something you would do. OCD preys on what we respect the most.)
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pOCD; Tumblr listen the fuck up because I am tired of seeing people get called shit on this website for having this mental illness. People who experience pOCD are not pedophiles, they do not get any pleasure or benefit. The thoughts and images are meant to induce harm to the person experiencing them. Children are normally the trigger for this and the resulting images can be very graphic. Again you aren’t attracted to children- thoughts of them getting harmed hurt you so your OCD makes you see them.
Know this so you can advocate for folks with pOCD in real life. Remember we are here. We are suffering and we are terrified of your children.
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Poisoning others/or in your food; Life isn’t medieval anymore but sometimes OCD demands we have a food taster or that we obsessively worry that we may kill someone with our cooking. Personally I struggle with colorblindness so I am constantly fretful over cooking any sort of meat so it’s difficult for me to cook it.
However this also comes as; obsessive horrible thoughts of your cooking kill someone or that you have somehow/accidentally poisoned someone’s food (even if you haven’t touched it or been within a foot of it ) or that someone has poisoned YOUR food even if no one has touched it except you. You’re going to be picking apart your food or unable to eat out at all.
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Emotional Contamination: It’s similar to magical thinking and this terrifying prospect of mind readers. Emotional contamination can manifest as anything from intense worry over somehow gaining someone else’s negative personality traits.
Or that somehow by interacting with any role of someone horrible will make YOU somehow also responsible for the horribleness. There is usually a person or a type of person that is a trigger, but it can also be location based.
This is one subtype where magical thinking and superstition are apparent.
For instance; as a teen if a male was in my space or had physical contact;like shaking hands,giving a high five, being in my room etc. I would have to go around and physically touch all the objects that I perceive they may have also touched as a way to cancel out their presence.
This includes wiping off myself to negate even the touch of family members. It really hurts peoples feelings, my father was especially hurt by this.
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Physical Contamination: This goes beyond physical dirt and grime. Most of us dont have spotless homes because if you’re having a fist fight with your brain everyday cleaning falls by the wayside just like it would for anyone else. Physical contamination holds 2 things: physical contamination obsessions AND compulsive cleaning behaviors/rituals. We believe that a small amount of a contaminate can cover large surfaces.
Oh, and did I mention its not JUST dirt/germs/viruses. The list is expansive but heres a mixed bag of what they can be: sticky substances,dead animals,glitter (FUCKING GLITTER),negative words or language,colors, numbers, surfaces in general, food, people, and activities. There is also a hyper responsibility to protect yourself and others from ‘contamination’.
Strangely there is a magical separation between the contaminated world and the ‘clean’ one. Spaces designated as clean would be a bedroom/bathroom/workspace where you are most active. That space is where the compulsions and intrusive thoughts occur. Its not I MUST CLEAN EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME. Otherwise I would be working cleaning houses because why the hell not amiright?
A real world example from a colleague would be a young man with physical contamination OCD is struck with such intrusive thoughts about cleaning that they refuse to allow anyone in their room or any animals in their home. But they are not able to even flush the toilet, take out the trash, wash dishes, or do garbage because of their intrusive thoughts.
The most famous would be compulsive hand washing but I feel it is important to also note OTHER aspects of physical contamination because everyone sees the hand scrubbing stereotype.
Other compulsions include intricate rituals, not touching the floor (i played X-treme the floor is lava during college. I couldnt let my feet touch the floor because it was ‘dirty’),excessive showering (2-8+ hour showers guys, 8 hour showers. Thats what we’re talking about.)
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Relationship OCD: This comes as no surprise that yes you will have intrusive thoughts that you are somehow harming/ will harm/ may accidentally harm your significant other. Whether that be by physical or emotional means. It can look like ‘ I may have lied to her about how much I love her’, ‘ i may not actually love her and I may be leading her on’, and ‘ I must be corrupting her’. These can extend to certain physical activities with false memory OCD as a cherry on top. A great finishing garnish to leave you feeling absolutely dismayed and unable to trust your own perception.
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Scrupulosity: Religion! Whatever that may be! Its a thing with OCD. With Scrupulosity obsessive thoughts run all over the board from; you committed a sin and forgot about it you monster to having to pray continuously/ a certain time/ until its right. What is right?Ask OCD that’s the only person who knows.
We are fairly certain my grandfather had OCD because he went to church for every single Catholic Mass. Every single day. Every. Single. Day. That’s not a healthy amount of attendance(I'm calling you out posthumously because I care Robert!). This can also look like: praying a certain amount of times. Praying until you do it ‘right’. Confessing every single potential sin. Cataloguing and dwelling over ‘sinful’ things.
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Symmetry or Just Right OCD: Symmetry OCD is the runner up for ‘most likely recognized on tv shows’ award.
Symmetry OCD convinces you that if *insert thing here* isnt symmetrical or ‘just right’ (a magical position or number of objects that makes 0 logical sense) that something bad will happen.
This can range from the known; rearranging things. But it also looks like buying more objects until you reach the right amount and even throwing out objects if theres ‘too many’.
It can range from ‘the walls are percievably not straight so now i avoid that room at all costs otherwise i will be trapped traveling the edges of the wall with my eyes otherwise it will fall in and murder us ALL.’ to ‘ this historical bust is one inch off to the left and now all i see is visions of it breaking against the ground.’
So that is what I have time for. 9 pages on subtypes and basic information. If you find yourself wanting me information all of this is easily accessible online. So go, be free and dont ever compare people to Monk again. Write Batman and Scott Summers with OCD. Give us ACTUAL representation and not throw away joke lines. We are here. Our suffering isnt funny. We deserve representation too.
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🌟 dig a little deeper 🌟
@strawberrylight tagged me to do this! Thanks love
1. do you prefer writing with a black pen or a blue pen?
black pen for jornaling and blue pen for studying
2. would you prefer to live in the country or in the city?
I like both! My mom lives in the country and it’s so beautiful and relaxed, but I also love the city and going out with my friends to explore and party
3. if you could learn a new skill, what would it be?
I mean, I can learn a new skill if I want to, but I’m too lazy
4. do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar?
no, ugh amargo y retruco carajo
5. what was your favorite book as a child?
Natacha by Luis Maria Pescetti
6. do you prefer baths or showers?
showers, I haven’t taken a bath since.... like forever lmao
7. if you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be?
A fairy!!! or maybe a mermaid, but I like fairies more
8. paper or electronic books?
paperrrrr
9. what is your favorite item of clothing?
I have a few I think, I love everything that’s on my closet but my favourite ones are probably all my dresses
10. do you like your name? would you like to change it?
I actually really like my name, even thought it’s suuuuuuuuuper common here in Argentina
11. who is a mentor to you?
not quite sure if I have one, honestly. I learn and admire lots of different people but I don’t think there’s one in particular that could be considered a mentor
12. would you like to be famous? if so, what for?
idk if famous but I want to be known, either for my writing, my paintings, my work or anything I want to accomplish
13. are you a restless sleeper?
not really, I definetly was one when I was younger but not much now
14. do you consider yourself to be a romantic person?
I AM ugh it’s more difficult than you think
15. which element best represents you?
fire
16. who do you want to be closer to?
my dad
17. do you miss someone at the moment?
my family and my best friends! :(
18. tell us about an early childhood memory.
When I was like 5 I almost got hit by a car lmao also on christmas that same year I fell to the concrete ground WITH MY FUCKING FACE and from my nose down I was bleeding. That summer I had to use an absurd amount of healing cream and pray I wont get a scar (and I didn’t get one yay) 2005 was a wild year for my mom let me tell ya
19. what is the strangest thing you have eaten?
gummy bears dipped in cheddar cheese
20. what are you most thankful for?
my family and my friends
21. do you like spicy food?
yessss, although I can’t handle too much spiciness I really enjoy it
22. have you ever met someone famous?
nope
23. do you keep a diary or journal?
I have a diary since 2018, and I write A LOT
24. do you prefer to use pen or pencil?
pens
25. what is your star sign?
leo
26. do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy?
who eats soggy cereal
27. what would you want your legacy to be?
I would love to be remembered for the things I did, but in reality I just want to be remembered by those who love me
28. do you like reading? What was the last book you read?
yesss, but quarantine changed a lot of my routines and I haven’t been reading as much as I used to. The last book I read is When god was a rabbit by Sarah Winman
29. how do you show someone you love them?
I spend time with them, bake them stuff, send them memes, just vibe yk
30. do you like ice in your drinks?
not really, only if it is alcohol
31. what are you afraid of?
of not being loved..... and birds
32. what is your favorite scent?
I love mint, fresh grass and rain
33. do you address older people by their name or surname?
everyone in Argentina speaks very informal in a daily basis, so I’ve never been in a situation where I need to adress old people by their surnames
34. if money was not a factor, how would you live your life?
traveling the world
35. do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean?
ocean, but I love both
36. what would you do if you found $50 in the ground?
If I see the person who lost them I’ll return it, but if no ones around I keep them
37. have you ever seen a shooting star? did you make a wish?
yes and yes! I’m always making wishes, when I find a dandelion, or when we’re on a tunnel and a train passes by, or when I loose an eyelash
38. what is one thing you would want to teach your children?
to be themselves and to respect and be kind to everyone
39. if you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it?
I wanna get a whale tattooed, maybe on my forearm or my back or my shoulders. I also want a lighting bolt (the meaning is so stupid lmao don’t ask) and a triskel
40. what can you hear now?
not much, it stopped raining a while ago and it’s very quiet
41. where do you feel the safest?
my room
42. what is one thing you want to overcome/conquer?
right now I can’t think of anything in particular, but I’m always open to learn and grow and there are many things I haven’t overcome yet, it’s just a matter of time
43. if you could travel back to any era, what would it be?
