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kaydenverse · 1 year

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comfort

gif is not mine!

a/n: omg thank you so much for 100 followers!! i’ll probably bust out a couple headcanon posts for cod and MAYBE marvel over the next few days. but not a promise tho cause i just started back up at uni again this week </3. but thank you so much again!

pairings: johnny “soap” mctavish x platonic 141 (including halo!)

content warnings: light angst, talks of anxiety and mental health, that’s it really

word count: 1.6k

johnny hates to admit it but he struggles from severe anxiety. he does his best to keep it under control and not let affect him but that can be hard by himself.

sometimes, just before missions, johnny gets a really intense wave of anxiety and each of you have your own little thing you do with him to calm him down and clear his head before he goes out in the field with renewed confidence.

with you, he’ll sit (or stand depending when he pulls you aside) across you and brings your hands in his. he’ll rest the backs of your hands against his forehead while he takes deep breathes.

sometimes he remains in that position completely silent and other times he engages in random conversation to have your gentle voice help pull him into an eased state again.

“hey,” johnny starts. “do you think price was the one that farted during briefing earlier? that silent but deadly one?” johnny says in a dead serious tone. he’s definitely hiding the stupid smile he has on his face from you.

you make an exaggerated noise of offense. “don’t try and blame your fart on that poor man!” you tilt your head to peek under his hands but he shoots his head up to look at you.

“…how’d you know it was me?” johnny playful glares at you. “and if price had just heard you call him “that poor man” he’d absolutely kick yer arse.” johnny laughs.

“cause his farts never stink that bad.” you say very matter-of-factly.

“halo,” johnny blinks at you. “you know can tell what each of our farts smell like?” he’s fighting back a laugh.

now you break out into a small laugh.

“i’ve been on far too many missions with all of you where i have ended up crammed in a tight space with each of you individually. i know things i wish i didn’t from those times alone.” johnny laughs, poking fun at you for admitting that information.

“sorry,” he’ll always say when he’s feeling better.

“don’t even dare say that. not right now, not ever, for needing comfort. what we do… it’s hard. it’s okay to not be okay. i’m here for you. always.” you wiggle your hands out of his to cup his face and pull him closer to your height. you give him a warm smile before gently bumping foreheads with him.

“now lets go kick some ass, yeah?”

with price, johnny will run over the plan multiple until john catches onto the sergeant’s anxious rambling. he’ll softly say johnny’s name until johnny stops swaying from side to side with anxious energy.

“what’s goin’ on, mctavish?” the captain will ask softly.

“dunno cap… just tired i guess?” johnny gives a half smile. he always tries to stay strong around his team lead.

“you’re a shit liar mate… but that’s a good thing.” john winks. johnny smiles and relaxes a little. “don’t you dare talk down on yourself. you’re one of the best i know. why do you think you’re on this team?”

john pats johnny’s hand. johnny hums and places his other hand over john’s, sandwiching the leaders hand between his. johnny closes his eyes as he takes a deep breathe and lets it go after a few seconds.

“i’m not a shit liar, if i were, i wouldn’t be on this team now would i?” johnny winks back. john always give him a tight hug, pats included, when johnny’s good again.

with ghost, he’ll fidget with his bulletproof vest until simon pats johnny’s knee then flips his gloved hand palm up in an offering. johnny always takes it without hesitation, lacing their fingers together.

they’ll just sit in silence while holding hands. whenever johnny squeezes, simon squeezes back.

sometimes johnny will lean his forehead onto simon’s shoulder for more physically contact.

they’ll just sit like that until johnny is grounded again, or if they’re short on time, until they’re called to go.

when they get up to go, simon grabs the top of johnny’s helmet and shakes him a little.

“don’t get yourself so worked up, i trust you with my life you dumbass. what are you worrying for?” simon mutters like he’s annoyed but johnny can tell simon is smiling because his eyes are smiling too.

simon might not be the best at words but his actions of care towards johnny speaks volumes in itself.

with gaz, johnny zones out completely.

i’m talking kyle had to snap his fingers in front of johnny’s face and repeatedly say the scottish man’s name gently to not genuinely startle him to bring johnny blinks back to reality. “earth to john mctavish? you there mate?” kyle would laugh softly though there’s a worried look in his eyes.

“you went off into the “lying-about-your-abilities so you feel bad“ land on accident.” johnny snorts when kyle gently swats at the back of johnny’s helmeted head.

they sit and joke around until johnny is near giggling like a little kid over a stupid pun kyle had just made and he has forgotten about what he was anxious about anymore.

