#my brain is busy tonight

[eddywoww]

Thinking of a Steve who has a “my body is all I have” mentality

It starts because of the upside down, obviously. All he can do is try to protect these kids, try to protect this family that he’s made. He doesn’t know what else to do because he’s spent the majority of his life being made into a puppet for his father. He’s never been seen as smart, he’s never been seen as capable. But he can fight and take care of people and so, Steve is his body. As long as he can move, he can help.

I think this has the potential to twist on its head for him. He’s too emotional, he’s too needy in every relationship he attempts. So if he’s too much, how can he ever be enough? But he has his body. He has his sexuality, he was his charm. He knows how to use it, who to use it on. Even if it’s clunky at best sometimes, he can still manage. But then he feels like just a body again. Like he’s this figurine for people. He’s nice to look at, nice to spend a night with. But that’s about it. So he would adapt to that. “My body is all I have.” And it’s a joke that he makes, something sly and funny. Because obviously he was a slut growing up, right? Everyone knows that. It’s fine because it’s funny that he slept with soccer moms, it’s funny that he slept with cheerleaders, it’s funny that he could seduce someone if he really wanted to.

It’s so funny that everyone else makes jokes about it too.

And Robin tries to get them to stop but Steve can be convincing when he wants to be. It’s fine, he’s okay. He doesn’t mind.

But somewhere deep inside, he does mind. It twists again, like a knife to the stomach. Because after all the pain, after rebuilding their world, Steve is no longer just his body. His body hurts. He has scars. His hearing isn’t the same, his eyes get blurry every morning and he needs glasses now. Sometimes he limps when it storms too much. He’s not just his body because now he thinks his body is bad. What use is he if he can’t fight? What use is he if he’s not attractive enough to pull someone in with looks alone? He’s stained and he hates it because before he was just a body but now he’s just a mess.

Eddie sees it. He sees it and notices it because he feels the same way but not the same at all. He’s insecure and always has been. Too loud, too excited, too much this, too much that. He just is. But surviving something horrific, being pulled from the flames of the supernatural…it leaves a mark that lasts longer than any scar ever could. He’s not as chatty, not as funny. He becomes just a body in a different way. His personality feels sapped, he feels like the ghost of his former self. He just is.

He tries for Dustin, for all the kids. But he knows they can tell that something is off about him, that he’s one hundred shades of fucked up.

So, of course they see each other through it all. Different ends of the spectrum. Eddie, who feels like he’s walking through life as an intruder. Steve, who feels like he’s had everything he’s worth taken away from him. They talk about it. They sit out by a nearby lake and talk about how deep the black hole inside them feels, how badly they just want to wake up and have it be gone. Erased, washed away. Steve shows Eddie his scars and Eddie does the same and it’s cliche but it feels good. Lit under moonlight as they use too much bug spray, unwilling to just go home. Unwilling to invite the other one over because then it’s Something. Then it Means Something.

But eventually they would cave. Eddie would bring Steve to his new trailer, the one they got with hush money. He’d smoke with him, play him some records. Steve would confess as much as he could about how he feels like he lost his worth, how he’ll never amount to anything. Eddie would talk about how he isn’t the same and he doesn’t think he’ll ever get back to who he was.

Neither of those things are true, neither of them hold weight.

But they’ll heal together. They’ll talk it out again and again and they’ll use kinder words each time and they’ll start living life like they used to, only not quite the same. It’ll take time and adjustment but eventually, Robin will see the difference and she’ll be able to breathe again because she felt like she was losing not only her best friend but the guy that came along with him in the end.

#blurbs #my brain is busy tonight #my fic #steddie

[faunandfloraas]

fav skz // This Changbin...

#I didn't mean to make this gifset or any other gifs tonight but you've gotta understand my brain wasn't in charge here #i've always said changbins my dream butch girlfriend and i guess now he's my dream foxy business woman too bc like. He's genuinely so hot #what the hell!! #seo changbin #changbin edit #stray kids #bystay #createskz #staydaily #skz #skz gifs #skzedit #stray kids gifs #jesskz #staysource #fav skz #they should just do this eyeliner on him sometimes. for me.