I would go to the 60′s/70′s (but in the US/UK)
44. what is your most used emoji?
the two pink heart emojis (you know which one)
45. describe yourself using one word.
myself (ajkdsjdkljas dude don’t be so pretencious lmao)
46. what do you regret the most?
I don’t think I regret anything. Everything we go though is a lesson, and I would never be who I am today if it wasn’t for what I’ve been thought, and that’s on the good and the bad stuff.
47. last movie you saw?
I’m pretty sure it was 365 days with my friends on netflixparty, just because we wanted to see what was all the drama about. Please DON’T watch that movie, it has kidnappings, explicit sex and sexual abuse and it’s the most sexist horrific things you could possibly think of. 50 shades looks like a healthy normal thing compared to this movie. DON’T WATCH IT.
48. last tv show you watched?
I’m watching his dark materials, I’m on episode 5 atm
49. invent a word and its meaning
my new invented word is going to be cadobeanid and it’s stands for “camila don’t be an idiot”, which is a reminder I need
And that’s it! If you read that entire thing you’re the best. I’m tagging @loveonniall @essercipertuttienonperse @merrrrrrrrry @mangohabit and any mutual who wants to!
#feel free to ignore#this took me forever I had like 3 different videocalls while I was doing it lmao#i love this shits anyway and y'all know that#tag game#tag games#personal
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Paranormal Journeys (Pt8) Tortured
Update time! When we last heard of the trashpire she was in a bit of a sticky situation a new face arrived on the scene and somehow she lost a finger. Pennywise is not happy about any of this. Especially because he had to get help from his nemesis. At this point you should just get a pet tracker for your girl Pen she seems to get herself into trouble way too often.
Oh right and some music to go along with this chapter:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHQUfgq1seM
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Ch 15 Tortured
“Well, well, well if it isn't my favorite bitch! You know I was going to send you some Frontline for christmas since the last time I walked by your house I got covered in fleas.” Leech grinned through the ichor leaking from her face as the alpha werewolf Danielle walked into the barn and backhanded her already bruised face.
“Still making dog jokes even though you're the one on a leash? Leech I knew you were obnoxious but this is just pathetic.”
“H-harder mommy.” Leech whimpered through the sting of the she-wolfs hand.
“ugh and still disgusting.”
“At least when it rains I don't smell like wet dog!” The vampire called out as her rival turned away to Zander who had grabbed her arm as she passed.
“Wait you know her?”
“Unfortunately. I also know that the creature she's dating is the creature you've been looking for Zander”
“You fucked Humperdink?!” Leech shouted from behind them. The she-wolf turned to her in confusion.
“What?”
“She's been referencing Princess Bride for hours now.” Chris sighed.
“It's a classic! I’ve been trying to get Penny to watch it with me forever now. He liked Labyrinth though so not all hope is lost.”
“Yeah back to *ahem* Penny. The clown that was in the house thats what killed your sister and whats more disgusting she's dating it.” Danielle pointed at Leech who was raising her eyebrows suggestively.
“She's what now?”
“Ok listen its more than just dating, we’re a mated imprinted pair! Like- uh shit how did he describe it…ducklings? Violent sexual ducklings!” Leech called out to them in annoyance. The group grimaced and turned back to ignore her.
“Well, thats a mental image I never needed.” Rick said while rubbing his temples. Danielle regained her composure after cringing at the thought of what the clown and his vampire got up to when they were alone.
“Look I'm not going to explain it but you can help me stop it, using her as bait.” she said to the group while Leech yelled in shock.
“Oh my god you absolute bitch!!” the nosferatu spat and struggled in her restraints.
“She's just as evil as the creature its self so don't feel bad about anything I'm about to suggest but were going to have to torture her a bit for information.”
Chris and Zander both nodded, Rick hesitated but agreed when he saw the others eagerness to work together on this one.
“I am so not evil…..wait no yeah, yeah I am.” Leech snarked at them once again. Whatever it was these humans thought they could do to her she's had worse.
“Get something sharp and silver. Vampires cant tolerate it.” the werewolf grinned. Leech's smile faded as she heard a mirror shatter.
“Ah fuck.”
The werewolf cautiously approached leech brandishing the silver mirror shard in one hand holy water in the other. “Tell us how to get to the clown.”
“You'll have to kill me.” the nosferatu spat.
“Splash her.”
Holy water sliced into Leech’s abused skin fizzing and bubbling like acid. The vampire cursed and whimpered. Then she laughed.
“M-more” she panted and was struck with the water again.
“Let's try once more how do I find the clown?”
“Have you checked the circus?”
“You're not funny”
“And you snack on milk bones.”
“Hand me the crucifix.” the alpha said to Chris as Leech hollered out to the group.
“Don't believe me? Check her purse! I’ve totally seen some in there!”
The she-wolf pulled out a large cross from a sheet. The nosferatu smiled.
“Oh! We’re gonna get rough I see. Well, we all know I like it rough!” Leech’s sneer turned into a wail of pain as she was brought to the floor. The cross pushing her down via searing internal agony until the thing started to catch fire in Danielle’s hands.
“Th-that it?” the vampire panted and rolled onto her back.
“If you wont tell us how to find him well make him come to us” Danielle sighed putting the cross away. Her prey was as stubborn as she was annoying time for a different tactic.
“He's going to wipe you from existence when he finds out you betrayed him.” Leech snarled keeping her voice low so the humans couldn't hear her. “Why are you risking this?”
“For power. I kill you and put your clown back to sleep, then for 27 long years the town is ours to do with as we please.”
“Always knew you needed to be put down.” Leech muttered.
The blonde bared her teeth and plucked a pair of old rusted sheep sheers off the wall. She turned to Chris who had been wearily watching her since she had entered the barn. “Here make yourself useful.” she called to him holding out the clippers. The ghost hunter took the sheers and looked at the blonde woman and then over to the chained monster on the dusty barn floor.
“You know I don't have any hair right?” the vampire called out from the background.
The she-wolf rolled her eyes and turned to Zander. “Z this thing on the floor? She can lead the creature to us, the thing that killed your sister we have to use her to make sure justice is done.”
“IT would come for her?” the lead ghost hunter asked.
“Oh baby you have no idea!” Leech flashed the room a devilish smile still trying to taunt her captors.
“Ew.” Chris grimaced
“Yeah ok someone help me grab her at least we can shut her up” Zander pulled on Rick’s arm who moved to restrain the nosferatu. Leech raised her eyebrows in amusement as she was thrown to the floor and held down.
“Uh Z? What am I cutting off?” Chris asked
“Well, she doesn't have any hair…. maybe a piece of her shirt?”
Chris and Danielle both shot Zander a questioning look, then gave the same to the vampire when she started laughing from her spot on the floor.
“HA pussies! Like Pennywise would risk everything for a piece of fabric! You gotta cut off something I’d miss!”
“Why are you encouraging that??” The she-wolf shouted completely dumbfounded.
“Honestly? Cause your attempts at being evil here are pretty lame.”
“wh-“
“Plus the guy you gave those scissors to doesn't look like he has the balls to do it anyway.”
“well yeah you're talking about amputating something here!” Chris shouted.
“Just cut off her finger Chris.” Danielle rolled her eyes growing tired and impatient.
“Yeah Chris do it! Bet you’ll bitch out!” Leech yelled and taunted again.
“Chris wait we don't have to do this!” Zander could smell the potential lawsuit from here. His little revenge plot has gotten way out of hand. He had never really expected to find anything and when he did he had just sorta been winging it till he met Danielle in that bar.
“Humperdink is a pussy you gonna let a guy like that control your life? Cut off my finger” Leech shouted again.
“I-“
“Chris I'm your boss listen to me” Zander pleaded.
“I dont-“
“what are you waiting for be a man DO IT!” Danielle shouted this time.
“Z, I cant-“
“HA! I knew it!” Leech called out triumphantly as if she had just won some kind of prize. Zander continued to shout at his teammate while Danielle motioned the ghost hunter to proceed. The whole thing was a bit overwhelming for him to say the least.
Chris looked at Zander who was now shouting orders at him, the woman he chose to sleep with instead of him and the insane bald creature on the floor.
“This is some real half assed torture you've organized here Danielle I'm kinda embarrassed for you. Seriously you should brush up on your technique cause- FUCK” something behind Leech landed on the floor in a wet thud. “Holy shit I didn't think he'd actually do it…….” the vampire said in a small shocked voice as her breathing rapidly began to increase. The barn was silent in shock, for only a moment nothing but a few splatter noises of thick ichor falling for Leech’s hand. Then the vampire gasped and lurched forward before opening her mouth to scream.
————————————-
Over all the eons he had existed today had to be one of the top ten worst days of pennywise’s immortal life. the clown led his nemesis down the corridors of his sewer preferring to travel this way and to keep the existence of his- friends is too strong of a word…..associates he has been forced to live with. Yes much better! The existence of his associates hidden.
The group didn't seem too troubled over his mates plight anyway. Which infuriated the clown even when he showed them her severed finger they rolled their eyes. If they only knew of her condition! At least two of them would actually be concerned!
“Soooo…” the human behind him began to speak. Pennywise let out a low clicking growl in annoyance
“What”
“Now that we have this…truce..I have a few-“
“You get three.”
“Can one of them be how to kill you?”
“No.”
“All right then when did you grow feelings?”
“I didn't grow feelings.”
“That’s not what i saw back at the house”
the clown bared his fangs. “Next question.”
“You cant give me three questions and then refuse to answer them.”
“The only reason you're alive right now sheep boy, is because your grandfather was clever enough to build his farm somewhere I can’t reach. Which way?”