“ready to go?” kyle hums as he holds his fist out for johnny to bump. johnny smiles and knocks his fist against kyle’s.

“never been more ready in my life.”

on the rare occasions that kate is physically there at briefings and not giving intel through the conference phone, she’s usually the first to catch onto soaps anxious pen fiddling he does while sitting at the table.

once she’s done handing out and explaining intel, she’ll excuse everyone else but ask johnny to stay behind. johnny nearly knees the bottom of the table from how hard he starts bouncing his leg.

“of course, laswell.” johnny will nod with a small forced smile, making sure to avoid eye contact with the rest of you as you all quietly file out of the room.

“hey,” kate pulls up a chair across from johnny and . “what’s up, spill.” she leans forward with her elbows on her knees and offers her hands to johnny.

sometimes johnny just shrugs while eyeing the floor and other times he can come up with a vague reaction why he feels so off but either way he always takes kate’s hands in his.

“dunno…” johnny sighs this time, his shoulders relaxing a little when kate starts to rub her thumbs over his knuckles.

kate nods and never pushes for an answer if johnny doesn’t give her one. she’ll just hum and lean her forehead against his. “well whatever it is, it’s wrong or won’t happen or anything like that. when john came to me about putting this team together and i read your file, i was truly amazed at everything you can do. i trust him and i trust you to get the job done and you excel every single time.”

they’ll sit there and chat about random things until johnny has calmed himself down. kate sometimes tells johnny stupid little stories about john and gaz that make him crack up. when the two open the door to leave, they just now realize how long they’d been chatting.

gaz sits on the floor next to the door, arms crossed over his chest and legs crossed ankle over ankle. his head is leaned back against the wall with his eyes closed and a small smile on his face while you talk. you’ve got your head resting on his thigh while your body is angled toward ghost to talk to him. ghost sat in an office chair he pulled up across from you two. price sat in his own office chair next to ghost, twisting the chair side to side a little as he commented on yours and ghost’s conversation.

“no, cause what do you mean you don’t get hot when sleeping with the mask on, there’s no way-“ you stop when the door clicks open. “guys, that crazy person claims he never gets, like, sweaty at night with his mask on.” you give them a baffled look. ghost simply shrugs and snorts a little.

“i’ve never seen him sleep with it off.” gaz sits his head up as he chuckles. “i’ve barely seen him sleep now that i think about it… do you sleep?” he teases.

ghost huffs a laugh. “no. i don’t.” he says, plain and simple. price chuckles but doesn’t add anything. he loves his stupid (not actually stupid, very far from it) little team.

soap laughs and shakes his head. “no, cause let’s talk about how gaz has called laswell mom… on several occasions.” he gives an evil grin as he looks down at gaz.

“…how do you know about that-“ gaz catches kate’s smile before she ducks back into the conference room. “kate! we weren’t going to tell anyone about that.”

“oops?” she smiles when she pokes her head back around the corner.

soap laughs again, all of his uneasiness melting away as everyone laughs with him.

when you’ve all noticed that johnny is feeling off, a group hug is initiated.

“alright, none of that today. everyone get your asses up, we’re hugging. soap you’re in the middle.” one of you, usually price, would say.

sometimes, he’ll dramatically slump in his chair until all four (or five if kate is there) of you are pulling him up out of the chair and into a big hug. johnny will start loudly complaining how he’s being squished or that he’s too warm right now for this but it calms him down almost immediately.

other times, when you guys are too lazy to pick johnny up, you’ll all just stand in a circle around him while linking arms. johnny will laugh at all of your laziness then reach up from his seat to attack the known ticklish teammates of his. you and gaz end up trying, and failing, to dodge johnny’s attempt to poke either of your sides. simon is praying that johnny continues to assume that a poke to simon’s side wouldn’t make him hold in a laugh.

it would.

