If I’m honest... And let’s say I am... If I’m honest..
I’d have to admit that there is a part of me that is desperate right now to message Z and extend an olive branch. Honestly though, what do you do with a man like that? He left me on read for 3.5 weeks and then didn’t reach out when anyone who was watching could’ve seen that I was hurting and uncomfortable in his presence.
And to make matters worse... Do you remember the boss I had on my first psychiatry term? The one straight after S the ex dumped me? The one who tried to take me home and who kept hinting that he wanted to leave his wife for me even though nothing physical had happened between us. Do you remember him? He was on the interview panel today. The interview we all have to sit every three years to keep the jobs we are in even if the consensus is that we are doing them well.
When they introduced him he grinned and said, “I know ***** very well. Quite well.” And he just kept smiling at the camera. He never smiles on those things. I know. I was his registrar and I used to sit in the room with him while he did them. He is all poker-faced.
Completely. Rattled.
But as always, I got through it. I’d like to say I handled myself with grace, but who knows?! I was an anxious mess from the second he appeared on my screen so I’m not an accurate judge of my own performance.
All these men who drowned me in compliments while wanting sex but who never wanted anything more. All of them on the same day...
At least I can say neither got it from me. That’s a small win. Right? Tomorrow is a new day where I might not have to see either of them. And that’s an even bigger win. Right?
What a day today has been. And yet the phone is so quiet...
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