“Left. Are you controlling her mind how did this start?”
Pennywise laughed at that. “You think I wanted this to happen? I was quite content till Leechie ruined my life. She came on to me.”
“I find that hard to believe.”
“For all your snooping you sure don't know much. Humans, so moronic.” the clown grinned to himself. Mike chewed over the implications that someone could actually find this thing attractive enough to pursue it and even fall in love with it. Whoever or whatever Lucy Smith really was she must be sick in the head.
“What is she?”
Pennywise turned his head back and smirked as he walked. “Not human. Something much, much better.”
“Do you love her?”
The clown stopped cold. “That was three questions I'm not answering that.”
“You didn't answer it the first time. Do you love her?”
Pennywise stood still and silent. Mike couldn't see the clown’s ocean blue eyes or the slight quiver of his lip in the dark sewer tunnel but from the absolute stillness the librarian seemed to have his answer.
“We’re making another left.” Mike finally spoke up snapping Pennywise from his trance-like state. “I cant believe you of all people fell in love”
“Shut up Mikey.”
“Clearly she's had quite the effect on you.”
“I SAID THATS ENOUGH”
“The others aren't going to believe me when I tell them-“
Pennywise turned and roared in the librarians face. His fangs multiplying so much they no longer fit in his own mouth while his eyes bulged their alarming red and yellow. “NO! SHE STAYS OUT OF THIS” he practically spat bits of flesh into Mike’s eyes in his rage. It took a lot for the librarian to remain as calm as possible trying to remind himself that IT still needed his help and was desperate enough to broker a truce. He'd keep this bit of information for a later use, Pennywise may have a weakness after all. As the clown turned back around still with those bulging glowing eyes lighting the sewer Mike sighed and boldly gave him one final jab to the ego.
“You definitely love her.”
“I hate your species so much” Pennywise mumbled and continued to blindly lead the way to the outer reaches of his territory.
——
They came to the end of the sewers greeted by the lush forest surrounding the town animals skittered away in fright at the sight of the creature that emerged from its domain squinting slightly in the light and sniffing the air.
“I don't smell her.” he snarled “Did you lie to me human?! I can find out yes I can! I’ll pluck out your eyes one by one and tear out your ears!” he sang and threatened the poor librarian who stood his ground and shook his head.
“No, I didn't lie. This is the back way to the farm a way only I know about.”
Penny snarled and huffed impatient and hungry from his walk. “Show me.”
“You have to promise”
“Yes, yes your life will be spared if she is unharmed.”
“No you have to promise not to kill anymore children.”
Penny bared his teeth at the librarian. He was close enough he could kill him now and search himself, it would take more time but he'd at least be rid of the little lighthouse keeper of those kids. The clown flexed his claws but paused when something crawled out of the river. A turtle hauled its self out onto a rock to dry in the last remaining beads of light in the setting sun something fluttered in the air around it landing on its shell and unfolding its pale wings. The moth sat on the reptile for a few moments before fluttering onto the clowns claw then out of his grasp forever off into the sky. A warning from his brother. Figures.
“This will not last.” Penny said at last.
“I didn't think it would. If it happens again, if you take a child I will call them back.”
“We have a deal then.” the clown grumbled. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place here. If Leech wasn't so vulnerable he could have said no and just gobbled his long time nemesis up but no. Things had to happen now at the cusp of everything important. He had little choice and he felt helpless and angry. For the first time he had something that made him happy other than food and his brother had to ruin his fun. First he’ll end the losers, then Maturin. He would see to it they all pay.
“Its just this way theres an entrance to the main barn through the cellar, I-I’d hide here when I was younger to get out of slaughterhouse work.”
“Couldn't take a life of a lamb could ya Mikey?” Penny sneered
“I raised them myself, its harder when they're your’s… but then again you wouldn't understand that would you.”
The clown snarled and let out a growl that was thick with offense. “I am learning.” was his answer as he pushed through the dusty wooden door. Mike chewed on the creatures words for a bit. What did that mean? The creature’s sense of urgency was starting to take on a much deeper meaning now as the librarian followed after him.
The cavern got darker and darker as they pushed forward Pennywise melting into the shadows despite his silver costume. Mike used a flashlight to keep track of the thing from his nightmares as it sniffed the dust filled air. Pennywise paused and inhaled deep a low gravely whine escaped his throat and he inhaled again as if the intoxicating scent was quelling an addiction.
“She's here.” he began “She's wounded.”
“Well, she is missing a finger.”
“Quiet human!” penny snapped and listened to the silent cellar.
His eyes flicked forward when he heard it. it was feint but ominous. Someone was singing and Penny knew the song well. She had been singing it non stop for a week now.
Well you can't hold me
I'm too slippery
I do no sleeping
I get lonely
You can touch me
If you want to
I got poison
I just might bite you
Lie in circles
On the sunlight
Shine like diamonds
On a dark night
Ain't no mercy
In my smiling
Only fangs and
Sweet beguiling
Well the future he don't
Try to find me
Skin I been through
Dies behind me
Solid hollow
Wrapped in hatred
Not a drop of
Venom wasted
Well you can slip in
Try to find me
Hold your breath and
Flat deny me
It makes no difference
To my thinking
I'll be here when
You start sinking
The clowns posture relaxed in relief as he took in the siren call to him. He cocked his head to the side and grinned wide in the direction of the librarian who wasn't sure if it was wise to approach any further. Penny shut his eyes and sighed again.
“My Peachy.”
---------------------
Who’s ready for carnage! Cause shits about to get fucked up in the next chapter. Some graphic skin removal, playing 70s rock music on muscle tendons someone might even get shot in the face! How exciting! Oh and you know the reveal of whats been going on with our trashpire. That too.
#pennywise#pennywise x oc#monster roommate au#pennywise fanfiction#it fanfiction#mike hanlon#losers club#nosferatu oc#horror fanfiction#slasher fanfiction#leech really needs to learn how to shut up
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Journal - Saturday, December 1st, 2018
Bob sent me the band Bonny Doon. Now I’m listening to Ricewine which is equally as chill as the Bonny Doon band. Big News! I found the missing piece to that stupid puzzle. I don’t know exactly where is came from, but it just appeared and I’m happy that puzzle doesn’t have a missing piece now. Pretty excited. but got in clean mode so I swept the entire house and cleaned that fan and mopped a little. Nice to have a clean house. If I just do a little everyday it won’t get bad.
Cont. on 11/22
I have to get a washer and dryer. Maybe that’s what I’ll get with my hopeful bonus. Mild orange was next on youtube and they are solid as well. I have plans to meet up at Dillinger with Tsvet and James and possibly more. I’ll definitely throw on a different shirt and.
I saw you in that chair a look and gaze
Lunch was fun with James and Tsvet as well as Dee and Dennis, and the lady in the corner. I like the Dillinger. I go the Ruben and it was solid and some patron. Man, tequila is so good. I’m going to get a bottle for home. I kind of hope Luna doesn’t come over, but with my luck, she probably will. So just got downtown. She’s going to be a little late so I’ll go get a drink at the bar and pee all . I hope it goes well!
Cont. on 11/21
I can’t believe Luna still won’t text me back. I feel bad for her situation. Like, she has the worst luck. I can’t believe he would just hit, Dalton, and while living together. ridiculous. I may- well if she ever texts me back, then maybe I would consider having her come live here. We could car pool and jam and I think it would be fun. Make some vegan food together and just chill all the time. I don’t think I would mind having her around all the time. I’ve tried and whenever I see her shes always super excited to see me. So maybe I just have to but upfront about it and just be like “Hey, I like you, and u was wandering if you wanted to go on a date some time if you’re interested. If not, no biggy. I’m stoked to just be your friend and I’d be 100% okay with keeping it that way. no hard feelings or anything like that. So yeah, I mean we already know each other. but this would be a way for use to get to know each other ore and on a more deeper level. we can talk about sex and stuff like that and see what we both like. Do drugs together and just have a lot of fun. Could be cool if she ever texted back...
Cont. on 11/20
What do I like about Luna?
She has this like nervous laugh that I find adorable. She’ just comfortable. The right height to fit under my arm. That might have been the highlight of my night. Cuddling right up to her. Only way it could have been better is if she put her arm around me. But the head nuzzle worked just as well. I feel she just seem me as a friend and that’s okay. There’s only one way to find out and it just to ask her. Tomorrow night. I’ll go chill at my folks or maybe find something free to do downtown or I can hit up Evan and see what he’s doing. Or maybe I’ll just go chill and walk around DT a little. Possibilities are almost endless. Definitely maybe won’t hit her up. Are you interested in dating at all. I know you might not be be interested and getting out of your relationship. So I completely understand if you’re not down, and this will be the last we talk about it. I just have developed feeling and I wanted to se if you felt to same way. Nothing to lose really. One of the reasons I went to the show last night was to see her. Mission accomplished. Well see, I probably won’t cause I don’t want to make things awkward. So, that's probably the better option.
Cont. on 11/19
Also, she doesn’t smoke cigs, shes open to drugs, she doesn’t drink much which I would be adamant that I won’t drink when she doesn’t drink. She’d fit right on the back of my bike. One that I’m getting with my bonus. I feel we would have a good relationship and would be happy together. I understand depression, and would want to have an open policy on communication cause that is very very important.