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ratgingi · 1 year

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woe characters inspired by some of my cats be upon ye. info on them in my tags lol

#dialtown oc #jack dlc #twerpys head is a sledgehammer bc the cat theyre based on was born in a wall lmao #he works at the petstore with outis bc i got said cat frm the local petstore #lilys head is a fluffy couch pillow thing and she works at an animal shelter bc thats where i got the cat shes based on #twerpy is genderfluid bc we make jokes that my cat twerpy is genderfluid a lot #also i feel like shed be aroace if she were a person. its just the vibes yk #lily isnt labeled as anything shes just vibin #the 2 are part of a big sorta found family type shit that consists of chars based on my other 3 cats i just didnt feel like drawin more rn #twerpy is really mean and stuck up but is secretly super sweet it just takes them a long time to warm up enough to someone n show it #shes also secretly incredible at like. comforting people and helping them out. but again only shows it for people hes warmed up enough to #lily is super confident and full of herself and spoiled. she thinks shes super fuckin smart but she is very much Not /lh #she loves attention though and gets her feelings hurt super easy #also shes Huge on physical affection. she loves giving people hugs and holding hands and shit #like. shell be like oh im so fuckin hot and cool literally no ones on my level and of ur like eh idk that fit isnt really that good on u #she will start Crying. and get mad that youre being mean to her for no reason while sobbing #and probably will hug onto you while doing it #twerpy also gives really good hugs but they Hate being touched. so if it willingly touches you then youre incredibly lucky special #also lily loves sitting in peoples laps #if youre friends with her she is far more likely to sit on your lap instead of any chair in the room nd thats just smth youll have 2 deal w #dlc wiki

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im2tired4usernames · 4 days

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Ugh I was excited for today until I found out I'd have to spend it with people that actively make me hate being alive hate the future and drain me off all energy physically mentally spiritually like a vampire I can't stand to be around her she is the definition of stupidity and even then that's generous as fuck this bitch has filled her brain with so much garbage I watch her brain cells die at alarming rates every single time she uses her vocal cords her giggles make me want to jam a sewing needle into my ear repeatedly so I can never have to hear it again its a friendly reminder that my parents decisions this time my dad's constantly makes me want to die

#i cant even shes just so dangerously stupid #she thinks energy drinks with natural caffeine are safe to give people who have been told by doctor doing take caffeine with thia meds #ahe thinks of a child is CHOCKING to lie them face down n rub their back #she has the evangelical woman voice worse then women I've met n that cult ahe giggles constantly and behaves like the stereotype lil german #boy just got a lollipop over.... everyone and everything whe acts likw an 11 year old I just got the first boyfriend and all they could talk #is how perfect their boyfriend is and they're so pretty good for that I pulled a boyfriend is and it's like a God thing that they met how #SOOOOOOOOOO in love while constantly nonstop touching ahe has to be touching him her hand on his thigh her atm linked with his her heaf on #his chest she has to be in her lap they make out all over the place IT'S DISGUSTING AND EMBARRASSING STOP SWAPPING SPIT #she started a i. hwr words 'love diary of their love journey' they hadn't been dateing 2 months her kids are spoiled fake Instagram bitches #with such shitty views on politics SHE'S A TRUMP FAN GIRL SHENLOVES TRUMP MY DAD BROUGHT IN A TRUMPIE #there's so much i cant even say because even admitting it on tumblr is too embarrassing i wanted.to.likw her i liked her the first day but #THE MORE I GET TO KNOW GET THE MORE N MORE N MISS RED FKAGS #she threw away all my siblings clothes school books toys uniforms for sports their in toys i bought them that week make up jewelry #in the disguise of helping clean house #while i was at the hospital the kids call me in tears i call her beg her to wait and nope.ahe didn't i found the bags by the curb i brought #my dad sided with hwr because 'she didn't mean any harm she didn't know sje was throwing them away'#my mom hasn't bsen dead a year he started dating right after ahe died #hes talking about marrying this woman this woman who has never had an honest educated thought once in her life #WHO ASLO SPEMDA MONEY LIKE A DRUNKEN SAILOR AHE CAME FROM A WITCH FAMILY HER LAST TWO HUSBANDA WERE TOUCH SHE HAS NO KNOWLEDGE OF THE COMMON #SHE SPENDS LIKE SHE STILL HAS MONEY WHEN SHE DOSE NOT AND IT'S LIKE YOU DID NOT JUST SPEND OVER 180 DOLLARS N PASTRIES GOD #SHES SO FUCKIN STUPID AND EVERY HOLIDAY SINCE MY MOM DIED WVERY FAMILY GWT TOGETHER BECAUSE WE DON'T TALK OR.DO ANYTHING WITH MOM'S SIDE #OF THE FAMILY ANYMORE SHE'S THERE EVERY WINGLE MOTHER FUCKIN WEEKEND SHES HERE I'M EXHAUSTED SHES PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY DRAINING TO BE ARO #OUND SHES LIKE IF SOMEONE TOOK A GOLDEN RETRIEVER ON A DIET OF JUST FUCKIN COCAINE LITTLE GERMAN BOY WITH LOLLY AND CRUELLA DEVILLE AND FUSE #THEN TOOK A STRAW AND DRANK ALL THE SMARTS OUT OF THAT BEING #UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGH MY DADS GOIN TO NARRY RHIA BITCH SHES GOIN TO TRY TO BE A MOTHER TO ME AND MY SIBLINGS AND THEY'RE GOIN TO #be so fucked up because her kids are not ok SHE FUCKED THEM OVER BAD SHE HAS FOUR KIDS ALL ADULTS THEY'RE JUST WOW #I HATE MY LIFE I HATE WHAY FUTURE MY FAMILY IS GOIN TO BE THE GOOD THINGS IS I WON'T HAVE TO STAY I CAN GO N MAKE A NEW ONE WITH MY WIFE #FOR ME BUT MY SIBLINGS ARE FUCKED AND ANYTIME I WANT TO VISIT MY FAMILY YANDERE GOLDEN RETRIEVER BITCH WILL BE THERE WORMING HWR WAY IN #SHES CONSTANTLY CALLING N TEXTING MY DAD NONSTOP OF SHE'S NOT NEXT TO HIM AND IF HE CAN'T RESPOND INSTANT SHE FREAKS OUT N BUGS ME