[neverevan]

Fuck It Friday 🧇

Aaaalrighty. I am actively trying to get back to working on my wips but ngl until we know where the show will take the characters, I probably won't be working on anything non-established relationshipy.

This also means that I might have to scrap some (or most) of my wips by the time the season ends, starting with the jealous eddie fic. So I thought I might as well share some stuff from it before that'd happen.

He hooked the chart back to the end of the bed and walked over to the bedside table. “Thirsty?”

“I- yeah, thanks.”

Jason filled up a glass and passed it to Buck, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“Not to sound like I’m glad you’ve been crushed by a collapsing floor — because believe me, I’m not.” He leveled Buck with a look that reminded him of Maddie before he continued. “But I am glad I finally got to see you. I was beginning to think that you’ve been ignoring my texts on purpose.”

Buck held his glass over his stomach and stared at it for a moment.

“I uh I kinda was.” He admitted quietly.

“Oh?” Jason asked in surprise and even though he didn’t seem upset, Buck still couldn’t help but flinch. “Did I- did I do something wrong?” He frowned, almost as if he was asking himself instead of Buck.

“N-no, no, not at all it’s just… did I? Do something wrong, I mean.”

“Buck…”

“Y-you uh you bolted pretty quickly after our date so I thought—”

Jason put a hand onto Buck’s thigh, just above his knee, and he snapped his mouth shut.

“It’s… nothing,” he shook his head, “I think it just seemed like you had your hands full with work and family and I didn’t want to make it worse. You know, before we could see where things were going with us.”

Maybe Eddie was right and he didn’t mess this up that badly, maybe it really was salvageable.

“Yeah?” He tipped his head up hopefully.

“Yeah.” Jason shifted his hand onto the top of Buck’s, bringing immediate warmth to his skin and he couldn’t help but lace their fingers together on top of the bedsheet.

He also couldn’t help but to instantly think about Eddie holding his hand through two layers of gloves while they both thought Buck was about to die. The way he desperately wished to feel Eddie’s touch one more time as he caressed Buck’s cheek and made him talk through bloodloss.

“So, are we on for another date?” Jason’s quiet voice teleported Buck right back to reality where Buck wasn’t dying and Eddie was no longer holding Buck’s hand.

“Yeah, s-sure I’d love that.”

✨I was tagged by and am tagging the wonderful @sunshinediaz @spagheddiediaz @jeeyuns @excuseme-greentea @exhuastedpigeon @nmcggg @disasterbuckdiaz @daffi-990 @diazsdimples @honestlydarkprincess @watchyourbuck @actualalligator MWUAH MWUAH 💛

#I need to get back to my beans #writing and reading - though I am planning to get into my reading list tomorrow or sunday #maybe tonight but I have to tape a scene and I'm not sure how long that's gonna last #anyway there are so many wonderful fics that I couldn't get to because I was busy and when I wasn't my brain was mean #anywayyy #buddie #911 #wip #the jealous eddie fic

[iguessitsjustme]

someone remind me to eat in like an hour because i WILL forget

#rae irl #i know my brain and i'm busy doing something so i am not going to remember to feed myself tonight

[chososlilprincess]

i have so many unfinished works rn URGHHH GUYS PLEASE >_< im gonna finish them promise!! also ive gotten so many requests and although i will NOT be doing all of them, i do have some in mind. requests are still open!! and i look and giggle at all of them🥹🥹

(also thank u for all the compliments abt my fics it makes me so happay<3)

#been busy w school #my brain feels large ill write tonight

[cringefaildiaz]

I don't even know what we know about tonights episode. every new episode since Recovery has sent me into a spiral to the point that I've developed a completely new method of interacting with weewoo I have NO idea what's going on