Cont. on 11/16
I don’t know if I’m going to continue using this pen. It’s a little too much bleed through. It’s not to bad once you write. I thought maybe I would have a hard time reading but it looks okay. I’ll keep using the pen for now. Attempted to make pretzels with the pizza dough. I left and I turned out eggy. I think my water wasn’t hot enough or it was just not that great dough. Oh well. It’ll build a turd. I’ll probably make a BLT later for dinner. but really. I’ve eat plenty for today. Well see. I’ll get a wire brush and get the rest of that just out of there. Get a propane tank and itll be cool. I’ll boil those eggs tonight for sure and that’ll be my b-fast and lunch. Cook all that bacon. I’ll bake it so I don’t have to deal with is in a pan. and I’ll be able to get it nice and crispy! It’ll be delicious. AND she listened to music and likes to go to shows! I wold be the absolute best! So how do you think she sees me? Someone who drinks a ton. She knows all about my touring. I would also be 100% okay with her on tour. no problem with that at all.
Cont. on 11/15
I know I want someone that will help me learn or better me. Okay. Bonus equals home gym stuff and guitar. After this trip I’ll get a desk and get that stuff all set up. I’ll see if she has . I can drop her off in the morning and get her a coffee, then go to the gym to kill time. That does sound like a good plan. Then she can chill there or do something. I’d definitely let her take my car. I can get a ride gone from someone. If she wanted to go out. That might actually be good. Just to get that time alone. I’m down. If it gets. It’s not going to get awkward. It’s not like I’m asking her to be with me forever, I just feel like it could be fun. and if that happens, I will definitely get rid of FB. I feel once I do get a girl, I will just get rid of it and set up - I’ll wait till I get the band page going. Goal - Release 2 albums next year or EP’s whatever. I just want some music out there. I’ll make it happen. 2019 is going to be a good and productive year. No drink December starts now. I can do it. Yesterday I already knew that was happening before to deal to no drink to NYE!
Cont. on 11/14
Still not surprised that I spent $5600 on alcohol this year. I probably bumped it up to $5700 yesterday for sure. That ends now! That’s easily a trip to anywhere for a couple weeks. So bad. Cut down on food and booze and I will be doing great! I’ll find an easy recipe for something I can eat all week. Some chicken something. Make some perogies. It’ll be delicious. Invite James and Tsvet over. Find a good Perogie sauce. Keep it vegan hopefully. Id also be down to seriously cut down on my meat eating. I had a nice lunch with my sister today. I hope she quits that job and finds something else. And Zeb just sucks. I know why she doesn’t want to be with him and why she feels she can’t get a divorce. It’s scary. Especially for her. Be so hard to get Makayla over there unless all her rules just goes away. Cut his house, then she would just hate being over at Mel s. I think she will do it soon cause I wouldn’t deal with that for that long. Especially with his separate account. Not that having a separate account is bad, but it was kept secret. So crazy. That guy sucks.
Cont. on 11/13
Date with Gabby.
She was very nice and I did have a lot of fun. From Baltimore. Graduating next May from ASU. Lives with her folks. Has Type 1 diabetes which sucks. Net a natural red head but likes it. We started out at Artiface, we talked about her brothers show and how it went. she said it went really well. Told her about my tour life and stuff like that and stuff. She was super into horoscopes which is worrying. But really I’m not down. I’m pretty sure that I wont see her again. There was just no physical attraction. I don’t want to have to fake a whole aspect of a relationship just to save her feelings. Just it’s not happening. So, I’ll just have to break it of gently. Something like I had a lot of fun and you’re a cool person, but I don’t think we should continue to hang out anymore. I just didn’t feel anything and it’s not going to progress any more that it has so just do not waste your time or should just keep it like this and if we see each other by chance well say high and stuff. and keep if from getting awkward. Something like that should work! Next tie she ask about it I’ll bring in up and hope it goes good.
Cont. on 11/12
I think they are going to be alright. The eggs that is. I’m hard boiling 12 of them so that's 2 a day plus two days where I’ll get three. We can do Tuesday and Thursday. I’ll find a good recipe tomorrow. gotta take a break from pizza. I be I can lose 10 lbs by the christmas party. Especially if I’m not drinking. It’ll be easy. Work out stuff. Eggs are done. Bacon gets like 15 minutes. I may take a bath here shortly or tonight I should say. I’ll get all my shopping done on Sunday. Not drinking will cut the cost of this trip by a ton. I will have one with lunch but other than that no more. just tell them I’m on a hiatus. They won’t care. It really is no big deal. Tomorrow I’ll take some week and call it good! Save my a ton on money and I won’t feel like garbage on Tuesday. Well, I guess I won’t be cooking tomorrow unless I just come home and leave for the show. I wonder how may extra miles that would be, but it doesn’t matter. Its’ only a couple bucks to not have to kill like 5 hours. So yeah, I’ll come home after work. Make some good and chill, then I’ll head out.
Cont. on 11/10-11/12
I’m more that likely going to roll after Beemaster. Probably watch a song or two of the touring guy to see how they are. Cool, I’ll stay. Not cool, I’m going to rolling after Beemaster. Sorry dude but I have to be up early and I don’t want to be out till the wee hours of the morning for some band. I’ve never heard of. I will ask Luna out and see how that goes before I figure out if I should ask Vivian. I still think I’m not “cool” enough to date her. I would definitely need to step up my wardrobe, or she does like who I am but I could be fun to get dressed up and stuff like that. Lint roller tomorrow so I can wear my blue sweater but tomorrow. Wake up at 5. No snooze go for a run. Shave and shower. Work a little early. Wrap up that stupid 945 west 8th. That job can suck it! Hopefully we’ll be slow this week. I’ll take this with me and get it filled up. I could have filled up so much if I had this at work. Oh well. Either way, I’m jamming music tomorrow and no one can stop me! Friday I will do perogies. Have Ty and Melka and Tsvet and James and I’ll see if Luna is down. Be Like a triple date! Tell the to bring a game!
Cont. on 11/9
BLT was good. I used ricotta instead of mayo since I didn’t have any. I was even at the store too. I could be having some good food, but I was lazy! I need to stop doing that. Tsvet last night just I mean. It’s awesome that they do enjoy it as well. I’ll see if Luna want to come and I’ll do the vegan pirogies. If not, I’ll do the regular ones. Make the. I’ll make the dough and filling the day before, or all of it before, then just boil and fry and they will be golden. Do Like a salad or get some hummus. Borrow their food processor and make some hummus. Slice up some veggies or find a polish side dish and see. What I can fins. Maybe there's some good stuff if not. Hummus it is. I can do two different kinds. Do traditional and tn maybe find a jalapeno hummus. Then cucumbers cherry tomato's, something. I’ll do a onion mushroom top for the perogies. If they're at the show tomorrow I’ll ask the. I’ll shoot them all a message tomorrow. Should be a good time. I know Ty will be down. Still want to have a variety of people over instead of same people all the time.
Cont. on 11/8
I wonder if I can convert the kitchen to gas if I bought this house. I would tear down this wall. Lift the ceiling and just open this house up! but I do like the setup the way it is. It’s a pretty cute house but who knows. I may bot stay out here and go live in the bus and rent a warehouse or try and by a place with an apartment. I wander how much it'll cost? Maybe just being single is the way to go for a little while later. Maybe not try so hard. I’ll still talk to Luna though. but its just so easy to be myself. and, I took them for granite for sure. I’lI don’t know she wasn't’ right for me, but we had a lot of fun. Disney all the time, living together and working. I got over KC and Rainy. They were just way too much unfortunately. Their family is just way too much. I just wanted to stay home and play video games. I’m happy that is not a hobby anymore. Spent so much time playing games. They are really fond memories, but just doesn’t do it for me like it used too. Crazy how that have changed. I’ve changed a bunch these past couple years.
Cont. on 11/7
My blood pressure was like 14 over 92 with a heart rate of 102. I was just all high and probably because of how much I drank last night. 3 shots and 5 beers in 3.5hours on an empty stomach. I was pretty drunk unfortunately. At least I don’t have to worry about it. I’m so better at life sober so I don’t know why. I just want to feel something. Binging everything to take my mind off things. but I feel if I keep up with the writing I think I will be alright. I don’t need it, I just want it. Lately I’ve been not super happy with myself when I get super drunk. It’s just not fun anymore. I make bad decisions and just don’t do good. So I think I may just have to cut it out completely. It would be like changing my whole life. Bit I think I’m okay with it. I’ll be able to get a lot of things done and I can work more on music and other hobbies. I do want to get into wood working just because it seems fulfilling. We’ll see. I do have time to do these things I’m only 32 and I have a lot of years left to live!
Cont. on 11/6
I wonder if I can just get by with smoking weed and not drinking. I’m going to get some acid for sure. and just have some good trips. Doing it at NYE during the D could be really fun. I would be down to quit everything but psychedelics. They are by far the best. I will have acid parties. Find a girl that's down and just have fun with each other, explore each others body. I want to do that sober. Someone I’m actually attracted to. I still had fun, but it was what I needed at the time. I would sacrifice that physical attraction for being with someone. I went for what was there and easy. I have been good at not just being with someone. I’m so worried about not getting hard. I know when the time comes I will be upfront about it and let them know the deal. I also really need to lay off the porn so much and get some lube. dick is just getting beat up. Lets do a No Porn December with the no drinking and see how it goes. You can still jerk off, but without porn. I have to rewire my brain to stop thinking about porn, and it’s such a bad habit that it would definitely happen when I’m in a relationship.
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who was the last person who unexpectedly texted you?
driver teacher
what was the last thing you carried to your room?
water bottle
when’s the next time you’ll be drinking?
saturday
Looking forward to something this weekend?
drinking w my buds
Has anyone smoked in your car?
i cant drive but i’ve been in smoke cars yes
which class are you doing the worst in?
chemistry
best thing that happened to you this summer?
got closer to my friends. kinda overcame alcoholism.
do you think if you want a guy’s attention engaging him then ignoring him works?
uh nah i think you should actively engage with people ur interested in
something you wish your parents would let you do:
i can do mostly whatever i want
do you like people that remind you of yourself?
yeah my best friend is very much alike myself. but i think all kinds of people can be fun.