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ultramarine-spirit · 2 years

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I was reading the novel and this time something caught my attention that I don't know why I had overlooked it before, and that is how Athy talks about her life in the orphanage. Athy says that the children in the orphanage knew things that the children should not know, that she had to fight for what she wanted and that when she left that place she felt a kind of freedom.

To me, that screams abuse.

It bothers me that the fandom so overlooked the fact that Athy was abused not only in her first life (neglect) but also in her second life and I'm sure it must have been hell. I wish the manhwa had put more emphasis on this because many fans overlook Athy's trauma when she is literally the character who suffered the most.

Yes, to me it's canon that Athy was heavily abused in her second life. Adding to what you said, I remember her mentioning having to literally fight for food (a bowl of rice), or how they got a single sad birthday celebration per month. That's also where her initial fixiations with candy, money and her genuine love for studying come from, as Athy herself admits, she never had those kinds of luxuries (she mentions having to eat expired food in a "haha funny" way, but if you think about it for two seconds, it's just tragic. Like, she died from overdosing on sleeping pills to deal with the cold). I know a thing or two about how orphanages operate from my field of work and acquaintances, and kids in those institutions suffer from abuse in all sorts of ways while being completely ignored by society. I'm not from Korea, but going by what Plutus wrote and reading about the subject, the situation seems to be similar or even worse.

If I want to get overanalytical, part of her depression while living alone could be a consequence of the treatment she received at the orphanage. It's super common for kids in those situations to end up with depression, PTSD, having issues forming emotional connections, facing prejudice, etc. It's also canon that she was verbally and physically abused at her workplace. Athy treats her death as an accident, but in my opinion it's implied that it was a suicide, perhaps not in an "active way", but her behavior was edging the line. Which is again, common for people with that background. I think this plot point is interesting, as to my knowledge suicide is a taboo subject in East Asia. Most manhwas don't have their FL reincarnate after that.

I get what you mean, that part of Athy's trauma is often overlooked, but it probably has to do with most people not reading the novel and with Athy herself not really acknowledging it. She mentions her life as Lee Jihye at the beginning of the story, and then very rarely brings it up. But if anything, that's pretty consistent with how Athy deals with her trauma and negative emotions, refusing to acknowledge they exist until their weight is too heavy for her to endure. I like this piece of characterization a lot, but it leaves us with many questions that are hard to answer when Athy herself doesn't remember or actively tries to forget the trauma from her past lives. You could draw some parallels with Lucas and Claude's respective ways of dealing with trauma, loss and trying to forget (but Athy's mindset is more healthy and not so self-destructive lol).

Also yes, to me Athy is the character that has suffered the most by far. Not like this is a competition, but *gestures at LP* and the fact that she was a working class woman in Korea while the other characters (sans Lucas and Diana, I guess) are and always have been rich aristocrats in pseudo-France says enough /hj.