#to be fair i also didnt watch the sneak peaks this week cuz i had a Feeling the madney plot was gonna be my favorite part tonight #so i didnt wanna watch it all before the episode #but like pre: poker date it was just anticipating poker date #and since then ??? #my brain is just a lot of COUCH??? and [insert most recent] INTENSE BUDDIE CONVO???? #like i have vague predictions for the finale but ??????? i have no idea what the actual facts are #too busy thinking about what we just saw to have any real thoughts about what we're GOING to see #buddie #911 fox

[jennilah]

how I feel rn trying to schedule when I can go see TMNT and The Meg 2 this weekend and also maybe see Barbie and Mission Impossible a second time and ALSO Landscape With Invisible Hand comes out in 2 weeks and theres just so many super fun movies this summer-

#seeing something.... AFTER opening weekend??? i dont know her.... #but im busy on saturday and i start work on monday so i gotta squeeze em in hmmmmm #idk if my brain can handle absorbing a new story tonight but i might get stoned and see barbie again idk we will see #such a good year for fukin FUN movies my dudes im livin it up

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

tbh I’m not really sure if I’m more disappointed in my sister for dating a boy who’s never watched The Lord of the Rings or proud of her for making him watch all the films pretty much as soon as they became “official”

#anyway they watched the first one at his house earlier this week #and now they’re watching the second one at our house tonight #I’m gonna join them as soon as I get back from the craft store #had to grab some more yarn so I could work on my blanket while I watch heheheh #gotta keep those hands busy or the brain can’t stay focused ya know #gurt says stuff #lotr

[seekingthestars]

sometimes i get the General Melancholies and i hate it a lot

#personal #i stayed up until almost 2am last night reading fic (not melancholy-related) #so i am tired #and i was fully planning on going to bed at a reasonable hr tonight #but then i was minding my own business when the General Melancholy slunk in and now it's almost 1am #and i desperately need to go to sleep and i'm tired and i want to #but i also don't want to go to bed bc i don't want to wake up and be tired again and have to deal with the day #and i have long in-person meetings and my brother and sister-in-law are coming and the dog is gonna be here #and they're going on a 10 day vacation and we just get to babysit the dog the whole time #which is going to drive my cats insane #one of them will probably scratch herself to bleeding at some point bc she gets so stressed when doggo is here that long #that's not FAIR it's HER house it's supposed to be her SAFE SPACE #idk #a lot of things going on in my brain about relationships and shit #hate it #giving me the Melancholies #i know i'll snap out of it but rn it sucks a little

[futuresafe]

feeling disconnected from everyone again.

#my posts #awesome #idk man it's just so often i become an afterthought for things i was originally a part of #but slowly fell off because i guess i'm either forgettable or they don't Really want to be around me #idk idk i'll be fine i'm just.... i'm tired of feeling like this #i have rehearsal tonight so maybe that'll knock some of that feeling away but like #idk ! #i'm so busy irl but when i'm free it's like no one wants to bother with me and i wouldn't blame them #i'm difficult. #it feels like i've just stopped being fun to hang out with and maybe i've always been unfun to #tbd. #negative #and i just. don't bother asking if i could rejoin and i knoooow i should but my brain is evil #and tries to convince me that if anyone actually wanted me to partake in anything i'd actually be contacted like everyone else often is.

[mxaether]

oh i’m having one of those “what if that ONE FRIEND actually hates ME specifically” kind of nights

#rejection sensitive dysphoria #real fuckin strong tonight #the overwhelming anxiety of knowing someone is definitely having a very busy time #and wondering if maybe they actually just don’t like you in general #i recognize this is my brain talking shit

[sea-buns]

the things my mind will do to NOT have to face the consequences of a traumatic story arc

"oh so and so died last week? and the new episode is tonight? hmm sounds like it'll be a good one...