Do you donate anything?
no
Is there anyone you are holding a grudge against?
not that i can think of
Is there anyone holding a grudge against you?
probably!!
Did you get into and attend your first choice college?
probably wont!!
When was the first moment you discovered love?
guess i discovered familial love pretty early. platonic friendly love a bit late but when i did i fell hard. i dont think i understand romantic love yet, but i’ll get there eventually.
How long has it been since you’ve ridden a school bus?
couple of months. though around 3 years since i used to ride them regularly.
What do you think of frogs?
i think they’re pretty neat but i do get a bit frightened when they suddenly appear out of nowhere with their little legs
Whats the worst Christmas present you’ve ever gotten?
probably uhh socks or nasty candy
What would you do if someone told you that you were the most beautiful person in the world and they wanted to wake up to you every morning?
i’d be a bit dumbfounded since that’s really unexpected! but happy, sure, thats very sentimental and nice. i’d feel pressured though, i wouldnt want to make a committment just based on someones sudden love (infatuation) confession.
Are you the person to open a box of cereal just to get the toy inside?
we never had cereal toys in my country
Do you get scared easy?
not really. i can get paranoid and anxious on rare occasions.
What was one of the stupidest things you cried over when you were little?
time passing. it still makes me tear up tbh i dont think i’ll ever learn how to deal with how short life is and how people will walk out of your life never to be seen again. past moments will never be experienced again. nothing will be the same, for better or worse.
Have you ever drank milk from the carton?
i take a swig every morning
Juice or milk?
juice for booze
Do you ever turn off your computer properly?
tbh i’ve been slacking on that lol
Do you wish you were a fish?
no
Who’s your favorite super hero?
not a big superhero person! i guess iron man or spiderman
Who’s your favorite super villian?
t h a n o s
Spiderman or X-men?
Spiderman
Movie theatre or stay at home movie night?
home
Do you have a Blue Ray?
no but i think my lil netflix box can play blurays
How about HD television?
yes
Do you think HD television is kind of a waste of money?
nahh not if you have people over often. kind of a bummer to watch movies on a computer.
Do you get why people get so fricken freaked out during football season?
i understand the nationalistic exitement but i dont understand the absolute freakouts some people have over it
Do you ever sneak scraps to the dog even though you’re not suppose to?
only when i spill stuff on the floor
Are you reading a book right now? If so what?
not a big book person
What was the last book you were required to read for school?
hunger by knut hamsun
O donuts or jelly filled?
o i guess but donuts are kinda gross
Do you like your icecream in a bowl or cone?
bowl
Marshmellows in your hot chocolate or no?
no
Do you like cherry coke?
No.
Do you really think diet Dr. Pepper is the equivalent of a cupcake?
never tasted it, i imagine its gross
Do you snore in your sleep? Drool? Talk?
i think i snore a bit, to my great shame. i fucking hate snoring.
Have you ever sleep walked?
not that i know of
Are you a morning person?
depends on how well rested i am
How do you wake up in the mornings?
alarm clock, parents wake me, or by myself (rare)
Do you think guyliner is hot?
it can be
Is variety the spice of life?
absolutely, but “same old” has a special place in my heart
Do you think strawberry milk is disgusting?
yep
Have you ever drank after anyone?
sharing drinks? yeah all the time
Have you ever drank after anyone you don’t know very well?
yeah i tend to ask strangers for a sip and offer them some of mine oops
Do you have any limits on who you drink/eat after?
not after like... drooly children or elderly people. or people i think are gross in general.
Would you eat a sucker if someone already ate some of it?
uh really depends on who it was
Would you chew somebody elses gum?
i’d have to know them very well! but i dont see the point
Do you enjoy school?
i like the social aspect of it... and it’s fun when i do well but uhh im getting a bit tired.
Are you a teacher’s pet?
sometimes, unintentionally. teachers love me for some reason.
Have you ever pulled an all-nighter?
all the time babey
What’s more important? Beauty or brains?
well you gotta have some beauty for me to wanna get to know your brain. but ultimately personality is more important. i dont think “brains” as in supreme intellectual is really any important.
Do you believe in yourself?
ah well in certain areas. been losing some motivation about my future professional life n shit.
Did you ever want to be an astronaut when you were little?
oh yes, still kinda do
How about the president?
no, ew
What did you want to be when you were little?
rich and funny
Did you ever want to be a super model?
no that seems really stressful
Do you believe your attractive enough to be a super model?
haha no maybe if i went skellymode. you dont really need a gorgeous face to model, just the right body type and aesthetic. but im too clumsy and awkward when i walk to be on the catwalk.
Have you ever had an X-ray?
yeah when i was in a car crash. totally unnecessary i just did it to skip school.
What’s your favorite guy’s name? What’s your favorite girl’s name?
really havent thought about it. i like classic names from my country though.
Do you laugh to yourself whenever the ketchup bottle farts?
nah fam
Do you have any real guns in your house?
only softguns and airsnipers
What do you want to be next Holloween?
80s coke dealer
Are you a pyro?
i enjoy flames and i’ve had a little history of setting fire to shit but im not a pyro
What was the last word/thing you wrote down?
this shit. physically, chemistry notes.
Sleeping or eating?
white bitch never eat, never sleep. nah but sleep is more important for my functioning i guess.
Are you overall a positive person?
yeah i tend to always look on the bright side of things, to other peoples annoyance. i’ve been described as naive and unrealistic but hey, it’s all gonna be fine man dont worry.
Do you hate hypocrites?
i do find it annoying.
Do you like to prank people?
not mean pranks but a little goof is always welcome
Is vacuum spelled funny?
haha cum
Democrat or republican?
fuck american politics. im near-centre purple on the compass.
Who’s the biggest asshole you know?
my dog
Pen or pencil?
pen
Should all paper have holes?
doesnt matter, can just punch one in
Have you ever been in a fist fight?
yeah
Ever said something to someone that you didn’t mean to say?
of course
Do you forgive too easilly?
yeah i guess. it takes a lot to make me really dislike a person to the point of not forgiving their shortcomings/mistakes.
What are you listening to right now?
zero
Are you tan?
not really
Ever had a sunburn?
yeah i always get them on my cheeks, it sucks
What was the first word you learned how to say?
mama or papa
What was the last thing that upset you?
chemistry exam
What is something you are behind on?
chemistry exam
Do you feel de-valued?
meh maybe sometimes but im probably not
Are you wearing winter clothes or summer clothes today?
jeans and a cozy lil sweater! more wintery
What is your favorite winter drink at Starbucks?
only time i went to starbucks i got a plain iced coffee. so that.
Do you buy or make your Christmas cards?
both
Do you regret things often, or do you make the right decisions for you?
i regret many things after some afterthought. in the moment i think i make good desicions but it often comes back to bite me in the ass when i realized i was wrong.
At what time does it get dark in the winter where you live?
like 3-4 lol
Is there anyone that you miss and wish you could re-connect with?
we’re still connected but i miss the very close friendship i had with my elementary school bestie
Are you scared of disappointing people?
yeah some people. but not most people, they can be disappointed as much as they want.
Has the fear of disappointing others ever made a decision for you?
sure
What color are the last pair of gloves you bought?
black and white, present for mom
What was the last thing you wore that was leopard print?
cant remember. probably an accessory
Do you decorate for Christmas?
yeah i like to spruce my room up
What color is your tree?
pine tree color
Would you rather be an elf or a unicorn?
elf, who the fuck wanna be a horse
Do you wonder why unicorns are suddenly a craze?
hello, “2009″
Do you own Christmas pajamas?
i wish for new ones every year and every year i end up ripping them
What time of year do you start listening to Christmas music?
after december exams
Do you make your own ornaments?
nahh
Does it snow where you live?
yeah alot
What is something you do daily?
chat with my friends, moisturize, doodle
Do you like it when it snows in December?
yeah it’s a necessity for the christmas mood
Are you hoping for a white Christmas?
yes and im gonna get one
How old were you when you found out Santa wasn’t real?
like 6?
Are you good or bad at saying no to people and canceling plans when needed?
i really dont like to cancel and say no because it fucking sucks when people do that to me, but i know how to put my foot down.