#thinking about how being called a bitch and the threat of physical violence from Aety made Athy flashback to her second life...#I feel like I should add some trigger warnings #suicide mention #suicide tw #abuse tw #moving on to the joke-y tags #while we are on this topic. i once read someone cry about Athy *checks notes* benefiting from imperialism. it was p funny #This is a 'not that deep princess manhwa' focusing on family drama and comedy not a Tolstoy novel #And even if we engage in such a dumb and intellectually tryhard discussion. My girl lived in the capitalistic hellscape that's Korea #if anyone in the whole cast deserves to live well that's Athy #the rest of the characters are all royals or from the very top of the nobility (sans Lucas? and Diana)#that haven't had to endure poverty and hunger for a single second in their whole lives (again sans Lucas)#so ig nobody should feel sorry for them (see how stupid that sounds? but i digress)#literature analysis courses are fun. people should take them to learn grown-up words #anyways i think the underlying exploration of trauma in Claude Athy and Lucas' narratives is so interesting #i kinda wish it was more touched upon but ig the manhwa would have gotten too heavy? i would have loved it tho #who made me a princess #i suddenly became a princess #suddenly became a princess one day #wmmap #sbapod #sbap #athanasia de alger obelia #athanasia #athy #wmmap meta

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tamsinbeybey-she-no-porcupine · 6 months

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#I'm so sick of Touch starvation #I am sick of bringing it Up #I'm sick of pity Hand pats from Friends #I'm sick of clinging to greetings hugs Just to be asked If i'm okay and making Things awkward #I'm sick that No one ever initiates physical affection with me and why would they #I'm sick that I can't bring it Up with my Family because once I did and I was being mocked for it #I'm sick that Not even my Friends want to hug me because I guess its weird when you have Partners and Kids to hug cuddle someone Else #I'm sick of the yearning so much yearning it's some Boulevard of broken Dreams Level Kind of shit #I'm sick that once my sis has a hugging me Phase (only when Shit is horribly horribly wrong mind you) I get called an opportunist #I hate that the nicest hug I've ever gotten was from a stranger and it gave me a monthlong crush #I can still remember what it feels like I've been feeding of it for the past two years #I don't know why I cant have that am I that unloveable and disgusting?#Also I hate that Intervalls between the months Off being fine and being Like this are decreasing rapidly

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daisybell-on-a-carousel · 11 months

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(you can answer privately if you want :0) saw your post about not having drank a Water in so long. i'm curious if you drink beverages other than dr pepper? i mean nothing wrong with the dr pepper or the not drinking a water. i actually didn't know if you had any favorite drinks before now. tl;dr: you as the blog in my computer said you drink dr pepper and now i want to know More about your beverage preferences for some reason

I drink. Far too much Dr. Pepper. Far more than anyone should. It is my favorite beverage, and the house always has some so more than anything it is Convenient. Which is the main deciding factor in what I drink. I can just grab a can and go no cups required

Sprite usually if no Dr. Pepper is available at a restaurant or something. Mtn Dew I only drink if it's poured from a cold 2liter and I am eating Little Ceasars pizza

I also like Yoohoo! Chocolate milk my beloved. And just regular milk I sometimes drink too. If we have chocolate power in the house (for chocolate milk or hot chocolate) I'll like, have a few cups for a few days and then just start eating the powder

Hmm Cool Blue Gatorade if I'm dehydrated/in period pain/sick

And sweet tea! Sweet tea used to be my main drink before dr. Pepper became so abundant in the house. And I love it! But alas, it is not convenient, bc everyone else loves it, and a gallon is gone in a day

#tldr. Dr Pepper in general. sweet tea if we have it. blue Gatorade of im feeling bad #there is absolutely something wrong w how much dr pepper i drink dont worry about it #im trying to drink less which is why ive been convincing my family to buy more yoohoo cans and gatorade. bc again. convenience is a major #factor here. the better options have tk be as good as dr pepper #ask #why dont i just drink water? well. it. is nasty. flaving doesn't help i tried. its like a texture problem? idk. but ive made myself feel #physically ill after drinking water before #the only water i drink iss the public water at a local park . its in a little pool you dip your hands in ans tastes like copper #drinking fountains too but i haven't touched one of those since elementary unfortunately #tap. bottle. and fridge water are my enemies. so like. all the ones that are good for you #ill crunch an ice cube if ive reached peak desperation #food mention #ask to tag #'local park' (it is 30 minutes away and we never drive there)

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