.....y'know i've really been meaning to get into [absolute rabbit hole of a fandom]"

#it just feels like today should be a break week day #like my guy just passed LAST thursday and you want me to come back? for MORE? of what? that?? #yeah no i need another week to mentally prepare and then ill be right with you please and thank you #i never actually watch the rebroadcast in the mornings cuz it feels weird watching cr with the sun shining #but the thought of locking in for 4 more hours of stress tonight is not for me #so maybe ill catch it on yt and watch while i play sdv or something #yknow balance out the stress with a game that is deceptively stressful but in a different way lmao #plus i still havent finished the fhjy episode so. im busy lol #the fandom that my brain is trying to use as an excuse to miss the live btw is naddpod #ive been keeping up with dnd court cuz its just fun sillies that require none of my attention or brain power #so i havent gotten into a campaign yet but i think about it a lot. i know ill like it and thatll be the end of me #but anyway good luck tonight critters! #the temptation might have me idly popping into stream but heres to hoping no one else perishes! :'D #critical role #sea rambles

[bonesandthebees]

manifesting to myself

i will get the next glass chapter done before saturday i will get the next glass chapter done before saturday i will-

#i just wrote over 3k words of it tonight #and come saturday i will not be writing for like 10 days bc i will be BUSY #so i need to get it doneeeee but my brain has not been working the past few days #finally got in the mindset tonight #ramblings

[slugandthorn]

Putting my journal down realizing maybe I shouldn't make a written plan to socialize more efficiently

#.txt #Is efficiently the right word. Diary entry incoming. #Going back and forth in recent days with feeling okay with one sided social stimulation and that's just kind of how my brain works #And recognizing I will not look like a well rounded person because I'm not able to maintain other people's interest in an acquaintanceship #It is likely. At least some part due to like labor isolation and all I do is work I do not have life events to interest people #All I can talk about is video games but incredibly limits the social pool because I like bad games. #And also to some degree distrust and the assumption my presence is unwanted. Which I've been working on a lot! #Today in particular is probably just a bad day. #And I have been very focused on life plans for the past week or so which has become very daunting #Planning on starting a business this year. Which is probably why I'm stressing about being able to reach people. #As it will become financially relevant and not just a personal failing I have accepted. #Reasonably it is probably a therapy thing to address being so afraid of other people. But I do not want to go to therapyyyy I'll do it. #Myself. #Normally. #Not dipping into woe is me I have no one territory at least as bad as I did when I was younger. Recognizing a pattern that I am enacting. #My responsibility to improve. Yada yada. I just wish it was a bit easier to feel my like. Presence. #And the constant improvement mindset straying into never good enough is very difficult to avoid. #And it's not a matter of being a good enough person to have close relationships. But I think its easiest to ascribe personal failure #When you are unable to do something. Well the most likely culprit is probably never leaving the house and being undiagnosed. #Which I can arguably do things about. #Also I'm tired. But I'm going to work on my resume tonight anyway and hope tummy pain passes and maybe talking to people will be easier #Another day.

[byanyan]

i need everyone to know that every single time byan engages in their favourite hobby of shitting on a certain cowboy, i'm writing it with these images staring me down from the back of my mind

#an insight into my creative process #it's about as chaotic as you'd expect #some part of my brain is always thinking about Him #and it's entirely byan's fault. it's an odd and vicious cycle. #did this all come back to mind bc ptd came to the top of my playlist? that's none of ur business (yes) #okok i just needed to shitpost again now i'm gonna see about finishing these describe me asks tonight #━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ OOC ⋮ DON’T @ ME.

[local-magpie]

bro wtf why am i so stressed tonight i feel like throwing up

#LITERALLY I SPENT ALL WEEKEND TRYING TO DESTRESS #going to shake my brain like a muppet #WE HAVE NOTHING PRESSING WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS #WHY DO YOU HANDLE BEING WILDLY BUSY BETTER THAN NOT HAVING ANY DEADLINES #you know that post with the dog and cheetah on the verge of going nuts #usually when i see it im like haha im the dog #tonight im the fucking cheetah and i aint got a support dog #genuinely. ive never felt nauseated from stress before. what the FUCK is going on in there #yelling at the void