What color are your snow boots?
my snow nike running shoes? white
Are you an addict?
used to be an alcoholic, now im just mildly addicted to nicotine
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i’m not a fool.
my ears work well enough, but that doesn’t mean i’m going to trust everything the receive. as fortunate as i am to have general health, wealth, and happiness, a list of negativity looms and often tries to creep in with a decent success rate. what stays and what gets thrown out can differ by the minute and change like the wind, and that is a personality trait i am not sure i will ever be able to fix. but having balance isn’t all bad. just half the time ;)
i have to block a lot of things from invading my skull. i am full of too many negative, demeaning, and derogatory thoughts of myself as it is, and i don’t have much extra room for anyone else’s crap. that is not to say they can’t have it, because of course they can, but that doesn’t mean i have to listen to it.
i choose to remove myself from these interactions, or not even allow myself to be present for them to potentially turn into and interaction. every chapter of my life has the chance to be titled with a bright and brilliant pen, and i’m just not interested in risking the short time i have left with opposition that wont serve me anyway.
life has not ever come with a promise to make things easy. i have learned it is my job to trudge through my days, take in what i can, ignore what i don’t need, and enjoy the parts that give me joy. in any case, this is the goal. to take a day and dissect it without even trying. for it to wake you up, invite you in, bring you something in the form of pleasure or pain, and then let you relax enough to sleep it off and try again tomorrow. i generally search for a high and low, and some days it seems it was all sort of in the middle. but then i challenge myself to find the best and the worst of the medium stuff, and it gives me general pride that i have the ability to focus on something long enough to make it matter. every day wont be the one i write a blog about. but i figure it out anyway.
i have a hard time remembering things a lot of the time, but even more debilitating is my inability to forget things. it is very frustrating. i envy so much people who are able to leave work physically and also leave work mentally. my brain is always on, and the trials of my day are dancing around in my head hours past when i want to be sleeping. it’s not that i don’t want to let things go or leave them where they belong, i just don’t know how. i’ve always known that caring too much is a definite weakness in my life, and it often dispels aspects of my daily life. other factors add to this, of course. but damn..
i left my house in the early afternoon with the hope that i would push myself to go to this dance show i wanted to see (in 5-6 hours). it is a lot of money for my current situation, but i wanted to get out of the house. i also took a new notebook with me i got for christmas and bounced around coffee shops and restaurants writing in it. story starters, words with purpose. let’s hope it helps for my imminent writer’s block. i started to feel sick after my first stop, and i thought it was just nerves. deviating from my general schedule of watching television, doing laundry, and maybe taking some photos is a sure fire anxiety trigger for me. so i pushed past it and moved to a new place. the table i sat at was the only corner table available (i don’t like writing in public if people can be behind me / look over my shoulder) and was super uneven. i tried shoving stuff underneath the legs, steadying it with my feet, it wasn’t happening. spot number two was dinner, and so delicious. but out of the (probably) 50 tables in the restaurant, two women chose to sit right next to me and bicker in thick accents. i used a lot of their banter as word flow for my new notebook endeavor, but it was equally squabble enough to keep me off track and not focused. so i bounced. i was really not feeling well. i took something for my throbbing headache but hoped eating would help my stomach; nope. i drove quite a ways to spot number three. walked in, felt sick from the smell, left. spot number 4 was a bit of back tracking but was perfect except for the fact that they didn’t have decaf iced tea, used premade smoothie mix, and it was too late for a latte (and not a good idea with my already upset stomach.) so i bought a cookie and got water. i hoped hydration would help, too. i didn’t eat the cookie, but wanted to buy something since i’d be sitting for awhile. i loved this place. it’s a hike, but i��ll definitely go back. aside from the annoying people a few tables away, i sat at a big community table alone and felt cozy enough to stay. they closed an hour before the show started, so i had just a little time left to kill. i went to a store at a nearby mall and tried on a dress that i liked, but it was too expensive. i danced in the dressing room for a bit, took it off, and left. i called the venue to make sure i had the right address only to find they were sold out of tickets for this show unless i wanted to sit on the floor or stand in the back. oh, alright. no thank you. i wasn’t even mad, just disappointed. so i drove home 10 MPH under the speed limit because that’s what the flow of traffic was. a potential metaphor for my life. there is another show tomorrow but it’s pretty close to the packer game. we shall see.
we assume a promise means forever
but maybe it only means until our circumstances change
Listening to: “Wander | A Chill Mix” on youtube.
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Apologies (Monster Roommate AU)
So to continue my holiday mini fics for the AU heres the next one in the series! Pennywise gets in trouble and gets the silent treatment. He doesn't handle it well. On a side note I had a BLAST writing this especially the second part and Leech’s temper tantrum at work. I’ve been wanting to show her at the bar for some time now and get more of the Sawyer brothers in there! Also Penny making missing posters with sad faces drawn all over them in an attempt to be an adorable little shit.
Pennywise Sucks at Apologies
“Who ever is playing as “trashpire” is losing badly.” Penny plopped on the couch between Freddy and Leech.
“Wow thanks for the encouragement.” Leech grumbled as Freddy stabbed her character again. The demon was himself in the game of course, playing it somehow on the stupid Nintendo power glove. Leech put the controller down and packed another bowl in a huff.
“Aww giving up so soon bloodsucker?”
“You know its not fair when you use demon magic to win. Hey Penny sweetie, help me out here do that thing you do with the tv.” she picked the controller up after taking a hit from the colorful pipe.
Pennywise growled “I am a timeless ancient evil not something you can use to cheat on video games.”
“It's not cheating if Freddy’s cheating too.”
Penny playfully covered her face with his hand causing Leech to lose once again. The clown cackled at her protest continuing to mess with her vision. Leech finally got fed up and bit down on his thumb. Pennywise growled with mock anger and the vampire released him peppering little kisses on the wound.
“Ugh can you guys take a break today? I don't want to deal with Vorhees trying to break in” Freddy scooted over as far away from the couple as possible.
“Is he at it again? Man I bet that asshole was way better when he didn't talk” Leech remembered the first time she had run into Jason and how obnoxious he was.
“Nah, He was still an asshole” Freddy grumbled taking a hit from the pipe.
“Speaking of silent giant assholes, you know who absolutely freaks me out?”
“Me?” Penny grinned proudly
“Haha you wish. You're a giant asshole for sure but you aint quiet love. No its Michael Myers, I ran into him in the store the other night and the guy just stood there silently in the middle of the aisle like he was trying to decide he wanted to stab me in the throat or not.”
Penny's face twisted into that of pure offense. HOW DARE she think someone else was scarier than HIM. HIM the eater of worlds! The master of FEAR ITSELF. Pennywise felt his eye twitch and drift apart.
“Mikey is a total jerk man, he has this high and mighty attitude. Just because you don't say anything doesn't make you the scarier monster.” Freddy let out a puff of smoke while handing the pipe to the vampire who took a long hit.
“Pfft you're the opposite end of the spectrum Fred, maybe take a page out of Myers book sometime and shut up” she passed the pipe back across Penny’s lap, who was eerily still, to the dream demon.
“Nonsense, the ladies love a chatty killer! Right clown?…Clown?…Earth to Jingles?”
Penny's eyes had rolled completely to opposite sides of his face.
“You ok Pen?” Leech waved a hand in front of his face. The clown snapped to life with a roar and his jaws extended like a goblin shark biting onto her wrist. “OW HEY WHAT THE HELL” she slapped him on the back of the head. Pennywise let go, quickly grabbing her shoulders and sniffing frantically. “Were you scared???” he asked still sniffing her “NO I'm fucking pissed off what the shit Penny!?”
“Y-you weren't scared? Not even a little?” wait was he worried?
“Looks like you're losing your edge clown! Mikey is the one who scares your girl now!” Freddy laughed and Leech threw a dusty old pillow at him.
“Kruger!!” she hissed.
Penny got up and made his way towards the well his face expressionless.
“Oooooh boy I can already tell this is going to become a thing with him.”
“Shouldn’t have said that Ol’ Mikey is the one who really gets the adrenaline pumping then!”
“Ugh don't say it like that. I don't even think he's that attractive. He wears a William Shatner mask for fucks sake”
“I'm going to tell him you said that next time I see him!”
“DONT”
“Awwww whats the matter? S-s-s-scared Mike’s gonna come get ya?!” Freddy cackled
“I will pay you not to Fred, I'm dead serious”
“Now I know what to put in your nightmares tonight!”
“You wouldn’t”
“The clown’s off having an existential crisis you're fair game bloodsucker!”
“Are you just being a sore loser because I beat you in guitar hero? I won fair and square its not my fault you don't know all the songs.”
Freddy got up and tipped his hat to her “See you in your dreams scaredy cat”
like an evil Santa he was gone.
Leech sat alone in her room trying her hardest not to fall asleep knowing that Freddy would continue to mess with her more. She suddenly wished she could lucid dream so she could just punch him in the face next time he popped up. The vampire rolled over onto her back. “Maybe if I ate something?” she thought aloud but that would require getting up and going out. She settled on reading pulling out a book she had got from the library on Derry’s history. She liked knowing about Penny’s past exploits since he was always so cryptic with her when she asked. Plus morbid stuff was interesting.
She was on a bit about an Easter explosion, over 100 children dead at the old iron works. She chuckled to herself “Man this must have been like Christmas come early for him” she kept reading recognizing his circus cart in one picture and she started wondering to herself how the hell did Penny get that down into the sewer. Her light began to flicker and Leech groaned knowing she’d have to get up and change the bulb. Stupid old house with its stupid shotty wiring. The light completely fizzed out without warning “Just my luck” she snarled grabbing a flashlight. When she turned it on she noticed something at the foot of her bed. No, someone. She brought the light up and saw the bloody stain on the figures shirt then finally to its face. It was a child. A dead one. The child spoke softly “Hello Leech wont you come play with us!” her face slowly began to decay. Leech sat back and continued to watch the show. The ghost girl floated up and landed so she was standing on Leech’s stomach. It crouched down so it was in her face.
“Come play with us!!” It roared.
“Spooky, Like the decay it’s a nice touch.”
The ghost frowned and then opened its jaws showing millions of teeth. Its tongue snaked out holding a small silver crucifix. Leech hissed at it in anger and the charm melted, sliver splashing onto her chest causing smoke to rise from her skin. She screamed in pain and the ghost realizing it messed up began frantically trying to wipe it off her. Leech’s skin began to burn and suddenly her tank top had caught fire from the heat. The ghost became the clown, who tore the burning fabric off of his mate stomping out the flames with his large boots. Penny noticing her skin was lighting on fire now, scooped her up and ran to the bathroom tossing her in the shower and turning it on.
She was soaked her favorite sleeping shirt was ruined and there was awkward burns on her boobs. Pennywise was in DEEP trouble.
“Penny…… why the FUCK did you use an actual silver crucifix to try to scare me?!”
“I-I..um did it work?”
“WHAT DO YOU THINK DO I LOOK SCARED TO YOU?”
“Maybe the fire did alit-”
“SHUT UP. I HAVE FUCKING HAD IT UP TO HER WITH YOU TONIGHT! get me a FUCKING towel and get the FUCK out” she screamed she had never gotten this mad at him before.
“You cant kick me out I own this house.”
“OUT”
The clown vanished quickly reappearing on the couch down stairs. Where he placed his giant gloved hands over his face. She’ll be back she always calls for him to come back. Any minute now….
————
A few hours had passed and Penny was messing with Freddy and Leech’s video game trying to scare kids up way too late through their screens. She hadn't called for him back.
“Someone’s been banished to the cooouuucchh!” Chucky sang from the doorway.
“I swear if you say any more words doll…”
“Heard the screaming awhile ago what did you do? It has to be good to get kicked out of the bedroom”
The clown sighed. “I tried to scare her and I accidentally set her on fire.”
“Holy shit!” Chucky cackled “thats amazing! I cant believe you fucked up that bad Jingles!”
“Wonderful.” Penny grumbled
“Don’t sweat it clown, she’ll be begging for you back in no time. You just have to be real nice for a few days, which I know is hard for you…”
“Whats the use, my mate hates me and I'm not scary anymore.” the clown moped his head sinking low.
“Pfft yeah Kruger told me she had a freaky run in with Meyers. Whats the matter losing your edge?”
“I’m not talking about this.”
“Cheer up Jingles like I said she’ll be begging for you back eventually. Bring her some gifts or somethin. Fancy chocolate chicks like that.”
“She cant eat chocolate she’s a vampire.”
“Uuuhh one of those silver charm bracelets? I stole Tiff one last week when I was in trouble for leaving that stiff on the new rug.”
“Just found out silver lights her on- wait….that was you?”
“I cleaned it up!”
“Barely.” the clown crossed his arms and rolled over on the couch.
“Look that girls crazy about you, she’ll be hollering your name again soon Jingles. I'm telling ya makeup sex is the best!”
Penny rubbed his temples. He was not in the mood to talk about this.
“Did you at least say you were sorry?”
“No. When have I ever had to say that. I don't grovel at her feet and beg like a dog.”
“HAHAHAHA oh man your funeral buddy.”
Pennywise rolled onto his back and dramatically sunk into a crack in the couch. The last thing he heard was the doll shouting some useless romantic advice about dishes before he was back in his nest in the sewer.
————
It had been a full morning with no Pennywise breathing down Leech’s neck. Usually he’d play his own little games with her. Trying to distract her while she poured her breakfast in her favorite mug, leaving dirty suggestive things on her morning crosswords. His favorite game was trying to convince her not to go to work. He was very persuasive. This morning though the clown was completely absent, it was almost nice actually to finally have some space. Leech was able to go through her whole morning routine with no interruptions. It was going to be such a relaxing day. The vampire was thankful she had taken the day shift it was always slower and easier she was able to mingle with the customers more and pick better tasting victims for later. She’d forgive Penny tomorrow. Leech was going to enjoy her day off from him.
Today two young men walked into the bar they looked rugged and well built the type that would spend a lot of time outdoors. Chop-Top elbowed the newest waitress when he caught Leech staring at the lean body of one of the guys, the cannibal whispered something to the new girl and laughed. Penny would be pissed if he saw her right now and Leech smiled at the thought spinning a glass a bit just to show off. Oh he would be seething mad, but he deserves it after the way he'd been acting. The men left her a nice tip and the one she’d been eyeing gave her a grin as he left. He'd make a nice snack later. Chop-Top leaned against the bar “You're going to be in so much trouble” he laughed knowing how jealous his coworkers lover tended to get.
“I'm allowed to look, besides he deserves a kick in the ass. Penny’s been a huge jerk lately.”
Chop-Top scratched the metal plate under his 60s era wig as Leatherface came out of the kitchen “Hey big guy it’s a slow day mind if I take off early? We got plenty of burgers stored up from that last big weekend” Leech asked. Leatherface nodded and patted the vampires head Leech grinned “Thanks boss!” the giant leaned down and placed a hand on her shoulder looking at where the two men sat in concern “Don't worry Bubba, Pen and I are solid I'm just messing with him for setting me on fire last night”
“What happened unfortunate juggling accident?” Leatherface’s eccentric brother twirled on a bar stool with laughter and the pretty new girl came over to the bar. She was one of the local werewolves and the only one Leech tolerated…..Tolerated is a strong word it was more she was contractually obligated to not start any more fights. “You got set on fire?”
“Yes Sandy I got set on fire. You didn't notice the burns on my cleavage?” Leech rolled her eyes. this bitch talks too much.
“What cleavage?” Chop-Top joked and Leech pushed him off the stool hard.
“My new boyfriend would never do that to me! He’s such a great guy!! Don't know why you put up with that kind of behavior that clown has”
“Gee Sandy! Maybe its because I actually love him and don't plan on dumping him in two weeks. You ever try that? I know its hard for you dogs to not hump the leg of everything you see” Leech muttered after turning away from the werewolf.
“What was that?” Sandy asked.
Leatherface and Chop-Top both began pointing frantically at the employee rules behind the bar. There was a new one scribbled in red marker at the bottom saying “NO MORE BLOOD-FEUDS” the vampire groaned.
“I mean um he’s an acquired taste. You get used to it.”
“I’ll say, must be so obnoxious with all that circus shit all the time. What a fucking weirdo…Oh and those bells and that shakey high pitched voice ugh”
“I. Like. The. Circus. Shit.” the nosferatu spat her fake smile beginning to crack. No one puts Penny down but her.
“it'd drive me crazy to date a guy who wore more make up than me.”
“HIS MAKEUP IS PERFECT AND HIS VOICE IS LIKE HONEY! Shut your whore mouth! I love my clown!!” the vampire roared claws scraping into the bar.
Leatherface practically threw the rule board at Leech. “She started it!”
“Your shifts over Leech, go home and no fighting” Chop-Top pushed the vampire out the door.
“FINE!” she got on her bike and rode off.
————-
It didn't help that everything reminded her of him. Leech wanted to head straight into the nearest storm drain after that incident and forgive him just so she could feel those long arms wrap around her. She was still mad at him though, and like a child he wouldn't learn his lesson unless she stuck to her guns and gave him the silent treatment. What made it hard was the clown’s presence seemed to be EVERYWHERE today. He was probably doing this on purpose so she’d forgive him faster.”That little shit.” Leech thought to herself when she saw a missing poster with her face on it. She pulled it off the wall and read it
Missing: you
24 years old
Last seen yelling at a sweet innocent clown
description: big ears, sharp teeth and bald. Cutest vampire you'll ever see!
If found please return to the nearest sewer opening or sad lonely clown. :o(
Leech rolled her eyes at the sad faced balloon crudely drawn in the corner. “You think you can win me over by being cute you need to try harder Penny” fuck he's making this difficult for her.
She folded the paper and put it in her bag. Leech tried her best to avoid every red balloon tied to almost all the street signs she came across. Somehow she ended up in the park and the vampire decided to sit in the shadiest area she could find to avoid dealing with her clown problem at home. Leech felt the familiar cramp of hunger begin to build, tearing at her insides till she could no longer ignore it. She decided to look around the crowd for someone who wouldn't be missed.
Her sensitive hearing picked up the sound of a couple local bullies shoving a kid against a tree off in the woods. This will work. The nosferatu crept into some bushes and waited for the boys to stop their tormenting. As she waited the smell of cotton candy and blood drifted into her nose. Oh great. She looked over and Pennywise was crouched in hunting mode diagonal from her. Of course he was here, that poor boy being pushed into the tree was terrified. “I’ll just take my food and go don't even talk to him…he’s probably after the kid anyway not the teens.” she thought to herself. The vampire moved closer and a twig snapped under her knee. “SHIT” she whispered then quickly covered her mouth, the poor nosferatu was still making all kinds of rookie mistakes. The teens let go of the boy who ran out of the woods and she saw the mess of orange hair snap in her direction. “Fantastic now were both mad at each other.” she rolled her eyes.
“W-whos there?” one of the boys asked. Leech sighed and shot a claw out from her bush to drag him back into it with horrifying speed while he screamed. The other boy jumped back shrieking and fell against the tree he had pinned his own victim to only a few moments before. Sickening crunching sounds could be heard from the bush the boy’s friend had just disappeared into. The surviving bully picked up a sharp branch in an attempt to save his friend and using it like a spear he stabbed into the bush Leech was feasting in. Something caught it before it made contact with her and the vampire froze turning to see Pennywise towering over the other boy. “Its rude to disturb a girl while she's enjoying her meal.” he snarled Leech had fallen back against her snack and stared up at him both in shock and relief to see Penny decided to help her out. The clown looked over at her and gave her a cocky smirk. If he thinks he's out of the dog house for saving my ass he's so wrong. Leech stood up and sarcastically smiled back at him. “What the fuck! What the fuck is that!” the bully screamed. The boys eyes were wide with tears of sheer terror from seeing his friends blood covering the vampire’s chin and the now six foot circus demon towering over him.
“Time to float kiddo” Pennywise lunged forward and delivered a perfect killing blow, dropping the body with a thud on the dirt. He turned to his vampire and gave a cocky grin. “SoooOOO….whats a girl like you doing in a place like this?”
“Cute. You use that line on all the flesh eating women you meet?” Leech rolled her eyes.
“Just the pretty ones like yourself my dear….. you going to finish that?” he pointed at the body next to her.
“I’m not giving you my meal and I'm still not talking to you” Leech crossed her arms and turned her head away from Pennywise trying not to get stuck in his golden stare.
“You’re talking to me right now though!” the clown strolled over to her and tilted her chin up to meet his gaze with a single gloved finger.
“Yeah well…. only cause you saved my ass….so thanks…asshole.” Leech glared at him. Penny sensed her beginning to break.
“My my little firecracker, is that any way to treat your rescuer? I think I deserve more thanks than that” he pulled her closer to him so she could feel his hot breath on her cold lips.
“You’re not getting any. You’ve been a dick lately” Leech looked away from him trying her best to hide the creeping blush on her hollow cheeks
“Then why aren't you trying to get away?” he was inches away from her now. Shit
“I hate you” Leech snarled and closed her eyes “Mmmmm I hate you more” his soft lips pressed against hers. Stupid clown. The vampire ran a claw through his hair pulling him into her to deepen the kiss Pennywise purred with victory. Leech unceremoniously pushed him off her with a huff facing away from him to hide the fact she was about to start grinning like a school girl. Pennywise snickered.
“You know, you're lucky I didn't punish you for chasing off my initial meal with your stupid mistakes.”
“Not everyone can be as perfect as you, I'm still learning. Give me a break.”
“Aww you're right I am perfect!” he smirked at his on lame joke.
“You're a narcissist is what you are.” Leech grumbled.
“I thought you weren't talking to me.”
“You’re right I'm not…I’m… you just….fuck….you’re so fucking frustrating you know that?” pennywise snarled and pinned her against the tree.
“Likewise bloodsucker. You have no idea how much you torment me.”
“At least I don't light you on fire when my ego’s bruised”
“At least I have an ego. Pitiful little thing, if you spent half the time you spend moping around on practice you wouldn't need me to save you from these situations.”
“I don’t need you to come save me I can take care of myself” Leech snarled back.
“That boy nearly impaled you. If I hadn't shown up you'd be one step away from losing that pretty head of yours. You're lucky I like you so much.”
Leech shoved him back “Yeah but you didn’t do it for me did you! I know you too well. You did it because you thought I’d stop being mad at you.” she took a bold step forward. Too bold. “Selfish prick… you know perfectly well I would have been fine. Stop trying to scare me with that you “would have died” bullshit I'm not in the mood.”
The clown slammed her into a tree with a growl fully pissed off now.
“Stupid girl. Do I need to show you how much I care again?” Pennywise roared his claws splintering into the tree behind her. “Go ahead” she grinned “but you still wont be man enough to ever say you're sorry to my face.” What a brat. She was completely right of course, but still her attitude was definitely in need of adjusting. He hated when she was right.
The clown placed a knee between her legs and grabbed her neck bringing her close to him again. Leech whimpered a bit when he licked her neck and chin with greed. He groped her body possessively touching her in any way that he wanted to and the vampire glared at him trying everything she could to hide the flush of ichor under the skin of her cheeks. He was being an ass but she loved it when he got worked up like this. Stupid clown. When he kissed her again Leech moaned into his mouth pulling his waist so his hips pressed against hers. Penny had the hem of her pants in his claws prepared to rip them off until he sniffed the air and paused more humans.
“Hello? Miss you ok?” a mans voice rang out in the woods. He couldn't see the clown or the bodies Penny had hidden them, but he left Leech. Lets see how she does without him there to save her now.
Leech's eyes widened oh shit it's the guy from the bar. Shit, shit, shit!!! Penny glanced over at her and sneered “Friend of your’s darling?”
“Hey! Its you! What’s a pretty little bartender doing way out here in these woods?”
Pennywise bared his fangs in jealousy. Oh she did know him. “Yeah what are you doing out here Leech” he turned to her with an evil grin
“Oh um nothing really”
“Just fucking my lover in the woods.” Pennywise mocked her. Leech wanted to die at this point.
“JUST GOING ON A HIKE” she yelled over the clown.
“You uh seem a bit roughed up you ok?” walked over to touch her arm and she pulled back.
“Fine! I'm fine! Tripped on a rock silly me! I must have weak knees!”
“Yeah clowns seem to make them shake like a leaf” Pennywise smirked enjoying his little test.
“Want me to take a look at it?” the man asked,
“I’ll..I’ll be ok” thats a lie, she was far from ok right now especially since Penny was now running a gloved hand down the small of her back and attempting to stuff said hand down the back of her pants.
“Well in that case forgive me if I'm being too forward but my friend and I are here for a couple days while we prep for a backpacking trip. I’d love to get your number so we could hang out sometime.”
This poor boy just signed his own death certificate. He was nice too, if Leech wasn't involved with Penny she might have even said yes. He’ll make a nice meal though, she didn't get to finish her’s after all. Pennywise walked behind the man and bared his fangs snapping his jaws near his head to show Leech what he planned on doing with him after she was gone. She gave the clown a look that said Not today Pennywise. “I’m actually already seeing someone-“ she paused an evil thought entering her mind and the vampire grinned at the clown wickedly “sorta… we’re having a big fight right now really.” Penny’s playful expression dropped. She wouldn't dare.
“Oh thats a shame you're more than welcome to talk about it, I'm Brad by the way”
“Lee-Lucy! I’m Lucy”
“You're mine is what you are.” Penny walked over to her and ran his fingers roughy along his mark on her neck. Leech swatted him away.
“So tell me dear Lucy, why would this guy of your’s ever want to make you upset? If you were my girl I would treat you like a princess”
Leech shot Penny another look that said “See? A princess!” Pennywise glared at her more.
“Well, it started as a practical joke gone wrong. Now its more about how he's being a selfish asshole”
“Well you're very cute a girl like you shouldn't have to put up with that”
“You think I'm attractive?” Leech laughed in surprise. Pennywise was fuming. “Huh I rarely ever hear that these days.” Leech looked directly into the clowns eyes.
“Absolutely, I have a thing for girls like yourself.” he chuckled and took a step closer to her. Wrong move buddy.
“Well um thanks…..don't think you'd like the real me though”
“What are you getting at Leech” Penny snarled.
Brad took her hand and Leech saw the clown twitch. “Nonsense. That guy of your’s doesn't know how lucky he is to have you.” this poor sweet boy is a walking corpse at this point. Brad leaned in while stared at Leech’s lips as if asking to kiss her.
“Dont even think about it” Pennywise’s eyes were blood red.
“Well thank you for the kind words” Leech turned away. Maybe she took this too far. She saw Penny struggling to hold his clown form together his face beginning to split. The human grabbed her chin to turn her face back to him and she glared. Ok buddy you've overstayed your welcome. Leech looked over to Penny and winked the clown narrowed his eyes. Suddenly Brad began to kiss her and the vampire snarled with rage, she bit clear through his lip sucking in the sweet blood. Brad screamed and staggered back. Leech laughed removing her wig to free her large bat like ears, she let her front fangs extend and brought her long red tongue out to lick up the blood on her chin. Pennywise hid the small half smile that threatened to break through his scowl. He did love to watch her work after all. Brad screamed in terror and disgust “Whats the matter baby? Thought you said I was beautiful.” she laughed as Pennywise made him self visible behind her the clown was still twitching a bit. “Hiya Brad!”
“What the fuck is that! What the fuck are you?”
“This is that boyfriend I was talking about dear. He’s not very happy about what you did. Neither am I.”
“That thing? You're dating that thing?”
Pennywise grunted.
“He's a clown not a thing Brad, and yes I love him… even when he's being a jerk” she elbowed Penny hard and he elbowed her back with a huff.
“You're still not letting that go are you?” the clown side eyed her.
“No Penny I’m not, you can either swallow your pride and apologize or let me eat this guy and leave”
“Wait eat me?!”
Pennywise growled at his vampire “Don't interrupt Brad. And I have nothing to be sorry for, you're the one letting some filthy human touch you.”
“For the record I didn't want the kiss that was our friend taking it a bit too far. But you deserve it anyway after the way you’ve been acting. Biting me, lighting me on fire, all because I said someone else scared me one time? You have some serious jealousy issues.”
“Wow I’ll say”
“Shut up Brad!” Leech hissed “You could at least start with an apology Pen, but instead you just act like what you did was perfectly justified. PLUS at least the human can give me a compliment every now and then you selfish prick!”
Penny turned to growl at her more but the frantic shuffling of fleeing feet drew his attention away. He snarled at the direction of the running human and turned to Leech “I’ll be back for you.”
“Go ahead I'm still not going to talk to you until you say you're sorry though!” The nosferatu yelled.
The clown glared and vanished. When she was finally alone Leech let out a roar in frustration. Fucking egotistical inter-dimensional clown. She cried by herself for a bit the weather becoming dark and stormy as a result. The vampire left her tears in the dirt and started to head home unaware of her clown watching her silently from the shadows. He hated seeing her upset and he knew was the one who caused it. He held up Brads detached head “Ok maybe you're both right I’ve been a bit of a “jerk” lately.” he made the head nod in agreement. “Shall I try getting her back then, my way?” the head nodded no. “You would say that Brad….you stole your taste and look where that got you hmm? I'm not giving in to her little apology game.” he turned the head to look at him “Yes I know I miss her terribly. Is that what you want to hear? You're dead I don't have to listen to you” Penny tossed the head behind him and ended his macabre one sided puppet show. The clown sunk into the shadows to plan.
--------------------------------------------
I headcannon Penny talking to his victims when he’s bored. Just having weird one sided convos with corpses. Also fun fact one of the horror movies that messed me up when I was a youth was Halloween. It didn't fuck me up as bad as Nightmare on Elm ST did but it fucked me up pretty good. Ironically Nightmare became one of my all time favorites but Halloween never really caught on for me. Just not a big fan of the silent killers beyond Leatherface I guess. Next chapter is gonna get FUN.
#pennywise#pennywise the dancing clown#pennywise fanfiction#pennywise x oc#pennywise x reader#it fanfiction#monster roommate au
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